WEBVTT - The Slippery Slope of Work Besties 0:00:00.720 --> 0:00:09.119 LinkedIn News. There is a level of trust that you 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:10.920 have to build with people, but you also got to 0:00:10.920 --> 0:00:12.920 make sure that you look out for yourself because the 0:00:12.960 --> 0:00:15.960 same way as I might very casually be telling my 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:18.400 manager about how I was turned up on Friday and 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:21.440 I was doing all this during the weekend, blah blah blah, 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:24.160 you don't know if everyone has your best interest at heart, 0:00:24.280 --> 0:00:28.400 and you don't know what malicious intent someone might have 0:00:28.760 --> 0:00:31.000 that then when it comes time for promotion or it 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:33.879 comes time for upper mobility, they might be like, actually, 0:00:33.920 --> 0:00:36.199 I don't know because so and so they so I 0:00:36.200 --> 0:00:38.760 would just say, like, be cautious about who you tell 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:39.120 what to. 0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:41.800 Yeah, I mean I feel like everyone could probably relate. 0:00:41.880 --> 0:00:44.159 We're not always telling our manager exactly what we did 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:48.560 on the weekend. Kay, it was chill, you know. Just 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:53.720 reread a book from LinkedIn News and I heard podcasts. 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:56.560 This is Let's Talk Offline, a show about what it 0:00:56.600 --> 0:00:59.160 tastes to thrive in the early years of your career 0:00:59.560 --> 0:01:04.840 without sacrificing your values, sanity, or a sleep. I'm Gianna PRDENTI. 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:08.679 And I'm Jamay Jackson Gadsden. I recently learned a really 0:01:08.720 --> 0:01:13.000 interesting fact y'all, people spend an average of ninety thousand 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:16.720 hours at work. Honey, that is a lot of hours. Like, 0:01:16.760 --> 0:01:20.240 what in the world I remember thinking? That means that 0:01:20.319 --> 0:01:25.559 they're air ninety thousand plus opportunities to make workplace friendships. 0:01:25.959 --> 0:01:30.880 And obviously friendships can be great, right, but also maybe 0:01:30.880 --> 0:01:32.840 this is the cynicism in me, it also can be 0:01:32.920 --> 0:01:37.240 a place for workplace enemies. Dun dundune. So you always 0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:40.040 got to figure out how do I navigate workplace friendships 0:01:40.319 --> 0:01:42.880 and how do I separate personal from professional? 0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:46.399 Yeah, like, is it cool to talk to my coworkers 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:47.240 about my love life? 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:47.960 Oooh cringe? 0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:50.800 Yeah, I don't know what about how my therapy SA 0:01:50.800 --> 0:01:53.160 should went oooh trauma bonding? Yeah, I mean that's real. 0:01:54.560 --> 0:01:57.760 You know, something I've definitely realized since starting my career 0:01:57.840 --> 0:01:59.800 is that it's important to have work friends. It's something 0:01:59.840 --> 0:02:02.600 I want because I want to go to work because 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:05.440 I like the people who I work with. But of 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:09.840 course it's tricky when there's all these dynamics to consider. 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:13.720 So we're gonna walk you through that slippery, slippery slope 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:19.080 of workplace friendships. 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:25.639 So today Giann and I are talking about navigating workplace friendships, 0:02:25.800 --> 0:02:28.760 which I know she and I both have very strong 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:32.120 opinions of. And this is a topic that not only 0:02:32.280 --> 0:02:35.720 we are passionate to talk about, but also LinkedIn itself 0:02:35.760 --> 0:02:39.799 has data around. An interesting statistic that we read was 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:42.600 that fifty five percent of gen Zers and forty six 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:45.800 percent of millennials say they need work friends. This is 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:48.480 compared to thirty four percent of Gen xers and thirty 0:02:48.520 --> 0:02:50.760 three percent of Baby boomers. So the gen Zers and 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:53.519 the millennials are demanding more workplace friendships. 0:02:54.080 --> 0:02:59.320 I totally identify with that stat do you No, I 0:02:59.400 --> 0:03:02.040 will get into that, but you know, it's funny we're 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:05.120 talking about this topic because I saw this headline that 0:03:05.280 --> 0:03:08.120 said work is not a place to make friends, and 0:03:08.160 --> 0:03:11.200 I was like, oh, okay, you did. 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:12.280 You may write that article. 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:14.960 Oh god, we gotta get into that. No, but I 0:03:15.000 --> 0:03:19.240 was like, okay, So obviously people approach workplace friendships differently, 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:22.839 and workplace relationships in general, if we take a step back, 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:25.320 come in many forms. Right, you have your work friends, 0:03:25.360 --> 0:03:29.040 your manager, your mentor. But we're talking specifically about work 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:34.639 friendships here, and like anything, obviously there may be some downsides, 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:37.480 which you know, explain the headline I guess so some 0:03:37.600 --> 0:03:41.240 cons to workplace friendships. We are complex humans, so they 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:44.800 just add complexities to the workplace. You know, you might 0:03:44.840 --> 0:03:47.960 feel loyal to certain people because of the relationship that 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:51.040 you form. They can also create like an us versus 0:03:51.160 --> 0:03:57.400 them mentality and this like clicky culture. Also, friendships can 0:03:57.520 --> 0:04:00.680 encourage gossiping and drama. I mean, I feel like everybody's 0:04:00.720 --> 0:04:02.840 been there. You find yourself like deep in the weeds 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:05.040 of some drama and you're like, wait, I gotta take 0:04:05.080 --> 0:04:07.760 a step back. And it also blurs the line between 0:04:07.760 --> 0:04:10.560 your personal and professional life, which can of course impact 0:04:10.600 --> 0:04:12.760 your mental health. I think if you have a close 0:04:12.800 --> 0:04:14.960 work friend, maybe you guys are calling each other after 0:04:15.040 --> 0:04:17.159 hours and you're still bringing up work stuff, right, it 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:21.640 kind of just becomes more consuming. But I see, like 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:25.920 there are many benefits to work friendships. One, it makes 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:29.279 you feel less lonely and socially isolated, which is especially 0:04:29.279 --> 0:04:32.200 important if you're working in a remote and hybrid job. 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:38.000 Workplace friendships also boost happiness and job satisfaction overall, and 0:04:38.120 --> 0:04:41.359 they create a sense of belonging in an environment of support. 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:44.000 There's like this transparency aspect of it. Right, If you 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:46.120 have a close work friend or even just an ally 0:04:46.240 --> 0:04:49.000 you maybe are able to talk transparently about pay and 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:51.279 other things that go on just to kind of boost 0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:54.200 your overall you know, knowledge of what's going on at work. 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:56.839 But of course it's a double edge sword, right, Like 0:04:56.920 --> 0:05:00.480 workplace friendships make us more invested, which can make us 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:03.080 like our jobs more, but also when we leave or 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:05.279 a friends live, then it becomes really difficult. 0:05:05.440 --> 0:05:08.640 Yeah, I love that you've highlighted the pros and cons 0:05:08.640 --> 0:05:10.320 of this, because at the end of the day, I 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:12.840 really think that neither you or I or anyone can 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:15.280 tell someone exactly what they need to do, So it 0:05:15.320 --> 0:05:18.360 really comes down to you deciding what feels good for you. 0:05:18.520 --> 0:05:21.440 But what I really appreciate is that a lot of 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:25.159 this comes down to dynamics and power. Dynamics, especially in 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:28.520 the workforce, are so important figuring out if I can 0:05:28.520 --> 0:05:31.400 make a friendship with my manager or a certain coworker, 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:34.560 maybe that coworker is more senior than I am, what 0:05:34.680 --> 0:05:37.599 happens when a friend becomes my manager or vice versa. 0:05:37.960 --> 0:05:40.360 So there's just so many different things that you have 0:05:40.440 --> 0:05:43.120 to navigate, and you have to figure out what works 0:05:43.160 --> 0:05:45.279 for me. And I think that these are the questions 0:05:45.279 --> 0:05:47.919 that a lot of people are asking. Especially what I 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:50.760 found to be interesting was that gen z ers want that, 0:05:50.960 --> 0:05:53.440 but then you guys also really want separation of like 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:56.559 work and personal, which I think is very interesting because 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:59.080 the stats almost contradict themselves. But there also is a 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:02.279 marriage there. And another thing that I was thinking of 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:04.479 as you were talking about the pros and cons is 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:09.159 also the additional pressure of maybe people from different communities, 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:13.000 whether it's marginalized communities like people of color, people from 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:16.800 different socioeconomic backgrounds, or even just women in the workforce 0:06:17.000 --> 0:06:19.640 who have to kind of navigate these power dynamics. You know, 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:23.520 think about all like the high profile women executives that 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:26.240 you've seen talk about how in order for them to 0:06:26.240 --> 0:06:28.040 get into the C suite they had to be quote 0:06:28.080 --> 0:06:30.160 unquote one of the boys, right, or they had to 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:32.640 learn how to speak jargon or keep up with men. 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:34.880 I know, for me, even as I was growing up, 0:06:34.920 --> 0:06:37.400 I was always encourage go to the happy hours, go 0:06:37.480 --> 0:06:39.400 to the team socials. You don't have to do anything 0:06:39.480 --> 0:06:42.120 there but just show yourself to be friendly. And it 0:06:42.200 --> 0:06:43.760 kind of sucks that we have to do that, but 0:06:43.800 --> 0:06:45.960 I do think that that also goes back to if 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:49.120 you feel friendly, people are willing to look out for you, 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:51.760 which is why this topic I feel is very timely 0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:55.080 and super fun. So Gianna, let me ask you first, 0:06:55.360 --> 0:06:59.080 how do you approach workplace friendships and like, what has 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:00.400 been your experience with that? 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:05.120 Yeah, so you know, life after college can be lonely. 0:07:05.480 --> 0:07:09.080 I think when I graduated, it was summer. It was 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:12.040 so exciting. You're busy, and then all of a sudden, 0:07:12.120 --> 0:07:14.840 the fall rules around. Your friends are starting their jobs, 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:18.520 and this postgrad transition really starts to settle in and 0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:22.800 it's lonely. Right, Like, I started my job in twenty 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:25.400 twenty one, so it's still like pandemic years and gen 0:07:25.480 --> 0:07:29.320 Z really experienced a loneliness like epidemic at that time. 0:07:29.840 --> 0:07:32.480 We one just navigated college during the pandemic, so we 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:36.400 already were feeling isolated, and then entered the workforce having 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:40.120 fully remote jobs, so we missed out on those in 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:43.160 person connections. And I remember, yeah, I was so excited 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:45.520 to have a remote job. But now what you know, 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:48.920 we have to relearn how to make friends. Our friends 0:07:49.000 --> 0:07:51.520 from college or maybe moving away. They're starting their own 0:07:51.560 --> 0:07:54.480 journeys and it can feel really isolating in that time, 0:07:54.640 --> 0:07:58.840 So you know, when you're navigating adulthood, leaning into your 0:07:58.880 --> 0:08:02.760 work environment to make friends kind of happens naturally, I 0:08:02.760 --> 0:08:05.120 think for a lot of us, And depending on the 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:08.920 workplace where you join, you're likely surrounded by people who 0:08:08.960 --> 0:08:12.800 have had similar shared experiences. They may be in a 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:15.480 similar point in their lives, so naturally you kind of 0:08:15.560 --> 0:08:20.080 bond together. So I've prioritized workplace friendship since I started 0:08:20.080 --> 0:08:23.960 my career. Some I'll be transparent, some of these relationships 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:28.000 were kind of born out of trauma bonding. I love you, know, 0:08:28.080 --> 0:08:30.600 I think you in those instances. You have to be 0:08:30.680 --> 0:08:33.320 cautious that that doesn't become the whole relationship, right, Like 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:35.680 it's not just negative talk all the time. But yeah, 0:08:35.720 --> 0:08:38.280 those a lot of my relationships have happened naturally, and 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:41.000 it's something I was definitely intentional about. And I also 0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:44.040 took advantage of every mentorship opportunity that was offered by 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:46.880 the company. Luckily, We've had a few programs in my 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:49.040 time here, and every time I've signed up and I've 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:52.080 been a mentee. So that's kind of how I've approached it. 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.040 But I'm curious from you over the course of your 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:56.640 career how has that shifted for you totally. 0:08:56.920 --> 0:08:59.400 I love that you mentioned about trauma bonding as a 0:08:59.440 --> 0:09:02.720 friendship because it's true, and I think the terrifying thing 0:09:02.840 --> 0:09:06.000 is that you are initially bounded by other people by 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:08.400 this thing, but then when one of y'all heals, the 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:11.920 friendship is over. But then you look flaky, But really 0:09:12.000 --> 0:09:14.200 you just went out and got healed, and everybody else 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:17.079 you got better, right, and everybody else is still wherever 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:21.240 they're at. For me, I would say that I agree 0:09:21.280 --> 0:09:23.360 with you in the sense that it's important to have 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:27.640 friendships and people who at least make coming to work 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:30.080 fun or good. You're going to be here for a 0:09:30.120 --> 0:09:32.680 long time, right, literally the hours in the day, but 0:09:32.720 --> 0:09:36.000 then also over the course of your life. However, I 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:38.680 have also learned that if you get too close to fire, 0:09:38.800 --> 0:09:42.680 it can burn you. And I think for me, well, 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:45.120 let me take a step back first and just preface 0:09:45.160 --> 0:09:47.880 this by saying that if you are listening to this 0:09:47.960 --> 0:09:49.520 and if you work with me, it is not that 0:09:49.559 --> 0:09:50.439 I do not like you. 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:51.959 Okay, getting nervous over. 0:09:51.840 --> 0:09:54.200 Here, Like to me, it's like, dang, I thought we 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:57.560 were friends, girl. No, I love people. I just find 0:09:57.600 --> 0:10:00.120 that if I really want to be true to having 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:05.559 a separation of work and personal. That also does require 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:07.880 figuring out where do I place people? And this is 0:10:07.920 --> 0:10:10.000 not everybody, right, Like I have some people who I've 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:12.280 worked with and they have been in my wedding. I 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:14.880 go out with them on the weekends. You know, we 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.280 keep in contact after where like people I call up 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:18.920 on the phone and I would chat, I'll cry on 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:21.920 the phone, which you live like? Those are unique, but 0:10:22.000 --> 0:10:24.440 I don't really come into the workforce looking for that 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:27.440 for me. I would say that also, having worked in 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:31.040 certain industries like fashion and entertainment, I had to learn 0:10:31.160 --> 0:10:34.000 very early on a lot of these relationships were transactional 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:38.080 and you can still make friendships in those spaces, but 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:41.520 you have to sort of dissect who wants what from 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:43.679 you when. And this is the same thing that happens 0:10:43.760 --> 0:10:45.840 in corporate right, Like think about it. You are here 0:10:45.880 --> 0:10:48.479 because you are offering an exchange of goods and services, 0:10:48.720 --> 0:10:51.400 So they're already from the jump, before that friendship was 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:54.600 even formed. Is a transaction happening. You know, you can 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:56.200 come into work if all of a sudden you stop 0:10:56.240 --> 0:10:58.560 doing your work. Your friends can't save you, like they're 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:00.720 gonna be making sure that they're good with their job. 0:11:00.840 --> 0:11:03.640 So for me, I would say that I learned pretty 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:07.839 early on this idea of like navigating the space and 0:11:07.880 --> 0:11:10.920 being friendly without being friends. You can still show up 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:14.600 and be kind professional, really care about people, but there 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:16.560 also has to be a point where this stops. And 0:11:16.600 --> 0:11:19.320 I would say for me, one of the biggest lessons 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:21.240 in all of that was when I became a manager 0:11:21.280 --> 0:11:23.640 for the first time. I've been a manager a couple 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:26.680 of times throughout my career, and each time I had 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:30.560 to navigate this really sticky situation of the people who 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:32.600 I was friends with, the people I would cut up 0:11:32.600 --> 0:11:35.360 with right like we had like group chats going off, 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:38.080 like we would do everything together. All of a sudden, 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:41.959 now them reporting to me, and by natural order of 0:11:42.000 --> 0:11:44.320 a power dynamic, things got weird. 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:45.080 That's messy. 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:47.880 It's really messy. And the sad thing is it's not 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:51.440 like anyone sets out to be in a position versus 0:11:51.520 --> 0:11:54.520 another person. It's just the order of it. I'll never 0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:57.560 forget to outside of having to learn my own power 0:11:57.640 --> 0:12:01.040 dynamics seeing this happen in real time. One time I 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:03.160 was working and I was really close friends with two 0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:07.280 other individuals at a media company, and we were all close, 0:12:07.320 --> 0:12:09.480 like the three of us would do things together, but 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:12.439 also I would spend independent time with each one of them, 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:14.559 and they would also spend time independently with each other. 0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:16.240 Chaw one day. 0:12:16.280 --> 0:12:18.120 Wait, I just want to say, trios never. 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:22.680 Work out, would work out? Odd numbers make me twitch. 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:24.760 I don't know what it is. I mean, I have 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:27.080 three dogs at home, and someone always is getting left out. 0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:30.600 I am one of three siblings, so we work. But 0:12:30.920 --> 0:12:33.319 I think with friendships against especially I. 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:35.319 Do think so, and I don't think we all love 0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:37.600 each other equally. I just don't think that that can 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:42.520 work anyway. So I'll never forget. At that point, promotions 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:44.480 were coming up, and it was between the two of 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:47.079 them because they were in a in the same division, 0:12:47.080 --> 0:12:48.960 but separate division as me. So I wasn't even going 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:53.800 up for promotion. I'll never forget. One of them started 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:57.640 going around the office and telling everybody the other person's business. 0:12:57.920 --> 0:13:00.720 And she would just do like the smallest things, like 0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:03.319 in a meeting, if so and so, let's just use 0:13:03.320 --> 0:13:06.280 person A person B. If person B had an idea, 0:13:06.440 --> 0:13:08.920 person A would cut into them like, well, actually, I 0:13:08.960 --> 0:13:11.000 don't know if that's a good idea because and just 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:14.160 then they always did it in front of senior leadership, 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:20.640 and obviously that friendship broke. The gag was neither of 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:23.040 them got the promotions. I was like, dang, girl, you 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:25.640 was fighting in the club and didn't even win. And 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:29.000 obviously then my friendship with that person because I started 0:13:29.040 --> 0:13:33.440 just side eyeing you. I'm like, yeah, you move really weird, 0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:37.560 you move spooky like I don't like that. So even 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:40.960 though everybody is not that situation, everybody will do that. 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:43.360 And again, as I said in the beginning of my spiel, 0:13:43.440 --> 0:13:46.280 I do love people. I do also think that I 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:49.960 have seen enough of these instances where I say, you 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:53.160 know what, for me personally, I gotta have some boundaries 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:55.600 and I got to know where to place people in 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:56.280 a healthy way. 0:13:59.080 --> 0:14:02.280 Obviously, having friends is great, but when it comes to 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:06.840 work friends, that can get a little complicated. That's next 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:26.040 after the break. Here's the thing. When it comes to 0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:29.960 building these meaningful connections, you really have to be thoughtful 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:33.280 and intentional about who you invest your time and energy with. 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:37.000 You might not be looking for close work friendships, and 0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:40.960 that's totally okay, but you're probably still looking for allies 0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:44.480 and community at work. So either way, you got to 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:47.280 start somewhere, and I think you know an easy place 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:50.760 to start. It might sound so simple, you're like, wow, Gianna, groundbreaking. 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:54.040 It's just asking your coworkers to grab lunch or get coffee. 0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:56.920 And you can even do that virtually, like setting up 0:14:56.960 --> 0:15:01.160 a coffee chat with one of your coworkers. Then it's 0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:03.400 really up to you to decide how much time and 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:06.040 energy do you want to invest with that person. Maybe 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:08.520 you commit to a monthly lunch with colleagues, or maybe 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:10.280 you get lunch with them every day. Right, Like there's 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:13.000 two extremes, there's an in between. You really have to 0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:15.160 just figure out what works best for you and what 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:17.960 you're trying to gain out of these friendships. And as 0:15:18.000 --> 0:15:20.960 you're building your relationships, you really have to decide how 0:15:21.080 --> 0:15:24.520 much do you want to blend your personal and professional life, 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:27.280 which is going to bring us to the topic of boundaries. 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:29.080 And I will say, though, you can't be friends with 0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:31.080 everyone in the office, Like that's just kind of the 0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:32.680 reality of it all, and that's okay. 0:15:33.000 --> 0:15:35.320 Yeah, Like for me, I'm probably not going to do 0:15:35.360 --> 0:15:37.600 a lunch with everybody. That's just true because I want 0:15:37.600 --> 0:15:39.520 that time to myself. I need a reprogram. I need 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:41.080 to watch tiktoks, yes while I. 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:42.720 Chow and I love iPhone time. 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:44.880 Yeah, it's like a little bit of something. But I 0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:47.840 will do a nice little coffee chat just like catch 0:15:47.920 --> 0:15:49.800 up with you. See what you watching, you know what's 0:15:49.840 --> 0:15:53.640 going on. So we are going to talk to the 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:57.240 wonderful people who send us these questions in Dear Work, 0:15:57.400 --> 0:16:00.920 Best Day, y'ah No. I love this where we answer 0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:04.760 your questions. And this week the question comes from Jarah 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:05.240 in New. 0:16:05.200 --> 0:16:09.800 York who asks, as an early career professional, I'm figuring 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:12.800 out how to form meaningful relationships in the office. What 0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:15.640 would you say are some effective strategies for navigating power 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:19.360 dynamics in the workplace, especially when interacting with senior leaders 0:16:19.480 --> 0:16:21.320 or just colleagues who have more experience than me. 0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:26.720 Yeah. You know, the thing is, when it comes to 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:29.480 senior leaders, you're probably not going to be buddy buddy 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:32.280 with them. That's, you know, the reality of it. But 0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:35.880 that doesn't mean you can't still establish some form of relationship. 0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:38.440 I think the key piece here is you have to 0:16:38.520 --> 0:16:42.440 come from a place of authenticity. Nobody likes you know, 0:16:43.000 --> 0:16:46.360 somebody who's just kissing up for the promotion or whatever 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:48.400 it might be to get those opportunities. So you really 0:16:48.400 --> 0:16:51.360 have to be authentic about how you're you know, approaching 0:16:51.640 --> 0:16:54.920 and bringing yourself to this relationship and not just wanting 0:16:54.920 --> 0:16:57.480 to be seen as likable so you move up the ladder. 0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:01.280 And I really love how Jarah mentions power dynamics because 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:04.199 I think that's where it gets a little messy. You 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:07.240 almost have to just be an observer and like sit 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:10.080 back in a room and see how everyone's moving right. 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:12.840 Like a lot of times, if you're getting moved onto 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:14.920 a new project and you're working with a new team, 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:17.720 you might not know the power dynamics of that team. 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:20.720 And I've totally experienced this, you know, I've gone to 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:24.040 my manager in these moments and been like, Okay, you've 0:17:24.040 --> 0:17:26.080 been here longer than me, what do I kind of 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:27.639 need to know? Right? Like I need to go in 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:30.000 and form my own opinion and figure this out for myself. 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:32.560 But he can add some kind of color to give 0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:35.879 me guidance as I walk into this, so I'm not 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:39.040 really going in totally blind. So you could always go 0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:41.960 to your manager or a mentor for insight. And also 0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:44.359 I think when it comes to speaking to senior leaders. 0:17:44.400 --> 0:17:47.040 Let's say you want to do a quarterly check in 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:50.760 with somebody who's higher up on your team. You have 0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:53.800 to approach them knowing what you want to talk about. Like, 0:17:53.840 --> 0:17:55.440 you can't go into these meetings just being like, Hey, 0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:57.320 just wanted to see how it's going. You have to 0:17:57.359 --> 0:18:01.680 come prepared, and I think during that you know, catch up. 0:18:01.960 --> 0:18:03.960 Sometimes you can feel nervous if like, oh, I'm in 0:18:03.960 --> 0:18:05.560 the hot seat. I have their time, right, Their time 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:08.880 is valuable, so as yours. But you need to come prepared. 0:18:09.000 --> 0:18:11.639 And if they start asking you questions and you're like, oh, 0:18:11.680 --> 0:18:14.280 I just don't know like the answer to that, totally 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:17.240 fine to admit that, right, Like not everybody knows everything, 0:18:17.560 --> 0:18:19.600 And also don't be afreie to ask them questions like 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:21.680 what's top of mind for them. I think the more 0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:23.440 conversational it can be, the better. 0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:27.320 Yeah. I always say that you need to present yourself 0:18:27.359 --> 0:18:29.159 in the way you want to be received. So if 0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:33.359 you want to be perceived as that inexperienced young professional 0:18:33.560 --> 0:18:36.080 who just talks a whole lot and never gets work done, 0:18:36.280 --> 0:18:38.440 that's how you're going to show up. Show up like that, right, 0:18:38.640 --> 0:18:40.840 But to your point, if you're putting one on one, 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:43.920 you know, time with your manager a skip level which 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:46.760 is your manager's manager, or you might even have access 0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:50.040 to people a couple of skip levels up right, then 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:53.920 you need to go into those meetings really carrying the 0:18:53.960 --> 0:18:56.760 weight of who you want to be seen as. And 0:18:56.800 --> 0:18:59.080 the good thing is all it takes is some due diligence, 0:18:59.160 --> 0:19:01.480 writing out some note, practicing in front of the mirror 0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:03.520 if you get a little shy. I know, for me, 0:19:03.600 --> 0:19:05.480 for instance, sometimes when I do one on ones with 0:19:05.520 --> 0:19:07.720 our VP, I get tongue tied and I get a 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:10.159 little nervous. So I like to practice, and I like 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:13.119 to have out like post it notes or data points 0:19:13.119 --> 0:19:15.080 that I really want to highlight. And to your point, 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:17.359 I always think that showing yourself to be friendly is 0:19:17.440 --> 0:19:19.560 always going to carry It doesn't matter if you are 0:19:19.600 --> 0:19:21.399 just starting out or if you've been in a company 0:19:21.400 --> 0:19:23.840 for thirty forty years. People want to work with nice people, 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:26.240 and so if you can already start doing that, and 0:19:26.280 --> 0:19:28.640 if you can start showing yourself to be that person 0:19:28.880 --> 0:19:30.879 that people know that they can depend on and that 0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:33.639 they can trust, that is really a great way I 0:19:33.640 --> 0:19:37.080 think you can navigate senior leaders and show yourself to 0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:39.720 be a potential for a senior leader one day. 0:19:40.520 --> 0:19:42.040 I do want to say, like, I think where it 0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:45.280 gets the most complicated is not those close work friends 0:19:45.280 --> 0:19:48.280 around your age or the relationship with a senior leader, 0:19:48.440 --> 0:19:51.840 but the in between, which is the relationship with your manager. 0:19:52.560 --> 0:19:54.120 Yeah, that's a really good call out. 0:19:54.359 --> 0:19:57.080 I think what's important to remind yourself too when it 0:19:57.119 --> 0:20:00.359 comes to, like especially the relationship with your manager, is 0:20:00.359 --> 0:20:02.040 that at the end of the day, they're your boss. 0:20:02.440 --> 0:20:05.520 I think I sometimes have taken like a casual approach, 0:20:05.600 --> 0:20:07.480