Speaker 1: Hi, Welcome to the podcast We Make Horrible Decisions. Wait
Speaker 1: wait are we starting, bitch? Yeah, and now we're gonna
Speaker 1: starting this whole thing here star started over, started, We're
Speaker 1: gonna start it over when we click edit on the
Speaker 1: fucking iTunes thing because we're not paying for it, damn. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I'm Wheezy Um and you guys know me as Mandy
Speaker 1: be Mandizzele, full Court Pumps, whatever you wanna call me, Okay,
Speaker 1: and we make horrible decisions. I'm really excited to be here.
Speaker 1: If I could think of anybody that does slutty your
Speaker 1: things in me, it's definitely you. And he's just saying that, guys.
Speaker 1: So this podcast is about sex and dating and all
Speaker 1: the weird, disgusting ship we do with people we meet
Speaker 1: on the internet. Mandy and I have known each other
Speaker 1: for quite some time, not always the greatest of friends,
Speaker 1: but for some reason we always find our way back
Speaker 1: to each other. And I think it's because the only
Speaker 1: thing we have in common is the nasty things that
Speaker 1: we do. Apparently that's what she says. However, when we
Speaker 1: did meet, Um, I'll go ahead and give you guys
Speaker 1: a little backdrop on that. We were both virgins. Well,
Speaker 1: actually I think I was. I don't think she was. Um,
Speaker 1: we were about what fifteen, maybe fourteen fifteen? Send my
Speaker 1: mom to lay. Oh, I'm sorry anyways, Um, I'm not
Speaker 1: sure how Yeah, we were out fifteen and sixteen. However
Speaker 1: old we were. Um, we actually fought in a teen
Speaker 1: club on our boyfriend. I was dating him and that
Speaker 1: was her ex. Um. However, we totally hated each other
Speaker 1: through my Space and aim and everything else. And UM,
Speaker 1: at that time, I was a bit ratchet and I
Speaker 1: told her if we ever see each other, we weren't
Speaker 1: going to have any words to the future. We ended
Speaker 1: up um hanging out. Um somehow we vibed quite a
Speaker 1: bit and became friends. And so that was ten years ago,
Speaker 1: and here we are today, both living in New York City.
Speaker 1: Um up here from Florida. Where to Florida girls? By
Speaker 1: the way, So, I guess, do you want to tell
Speaker 1: our viewers a little bit about you? Because I know
Speaker 1: I'm popping. Everyone knows who the hell I am, but
Speaker 1: maybe no one knows who you are. So go ahead
Speaker 1: and tell people who you are. I wish you guys
Speaker 1: could see the eye roll. Um. Anyway, Um, I'm wheezy,
Speaker 1: I'm twenty five for another week. I'm black and Israeli.
Speaker 1: I'm an account exact for a telecommunications company. And when
Speaker 1: I'm not doing corporate ship, I'm just on tender being
Speaker 1: a little skank. Got all I have? Would you like
Speaker 1: to tell your brief history? Brief? Okay, I'm gonna be brief. Um, Well,
Speaker 1: for anyone who knows me, I've dip and dabbled in
Speaker 1: a little bit of everything. UM. I started off. I
Speaker 1: guess I can say modeling. That's kind of cliche. At
Speaker 1: on a black man's magazine, I would go with that. Yes, Um,
Speaker 1: I did magazines at one point, long long, very long
Speaker 1: time ago. UM. And then what most people know before,
Speaker 1: I ran a very um popping sports blog controversial. It
Speaker 1: was pretty controversial, controversial, sir seal whatever. Um. And that
Speaker 1: was core Pump dot Com did that for about four years,
Speaker 1: did media with the Orlando Magic, did some sp stuff
Speaker 1: and did some guys, a few of them, Um, are
Speaker 1: one of them on that TV behind you. That's the
Speaker 1: name of the sports. This is basketball. Um. And also
Speaker 1: I'm probably blocked by some of your favorite athletes for
Speaker 1: some of the things I posted. UM, maybe because you look, no,
Speaker 1: not that reason, um, one of them. What we'll talk
Speaker 1: about that later anyways. Um, and fast forward to today,
Speaker 1: I am a twentysomething living in New York City, UM,
Speaker 1: going full time to school, and currently working at an
Speaker 1: investment bank. UM so I'm in the finance industry now
Speaker 1: much of a difference from my normal life I've anyway, So,
Speaker 1: just to give you guys some background of what you're
Speaker 1: gonna hear on this podcast, it's going to be kink
Speaker 1: of the Week, our sex stories, the horrible decision that
Speaker 1: we made, the lesson we learned, and of course some
Speaker 1: vanilla ship our topic or something like that. UM. So
Speaker 1: to start you guys off, I picked a kink because
Speaker 1: I particularly like to watch it, and it's called Well,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna read you the definition. Le's see if you
Speaker 1: can guess. I feel like you're whole enough to know.
Speaker 1: I say, I think you should say the word and
Speaker 1: have people guess what the hell that is the type
Speaker 1: of sexual activity in which several men ejaculate on another person. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's several men. I thought it was one I want anyways.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, So anyways, what this word is is it boukaki?
Speaker 1: And we'll go ahead, and I actually say when she said, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm going to do bukaki this week, I thought it
Speaker 1: had to deal with like men shitting. Oh my bad.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that. So I was like, buukoki, who
Speaker 1: the hell does that? Have you ever done? Have you
Speaker 1: ever had bokaki? Several men coming on my face? No? Wait, wait,
Speaker 1: it is several more than two. Several to me to
Speaker 1: be more than two. But I still haven't had to
Speaker 1: come on, dude, I almost want to read the room.
Speaker 1: What you're thinking about it, what you're thinking about it.
Speaker 1: You're a fucking horror bro. No, no, no, no, no no,
Speaker 1: I have actually no, I'll do the cume shot. But
Speaker 1: I've never known mukoki is an Asian word. I think, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know why I like to
Speaker 1: watch it. I feel like, come shots to the best part.
Speaker 1: So when there's like seventies five people in the room
Speaker 1: and it's just in one seven minute video, I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is amazing. You know, it's just a good thing
Speaker 1: to watch. I really was going to say, you really know,
Speaker 1: you actually did well. My mom asked to be on
Speaker 1: the show after she heard what we were talking about.
Speaker 1: So let's not even talk about that. My mom is
Speaker 1: clearly why I am the way. I don't know. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I like to watch it. I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is. You know, I like the submissive thing,
Speaker 1: so maybe that's what it is. So if you go
Speaker 1: on porn hub dot com, if you type in is
Speaker 1: there an actual section on clearly recently instantly visited on
Speaker 1: my phone? Read bookhacky video like for sure? At least
Speaker 1: it isn't in like like for sure I've seen the video.
Speaker 1: Um anyway, I haven't had it happened to me. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm ballsy enough for it. Will you
Speaker 1: ever do book cocky? I don't. I don't know. There's
Speaker 1: something about more than one man in the room that
Speaker 1: makes me feel a little too slow, not in a
Speaker 1: good way. It's it's ironic. But if you were interested,
Speaker 1: um in watching this on porn hub, I just looked
Speaker 1: it up. You can type in bookocki and following that
Speaker 1: comes up Japanese boukacki, lesbian bookocki teen boukoki. I don't
Speaker 1: know about lesbian bookaki is really bad. They all squired
Speaker 1: on each other and I feel like it's pissed squirting
Speaker 1: is not pissed. But we're going to say that for
Speaker 1: another topic, because clearly a story about where this out
Speaker 1: and then she had out of a different hole. Also
Speaker 1: there's Boukaki compilation Bookoki gang Bang and Glory Hole BUUKACKI
Speaker 1: all out the glory whole one because that one's not real.
Speaker 1: They just get this like lotion and squirted out of
Speaker 1: the hole. And it's not the effect that I want
Speaker 1: when I watch it. You want the real effect, huh.
Speaker 1: I don't guess anyways, that is our kink of the week.
Speaker 1: If you guys are interested in boo cockyng could you? Okay? So, guys,
Speaker 1: I I guess what We're gonna go into the horrible
Speaker 1: decisions and this is gonna be pretty much the topic
Speaker 1: of our conversation for the day. Um. I'd love to
Speaker 1: know if it's ever happened to you, guys. You guys
Speaker 1: are more than I really need to tell you the
Speaker 1: horrible decision I made last night when I went to yoga.
Speaker 1: I just got to get this out, Okay, So get
Speaker 1: into the pre um discussion of the week. I guess
Speaker 1: she has something interesting horrible decisions to give you guys
Speaker 1: some background and go to the gym like six times
Speaker 1: a week only because I have nobody that wants to
Speaker 1: fuck me right now, so there's nothing else to do.
Speaker 1: And I have a lot of referral credits on class past,
Speaker 1: so I decide I've been lifting so much weights and
Speaker 1: like spin classing. I'm like, you know what, I need
Speaker 1: to get stretched out. That sounded that made me think
Speaker 1: about sex. So I wanted to do yoga, and I
Speaker 1: found an aerial class, which is when you're like suspended
Speaker 1: in the air on this like cloth curtain thing. They
Speaker 1: did it on Real Housewives of Atlanta. I don't want
Speaker 1: that show. Well it's good, you should. I decided on
Speaker 1: my own that I was gone with. While she wears
Speaker 1: a Black Lives Matter T shirt, I think Real Housewives
Speaker 1: of Atlanta mats because I don't have cables. So anyway,
Speaker 1: I get to the studio and Chelsea right and I
Speaker 1: see like a group of like maybe eleven I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go with eleven white girls coming out. Two were holding
Speaker 1: a Starbucks frappuccino. It was thirty degrees and they're just
Speaker 1: like laughing and giggling. I'm like, holy sh it, this
Speaker 1: is the yoga studio. So I get up to the
Speaker 1: eighth floor and it literally is a room filled of
Speaker 1: like white Ikea cabinets and candles. And that's what I
Speaker 1: knew I needed to get the funk out. So I
Speaker 1: go to the reception desk and she's like, I'm like, um,
Speaker 1: I'm here for the seven o'clock of course. So anyway,
Speaker 1: I'm already not feeling it and I'm just a little
Speaker 1: bit too cynical. Does it's just me? He was just
Speaker 1: happy ship make you feel uncomfortable? Um no, because I'm
Speaker 1: a happy fucking person. Okay, Well, anyway, I was really
Speaker 1: uncomfortable with all the smiles and the candles. It felt
Speaker 1: like a fucking seance, dude. So I walk into the
Speaker 1: room that I'm going in the beginner's aerial class, and
Speaker 1: I just want to say that I don't mean this disrespectfully,
Speaker 1: but I'm the smallest person in the room. Everybody was
Speaker 1: just on the thicker side. And then I realized her side,
Speaker 1: mind you, I'm over here. Clearly I'm the thick friend
Speaker 1: and she's a little you know boo. Anyway here, I
Speaker 1: mean how skinny I was in comparison everyone else. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I gotta last the whole time, bro, because those big girls,
Speaker 1: you know, apparently she thinks she could outlast everybody. But
Speaker 1: so I get my ass on this curtain and just
Speaker 1: a little background, I've got vertigo, and immediately I sit
Speaker 1: it down and I'm like, I think I'm on a boat,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, shit, it's forty five minutes left. Excuse me,
Speaker 1: seventy five minutes. I didn't even what is seventy five minutes.
Speaker 1: I couldn't even figure out minutes seventy five minutes of
Speaker 1: being on a curtain. So I start, I lay back.
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, we're going to do a basic move.
Speaker 1: Basic where you fall back and like hold and like
Speaker 1: restrain yourself and kind of just do I'm scared. I
Speaker 1: don't think I could do it. Bro It gave me.
Speaker 1: I had a good two seconds. Okay, everybody's flipped over.
Speaker 1: I'm not there yet. She's like, next thing, you know,
Speaker 1: I fucking bust my ass. All the big girls turn around,
Speaker 1: like do you need help, bitch? I can get myself
Speaker 1: off the floor. So now I'm embarrassed as hell, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know what, I'm fun this ship up.
Speaker 1: So comes on to the next move and the last
Speaker 1: one that I had. It was called the Spider Man,
Speaker 1: and that's when I knew it got a little too
Speaker 1: acrobatic for me. I'll get on this damn curtain and
Speaker 1: she's like, take your legs, flip them up. What the
Speaker 1: hell is flipping your legs up? And go upside down?
Speaker 1: I'm upside down. All the blood is rushing into my face. Here.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give it about eight to ten seconds where
Speaker 1: I just felt the Indian food lunch coming up towards
Speaker 1: my chest and I'm like god, no, God, no, no,
Speaker 1: oh no. And I didn't have enough strength to flip
Speaker 1: myself out because you're upside down, and I fucking threw
Speaker 1: up yours. I mean literally upside down. It's like going
Speaker 1: passing my nose. Everybody's turning around is so fucking embarrassing.
Speaker 1: And then the only thing that the instructor says to
Speaker 1: me is don't worry, Honnie, it's natural. Now I'm so
Speaker 1: freaking embarrassed that I want to have an excuse for
Speaker 1: this ship, so I just tell everybody I'm pregnant. Now
Speaker 1: half the room knows that I'm lying, and the other
Speaker 1: half is like, why the funk are you here? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I just thought yoga was good for
Speaker 1: you know, the maternal Um. Okay, I gotta go. Anyway,
Speaker 1: that was a horrible decision I made, by the way,
Speaker 1: real quick, guys, I want you guys to take reference
Speaker 1: and heed to that story because she is probably the
Speaker 1: biggest compulsive liar that I know. So you should hear
Speaker 1: like how she told everyone I'm pregnant. God, she'll be
Speaker 1: the one where on the phone. Oh my god, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I gotta go. This guy's falling, Like what
Speaker 1: bro an excuse to leave? She's so extra like her
Speaker 1: eyes are are really really really good. Okay, anyways, okay,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna go to UM a horrible decision that
Speaker 1: I had last week, and it really wasn't my decision.
Speaker 1: I didn't decide to allow this to happen, but it did. Um.
Speaker 1: So before I guess what this episode is called is
Speaker 1: the missing condom? Um, it's not because we couldn't find
Speaker 1: it in our purse. So I um, so I was
Speaker 1: with one of my I don't want to say one
Speaker 1: of my partners. That's weird. Well, clearly I'm single, so
Speaker 1: I'm not only um having intercourse with shut up did
Speaker 1: not meet. This is not someone from Tinder by the way,
Speaker 1: from Instagram, um and so UM. I decided to hang
Speaker 1: out with him last week. UM. We had a great time.
Speaker 1: He's a great conversationalist, which I really like. Anyways, UM,
Speaker 1: fast forward after or I guess, yeah, in the middle
Speaker 1: of us having sex. Um, he just sides, he comes okay, cool,
Speaker 1: he pulls out in the condom is not there, so listen, no,
Speaker 1: none of that. So I'm totally like, what do you
Speaker 1: mean the condoms not on your dick? Mind you. I'm
Speaker 1: one of those people who are like, in the middle
Speaker 1: of the fucking I normally feel back there to make
Speaker 1: sure it's there. So he's like, I mean, it felt wet,
Speaker 1: but I thought you were just getting wetter, like it
Speaker 1: was just feeling good. Blah blah blah blah. And I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: mind you, this is the first time this ever happened
Speaker 1: to him. This isn't the first time it's happened to me.
Speaker 1: I guess my pussy is tight. I don't know what
Speaker 1: to say because the condom definitely fits dick, so that's
Speaker 1: normally the problem. Okay, So when a condom normally comes
Speaker 1: off a dick, it's normally you assume that wasn't his saz,
Speaker 1: but it actually it fit. It wasn't a gold rapper,
Speaker 1: which thank god, because gold rappers actually stink. I know
Speaker 1: girls like for guys to pull out gold rappers, they
Speaker 1: absolutely stink. They make the taste after like the well,
Speaker 1: I definitely know the smell because I prefer condoms at
Speaker 1: all times, and I'm one of those that after a
Speaker 1: guy comes in one, I'll still go to suck them
Speaker 1: and it just takes the duck taste weird action that.
Speaker 1: Um yeah what so anyways, that's so horrible. So let
Speaker 1: me tell you. So at this point, we're just looking
Speaker 1: at each other because I'm like, we're looking on the bed.
Speaker 1: We're like, where is um? And so mind you didn't
Speaker 1: know that it was in you because where else would
Speaker 1: it be. It wasn't on the bed, it wasn't on
Speaker 1: his dick. Oh I'm a fucking hole. Okay, I guess
Speaker 1: it's in there. So mind you, we're not even that close.
Speaker 1: This like, this is definitely the first is the first
Speaker 1: time me and him had sex. So I'm just like,
Speaker 1: oh great, this is this is awesome. Um. So we're
Speaker 1: literally talking and I'm like, okay, well we should probably
Speaker 1: get that out. So mind you, this is your first
Speaker 1: to get it. I did. So my my legs are
Speaker 1: open like I'm having a baby, and he's pretty much
Speaker 1: with two or three fingers in there to feel good
Speaker 1: while wasting. What was happening. No, you could tell he
Speaker 1: was looking for something, and I was just like, he
Speaker 1: was like, well, I don't know what I'm feeling around.
Speaker 1: Clearly he had haven't done that before. I guess he
Speaker 1: didn't know what the inside of sticking your fingers like
Speaker 1: really high up in there. I don't know what the
Speaker 1: funk it is. It's really like American pie. When he
Speaker 1: starts his stick in it, it feels just like there's
Speaker 1: like something else. Well, no, so I'm not gonna So
Speaker 1: he's six three, So we put our hands together because
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, I have nails, put my hand
Speaker 1: up next to his. He definitely had length on me.
Speaker 1: So I was like, okay, you should be able to
Speaker 1: get it. If anything, um And so I was like, well,
Speaker 1: when did you know it was gone? Like because you
Speaker 1: were pumping kind of hard. Maybe you pushed it kind
Speaker 1: of high up in there, so he's feeling I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: let me fill up in there. Clearly I didn't know
Speaker 1: what I was feeling. Um, I was like, oh these
Speaker 1: are when you found out you couldn't find it, when
Speaker 1: I found out I couldn't find it. We just kind
Speaker 1: of laid there, talked again, and then I was like, well,
Speaker 1: does your get get does your dick get back hard?
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm kind of curious if I can get
Speaker 1: it back up, I'd like to go again. I can'tfully
Speaker 1: sucked again with a condom stuck in your pussy. Bro.
Speaker 1: I figured if it wasn't coming out, it wasn't coming out,
Speaker 1: So I wasn't done. I didn't come yet. So I
Speaker 1: was just like, okay, oh my god, this is We're
Speaker 1: gonna get you backed up. And then I was just
Speaker 1: like suck it. Like at this point, comforting your clip.
Speaker 1: I didn't think of that. I hadn't gotten penetration, didn't
Speaker 1: think of it, didn't I mean, I hadn't gotten penetration
Speaker 1: in a while, and I that's what I wanted. Nine
Speaker 1: days off at least two weeks. I would say I
Speaker 1: haven't had penetration in a long time. It's been two
Speaker 1: weeks since I've been fucked. Well, what is the longside girl, Dude,
Speaker 1: I didn't have sex for three months. Don't let me
Speaker 1: months and that was hell. I didn't had a problem.
Speaker 1: I game. Wait. My mom wouldn't even answer the phone anymore.
Speaker 1: She's like, I can'ly went like like if anyone knows me,
Speaker 1: I was Misserbing. I lived in Singapore for six months.
Speaker 1: For the people who don't know, try living in an
Speaker 1: Asian country. There was all of playing basketball and oh
Speaker 1: my god, and they were so lame. I met them
Speaker 1: all clearly, and my friends ended up sucking them. But
Speaker 1: I was not interested in them, Like I gave it up. Dude,
Speaker 1: I would have taken a little bit. You know. I
Speaker 1: ended up actually meeting a director at ted Marriage. Right.
Speaker 1: Of course, you know what, before we tell you how
Speaker 1: Amanda got the condoval, I'm going to have to uh,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have to hold that. Well yeah, well this
Speaker 1: is this is this is to make this more of
Speaker 1: like a group setting. Um, I guess I should. You've
Speaker 1: had a condom stuck in you before, right, multiple times?
Speaker 1: I'm sure, so the most recent time was literally within
Speaker 1: the last few months. Um. So it's a guy that
Speaker 1: I sleep with fairly regularly. We go to this nice restaurant.
Speaker 1: We're having this amazing night. Now, let me just say
Speaker 1: the restaurant was super close to his house, so it
Speaker 1: was like immediately after we had dinner, we were ready
Speaker 1: to go have sex. So we have this five course meal.
Speaker 1: I'm only telling you that because it will definitely be
Speaker 1: relative in a few seconds. So we have this five
Speaker 1: course meal. It's amazing. We go one block into his apartment.
Speaker 1: He lays me down, like throws me on the couch,
Speaker 1: and he's kind of already awkward, and he's really not
Speaker 1: dombing me up like I want too, but whatever. So
Speaker 1: he looks at me and he's like, you know, I
Speaker 1: want you to go in the shower. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: because I really want to lick your asshole. So I'm
Speaker 1: trying not to laugh, and I'm just like, okay, this
Speaker 1: is gonna happen. Taking taking a quick shower, I jump
Speaker 1: in there, um come out. And I guess he had
Speaker 1: just finished watching fifty Shades of Gray, because this mother
Speaker 1: quest did nothing for me. That movie was kind of
Speaker 1: maybe because I don't watch white porn. I don't know
Speaker 1: that could be it. I don't know. Well, he comes
Speaker 1: in the shower in the bathroom with a blindfold. I
Speaker 1: don't think I'm still soaking wet. Okay, He's like, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna put this on you and then you can go
Speaker 1: to the bedroom. I'm like, how am I going to
Speaker 1: find it? Bro, I'm not I'm not in my house,
Speaker 1: so you're better than me. I actually real quick, I
Speaker 1: will not let a guy blindfold me ever. Again, Why
Speaker 1: did he actually only put it in your ass? No,
Speaker 1: he accidentally quote unquote decided just not to put on
Speaker 1: a condom. And I'm very kind of okay, are you
Speaker 1: kidding me? Oh? I about how to I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do well, you can feel for it
Speaker 1: after that, and if that's what, well, I'm really into it.
Speaker 1: So like I was totally going with the blindfold thing.
Speaker 1: He leads me to the bedroom and he tells me
Speaker 1: to get on my knees. Um, I get on my knees.
Speaker 1: And here's where the five course meal comes into play.
Speaker 1: He decides that he wants to deep throat and throat
Speaker 1: fuck me. And you know, normally when this happens, like
Speaker 1: you know, you're out drink, like you know, you're kind
Speaker 1: of waiting maybe an hour or two before you have
Speaker 1: this rough ass sex. No, I just had s car
Speaker 1: got and that's s car go okay for you guys, magnant.
Speaker 1: I was full. I just I feel like I have
Speaker 1: to take my finger and do it because it just
Speaker 1: you can't. Can you not stick your finger down your
Speaker 1: throat the second dick goes in. It's just not even
Speaker 1: like a hot gag. Right, So house laughing all over
Speaker 1: my ship and I'm like, dude, it's not working. He's like, no,
Speaker 1: I know it works. I know it works. I'm like, bro,
Speaker 1: I had to lift the blindfold up and looked down
Speaker 1: when the fucker and I say, it's not cutting it.
Speaker 1: So fine, we skipped to it. We get on the bed,
Speaker 1: we started having sex, or we were about to start
Speaker 1: having sex, excuse me. And he realized I didn't have
Speaker 1: a condom. I was like, oh, I think I have
Speaker 1: one in my bag. Now. Of course she has one
Speaker 1: in her back, because why would I make a horrible
Speaker 1: decision and not bring a condom. I mean, my condoms
Speaker 1: are my drawer, but go ahead. So I had one
Speaker 1: of my purse because the guy that I was fucking
Speaker 1: um requires the Magnum XL that was in my purse.
Speaker 1: Now the dude that I was with down much anyway.
Speaker 1: So this is the only condom I hat and we
Speaker 1: were both really horny. So he puts it on. So
Speaker 1: we're having sex and it's subpar um and oh I
Speaker 1: remember this guy. Suddenly I can feel like his dick,
Speaker 1: like the skin and I and I know, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm blindfold sick. So I take it off and he's
Speaker 1: like no, and I'm like yes, I'm like, listen, I
Speaker 1: need to look. So I looked down there and all
Speaker 1: I see is pink and no more latex, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: holy sh it, is is it really pink? Like the dog?
Speaker 1: Do you not watch porn? Not white guys. I'm like, listen,
Speaker 1: the condom stock, I need you to get it out.
Speaker 1: He's like okay, I'll be right back, and I'm like
Speaker 1: what is he going to go get a pair of tongues? Like?
Speaker 1: So he comes back in the room and he has
Speaker 1: his iPhone in his hand and suddenly he puts the
Speaker 1: flashlight on and it's like, bro, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: It's like, I mean you want me to go to
Speaker 1: look for Like how am I supposed to look? What
Speaker 1: are you in? A deep dark abyss? You know? What
Speaker 1: I'm saying, like, why is the flashlight out? Put your
Speaker 1: hand in there and feel for it. Damn, the light
Speaker 1: could have out, bro, it could It's well maybe not,
Speaker 1: you're right anyway. So he ends up getting it out
Speaker 1: and he's holding it and he's like, so are you okay?
Speaker 1: I'm like yeah, and then he's like, say, do you
Speaker 1: have another one? And I'm like no, And then he's
Speaker 1: looking at the condom and I looked back and he
Speaker 1: was gonna try to put it back on. Said, bro,
Speaker 1: they have Postmates in New York, and I really hope
Speaker 1: that you can push that button because it ain't no
Speaker 1: fucking way you're sucking me with a condom that was
Speaker 1: up in my artery. Left and well, at least he
Speaker 1: got it out besides me, Thank god, we're friends. Um,
Speaker 1: we decided to go to the guy know today about
Speaker 1: how it happened. Mandy literally screenshots me Google searches of
Speaker 1: condom stuck, condom stuck, two days, condom stuck. No, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna lie. I was totally googling this thing because
Speaker 1: while I've had a condom stuck in my pusson before,
Speaker 1: it's like just you know, it's kind of fell out,
Speaker 1: but by this point it was like day two, it
Speaker 1: was already Saturday, and I kind of want to dick again.
Speaker 1: So I was just like, I'm just mad. What's the
Speaker 1: reason you need? I was kind of like, fun, I
Speaker 1: can't funk with a condom in me, bro. I just
Speaker 1: want to say thank you for not asking me to
Speaker 1: do it, because I know that you know I swing
Speaker 1: both ways. And I felt like you were going to
Speaker 1: be like, you know what, just get this ship out.
Speaker 1: What do you think? What you think I would have
Speaker 1: asked you to stick your hand up my possess. I
Speaker 1: really thought you were gonna ask me. I'm a little
Speaker 1: insulted you didn't. But also, well, I think we've come
Speaker 1: to the conclusion that we're not each other's type. So
Speaker 1: let's go like just real quick. I am thick as hell,
Speaker 1: and I like think bitches. This bitch of skinny and
Speaker 1: like skinny bitches, so clearly we'll just never very skinny
Speaker 1: skinny enough to float near. Yeah. No, I like stallion bitches.
Speaker 1: Most of them are strippers, whatever you want to call them.
Speaker 1: I like video vixen. I like to look the same
Speaker 1: when you throw them in the water. Um mine do girl,
Speaker 1: And lace front gluey lifting up. I don't know. I've
Speaker 1: never slept with a girl with a lace front while
Speaker 1: we were they were lace fronts. Now, I'm not gonna lie,
Speaker 1: but when we know because when I was doing them,
Speaker 1: they did not have so she didn't have the wig
Speaker 1: on in the moment. The lace fronts are popular now.
Speaker 1: And then the one girl who i'd be likeing this mash,
Speaker 1: she ain't. She don't wear lace fronts. Good for you,
Speaker 1: and she did just have at last. I'm lying, oh shit,
Speaker 1: I don't get to the guy no, and um, of
Speaker 1: course she tells the guy know before she even comes
Speaker 1: to see me. Hey, we're here because my friend has
Speaker 1: a condiment or proceeds like you say, they needed to
Speaker 1: get it out. She was looking at me like I
Speaker 1: had a problem visit. She's like, so, why are you
Speaker 1: here today? I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're gonna do
Speaker 1: some testing just because I'm in the room. But let
Speaker 1: me just say I'm not the one who made a
Speaker 1: horrible decision last night. There's a woman outside who will
Speaker 1: need you to take something out. She's like, oh boy, really,
Speaker 1: and so Mandy comes out. I've been waiting for like
Speaker 1: ten minutes after I've like piste in the cup and
Speaker 1: gotten swapped. Because you know, I'm a good friend, so
Speaker 1: why not do it too. She comes out with this
Speaker 1: huge smile on my face, I mean on her face,
Speaker 1: and I was like, yes, she found it. Apparently she
Speaker 1: found it. There is some little I forgot how she
Speaker 1: described it. There's um some type of I don't want
Speaker 1: to say, a tunnel. I don't know, but there's a
Speaker 1: little secret passageway and apparently um. I ended up getting
Speaker 1: my yearly um at the same time. So I got
Speaker 1: my little pap, I got all my tests and all
Speaker 1: that good stuff. Because a dirty, freaky clean bitch, and
Speaker 1: so I wanted to make sure everything was cool, especially
Speaker 1: because I am pro condom and this clearly was condomless.
Speaker 1: At one point. You used a condom for what a
Speaker 1: whole seventies two hours. Good for you. So a lesson
Speaker 1: to be learned is make sure that when you're fucking
Speaker 1: you have a dude that is wearing a condom that
Speaker 1: fits great. I'm telling you, I mean, I don't know
Speaker 1: what to tell you, guys. Um, I just have a
Speaker 1: tight pussy, I assume. And there's sometimes to throw the
Speaker 1: compliments bro, there's nothing. I mean, it fit him, bro,
Speaker 1: like it wasn't a pussy was so tight it's snatched
Speaker 1: the condoms. Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. Hello, give
Speaker 1: me that wish I had like a sound bite because
Speaker 1: that google is she didn't click on and play it
Speaker 1: right now the I rol the iro sell anyways, Um,
Speaker 1: I would say for the most part, this is something
Speaker 1: that I do often, especially if they're hitting from the back.
Speaker 1: I've had guys like sneak the condom off, which is awful. Um,
Speaker 1: but just put your hand back there, act like you're
Speaker 1: trying to tickle the balls or rub the shob shaft
Speaker 1: of the dick or something. Put it back down and
Speaker 1: you know, just make sure you feel plastic. Dude, there's
Speaker 1: nothing worse than pissing a condom out. Can I just
Speaker 1: tell you. I was literally on the phone my home
Speaker 1: girl shout out to dub and I'm on the phone
Speaker 1: with her and I'm taking a piss and suddenly it
Speaker 1: gets warm. I looked down and I said, dude, I
Speaker 1: need to face time you because I know you won't
Speaker 1: believe this ship I did not know. Well, yeah, it
Speaker 1: happened to my friend as well. Oh, your friends, his friend,
Speaker 1: a condom stuck everybody. I think it's it definitely happens.
Speaker 1: This makes me a lot of well, no, it definitely
Speaker 1: happens us a lot of like if you didn't know
Speaker 1: you had a condom in you and then you end
Speaker 1: up suing somebody else and then your muscles are all relaxed,
Speaker 1: so it just slides out and then he's like, oh
Speaker 1: is that mine? That's really bad. That's what you didn't
Speaker 1: want to happen. That's why we Well, when you find
Speaker 1: all the co paps and more dick you have, I
Speaker 1: don't have a cope because, uh well, let's slide into
Speaker 1: the vanilla ship of the week. Did you do your
Speaker 1: Did you do your job? Me? Um, sorry, I have
Speaker 1: a real job where I have to do work all
Speaker 1: fucking day. So no. So I know you had something
Speaker 1: that you wanted to bring up. I did. So this
Speaker 1: is the part of the show where we just wanted
Speaker 1: to talk about something a little less nasty, a little
Speaker 1: bit of vanilla ship and kind of like current event ish.
Speaker 1: So something in the news that I'm really interested in
Speaker 1: is Joe Biden his daughter in law. So Joe Biden's
Speaker 1: son passed away, I think a year or two ago.
Speaker 1: Do this slow, because this is definitely like a family
Speaker 1: tree diagram that I have to put together to so
Speaker 1: that we can understand exactly how sick this may or
Speaker 1: may not be. So Okay, So Joe Biden's son passed away, Okay,
Speaker 1: and he's got two to three kids. The daughter in
Speaker 1: law um has now started dating the other brother. Okay,
Speaker 1: so let me let me break that down. So the
Speaker 1: daughter in law so is the dead son's ex wife? Yes? Okay,
Speaker 1: So the widow of the of the dead son is
Speaker 1: now dating the brother. Yes, the other brother, not the
Speaker 1: alive one. Oh god, that was sucked up. Oh so
Speaker 1: she's dating brothers, one of them I dead. So that's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. It's okay, So it's fucked up, but
Speaker 1: it's like, so this is what I say, and I'm
Speaker 1: this is probably actually very terrible because I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: I've my ex boyfriend, like Mills, you remember him, my
Speaker 1: ex boyfriends. So my ex boyfriend. I met him because
Speaker 1: I was talking to his stepbrother first both dude, what
Speaker 1: the what I was young? Does that is that an excuse?
Speaker 1: Have you brothers? Since that? I have to think about
Speaker 1: have you. No, I don't think I have though. Okay,
Speaker 1: So this is what I have to say about that.
Speaker 1: To me, say you meet somebody and you don't know
Speaker 1: their friends, right if you're done sucking with him? To me,
Speaker 1: someone should not be off limit. You know. Well, let's
Speaker 1: just talk about this woman who's dating his brother, who
Speaker 1: she definitely knew, and whose kids know him as uncle.
Speaker 1: I think I'm I'm I'm more curious as to what
Speaker 1: the other family members say because I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: So when I did this with my ex or whatever,
Speaker 1: his brothers were so confused at one point and did
Speaker 1: not want to even acknowledge me. And then after we
Speaker 1: were together for almost a freaking year, I was like
Speaker 1: the sister in law, so then they became cool with it.
Speaker 1: It was like whatever, you know, the stepbrother was the stepbrothers,
Speaker 1: I think, same same dad, different moms or something like that,
Speaker 1: and who cares about dad's like I know, but I mean,
Speaker 1: I definitely like my ex clearly more. I think this
Speaker 1: is sucked up. I'm sorry. There's a lot of fishing
Speaker 1: to see, and I understand your kids might love their uncle,
Speaker 1: but like fucking weird. Okay, in this sense, I mean,
Speaker 1: is it weird because he's dead? Like, yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 1: Do you remember that movie with Natalie Portman when the
Speaker 1: guy went off to the army and they thought he
Speaker 1: was dead and she was sucking a brother and he
Speaker 1: came back and he was alive. I do remember that. See,
Speaker 1: this is weird, dude. I mean, what the fuck You've
Speaker 1: been my uncle this whole time and now you're sucking
Speaker 1: my mom. I think it happens a lot more than
Speaker 1: we think. I mean, that's weird. Is in the Midwest, Well,
Speaker 1: I'm from Florida, Dude, he is the black President's VP.
Speaker 1: They should not be doing this white of white people ship.
Speaker 1: This is weird. Oh he's too he's too down with
Speaker 1: with with us to be a part of that. You
Speaker 1: don't think people the type of seeing the memes. Dude's
Speaker 1: cool and the fist pump at all. But I mean,
Speaker 1: this really isn't a color thing. I don't think. I
Speaker 1: don't think you could turn this into white people ship.
Speaker 1: This is not WPS. Not WPS you like to say, Um,
Speaker 1: I think you haven't with anyone. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: mean it is fucked up because he's dead. So it's like,
Speaker 1: do you think they were sucking before he died. That's
Speaker 1: the that's the question in my opinion. I'm reading this
Speaker 1: two children with the late bo Biden is now in
Speaker 1: relationship with Hunters, separated from his wife. He's still married.
Speaker 1: Oh that's kind of bad, Okay. I think they were
Speaker 1: definitely having some tiles. They definitely had a funked up
Speaker 1: affair while the brother was alive. I'm going to be assuming. Wow,
Speaker 1: Hunter Biden, who is the brother that she's now dating.
Speaker 1: Hallie and I are incredibly lucky to have found the
Speaker 1: love and suphore we have for each other in such
Speaker 1: a difficult time, and that's been obvious to the people
Speaker 1: who love us most. We've been so lucky to have
Speaker 1: friends and family have supported us every step of the
Speaker 1: way into the bedroom. Um, I've added that parton gross bro. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe they had like some type of
Speaker 1: swinger thing going on. I don't want to do this
Speaker 1: cause I feel like it's really rude, But I just
Speaker 1: want to google two pictures of them and see who's
Speaker 1: the hotter one, because so you should. Who's hot? Or
Speaker 1: is Hunter hotter than the one who passed r I
Speaker 1: p umdud. I know I'm out here, like something happens,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, or you're just really really clumsy,
Speaker 1: and I probably will go with the ladder actually a
Speaker 1: fad him. By the way, guys, Um Wheezy has gone
Speaker 1: from dating street thugs to corporate white men just so
Speaker 1: you guys know, So she only dates white men now.
Speaker 1: So if you guys need the opinion on who's hot
Speaker 1: um with the pink dick, that would be Wheezy. On
Speaker 1: the other hand, I'm too thick for white guys to
Speaker 1: come to me. Anytime a white guy approaches me, their
Speaker 1: first thing out of their mouth is guys, huh, and
Speaker 1: then it just really doesn't get any further from that
Speaker 1: because then I'm like super turned off, Like is your ego,
Speaker 1: you know, not big enough to work with a big
Speaker 1: but I don't know. So now this is let me see,
Speaker 1: let me see, let me see Hunter Hunter. I don't
Speaker 1: think I've ever talked to a hunter in my life,
Speaker 1: and I have just about every that's the dead one.
Speaker 1: Could I see you, guys, if you're interested, google Hunter
Speaker 1: Biden and Who's I don't want to say and bo
Speaker 1: Biden um, and I would love to know which one
Speaker 1: you guys think is hotter than the next. Um, he's younger.
Speaker 1: If he's younger, because you know I like him young.
Speaker 1: I bet you that's damning up, dub. That's what it is.
Speaker 1: You had to just say, you guys, maybe than you
Speaker 1: want to help me with you. It's the young thing.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys realize it. Um, so
Speaker 1: I will say. So, I'm twenty six. I'll be twenty
Speaker 1: seven at the end of the year. Um, but I
Speaker 1: like them young, and I think I'm the only one
Speaker 1: of my friends. So all my friends are dating like
Speaker 1: older guys, dealing with the same ship that I deal
Speaker 1: with younger guys. I can't do the young guys. I
Speaker 1: think it's because I like to be dominated, and I
Speaker 1: think that I just and I'm on the other end
Speaker 1: of the spectrum. I like to teach and do a
Speaker 1: lot dominating. But how are you gonna put me on
Speaker 1: a leash in your you'd be surprised. Oh god, only
Speaker 1: five girl, I'll go down to light twenty bit. You
Speaker 1: can get a beer. Bro, what, Oh my god? And
Speaker 1: so Crystal does that all the time. Crystal is my roommate,
Speaker 1: by the way, So Crystal will be like bro you
Speaker 1: guys can't even go to a bar, and I'll be like, bitch,
Speaker 1: we got a bar in the house, what so? And everywhere?
Speaker 1: Doesn't I d So it doesn't matter. Okay, just tell
Speaker 1: me when you fuck young guys, does it turn out
Speaker 1: that like you end up having to pay for things
Speaker 1: for the dick, Like you have to like excuse me,
Speaker 1: like you know, you're like getting the drinks and you're like,
Speaker 1: you know, getting the condoms and getting the ubs more. No, no,
Speaker 1: because they have jopped what they have? What don't do that? Well? Clearly,
Speaker 1: I still, um they maybe they might be on that
Speaker 1: TV behind your shoes. I was about to say, I
Speaker 1: think honestly, Um, yeah, they're like millionaires. Leave me alone.
Speaker 1: Um or thousand yars, it doesn't matter. They have money. Okay,
Speaker 1: funk off, funk off. I'm gonna be taken to a
Speaker 1: nice dinner, five course meal before I'm throat bucked. Okay,
Speaker 1: even even even the missing condom story, like bro um,
Speaker 1: no problem, he was like, I got your fifty dollars
Speaker 1: for the plan. B that's so sweet. What there's a
Speaker 1: lot of guys that probably wouldn't have even offered that
Speaker 1: fuck off. So let me just say it. Many is
Speaker 1: like pressed. She's coming to my place and she's like, God,
Speaker 1: I gotta pick up this Plan B. I gotta pick
Speaker 1: up this Plan B. So I'm like, don't worry, I'll
Speaker 1: grab it. Stupid me goes to my local Dwyane Read,
Speaker 1: which is literally underneath my building. I walk in to
Speaker 1: get the Plan B. She rings it up. The woman's like,
Speaker 1: there'll be eight, and then I said fifty nine dollars.
Speaker 1: I remember when it was thirty nine ninety nine, and
Speaker 1: everybody turns around. I live in midtown Manhattan, and all
Speaker 1: of these white people are in a line, like get
Speaker 1: this ratchet bit out of the store. Luckily there was
Speaker 1: a coupon code. I pulled it up. It took like
Speaker 1: two minutes for me to pull up the Plan B
Speaker 1: coupon and uh yeah, pretty embarrassing. I hope you're happy,
Speaker 1: hope you're not pregnant. I don't have to push it downstairs.
Speaker 1: Can we not talk like that? That's terrible. Anyways, we're
Speaker 1: gonna go ahead, and this is our first episode of
Speaker 1: Horrible Decisions. I do want to let you guys know
Speaker 1: we will be interviewing and having special guests from time
Speaker 1: to time. Um she's going to be inviting guys she
Speaker 1: sucked one of mine, may come who knows. Um, you're
Speaker 1: not gonna bring the guy you picked. I haven't picked
Speaker 1: him yet. Anyways, we're not going to talk about that here,
Speaker 1: she goes, we're not gonna talk about that this episode. Um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, we're gonna be having cool guests in here,
Speaker 1: people with weird fetishes. Um. And if you're in New
Speaker 1: York City and want to be a guest, UM, you're
Speaker 1: more than welcome to come on anonymous, or we can
Speaker 1: let everyone know how horrible you are. Um, you're more
Speaker 1: than welcome to go ahead, and yeah, hit either of
Speaker 1: us up. I By the way, if you guys want
Speaker 1: to keep in touch with me, follow me, d M me.
Speaker 1: You can reach me on Twitter or Instagram at full
Speaker 1: Court pumps and where can they find your horrible us?
Speaker 1: Mine is a wheezy w TF. I do not live
Speaker 1: Little Wayne anymore. I'm just asthmatic. I want to end
Speaker 1: this episode by I just feel like there's always so
Speaker 1: much tension between you and I because I really don't
Speaker 1: like you. But I would like us to say something
Speaker 1: nice to each other. Okay, something nice to each other.
Speaker 1: So I definitely think you should go first on this
Speaker 1: because I need to think over here. Okay, I just
Speaker 1: want to tell you that I love your hairstyles since
Speaker 1: you stole it from me. I think it looks really
Speaker 1: pretty on you today and it brings out the eyelashes
Speaker 1: that you think for alright, and something nice about you. Um.
Speaker 1: I enjoy how smart you are for taking these six
Speaker 1: tracks out of your head tonight, because I think it's
Speaker 1: definitely time to be taken out. So although you're making
Speaker 1: me do it, I am very happy that you decided
Speaker 1: to take me out of your head. So I'm more
Speaker 1: than welcome to help you on that. Tonight, I go
Speaker 1: to the gym Alan and they get sweat it out. Bitch,
Speaker 1: don't be a hater. Damn any days don't know. I
Speaker 1: got we Oh okay, okay, thanks for listening and we
Speaker 1: will catch you in two weeks. By bye,