1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:28,840 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Where 6 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:30,520 Speaker 1: we are in the world. It is so great to 7 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,440 Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode as we of 8 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:38,040 Speaker 1: course break down the psychology of our twenties. Okay, have 9 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:42,239 Speaker 1: you ever had that feeling, that sensation, that panic that 10 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,919 Speaker 1: everybody is further ahead in their lives than you are. 11 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:49,440 Speaker 1: They are more successful, they are more sure of themselves, 12 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:53,159 Speaker 1: they are further along when it comes to their relationships, 13 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: their finances, knowing what they want to do with their lives. 14 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:03,120 Speaker 1: This feeling of being behind is a really common one 15 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,560 Speaker 1: during this decade, during our twenties. It is the norm, 16 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,800 Speaker 1: not the exception. But I think despite that, it's also 17 00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 1: incredibly stressful and at times stabilitating when we a don't 18 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:20,120 Speaker 1: have open conversations about it, there isn't an acknowledgment of 19 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 1: how many of us are feeling stuck in our lives, 20 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,920 Speaker 1: and b we constantly compare ourselves to the people who 21 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: do have it all, feeling like everyone else is finding 22 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,240 Speaker 1: this whole life thing very easy whilst we're struggling. So 23 00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:35,760 Speaker 1: I want to talk about it today. I want to 24 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,360 Speaker 1: talk about why it is that we find ourselves in 25 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:43,960 Speaker 1: this constant spiral, this constant self doubt kind of cycle, 26 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: no matter how much we do have, how much we 27 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 1: have achieved. I think, despite knowing that life is a 28 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:54,080 Speaker 1: journey not a race, we still feel behind. But I 29 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:57,200 Speaker 1: think the real question is, like behind what? What is 30 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: this invisible standard that we are all falling short of? 31 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:05,680 Speaker 1: What exactly are we comparing ourselves to? And why does 32 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 1: the success of other people and the accomplishments of other 33 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 1: people sit so heavy on our minds and diminish our 34 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:16,960 Speaker 1: own sense of agency and our own progress. Well, that's 35 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,399 Speaker 1: really like the core of this discussion. This is such 36 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:24,799 Speaker 1: a common phenomena, feeling behind in your twenties, and it's 37 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,560 Speaker 1: kind of ironic because if it is so common, how 38 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 1: come we all experience it? Who are these people who 39 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 1: are not feeling behind? Why is it that they are 40 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,520 Speaker 1: seen as what is normal? Why is it the people 41 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,760 Speaker 1: who are ticking everything off their bucket list, achieving all 42 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:46,680 Speaker 1: the necessary milestones why are they the standard? I also 43 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 1: want to share some of your experiences the listeners. A 44 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,080 Speaker 1: lot of you have kindly written in to me on 45 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: Instagram and said that you feel similar and have kind 46 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:01,880 Speaker 1: of articulated why you're strongruggling. We have stories of being 47 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:06,760 Speaker 1: thirty and single, never having been in a relationship, another 48 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,120 Speaker 1: person who started their career again in their late twenties. 49 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 1: People struggling with debt and decision making and job choices 50 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 1: and not feeling like you can see a way forward. 51 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: And of course we're going to discuss why we feel 52 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,480 Speaker 1: that way, the psychology behind it, and what we can 53 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 1: do about it. How we can kind of just you know, 54 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 1: to be frank, stop feeling so shit about our own 55 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 1: lives and our own progress. How can we stop viewing 56 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:37,240 Speaker 1: our twenties as a race or a competition to get 57 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: to this like imaginary finish line, and just enjoy the 58 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:45,839 Speaker 1: personal journey, enjoy the scenic route, enjoy what we want 59 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 1: to get out of this decade. So there is obviously 60 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:54,120 Speaker 1: a lot to discuss alongside your very generous and vulnerable 61 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 1: personal anecdotes. And my hope is that if you get 62 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 1: one thing out of this episode today, it is that 63 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 1: absolutely everybody is feeling behind, or feeling lost, or feeling 64 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 1: stuck in some capacity. Even the people that you look 65 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 1: to and compare yourself to who seem so much further 66 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:17,679 Speaker 1: ahead than us, they genuinely are feeling this as well. 67 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,840 Speaker 1: Because I think that it isn't about what you do have, 68 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 1: it isn't about what you have achieved. It's about our 69 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:31,720 Speaker 1: mindset and our mindset towards competition, towards success, towards uncertainty. 70 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,040 Speaker 1: So we have a lot to discuss. I'm going to 71 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:38,919 Speaker 1: stop rambling without further ado. Let's get into feeling behind 72 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:48,039 Speaker 1: in our twenties. We have a lot of opportunities to 73 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 1: feel behind in our twenties, because we have a lot 74 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 1: of opportunities not just for social comparison, but also for 75 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:59,279 Speaker 1: self doubt. I think for the first two decades of 76 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:02,320 Speaker 1: our lives, the first eighteen years at least, all of 77 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 1: us are very much in step with each other. You know, 78 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:09,599 Speaker 1: we're kind of all existing on an identical path. Everybody 79 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,479 Speaker 1: who is our own age is doing the same things. 80 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,920 Speaker 1: We're going to school, We're trying to hit the same 81 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 1: milestones of graduating. We're at the same classes, we have 82 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:22,480 Speaker 1: the same life problems. We are all working towards a 83 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:27,039 Speaker 1: common goal. Everything feels very much in line. There is 84 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: limited opportunities for comparison when it comes to life progress. 85 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:34,360 Speaker 1: You know, you might be comparing yourself based on like looks, 86 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:37,520 Speaker 1: or who's had their first kiss, or you know, silly 87 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,560 Speaker 1: things like that, but in terms of like where you're 88 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:43,240 Speaker 1: at in your life and the progress that you're making 89 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,800 Speaker 1: towards your goals, if you even have any when you're 90 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:50,120 Speaker 1: that young, that is all kind of very very similar. 91 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 1: And then we enter our twenties and suddenly it all splinters. 92 00:05:55,880 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 1: Our life paths become very very different, very unique, and 93 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:06,120 Speaker 1: that only is exacerbated the further along we get into 94 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,040 Speaker 1: our twenties and into this decade, we're kind of no 95 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:13,160 Speaker 1: longer bustling alongside each other through mandatory schooling. We suddenly 96 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:17,040 Speaker 1: have freedom to choose and choose differently. And there are 97 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,200 Speaker 1: a lot of nuances in this. You know, one person 98 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,159 Speaker 1: wants to take a gap year. One person continues to 99 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 1: work their high school job or their unique job to 100 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,600 Speaker 1: save up. Another person speeds through their like four year 101 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,799 Speaker 1: degree in three years and is like doing their masters 102 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 1: by twenty three. Somebody is going straight into a high 103 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:36,039 Speaker 1: paying job after college. Somebody is having children, right. It's 104 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:41,279 Speaker 1: like everybody is suddenly living in a different timeline compared 105 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 1: to the common timeline that we used to have. And 106 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 1: I think that it's at that point when everything splinters 107 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,480 Speaker 1: that it feels like a race suddenly begins. 108 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,080 Speaker 2: You know. It feels like we didn't realize we were 109 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,800 Speaker 2: at the starting line. We didn't realize that suddenly it 110 00:06:57,839 --> 00:07:00,680 Speaker 2: was going to be a competition. But implicitly it that way. 111 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:04,160 Speaker 2: It's kind of like the race to become real adults. 112 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,640 Speaker 2: And in many ways, I think speaking to my friends, 113 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 2: it feels like it's this race to enter our thirties 114 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 2: or even like our mid thirties with a partner, with 115 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 2: a successful and fulfilling career, with a really cushy savings account, 116 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,080 Speaker 2: with a bunch of friends, and also with enough fun 117 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:26,680 Speaker 2: experiences to kind of prove that although we got here, 118 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 2: we still enjoyed ourselves and enjoyed our lives along the way, 119 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 2: and we become a lot more aware of the people 120 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:38,120 Speaker 2: who are doing those things and the people who are not, 121 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:41,640 Speaker 2: which might be us, the people who are falling short. 122 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 2: I think the core reason we feel behind is obviously 123 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:50,800 Speaker 2: social comparison. Without the visibility of others and their life paths, 124 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,320 Speaker 2: we wouldn't have any reason to think that what we're 125 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 2: doing is wrong. We wouldn't have anybody to be behind, 126 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,640 Speaker 2: because we would only be thinking about ourselves. We would 127 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 2: only be conscious of our own progress and what felt 128 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,480 Speaker 2: good for us. But of course we know that comparison 129 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,720 Speaker 2: is a very human disease. It's not even a disease, 130 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:14,840 Speaker 2: human syndrome, a human trait, and sometimes it's just not 131 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:17,000 Speaker 2: possible to not have that kind of going on in 132 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,480 Speaker 2: the back of your mind as such a social tribal species. 133 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 2: What's really fascinating to me, if not ironic, is when 134 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 2: I asked all of you people, my beautiful listeners, whether 135 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 2: you feel behind as someone in your twenties, eighty percent 136 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:38,880 Speaker 2: of you out of almost five thousand votes, probably more 137 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,960 Speaker 2: because I checked that only after we'd been up for like, 138 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,600 Speaker 2: I don't know, fourteen hours, but eighty percent of you 139 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,960 Speaker 2: at five thousand votes, so with significant sample size there 140 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:52,960 Speaker 2: said yes, you are feeling behind. There is something in 141 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 2: your life that you're not satisfied with, that you feel 142 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,520 Speaker 2: you should be further ahead or further along in regards 143 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,480 Speaker 2: to that's compared to twenty percent of you, who I 144 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 2: assume feel really comfortable with where you're at. Maybe you're secure, 145 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 2: you're working on yourself, setting your own pace. You could 146 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 2: also just be doing exceptionally well, which congratulations. But what 147 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:17,080 Speaker 2: I find fascinating about this is that feeling lost, feeling stuck, 148 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:22,080 Speaker 2: feeling unaccomplished, feeling behind is the norm. It is not 149 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,440 Speaker 2: only the norm, it is the majority. It is the 150 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,480 Speaker 2: huge majority, eighty percent, you know. And I just think 151 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,880 Speaker 2: that it comes down to a lot of reasons. But 152 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:34,240 Speaker 2: because this generation is so much more competitive but also 153 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:38,960 Speaker 2: yet again available for comparison right particularly through social media 154 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 2: and LinkedIn and publicly available information, it's very easy to 155 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 2: focus on everybody who has more than you, and not 156 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 2: the people who are just like you, The people who 157 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:54,040 Speaker 2: are doing really really well for themselves. That twenty percent, 158 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:58,440 Speaker 2: maybe even that ten percent, that five percent, they stand out, 159 00:09:58,679 --> 00:10:03,080 Speaker 2: and so our attention immediately goes to them. Compared to 160 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 2: the people who are doing life just like us in 161 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 2: the same lane. That's not an interesting story. That's not 162 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,160 Speaker 2: going to capture our attention because we already know that narrative, 163 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,920 Speaker 2: We already know what that life looks like compared to 164 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 2: the life of somebody that we want. We also can't 165 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 2: ignore this implicit blueprint that society sets for our life, 166 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:26,679 Speaker 2: that even if we don't believe in, we are still 167 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:32,359 Speaker 2: influenced by. So when we think about like society's blueprint 168 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:36,840 Speaker 2: for us, there is kind of this unspoken timeline of events. 169 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:40,439 Speaker 2: You graduate, maybe you go on and get your degree 170 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:44,319 Speaker 2: or some qualification. You find your dream career, you get 171 00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 2: your job in that field, you make enough money to 172 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,080 Speaker 2: live independently, You find the love of your life, you 173 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 2: get promoted, you buy a house, you get married, you 174 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:57,000 Speaker 2: have children, retirement, death. That's it. That's what the blueprint 175 00:10:57,080 --> 00:11:00,560 Speaker 2: tells us. And it's a very restrictive idea of what 176 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:06,080 Speaker 2: constitutes a happy life. And it's also a very incomplete 177 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:11,160 Speaker 2: narrative and incomplete blueprint because it doesn't include the stories 178 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,520 Speaker 2: of people who you know, completely uproot their lives at 179 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:17,480 Speaker 2: thirty or fifty, the people who never get married or 180 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:20,160 Speaker 2: who never have kids, the people who take a few 181 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:24,400 Speaker 2: years off between graduation and full time work to explore, 182 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:28,200 Speaker 2: the people who never find their dream job. The people 183 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 2: who you know, these kind of milestones just aren't going 184 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,640 Speaker 2: to happen in the same way for them. They are 185 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,360 Speaker 2: those stories, the ones that I've just kind of given 186 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 2: a few examples of. They're not the ones we hear about, 187 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,120 Speaker 2: and so we don't think of them or include them 188 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:48,440 Speaker 2: in our own interpretation of how our lives should be going, 189 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 2: how our lives should be progressing. When it comes to 190 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,199 Speaker 2: feeling behind, I believe that there are three major areas 191 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:58,280 Speaker 2: where we experience this the most. That is our careers, 192 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:03,600 Speaker 2: our relationships, and our finances. Not only are these three 193 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,439 Speaker 2: of the most formative elements of our twenties, the things 194 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:10,400 Speaker 2: that I think we spend a lot of time worrying about, 195 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:15,160 Speaker 2: but in some ways they're also quite visible. Right. We 196 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,000 Speaker 2: don't feel behind in terms of our health, we don't 197 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 2: feel behind in terms of aging. We don't feel behind 198 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 2: in terms of our personal development. We feel behind based 199 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:28,280 Speaker 2: on things that we think that other people can see. 200 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,960 Speaker 2: So I think let's start with the biggest one that 201 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:35,400 Speaker 2: I heard from you all, which is career goals. I 202 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,679 Speaker 2: think this is the most common of the three because 203 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,520 Speaker 2: it feels like something that we really need to grow, 204 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,960 Speaker 2: and so the time we spend on it and the 205 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,400 Speaker 2: results feel like an an investment they feel very precious, 206 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,480 Speaker 2: Like when it comes to relationships, you could meet like 207 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,880 Speaker 2: the love of your life tomorrow and complete that part 208 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,719 Speaker 2: of your story, but your career takes a little bit 209 00:12:56,760 --> 00:13:02,960 Speaker 2: longer to establish and it feels very intentional. So we 210 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:04,839 Speaker 2: put a lot of pressure on ourselves to get it 211 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,640 Speaker 2: right the first time around, to get it right straight 212 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,440 Speaker 2: out the grate, because we don't want to spend like 213 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 2: five years doing something that we think we love or 214 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,800 Speaker 2: we think will be fulfilling, and then you know, we 215 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,920 Speaker 2: hit thirty and it's like a waste of our time. 216 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,640 Speaker 2: That's how we interpret it. We have to start again. 217 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,440 Speaker 2: You know. We want to feel like we're doing things productively. 218 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,320 Speaker 2: We want to feel like we're making a contribution to 219 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:29,480 Speaker 2: our future. And so I think that fear of not 220 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 2: getting it right the first time, that fear of not knowing, 221 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:38,560 Speaker 2: of uncertainty, it really keeps us in places in industries, 222 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 2: in careers, in fields, in jobs that we don't full 223 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 2: in love because we don't want to sacrifice the security 224 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:49,840 Speaker 2: of experience and have to start again. We also don't 225 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,040 Speaker 2: want to feel like a failure, right. We don't want 226 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,840 Speaker 2: people to, you know, catch up with us and ask 227 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 2: us how's work going, and be like, yeah, it's all right, 228 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 2: it's fine if we should be doing more, as if 229 00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:06,079 Speaker 2: we're wasting our time or wasting our lives doing something 230 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:09,200 Speaker 2: that we don't fully love and not even doing it 231 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:12,679 Speaker 2: at a high level compared to other people. So I 232 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,560 Speaker 2: asked you guys about this, and I wanted to hear 233 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 2: about your experience. Why do you feel behind in your career? 234 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,000 Speaker 2: And here's what some of you had to say. This 235 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:23,560 Speaker 2: one I absolutely love. I'm coming up on one year 236 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 2: post UNI this May, and I feel some sadness about 237 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,280 Speaker 2: it because I thought that i'd be further along by now, 238 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,480 Speaker 2: and the one year markt is just another reminder that 239 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 2: I'm not after postcride. It took me a while to 240 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:39,360 Speaker 2: find a job that is so common, trust me. But 241 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,760 Speaker 2: when I did, it sounded great on paper, working in 242 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:45,440 Speaker 2: a professional newsroom at the number one channel in the 243 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:50,240 Speaker 2: third biggest city in the US. Wow. Impressive. After a 244 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 2: few months of giving it a shot, I made the 245 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:55,080 Speaker 2: decision to leave because my intuition was telling me I 246 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,880 Speaker 2: had to go and I don't regret it. And then 247 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:01,040 Speaker 2: my dad felt sick better. Now, Oh, thank godness, that's 248 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 2: it's good. To hear. Fast forward to now, I feel 249 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,360 Speaker 2: like I'm back to square one of the job search process, 250 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 2: and I'm debating if I should go back to school 251 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:12,880 Speaker 2: and pursue an entirely different field outside of media. I 252 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:15,280 Speaker 2: feel shame about it, even though I think it is 253 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,200 Speaker 2: very normal to go through at this age. Thank you 254 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 2: so much for sharing. I feel like a lot of 255 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 2: people can relate to that. I'm also really glad that 256 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,080 Speaker 2: your dad is doing better. That's really good news. I 257 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,280 Speaker 2: want to pick up on one thing that this person said, 258 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 2: and it was around the feeling of shame. I think 259 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:35,760 Speaker 2: that shame element, that shame factor, is something that we 260 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:40,520 Speaker 2: really need to focus on, because starting again or acknowledging 261 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 2: that we aren't necessarily where we want to be or 262 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,480 Speaker 2: imagine that we would be, makes us feel in some 263 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,360 Speaker 2: way like we have failed, that we weren't up for it, 264 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 2: that we weren't capable, that we made a huge mistake. 265 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,440 Speaker 2: And shame has a lot of psychological origins, but one 266 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:58,000 Speaker 2: of the biggest ones is feeling like we have not 267 00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 2: lived up to the highest standards that we have seen 268 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 2: at ourselves or our expectations, and therefore we kind of 269 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 2: deserve to feel bad. We deserve some kind of negative 270 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:14,359 Speaker 2: emotional consequence as kind of like a retribution for failing ourselves. 271 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 2: It's also really frequently linked in academic research to a 272 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,480 Speaker 2: sense of inadequacy, which if you are a long time listener, 273 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:26,000 Speaker 2: you know is also related to being an overachiever, being 274 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,920 Speaker 2: a perfectionist, or being somebody who is quite anxious. Shame 275 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 2: is a really common experience for the people that I've 276 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 2: spoken to who, for example, have maybe taken a little 277 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,680 Speaker 2: bit longer to finish university, who have made a career change, 278 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,600 Speaker 2: who have had to spend a lot more time in 279 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 2: those junior roles all over again. The other big group 280 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,400 Speaker 2: of people who experience this are those of us who 281 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:53,400 Speaker 2: have been fired or laid off, because we don't typically 282 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 2: think about those situations when we're planning our dream life, right. 283 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,360 Speaker 2: I've had a few friends who have gone through this 284 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 2: recently and it's really, really shitty. It's a really frustrating situation. 285 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,680 Speaker 2: And I think it's because in those situations, even though 286 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:14,200 Speaker 2: it's out of our control, we become very acutely aware 287 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,720 Speaker 2: of how our expectation for the future and where we 288 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 2: would be at now and our reality is not lining 289 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:24,399 Speaker 2: up and on some more social level, we focus on 290 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,679 Speaker 2: what we believe other people might assume about us because 291 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,680 Speaker 2: of that experience, because of being laid off, but also 292 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,399 Speaker 2: how everybody else is continuing to save up money, is 293 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,679 Speaker 2: continuing to progress, is continue to have those years of 294 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 2: experience on their resume, and our efforts are doing that 295 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:45,800 Speaker 2: have been cut short. I think it's really important to 296 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:49,399 Speaker 2: remember that your career, whilst it is important, is not 297 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:53,240 Speaker 2: the sole basis of your identity or your worth. There 298 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 2: is so much beyond what you do for a job 299 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:59,480 Speaker 2: that makes you interesting and makes you accomplished and makes 300 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:03,560 Speaker 2: you a good person. Just because it's taking a little 301 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,960 Speaker 2: bit longer for you to be where you would like 302 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,800 Speaker 2: to be doesn't mean that you're not picking up valuable 303 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,440 Speaker 2: things along the way. Okay, let's hear from somebody else 304 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,320 Speaker 2: who I think really really demonstrates this point. I went 305 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:18,800 Speaker 2: to UNI at twenty five, and people were so supportive. 306 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,960 Speaker 2: I'd never done higher education. I became a hairdresser at 307 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,720 Speaker 2: sixteen and went traveling for a couple of years, so 308 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:28,080 Speaker 2: this was huge for me. However, since finishing UNI, I've 309 00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:31,720 Speaker 2: stepped back into hospitality full time, and I feel like 310 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,560 Speaker 2: I should be doing more knowing my direction, have more 311 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 2: to show for it. Don't get me wrong, I love 312 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,200 Speaker 2: my job and I progressed position wise. I've also recently 313 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:43,320 Speaker 2: lost my savings due to a Savage House situation. I 314 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:48,359 Speaker 2: just see everyone at twenty seven having so much more financially, materialistically, 315 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 2: relationship wise, and knowing their direction in life. Maybe this 316 00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:57,320 Speaker 2: is a perception and also massively from social media's perspective. 317 00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,720 Speaker 2: I've also been single for nine years now, so in 318 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,800 Speaker 2: all departments feeling behind. See. I think this is also 319 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,359 Speaker 2: the hard thing, which is congratulations, Like you went to UNI, 320 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:11,760 Speaker 2: you went and got like further education. Everyone says that 321 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,600 Speaker 2: that is like the easiest way to advance and move 322 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:17,000 Speaker 2: forward in your career and in your life. But a 323 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,879 Speaker 2: lot of us are not finding that right. Like a 324 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,639 Speaker 2: lot of us have degrees that we don't use, and 325 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:26,040 Speaker 2: debt that kind of just weighs very heavily on our 326 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,560 Speaker 2: mind and restricts the other opportunities that we could have 327 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,560 Speaker 2: in our life that we could unlock if we didn't 328 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:35,200 Speaker 2: have to worry about paying back alone or whatnot. Here's 329 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:38,239 Speaker 2: another perspective on this that I really liked. I have 330 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,480 Speaker 2: everything that I've ever wanted in my life right now. 331 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,040 Speaker 2: I have a college degree, wonderful partner, I live in 332 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:47,119 Speaker 2: a big city, wonderful friends, fulfilling job, et cetera. But 333 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:51,720 Speaker 2: I constantly feel like I'm behind or setting myself up 334 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:55,679 Speaker 2: for failure with my finances. I have thirty K in 335 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:59,240 Speaker 2: student loan debt in the United States, stagnant six k 336 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,480 Speaker 2: in credit card debt, and I'm renting an apartment. When 337 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,760 Speaker 2: I talk with friends who don't have these situations with 338 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 2: their finances, I see that they're able to save for 339 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:11,600 Speaker 2: a house, go on fun, exotic trips, buy new cars, etc. 340 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,760 Speaker 2: I know I shouldn't compare, but it's so hard not 341 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,360 Speaker 2: to when these are people that I surround myself with. 342 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,720 Speaker 2: They're my community and I love them so deeply, but 343 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,720 Speaker 2: I feel like I can't be transparent with how behind 344 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:29,440 Speaker 2: I feel from them. Honestly, money is a huge thing, 345 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:33,880 Speaker 2: separate to Korea. You could have your absolute dream job, 346 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,160 Speaker 2: which by the sounds of it, this person does. They 347 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:41,040 Speaker 2: love what they're doing, and still be struggling financially and 348 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,960 Speaker 2: feeling behind because of it. I think that the older 349 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,720 Speaker 2: you get, the more you realize that as unfortunate as 350 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 2: it is, money kind of does make the world go 351 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 2: around these days, and it's really hard to ignore that fact. 352 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:57,119 Speaker 2: When you see people who do have more seemingly enjoying 353 00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 2: their experiences and accumulating possessions and accumulating memories at a 354 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:06,439 Speaker 2: faster rate than we are, and not having to make 355 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,159 Speaker 2: the sacrifices that we do, it can leave us with 356 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 2: a sense that we will always be behind. We didn't 357 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,200 Speaker 2: get kind of like the early start that they did 358 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 2: to save, to invest to set ourselves up for long 359 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:23,440 Speaker 2: term financial independence, We're never going to have it as 360 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:27,080 Speaker 2: good as these other people did. It really manifests in 361 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,840 Speaker 2: I think some significant financial anxiety, and I also think 362 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:35,320 Speaker 2: financial cynicism, where we kind of think, like, why am 363 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 2: I even trying? Why am I even bothering to save 364 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 2: when these people already got a head start. When will 365 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,480 Speaker 2: I ever be able to afford the life I want? 366 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,480 Speaker 2: And if I can't afford the life I want, why 367 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:52,639 Speaker 2: not just enjoy the moment now and spend willy nilly 368 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 2: and spend money frivolously Because it's not like I can 369 00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:57,960 Speaker 2: use this for a house. It's not like I can 370 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 2: use this for a down payment for anything that's going 371 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:04,520 Speaker 2: to bring me like long term stability because the economy 372 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,680 Speaker 2: hasn't been set up for Maybe the economy hasn't been 373 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:11,240 Speaker 2: set up for, you know, younger people who are trying 374 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,800 Speaker 2: to assert themselves in trying to find stability and trying 375 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:17,600 Speaker 2: to buy a home, or trying to at least have 376 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:22,200 Speaker 2: the capacity to pay their bills. Beyond just fulfilling our 377 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,440 Speaker 2: most basic needs, I also want to talk about that 378 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,480 Speaker 2: feeling that if we are behind in finances, if we 379 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:32,480 Speaker 2: are behind in savings, we are behind in our capacity, 380 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:36,520 Speaker 2: our future capacity to enjoy our lives. I don't think 381 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,919 Speaker 2: that this fear is about what somebody else has. It's 382 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:43,000 Speaker 2: not about what they have that we don't. It's about 383 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:47,080 Speaker 2: an even deeper and sometimes unconscious worry that because we 384 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,639 Speaker 2: don't are not achieving that kind of level of financial 385 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:54,480 Speaker 2: independence or savings or whatever, we are destined to lead 386 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:58,480 Speaker 2: an unfulfilling life. If we acknowledge that money is a 387 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 2: really pertinent important resource for unlocking a certain lifestyle, it 388 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,800 Speaker 2: is this fear that if we don't have that money, 389 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,840 Speaker 2: we are going to have to live with regret of 390 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 2: the opportunities of the travel plans, of the material possessions 391 00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:18,880 Speaker 2: that we couldn't afford, and that that regret is going 392 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,440 Speaker 2: to become more pronounced by seeing the people who do 393 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:24,440 Speaker 2: have it better, who were able to buy those things. 394 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,760 Speaker 2: Money unlocks opportunities, and it unlocks a life that we want. 395 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,080 Speaker 2: I'm not going to go into a lecture around like 396 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,480 Speaker 2: money doesn't buy you happiness, like you can be the 397 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,680 Speaker 2: richest person in the world and still never have enough, 398 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:39,640 Speaker 2: because I just think that's not helpful. But I will 399 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 2: say that in our twenties, we tend to think that 400 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,399 Speaker 2: the money we are making now is the money that 401 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:49,439 Speaker 2: we will be making forever. We don't often consider things 402 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:54,600 Speaker 2: like bonuses, promotions, changing jobs, sudden windfalls. So yes, it's 403 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:58,159 Speaker 2: important to be conscious of your finances and what you 404 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,360 Speaker 2: can spend, but you do never really know when things 405 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,679 Speaker 2: will change for you. Okay, I think that we are 406 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,560 Speaker 2: going to take a short break because the moment I 407 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,000 Speaker 2: start giving financial advice is the moment that I need 408 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,360 Speaker 2: to get back into my own lane. So we are 409 00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:14,639 Speaker 2: going to pause for a second, and when we come back, 410 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:19,680 Speaker 2: we're going to discuss especially specifically, particularly why we feel 411 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:23,840 Speaker 2: behind in our relationships, and then also what we can 412 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:27,320 Speaker 2: do about this experience. So stay with us. We'll be 413 00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:35,879 Speaker 2: back in just a second. We put a pretty significant 414 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:39,760 Speaker 2: premium on romantic love in our twenties. I think it 415 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,720 Speaker 2: is one of our biggest sources of stress, of anxiety, 416 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:47,080 Speaker 2: a very huge focus of our everyday thoughts, because it's 417 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:51,879 Speaker 2: very hard to feel complete in a society that prioritizes 418 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:56,240 Speaker 2: the idea of love and relationships and happily ever after 419 00:24:56,440 --> 00:25:02,520 Speaker 2: above everything else. Our society harbors a lot of single stigma. 420 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,000 Speaker 2: But not everyone is going to find their person in 421 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:09,760 Speaker 2: their twenties, or their thirties or even their forties. For 422 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:12,520 Speaker 2: some people, it really does take their whole lives, and 423 00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:16,480 Speaker 2: it doesn't mean that you are behind. Like without love, 424 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,800 Speaker 2: your life is empty. Without a partner, everything is glass 425 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:24,320 Speaker 2: half full. I don't think that we should buy into 426 00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:28,439 Speaker 2: this misconception as well, that a relationship is something that 427 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,960 Speaker 2: we need to tick off our to do list. It's 428 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:34,199 Speaker 2: not a goal, it's not a milestone. It's something that 429 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:37,560 Speaker 2: we naturally fall into and if it works, that's amazing, 430 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,880 Speaker 2: that is such great news. But if it doesn't, that's 431 00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:43,560 Speaker 2: all right. There is a whole portion of society who 432 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,880 Speaker 2: has found deep joy and fulfillment without a partner and 433 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 2: who you know experience insane transformative growth at the end 434 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 2: of a relationship that completely pushes them into a new 435 00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,400 Speaker 2: chapter in their life. I also think that the fear 436 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,159 Speaker 2: of being alone and therefore behind other people in our 437 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:07,359 Speaker 2: lives who have these serious, long term relationships, who are 438 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:11,399 Speaker 2: getting engaged, who are getting married having children. Sometimes that 439 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:14,000 Speaker 2: fear of not being where these people are at and 440 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:18,719 Speaker 2: falling quote unquote behind them keeps us in relationships with 441 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:22,080 Speaker 2: the people who aren't right for you, because at least 442 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:27,240 Speaker 2: you meet society's requirement for your twenties, for partnership, for 443 00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:30,639 Speaker 2: finding love. It's a really hard feeling to not have that, 444 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:34,480 Speaker 2: and it's possibly an even worse feeling to never have 445 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,359 Speaker 2: experienced love or really know what all the hype is about, 446 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,840 Speaker 2: to not have even had your first kiss, your first girlfriend, 447 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,639 Speaker 2: your first boyfriend, your first partner. So this was an 448 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:48,520 Speaker 2: amazing DM I received on this very kind of feeling 449 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,840 Speaker 2: that I had to share. I personally feel most behind 450 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,439 Speaker 2: in the area of romantic relationships. I'm twenty nine and 451 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,920 Speaker 2: I've never been in a relationship, not even close. Everyone 452 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:02,119 Speaker 2: has assured me that there's no timeline. It will happen 453 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,919 Speaker 2: when you're not looking slash least expect it, which I 454 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,200 Speaker 2: think is easy for them to say from the comforts 455 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:11,879 Speaker 2: of their relationships and marriages. I've worked hard throughout my 456 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,800 Speaker 2: twenties to grow in my self love and self worth. 457 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,840 Speaker 2: That's amazing. We love to hear it and to not 458 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,600 Speaker 2: let the feeling of being so behind affect me as 459 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,679 Speaker 2: much as it used to. But i'd be lying to 460 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,639 Speaker 2: say it wasn't still hard. Some days it feels like 461 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:27,920 Speaker 2: it will never happen, and if it does, I worry 462 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,000 Speaker 2: I won't be able to enjoy a new slash first 463 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:35,119 Speaker 2: relationship the same way that others have because of this impending, 464 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:39,240 Speaker 2: rushed feeling, especially when it comes to deciding if I 465 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:42,720 Speaker 2: would want kids or not. That is really really rough. 466 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:46,200 Speaker 2: And I think that comment about people saying things which 467 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:51,920 Speaker 2: they think are helping when they aren't is so spot on. Honestly, 468 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:53,760 Speaker 2: it's a big reminder to those of us who are 469 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:57,119 Speaker 2: in relationships that we think our words are comforting, but 470 00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,399 Speaker 2: we don't remember how rough it is being single in 471 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,480 Speaker 2: our twenties, or even in our thirties, or being single 472 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:06,320 Speaker 2: at all. Sometimes. I also think that the reason it 473 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:10,200 Speaker 2: can be especially difficult being single the lady, you get 474 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:13,920 Speaker 2: into this decade is because the achievements and milestones of 475 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:18,680 Speaker 2: a single person aren't as celebrated as those in a relationship. 476 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:22,679 Speaker 2: Think about what the biggest celebration in adulthood kind of is, 477 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 2: Like it's a wedding, right, But if you never get married, 478 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,480 Speaker 2: if you never have children, or an anniversary or a 479 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:34,600 Speaker 2: significant other who celebrates you, who makes your important moments 480 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:40,040 Speaker 2: feel extra special, Especially when everybody else begins to partner 481 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:44,160 Speaker 2: off and they have their like one person, it can 482 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,280 Speaker 2: kind of feel like you're on the sidelines. It can 483 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:51,480 Speaker 2: feel like everything you do is secondary to the praise 484 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:55,680 Speaker 2: and the love and the excitement that you see people 485 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:59,360 Speaker 2: getting from their relationship. The other thing that this person 486 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,360 Speaker 2: spoke about that I think we don't speak about nearly 487 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 2: enough in this context is the pressure of wanting to 488 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,760 Speaker 2: have children but feeling like you need to have a 489 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:11,960 Speaker 2: partner before you can do that, Especially for women, I 490 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,360 Speaker 2: feel like the older that I've gotten, the more conversations 491 00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:18,840 Speaker 2: I've been having about fertility, about my biological clock, about 492 00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:23,320 Speaker 2: things like egg freezing, and it's kind of like, is 493 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:27,200 Speaker 2: that future that I want for myself having children? Is 494 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,400 Speaker 2: that going to be possible if I don't first achieve 495 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:34,920 Speaker 2: like the relationship status that would afford that, because that's 496 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,240 Speaker 2: how society has told me it needs to be done. 497 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,920 Speaker 2: So quite a few of you actually did message in 498 00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:43,680 Speaker 2: about this experience. I'm gonna use one more example. I'm 499 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:47,800 Speaker 2: going to take one more DM that I really really liked. 500 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:51,720 Speaker 2: I found quite articulate about this sense of being the 501 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 2: last one in the friendship group to be single. When 502 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:56,760 Speaker 2: I redownload the dating apps, it feels like I am 503 00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,760 Speaker 2: bait not only to the worsening dating system, but as 504 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,840 Speaker 2: a some of my friends who are in relationships to 505 00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:06,040 Speaker 2: comment on how I live vicariously through you or I'm 506 00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,840 Speaker 2: so glad I'm not on the apps. I am just 507 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,360 Speaker 2: like my friends though I'm a lover girl, just without 508 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:14,480 Speaker 2: the relationship, and I'm optimistic that I will find somebody. 509 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 2: My twenties feel behind without somebody. As a single person, 510 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,480 Speaker 2: I pay more to live. I feel lost and forgotten about. 511 00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:24,640 Speaker 2: When it comes to social activities, I'm not considered to 512 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,880 Speaker 2: be invited by my friends. I've lost friends who once 513 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,200 Speaker 2: were very happy to leave me to sit alone in 514 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,640 Speaker 2: a club whilst they all went away with their boyfriends. Yikes. 515 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,840 Speaker 2: Those are bad friends. Trust me, you didn't lose anybody 516 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,480 Speaker 2: worth having. But I think that really highlights some other 517 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,880 Speaker 2: really critical points. Right, It's not just about love, It's 518 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:46,560 Speaker 2: not just about finding somebody in connection. It kind of 519 00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:50,240 Speaker 2: relates to everything else in our lives, like finances, paying 520 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:53,760 Speaker 2: more to live as a single person, like our friendships, 521 00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:56,920 Speaker 2: feeling like as all of our friends find people, you're 522 00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:00,360 Speaker 2: kind of excluded from the couple kind of relationship that 523 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,720 Speaker 2: people now have. So that is one experience when it 524 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,640 Speaker 2: comes to feeling behind in our relationships, the experience of 525 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,880 Speaker 2: inexperience and feeling like there is just such a huge 526 00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,040 Speaker 2: part of your life that is missing that you may 527 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:15,040 Speaker 2: never experience. You never know what people kind of write 528 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:17,440 Speaker 2: the songs about why they say love is a drug. 529 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,080 Speaker 2: You just never get to feel cared for in the 530 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,479 Speaker 2: way that you've kind of always wanted. It's more than 531 00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:26,360 Speaker 2: a longing. I think it becomes an insecurity that something 532 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:28,920 Speaker 2: must be wrong with you because everyone else has been 533 00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:32,120 Speaker 2: able to have this experience, has found at least to 534 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:36,000 Speaker 2: somebody who wanted to date them, and you haven't. Trust me, 535 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,840 Speaker 2: it just hasn't happened yet, That's all. And that really 536 00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:43,200 Speaker 2: really sucks, And I'm really sorry that you feel like 537 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:46,440 Speaker 2: you're missing out, because I can understand exactly where you're 538 00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,120 Speaker 2: coming from. But I'm not going to give you some 539 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,680 Speaker 2: bullshit reminder of like, don't worry, like it happens when 540 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,960 Speaker 2: you least expect it. What I am going to say 541 00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:56,400 Speaker 2: is that when it does happen, because it will happen, 542 00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:59,960 Speaker 2: it's going to feel amazing. It's going to feel great 543 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:03,120 Speaker 2: than all of your expectations. And I think that the 544 00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,400 Speaker 2: moment that it does happen, you'll look back at where 545 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,920 Speaker 2: you are now and be like, what was I worried about? 546 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,160 Speaker 2: Why was I so stressed? You know, one of my 547 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,240 Speaker 2: best friends is twenty eight and she's never been in 548 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,920 Speaker 2: a relationship before, and I look at her and I 549 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:19,600 Speaker 2: honestly cannot comprehend why, because she is absolutely perfect. But 550 00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:22,120 Speaker 2: sometimes it just goes that way. You just haven't crossed 551 00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:25,760 Speaker 2: paths with the right person yet. You've you know, you've 552 00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:29,040 Speaker 2: been selective, you've held back. That's a good thing. You've 553 00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:32,560 Speaker 2: been picky. But you will never be the last one standing. 554 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:34,680 Speaker 2: I promise. There's always going to be somebody else in 555 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,720 Speaker 2: the same boat who is navigating the same loneliness, the 556 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:42,640 Speaker 2: same insecurity, the same anticipation as you are. So the 557 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:44,960 Speaker 2: other group of people who I think struggle with feeling 558 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:49,560 Speaker 2: behind in their romantic relationships during the twenties is those 559 00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:53,040 Speaker 2: of us who spent a big part of this decade 560 00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:56,000 Speaker 2: or our early twenties with a single person who we 561 00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:58,080 Speaker 2: kind of thought was the one we'd never have to 562 00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:01,120 Speaker 2: be single again, and then on a expectedly things go 563 00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:05,080 Speaker 2: south and you break up. This was one person's experience, 564 00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:08,360 Speaker 2: and I really liked how they put it. I feel 565 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:12,640 Speaker 2: fine in other aspects of life except my relationship. In August, 566 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:16,240 Speaker 2: I ended a very long term relationship with somebody that 567 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,080 Speaker 2: I lived with for nearly three years due to very 568 00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:22,680 Speaker 2: valid reasons. I feel so behind because I want to 569 00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,840 Speaker 2: be married and have children so badly. I'm twenty six 570 00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,160 Speaker 2: now and I work as a mother, sush child nurse. 571 00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:32,000 Speaker 2: My gosh, we love an educated woman, so I see 572 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:34,840 Speaker 2: newborns and families all the time, whilst I try and 573 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:38,960 Speaker 2: have grace and faith just reiterates how badly I want 574 00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:42,120 Speaker 2: it and how behind I feel. Now. I'm so so sorry. 575 00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:47,240 Speaker 2: I just cannot imagine how both like joyful and simultaneously 576 00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:49,960 Speaker 2: difficult that would be to be like, Wow, like this 577 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:54,360 Speaker 2: is such an incredible experience for this new family and 578 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,920 Speaker 2: this like new soul that's in the world, But it 579 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,880 Speaker 2: brings me so much pain because that is exactly what 580 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,479 Speaker 2: I wanted. I think that's a huge contributor to feeling behind, 581 00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:07,120 Speaker 2: is feeling like you've done everything right, that you've got 582 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:10,560 Speaker 2: the relationship, you've got the job, you're doing great with 583 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,360 Speaker 2: your savings, with your personal development, with everything else you 584 00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:16,000 Speaker 2: want in life, and then something kind of just like 585 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,240 Speaker 2: comes out of left field and knocks that all down, 586 00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:23,120 Speaker 2: and all of your planning, all your cautious efforts, all 587 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,160 Speaker 2: the work that you've put into this relationship, that you've 588 00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,880 Speaker 2: put into creating this life that you wanted for yourself 589 00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:31,360 Speaker 2: is undone, and you kind of have to find a 590 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,920 Speaker 2: way to move forward with the reality that you didn't expect. 591 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,080 Speaker 2: That's a huge thing that happens during this decade when 592 00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:42,520 Speaker 2: you know, unfortunately long term relationships do end. The person 593 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:45,279 Speaker 2: that you think you were going to marry turns out 594 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:48,960 Speaker 2: to just be somebody who was a secondary character, somebody 595 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:51,640 Speaker 2: who was just there to further the story along to 596 00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:53,799 Speaker 2: teach you a lesson. So I have a lot of 597 00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:55,920 Speaker 2: love for this person, and I have a lot of 598 00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:58,799 Speaker 2: love for the other people who are going through this, 599 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:03,280 Speaker 2: who are not only experiencing heartbreak and grief, but also 600 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,879 Speaker 2: a new reality that their life might not be as 601 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:09,920 Speaker 2: like all together as they wanted it to be. There 602 00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:14,520 Speaker 2: may be things that are now delayed and suddenly you're 603 00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,200 Speaker 2: feeling behind again. You're feeling like you're back at the 604 00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:20,960 Speaker 2: starting line when it comes to finding connection, finding a relationship, 605 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,840 Speaker 2: finding someone to kind of grow with you by your side. 606 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,000 Speaker 2: So we've spoken about the three core reasons that people 607 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:32,200 Speaker 2: feel behind in their twenties, career finances, love. I want 608 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,920 Speaker 2: to now go through a quick rundown of some of 609 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:38,319 Speaker 2: the reasons this happens that we haven't mentioned. I know 610 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:42,440 Speaker 2: we've kind of spoken about some of the contributing factors before, 611 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:45,880 Speaker 2: but there are some other psychological components to feeling behind 612 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:49,319 Speaker 2: that I think we deserve to mention, and you guys have, 613 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,120 Speaker 2: of course shed even more of your experiences when it 614 00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,160 Speaker 2: comes to this. So, first off the bat, we have 615 00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:57,480 Speaker 2: external pressure. We know that it comes from a place 616 00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,400 Speaker 2: of love. But when everyone in our life life is 617 00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:03,160 Speaker 2: asking us about what we want to do, what's our 618 00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:05,920 Speaker 2: dream job? What are our plans for the future, how's 619 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:09,040 Speaker 2: our dating life going? Have we met anyone like nice recently? 620 00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:13,160 Speaker 2: That sense of expectation really begins to pile up. We 621 00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,080 Speaker 2: suddenly feel like we're not just living our life and 622 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:19,399 Speaker 2: our twenties for ourselves, but for others, and we need 623 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:22,920 Speaker 2: to meet some kind of like standard to not just 624 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:24,600 Speaker 2: make them happy, but to kind of get them to 625 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:26,880 Speaker 2: shut up and to kind of get them to feel 626 00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,720 Speaker 2: like we're doing all right and we're doing what they expect. 627 00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:35,760 Speaker 2: I also find that what's next mentality quite difficult because 628 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,920 Speaker 2: as a society, we're very focused on momentum, and we're 629 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:42,520 Speaker 2: very focused on progress and success, and because of that, 630 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:47,360 Speaker 2: we never stop pause and focus on what we have now. 631 00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,840 Speaker 2: It's kind of like an example I always give is 632 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,200 Speaker 2: you graduate after studying for years and years and years, 633 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,479 Speaker 2: and immediately people are asking you how the job hunt 634 00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:01,239 Speaker 2: is going. Immediately people like, so, what's next? What are 635 00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:03,279 Speaker 2: you going to do with your life? When's the full 636 00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:05,719 Speaker 2: time work start? And if you're like, oh, norah, I 637 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:09,040 Speaker 2: haven't quite found something yet. Oh okay, well let me 638 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:10,960 Speaker 2: know when you do, let me know if you need help, like, oh, 639 00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:13,760 Speaker 2: you should really get looking because it takes a while, 640 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,120 Speaker 2: Like it's not helpful. You know, you break up with 641 00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,640 Speaker 2: your partner of three years, like that person we spoke 642 00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,719 Speaker 2: about before, and people are suddenly worried about when you're 643 00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:23,759 Speaker 2: going to get back in the dating game. You know, 644 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,759 Speaker 2: the clock is ticking. That's the big one. When we 645 00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:30,760 Speaker 2: are so focused on what's next, and we're so focused 646 00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:35,439 Speaker 2: on pushing the needle forward, pushing our life forward, we 647 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,879 Speaker 2: never really have time to just process where we're at 648 00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:42,960 Speaker 2: and to enjoy what we're experiencing and what we're learning, 649 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:47,560 Speaker 2: and enjoy like the youth, enjoy who we are right now. 650 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:49,959 Speaker 2: We're never going to get that person back again. One 651 00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,600 Speaker 2: final factor that I want to note that we actually 652 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:56,280 Speaker 2: haven't spoken about yet, which is surprising because of how 653 00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:59,759 Speaker 2: ubiquitous and universal it is, is what people have been 654 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:04,399 Speaker 2: like as the pandemic skip this idea that for those 655 00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:06,560 Speaker 2: of us who spent a lot of our early twenties 656 00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:10,480 Speaker 2: in a lockdown in quarantine dealing with the COVID pandemic, 657 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,680 Speaker 2: we were unable to travel. We missed out on some 658 00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:17,680 Speaker 2: of those big formative events like a graduation, like having 659 00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:21,440 Speaker 2: our first jobs in person, like the opportunity to go 660 00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:24,280 Speaker 2: out and meet new people, to move cities. We lost 661 00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:29,000 Speaker 2: a lot of time and experiences during our formative years, 662 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:32,399 Speaker 2: and so yes, you might be twenty five, you might 663 00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:36,279 Speaker 2: be twenty four to twenty seven, whatever, but really you're 664 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:39,680 Speaker 2: like twenty two or twenty three because of that time 665 00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:42,840 Speaker 2: that you lost. Whilst you think that you should have 666 00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:45,799 Speaker 2: it all together like a typical twenty five year old 667 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:48,719 Speaker 2: should have or a twenty seven year old, really you're 668 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:52,520 Speaker 2: not accounting for that whole chapter where your future was 669 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:55,480 Speaker 2: delayed beyond your control, and so it was kind of 670 00:38:55,520 --> 00:39:00,600 Speaker 2: like time froze. You weren't really experiencing the world the 671 00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:03,960 Speaker 2: way that twenty something year olds ten years ago or 672 00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:06,880 Speaker 2: ten years before that would have experienced it. So you 673 00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,759 Speaker 2: can't beat yourself up for some of the things that 674 00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:11,840 Speaker 2: you just didn't have the opportunity to go out and 675 00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:17,000 Speaker 2: see during that really special formative time in our early twenties, 676 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,239 Speaker 2: when we do have a lot of freedom, when there 677 00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:24,120 Speaker 2: is so much more capacity and openness to growth and experience. 678 00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:27,480 Speaker 2: So yes, like I said, take a few years off 679 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:30,719 Speaker 2: your age, treat yourself like you are the real twenty 680 00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:32,839 Speaker 2: three year old or twenty year old that you actually are. 681 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,239 Speaker 2: And give yourself a little bit of a break. So 682 00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:38,359 Speaker 2: someone wrote in about this, and I really love their perspective. 683 00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:41,400 Speaker 2: I'm in my late twenties and I've realized recently that 684 00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:44,640 Speaker 2: part of my feeling behind is due to COVID. I 685 00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:48,200 Speaker 2: had just turned twenty four when everything started, and because 686 00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:51,000 Speaker 2: of the lockdowns here in Melbourne, I got stuck in 687 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:54,080 Speaker 2: a job who underpaid me for my workload and responsibility, 688 00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:57,200 Speaker 2: and I missed those mid twenty years of socializing, of 689 00:39:57,280 --> 00:40:00,680 Speaker 2: learning and growing. So where I'm now is good, but 690 00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:02,799 Speaker 2: it's not where I thought i'd be two to three 691 00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:07,200 Speaker 2: years ago. It's been really tough wrapping my head around it. Honestly, literally, 692 00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:12,080 Speaker 2: this person articulated it so so perfectly. There is so 693 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:16,520 Speaker 2: much hype around not just the progress we should be 694 00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:19,000 Speaker 2: making in our twenties and where we should be, but 695 00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:22,120 Speaker 2: also some of the more fun things, the more enjoyable 696 00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:26,880 Speaker 2: things that kind of set the foundation for future experiences. 697 00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:30,120 Speaker 2: You know. Travel is the one that always comes to 698 00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:34,359 Speaker 2: my mind, you know, the reason why airfare prices like 699 00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:37,800 Speaker 2: jumped like through the roof, especially if you're from Australia. 700 00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,480 Speaker 2: I feel like if you tried to go anywhere last year, 701 00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:43,000 Speaker 2: it was like triple the amount that you would normally expect. 702 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,480 Speaker 2: It was kind of like people traveling is like revenge 703 00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:50,520 Speaker 2: for when they could travel during COVID and making up 704 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,960 Speaker 2: for those lost experiences. Okay, so we spent a lot 705 00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:56,840 Speaker 2: of time talking about what contributes to us feeling behind, 706 00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:01,000 Speaker 2: But I think regardless of what's causing this sense of stagnation, 707 00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:04,040 Speaker 2: you kind of have to find a way to manage it. Right. 708 00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:08,200 Speaker 2: Something I believe very deeply in life is that life 709 00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:12,000 Speaker 2: is hard enough. You don't need to make yourself feel 710 00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:15,080 Speaker 2: any worse for going at your own pace, for going 711 00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:20,560 Speaker 2: about things differently, for not meeting some intangible, weird, socially 712 00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:24,759 Speaker 2: imposed timeline. I say that very firmly, but I think 713 00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:28,399 Speaker 2: knowing it is one thing. Implementing this belief system and 714 00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:31,480 Speaker 2: this attitude of nonchalance and going about it your own 715 00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:34,479 Speaker 2: way is another. So we're gonna go on a short break, 716 00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:36,200 Speaker 2: but when we come back, we're gonna talk through some 717 00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:39,160 Speaker 2: tips on how to manage the sense that you are 718 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:47,200 Speaker 2: behind in life and behind in your twenties. One of 719 00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:51,120 Speaker 2: the biggest therapeutic interventions in like the mental health psychology 720 00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:55,640 Speaker 2: space is cognitive behavioral therapy. You have probably heard about 721 00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:58,960 Speaker 2: it before. But the promise is that you can change 722 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:04,320 Speaker 2: your negative emotional reactions to your circumstances by firstly correcting 723 00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:08,520 Speaker 2: unhelpful or faulty ways of thinking. It is essentially a 724 00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:13,120 Speaker 2: conscious cognitive rewiring, so that instead of thinking the worst 725 00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:17,040 Speaker 2: of a situation, instead of predicting that you'll fail, instead 726 00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:21,800 Speaker 2: of saying hurtful, hard, mean, self doubting statements to yourself, 727 00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:26,759 Speaker 2: instead you reposition. You reposition them, and you reframe them 728 00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:30,319 Speaker 2: to be positive. So essentially, the premise is if you 729 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,040 Speaker 2: can change how you think about something, you will change 730 00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:36,360 Speaker 2: how you react to that thing as well. So, for example, 731 00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:38,960 Speaker 2: instead of thinking I'm not where I want to be 732 00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:41,520 Speaker 2: that makes me a failure, I'm never going to get 733 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:45,560 Speaker 2: where I want to go, I'm always going to feel behind, 734 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,440 Speaker 2: I'm never going to have what that person has, you 735 00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:53,759 Speaker 2: instead reframe your perspective as something more positive. For example, 736 00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:56,880 Speaker 2: you think about your journey like you are taking the 737 00:42:57,040 --> 00:43:00,680 Speaker 2: scenic route. We've mentioned that before. You're not just kind 738 00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:03,719 Speaker 2: of like zooming down life's highway. You are not just 739 00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,719 Speaker 2: like picking up accomplishments and milestones on the way and 740 00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:10,200 Speaker 2: not really enjoying them. You are taking the scenic route. 741 00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:13,440 Speaker 2: You are, you know, trusting the process. You're stopping for 742 00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:16,280 Speaker 2: a swim in the ocean, You're chatting to the locals, 743 00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:19,719 Speaker 2: You're picking up special memories that we don't always make 744 00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:23,120 Speaker 2: when we're so focused on output, we're so focused on 745 00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:27,600 Speaker 2: doing everything perfectly, we're so focused on keeping up with 746 00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:33,520 Speaker 2: this imaginary norm. Part of reframing your cognitions towards your 747 00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:38,759 Speaker 2: circumstances is also around focusing on the benefits of not 748 00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:42,320 Speaker 2: having it all figured out. So this was a contribution 749 00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,040 Speaker 2: that spoke about this that I loved. I'm twenty four 750 00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:47,400 Speaker 2: and I graduated from UNI at twenty two, which is 751 00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:50,399 Speaker 2: the average age to graduate in the US. I'd never 752 00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:52,799 Speaker 2: left the US, and I've spent the last year and 753 00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:56,880 Speaker 2: a half since graduating traveling. Oh my gosh, that's so funny. 754 00:43:56,960 --> 00:44:00,279 Speaker 2: Year and a half that's like incredible. Feel well so 755 00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:03,560 Speaker 2: behind my friends, though, who graduated and hopped straight into 756 00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:07,440 Speaker 2: full time jobs. I've since done seasonal and freelance work, 757 00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:12,000 Speaker 2: and I've lived and traveled through seven countries, including Australia. 758 00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:14,319 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, love to hear it, but I still 759 00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:17,400 Speaker 2: can't shake the feeling that I'm behind in the material things, 760 00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:21,600 Speaker 2: even though I've had incredible personal growth. I've found a 761 00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:26,239 Speaker 2: really fulfilling relationship, I've become more confident, self sufficient, and 762 00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,920 Speaker 2: I've reflected on things that I want in life. It 763 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:32,120 Speaker 2: feels like the US specifically doesn't value traveling for the 764 00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:34,959 Speaker 2: sake of travel, which makes me really sad because I've 765 00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:37,880 Speaker 2: had so much more growth trying to figure out public 766 00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:41,040 Speaker 2: transit and fezas in foreign countries than I ever did 767 00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:44,560 Speaker 2: sitting in lecture halls at UNI. Okay, right off the back, 768 00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:49,040 Speaker 2: congratulations seven countries. That is an amazing feat. And I 769 00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:51,840 Speaker 2: especially like when people come to Australia because I know 770 00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:53,919 Speaker 2: it's very far from like everywhere else in the world, 771 00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:57,520 Speaker 2: but it is like genuinely the most beautiful country ever. 772 00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:01,280 Speaker 2: Obviously I'm a little bit biased, but what really sticks 773 00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:05,040 Speaker 2: out to me about this is the fact that you 774 00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:09,560 Speaker 2: had this amazing experience traveling right, but you still felt 775 00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:13,239 Speaker 2: behind because all of your friends are doing the traditional route, 776 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,200 Speaker 2: which is great for them. They went to Union and 777 00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,759 Speaker 2: they went straight into their jobs. I bet you some 778 00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:20,839 Speaker 2: good money that a lot of your friends are looking 779 00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:25,319 Speaker 2: at your experience and thinking, damn, I really should have 780 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:28,359 Speaker 2: just taken a couple of years off. I am so 781 00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:32,600 Speaker 2: burnt out by work. I really never gave myself a 782 00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:37,080 Speaker 2: chance to actually enjoy my free time and to enjoy 783 00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:40,239 Speaker 2: some time off. What I'm really speaking about here is 784 00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:42,640 Speaker 2: the trade off that we have to make, especially in 785 00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:46,400 Speaker 2: our early twenties, where there are so many decisions, there 786 00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:49,719 Speaker 2: are so many options, so many choices and different ways 787 00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:53,480 Speaker 2: of going about life and going about our future, that 788 00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:56,400 Speaker 2: with each choice we make, we do have to lose something. 789 00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:58,919 Speaker 2: But with everything that you lose, you also do gain 790 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:02,400 Speaker 2: something in return, just about what it is that you value. 791 00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:05,200 Speaker 2: So yes, you might lose that security of having a 792 00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:09,400 Speaker 2: job lined up, that stability, but you also gain perhaps 793 00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:11,560 Speaker 2: something that is more aligned with what you really value 794 00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:14,600 Speaker 2: in life. That could be freedom, that could be flexibility, 795 00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:17,279 Speaker 2: that could be excitement and growth. You are never not 796 00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:20,279 Speaker 2: gaining something from your experiences, even if it's not what 797 00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:23,479 Speaker 2: you expected, even if it's not going according to plan. 798 00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:26,640 Speaker 2: I also think that it's important to confront the grass 799 00:46:26,719 --> 00:46:31,399 Speaker 2: is Greener philosophy, the grass is greener syndrome. Whilst you're 800 00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:34,200 Speaker 2: looking at somebody else's journey, as I said, and feeling 801 00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:37,480 Speaker 2: deficient in comparison, they may be looking at yours and 802 00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:40,840 Speaker 2: wishing for what you have. Just because your path is 803 00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:43,839 Speaker 2: different doesn't mean that it's inferior. Doesn't mean that it's 804 00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:46,239 Speaker 2: also not the source of envy for other people. So 805 00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:48,760 Speaker 2: I want you to focus on what you have gained 806 00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:51,200 Speaker 2: more than what you have lost. Yes, you may have 807 00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:54,319 Speaker 2: lost the stability of a full time job straight out 808 00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:56,440 Speaker 2: of UNI. Yes you may have lost some of that 809 00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:59,520 Speaker 2: financial security that these people had, you know, a quote 810 00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:03,320 Speaker 2: unquote head start at. That doesn't mean that their path 811 00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:05,840 Speaker 2: is now forever and were going to be easy and 812 00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:09,040 Speaker 2: that yours is going to be difficult. People come across 813 00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:13,200 Speaker 2: a lot of upsets and setbacks and mistakes and barriers 814 00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:17,920 Speaker 2: that will inevitably push all of our paths onto, you know, 815 00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:20,759 Speaker 2: a different track than we initially thought. Just because they've 816 00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:22,600 Speaker 2: spent the first two years out of the gate, you know, 817 00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:25,520 Speaker 2: the first two years after graduation for them seemingly has 818 00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:28,560 Speaker 2: gone very smoothly and very according to plan, doesn't mean 819 00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:31,080 Speaker 2: that in five years time somebody isn't having an existential 820 00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:33,560 Speaker 2: crisis and going, oh my god, I've actually never really 821 00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:35,960 Speaker 2: enjoyed a moment of my life, or oh my gosh, 822 00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,560 Speaker 2: I actually never gave myself the opportunity to really think 823 00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:41,439 Speaker 2: about what I wanted. I just really felt the need 824 00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:45,440 Speaker 2: to fulfill this career criteria, to have something lined up, 825 00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:49,480 Speaker 2: to have a job, to have a sense of purpose 826 00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:52,920 Speaker 2: that now I'm finding it hard to connect to, not 827 00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:56,279 Speaker 2: to get really existential. But you know, we all end 828 00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:59,520 Speaker 2: up in the same place. What's the rush? Do you 829 00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:02,680 Speaker 2: want to spence and you're limited time? Wanting to be 830 00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:05,600 Speaker 2: further ahead, wanting to have a solid plan and know 831 00:48:05,719 --> 00:48:09,279 Speaker 2: exactly what the next five, ten to fifteen years will bring. 832 00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,440 Speaker 2: There is no room for excitement in that. There is 833 00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:15,320 Speaker 2: no room for surprise, there is no room for flexibility. 834 00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:18,840 Speaker 2: It's also worth reminding you that if you are in 835 00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,600 Speaker 2: your twenties, and I'm assuming that you are, you are 836 00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:25,520 Speaker 2: just getting started. This is the first decade of many, 837 00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:29,680 Speaker 2: many decades and many many seasons and chapters of life. 838 00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:32,680 Speaker 2: Think about your life. I've used this analogy before, but 839 00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:35,719 Speaker 2: think about it like a TV series, right, It's not 840 00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:39,600 Speaker 2: like the first season is all there is and they 841 00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:41,680 Speaker 2: just replay the first season again and again for the 842 00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:44,560 Speaker 2: next nine seasons. Your life is very much like that. 843 00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:47,200 Speaker 2: You're in your early twenties, you're in your twenties. That 844 00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:51,000 Speaker 2: is the first season of your TV show. Next season 845 00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:53,319 Speaker 2: is going to be completely different, and so was the 846 00:48:53,360 --> 00:48:57,520 Speaker 2: season after that, because you are constantly changing and evolving. 847 00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:01,040 Speaker 2: Right now, you're in the experimentation phase. You're in the 848 00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:06,399 Speaker 2: uncertainty phase. You're in like the confusing chapter. A lot 849 00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:09,279 Speaker 2: of people have made this pilgrimage before you. A lot 850 00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:12,040 Speaker 2: of people have had this experience. So I want you 851 00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:15,720 Speaker 2: to kind of soothe your doubt and soothe your insecurity 852 00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:19,560 Speaker 2: through a sense of normalcy and through a sense of 853 00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:23,120 Speaker 2: community that you are not alone in this. A couple 854 00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:26,399 Speaker 2: weeks back, actually, we had the amazing doctor Meg Jay 855 00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:29,399 Speaker 2: on the podcast. You might know that name. She is 856 00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:32,600 Speaker 2: a very very famous author. She wrote The Defining Decade. 857 00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:37,000 Speaker 2: She is a lecturer. She is a really spectacular psychologist. 858 00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:39,600 Speaker 2: And she was telling me about how when she was 859 00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:43,080 Speaker 2: in her mid to late twenties, right after university, she 860 00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:46,760 Speaker 2: was working as an outward bound instructor. She was literally 861 00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:50,759 Speaker 2: spending her days paddling through a swamp, showing like tourists 862 00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:55,760 Speaker 2: and you know, people around nature. That is so different 863 00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:58,000 Speaker 2: to what she is doing now. And I am sure 864 00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:00,080 Speaker 2: that whilst you know, I can't speak for her. But 865 00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:03,279 Speaker 2: I'm sure that while she was doing this, she was 866 00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:05,880 Speaker 2: watching people she knew go to grad school. She was 867 00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:09,600 Speaker 2: watching people she knew win awards and have kids and 868 00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:12,440 Speaker 2: set up their own businesses. But the thing is is 869 00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:14,920 Speaker 2: that now, at the age she is at, she is 870 00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:18,120 Speaker 2: still in a really good place, and I'm sure those 871 00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:21,440 Speaker 2: other people are as well. But just because her journey 872 00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,160 Speaker 2: wasn't exactly the way that it needed to be doesn't 873 00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:25,879 Speaker 2: mean that she didn't end up getting to a place 874 00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:28,520 Speaker 2: where she was really fulfilled. And another component of that 875 00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:32,040 Speaker 2: is that all those experiences that I'm sure she was like, dang, 876 00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:34,040 Speaker 2: I really wish I was doing something else. I really 877 00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:37,040 Speaker 2: wish that my life had turned out differently, those experiences 878 00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:39,759 Speaker 2: are probably really, really valuable now, and they're the kind 879 00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:44,839 Speaker 2: of experiences that possibly contribute massively to all of her 880 00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:47,920 Speaker 2: incredible ideas and her writing that she may not have 881 00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,839 Speaker 2: had if she'd taken yet again, the traditional route. There's 882 00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:52,840 Speaker 2: nothing wrong with that route, it's just that it's not 883 00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:55,600 Speaker 2: the only way to go about it. In terms of 884 00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:59,160 Speaker 2: feeling behind in your relationship. I want to talk about 885 00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:01,040 Speaker 2: my friend Katie and another guests that we had on 886 00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:04,239 Speaker 2: the show. She met her first boyfriend at twenty seven, 887 00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:06,840 Speaker 2: almost when she was twenty eight, and now she is 888 00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:10,680 Speaker 2: in this wonderful relationship. In the episode that I did 889 00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:15,320 Speaker 2: with her, she really speaks quite vulnerably about how difficult 890 00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:17,880 Speaker 2: it was to be at that age and feel like 891 00:51:18,560 --> 00:51:21,920 Speaker 2: she was missing out on this huge component of a fulfilling, 892 00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:26,120 Speaker 2: happy life, which was love. But you know, she took 893 00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:30,280 Speaker 2: time to learn herself, she had the experiences with people 894 00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:33,640 Speaker 2: that you know, didn't work out. She had time to 895 00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:37,680 Speaker 2: make beautiful, fulfilling friendships, to move cities, to do all 896 00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:41,720 Speaker 2: those things, and she ended up in this like incredible 897 00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:46,640 Speaker 2: relationship with this amazing person. And she said something really profound, 898 00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:48,120 Speaker 2: which is that she looks back at it now and 899 00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:51,160 Speaker 2: she can appreciate that it was hard, but it really 900 00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:54,400 Speaker 2: felt quite worth it. So there's another example. And you know, 901 00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:56,239 Speaker 2: because we're in a bit of a role, I'm also 902 00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:59,440 Speaker 2: going to include my mom in this as somebody who 903 00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:03,560 Speaker 2: you can think of and feel better about yourself. When 904 00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:06,719 Speaker 2: she was in her twenties, she literally got kicked out 905 00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:10,800 Speaker 2: of like every single course that she did. She failed 906 00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:13,480 Speaker 2: her first degree, she was asked to leave by her 907 00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:17,360 Speaker 2: old university faculty. She was working at a restaurant for years, 908 00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:21,520 Speaker 2: whilst her friends, you know, got scholarships and became doctors 909 00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:24,880 Speaker 2: and nurses. But she took her time, and when she 910 00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:28,840 Speaker 2: felt ready, she went back to university. She's now a CEO. 911 00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:33,279 Speaker 2: She now literally runs a company. She is like an 912 00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:36,799 Speaker 2: incredible woman. She raised three daughters, she has like an 913 00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:40,759 Speaker 2: army of beautiful, beautiful friends, and she's really successful. And 914 00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:44,320 Speaker 2: I'm sure that when she was in that phase where 915 00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:47,279 Speaker 2: it wasn't working out, where all she could think was 916 00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:50,840 Speaker 2: about her failures and everything that hadn't been a success, 917 00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:53,080 Speaker 2: she wouldn't have been able to picture where she is now. 918 00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:57,320 Speaker 2: I think we really need to start glamorizing and sharing 919 00:52:57,360 --> 00:53:01,720 Speaker 2: the success stories of people who didn't and have it straightforward, 920 00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:05,120 Speaker 2: and reminding ourselves that just because it's taking a bit 921 00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:08,759 Speaker 2: longer doesn't mean you won't get there eventually. And even 922 00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:11,000 Speaker 2: if you don't get to where you imagined you would 923 00:53:11,040 --> 00:53:13,640 Speaker 2: be in the time that you wanted to do it, 924 00:53:14,080 --> 00:53:17,319 Speaker 2: you can still feel happy in whatever circumstances you find 925 00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:20,440 Speaker 2: yourselves in. I want to remind you of just the 926 00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:25,240 Speaker 2: resilience of humans and the fact that people find great 927 00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:28,120 Speaker 2: joy and great strength and something to live for and 928 00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:31,960 Speaker 2: beauty and excitement, even in situations that they never could 929 00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:35,919 Speaker 2: have anticipated. So even if it isn't going according to plan, 930 00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:38,080 Speaker 2: it doesn't mean that the end result isn't going to 931 00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:41,480 Speaker 2: be amazing. There's one final thing I want to say 932 00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:44,440 Speaker 2: on this and it's actually a quote and I actually 933 00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:47,160 Speaker 2: saw it on Reddit when I was doing some investigating 934 00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:50,919 Speaker 2: for this episode, and it was a very well known quote, 935 00:53:50,920 --> 00:53:54,319 Speaker 2: which is that youth is wasted on the young. I 936 00:53:54,360 --> 00:53:58,000 Speaker 2: think this exact situation we're talking about goes to demonstrate 937 00:53:58,040 --> 00:54:01,560 Speaker 2: that quite well. A lot of people who are in 938 00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:06,640 Speaker 2: their mid thirties, late thirties now early forties all look 939 00:54:06,719 --> 00:54:09,640 Speaker 2: back at their twenties and think, oh my god, why 940 00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:12,640 Speaker 2: was I so worried? You know, I think we have 941 00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:15,279 Speaker 2: a lot of hype around doing it all in this decade, 942 00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:18,040 Speaker 2: but this is when we're making the least amount of money. 943 00:54:18,120 --> 00:54:21,520 Speaker 2: We feel very stuck. We're not completely sure of ourselves. 944 00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:25,760 Speaker 2: All the experiences that we should be having are wasted 945 00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:28,000 Speaker 2: on us because we don't know how to appreciate them. 946 00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:30,440 Speaker 2: We don't have the hindsight of knowing that it's all 947 00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:33,920 Speaker 2: going to work out. So trust our elders. I guess 948 00:54:33,960 --> 00:54:36,239 Speaker 2: trust the people that have come before us, who say 949 00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:38,759 Speaker 2: time and time again, don't worry too much, It's all 950 00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:40,960 Speaker 2: going to be okay. I feel like when I think 951 00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:44,400 Speaker 2: about their experiences and their advice, it always brings me 952 00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:47,520 Speaker 2: a real sense of inner peace. So thank you so 953 00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:50,120 Speaker 2: much for listening to this episode. If you have made 954 00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:54,680 Speaker 2: it this far, please dm me on Instagram and I'm 955 00:54:54,719 --> 00:54:56,640 Speaker 2: going to send you a big fat love heart to 956 00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:59,200 Speaker 2: say thank you for putting up with my rambling. I 957 00:54:59,239 --> 00:55:01,080 Speaker 2: know that this episod it is a little bit different 958 00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:03,840 Speaker 2: to what we usually do. I loved being able to 959 00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:08,560 Speaker 2: incorporate some of your anecdotes, some of your experiences, and 960 00:55:08,719 --> 00:55:10,840 Speaker 2: just be a little bit more fluid with it. I 961 00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:14,520 Speaker 2: appreciate you listening this far, and if you did enjoy 962 00:55:14,560 --> 00:55:17,600 Speaker 2: this episode, please feel free to give the podcast a 963 00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:21,719 Speaker 2: five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify wherever you are 964 00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:25,200 Speaker 2: listening right now, make sure you're following or you're subscribed 965 00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:28,360 Speaker 2: based on what platform you're listening, and share this episode 966 00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:30,360 Speaker 2: with a friend who you think might also be feeling 967 00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:33,239 Speaker 2: a little bit stuck, feeling a little bit behind. Feel 968 00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:36,759 Speaker 2: like a problem shared is a problem halved, and it 969 00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:39,480 Speaker 2: probably will make every person in that situation feel a 970 00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:42,160 Speaker 2: little bit less alone and take the pressure off, take 971 00:55:42,160 --> 00:55:43,920 Speaker 2: the foot off the gas for a little while. So 972 00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:47,880 Speaker 2: thank you so much for listening. Until next episode, stay 973 00:55:47,920 --> 00:55:50,439 Speaker 2: safe and be kind and we'll talk soon