1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:08,920 Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Welcome 2 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:12,400 Speaker 1: to I Choose Me, a podcast about the choices we 3 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 1: make to come home to ourselves. Today's guest has been 4 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:21,040 Speaker 1: called a midlife advocate. She is screaming into the void 5 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:24,320 Speaker 1: that we should celebrate this time of our lives because 6 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 1: for so long, midlife was framed as a decline, a crisis, 7 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:34,600 Speaker 1: something of fear, especially for women. But Stacy London is 8 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,400 Speaker 1: one of the people who helped flip that script. So 9 00:00:38,479 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 1: this conversation is about style as a practice of choosing yourself. 10 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 1: It's about aging without apology, and it's about being brave. 11 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,479 Speaker 1: I can't think of a better person to help us 12 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 1: navigate what midlife can actually be. Powerful, expansive, and deeply 13 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:06,199 Speaker 1: our own. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, the incomparable Stacy London. Hello, 14 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,400 Speaker 1: you are being called a midlife advocate. 15 00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:14,280 Speaker 2: I mean, you know, it doesn't it doesn't not resonate, right, 16 00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:18,120 Speaker 2: I just it's just such a big term, and I 17 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 2: never realized that, you know, I would want to advocate 18 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,959 Speaker 2: for any part of life more than any other. Right, 19 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 2: I'm a life advocate. I want you to go ahead 20 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 2: and do whatever it is you want to do have 21 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:31,960 Speaker 2: whatever you want to have. But I did not realize 22 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,280 Speaker 2: even though I, you know, I identify as a woman, 23 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 2: I have been a woman in my whole life. I 24 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 2: have been subjected to the same kind of patriarchal lenses 25 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,759 Speaker 2: we all have. But it did not occur to me 26 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:48,560 Speaker 2: how hard getting older was going to be, just on 27 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:50,680 Speaker 2: almost every level. 28 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, though nobody prepped us for this. 29 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:57,560 Speaker 2: No, And I'm like, did I miss a course? Did 30 00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:00,520 Speaker 2: somebody like do the how to grown up? Well? While 31 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,320 Speaker 2: I was like out of school? But I think about 32 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 2: how much I've used algebra, and I wonder how much 33 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 2: better it would have been if somebody had been like, 34 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 2: here is a class on emotional regulation, here is a 35 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,160 Speaker 2: class on financial investment as you age. I mean, all 36 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,919 Speaker 2: these things that I wish that I had known much 37 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,520 Speaker 2: earlier in my life. I wish I knew how to sew, 38 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,760 Speaker 2: how to cook, forget about like what happened to home 39 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 2: ac I knew where to go? 40 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 1: It was my favorite class, by the way. 41 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,000 Speaker 2: I wish i'd had it. I wish I had the 42 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 2: opportunity to have it right. 43 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,800 Speaker 1: So No, I think things need to change when it 44 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 1: comes to educating what really we need versus what other 45 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 1: people tell us we need. I think I wish things 46 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,800 Speaker 1: would change in the school systems like that, but I 47 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,240 Speaker 1: think it maybe they're starting to. 48 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 2: I think it's also just the fact that we, you know, 49 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,760 Speaker 2: I talk about the collective we of Gen X as 50 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,880 Speaker 2: being the generation to kind of start things out for 51 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:04,920 Speaker 2: what they are, you know, and then simultaneously, and you 52 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:07,240 Speaker 2: have kids who you probably know this even better than me. 53 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:11,720 Speaker 2: But I do feel like younger generations are truly giving 54 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 2: us permission to be more of who we always were, 55 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 2: and we were bound by, you know, a sense of 56 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,400 Speaker 2: societal shame. We didn't talk about mental health, we didn't 57 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,600 Speaker 2: talk about sexuality, we didn't talk about things that are 58 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 2: normal and natural and require conversation in order to be 59 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 2: better at them. Yes, right, And so now I feel 60 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 2: like your kids and younger generations are allowing us to 61 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 2: do that. And for me, that's been one of the 62 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 2: most exciting things about being quote unquote and midlife advocate, 63 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 2: is making it about multi generational mentorship as well. 64 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:50,960 Speaker 1: So good. Yeah, the term midlife it needs a refresh. 65 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,720 Speaker 1: So glad. I'm glad you're doing that because for decades, 66 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,400 Speaker 1: you know, it was thought of like a crisis, the 67 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 1: old midlife crisis where you the guy gets a sports car, 68 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:06,680 Speaker 1: you know, start having an affair and the hair flugs. Yeah, 69 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 1: and then just the complete breakdown of identity. 70 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 2: Absolutely, and I think that it is we labeled it 71 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 2: a crisis, right, and that's our terminology for it. I 72 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 2: think the truth is it is a huge transformation that 73 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,679 Speaker 2: because it comes to us when we have no education, 74 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 2: no understanding, no kind of bigger picture of our life evolution, 75 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:30,320 Speaker 2: we think it's a crisis instead of really understanding. It's 76 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,760 Speaker 2: much more like a chrysalis, right. You're going from one 77 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 2: thing to another, I think, particularly for women in this 78 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:40,320 Speaker 2: age group, and we're not getting hair plugs, and you know, 79 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,680 Speaker 2: maybe maybe oh maybe we're getting lashes done or we're 80 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,599 Speaker 2: getting our hair cut off. But frankly, I don't think 81 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,400 Speaker 2: that we're going through the same kind of midlife transformation 82 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,840 Speaker 2: that you know, traditionally we've seen men go through. Now, 83 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:56,359 Speaker 2: I think a lot of what we have experienced up 84 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:59,039 Speaker 2: until this point, certainly, you know, I can only speak 85 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,760 Speaker 2: for myself and my friends who you know, I've shared 86 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:05,360 Speaker 2: this with, is this sense of people pleasing really does disappear. 87 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,280 Speaker 2: You really stop trying to make everybody else in the 88 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:13,880 Speaker 2: room I'm comfortable, you know, especially if it's you know, 89 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,120 Speaker 2: in in lieu of your own comfort, right that we're 90 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 2: willing to bear the discomfort and the pain of whatever 91 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:24,920 Speaker 2: this is, rather than kind of saying, hey, this is 92 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 2: not the way we should be doing things, like, let's reframe. 93 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 2: And I think a lot of the midlife conversation is 94 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,480 Speaker 2: about a different perspective, and if we were looking at 95 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 2: it that way, we wouldn't feel like it was so 96 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,880 Speaker 2: much of a crisis that has to be dealt with, 97 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 2: but something that we're very fortunate to be able to 98 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:43,719 Speaker 2: do and to go. 99 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:48,000 Speaker 1: Absolutely, we're talking so much more about women now in 100 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 1: their mid lives, and you've really helped to open those conversations, 101 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 1: and you reframe it as a power shift, not a decline. Yes, 102 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:01,480 Speaker 1: which makes perfect sense. Kiss And I think that even 103 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,360 Speaker 1: within that powership, you know. It's so funny. 104 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,280 Speaker 2: My friend Jen Rommelini wrote a book called Ambition Monster, 105 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:10,159 Speaker 2: which I highly recommend to your listeners, and one of 106 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 2: the things that I loved so much about it and 107 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,480 Speaker 2: this whole conversation is that I spent half my life 108 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 2: being embarrassed that I had so much ambition. You know, 109 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:21,320 Speaker 2: Oh it's not ladylike, You're not supposed to be so ambitious. 110 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 2: And now I'm just tired. I identify as tired, just 111 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:29,360 Speaker 2: like Hannah Gadinsy says, and I have lost a lot 112 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,600 Speaker 2: of that ambition, And at first I was really mortified. 113 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 2: I felt the same kindah team about having ambition as 114 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,440 Speaker 2: then not having ambition. And the one thing I have 115 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 2: to say out of all of this, you know, sort 116 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,240 Speaker 2: of internal work and sort of reframing that I've done 117 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 2: in like the last fifteen years, I would say one 118 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:52,080 Speaker 2: of the biggest things is giving myself more grace yep, 119 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,240 Speaker 2: allowing myself to be like, wow, you know just what 120 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,040 Speaker 2: you were saying before. Who knew we were going to 121 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 2: have these phases of our lives. I mean, you are 122 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,719 Speaker 2: an icon in America. You're an icon, Jenny. The idea 123 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,160 Speaker 2: that there was a life after nine o two one zero, 124 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,840 Speaker 2: I mean, did you even think about that at the time. Whatever, 125 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,200 Speaker 2: It's just who you were. It's sort of the way 126 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 2: I think about what not to wear, except that I 127 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 2: outgrew what not to wear, even though you know it's 128 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,320 Speaker 2: still a beloved show. I want to be able to 129 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,600 Speaker 2: do more with what I learned and build on that, 130 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:27,920 Speaker 2: because my life is not just what I do, it's 131 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 2: what I learn, it's what I experience, it's all of 132 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,800 Speaker 2: these things. And so ambition in one area has really 133 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 2: kind of dissipated for me in terms of career, and 134 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:40,920 Speaker 2: curiosity has like really taken over eos of what to do. 135 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:45,080 Speaker 1: Instead, you really start to lean into the curiosity of 136 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,680 Speaker 1: things because we're like sponges at this age. Like, I 137 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:52,440 Speaker 1: feel like I'm just garnering all this information from so 138 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 1: many incredible women like yourself, and it's just opening so 139 00:07:56,520 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 1: many doors of whether it's energetically within my own or 140 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: just in life. I think it's amazing. 141 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 2: Do you. 142 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 1: Feel like you are still a work in progress even 143 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 1: at this age? 144 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,480 Speaker 2: Always? In fact, sometimes I think I'm more work in 145 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:14,720 Speaker 2: progress than I was, much more sure of myself in 146 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 2: my twenties, and now I question everything. I'm like, Oh, 147 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,120 Speaker 2: I don't know, is that the right thing to think? 148 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:24,880 Speaker 2: You know? The thing that I find very interesting is 149 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 2: that I've been doing a new kind of therapy. It's 150 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 2: not new, it's just not talk therapy, and it's called 151 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 2: dialectical behavioral therapy, and it falls under the rubric of 152 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 2: cognitive behavioral therapy, right, But it's the belief system that 153 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 2: we can change the way we think. We do need 154 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:45,360 Speaker 2: to have neuroplasticity in our brains. That requires curiosity, that 155 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,720 Speaker 2: requires a little bit of hypervigilance. And one of the 156 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 2: things that I've noticed as I've gotten older is I 157 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,439 Speaker 2: have to question what I think. I used to think 158 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:57,280 Speaker 2: that whatever I thought was the true, right, it is 159 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 2: what it is right I think it therefore it is 160 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,560 Speaker 2: rather than understanding that there's like all these years of 161 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 2: conditioning behind me, even genetics that play into the way 162 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 2: that I see the world, and that is not necessarily 163 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,679 Speaker 2: the way everyone sees the world. And I could get 164 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,160 Speaker 2: emotional thinking about sort of just what's going on in 165 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,720 Speaker 2: the world at the moment. But I wish that we 166 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:23,079 Speaker 2: were able to employ more empathy. I wish that we 167 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:27,320 Speaker 2: were able to understand that people make choices, decisions, have 168 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 2: belief systems around what they've been conditioned to believe. That 169 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,640 Speaker 2: doesn't mean that it's true, it's just what they believe, right. 170 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 2: It doesn't mean what I believe is true, But it 171 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,840 Speaker 2: does mean there's a ton of room for conversation that 172 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,439 Speaker 2: allows for more things to be true than the contradictory. 173 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely. I think back to the thought, and you know, 174 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,720 Speaker 1: when something comes into your mind, it's just a thought, 175 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 1: it's not a fact. And like just saying that to myself, 176 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 1: like hm, that's interesting looking at it and saying, you 177 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,439 Speaker 1: know what, that's just I thought. That doesn't mean it's 178 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,120 Speaker 1: anyone else's thought. And then it doesn't mean it's true 179 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:07,040 Speaker 1: for anyone else. And that really did open up, like 180 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,840 Speaker 1: my eyes to we're all here doing the same thing. 181 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,920 Speaker 1: We all want, you know, we all, well most of 182 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,440 Speaker 1: us have the same goal, and that is to live 183 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 1: happily and free from suffering and in a kind manner. 184 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: But you kind of forget that because you're trapped up 185 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 1: in your mind and your thoughts. 186 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,200 Speaker 2: Of course, and even this idea of free from suffering, 187 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,480 Speaker 2: what does that mean? Right? You know, life is suffering. 188 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,719 Speaker 2: But and this is like, I know, I'm getting a 189 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 2: little philosophical, definitely. I've been reading the Stoics and a 190 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 2: lot of Buddhism right lately. You know, you're never free 191 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:42,080 Speaker 2: from suffering. If you don't accept that suffering is a 192 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,320 Speaker 2: part of life, you're never free from it. In fact, 193 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,200 Speaker 2: you're making it a thousand times worse for yourself. There 194 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 2: is this idea also in dialectical behavioral therapy called radical acceptance. 195 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,880 Speaker 2: It is what it is. You know. Some people can 196 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,720 Speaker 2: say that in the most dismissive manner, But if we're 197 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,320 Speaker 2: not going to you know, you have to agree on 198 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 2: what is what is happening right now. And once we 199 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,959 Speaker 2: can agree on that, then we can sort of disseminate, 200 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,480 Speaker 2: you know, whether or not there's like more issues to 201 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:11,400 Speaker 2: discuss or were problems to solve. But this idea that 202 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,480 Speaker 2: we think that we're going to get away scott free 203 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 2: with no suffering, no hardship in life, I almost feel 204 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,720 Speaker 2: like it's the opposite. You know, we should just assume 205 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,200 Speaker 2: that life is fu filled with suffering and hardship, and 206 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:24,880 Speaker 2: how lucky we are to be able to make meaning, 207 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:29,200 Speaker 2: to create purpose and find happiness. Those are things that 208 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 2: I think are uniquely amazing to being human, not just 209 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 2: oh woe is me? We get to suffer. That's sort 210 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 2: of you know, beside the point. 211 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:42,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that mentality of like, it really gets 212 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 1: me when someone says, well, I am what I am, 213 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 1: this is me take it or leave it, Like exactly, no, 214 00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:51,199 Speaker 1: there's nothing is nothing is It's beautiful. This is all temporary. 215 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,719 Speaker 1: In the next moment, you're going to be a completely 216 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:54,360 Speaker 1: different person. 217 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 2: And you know, and I also think, look, there are 218 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,559 Speaker 2: people who are always going to say that, right, I 219 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,240 Speaker 2: am what I am, and in some cases they are 220 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,559 Speaker 2: what they are. They know they're not going to change whatever. 221 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:07,080 Speaker 2: But the idea that they don't even allow for the 222 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 2: possibility of evolution. Or if you're willing to kind of 223 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 2: put your flag in the sand and say this, this 224 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:16,560 Speaker 2: is where the buck stops. I am this person, then 225 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:19,200 Speaker 2: you know, be prepared. Not everybody is going to like 226 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,240 Speaker 2: who you are. Not everybody is going to agree with 227 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:27,160 Speaker 2: who you are. But if you are confident and capable 228 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,680 Speaker 2: of expressing who you are and why, then you know 229 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:33,000 Speaker 2: the people, your people will find you. And we forget 230 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:36,120 Speaker 2: that because we're always I don't know, I sort of 231 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 2: thinking life was a popularity contest. It wasn't just in school, right, 232 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:42,640 Speaker 2: it was like everybody has to like you. Nobody cannot 233 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,960 Speaker 2: like you. That's the problem. You don't want anybody to 234 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 2: dislike you. And now I'm sort of like, no, I'm 235 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:51,480 Speaker 2: doing a pretty good job of being me if not 236 00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:55,880 Speaker 2: everybody likes me. Right, So I can't be palatable to everyone. 237 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:59,120 Speaker 1: No, no, we can't please everybody all the time. There's 238 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 1: something gorgeous about what you just said about like defining 239 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:06,559 Speaker 1: who you are and being very confident in it and 240 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:11,560 Speaker 1: saying this is me and living your life by that, Moniker. 241 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 1: But there's also the other side of it, which is 242 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 1: what we were just talking about, about being open and 243 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:20,600 Speaker 1: curious and wanting to in searching. I've always been a searcher, 244 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,320 Speaker 1: and I can't. It's hard for me to understand people 245 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:24,640 Speaker 1: that aren't what are stuck? 246 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, you know, and I do. I agree. 247 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,920 Speaker 2: I think being stuck is Unfortunately, it's super easy. Right, 248 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,719 Speaker 2: We've all done there. We have all been there, and 249 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:39,040 Speaker 2: even lately, you know, I really struggled between the news 250 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,920 Speaker 2: and not looking the news and then reading the news 251 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 2: compulsively and feeling this like overwhelming sense of just deep sadness. 252 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:51,319 Speaker 2: You know, that kind of creates a sense of inactivity. 253 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:52,880 Speaker 2: Even if I have to get up every day, even 254 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,880 Speaker 2: if I have to go walk the dog or go 255 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:58,560 Speaker 2: to a meeting, it feels like things are sort of happening, 256 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:01,600 Speaker 2: like I'm walking through mud. Right. But I think that 257 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 2: the thing that we tend to forget is the idea 258 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:11,080 Speaker 2: of impermanence. Nothing stays forever, no feeling, no thought, no fact, nothing, 259 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 2: And sometimes it is the only way that I can 260 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:17,600 Speaker 2: get up is to remember. Look, I may feel this 261 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,640 Speaker 2: way about myself today, I may feel this way about 262 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:21,280 Speaker 2: what's going on in the world, but that doesn't mean 263 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,400 Speaker 2: it's going to have to be that way tomorrow. And 264 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,000 Speaker 2: I can say to the world this is me, take 265 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,400 Speaker 2: it or leave it, but also be open to the 266 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 2: idea that maybe I don't know a year from now, 267 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,160 Speaker 2: having taken a course or read a book or whatever 268 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,800 Speaker 2: it is, that it's going to expand my sense of 269 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 2: myself to include something else as well. 270 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 1: Right, right, that's the beauty of it. We are QVC 271 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 1: sisters for those of you who don't know, we're both 272 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 1: q Q fifty ambassadors. We're repping the we're repping I'm 273 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,560 Speaker 1: hard the women over fifty and it's been such a 274 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,400 Speaker 1: great experience for me and I can tell that you 275 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,520 Speaker 1: really derive a lot of joy out of it as well. 276 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,000 Speaker 1: And we're actually, yeah, we're kind of like in very 277 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:12,640 Speaker 1: similar situations building our fashion brands at QBC and how 278 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: important and passionate we both are about that. I know 279 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,120 Speaker 1: we're doing the same thing, and we're designing clothes for 280 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:24,000 Speaker 1: women that make them feel gorgeous in midlife. Yeah, that's 281 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 1: like both of our goals. But I know that you 282 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:32,160 Speaker 1: love making people feel and look beautiful. Are you loving 283 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 1: this designing in this capacity with your line? 284 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,920 Speaker 2: I mean, I think the intention for the line is 285 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 2: really what I love, you know, if I mean, I 286 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 2: don't know if I have yet to what's the word 287 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,920 Speaker 2: execute on it? Exactly right? I feel like there's a 288 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 2: lot of learning curves obviously to designing when you're designing 289 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,160 Speaker 2: for a lot of different kinds of people and a 290 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:58,440 Speaker 2: lot of different kinds of bodies and ages and all 291 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 2: of the things that we talked about, and my desire 292 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 2: to do something that is different and innovative, and you know, 293 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:09,000 Speaker 2: worrying about people pushing people too far outside their comfort zone, 294 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:12,600 Speaker 2: which you always have to respect as a stylist. I 295 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,440 Speaker 2: found it, you know, I think I find it much 296 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,400 Speaker 2: easier than designing because as a stylist, like I can 297 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 2: already say I know how this is cut, and I 298 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 2: know what this is going to do, and I'll put 299 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 2: this together and I'll take a piece from Jenny's line, 300 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,000 Speaker 2: I'll take a piece from my line and take a 301 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 2: piece from Carlas's line. I don't love having just one 302 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,400 Speaker 2: body of clothing to work with, because I don't think 303 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 2: that's the way people dress. But what I do love 304 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:36,960 Speaker 2: is this real understanding that we are going through a 305 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:41,960 Speaker 2: series of, you know, identity questions when we're in midlife, 306 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 2: and that really can be both questioned and answered through style. 307 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 2: It's a great way to experiment with who you want 308 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,600 Speaker 2: to be now, what you want to look like now, 309 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,120 Speaker 2: what you want to say to the world now, which 310 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,120 Speaker 2: is probably very different from twenty five to thirty five, 311 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:59,840 Speaker 2: even forty five, and how you want to maintain your 312 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,080 Speaker 2: sense of self and evolve. At the same topic, what 313 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:06,480 Speaker 2: does it mean to look your age? I always want 314 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,920 Speaker 2: to look my age, but I want to look great 315 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:12,119 Speaker 2: for my age, So what does that mean? What looks relevant? 316 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:15,080 Speaker 2: What looks like I'm participating in society without having to 317 00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 2: be a slave to trends. So there are all these 318 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:19,240 Speaker 2: questions that you know you kind of want to ask. 319 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,520 Speaker 2: I find it to be a very fulfilling but very 320 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,639 Speaker 2: complicated process, because you know some things are going to 321 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,480 Speaker 2: work and some things aren't. And you really have to 322 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,359 Speaker 2: take that feedback and kind of measure it against what 323 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:34,120 Speaker 2: your goals are. So in some cases, like I did 324 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,720 Speaker 2: a sweater that did not do very well, but I 325 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,720 Speaker 2: believe in this sweater because I know that, like further 326 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,560 Speaker 2: down the line, it's going to go with a lot 327 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,400 Speaker 2: of different pieces that you're going to start to see 328 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,400 Speaker 2: in the collection. So that means I'm going to hold 329 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 2: onto that sweater until I can kind of put it 330 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,720 Speaker 2: in a framework that you understand and that you feel 331 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,560 Speaker 2: comfortable with. That takes a second. I don't know if 332 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,520 Speaker 2: you've experienced the same thing, but getting to know hurt, 333 00:17:56,720 --> 00:18:01,120 Speaker 2: getting to know our customers is it really takes quite 334 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:02,880 Speaker 2: a bit of effort because you want to get it right. 335 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:05,360 Speaker 1: You want to get it right for so badly. 336 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 2: So bad, And I want people in general to feel 337 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,480 Speaker 2: like there is nothing that defines them. You may find, 338 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:15,720 Speaker 2: you know, an unbelievable shirt from Jenny that you wear 339 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,480 Speaker 2: twenty four to seven, and you may find a coat 340 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,439 Speaker 2: for me that you wear once a month to like 341 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:24,119 Speaker 2: a fancy gathering. They both have a purpose in your closet. 342 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,120 Speaker 2: I want you to feel like your closet has purpose, 343 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,000 Speaker 2: has meaning, brings you joy. You don't feel confused when 344 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 2: you open up the doors. You know that what you've 345 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,760 Speaker 2: chosen is for who you are right now, and that 346 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,720 Speaker 2: it all works together in you know, a simple way, 347 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,320 Speaker 2: not not anything that makes it too gr animals for 348 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,800 Speaker 2: grown ups is what I like to call it. 349 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:47,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, I need simplicity, Like there's enough. I have decision 350 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,000 Speaker 1: fatigue in so many other areas of my life. I 351 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:53,119 Speaker 1: need my clothing selections the first thing in the morning 352 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:56,320 Speaker 1: to be easy and you have that confidence that it's 353 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:58,960 Speaker 1: going to carry me throughout my day exactly. 354 00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:00,959 Speaker 2: And I and the two things that I always say 355 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,240 Speaker 2: about that One, you don't have to change your whole 356 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,800 Speaker 2: style in midlife to decide that you know you want 357 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,080 Speaker 2: to look or feel different. Right. This could be about 358 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,640 Speaker 2: an accessory change. Look at our glasses, come on, shut 359 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:14,640 Speaker 2: up so chic? Right, So it could be that, or 360 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,439 Speaker 2: if you really are changing your style out. One of 361 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,240 Speaker 2: the things that I recommend is when you find an 362 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 2: outfit that you feel great about, that you found, like 363 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,200 Speaker 2: I don't know, you know, a perfect leather pant and 364 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:27,639 Speaker 2: a perfect sweatshirt that goes with it. Put those together 365 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,239 Speaker 2: in your closet, hang them I always say, you have 366 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:34,040 Speaker 2: about ten outfits that you love on you right now, 367 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,919 Speaker 2: not a photograph from ten years ago, right now that 368 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 2: you would wear either out to dinner, things that are 369 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 2: for evening events, things that are for sporting events, things 370 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 2: that are for casual events. Whatever it is. So that 371 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:51,080 Speaker 2: you have this closet that instead of just shirt, skirts, pants, tops. Yeah, 372 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 2: you's got some way to organize it that allows you 373 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,359 Speaker 2: ease and motion in the morning where you're not stuck 374 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,160 Speaker 2: and you freeze in front of you know. 375 00:19:59,320 --> 00:19:59,840 Speaker 1: All of us. 376 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, so it gives you the opportunity to create your closet. 377 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:06,480 Speaker 2: Literally start that way, maybe ten outfits, but eventually your 378 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,600 Speaker 2: whole closet can be that way for any season. I 379 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 2: love this, just putting things together as outfits. And the 380 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:17,280 Speaker 2: other thing that I would say is be adventurous when 381 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,960 Speaker 2: it comes to who you're buying, right. I mean, I 382 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,520 Speaker 2: don't know how many clothing lines are on QBC, but 383 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,520 Speaker 2: if you're buying something from Jenny, try buying something for me. 384 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,080 Speaker 2: Try buying something from Parlor, Try buying something from Kim. 385 00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:31,159 Speaker 2: And the reason I say that is because QBC is 386 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:35,720 Speaker 2: already curating its designers, so we're all there kind of 387 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:39,080 Speaker 2: in service of this bigger ideal closet. And I think 388 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:42,120 Speaker 2: that just trying one designer as opposed to at least 389 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:45,440 Speaker 2: trying a little bit from everybody, is a little playing 390 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,240 Speaker 2: it a little bit safe, and you can have a 391 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,359 Speaker 2: little bit more fun at this stage because you can 392 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,160 Speaker 2: trust yourself. 393 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,240 Speaker 1: Right. I love that idea because, yeah, standing in front 394 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,960 Speaker 1: of all the shirts and you're it's overwhelming too much, 395 00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:59,480 Speaker 1: But there was this whole like, yeah, you got to 396 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,280 Speaker 1: put all your together, you got to put all your 397 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,679 Speaker 1: pants together and color coordinate them, and that it just 398 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,000 Speaker 1: leaves me feeling frustrated. So this idea of people of 399 00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:10,960 Speaker 1: putting together outfits in your closet is genius. I'm gonna 400 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:11,320 Speaker 1: use that. 401 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:14,440 Speaker 2: Stacy London, Yes please, And I will tell you if 402 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,679 Speaker 2: you really get carried away. And I do this with 403 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 2: some of my outfits. If I know I like to 404 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,560 Speaker 2: make the outfit, it needs this belt, it needs this earring, 405 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:25,760 Speaker 2: I'll just throw everything in a little ziploc bag, put 406 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,919 Speaker 2: it on a hangar, and I keep it with the outfit. 407 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,920 Speaker 2: It just saves me so much time. 408 00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,679 Speaker 1: I think that's the stylist in you, like it is. 409 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's definitely the styles to me, I love. The 410 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,840 Speaker 2: other thing that is a stylist formula for me is 411 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,239 Speaker 2: the same way you do food prep on Sunday, I 412 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:45,000 Speaker 2: do closet prep. So if I know that I've got 413 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,480 Speaker 2: a crazy busy week, like I have an event every 414 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,320 Speaker 2: night this week, I've got meetings in the city, I 415 00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:54,000 Speaker 2: will put together my entire wardrobe for a week and 416 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,000 Speaker 2: not have to think about it again. Oh my god. 417 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:56,240 Speaker 1: Yeah. 418 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,960 Speaker 2: I don't always do everything. Maybe I leave the shoe 419 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,800 Speaker 2: for the last minute, or I throw on a big 420 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,680 Speaker 2: necklace when I'm walking out the door, But generally speaking, 421 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,080 Speaker 2: I just take a rack and I'm like, here's my 422 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,399 Speaker 2: seven days, here are the big things I need to do. 423 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:11,239 Speaker 2: Here's where I really got to impress. Here's where I'm 424 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,879 Speaker 2: going to be traveling. So I need something comfy, and 425 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,040 Speaker 2: that's how I do it. It Just to me, it 426 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 2: makes it that much easier to get through the rest 427 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,800 Speaker 2: of your week if you spend a couple hours doing 428 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:20,520 Speaker 2: that on Sunday. 429 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Now I have to food prep on 430 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,359 Speaker 1: Sunday and closet prep. 431 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:28,199 Speaker 2: I know it really means that Sundays. So here's my feeling, 432 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,840 Speaker 2: you know, Sunday. A lot of people consider Sunday to 433 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,320 Speaker 2: be the day of rest. I like to think of 434 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,760 Speaker 2: it more as like passive activity, right, so you can 435 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,800 Speaker 2: these are not things that take a ton of energy. 436 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,359 Speaker 2: They just take a little bit of focus. Your food 437 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,280 Speaker 2: prep can be in the morning, your closet prep can 438 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,920 Speaker 2: be in the afternoon. By four o'clock, five o'clock, you 439 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,520 Speaker 2: can have your martini or whatever your beverage is and 440 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,199 Speaker 2: watch television. It does not have to like you know, 441 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,000 Speaker 2: I always say, right, what is it that funny line? 442 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,719 Speaker 2: Beyonce has twenty four hours in a day too, so 443 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 2: you know, look, if she can do it, we can 444 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 2: do it. And I just feel like it does not 445 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,240 Speaker 2: require the amount of work. If you do it ahead 446 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,280 Speaker 2: of time, you don't have the stress factor. You can 447 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,359 Speaker 2: do it at leisurely pace. You can put clothing together 448 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,479 Speaker 2: while food prepping. This is not like I mean, granted, 449 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,800 Speaker 2: if you're cooking anything with onions and garlic, maybe keep 450 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,679 Speaker 2: your food away from your clothes. But you have forth 451 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:26,919 Speaker 2: and make it. I hate to use this phrase, but 452 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:31,040 Speaker 2: a self care day in terms of managing both your 453 00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:35,160 Speaker 2: time and the limitations on your time for things. As 454 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,479 Speaker 2: you were saying we have too many decisions to make 455 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:38,439 Speaker 2: during the week we do. 456 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 1: Why do you not like the term self care? 457 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,520 Speaker 2: I feel like it's overused a little bit, and maybe 458 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,679 Speaker 2: perhaps in some ways is a little bit like, you know, 459 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,879 Speaker 2: a self care for me right now is not just 460 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 2: about a bubble bath. Self care is checking in on 461 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,560 Speaker 2: my neighbors. Self care is calling my senators. Self care 462 00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,320 Speaker 2: is like living in a world that I want to 463 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,320 Speaker 2: be in. And so sometimes I think that we use 464 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:05,960 Speaker 2: self care a little bit, almost too superficially, right, Like 465 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,200 Speaker 2: it's just about beauty, or it's just about clothing. And 466 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:11,919 Speaker 2: sometimes it's very hard for me to talk about clothes 467 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,879 Speaker 2: when I think about, you know, the state of the world, 468 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,400 Speaker 2: or you know, people going hungry or things like that. 469 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:20,000 Speaker 2: How do you think about these things? But the fact 470 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:26,480 Speaker 2: is that every single person's self esteem is affected when 471 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,520 Speaker 2: they dress in a way that makes them feel good. 472 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,679 Speaker 2: There's just no question, right, I mean, we know this 473 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,480 Speaker 2: to be true. And if that little bit means that 474 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:36,359 Speaker 2: you're going to be kinder to the person you hold 475 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,640 Speaker 2: the door for, or you're going to smile at somebody 476 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 2: on the street, or you might even flirt because your 477 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,840 Speaker 2: hair looks so great, and you're wearing the perfect outfit 478 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:48,000 Speaker 2: whatever it is, that has a ripple effect. And so 479 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,320 Speaker 2: when people kind of get at me and they're like, uh, 480 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,280 Speaker 2: you know, the world is a mess. Who cares about clothes, 481 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,240 Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, yeah, clothes can do. 482 00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,160 Speaker 1: It's so true because it's it's true. When you look good, 483 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:01,520 Speaker 1: you feel better. 484 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,080 Speaker 2: Like I don't know, I feel better. 485 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:06,800 Speaker 1: You act nicer, You act nicer, you handle things differently, 486 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,000 Speaker 1: and also you have a greater sense of connection to 487 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:11,440 Speaker 1: who you truly are. 488 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,959 Speaker 2: I feel like, I think that's absolutely true, and you 489 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,080 Speaker 2: get people, the like minded people the ability to connect 490 00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:21,399 Speaker 2: with you like, oh love that scarf. Love it. You know, 491 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:25,439 Speaker 2: it's a great entry way into finding your people. And 492 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,440 Speaker 2: so I think we forget sort of, you know, the 493 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:32,960 Speaker 2: sociological side of this. It's bigger than just like you know, 494 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,600 Speaker 2: invest well or or you know, look good for your 495 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,679 Speaker 2: age or any of these kind of things that I 496 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:42,320 Speaker 2: feel like sometimes are a little bit extractive rather than 497 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:43,960 Speaker 2: additive advice. 498 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,600 Speaker 1: When you think about it, though, we're really winning this game. 499 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:52,439 Speaker 1: I mean, do you remember the way women our aged 500 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,080 Speaker 1: looked like thirty or fifty years ago? It was so 501 00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:59,000 Speaker 1: much different than the Golden Girls. They felt so old 502 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,200 Speaker 1: to me when I was watching, but actually they were 503 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:02,359 Speaker 1: our age change. 504 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,800 Speaker 2: I know. Listen, my blows my mind. It blows my mind. 505 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:08,400 Speaker 2: But I mean, thank god, this is why I'm convinced 506 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,520 Speaker 2: we all want long hair, because we cannot do that. 507 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,040 Speaker 2: Oh you cut your hair short at fifteen, it's like 508 00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:16,720 Speaker 2: a mess. No, not doing it. I mean, I understand 509 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,400 Speaker 2: if your hair is thinning or if it's a pain 510 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:21,040 Speaker 2: in the ass to wash, I get it. But just generally, 511 00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:23,480 Speaker 2: this idea that at a certain age you're supposed to 512 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,840 Speaker 2: cut your hair, I think we are completely rebelling against 513 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,359 Speaker 2: because those haircuts did no favors to those women. 514 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,320 Speaker 1: No, you don't have them. 515 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 2: I a younger every times. Before that, my first interaction 516 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:40,800 Speaker 2: or understanding or acknowledgment of menopause was seeing Edith bunker 517 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,960 Speaker 2: yell at Archie and that's yeah, there's a change right 518 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,240 Speaker 2: in the seventies. And I remember thinking that she was 519 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:53,360 Speaker 2: in her seventies, but Jeans Sapleton was forty seven. I'm 520 00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:57,760 Speaker 2: going to be fifty seven in May, and I'm shocked. 521 00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's shocking, but it is what it is, Like 522 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:05,000 Speaker 1: we were saying before you can't really attach to that number. 523 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I do like the fact that people call 524 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,439 Speaker 2: it levels, you know, this joke about it instead of 525 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,880 Speaker 2: your age. You say like, I'm level fifty seven, which 526 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,200 Speaker 2: I'm friend totally down with. It feels like I'm winning 527 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:15,639 Speaker 2: the game. 528 00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, the more you go, the better it is, exactly. 529 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,640 Speaker 1: I love that the higher the score you get. Yeah, 530 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,520 Speaker 1: because we've heard it all before. I mean I've even 531 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,840 Speaker 1: said it to one of my closest friends and we 532 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,359 Speaker 1: laughed about it. But honestly, I wish I could go 533 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:32,040 Speaker 1: back and change that conversation. You know, when you're when 534 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,199 Speaker 1: you're thinking like, oh, you're too old to have that 535 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:39,479 Speaker 1: long hair, or you're that's not age appropriate what you're wearing, whatever. 536 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,679 Speaker 1: How do you feel about those belief systems that have 537 00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,840 Speaker 1: been in place for so many years? 538 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:48,280 Speaker 2: Well, I think the same way that I try to 539 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:51,760 Speaker 2: think about beliefs now, right, something just because we believe 540 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:54,919 Speaker 2: it doesn't make it true. And if anything, when I 541 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 2: do have a sort of negative spiral in terms of 542 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:02,399 Speaker 2: self talk or beliefs, whatever that is, I think what 543 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:06,399 Speaker 2: age has done for me has allowed me to slow 544 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:09,720 Speaker 2: down and question whether or not that's a truth or 545 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,840 Speaker 2: a belief. If there's another way to do it, then 546 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:15,600 Speaker 2: it's just a belief, right. So for me, it's a 547 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:17,520 Speaker 2: good way to get myself out of that way of thinking, 548 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,520 Speaker 2: you're too old for this, your body sucks for this, 549 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:22,000 Speaker 2: you can't wear that, or whatever it is? What any 550 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:26,679 Speaker 2: kind of pejorative thinking. I really try to think, Well, 551 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,560 Speaker 2: I'm saying I can't wear this. Why am I saying 552 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:31,680 Speaker 2: I can't wear this? And I can't wear this because 553 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:35,040 Speaker 2: it makes me uncomfortable, I can't wear this because I 554 00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:37,880 Speaker 2: hate my arms? What is it that I am saying? 555 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:40,880 Speaker 1: Or if you think about like of what other people 556 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:42,680 Speaker 1: will think why you wear something? 557 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 2: And that's the other thing. I do think that at 558 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,720 Speaker 2: this stage of life, it's not just about not people pleasing. 559 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,160 Speaker 2: It's also like I don't give a shit what you think. 560 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:55,040 Speaker 2: In fact, what you think has nothing to do with me. 561 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,760 Speaker 2: It has zero to do with me. You go ahead 562 00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,640 Speaker 2: and think all you want about. 563 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,040 Speaker 1: Me, Yes, dumb aboutself? 564 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:04,800 Speaker 2: What my life? Right? I mean, unless it's like obviously 565 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:08,800 Speaker 2: a very close friend, somebody who has constructive criticism, who 566 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:10,920 Speaker 2: loves you, wants to say, hey, maybe you want to 567 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,160 Speaker 2: think about this differently that I'm I'm always open to, right, 568 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,280 Speaker 2: but it's kind of this person thinks you're you know, 569 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 2: doesn't like you, doesn't like what you do, doesn't fine, 570 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:23,040 Speaker 2: knock yourself out. That's your poison to swallow. 571 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:26,080 Speaker 1: That's none of my business, right, and ultimately it's it's 572 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,560 Speaker 1: not good for you. So right, you're not You're only 573 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:32,240 Speaker 1: harming yourself. Uh okay, So I just want you to know. 574 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,479 Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever really articulated this to you, 575 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:38,720 Speaker 1: but I can remember spending countless hours with my girls 576 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:42,120 Speaker 1: all snuggled upon the couch together right after my divorce, 577 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,760 Speaker 1: and What Not to Wear was like our comfort food, 578 00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:50,720 Speaker 1: and they're like core memories and so that will always 579 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:53,520 Speaker 1: have such a place in my heart. But you chose 580 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:56,760 Speaker 1: to team up with Clint again to do a reimagining 581 00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,760 Speaker 1: of the old show. And I think that that, right 582 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:06,000 Speaker 1: there is changing the narrative. That's part of you changing 583 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,440 Speaker 1: the narrative. You doing, you know, your work to do that. 584 00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:11,880 Speaker 1: How did you get to that choice of going in 585 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:12,400 Speaker 1: this capacity? 586 00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:15,719 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, thank you. That's a great question and 587 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,280 Speaker 2: also one that I'm like so happy to answer because 588 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,520 Speaker 2: you know, there was a lot of stuff that went 589 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,960 Speaker 2: on right obviously there was like a huge brewhaha. I mean, 590 00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,920 Speaker 2: this is why clickbait to me is so exhausting. But 591 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,080 Speaker 2: you know, there was like this huge thing. We had 592 00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:32,040 Speaker 2: a huge feud and everybody found out about it, and 593 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 2: it was like, oh, blah blah blah. First of all, 594 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,920 Speaker 2: it was not a huge food. It was something very personal, 595 00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:39,680 Speaker 2: but it was something that did happen, and we really 596 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:43,520 Speaker 2: did have a period of estrangement, which I refused to 597 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,560 Speaker 2: acknowledge my part in it, right. I just was like, 598 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:51,240 Speaker 2: you know, he's the problem. There's no relationship in the 599 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:54,160 Speaker 2: world where one person is the problem. Like that's just 600 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:57,560 Speaker 2: the truth, okay. And the minute I could finally get 601 00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,360 Speaker 2: to that, I think the moment I was like ready 602 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:04,120 Speaker 2: to look at my own behavior, look at my own actions, 603 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:07,360 Speaker 2: look at the way that he felt understand his point 604 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,960 Speaker 2: of view, and we really had to sit down and 605 00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,480 Speaker 2: talk about it. This was way before we decided we 606 00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,080 Speaker 2: were going to do the show together, and having had 607 00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:19,600 Speaker 2: that conversation, not only did we realize a you know, 608 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:23,080 Speaker 2: we we were so happy to kind of just be 609 00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:27,040 Speaker 2: reunited as friends, but also how much of our thinking 610 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:30,120 Speaker 2: was similar in the time that we hadn't been you 611 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,840 Speaker 2: know doing the show together. That we went from this 612 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,720 Speaker 2: you should you know hear? Are the rules right? To 613 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 2: this kind of more expansive thinking of self expression that 614 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:42,760 Speaker 2: clearly has bearn out in terms of, you know, what 615 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:46,280 Speaker 2: we're looking at societally. And so it was wonderful to 616 00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:48,960 Speaker 2: kind of be so close to somebody I sat next 617 00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:50,920 Speaker 2: to him every day for ten years, like we were, 618 00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 2: you know, together more than most married couples, and then 619 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:59,240 Speaker 2: to have that separation to come back together with a 620 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:04,680 Speaker 2: kind of more expansive philosophy about fashion, and also to 621 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,360 Speaker 2: be so much sweeter and more expansive and of our 622 00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:11,080 Speaker 2: understanding of each other. And so it was so delightful 623 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:13,920 Speaker 2: to do the show. And one of the reasons was 624 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:17,240 Speaker 2: because it just doesn't sit right with me anymore to 625 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,320 Speaker 2: be the one to tell you what to do. I'm 626 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:22,920 Speaker 2: happy to offer you opinions, but what makes your heart 627 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,840 Speaker 2: sing is all I care about. I don't have to 628 00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,640 Speaker 2: like it, you have to like it. I have to 629 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:32,480 Speaker 2: get you to a place where your joy at looking 630 00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:35,480 Speaker 2: in the mirror comes from that you have done the 631 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 2: work to figure out exactly who and what you want 632 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:39,160 Speaker 2: to say about yourself. 633 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,320 Speaker 1: I was telling my daughter Fiona that you are coming 634 00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:51,280 Speaker 1: on the show, because we remember watching the show so 635 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:54,760 Speaker 1: much together back in the day, and she was really excited, 636 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:57,760 Speaker 1: and I was telling her that it's your new show's 637 00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:00,280 Speaker 1: called Where whatever the f you want to wear. It's 638 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:06,480 Speaker 1: just such a gorgeous like evolution. The the ability to 639 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:09,760 Speaker 1: let the evolution happen and to acknowledge like here's where 640 00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 1: I was, then here's where I am, now Here's where 641 00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:15,880 Speaker 1: I want to be, you know, and connecting all that 642 00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:18,840 Speaker 1: and not being ashamed of because honestly, she said to me, 643 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:22,240 Speaker 1: I really liked it when they got mad or told 644 00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:24,920 Speaker 1: people they look bad, Like for us, we were like, 645 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:26,360 Speaker 1: oh yeah, that look's terrible. 646 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:28,080 Speaker 2: I know. Ifeople are like, what are you going to 647 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,080 Speaker 2: go back to being mean? And I'm like, you know, 648 00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:33,600 Speaker 2: what mean is the new black. It's back. It's definitely back. 649 00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:37,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's it's just a different it's framed a 650 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:39,440 Speaker 1: different way, so it's more powerful. 651 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,880 Speaker 2: Yeah. And also nobody really you know, it's fine. Look 652 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:44,680 Speaker 2: you want to have judgments or you want me to 653 00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:47,200 Speaker 2: say something like, oh no, she didn't you know, like 654 00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:49,680 Speaker 2: all of those jaw dropping moments. Yes, that was all 655 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:54,000 Speaker 2: for entertainment, obviously, but I do think that we get 656 00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,520 Speaker 2: to a certain point where that's not helpful, right, I 657 00:33:56,560 --> 00:34:00,120 Speaker 2: get to that. It's certainly the people that we that 658 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,240 Speaker 2: we were working with on where whatever the f you want, 659 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:06,280 Speaker 2: I mean, they really had a very clear idea of 660 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,759 Speaker 2: how they wanted to feel and what they wanted to 661 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,040 Speaker 2: look like, which is not what we did on What 662 00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:14,080 Speaker 2: Not to Wear. We had more people that had given 663 00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,120 Speaker 2: up on themselves or who really thought that making these 664 00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:20,880 Speaker 2: crazy statements was somehow creating more buzz about them or 665 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:21,640 Speaker 2: getting them more. 666 00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:24,920 Speaker 1: Attention, right, or protecting them or protecting them exactly. 667 00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:27,319 Speaker 2: And I think, you know, we did a lot. It's 668 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:30,000 Speaker 2: not like we didn't need psychology on What Not to Wear? 669 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,839 Speaker 2: Of course we did. But now it really is this 670 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:36,680 Speaker 2: kind of front loading more information. Even with clients that 671 00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:39,680 Speaker 2: I have in real life, it's more information on the 672 00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,279 Speaker 2: front end before I put anything on you. I want 673 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:45,000 Speaker 2: to talk about everything that you feel like you is 674 00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:48,560 Speaker 2: you love about yourself or about your style or what's 675 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:51,239 Speaker 2: in your closet, and everything that you don't relate to 676 00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:54,040 Speaker 2: at all, everything that you don't like, everything that you 677 00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:57,440 Speaker 2: wish you could change, all of the things. Because we 678 00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:59,879 Speaker 2: have to be talking about the same thing in order 679 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,400 Speaker 2: for me to get you what you want, which requires 680 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:05,480 Speaker 2: like a lot of understanding and translating on my part 681 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:08,120 Speaker 2: to really get you to a place where the questions 682 00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:11,960 Speaker 2: that you're asking yourself are specific to really what you 683 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,160 Speaker 2: want to, you know, do in terms of the way 684 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,719 Speaker 2: that you look and feel. And there's a lot of 685 00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,840 Speaker 2: baggage there. So when people tell me something like I 686 00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,520 Speaker 2: can't wear green, is that true or is that a belief? Well, 687 00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:26,600 Speaker 2: chances are you don't think you can wear green because 688 00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:29,399 Speaker 2: somebody either said you terrible in it, or your mother 689 00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:32,319 Speaker 2: said no women in our family can wear green, or 690 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,840 Speaker 2: whatever it is that got stuck in your head. Guaranteed 691 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:35,480 Speaker 2: it wasn't. 692 00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:38,000 Speaker 1: You right, It's not yours stick care right. 693 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,880 Speaker 2: And so it's like, how can we give you experience 694 00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:44,040 Speaker 2: that allows you a different perspective. 695 00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:47,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, to like pick what you want moving forward exactly. 696 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,839 Speaker 2: Most people don't know what they actually want. I don't 697 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,960 Speaker 2: think I know. Sometimes they want I'm like, do I 698 00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,439 Speaker 2: like this or not? You know, you have to ask 699 00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:59,279 Speaker 2: yourself these things. But that's the other thing I think 700 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:03,960 Speaker 2: being in me life, it's it's finally okay to be unsure. 701 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:07,960 Speaker 2: It's finally, okay, not to know. I don't say. I 702 00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:10,520 Speaker 2: used to think I needed to be the smartest person 703 00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,120 Speaker 2: in every room. I thought I had so much to prove. 704 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:17,000 Speaker 2: And now I'm not interested in being the smartest person 705 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:18,719 Speaker 2: in the room. If I'm not the dumbest, I want 706 00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:20,840 Speaker 2: to be as close to the dumbest as possible, because 707 00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:24,600 Speaker 2: I have so much to learn, but also because I'm 708 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:30,319 Speaker 2: curious about doing things differently. I'm curious about thinking about 709 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:34,400 Speaker 2: things differently. I'm curious about understanding more than one perspective 710 00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:37,120 Speaker 2: in order to be able to relate to more people. 711 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,360 Speaker 2: That is incredibly important to me. 712 00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:41,360 Speaker 1: I think that kind of goes with one of my 713 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:44,880 Speaker 1: last questions is that you talked about allowing yourself to 714 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:47,440 Speaker 1: be brave. What do you mean by allowing yourself to 715 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:50,560 Speaker 1: be brave? Is that similar or the same as choosing 716 00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:51,240 Speaker 1: to be brave? 717 00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:56,560 Speaker 2: Yes, Allowing to me is an active activity. It's not 718 00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:59,680 Speaker 2: just like I'm lying here while I let things happen 719 00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:06,080 Speaker 2: to me. Allowing is It actually takes quite a bit 720 00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:10,600 Speaker 2: of effort, right, because being afraid is the easiest. I 721 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,960 Speaker 2: think fear and shame are the things They're both necessary 722 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,680 Speaker 2: emotions for lots of reasons, but they are the ones 723 00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:19,440 Speaker 2: that can kind of take over and become out of 724 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,320 Speaker 2: control and then sort of guide all of our decision making, 725 00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,319 Speaker 2: and that, to me is a big problem. When I 726 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:28,399 Speaker 2: look back on things that I didn't do or things 727 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,279 Speaker 2: that I didn't do well, I can almost always say 728 00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,720 Speaker 2: it's because I was afraid and I didn't take the chance, 729 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:35,920 Speaker 2: or I was ashamed and I didn't say what I 730 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,960 Speaker 2: really wanted to say. And those are things that I 731 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:44,480 Speaker 2: try my hardest not to do now. Soar fear is 732 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:46,640 Speaker 2: there because sometimes things are dangerous and you have to 733 00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,399 Speaker 2: know when they're dangerous to run away from them most 734 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,360 Speaker 2: of the time, right, But most of the time, fear 735 00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:56,520 Speaker 2: extends to things that really are associations that we've made 736 00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:58,600 Speaker 2: in our head that we can say, I'm afraid and 737 00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:02,160 Speaker 2: I'm going to do it anyway, which is what bravery is. 738 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:07,120 Speaker 2: Bravery is not not having fear, because we absolutely have 739 00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:09,719 Speaker 2: to have fear. And I do think that we are 740 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:12,719 Speaker 2: mostly afraid of things where we don't know the outcome. 741 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:17,320 Speaker 2: And that's also why I don't I don't love expectation. 742 00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:21,000 Speaker 2: This idea that things have to turn out a certain 743 00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,640 Speaker 2: way is always going to lead to disappointment. 744 00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:26,959 Speaker 1: Right, But how can we even enter into the thought 745 00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:28,640 Speaker 1: of thinking, I know how this is going to turn 746 00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,760 Speaker 1: out like right. 747 00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:32,600 Speaker 2: But how many times do we do that? How many 748 00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,200 Speaker 2: times do we think we know for sure if we 749 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:37,799 Speaker 2: do this, then this will happen. If we say this, 750 00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:40,839 Speaker 2: then this will happen. We already we make these predictions 751 00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:43,960 Speaker 2: constantly without thinking about it, instead of saying, well, wait 752 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:47,600 Speaker 2: a second, is that what's really going to happen? Like, Okay, Granted, 753 00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:50,240 Speaker 2: like if there is an open flame and I decide 754 00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:52,080 Speaker 2: I'm going to put my hand over it, I'm probably 755 00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,919 Speaker 2: going to burn my hand. That's more than one hundred 756 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:58,360 Speaker 2: percent likely in my opinion. Right. But if it's something 757 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,560 Speaker 2: about like if I decide I'm going to design this 758 00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:03,839 Speaker 2: jacket and it's a little bit out of your comfort zone, 759 00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,439 Speaker 2: it's a little bit out of everybody's comfort zone, it's 760 00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:09,200 Speaker 2: going to fail. I don't know that for sure. You 761 00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:10,960 Speaker 2: don't know that, and I don't know that it's going 762 00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,319 Speaker 2: to succeed. But I won't know the answer to that 763 00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:18,120 Speaker 2: until I try. And trying or at least acting even 764 00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:21,799 Speaker 2: with fear, gives you. Right, people say you win or 765 00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:24,760 Speaker 2: you learn. In my opinion. It's not even about winning 766 00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:27,759 Speaker 2: or learning. It is that you just learn. It's not 767 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:32,440 Speaker 2: about winning or losing. Those are value judgments. Everything that 768 00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,759 Speaker 2: we do in life is experienced, so what we take 769 00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:38,479 Speaker 2: away from it informs our next experience, good or bad. 770 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:42,560 Speaker 1: Preach it, Stacy London, Oh my gosh, you are so 771 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:46,719 Speaker 1: such a great midlife advocate. I mean, because as I've 772 00:39:46,719 --> 00:39:49,520 Speaker 1: gotten into my midlife, there's there's a few things that 773 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,520 Speaker 1: I rely on as the fact that I do I 774 00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:57,520 Speaker 1: don't know anything, like I don't know anything, and that 775 00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:00,239 Speaker 1: I have no control. We none of us have any 776 00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:05,800 Speaker 1: control from moment to moment. So if you're in the headspace, 777 00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:09,759 Speaker 1: you're kind of just like free to kind of go 778 00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:12,960 Speaker 1: where life takes you and make the best of it. 779 00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:15,920 Speaker 2: It's funny that you say that I kind of walked 780 00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:19,920 Speaker 2: into twenty twenty six having left my home of twenty 781 00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:21,839 Speaker 2: years that I never thought I was going to leave. 782 00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:24,279 Speaker 2: I built it, I was like, this is it, this 783 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:28,879 Speaker 2: is my dream, and it just wasn't It was time 784 00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:33,880 Speaker 2: to go in and of it. Yeah, it was very trying. 785 00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:36,600 Speaker 2: I mean, I feel like it was so exhausting to 786 00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:39,759 Speaker 2: move after twenty years with all that stuff. And I 787 00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:41,680 Speaker 2: had the state sale and I sold some of it 788 00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:43,839 Speaker 2: and I auctioned some of it. I still have too 789 00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:47,360 Speaker 2: much stuff. But what wound up happening was I got 790 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:50,279 Speaker 2: to my new place and I was so excited to 791 00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:52,560 Speaker 2: decorate it and do all these things, and I just 792 00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:54,640 Speaker 2: fell down. I just all I've been able to do 793 00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:57,120 Speaker 2: the last couple of months is just be in this 794 00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:58,280 Speaker 2: space and sleep. 795 00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:02,520 Speaker 1: Uh huh allow yourself to do that. Yep, right. 796 00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,400 Speaker 2: I was like, I just say goodbye to twenty years 797 00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:08,399 Speaker 2: of my history. I can give myself two months before 798 00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:10,759 Speaker 2: I buy a couch. It's not the end of the world, right. 799 00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:14,440 Speaker 2: It always thinking everything has to be done immediately, right, 800 00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,480 Speaker 2: And you see behind me, it's a wife and I 801 00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:19,480 Speaker 2: have no art on the walls yet. Like there's a 802 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,799 Speaker 2: lot going on that I need to fix, but I 803 00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:25,520 Speaker 2: just haven't been ready. And instead of beating myself up, 804 00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,319 Speaker 2: I'm really I'm really just trying to sit in the 805 00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:29,759 Speaker 2: experience and learn from it. 806 00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:33,920 Speaker 1: I have moved into a house seven years ago and 807 00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:38,280 Speaker 1: did nothing to it for six years because and I knew, 808 00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,799 Speaker 1: like I was forming these ideas all over the over 809 00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,719 Speaker 1: those years, like of what I wanted ultimately from my 810 00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:46,600 Speaker 1: home and the feeling and the space, and now I've 811 00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:49,640 Speaker 1: started to take action and it feels really good and right. 812 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:51,920 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have known if I hadn't sat in it 813 00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:55,640 Speaker 1: and just experienced it. You are just like such a 814 00:41:55,680 --> 00:42:02,399 Speaker 1: wealth of encouragement and positive messaging reality for people. I mean, 815 00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:05,440 Speaker 1: you tell it like it is, which I love about you. 816 00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,000 Speaker 2: Thank you, and. 817 00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:10,359 Speaker 1: Just getting to know you a little bit better at 818 00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:14,400 Speaker 1: QVC has been so fun. I always look forward to 819 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,800 Speaker 1: seeing you. So I have to ask you, though, Stacy London, 820 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:18,480 Speaker 1: what was your last I choose me moment? 821 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:22,120 Speaker 2: I choose me moment? I think my last I choose 822 00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:25,960 Speaker 2: me a moment was recognizing that this year, this schedule 823 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:28,920 Speaker 2: is a lot more flexible than it was last year. 824 00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:32,359 Speaker 2: And so a very good friend of mine, her dad 825 00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:35,719 Speaker 2: passed away and she hasn't taken a vacation in three years, 826 00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:37,560 Speaker 2: and I was like, good, we're going away and we 827 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,480 Speaker 2: leave February first, Oh my god. And I was like, 828 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:41,319 Speaker 2: I'm choosing us. 829 00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:42,440 Speaker 1: I'm going tropical. 830 00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:45,880 Speaker 2: Well, we're going to Portugal, so that's kind of tropical, right. 831 00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:48,319 Speaker 1: Oh my god, that sounds so educational. 832 00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,160 Speaker 2: I don't know a friend of mine who is a nomad. 833 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:53,439 Speaker 2: She lives all over the world and right now she's 834 00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:56,520 Speaker 2: in Lisbon. I thought, you know what, I could sit 835 00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:58,319 Speaker 2: home and stress about the fact that I'm not sure 836 00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,439 Speaker 2: what I'm doing next. I could just go live life 837 00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:02,520 Speaker 2: and learn something new. 838 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,719 Speaker 1: Yes, that's so freeing, that is so good. 839 00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:07,080 Speaker 2: I'm so excited. 840 00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:10,480 Speaker 1: Well, I've loved our talk and I know everybody listening. 841 00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:12,239 Speaker 1: Well to Stacy London, I love you.