WEBVTT - Chock Full of Love 0:00:12.720 --> 0:00:15.840 It's I do Part two. On this podcast, We're going 0:00:15.880 --> 0:00:18.599 to talk about looking for love the second time around. 0:00:19.440 --> 0:00:21.720 I'm Chock Chapel. Some of you may know me from 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:26.000 the Golden Bachelorette where I met my beautiful fiance Joan. 0:00:26.239 --> 0:00:28.280 We've had a great time together. I've got to tell you, 0:00:28.360 --> 0:00:31.600 guys all about that. Before I met Joan, I was 0:00:31.680 --> 0:00:35.440 just like you the listeners, looking for my due part two, 0:00:36.600 --> 0:00:38.640 and I know it's not always easy to open up 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:41.720 yourself to love, and again, when a marriage doesn't work out, 0:00:41.800 --> 0:00:45.000 there's a lot of challenges and a lot of questions. Today, 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:47.239 I'm excited to answer some of the questions that you 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:50.400 the listeners have, because I'm going to tell you this. 0:00:50.479 --> 0:00:51.919 I think I'm pretty good at it and I've had 0:00:51.920 --> 0:00:53.560 a lot of counts late in a lot of years 0:00:53.640 --> 0:00:57.840 underneath my belt in the love world. So let's get started. Okay, 0:00:57.920 --> 0:00:59.640 let's go to my first caller, Amy. 0:01:00.160 --> 0:01:02.360 Hi, my name is Amy, and I have a question. 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:07.040 I am have been divorced for about fifteen years and 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:12.000 just have turned fifty, and it feels like the online 0:01:12.080 --> 0:01:14.920 dating sites don't really work for me anymore. Just wanted 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:18.480 to see if you had some advice on places outside 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:21.960 of the dating apps to meet people that are over fifty. 0:01:22.319 --> 0:01:25.520 Thank you well, Amy, I'm glad you asked that question 0:01:25.560 --> 0:01:27.720 because it comes up all the time. And the guys 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:30.240 on the show, they talked about dating apps. It worked 0:01:30.240 --> 0:01:32.440 for a couple of them, a lot of them didn't 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:35.080 like it or it just didn't fit. But when people 0:01:35.120 --> 0:01:37.360 ask me that question, what I do is I go, 0:01:38.360 --> 0:01:40.800 let's think about how many people you know and what 0:01:40.880 --> 0:01:44.399 you really want in life. Some people are just looking 0:01:44.440 --> 0:01:46.720 for that number one soulmate, you know that's going to 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:49.200 replace somebody that they were maybe married to or that 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:54.920 they lost to disease or an accident. But what I 0:01:55.000 --> 0:01:57.320 do is I say, let's look at the people that 0:01:57.400 --> 0:02:00.840 you know, because references in the world, it's you know, 0:02:00.840 --> 0:02:04.240 it's always what we say is it's people, people people people. 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:06.600 And if you can tell your friends that you're open 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:09.840 to dating, and I'm very adamant about this, don't do 0:02:09.960 --> 0:02:12.000 this too quick. If you don't really want to date, 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:14.720 let's you know, don't muddy the waters. But if you're 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:17.040 ready to start dating, the first thing I'd recommend is 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:19.800 to tell your friends say hey, I'm looking and a 0:02:19.800 --> 0:02:21.640 lot of people go I live in a small town, 0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:24.320 I live in a city. My friends don't have anybody. 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:27.600 You'd be amazed. And then once you ask them that favor, 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:30.160 to say, hey, if you know someone or if you're 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:32.919 considering somewhere, one of your friends might have it, they'll 0:02:32.919 --> 0:02:37.200 open up. So apps my personal opinion work twenty fifteen 0:02:37.240 --> 0:02:39.760 to twenty percent of the time. The rest of it's 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:42.000 just getting out. But if I were to do one thing, 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:45.480 that would be to ask people for referrals. And when 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:47.239 I say referrals, I'm a business guy. But hey, do 0:02:47.280 --> 0:02:50.240 you know anybody that I might find interesting? They might 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:52.800 find me interesting, somebody I could have breakfast with a 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:55.880 cup of coffee, a lunch, just get to know people. 0:02:56.400 --> 0:02:58.720 I have a very good lady friend of mine I've 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:01.560 known my whole life, and her name is Jennifer. She 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:04.440 was living in Austin and she went on a match 0:03:04.520 --> 0:03:07.280 date and the gentleman she was having the dinner with 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:09.840 just said, Jen, you know we're I don't think we're 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:12.040 the right people, but I have a friend of mine 0:03:12.080 --> 0:03:14.480 that i'd like for you to meet. She's been married 0:03:14.480 --> 0:03:18.200 to him Dave for probably ten years, have a great relationship. 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:21.000 They moved back to my hometown of Witchtock, Kansas. They've 0:03:21.000 --> 0:03:23.160 got a great life together, so it can happen. That 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:25.919 was just kind of an interesting thing on a dating 0:03:25.919 --> 0:03:28.359 app that's worked a couple of guys on the show. 0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:31.240 As I mentioned earlier, they are on the dating apps 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:33.400 and they like it, but I think they're still kind 0:03:33.400 --> 0:03:35.520 of playing a numbers game. They're not looking for that 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:38.480 one soulmate. They're just looking to meet people and to 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:41.000 see what happens. So, you know, my advice to you 0:03:41.040 --> 0:03:43.560 is just get out there, open your heart and ask 0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:45.520 people that you know, and then we'll go to it 0:03:45.840 --> 0:03:48.080 with some other questions and some other detailed things I 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:50.840 think you could do to find love. Okay, now we're 0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:52.720 going to go to Melissa, and she's got a great 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:53.520 question for me. 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:59.640 Hi, my name is Melissa, and I would like to 0:03:59.760 --> 0:04:07.720 know how to approach a new relationship when you're not 0:04:07.840 --> 0:04:13.480 quite recovered from your last one. Inevitably, we compare people 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:18.240 to someone we used to love and that doesn't always 0:04:18.320 --> 0:04:22.280 work out and it's not fair to them. So how 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:27.479 do I get out of that headspace of comparing a 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:29.760 potential suitor to my ex? 0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:35.279 Thank you Melissa again? Another great question. What I feel 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:38.240 about this Because I was married for twelve years, two kids, 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:40.800 and then I had a long term relationship with somebody 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:44.600 for nine years. It's tough and it's a challenge to 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:46.760 get them out of your mind. But Joanah and I 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:49.880 have talked about this. We don't want those other loved 0:04:49.880 --> 0:04:51.760 ones out of our mind. You just look at it 0:04:51.800 --> 0:04:54.600 as a chapter of your life and go, I had 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:57.560 this person for this amount of time. Whatever happened happened, 0:04:57.960 --> 0:05:00.560 but then learn from it. Joanah and I had conversation 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:03.839 today and we were talking about gifts and those type 0:05:03.880 --> 0:05:06.480 of things, and I love how what I asked her is, 0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:09.919 I said, what are the important gift dates for you? 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:12.720 And she goes my birthday, Christmas, and then Valentine. She goes, 0:05:12.720 --> 0:05:15.719 I've always loved something for Valentine, So she goes John 0:05:15.839 --> 0:05:18.320 that was her husband. You know, That's what we did. 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:21.240 And Melissa, I personally feel that if you have a 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:24.960 jealous partner, there's a bigger issue. A little bit of 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:28.320 jealousy is probably a healthy thing, but someone that just 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:32.520 dwells on it and really gets frustrated when you talk 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:36.240 about an ex, talk about a past I think they 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:39.240 might be controlling. That's just my opinion, so I'd be 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:43.479 very cognizant of that. But again, you know, talk about 0:05:43.520 --> 0:05:45.960 your past, open up, because Joana and I have done that, 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:48.640 and that's one of the things that really attracted the 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:51.200 two of us to each other is you know, it 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:54.120 wasn't picked up on the show, but at Disneyland we 0:05:54.200 --> 0:05:58.240 talked about our exes, and when we had dinner, I 0:05:58.279 --> 0:06:00.080 went into a little bit more detail. But during the 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:03.640 day Jonah talked about it because I was curious and 0:06:03.680 --> 0:06:06.600 I wanted to know her history. And I know, and 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:10.680 I'm okay with myself going if John was still alive, 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:13.320 I probably wouldn't be in the picture. And Joan said, 0:06:13.320 --> 0:06:15.159 I was married for thirty two years. It was just 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:18.880 a terrible circumstance that happened. He passed have cancer. So 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:25.120 you know, just just go slow and talk about your 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:27.839 ex I really think that's a compliment to them. You 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:30.320 owe that. But then with your new relationship, they need 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:33.200 to know how you feel and you have to be 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:35.359 open to move forward. And I've said this time and 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:38.040 time again, it takes a little bit of time. Some people, 0:06:38.520 --> 0:06:41.440 my father has not had a lot of time between 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:43.960 his relationships. He's been married thirty five years now, but 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:46.560 before that it was you know, they call him a 0:06:46.560 --> 0:06:49.159 trapeze artist and where they kind of jump from one 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:52.240 to another. And his last wife, they've just had a 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:55.360 great relationship. So it's worked. But just be comfortable. And 0:06:55.360 --> 0:06:58.000 here's the other thing too, is it's communication and honesty 0:06:58.600 --> 0:07:01.760 and if you're honest, you're going to win in the 0:07:01.800 --> 0:07:05.280 long run. So again, thanks meliss a great question. Okay, 0:07:05.279 --> 0:07:07.760 now we're moving on to Jessica, who has another great 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:11.600 relationship question. All right, Jessica, Hi, talk. 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:15.040 This is Jessica calling. I had a question for you 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:19.240 that I would love your advice on. I am in 0:07:19.360 --> 0:07:23.480 a relationship with a divorced man. He was married to 0:07:23.560 --> 0:07:26.800 his ex wife for fifteen years and we have a 0:07:26.800 --> 0:07:32.119 great relationship. We've been together for about like almost six 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:35.800 months now. We're great, but there is one thing that 0:07:36.080 --> 0:07:40.080 I kind of struggle with within our relationship. His ex 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:43.960 wife is a little bit overbearing and he's always on 0:07:44.000 --> 0:07:46.640 the phone with her or has to leave the room 0:07:46.920 --> 0:07:50.640 to call her and text her a lot, and sometimes 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:54.600 he becomes like a bit emotional when talking about her, 0:07:54.920 --> 0:07:58.440 whether it's angry or upset about thinking something about the past. 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:02.920 And they don't have any kids together, so I understand 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:06.000 if they were to be talking often because they need 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:08.440 to talk about the kids, but they don't have kids, 0:08:08.480 --> 0:08:12.920 so I don't really understand why they communicate so much. 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:17.200 And they have been divorced for two years now, and 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:19.920 I ask him a lot if you know he still 0:08:19.920 --> 0:08:22.560 has feelings for her, and he says no, he just 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:25.760 cares about her, and he claims to let me know 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:28.119 in the beginning of when we started dating that she'll 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:30.920 just always be in his life. But it's challenging for me, 0:08:31.040 --> 0:08:32.640 so I'm just trying to think of a way to 0:08:32.679 --> 0:08:36.400 communicate to him that it really bothers me and it 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:38.920 really comes off like he still has feelings for her. 0:08:39.120 --> 0:08:41.280 So I would love your advice on this. 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:43.120 I think it would really help me. 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:44.400 Thank you so much. 0:08:44.600 --> 0:08:47.480 By Jessica. This is a tough one and what you're 0:08:47.520 --> 0:08:49.360 going to get from me is just my opinion. But 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:51.800 I have been through a lot of counseling in my life, 0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:55.880 especially when Kathy was passing, and with my wife, my 0:08:55.960 --> 0:08:58.160 only wife is we try to keep our marriage together. 0:08:58.760 --> 0:09:02.760 This doesn't sound healthy from your standpoint, and just to 0:09:02.800 --> 0:09:05.560 be direct with you. If he's still having that much 0:09:05.600 --> 0:09:08.800 communication with her, there's a red flag. It's one thing, 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:10.920 as you'd mentioned, if you have kids, because you just 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:14.480 have to deal with the kids. And I really appreciate 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:18.640 and foster when divorced parents communicate about their kids because 0:09:18.640 --> 0:09:20.720 it's a great way to raise them and let them 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:23.960 know that they love each other. But he has to 0:09:24.040 --> 0:09:27.120 let go of that. A previous caller was talking about, 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:31.840 you know, just the communications about with the dating couple, 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:34.760 about your prior exes. You have to do this, But 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:37.559 I personally would not be involved with somebody that was 0:09:37.600 --> 0:09:39.880 talking to their ex every day for multiple times. It 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:42.599 was getting emotional and walking into the next room and 0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:46.680 having private, private conversations. There might be some codependency there. 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:49.600 And again I'm not a licensed therapist, but that's kind 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:51.640 of what it sounds like to me. And for both 0:09:51.679 --> 0:09:54.880 of them to heal and move on, I think if 0:09:54.920 --> 0:09:56.880 you really say he's a great guy, he's probably a 0:09:56.880 --> 0:09:58.880 great guy. But I would say you're going to have 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:01.160 to concentrate on me. This is too much, And that's 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:04.000 just my personal opinion, but I think for you to 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:06.800 be healthy, you need to take a stance there because 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:09.000 I would not want to date somebody the rest of 0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:11.559 my life have them always talking with their exit moving away. 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:14.120 And I'm a person that says I mentioned in a 0:10:14.200 --> 0:10:17.200 couple other questions that I had, I have lady friends. 0:10:17.240 --> 0:10:22.440 I absolutely believe that you can have friendships with the 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:25.360 opposite sex and it doesn't have to be sexual. Joan 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:28.200 has a very good friend, doctor Ron, who's a great guy. 0:10:28.320 --> 0:10:30.480 I've met him a couple of times. He's open to me. 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:33.079 He's just a great guy. And I'm not jealous. 0:10:33.120 --> 0:10:33.360 I'm not. 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:36.040 I think they've got a great relationship. She's decorated his 0:10:36.160 --> 0:10:39.200 doctor's office. I mean, so that can happen. But if 0:10:39.240 --> 0:10:41.640 she was talking about Ron the whole time, I would know, 0:10:41.880 --> 0:10:45.080 is that person in the relationship. There's a problem, there's 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:47.319 a red flag. So I wish you luck, and there's 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:50.720 a reason why you called that. I would, frankly, as 0:10:50.720 --> 0:10:52.720 they say, lay the law down and say, you know, 0:10:52.920 --> 0:10:55.560 this is just too much and take it from there. 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:58.880 But tough one, and I wish you luck. Thank you 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:02.040 for the call. Okay, we've got another call from Cassie. 0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:05.040 She's divorced and she's got a great question. So Cassie. 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:09.559 Hi, my name's Cassie, and I am a divorced sea 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:15.320 living in sunny Florida and I'm just trying to get 0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:18.160 back out there. But I'm really like an in person 0:11:18.280 --> 0:11:23.000 kind of gal, and so I hate using the dating apps. 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:25.680 And yeah, I just don't know how I should go 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:31.960 about meeting guys at this stage in my life in person. 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:36.560 Please any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:40.240 Well, Cassie, this is another question that we've got on 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:43.240 the dating apps. And I just smiled because after I 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:45.360 got divorced, I was on the dating apps for a 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:47.560 couple of years and I've got some great stories, I 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:51.199 mean absolutely bizarre. Not some good people, but there are 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:55.160 some interesting people out there. But the stats today say 0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:58.920 there's like forty percent of couples that beat through dating apps. 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:01.160 And then my kids they're on them all the time, 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:03.520 both of them were single. My son's actually started dating 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:06.640 someone that he did meet on an app. They do work, 0:12:06.679 --> 0:12:09.320 but for the generations. I don't know how old you are. 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:12.600 And I went on to Forbes to do some research 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:15.280 on this, and there's like eight dating apps and there's 0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:18.520 one like you know my age, you know Match is 0:12:18.559 --> 0:12:21.000 the one that's been around. E Harmony still ranks up 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:23.800 as number one, so I wouldn't throw them away. I 0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:26.920 just be selective and doing that. But your main question 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:29.600 is how do I meet people? And I've said this before, 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:31.920 and I read a Dale Carnegie book and it was 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:34.640 just about opening up to people and saying hi. And 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:37.320 then there was another book about a person says, get 0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:39.880 on the elevator and face the wrong way. I did 0:12:39.920 --> 0:12:42.360 that with Joan the other day. She was nervous, but 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:44.360 it made me talk to people. I looked him in 0:12:44.400 --> 0:12:47.720 the eye, and I'm not really that outgoing Joan is. 0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:51.800 I'm a kind of an introvert, but I forced myself 0:12:51.840 --> 0:12:54.400 to meet people because I like to meet people. And 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:56.680 then the other thing is when you meet people, it's 0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:59.000 not about you, it's about them. If you'll just ask 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:01.600 some simple questions, people will open up to you. And 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:03.400 there's going to be some people that shun you and 0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:06.439 walk away. But you know, for meeting people, it could 0:13:06.440 --> 0:13:09.120 be at the grocery store, it could be at a gym, 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:12.000 it could be at a church. It could be through friends. 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:14.080 I love meeting people through friends. And if you go 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:16.839 to a party in my business world. The gentleman I 0:13:16.920 --> 0:13:19.840 used to work for, if we went to a big conference, 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:22.000 we couldn't sit at the same table with people that 0:13:22.040 --> 0:13:24.280 we knew. He goes, I want you to go meet 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:27.200 new people, So forcing yourself to do that, but just 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:29.920 that actual little high how are you doing, we'll get 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:34.240 conversations started. My best friend met somebody in New York 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:37.640 City at the TSA line and it was curving around. 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:39.760 He just said, hey, how are you doing? And they 0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:43.440 ended up in a relationship. So open yourself, but be open. 0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:46.280 And again, some of us that are on the introverted side, 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.360 it's tough to do, but don't be afraid. What's the 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:50.719 worst thing that's going to happen. Usually they'll kind of 0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:53.320 walk away or you know, you know, I'm not interested, 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:55.880 or something like that. But I think it's good training 0:13:55.960 --> 0:13:59.240 to do that because if you do wait and I've 0:13:59.280 --> 0:14:01.400 had people ask this question too, why do I end 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:04.000 up with the wrong guy? Probably because they're coming to you. 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:08.199 What about you? Just and it's not aggressively but just passively, 0:14:08.280 --> 0:14:10.200 just saying hi to people and see where it goes. 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:13.280 And again, I'm the biggest fan of asking your friends, 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:15.720 friends and family, going Hey, I'm ready to date again. 0:14:15.760 --> 0:14:18.080 Do you know of anybody? So if you don't like 0:14:18.160 --> 0:14:20.200 the appse that's the best place to start. But he 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:22.240 got another friend of mine that met someone at the 0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:25.320 gas station who was pumping gas just across from him 0:14:25.360 --> 0:14:28.240 and just started talking to them. You have to say something, 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:30.840 and not everybody's going to say something when I say 0:14:30.840 --> 0:14:33.440 you have to, but not everybody's going to approach another person. 0:14:33.720 --> 0:14:36.680 But be warm, a little bit of eye contact, and 0:14:37.080 --> 0:14:39.600 just be confident. And this is one thing I'm a 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:42.480 guy that I see about ladies. Had lunch today with 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:44.800 a business client of mine and I saw a lady 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:48.720 walk into the restaurant who wasn't a tent attractive person 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:50.840 but wasn't a tent, but are confidence And it just 0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:54.440 kind of I noticed that, So have the confidence. And 0:14:54.480 --> 0:14:57.000 then I've had people go, well, I'm a bigger girl, 0:14:57.080 --> 0:15:00.240 I'm this, I'm that Confidence is who you are. And 0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:03.040 if you'll train yourself to say i'm this person, I'm 0:15:03.040 --> 0:15:05.320 a good person, it's going to open up a lot 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:08.320 of avenues to you. So I get the dating the 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:10.840 app dating because I did it. It was a crazy ride. 0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:13.160 I could tell I could go for five hours on 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:15.480 the stories that I had. But I met some great people. 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:17.240 But I didn't meet anybody that I ended up with 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:20.160 through through a dating app other than Kathy, that was 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:23.360 my significant other of the past. We met through Facebook 0:15:23.360 --> 0:15:26.400 and she approached me and it was interesting. She just 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:29.160 sent me an it's a DM on Instagram. I don't 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:31.200 know what it was on Facebook, but she just said, Hey, 0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:33.000 I know your dad. I'd like to I know you 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:35.640 know my father. I'd like to meet you. So open up, 0:15:35.680 --> 0:15:37.560 smile and people talk to them and just have a 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:39.560 good time. But again, great question, and I wish you 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:43.120 the best. Okay, We've got another great question for Monica, 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:45.960 who was recently out at a bar. And when any 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:48.040 question starts with hey I was at a bar, I 0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:50.280 love to answer these, So Monica, bring it on. 0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:52.080 Hi, my name Monica. 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:52.960 I have a question. 0:15:53.320 --> 0:15:55.040 And I got this reaction show when I was out 0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:57.640 at a bar that a look that was like, oh, 0:15:57.720 --> 0:16:01.760 she's divorced. Our man really intimidated by divorced women. 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:05.000 Let me know, all right, Monica, and I had a 0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:06.840 Monica that worked for me for a number of years, 0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:11.720 so that name makes me smile. Are men intimidated if 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:15.080 a woman's divorced, I would say once you get past 0:16:15.240 --> 0:16:19.120 thirty to forty years old, absolutely not. The divorce rate 0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:22.920 is over fifty percent in the United States. It just happens. 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:25.800 And a lot of times people get married when they're 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:28.840 too young. And this is just me preaching going they 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:31.240 really didn't know what they wanted, what they were doing. 0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:34.560 They might have been attacked, attracted to a type somebody 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:36.720 likes the jock at high school. It just wasn't the 0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:41.480 perfect uh, the perfect spouse forum, or someone got into somebody, 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:43.800 you know, a professional that was going through multiple years 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:49.120 of or college that added that kind of stress. So no, men, 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:52.680 mature men are not and especially those with confident are 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:56.520 not intimidated with ladies that have been divorced. Absolutely no way, 0:16:56.640 --> 0:16:59.840 shape or form. What's interesting, though, is you'll have some 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:03.520 that don't want to get into a blended family, and 0:17:03.560 --> 0:17:05.479 you'll see that. I've had that with a couple of 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:09.159 my friends. But the majority of them love the blended family. 0:17:09.320 --> 0:17:11.200 You know, most of us have kids, some of us, 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:14.240 you know, there's a certain percentage that don't. But no, 0:17:14.400 --> 0:17:16.359 that's part of it. And the nice thing is if 0:17:16.359 --> 0:17:20.520 people really love people, they'll go into that open armed, 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:23.920 open hearted, and just love the situation. So don't worry 0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:26.359 about that at all. And I would actually I wouldn't 0:17:26.440 --> 0:17:28.480 lead off with that. But if somebody just said, and 0:17:28.760 --> 0:17:30.600 this was some of the best advice I ever had, 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:34.800 is never blame your ex, never because it looks bad, 0:17:35.119 --> 0:17:36.800 and just say, hey, it didn't work out. We had 0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:38.520 a great relationship. And that's what I say with my 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:41.240 ex wife is we were two different people. We got 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:43.680 married probably a little you know, a little younger, a 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:46.560 little premature, but we had two great kids. She's got 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:49.359 a great husband now she's very happy. So I wish 0:17:49.400 --> 0:17:51.960 you the best. So that's the people you want your life. 0:17:52.000 --> 0:17:54.919 But again I'll tell you, don't ever be embarrassed at 0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:57.160 you're divorced, because so many of us have been through that. 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:10.119 Good luck to you. Okay, we've got another great question 0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:12.720 from Lisa. Really I'm dying to hear this one. Bring 0:18:12.760 --> 0:18:12.960 it on. 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:18.919 Hi. My name is Lisa, and I just wanted to 0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:21.680 ask for some advice. I'm getting back into the dating 0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:25.919 scene for the first time in twenty years. You know, 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:28.880 my divorce is only behind me, but I'm nervous about 0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:32.679 getting intimate. Do guys feel the same way about this 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:35.720 kind of thing. I feel like I'm self sabotaging potential 0:18:35.760 --> 0:18:40.800 low connections because I'm like super self conscious. So any 0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:41.680 advice there to. 0:18:41.640 --> 0:18:45.960 Think, Lisa, what a great question, and for a gentleman 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:47.879 that's been through that and who has a lot of 0:18:47.880 --> 0:18:50.240 people in their lives and frankly we talk about it. 0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:54.600 The intimacy is probably one of the biggest challenges that 0:18:54.720 --> 0:18:56.440 any of us face when we get back into the 0:18:56.520 --> 0:18:59.760 dating world. There are some people, and you'll smirk at this, 0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:02.800 some of the listeners will that had a marriage or 0:19:02.840 --> 0:19:05.000 a relationship and they didn't have a lot of sex 0:19:05.040 --> 0:19:06.600 at the end of it. It could go on for 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:09.160 five or ten years. So when they get out, they're 0:19:09.280 --> 0:19:12.880 very interested in the intimacy. Intimacy is in the eye 0:19:12.880 --> 0:19:15.400 of the beholder, and it's what you're all comfortable with. 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:20.320 Some people like it, some people love it, and you 0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:23.080 know the timing. Everybody asked, well should I you know, 0:19:23.359 --> 0:19:25.960 I dated someone and they said, I won't have sex 0:19:26.000 --> 0:19:29.160 for like ninety days. And I don't know about their 0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:31.159 history on that, but that's what they just said. And 0:19:31.200 --> 0:19:33.720 I think what had happened with them is they got 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:37.760 into some relationships were intimate. And then one thing about intimacy, 0:19:37.840 --> 0:19:40.560 it either brings you together or it will push you 0:19:40.600 --> 0:19:43.680 apart where it doesn't work. And I've also read numerous 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:47.639 times where a pretty famous psychiatrist said, I like it 0:19:47.680 --> 0:19:51.160 when people have sex or intimate early in because they 0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:53.560 find out if that's going to work, because if it doesn't, 0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:55.960 it'll lead to a lot of problems down the road. 0:19:56.119 --> 0:20:00.760 So the confidence comes from, you know, the sexual confidence. 0:20:00.840 --> 0:20:05.240 The intimacy really comes from yourself. I'm sixty two years old. 0:20:05.280 --> 0:20:08.000 I don't look like I used to when I was 0:20:08.080 --> 0:20:10.080 twenty and thirty years old, so I'm not is in 0:20:10.080 --> 0:20:12.280 a good shape, But you just have to be comfortable 0:20:12.320 --> 0:20:14.879 and a lot of it is like with Joan. I 0:20:15.080 --> 0:20:18.119 like to hold her and I really really like to 0:20:18.160 --> 0:20:20.800