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Speaker 1: It's I do Part two. On this podcast, We're going

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Speaker 1: to talk about looking for love the second time around.

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Speaker 1: I'm Chock Chapel. Some of you may know me from

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Speaker 1: the Golden Bachelorette where I met my beautiful fiance Joan.

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Speaker 1: We've had a great time together. I've got to tell you,

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Speaker 1: guys all about that. Before I met Joan, I was

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Speaker 1: just like you the listeners, looking for my due part two,

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Speaker 1: and I know it's not always easy to open up

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Speaker 1: yourself to love, and again, when a marriage doesn't work out,

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of challenges and a lot of questions. Today,

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Speaker 1: I'm excited to answer some of the questions that you

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Speaker 1: the listeners have, because I'm going to tell you this.

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Speaker 1: I think I'm pretty good at it and I've had

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Speaker 1: a lot of counts late in a lot of years

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Speaker 1: underneath my belt in the love world. So let's get started. Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's go to my first caller, Amy.

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Speaker 2: Hi, my name is Amy, and I have a question.

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Speaker 2: I am have been divorced for about fifteen years and

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Speaker 2: just have turned fifty, and it feels like the online

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Speaker 2: dating sites don't really work for me anymore. Just wanted

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Speaker 2: to see if you had some advice on places outside

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Speaker 2: of the dating apps to meet people that are over fifty.

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Speaker 1: Thank you well, Amy, I'm glad you asked that question

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Speaker 1: because it comes up all the time. And the guys

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Speaker 1: on the show, they talked about dating apps. It worked

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Speaker 1: for a couple of them, a lot of them didn't

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Speaker 1: like it or it just didn't fit. But when people

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Speaker 1: ask me that question, what I do is I go,

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Speaker 1: let's think about how many people you know and what

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Speaker 1: you really want in life. Some people are just looking

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Speaker 1: for that number one soulmate, you know that's going to

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Speaker 1: replace somebody that they were maybe married to or that

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Speaker 1: they lost to disease or an accident. But what I

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Speaker 1: do is I say, let's look at the people that

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Speaker 1: you know, because references in the world, it's you know,

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Speaker 1: it's always what we say is it's people, people people people.

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Speaker 1: And if you can tell your friends that you're open

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Speaker 1: to dating, and I'm very adamant about this, don't do

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Speaker 1: this too quick. If you don't really want to date,

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Speaker 1: let's you know, don't muddy the waters. But if you're

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Speaker 1: ready to start dating, the first thing I'd recommend is

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Speaker 1: to tell your friends say hey, I'm looking and a

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Speaker 1: lot of people go I live in a small town,

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Speaker 1: I live in a city. My friends don't have anybody.

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Speaker 1: You'd be amazed. And then once you ask them that favor,

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Speaker 1: to say, hey, if you know someone or if you're

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Speaker 1: considering somewhere, one of your friends might have it, they'll

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Speaker 1: open up. So apps my personal opinion work twenty fifteen

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Speaker 1: to twenty percent of the time. The rest of it's

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Speaker 1: just getting out. But if I were to do one thing,

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Speaker 1: that would be to ask people for referrals. And when

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Speaker 1: I say referrals, I'm a business guy. But hey, do

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Speaker 1: you know anybody that I might find interesting? They might

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Speaker 1: find me interesting, somebody I could have breakfast with a

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Speaker 1: cup of coffee, a lunch, just get to know people.

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Speaker 1: I have a very good lady friend of mine I've

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Speaker 1: known my whole life, and her name is Jennifer. She

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Speaker 1: was living in Austin and she went on a match

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Speaker 1: date and the gentleman she was having the dinner with

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Speaker 1: just said, Jen, you know we're I don't think we're

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Speaker 1: the right people, but I have a friend of mine

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Speaker 1: that i'd like for you to meet. She's been married

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Speaker 1: to him Dave for probably ten years, have a great relationship.

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Speaker 1: They moved back to my hometown of Witchtock, Kansas. They've

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Speaker 1: got a great life together, so it can happen. That

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Speaker 1: was just kind of an interesting thing on a dating

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Speaker 1: app that's worked a couple of guys on the show.

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Speaker 1: As I mentioned earlier, they are on the dating apps

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Speaker 1: and they like it, but I think they're still kind

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Speaker 1: of playing a numbers game. They're not looking for that

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Speaker 1: one soulmate. They're just looking to meet people and to

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Speaker 1: see what happens. So, you know, my advice to you

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Speaker 1: is just get out there, open your heart and ask

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Speaker 1: people that you know, and then we'll go to it

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Speaker 1: with some other questions and some other detailed things I

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Speaker 1: think you could do to find love. Okay, now we're

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Speaker 1: going to go to Melissa, and she's got a great

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Speaker 1: question for me.

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Speaker 3: Hi, my name is Melissa, and I would like to

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Speaker 3: know how to approach a new relationship when you're not

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Speaker 3: quite recovered from your last one. Inevitably, we compare people

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Speaker 3: to someone we used to love and that doesn't always

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Speaker 3: work out and it's not fair to them. So how

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Speaker 3: do I get out of that headspace of comparing a

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Speaker 3: potential suitor to my ex?

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Speaker 1: Thank you Melissa again? Another great question. What I feel

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Speaker 1: about this Because I was married for twelve years, two kids,

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Speaker 1: and then I had a long term relationship with somebody

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Speaker 1: for nine years. It's tough and it's a challenge to

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Speaker 1: get them out of your mind. But Joanah and I

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Speaker 1: have talked about this. We don't want those other loved

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Speaker 1: ones out of our mind. You just look at it

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Speaker 1: as a chapter of your life and go, I had

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Speaker 1: this person for this amount of time. Whatever happened happened,

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Speaker 1: but then learn from it. Joanah and I had conversation

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Speaker 1: today and we were talking about gifts and those type

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Speaker 1: of things, and I love how what I asked her is,

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Speaker 1: I said, what are the important gift dates for you?

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Speaker 1: And she goes my birthday, Christmas, and then Valentine. She goes,

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Speaker 1: I've always loved something for Valentine, So she goes John

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Speaker 1: that was her husband. You know, That's what we did.

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Speaker 1: And Melissa, I personally feel that if you have a

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Speaker 1: jealous partner, there's a bigger issue. A little bit of

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Speaker 1: jealousy is probably a healthy thing, but someone that just

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Speaker 1: dwells on it and really gets frustrated when you talk

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Speaker 1: about an ex, talk about a past I think they

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Speaker 1: might be controlling. That's just my opinion, so I'd be

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Speaker 1: very cognizant of that. But again, you know, talk about

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Speaker 1: your past, open up, because Joana and I have done that,

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Speaker 1: and that's one of the things that really attracted the

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Speaker 1: two of us to each other is you know, it

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Speaker 1: wasn't picked up on the show, but at Disneyland we

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Speaker 1: talked about our exes, and when we had dinner, I

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Speaker 1: went into a little bit more detail. But during the

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Speaker 1: day Jonah talked about it because I was curious and

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Speaker 1: I wanted to know her history. And I know, and

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Speaker 1: I'm okay with myself going if John was still alive,

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Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't be in the picture. And Joan said,

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Speaker 1: I was married for thirty two years. It was just

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Speaker 1: a terrible circumstance that happened. He passed have cancer. So

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Speaker 1: you know, just just go slow and talk about your

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Speaker 1: ex I really think that's a compliment to them. You

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Speaker 1: owe that. But then with your new relationship, they need

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Speaker 1: to know how you feel and you have to be

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Speaker 1: open to move forward. And I've said this time and

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Speaker 1: time again, it takes a little bit of time. Some people,

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Speaker 1: my father has not had a lot of time between

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Speaker 1: his relationships. He's been married thirty five years now, but

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Speaker 1: before that it was you know, they call him a

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Speaker 1: trapeze artist and where they kind of jump from one

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Speaker 1: to another. And his last wife, they've just had a

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Speaker 1: great relationship. So it's worked. But just be comfortable. And

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Speaker 1: here's the other thing too, is it's communication and honesty

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Speaker 1: and if you're honest, you're going to win in the

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Speaker 1: long run. So again, thanks meliss a great question. Okay,

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Speaker 1: now we're moving on to Jessica, who has another great

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Speaker 1: relationship question. All right, Jessica, Hi, talk.

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Speaker 4: This is Jessica calling. I had a question for you

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Speaker 4: that I would love your advice on. I am in

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Speaker 4: a relationship with a divorced man. He was married to

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Speaker 4: his ex wife for fifteen years and we have a

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Speaker 4: great relationship. We've been together for about like almost six

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Speaker 4: months now. We're great, but there is one thing that

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Speaker 4: I kind of struggle with within our relationship. His ex

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Speaker 4: wife is a little bit overbearing and he's always on

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Speaker 4: the phone with her or has to leave the room

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Speaker 4: to call her and text her a lot, and sometimes

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Speaker 4: he becomes like a bit emotional when talking about her,

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Speaker 4: whether it's angry or upset about thinking something about the past.

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Speaker 4: And they don't have any kids together, so I understand

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Speaker 4: if they were to be talking often because they need

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Speaker 4: to talk about the kids, but they don't have kids,

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Speaker 4: so I don't really understand why they communicate so much.

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Speaker 4: And they have been divorced for two years now, and

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Speaker 4: I ask him a lot if you know he still

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Speaker 4: has feelings for her, and he says no, he just

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Speaker 4: cares about her, and he claims to let me know

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Speaker 4: in the beginning of when we started dating that she'll

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Speaker 4: just always be in his life. But it's challenging for me,

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Speaker 4: so I'm just trying to think of a way to

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Speaker 4: communicate to him that it really bothers me and it

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Speaker 4: really comes off like he still has feelings for her.

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Speaker 4: So I would love your advice on this.

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Speaker 5: I think it would really help me.

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Speaker 4: Thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: By Jessica. This is a tough one and what you're

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Speaker 1: going to get from me is just my opinion. But

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Speaker 1: I have been through a lot of counseling in my life,

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Speaker 1: especially when Kathy was passing, and with my wife, my

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Speaker 1: only wife is we try to keep our marriage together.

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Speaker 1: This doesn't sound healthy from your standpoint, and just to

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Speaker 1: be direct with you. If he's still having that much

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Speaker 1: communication with her, there's a red flag. It's one thing,

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Speaker 1: as you'd mentioned, if you have kids, because you just

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Speaker 1: have to deal with the kids. And I really appreciate

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Speaker 1: and foster when divorced parents communicate about their kids because

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Speaker 1: it's a great way to raise them and let them

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Speaker 1: know that they love each other. But he has to

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Speaker 1: let go of that. A previous caller was talking about,

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Speaker 1: you know, just the communications about with the dating couple,

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Speaker 1: about your prior exes. You have to do this, But

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Speaker 1: I personally would not be involved with somebody that was

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Speaker 1: talking to their ex every day for multiple times. It

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Speaker 1: was getting emotional and walking into the next room and

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Speaker 1: having private, private conversations. There might be some codependency there.

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Speaker 1: And again I'm not a licensed therapist, but that's kind

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Speaker 1: of what it sounds like to me. And for both

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Speaker 1: of them to heal and move on, I think if

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Speaker 1: you really say he's a great guy, he's probably a

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Speaker 1: great guy. But I would say you're going to have

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Speaker 1: to concentrate on me. This is too much, And that's

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Speaker 1: just my personal opinion, but I think for you to

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Speaker 1: be healthy, you need to take a stance there because

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Speaker 1: I would not want to date somebody the rest of

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Speaker 1: my life have them always talking with their exit moving away.

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Speaker 1: And I'm a person that says I mentioned in a

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Speaker 1: couple other questions that I had, I have lady friends.

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Speaker 1: I absolutely believe that you can have friendships with the

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Speaker 1: opposite sex and it doesn't have to be sexual. Joan

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Speaker 1: has a very good friend, doctor Ron, who's a great guy.

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Speaker 1: I've met him a couple of times. He's open to me.

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Speaker 1: He's just a great guy. And I'm not jealous.

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Speaker 6: I'm not.

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Speaker 1: I think they've got a great relationship. She's decorated his

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Speaker 1: doctor's office. I mean, so that can happen. But if

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Speaker 1: she was talking about Ron the whole time, I would know,

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Speaker 1: is that person in the relationship. There's a problem, there's

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Speaker 1: a red flag. So I wish you luck, and there's

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Speaker 1: a reason why you called that. I would, frankly, as

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Speaker 1: they say, lay the law down and say, you know,

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Speaker 1: this is just too much and take it from there.

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Speaker 1: But tough one, and I wish you luck. Thank you

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Speaker 1: for the call. Okay, we've got another call from Cassie.

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Speaker 1: She's divorced and she's got a great question. So Cassie.

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Speaker 5: Hi, my name's Cassie, and I am a divorced sea

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Speaker 5: living in sunny Florida and I'm just trying to get

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Speaker 5: back out there. But I'm really like an in person

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Speaker 5: kind of gal, and so I hate using the dating apps.

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Speaker 5: And yeah, I just don't know how I should go

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Speaker 5: about meeting guys at this stage in my life in person.

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Speaker 5: Please any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

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Speaker 1: Well, Cassie, this is another question that we've got on

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Speaker 1: the dating apps. And I just smiled because after I

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Speaker 1: got divorced, I was on the dating apps for a

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Speaker 1: couple of years and I've got some great stories, I

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Speaker 1: mean absolutely bizarre. Not some good people, but there are

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Speaker 1: some interesting people out there. But the stats today say

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Speaker 1: there's like forty percent of couples that beat through dating apps.

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Speaker 1: And then my kids they're on them all the time,

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Speaker 1: both of them were single. My son's actually started dating

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Speaker 1: someone that he did meet on an app. They do work,

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Speaker 1: but for the generations. I don't know how old you are.

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Speaker 1: And I went on to Forbes to do some research

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Speaker 1: on this, and there's like eight dating apps and there's

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Speaker 1: one like you know my age, you know Match is

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Speaker 1: the one that's been around. E Harmony still ranks up

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Speaker 1: as number one, so I wouldn't throw them away. I

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Speaker 1: just be selective and doing that. But your main question

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Speaker 1: is how do I meet people? And I've said this before,

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Speaker 1: and I read a Dale Carnegie book and it was

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Speaker 1: just about opening up to people and saying hi. And

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Speaker 1: then there was another book about a person says, get

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Speaker 1: on the elevator and face the wrong way. I did

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Speaker 1: that with Joan the other day. She was nervous, but

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Speaker 1: it made me talk to people. I looked him in

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Speaker 1: the eye, and I'm not really that outgoing Joan is.

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Speaker 1: I'm a kind of an introvert, but I forced myself

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Speaker 1: to meet people because I like to meet people. And

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Speaker 1: then the other thing is when you meet people, it's

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Speaker 1: not about you, it's about them. If you'll just ask

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Speaker 1: some simple questions, people will open up to you. And

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Speaker 1: there's going to be some people that shun you and

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Speaker 1: walk away. But you know, for meeting people, it could

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Speaker 1: be at the grocery store, it could be at a gym,

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Speaker 1: it could be at a church. It could be through friends.

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Speaker 1: I love meeting people through friends. And if you go

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Speaker 1: to a party in my business world. The gentleman I

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Speaker 1: used to work for, if we went to a big conference,

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Speaker 1: we couldn't sit at the same table with people that

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Speaker 1: we knew. He goes, I want you to go meet

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Speaker 1: new people, So forcing yourself to do that, but just

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Speaker 1: that actual little high how are you doing, we'll get

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Speaker 1: conversations started. My best friend met somebody in New York

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Speaker 1: City at the TSA line and it was curving around.

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Speaker 1: He just said, hey, how are you doing? And they

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Speaker 1: ended up in a relationship. So open yourself, but be open.

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Speaker 1: And again, some of us that are on the introverted side,

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Speaker 1: it's tough to do, but don't be afraid. What's the

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Speaker 1: worst thing that's going to happen. Usually they'll kind of

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Speaker 1: walk away or you know, you know, I'm not interested,

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Speaker 1: or something like that. But I think it's good training

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Speaker 1: to do that because if you do wait and I've

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Speaker 1: had people ask this question too, why do I end

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Speaker 1: up with the wrong guy? Probably because they're coming to you.

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Speaker 1: What about you? Just and it's not aggressively but just passively,

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Speaker 1: just saying hi to people and see where it goes.

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Speaker 1: And again, I'm the biggest fan of asking your friends,

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Speaker 1: friends and family, going Hey, I'm ready to date again.

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Speaker 1: Do you know of anybody? So if you don't like

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Speaker 1: the appse that's the best place to start. But he

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Speaker 1: got another friend of mine that met someone at the

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Speaker 1: gas station who was pumping gas just across from him

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Speaker 1: and just started talking to them. You have to say something,

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Speaker 1: and not everybody's going to say something when I say

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Speaker 1: you have to, but not everybody's going to approach another person.

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Speaker 1: But be warm, a little bit of eye contact, and

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Speaker 1: just be confident. And this is one thing I'm a

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Speaker 1: guy that I see about ladies. Had lunch today with

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Speaker 1: a business client of mine and I saw a lady

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Speaker 1: walk into the restaurant who wasn't a tent attractive person

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Speaker 1: but wasn't a tent, but are confidence And it just

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Speaker 1: kind of I noticed that, So have the confidence. And

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Speaker 1: then I've had people go, well, I'm a bigger girl,

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Speaker 1: I'm this, I'm that Confidence is who you are. And

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Speaker 1: if you'll train yourself to say i'm this person, I'm

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Speaker 1: a good person, it's going to open up a lot

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Speaker 1: of avenues to you. So I get the dating the

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Speaker 1: app dating because I did it. It was a crazy ride.

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Speaker 1: I could tell I could go for five hours on

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Speaker 1: the stories that I had. But I met some great people.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't meet anybody that I ended up with

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Speaker 1: through through a dating app other than Kathy, that was

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Speaker 1: my significant other of the past. We met through Facebook

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Speaker 1: and she approached me and it was interesting. She just

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Speaker 1: sent me an it's a DM on Instagram. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what it was on Facebook, but she just said, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I know your dad. I'd like to I know you

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Speaker 1: know my father. I'd like to meet you. So open up,

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Speaker 1: smile and people talk to them and just have a

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Speaker 1: good time. But again, great question, and I wish you

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Speaker 1: the best. Okay, We've got another great question for Monica,

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Speaker 1: who was recently out at a bar. And when any

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Speaker 1: question starts with hey I was at a bar, I

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Speaker 1: love to answer these, So Monica, bring it on.

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Speaker 2: Hi, my name Monica.

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Speaker 6: I have a question.

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Speaker 5: And I got this reaction show when I was out

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Speaker 5: at a bar that a look that was like, oh,

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Speaker 5: she's divorced. Our man really intimidated by divorced women.

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Speaker 1: Let me know, all right, Monica, and I had a

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Speaker 1: Monica that worked for me for a number of years,

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Speaker 1: so that name makes me smile. Are men intimidated if

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Speaker 1: a woman's divorced, I would say once you get past

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Speaker 1: thirty to forty years old, absolutely not. The divorce rate

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Speaker 1: is over fifty percent in the United States. It just happens.

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Speaker 1: And a lot of times people get married when they're

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Speaker 1: too young. And this is just me preaching going they

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Speaker 1: really didn't know what they wanted, what they were doing.

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Speaker 1: They might have been attacked, attracted to a type somebody

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Speaker 1: likes the jock at high school. It just wasn't the

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Speaker 1: perfect uh, the perfect spouse forum, or someone got into somebody,

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Speaker 1: you know, a professional that was going through multiple years

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Speaker 1: of or college that added that kind of stress. So no, men,

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Speaker 1: mature men are not and especially those with confident are

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Speaker 1: not intimidated with ladies that have been divorced. Absolutely no way,

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Speaker 1: shape or form. What's interesting, though, is you'll have some

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Speaker 1: that don't want to get into a blended family, and

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Speaker 1: you'll see that. I've had that with a couple of

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Speaker 1: my friends. But the majority of them love the blended family.

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Speaker 1: You know, most of us have kids, some of us,

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Speaker 1: you know, there's a certain percentage that don't. But no,

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Speaker 1: that's part of it. And the nice thing is if

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Speaker 1: people really love people, they'll go into that open armed,

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Speaker 1: open hearted, and just love the situation. So don't worry

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Speaker 1: about that at all. And I would actually I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: lead off with that. But if somebody just said, and

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Speaker 1: this was some of the best advice I ever had,

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Speaker 1: is never blame your ex, never because it looks bad,

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Speaker 1: and just say, hey, it didn't work out. We had

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Speaker 1: a great relationship. And that's what I say with my

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Speaker 1: ex wife is we were two different people. We got

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Speaker 1: married probably a little you know, a little younger, a

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Speaker 1: little premature, but we had two great kids. She's got

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Speaker 1: a great husband now she's very happy. So I wish

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Speaker 1: you the best. So that's the people you want your life.

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Speaker 1: But again I'll tell you, don't ever be embarrassed at

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Speaker 1: you're divorced, because so many of us have been through that.

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Speaker 1: Good luck to you. Okay, we've got another great question

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Speaker 1: from Lisa. Really I'm dying to hear this one. Bring

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Speaker 1: it on.

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Speaker 7: Hi. My name is Lisa, and I just wanted to

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Speaker 7: ask for some advice. I'm getting back into the dating

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Speaker 7: scene for the first time in twenty years. You know,

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Speaker 7: my divorce is only behind me, but I'm nervous about

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Speaker 7: getting intimate. Do guys feel the same way about this

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Speaker 7: kind of thing. I feel like I'm self sabotaging potential

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Speaker 7: low connections because I'm like super self conscious. So any

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Speaker 7: advice there to.

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Speaker 1: Think, Lisa, what a great question, and for a gentleman

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Speaker 1: that's been through that and who has a lot of

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Speaker 1: people in their lives and frankly we talk about it.

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Speaker 1: The intimacy is probably one of the biggest challenges that

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Speaker 1: any of us face when we get back into the

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Speaker 1: dating world. There are some people, and you'll smirk at this,

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Speaker 1: some of the listeners will that had a marriage or

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Speaker 1: a relationship and they didn't have a lot of sex

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Speaker 1: at the end of it. It could go on for

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Speaker 1: five or ten years. So when they get out, they're

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Speaker 1: very interested in the intimacy. Intimacy is in the eye

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Speaker 1: of the beholder, and it's what you're all comfortable with.

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Speaker 1: Some people like it, some people love it, and you

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Speaker 1: know the timing. Everybody asked, well should I you know,

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Speaker 1: I dated someone and they said, I won't have sex

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Speaker 1: for like ninety days. And I don't know about their

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Speaker 1: history on that, but that's what they just said. And

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Speaker 1: I think what had happened with them is they got

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Speaker 1: into some relationships were intimate. And then one thing about intimacy,

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Speaker 1: it either brings you together or it will push you

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Speaker 1: apart where it doesn't work. And I've also read numerous

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Speaker 1: times where a pretty famous psychiatrist said, I like it

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Speaker 1: when people have sex or intimate early in because they

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Speaker 1: find out if that's going to work, because if it doesn't,

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Speaker 1: it'll lead to a lot of problems down the road.

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Speaker 1: So the confidence comes from, you know, the sexual confidence.

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Speaker 1: The intimacy really comes from yourself. I'm sixty two years old.

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Speaker 1: I don't look like I used to when I was

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Speaker 1: twenty and thirty years old, so I'm not is in

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Speaker 1: a good shape, But you just have to be comfortable

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Speaker 1: and a lot of it is like with Joan. I

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Speaker 1: like to hold her and I really really like to

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Speaker 1: snuggle with her. And it's it's been out on social

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Speaker 1: media that she's not a big handholder, and I've really

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Speaker 1: got her changed on that. But I love snuggling with her,

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Speaker 1: and so maybe that's not sex, but just that touch

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Speaker 1: and it makes you feel very good. I've got also

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Speaker 1: a rule that I kiss her whenever we're together. I

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Speaker 1: kiss her before I go to bed every night. I

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Speaker 1: think that's important. We were very fortunate that we haven't

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Speaker 1: had any fights. But I just think that that's part

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Speaker 1: of it, because you said intimacy and not sex, but

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Speaker 1: sometimes they can go together. But you are the only

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Speaker 1: one that will know, unless you know when you're ready

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Speaker 1: for it and when the time is right. If it's

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Speaker 1: not right, or if you just don't feel comfortable after

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Speaker 1: a certain period of time, or it's happened multiple times,

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Speaker 1: I want to go see a therapist. I'm a huge

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Speaker 1: fan of a therapist, and a friend of mine is

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Speaker 1: a therapist. He goes. They're just tune ups and they

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Speaker 1: can help you through it. But no one wants to

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Speaker 1: be affluozy. No one wants to be too easy. But

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Speaker 1: it is a big part of life, and the intimacy

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Speaker 1: and having sex can bring a couple closer, and it

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Speaker 1: can bring love and enjoyment to you. So I hope

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Speaker 1: that helps. It's kind of a tough question, but I

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Speaker 1: do want to reiterate again. I think it's very important

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Speaker 1: you do it at your own time and never let

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Speaker 1: anybody push you. You won't be happy with that, but

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Speaker 1: be open to it because as a man, it's a

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Speaker 1: big part. You know how big it is. Some guys

430
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 1: they really that's very important. Other guys they're okay with it.

431
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:42,800
Speaker 1: And the other thing too, I'll mention is you're our age.

432
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,400
Speaker 1: You said you were just getting back into the dating

433
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,680
Speaker 1: world after twenty years. As you get a little bit older,

434
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,359
Speaker 1: it's not as important when you were younger. But again

435
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:54,199
Speaker 1: that's where all kind of debate to the left and saying,

436
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,560
Speaker 1: you know, if you're not ready, and it can lead

437
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,119
Speaker 1: to it, and you can put you in a bad situation.

438
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,840
Speaker 1: But you know, just a hug or the cuddle, holding

439
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:06,119
Speaker 1: hands and that close touching intimacy is a second best.

440
00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 1: So I wish you a lot, but again, do it

441
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:11,239
Speaker 1: at your own pace. Thanks. Great question. Okay, we've got

442
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,159
Speaker 1: another question from a lady named Meghan. All Right, Megan,

443
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,639
Speaker 1: I'm real curious on this one.

444
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,199
Speaker 6: Hello, my name is Meghan, and I have a question.

445
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:23,160
Speaker 6: I live in a really small town and and you

446
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 6: live in a really small palty. You're dating someone, their

447
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 6: exes are everywhere, and so I guess I'm wondering how

448
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 6: I should be handling that interaction with my boyfriend. So,

449
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:40,680
Speaker 6: my boyfriend and I am constantly running into his exes.

450
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:45,159
Speaker 6: They work at different establishments around town, and we constantly

451
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,440
Speaker 6: run into him, and I feel like he constantly has

452
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:52,120
Speaker 6: the need to check in with them spend time with them,

453
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,439
Speaker 6: and I try to play it cool and not be jealous,

454
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 6: but there are times where it's like really hard to

455
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 6: do that. So I guess I just don't understand what

456
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 6: his mindset is when he feels like he has to

457
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,800
Speaker 6: go over and say hello, or he has to spend

458
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:10,160
Speaker 6: time checking in with them while I'm saying somewhere else

459
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:14,040
Speaker 6: and not doing the same thing. It's just in a

460
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:17,400
Speaker 6: small town, it's really hard to not be friends with everybody,

461
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:20,359
Speaker 6: so you want to try and keep your cool and

462
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:25,720
Speaker 6: not really be jealous or have an issue with anyone

463
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:29,200
Speaker 6: that's around here because it's too small. So I guess

464
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 6: I'm just wondering how I should handle that, or why

465
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,919
Speaker 6: he keeps feeling a need for people that he's no

466
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,160
Speaker 6: longer with to like him.

467
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:41,600
Speaker 1: Megan, what a question. And I've got some parallels to this.

468
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,719
Speaker 1: I grew up in a small, rural farming community. I

469
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,160
Speaker 1: grew up out in the country. There were thirty four

470
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:52,680
Speaker 1: people in my graduating class, so when you say small town,

471
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 1: I can relate to that. There's an old saying, as

472
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 1: you in a relationship or even a business relationship, you

473
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:02,760
Speaker 1: have to teach people how to treat you. And I

474
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:07,080
Speaker 1: think it's very rare if people just have this, you know,

475
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:09,679
Speaker 1: I use the word parallel, where everything is perfect and

476
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 1: you don't get hurt by something they say or they do.

477
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:16,120
Speaker 1: If it bothers you, and the way you described it,

478
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:18,520
Speaker 1: I think it is too much. And I would tell

479
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,600
Speaker 1: that person and then you'll find out if they really

480
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,080
Speaker 1: care for you. There are people, and there's a lot

481
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 1: of people, and they're good people and they want to

482
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,479
Speaker 1: be nice to people. But spending too much time when

483
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 1: you're in a new relationship is not healthy. Because if

484
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,920
Speaker 1: I was the other guy that was with the lady

485
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,120
Speaker 1: that he used to date and he's spending time with him,

486
00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 1: I'm going something that's not right there. So as we

487
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: get older we figure this out or we don't, and

488
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:44,439
Speaker 1: we're just kind of that person. And I don't know.

489
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 1: The guy could be a great person, but I know

490
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,000
Speaker 1: where you're coming from, and for you to ask that question,

491
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,440
Speaker 1: I would say, there's a problem. But first of all,

492
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,680
Speaker 1: I would tell he might say, hey, you know this

493
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 1: bothers me. I understand you're a nice guy. You want

494
00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 1: to say hi, but I do need your attention, and

495
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,200
Speaker 1: you can even use that word it's disrespectful. Only you're

496
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 1: the one that can say it's disrespectful. But as I've

497
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,679
Speaker 1: gotten older and Jonah and I've talked about this, as

498
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,440
Speaker 1: we can argue and we can you know, we can

499
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 1: have different positions, but when you're disrespectful to the person

500
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 1: that you're with, that's a problem. So I can't tell

501
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 1: you specifically if he's being disrespectful, but I wouldn't say

502
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:23,959
Speaker 1: it's a small town because it sounds like if it

503
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: was a bigger town or a city, he'd be doing

504
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,240
Speaker 1: the same thing. So I think you just have to

505
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,679
Speaker 1: communicate with him and say this is important to me.

506
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,360
Speaker 1: And I'm not jealous, it's just I don't think it's

507
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,400
Speaker 1: healthy for our relationship. So I wish you luck. That's

508
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 1: a tough one and almost everybody goes through that, even

509
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 1: in the big cities where you see people and you

510
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,080
Speaker 1: just have to be comfortable. But he is your man,

511
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 1: and he needs to treat you like you're his woman,

512
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,879
Speaker 1: And I go back to respect. So if he was

513
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 1: a friend of mine, i'd say the same thing of going, hey, guy,

514
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship, you've made that commitment. You like

515
00:25:56,040 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 1: this person, you need to respect her and the relationship.

516
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 1: So my advice helps you there. But just I'd go

517
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 1: back and i'd have a heart to heart and also,

518
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 1: you know, start off the conversation too, say I'm not jealous,

519
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 1: but this is how I feel. And I think you'll

520
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 1: get some good results out of this, and I wish

521
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 1: you the best, So take care. Okay, We've got a

522
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,200
Speaker 1: voicemail from Claire, and that name is familiar. This Claire

523
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 1: is not familiar to me, but one of my first

524
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:24,280
Speaker 1: girlfriends was named Claire, so I'm very interested to see

525
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 1: what she has to say. So Claire, bring it on.

526
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:31,160
Speaker 8: Hi, this message is for Chalk. My name is Claire

527
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:35,919
Speaker 8: and I am divorced, no kids.

528
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 4: I've been divorced for a couple.

529
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 8: Of years and I've been dating a divorced single dad

530
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 8: for about three months now and he hasn't talked to

531
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 8: me about introducing me to his kids yet, and I'm

532
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 8: just wondering, like how to bring it up because I

533
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,680
Speaker 8: don't have kids of my own, and I know it's

534
00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 8: a really sensitive topic, but I feel like this is

535
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 8: a really serious, potentially serious relationship and I really like

536
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 8: Rip's headed and I just don't know how to bring

537
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:10,440
Speaker 8: it up. I really do want to meet his kids,

538
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:12,240
Speaker 8: so help.

539
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 1: Claire. What a good question. And I've got some experience

540
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 1: with this. I don't know if my opinion is going

541
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,400
Speaker 1: to be right, but I do have some experience. We

542
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 1: recorded a show for Drew Barrymore, Joan and I did.

543
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 1: It was very interesting. They had a guy on there

544
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 1: that talked about his crashed relationships because within a month

545
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,920
Speaker 1: he would take them to meet his mother and family.

546
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 1: And it was interesting. They had a psychiatrist on there

547
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:42,479
Speaker 1: and then the crowd, the audience got involved and they

548
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,679
Speaker 1: asked me for my opinion. And you're saying three months.

549
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:48,639
Speaker 1: At one month, I thought that was too early, and

550
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 1: the psychiatrist said, they have to earn that, and they

551
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 1: have to earn that, not in a negative way, but

552
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 1: just spend time with you. You know that there is

553
00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: a true future because you don't want to hurt kids.

554
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,280
Speaker 1: As we get older, we're adults. We can take the lumps.

555
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:09,159
Speaker 1: Kids get attached, or they might get jealous. I'm a

556
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 1: divorced guy, daughter and son. My daughter has been very

557
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 1: tough on some of the some of the men that

558
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:19,760
Speaker 1: my ex wife has dated, just because in my eyes,

559
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 1: I'm her dad and she's grown out of that. But

560
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,479
Speaker 1: she was pretty tough, So there's some good part of it.

561
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 1: But you being a mom without kids, if I understand correctly,

562
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 1: you're probably gonna love them. And I will tell you

563
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 1: this is I can just ramble on this. I've got

564
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: a number of friend couples that elected not to have

565
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 1: kids or they couldn't have kids, and I look and

566
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,360
Speaker 1: I go, they would have been great parents. So give

567
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 1: this a little time. And I would say up to

568
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 1: six months. And after six months, because they're a part

569
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 1: of him, I would say I'd give him till six months,

570
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 1: give him a little bit of breathing room. Hopefully the

571
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 1: ex wife is comfortable. You never you know, I don't

572
00:28:56,640 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 1: know how their marriage in it, if there's any contentciousness

573
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 1: in it, you know, if there's issues there. But maybe

574
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 1: he's working through that, or maybe he just doesn't want

575
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 1: the kids to see him with another woman. And a

576
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 1: lot of the other thing I'll met you too, is

577
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:11,840
Speaker 1: a lot of it depends on the age of the kids.

578
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 1: You didn't mention that. The younger they are, it's a

579
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 1: little bit tougher. The older they get it because they

580
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 1: might be dating or they're a little bit younger than

581
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 1: the dating age. But the young kids they just don't know.

582
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 1: So my advice to you is give it another three

583
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 1: months and mentioned to him just once or twice, but

584
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 1: don't mention it too much, just going, hey, when you're ready,

585
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 1: i'd like to meet your kids. And then the other

586
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 1: thing i'd say, I know they're a big part of

587
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 1: your life, and if we're going to have a future,

588
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: I'm going to be part of their life too. The

589
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 1: lady Kathy that I was involved with for nine years,

590
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 1: I was very fortunate. Her husband was very at her

591
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 1: ex husband was very active in raising those kids. He

592
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 1: was a great guy. And one of the reasons that

593
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:53,880
Speaker 1: it really worked for us. I didn't have to raise

594
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 1: the kids. He was there the you know, really the

595
00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 1: raising them, the disciplining and all that was just not

596
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,960
Speaker 1: part of it. Kathy and I just had this great relationship.

597
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 1: So you got to set that up. I'm glad you're

598
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 1: thinking about it. It shows you're a good person that

599
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 1: you want to meet them. But don't meet the kids,

600
00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 1: but don't push it. Give it another six months and

601
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 1: just once or twice ago, but you know, say hey,

602
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 1: it's time. But at the five to six months, I'd say, hey,

603
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 1: I think it's time I meet your kids. And then

604
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 1: you know, I'm going to go to this further. No

605
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 1: sleepovers for a long time. When you meet the kids,

606
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 1: especially if they're young, just don't do it. It's not

607
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 1: fair to them. It sends so many mixed signals. Even

608
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 1: though you might be tired one night or something like that,

609
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,760
Speaker 1: don't do it. It's just not healthy. Give them time

610
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 1: to grow and mature and to figure these things out.

611
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 1: So I wish you luck. I'll say it again, five

612
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 1: or six months. At three, it's a little early, and

613
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 1: it's all about the kids. You just don't want to

614
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 1: hurt them psychologically, and you don't know what I don't

615
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,440
Speaker 1: know what they're going through. So good luck. Sounds like

616
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 1: you got a great guy. I bet it's going to

617
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 1: work out. I truly think this one will work out

618
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 1: for you. Just give it a little bit of time

619
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 1: and patience. So good luck to you. Thanks, thanks for

620
00:30:57,040 --> 00:31:09,960
Speaker 1: the question. Okay, now what we're going to do after

621
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 1: those call in questions, We're going to go through some

622
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 1: emails that were sent to me all right here is

623
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 1: a great question from Martha. Martha states on her email

624
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:22,520
Speaker 1: tomorrow would be my twenty fifth wedding anniversary. I wish

625
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: it didn't matter. I'm fifty seven, chunky, and scared to

626
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 1: put myself out there. I was that girl in school

627
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 1: that was friends with the guys and never dated that

628
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 1: much in the first place. After being out in the

629
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 1: dating scene for this long, I have no idea where

630
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:40,520
Speaker 1: to start, what to say or to do. How will

631
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 1: I ever find love? Part two? When I'm here. So

632
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 1: I've got a story for you, Martha. When I was

633
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 1: in college and I went to Kansas State University, there

634
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 1: was a lady and I'll give you her a first name,

635
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 1: but not her last name, Carol, because I'm not going

636
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 1: to say it. But Carol was a little chunky. But

637
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:02,800
Speaker 1: you know what she did. She cooked for us. She

638
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 1: was a great person. She was so much fun, and

639
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 1: she was a great friend to the guys that I

640
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:09,520
Speaker 1: hung out with and we all worked out a lot.

641
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:11,960
Speaker 1: She would cook, She was just the funnest person in

642
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 1: the world. She was a little chunky. And the reason

643
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 1: I'll tell you this story is the guys we all

644
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 1: got together after, you know, years after college, we goes

645
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 1: whatever happened to Carol, and almost every one of us go,

646
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 1: you know, we should have married her. She was such

647
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:27,360
Speaker 1: a good person. So you know your body types. And

648
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: the other thing I'll tell you is people are attracted

649
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:33,160
Speaker 1: to different things. And as we get older, and you

650
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 1: said you're a little bit up in age, that physical

651
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 1: part is not the most important. So go for a walk.

652
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 1: You know, if you want to lose a little weight,

653
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 1: try to eat a little healthier. It'll make a little

654
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 1: bit of difference in your confidence, or hopefully a lot

655
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: of difference. But don't be worried about that, because there's

656
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 1: a person out there that's going to love you for

657
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 1: who you are. And just open yourself up. So it's

658
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 1: been a long time. I'll keep repeating myself, just meet

659
00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 1: people and fine. And then I haven't said this before,

660
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:01,400
Speaker 1: but I I do believe in it. And this is

661
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 1: what happened with Kathy and I. She asked me to

662
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: coffee and it was just very hate Would you like

663
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 1: to have a cup of coffee? And I said yes,

664
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:10,680
Speaker 1: And we were together nine years before she passed away.

665
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 1: So all of us have something to offer, and I'll

666
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 1: meet people throughout my life I meet, you know, a

667
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:20,040
Speaker 1: ton of people through business, through the Bachelor Show, and

668
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 1: they're also interesting. And what you do is we get

669
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 1: a little bit older, you want that interesting person or

670
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 1: someone you go that's going to be a really good

671
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 1: mate for me, a companion. So I wouldn't worry about

672
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 1: being chunky if it bothers you, you know, cut back

673
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:37,400
Speaker 1: a little bit, take a walk, it'll be good for you.

674
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 1: But there's a guy out there for you. So you know,

675
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:43,240
Speaker 1: just keep your head up, show the confidence and be interesting.

676
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 1: And you know, the other thing is I'm not a

677
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 1: big dresser. There's guys that were on the show that

678
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,480
Speaker 1: were just to the tea. I like to say, I'm

679
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 1: just going to look good. I'm not gonna look frumpy.

680
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 1: And I think that's important too, is just to take

681
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 1: care of yourself. I mean, not take care of yourself,

682
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 1: but dress. And the other thing is we can all

683
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 1: hide a little bit, you know, when we put a

684
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 1: little time into our outfits. So that's another thing you

685
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,320
Speaker 1: might do. But we all know as we get older

686
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 1: that you know, we're not in the shape or the

687
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 1: condition we were in our twenties. But remember Carol, for me,

688
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,240
Speaker 1: she was a great lady. I don't know whatever happened

689
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,480
Speaker 1: to her, but we all look back and go she

690
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 1: was probably the one that got away, So I wish

691
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:24,760
Speaker 1: you luck. Take care. Okay, we've got another email question

692
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 1: that came in from Miranda. What advice would you give

693
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,360
Speaker 1: for a single mom in a small town who is

694
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:34,760
Speaker 1: struggling to find the time and opportunity to meet new people. Also,

695
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 1: any advice on how not to feel defeated by dating apps? Well,

696
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:43,799
Speaker 1: dating apps and I could talk about this for a

697
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 1: long long time, and there's a reason why they call

698
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:51,319
Speaker 1: it swipe left or swipe right. They're tough and you

699
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:54,320
Speaker 1: won't always get I think a dating apps almost like

700
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:56,359
Speaker 1: a job interview. But there's a lot of fraud. There's

701
00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:57,799
Speaker 1: no other way to put it. There's a lot of

702
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 1: fraud in dating apps. Is you're probably going to get

703
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 1: the best the person is. That's going to be the

704
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 1: best picture. It's going to be, you know, and a

705
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 1: lot of times it's not who they really are. I've

706
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:08,800
Speaker 1: seen my daughter and I went through it. My daughter's

707
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 1: twenty five and she's on the apps, and she was

708
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 1: showing me pictures of these guys and they'll be like

709
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 1: with their dog or with their mother, and then she'll

710
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 1: find out that they haven't seen their mother in twelve years.

711
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,359
Speaker 1: You know, just these kind of things. So it is

712
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:21,759
Speaker 1: what it is. But I would tell you what the

713
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 1: dating apps. Have an open mind, and then know that

714
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 1: there's a car crash in about every other one or

715
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 1: every third one, and then just make sure your picker

716
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:35,360
Speaker 1: is is on. You know, your picker is really working.

717
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 1: And but you can meet some great people. My brother

718
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:41,960
Speaker 1: met his wife on Match and they've been married. They've

719
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:43,719
Speaker 1: got a twelve year old son. You know, we all

720
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:45,920
Speaker 1: know the people that have met people through dating apps.

721
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,880
Speaker 1: And then i'd also match. If you want to go

722
00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:51,399
Speaker 1: back to the dating apps, I'd match it with your personality.

723
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 1: I've made a couple of notes and you might find

724
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 1: this interesting, like pull this up the nine Big Day.

725
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:03,680
Speaker 1: Not in any order, but they're in order. E Harmony

726
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 1: supposedly they do the best research and get the best matchmaking.

727
00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:09,960
Speaker 1: Here's one for us that are older, date my age

728
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 1: dating dot com. St stir kind of sounds like it's

729
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 1: a hookup place. Match our Time, which is for us

730
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:22,759
Speaker 1: older people. Zoosk Elite Silver Singles, Christian Mingle and if

731
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:25,879
Speaker 1: you're Jewish Jay date. So there's a lot of them

732
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:28,279
Speaker 1: out there. I think if you were just using one

733
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 1: and you got frustrated with it, because there's fifty year

734
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:32,400
Speaker 1: a hundred of them out there, I wouldn't let that

735
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,880
Speaker 1: bother you. I would try it, But then I always

736
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:38,719
Speaker 1: go back to making the time. So you live in

737
00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:40,640
Speaker 1: a small town, I grew up in a small town,

738
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 1: there's still people there to meet. You just have to

739
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 1: make yourself available. Let's say that you're working one or

740
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,160
Speaker 1: two jobs, you've got kids, you don't have a lot

741
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 1: of time on the weekends, you can take a lot

742
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 1: of time or even I'd mentioned before in a couple

743
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,200
Speaker 1: of other calls, I've had friends that have met people at

744
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 1: gas stations at the TSA line, And what you have

745
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 1: to do is you have to be open. Because when

746
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 1: I was single, if I was somewhere and it was

747
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:04,439
Speaker 1: the best looking woman in the world and she didn't

748
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 1: even make eye contact with me, I knew that there

749
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,680
Speaker 1: was probably no choice, no chance on that. So just

750
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:11,799
Speaker 1: make eye contact and be nice. And if you're not

751
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 1: a talker, just kind of open up and you don't

752
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,120
Speaker 1: have to flirt with them, but just make eye contact

753
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 1: and be look friendly and trust me, it'll probably work

754
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:21,680
Speaker 1: for you. But I grew up in a small town.

755
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 1: I know it's you know, it's tough because there's not

756
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 1: that many people. But if there is a chance you

757
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 1: date someone there, the thing is you'll know them or

758
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:31,360
Speaker 1: a friend will know them, and you can get that reference.

759
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,000
Speaker 1: You go into a big city, you just don't know.

760
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 1: You're talking five to ten dates before you even really

761
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 1: get to know who the person is or what they do.

762
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:43,760
Speaker 1: Because if you go look online, you go to Instagram, Facebook,

763
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 1: the dating apps, you're probably not going to get the

764
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 1: whole story because everybody tries to be bigger, quicker, stronger,

765
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:51,480
Speaker 1: faster and better looking. So I wish you luck, but

766
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:53,439
Speaker 1: you know, keep your head up there there's people out there,

767
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 1: and just be nice and say hi to people. It'll

768
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:57,400
Speaker 1: be interesting to see what you come up with. So

769
00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 1: good luck to you. Okay, we've got We've got an

770
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 1: email from Shary. Shary, I would love some dating advice.

771
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:08,320
Speaker 1: I always feel like I picked the wrong men, dysfunctional,

772
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 1: the controlling type. I've lost my desire to date and

773
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:15,000
Speaker 1: bury myself in other things like TV and work. Any

774
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,399
Speaker 1: advice would be great. How can I spot these type

775
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:20,840
Speaker 1: of men faster and find the right kind. Well, I

776
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:25,040
Speaker 1: will tell you sharing my dentist spells her name or

777
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 1: the dentist that I go to spells her name the

778
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,359
Speaker 1: same way. If you could figure that out, you would

779
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:32,319
Speaker 1: write a book and you'd be a billionaire and you'd

780
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 1: probably be hanging with JK. Rowlins in a castle in Europe.

781
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,920
Speaker 1: That is one of the toughest things. And what I

782
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:41,279
Speaker 1: will tell you is if you date, you get experience,

783
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 1: and then you have what I call are non negotiables.

784
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:48,720
Speaker 1: Non negotiables are right eighty to ninety percent of the time.

785
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 1: You know, if you want to date somebody in the

786
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:52,879
Speaker 1: same religion you have, you want to date somebody that's

787
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:55,719
Speaker 1: not been divorced three times. And I'm a big advocate

788
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 1: of this is almost all of us have been divorced

789
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 1: more than fifty percent. So somebody goes data divorced person,

790
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 1: especially when you're our age, it just dwindles it down.

791
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:06,879
Speaker 1: I don't want somebody to have kids in the home.

792
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:10,319
Speaker 1: Those type of things, those are the easy ones. The

793
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:13,760
Speaker 1: detecting of the personality. And I had somebody very smart

794
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:17,640
Speaker 1: in my life goes. I give them test because just

795
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 1: talking and all that's kind of easy. But I'll give

796
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 1: them little tests about what would you do in this

797
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 1: situation or this happened to me? How would you handle

798
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 1: it different? And you'll be able to read those people.

799
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:34,359
Speaker 1: But then narcissism and sociopath path that is out there

800
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 1: and you have to be very cognizant of it, and

801
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:38,840
Speaker 1: you don't want those people in your life. Trust me,

802
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,439
Speaker 1: they are bad news. And if you see that where

803
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 1: they continually put themselves above you or other people, you

804
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 1: don't want it. You're going to have a miserable life.

805
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:50,040
Speaker 1: And I'm being very strong on my opinion there, but

806
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 1: I have a saying that I brought from my mother.

807
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 1: I wish I would do that, but she goes. I

808
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 1: just said this on the Drew Barrymore Show that the

809
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,440
Speaker 1: person needs to make your life better. And it's not

810
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:02,960
Speaker 1: that they're subservient. They're giving you gifts all the time,

811
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 1: but they have to make your life better. And if

812
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 1: they don't make your life better, there better be something

813
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,440
Speaker 1: that you really like about them. But it's not healthy.

814
00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 1: And the thing is, as we get older, it's healthy relationships.

815
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 1: It's the sea communication and then healthy relationships. So I

816
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:22,400
Speaker 1: wish you luck. But if you get you know, we

817
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,320
Speaker 1: live in a world of second chances, but be careful

818
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:28,640
Speaker 1: with that and you might have to date or be

819
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 1: patient and not date for a while till you find

820
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:34,880
Speaker 1: that right person. But looks fade as we get older,

821
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,240
Speaker 1: but the character is there. And make sure that person

822
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:40,920
Speaker 1: has the morals, the morality, the interest that you have.

823
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:42,880
Speaker 1: And they don't always have to line on interest, but

824
00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:44,839
Speaker 1: somebody that you could sit there. Another good thing is

825
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 1: can I see myself getting older with this person? Ladies

826
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 1: will go I don't want a nurse or a purse

827
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:52,360
Speaker 1: because they're sitting to going to all these guys. They

828
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:53,839
Speaker 1: kind of want me to just take care of them

829
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:55,319
Speaker 1: when I get older, and that's not what they want

830
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:58,280
Speaker 1: to do if they're active. So that's another thing to consider.

831
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:02,520
Speaker 1: But spending time with them, asking questions and watching them.

832
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 1: There's an old thing that's an old saying with people

833
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:10,320
Speaker 1: that have addictions is don't listen to them. Watch their feet.

834
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 1: And that's the same thing with people. If you think

835
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 1: you've got a bad picker, watch their feet, watch what

836
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 1: they do, don't listen to them. And I've learned that

837
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:20,120
Speaker 1: in my life. I wish I could say I never

838
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,520
Speaker 1: had to learn that lesson, but I have. But be

839
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:24,719
Speaker 1: careful of it. But be patient and be kind and

840
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 1: carry but look for those signals. And I wish you luck. Okay,

841
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 1: this is one from Lisa. Is there one dating site

842
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:35,440
Speaker 1: better than the other? I work remotely, so I can

843
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 1: live anywhere in the world. Well, my daughter works remotely too,

844
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 1: and she goes I can live anywhere in the world.

845
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 1: The thing is, would I give you advice on a

846
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,080
Speaker 1: dating it app? I've only used. I used e Harmony

847
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:52,440
Speaker 1: and Match, but years ago after I got divorced, so

848
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 1: I'm really not qualified. I can just tell you what

849
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:59,400
Speaker 1: I've heard from people. You have to look at a

850
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:01,400
Speaker 1: bunch of them and then you have to be selective.

851
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:04,440
Speaker 1: It's just like picking a mate. So E Harmony and

852
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:07,440
Speaker 1: I'm not promoting e Harmony, but they're still, you know,

853
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 1: ranked as the number one because I remember going through

854
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:13,320
Speaker 1: their questionnaires and it takes like I shouldn't say two hours,

855
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 1: but it felt like two hours where they ask you

856
00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 1: all these relationship feeling, morality questions. I think that's what

857
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:22,400
Speaker 1: is needed. Instead of posting a picture in a bedroom

858
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 1: or a lady posted a picture showing you know her assets.

859
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 1: I think that's just a bad, bad, bad idea. I

860
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:34,120
Speaker 1: met somebody through a friend of mine. I met her

861
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:38,160
Speaker 1: and her husband. They actually met on linked In. I

862
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,960
Speaker 1: didn't realize that LinkedIn had a dating but both of

863
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:43,919
Speaker 1: them were professionals, and she said, I wanted to find

864
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 1: another professional. My younger brother met his wife on Match

865
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,400
Speaker 1: and he lives back in DC, and the filters that

866
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,640
Speaker 1: they have are just incredible. He wanted he's an attorney,

867
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,919
Speaker 1: and he wanted somebody that had a postgraduate degree, didn't

868
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 1: have to be an attorney certain things, and he matched up,

869
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,239
Speaker 1: but he was living in such a big city and

870
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:06,239
Speaker 1: he found his wife. They've been happily married. So I

871
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:09,160
Speaker 1: would play with all of them. And when you get

872
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 1: on there, if they don't ask a lot of in

873
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 1: depth questions, they just want your money, but also ask

874
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 1: your friends. I get it. I can tell you almost.

875
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 1: I think any series or group of ladies that are single,

876
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:22,319
Speaker 1: one or two of them have tried it. But the

877
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:25,279
Speaker 1: other thing, too is be patient. And I'm a firm

878
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 1: believer of trying a little bit of everything in life.

879
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: I'd get on the dating apps, but when I was

880
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 1: on them, I mean, it was just it was just

881
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:35,440
Speaker 1: it was just never ending. And not that I'm special,

882
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:37,279
Speaker 1: but there was just so many people on them. How

883
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 1: many of them more bots, how many of them more real?

884
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:41,640
Speaker 1: And then you would see somebody that you'd like and

885
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 1: you'd write something interesting. You never hear from them, So

886
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 1: you've got it. You know, you've got to be tough.

887
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:47,080
Speaker 1: You've got to be ready for a little bit of

888
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:49,800
Speaker 1: rejection or when you do finally talk to that people

889
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 1: that person. But I met a couple of people that

890
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 1: are still friends on Match, and actually I referred one

891
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:56,800
Speaker 1: of them to the show if they do the Golden Bachelor,

892
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 1: I think she'd be perfect for it. So you meet

893
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,239
Speaker 1: a lot of interesting people, but just be selective on

894
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:03,480
Speaker 1: who you think is going to be somebody that makes

895
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:06,720
Speaker 1: your life better. And I want to talk too about

896
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:10,040
Speaker 1: opening the distance up when you put your criteria in

897
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:13,680
Speaker 1: for an application for a dating app. Back when I

898
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 1: did it, I had an office in Kansas and then

899
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 1: one in Florida, and a lady that I met and

900
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:21,760
Speaker 1: I did not lie, but I said, I've got an office.

901
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:24,279
Speaker 1: I'm traveling back and forth to Florida. I met her

902
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 1: down there and we really liked each other. But the

903
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:29,399
Speaker 1: distance wasn't going to work. She wasn't going to move

904
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:32,120
Speaker 1: to Kansas. Her family was down there, and at the

905
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:35,120
Speaker 1: time I had young kids. Like right now, people always go, well,

906
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,759
Speaker 1: is are going to work? With Joan and myself, I

907
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,839
Speaker 1: think it will work, and I believe it will work

908
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:42,560
Speaker 1: because our kids aren't in the house. Joan is very

909
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:45,680
Speaker 1: tied into her grandkids. My kids have both moved away,

910
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:47,839
Speaker 1: So my business and my friends keep me in witch Top.

911
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 1: But at some point we'll make a decision and we'll

912
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 1: find out what we're going to do. But I would

913
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 1: be open. I can't tell you. And I'm very fortunate

914
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:57,399
Speaker 1: in my business because I customer service and I work

915
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:59,919
Speaker 1: with so many people that I hear these stories. A friend,

916
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:03,319
Speaker 1: mind ken Wells, he met his wife and she lived

917
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 1: about one hundred and eighty miles away, and usually go, well,

918
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 1: that's too far away. They met, she elected to move

919
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,759
Speaker 1: to Wichita. She is so ingrained in the community and

920
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 1: now she's doing VRB homes all over the country and

921
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 1: they just have a great life. So if you're going

922
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 1: to open it up, make sure that you're willing to travel.

923
00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:23,560
Speaker 1: Another friend of mine out of Wichita is dating somebody

924
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:26,600
Speaker 1: in Kansas City. This is a lady friend and she goes,

925
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,359
Speaker 1: it's a little bit of work, but he's a good

926
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,200
Speaker 1: man and we're willing to do it and we're willing

927
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:31,840
Speaker 1: to make it work. And she goes. At some point,

928
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:33,879
Speaker 1: we'll have to figure it out. But I wish them

929
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:38,000
Speaker 1: the best. So be very realistic, realistic when you say

930
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:40,480
Speaker 1: how many miles are, what your distance is going to be,

931
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:44,239
Speaker 1: because don't expect them to come see you every time.

932
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:47,359
Speaker 1: If the relationship is going to work, and it's going

933
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 1: to have to be a given a flow that you're

934
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,880
Speaker 1: going to have to do this, but you will definitely

935
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 1: meet more people. And I would look into it. But

936
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:55,920
Speaker 1: you have to sit there and say, am I willing

937
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 1: to travel? Can I drive there? Can I drive there safely?

938
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:01,800
Speaker 1: Can I fly? Am I willing to do this? Because

939
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 1: you'll meet, you'll meet, You'll just expand and you take

940
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 1: that circle and you just keep expanding it. You might

941
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 1: have five times the amount of interested parties in it.

942
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:13,840
Speaker 1: But you better be willing to travel. But I wouldn't

943
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 1: if I lived in a small town, because we've had

944
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:19,759
Speaker 1: some people go small towns or small cities. If you're

945
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:21,839
Speaker 1: not willing to travel, don't do it because it's not

946
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:24,040
Speaker 1: fair to expect either a male or a female to

947
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 1: always come see you. But I do. I would personally,

948
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:29,279
Speaker 1: I would expand it, but I'd have a little soul

949
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:31,839
Speaker 1: searching with myself, going, am I willing to drive an hour?

950
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:33,920
Speaker 1: Two hours? Those type of things? What I'd be willing

951
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,840
Speaker 1: to fly to see someone? Am I willing to relocate?

952
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:39,839
Speaker 1: Because as we get older, this isn't a game. And

953
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:41,960
Speaker 1: you know, we're not just saying hey, what you know?

954
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 1: This might sound fun. These are people's lives and it's

955
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:48,799
Speaker 1: our future. So just be careful. But ask yourself those

956
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:52,240
Speaker 1: questions and you'll trust me, you'll have a good time. Okay,

957
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:55,480
Speaker 1: I have one final email question. This one's from Chrissy.

958
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 1: That was my younger sister's name who passed away at

959
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 1: a young age. So Chrissy, I love it on a missip.

960
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:03,920
Speaker 1: How do I attract the right guy that actually wants

961
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 1: a commitment? Why am I only attracting men who want

962
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:10,760
Speaker 1: something casual? Well, first of all, is a guy probably

963
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 1: sixty to seventy percent just wants something casual, and so

964
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 1: your your job in the dating world is to ferret

965
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:19,800
Speaker 1: that out. We're not all bad, and it's a different

966
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:22,359
Speaker 1: point in the life that lives that they're at and

967
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:25,759
Speaker 1: you're at. Younger guys, we all know it's going to

968
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:27,960
Speaker 1: be a lot more casual as you get older. You

969
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:31,920
Speaker 1: want a partner and what I would look at and

970
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 1: it's almost, you know they say dating, Especially the first

971
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:36,360
Speaker 1: couple of days, it's almost like a job interview. You

972
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:37,960
Speaker 1: got to be fun, you've got to be interesting, but

973
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,600
Speaker 1: you've got to ask some questions. And I'm a big

974
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:43,239
Speaker 1: believer of just kind of throwing out test questions. But

975
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:45,720
Speaker 1: I did have somebody one time gone. This is probably

976
00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:49,279
Speaker 1: harder than any job interview I had. But I'm like,

977
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:51,200
Speaker 1: this is my time, my life, and I don't want

978
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,960
Speaker 1: to waste your life as well attracting the right person.

979
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:59,120
Speaker 1: And what I think this is, it's it's so natural.

980
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:01,960
Speaker 1: I had question from somebody that said that they were chunky.

981
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:06,720
Speaker 1: I have guy friends that like chunky ladies and vice versa.

982
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:10,879
Speaker 1: Women are much more relaxed with how people are their

983
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:13,680
Speaker 1: body types than men. But there's still men out there

984
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:16,360
Speaker 1: that are looking for that right person. And trust me,

985
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:18,480
Speaker 1: and what I will tell you from a guy that's

986
00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 1: worked out his whole life. My daughter she has. She's

987
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:25,520
Speaker 1: a great cook and she's not a size zero, and

988
00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:27,279
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of her. She loves to cook, and

989
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:29,640
Speaker 1: I go, honey, you can marry a billionaire. All you've

990
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:31,360
Speaker 1: got to do is cook for them. And it's a

991
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:33,440
Speaker 1: little joke that she and I have, So you know,

992
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 1: I wouldn't worry about that much. But attracting and being

993
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 1: attracted to someone is natural. But then also look and

994
00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:42,279
Speaker 1: go are they a good person? If you're younger, would

995
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 1: they be a good spouse? Are they going to be

996
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:46,279
Speaker 1: a good parent? Are they going to be this as

997
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:49,040
Speaker 1: you get older? Are we going to be compatible? Are

998
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 1: they going to like my family, my friends? Are we

999
00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:53,120
Speaker 1: going to grow old together or are they just going

1000
00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:55,279
Speaker 1: to play golf or sit on the couch and I

1001
00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:57,280
Speaker 1: want to go do things. I want to play cards.

1002
00:48:57,320 --> 00:48:59,800
Speaker 1: So you go through that and you've got to be careful.

1003
00:48:59,920 --> 00:49:04,600
Speaker 1: I just my advice to people is, don't settle. We

1004
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:07,360
Speaker 1: all know somebody in our life is gone. I've settled,

1005
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:12,000
Speaker 1: and it's their life, and for whatever reasons they stay

1006
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:13,799
Speaker 1: with them. It could be family, it could be money,

1007
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:16,759
Speaker 1: it could be kids, it could be just complacency. But

1008
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:18,360
Speaker 1: just my advice to you if you don't have to,

1009
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 1: don't settle and just keep looking for that right person.

1010
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 1: And it's very tough as we get older to change people,

1011
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:28,680
Speaker 1: but I do. I say this with Joan, is work

1012
00:49:28,719 --> 00:49:31,239
Speaker 1: with me on a new experience. I might like it.

1013
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:34,240
Speaker 1: Just last week we were in Mexico. I don't like heights.

1014
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:36,759
Speaker 1: I mean, I've flown airplanes before, but being outside in

1015
00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:38,719
Speaker 1: the wind, I don't like being high. We were on

1016
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:41,279
Speaker 1: a paarasail that was probably seven or eight hundred feet.

1017
00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:42,920
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have never have done it. If Joan goes, hey,

1018
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:45,960
Speaker 1: let's go do it, and you know I'd probably go

1019
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 1: do it again. So be patient throughout the ideas and

1020
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:53,240
Speaker 1: know how to. It's not manipulative, but it's opening men's eyes.

1021
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:55,279
Speaker 1: Because we're stubborn, we think we know it all. We

1022
00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:58,480
Speaker 1: don't need maps to get somewhere. But a woman, a

1023
00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:01,960
Speaker 1: smart intellectual woman that we need, has that map and

1024
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 1: they can kind of direct us. I have extremely successful friends, surgeons,

1025
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:12,600
Speaker 1: big business guys, private equity, that type of thing. Every

1026
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:14,839
Speaker 1: one of them, and most of these guys are long

1027
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,839
Speaker 1: term marriages, which I respect. But every one of them

1028
00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 1: has a great woman. And when I say strong strong

1029
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:22,640
Speaker 1: in their own ways that they work it out. My

1030
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:26,160
Speaker 1: friend that's an orthopedic surgeon, his wife is a doctor.

1031
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:29,520
Speaker 1: They work it out. My other buddy that's a neurosurgeon.

1032
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 1: His wife quit working to take care of the kid

1033
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:34,840
Speaker 1: and to make sure everything does. Now they're traveling and

1034
00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:36,719
Speaker 1: have a great time. They just make it work. So

1035
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:40,120
Speaker 1: think of that. But then I always go back to communication.

1036
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,239
Speaker 1: You never know what's going to happen tomorrow, but you

1037
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:44,400
Speaker 1: can kind of feel it out. Especially if you're concerned

1038
00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:47,400
Speaker 1: about picking the right or the wrong guy, ask him

1039
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:50,880
Speaker 1: those questions, test them a little bit. And I respect

1040
00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:53,000
Speaker 1: it when somebody. I've had people when I was dating,

1041
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 1: going well, what about this? What about this? Would you

1042
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:57,400
Speaker 1: be opening? Somebody asked me to go would you be

1043
00:50:57,640 --> 00:51:00,520
Speaker 1: open to adopting a baby? And I'm like, you know

1044
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 1: this before I met Jonah's probably fifty eight to fifty

1045
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:05,160
Speaker 1: nine years old, and I go, no, I'm honestly not.

1046
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:07,759
Speaker 1: And they wanted to do that, and good for them,

1047
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:09,640
Speaker 1: but that wasn't going to be something I was willing

1048
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:12,440
Speaker 1: to do. So ask questions. And the other thing is

1049
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:16,360
Speaker 1: spend time time. We call it repetition is repetition because

1050
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 1: then you see other people react and then I mentioned

1051
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:23,000
Speaker 1: this on another question, and watch their feet. And if

1052
00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:26,000
Speaker 1: you think you're concerned about not being attracted or not

1053
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 1: finding the right guy, see what they do, not what

1054
00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:34,040
Speaker 1: they say. We are men, you know, we'll do some things,

1055
00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:35,719
Speaker 1: but you know, watch them and there are a lot

1056
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 1: of good men out there. I'll just tell you I'm

1057
00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:39,879
Speaker 1: very fortunate to know a lot of good men. There's

1058
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 1: a lot of good husband material out there. Unfortunate things happen, divorces,

1059
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,320
Speaker 1: people pass away, So just be patient and be open.

1060
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,400
Speaker 1: But I wish you luck and we're out there, but

1061
00:51:49,640 --> 00:52:01,880
Speaker 1: we do need a little bit of help. Okay, before

1062
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:03,160
Speaker 1: I get out of here, we're going to do some

1063
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 1: rapid fire and I really like rapid fire, and I

1064
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,160
Speaker 1: will tell you all the way through the show. And

1065
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:10,680
Speaker 1: for those that didn't know, I'd never watched a Bachelor

1066
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:13,280
Speaker 1: series before that because I wanted to just be fresh

1067
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:16,280
Speaker 1: the podcast, I never researched. The only thing I really

1068
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 1: researched was the dating sites of what the popular was,

1069
00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 1: because I thought that was going to be some of

1070
00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:23,759
Speaker 1: the questions that came up today. But I'm really interested

1071
00:52:23,800 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 1: in these rapid fire because you're going to get my

1072
00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 1: honest quick response. So here we go. Valentine's Day overrated

1073
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:34,960
Speaker 1: or underrated? Did you and Jones celebrate well? Joan and

1074
00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:38,000
Speaker 1: I just spent two weeks together. She is with her mother,

1075
00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:42,240
Speaker 1: her mother in law going to a birthday party this weekend,

1076
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:45,000
Speaker 1: so we're not celebrating it. But I did send her

1077
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:46,879
Speaker 1: a gift, and I will tell you. I called her

1078
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:49,279
Speaker 1: and I said, I need to know what's important to you,

1079
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:54,560
Speaker 1: what days? And she goes my birthday, Christmas and Valentine's.

1080
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 1: So she got a Valentine's gift for me, and I

1081
00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:58,600
Speaker 1: told her, I said, I'm a guy. You never have

1082
00:52:58,640 --> 00:53:01,880
Speaker 1: to buy me anything. What meant something for me is

1083
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:03,520
Speaker 1: she text me. By the time I woke up and

1084
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:05,160
Speaker 1: I get up early in the morning, she had text

1085
00:53:05,239 --> 00:53:08,040
Speaker 1: me and just said I love you. Happy Valentine's And

1086
00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 1: we have this little thing. She goes, you make my

1087
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:13,799
Speaker 1: life better. So it's not the most important day for me.

1088
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:17,279
Speaker 1: Joan likes it because of the love. But I would

1089
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:21,840
Speaker 1: say it's very important, and to most guys it's really not.

1090
00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 1: But teach us, teach us why it's important to you. Okay,

1091
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:28,319
Speaker 1: the next one, what's one thing every woman should know

1092
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:35,160
Speaker 1: about dating a divorced man. We come with baggage, and

1093
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:40,360
Speaker 1: not that because we're divorced that we're were we have baggage.

1094
00:53:40,360 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 1: It just comes. You're going to come with kids. Most

1095
00:53:43,680 --> 00:53:47,360
Speaker 1: guys right after they get divorced or frankly broke because

1096
00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:49,919
Speaker 1: they go through the divorce, They've got to split everything up.

1097
00:53:50,680 --> 00:53:52,840
Speaker 1: We're going to have challenges. We're going to have it

1098
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:54,799
Speaker 1: x in her life. That's going to be good, bad,

1099
00:53:54,880 --> 00:53:57,919
Speaker 1: or indifferent. So those things come. And what I would

1100
00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:01,400
Speaker 1: say is be patient. And one of the previous questions was,

1101
00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:03,399
Speaker 1: well he keeps talking to his ex wife. I don't

1102
00:54:03,400 --> 00:54:05,880
Speaker 1: believe in that. I think you can have communication if

1103
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:07,920
Speaker 1: you guys see each other if there's something to deal with,

1104
00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 1: but everyday communication No. But and this is I'll tell

1105
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:15,080
Speaker 1: you this is kind of a strong personality. Guy is

1106
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 1: we need help. We're not codependent, but we go through

1107
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:21,320
Speaker 1: a divorce a lot of us are lost. I remember

1108
00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:23,319
Speaker 1: the day after I moved out and I had a

1109
00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:24,880
Speaker 1: rental house, and I woke up in the morning and

1110
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:28,000
Speaker 1: I go what happened to my life? And so what

1111
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:31,239
Speaker 1: kept me together were my kids and having a place

1112
00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:34,560
Speaker 1: to go for work, so be patient and try to

1113
00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:37,440
Speaker 1: figure out what's important to them. Okay, the next one,

1114
00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 1: how long should you casually date someone before putting an

1115
00:54:40,680 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 1: official label on their relationship. I heard a good one

1116
00:54:44,160 --> 00:54:46,839
Speaker 1: the other day. What the kids do now is when

1117
00:54:46,880 --> 00:54:52,040
Speaker 1: they're in a committed relationship, they're off the apps. This

1118
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:59,600
Speaker 1: is completely subjective, ladies, And it's like, who says I

1119
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:02,000
Speaker 1: love you first? I told Joan I loved her first,

1120
00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:04,880
Speaker 1: and I'm okay, because I'm a confident guy. You know,

1121
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:07,839
Speaker 1: it could be it could be a month. And there's

1122
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:11,000
Speaker 1: people that just with Kathy, I had one date with

1123
00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:13,000
Speaker 1: her and I knew that she was the one and

1124
00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:15,799
Speaker 1: we were together nine years solid after that first date.

1125
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:19,440
Speaker 1: So it kind of depends. I don't have a problem

1126
00:55:19,480 --> 00:55:22,200
Speaker 1: putting a label on it, especially if you're sleeping together

1127
00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:24,480
Speaker 1: and you're intimate, because I think people should do that

1128
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:27,279
Speaker 1: at our age, and I think, and I you know,

1129
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:30,239
Speaker 1: I just hear from both men and women going if

1130
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:33,560
Speaker 1: we're sleeping together, we're a couple. And I believe in that,

1131
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:37,319
Speaker 1: So I would say, you know, a month to three

1132
00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:39,400
Speaker 1: or four months. I think if it's six months and

1133
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:41,759
Speaker 1: you're still dating other people, you're you're not meant to

1134
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:44,040
Speaker 1: be or you're just filling time with each other, and

1135
00:55:44,080 --> 00:55:46,680
Speaker 1: then the label of the relationship is up to you, guys.

1136
00:55:46,719 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 1: Because I got in trouble one time for introducing Kathy

1137
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:52,840
Speaker 1: as my lady friend, and I'm like, you just have

1138
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:55,919
Speaker 1: to tell me how, you know, because we were engaged

1139
00:55:56,440 --> 00:55:58,759
Speaker 1: and it was prior to us getting engaged, and I go,

1140
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:01,560
Speaker 1: you've got to help me. So that's probably more important

1141
00:56:01,560 --> 00:56:04,800
Speaker 1: to ladies. But teach us how you want us to

1142
00:56:04,880 --> 00:56:09,600
Speaker 1: label it. Okay. Next question, when dating post divorce, should

1143
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:12,640
Speaker 1: you live with someone prior to getting engaged? Why or

1144
00:56:12,719 --> 00:56:18,080
Speaker 1: why not. I've heard two different opinions on this. I

1145
00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:21,120
Speaker 1: had a pastor tell me that they don't like them.

1146
00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:24,239
Speaker 1: They don't like people to live together because when you

1147
00:56:24,360 --> 00:56:27,400
Speaker 1: get married, you have to make it work and you

1148
00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:30,080
Speaker 1: have a stronger commitment, and a lot of the times

1149
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:32,680
Speaker 1: when you're just living together, the little things will push

1150
00:56:32,760 --> 00:56:35,400
Speaker 1: you apart where you could look back and go, Okay,

1151
00:56:35,480 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 1: she did the toilet paper upside down, you know, left

1152
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:42,920
Speaker 1: the soap in the sink, those type of things. I

1153
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:46,640
Speaker 1: personally would appreciate it if my kids lived with someone

1154
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 1: on a personal basis A little bit older in life.

1155
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:52,359
Speaker 1: You know, they're twenty three and twenty five, so they

1156
00:56:52,360 --> 00:56:54,560
Speaker 1: could get to know the person and spend time with them.

1157
00:56:54,680 --> 00:56:57,600
Speaker 1: So talking about both sides of my mouth, I think

1158
00:56:57,640 --> 00:57:02,040
Speaker 1: it just depends. Okay, last question, what's the best part

1159
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:04,600
Speaker 1: about being in your I do part two chapter of

1160
00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:10,160
Speaker 1: your life, and I would say experience, experience, experience. Just

1161
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:12,960
Speaker 1: like Joe, I'm gonna tell you a secret about Joan.

1162
00:57:13,040 --> 00:57:15,480
Speaker 1: We're planning a trip and I go, well, I'll get

1163
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:17,480
Speaker 1: the airline ticket, but I go, can you book it

1164
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:19,960
Speaker 1: because I don't have time today? And in that night

1165
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 1: I get a text from her and she goes, I

1166
00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:23,560
Speaker 1: went ahead and booked my part of the ticket, and

1167
00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:25,680
Speaker 1: I used Miles and I called her and I go,

1168
00:57:25,720 --> 00:57:28,040
Speaker 1: I bet you got your credit card statement Today's shows.

1169
00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:31,960
Speaker 1: Yes I did. I'm using Miles. So that's You've been

1170
00:57:32,040 --> 00:57:34,800
Speaker 1: through so much. You've been through the kid deal. You

1171
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:38,200
Speaker 1: learn that so much of it's really not important or

1172
00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:40,400
Speaker 1: it's not that important that it's going to be a problem.

1173
00:57:40,520 --> 00:57:42,840
Speaker 1: So you never want to you never want to wish

1174
00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:45,240
Speaker 1: away your youth a day in your life. But one

1175
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:48,480
Speaker 1: of the benefits is you've had experience and don't and

1176
00:57:48,480 --> 00:57:50,840
Speaker 1: I've got to stress this. Don't be afraid about not

1177
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:54,400
Speaker 1: meeting people. People still meet people. I saw Heather, my

1178
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:57,959
Speaker 1: first wife, her granddad, meet somebody at eighty years old,

1179
00:57:58,040 --> 00:58:00,560
Speaker 1: had five great years with him, and you know, there

1180
00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:03,040
Speaker 1: wasn't a sexual intimacy, but they loved each other. I

1181
00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:06,680
Speaker 1: mean they were companions. So it's out there and whatever

1182
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:10,880
Speaker 1: fits you, just you've got to put forth the effort

1183
00:58:10,960 --> 00:58:14,280
Speaker 1: to find someone. But love your golden years. But the

1184
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:16,000
Speaker 1: thing I'll tell you that I've dealt with is the

1185
00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:18,120
Speaker 1: last couple of years or health issues. I've always been

1186
00:58:18,240 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 1: very healthy, but nothing major but just knees and shoulders

1187
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 1: and hernias and my eyes going bad. So enjoy your health,

1188
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:29,640
Speaker 1: but also enjoy when you get older because life moves

1189
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:31,959
Speaker 1: at a little slower pace, and it's opposed to because

1190
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:34,080
Speaker 1: we enjoy it. And I think even a little bit

1191
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:36,640
Speaker 1: more now. So well, thank you for bringing me all

1192
00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:40,000
Speaker 1: these great questions. I really do like this, and I've

1193
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:42,160
Speaker 1: been on a number of podcasts and I've been you know,

1194
00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:44,919
Speaker 1: certain things I don't like talking about, but the love,

1195
00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 1: advice and just the life in general. And I've actually

1196
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:50,880
Speaker 1: done this professionally too, with some groups that I've gone

1197
00:58:50,920 --> 00:58:53,800
Speaker 1: and uh spoke at so you know, I appreciate it.

1198
00:58:53,840 --> 00:58:55,920
Speaker 1: And one thing that we do need as we all

1199
00:58:55,960 --> 00:58:58,960
Speaker 1: grow is send these questions in and don't be afraid

1200
00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:03,080
Speaker 1: to ask anything because we are adults and you might

1201
00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:06,160
Speaker 1: be surprised. And again, I just give you opinions. I'm

1202
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:08,400
Speaker 1: not a licensed therapist. I've just a guy that's been

1203
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:09,800
Speaker 1: through a lot of things in my life and I

1204
00:59:09,840 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 1: will be open and honest with you. So please keep

1205
00:59:12,200 --> 00:59:15,080
Speaker 1: sending those in. We really do appreciate it. If you're

1206
00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:17,919
Speaker 1: just starting to open yourself up back up to love

1207
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:21,240
Speaker 1: after a divorce and not knowing where to start, this

1208
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:23,280
Speaker 1: is a great place to just get some advice from

1209
00:59:23,280 --> 00:59:26,360
Speaker 1: people that have been through this. And I'm very fortunate

1210
00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:29,440
Speaker 1: in my personal life and my business life and then

1211
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:32,360
Speaker 1: also being on the show. And we've said this on

1212
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:35,360
Speaker 1: the show, but this was so true, ladies, it was

1213
00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:38,720
Speaker 1: so true. We called it group therapy that was free.

1214
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:42,080
Speaker 1: You had twenty four guys. We lost six the first night,

1215
00:59:42,160 --> 00:59:43,960
Speaker 1: so there was eighteen that were there for a good

1216
00:59:43,960 --> 00:59:46,240
Speaker 1: period of time and it whittled down. But we would

1217
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:48,520
Speaker 1: talk about these stories and I've had some things happen

1218
00:59:48,560 --> 00:59:50,040
Speaker 1: in my life and I was kind of like woe

1219
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:52,680
Speaker 1: is me, and then you hear other guys and it's just,

1220
00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 1: you know, it's just opening up and learning from them,

1221
00:59:56,280 --> 00:59:59,560
Speaker 1: but the knowing that we can go through these tough things, divorces,

1222
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:04,840
Speaker 1: deess and then bounce back and find love. And I

1223
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:07,480
Speaker 1: will tell you, I do want to kind of end

1224
01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:10,000
Speaker 1: my comments on this, and it's to each their own,

1225
01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:13,360
Speaker 1: because I don't want to upset anybody. But my grandmother

1226
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:16,480
Speaker 1: was married one time, lost her husband or heart attack

1227
01:00:16,520 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 1: when he was fifty two years old, never dated again,

1228
01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:22,080
Speaker 1: and I wish she would have, but she just never

1229
01:00:22,120 --> 01:00:24,800
Speaker 1: would and she said that was the guy that was

1230
01:00:24,960 --> 01:00:28,240
Speaker 1: my life, and I just think she could have had

1231
01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:31,480
Speaker 1: a more fulfilled life. It was obviously her decision to

1232
01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:34,000
Speaker 1: do what she did. But I would just tell you,

1233
01:00:34,080 --> 01:00:36,600
Speaker 1: if you really want to meet people, open up and

1234
01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:40,360
Speaker 1: it'll happen to you. But feel free with those questions

1235
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:42,760
Speaker 1: to call her, email us, follow us on the socials.

1236
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:45,600
Speaker 1: All the above information will be shown in the show notes.

1237
01:00:45,720 --> 01:00:47,840
Speaker 1: Make sure you rate and review the podcast. I'd really

1238
01:00:47,880 --> 01:00:50,320
Speaker 1: appreciate it. This is the first one I've done by myself.

1239
01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:52,240
Speaker 1: I'd kind of like to do some podcasts. I don't

1240
01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:54,440
Speaker 1: know how good at it, I am, but it's been

1241
01:00:54,520 --> 01:00:56,840
Speaker 1: enjoyable and with me, you're always going to get an opinion.

1242
01:00:57,520 --> 01:01:01,280
Speaker 1: I do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast. We're falling in

1243
01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:04,040
Speaker 1: love is the main objective, and trust me, it does happen.

1244
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 1: I'm a very fortunate man. Take care and we'll talk

1245
01:01:06,760 --> 01:01:07,000
Speaker 1: soon