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Speaker 1: Buckle up, hold on tight. We got it for you here.

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Speaker 1: It is the Strawberry Letter. A subject a stepmom that

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Speaker 1: may need to step away. Dear Stephen Shirley, My husband

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Speaker 1: and I have been married for eleven years. My husband

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Speaker 1: has three grown children from his previous marriage, two sons

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Speaker 1: and a daughter. His sons are happily married, but his

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Speaker 1: daughter is not. My husband's ex wife constantly intrudes in

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Speaker 1: our marriage and in her daughter's marriage. The daughter will

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Speaker 1: not keep her mom out of her business and it

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Speaker 1: upsets her husband. The ex wife has also made my

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Speaker 1: husband's life miserable, but I can deal with that. It's

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Speaker 1: my stepdaughter that is the problem. I am not welcome

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Speaker 1: at any of the grandchildren's birthday parties or family get

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Speaker 1: togethers because of her. I have tried for many years

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Speaker 1: to have a relationship with my stepdaughter, but she's not interested.

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Speaker 1: I run around and buy things for her children and

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Speaker 1: help her father get gifts for her children, and she

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Speaker 1: will only thank my husband. She has never told me

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Speaker 1: thank you. She refers to our home as her dad's house.

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Speaker 1: It hurts my feelings that she does not respect my

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Speaker 1: marriage to her dad. My husband always defends his daughter's

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Speaker 1: actions and how he treats me. He tries to make

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Speaker 1: it better by making up lies about how his daughter

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Speaker 1: says to tell me hi when they talk. Steve, how

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Speaker 1: can I get my husband to realize that his actions

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Speaker 1: are just as bad as his daughter's attitude. I'm not

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Speaker 1: worried about the ex wife, but I have to spend

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Speaker 1: time with his daughter, so I need to fix this situation.

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Speaker 1: My family life is falling apart, and I am the

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Speaker 1: only one who seems to notice. What should I do?

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Speaker 1: What should you do? You ask? Well, first of all,

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Speaker 1: I think you're doing way too much. I think you

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Speaker 1: should stop doing everything. Okay, Stop going to places with them.

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Speaker 1: They don't want you there anyway, so stop going, Stop

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Speaker 1: buying stuff for them, stop trying to make them like you.

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Speaker 1: Stop you know, wanting to thank you from the daughter

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Speaker 1: and going and helping you know, buy stuff and get

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Speaker 1: gifts and all of that. And please stop letting this

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Speaker 1: woman disrespect you like this. Okay, you deserve much better.

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Speaker 1: You know. It's not about them, it's about you. And

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Speaker 1: your husband really needs to grow up here. He needs

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Speaker 1: to speak up for you on your behalf. You're his wife.

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Speaker 1: You should come first Okay, he shouldn't let anyone. I

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Speaker 1: don't care who it is. I don't care if it's

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Speaker 1: this crazy daughter that he has his meddling ex wife,

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Speaker 1: anyone come before you and treat you this way. My

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Speaker 1: husband always defends his daughter's actions and how he treats me.

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Speaker 1: Why is he defending her? Why isn't he defending you?

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Speaker 1: His wife, that's who, and you need to let him

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Speaker 1: know what is going on here. I'm your wife. He

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Speaker 1: knows that, but you haven't spoken up for yourself. You

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Speaker 1: need to let your husband know how it's going to

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Speaker 1: be from this day forward. He needs to You all

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Speaker 1: need to be a unit, present that unit to the family,

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Speaker 1: and with it that way. Okay, maybe the daughter will

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Speaker 1: back down once she sees that the husband respects you

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Speaker 1: and sticks up for you, But you gotta stick up

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Speaker 1: for yourself to your husband first. Steve, Well, this is

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Speaker 1: a complete mess. Yeah. Blended families are always difficult. I've

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Speaker 1: had my share of difficulties with it myself, especially when

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Speaker 1: you're dealing with these grown kids because they have their

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Speaker 1: own ideas of what they think should be. Had I

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Speaker 1: listened to our grown kids, Marjorie, and I probably wouldn't

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Speaker 1: have got married because they went bowling and decided since

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Speaker 1: we're just informing them that they don't think we should

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Speaker 1: get married. I call him a bunch of stupid, blanketed

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Speaker 1: blanks and walked out the room simply because how y'all

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Speaker 1: ignorant ass gonna tell me something. Ain't none of y'all

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Speaker 1: got a husband, a wife, or a child. Now you're

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Speaker 1: gonna tell me how to behave So I can understand

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Speaker 1: that it's gotten way better since then, but that's still

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Speaker 1: friction every now and then. Your problem is that the

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Speaker 1: daughter has sided with the mother who is his ex wife.

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Speaker 1: She's totally taking her side. That's something wrong with his

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Speaker 1: ex wife, because if it wasn't, it wouldn't be his

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Speaker 1: ex wife, it would be his current wife. My husband's

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Speaker 1: ex wife constantly intrudes in our marriage and in her

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Speaker 1: daughter's marriage. Well I thought you said his sons are

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Speaker 1: happily married, but his daughter is not. Oh that means

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Speaker 1: she's married but not Okay. Well, see, first of all,

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Speaker 1: his ex wife doesn't know how to have a successful marriage,

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Speaker 1: so any information that she's intruding on with her daughter's

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Speaker 1: marriage ain't gonna be helpful to his daughter. Her daughter

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Speaker 1: because she don't know how to have a healthy marriage,

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Speaker 1: and spreading dissension is her way. So now the daughter

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Speaker 1: can't stand you. Now, what you're do artis is is

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Speaker 1: you are not welcome at any of the grandchildren's birthday

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Speaker 1: parties or family get togethers because of her. I've tried

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Speaker 1: for many years to have relationship with my stepdaughter, but

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Speaker 1: she's not interested. I run around and buy things for

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Speaker 1: her children and help her father get gifts for her children.

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Speaker 1: She would only thank her husband. She would only think

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Speaker 1: my husband the lady. She's never told me thank you.

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Speaker 1: She refers to our home as her dad's house. It

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Speaker 1: hurts my feeling that she does not respect my marriage

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Speaker 1: to her dad, and you have every right to be hurt.

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Speaker 1: So what do you do? At one point, it takes

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Speaker 1: two to tangle, if the other person, it takes two

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Speaker 1: people to tangle. It takes two people to have a relationship.

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Speaker 1: Relationship is two people. She don't want a relationship. I

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Speaker 1: agree with Shirley. Stop stop buying stuff for the grandkids

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Speaker 1: and all this. Stop shopping for your husband. Now, if

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Speaker 1: you can't get respected, she don't talk to you, she

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Speaker 1: don't thank you, then see let him go buy stuff

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Speaker 1: for the grandkids. Now, he caught between the rock and

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Speaker 1: a hard place, and we're gonna get to that after

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Speaker 1: the break. But he caught between the heart rock and

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Speaker 1: hard play because I know what he's tried to He

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Speaker 1: tries to make it better by making up lies about

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Speaker 1: the highest. Daughter says to tell me high when they talk.

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Speaker 1: She already knows that's not even you know, good wills.

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Speaker 1: He ain't saying high to me. She ain't ever said

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Speaker 1: high to me, and I've been right here, So when

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Speaker 1: the hell she started sending a message? So you already

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Speaker 1: noticed crazy, But old dude, he don't want you hurting.

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Speaker 1: The guy ain't bad, He don't want you hurting, But

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Speaker 1: at one point in time, a decision's got to be made.

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Speaker 1: His loyalty is to you, period. But he's suffering from

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Speaker 1: guilt though. You gotta understand his daughter is making him

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Speaker 1: feel guilty over the mom's condition mental stability. Oh, he

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Speaker 1: pulled in all this, man, and so you gotta you

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Speaker 1: gotta understand that. But I'll tell you what I think

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Speaker 1: you should do when we come all right, Steve, So

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Speaker 1: when we come back, we'll have part two of your

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Speaker 1: response to a stepmom that may need to step away.

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Speaker 1: All right, Steve, we're back with part two of today's

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter. A stepmom that may need to step away

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Speaker 1: is the subject. Let's recap, shall we. Well? You know

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Speaker 1: this woman is married his husband. They've been married for

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Speaker 1: eleven years. He got three grown children from his previous marriage,

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Speaker 1: two sons and a daughter. His sons are happily married,

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Speaker 1: but his daughter's not. My husband's ex wife constantly intrudes

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Speaker 1: in our marriage and then her daughter's marriage. The daughter

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Speaker 1: will not keep her mom out of her business, and

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Speaker 1: it upsets her husband. The ex wife also made my

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Speaker 1: husband's life miserable. Oh I know what that is right there?

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Speaker 1: What that ex wife trying to make your husband's life? Oh? Lord,

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Speaker 1: been there? Um Um, I tightened up right there. I

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Speaker 1: got tight because Lord, I know that your ex wife

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Speaker 1: make your life miserable. Why won't she go sit hertail

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Speaker 1: down some damn where, Get your ass off the internet,

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Speaker 1: quit selling stories to the inquiry, to stop about me

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Speaker 1: all the damn time. Okay, this is not about you.

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Speaker 1: I have to, you know, remind you of that, Steve.

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Speaker 1: I think now it's a good place. Well, but when

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Speaker 1: he said the ex wife has also made my husband's

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Speaker 1: life miserable. That was directed. You don't see Steve in

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Speaker 1: that sentence. I know I do no dog two different

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Speaker 1: people to say situation with you. First of all, I

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Speaker 1: don't know what that means. We'll take yourself out of it.

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Speaker 1: Take yourself out of it, take yourself out of it.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't in it until she said the ex wife

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Speaker 1: has also made my husband's life miserable. Now if that

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Speaker 1: don't sound like she talked to me, and I see,

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Speaker 1: when God gives you a guilt, you got to look

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Speaker 1: at the gift for what it is and appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: So now here's what you got to do. Step away.

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Speaker 1: You should step away. Ain't no need to trying to

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Speaker 1: be kind and keep getting ribuffed. You don't have to

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Speaker 1: just have a person keep spitting on you in your face,

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Speaker 1: stay out their face. That's all you got to do.

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Speaker 1: Remove yourself from all this shopping and buying and trying

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Speaker 1: to go to get togethers and stuff. You know, I

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Speaker 1: don't understand they having family events and then someone calling

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Speaker 1: you right now I hear your phone. I'm properly somebody

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Speaker 1: calling me when they hearing you. I wish that wasn't

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Speaker 1: Is that who you're thinking? Yeah, I hear you talking

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Speaker 1: about I'm I got so many blocks and stuff you

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Speaker 1: don't even want to stand up. Okay, back to the letter,

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Speaker 1: because you will get to stop at X. Don't ask

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Speaker 1: me how I know. I just know Shirley's right. I

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Speaker 1: would remove myself from the situation. I'm not worried about

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Speaker 1: the ex wife, but I have to spend time with

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Speaker 1: his daughter, so I need to fix this situation. But

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Speaker 1: his daughter don't want to fix the situation. Have you

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Speaker 1: ever just said, hey, listen, I love your father. Your

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Speaker 1: father loves me. I have nothing to do with your

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Speaker 1: father all this breakup. I'm tired of being blamed for it.

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Speaker 1: I've been nothing but kind to you and these grandchildren

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Speaker 1: I want us to have Huh. She says that I

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Speaker 1: have tried for many years to have a relationship with

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Speaker 1: my stepdaughter. Well, I just told them what to say. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: if quit trying to have it right or be held

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Speaker 1: at you, let's live your life by yes and don't

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Speaker 1: bring them damn kids over here now less Christmas shop.

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Speaker 1: You ain't about that's right, I'm gonna stingle, So wait,

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Speaker 1: say that one more time. Don't come over here no more,

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Speaker 1: and don't bring them damn kids. You can talk about

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Speaker 1: the kids to make them feel bad. No, okay, no, no,

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Speaker 1: they're innocent. Don't bring them over I'll tell you what.

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Speaker 1: If you want the kids to come over here from now,

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Speaker 1: send them over here by your husband. You don't bring

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Speaker 1: your ass over here no more. But she's miserable in

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Speaker 1: her marriage. She's in an unhappy marriage. So misery loves company. Right. Well,

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Speaker 1: that's why I say send them over here by the hood,

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Speaker 1: because he probably need a break. I'm pretty sure he

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Speaker 1: loved to come over here to be killed, wash the

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Speaker 1: game with us and everything. Yeah, he loved to come

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Speaker 1: over that by himself, just to get away from y'all.

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Speaker 1: Ain't if I just stopped buying sit down, I ain't

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Speaker 1: got I sit in the driveway. I just come over.

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Speaker 1: I just swing by Chrispy Krean. The light was on,

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Speaker 1: y'all wants don't know that. Don't really make her mad

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Speaker 1: if she, you know, develops the relationship with the husband

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Speaker 1: and they become good friends. Yeah, so it's really no

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Speaker 1: way to help people like that. It's no terrible how

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Speaker 1: long this ex white thing can last? Trust me, another

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Speaker 1: day'n shot over here if you want, I forgot what

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Speaker 1: I was gonna ask you out. He can't, yeah, answer

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Speaker 1: this question what it was? I don't you think the

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Speaker 1: husband should say something? Don't you think the husband he's

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Speaker 1: trying to say something what he needs to get them

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Speaker 1: off his wife? You don't think that you know what what?

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Speaker 1: He's got a delicate line because he don't want it's

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Speaker 1: his daughter, right. He doesn't want to lose a relationship

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Speaker 1: with his daughter. He doesn't want the daughter to think

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Speaker 1: he's picking the wife over her, and he don't want

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Speaker 1: the wife to think that he's picking the daughter over her.

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Speaker 1: He's caught between the rock and hard place. This is

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Speaker 1: really tough position to be, especially when it comes to

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Speaker 1: the women and boys. Boys get on with a lot quicker.

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Speaker 1: All right, well, listen, guys, we do have to go

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Speaker 1: email us or instagram us your thoughts on today's Strawberry letter,

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Speaker 1: which was not about Steve, No, it wasn't. Ja song

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Speaker 1: has actually told me Dan, I know my mom crazy?

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Speaker 1: Goodis Steve Harvey f M or go to My Girls, Shirley.

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Speaker 1: At My Girls Shirley, you're listening to the Dave Harvey

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Speaker 1: Morning Show.