Speaker 1: Hi, guys, Welcome to another episode of Horrible Decisions. Today's
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Speaker 1: have somewhere to go kind of somewhere to its popular
Speaker 1: like city, but you wouldn't think like maybe trip now
Speaker 1: like more a weekend and all these other weekends, right
Speaker 1: And like I said, I want to needed my hair
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Speaker 1: up anyways, as welcome to yet another episode of horrible decisions.
Speaker 1: I'm your girl, Mandy B and I'm weazy and we
Speaker 1: have get that all the time. Really, yes, umbrella, Well
Speaker 1: just like me a man due why do I still
Speaker 1: get that from my name? Really girl? Like like we're
Speaker 1: in the second grade. They're very original, not original. Well, guys, um,
Speaker 1: we're back. I guess we'll update a little bit. So
Speaker 1: Weezy is just getting back from goddamn Europe yet again.
Speaker 1: Um with loverboy, do you want to briefly update our
Speaker 1: listeners on how that trip went? Was it better than Italy?
Speaker 1: Like how was it? So? To me? It was way
Speaker 1: but in Italy. So we were broth on a vacation
Speaker 1: in Italy, and I feel like maybe because we were
Speaker 1: just getting to know each other that time, I was
Speaker 1: doing just too much, you know. I was like I
Speaker 1: even caught myself posing at one point when I was
Speaker 1: waiting to the bathroom. And now I went to where
Speaker 1: he's from, and you know, kind of just checked out,
Speaker 1: like friends. Family introduced me to the place, and it
Speaker 1: was just so much better because I was like way
Speaker 1: more chill. Um. So funny little story. I'm allergic to
Speaker 1: eggs and he used a a restaurant. Um, and I'm
Speaker 1: just so embarrassed about this story. I'm sorry, I'm getting shy.
Speaker 1: So I'm allergy to eggs and all he wanted to
Speaker 1: do was make sure that I wouldn't eat eggs. So
Speaker 1: he had the chef because I've never had a cupcake
Speaker 1: make me cupcakes, specially without eggs. And he was super excited.
Speaker 1: We were talking about it like a week and a half.
Speaker 1: He's like, oh my god, they're gonna be great cupcakes.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, everything's new with you antal
Speaker 1: and cupcakes. So we get to the restaurant. I'm super
Speaker 1: excited and it's really nice and uh, you know, we're
Speaker 1: sitting down some family and his friends and um, he's
Speaker 1: saying it over again. I can hear him saying the
Speaker 1: word in his language, like no fucking egg. So there's
Speaker 1: bread on the table and it's French. Bread, which generally
Speaker 1: doesn't have eggs. So I'm having a bite a bit
Speaker 1: and when I tell you, I had one bite and
Speaker 1: I could feel my throat and I'm looking at him
Speaker 1: and I'm like, um, is there egg in my martini? Do?
Speaker 1: Is there any egg wash? She's like, no, I told
Speaker 1: you I made the recipe. There's no egg in this.
Speaker 1: There's no egg in this. It's in your I don't
Speaker 1: know if he said this in my head or what.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'll be right back. I'm gonna go to
Speaker 1: the bathroom. I'm trying to walk very daintily to the
Speaker 1: bathroom and next you can, I get in there. Like
Speaker 1: it's like, so I come back, fucking face flush. I
Speaker 1: sit back down and I'm like, maybe it's my nerves, right,
Speaker 1: So I'm looking at again. I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I actually had a dream then had eggs, um, you know,
Speaker 1: before I got here, And I'm just gonna be just
Speaker 1: kind of wondering, like do you think there's a No,
Speaker 1: there's no egg. So finally he goes finds out that
Speaker 1: they put egg wash on the bread to make it shiny.
Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, I need to go because right I'm
Speaker 1: like literally gonnahip my pants and I don't want to
Speaker 1: tell him, and he's like, you want to go with you?
Speaker 1: I don't want to be sick. I'm like, no, no,
Speaker 1: don't go, no, ship, don't go. So in his apartment
Speaker 1: is like two minutes away, right, he can to be
Speaker 1: the keys you have. I'm like, I don't even know
Speaker 1: if I have my jacket. Bro. I'm walking down the
Speaker 1: street all right. People are staring at me. It's like, um,
Speaker 1: it's more like up north, like Baltic. So it's like
Speaker 1: nine at night and it's still right outside. Dude, I'm
Speaker 1: throwing up in the corner. We can't even make it
Speaker 1: to the apartment. People are looking at me like what
Speaker 1: the funk happened through this beach And I'm just like
Speaker 1: I'm not drunk. I'm just sick with eggs. Bro. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. So then he's like texting me like crazy,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. You want me to come back now?
Speaker 1: This fucking hey there, dude, I was so scared. I
Speaker 1: didn't know when the apartment would smell. I do what bomb?
Speaker 1: It smells like? So now because it's his brand new apartment,
Speaker 1: he just moved into his apartment and you know this
Speaker 1: is someone I'm data and I wanted to be nice
Speaker 1: and I'm embarrassed. I'm literally throwing up with a fucking
Speaker 1: paper towel in my hand is scrubbing down. Oh god.
Speaker 1: It was really bad. But it came home with cupcakes
Speaker 1: and ain't the funk out of my pussy. So I
Speaker 1: was like, this is a really good sorry head and cupcakes.
Speaker 1: I'll take that. That's a great way to end the night.
Speaker 1: But it was awesome. It was just hanging out a
Speaker 1: massages casino and we both love to gamble. Um. We
Speaker 1: made some great porns. Let me just shake this one
Speaker 1: clip now. We don't want to see your porn every time.
Speaker 1: It's like fifth Element but like slut anyway, that's my
Speaker 1: anal plug in the corner and a little spit coming
Speaker 1: down from his mouth. But it was fun, and I
Speaker 1: bought a tripod for us. You know. I was like, babe,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm always like making videos for you. Finally
Speaker 1: we can just we can have some good ship. We can,
Speaker 1: you know, and we did. They're like five minute long videos.
Speaker 1: Normally their thirty seconds because the other person wants to
Speaker 1: let go so they can fuck. So I was really excited.
Speaker 1: This is awesome. I'm on the opposite end of the
Speaker 1: spectrum right now. I do want to let you listeners
Speaker 1: know that you guys would not be joining me on
Speaker 1: my journey of abstinence. Um, I've had just too much mediocre.
Speaker 1: When we first started well and I was I went
Speaker 1: a month without Dick and everyone was like, you just
Speaker 1: hear that abstinence. I went to Munk without Dick and
Speaker 1: everyone was like, you're so born, you need dick, weezy
Speaker 1: as all these stories, when are you going to have one?
Speaker 1: And then I literally just went through a nice little
Speaker 1: set where I was like, I've been getting some dick,
Speaker 1: but it's been very just mediocre and except which we're
Speaker 1: on every six week thing right now, and I just
Speaker 1: can't deal with it. He's never in town, like, oh
Speaker 1: so stressful. So I'm to the point now where even
Speaker 1: though I do have all these dicks in my phone
Speaker 1: that are available, I don't enjoy being around any of them.
Speaker 1: It's one of those where their dicks to come over,
Speaker 1: but I don't want the dicks to talk. Just pull
Speaker 1: out the dick, put it in and go. And I
Speaker 1: don't want those relationships anymore. So I'm about to be
Speaker 1: absinent until I can find someone who actually but I
Speaker 1: feel like because the best part of my was watching
Speaker 1: Cheetos and watching a movie and eating cheetos together. That's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, like and so away and Cheetos. The
Speaker 1: fuck you know, embarrassing this is We're gonna literally get
Speaker 1: people are gonna click off the show now. Well that's
Speaker 1: whe I'm Matt. Guys, abstinence. I'll let you guys know
Speaker 1: when I have sex again. Count month counts because if
Speaker 1: I like the guy, are you being abstinent? Well I
Speaker 1: abstinence sounds a lot more convincing. Anyways, guys are welcome
Speaker 1: me on my journey. This is our guest. So, um,
Speaker 1: I guess she's our segue into ushering herpies. I guess
Speaker 1: that's how she said she wanted to really like that
Speaker 1: was well kind of not really herpes consultant. Are we
Speaker 1: go on things? So let our listeners know. First of all,
Speaker 1: I know how I'll see Mark because I talked to you,
Speaker 1: Thank you, But all of our listeners have not talked
Speaker 1: to you yet. Can you let our listeners know who
Speaker 1: you are what you do just a little bit? Yeah? Sure.
Speaker 1: So my name's Ella. I am uh, Internet famous for
Speaker 1: having herpies, I guess is really the bluntest way to
Speaker 1: put that. Um, I'd always been a sex writer. I
Speaker 1: wrote erotica and call I'd always been fascinated by sexual
Speaker 1: health in general. And then shockingly contracted an STD in
Speaker 1: college and had like a lovely little mini meltdown of
Speaker 1: like maybe all the conservatives are right and like I
Speaker 1: shouldn't be having sex lasted like five minutes, and and
Speaker 1: I realized, like, herpes is so ridiculously common and there's
Speaker 1: this huge inflated stigma about it. And so I wrote
Speaker 1: one article for Women's Health and it went insanely viral
Speaker 1: on the Internet, was picked up by Washington Post and
Speaker 1: Yahoo News and like Huffington Post and all these places
Speaker 1: and BuzzFeed and everything. So overnight I went from like
Speaker 1: maybe I should write about herpes and how common it is,
Speaker 1: and then it was like, funk. If you google me,
Speaker 1: Google's like, did you mean ellados? It's done like overnight
Speaker 1: face of Herpes? Did you ever read it? At one
Speaker 1: point when I got that pig, oh sure, because it's
Speaker 1: when you become viral like that. It is terrifying because
Speaker 1: it's so much attention at once and even even if
Speaker 1: none of it is negative, and most of it was
Speaker 1: super super positive at the beginning, like there were so
Speaker 1: many people messaging me on Facebook and like finding my
Speaker 1: email and sending me their stories and it was like
Speaker 1: I had unlocked something and suddenly there was an avalanche
Speaker 1: of people being like me too, and that's petrifying. And
Speaker 1: I was twenty two, like I was a baby, Like
Speaker 1: it was a lot. So well, yeah, explain how old
Speaker 1: are you now? I am twenty five now, so I'm
Speaker 1: still a baby. But I was even more of a baby.
Speaker 1: And so that was like two years ago. That was April, um,
Speaker 1: two thousand, I don't know what year it is, two
Speaker 1: thousand fifteen. Were you because Mandy mentioned, oh my god,
Speaker 1: she's only twenty three when we were watching your Ted talks,
Speaker 1: you were twenty three then, so I yeah, I gave
Speaker 1: my my Ted X talk, um like a month before
Speaker 1: my birthday. Okay, so yeah, um, so that was last April.
Speaker 1: I'm a may baby. It was so great, thank you. Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: And I told her, I was like, bro, it's only
Speaker 1: sixteen minutes. If you don't find the time to watch
Speaker 1: this ship before she comes on the show, Like I'm
Speaker 1: not going to have you on with her. Um, So
Speaker 1: I want you to explain because I read the article
Speaker 1: and um again with the ted talks, you say that
Speaker 1: harpies is associated with people who are dirty or promiscuous
Speaker 1: or people who have a ton of sex. But you
Speaker 1: definitely got it, like two or three strains of it.
Speaker 1: Who knows. So what was your sex life like when
Speaker 1: you found out you called it? And can you share
Speaker 1: the story of when you called it, like where you
Speaker 1: were in your life, what you were doing sexually. Sure,
Speaker 1: so I was a big old Silton college. I had
Speaker 1: a ton of fun. I was super into casual sex,
Speaker 1: not excessively, but like more than a girl is supposed
Speaker 1: to Because were you saying this? And I was, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had always used condoms. I had never had unprotected
Speaker 1: sex at all. Yeah, And I was kind of like
Speaker 1: the asshole in my friend group who like gave out
Speaker 1: condoms and work for planned parenthood and would like yell
Speaker 1: at you. Yeah. And I remember like a few years
Speaker 1: before I got diagnosed, a friend came to me and
Speaker 1: was like, I really prefer having sex dot condoms, and
Speaker 1: I like dreamed him a new one, being like, you're
Speaker 1: going to get herpies and then a few years later
Speaker 1: I was like, so, I'm really sorry that I was
Speaker 1: such a dick, but anyway, I know I was super safe,
Speaker 1: but I was having a lot of casual sex and
Speaker 1: I wound up meeting somebody following super hard like we're
Speaker 1: spending every day together and we were using protection. Um,
Speaker 1: But three weeks in our relationship, I had an outbreak
Speaker 1: of genital herpies and I was very surprised. Um, and
Speaker 1: he immediately like he had been super sweet and charismatic
Speaker 1: and wonderful, and immediately it was like Jacqueline hide of
Speaker 1: like I knew I shouldn't have dated somebody like you,
Speaker 1: like this is all your faults from him. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's hard to prove, but I found out after the
Speaker 1: fact that he was very unfaithful to other girlfriends and
Speaker 1: just was like not a great character. And I wouldn't
Speaker 1: be surprised, But at the time I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm the sex writer. I must have been carrying this,
Speaker 1: like I'm so sorry I gave this to you, Like
Speaker 1: I just took the sex. I well, I was writing
Speaker 1: about sex like that was a huge part of my life.
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, I must have had this.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't even think that he might have
Speaker 1: given it to me. So it was a whole like
Speaker 1: who done it? Kind of dramatic. Also want to point
Speaker 1: out I just love that, UM, just a backcheck, we
Speaker 1: had a sex worker and escort on our last show
Speaker 1: who like never gave oral sex without a condom. You
Speaker 1: were writing about sex and sleeping with a bunch of
Speaker 1: people and always use condoms, And there's always a stigma
Speaker 1: that promiscuous women are open free women are just like
Speaker 1: super unsafe and all over the place. Like, I just
Speaker 1: love that you're like non gond condom. Yeah. I had
Speaker 1: never had sex without a condom UM for years and
Speaker 1: years and years, and then I got diagnosed, and then
Speaker 1: I got an I U D and I started I
Speaker 1: was in like a serious, um committed relationship with somebody
Speaker 1: and we just stopped using condoms. And that was so
Speaker 1: this was well after I got diagnosed, and it was
Speaker 1: something that we talked about. How did you break it
Speaker 1: to him like that you had it and what was
Speaker 1: his reaction? My the later boyfriend or who which any
Speaker 1: boyfriend really any boyfriend that you've had, UM, you were
Speaker 1: diagnosed and you're still not you have a normal dating life.
Speaker 1: You're you've had relationships clearly more than one um and
Speaker 1: they're okay with having sex with you. So how do
Speaker 1: you open up to somebody and say, listen, this is
Speaker 1: what I have and how do they receive it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: So the good thing about being internet famous for having
Speaker 1: her pies is very rarely on a date and they
Speaker 1: don't already know. Like I'm even now on Tinder, and
Speaker 1: it'll get to the point like where we're chatting and
Speaker 1: then like before we actually meet up for drinks, he'll
Speaker 1: be like, just want to let you know, like I
Speaker 1: googled you and I think what you do is great.
Speaker 1: It's already like taken care of and um, I have
Speaker 1: a I have a first date tomorrow with somebody who
Speaker 1: um I met on tender. Yeah. It really fun hopefully
Speaker 1: but my cheerleader, but but I I was really nervous
Speaker 1: about breaking the news because of all this usher stuff.
Speaker 1: It's like it's I've been feeling more down on myself
Speaker 1: for it and the way that about it was. I
Speaker 1: was like, so I'm going on this podcast, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: talked about about herpies and all this, and he's like,
Speaker 1: why are you, like the consultanty're bringing on And I
Speaker 1: was like, well, I have it, and I write about it,
Speaker 1: and I gave a tedex talk about it, and he
Speaker 1: like you could see like the read receipt came up.
Speaker 1: And then a few minutes later he's like, that's really interesting,
Speaker 1: is that? Like how does that impact your dating life?
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, like condoms, I guess, but
Speaker 1: otherwise that's actually I was like, it's usually a conversation
Speaker 1: I have like this one at the beginning of relationship,
Speaker 1: and then it becomes irrelevant when somebody realizes that two
Speaker 1: and three people have the strain that I have and
Speaker 1: used like, oh yeah, and I think it's like the
Speaker 1: other strains right altogether. Yeah, I super high. When I
Speaker 1: got tested, it just says normal. Um and then like
Speaker 1: the little less THN symbol. Yeah, so everyone has a
Speaker 1: strain in them. Um. And that's why, UM, I do
Speaker 1: want to let you guys know that that that are
Speaker 1: listening that Ella is not an m D. So we're
Speaker 1: not going to be able to provide medical advice for you. However,
Speaker 1: get on Google look it up. Um. That's what she did. Um.
Speaker 1: She actually says, you know, and this is what I
Speaker 1: wanted to bring up in your TED talk and I'd
Speaker 1: love to bring it um to the show. Is the
Speaker 1: misconceptions you named three, yes, and I wanted to talk
Speaker 1: about those because as you were saying them, I was like, yes, bitch, yes,
Speaker 1: bitch yes, which clearly you won't watch the videos. I
Speaker 1: didn't look you up. Yeah, so can we list those
Speaker 1: again for the followers? Like I know, one was just
Speaker 1: the education of it, blah blah blah, like what we
Speaker 1: received in school, that was where the stigmas come from.
Speaker 1: Yet sure, yeah, so we can start with that with school,
Speaker 1: Like most of us, I received aption it's only sex education,
Speaker 1: just don't have sex. If you have sex, you're gonna
Speaker 1: die and get pregnant exactly. And even if you did
Speaker 1: get more comprehensive sex, like sure you might have been
Speaker 1: taught how to put a condom on a banana, but
Speaker 1: you really weren't given great information about STDs. It was
Speaker 1: just like very scary photos and like misinformation and really
Speaker 1: scary ship and it was google it. Now it's like
Speaker 1: like it's not a fun Google. Don't do Google. Just
Speaker 1: don't do that to yourself. That's just going to drive
Speaker 1: you insane. But no, so I when we have that
Speaker 1: terrible sex said, we're not taught anything about if you
Speaker 1: do get it, or here's how to talk to your
Speaker 1: partner about it, or here's how to get tested. It's
Speaker 1: just like you better not fucking get an STD. That's it.
Speaker 1: That's because the end of your life's end of your life.
Speaker 1: And so when you do get diagnosed, if you get diagnosed,
Speaker 1: or if your partner does, or if someone discloses to you,
Speaker 1: your brain just goes that panic space of like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna die, Like this is it. This is the end
Speaker 1: of my life. No one's ever going to touch me again,
Speaker 1: and you're not giving any information about how common it is,
Speaker 1: how to actually protect yourself like condoms, yes, dental damns,
Speaker 1: things like that when you're having oral sex, like being
Speaker 1: smart about that. Oral sex is one of the biggest
Speaker 1: ways that Herbie's is transmitted. Like it's it's something to
Speaker 1: think about. And there's just so much misinformation coming from
Speaker 1: sex said, which is not sex said, it's abstinence. It's
Speaker 1: like it's not helpful. So that's number one. UM, And yeah,
Speaker 1: I hate absence education. I will go off on that forever.
Speaker 1: Really feeding my activists, right, now I get kissed. I
Speaker 1: actually nearly was suspended for my high school for giving
Speaker 1: out condoms in my abstinence. Are you kidding? Yeah, because
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm a planned parenthood rep and according
Speaker 1: to the House of Representatives, this this education leads to
Speaker 1: like x y z rates of teen pregnancy. And I
Speaker 1: started giving out condoms and the teacher was just like looking.
Speaker 1: It was like a volleyball coach being like, you need
Speaker 1: to stop, or I will send you to the headmaster's office.
Speaker 1: It was a whole thing, like I am the head
Speaker 1: master and that's why. And so I like took all
Speaker 1: the condoms back and I was like my my lockers
Speaker 1: in the theater way, it's help yourself. And within a
Speaker 1: few weeks, like all of the bros at my school
Speaker 1: knew me because they would come and be like, do
Speaker 1: you have still of those condoms? So people are scared
Speaker 1: to like go and then think about small town. They
Speaker 1: don't want to go to CBS and get caught up. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I just actually, so I'm having this weird sinus thing
Speaker 1: going on with my ears. Well this is it was
Speaker 1: so funny. So I go to pick up my prescription
Speaker 1: because I have like really bad sinus with my ear
Speaker 1: my throat and at this point I'm looking at throat things.
Speaker 1: There's this new gun and reastrained. I'm just like, oh, shouot,
Speaker 1: I did just swallow last week. I'm scared. So I
Speaker 1: go to the damn doctor to make sure everything's okay,
Speaker 1: pissing a cup, you know, all that stuff. Um, And
Speaker 1: so I get a prescription, an antibiotic from my ear.
Speaker 1: And when I go, it's a ten dollar fucking minimum
Speaker 1: on the debit card. Bitch, I got Medici, my right,
Speaker 1: So my my prescription only a dollar. So I'm like, ship,
Speaker 1: what am I gonna get? I said, you know what,
Speaker 1: go ahead and give me a pack of condoms. The
Speaker 1: guy at the store was so happy. He said, come here,
Speaker 1: come here, I give you the big pack he gives me.
Speaker 1: You know, he's like, I even give you discount. He
Speaker 1: was like, I gotta get rid of these ships. Nobody
Speaker 1: buys condoms. Oh my god. And he's like, listen, here's
Speaker 1: my card. I'll deliver your prescription. Hell, I'll deliver condoms.
Speaker 1: He said no, he was no, but he was really nice.
Speaker 1: He was like, yo, like they get expired, and you know,
Speaker 1: he pays for its inventory. There's an expiration date on them.
Speaker 1: So he's like, I'll give you the big pack he
Speaker 1: gave me, Like the big pack he took off almost
Speaker 1: three dollars, So I have now I have now a
Speaker 1: ten pack of condoms um which mind you made me
Speaker 1: get because of course, well, of course that night I
Speaker 1: have sex. So I go to pull them out. I
Speaker 1: got the kind that Candy suggested, the thinner Trojan, so
Speaker 1: I go to pull that out. The nigga is like,
Speaker 1: what do you have magnums? I actually did in my
Speaker 1: purse from another time. So now he's like, wait, you
Speaker 1: even had options of condoms. So I'm just like, but
Speaker 1: it's so freny that you say that, because yeah, like
Speaker 1: he literally was like, people don't buy condoms, and you
Speaker 1: just said people are shamed by condoms at CVS. It's
Speaker 1: like a stigma, Like how how girls feel when they
Speaker 1: go to buy tampons for the first time because they're bleeding.
Speaker 1: I think my old groommate ordered them on Amazon. It's
Speaker 1: so crazy. So okay, so so you handed those out
Speaker 1: so sex at abstinence, bro, it's bullshit. You can still
Speaker 1: apparently get herpes even with a condom on which a
Speaker 1: lot of people don't know. It's the skin to skin contact.
Speaker 1: It's not fluid, so if you're if you're snuggling and
Speaker 1: if but is is like it's called asymptomatic viral shedding,
Speaker 1: which is a horrible term, but it means it's it's
Speaker 1: not that common, but there or it is. I heard
Speaker 1: you mentioned the wrestling man. Yeah, it's uh, well wrestling
Speaker 1: is a whole other thing. But you can you can
Speaker 1: transmit herpies if you're not having an outbreak, like it's
Speaker 1: it's something percent of the time you can um and
Speaker 1: that that rate goes down the longer that you've had herpies.
Speaker 1: And for me, like I my last outbreak was two
Speaker 1: years ago. Like I'm not really that concerned about giving
Speaker 1: somebody herpies. But yeah, you can get it from like
Speaker 1: vigorous rubbing if you want to. Years ago, you said
Speaker 1: your outbreak last outbreak was two years ago? Here night,
Speaker 1: What is the frequency of an outbreak? So are you
Speaker 1: dormant now? What what would or or it's just really
Speaker 1: your body really right, it's your body. Yeah. For me,
Speaker 1: like I had my first outbreak three weeks after getting it.
Speaker 1: I had a really bad immune system. I'm not the
Speaker 1: healthiest personage. The first one was your only one. So
Speaker 1: I had my second one, Um, so I've had too
Speaker 1: And my second one was two years after that and
Speaker 1: I was working, um a really crazy prints in a
Speaker 1: different time zone and my body was just like where
Speaker 1: are you? Like, what is going on? This is so
Speaker 1: stressful and I had an outbreak because of stress in
Speaker 1: my body. The body just freaked out. And I probably
Speaker 1: won't have another one, honestly, because it's I have HSV one,
Speaker 1: which is um usually associated with oral herpies, but you
Speaker 1: can have a genitally, but it tends to just be
Speaker 1: a bit milder and as a result, I'm probably not
Speaker 1: likely to have another one anytime soon unless there's like
Speaker 1: a body trigger. But yeah, it's pretty chill for me.
Speaker 1: I got lucky. I got like the lazy strain of herpies.
Speaker 1: So it's ironic, like it does not impact my life
Speaker 1: except that it's now like my internet reputation and so
Speaker 1: your outbreak is on your mouth or is it? It's
Speaker 1: just it's just it's genital, okay, And so HSB one
Speaker 1: can be both because I assumed that HSB one just
Speaker 1: so that's what people think. But what it has to
Speaker 1: do is it. It has to do with where it's
Speaker 1: hosted in your body, like where your spine. It is
Speaker 1: an HSB one I believe is towards the top of
Speaker 1: towards the top of your body, and it's usually associated
Speaker 1: with oral herpes and you get cold stres and things
Speaker 1: like that, but you can have either strain in either place.
Speaker 1: I think oral HSP two is very very rare, but yeah,
Speaker 1: you can have HSP one genitally. And it's actually on
Speaker 1: the rise among women, especially in college, because of all
Speaker 1: the oral sex that they're having, which like the ladies like, yes,
Speaker 1: but make sure your partners not having a could store. Um. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: that's good. And so I also didn't know that you
Speaker 1: could get it when someone wasn't having an outbreak. Yes, um,
Speaker 1: because Mandy's got a friend who was saying she doesn't,
Speaker 1: so I have to. I have two friends. Um, and
Speaker 1: we've openly talked about it. Um. And that was my
Speaker 1: first question, is like, so do you tell people that
Speaker 1: you have sex with because at the same time, they're
Speaker 1: both girls that condoms aren't fun like they it doesn't
Speaker 1: feel right. I don't like hat feels and I'm just
Speaker 1: like bro but you know, you have herpies and both
Speaker 1: of them do not tell their partners, and so it's
Speaker 1: just like I know, and it's just like, but they
Speaker 1: both date black men. And clearly you've been reading these
Speaker 1: Ussher comments and so I want to get into that
Speaker 1: as well. Um, just how maybe it may be more
Speaker 1: accepted in what I don't want to say, white culture,
Speaker 1: Like I don't want to make this a race thing,
Speaker 1: but for sure we are we are a lot more yeah,
Speaker 1: and we are a lot more uneducated and ignorant when
Speaker 1: it comes to these type of things, especially the things
Speaker 1: we say and how hurtful the ignorance. Um. So I
Speaker 1: guess I can bring it up because I want to
Speaker 1: bring this into how you, you know, go through dat feeling.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you do the words shaming or
Speaker 1: what did you say? And so I want to I
Speaker 1: want to ask you why is that? Because you've been
Speaker 1: this advocate for it, you've gotten so much positive feedback.
Speaker 1: Now the Usher thing comes out and for you guys
Speaker 1: who don't know, if you've been sleeping under a rock, Um,
Speaker 1: it just came out that Usher paid a woman one
Speaker 1: point one million dollars um because she contracted her pies
Speaker 1: from him, he's been positive. There's court docks showing that
Speaker 1: he was tested positive in two thousand nine, so he's
Speaker 1: known that. There's now been a second female that, since
Speaker 1: this information has come out, has now sued him and
Speaker 1: is asking for twenty million dollars because she just went
Speaker 1: and got testing. Oh, I'm taking her pies for a million.
Speaker 1: I don't give a funk, Um, but she's she's suing
Speaker 1: out of here, y'all. Y'all really not gonna have her
Speaker 1: pies for a million dollars anyway. Um, So now there's
Speaker 1: someone else suing Um saying, Hey, I slept with Usher.
Speaker 1: I want twenty million because I just got tested positive. However,
Speaker 1: I've had the conversation with friends and just just like
Speaker 1: you said, you can't, especially if you're not tested for it. Um.
Speaker 1: And the doctor that came on, Dr Kim, who you
Speaker 1: guys love, she said that they're not really testing for
Speaker 1: it unless you maybe get a PAP smear. And I
Speaker 1: believe it was your ted talk you said you've heard
Speaker 1: it was expensive or we're testing a lot of doctors
Speaker 1: won't test you for her pies even if you ask,
Speaker 1: because they think that if you have it and you're asymptomatic,
Speaker 1: you're better off not knowing that you have it because
Speaker 1: it is so powerful. And like a lot of people
Speaker 1: suffer from mental health issues after they get diagnosed because
Speaker 1: it's so devastating the news, because the stigma is so bad.
Speaker 1: So there are a lot of doctors who are like, hey,
Speaker 1: it's not going to infect your it's not going to
Speaker 1: Freudian affect your life. Um, and if you're not having symptoms,
Speaker 1: like clearly you're not, you're not feeling anything negative, you
Speaker 1: don't need to be on medication for that. We're just
Speaker 1: not going to test you. Like if you have an outbreak,
Speaker 1: Common will give you a cream, but rather than that,
Speaker 1: you don't need to know. Yeah, and and the other
Speaker 1: thing is that the testing itself makes no sense. And
Speaker 1: because it's there are a bunch of different ways to
Speaker 1: get tested. You can get a culture taken from a
Speaker 1: culture which is pretty resiable testing. It was just like
Speaker 1: it might just be like a weird skin thing that
Speaker 1: they can take a culture from or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: But some mine didn't happen. My mind was just like
Speaker 1: regular CD testing And then she swabbed and you were
Speaker 1: getting a papum. That's what Dr Kim said that during
Speaker 1: your path they will test you because it's a yearly um.
Speaker 1: But again they might be able to get it from
Speaker 1: from a swab. I'm not entirely sure, but I do
Speaker 1: know that culture testing tends to be a bit more reliable.
Speaker 1: But if you're getting like a blood test, it's testing
Speaker 1: how many like how prevalent of the page virus is
Speaker 1: in your body, and yeah, and the percentage. This is
Speaker 1: where I'm a little confused because I don't have a
Speaker 1: science brain. But they give you like a numerical score,
Speaker 1: and it gives they give you like a window of
Speaker 1: like if you're below this amount, like you're probably negative,
Speaker 1: and if you're above this amount, you're probably positive. And
Speaker 1: if you're in between, like, we don't even know what
Speaker 1: to tell you. And I don't test positive for herpes
Speaker 1: on those I come in and like the neutral zone.
Speaker 1: They're like, we don't know. I had a doctor try
Speaker 1: to tell me I didn't have her bees and I
Speaker 1: was like, bro, that ship has sailed like and he
Speaker 1: was right, yeah, I was like, I have lived it,
Speaker 1: it's google to worry about it. But but like and
Speaker 1: he himself was like insisting, no, you probably don't have
Speaker 1: it because he thought I was better off thinking I
Speaker 1: didn't have it even if I did, because the stigma
Speaker 1: is so bad and the test is zone reliable. So
Speaker 1: I don't know. I like, I've heard a lot of
Speaker 1: doctors tell me different reasons for why they don't test.
Speaker 1: I've also had a lot of friends be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I demanded a test and they still said no. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I also want to let the listeners note, like
Speaker 1: you said um, Like even Dr Kemp said, so it's
Speaker 1: through a paps, a pap blood or um, the scalpel
Speaker 1: whatever would you say, scalpel, so when you're going And
Speaker 1: I do want to let let our listeners know when
Speaker 1: you're going in and you're pissing in a cup that's
Speaker 1: checking you for clamydia, like not herpies. So even though
Speaker 1: that test could come back clean and negative, there's still
Speaker 1: a possibility if you do not ask or request for
Speaker 1: our herpes test. So going back to the Usher thing,
Speaker 1: because lady finds out that she's positive um, and because
Speaker 1: she's slept with Usher, apparently he had to be the
Speaker 1: one to give it to her. That's where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't believe you. If she had the case. I
Speaker 1: So the frustrating thing is that in certain states, like
Speaker 1: it is technically illegal to um have sex with someone
Speaker 1: and know your status and not tell them that. I
Speaker 1: thought that was just with HIV. It is, but it
Speaker 1: it does. I think it does apply to other STDs
Speaker 1: when they are like lifelong, like herpes isn't curable. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's primarily the HIV criminalization laws, which I think are
Speaker 1: trash and not effective and just add to stigma. And
Speaker 1: I have a lot of feelings about that. But so
Speaker 1: she may have a case. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: like it is so hard to prove, how like when
Speaker 1: you got give it to you because it kind of
Speaker 1: just been sitting in your body, right, Yeah, And a
Speaker 1: lot of people get it as kids, is the thing,
Speaker 1: and like never know about it, never get tested, never
Speaker 1: show symptoms because it's cold stores, like you get it
Speaker 1: from a family member who kisses you on the mount.
Speaker 1: And so my sister, so growing up, my sister, um
Speaker 1: actually like are you about to well no, every like whatever,
Speaker 1: But she got cold swords. I have friends get yea,
Speaker 1: and when you call them cold swords, it's not bad.
Speaker 1: But there her beest the cold sor absolutely and I
Speaker 1: have friends that get cold swords. And it's like, if
Speaker 1: I didn't have genital herpes and I had a cold
Speaker 1: stort and you gave someone a head, you can give them. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Wait no, if you have genital herpes and you give
Speaker 1: someone head, you can't transmit because you don't have it.
Speaker 1: But if you have it in your mouth, if you
Speaker 1: have it early. I've never had genital herpes. I've never
Speaker 1: had it. I've just had a cold story because I
Speaker 1: have I've had a could sture in my lifetime. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: so you probably have h one. If y'all want to
Speaker 1: see the look at her face. Well, anyways, I want
Speaker 1: to get back to the story because my sister, well,
Speaker 1: my sis, it will see you. Oh my god, yes,
Speaker 1: who's here? Oh my god? Well my sister has to
Speaker 1: join the club with her? Oh my god. Wait wait wait,
Speaker 1: we're not going to right the Secret Society Welcome. I'm
Speaker 1: totally even tested and I didn't get I mean it
Speaker 1: didn't come back. I mean this thing is like you
Speaker 1: might not test positive for when you're you might not
Speaker 1: be at any risk of transmitting. Since I've been a teenager, well,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Well, my sister used to get them
Speaker 1: really bad growing up to like where she would miss
Speaker 1: school because she'd have one, and then it would spread
Speaker 1: and we literally and when you're young, especially because your
Speaker 1: immune system is different, so it would literally we would
Speaker 1: be in the house and it would be like, okay, girl,
Speaker 1: here's your cup, your spoon, and your fork for the week.
Speaker 1: Don't touch anything else because it's just been like the
Speaker 1: But even my other friend we were just gonna and
Speaker 1: she had one and she was trying to I was like, girl,
Speaker 1: there's a breather in the in the guy like, I
Speaker 1: don't know what you like, get it off. It's but
Speaker 1: and and so it's crazy because something else you meant.
Speaker 1: Just so you see how easy it was to talk
Speaker 1: about it as a cold store as opposed to her
Speaker 1: being it's so crazy because you open your ted, talk
Speaker 1: like who in here has allergies? And I absolutely love
Speaker 1: the eggs, And then she goes to say who when
Speaker 1: here has herpes? And there's not one literally literally not
Speaker 1: one hand raised And if they know what you're going
Speaker 1: to talk about, the audience know, which was great. They weren't.
Speaker 1: Nobody introduced me. I just like rolled on up on
Speaker 1: the stage. It was like a like a college organized event,
Speaker 1: so they were great, but they didn't There was not
Speaker 1: a lot of stagecraft. So I was gonna say, I
Speaker 1: noticed that there were things that you said, we're funny,
Speaker 1: and they didn't laugh till a little bit after. I
Speaker 1: could tell it's because they were like, holy sh it,
Speaker 1: oh my god. It was also like ten am on
Speaker 1: a Saturday, so everyone in that room was hungover. It
Speaker 1: was kind of so that might have been part of it,
Speaker 1: but no, people were genuinely they enjoyed. But I noticed
Speaker 1: that I don't know if I was teching, there was tension. Yeah,
Speaker 1: holy sh it. So wow, do you want to talk?
Speaker 1: So I don't even know if I can right now.
Speaker 1: That text a few people right now, so sorry, So
Speaker 1: I do want to ask you, and again bringing back
Speaker 1: to the usher thing, you've been reading the comments, you've
Speaker 1: been feeling iky Clearly people are shaming the ship out
Speaker 1: of him and saying life is ruined now like lumping
Speaker 1: it in with R. Kelly, which is pissing me off.
Speaker 1: So like R. Kelly is a sex colt, not sure
Speaker 1: as herpies, and I'm like those two are not which
Speaker 1: one would you rather do? Yeah? Yeah, it's literally been
Speaker 1: like would you rather have herpies than one point and
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna you weren't, but I did. I sent
Speaker 1: it in my group chat with my home girls, so
Speaker 1: I said, you gotta pick one. So I said, hey,
Speaker 1: would you rather have herpies with one point one million dollars?
Speaker 1: Or would you rather being a sex cult where you
Speaker 1: can't talk to any of your friends or family or
Speaker 1: be would you rather be pregnant and being cheated on
Speaker 1: by someone who's shorter than you because apparently Kevin Hart
Speaker 1: was cheating on his life. Rather definitely not go with
Speaker 1: because you can never be And I feel like herpes.
Speaker 1: Apparently you're gonna ignore it. I can ignore that real
Speaker 1: nice and Fiji, apparently you're still getting freaking tender dates.
Speaker 1: So oh so so, And this is what I want
Speaker 1: our listeners to know. If, for whatever reason, you do
Speaker 1: get tested and you have this um positive result, don't
Speaker 1: talk Ella like I did to find her and ask
Speaker 1: her all these questions, but do a Google search and
Speaker 1: do like psychologically you will do your dude, your due
Speaker 1: diligence to to inform yourself on the things, just the
Speaker 1: same way that that you did. And I wanted to
Speaker 1: ask you of all the comments that you've seen, um,
Speaker 1: because I'm you know, it's making you feeling what has
Speaker 1: been the worst part of what people normally say about
Speaker 1: her pies, Like, what is something that has stood out
Speaker 1: to you as far as oh my god, people still
Speaker 1: really think like this, Oh man. So I should preface
Speaker 1: this by saying, like, I get a lot of harassment
Speaker 1: online because I write a lot about feminism as well
Speaker 1: as sexual health, and like the men's rights activists and
Speaker 1: the all right, like they love me because it's a
Speaker 1: great example of like these feminists be crazy, they're preaching.
Speaker 1: So I see a lot of like horrific stuff on
Speaker 1: the daily, um, but just in terms of the Usher
Speaker 1: stuff like there right, yeah, I'm sure you guys have everywhere.
Speaker 1: It's like all sorts of horrible online too, horrible, horrible,
Speaker 1: It's it's scarring. So I've like definitely read my fair
Speaker 1: share of like really horrific things people say about herpes.
Speaker 1: But even in the context, even in the context of
Speaker 1: the Usher thing, like because he's a celebrity and all
Speaker 1: of the other many things that make it okay to
Speaker 1: make fun of Usher, Like even publications I respect have
Speaker 1: been just like leaning hard into this story because it's
Speaker 1: so salacious and like Vice ran a story that was like,
Speaker 1: would you have sex with Usher and get herpes? For
Speaker 1: a million dollars? And they interviewed people on the street
Speaker 1: and they found like eight people and it was just
Speaker 1: like Vice, you should know better, like you've interfered about this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and my favorite powers. All the people were like, funk, no,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do that, And it's like, statistically, you already
Speaker 1: have it. All of you just said no to a
Speaker 1: million dollars and having sex with Usher, which like I
Speaker 1: would probably do anyway. Guys, you know what's funny. I
Speaker 1: was having that conversation with myself like that, I just
Speaker 1: wouldn't have said it out loud, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie, like just kind of feel like
Speaker 1: why I feel like there's quite a few so listeners
Speaker 1: if you're listening, well, clearly you're listening at this point.
Speaker 1: If you're sitting there, think of your celebrity crush and
Speaker 1: I just think to yourself, would you have sex with him?
Speaker 1: Knowing that they have And the thing is, all of
Speaker 1: your favorite celebrities have herpies. All of them, like I
Speaker 1: have done my research, like all of them have herpes.
Speaker 1: Britney Spears has herpies. Derek Jeter has herpies. Derek Jeter
Speaker 1: is rumored who have given it to like everyone like,
Speaker 1: which is probably why he used to give them gifts.
Speaker 1: He used to do gift baskets to the girls, but
Speaker 1: he literally used to everyone who dates him used to
Speaker 1: get a gift basket. Probably trucks in there, like yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, like all of your favorite celebrities have herpes,
Speaker 1: even like sweet Robin Williams had herpies like everyone. Billie
Speaker 1: Idol has herpies like they all do. And the thing
Speaker 1: is like if you think about it that way, like okay, anyway,
Speaker 1: So like the moment I learned about that, I started
Speaker 1: be like, oh, this is kind of ridiculous. And the
Speaker 1: other thing like I've had, I've had like hot coworkers
Speaker 1: or like hot classmates, these people who have been like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this person is so gorgeous. I wish
Speaker 1: they would talk to me, And they've asked me out
Speaker 1: for lunch after watching my talk and I've been like, oh,
Speaker 1: I finally have my chance with this, and they're always like,
Speaker 1: so I've heard he's I've never told anyone but you,
Speaker 1: And this is mind blowing because I'm like, you are
Speaker 1: like the most fucable person I know, so much shame
Speaker 1: and self doubt and I'm like, what is fucking wrong
Speaker 1: with you? But it's literally, it's literally what what I
Speaker 1: think goes on with the ignorance that I said in
Speaker 1: not community, people caring, whatever reaction, I was like, I
Speaker 1: can't do this. I had one person turned me down,
Speaker 1: but he said that he had just gotten over chlamydia
Speaker 1: and he was like, I can't do it again. The
Speaker 1: only really he was still probably it's just like even
Speaker 1: not even it's just the fear, like I I can't go.
Speaker 1: The thing is like they have probably been people who
Speaker 1: have been interested in me and changed their lines. Like
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's been people who have been like Ella's
Speaker 1: really gorgeous or I think she's really smart. But I
Speaker 1: can't do that. But I like, to the point where
Speaker 1: I've actually approached someone, I've never actually been turned down
Speaker 1: because they've already decided in their brain. My favorite story,
Speaker 1: and I tell this in in my talk, but the
Speaker 1: longer version is kind of more fun. I was at
Speaker 1: a party my senior year, like six months after getting diagnosed,
Speaker 1: like freshly single, like feeling really good about myself, but
Speaker 1: also super nervous. And this really cute guy was flirting
Speaker 1: with me at a party, super gorgeous, and this like
Speaker 1: case of norovirus, like this super fluid gone around campus
Speaker 1: and he asked me if if he if I wanted
Speaker 1: the rest of behind a kid, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you don't have norovirus, do you? Right? Because everybody was
Speaker 1: puking in trash cans. He was like no, and I
Speaker 1: also don't have herpes, and it just looked at him
Speaker 1: and I was like, I was like, do I say
Speaker 1: something like do you I laugh? Do I walk away?
Speaker 1: Like clearly the problem? And I was just like, that's
Speaker 1: like not that funny because I have it and it's
Speaker 1: really common. And he just looked at me and like
Speaker 1: you could see on his face like you just blew
Speaker 1: it with this amazing girl, and that moment of him
Speaker 1: being like, wow, I'm such a dick, and he immediately,
Speaker 1: to his credit, he immediately immediately apologized. And I saw
Speaker 1: later him like googling herpies transmission statistics like him doing it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we had sex that weekend and then you almost a year. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I loved that when I heard that. That is awesome. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And there was a point, like a few months into
Speaker 1: our relationship where he was like, look, I'm just going
Speaker 1: to assume that I have it. I don't really care,
Speaker 1: like it doesn't bother me, Like I love you, don't
Speaker 1: worry about it. Because we had had a conversation where
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm really nervous that if I do
Speaker 1: transmit you you're going to hate me, and he was like,
Speaker 1: how the hell could I do that? You're like, the
Speaker 1: love of my life, You're amazing. It's not a thing.
Speaker 1: If it happens, it happens, And it's really because everyone's
Speaker 1: body is different, and you do say that all the time,
Speaker 1: but even you it's the outbreak. Those pictures are discussing,
Speaker 1: but yet in three or four years you had to
Speaker 1: operate and they haven't been fun, Like I don't enjoy them.
Speaker 1: They are having herpies if you do have like an
Speaker 1: active strain. The first outbreak was held of painful. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna like, I'm not gonna pretend it wasn't. It
Speaker 1: was like peeing glass. It was terrible. I hated it.
Speaker 1: And your your first outbreak sucks like that is how
Speaker 1: it goes. And then it gets easier usually, and there's
Speaker 1: some people who have like more um, more severe cases,
Speaker 1: who have have outbreaks more often like some people. It
Speaker 1: isn't fun. I've gotten some criticism for like making herpes
Speaker 1: sound super chill like it's not. But the vast majority
Speaker 1: there constantly, exactly and compared to like other things that
Speaker 1: you can have wrong, other skin conditions, other health conditions,
Speaker 1: choose herpes over almost anything in the world. So I've
Speaker 1: heard more. Yeah, I've had more severe like head colds,
Speaker 1: like sinus not just because I was like trying to
Speaker 1: read a little bit more. Um, So I'm twenty six
Speaker 1: and I'm just now getting gardenssil Apparently I can't find
Speaker 1: any doctor, I mean, in any old records that I've
Speaker 1: ever had it. Well, and I don't even know how
Speaker 1: you're allowed to get it, because I actually was yet
Speaker 1: well no, I was looking at you. It's something that
Speaker 1: you should have been given as a teenager, and you
Speaker 1: have up to twenty four to get it. No, I
Speaker 1: just looked this up. So there is a vaccine, and
Speaker 1: it's so funny because well you can't. It's not covered
Speaker 1: by insurance anymore, that's what you mean. Not only well, no,
Speaker 1: not on it's not, but after a certain age after
Speaker 1: it's not. Yeah. Well not only that, also apparently it's
Speaker 1: something in which doctors don't even suggest it should be
Speaker 1: given to us, like how we get our happy and
Speaker 1: so when I looked up this vaccine, so there is
Speaker 1: a vaccine that you can get when you're younger for
Speaker 1: h for HPV, which which I wanted to bring up
Speaker 1: because I heard that it go ahead. So the thing
Speaker 1: about it is doctors stay away from recommending this vaccine
Speaker 1: as they do the Happy, the happy whatever, because they
Speaker 1: consider HPV to be sexually transmitted and it's something that's
Speaker 1: uncomfortable to talk about with children, or they don't feel
Speaker 1: like they write to be vaccinated for something because it's
Speaker 1: sexually transmitted, and so it's something that they don't like.
Speaker 1: There's three rounds of shots. So um, that's it. Before
Speaker 1: I went to Cuba, I turned twenty six this year
Speaker 1: in March. Before I went to Cuba, thirty dollars. She's like,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna let you know. I'm really sorry, but
Speaker 1: your next round is going to cost you three dollars
Speaker 1: called Dr Kim. I'm like, um, in Canada, So actually
Speaker 1: I'm going to Japan because it's every three months. So
Speaker 1: my next one, I'm going to buy it in Japan.
Speaker 1: I'm just going to get the name of the vaccine,
Speaker 1: whatever it is and buy it there because you know,
Speaker 1: and Asian drugs are cheaper. But I'm put this ship
Speaker 1: right in my booty. So do you happen to know?
Speaker 1: You said HPV is not herpies, different different viruses, So
Speaker 1: h s V is herpies. So this is herpie simplex
Speaker 1: virus harpies simply, so this HPV is preventing Well, I
Speaker 1: just read a few things about obviously men can't find
Speaker 1: out if they have HPV, so um, you know if
Speaker 1: and they hosted women and I believe a comedian Ali
Speaker 1: Wong said it's either the kind that's just dormant in
Speaker 1: your body or I can kill you and give you
Speaker 1: her vocal cancer and something. Yeah, and that's and that's
Speaker 1: reports and that's what that's what Dr Kim said as well,
Speaker 1: like HPV can lead to cancers, um, but not herpes.
Speaker 1: Then no, wow, I don't know different things, okay, sports
Speaker 1: just HPV symptoms. Yeah, I didn't know that. Okay, that's interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like I just got schools and you're not
Speaker 1: a doctor. Yeah, I meant, well, this isn't this is
Speaker 1: my expertise. And again, well this goes to her googling
Speaker 1: and taking initiative to to look up these things. What
Speaker 1: is what? I really fun? I don't want to know.
Speaker 1: All I want to do is have like a long
Speaker 1: conversation about Harry Potter on a date, like that's all
Speaker 1: I want to talk about. Did you see this coming
Speaker 1: out in October? I did see that. I have a
Speaker 1: lot of opinions, and I want to talk about that
Speaker 1: on a date instead of her being anything today. No,
Speaker 1: I mean it's he I mean that is like to me,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you if you don't mind explaining,
Speaker 1: I know you work for them. Now, I saw it
Speaker 1: on your LinkedIn because we talked to if. I did wait,
Speaker 1: and then the funny thing is I thought we lost
Speaker 1: her for good because she didn't respond to my email
Speaker 1: the first day. So I go on Twitter and I'm like, hey,
Speaker 1: can all of y'all at and put her at? You
Speaker 1: didn't tell her to come on the podcast I did.
Speaker 1: She's like, can you please on do that? I said,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm so sorry, but she responded, so
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, we're getting somewhere and shed and
Speaker 1: literally I'm at work today. She was like, girl, did
Speaker 1: you check the email? And I was like, I literally
Speaker 1: was so happy because I definitely wanted to bring you
Speaker 1: on the show to talk about this, and and here
Speaker 1: you go bringing light to such a dim, dark topic
Speaker 1: I get. Honestly, I was you guys just diagnosed me.
Speaker 1: I'm scared as I'm also go online and just be like,
Speaker 1: just to give you guys a warning, this communal blunt um. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: So now I want to kind of get off this.
Speaker 1: Oh why don't we do a listener question? Yeah, so
Speaker 1: I have. So we have homemail. Um, and this one
Speaker 1: I think is good because it kind of brings us
Speaker 1: back to not so horrsh ways, I guess, um, so
Speaker 1: it says warning, this is a long one. Forgive me,
Speaker 1: please keep me anonymous. Girl, you know we are. So.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to say that this podcast has really
Speaker 1: helped me confront a lot of insecurities regarding sexual desires
Speaker 1: and relationships. I'm probably on the complete opposite end of
Speaker 1: the spectrum girl, we know, but I just wanted to
Speaker 1: know if you guys could give me some advice about
Speaker 1: navigating sex and dating is a twenty three year old virgin,
Speaker 1: So she's a virgin. Guys. It's kind of embarrassing sometimes,
Speaker 1: But I'm a late bloomer and just lost a lot
Speaker 1: of weight in the past few years. So I've avoided
Speaker 1: sexual relationships for my entire life simply because I was
Speaker 1: uncomfortable in my own skin for so long. I'm super
Speaker 1: sex positive when it comes to supporting others, and I
Speaker 1: want to have fun and experience new things so badly,
Speaker 1: but it's hard to just jump in when you're still
Speaker 1: behind everyone else your age. I'm attracted to both men
Speaker 1: and women, and not to toot my own horn, but
Speaker 1: I could be sleeping several people who are still interested
Speaker 1: in me, even after finding out that I'm Hella inexperienced.
Speaker 1: If you guys were in my situation, what would you do?
Speaker 1: How do I calm down enough to let somebody in?
Speaker 1: Literally my biggest my biggest firit is that I'll just
Speaker 1: be some funny story they tell or someone they'll they'll
Speaker 1: regret sleeping with later. By the way, you guys can
Speaker 1: read this on the show. Um, thank you again for
Speaker 1: being so open and honest about your lives. It's really
Speaker 1: inspired me. To grow and learn about myself. I love
Speaker 1: that vergence of that because I just say, when I
Speaker 1: read this email, I was so confused because I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you give the advice to someone
Speaker 1: to get it over with or to take your time. UM.
Speaker 1: So I actually wrote her UM because I felt like,
Speaker 1: you know, this was something who knew when we were
Speaker 1: going to read this on the show UM. And my
Speaker 1: advice to her was, first off, to make sure she
Speaker 1: was comfortable with herself and doing it because she wanted
Speaker 1: to do it. I told her, don't feel like you
Speaker 1: have to have sex to validate yourself because everyone else
Speaker 1: wanted it, or because it's gonna make you feel special,
Speaker 1: because I'm not even gonna lie. If I could go
Speaker 1: back and tell my young self something, it would literally
Speaker 1: be that sex is not going to keep a man.
Speaker 1: It's not gonna make a guy like you more. It's
Speaker 1: not gonna make a guy stay, it's not gonna you
Speaker 1: having sex with him, isn' gonna make him like you,
Speaker 1: like like you anymore than he already does. And so
Speaker 1: my advice to her was to make sure that when
Speaker 1: she goes and has sex, however nasty, she want to
Speaker 1: do it. It's probably gonna be terrible actually the first time,
Speaker 1: because you don't even know what it feels like. UM,
Speaker 1: But I told her to make sure she wanted to
Speaker 1: do it, and she wasn't doing it to play someone else.
Speaker 1: Do you have? You know, you were in college having
Speaker 1: fun and we've been having fun since we were freaking
Speaker 1: six team with fake I d S. So what would
Speaker 1: what what advice would you give her? UM for someone
Speaker 1: you know, a virgin wanting to get out there, and
Speaker 1: of course to be safe. Yeah, no, it's funny. I've
Speaker 1: had this conversation recently with a lot of my friends
Speaker 1: who are in their middle twenties and either like are
Speaker 1: really inexperienced or haven't had sex, or like I feel
Speaker 1: like they haven't as much sex as other people, Like
Speaker 1: I have had this conversation like five times in the
Speaker 1: last six So I feel like, first of all, you
Speaker 1: are not alone, Like I know everyone is constantly talking
Speaker 1: about sex, and it's sex is everywhere, and sex is
Speaker 1: in the media, and it's like unavoidable. But you're not weird,
Speaker 1: you're not strange, Like you're not delayed, like this is
Speaker 1: this is just your life and you're living at how
Speaker 1: you choose to and you're doing what you want, and
Speaker 1: do not feel abnormal. Don't don't listen to that pressure,
Speaker 1: like you're fine, You're totally fine. I feel like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I'm weird. Yeah, and with me, I didn't
Speaker 1: lose my virginity until I turned eighteen, and like I
Speaker 1: was in my high school, like I desperately wanted to
Speaker 1: have a Yeah, I was like giving condoms out. I
Speaker 1: would like bring friends to CBS to buy. I was
Speaker 1: the person who bought everybody planned b like I was
Speaker 1: everybody's sex and up to the counter. Okay, yeah, I'd
Speaker 1: be like your money and I willing because I would
Speaker 1: volunteer to drive girls without a license to get abortions
Speaker 1: and for real, because dude, listen, I still go to
Speaker 1: plan parenthood to get control, just to put my money
Speaker 1: back into the system. And even when I'm walking up
Speaker 1: if it's a Tuesday, because that's the day they do proportions,
Speaker 1: and so hope there's some women getting ready to come
Speaker 1: for me, and I'm like, hold on, bitch, even if
Speaker 1: I was, if you're gonna take care of my baby,
Speaker 1: oh and god forbid, you talked about a bit on
Speaker 1: welfare and let me just have this baby in the
Speaker 1: boy and then when this motherfucking asked go to jail
Speaker 1: because I haven't been around, Like I'm telling you, people
Speaker 1: just judge so much. But when I was doing that
Speaker 1: in high school, people were like, it's because she's just
Speaker 1: because she's had abortions, blah blah blah blah. And it's
Speaker 1: just that same thing. It's like, you can't advocate for
Speaker 1: something if you're right, and that's what you're listening to.
Speaker 1: Horrible decisions are you're fucking kidding me. Mandy pisted on
Speaker 1: a guy I sucked you guys in one day and
Speaker 1: talked about how I went over there to dominate one
Speaker 1: of though. Yeah, like we've definitely talked about everything, but
Speaker 1: I think I did two guys on one day. You
Speaker 1: just lied about that. When lover boy asked to I
Speaker 1: don't think he listened to that. He only listens like
Speaker 1: the first twenty minutes. I hate he stopped. You stopped
Speaker 1: listening when you were like, I have could tours, like
Speaker 1: I need to pause on this. That was a little mean.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I hate her. I take you back. He
Speaker 1: came in all fucking nice, the Cinderella looking face. Jesus Ella,
Speaker 1: and I'm just you know, and like ship let me see.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think do you have do you have
Speaker 1: one that you could read through really quick? Or now
Speaker 1: I did? Um? What about him? And I kind of
Speaker 1: want your input on relationships like this too. I sent
Speaker 1: it to Mandy. This girl wrote me on Snapchat and said,
Speaker 1: I love the show. I've been listening since day one,
Speaker 1: and I love what you guys have going on. So
Speaker 1: I have a quote unquote lover boy of my own
Speaker 1: two not a boyfriend, somebody with mutual feelings. We care
Speaker 1: about each other, still finding our own way into something
Speaker 1: more serious, but for now it's open and we really
Speaker 1: like it. My question is do you share the dates
Speaker 1: you go on? Do you enjoy it? Does he ever
Speaker 1: get jealous of the women? Do you feel like you
Speaker 1: have to include him? I feel like the guy I'm
Speaker 1: dating only wants to see it if he's if he's
Speaker 1: included in it, like me dating a girl without him?
Speaker 1: Is you know? I want to have an example of
Speaker 1: how this works, But I'm really curious to know the
Speaker 1: other side. Can you ask him does he actually like
Speaker 1: you dating? Or does he put up with it so
Speaker 1: he could do his thing too? That's what she asked me.
Speaker 1: So I sent him the question you want me back?
Speaker 1: And he said, this is loverboy. That answered the question
Speaker 1: for the readers. So yeah, I don't get jealous when
Speaker 1: you're with other girls because that's what you like to
Speaker 1: do and I want you to enjoy it. I don't
Speaker 1: have to join in, but I like to know when
Speaker 1: you do it and how it went. Makes me feel
Speaker 1: good to know, like, you know, you had a good time.
Speaker 1: And then he said I'd probably join one day. Um,
Speaker 1: as far as the guys, we know that he was
Speaker 1: not here for you dating other guys, however, So I
Speaker 1: brought it up in the car. I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I've been thinking about all right, Well, you know they're dead,
Speaker 1: so I guess I'll talk about it later. But being
Speaker 1: buy is very fun, right. What do you think about that? Though?
Speaker 1: Like um, she was saying, she wants an example of
Speaker 1: how this is going to work. They're being open with
Speaker 1: each other. Do you think that open relationships means every
Speaker 1: every detail? No, I don't think it has to. I've
Speaker 1: been in open relationships before as well, and I think
Speaker 1: that every couple finds what they're comfortable with. Every couple
Speaker 1: finds what they want, like I've been. I was in
Speaker 1: an open relationship for a while with somebody who like
Speaker 1: the same situation. Like we adored each other, we were
Speaker 1: super close, the sex was amazing, but we were in
Speaker 1: very different places in our lives and geographically, so it
Speaker 1: like it wasn't a thing that we would be committed
Speaker 1: to each other. And I get so jealous, like it's
Speaker 1: not cute, so and what made you do the open relationship?
Speaker 1: Then I wanted him in my life, but it wasn't
Speaker 1: I'm not good at long distance. He wasn't right. That's
Speaker 1: a very good answer. That's kind of I just don't
Speaker 1: want you. But I will tell you this though I
Speaker 1: can't say that I don't enjoy him dating other women.
Speaker 1: That sounds really weird, But I don't think it's weird.
Speaker 1: It's just everybody's front. I was going to say, because
Speaker 1: to me, I would be okay with a relationship, even
Speaker 1: long distance or whatever. Um, but unless I ask, I
Speaker 1: don't want to know that you're on dates. I don't
Speaker 1: want to know what other women are your phone. Like
Speaker 1: I would be okay having an open relationship with where
Speaker 1: I know what you're doing, but I don't want to
Speaker 1: know if that makes sense. Like, so he's the opposite, right,
Speaker 1: he plays on my dates, like if I go in
Speaker 1: the bathroom. I think there was a time where I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, she kissed me and blah blah blah
Speaker 1: happened and it was exciting and he likes that and
Speaker 1: he did the same for me. I mean a picture
Speaker 1: of him all he was on a date with and
Speaker 1: I was like, that's right, and did like a play
Speaker 1: by not not even like immediately she was so pretty
Speaker 1: and I was like, her fucking eyebrowse sucked. They weren't
Speaker 1: that bad, you know, but like that's what we do.
Speaker 1: That's how I internalized it. But I just wonder, can
Speaker 1: women be in open relationships? Because what you said, do
Speaker 1: you think that was settling? I don't think it was settling.
Speaker 1: I think it was a conscious decision. I was about
Speaker 1: to say, you literally, look, if you look at it,
Speaker 1: there's three women sitting here. We've all pretty much admitted
Speaker 1: to being in that same situation, in that same relationship,
Speaker 1: and I think all of us internalize what we can
Speaker 1: accept and what we want accept and I think for
Speaker 1: her it absolutely can work. But there needs to be
Speaker 1: the key apparently to everything we talked about. Is this
Speaker 1: communication like talk about your test results, um, but also
Speaker 1: but also talk about like what you are willing to
Speaker 1: accept in a relationship, what you will allow and what
Speaker 1: you want to allow, and you have to be able
Speaker 1: to compromise and have a middle ground and know that
Speaker 1: that's what both of you guys are okay with, period.
Speaker 1: So it's okay to also change your mind too and
Speaker 1: be like, actually, this feels kind of weird. I don't
Speaker 1: want to know this, or I do want to know
Speaker 1: what you're doing, but I don't want to know this
Speaker 1: like that, yeah, that's what her goddamn feelings, and I'd
Speaker 1: be like, that's not what you signed up for, So
Speaker 1: you go ahead and let them know you revising the list. Actually,
Speaker 1: me and Mandy got in a fucking blow out fight
Speaker 1: like after we recorded last I actually I didn't give
Speaker 1: a funk about her loved boy asset. We we probably
Speaker 1: I didn't. We didn't talk for like a week. Oh
Speaker 1: no to you text me something like oh you didn't
Speaker 1: show up at the gym, And I was like, bitch,
Speaker 1: you thought we were friends? Like I was so mad,
Speaker 1: and then that and then that pissed me off because
Speaker 1: I died. She had me go into a cross fifthing.
Speaker 1: Do you see my thick ass? I like spin put
Speaker 1: me on a bike. I died and was hurting. Three
Speaker 1: days after I worked out of this ship to the
Speaker 1: point where I was gonna walk out. I was like, um,
Speaker 1: the water found and I'm gonna go. She's like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's in the corner. I was like, shoot, I can't
Speaker 1: leave the room. I was planning an escape, but we
Speaker 1: got a fight because over there I was talking to
Speaker 1: doctor Kim, who's our guest and who's asking me about
Speaker 1: how my comfortability with this relationship and the truth that
Speaker 1: I hate to admit is for me with the open relationship,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna keep it real in my mind, I
Speaker 1: need to feel like she's no like I am the
Speaker 1: more important one. And knowing that, knowing that I'm the
Speaker 1: one that whether you've seen her often or you're making
Speaker 1: effort to contact and be with or make effort to
Speaker 1: just you know, keep it. I got to me it's
Speaker 1: embarrassing to say it like this main chick, and if
Speaker 1: right not, then I'm not kind of interested anyone. That's
Speaker 1: pretty normal. Like for the polyamorous community, it's the idea
Speaker 1: of having a primary you have a primary partner, and
Speaker 1: then you have secondary partners or other relationships. Like in
Speaker 1: the relationship I was in, I was like, I we
Speaker 1: didn't really use the term primary and secondary, but I
Speaker 1: knew like I'm the person he loves, Like I'm the
Speaker 1: person who knows all of his like weird baggage. I know,
Speaker 1: like we we know each other in that way. And
Speaker 1: I wasn't threatened by anybody else. I was like, you
Speaker 1: can do whatever you want, you can funk whoever you want.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I know that
Speaker 1: I'm the person that's closer. I think that hierarchy is
Speaker 1: probably what keeps him feeling okay too. That yeah, I
Speaker 1: love that. So I think the advice for our listener, yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure, to go ahead and just communicate it and
Speaker 1: figure out what your boundaries are. And again communication, which
Speaker 1: apparently has been the key to everything that we do,
Speaker 1: Like are you buy by the way, I am? Are you?
Speaker 1: I'm new about it too. I came out last year
Speaker 1: and it's funny, like going back to the question we
Speaker 1: had about virginity and experience, like with men, I don't
Speaker 1: give a ship like I am so confident, I know
Speaker 1: exactly what to do. I'm not intimidated. And with women,
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you're really pretty. I don't know how
Speaker 1: to do anything. I've never done anything sexually. It's like
Speaker 1: starting from square. When I feel like I'm twelve, you
Speaker 1: still haven't done anything sexually, not yet now. So it's like,
Speaker 1: it's so the idea of an experience is so relative
Speaker 1: because there's some ways in which I've done everything, and
Speaker 1: that's kissing. I feel like you're kissed right, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: like my first when I knew the girl kisses. Holy change.
Speaker 1: It's like I'm like shaking sometimes. It still happens to me,
Speaker 1: even with girls I've already been with. It's so exciting.
Speaker 1: So if you guys will wrap up the show, and
Speaker 1: what we'll do is we'll leave our listeners with kind
Speaker 1: of something to think about. So if you could give
Speaker 1: our listeners one moral of the story or one thing
Speaker 1: to think about, or drop a drop a gem, what
Speaker 1: would you leave our listeners with? Oh my god, so
Speaker 1: much pressure. I just thought it would be nice to
Speaker 1: kind of end it with a bang, like and well,
Speaker 1: I guess I can, I guess I can, I can try.
Speaker 1: I mean I feel like the biggest jaw dropper I
Speaker 1: ever say is like you probably have her bees. You
Speaker 1: will probably get her bees. Yeah. And if you guys
Speaker 1: want to look on YouTube the which I love the title, UM,
Speaker 1: it's it's like her pies is not a consequences at
Speaker 1: cis UM And so again I think you guys, UM
Speaker 1: definitely look her up. Listen, you guys can probably type
Speaker 1: in Ella and it'll pop up. But Ella Dawson d
Speaker 1: A W. S O n UM read her articles. She's
Speaker 1: in Women's Health magazine, which is where I found her. Um,
Speaker 1: she's pretty popping, like she's lit and were across from
Speaker 1: her and she's awesome. Um. I want to go ahead
Speaker 1: and let you guys know as well to continue sitting
Speaker 1: us your letters. We love it. I also what you'll
Speaker 1: to UM give me my props. I think I did
Speaker 1: well when not over talking our guests today, which I
Speaker 1: did really well. Actually I was super proud of myself.
Speaker 1: So I am listening to critiques. I'm listening to all
Speaker 1: of your reviews. We read it, we talk it out,
Speaker 1: and we're still new as we're working on getting better.
Speaker 1: So go ahead and continue emailing us at horrible decisions
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com and follow us on Instagram? Can
Speaker 1: they do? You want them to follow you Twitter? She
Speaker 1: has a blue checkmark, so you guys can follow her. Damn, yeah,
Speaker 1: she's verified. I work in social media, so I have
Speaker 1: an in damage. We want the blue checks? Do you
Speaker 1: know how much more dick I would get a blue check? Stops?
Speaker 1: I'm just playing. It's not It's not what I want.
Speaker 1: So where can they find you? I'm on Twitter at
Speaker 1: bros and Prose because I write prose about bros. M Bros,
Speaker 1: bros and Prose. Yeah, please don't be weird and sexual
Speaker 1: to me because I will yell at you for it.
Speaker 1: They're pretty disgusting. And where can they find you? Easy?
Speaker 1: She's such a little hunt about it on bumble there swipe.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, guys, I'm gonna go ahead, and I
Speaker 1: know we didn't give you a song at the beginning
Speaker 1: of the show, but I do want to drop you
Speaker 1: a gem on a great song um from Kaylani, and
Speaker 1: I think it fits the topic and it's pretty much
Speaker 1: about loving yourself and knowing who you are before you
Speaker 1: seek love from someone else. Um. So we'll leave that
Speaker 1: at the end of the show. Listen to it. Her
Speaker 1: album is Dope. You can listen to it straight through.
Speaker 1: I'm surprised. I didn't know I was gonna be a
Speaker 1: stand but I actually love her album. So um, we're
Speaker 1: gonna leave that with you, guys, and thank you. This
Speaker 1: has been another episode of horrible decisions that was so
Speaker 1: much fun. That was great. Little girl watching her fish
Speaker 1: and she thought her curves into foresations. She says, I
Speaker 1: don't look like them. I don't look like her, and
Speaker 1: I don't want what's on by he But Babycaul, don't
Speaker 1: be amazingly Yeah yeah, young woman reading magazines thinking to herself,
Speaker 1: nobody looks like me. Oh wow, cat, all these curts,
Speaker 1: all this nerve. Why can't I keep buming? But baby girl,
Speaker 1: if you love yourself, you can came. Nobody love somebody
Speaker 1: that you not love themselves. You are what you choo
Speaker 1: to be. It's not up to no one else. So
Speaker 1: be great, be kind, so that them beem your life.
Speaker 1: Woman like a sun should always stay right. Little boy
Speaker 1: sitting in the pleach, just staring night at his dirty
Speaker 1: sneek because thinking my shoes don't shine, money is tight,
Speaker 1: I would never get a day. But baby boy, that's
Speaker 1: not what it, it tastes, oh, young baby always have
Speaker 1: the same fine the ways