1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hi, guys, Welcome to another episode of Horrible Decisions. Today's 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 1: show is sponsored by Black Women in Las Vegas dot 3 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,639 Speaker 1: com And no, it's not a dating app. I thought 4 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:12,960 Speaker 1: it is not an escort site either. Black Women in 5 00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:15,920 Speaker 1: Las Vegas dot Com is an online directory of everything 6 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,600 Speaker 1: a black woman in Las Vegas needs, whether you live 7 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,320 Speaker 1: there or you're visiting. And this actually works out well 8 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,480 Speaker 1: for me because bit before I went there on a 9 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 1: more day weekend, I was trying to get my we've 10 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 1: done feel like that's the one thing that we would 11 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:30,480 Speaker 1: recruit for. Seriously well, visiting Vegas for Mayweather versus McGregor 12 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:32,880 Speaker 1: fight and need somewhere to get your face beat. Want 13 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 1: to know which club or pool will be the hot spot? 14 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,040 Speaker 1: Or do you want to support the large number of 15 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: black female entrepreneurs, talent and professionals in Sin City. Visit 16 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,440 Speaker 1: Black Women in Las Vegas dot com and follow them 17 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,600 Speaker 1: on Instagram and Facebook at black Women in Las Vegas, 18 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: Black Women in Las Vegas because we meta um and 19 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,800 Speaker 1: that is my friend. Yeah, that is a close friend 20 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 1: of mine. And she's setting up to where when black 21 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 1: professionals black women come to law spagas they kind of 22 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 1: have somewhere to go kind of somewhere to its popular 23 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:09,520 Speaker 1: like city, but you wouldn't think like maybe trip now 24 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,960 Speaker 1: like more a weekend and all these other weekends, right 25 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 1: And like I said, I want to needed my hair 26 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:17,240 Speaker 1: and done, so shut up, I went there to turn 27 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:21,200 Speaker 1: up anyways, as welcome to yet another episode of horrible decisions. 28 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:26,319 Speaker 1: I'm your girl, Mandy B and I'm weazy and we 29 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:34,960 Speaker 1: have get that all the time. Really, yes, umbrella, Well 30 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,640 Speaker 1: just like me a man due why do I still 31 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,520 Speaker 1: get that from my name? Really girl? Like like we're 32 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: in the second grade. They're very original, not original. Well, guys, um, 33 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,400 Speaker 1: we're back. I guess we'll update a little bit. So 34 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:53,040 Speaker 1: Weezy is just getting back from goddamn Europe yet again. 35 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: Um with loverboy, do you want to briefly update our 36 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 1: listeners on how that trip went? Was it better than Italy? 37 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 1: Like how was it? So? To me? It was way 38 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 1: but in Italy. So we were broth on a vacation 39 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 1: in Italy, and I feel like maybe because we were 40 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,480 Speaker 1: just getting to know each other that time, I was 41 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,560 Speaker 1: doing just too much, you know. I was like I 42 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 1: even caught myself posing at one point when I was 43 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,480 Speaker 1: waiting to the bathroom. And now I went to where 44 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,480 Speaker 1: he's from, and you know, kind of just checked out, 45 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 1: like friends. Family introduced me to the place, and it 46 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 1: was just so much better because I was like way 47 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,760 Speaker 1: more chill. Um. So funny little story. I'm allergic to 48 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:31,359 Speaker 1: eggs and he used a a restaurant. Um, and I'm 49 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,480 Speaker 1: just so embarrassed about this story. I'm sorry, I'm getting shy. 50 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 1: So I'm allergy to eggs and all he wanted to 51 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 1: do was make sure that I wouldn't eat eggs. So 52 00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:40,880 Speaker 1: he had the chef because I've never had a cupcake 53 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 1: make me cupcakes, specially without eggs. And he was super excited. 54 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,960 Speaker 1: We were talking about it like a week and a half. 55 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:49,560 Speaker 1: He's like, oh my god, they're gonna be great cupcakes. 56 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, everything's new with you antal 57 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 1: and cupcakes. So we get to the restaurant. I'm super 58 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:59,079 Speaker 1: excited and it's really nice and uh, you know, we're 59 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:03,639 Speaker 1: sitting down some family and his friends and um, he's 60 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:05,400 Speaker 1: saying it over again. I can hear him saying the 61 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:08,399 Speaker 1: word in his language, like no fucking egg. So there's 62 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,919 Speaker 1: bread on the table and it's French. Bread, which generally 63 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 1: doesn't have eggs. So I'm having a bite a bit 64 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: and when I tell you, I had one bite and 65 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,360 Speaker 1: I could feel my throat and I'm looking at him 66 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,960 Speaker 1: and I'm like, um, is there egg in my martini? Do? 67 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,280 Speaker 1: Is there any egg wash? She's like, no, I told 68 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:23,600 Speaker 1: you I made the recipe. There's no egg in this. 69 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: There's no egg in this. It's in your I don't 70 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 1: know if he said this in my head or what. 71 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,160 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'll be right back. I'm gonna go to 72 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,800 Speaker 1: the bathroom. I'm trying to walk very daintily to the 73 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 1: bathroom and next you can, I get in there. Like 74 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: it's like, so I come back, fucking face flush. I 75 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 1: sit back down and I'm like, maybe it's my nerves, right, 76 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,120 Speaker 1: So I'm looking at again. I'm like, you know what, 77 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: I actually had a dream then had eggs, um, you know, 78 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 1: before I got here, And I'm just gonna be just 79 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,160 Speaker 1: kind of wondering, like do you think there's a No, 80 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 1: there's no egg. So finally he goes finds out that 81 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 1: they put egg wash on the bread to make it shiny. 82 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,160 Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, I need to go because right I'm 83 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 1: like literally gonnahip my pants and I don't want to 84 00:03:58,240 --> 00:03:59,320 Speaker 1: tell him, and he's like, you want to go with you? 85 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 1: I don't want to be sick. I'm like, no, no, 86 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:04,920 Speaker 1: don't go, no, ship, don't go. So in his apartment 87 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 1: is like two minutes away, right, he can to be 88 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: the keys you have. I'm like, I don't even know 89 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 1: if I have my jacket. Bro. I'm walking down the 90 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 1: street all right. People are staring at me. It's like, um, 91 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 1: it's more like up north, like Baltic. So it's like 92 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: nine at night and it's still right outside. Dude, I'm 93 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,040 Speaker 1: throwing up in the corner. We can't even make it 94 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:21,600 Speaker 1: to the apartment. People are looking at me like what 95 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,400 Speaker 1: the funk happened through this beach And I'm just like 96 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:29,600 Speaker 1: I'm not drunk. I'm just sick with eggs. Bro. Oh 97 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,479 Speaker 1: my god. So then he's like texting me like crazy, 98 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. You want me to come back now? 99 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 1: This fucking hey there, dude, I was so scared. I 100 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,600 Speaker 1: didn't know when the apartment would smell. I do what bomb? 101 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 1: It smells like? So now because it's his brand new apartment, 102 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 1: he just moved into his apartment and you know this 103 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: is someone I'm data and I wanted to be nice 104 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 1: and I'm embarrassed. I'm literally throwing up with a fucking 105 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:51,080 Speaker 1: paper towel in my hand is scrubbing down. Oh god. 106 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 1: It was really bad. But it came home with cupcakes 107 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 1: and ain't the funk out of my pussy. So I 108 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 1: was like, this is a really good sorry head and cupcakes. 109 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,840 Speaker 1: I'll take that. That's a great way to end the night. 110 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:03,440 Speaker 1: But it was awesome. It was just hanging out a 111 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,320 Speaker 1: massages casino and we both love to gamble. Um. We 112 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,480 Speaker 1: made some great porns. Let me just shake this one 113 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,800 Speaker 1: clip now. We don't want to see your porn every time. 114 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:19,080 Speaker 1: It's like fifth Element but like slut anyway, that's my 115 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: anal plug in the corner and a little spit coming 116 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,359 Speaker 1: down from his mouth. But it was fun, and I 117 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 1: bought a tripod for us. You know. I was like, babe, 118 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 1: you know, I'm always like making videos for you. Finally 119 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: we can just we can have some good ship. We can, 120 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,560 Speaker 1: you know, and we did. They're like five minute long videos. 121 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,440 Speaker 1: Normally their thirty seconds because the other person wants to 122 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 1: let go so they can fuck. So I was really excited. 123 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,720 Speaker 1: This is awesome. I'm on the opposite end of the 124 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 1: spectrum right now. I do want to let you listeners 125 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,720 Speaker 1: know that you guys would not be joining me on 126 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 1: my journey of abstinence. Um, I've had just too much mediocre. 127 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 1: When we first started well and I was I went 128 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,039 Speaker 1: a month without Dick and everyone was like, you just 129 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:56,240 Speaker 1: hear that abstinence. I went to Munk without Dick and 130 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,640 Speaker 1: everyone was like, you're so born, you need dick, weezy 131 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,360 Speaker 1: as all these stories, when are you going to have one? 132 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,480 Speaker 1: And then I literally just went through a nice little 133 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,360 Speaker 1: set where I was like, I've been getting some dick, 134 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:09,719 Speaker 1: but it's been very just mediocre and except which we're 135 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,400 Speaker 1: on every six week thing right now, and I just 136 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,680 Speaker 1: can't deal with it. He's never in town, like, oh 137 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:18,720 Speaker 1: so stressful. So I'm to the point now where even 138 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,599 Speaker 1: though I do have all these dicks in my phone 139 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 1: that are available, I don't enjoy being around any of them. 140 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,360 Speaker 1: It's one of those where their dicks to come over, 141 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,960 Speaker 1: but I don't want the dicks to talk. Just pull 142 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,279 Speaker 1: out the dick, put it in and go. And I 143 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 1: don't want those relationships anymore. So I'm about to be 144 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:40,159 Speaker 1: absinent until I can find someone who actually but I 145 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:43,280 Speaker 1: feel like because the best part of my was watching 146 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,440 Speaker 1: Cheetos and watching a movie and eating cheetos together. That's 147 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:53,839 Speaker 1: what I'm saying, like and so away and Cheetos. The 148 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,560 Speaker 1: fuck you know, embarrassing this is We're gonna literally get 149 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,920 Speaker 1: people are gonna click off the show now. Well that's 150 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,280 Speaker 1: whe I'm Matt. Guys, abstinence. I'll let you guys know 151 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:08,360 Speaker 1: when I have sex again. Count month counts because if 152 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 1: I like the guy, are you being abstinent? Well I 153 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 1: abstinence sounds a lot more convincing. Anyways, guys are welcome 154 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:22,240 Speaker 1: me on my journey. This is our guest. So, um, 155 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:26,160 Speaker 1: I guess she's our segue into ushering herpies. I guess 156 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,920 Speaker 1: that's how she said she wanted to really like that 157 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:33,120 Speaker 1: was well kind of not really herpes consultant. Are we 158 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 1: go on things? So let our listeners know. First of all, 159 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 1: I know how I'll see Mark because I talked to you, 160 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,559 Speaker 1: Thank you, But all of our listeners have not talked 161 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 1: to you yet. Can you let our listeners know who 162 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,640 Speaker 1: you are what you do just a little bit? Yeah? Sure. 163 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 1: So my name's Ella. I am uh, Internet famous for 164 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 1: having herpies, I guess is really the bluntest way to 165 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 1: put that. Um, I'd always been a sex writer. I 166 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 1: wrote erotica and call I'd always been fascinated by sexual 167 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:05,800 Speaker 1: health in general. And then shockingly contracted an STD in 168 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:09,200 Speaker 1: college and had like a lovely little mini meltdown of 169 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: like maybe all the conservatives are right and like I 170 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: shouldn't be having sex lasted like five minutes, and and 171 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 1: I realized, like, herpes is so ridiculously common and there's 172 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:24,200 Speaker 1: this huge inflated stigma about it. And so I wrote 173 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:28,480 Speaker 1: one article for Women's Health and it went insanely viral 174 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 1: on the Internet, was picked up by Washington Post and 175 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,679 Speaker 1: Yahoo News and like Huffington Post and all these places 176 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,840 Speaker 1: and BuzzFeed and everything. So overnight I went from like 177 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:39,240 Speaker 1: maybe I should write about herpes and how common it is, 178 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,679 Speaker 1: and then it was like, funk. If you google me, 179 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:45,359 Speaker 1: Google's like, did you mean ellados? It's done like overnight 180 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,520 Speaker 1: face of Herpes? Did you ever read it? At one 181 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:51,000 Speaker 1: point when I got that pig, oh sure, because it's 182 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:54,960 Speaker 1: when you become viral like that. It is terrifying because 183 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,720 Speaker 1: it's so much attention at once and even even if 184 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,520 Speaker 1: none of it is negative, and most of it was 185 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 1: super super positive at the beginning, like there were so 186 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 1: many people messaging me on Facebook and like finding my 187 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 1: email and sending me their stories and it was like 188 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:11,320 Speaker 1: I had unlocked something and suddenly there was an avalanche 189 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 1: of people being like me too, and that's petrifying. And 190 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 1: I was twenty two, like I was a baby, Like 191 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:23,120 Speaker 1: it was a lot. So well, yeah, explain how old 192 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,760 Speaker 1: are you now? I am twenty five now, so I'm 193 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 1: still a baby. But I was even more of a baby. 194 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:32,319 Speaker 1: And so that was like two years ago. That was April, um, 195 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,320 Speaker 1: two thousand, I don't know what year it is, two 196 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 1: thousand fifteen. Were you because Mandy mentioned, oh my god, 197 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 1: she's only twenty three when we were watching your Ted talks, 198 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 1: you were twenty three then, so I yeah, I gave 199 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 1: my my Ted X talk, um like a month before 200 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 1: my birthday. Okay, so yeah, um, so that was last April. 201 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 1: I'm a may baby. It was so great, thank you. Yeah, absolutely, 202 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:54,920 Speaker 1: And I told her, I was like, bro, it's only 203 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,480 Speaker 1: sixteen minutes. If you don't find the time to watch 204 00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 1: this ship before she comes on the show, Like I'm 205 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,960 Speaker 1: not going to have you on with her. Um, So 206 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,480 Speaker 1: I want you to explain because I read the article 207 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:07,080 Speaker 1: and um again with the ted talks, you say that 208 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:12,599 Speaker 1: harpies is associated with people who are dirty or promiscuous 209 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,839 Speaker 1: or people who have a ton of sex. But you 210 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:23,280 Speaker 1: definitely got it, like two or three strains of it. 211 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:28,200 Speaker 1: Who knows. So what was your sex life like when 212 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,360 Speaker 1: you found out you called it? And can you share 213 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 1: the story of when you called it, like where you 214 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:34,920 Speaker 1: were in your life, what you were doing sexually. Sure, 215 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,719 Speaker 1: so I was a big old Silton college. I had 216 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:41,040 Speaker 1: a ton of fun. I was super into casual sex, 217 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,680 Speaker 1: not excessively, but like more than a girl is supposed 218 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,000 Speaker 1: to Because were you saying this? And I was, Yeah, 219 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,640 Speaker 1: I had always used condoms. I had never had unprotected 220 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,720 Speaker 1: sex at all. Yeah, And I was kind of like 221 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,960 Speaker 1: the asshole in my friend group who like gave out 222 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,079 Speaker 1: condoms and work for planned parenthood and would like yell 223 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,679 Speaker 1: at you. Yeah. And I remember like a few years 224 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,520 Speaker 1: before I got diagnosed, a friend came to me and 225 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:02,560 Speaker 1: was like, I really prefer having sex dot condoms, and 226 00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 1: I like dreamed him a new one, being like, you're 227 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,839 Speaker 1: going to get herpies and then a few years later 228 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,240 Speaker 1: I was like, so, I'm really sorry that I was 229 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,360 Speaker 1: such a dick, but anyway, I know I was super safe, 230 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 1: but I was having a lot of casual sex and 231 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:18,679 Speaker 1: I wound up meeting somebody following super hard like we're 232 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 1: spending every day together and we were using protection. Um, 233 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,200 Speaker 1: But three weeks in our relationship, I had an outbreak 234 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:29,080 Speaker 1: of genital herpies and I was very surprised. Um, and 235 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 1: he immediately like he had been super sweet and charismatic 236 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,400 Speaker 1: and wonderful, and immediately it was like Jacqueline hide of 237 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: like I knew I shouldn't have dated somebody like you, 238 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 1: like this is all your faults from him. Well, yeah, 239 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,480 Speaker 1: it's hard to prove, but I found out after the 240 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:51,080 Speaker 1: fact that he was very unfaithful to other girlfriends and 241 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:54,480 Speaker 1: just was like not a great character. And I wouldn't 242 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,240 Speaker 1: be surprised, But at the time I was like, Okay, 243 00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,480 Speaker 1: I'm the sex writer. I must have been carrying this, 244 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,560 Speaker 1: like I'm so sorry I gave this to you, Like 245 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:04,720 Speaker 1: I just took the sex. I well, I was writing 246 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,800 Speaker 1: about sex like that was a huge part of my life. 247 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,480 Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, I must have had this. 248 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,240 Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't even think that he might have 249 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,360 Speaker 1: given it to me. So it was a whole like 250 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 1: who done it? Kind of dramatic. Also want to point 251 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 1: out I just love that, UM, just a backcheck, we 252 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 1: had a sex worker and escort on our last show 253 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,840 Speaker 1: who like never gave oral sex without a condom. You 254 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 1: were writing about sex and sleeping with a bunch of 255 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,160 Speaker 1: people and always use condoms, And there's always a stigma 256 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 1: that promiscuous women are open free women are just like 257 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,880 Speaker 1: super unsafe and all over the place. Like, I just 258 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,959 Speaker 1: love that you're like non gond condom. Yeah. I had 259 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,960 Speaker 1: never had sex without a condom UM for years and 260 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,800 Speaker 1: years and years, and then I got diagnosed, and then 261 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:46,559 Speaker 1: I got an I U D and I started I 262 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,800 Speaker 1: was in like a serious, um committed relationship with somebody 263 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 1: and we just stopped using condoms. And that was so 264 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,120 Speaker 1: this was well after I got diagnosed, and it was 265 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: something that we talked about. How did you break it 266 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,680 Speaker 1: to him like that you had it and what was 267 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:03,200 Speaker 1: his reaction? My the later boyfriend or who which any 268 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,360 Speaker 1: boyfriend really any boyfriend that you've had, UM, you were 269 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,440 Speaker 1: diagnosed and you're still not you have a normal dating life. 270 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:13,440 Speaker 1: You're you've had relationships clearly more than one um and 271 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 1: they're okay with having sex with you. So how do 272 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,880 Speaker 1: you open up to somebody and say, listen, this is 273 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:21,800 Speaker 1: what I have and how do they receive it? Yeah, 274 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 1: So the good thing about being internet famous for having 275 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,600 Speaker 1: her pies is very rarely on a date and they 276 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 1: don't already know. Like I'm even now on Tinder, and 277 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,960 Speaker 1: it'll get to the point like where we're chatting and 278 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 1: then like before we actually meet up for drinks, he'll 279 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:36,880 Speaker 1: be like, just want to let you know, like I 280 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,320 Speaker 1: googled you and I think what you do is great. 281 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:43,200 Speaker 1: It's already like taken care of and um, I have 282 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 1: a I have a first date tomorrow with somebody who 283 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 1: um I met on tender. Yeah. It really fun hopefully 284 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:57,960 Speaker 1: but my cheerleader, but but I I was really nervous 285 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,439 Speaker 1: about breaking the news because of all this usher stuff. 286 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 1: It's like it's I've been feeling more down on myself 287 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,320 Speaker 1: for it and the way that about it was. I 288 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,120 Speaker 1: was like, so I'm going on this podcast, I'm gonna 289 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 1: talked about about herpies and all this, and he's like, 290 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 1: why are you, like the consultanty're bringing on And I 291 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 1: was like, well, I have it, and I write about it, 292 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,800 Speaker 1: and I gave a tedex talk about it, and he 293 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,760 Speaker 1: like you could see like the read receipt came up. 294 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:24,000 Speaker 1: And then a few minutes later he's like, that's really interesting, 295 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 1: is that? Like how does that impact your dating life? 296 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,280 Speaker 1: And I was like, well, like condoms, I guess, but 297 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,120 Speaker 1: otherwise that's actually I was like, it's usually a conversation 298 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,040 Speaker 1: I have like this one at the beginning of relationship, 299 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,960 Speaker 1: and then it becomes irrelevant when somebody realizes that two 300 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,360 Speaker 1: and three people have the strain that I have and 301 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: used like, oh yeah, and I think it's like the 302 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 1: other strains right altogether. Yeah, I super high. When I 303 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 1: got tested, it just says normal. Um and then like 304 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,760 Speaker 1: the little less THN symbol. Yeah, so everyone has a 305 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,560 Speaker 1: strain in them. Um. And that's why, UM, I do 306 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:56,080 Speaker 1: want to let you guys know that that that are 307 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 1: listening that Ella is not an m D. So we're 308 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,640 Speaker 1: not going to be able to provide medical advice for you. However, 309 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: get on Google look it up. Um. That's what she did. Um. 310 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 1: She actually says, you know, and this is what I 311 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,200 Speaker 1: wanted to bring up in your TED talk and I'd 312 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: love to bring it um to the show. Is the 313 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 1: misconceptions you named three, yes, and I wanted to talk 314 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:19,720 Speaker 1: about those because as you were saying them, I was like, yes, bitch, yes, 315 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 1: bitch yes, which clearly you won't watch the videos. I 316 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 1: didn't look you up. Yeah, so can we list those 317 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,640 Speaker 1: again for the followers? Like I know, one was just 318 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,720 Speaker 1: the education of it, blah blah blah, like what we 319 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 1: received in school, that was where the stigmas come from. 320 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,800 Speaker 1: Yet sure, yeah, so we can start with that with school, 321 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,440 Speaker 1: Like most of us, I received aption it's only sex education, 322 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 1: just don't have sex. If you have sex, you're gonna 323 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,400 Speaker 1: die and get pregnant exactly. And even if you did 324 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,480 Speaker 1: get more comprehensive sex, like sure you might have been 325 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,120 Speaker 1: taught how to put a condom on a banana, but 326 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 1: you really weren't given great information about STDs. It was 327 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 1: just like very scary photos and like misinformation and really 328 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:02,720 Speaker 1: scary ship and it was google it. Now it's like 329 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:05,720 Speaker 1: like it's not a fun Google. Don't do Google. Just 330 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 1: don't do that to yourself. That's just going to drive 331 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,760 Speaker 1: you insane. But no, so I when we have that 332 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,840 Speaker 1: terrible sex said, we're not taught anything about if you 333 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,680 Speaker 1: do get it, or here's how to talk to your 334 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 1: partner about it, or here's how to get tested. It's 335 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 1: just like you better not fucking get an STD. That's it. 336 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 1: That's because the end of your life's end of your life. 337 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,560 Speaker 1: And so when you do get diagnosed, if you get diagnosed, 338 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,119 Speaker 1: or if your partner does, or if someone discloses to you, 339 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 1: your brain just goes that panic space of like I'm 340 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 1: gonna die, Like this is it. This is the end 341 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,840 Speaker 1: of my life. No one's ever going to touch me again, 342 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,440 Speaker 1: and you're not giving any information about how common it is, 343 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 1: how to actually protect yourself like condoms, yes, dental damns, 344 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,280 Speaker 1: things like that when you're having oral sex, like being 345 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,160 Speaker 1: smart about that. Oral sex is one of the biggest 346 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,360 Speaker 1: ways that Herbie's is transmitted. Like it's it's something to 347 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:51,160 Speaker 1: think about. And there's just so much misinformation coming from 348 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,680 Speaker 1: sex said, which is not sex said, it's abstinence. It's 349 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:57,880 Speaker 1: like it's not helpful. So that's number one. UM, And yeah, 350 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,320 Speaker 1: I hate absence education. I will go off on that forever. 351 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,159 Speaker 1: Really feeding my activists, right, now I get kissed. I 352 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,840 Speaker 1: actually nearly was suspended for my high school for giving 353 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,879 Speaker 1: out condoms in my abstinence. Are you kidding? Yeah, because 354 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,199 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm a planned parenthood rep and according 355 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 1: to the House of Representatives, this this education leads to 356 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,040 Speaker 1: like x y z rates of teen pregnancy. And I 357 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:20,160 Speaker 1: started giving out condoms and the teacher was just like looking. 358 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,360 Speaker 1: It was like a volleyball coach being like, you need 359 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,800 Speaker 1: to stop, or I will send you to the headmaster's office. 360 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,400 Speaker 1: It was a whole thing, like I am the head 361 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 1: master and that's why. And so I like took all 362 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,240 Speaker 1: the condoms back and I was like my my lockers 363 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:35,439 Speaker 1: in the theater way, it's help yourself. And within a 364 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,879 Speaker 1: few weeks, like all of the bros at my school 365 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:39,600 Speaker 1: knew me because they would come and be like, do 366 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,440 Speaker 1: you have still of those condoms? So people are scared 367 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,439 Speaker 1: to like go and then think about small town. They 368 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,680 Speaker 1: don't want to go to CBS and get caught up. Yeah. 369 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 1: I just actually, so I'm having this weird sinus thing 370 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:54,560 Speaker 1: going on with my ears. Well this is it was 371 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,399 Speaker 1: so funny. So I go to pick up my prescription 372 00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 1: because I have like really bad sinus with my ear 373 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,720 Speaker 1: my throat and at this point I'm looking at throat things. 374 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,800 Speaker 1: There's this new gun and reastrained. I'm just like, oh, shouot, 375 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,919 Speaker 1: I did just swallow last week. I'm scared. So I 376 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,160 Speaker 1: go to the damn doctor to make sure everything's okay, 377 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 1: pissing a cup, you know, all that stuff. Um, And 378 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:16,280 Speaker 1: so I get a prescription, an antibiotic from my ear. 379 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,560 Speaker 1: And when I go, it's a ten dollar fucking minimum 380 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,960 Speaker 1: on the debit card. Bitch, I got Medici, my right, 381 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:25,720 Speaker 1: So my my prescription only a dollar. So I'm like, ship, 382 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:28,159 Speaker 1: what am I gonna get? I said, you know what, 383 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,240 Speaker 1: go ahead and give me a pack of condoms. The 384 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:35,640 Speaker 1: guy at the store was so happy. He said, come here, 385 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,639 Speaker 1: come here, I give you the big pack he gives me. 386 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:41,199 Speaker 1: You know, he's like, I even give you discount. He 387 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 1: was like, I gotta get rid of these ships. Nobody 388 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:47,359 Speaker 1: buys condoms. Oh my god. And he's like, listen, here's 389 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 1: my card. I'll deliver your prescription. Hell, I'll deliver condoms. 390 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:54,240 Speaker 1: He said no, he was no, but he was really nice. 391 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:56,280 Speaker 1: He was like, yo, like they get expired, and you know, 392 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:59,240 Speaker 1: he pays for its inventory. There's an expiration date on them. 393 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:01,679 Speaker 1: So he's like, I'll give you the big pack he 394 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 1: gave me, Like the big pack he took off almost 395 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 1: three dollars, So I have now I have now a 396 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,280 Speaker 1: ten pack of condoms um which mind you made me 397 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,080 Speaker 1: get because of course, well, of course that night I 398 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:14,919 Speaker 1: have sex. So I go to pull them out. I 399 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:19,600 Speaker 1: got the kind that Candy suggested, the thinner Trojan, so 400 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 1: I go to pull that out. The nigga is like, 401 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,960 Speaker 1: what do you have magnums? I actually did in my 402 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,800 Speaker 1: purse from another time. So now he's like, wait, you 403 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:31,879 Speaker 1: even had options of condoms. So I'm just like, but 404 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,159 Speaker 1: it's so freny that you say that, because yeah, like 405 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,679 Speaker 1: he literally was like, people don't buy condoms, and you 406 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,000 Speaker 1: just said people are shamed by condoms at CVS. It's 407 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,199 Speaker 1: like a stigma, Like how how girls feel when they 408 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,159 Speaker 1: go to buy tampons for the first time because they're bleeding. 409 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,480 Speaker 1: I think my old groommate ordered them on Amazon. It's 410 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,000 Speaker 1: so crazy. So okay, so so you handed those out 411 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 1: so sex at abstinence, bro, it's bullshit. You can still 412 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 1: apparently get herpes even with a condom on which a 413 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,440 Speaker 1: lot of people don't know. It's the skin to skin contact. 414 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,920 Speaker 1: It's not fluid, so if you're if you're snuggling and 415 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:03,800 Speaker 1: if but is is like it's called asymptomatic viral shedding, 416 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,880 Speaker 1: which is a horrible term, but it means it's it's 417 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:09,160 Speaker 1: not that common, but there or it is. I heard 418 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:12,120 Speaker 1: you mentioned the wrestling man. Yeah, it's uh, well wrestling 419 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 1: is a whole other thing. But you can you can 420 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,160 Speaker 1: transmit herpies if you're not having an outbreak, like it's 421 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,440 Speaker 1: it's something percent of the time you can um and 422 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:23,080 Speaker 1: that that rate goes down the longer that you've had herpies. 423 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 1: And for me, like I my last outbreak was two 424 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,720 Speaker 1: years ago. Like I'm not really that concerned about giving 425 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,399 Speaker 1: somebody herpies. But yeah, you can get it from like 426 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 1: vigorous rubbing if you want to. Years ago, you said 427 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,560 Speaker 1: your outbreak last outbreak was two years ago? Here night, 428 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,439 Speaker 1: What is the frequency of an outbreak? So are you 429 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,720 Speaker 1: dormant now? What what would or or it's just really 430 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,479 Speaker 1: your body really right, it's your body. Yeah. For me, 431 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 1: like I had my first outbreak three weeks after getting it. 432 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,480 Speaker 1: I had a really bad immune system. I'm not the 433 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:52,119 Speaker 1: healthiest personage. The first one was your only one. So 434 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,640 Speaker 1: I had my second one, Um, so I've had too 435 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,959 Speaker 1: And my second one was two years after that and 436 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,480 Speaker 1: I was working, um a really crazy prints in a 437 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,320 Speaker 1: different time zone and my body was just like where 438 00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:04,360 Speaker 1: are you? Like, what is going on? This is so 439 00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:06,919 Speaker 1: stressful and I had an outbreak because of stress in 440 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,360 Speaker 1: my body. The body just freaked out. And I probably 441 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,680 Speaker 1: won't have another one, honestly, because it's I have HSV one, 442 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,720 Speaker 1: which is um usually associated with oral herpies, but you 443 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,879 Speaker 1: can have a genitally, but it tends to just be 444 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,879 Speaker 1: a bit milder and as a result, I'm probably not 445 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,800 Speaker 1: likely to have another one anytime soon unless there's like 446 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:27,199 Speaker 1: a body trigger. But yeah, it's pretty chill for me. 447 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,120 Speaker 1: I got lucky. I got like the lazy strain of herpies. 448 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,359 Speaker 1: So it's ironic, like it does not impact my life 449 00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:37,639 Speaker 1: except that it's now like my internet reputation and so 450 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,080 Speaker 1: your outbreak is on your mouth or is it? It's 451 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:43,880 Speaker 1: just it's just it's genital, okay, And so HSB one 452 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:47,359 Speaker 1: can be both because I assumed that HSB one just 453 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,679 Speaker 1: so that's what people think. But what it has to 454 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,440 Speaker 1: do is it. It has to do with where it's 455 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,040 Speaker 1: hosted in your body, like where your spine. It is 456 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,480 Speaker 1: an HSB one I believe is towards the top of 457 00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,959 Speaker 1: towards the top of your body, and it's usually associated 458 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,960 Speaker 1: with oral herpes and you get cold stres and things 459 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,359 Speaker 1: like that, but you can have either strain in either place. 460 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:09,360 Speaker 1: I think oral HSP two is very very rare, but yeah, 461 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,800 Speaker 1: you can have HSP one genitally. And it's actually on 462 00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,800 Speaker 1: the rise among women, especially in college, because of all 463 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 1: the oral sex that they're having, which like the ladies like, yes, 464 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:23,200 Speaker 1: but make sure your partners not having a could store. Um. Yeah, okay, 465 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,320 Speaker 1: that's good. And so I also didn't know that you 466 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:31,440 Speaker 1: could get it when someone wasn't having an outbreak. Yes, um, 467 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,879 Speaker 1: because Mandy's got a friend who was saying she doesn't, 468 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,280 Speaker 1: so I have to. I have two friends. Um, and 469 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,879 Speaker 1: we've openly talked about it. Um. And that was my 470 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,159 Speaker 1: first question, is like, so do you tell people that 471 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:45,920 Speaker 1: you have sex with because at the same time, they're 472 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:50,879 Speaker 1: both girls that condoms aren't fun like they it doesn't 473 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 1: feel right. I don't like hat feels and I'm just 474 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 1: like bro but you know, you have herpies and both 475 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,480 Speaker 1: of them do not tell their partners, and so it's 476 00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:02,240 Speaker 1: just like I know, and it's just like, but they 477 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,880 Speaker 1: both date black men. And clearly you've been reading these 478 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,680 Speaker 1: Ussher comments and so I want to get into that 479 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,720 Speaker 1: as well. Um, just how maybe it may be more 480 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 1: accepted in what I don't want to say, white culture, 481 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:14,679 Speaker 1: Like I don't want to make this a race thing, 482 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,960 Speaker 1: but for sure we are we are a lot more yeah, 483 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 1: and we are a lot more uneducated and ignorant when 484 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:22,880 Speaker 1: it comes to these type of things, especially the things 485 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:28,399 Speaker 1: we say and how hurtful the ignorance. Um. So I 486 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,880 Speaker 1: guess I can bring it up because I want to 487 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:35,679 Speaker 1: bring this into how you, you know, go through dat feeling. 488 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:37,440 Speaker 1: I don't know if you do the words shaming or 489 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,760 Speaker 1: what did you say? And so I want to I 490 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,080 Speaker 1: want to ask you why is that? Because you've been 491 00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:46,080 Speaker 1: this advocate for it, you've gotten so much positive feedback. 492 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,160 Speaker 1: Now the Usher thing comes out and for you guys 493 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:51,240 Speaker 1: who don't know, if you've been sleeping under a rock, Um, 494 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,360 Speaker 1: it just came out that Usher paid a woman one 495 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:58,600 Speaker 1: point one million dollars um because she contracted her pies 496 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 1: from him, he's been positive. There's court docks showing that 497 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,840 Speaker 1: he was tested positive in two thousand nine, so he's 498 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,880 Speaker 1: known that. There's now been a second female that, since 499 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:11,600 Speaker 1: this information has come out, has now sued him and 500 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:14,640 Speaker 1: is asking for twenty million dollars because she just went 501 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 1: and got testing. Oh, I'm taking her pies for a million. 502 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,240 Speaker 1: I don't give a funk, Um, but she's she's suing 503 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,679 Speaker 1: out of here, y'all. Y'all really not gonna have her 504 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,840 Speaker 1: pies for a million dollars anyway. Um, So now there's 505 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:33,000 Speaker 1: someone else suing Um saying, Hey, I slept with Usher. 506 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:36,640 Speaker 1: I want twenty million because I just got tested positive. However, 507 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,119 Speaker 1: I've had the conversation with friends and just just like 508 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:43,960 Speaker 1: you said, you can't, especially if you're not tested for it. Um. 509 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,000 Speaker 1: And the doctor that came on, Dr Kim, who you 510 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,480 Speaker 1: guys love, she said that they're not really testing for 511 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:51,600 Speaker 1: it unless you maybe get a PAP smear. And I 512 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,000 Speaker 1: believe it was your ted talk you said you've heard 513 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,880 Speaker 1: it was expensive or we're testing a lot of doctors 514 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,359 Speaker 1: won't test you for her pies even if you ask, 515 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,560 Speaker 1: because they think that if you have it and you're asymptomatic, 516 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:05,879 Speaker 1: you're better off not knowing that you have it because 517 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,399 Speaker 1: it is so powerful. And like a lot of people 518 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,760 Speaker 1: suffer from mental health issues after they get diagnosed because 519 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:14,359 Speaker 1: it's so devastating the news, because the stigma is so bad. 520 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,240 Speaker 1: So there are a lot of doctors who are like, hey, 521 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:17,919 Speaker 1: it's not going to infect your it's not going to 522 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:22,120 Speaker 1: Freudian affect your life. Um, and if you're not having symptoms, 523 00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:24,439 Speaker 1: like clearly you're not, you're not feeling anything negative, you 524 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,240 Speaker 1: don't need to be on medication for that. We're just 525 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,320 Speaker 1: not going to test you. Like if you have an outbreak, 526 00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,439 Speaker 1: Common will give you a cream, but rather than that, 527 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,400 Speaker 1: you don't need to know. Yeah, and and the other 528 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,119 Speaker 1: thing is that the testing itself makes no sense. And 529 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,000 Speaker 1: because it's there are a bunch of different ways to 530 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:39,840 Speaker 1: get tested. You can get a culture taken from a 531 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:43,320 Speaker 1: culture which is pretty resiable testing. It was just like 532 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,840 Speaker 1: it might just be like a weird skin thing that 533 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,159 Speaker 1: they can take a culture from or whatever it is. 534 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:49,840 Speaker 1: But some mine didn't happen. My mind was just like 535 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:54,159 Speaker 1: regular CD testing And then she swabbed and you were 536 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 1: getting a papum. That's what Dr Kim said that during 537 00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,320 Speaker 1: your path they will test you because it's a yearly um. 538 00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:05,240 Speaker 1: But again they might be able to get it from 539 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 1: from a swab. I'm not entirely sure, but I do 540 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 1: know that culture testing tends to be a bit more reliable. 541 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,840 Speaker 1: But if you're getting like a blood test, it's testing 542 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,760 Speaker 1: how many like how prevalent of the page virus is 543 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:17,560 Speaker 1: in your body, and yeah, and the percentage. This is 544 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,119 Speaker 1: where I'm a little confused because I don't have a 545 00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 1: science brain. But they give you like a numerical score, 546 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,399 Speaker 1: and it gives they give you like a window of 547 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,280 Speaker 1: like if you're below this amount, like you're probably negative, 548 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,240 Speaker 1: and if you're above this amount, you're probably positive. And 549 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:29,800 Speaker 1: if you're in between, like, we don't even know what 550 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,480 Speaker 1: to tell you. And I don't test positive for herpes 551 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,400 Speaker 1: on those I come in and like the neutral zone. 552 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:35,960 Speaker 1: They're like, we don't know. I had a doctor try 553 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,359 Speaker 1: to tell me I didn't have her bees and I 554 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:41,000 Speaker 1: was like, bro, that ship has sailed like and he 555 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,600 Speaker 1: was right, yeah, I was like, I have lived it, 556 00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:48,360 Speaker 1: it's google to worry about it. But but like and 557 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,040 Speaker 1: he himself was like insisting, no, you probably don't have 558 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,879 Speaker 1: it because he thought I was better off thinking I 559 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,800 Speaker 1: didn't have it even if I did, because the stigma 560 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,040 Speaker 1: is so bad and the test is zone reliable. So 561 00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:58,879 Speaker 1: I don't know. I like, I've heard a lot of 562 00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:01,280 Speaker 1: doctors tell me different reasons for why they don't test. 563 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:02,720 Speaker 1: I've also had a lot of friends be like, yeah, 564 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:04,880 Speaker 1: I demanded a test and they still said no. Yeah. 565 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:06,959 Speaker 1: And I also want to let the listeners note, like 566 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:10,440 Speaker 1: you said um, Like even Dr Kemp said, so it's 567 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:14,840 Speaker 1: through a paps, a pap blood or um, the scalpel 568 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:21,400 Speaker 1: whatever would you say, scalpel, so when you're going And 569 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:23,160 Speaker 1: I do want to let let our listeners know when 570 00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,240 Speaker 1: you're going in and you're pissing in a cup that's 571 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:30,800 Speaker 1: checking you for clamydia, like not herpies. So even though 572 00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:34,360 Speaker 1: that test could come back clean and negative, there's still 573 00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:36,800 Speaker 1: a possibility if you do not ask or request for 574 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,640 Speaker 1: our herpes test. So going back to the Usher thing, 575 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:43,080 Speaker 1: because lady finds out that she's positive um, and because 576 00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:45,320 Speaker 1: she's slept with Usher, apparently he had to be the 577 00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:47,320 Speaker 1: one to give it to her. That's where I'm like, 578 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:51,240 Speaker 1: I don't believe you. If she had the case. I 579 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,040 Speaker 1: So the frustrating thing is that in certain states, like 580 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:58,240 Speaker 1: it is technically illegal to um have sex with someone 581 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 1: and know your status and not tell them that. I 582 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:03,120 Speaker 1: thought that was just with HIV. It is, but it 583 00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:05,920 Speaker 1: it does. I think it does apply to other STDs 584 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:11,200 Speaker 1: when they are like lifelong, like herpes isn't curable. Yeah, 585 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:14,480 Speaker 1: it's primarily the HIV criminalization laws, which I think are 586 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,239 Speaker 1: trash and not effective and just add to stigma. And 587 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,159 Speaker 1: I have a lot of feelings about that. But so 588 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:20,960 Speaker 1: she may have a case. But at the same time, 589 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,800 Speaker 1: like it is so hard to prove, how like when 590 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:26,320 Speaker 1: you got give it to you because it kind of 591 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,159 Speaker 1: just been sitting in your body, right, Yeah, And a 592 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:30,240 Speaker 1: lot of people get it as kids, is the thing, 593 00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:32,719 Speaker 1: and like never know about it, never get tested, never 594 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,800 Speaker 1: show symptoms because it's cold stores, like you get it 595 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:36,760 Speaker 1: from a family member who kisses you on the mount. 596 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:40,440 Speaker 1: And so my sister, so growing up, my sister, um 597 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:45,600 Speaker 1: actually like are you about to well no, every like whatever, 598 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:49,080 Speaker 1: But she got cold swords. I have friends get yea, 599 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,240 Speaker 1: and when you call them cold swords, it's not bad. 600 00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 1: But there her beest the cold sor absolutely and I 601 00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,200 Speaker 1: have friends that get cold swords. And it's like, if 602 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,240 Speaker 1: I didn't have genital herpes and I had a cold 603 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,959 Speaker 1: stort and you gave someone a head, you can give them. Absolutely. 604 00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:07,640 Speaker 1: Wait no, if you have genital herpes and you give 605 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,800 Speaker 1: someone head, you can't transmit because you don't have it. 606 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:11,280 Speaker 1: But if you have it in your mouth, if you 607 00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:15,120 Speaker 1: have it early. I've never had genital herpes. I've never 608 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:16,760 Speaker 1: had it. I've just had a cold story because I 609 00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:18,920 Speaker 1: have I've had a could sture in my lifetime. Absolutely, 610 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:24,560 Speaker 1: so you probably have h one. If y'all want to 611 00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:26,440 Speaker 1: see the look at her face. Well, anyways, I want 612 00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:30,760 Speaker 1: to get back to the story because my sister, well, 613 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:43,880 Speaker 1: my sis, it will see you. Oh my god, yes, 614 00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:47,200 Speaker 1: who's here? Oh my god? Well my sister has to 615 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,360 Speaker 1: join the club with her? Oh my god. Wait wait wait, 616 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:54,160 Speaker 1: we're not going to right the Secret Society Welcome. I'm 617 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,600 Speaker 1: totally even tested and I didn't get I mean it 618 00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:58,680 Speaker 1: didn't come back. I mean this thing is like you 619 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:00,960 Speaker 1: might not test positive for when you're you might not 620 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,640 Speaker 1: be at any risk of transmitting. Since I've been a teenager, well, 621 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,200 Speaker 1: I don't know. Well, my sister used to get them 622 00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,680 Speaker 1: really bad growing up to like where she would miss 623 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,360 Speaker 1: school because she'd have one, and then it would spread 624 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:15,760 Speaker 1: and we literally and when you're young, especially because your 625 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:18,160 Speaker 1: immune system is different, so it would literally we would 626 00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:19,960 Speaker 1: be in the house and it would be like, okay, girl, 627 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:22,360 Speaker 1: here's your cup, your spoon, and your fork for the week. 628 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,840 Speaker 1: Don't touch anything else because it's just been like the 629 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:28,720 Speaker 1: But even my other friend we were just gonna and 630 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:30,520 Speaker 1: she had one and she was trying to I was like, girl, 631 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:34,640 Speaker 1: there's a breather in the in the guy like, I 632 00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:37,880 Speaker 1: don't know what you like, get it off. It's but 633 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:41,240 Speaker 1: and and so it's crazy because something else you meant. 634 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:43,080 Speaker 1: Just so you see how easy it was to talk 635 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,600 Speaker 1: about it as a cold store as opposed to her 636 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 1: being it's so crazy because you open your ted, talk 637 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:53,280 Speaker 1: like who in here has allergies? And I absolutely love 638 00:30:53,360 --> 00:31:00,160 Speaker 1: the eggs, And then she goes to say who when 639 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:03,840 Speaker 1: here has herpes? And there's not one literally literally not 640 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,400 Speaker 1: one hand raised And if they know what you're going 641 00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:10,080 Speaker 1: to talk about, the audience know, which was great. They weren't. 642 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,240 Speaker 1: Nobody introduced me. I just like rolled on up on 643 00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:14,960 Speaker 1: the stage. It was like a like a college organized event, 644 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:17,560 Speaker 1: so they were great, but they didn't There was not 645 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:19,920 Speaker 1: a lot of stagecraft. So I was gonna say, I 646 00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,080 Speaker 1: noticed that there were things that you said, we're funny, 647 00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:24,320 Speaker 1: and they didn't laugh till a little bit after. I 648 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:26,040 Speaker 1: could tell it's because they were like, holy sh it, 649 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,440 Speaker 1: oh my god. It was also like ten am on 650 00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,040 Speaker 1: a Saturday, so everyone in that room was hungover. It 651 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:33,560 Speaker 1: was kind of so that might have been part of it, 652 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:36,840 Speaker 1: but no, people were genuinely they enjoyed. But I noticed 653 00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:40,560 Speaker 1: that I don't know if I was teching, there was tension. Yeah, 654 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:44,240 Speaker 1: holy sh it. So wow, do you want to talk? 655 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:47,320 Speaker 1: So I don't even know if I can right now. 656 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:51,720 Speaker 1: That text a few people right now, so sorry, So 657 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,440 Speaker 1: I do want to ask you, and again bringing back 658 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,360 Speaker 1: to the usher thing, you've been reading the comments, you've 659 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:59,280 Speaker 1: been feeling iky Clearly people are shaming the ship out 660 00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,840 Speaker 1: of him and saying life is ruined now like lumping 661 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:04,880 Speaker 1: it in with R. Kelly, which is pissing me off. 662 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:06,880 Speaker 1: So like R. Kelly is a sex colt, not sure 663 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:08,720 Speaker 1: as herpies, and I'm like those two are not which 664 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:13,960 Speaker 1: one would you rather do? Yeah? Yeah, it's literally been 665 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:16,440 Speaker 1: like would you rather have herpies than one point and 666 00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,720 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna you weren't, but I did. I sent 667 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,600 Speaker 1: it in my group chat with my home girls, so 668 00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:23,440 Speaker 1: I said, you gotta pick one. So I said, hey, 669 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:26,160 Speaker 1: would you rather have herpies with one point one million dollars? 670 00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,600 Speaker 1: Or would you rather being a sex cult where you 671 00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:30,720 Speaker 1: can't talk to any of your friends or family or 672 00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,200 Speaker 1: be would you rather be pregnant and being cheated on 673 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,160 Speaker 1: by someone who's shorter than you because apparently Kevin Hart 674 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:39,800 Speaker 1: was cheating on his life. Rather definitely not go with 675 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:44,880 Speaker 1: because you can never be And I feel like herpes. 676 00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:49,080 Speaker 1: Apparently you're gonna ignore it. I can ignore that real 677 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:51,960 Speaker 1: nice and Fiji, apparently you're still getting freaking tender dates. 678 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:55,920 Speaker 1: So oh so so, And this is what I want 679 00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,080 Speaker 1: our listeners to know. If, for whatever reason, you do 680 00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:03,080 Speaker 1: get tested and you have this um positive result, don't 681 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,040 Speaker 1: talk Ella like I did to find her and ask 682 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:08,080 Speaker 1: her all these questions, but do a Google search and 683 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 1: do like psychologically you will do your dude, your due 684 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:18,000 Speaker 1: diligence to to inform yourself on the things, just the 685 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,560 Speaker 1: same way that that you did. And I wanted to 686 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:23,760 Speaker 1: ask you of all the comments that you've seen, um, 687 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,480 Speaker 1: because I'm you know, it's making you feeling what has 688 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:30,720 Speaker 1: been the worst part of what people normally say about 689 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,160 Speaker 1: her pies, Like, what is something that has stood out 690 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,760 Speaker 1: to you as far as oh my god, people still 691 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,560 Speaker 1: really think like this, Oh man. So I should preface 692 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:40,720 Speaker 1: this by saying, like, I get a lot of harassment 693 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:42,920 Speaker 1: online because I write a lot about feminism as well 694 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:45,520 Speaker 1: as sexual health, and like the men's rights activists and 695 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:47,560 Speaker 1: the all right, like they love me because it's a 696 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,240 Speaker 1: great example of like these feminists be crazy, they're preaching. 697 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:54,520 Speaker 1: So I see a lot of like horrific stuff on 698 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,720 Speaker 1: the daily, um, but just in terms of the Usher 699 00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:02,280 Speaker 1: stuff like there right, yeah, I'm sure you guys have everywhere. 700 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:06,880 Speaker 1: It's like all sorts of horrible online too, horrible, horrible, 701 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:10,200 Speaker 1: It's it's scarring. So I've like definitely read my fair 702 00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:13,000 Speaker 1: share of like really horrific things people say about herpes. 703 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,440 Speaker 1: But even in the context, even in the context of 704 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:19,439 Speaker 1: the Usher thing, like because he's a celebrity and all 705 00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:20,960 Speaker 1: of the other many things that make it okay to 706 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:23,759 Speaker 1: make fun of Usher, Like even publications I respect have 707 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,440 Speaker 1: been just like leaning hard into this story because it's 708 00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:29,719 Speaker 1: so salacious and like Vice ran a story that was like, 709 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:31,840 Speaker 1: would you have sex with Usher and get herpes? For 710 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:33,880 Speaker 1: a million dollars? And they interviewed people on the street 711 00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:36,160 Speaker 1: and they found like eight people and it was just 712 00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:39,839 Speaker 1: like Vice, you should know better, like you've interfered about this. Yeah, 713 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,880 Speaker 1: and my favorite powers. All the people were like, funk, no, 714 00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,400 Speaker 1: I wouldn't do that, And it's like, statistically, you already 715 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:47,279 Speaker 1: have it. All of you just said no to a 716 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,440 Speaker 1: million dollars and having sex with Usher, which like I 717 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:54,640 Speaker 1: would probably do anyway. Guys, you know what's funny. I 718 00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:56,680 Speaker 1: was having that conversation with myself like that, I just 719 00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:58,160 Speaker 1: wouldn't have said it out loud, and I was like, 720 00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:01,160 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie, like just kind of feel like 721 00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:05,320 Speaker 1: why I feel like there's quite a few so listeners 722 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,080 Speaker 1: if you're listening, well, clearly you're listening at this point. 723 00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:10,799 Speaker 1: If you're sitting there, think of your celebrity crush and 724 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:14,759 Speaker 1: I just think to yourself, would you have sex with him? 725 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:17,360 Speaker 1: Knowing that they have And the thing is, all of 726 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,480 Speaker 1: your favorite celebrities have herpies. All of them, like I 727 00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,240 Speaker 1: have done my research, like all of them have herpes. 728 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,000 Speaker 1: Britney Spears has herpies. Derek Jeter has herpies. Derek Jeter 729 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,440 Speaker 1: is rumored who have given it to like everyone like, 730 00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,440 Speaker 1: which is probably why he used to give them gifts. 731 00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 1: He used to do gift baskets to the girls, but 732 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:36,800 Speaker 1: he literally used to everyone who dates him used to 733 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:40,759 Speaker 1: get a gift basket. Probably trucks in there, like yeah, 734 00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:43,320 Speaker 1: I know, like all of your favorite celebrities have herpes, 735 00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,560 Speaker 1: even like sweet Robin Williams had herpies like everyone. Billie 736 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,360 Speaker 1: Idol has herpies like they all do. And the thing 737 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:54,800 Speaker 1: is like if you think about it that way, like okay, anyway, 738 00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,360 Speaker 1: So like the moment I learned about that, I started 739 00:35:57,400 --> 00:35:58,960 Speaker 1: be like, oh, this is kind of ridiculous. And the 740 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:02,040 Speaker 1: other thing like I've had, I've had like hot coworkers 741 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,279 Speaker 1: or like hot classmates, these people who have been like, 742 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:06,160 Speaker 1: oh my god, this person is so gorgeous. I wish 743 00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:08,160 Speaker 1: they would talk to me, And they've asked me out 744 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,400 Speaker 1: for lunch after watching my talk and I've been like, oh, 745 00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,440 Speaker 1: I finally have my chance with this, and they're always like, 746 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,440 Speaker 1: so I've heard he's I've never told anyone but you, 747 00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:18,600 Speaker 1: And this is mind blowing because I'm like, you are 748 00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:22,840 Speaker 1: like the most fucable person I know, so much shame 749 00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:24,839 Speaker 1: and self doubt and I'm like, what is fucking wrong 750 00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:28,200 Speaker 1: with you? But it's literally, it's literally what what I 751 00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:30,360 Speaker 1: think goes on with the ignorance that I said in 752 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:34,480 Speaker 1: not community, people caring, whatever reaction, I was like, I 753 00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:37,279 Speaker 1: can't do this. I had one person turned me down, 754 00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:39,440 Speaker 1: but he said that he had just gotten over chlamydia 755 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:43,880 Speaker 1: and he was like, I can't do it again. The 756 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:53,160 Speaker 1: only really he was still probably it's just like even 757 00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,600 Speaker 1: not even it's just the fear, like I I can't go. 758 00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:57,919 Speaker 1: The thing is like they have probably been people who 759 00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,320 Speaker 1: have been interested in me and changed their lines. Like 760 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,080 Speaker 1: I'm sure there's been people who have been like Ella's 761 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:03,719 Speaker 1: really gorgeous or I think she's really smart. But I 762 00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:05,879 Speaker 1: can't do that. But I like, to the point where 763 00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,279 Speaker 1: I've actually approached someone, I've never actually been turned down 764 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,680 Speaker 1: because they've already decided in their brain. My favorite story, 765 00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:14,200 Speaker 1: and I tell this in in my talk, but the 766 00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:16,799 Speaker 1: longer version is kind of more fun. I was at 767 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,920 Speaker 1: a party my senior year, like six months after getting diagnosed, 768 00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:23,279 Speaker 1: like freshly single, like feeling really good about myself, but 769 00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:26,240 Speaker 1: also super nervous. And this really cute guy was flirting 770 00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:28,799 Speaker 1: with me at a party, super gorgeous, and this like 771 00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:32,400 Speaker 1: case of norovirus, like this super fluid gone around campus 772 00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:35,040 Speaker 1: and he asked me if if he if I wanted 773 00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:36,279 Speaker 1: the rest of behind a kid, and I was like, 774 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,719 Speaker 1: you don't have norovirus, do you? Right? Because everybody was 775 00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:40,279 Speaker 1: puking in trash cans. He was like no, and I 776 00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,960 Speaker 1: also don't have herpes, and it just looked at him 777 00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:46,040 Speaker 1: and I was like, I was like, do I say 778 00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,880 Speaker 1: something like do you I laugh? Do I walk away? 779 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:52,399 Speaker 1: Like clearly the problem? And I was just like, that's 780 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,080 Speaker 1: like not that funny because I have it and it's 781 00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:56,759 Speaker 1: really common. And he just looked at me and like 782 00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,400 Speaker 1: you could see on his face like you just blew 783 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:02,960 Speaker 1: it with this amazing girl, and that moment of him 784 00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:05,280 Speaker 1: being like, wow, I'm such a dick, and he immediately, 785 00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,479 Speaker 1: to his credit, he immediately immediately apologized. And I saw 786 00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:16,440 Speaker 1: later him like googling herpies transmission statistics like him doing it. Yeah, 787 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:22,040 Speaker 1: we had sex that weekend and then you almost a year. Yeah. 788 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:24,919 Speaker 1: I loved that when I heard that. That is awesome. Yeah, 789 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:26,439 Speaker 1: And there was a point, like a few months into 790 00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:28,279 Speaker 1: our relationship where he was like, look, I'm just going 791 00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:30,439 Speaker 1: to assume that I have it. I don't really care, 792 00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 1: like it doesn't bother me, Like I love you, don't 793 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:35,399 Speaker 1: worry about it. Because we had had a conversation where 794 00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:37,200 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm really nervous that if I do 795 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,279 Speaker 1: transmit you you're going to hate me, and he was like, 796 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:40,960 Speaker 1: how the hell could I do that? You're like, the 797 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:42,960 Speaker 1: love of my life, You're amazing. It's not a thing. 798 00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,760 Speaker 1: If it happens, it happens, And it's really because everyone's 799 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:47,879 Speaker 1: body is different, and you do say that all the time, 800 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:51,600 Speaker 1: but even you it's the outbreak. Those pictures are discussing, 801 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,560 Speaker 1: but yet in three or four years you had to 802 00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:58,120 Speaker 1: operate and they haven't been fun, Like I don't enjoy them. 803 00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:00,400 Speaker 1: They are having herpies if you do have like an 804 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,520 Speaker 1: active strain. The first outbreak was held of painful. I'm 805 00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:05,799 Speaker 1: not gonna like, I'm not gonna pretend it wasn't. It 806 00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:08,040 Speaker 1: was like peeing glass. It was terrible. I hated it. 807 00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:10,480 Speaker 1: And your your first outbreak sucks like that is how 808 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:12,560 Speaker 1: it goes. And then it gets easier usually, and there's 809 00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:15,520 Speaker 1: some people who have like more um, more severe cases, 810 00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,239 Speaker 1: who have have outbreaks more often like some people. It 811 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:21,480 Speaker 1: isn't fun. I've gotten some criticism for like making herpes 812 00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:24,840 Speaker 1: sound super chill like it's not. But the vast majority 813 00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:30,160 Speaker 1: there constantly, exactly and compared to like other things that 814 00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:33,040 Speaker 1: you can have wrong, other skin conditions, other health conditions, 815 00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:37,960 Speaker 1: choose herpes over almost anything in the world. So I've 816 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,360 Speaker 1: heard more. Yeah, I've had more severe like head colds, 817 00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:45,440 Speaker 1: like sinus not just because I was like trying to 818 00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,720 Speaker 1: read a little bit more. Um, So I'm twenty six 819 00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:53,560 Speaker 1: and I'm just now getting gardenssil Apparently I can't find 820 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,799 Speaker 1: any doctor, I mean, in any old records that I've 821 00:39:56,840 --> 00:40:01,640 Speaker 1: ever had it. Well, and I don't even know how 822 00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:04,799 Speaker 1: you're allowed to get it, because I actually was yet 823 00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:08,000 Speaker 1: well no, I was looking at you. It's something that 824 00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:09,880 Speaker 1: you should have been given as a teenager, and you 825 00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:13,960 Speaker 1: have up to twenty four to get it. No, I 826 00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:16,440 Speaker 1: just looked this up. So there is a vaccine, and 827 00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:18,479 Speaker 1: it's so funny because well you can't. It's not covered 828 00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:20,640 Speaker 1: by insurance anymore, that's what you mean. Not only well, no, 829 00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:22,839 Speaker 1: not on it's not, but after a certain age after 830 00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:26,160 Speaker 1: it's not. Yeah. Well not only that, also apparently it's 831 00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:29,319 Speaker 1: something in which doctors don't even suggest it should be 832 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,600 Speaker 1: given to us, like how we get our happy and 833 00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:34,440 Speaker 1: so when I looked up this vaccine, so there is 834 00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:37,560 Speaker 1: a vaccine that you can get when you're younger for 835 00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:40,000 Speaker 1: h for HPV, which which I wanted to bring up 836 00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:43,080 Speaker 1: because I heard that it go ahead. So the thing 837 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:47,040 Speaker 1: about it is doctors stay away from recommending this vaccine 838 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:51,719 Speaker 1: as they do the Happy, the happy whatever, because they 839 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:56,160 Speaker 1: consider HPV to be sexually transmitted and it's something that's 840 00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:59,879 Speaker 1: uncomfortable to talk about with children, or they don't feel 841 00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:02,920 Speaker 1: like they write to be vaccinated for something because it's 842 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,719 Speaker 1: sexually transmitted, and so it's something that they don't like. 843 00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,080 Speaker 1: There's three rounds of shots. So um, that's it. Before 844 00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:12,359 Speaker 1: I went to Cuba, I turned twenty six this year 845 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:15,560 Speaker 1: in March. Before I went to Cuba, thirty dollars. She's like, 846 00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:17,640 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna let you know. I'm really sorry, but 847 00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:19,960 Speaker 1: your next round is going to cost you three dollars 848 00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:25,520 Speaker 1: called Dr Kim. I'm like, um, in Canada, So actually 849 00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,719 Speaker 1: I'm going to Japan because it's every three months. So 850 00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:29,120 Speaker 1: my next one, I'm going to buy it in Japan. 851 00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,960 Speaker 1: I'm just going to get the name of the vaccine, 852 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,560 Speaker 1: whatever it is and buy it there because you know, 853 00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:36,960 Speaker 1: and Asian drugs are cheaper. But I'm put this ship 854 00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,279 Speaker 1: right in my booty. So do you happen to know? 855 00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:43,239 Speaker 1: You said HPV is not herpies, different different viruses, So 856 00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:46,720 Speaker 1: h s V is herpies. So this is herpie simplex 857 00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:51,239 Speaker 1: virus harpies simply, so this HPV is preventing Well, I 858 00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:55,399 Speaker 1: just read a few things about obviously men can't find 859 00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:58,400 Speaker 1: out if they have HPV, so um, you know if 860 00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:01,000 Speaker 1: and they hosted women and I believe a comedian Ali 861 00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:02,719 Speaker 1: Wong said it's either the kind that's just dormant in 862 00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:04,239 Speaker 1: your body or I can kill you and give you 863 00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:06,719 Speaker 1: her vocal cancer and something. Yeah, and that's and that's 864 00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:09,600 Speaker 1: reports and that's what that's what Dr Kim said as well, 865 00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:14,880 Speaker 1: like HPV can lead to cancers, um, but not herpes. 866 00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:18,800 Speaker 1: Then no, wow, I don't know different things, okay, sports 867 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:23,719 Speaker 1: just HPV symptoms. Yeah, I didn't know that. Okay, that's interesting. Yeah, 868 00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,080 Speaker 1: I feel like I just got schools and you're not 869 00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:29,080 Speaker 1: a doctor. Yeah, I meant, well, this isn't this is 870 00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:32,920 Speaker 1: my expertise. And again, well this goes to her googling 871 00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:35,200 Speaker 1: and taking initiative to to look up these things. What 872 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:39,360 Speaker 1: is what? I really fun? I don't want to know. 873 00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:41,160 Speaker 1: All I want to do is have like a long 874 00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,480 Speaker 1: conversation about Harry Potter on a date, like that's all 875 00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,440 Speaker 1: I want to talk about. Did you see this coming 876 00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,120 Speaker 1: out in October? I did see that. I have a 877 00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:48,920 Speaker 1: lot of opinions, and I want to talk about that 878 00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:55,560 Speaker 1: on a date instead of her being anything today. No, 879 00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:59,200 Speaker 1: I mean it's he I mean that is like to me, 880 00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:01,320 Speaker 1: I don't know if you if you don't mind explaining, 881 00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:02,640 Speaker 1: I know you work for them. Now, I saw it 882 00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:06,120 Speaker 1: on your LinkedIn because we talked to if. I did wait, 883 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:08,399 Speaker 1: and then the funny thing is I thought we lost 884 00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:10,360 Speaker 1: her for good because she didn't respond to my email 885 00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:13,080 Speaker 1: the first day. So I go on Twitter and I'm like, hey, 886 00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:15,600 Speaker 1: can all of y'all at and put her at? You 887 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:17,560 Speaker 1: didn't tell her to come on the podcast I did. 888 00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:19,080 Speaker 1: She's like, can you please on do that? I said, 889 00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:21,000 Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm so sorry, but she responded, so 890 00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:25,520 Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, we're getting somewhere and shed and 891 00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:27,440 Speaker 1: literally I'm at work today. She was like, girl, did 892 00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:30,280 Speaker 1: you check the email? And I was like, I literally 893 00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:32,279 Speaker 1: was so happy because I definitely wanted to bring you 894 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:34,200 Speaker 1: on the show to talk about this, and and here 895 00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:40,000 Speaker 1: you go bringing light to such a dim, dark topic 896 00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:42,440 Speaker 1: I get. Honestly, I was you guys just diagnosed me. 897 00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:46,560 Speaker 1: I'm scared as I'm also go online and just be like, 898 00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:54,800 Speaker 1: just to give you guys a warning, this communal blunt um. Yeah, okay, 899 00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:56,320 Speaker 1: So now I want to kind of get off this. 900 00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:58,000 Speaker 1: Oh why don't we do a listener question? Yeah, so 901 00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:02,680 Speaker 1: I have. So we have homemail. Um, and this one 902 00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:05,200 Speaker 1: I think is good because it kind of brings us 903 00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:09,840 Speaker 1: back to not so horrsh ways, I guess, um, so 904 00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:11,800 Speaker 1: it says warning, this is a long one. Forgive me, 905 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,800 Speaker 1: please keep me anonymous. Girl, you know we are. So. 906 00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,000 Speaker 1: I just wanted to say that this podcast has really 907 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:20,360 Speaker 1: helped me confront a lot of insecurities regarding sexual desires 908 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:23,520 Speaker 1: and relationships. I'm probably on the complete opposite end of 909 00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:25,719 Speaker 1: the spectrum girl, we know, but I just wanted to 910 00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:28,879 Speaker 1: know if you guys could give me some advice about 911 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:32,160 Speaker 1: navigating sex and dating is a twenty three year old virgin, 912 00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:36,280 Speaker 1: So she's a virgin. Guys. It's kind of embarrassing sometimes, 913 00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:38,359 Speaker 1: But I'm a late bloomer and just lost a lot 914 00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:40,440 Speaker 1: of weight in the past few years. So I've avoided 915 00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:43,560 Speaker 1: sexual relationships for my entire life simply because I was 916 00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:46,440 Speaker 1: uncomfortable in my own skin for so long. I'm super 917 00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:48,880 Speaker 1: sex positive when it comes to supporting others, and I 918 00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:51,600 Speaker 1: want to have fun and experience new things so badly, 919 00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:53,719 Speaker 1: but it's hard to just jump in when you're still 920 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,799 Speaker 1: behind everyone else your age. I'm attracted to both men 921 00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:59,080 Speaker 1: and women, and not to toot my own horn, but 922 00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:02,000 Speaker 1: I could be sleeping several people who are still interested 923 00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:05,800 Speaker 1: in me, even after finding out that I'm Hella inexperienced. 924 00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,520 Speaker 1: If you guys were in my situation, what would you do? 925 00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:10,960 Speaker 1: How do I calm down enough to let somebody in? 926 00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:15,239 Speaker 1: Literally my biggest my biggest firit is that I'll just 927 00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:18,399 Speaker 1: be some funny story they tell or someone they'll they'll 928 00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:21,040 Speaker 1: regret sleeping with later. By the way, you guys can 929 00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:24,080 Speaker 1: read this on the show. Um, thank you again for 930 00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:26,520 Speaker 1: being so open and honest about your lives. It's really 931 00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:29,359 Speaker 1: inspired me. To grow and learn about myself. I love 932 00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:31,560 Speaker 1: that vergence of that because I just say, when I 933 00:45:31,719 --> 00:45:34,520 Speaker 1: read this email, I was so confused because I was like, 934 00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:36,759 Speaker 1: I don't know if you give the advice to someone 935 00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:39,560 Speaker 1: to get it over with or to take your time. UM. 936 00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:43,520 Speaker 1: So I actually wrote her UM because I felt like, 937 00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:45,600 Speaker 1: you know, this was something who knew when we were 938 00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:47,440 Speaker 1: going to read this on the show UM. And my 939 00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:50,080 Speaker 1: advice to her was, first off, to make sure she 940 00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:52,760 Speaker 1: was comfortable with herself and doing it because she wanted 941 00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:55,680 Speaker 1: to do it. I told her, don't feel like you 942 00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:59,000 Speaker 1: have to have sex to validate yourself because everyone else 943 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:02,720 Speaker 1: wanted it, or because it's gonna make you feel special, 944 00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:04,680 Speaker 1: because I'm not even gonna lie. If I could go 945 00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:08,400 Speaker 1: back and tell my young self something, it would literally 946 00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:10,120 Speaker 1: be that sex is not going to keep a man. 947 00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:12,440 Speaker 1: It's not gonna make a guy like you more. It's 948 00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,000 Speaker 1: not gonna make a guy stay, it's not gonna you 949 00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:17,040 Speaker 1: having sex with him, isn' gonna make him like you, 950 00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:19,759 Speaker 1: like like you anymore than he already does. And so 951 00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,279 Speaker 1: my advice to her was to make sure that when 952 00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:25,239 Speaker 1: she goes and has sex, however nasty, she want to 953 00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:28,920 Speaker 1: do it. It's probably gonna be terrible actually the first time, 954 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,839 Speaker 1: because you don't even know what it feels like. UM, 955 00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:34,239 Speaker 1: But I told her to make sure she wanted to 956 00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,399 Speaker 1: do it, and she wasn't doing it to play someone else. 957 00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:39,200 Speaker 1: Do you have? You know, you were in college having 958 00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:41,160 Speaker 1: fun and we've been having fun since we were freaking 959 00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:46,080 Speaker 1: six team with fake I d S. So what would 960 00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,719 Speaker 1: what what advice would you give her? UM for someone 961 00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:50,640 Speaker 1: you know, a virgin wanting to get out there, and 962 00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:53,239 Speaker 1: of course to be safe. Yeah, no, it's funny. I've 963 00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:55,640 Speaker 1: had this conversation recently with a lot of my friends 964 00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:57,680 Speaker 1: who are in their middle twenties and either like are 965 00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:00,359 Speaker 1: really inexperienced or haven't had sex, or like I feel 966 00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:02,520 Speaker 1: like they haven't as much sex as other people, Like 967 00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:05,160 Speaker 1: I have had this conversation like five times in the 968 00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:07,880 Speaker 1: last six So I feel like, first of all, you 969 00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:10,839 Speaker 1: are not alone, Like I know everyone is constantly talking 970 00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:12,920 Speaker 1: about sex, and it's sex is everywhere, and sex is 971 00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:16,040 Speaker 1: in the media, and it's like unavoidable. But you're not weird, 972 00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:18,719 Speaker 1: you're not strange, Like you're not delayed, like this is 973 00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:21,239 Speaker 1: this is just your life and you're living at how 974 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:22,680 Speaker 1: you choose to and you're doing what you want, and 975 00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:26,000 Speaker 1: do not feel abnormal. Don't don't listen to that pressure, 976 00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:30,040 Speaker 1: like you're fine, You're totally fine. I feel like, oh 977 00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:32,479 Speaker 1: my god, I'm weird. Yeah, and with me, I didn't 978 00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:35,000 Speaker 1: lose my virginity until I turned eighteen, and like I 979 00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:37,480 Speaker 1: was in my high school, like I desperately wanted to 980 00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:41,239 Speaker 1: have a Yeah, I was like giving condoms out. I 981 00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:43,719 Speaker 1: would like bring friends to CBS to buy. I was 982 00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:45,880 Speaker 1: the person who bought everybody planned b like I was 983 00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:52,560 Speaker 1: everybody's sex and up to the counter. Okay, yeah, I'd 984 00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:57,279 Speaker 1: be like your money and I willing because I would 985 00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,880 Speaker 1: volunteer to drive girls without a license to get abortions 986 00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:04,600 Speaker 1: and for real, because dude, listen, I still go to 987 00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:06,560 Speaker 1: plan parenthood to get control, just to put my money 988 00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:09,160 Speaker 1: back into the system. And even when I'm walking up 989 00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:11,240 Speaker 1: if it's a Tuesday, because that's the day they do proportions, 990 00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:13,200 Speaker 1: and so hope there's some women getting ready to come 991 00:48:13,239 --> 00:48:15,680 Speaker 1: for me, and I'm like, hold on, bitch, even if 992 00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:18,520 Speaker 1: I was, if you're gonna take care of my baby, 993 00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:20,040 Speaker 1: oh and god forbid, you talked about a bit on 994 00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:21,759 Speaker 1: welfare and let me just have this baby in the 995 00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:24,680 Speaker 1: boy and then when this motherfucking asked go to jail 996 00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:28,919 Speaker 1: because I haven't been around, Like I'm telling you, people 997 00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:31,040 Speaker 1: just judge so much. But when I was doing that 998 00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:32,840 Speaker 1: in high school, people were like, it's because she's just 999 00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:35,600 Speaker 1: because she's had abortions, blah blah blah blah. And it's 1000 00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:38,239 Speaker 1: just that same thing. It's like, you can't advocate for 1001 00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:43,239 Speaker 1: something if you're right, and that's what you're listening to. 1002 00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:46,520 Speaker 1: Horrible decisions are you're fucking kidding me. Mandy pisted on 1003 00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:49,080 Speaker 1: a guy I sucked you guys in one day and 1004 00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:51,799 Speaker 1: talked about how I went over there to dominate one 1005 00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:54,920 Speaker 1: of though. Yeah, like we've definitely talked about everything, but 1006 00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,000 Speaker 1: I think I did two guys on one day. You 1007 00:48:57,120 --> 00:49:00,880 Speaker 1: just lied about that. When lover boy asked to I 1008 00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:02,520 Speaker 1: don't think he listened to that. He only listens like 1009 00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:05,920 Speaker 1: the first twenty minutes. I hate he stopped. You stopped 1010 00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:10,880 Speaker 1: listening when you were like, I have could tours, like 1011 00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:14,799 Speaker 1: I need to pause on this. That was a little mean. 1012 00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:21,640 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I hate her. I take you back. He 1013 00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:28,000 Speaker 1: came in all fucking nice, the Cinderella looking face. Jesus Ella, 1014 00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:34,960 Speaker 1: and I'm just you know, and like ship let me see. 1015 00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:36,400 Speaker 1: I'm trying to think do you have do you have 1016 00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:38,160 Speaker 1: one that you could read through really quick? Or now 1017 00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:41,160 Speaker 1: I did? Um? What about him? And I kind of 1018 00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:44,480 Speaker 1: want your input on relationships like this too. I sent 1019 00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:48,400 Speaker 1: it to Mandy. This girl wrote me on Snapchat and said, 1020 00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:52,440 Speaker 1: I love the show. I've been listening since day one, 1021 00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:53,960 Speaker 1: and I love what you guys have going on. So 1022 00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:56,000 Speaker 1: I have a quote unquote lover boy of my own 1023 00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:58,560 Speaker 1: two not a boyfriend, somebody with mutual feelings. We care 1024 00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:00,600 Speaker 1: about each other, still finding our own way into something 1025 00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:03,040 Speaker 1: more serious, but for now it's open and we really 1026 00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,359 Speaker 1: like it. My question is do you share the dates 1027 00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:07,319 Speaker 1: you go on? Do you enjoy it? Does he ever 1028 00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:09,360 Speaker 1: get jealous of the women? Do you feel like you 1029 00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:11,640 Speaker 1: have to include him? I feel like the guy I'm 1030 00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:14,560 Speaker 1: dating only wants to see it if he's if he's 1031 00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:17,000 Speaker 1: included in it, like me dating a girl without him? 1032 00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:20,000 Speaker 1: Is you know? I want to have an example of 1033 00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:21,640 Speaker 1: how this works, But I'm really curious to know the 1034 00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:24,640 Speaker 1: other side. Can you ask him does he actually like 1035 00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:26,400 Speaker 1: you dating? Or does he put up with it so 1036 00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:29,040 Speaker 1: he could do his thing too? That's what she asked me. 1037 00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:31,319 Speaker 1: So I sent him the question you want me back? 1038 00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:34,120 Speaker 1: And he said, this is loverboy. That answered the question 1039 00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:36,960 Speaker 1: for the readers. So yeah, I don't get jealous when 1040 00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:39,120 Speaker 1: you're with other girls because that's what you like to 1041 00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:41,480 Speaker 1: do and I want you to enjoy it. I don't 1042 00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:43,680 Speaker 1: have to join in, but I like to know when 1043 00:50:43,760 --> 00:50:46,000 Speaker 1: you do it and how it went. Makes me feel 1044 00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:47,400 Speaker 1: good to know, like, you know, you had a good time. 1045 00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:49,520 Speaker 1: And then he said I'd probably join one day. Um, 1046 00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:52,080 Speaker 1: as far as the guys, we know that he was 1047 00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:56,759 Speaker 1: not here for you dating other guys, however, So I 1048 00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:58,800 Speaker 1: brought it up in the car. I was like, you know, 1049 00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:00,759 Speaker 1: I've been thinking about all right, Well, you know they're dead, 1050 00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:03,160 Speaker 1: so I guess I'll talk about it later. But being 1051 00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:07,279 Speaker 1: buy is very fun, right. What do you think about that? Though? 1052 00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:10,080 Speaker 1: Like um, she was saying, she wants an example of 1053 00:51:10,120 --> 00:51:11,520 Speaker 1: how this is going to work. They're being open with 1054 00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:14,239 Speaker 1: each other. Do you think that open relationships means every 1055 00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:16,920 Speaker 1: every detail? No, I don't think it has to. I've 1056 00:51:16,960 --> 00:51:18,920 Speaker 1: been in open relationships before as well, and I think 1057 00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:21,479 Speaker 1: that every couple finds what they're comfortable with. Every couple 1058 00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:24,080 Speaker 1: finds what they want, like I've been. I was in 1059 00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:26,560 Speaker 1: an open relationship for a while with somebody who like 1060 00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:28,600 Speaker 1: the same situation. Like we adored each other, we were 1061 00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:31,160 Speaker 1: super close, the sex was amazing, but we were in 1062 00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:33,920 Speaker 1: very different places in our lives and geographically, so it 1063 00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:35,920 Speaker 1: like it wasn't a thing that we would be committed 1064 00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:38,960 Speaker 1: to each other. And I get so jealous, like it's 1065 00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:41,800 Speaker 1: not cute, so and what made you do the open relationship? 1066 00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:44,440 Speaker 1: Then I wanted him in my life, but it wasn't 1067 00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:47,200 Speaker 1: I'm not good at long distance. He wasn't right. That's 1068 00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:50,799 Speaker 1: a very good answer. That's kind of I just don't 1069 00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:53,680 Speaker 1: want you. But I will tell you this though I 1070 00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:56,760 Speaker 1: can't say that I don't enjoy him dating other women. 1071 00:51:56,920 --> 00:51:59,040 Speaker 1: That sounds really weird, But I don't think it's weird. 1072 00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:01,359 Speaker 1: It's just everybody's front. I was going to say, because 1073 00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:04,239 Speaker 1: to me, I would be okay with a relationship, even 1074 00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:08,960 Speaker 1: long distance or whatever. Um, but unless I ask, I 1075 00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:10,719 Speaker 1: don't want to know that you're on dates. I don't 1076 00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:12,239 Speaker 1: want to know what other women are your phone. Like 1077 00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:14,560 Speaker 1: I would be okay having an open relationship with where 1078 00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:16,840 Speaker 1: I know what you're doing, but I don't want to 1079 00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:21,000 Speaker 1: know if that makes sense. Like, so he's the opposite, right, 1080 00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:24,120 Speaker 1: he plays on my dates, like if I go in 1081 00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:26,160 Speaker 1: the bathroom. I think there was a time where I'm like, 1082 00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:27,960 Speaker 1: oh my god, she kissed me and blah blah blah 1083 00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:31,360 Speaker 1: happened and it was exciting and he likes that and 1084 00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:32,920 Speaker 1: he did the same for me. I mean a picture 1085 00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:34,440 Speaker 1: of him all he was on a date with and 1086 00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:36,279 Speaker 1: I was like, that's right, and did like a play 1087 00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:38,760 Speaker 1: by not not even like immediately she was so pretty 1088 00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:40,760 Speaker 1: and I was like, her fucking eyebrowse sucked. They weren't 1089 00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:42,120 Speaker 1: that bad, you know, but like that's what we do. 1090 00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:45,160 Speaker 1: That's how I internalized it. But I just wonder, can 1091 00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,160 Speaker 1: women be in open relationships? Because what you said, do 1092 00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:51,440 Speaker 1: you think that was settling? I don't think it was settling. 1093 00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:53,520 Speaker 1: I think it was a conscious decision. I was about 1094 00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:56,440 Speaker 1: to say, you literally, look, if you look at it, 1095 00:52:56,680 --> 00:52:59,520 Speaker 1: there's three women sitting here. We've all pretty much admitted 1096 00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:02,320 Speaker 1: to being in that same situation, in that same relationship, 1097 00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:06,319 Speaker 1: and I think all of us internalize what we can 1098 00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:08,680 Speaker 1: accept and what we want accept and I think for 1099 00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:11,640 Speaker 1: her it absolutely can work. But there needs to be 1100 00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,160 Speaker 1: the key apparently to everything we talked about. Is this 1101 00:53:14,200 --> 00:53:18,480 Speaker 1: communication like talk about your test results, um, but also 1102 00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:23,480 Speaker 1: but also talk about like what you are willing to 1103 00:53:23,680 --> 00:53:25,960 Speaker 1: accept in a relationship, what you will allow and what 1104 00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:27,839 Speaker 1: you want to allow, and you have to be able 1105 00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:30,120 Speaker 1: to compromise and have a middle ground and know that 1106 00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:32,800 Speaker 1: that's what both of you guys are okay with, period. 1107 00:53:33,360 --> 00:53:35,520 Speaker 1: So it's okay to also change your mind too and 1108 00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:37,480 Speaker 1: be like, actually, this feels kind of weird. I don't 1109 00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:38,880 Speaker 1: want to know this, or I do want to know 1110 00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:40,320 Speaker 1: what you're doing, but I don't want to know this 1111 00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:45,160 Speaker 1: like that, yeah, that's what her goddamn feelings, and I'd 1112 00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:46,960 Speaker 1: be like, that's not what you signed up for, So 1113 00:53:47,040 --> 00:53:51,440 Speaker 1: you go ahead and let them know you revising the list. Actually, 1114 00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:53,480 Speaker 1: me and Mandy got in a fucking blow out fight 1115 00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:57,799 Speaker 1: like after we recorded last I actually I didn't give 1116 00:53:57,800 --> 00:54:00,000 Speaker 1: a funk about her loved boy asset. We we probably 1117 00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:01,680 Speaker 1: I didn't. We didn't talk for like a week. Oh 1118 00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:04,120 Speaker 1: no to you text me something like oh you didn't 1119 00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:05,399 Speaker 1: show up at the gym, And I was like, bitch, 1120 00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:08,239 Speaker 1: you thought we were friends? Like I was so mad, 1121 00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:10,160 Speaker 1: and then that and then that pissed me off because 1122 00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:12,320 Speaker 1: I died. She had me go into a cross fifthing. 1123 00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:14,359 Speaker 1: Do you see my thick ass? I like spin put 1124 00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:16,799 Speaker 1: me on a bike. I died and was hurting. Three 1125 00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:18,719 Speaker 1: days after I worked out of this ship to the 1126 00:54:18,760 --> 00:54:22,000 Speaker 1: point where I was gonna walk out. I was like, um, 1127 00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:23,520 Speaker 1: the water found and I'm gonna go. She's like, oh, 1128 00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:25,160 Speaker 1: it's in the corner. I was like, shoot, I can't 1129 00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:31,040 Speaker 1: leave the room. I was planning an escape, but we 1130 00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:33,400 Speaker 1: got a fight because over there I was talking to 1131 00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:35,640 Speaker 1: doctor Kim, who's our guest and who's asking me about 1132 00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:38,840 Speaker 1: how my comfortability with this relationship and the truth that 1133 00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:42,720 Speaker 1: I hate to admit is for me with the open relationship, 1134 00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:45,480 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna keep it real in my mind, I 1135 00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:49,440 Speaker 1: need to feel like she's no like I am the 1136 00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:52,400 Speaker 1: more important one. And knowing that, knowing that I'm the 1137 00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:54,680 Speaker 1: one that whether you've seen her often or you're making 1138 00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:58,279 Speaker 1: effort to contact and be with or make effort to 1139 00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:01,160 Speaker 1: just you know, keep it. I got to me it's 1140 00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:03,480 Speaker 1: embarrassing to say it like this main chick, and if 1141 00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:05,359 Speaker 1: right not, then I'm not kind of interested anyone. That's 1142 00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:07,799 Speaker 1: pretty normal. Like for the polyamorous community, it's the idea 1143 00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:09,640 Speaker 1: of having a primary you have a primary partner, and 1144 00:55:09,680 --> 00:55:12,600 Speaker 1: then you have secondary partners or other relationships. Like in 1145 00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:14,480 Speaker 1: the relationship I was in, I was like, I we 1146 00:55:14,560 --> 00:55:16,759 Speaker 1: didn't really use the term primary and secondary, but I 1147 00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:19,239 Speaker 1: knew like I'm the person he loves, Like I'm the 1148 00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:22,120 Speaker 1: person who knows all of his like weird baggage. I know, 1149 00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:24,600 Speaker 1: like we we know each other in that way. And 1150 00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:26,719 Speaker 1: I wasn't threatened by anybody else. I was like, you 1151 00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:28,560 Speaker 1: can do whatever you want, you can funk whoever you want. 1152 00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:29,960 Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I know that 1153 00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,320 Speaker 1: I'm the person that's closer. I think that hierarchy is 1154 00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:35,520 Speaker 1: probably what keeps him feeling okay too. That yeah, I 1155 00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:38,440 Speaker 1: love that. So I think the advice for our listener, yeah, 1156 00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:40,279 Speaker 1: for sure, to go ahead and just communicate it and 1157 00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:44,919 Speaker 1: figure out what your boundaries are. And again communication, which 1158 00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:47,920 Speaker 1: apparently has been the key to everything that we do, 1159 00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:50,480 Speaker 1: Like are you buy by the way, I am? Are you? 1160 00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:53,239 Speaker 1: I'm new about it too. I came out last year 1161 00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:55,040 Speaker 1: and it's funny, like going back to the question we 1162 00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:58,399 Speaker 1: had about virginity and experience, like with men, I don't 1163 00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,160 Speaker 1: give a ship like I am so confident, I know 1164 00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:03,240 Speaker 1: exactly what to do. I'm not intimidated. And with women, 1165 00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:06,560 Speaker 1: I'm just like, you're really pretty. I don't know how 1166 00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:08,920 Speaker 1: to do anything. I've never done anything sexually. It's like 1167 00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:11,000 Speaker 1: starting from square. When I feel like I'm twelve, you 1168 00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:13,520 Speaker 1: still haven't done anything sexually, not yet now. So it's like, 1169 00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:16,440 Speaker 1: it's so the idea of an experience is so relative 1170 00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:18,400 Speaker 1: because there's some ways in which I've done everything, and 1171 00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:21,480 Speaker 1: that's kissing. I feel like you're kissed right, Oh my god, 1172 00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:24,840 Speaker 1: like my first when I knew the girl kisses. Holy change. 1173 00:56:26,120 --> 00:56:28,520 Speaker 1: It's like I'm like shaking sometimes. It still happens to me, 1174 00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:31,320 Speaker 1: even with girls I've already been with. It's so exciting. 1175 00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:33,440 Speaker 1: So if you guys will wrap up the show, and 1176 00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:36,080 Speaker 1: what we'll do is we'll leave our listeners with kind 1177 00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:38,480 Speaker 1: of something to think about. So if you could give 1178 00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:41,560 Speaker 1: our listeners one moral of the story or one thing 1179 00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:44,960 Speaker 1: to think about, or drop a drop a gem, what 1180 00:56:45,040 --> 00:56:47,400 Speaker 1: would you leave our listeners with? Oh my god, so 1181 00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:51,040 Speaker 1: much pressure. I just thought it would be nice to 1182 00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:53,839 Speaker 1: kind of end it with a bang, like and well, 1183 00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:56,520 Speaker 1: I guess I can, I guess I can, I can try. 1184 00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:59,400 Speaker 1: I mean I feel like the biggest jaw dropper I 1185 00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:02,000 Speaker 1: ever say is like you probably have her bees. You 1186 00:57:02,040 --> 00:57:08,319 Speaker 1: will probably get her bees. Yeah. And if you guys 1187 00:57:08,400 --> 00:57:12,480 Speaker 1: want to look on YouTube the which I love the title, UM, 1188 00:57:12,600 --> 00:57:18,000 Speaker 1: it's it's like her pies is not a consequences at 1189 00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:21,400 Speaker 1: cis UM And so again I think you guys, UM 1190 00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:24,080 Speaker 1: definitely look her up. Listen, you guys can probably type 1191 00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:27,840 Speaker 1: in Ella and it'll pop up. But Ella Dawson d 1192 00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:31,080 Speaker 1: A W. S O n UM read her articles. She's 1193 00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:34,000 Speaker 1: in Women's Health magazine, which is where I found her. Um, 1194 00:57:34,120 --> 00:57:36,440 Speaker 1: she's pretty popping, like she's lit and were across from 1195 00:57:36,480 --> 00:57:39,520 Speaker 1: her and she's awesome. Um. I want to go ahead 1196 00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:42,000 Speaker 1: and let you guys know as well to continue sitting 1197 00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:45,040 Speaker 1: us your letters. We love it. I also what you'll 1198 00:57:45,080 --> 00:57:47,960 Speaker 1: to UM give me my props. I think I did 1199 00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:50,920 Speaker 1: well when not over talking our guests today, which I 1200 00:57:51,040 --> 00:57:53,640 Speaker 1: did really well. Actually I was super proud of myself. 1201 00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:56,640 Speaker 1: So I am listening to critiques. I'm listening to all 1202 00:57:56,680 --> 00:57:58,560 Speaker 1: of your reviews. We read it, we talk it out, 1203 00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:01,240 Speaker 1: and we're still new as we're working on getting better. 1204 00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:04,560 Speaker 1: So go ahead and continue emailing us at horrible decisions 1205 00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:08,600 Speaker 1: at gmail dot com and follow us on Instagram? Can 1206 00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:13,640 Speaker 1: they do? You want them to follow you Twitter? She 1207 00:58:13,720 --> 00:58:18,080 Speaker 1: has a blue checkmark, so you guys can follow her. Damn, yeah, 1208 00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:21,000 Speaker 1: she's verified. I work in social media, so I have 1209 00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:24,640 Speaker 1: an in damage. We want the blue checks? Do you 1210 00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:27,320 Speaker 1: know how much more dick I would get a blue check? Stops? 1211 00:58:27,320 --> 00:58:29,200 Speaker 1: I'm just playing. It's not It's not what I want. 1212 00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,320 Speaker 1: So where can they find you? I'm on Twitter at 1213 00:58:35,360 --> 00:58:39,320 Speaker 1: bros and Prose because I write prose about bros. M Bros, 1214 00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:44,280 Speaker 1: bros and Prose. Yeah, please don't be weird and sexual 1215 00:58:44,400 --> 00:58:45,760 Speaker 1: to me because I will yell at you for it. 1216 00:58:49,040 --> 00:58:51,960 Speaker 1: They're pretty disgusting. And where can they find you? Easy? 1217 00:58:52,600 --> 00:58:57,960 Speaker 1: She's such a little hunt about it on bumble there swipe. 1218 00:58:59,360 --> 00:59:01,640 Speaker 1: All right, Well, guys, I'm gonna go ahead, and I 1219 00:59:01,760 --> 00:59:04,280 Speaker 1: know we didn't give you a song at the beginning 1220 00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:06,200 Speaker 1: of the show, but I do want to drop you 1221 00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:09,440 Speaker 1: a gem on a great song um from Kaylani, and 1222 00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:11,320 Speaker 1: I think it fits the topic and it's pretty much 1223 00:59:11,320 --> 00:59:14,440 Speaker 1: about loving yourself and knowing who you are before you 1224 00:59:14,520 --> 00:59:17,960 Speaker 1: seek love from someone else. Um. So we'll leave that 1225 00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:19,560 Speaker 1: at the end of the show. Listen to it. Her 1226 00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:21,720 Speaker 1: album is Dope. You can listen to it straight through. 1227 00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:24,040 Speaker 1: I'm surprised. I didn't know I was gonna be a 1228 00:59:24,880 --> 00:59:28,280 Speaker 1: stand but I actually love her album. So um, we're 1229 00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:30,160 Speaker 1: gonna leave that with you, guys, and thank you. This 1230 00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:33,880 Speaker 1: has been another episode of horrible decisions that was so 1231 00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:53,200 Speaker 1: much fun. That was great. Little girl watching her fish 1232 00:59:58,840 --> 01:00:07,000 Speaker 1: and she thought her curves into foresations. She says, I 1233 01:00:07,160 --> 01:00:11,080 Speaker 1: don't look like them. I don't look like her, and 1234 01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:19,560 Speaker 1: I don't want what's on by he But Babycaul, don't 1235 01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:37,880 Speaker 1: be amazingly Yeah yeah, young woman reading magazines thinking to herself, 1236 01:00:39,640 --> 01:00:46,680 Speaker 1: nobody looks like me. Oh wow, cat, all these curts, 1237 01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:55,479 Speaker 1: all this nerve. Why can't I keep buming? But baby girl, 1238 01:00:56,600 --> 01:01:08,120 Speaker 1: if you love yourself, you can came. Nobody love somebody 1239 01:01:08,680 --> 01:01:16,439 Speaker 1: that you not love themselves. You are what you choo 1240 01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:22,200 Speaker 1: to be. It's not up to no one else. So 1241 01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:30,840 Speaker 1: be great, be kind, so that them beem your life. 1242 01:01:33,080 --> 01:01:45,440 Speaker 1: Woman like a sun should always stay right. Little boy 1243 01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:57,560 Speaker 1: sitting in the pleach, just staring night at his dirty 1244 01:01:57,680 --> 01:02:05,720 Speaker 1: sneek because thinking my shoes don't shine, money is tight, 1245 01:02:06,160 --> 01:02:14,680 Speaker 1: I would never get a day. But baby boy, that's 1246 01:02:14,760 --> 01:02:26,000 Speaker 1: not what it, it tastes, oh, young baby always have 1247 01:02:26,240 --> 01:02:33,400 Speaker 1: the same fine the ways