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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: To me, it's about protecting my lone term, and in

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Speaker 2: my loone term, that's when I'm reading or maybe I'm

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Speaker 2: catching up on TV and it's allowing me time to recharge.

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Speaker 2: Because I don't know about y'all, but interacting with people

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Speaker 2: pulls from my cup.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplooking

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Speaker 2: women like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Brussard, a

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Speaker 2: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 3: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 3: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 3: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 3: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 3: where black women can just be Hey, lady, it's Terry

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Speaker 3: here from the Cultivating her Space podcast. I'm hosting a

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Speaker 3: free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to teach you how

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Speaker 3: to create your impactful podcast and how you can generate

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Speaker 3: multiple streams of income. You can visit podcast with Terry

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Speaker 3: dot com to register for free. I hope to see

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Speaker 3: you there.

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Speaker 2: All right, lady. Our quote of the day in life

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Speaker 2: is not merely to survive, but to thrive, and to

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Speaker 2: do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and

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Speaker 2: some style that comes to us from Auntie Maya Angeline Team.

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Speaker 2: This quote. I don't know about for you, but for me,

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Speaker 2: when I hear this quote, one, I just think about

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Speaker 2: the infinite wisdom that Maya and Angel constantly shared with us.

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Speaker 2: But then also I think about the topic for today,

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Speaker 2: right and how we're going to talk about the things

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Speaker 2: that allow us to truly thrive. What comes up for you?

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Speaker 3: Well, I will say I'm super excited about this episode.

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Speaker 3: I think it's going to be really juicy, no pun

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Speaker 3: intend Do you have to stick around to see why, lady,

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Speaker 3: But I think it's going to be really helpful because

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Speaker 3: I feel like we're both mature women who have lived

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Speaker 3: a little and who've learned a lot. But I feel

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Speaker 3: like I have tools now that can just get me

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Speaker 3: together real quick that I didn't have when I was younger.

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Speaker 3: And so I'm really excited that we get to share

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Speaker 3: some of these tools and tips with other women that

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Speaker 3: are tuning in. And when I think about the quote,

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Speaker 3: I just love that quote because I think that it

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Speaker 3: just really resonates with me, because I think that surviving

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Speaker 3: is so important, Like I don't want to just be surviving,

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Speaker 3: you know. To me, that just sounds like, I don't know,

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Speaker 3: it doesn't sound like it's a life that I want

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Speaker 3: to live. You know, I'm I'm just surviving here, riving.

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Speaker 3: I don't have no humor, no compassion, no passion, no excitement,

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Speaker 3: no spontaneity, like none of that in my life. And

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Speaker 3: so surviving is like you at the bare minimum, like

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Speaker 3: my basic medium. Man, that's it. But thriving, to me

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Speaker 3: feels like there's pleasure, there's fun, there's you know all

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Speaker 3: those things. Yes, all of those things now, I will

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Speaker 3: tell you. I also think about a conversation we had

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Speaker 3: right before recording, and so, Lady, I just want to

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Speaker 3: paint this picture for you. Okay, So I am working

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Speaker 3: from home and I have a lot. I mean, it's

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Speaker 3: been a busy, busy time in life, personally, professionally, sexually,

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Speaker 3: Like it's just been busy, Like all errors in my

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Speaker 3: life had kind of been pulling at me. And so

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Speaker 3: today you've never been at the computer and you're trying

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Speaker 3: to accomplish a task, but your mind is racing all

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Speaker 3: of the It seems like all the to dos in

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Speaker 3: my mind were just like racing throughout I often say

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Speaker 3: this later on the podcast, but they were like racing

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Speaker 3: through my mind, like cars speeding down the freeway with

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Speaker 3: no Popo around, so they just going crazy. They just going,

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Speaker 3: like y'all just no breaks, y'all just going. Thoughts are racing,

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Speaker 3: and I felt a bit of anxiety, and I just

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Speaker 3: felt like I was on overload. Like you ever see

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Speaker 3: a machine and it's just like, okay, this is just

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Speaker 3: about to break down, Like it was just going and

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Speaker 3: I was like, I can't even get one thing done

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Speaker 3: because everything's racing at one time, and I'm beginning to

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Speaker 3: feel overwhelmed. And the funny thing is, in that moment,

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Speaker 3: I remember calling two of my girlfriends that are usually free,

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Speaker 3: you know, midday, and neither of them answered, And so

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Speaker 3: I did a series of things in that moment, I

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Speaker 3: took a break. I was said, okay, I got a step away.

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Speaker 3: I did a series of things and that helped me

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Speaker 3: get grounded and get myself together. And it was so

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Speaker 3: cool because I reflected on that moment, I was so

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Speaker 3: grateful because I was just by myself and I was

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Speaker 3: able to get myself back to where I needed to be.

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Speaker 3: So Lady, I'll tell you a little bit about those

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Speaker 3: things later, But don that is like what I shared

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Speaker 3: with you before the episode, which is why I'm excited

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Speaker 3: to share these routines, because we have things that in

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Speaker 3: place that help us get to where we need to

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Speaker 3: be in life when we fall off track.

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Speaker 2: You know what I love about that, though, is that

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Speaker 2: what you are describing is growth, right. You are describing

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Speaker 2: the essence of what it means to be in a

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Speaker 2: space of thriving. That you had a moment where anxiety

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Speaker 2: was coming up, and the reality is that that is

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Speaker 2: what happens. That we are never cured from any type

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Speaker 2: any mental health concerns that we are experiencing. We're never

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Speaker 2: completely cured. What happens is we learn how to adapt

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Speaker 2: and we learn how to cope. And what you just

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Speaker 2: demonstrated was how to cope right that you were having

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Speaker 2: an anxious moment and you went to your first coping

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Speaker 2: mechanism that came to mind was to tap into that

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Speaker 2: support system, reach out to those girlfriends. Okay, girlfriends aren't available,

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Speaker 2: my guess. And I'm saying my guests because this was

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Speaker 2: this has been my experience before the growth. Is that

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Speaker 2: pre growth, you would have had a moment where it

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Speaker 2: would have been a meltdown, right, it would have been

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Speaker 2: a deeper panic because your initial to go support wasn't

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Speaker 2: available to you. And instead of letting that further derail

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Speaker 2: you or pull you deeper into the anxiety, you set

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Speaker 2: up holde on. Okay, that coping skill is not available,

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Speaker 2: what's next on the list? I'm not gonna let the

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Speaker 2: inability or the lack of availability for plan A completely

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Speaker 2: derail me.

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Speaker 3: And it's a great point. And what I will say

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Speaker 3: is back in the day before I had towards my toolbox,

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Speaker 3: I would kind of go down the rolodex like and

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Speaker 3: call all the numbers, like all the friends. But then

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Speaker 3: what I realized sometimes I used to be so uncomfortable

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Speaker 3: being alone and being with myself. I would sometimes reach

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Speaker 3: out to people who I knew probably shouldn't be calling

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Speaker 3: to tell them my business or people that I couldn't trust.

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Speaker 3: But I just needed to verbally vomit and get this

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Speaker 3: shit out, like I needed to tell somebody. And then usually,

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Speaker 3: you know, back in the day, I might call that

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Speaker 3: person who I know, like girl, I know she want

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Speaker 3: to tell so on in my business, or she might

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Speaker 3: say some she might not give me great advice, but

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Speaker 3: at least I got a chance to get it out.

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Speaker 3: So I get it out and then later regret it,

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Speaker 3: like damn, I should have sold so and so about

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Speaker 3: X y Z. So Yes, there have been meltdowns in

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Speaker 3: the past, and there have been revisiting or reopening relationships

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Speaker 3: that I probably shouldn't just because I needed someone to

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Speaker 3: be there for me in that moment. So, Lady, that's you.

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Speaker 3: We got you today, because we're about to dive on

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Speaker 3: in we've categorized some of these routines. I do want

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Speaker 3: to say, though, dom although we're talking about and we're

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Speaker 3: going to emphasize being your own support system, by no

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Speaker 3: means always saying to do it alone because we do

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Speaker 3: have our own support systems. I just think that it's

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Speaker 3: important to know what do I do if no one's there?

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Speaker 3: Because sometimes our homegirl, our homeboy, or our cousin or

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Speaker 3: mama may not answer the phone, and so what do

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Speaker 3: we do when those people are not there? And we

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Speaker 3: also want to emphasize that this conversation could go on

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Speaker 3: and on because there are so many things, but it's

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Speaker 3: not exhaustive, so like we're gonna miss something. So if

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Speaker 3: you want to share your own tips for whatever category down,

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Speaker 3: what color we're gonna post on Instagram? I'm trying to

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Speaker 3: think of what square we haven't posts recently.

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Speaker 2: Let's go with purple because purple just exudes like royalty,

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Speaker 2: and I think of royalty when we are in a

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Speaker 2: space of thriving. So let's go with the purple square

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Speaker 2: this time.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So lady, you already know what to do if

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Speaker 3: you tune in regularly, if your first time here, if

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Speaker 3: you listen to the episode, like the whole episode. Afterward,

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Speaker 3: go to our Instagram at her Space podcast and just

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Speaker 3: scroll down the feed and look for the purple, not

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Speaker 3: the lavender, the purple square on our Instagram and just

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Speaker 3: drop your tips, your insight, your thoughts about this episode,

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Speaker 3: anything that you want to add, and that way we

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Speaker 3: can acknowledge you and you can join the conversation with us. Okay,

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Speaker 3: so go to the purple square on our Instagram. All right, lady,

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Speaker 3: it's about that time. DOWM and I want to share

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Speaker 3: right back into this informative conversation.

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Speaker 3: It's what about to dive only? Yes, we are.

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Speaker 2: All right, so, lady. In terms of being able to

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Speaker 2: be in a space where you are thriving in life,

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Speaker 2: there are several categories that we have for you. So

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Speaker 2: we have sexuality, mental and emotional health, career and professional life,

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Speaker 2: household management for domestic engineering. We'll talk about that title

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Speaker 2: in the second finances, and then interpersonal relationships that team.

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Speaker 2: Which one should we dive into? First?

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Speaker 3: We can do mental and emotional support you so funny

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Speaker 3: we can do mental and emotional support. I'm like, should

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Speaker 3: we do sexual We're.

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Speaker 4: Gon, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna come back to

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Speaker 4: that when we're gonna come back to that one, because

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Speaker 4: we got we got some things surprise, Yes, an emotional yep.

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Speaker 2: So when it comes to navigating and thriving in your

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Speaker 2: mental and emotional support. For me, what comes up is

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Speaker 2: one therapy. Right So, even though therapy is not necessarily

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Speaker 2: something that you do by yourself, because you're talking clearly

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Speaker 2: talking to a professional, right So that involves dialogue or conversations,

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Speaker 2: but it is something that is meant to help you

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Speaker 2: as an individual to thrive. And then I would also

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Speaker 2: say journaling. Journaling is definitely a solo activity. You know,

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Speaker 2: Journaling can be used in conjunction with therapy. It can

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Speaker 2: be used in conjunction with seeking out your girlfriends or

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Speaker 2: your guy friends or people friends, and it helps you

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Speaker 2: to identify what's coming up for you. Right. And journaling

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Speaker 2: I usually tell my clients journaling doesn't have to be written.

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Speaker 2: Journaling can be typed on the computer. It can be

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Speaker 2: audio recorded, it can be video recorded, whatever platform or

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Speaker 2: medium you choose to use. Is really about getting the

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Speaker 2: thoughts and feelings out. And then the next thing that

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Speaker 2: I would say is meditation. You know, there are different

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Speaker 2: ways and reasons why we meditate. I personally meditate to

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Speaker 2: help me relax at night to go to sleep. But

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Speaker 2: I know that there are a lot of folks out

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Speaker 2: there that can use meditation to start their morning, to

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Speaker 2: get them empowered and up and moving, but to also

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Speaker 2: help them calm down when they are feeling emotionally disregulated

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Speaker 2: at various points throughout their day. And then the last

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Speaker 2: thing that I would say is working out. Working out.

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Speaker 2: We know that for folks who may be anxious or

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Speaker 2: may be depressed, working out getting in touch with your body.

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Speaker 2: So whether that is going on walks, doing yoga, strength training,

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Speaker 2: whatever the method might be, working out allows you to

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Speaker 2: exert a level of energy that also helps calm and

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Speaker 2: settle and ground your spirit. What about you, team?

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Speaker 3: I echo the sentiments to domb shared, So I'm not

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Speaker 3: really going to add anything to the list, but what

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Speaker 3: I do want to do is talk a bit about

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Speaker 3: what I did earlier. What I was literally having a

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Speaker 3: moment today where I was like, yo, I'm so overwhelmed.

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Speaker 3: My thoughts are just going. So the first thing I

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Speaker 3: did was I did a brain dump. And I used

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Speaker 3: to journal a lot when I was younger, but my

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Speaker 3: hand cramps up a lot these days. So I did

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Speaker 3: my brain dump on my phone and my voice notes

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Speaker 3: and I typically do that, and I literally just put

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Speaker 3: up the recording. I had my EarPods and I was like, girl,

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Speaker 3: this is what's going on.

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Speaker 1: Dada.

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Speaker 3: I talked to myself, getting it out of myself and

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Speaker 3: into something else so that it doesn't have to live

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Speaker 3: within me. That energy it is like chaos. So I

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Speaker 3: got that out and then shortly after I did a

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Speaker 3: journaling session. It wasn't very like, it wasn't in depth,

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Speaker 3: but it was enough for me to journal that I

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Speaker 3: could always look back and refer to it. So I

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Speaker 3: did that. The next thing is I know myself very well.

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Speaker 3: I'm very self aware. I spent a lot of time

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Speaker 3: with myself over these years, and so I know that

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Speaker 3: for me, a clean environment is very important. And so

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Speaker 3: as I was having this sort of chaos internally, I

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Speaker 3: wanted to get my environment clean and esthetically pleasing because

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Speaker 3: that brings me joy. And so I lit some candles,

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Speaker 3: listen incense, did the dishes real quick, throw only a

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Speaker 3: few dishes in the sink, made up the beds. Didn't

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Speaker 3: have time to do that early this morning, so I

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Speaker 3: made up the bed and after that I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: my environment, I have control over what I can control.

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Speaker 3: My environment is clean right down. Control what you can

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Speaker 3: control my environment is cleaning. Now I've done my brain dump.

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Speaker 3: I staged my place, set and intention, and then I

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Speaker 3: wrote down a list of things that I was manifesting,

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Speaker 3: just because that was also coming up for me. So

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Speaker 3: I wrote that down, put it on my little altar,

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Speaker 3: and that I meditated for clarity and for me. My

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Speaker 3: meditation was a ten minute meditation from a YouTube video.

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Speaker 3: And I prefer guided meditations because they kind of give

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Speaker 3: you the prompts on what you need to visualize and

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Speaker 3: where you need to be and you know what you

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Speaker 3: should think about and all that. So I did that

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Speaker 3: ten minute guided meditation. And I also no judgment, y'all.

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Speaker 3: If this is not for you, just leave it where

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Speaker 3: it's at. If it resonates, you could pick it up.

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Speaker 3: But I also pulled a couple of tarot cards for

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Speaker 3: my tarot deck because that's something I've gotten into in

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Speaker 3: the past few years and it's very helpful for me.

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Speaker 3: So I'm in the stage in my journey where something

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Speaker 3: resonates with me, I pick it up and use it.

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Speaker 3: If it doesn't or no longer serves me, I leave

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Speaker 3: it where it's at. So I want to do a

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Speaker 3: quick recap dom so I did my brain, dump clean

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Speaker 3: the house, I staged my place, wrote down the list

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Speaker 3: of things I'm manifesting, did my meditation, and I pulled

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Speaker 3: the Tarot cards and literally down. After that, I felt

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Speaker 3: like I could breathe again, and I felt like I

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Speaker 3: could focus on other things. So that was my thing.

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Speaker 2: I love that, and I appreciate that you point out that,

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Speaker 2: you know, think about the things that work for you

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Speaker 2: right now, right because and you pointed out that right now,

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Speaker 2: few years of your journey, you've been using Tarot cards

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Speaker 2: right and three years from now that might not be

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Speaker 2: what works for you. But pay attention to what works

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Speaker 2: for you right now, what is soothing for you right now,

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Speaker 2: and that's what you lean into. And so that takes

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Speaker 2: us to our career and professional life. Now, lady, we

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Speaker 2: have episodes that talk about navigating the workplace. We have

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Speaker 2: episodes that with career counselors, with executive coaches, so be

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Speaker 2: sure to check those out for more in depth tips.

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Speaker 2: But for me personally, when it comes to thriving career wise,

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Speaker 2: what helps me is to journal. And you know, journaling

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Speaker 2: can definitely be helpful for all of these areas of

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Speaker 2: our lives. But I have a specific journal for career things.

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Speaker 2: And why that helps me is that it allows me

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Speaker 2: to kind of keep track of the good and the

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Speaker 2: bad and the things in between. And so it particularly

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Speaker 2: came in handy when I was hitting a point close

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Speaker 2: to burnout and I was able to look back and reflect, Okay, well,

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Speaker 2: what are the things that are happening that's leading to this,

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Speaker 2: and having documented that in the journal helps also for

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Speaker 2: those of you that may be having disputes or conflict

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Speaker 2: in the workplace, having that journal also helps you get

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Speaker 2: clarity on what is happening in that time period. The

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Speaker 2: other thing that I do is I have mentors. I

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Speaker 2: have folks that I check in with that I tell

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Speaker 2: them what's happening with my career. I tell them what

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Speaker 2: my goals are, and they helped hold me accountable and

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Speaker 2: they also help write those letters. They write those letters

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Speaker 2: of recommendation when I need it and keep me in

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Speaker 2: check when I need to when I'm not able to

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Speaker 2: see something. And then the last thing that I do

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Speaker 2: is I do a quarterly update of my resume or

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Speaker 2: my CV because I'm in academia. And what that does

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Speaker 2: is that helps me to see and reflect on the

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Speaker 2: accomplishments that I've done over the last few months because

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Speaker 2: sometimes and I recently did a evaluation self appraisal and

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Speaker 2: it helped me to and I also updated my resume

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Speaker 2: at that same time period. But what it did was

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Speaker 2: it helped me to reflect, oh, wait, I did all

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Speaker 2: of this in the last six months, that girl, you

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Speaker 2: was on it. It helps me to also see, okay, wait,

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Speaker 2: you were on it, but damn you were doing the most.

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Speaker 2: Maybe it's okay to scale back for a little bit.

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Speaker 2: And so that's what helps me to be in a

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Speaker 2: space of thriving career wise.

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Speaker 3: What about for you team, Well, let me just say dom,

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Speaker 3: I love, love, love those examples you gave, and that

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Speaker 3: is such a pro tip, like updating your CV or

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Speaker 3: resume often because I feel like most of the times

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Speaker 3: many of us when we get into the job search,

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Speaker 3: we forgot all the stuff that we've done. So if

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Speaker 3: you're able to do that on a regular basis, that

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Speaker 3: is such a pro tip. So I love everything that

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Speaker 3: you shared, and I would say that for me, I

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Speaker 3: often need to ground myself several times out of the

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Speaker 3: month because I feel like I just randomly, like we'll

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Speaker 3: have a day where I'm like, what am I doing

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Speaker 3: with my life? What's going on? Where am I?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 3: What's happening? And it's just so extra and I'm like, girl, chill.

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Speaker 3: So what I do is I am I would say

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Speaker 3: what I'm going to share with you. It's going to

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Speaker 3: sound very structured. You can be like Terry Pray, like

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Speaker 3: what's going on with her? But it helps me and

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Speaker 3: it's not as structure because I'm so accustomed to this process.

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Speaker 3: So I do have an asauna project. I love asauna

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Speaker 3: and asauna is a project management tool. We use it

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Speaker 3: for the podcast. This is not an ad like I

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Speaker 3: used to work at a sauna and I just I'm obsessed

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Speaker 3: with the tool. And so anyway, I have a project

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Speaker 3: for the given year and I call it my twenty

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Speaker 3: twenty two or whatever year. It is success plan. And

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Speaker 3: within that project, I have my key priorities for the

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Speaker 3: quarter and so like I have four things that I'm

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Speaker 3: focusing on from now until December, and like those are

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Speaker 3: my core things. So like one for me is you know,

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Speaker 3: reaching my body goals, right, my body goes are personal,

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Speaker 3: so I'm not gonna be sharing them with you, but

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Speaker 3: my body goes right, that's one, and so out of

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Speaker 3: the goals that I have for me one, I find

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Speaker 3: that it's really helpful to know what I'm prioritizing in

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Speaker 3: that part of my life or in the next phase of

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Speaker 3: my life, and what I'm optimizing for, so that I'm

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Speaker 3: not trying to do all the things because I found

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Speaker 3: that I don't often do many things well. I typically

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Speaker 3: do a few things very well. So I try to

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Speaker 3: just keep myself focused. So let's say, for instance, if

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Speaker 3: I want to write a book, right, I already have

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Speaker 3: my four things for the quarter, so I'm probably not

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Speaker 3: going to add that now. I may add that to

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Speaker 3: the next quarter or you know, next half of the year,

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Speaker 3: whatever it might be. So it helps me to understand

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Speaker 3: what I'm going to say no to and what I'm

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Speaker 3: going to say yes to. Is it in service of

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Speaker 3: what I'm optimizing for or is it going to distract

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Speaker 3: me from the main goals that I have. So that's

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Speaker 3: one thing. I also have an ideal life narrative, and

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Speaker 3: I got this from one of my mentors back in

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Speaker 3: the day, and basically it's sort of like a vision

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Speaker 3: cast of your ideal life. So what does it feel like,

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Speaker 3: what does it look like where are you living, what

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Speaker 3: are you doing on a daily basis, And that also

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Speaker 3: helps to keep me grounded. And I would also add

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Speaker 3: that accountability, like Don was saying earlier, so for my

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Speaker 3: body goals, because I was struggling to do it on

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Speaker 3: my own, I now have a trainer, and so now

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Speaker 3: that trainers helping me support the goals that I have,

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Speaker 3: I also and building what I call my team of advisors.

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Speaker 3: So I'm in search of a new therapist and also

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Speaker 3: a new coach so that I can help myself achieve

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Speaker 3: some of the other goals that I want to achieve.

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Speaker 3: And then I'll also add that I have some books

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Speaker 3: that I'm looking at reading as well. So those are

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Speaker 3: kind of some of the things that I do to

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Speaker 3: keep my career in professional life in order and in

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Speaker 3: a space where I'm not so super overwhelmed with everything

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Speaker 3: going on.

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Speaker 2: You know, I appreciate that. And I know even though

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Speaker 2: you said it's not structured, it's still structured, right, because

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Speaker 2: you're saying what you're saying is that there's four things

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Speaker 2: that you focus on each quarter, right, And so then

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Speaker 2: to me, that's structure in that and organize and that

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Speaker 2: it allows you to see okay, And it allows you

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Speaker 2: to see the things that you need to prioritize, and

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Speaker 2: it allows you to set boundaries with the people in

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Speaker 2: your life, which I think can be incredibly helpful personally

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Speaker 2: and professionally. Right, So, if there's a task that a

433
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:08,160
Speaker 2: colleague brings your way, or a project or an opportunity

434
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 2: just because it looks good, if it's not falling into

435
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 2: your priorities, you know that it's okay to say no

436
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 2: or not.

437
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 3: Right now, that's a really good point. I do want

438
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,479
Speaker 3: to say one more thing, Like someone came to me recently.

439
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 3: They wanted to pay me to do something for them,

440
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:24,880
Speaker 3: and I was like, I just don't have the bandwidth,

441
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 3: so I said no. But I also want to say,

442
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 3: even though it does sound structure, there are days where

443
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,360
Speaker 3: I fall off track too, like today for instance. Right, So, lady,

444
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 3: even if you're listening, I don't want you to think

445
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 3: this is like a perfect system that I have down.

446
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 3: Like I still get lost and feel lost, and so

447
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,160
Speaker 3: I go right to my projects and I'm like, wait a minute, girl,

448
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,199
Speaker 3: this is what our ideal life narrative narrative is, and

449
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,439
Speaker 3: this is what we're focusing on. So yes, thank you,

450
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:47,200
Speaker 3: for that dom.

451
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:51,679
Speaker 2: And so then that takes us to household management and

452
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 2: domestic engineering. I love that term domestic engineering because yeah,

453
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:04,360
Speaker 2: your household required or some engineering acquires, some work requires organization.

454
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 2: And so for me and my household of one, what

455
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,719
Speaker 2: I use to thrive. And I'm clear that I'm the

456
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 2: household of one, So the things that work for me

457
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 2: might not work for folks with multiple people, multiple generations

458
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:24,880
Speaker 2: living in the household. But what works for me is

459
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 2: one having a housekeeper and two organization. Now the housekeeper,

460
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:39,920
Speaker 2: I want to acknowledge that not everyone one can afford

461
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 2: a housekeeper and two wants to have a housekeeper. I

462
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 2: have a couple of friends that say that cleaning is

463
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 2: therapeutic for them, and that works for them. That doesn't

464
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:59,400
Speaker 2: work for me. Cleaning is not therapeutic for me. Cleaning

465
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 2: feels like one more chore to add to the list.

466
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:07,520
Speaker 2: If I can have someone else come in and do

467
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:11,680
Speaker 2: the heavy cleaning and I do the spot cleaning to maintain,

468
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:16,159
Speaker 2: that is what keeps me in the space of thriving.

469
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 2: When I look around my apartment and I see that

470
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:24,120
Speaker 2: there's no dust, and I see that all the dishes

471
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:28,240
Speaker 2: have been put away, that makes my heart's mind. Now,

472
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 2: do I want to be the person who is doing

473
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 2: the dusting and putting the dishes.

474
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 1: That's not my thing.

475
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 2: What I figured out a way and I've put it

476
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 2: in my budget and we'll talk about finances in a bit,

477
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 2: but I've incorporated that into my budget and I will

478
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,040
Speaker 2: add for those of us. I know, for me personally,

479
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 2: growing up, I thought that you had to be rich

480
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 2: to have a housekeeper. And I just want to say

481
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 2: that no, you don't, No you don't. You can figure

482
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 2: it out if that is something that is a priority

483
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,360
Speaker 2: for you. And then the next thing I would say

484
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 2: in terms of my household, The second thing that I

485
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:21,440
Speaker 2: mentioned is organization, So helping for myself knowing that everything

486
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 2: has its place and that helps me to know one

487
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 2: that helps me keep things clean. And when Terry you

488
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 2: mentioned this earlier about when your house is clean, your

489
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:42,479
Speaker 2: mind is clean, and so having things organized and knowing, Okay,

490
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:44,959
Speaker 2: this is the day that I'm gonna do laundry, and

491
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 2: what time of day is gonna I'm gonna do laundry,

492
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 2: And on the days that I do do dishes, like

493
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 2: what when is the optimal time for me to do

494
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 2: those dishes? When I'm mail prepping, when is the optimal

495
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:04,480
Speaker 2: time for me to meal prep? So I don't want

496
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 2: to plan a Saturday brunch and then have to come

497
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:13,680
Speaker 2: home and go to the grocery store on the way

498
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 2: home and then come home and meal prep. That's not

499
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 2: how I like that. That doesn't flow for me. After

500
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 2: I've had my Saturday brunch. I want to come home

501
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 2: at you So I know that, and so I set

502
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 2: my schedule accordingly, and so just being mindful of that

503
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 2: organization and those scheduling and teams to help your household thrive, tee,

504
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 2: what are the things because you you are a household

505
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 2: of three, what helps your household thrive?

506
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 3: Well, I will say my husband definitely helps out a lot,

507
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 3: So I'm very grateful for that. So let me just

508
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 3: put that out there first, because it's definitely not me

509
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,760
Speaker 3: just doing everything. So I really appreciate his help. But

510
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 3: I would say for me personally, having an esthetically pleasing

511
00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 3: environment is just very important. I've realized that for since

512
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 3: I was a young at a young age, so whether

513
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 3: my family was like living in a one bedroom and

514
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 3: we were making it work or we were struggling, like

515
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 3: I always tried to have a little corner of space

516
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 3: that I just could control and like, you know, make

517
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 3: it my own. And so for me, that means like

518
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 3: when we first moved into our new spot, getting black

519
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 3: art around the house, having plants, and so usually my

520
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 3: routine once my child goes to daycare, my husband goes

521
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 3: to work in the morning. I tried to tidy up

522
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 3: just so that things look good. I love to smell good.

523
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 3: I like things to be in order and you know

524
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 3: where they need to be. Not as easy when you

525
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 3: have a childer, but you know that is something that's important.

526
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,880
Speaker 3: The other thing is, again, this is a privilege that

527
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 3: I'm grateful for and I budget for. But using instacart,

528
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 3: so I haven't. I haven't gone to the grocery store

529
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 3: since before the pandemic. I started using instapart when we

530
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 3: moved out to San Francisco, And so that is so

531
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 3: convenient for me being able to do my shopping weekly,

532
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 3: have them deliver the groceries and I just put them away.

533
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:01,520
Speaker 3: Godsend like such a blessing them. Well, okay, like so great.

534
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:04,640
Speaker 3: And then of course I haven't a sign of projects.

535
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 3: My daughter's probably going to be able to go through.

536
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 3: This is a soun of projects when she gets older

537
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 3: and like see all aspects of her life, Like all

538
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 3: doctor's appointments are in there. I take pictures of the appointments,

539
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:17,480
Speaker 3: take notes from the doctors giving us updates, and put

540
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 3: everything in there because that way I can loop my

541
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 3: husband in, we can discuss things. Like I know, this

542
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,720
Speaker 3: probably sounds like some it probably sounds wild to some people,

543
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 3: because I don't think my parents. I mean, my parents

544
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 3: didn't have this tool when I grew up. But it's

545
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 3: so convenient for us, and we're in Silicon Valley, so

546
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 3: why not, right, we're in the tech environment. It was like,

547
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 3: why not?

548
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 2: Was it? So?

549
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 3: Yes, a sign of projects for her and her life

550
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 3: and milestones and things that were working on, and then

551
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 3: my own assign of project for myself and my doctor's appointments.

552
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 3: And so that's really how I organize a lot of

553
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 3: things because then I can use it on my phone.

554
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 3: I know what's going on. It keeps me organized in

555
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 3: the know. So yeah, that's what we're doing over here.

556
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,280
Speaker 2: I love that, And I think that ASIGNA can definitely

557
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 2: help a lot lot of folks stay organized if that's

558
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 2: how they choose to. And Asydam might not necessarily be

559
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:09,520
Speaker 2: the only tool, but figuring out what works for you

560
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 2: in terms of organization. And so then the next thing

561
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:20,840
Speaker 2: that I would bring up would be finances, right, And

562
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 2: so finances can be a touchy subject for a lot

563
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 2: of us, and particularly if you grew up in a

564
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:33,440
Speaker 2: household where money was not something that was discussed in

565
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 2: terms of money management, right, Like I can remember growing

566
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 2: up and being total, we don't have money for that,

567
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 2: But it wasn't a conversation around why, like exactly why

568
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 2: we don't have money for that, or how we plan

569
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 2: for things that we want to do as a family.

570
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 2: And so for me, and then also thinking about, you know,

571
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:01,240
Speaker 2: coming through school, and I'm grateful that things are changing

572
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:04,400
Speaker 2: in the school systems now, but when I was coming

573
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 2: through school, there was no conversation about financial planning and

574
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:14,720
Speaker 2: budgeting and budgeting beyond thinking about paying the basic bills, right,

575
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 2: there was no conversations around financial planning and budgeting for

576
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 2: retirement or for vacations, or for buying a home like

577
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 2: or things that you want to do in life. There

578
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 2: were no conversations around that. And so for me, one

579
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 2: of the things that helps me is having a financial

580
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 2: planner that I can talk to and I can share. Okay,

581
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 2: these are my goals. These are the things that I'm

582
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 2: working on. How do I budget accordingly with the income

583
00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:50,880
Speaker 2: that I currently have, right, and how do I plan

584
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 2: for the future. And then also for me, it's important

585
00:33:55,720 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 2: for me to have multiple accounts, so having and even

586
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 2: though it is just me, I believe in having multiple accounts.

587
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 2: I have retirement accounts that I'm not touching because again

588
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:12,799
Speaker 2: that's for retirement. I have multiple savings accounts, so a

589
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:17,760
Speaker 2: savings account for emergency funds, a savings account for different

590
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 2: things that I'm saving for right, so like a vacation

591
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 2: for a major purchase, and then having my regular checking account. Right.

592
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 2: And then I have a business and having a separate

593
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 2: account for the business and so and knowing what you

594
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:39,840
Speaker 2: need to be at your financial best. See what about

595
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 2: for you?

596
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:44,760
Speaker 3: Okay, you better go ahead, dom Ew I love these tips.

597
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 3: Cal I would say, I grew up in a household

598
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 3: where we didn't really discuss money in this way, like

599
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:51,759
Speaker 3: in the way that you are sharing here, and I

600
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 3: did not have a lot of financial literacy. And so

601
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:56,879
Speaker 3: what I realized too, and I think we've talked about

602
00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 3: this in previous episodes. So do you got to check

603
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 3: the archives because we have nearly I think two hundred

604
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 3: episodes at this point. So there's so we have so

605
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 3: much content and many episodes about finances. But I know,

606
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 3: for me, my big question was always like what do

607
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:11,800
Speaker 3: I do with my money? Like when I get money,

608
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,799
Speaker 3: I know how to spend it, but I don't really

609
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:15,879
Speaker 3: know how to grow it. And I struggle to save

610
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 3: it because I save it and I end up touching it.

611
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 3: And so I realized that no matter how much money

612
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 3: I made, I still had the same habits. And so

613
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,759
Speaker 3: I worked with the financial coach maybe a year or

614
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 3: so ago, and she really helped me develop a better

615
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 3: relationship with money. And so I still have some of

616
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 3: those practices now. And so I have a spending plan.

617
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 3: I have a money date, the goals to meet weekly.

618
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's buy a weekly though, but a money date

619
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,319
Speaker 3: where I meet with my money and really have a

620
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 3: relationship with my money. I have money mantrace that I use,

621
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,879
Speaker 3: and I love the multiple accounts too, don because when

622
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 3: I get my coins, I know exactly where the money's going.

623
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:53,480
Speaker 3: I know how to divvate up. I have the emergency

624
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 3: savings I have like a fun fund. I have money

625
00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 3: that I put into a space for like my nails

626
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:02,799
Speaker 3: and like care and miscellaneous and baby stuff and all

627
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:07,080
Speaker 3: those things. And knowing how to save and where it

628
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,719
Speaker 3: goes is so helpful for me. So I know what

629
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 3: pools I can like dig into when I when it's

630
00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 3: time to spend money. So, lady, that has been super helpful.

631
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 3: I just want to emphasize if you don't know about

632
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:19,680
Speaker 3: money and folks have not taught you in your life,

633
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 3: getting support and assistance on that to help you, like

634
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,360
Speaker 3: rewire your brain about the around the way that you

635
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,759
Speaker 3: think about money or else, we're mostly going to end

636
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:32,320
Speaker 3: up in the same habits, right, adopting the same habits

637
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:32,799
Speaker 3: over and over.

638
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I agree with that, and we want to

639
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 2: we want to change and we want The point is

640
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 2: for us to grow from previous generations. So we have

641
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 2: two more categories, and I think we should save the

642
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:58,880
Speaker 2: special category for last, and let's do let's talk about

643
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:04,400
Speaker 2: interpersonal relatelationships. So for me, in order for me to

644
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:09,080
Speaker 2: thrive in my interpersonal relationships, I do believe that some

645
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 2: of the other things need to be The other categories

646
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 2: need to be well managed and in place. Right, So

647
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:22,880
Speaker 2: if my finances aren't together, then I'm not trying to

648
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 2: go out to brunch, and then that doesn't make me

649
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:27,600
Speaker 2: feel good, which then affects me. Not feeling good affects

650
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:29,320
Speaker 2: my emotional and mental health.

651
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 1: Right.

652
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 2: If I'm not doing well career wise, then I might

653
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 2: be taking that out on my interpersonal relationships. So not

654
00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:44,880
Speaker 2: spending as much time with my interpersonal relationships because I'm

655
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 2: so focused on the career, right, And so part of

656
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:54,319
Speaker 2: thriving in my interpersonal relationships is about being aware of

657
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:57,960
Speaker 2: how I'm functioning in all of those other categories, but

658
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:05,919
Speaker 2: then communicating, so letting folks know what I need, because

659
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 2: you know, I say, closed mouths don't get fit. So

660
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 2: if I don't say, hey, Tea, we haven't hung out

661
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:16,200
Speaker 2: in a while, like let's make some time, right, or

662
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,719
Speaker 2: saying you know, I think I need support, so like

663
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:24,360
Speaker 2: you did, like you reached out to your friends earlier today,

664
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:27,799
Speaker 2: and that was saying that was an indicator like Okay, hey,

665
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:31,319
Speaker 2: I need some support right now. Right. But the other

666
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 2: thing that I think is so important for me personally

667
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 2: is scheduled alone time that you know, I think a

668
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 2: lot of people think that folks who are single and

669
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 2: live by themselves inherently have a lot of a long time.

670
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 2: And the reality is that not necessarily right. That we

671
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:00,800
Speaker 2: might end this podcast recording and I might have phone

672
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 2: calls to make, or I might have worked to catch

673
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 2: up on that's not alone time. And so for me,

674
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:15,319
Speaker 2: it's about protecting my alone time. And in my alone time,

675
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:19,080
Speaker 2: that's when I'm reading or maybe I'm catching up on TV,

676
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:26,719
Speaker 2: and it's allowing me time to recharge because I don't

677
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:32,400
Speaker 2: know about y'all, but interacting with people pulls from my cup,

678
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 2: and I interact with people most of the day, so

679
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:46,400
Speaker 2: I need time to refill my cup, and that requires

680
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 2: me spending some time alone. And sometimes what that means is, well,

681
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:53,760
Speaker 2: actually a lot of times, what that means is I

682
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 2: try to set aside a day once a month for

683
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,319
Speaker 2: just me, where I do it whatever I feel like doing.

684
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,600
Speaker 2: When I wake up that morning. Sometimes it's looked like

685
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:07,319
Speaker 2: I've gotten up and I've done some yoga and I've

686
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 2: spent the whole day on the couch reading. Other times

687
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 2: it's like I've gotten up, gone for a walk on

688
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,840
Speaker 2: the beach, and maybe I sat at the beach and

689
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:20,280
Speaker 2: did some reading, or maybe I spent the day catching

690
00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 2: up on TV, but it's dedicated a long time so

691
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 2: where I am not engaging with other people so that

692
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:30,799
Speaker 2: I can refill my cup.

693
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,399
Speaker 3: What about for you team, I think that's a really

694
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:35,560
Speaker 3: good point that you made about assuming that someone that

695
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:37,920
Speaker 3: lives alone has alone time. So that's nice to like

696
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:42,000
Speaker 3: just make a point to state the Hey, not necessarily right,

697
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:44,239
Speaker 3: like we have other things to do as well. I

698
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:47,680
Speaker 3: will say, for me down my sort of I don't know.

699
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 3: My belief is that if it isn't on the calendar,

700
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,120
Speaker 3: doesn't exist. And that's for me in my life at least,

701
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:56,200
Speaker 3: So when it comes to a lot of like for me,

702
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 3: you know, date nights, being intentional about date nights being

703
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 3: intentional about the time time that you know, me and

704
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 3: my friends spend together, you know, the time that we

705
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:06,759
Speaker 3: spend together. I also have a sibling group chat, so

706
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:09,840
Speaker 3: my siblings and I will chat in the group FaceTime

707
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 3: based with families, so just you know checking in. Those

708
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:14,279
Speaker 3: are usually not scheduled. We just kind of do it

709
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:17,959
Speaker 3: spontaneously throughout the week. I would also say voice notes

710
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 3: are huge. So I have some friends that we haven't

711
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 3: had a chance to touch base because we're in different

712
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 3: time zones, like a friend that lives and I think

713
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,480
Speaker 3: she's in like Italy, and then friends on the East Coast,

714
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 3: and so because of that, will send videos and voice

715
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 3: notes back and forth on WhatsApp or messenger even via text,

716
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,919
Speaker 3: and I think that that helps with keeping that communication

717
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:39,680
Speaker 3: and that that just that relationship going. And so that's

718
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:42,319
Speaker 3: my best practice around relationships that I will say, like

719
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 3: you said, my priority, my first relationship is really with myself,

720
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 3: and that's the one that like today, like I had

721
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:49,839
Speaker 3: to do what I had to do to make sure

722
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,560
Speaker 3: that I was full so that when I interact with

723
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 3: my daughter later, right, I'm available and I'm there to

724
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,880
Speaker 3: be present. And so I think that it all starts

725
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 3: with ourselves and once we're good. I love how you

726
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,839
Speaker 3: tied everything back to those other aspects of life where

727
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,200
Speaker 3: it's like if my coin's not good and I'm not

728
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:08,960
Speaker 3: managing things well, or I don't have the funds for brunch,

729
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,840
Speaker 3: then it's going to impact how I show up with

730
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:12,840
Speaker 3: my friends. So I think everything is connected and it

731
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:16,239
Speaker 3: all starts with ourselves, which kind of leads us to

732
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 3: the last category here, which is sexuality. I will say,

733
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:25,239
Speaker 3: don I'm thinking about before we dive into this, I

734
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,360
Speaker 3: think for the after show, I want to give a

735
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:30,080
Speaker 3: little show and tell of some of the sex toys

736
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 3: I just got, because I got a lot of sex

737
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:34,359
Speaker 3: toys and I think I might want to show them off.

738
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:37,360
Speaker 3: So anyway, we're talking about sexuality, lady now, dom I

739
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 3: don't know about you, but me, growing up in a

740
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:45,399
Speaker 3: very religious household, I felt a lot of shame when

741
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 3: it came to masturbation. And I remember years ago that

742
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,239
Speaker 3: I gave up the punan y'all to somebody who I

743
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 3: was like, girl. But it was just one of those

744
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:56,279
Speaker 3: times where I was like, I gotta do what I

745
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 3: gotta do, like this is what it is. And I

746
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 3: wasn't very familiar with masturbation. I wasn't comfortable with it.

747
00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 3: I still had a lot of shame around it, and

748
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 3: I didn't really know what I was doing. I didn't

749
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:07,319
Speaker 3: have a lot of I didn't have any toys and

750
00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:11,439
Speaker 3: all that. So I remember years after this instance which

751
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:14,560
Speaker 3: I could have took this body back. I knew more

752
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 3: about masturbation. I had my toys, I had little things

753
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:18,279
Speaker 3: that I was doing, and I was like, damn, I

754
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,759
Speaker 3: could have avoided this and could have just did this

755
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:24,719
Speaker 3: on my you know, on my own so masturbation, I

756
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 3: think it's very important. That's just me and also one

757
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 3: of someone that I follow named Samaya. She is the

758
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 3: founder of Sexual Essentials. Y'all go check out Samaya on Instagram.

759
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:37,360
Speaker 3: I am obsessed. I love her page. She's like my

760
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 3: girl crush, I'm fangirl and all that. Check out her page,

761
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 3: but also check out her Patreon because she has so

762
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:46,480
Speaker 3: many videos. If you want to spice up your sex life,

763
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:48,799
Speaker 3: if you want to learn, you got to have her

764
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:50,359
Speaker 3: on the show down. If you want to learn how

765
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:52,440
Speaker 3: to it was about to get read of ride dick

766
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:56,440
Speaker 3: better or just enhance her dick riding skills, or masturbation

767
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 3: or learn how to squirt all the things, okay, all

768
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 3: the nasty adult stuff. If you want to learn all that,

769
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:05,440
Speaker 3: go to Saboya. Okay, go to Sexual Essentials. I'm a

770
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:08,399
Speaker 3: fan and I learned. I got some sex toys based

771
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 3: on her recommendation. So I'll say that for now, and

772
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:12,799
Speaker 3: then I might have to show y'all or something something.

773
00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:15,120
Speaker 2: Lady, if you listen, and you're gonna just have to

774
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:18,520
Speaker 2: go on ahead and become a Patreon subscriber and check

775
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:21,479
Speaker 2: out this after show where t is going to show

776
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 2: you some of her sex toys.

777
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:27,399
Speaker 3: You got to check it out this one like this one, right, yeah,

778
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 3: it's like one of my favorites, like.

779
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,719
Speaker 2: That one. You got to check the Patreon and see

780
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 2: what we're talking about. So I agree with all of that, right,

781
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 2: Like I agree that masturbation is key because masturbation not

782
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:48,839
Speaker 2: only is not only meant to be used by yourself, right,

783
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:51,040
Speaker 2: but what it also does is when you're doing when

784
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 2: you're masturbating by yourself, it also helps you identify what

785
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:58,720
Speaker 2: pleases you, and so then you can tell your partner.

786
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 2: Because your partners are mind readers, they don't automatically know

787
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 2: exactly what spot to hit at what moment and what

788
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:14,840
Speaker 2: tools and tricks to use that will help you reach orgasm.

789
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:20,360
Speaker 2: By getting comfortable with your body, then you are able

790
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:25,880
Speaker 2: to guide that person into helping you please one another.

791
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 2: So I would say masturbation is key, but then also

792
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:41,280
Speaker 2: gynecohagrical health, right, So if you don't know what's happening

793
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 2: for with your body, then you don't know how to

794
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 2: solve any issues that might be happening. So you know,

795
00:45:53,719 --> 00:46:00,760
Speaker 2: I think about STIs and how a lot of folks

796
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 2: don't know about the various STIs that are out there

797
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:08,839
Speaker 2: and don't know. Also a lot of women don't know

798
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:13,320
Speaker 2: what their vagina smells like and what the different smells

799
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:19,640
Speaker 2: mean and what the different bodily fluids are indicators of, right,

800
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:24,359
Speaker 2: And there's a lot of women who don't do self examination,

801
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:29,879
Speaker 2: so they won't be able to tell when something is abnormal.

802
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 2: And so I think it's important to be up to

803
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:36,919
Speaker 2: date on your gynecological health. If you are someone who

804
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 2: is sexually actively, you should be consulting with a gynecologist

805
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 2: to help make sure that everything is functioning to the

806
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 2: best of its ability. And if not, let's get that

807
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:51,920
Speaker 2: work out.

808
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 3: And getting tested regularly as well. Like all that is

809
00:46:54,719 --> 00:46:57,040
Speaker 3: super important. And we have an episode with doctor Joy

810
00:46:57,120 --> 00:47:01,360
Speaker 3: I believe, right, YESTI and stt Sir.

811
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:05,239
Speaker 2: Please, yes we do. And we also have an episode

812
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 2: we have multiple episodes actually about sexual pleasure.

813
00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:13,759
Speaker 3: You gotta check the archives, Lady, check the archives. Just

814
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 3: google Herspace podcasts, cultivating her Space podcast and whatever topic

815
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 3: and then it should pop up for you. But I

816
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:23,360
Speaker 3: think it might be time for the after show, so

817
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:25,400
Speaker 3: we're gonna head on out lady, you go to the

818
00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 3: purple square on our Instagram at Herspace podcast and let

819
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 3: us know your feedback O off this episode, what resonated?

820
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:34,000
Speaker 3: What would you add to the different categories and we

821
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:36,839
Speaker 3: will see you in the comment section and hopefully on

822
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 3: Patreon in the after show. To get access to the

823
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:42,799
Speaker 3: after show, just go to herspacepodcast dot com click on

824
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 3: Wisdom Wednesday with Terry Patreon and you can sign up

825
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 3: right there to see the video and see the sex

826
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:48,759
Speaker 3: Toy show and.

827
00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:54,279
Speaker 2: Tell yes, hey lady, it is doctor dom here from

828
00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:58,840
Speaker 2: the Cultivating Herspace Podcast. Are you currently a resident of

829
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:04,120
Speaker 2: the state of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well,

830
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:08,360
Speaker 2: if so, please reach out to me at doctor Dominique

831
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 2: Brusard dot com. That's d R D O M I

832
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:18,880
Speaker 2: N I q U E B R O U ss

833
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:24,719
Speaker 2: ar D dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation.

834
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:29,720
Speaker 2: I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for joining

835
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:34,680
Speaker 2: us today. Please note that our show may contain conversations

836
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:40,400
Speaker 2: about self help, advice, self empowerment, and mental health, but

837
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 2: is by no means meant to be a substitute for

838
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:47,720
Speaker 2: an ongoing formal relationship with a trained mental health provider.

839
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:51,239
Speaker 2: If you are someone you know is in need of

840
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:54,840
Speaker 2: mental health care, please visit a Therapy for Black Girls

841
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 2: directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

842
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 5: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

843
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 5: the conversation going, visit our website at cultivatinghirspace dot com

844
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:10,120
Speaker 5: and be sure to click the Patreon tab to get

845
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:15,240
Speaker 5: access to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show

846
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:18,440
Speaker 5: and before we Meet again repete after me.

847
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:21,840
Speaker 3: Just because I can do it all doesn't mean I

848
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:22,760
Speaker 3: have to do it all.