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Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, I'm Katie Curic. Our series Abortion the Body

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Speaker 1: Politic has wrapped, but we wanted to give the very

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Speaker 1: last word to a special group of people, people who

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Speaker 1: have had abortions. If we really wanted to see the

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Speaker 1: real story of abortion in America and we really wanted

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Speaker 1: to see what's actually going on with abortion access, we'd

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Speaker 1: be asking the folks who have abortions, what did this

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Speaker 1: mean to you? What was this like for you? How

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Speaker 1: hard was it? How easy was it for you to

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Speaker 1: get your abortion? Kelsey Rhodes is one of the first

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Speaker 1: people we spoke to when we were reporting this series.

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Speaker 1: She's the interim director of Communications at Physicians for Reproductive Health,

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Speaker 1: and she's part of a team that put together guidance

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Speaker 1: for journalists who are reporting on abortion, guidance that has

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Speaker 1: been integral to this podcast. I think the number one

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Speaker 1: tip is to center the lived experience as of folks

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Speaker 1: who are actually impacted by abortion bands. So how are

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Speaker 1: we sent ring what's going on with patients. How are

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Speaker 1: we centering what's going on with the folks who are

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Speaker 1: really providing that care and making that care possible. How

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Speaker 1: are we listening to the lives that they're leading how

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Speaker 1: this has impacted them, how it makes them feel, as

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Speaker 1: opposed to centering the folks that are trying to strip

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Speaker 1: this away and remove this from communities. Abortion should be

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Speaker 1: able to be as public or as private as you want.

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Speaker 1: No one should be forced to put their lives on

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Speaker 1: display if they don't want to. But we do have

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Speaker 1: a lot of amazing abortion storytellers who want to share

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Speaker 1: how either life changing or absolutely normal and boring their

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Speaker 1: abortion was for them. And that's the that's the case, right.

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Speaker 1: This is something that um is a very normal and

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Speaker 1: integrated part of a lot of people's lives and a

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Speaker 1: lot of people's healthcare. You've heard many first person abortion

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Speaker 1: stories throughout this series, but so many more were shared,

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Speaker 1: some from seasoned abortion storytellers and others from people share

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Speaker 1: for the very first time. Today. Organizations like Shout Your

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Speaker 1: Abortion and we Testify help people do this. But the

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Speaker 1: tradition of sharing abortion stories publicly started back in nineteen

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Speaker 1: sixty nine in New York City. The first so called

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Speaker 1: abortion speak out was organized by the socialist feminist group

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Speaker 1: the Red Stockings. Naturally, Lauria Steinham was there. I was

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Speaker 1: at New York. We had started New York magazine and

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Speaker 1: I had a column there called The City Politic. So

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Speaker 1: I went to an abortion speak out in a church

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Speaker 1: basement somewhere downtown that they were conducting, and for the

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Speaker 1: first time I saw I mean, I had not been

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Speaker 1: all that secret about having an abortion, but certainly was

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Speaker 1: not shouting it out in public. And they were having

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Speaker 1: a public hearing, and women were getting up and telling

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Speaker 1: their stories of having had to seek an illegal abortion,

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Speaker 1: and also praising a doctor in Pennsylvania, I think, who

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Speaker 1: had long been performing safe abortions. So it was the

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Speaker 1: first time there was in my life that there was

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Speaker 1: a public event in which abortion was discussed openly and honestly,

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Speaker 1: and it did have a huge impact on me. It

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Speaker 1: was one of the reasons basic reasons there came to

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Speaker 1: be a feminist move when it was an extension of

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Speaker 1: Jane and all of the underground networks. Uh, And it

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Speaker 1: was just simply you know that we are equal citizens

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Speaker 1: and we have power over our own lives, just as

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Speaker 1: men do. Gloria Steinham kicks off our abortion speak out.

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Speaker 1: She was twenty two when she had an illegal abortion

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Speaker 1: in in nineteen I had graduated from college, I was

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Speaker 1: engaged to be married to a very good, nice person,

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Speaker 1: but I knew that it would be a big mistake

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Speaker 1: for me, especially he was ten years older and more

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Speaker 1: settled in his life. So I just fled to to

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Speaker 1: London and it was there that I finally realized that

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Speaker 1: I was indeed pregnant. I fantasized that I would go

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Speaker 1: to Paris. Somehow I thought that Paris was a more

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Speaker 1: accepting city. I forgot that it was also Catholic. Anyway, UM,

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Speaker 1: I ended by calling up a physician just because he

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Speaker 1: was I looked up his name in the phone book

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Speaker 1: and he was close to where I was living. And

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Speaker 1: I went to him and you know, confirmed that I

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Speaker 1: was indeed pregnant, and you know, and it was clear

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Speaker 1: to him that I did not want to be so

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Speaker 1: he and I dedicated a book to him later because

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Speaker 1: of this. He said, UM, if you never promise never

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Speaker 1: to tell anyone wants anyone my name one and two,

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Speaker 1: if you do what you want to do with your life,

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Speaker 1: I will be the first signer because they are required to.

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Speaker 1: And he sent me to a woman physician who actually

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Speaker 1: did the abortion. So I dedicated a book to him,

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Speaker 1: Dr John Sharp, who probably was not alive by then,

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Speaker 1: but I wanted to thank him publicly. I sort of thought,

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Speaker 1: just because of the culture I had grown up in,

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Speaker 1: that perhaps I should feel guilty. So I walked around

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Speaker 1: London for a few days trying to make myself guilty,

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Speaker 1: and I couldn't. I absolutely could not, because it was

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Speaker 1: clear to me that I had taken control. It was

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Speaker 1: that it was my body, hello, and that it was

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Speaker 1: my life. Uh. You know. I was helped in that

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Speaker 1: by the doctor I went to, and then by the

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Speaker 1: woman doctor he sent me to to perform the origin,

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Speaker 1: because they were themselves very guilt free. But I was

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Speaker 1: not helped in that by the culture of the nineteen

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Speaker 1: fifties and I and I hope that that is over.

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Speaker 1: I hope that women understand that we have a right

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Speaker 1: and even a duty to control our own physical selves,

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Speaker 1: that there is no democracy without that. My name is

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Speaker 1: Renee Bracey Sherman, I used to her pronouns, and I

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Speaker 1: am the founder and executive director of We Testify, which

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Speaker 1: is an organization dedicate to the leadership and representation of

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Speaker 1: people who have abortions. I had an abortion when I

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Speaker 1: was nineteen. I was in a relationship with a guy

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Speaker 1: who my parents couldn't stand and he was just we

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Speaker 1: were in love, but it was a really toxic relationship.

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Speaker 1: And the abortion itself was um actually quite wonderful. I

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Speaker 1: remember being in the room and they explained to me

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Speaker 1: everything that was going to happen. And the nurse she

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Speaker 1: was this um tall white woman with dark black hair.

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Speaker 1: She had a beret on and and um a shirt

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Speaker 1: with a scrub top with long sleeves and a really

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Speaker 1: long skirt and um a star of David. And so

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Speaker 1: where I grew up there's a lot of Orthodox and

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Speaker 1: also Hasidic Jews, and so UM. I remember feeling at

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Speaker 1: first a little confronted because I was I felt like,

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Speaker 1: you know, when you talk about an abortion, it's religious

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Speaker 1: people don't support abortion, and then finding out that other

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Speaker 1: faiths do, and actually Christianity really says nothing about it

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Speaker 1: until the eight hundreds, and that that Judaism does support abortion.

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Speaker 1: And so to see her there was really at first

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Speaker 1: it was like drawing, but also reassuring when I learned

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Speaker 1: so much more right and she held my hand through

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Speaker 1: the procedure, and I remember laying back and looking on

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Speaker 1: the ceiling and there were kind of the pulled out

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Speaker 1: pages from the National Geographic just take to the ceiling

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Speaker 1: and they were all of butterflies. And to this day,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sitting in my office right now and

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Speaker 1: I'm looking at I have a butterfly on my um

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Speaker 1: computer monitor, and I've butterflies on the wall and hanging.

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Speaker 1: Because it did feel like this moment of transformation that

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Speaker 1: was beautiful and that I felt really loved and supported,

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Speaker 1: and she held my hand to the whole thing, and

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Speaker 1: you know, she was just so wonderful. I don't know

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Speaker 1: her name, but um, you know, and even in the

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Speaker 1: recovery room she just sat there with me. I just

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Speaker 1: remember feeling at peace and and you know, there's so

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Speaker 1: many studies that say what is the most common feeling

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Speaker 1: that people have after abortion, and it is relief and

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Speaker 1: then of course a lot of other things, and there's

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Speaker 1: mixed emotions. Like for me, there was sadness, not at

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Speaker 1: all about the abortion, um, but just that I knew

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Speaker 1: that after that that relationship was ending and that I

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Speaker 1: would need to continue on with a different path in

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Speaker 1: my life and letting go of a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: And so UM, I'm really proud of myself and proud

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Speaker 1: of nineteen year old Renee who was able to get

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Speaker 1: herself to that clinic, um and get herself on a

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Speaker 1: track to where I am right now, you know. And

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Speaker 1: I later did tell my family. UM. I told my

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Speaker 1: mom first, and she cried because she was so sad

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Speaker 1: that she couldn't have been there to support me. Um.

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Speaker 1: My dad was very like, I mean, it is your

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Speaker 1: body or decision and got glad we didn't have that

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Speaker 1: boyfriend in our lives for eighteen years, and I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's true. Um. And then it wasn't until four years

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Speaker 1: later that my mom finally told me that my life

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Speaker 1: was made possible because she had an abortion before me.

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Speaker 1: And I think I had told her when she told

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Speaker 1: me this, like, I wish you had told me that

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Speaker 1: earlier because I then would have gone to you when

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Speaker 1: I had my abortion because I thought you were perfect.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know you even dated anyone before Dad. I

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Speaker 1: I thought every you did everything right and that I

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Speaker 1: was just the funk up. And she was like, no,

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Speaker 1: not at all, Like I'm so proud of you. And

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Speaker 1: so this is why I share my story, and this

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Speaker 1: is why we talk about it, because I think we

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Speaker 1: forget to talk to the people in our families and

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Speaker 1: our lives. We are afraid they're going to judge us,

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Speaker 1: but the reality is that they're going to love us.

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Speaker 1: That's why we say everyone loves someone who's had an abortion,

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Speaker 1: and I it's brought me and my mother so much closer.

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Speaker 1: My name is Jalen far Munson, and I'm the development

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Speaker 1: and communications manager at fun Texas Choice. My first abortion,

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Speaker 1: I was about twenty years old, and that wasn't I

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Speaker 1: would say, a really pivotal moment for me. I just

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Speaker 1: felt like at that time it made a lot of sense.

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Speaker 1: I was in college. I didn't want to have a

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Speaker 1: child with the person that you know was the father,

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Speaker 1: and so I decided, okay, like that's it was an

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Speaker 1: easy decision for me. And I was living in Maryland

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Speaker 1: at that time, where access to abortion um is pretty

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Speaker 1: it's a lot easier than in Texas obviously, But then

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Speaker 1: this time around it was different because I was twenty

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Speaker 1: nine and I do want children. Having children and something

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Speaker 1: that I do want, and so when my partner and

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Speaker 1: I had to have that really difficult conversation, we hadn't

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Speaker 1: known each other very long, and so we're kind of

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Speaker 1: sitting here like, okay, we do really like each other,

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Speaker 1: and we do really want this relationship to go forward,

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Speaker 1: but we don't feel prepared to bring another person when

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Speaker 1: we barely know each other. Um, And so that was

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Speaker 1: very difficult. But I found out I was pregnant a

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Speaker 1: week before SP eight went into effect, and so while

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Speaker 1: navigating our romantic relationship, we also had to navigate this

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Speaker 1: new law. And so when I found out, I booked

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Speaker 1: an appointment going to college's office and I went in

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Speaker 1: and they told me, you know, unfortunately, we can't terminate

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Speaker 1: the pregnancy for you. We don't do that here. Um.

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Speaker 1: They gave me the name of a doctor on a

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Speaker 1: sticky note and was like, you know, call this this

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Speaker 1: doctor essentially, and so I called that clinic and I

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Speaker 1: made that first appointment, and unfortunately, in Texas there's a

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Speaker 1: mandatory waiting period of twenty four hours, so they were

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Speaker 1: able to get me that first appointment, which was a

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Speaker 1: few days before September one. But they told me, honestly,

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Speaker 1: you know, we may not be able to see you

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Speaker 1: for the second appointment if the law goes into effect

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Speaker 1: on September one and you're far enough a long at

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Speaker 1: we're not able to help you. So I decided to

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Speaker 1: go to the appointment anyway, um, and just like kind

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Speaker 1: of risk it. And so when I got there, I

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Speaker 1: just remember walking in and seeing so many people there.

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Speaker 1: So we're still in the pandemic, and there's at least

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Speaker 1: fifty people in that waiting room, and so that alone

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Speaker 1: gave me anxiety. They called us by numbers. They didn't

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Speaker 1: call us by names, because that's how many people they

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Speaker 1: have to see in a day that I guess using

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Speaker 1: names it's just probably not efficient, which I understand, but

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Speaker 1: it didn't make me feel good. And so after sitting

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Speaker 1: there for a while, you know, I just didn't feel

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Speaker 1: good about what I was doing or just where I was.

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Speaker 1: I just felt like I didn't have enough time to

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Speaker 1: really think. And so I left the clinic and said,

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Speaker 1: you know what, you've had an abortion in Maryland. You

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Speaker 1: know what the Maryland experiences like. Just go back home

230
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Speaker 1: to Maryland. So I called the Planned Parenthood in Maryland

231
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Speaker 1: and made another appointment, and then they asked me if

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00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,920
Speaker 1: I needed financial assistance, and I said yes, And so

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00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,800
Speaker 1: I called some of the funds that they put on

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00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,400
Speaker 1: you know, the list for me, and the first fund

235
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:14,559
Speaker 1: that called me back was fun Texas Choice, and I cannot,

236
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,640
Speaker 1: like I get emotional kind of thinking about this moment

237
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:21,400
Speaker 1: because my co worker, this person is my coworker now.

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Speaker 1: But I just remember like hearing their voice on the

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00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,760
Speaker 1: end of the other on the other end of the phone,

240
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:32,280
Speaker 1: and it was like the nicest, sweetest voice I've ever

241
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Speaker 1: heard in my entire life. Um, and it just felt

242
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:40,280
Speaker 1: so good to talk to somebody who it was just

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00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:46,600
Speaker 1: so empathetic and like non judgmental, um and helpful during

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00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:51,640
Speaker 1: that time. And I think that people really underestimate like

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00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:55,440
Speaker 1: just how far like kindness can go, because I felt

246
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,160
Speaker 1: like nobody was very kind to me up until that point.

247
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,160
Speaker 1: You know, I know they were trying their best, but

248
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:04,880
Speaker 1: like it just made me feel like I knew I

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00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,600
Speaker 1: was making the right decision and like somebody cared enough

250
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,800
Speaker 1: to go out of their way to get me where

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00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:13,280
Speaker 1: I needed to be. And so she told me, you know,

252
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,640
Speaker 1: it's it was like labor Day weekend. So she said,

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Speaker 1: you know, um, you may not hear from me for

254
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,440
Speaker 1: the west of the rest of the weekend, but I

255
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,720
Speaker 1: just want you to trust me and just know, but

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Speaker 1: I will get you where you need to be. And

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00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,800
Speaker 1: I said, Okay, I don't know this person but I'm

258
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,880
Speaker 1: gonna just you know, put my faith in them. And

259
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,480
Speaker 1: I sat in my room and I watched um the

260
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:36,560
Speaker 1: whole first season of Britain in like a day. UM.

261
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:40,280
Speaker 1: And then that Tuesday morning, she called me and she said, UM,

262
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,000
Speaker 1: I have a flight for you. I have a hotel

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00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,040
Speaker 1: for you. This is where you need to go. And

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00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,800
Speaker 1: they got me where I needed to be. And I

265
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:53,000
Speaker 1: will forever be grateful for that, um, because like, I

266
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,480
Speaker 1: think that's the nicest thing that anybody's ever done for

267
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:59,440
Speaker 1: me in my entire life, like a complete stranger. UM.

268
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Speaker 1: But it may me very sad because I just don't

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00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,680
Speaker 1: believe that people should have to do that, Like I

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00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,360
Speaker 1: don't think that people should have to depend on the

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00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:14,240
Speaker 1: kindness of strangers in a country like hours to access healthcare.

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00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:21,000
Speaker 1: My name is Merl gold Day. I am currently seventy

273
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:26,400
Speaker 1: years old. I became active sexually active in my teens

274
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:31,720
Speaker 1: in high school much too um, my dismay, I guess

275
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:38,880
Speaker 1: much UM. I became pregnant in high school in nineteen

276
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:44,960
Speaker 1: sixty nine. I gave that child up for adoption. In

277
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:49,320
Speaker 1: the late seventies. I was married, but I was living

278
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,880
Speaker 1: in Israel at the time, and after we've been there

279
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:58,480
Speaker 1: for a few months. I began to see that my UM,

280
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:02,120
Speaker 1: my husband. He is never physically abusive, but he was

281
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:06,840
Speaker 1: extremely controlling, and I began to realize this was not

282
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:11,320
Speaker 1: maybe the marriage I wanted to be in. But I

283
00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:18,679
Speaker 1: got pregnant. UM and in Israel, as in many countries,

284
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:24,200
Speaker 1: there was debate over the legality of abortion. However, UM

285
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:32,120
Speaker 1: Israel has always had universal health care, and surprisingly UM,

286
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:35,919
Speaker 1: you could get an abortion. However, you had to go

287
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:39,280
Speaker 1: sit in front of a committee who decided whether or

288
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:46,359
Speaker 1: not your your reasons were worthy. UM. I found that

289
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:51,200
Speaker 1: I was pregnant. I was probably nine days past my period.

290
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,800
Speaker 1: I mean it was really quick when I realized something

291
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:57,920
Speaker 1: was wrong or whatever, and I immediately applied for an abortion.

292
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:00,520
Speaker 1: I had to go sit in a little teeny room

293
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:05,280
Speaker 1: with about five professionals who had questions for me as

294
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:09,240
Speaker 1: to why I wanted this abortion. Now I will tell

295
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:13,960
Speaker 1: you that, UM, there was I've been sitting in a hallway.

296
00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:16,199
Speaker 1: Other women were sitting there. We were getting called in

297
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,440
Speaker 1: one by one, and when I walked into the room,

298
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:23,879
Speaker 1: there was a stack of charts, like you know, a

299
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,359
Speaker 1: bunch of charts on one side, and then there were

300
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:29,399
Speaker 1: like one or two charts over to another side. I

301
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,240
Speaker 1: didn't know which side was which, what was going on,

302
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,399
Speaker 1: But they asked me a bunch of questions. They felt

303
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:40,080
Speaker 1: that I had legitimate concerns for um the outcome of

304
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,960
Speaker 1: my marriage, and that this probably was not a good

305
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:47,480
Speaker 1: time for me to start a family. And they agreed

306
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:49,920
Speaker 1: to allow me to have an abortion. And they tossed

307
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 1: my chart on the high bile, so apparently making an

308
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:58,440
Speaker 1: assumption here that that seemed to be the more common thing.

309
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,359
Speaker 1: They gave me a number to call. I called the number,

310
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:05,040
Speaker 1: I made an appointment, I went in, I had the

311
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:08,240
Speaker 1: procedure done, went home that evening, and that was that.

312
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:13,080
Speaker 1: And when I was sitting around with my friends UM

313
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,359
Speaker 1: in Israel's just sitting around a table, and I was upset.

314
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:20,199
Speaker 1: I was distressed about the situation. I'm sitting around a

315
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:24,200
Speaker 1: table with three other women, two of whom had also

316
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:30,040
Speaker 1: had abortions at some point. And now we're talking at Israel.

317
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,359
Speaker 1: We're all we all happened to be Jewish. Sitting at

318
00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:38,240
Speaker 1: the table, Um, everybody had their reasons, whatever they were,

319
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 1: they were their own personal reasons. And uh, it was

320
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,720
Speaker 1: a lot more common than I knew that I knew about.

321
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,159
Speaker 1: It's so beyond me to think about judging someone of

322
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,520
Speaker 1: her reasons for wanting to do whatever it is. I

323
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:56,399
Speaker 1: just said, you have to do what's right for you

324
00:19:56,520 --> 00:20:02,720
Speaker 1: at that time. My name is Mel. I am in

325
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,840
Speaker 1: my early forties. I had an abortion in my early twenties,

326
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 1: and this is my abortion story. So I joined the

327
00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:15,159
Speaker 1: Navy when I was nineteen years old. I completely surprised

328
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:19,240
Speaker 1: my family and my friends. Um, they did not see

329
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:23,399
Speaker 1: that for me in my future. And I went to

330
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:27,399
Speaker 1: a school. Um that's generally what happens in the in

331
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 1: the military. They'll put you in a trade or a

332
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,760
Speaker 1: or a profession. Went to schooling for a couple of

333
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,800
Speaker 1: months and then went to my first duty station, which

334
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:39,080
Speaker 1: happened to be on an aircraft carrier in the late

335
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:43,399
Speaker 1: nineties and Chips Company company of about three thousand sailors.

336
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,480
Speaker 1: I was one of about three women on that ship.

337
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,560
Speaker 1: So you can kind of do the math and see

338
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:52,840
Speaker 1: the um statistics, the data, the ratio of men to

339
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,000
Speaker 1: men to women. And then this is not a story

340
00:20:56,080 --> 00:21:00,199
Speaker 1: about sexual harassment. For um. The other challenge as I

341
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,280
Speaker 1: faced on board ship, that's for another story and for

342
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,560
Speaker 1: another segment. I did have some great times. It wasn't

343
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 1: all bad. So anyway, I was kind of having my

344
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,840
Speaker 1: fun and probably reckless if I was to definitely look

345
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 1: back on that. And then I met a man who

346
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:20,040
Speaker 1: was ten years older than me. So by that time

347
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:24,600
Speaker 1: I was about twenty one. He was thirty one and married,

348
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 1: and he had four children, two women. He was the pursuer.

349
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 1: But that doesn't matter. I was. I was of age

350
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,919
Speaker 1: and could make my own decisions, you know, to the

351
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 1: best of my abilities and so forth. So in the

352
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 1: maturity level, I suppose, But on the ship, at least

353
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,359
Speaker 1: in the late nineties, for females, there was not a

354
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 1: whole lot of birth control options. And I say that,

355
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,720
Speaker 1: you know, isn't a pill um. You know, they would

356
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,119
Speaker 1: have like two options to choose from if those didn't

357
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,680
Speaker 1: meet your health requirements, right, Like, I don't feel good

358
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 1: on this one. I don't feel good on this one. Well,

359
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 1: you're kind of pardon vulgarity of your sl a little bit. Right. So,

360
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 1: while I was actively deployed overseas and I don't remember

361
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,400
Speaker 1: what country, it occurred to me that I had missed

362
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 1: the period um I found out, you know, I thought

363
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 1: I was pregnant. I had to go to if anybody's

364
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,239
Speaker 1: traveled overseas lave pharmacia, you know, most of them are

365
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 1: called something close to that, trying to find a UM

366
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,480
Speaker 1: and and then trying to describe in a country you

367
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 1: don't speak their language. What what a pregnancy test wouldn't

368
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 1: could look like? Right? You know? Like this is what

369
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:34,919
Speaker 1: I need. So anyway, I was pregnant. I went and

370
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 1: talked to one of the doctors on board ship and

371
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 1: I just told him that, um, I was pregnant and

372
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 1: what my options were. And I specifically asked if I

373
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,679
Speaker 1: had to tell who the father was. He said, no,

374
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 1: you don't. What I hadn't talked about is the fact

375
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,800
Speaker 1: that this older man was much senior to me. He

376
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:57,480
Speaker 1: obviously had a lot more to lose than I did.

377
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,919
Speaker 1: I was very much a junior airman and he was

378
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,280
Speaker 1: is um, you know, way way higher than me as

379
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,439
Speaker 1: far as ranking. And then he also had his family,

380
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,639
Speaker 1: right um, And I was just by myself. So so

381
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 1: I say all that is when I got pregnant, my

382
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:19,160
Speaker 1: chain of command obviously got involved. And I will never

383
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,439
Speaker 1: forget I was called before the OH five, which is

384
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 1: not a not a colonel or a captain in the Navy.

385
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 1: It was just one step below them. Here I am little,

386
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 1: oh me junior, junior person, called in front of them

387
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:38,320
Speaker 1: by myself, no lawyer, no representation, nobody with me. And

388
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 1: he demanded to know who the father of my child was.

389
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 1: And I looked at that man, scared witless and told him,

390
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,160
Speaker 1: it's with it's it's my right to tell you. I'm

391
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,320
Speaker 1: not telling you who much the father of my child is.

392
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 1: So that's my That's what I was facing with work,

393
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 1: with my career at the time. At home, I called

394
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 1: my mom. You know, um, I wasn't raised that any

395
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 1: of this was acceptable, I guess, you know. But I

396
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 1: told my mom was going on, just to kind of

397
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: thinking maybe I would have a soft place fall. And

398
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 1: my mother, in no uncertain terms, told me that, um,

399
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 1: I would always be welcome to her own in her

400
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 1: home because I was her daughter, but my bastard child

401
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 1: would never be welcomed, wouldn't be welcomed across the threshold

402
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 1: of the door. So okay, well that's not going to

403
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:37,800
Speaker 1: be a support system. It was very much a trying

404
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 1: time at that point, what with the Navy trying to

405
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:44,639
Speaker 1: figure out who is my child's father. Just it was

406
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:48,120
Speaker 1: very scary and I felt very alone and isolated with

407
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 1: hardly anybody to turn to who had my best interests mine.

408
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,119
Speaker 1: So i'll he was against it, but went along with

409
00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 1: my choice to have an abortion. So, um, I'm pretty

410
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,679
Speaker 1: sure I went through Planned Parents and this is before

411
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,439
Speaker 1: cell phones obviously and stuff, so it was like what

412
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 1: white pages of trying to find a local Planned Parents

413
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 1: with a clinic. We were in Virginia and by the

414
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,719
Speaker 1: time I went to all this had happened. And I

415
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 1: went to the clinic to get quite of how long

416
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,399
Speaker 1: I was and if I was a candidate for it

417
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:23,879
Speaker 1: in portioned. Um, I was too far along by Virginia loss.

418
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,160
Speaker 1: So that's a shock, I think, thinking you were going

419
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:33,560
Speaker 1: to get help for your situation and you know that

420
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 1: you can't get it today. So I go home and

421
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 1: I tell my boyfriend at the time, I also made

422
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:47,200
Speaker 1: the phone call toy my mom because weirdly, I think

423
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 1: I was maybe thinking that, you know, maybe it was

424
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,720
Speaker 1: a second chance. That I'm not a super religious person,

425
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 1: but perhaps God was given me a second chance or

426
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:59,240
Speaker 1: telling me a different, telling me to do something different.

427
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:03,600
Speaker 1: I don't know, but my mom was still very much

428
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 1: not supportive and mean, and you know so the clinic

429
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 1: had very kindly given me some options with going out

430
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:22,399
Speaker 1: of state. So the closest one was going to be

431
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 1: a drive up to Maryland, which had some different um

432
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 1: laws for abortion. How for long you could be or

433
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:32,479
Speaker 1: you couldn't be, so ultimately made the decision to go

434
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 1: to Maryland. It was very expensive, the amount of money

435
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 1: I maked in the military, it was um. It was

436
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,879
Speaker 1: quite cumbersome, and obviously with no place to turn. I

437
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 1: think my I remember correctly, my boyfriend at the time

438
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:49,159
Speaker 1: helped but um with the payment. But I don't remember

439
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:52,119
Speaker 1: a whole lot of the procedure itself. Everyone was kind,

440
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,679
Speaker 1: I don't remember that. I do remember her at the

441
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:58,639
Speaker 1: clinics of one of them, there were protesters, so that's

442
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:02,720
Speaker 1: always that was not fun. But the point of why

443
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 1: I'm discussing my abortion story today and why I feel

444
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:09,359
Speaker 1: it's so important. If I was to go back and

445
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,439
Speaker 1: ask twenty one year old me if I would do

446
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,760
Speaker 1: the same thing over again, I don't know what my

447
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,119
Speaker 1: answer would be, but what I can tell you is

448
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:20,199
Speaker 1: that I am please, just punched and so glad I

449
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:24,160
Speaker 1: had options that I had an opportunity to make those decisions,

450
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 1: and it's my body and it's my choice to make

451
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 1: those decisions. I firmly believe in that. Um. I wish

452
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,199
Speaker 1: I could have made that decision wholeheartedly and of a

453
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:37,840
Speaker 1: whole heart, without the military telling me something, without my

454
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,359
Speaker 1: mom playing into it, and it was just me making

455
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 1: the decisions for myself. But what I can say is,

456
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 1: for where I am in my career, I'm not sorry

457
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:51,160
Speaker 1: I made the decision. I'm not sorry that. I don't

458
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,120
Speaker 1: think I would have made a great mom at that

459
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 1: time time either. Um, with everything going on I was,

460
00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,800
Speaker 1: I could not have been the mother that I am

461
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 1: to day. So that is why I choose to share

462
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:09,880
Speaker 1: my story today. After the break, Busy Phillips shares her

463
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:24,359
Speaker 1: abortion story. Busy Phillips is an actor and activist, but

464
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 1: when she had an abortion, she was just a teenager

465
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 1: growing up in Arizona. I was fifty and it's very

466
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:39,280
Speaker 1: much in love with this young boy who was sixteen. Um, yeah,

467
00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 1: he was my my boyfriend, like my first boyfriend, and

468
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 1: I just was so in love with him. And I

469
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 1: grew up. I was raised Catholic, and uh god, I

470
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 1: had so much shame around every part of being a

471
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 1: woman that was so internalized. I didn't even know what

472
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 1: I hid in my period. I didn't tell I have

473
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 1: an older sister. I just stole her tampons and figured

474
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 1: it out. Seriously, I didn't tell my mom for months

475
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:05,760
Speaker 1: that I had gotten my period because I was so

476
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: embarrassed by just my humanity. And yeah, it was like,

477
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 1: you know, as seen out of a movie, right like Juno,

478
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 1: except I get the abortion. Um, It's like the lines

479
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 1: were positive as soon as I the p hit the stick.

480
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 1: A friend of mine I didn't even have I mean, obviously,

481
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 1: I was fifteen. A friend of mine drove me and

482
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:33,720
Speaker 1: another girl from our class who also thought she was

483
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:41,960
Speaker 1: pregnant to planned parenthood, and we both were. I didn't know.

484
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:47,240
Speaker 1: I don't know what the laws were then. I knew

485
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 1: that that planned parenthood I went to couldn't make an

486
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:56,800
Speaker 1: appointment for me. They could only offer information, and I

487
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 1: was responsible for making an appointment, coming up with the

488
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 1: three hundred and fifty dollars to pay for it. And

489
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:07,680
Speaker 1: he said that he would get the money that he

490
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 1: had it. I mean, he had a job. So I thought, okay,

491
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 1: well that makes sense. We can we can do I

492
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 1: can do this by myself. I'm gonna do this by myself.

493
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 1: My friend said that she would skip school with me

494
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 1: and we could go and do it. I had gone

495
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:24,880
Speaker 1: to my boyfriend's house that after the afternoon after school,

496
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:29,000
Speaker 1: and his parents had found out because he tried to

497
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 1: withdraw that money from his checking account and he told

498
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 1: them and I he was like, you have to come

499
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:39,719
Speaker 1: talk to my parents. And I was like, absolutely no,

500
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 1: I'm not doing that, and he was like, I promise you.

501
00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:45,240
Speaker 1: They were like not mad, Like he was like, I

502
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,280
Speaker 1: promise you, They're not mad. They just want to talk

503
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 1: to you. And after school he went over there and

504
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 1: his mother was in like their bedroom, they're like the

505
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 1: primary bedroom. Swee. I just remember it so clearly, Like,

506
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:04,520
Speaker 1: you know, how do you have those like visceral memories.

507
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 1: Like they had shades, um wooden shades, because in Arizona,

508
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 1: you know a lot of people have shades for energy

509
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 1: efficiency or whatever. But they were really they were closed,

510
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,960
Speaker 1: like she didn't have them open. It was just really

511
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: dark and sort of foreboding and they closed the door.

512
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 1: And yes, she just really let me know what she

513
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 1: how how disappointed she was in me like that I

514
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 1: had like she wasn't going to let this happen. I

515
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: wasn't getting an abortion. There's no say something like you will, well,

516
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 1: young lady, you've gotten yourself. You've gotten yourself insince. It's

517
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 1: quite a situation. Yeah, I did, really, And did you say, um,

518
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,959
Speaker 1: your son had a little something to do with myself?

519
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 1: I did this, yeah, like one of those fishes. She

520
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 1: was saying to me things that because of my religious

521
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 1: like knowledge and going to church and our Catholicism and

522
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 1: our family, I had always heard about abortion and about sex,

523
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:27,200
Speaker 1: which is why I never talked about it, which is

524
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 1: why I got pregnant. And I got home, I went

525
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 1: to bed and it liked I don't know. The middle

526
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 1: of the night, my mom woke me up. It was

527
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:43,400
Speaker 1: like busy, wake up, and she said, your dad read

528
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:47,200
Speaker 1: your diary while you're out tonight. Is it true? We

529
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 1: need to know if it's true. And I I was like, yes,

530
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 1: it's true. And I go back to bed, and then

531
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,280
Speaker 1: my mom was like, now you have to you have

532
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 1: to come and took me into their bedroom. My dad

533
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:10,320
Speaker 1: was sitting there already, and I like sat down on

534
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 1: the bed next to him and put my head on

535
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 1: his shoulder and I started crying and I just was like,

536
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:19,600
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry, and he was like,

537
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 1: I love you so much. And then the three of

538
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 1: us like laid in their bed, you know, like a

539
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,360
Speaker 1: thing I hadn't done since I was like baby, and

540
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: my mother's like, well, I'll call doctor Eckert in the

541
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: morning and I'm going to find the person that we're

542
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 1: going to take you to. You're getting You're not going

543
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 1: to a clinic, you were going to a private, getting

544
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: you a private You're going to be knocked out. I

545
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: was like okay, well, okay, okay, okay, And it was

546
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:49,719
Speaker 1: just never my mom. My parents were Catholic, Catholic school right.

547
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:56,960
Speaker 1: My mom went to Jesuit University there Catholics, And it

548
00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 1: was never a question. My mother was like, this is

549
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 1: what we're doing. I love the story of your mom

550
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 1: finding out that your boyfriend's mom should you out basically

551
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 1: and embarrassed you and made you feel ashamed. And she

552
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 1: called her and basically was having none of it. What

553
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,279
Speaker 1: did she say to her? I mean, she was like

554
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 1: she locked herself in her home office. It's like the

555
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 1: door not sound proof, and she was like yelling and

556
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 1: she said, you know, like you have no right to

557
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 1: talk to my child that way. If you ever come

558
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 1: near her again or say a word to her again,

559
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:46,800
Speaker 1: it will be over my dead body, like you you will. Yeah,

560
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 1: she really went for it. She like came so hard

561
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:57,839
Speaker 1: out in to protect me. That it was it was.

562
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 1: It floored me because I had, Oh God, because I

563
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 1: had underestimated my mother. Which kids do you underestimate your

564
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,319
Speaker 1: parents always? You know, I see my own kids do

565
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 1: it constantly. What you can handle, what you can hold.

566
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:21,759
Speaker 1: And I think about these kids now, like both kids

567
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 1: who are going to be facing pregnancy crises or just

568
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 1: the mental health crisis that's happening with kids, and it's

569
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 1: like kids hold onto this stuff because they underestimate. They

570
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 1: don't think you can. They don't want to hurt you.

571
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:38,120
Speaker 1: All they want is for you to love them. And

572
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:42,839
Speaker 1: I didn't realize that, like I didn't really understand unconditional love.

573
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 1: My name is Tera Mailman. My pronouns are they and

574
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:55,919
Speaker 1: he um. I usually used say them um. I am

575
00:35:55,920 --> 00:36:01,959
Speaker 1: the chief research analysts for Reproaction. I am from the

576
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:06,239
Speaker 1: foothills of the Appalachian Mountains in Georgia. I grew up

577
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:10,120
Speaker 1: in an extremely Catholic household. I went to a private

578
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:15,239
Speaker 1: Christian school. Uh. My only the only attempt I got

579
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 1: at sex, said, was a book called Walking Through Puberty

580
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:24,760
Speaker 1: with God. Um, so the I knew nothing. The only

581
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 1: like actual helpful information I got about sex came from

582
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:31,400
Speaker 1: a girl in my grade who went to a public

583
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 1: school previously, and who told me about condoms. So when

584
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:39,239
Speaker 1: I went off from my tiny little hometown and my

585
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:43,799
Speaker 1: school of a hundred people to the largest public university

586
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:47,640
Speaker 1: in the state of Georgia, all I had was information

587
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,719
Speaker 1: about condoms. And several years, having gone to the March

588
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 1: for Life in Atlanta, like a lot of people who

589
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:58,800
Speaker 1: leave their homes very quickly left religion behind and left

590
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:05,840
Speaker 1: the strict abstinence only education behind UM and started having

591
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 1: casual sex like people do when they go to college. UM,

592
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 1: And all I had was this information about condoms, and

593
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:17,440
Speaker 1: for years it were just fine. UM, had no problems.

594
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:22,520
Speaker 1: My senior year of college, I was living off campus

595
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 1: with a friend of mine and had just gotten out

596
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 1: of a pretty pretty rough relationship and decided since I

597
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 1: was getting ready to go to grad school the next

598
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 1: year and knew I was going to have to really

599
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:36,240
Speaker 1: buckle down. I just kind of wanted to have fun

600
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 1: my last year of college. So I decided I was

601
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:41,920
Speaker 1: just going to have a couple of friends with benefits

602
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 1: that I could see every so often, who I knew

603
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 1: well and got along with and felt like I could trust.

604
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 1: One of them was this guy named Travis. And when

605
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:56,840
Speaker 1: Travis and I met, he seemed like your average nice guy.

606
00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 1: We started hanging out, and then he started getting a

607
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 1: little clingy, trying to invite me on vacations with his family.

608
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 1: After less than a month, started showing up at my

609
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:16,640
Speaker 1: apartment un announced and started following me to my classes,

610
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:21,600
Speaker 1: and so I sat him down and I told him again.

611
00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:24,680
Speaker 1: I was like, these are my boundaries. He apologized and

612
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 1: said he understood, So I decided to give him a

613
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:33,000
Speaker 1: second chance. Fast forward a little bit and my period

614
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:36,759
Speaker 1: was a little bit late. I wasn't too worried, but

615
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 1: it was in the back of my mind when I

616
00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:41,759
Speaker 1: went to meet up with one of my partners that night.

617
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 1: He had come over to my place and I had

618
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,440
Speaker 1: gone to use the restroom, and when I came out,

619
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 1: there were a bunch of open condom wrappers on the bed,

620
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 1: and he looked at me and he said Kara, all

621
00:38:56,640 --> 00:39:01,400
Speaker 1: of these condoms have holes in them. So apparently what

622
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:06,600
Speaker 1: had happened is when I had had that talk with

623
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 1: Travis to try and re established boundaries and give him

624
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 1: a second chance, he didn't take it very well and

625
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 1: decided to try to baby trapped me, essentially into forming

626
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 1: a relationship with him. I was absolutely terrified, But despite

627
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 1: of all my anti abortion upbringing and the years I

628
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 1: had spent thinking I was very anti abortion, I knew

629
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 1: immediately that an abortion was what I wanted. There was

630
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:42,760
Speaker 1: no question of me giving birth, There was no question

631
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 1: of me raising a child like I had already decided

632
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:52,680
Speaker 1: how I wanted my life to look, and it did

633
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 1: not include having the child of a man who sabotaged

634
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:03,880
Speaker 1: my former birth in troll. So I turned to the

635
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:08,400
Speaker 1: Internet and tried to find the closest abortion clinic. Despite

636
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:11,440
Speaker 1: this being the largest public university in the state, the

637
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:14,400
Speaker 1: nearest clinic was over an hour and a half away,

638
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 1: and so I changed my search to how to induce

639
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:26,879
Speaker 1: a miscarriage at home. I didn't put abortion um and

640
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:30,719
Speaker 1: looking back, uh the opposition researcher part of me is

641
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:33,880
Speaker 1: very proud of past me for somehow knowing that like,

642
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: you don't want to directly search for how to sealth

643
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:41,839
Speaker 1: manage an abortion UM in the state of Georgia on

644
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:48,400
Speaker 1: an unsecure browser, UM that is not the move UM.

645
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:52,960
Speaker 1: And I got a bunch of results. UM. Some of

646
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 1: them were more disturbing and graphic than others. I don't

647
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:00,200
Speaker 1: necessarily want to go into the details of all of

648
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:02,279
Speaker 1: them because I don't want to encourage other people to

649
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:06,400
Speaker 1: you try these methods. But I tried all of them UM,

650
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 1: including a combination of different herbs for a herbal abortion,

651
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 1: and about probably a week went by and nothing had happened,

652
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 1: and I was so scared that I wasn't going to

653
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:23,879
Speaker 1: be able to end this pregnancy. And then one day

654
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:27,400
Speaker 1: about the end of that week, I guess the herbal

655
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:33,920
Speaker 1: regimen finally kicked in and my abortion started. I because

656
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:36,920
Speaker 1: I had searched for this information and was using a

657
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 1: number of like questionable methods, I didn't exactly know what

658
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 1: to expect, So again I was I was a little scared.

659
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:50,360
Speaker 1: I had still this intense sense of shame because of

660
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 1: my upbringing, and so instead of telling anyone what was happening,

661
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 1: I just sent a cryptic text to a friend and

662
00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:00,400
Speaker 1: I was like, if you don't hear from me every hour, uh,

663
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:05,719
Speaker 1: please come to my apartment. The door is unlocked. I

664
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,040
Speaker 1: might need to go to the hospital because I just

665
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:10,239
Speaker 1: didn't know what to expect and I wanted to make

666
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:14,839
Speaker 1: sure I had like a contingency plan it. For me,

667
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,759
Speaker 1: it basically felt like a heavy period, like maybe a

668
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 1: little heavier than my usual period, which is not saying

669
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:26,759
Speaker 1: a whole lot, because my period isn't absurd, but uh,

670
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:30,919
Speaker 1: it lasted about forty eight hours, and then it was done.

671
00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 1: I wasn't pregnant anymore, and the next year I was

672
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:40,000
Speaker 1: able to go off to grad school. If I could

673
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:44,320
Speaker 1: go back and tell myself anything, I would tell myself

674
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:51,360
Speaker 1: about abortion pills because there are so many clinics that

675
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 1: are willing to help people access abortion pills, and with

676
00:42:56,040 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 1: abortion pills, there is a very clear idea of what

677
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:03,799
Speaker 1: to expect. UM and that's part of what drew me

678
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:07,640
Speaker 1: to reproaction actually is our self Managed Abortion with Pills campaign,

679
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 1: because we have very clearly, like taken all of the

680
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 1: information provided by organizations like the World Health Organization on

681
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 1: self managed abortion with pills and made them easily accessible

682
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 1: to anyone who needs them. UM Yeah, that's my abortion story.

683
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:33,319
Speaker 1: My name's Lauretta Ross and I'm an associate professor at

684
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:37,239
Speaker 1: Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts. I was one of the

685
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:40,840
Speaker 1: twelve black women who created the Theory and Practice of

686
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:46,560
Speaker 1: Reproductive Justice in June of n So I didn't answer

687
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,279
Speaker 1: the work as an abortion rights activist, even though I

688
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:53,879
Speaker 1: had an abortion at age sixteen. But when I had

689
00:43:53,920 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 1: my abortion in nineteen seventy, it was not the difficult

690
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 1: thing in the world to do because Washington, d c.

691
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:08,319
Speaker 1: Had legalized abortion three years before we wade, so I

692
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 1: was they had done it in the summer before my

693
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 1: first year of college, so I was lucky to be

694
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:19,400
Speaker 1: in that sweet spot. And my boyfriend was in his

695
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 1: first year of law school the same time I was

696
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 1: in my first year of undergrad and so he was

697
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:28,360
Speaker 1: more than willing to pay for the abortion and to

698
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:31,759
Speaker 1: reserve our futures right. And I was on than willing

699
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 1: to have one because I already had a child. I

700
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 1: had no romantic illusions about what parenting looked like, and

701
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 1: so I didn't have any legal problems. I didn't have

702
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:49,120
Speaker 1: any finance uh financial problems. My obstacles were familiar. My

703
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 1: mother would not sign the consent for because I was

704
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 1: only sixteen and I needed parental consent because you had

705
00:44:56,320 --> 00:45:00,040
Speaker 1: to be eighteen. And so my mother and I of

706
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,759
Speaker 1: going back and forth back and forth. Her devout Christian

707
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:06,400
Speaker 1: self thought that I, since I had had sex again

708
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:09,120
Speaker 1: outside of marriage, in her opinion, I should just drop

709
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:11,319
Speaker 1: out of college, come home and have my babies and

710
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,959
Speaker 1: stay home and you know, do what she did when

711
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:19,800
Speaker 1: she got pregnant with kids. And I chose a different

712
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:23,680
Speaker 1: path for myself. So my big sister, Carol, who's who

713
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:26,719
Speaker 1: was nine years older than me, forged my mother's signature

714
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 1: on the consent for him, and so I ended up

715
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 1: having a fairly late term abortion because of the back

716
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: and forth with between me and my mom. Turns out

717
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:43,839
Speaker 1: I've been pregnant with twins and so the thought of

718
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:47,840
Speaker 1: having three babies is sixteen horrified me. So I was

719
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 1: actually very happy that I've had an abortion. My name

720
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 1: is Alyssa. I'm a twenty three year old black queer

721
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 1: person who lives in Chicago and I currently am an educator.

722
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:07,520
Speaker 1: So I got my abortion during the pandemics of December.

723
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 1: I had to move home um and live with my parents.

724
00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 1: So at the time I was like, you know what,

725
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 1: I should just go and tender and see what's see

726
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:21,080
Speaker 1: what's out there. So at the time I had met

727
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 1: um my ex boyfriend at the time, and he was,

728
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:28,040
Speaker 1: you know, older than me, he was more experienced than me.

729
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 1: Um he definitely you know, took advantage of kind of

730
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 1: just like how little I knew. Um. So we had

731
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:41,640
Speaker 1: met in like November, and by December I found out

732
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 1: I was pregnant. Um So. He had come from a

733
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:49,480
Speaker 1: religious background, which is which was weird because I'm not

734
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:51,279
Speaker 1: religious at all. So I kind of don't even know

735
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:55,240
Speaker 1: how he clicked, but came from a religious background. And

736
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:57,920
Speaker 1: when I had told him that I was pregnant, he

737
00:46:57,960 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 1: was kind of like, Okay, we'll go get an abortion,

738
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:01,799
Speaker 1: like it was going to be so easy, like one

739
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 1: two thrade right. And at this time I was living

740
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:08,439
Speaker 1: in Maryland, um but specifically southern Maryland in a very

741
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:12,040
Speaker 1: very small town, um so, about an hour and fifteen

742
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:15,360
Speaker 1: from d C. And about an hour and a half

743
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:20,880
Speaker 1: from Baltimore. UM So I was like, okay, literally, what

744
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 1: do what do I do? Now? Right? I you know,

745
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:26,480
Speaker 1: would I literally just googled like playing parent hood abortion

746
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 1: And then I was like well, what are they even

747
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,240
Speaker 1: gonna do. I didn't even know there's like different types

748
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:35,320
Speaker 1: of abortion. I didn't want to tell my um my family.

749
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:39,239
Speaker 1: There it's so stigmatized, and you know, all communities, but

750
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:43,240
Speaker 1: especially like the black community, it's seen as like dirty

751
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 1: or you know, you're moving too fast, right, They really

752
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:49,840
Speaker 1: want to They always want to stigmatize Black girls sexually.

753
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:52,960
Speaker 1: So when it comes to accessing abortion, it's like we

754
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:55,520
Speaker 1: can't win. Right. When we're team, parents were looked bad upon,

755
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:57,960
Speaker 1: and then when we're accessing abortion, it's it's looked upon.

756
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,880
Speaker 1: It is like that's something you don't talk about. Um.

757
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,399
Speaker 1: I didn't know a bunch about abortion funds, but I

758
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,239
Speaker 1: had called Planned Parenthood because I was like, oh, I

759
00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:09,279
Speaker 1: needed an abortion, but I don't have money, and they

760
00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:11,440
Speaker 1: were like, you can contact an abortion fund near you.

761
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:14,879
Speaker 1: So I contacted an abortion fund and you know, they're

762
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:18,719
Speaker 1: very small staff, small volunteers. So I waited about a

763
00:48:18,719 --> 00:48:22,200
Speaker 1: week for somebody to call me back, and then yeah,

764
00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:25,360
Speaker 1: and then I was told that you know, abortion funds

765
00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:28,120
Speaker 1: only give the funds to like indie clinics and not

766
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:31,359
Speaker 1: playing parenthood. And you know, the day I had set

767
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 1: for my abortion, I couldn't change because at the time,

768
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend was like, well, this is the only

769
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:39,800
Speaker 1: day I can take off work. And I had checked

770
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:43,440
Speaker 1: every indie clinic around me to see if I could, um,

771
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,160
Speaker 1: you know, get an appointment on the date specifically was

772
00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:49,880
Speaker 1: December fourteen, and it was like the day before or after.

773
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:52,439
Speaker 1: And I was like on the phone begging him like, well,

774
00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 1: if we want some funds to cover it, we have

775
00:48:54,719 --> 00:48:57,399
Speaker 1: to switch the clinic, so can you just take off work? Right?

776
00:48:57,680 --> 00:49:00,840
Speaker 1: He was acting like it was such a big inconvenience

777
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:03,400
Speaker 1: to him, but I'm like, a baby would be a

778
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 1: more inconvenience. You're life, um so he was, actually it

779
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 1: was such a big inconvenience and I so, I, you know,

780
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:13,440
Speaker 1: totally abortion fund. I was like, you know what, it's okay,

781
00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:15,439
Speaker 1: I will I will figure out the fund somewhere else,

782
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:17,400
Speaker 1: but like, thank you for your time, um, so that

783
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:19,919
Speaker 1: I could keep my appointment. And I didn't really know.

784
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 1: Um so the only time the only place I could

785
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:26,759
Speaker 1: get my surgical abortion was in Baltimore, so that was

786
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:28,959
Speaker 1: about an hour and a half away. Um. They told

787
00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 1: me not to drive myself because they have sedation options available,

788
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:35,960
Speaker 1: and I didn't know much about the medication abortion, but

789
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,799
Speaker 1: when I was googling it, it sounded super painful. And

790
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:41,839
Speaker 1: now as like a self managed abortion trainer. UM, I

791
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:43,440
Speaker 1: know that like if I had an abortion do LA,

792
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:45,439
Speaker 1: I would have been able to have it at home.

793
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 1: But so the only place I could get it was Baltimore,

794
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:51,239
Speaker 1: about an hour and a half away, and he was

795
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 1: going to take me there because uber prices were so expensive.

796
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:57,879
Speaker 1: So we get there and it was COVID, so only

797
00:49:57,920 --> 00:49:59,840
Speaker 1: one person was allowed in. I couldn't have a support

798
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:03,760
Speaker 1: for son and um when it came time to paying

799
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 1: for it, he was like, we'll just put it on

800
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:07,000
Speaker 1: your credit card. You could pay it back later, and

801
00:50:07,040 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, Like I need some support right now.

802
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 1: I felt like I was lacking support in all in

803
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:15,200
Speaker 1: all kind of places in my life, and it was

804
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:17,080
Speaker 1: it was a hard time for me, like even I've

805
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 1: always been in repro spaces, but I still didn't know

806
00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:23,680
Speaker 1: like what an abortion doula was, what support looked like

807
00:50:23,719 --> 00:50:27,640
Speaker 1: for myself or others. So I got to the abortion

808
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 1: clinic and I was able to have my surgical abortion,

809
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:35,840
Speaker 1: and you know, the healing after was was rocky. I

810
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,479
Speaker 1: I saw going into it since I've always been really

811
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:42,240
Speaker 1: pro abortion that I wouldn't have any like emotional feeling after.

812
00:50:42,760 --> 00:50:45,600
Speaker 1: But you know, I learned that all of these stories

813
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:47,800
Speaker 1: are not linear, right, Like, It's okay if I was

814
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 1: emotional after that doesn't that doesn't make me any less

815
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 1: pro abortion. Um, And I think abortion it was an

816
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:58,239
Speaker 1: easy thing for me to choose, but I still was,

817
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:00,840
Speaker 1: you know, really emotional after it, and I wanted the

818
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:03,759
Speaker 1: support of the people around me. But I had to

819
00:51:03,920 --> 00:51:07,399
Speaker 1: desigmatize abortion within myself to be able to have those

820
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:10,359
Speaker 1: conversations with with the people in my life. And I

821
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:13,640
Speaker 1: was still I was still internally like stigmatizing it because

822
00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:15,000
Speaker 1: I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want

823
00:51:15,040 --> 00:51:16,680
Speaker 1: people to think I was dirty. I didn't want people

824
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:19,720
Speaker 1: to think I was, you know, a bad person. Um.

825
00:51:19,719 --> 00:51:22,319
Speaker 1: It was so easy to kind of like internalize all

826
00:51:22,320 --> 00:51:24,720
Speaker 1: of the things we hear about people who access abortion.

827
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:29,320
Speaker 1: So after after I got my abortion, you know, I

828
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 1: was on medication, a little sedated, and I had an

829
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:34,919
Speaker 1: hour and a half car right back with my ex,

830
00:51:34,920 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 1: who at the time was just super like shitty and

831
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:40,759
Speaker 1: emotionally abusive. So I felt like a lot of things

832
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 1: could have been different if I had access, if I

833
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 1: had access to transportation myself, and you know, living in

834
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 1: a rural place, I don't know, well, you know, we

835
00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:52,480
Speaker 1: didn't have public transportation. I had no way to get

836
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:54,280
Speaker 1: there unless I took an hour and a half uber

837
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:57,520
Speaker 1: there and back. So, you know, I think about when

838
00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:01,040
Speaker 1: we have these conversations about rov Wade, right like row

839
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:03,440
Speaker 1: is the floor, there are already so many communities and

840
00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:08,600
Speaker 1: places that are living and that are living or um

841
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:11,560
Speaker 1: have lived in a place where there is no access

842
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:14,040
Speaker 1: right now. And even if they do have a clinic

843
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:18,479
Speaker 1: that's open, you know, appointment times, transportation, and I really

844
00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:21,400
Speaker 1: feel because it would have made my abortion experience so

845
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:28,240
Speaker 1: much better if I had more access. My name is Ruth.

846
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 1: I'm in my mid fifties, and I'm going to share

847
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:36,400
Speaker 1: my abortion story. When I was about twenty two, I

848
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:40,799
Speaker 1: found out that I was pregnant and I was dating somebody,

849
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:46,840
Speaker 1: and we both knew that it was not practical or

850
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:51,279
Speaker 1: desired for us to have a child together. Both were

851
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:54,919
Speaker 1: just starting off in a career. We were not serious,

852
00:52:55,719 --> 00:52:59,359
Speaker 1: and I was very very grateful that I was able

853
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 1: to go to plan parenthood and they were understandable. I

854
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:07,799
Speaker 1: had a meeting with somebody before which there was a

855
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:10,520
Speaker 1: requirement to make sure that you wanted to have the procedure.

856
00:53:11,239 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 1: And I had the procedure and I was not uncomfortable.

857
00:53:15,719 --> 00:53:21,799
Speaker 1: I felt supported and I felt no stigma. But I

858
00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:25,640
Speaker 1: did not talk about it with people. Only one or

859
00:53:25,680 --> 00:53:28,719
Speaker 1: two people knew about it. And I went on with

860
00:53:29,080 --> 00:53:33,760
Speaker 1: my romantic life and my life and eventually got married

861
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:37,920
Speaker 1: and had a child. And sometimes I think about how

862
00:53:37,960 --> 00:53:40,759
Speaker 1: old that child might be. It's a it's it's a

863
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:46,440
Speaker 1: little daunting, but I have no regrets about the choice

864
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:52,160
Speaker 1: that I made for myself and my body. More from

865
00:53:52,160 --> 00:54:05,839
Speaker 1: our abortion speak out right after this. Hi, my name

866
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:10,319
Speaker 1: is Pam. UM. I had my abortion fifty years ago

867
00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:16,520
Speaker 1: last month, which would have been UM. So. The way

868
00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:20,320
Speaker 1: it started was, I had this boyfriend in high school.

869
00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:25,760
Speaker 1: Our whole senior year, we dated and about pronged time

870
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:32,040
Speaker 1: we got sexual and and we were pretty clueless about

871
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:40,439
Speaker 1: birth control, babies, pregnantcy all that, no second education. UM,

872
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 1: we didn't have much choice of birth control, the only condoms,

873
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:49,799
Speaker 1: and it was fine for a while. UM I got

874
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:55,080
Speaker 1: shipped off to college in August kind of suddenly, and

875
00:54:55,120 --> 00:54:58,400
Speaker 1: then there was a draft. UM the word Vietnam was

876
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:02,000
Speaker 1: going on, and his d number was pulled. It was six,

877
00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:06,680
Speaker 1: so he was going to go, and so he joined

878
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:10,520
Speaker 1: the Marine Corps. So he was supposed to be inducted

879
00:55:10,560 --> 00:55:16,120
Speaker 1: at the end of January. Now, so we've decided to

880
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:18,960
Speaker 1: go when weekend and get a hotel and say goodbye

881
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:26,760
Speaker 1: it properly. And that's when it happened. He was specied.

882
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:30,120
Speaker 1: He went to the induction center in the January and

883
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:33,520
Speaker 1: they sent him back home, thank god. Uh they said, no,

884
00:55:33,600 --> 00:55:38,880
Speaker 1: we're gonna take you about five weeks from now instead. Well,

885
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:42,360
Speaker 1: and that's the five weeks I needed him home because

886
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:47,200
Speaker 1: I found out I was pregnant, and just he and

887
00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 1: I were the only ones that ever knew. Uh, there

888
00:55:51,120 --> 00:55:56,240
Speaker 1: was nobody to turn to, certainly not my parents. Uh.

889
00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:59,680
Speaker 1: There I grew up a kind of a I hate

890
00:55:59,719 --> 00:56:03,359
Speaker 1: to say it, but a household. Yeah, where there was

891
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:07,600
Speaker 1: everything was a crisis, even when it wasn't a lot

892
00:56:07,760 --> 00:56:11,839
Speaker 1: of yelling, some hittings of shaking, you know, that kind

893
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:15,200
Speaker 1: of thing. So I wasn't gonna ever tell them. In fact,

894
00:56:15,280 --> 00:56:20,960
Speaker 1: they died having never known anything about this. Um. So

895
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: these five weeks of high anxiety, you know, trying to financers. Um.

896
00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:32,920
Speaker 1: I talked to people at a place called Birthright, uh,

897
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:36,520
Speaker 1: which I guess you would call it crisis pregnancy center.

898
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:40,799
Speaker 1: So they had a place to pick a live. They

899
00:56:40,960 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 1: would take you in and dormitory like place, and you

900
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:48,719
Speaker 1: give birth and they would put it up for adoption.

901
00:56:48,880 --> 00:56:52,560
Speaker 1: And I thought about that. Uh my boyfriend wanted to

902
00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:56,919
Speaker 1: get married hat the baby, and I'm like, no, we're

903
00:56:56,920 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 1: not doing that. We may get married some day and babies,

904
00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:07,080
Speaker 1: but not now. Um. So I heard finally about a

905
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:12,680
Speaker 1: free health clinic. So, yeah, you're this, you know, six

906
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:17,680
Speaker 1: seven weeks pregnant, and what do you want to do

907
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:19,360
Speaker 1: about it? And I said, well, I'd like to get

908
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:25,760
Speaker 1: an abortion. Abortion wasn't legal here. I'm in Kansas. Um.

909
00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:29,440
Speaker 1: It was legal in New York City or state probably

910
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:34,480
Speaker 1: and Washington, d C. So I was terrified to go

911
00:57:34,520 --> 00:57:38,320
Speaker 1: to New York City, you know. So I just Washington.

912
00:57:39,120 --> 00:57:41,640
Speaker 1: So they gave me an eight hundred numbered called the

913
00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:45,680
Speaker 1: clinic in Washington. Well not a clinic like you think

914
00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:52,520
Speaker 1: of now, but office in an office building with the doctor. Um.

915
00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:56,480
Speaker 1: So I've made an appointment. I called the airlines. I've

916
00:57:56,720 --> 00:58:02,720
Speaker 1: got a plane ticket. Uh. The problem was money. We

917
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:06,560
Speaker 1: didn't have much money. The procedure was a hundred and

918
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 1: fifty dollars. The whole trip with the plane ticket stay

919
00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:15,280
Speaker 1: at a hotel one night was four hundred fifty dollars,

920
00:58:15,320 --> 00:58:19,680
Speaker 1: and that was a month's pay for a marine private

921
00:58:20,880 --> 00:58:26,800
Speaker 1: um in those days. So made all the arrangements and

922
00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:31,400
Speaker 1: on Friday, March three, he flew to the West Coast

923
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:35,640
Speaker 1: to go to boot camp. And on Monday, Um March six,

924
00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:40,000
Speaker 1: I flew to theast coasts to fix the future for us.

925
00:58:43,240 --> 00:58:46,439
Speaker 1: My real problem was getting to the airport from where

926
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 1: I was at college. Uh, nobody had a car much.

927
00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:54,840
Speaker 1: There wasn't a bus or anything I could take. So

928
00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 1: my sweet mates boyfriend had a car and he said

929
00:58:59,560 --> 00:59:01,800
Speaker 1: for ten dollars he would take me to the airport

930
00:59:02,960 --> 00:59:06,280
Speaker 1: and come back the next night and get me. The

931
00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:11,040
Speaker 1: problem was I was at my parents house to the

932
00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:13,240
Speaker 1: weekend trying to find a way to the airport because

933
00:59:13,240 --> 00:59:17,440
Speaker 1: they lived it's closer to the airport, and I couldn't.

934
00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:23,040
Speaker 1: So my dad drives me back to college and then

935
00:59:23,040 --> 00:59:27,640
Speaker 1: I get in the car with this boyfriend, her boyfriend

936
00:59:27,840 --> 00:59:31,560
Speaker 1: and go right back you know where I came from.

937
00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:37,920
Speaker 1: And I had missed my FLFE. So the UM ticket

938
00:59:37,920 --> 00:59:41,520
Speaker 1: it tendant said, oh, that is the problem. We'll put

939
00:59:41,520 --> 00:59:45,040
Speaker 1: you on this flight to Baltimore. And I'm like, what

940
00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 1: good is that going to do me? She said, well,

941
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:52,720
Speaker 1: Baltimore is real close to Washington and uh. And I'm

942
00:59:52,760 --> 01:00:00,720
Speaker 1: like okay, So I flew to Baltimore. UM. So now

943
01:00:00,760 --> 01:00:03,040
Speaker 1: it's like when we get off the plane, it's got

944
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:09,840
Speaker 1: to be midnight, so and the airport's like closed down.

945
01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:14,680
Speaker 1: There's nobody there, and so I follow the other passengers

946
01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:22,160
Speaker 1: out to this to this bus. Uh, and it says Washington,

947
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:23,960
Speaker 1: do you see on it? And everybody gets there are

948
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:26,160
Speaker 1: a lot of people get on this bus. So I

949
01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:30,520
Speaker 1: get on the bus and we drive down to Washington

950
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:35,360
Speaker 1: and we're downtown and they just let everybody out. And

951
01:00:35,520 --> 01:00:39,520
Speaker 1: so it's, you know, one o'clock in the morning, carrying

952
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:48,680
Speaker 1: a lot of money hash and everybody just disappears, you know,

953
01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:54,680
Speaker 1: and there were no cabs around. I was totally terrified.

954
01:00:56,520 --> 01:01:01,920
Speaker 1: So I saw a security guard in a building, uh,

955
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:04,880
Speaker 1: through the glass, and I went over there and just

956
01:01:05,040 --> 01:01:08,680
Speaker 1: banged on the glass until he finally came and opened

957
01:01:08,680 --> 01:01:13,680
Speaker 1: the door. God bless him, And I said, I was

958
01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:15,320
Speaker 1: just let out here. I don't know where I am.

959
01:01:15,480 --> 01:01:18,480
Speaker 1: I need to get to this romantic inn or whatever

960
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:22,320
Speaker 1: it was. Could you get a cab for me called

961
01:01:22,440 --> 01:01:26,640
Speaker 1: come one at east kind of you know. But he

962
01:01:26,680 --> 01:01:30,320
Speaker 1: did finally, and the cab came took me to the hotel.

963
01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:33,840
Speaker 1: That that was a bit of an expense I hadn't

964
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:40,520
Speaker 1: counting on. So I stayed like five hours at the hotel.

965
01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:43,400
Speaker 1: It's time to go to the doctor. So I get

966
01:01:43,440 --> 01:01:48,160
Speaker 1: another a cab. I go over there. Uh, I go

967
01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:52,240
Speaker 1: upstairs to the office. It was very nice. There were

968
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:57,480
Speaker 1: other young ladies there. Uh. They they took us back

969
01:01:57,840 --> 01:02:02,520
Speaker 1: in a little group to do our ucation. Uh. Finally

970
01:02:02,720 --> 01:02:08,120
Speaker 1: I got some education. They had models there. They explained,

971
01:02:08,680 --> 01:02:13,080
Speaker 1: you know, how you get pregnant and what happened. Does

972
01:02:13,120 --> 01:02:17,000
Speaker 1: anybody way changed their mind? And then they explained birth

973
01:02:17,040 --> 01:02:20,960
Speaker 1: control methods and you got to choose one and they

974
01:02:20,960 --> 01:02:25,440
Speaker 1: sit you home with it. Uh so that was great.

975
01:02:26,200 --> 01:02:28,840
Speaker 1: And then the time came for the procedure. I still

976
01:02:28,840 --> 01:02:32,040
Speaker 1: have no idea what's going to happen. I don't know

977
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:38,440
Speaker 1: how you what an abortion entails. And um so there's

978
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:42,800
Speaker 1: another gal comes and takes me to the procedure room

979
01:02:42,840 --> 01:02:46,080
Speaker 1: and you didn't change into a gown or anything. He

980
01:02:46,200 --> 01:02:49,640
Speaker 1: took off your slacks. I put my boots back on

981
01:02:49,920 --> 01:02:55,240
Speaker 1: to hold my feet, Mistrus, they said. And so it's

982
01:02:55,280 --> 01:02:58,760
Speaker 1: just very casual. And the doctor keep said, he was

983
01:02:58,920 --> 01:03:02,360
Speaker 1: very nice. He explained everything that was happen good. I

984
01:03:02,480 --> 01:03:05,640
Speaker 1: happened right before he did it, so that they picked

985
01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:10,360
Speaker 1: up the vacuum thing. By the time they turned it off,

986
01:03:10,480 --> 01:03:12,640
Speaker 1: I was about to beg them to turn it up.

987
01:03:12,720 --> 01:03:16,520
Speaker 1: It hurts so bad, but I didn't care. I wanted

988
01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:22,200
Speaker 1: out at this mess. Uh did they just uh scraping?

989
01:03:22,680 --> 01:03:27,000
Speaker 1: And he said, I think I've got it and took

990
01:03:27,080 --> 01:03:30,640
Speaker 1: me out to lay on the couch. And I had

991
01:03:30,680 --> 01:03:33,800
Speaker 1: to leave at three o'clock to the airport. So they

992
01:03:33,840 --> 01:03:37,600
Speaker 1: said at two o'clock the bleeding wasn't too bad, I

993
01:03:37,600 --> 01:03:41,840
Speaker 1: could go. I got a cab to the airport, took

994
01:03:41,880 --> 01:03:48,080
Speaker 1: my flight straight back to Kiasa City from Washington. Uh.

995
01:03:48,320 --> 01:03:52,000
Speaker 1: The sweet mate's boyfriend picked me up. Uh took me

996
01:03:52,080 --> 01:03:55,400
Speaker 1: back to school. Oh. The last day, they did, when

997
01:03:55,400 --> 01:03:58,000
Speaker 1: you walk out the doors, give you a peak postcard

998
01:03:58,680 --> 01:04:01,680
Speaker 1: and they've written an hundred number on it and they

999
01:04:01,720 --> 01:04:05,000
Speaker 1: taped it dime to it. They said, if you have

1000
01:04:05,200 --> 01:04:12,240
Speaker 1: any problems, Paul, and they explained, you know, if you

1001
01:04:12,560 --> 01:04:15,600
Speaker 1: bleed this much, you take your temperature all the time.

1002
01:04:15,640 --> 01:04:18,400
Speaker 1: And well, so I went back. Now, I haven't had

1003
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:24,400
Speaker 1: anything to eat since Sunday at noon till Monday night,

1004
01:04:24,520 --> 01:04:27,200
Speaker 1: and the cafeteria is closed, so I had some stacks

1005
01:04:27,320 --> 01:04:30,400
Speaker 1: or something. And then the next day I got up,

1006
01:04:31,320 --> 01:04:35,240
Speaker 1: went about my business like nothing I happened. But Wednesday

1007
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:38,680
Speaker 1: morning I woke up with a fever and I called

1008
01:04:38,720 --> 01:04:44,320
Speaker 1: the eight hundred number and they said, you got an infection.

1009
01:04:44,560 --> 01:04:49,520
Speaker 1: So they called the pharmacy in the city where the

1010
01:04:49,560 --> 01:04:53,200
Speaker 1: college was and got me some banbiotics. I had a

1011
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:55,760
Speaker 1: probably me to pay for that. I mean, there's just

1012
01:04:55,840 --> 01:04:59,840
Speaker 1: so many extra here. So I that was clear to

1013
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:04,800
Speaker 1: that that was not a big deal. I wrote him

1014
01:05:04,840 --> 01:05:08,440
Speaker 1: a letter a boot camp, told him it went okay.

1015
01:05:08,880 --> 01:05:11,720
Speaker 1: They were gonna be okay. The next time I saw

1016
01:05:11,840 --> 01:05:16,600
Speaker 1: him was in June, when he got a break after bigcamp,

1017
01:05:16,640 --> 01:05:22,120
Speaker 1: before he was sick somewhere else. He came home and

1018
01:05:22,120 --> 01:05:24,840
Speaker 1: and then I didn't. I only saw one more time

1019
01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:28,000
Speaker 1: in the next three years because he was stationed overseas,

1020
01:05:29,920 --> 01:05:33,200
Speaker 1: and when he came home for good, he was not

1021
01:05:33,360 --> 01:05:37,640
Speaker 1: the boy I had given the Marine Corps he had

1022
01:05:37,720 --> 01:05:44,560
Speaker 1: PTSD uh he was he got violent. If I had

1023
01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:49,240
Speaker 1: been there with a two year old, it doesn't bear

1024
01:05:49,360 --> 01:05:53,720
Speaker 1: thinking about. So it's really good that we did what

1025
01:05:53,840 --> 01:05:57,480
Speaker 1: we did. I've never had any regrets for a minute.

1026
01:05:58,120 --> 01:06:08,480
Speaker 1: Um M, that's that's it. My name is Victoria Amada.

1027
01:06:08,760 --> 01:06:12,240
Speaker 1: I am twenty three years old and I am from

1028
01:06:12,280 --> 01:06:18,520
Speaker 1: the southwest side of Chicago. I had an abortion when

1029
01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:22,520
Speaker 1: I was twenty years old. I was in my third

1030
01:06:22,600 --> 01:06:29,240
Speaker 1: year of college. Um. It all really happened really fast. UM.

1031
01:06:29,280 --> 01:06:33,120
Speaker 1: I knew since before I even took the pregnancy tests.

1032
01:06:33,440 --> 01:06:36,600
Speaker 1: I had a very strong feeling that I was pregnant,

1033
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:40,080
Speaker 1: and I knew exactly what I wanted to do even

1034
01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:45,200
Speaker 1: before I saw that the pregnancy test was positive. UM.

1035
01:06:45,480 --> 01:06:51,240
Speaker 1: I remember being really scared or just confused on what

1036
01:06:51,560 --> 01:06:55,600
Speaker 1: my next steps were gonna be. UM. I had reached

1037
01:06:55,640 --> 01:07:00,520
Speaker 1: out to a friend because I heard that she um

1038
01:07:00,680 --> 01:07:04,520
Speaker 1: also had an abortion, So I was like, well, I

1039
01:07:04,560 --> 01:07:08,080
Speaker 1: need you know someone to help me out. UM. And

1040
01:07:08,160 --> 01:07:10,000
Speaker 1: when I had reached out to her, she was the

1041
01:07:10,040 --> 01:07:14,600
Speaker 1: one that helped me UM make the appointment, and she

1042
01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:19,000
Speaker 1: basically told me what her experience was like, and she

1043
01:07:19,120 --> 01:07:22,880
Speaker 1: told me that everything was gonna be okay. So I

1044
01:07:22,960 --> 01:07:28,440
Speaker 1: went to a plant Parenthood. UM. I remember that they

1045
01:07:28,680 --> 01:07:31,600
Speaker 1: had called me like the day before the appointment just

1046
01:07:31,680 --> 01:07:34,160
Speaker 1: to remind me everything that I needed to do, Like

1047
01:07:34,280 --> 01:07:38,560
Speaker 1: I was gonna go under um anaesthesia, so I wasn't

1048
01:07:38,600 --> 01:07:42,200
Speaker 1: able to like eat the whole night before. UM. They

1049
01:07:42,280 --> 01:07:45,120
Speaker 1: basically went over the process. They told me to bring

1050
01:07:45,200 --> 01:07:48,520
Speaker 1: like a big Max the dad. They basically told me

1051
01:07:48,560 --> 01:07:51,439
Speaker 1: everything that I needed UM. They also told me that

1052
01:07:51,480 --> 01:07:55,680
Speaker 1: I needed to have someone there to drive me UM.

1053
01:07:55,760 --> 01:07:57,720
Speaker 1: And they told me that it was basically going to

1054
01:07:57,840 --> 01:08:02,480
Speaker 1: be an all date thing. I feel like during that time,

1055
01:08:03,200 --> 01:08:06,880
Speaker 1: everything happened so fast and you just kind of feel

1056
01:08:06,880 --> 01:08:11,400
Speaker 1: like you're getting all of this information and at least

1057
01:08:11,400 --> 01:08:13,480
Speaker 1: for me, I just wanted it to be over with.

1058
01:08:14,360 --> 01:08:17,080
Speaker 1: Remember that it took a while because there was a

1059
01:08:17,080 --> 01:08:20,759
Speaker 1: lot of people UM in the clinic during that time

1060
01:08:20,840 --> 01:08:25,439
Speaker 1: that I went, and I remember it was just a

1061
01:08:25,439 --> 01:08:30,320
Speaker 1: lot of like like little steps UM. It was getting

1062
01:08:30,320 --> 01:08:35,120
Speaker 1: the paperwork done and then getting an ultrasound UM. And

1063
01:08:35,160 --> 01:08:38,000
Speaker 1: what I really liked is that Parenthood or like the

1064
01:08:38,040 --> 01:08:40,719
Speaker 1: people that were there were very nice to me about

1065
01:08:40,880 --> 01:08:45,400
Speaker 1: when we know during the ultrasound, they said, well, you know,

1066
01:08:45,600 --> 01:08:47,559
Speaker 1: we won't give you a picture if you don't want one,

1067
01:08:47,760 --> 01:08:50,160
Speaker 1: Like if you don't want to know how many weeks

1068
01:08:50,160 --> 01:08:53,479
Speaker 1: you are, we won't tell you. And then after that

1069
01:08:54,040 --> 01:08:56,120
Speaker 1: it was like a lot of life blood work tests

1070
01:08:56,479 --> 01:08:58,719
Speaker 1: from what I remember, and then it was just waiting,

1071
01:08:58,840 --> 01:09:02,160
Speaker 1: like waiting um for the doctor. And especially because I

1072
01:09:02,360 --> 01:09:08,679
Speaker 1: did a surgical one, the process was very quick. When

1073
01:09:08,680 --> 01:09:14,280
Speaker 1: I remember, I was you know, I remember just lay

1074
01:09:14,360 --> 01:09:16,559
Speaker 1: down there and like the next five minutes I was

1075
01:09:16,640 --> 01:09:19,800
Speaker 1: like in the recovery room. So everything, I guess the

1076
01:09:19,880 --> 01:09:24,400
Speaker 1: actual procedure was very fast, but the steps leading up

1077
01:09:24,400 --> 01:09:29,840
Speaker 1: to the procedure was very slow, and I was just,

1078
01:09:30,040 --> 01:09:32,880
Speaker 1: you know, I just wanted it to be over with.

1079
01:09:34,160 --> 01:09:37,560
Speaker 1: I think one of the hardest parts of my abortion

1080
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:42,720
Speaker 1: was feeling like I wasn't supported um and and this

1081
01:09:42,760 --> 01:09:47,680
Speaker 1: is just coming from a very religious background, where you know,

1082
01:09:47,720 --> 01:09:51,960
Speaker 1: abortion is something that you should be ashamed about, at

1083
01:09:52,000 --> 01:09:54,080
Speaker 1: least this is what I was taught ever since, like

1084
01:09:54,160 --> 01:09:57,479
Speaker 1: a young age. UM. So I felt like I couldn't

1085
01:09:57,560 --> 01:10:03,759
Speaker 1: go to my parents or my cousin or anybody else. Um. Luckily,

1086
01:10:03,840 --> 01:10:08,840
Speaker 1: my sister was very supportive um and but because of

1087
01:10:08,880 --> 01:10:10,960
Speaker 1: the way I grew up, I felt like I couldn't

1088
01:10:10,960 --> 01:10:15,360
Speaker 1: even tell my friends UM and and I think that

1089
01:10:15,520 --> 01:10:20,400
Speaker 1: was just like the hardest part of it was the

1090
01:10:20,439 --> 01:10:25,840
Speaker 1: feeling that like internalized shame when I knew there was

1091
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:33,760
Speaker 1: nothing to be ashamed about. I do share my abortion story. UM.

1092
01:10:33,840 --> 01:10:37,880
Speaker 1: I think that recently I started to be more comfortable

1093
01:10:37,920 --> 01:10:42,640
Speaker 1: with sharing it. Before I would tell like my friends, UM,

1094
01:10:42,680 --> 01:10:45,520
Speaker 1: I started to tell my friends more about what happened

1095
01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:48,719
Speaker 1: and you know, me having an abortion. And I felt

1096
01:10:48,800 --> 01:10:53,479
Speaker 1: like once I started sharing my abortion story, more people

1097
01:10:53,600 --> 01:10:55,400
Speaker 1: came up to me and like would tell me, oh,

1098
01:10:55,479 --> 01:10:59,040
Speaker 1: I had an abortion too, or even my friends whenever

1099
01:10:59,200 --> 01:11:01,160
Speaker 1: they have a pregnant be scared, like they come to

1100
01:11:01,240 --> 01:11:04,839
Speaker 1: me or And I think that there's something very powerful

1101
01:11:04,880 --> 01:11:08,400
Speaker 1: about that that people I feel like they could trust

1102
01:11:08,439 --> 01:11:12,680
Speaker 1: me with, you know, like the pregnancy scares and their

1103
01:11:12,680 --> 01:11:18,040
Speaker 1: abortions stories. And I wish that I would have spoken

1104
01:11:18,120 --> 01:11:21,519
Speaker 1: about it sooner, because I wouldn't have felt so long

1105
01:11:21,680 --> 01:11:25,880
Speaker 1: if I would have just shared my story sooner. I

1106
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:28,720
Speaker 1: consider my abortion the greatest act of self love that

1107
01:11:28,760 --> 01:11:32,560
Speaker 1: I did. UM. Because of that, I was able to

1108
01:11:32,640 --> 01:11:40,160
Speaker 1: choose me, like I chose my life, like I chose mychools. Um.

1109
01:11:40,360 --> 01:11:43,000
Speaker 1: Because of that, I was able to graduate college. And

1110
01:11:43,280 --> 01:11:47,280
Speaker 1: because of my abortion, I studied abroad and because of that,

1111
01:11:47,400 --> 01:11:54,519
Speaker 1: I found real supportive friends. And you know, I found, um,

1112
01:11:54,640 --> 01:12:00,120
Speaker 1: you know, people who will love me because I know

1113
01:12:00,280 --> 01:12:04,559
Speaker 1: that because I unapologetically say that I had an abortion.

1114
01:12:06,160 --> 01:12:10,599
Speaker 1: And the reason why I get so emotional is it's

1115
01:12:10,680 --> 01:12:15,519
Speaker 1: just thinking back at the day that I got my

1116
01:12:15,640 --> 01:12:21,599
Speaker 1: abortion to now and like wishing I could go back

1117
01:12:23,240 --> 01:12:31,600
Speaker 1: and hugged myself and um and tell myself that that

1118
01:12:31,720 --> 01:12:39,519
Speaker 1: it's okay to have an abortion. And that's what I

1119
01:12:39,680 --> 01:12:46,280
Speaker 1: want every wants to know. When we come back, we'll

1120
01:12:46,320 --> 01:12:56,880
Speaker 1: hear from Congresswoman Promila Jaya Paul. Congresswoman Promella Gia Paul's

1121
01:12:56,920 --> 01:13:03,120
Speaker 1: abortion journey ironically began when she became a parent. I

1122
01:13:03,200 --> 01:13:05,439
Speaker 1: have to start with the birth of my first child

1123
01:13:06,040 --> 01:13:08,160
Speaker 1: because it is it is essential to it. I had

1124
01:13:08,200 --> 01:13:13,559
Speaker 1: already had a baby and UM, my daughter, Kashika, who

1125
01:13:13,640 --> 01:13:18,400
Speaker 1: is trans um, was born at one pound fourteen ounces.

1126
01:13:18,439 --> 01:13:22,080
Speaker 1: She was um twenty six and a half weeks at

1127
01:13:22,120 --> 01:13:24,919
Speaker 1: the time. She was the size of a tiny squash.

1128
01:13:24,960 --> 01:13:27,519
Speaker 1: She fit into the palm of my hand. And she

1129
01:13:27,600 --> 01:13:30,960
Speaker 1: was born in India and she was in the n

1130
01:13:31,040 --> 01:13:33,679
Speaker 1: I c U for a couple of months. We didn't

1131
01:13:33,680 --> 01:13:36,160
Speaker 1: know if she would live or die. She shouldn't really,

1132
01:13:36,439 --> 01:13:41,880
Speaker 1: by all medical accounts, be here today, UM, but she

1133
01:13:41,880 --> 01:13:46,320
Speaker 1: she went through numerous blood transfusions she um you know,

1134
01:13:46,360 --> 01:13:49,160
Speaker 1: I think it was maybe seven or eight. She would

1135
01:13:49,160 --> 01:13:53,759
Speaker 1: stop breathing regularly. She literally she none of her organs

1136
01:13:53,800 --> 01:13:57,600
Speaker 1: could function. So it was a extremely stressful time. We

1137
01:13:57,680 --> 01:14:01,479
Speaker 1: didn't know whether or not she would make it. And UM,

1138
01:14:01,520 --> 01:14:03,920
Speaker 1: I also at the same time was supposed to be

1139
01:14:03,920 --> 01:14:06,800
Speaker 1: back in the United States to keep my green card permanent,

1140
01:14:07,400 --> 01:14:09,719
Speaker 1: and because I was not going to leave her side,

1141
01:14:10,280 --> 01:14:14,920
Speaker 1: my green card expired, and UM, they the United States

1142
01:14:14,960 --> 01:14:16,640
Speaker 1: government told me that I couldn't come back. So it

1143
01:14:16,680 --> 01:14:19,240
Speaker 1: was a series of things, and we finally came back

1144
01:14:19,280 --> 01:14:22,479
Speaker 1: to the United States three months into her birth because

1145
01:14:22,520 --> 01:14:24,920
Speaker 1: she had hydro and cephalitisly had water in a brain,

1146
01:14:25,360 --> 01:14:28,080
Speaker 1: and we finally realized that we had to get her

1147
01:14:28,080 --> 01:14:30,679
Speaker 1: back to the United States. I was able to resolve

1148
01:14:30,720 --> 01:14:33,960
Speaker 1: my immigration issues. We came back to the country, and

1149
01:14:34,120 --> 01:14:37,320
Speaker 1: it still took a very long time, and she had seizures,

1150
01:14:37,360 --> 01:14:40,759
Speaker 1: all kinds of things, and I really struggled. Katie. UM,

1151
01:14:40,840 --> 01:14:42,760
Speaker 1: and you know. This was one of the hard parts

1152
01:14:42,760 --> 01:14:45,840
Speaker 1: about talking about this was not just the birth and

1153
01:14:45,880 --> 01:14:47,920
Speaker 1: the experience of the birth, but what it does to us.

1154
01:14:48,400 --> 01:14:51,240
Speaker 1: And I went through postpartum depression. I went through post

1155
01:14:51,280 --> 01:14:57,080
Speaker 1: traumatic stress disorder. I contemplated suicide at one point, and

1156
01:14:57,160 --> 01:15:00,160
Speaker 1: I finally sought help. And I was also going through

1157
01:15:00,160 --> 01:15:03,960
Speaker 1: a divorce, my marriage suffered, and um. All of that

1158
01:15:04,080 --> 01:15:07,560
Speaker 1: was happening all at the same time, and I determined

1159
01:15:07,600 --> 01:15:09,639
Speaker 1: that I was not I wanted to have more children,

1160
01:15:09,680 --> 01:15:12,000
Speaker 1: but I was not ready to have more children. I

1161
01:15:12,040 --> 01:15:16,880
Speaker 1: met a wonderful man. I took my contraception religiously. I

1162
01:15:16,920 --> 01:15:19,240
Speaker 1: was on the pill, I had backup methods. I did

1163
01:15:19,280 --> 01:15:22,400
Speaker 1: everything I thought I needed to be doing, and I

1164
01:15:22,439 --> 01:15:27,200
Speaker 1: got pregnant, and I realized that there was no possible

1165
01:15:27,240 --> 01:15:31,000
Speaker 1: way that I could go through with the pregnancy because

1166
01:15:31,160 --> 01:15:36,120
Speaker 1: I was still emotionally trying to become well myself, and

1167
01:15:36,360 --> 01:15:39,479
Speaker 1: I was also still trying to take care of my daughter,

1168
01:15:39,640 --> 01:15:42,080
Speaker 1: who was still very sick and still had a lot

1169
01:15:42,080 --> 01:15:45,320
Speaker 1: of issues. And I just realized that there was no

1170
01:15:45,360 --> 01:15:47,880
Speaker 1: way the doctors could not guarantee. They said to me,

1171
01:15:48,560 --> 01:15:51,640
Speaker 1: we have no guarantee that your life will not be

1172
01:15:51,720 --> 01:15:53,720
Speaker 1: in the same danger as it was last time. They

1173
01:15:53,720 --> 01:15:55,880
Speaker 1: had told me, by the way in my first pregnancy

1174
01:15:55,960 --> 01:15:59,080
Speaker 1: that I could potentially die there was they put it

1175
01:15:59,120 --> 01:16:03,160
Speaker 1: at a sixty forty chance. Um, and I decided to

1176
01:16:03,200 --> 01:16:06,800
Speaker 1: go ahead, but I you know, I couldn't go through

1177
01:16:06,840 --> 01:16:12,360
Speaker 1: that again with Kashika. And to this day it is

1178
01:16:12,400 --> 01:16:16,400
Speaker 1: hard to talk about, but UM, I think it brings

1179
01:16:16,439 --> 01:16:20,120
Speaker 1: about the really critical pieces of what you go through.

1180
01:16:20,160 --> 01:16:22,240
Speaker 1: And I was lucky, Katie because I live in a

1181
01:16:22,320 --> 01:16:24,880
Speaker 1: state where abortion is legal. We put it to the

1182
01:16:24,960 --> 01:16:28,599
Speaker 1: voters and the voters said, yes, abortion should be legal.

1183
01:16:28,640 --> 01:16:31,639
Speaker 1: And so I had an amazing abortion doctor who I'm

1184
01:16:31,680 --> 01:16:35,559
Speaker 1: still in touch with, who was compassionate and I have

1185
01:16:35,920 --> 01:16:39,479
Speaker 1: I had a wonderful partner who did everything he needed

1186
01:16:39,520 --> 01:16:42,000
Speaker 1: to do to support me to make the decision. But

1187
01:16:42,120 --> 01:16:44,639
Speaker 1: it was my decision and it could only have been

1188
01:16:44,760 --> 01:16:48,840
Speaker 1: my decision. My name is Carly and I'm twenty five

1189
01:16:48,920 --> 01:16:53,200
Speaker 1: year old living in Charleston, South Carolina. I was in

1190
01:16:53,280 --> 01:16:58,840
Speaker 1: a not so um good relationship and UM started getting

1191
01:16:58,840 --> 01:17:02,160
Speaker 1: really sick, like I cook for a living and like

1192
01:17:02,280 --> 01:17:04,599
Speaker 1: these normal styles started to like make me nauseous and said,

1193
01:17:04,880 --> 01:17:07,120
Speaker 1: obviously it took a test in front I was pregnant.

1194
01:17:07,160 --> 01:17:10,840
Speaker 1: I knew immediately that I was not ready. I was

1195
01:17:10,880 --> 01:17:13,760
Speaker 1: in no situation to have a child, and made an

1196
01:17:13,760 --> 01:17:16,640
Speaker 1: appoint with Plan Parenthood. And it took a while. I

1197
01:17:16,680 --> 01:17:21,839
Speaker 1: almost missed the UM twelve week mark down here, um

1198
01:17:21,920 --> 01:17:23,599
Speaker 1: because of how backed up, but it is there's only

1199
01:17:23,600 --> 01:17:27,599
Speaker 1: one clinic in my area that um, you know, manages

1200
01:17:27,640 --> 01:17:30,280
Speaker 1: abortion here and so I was able to get in

1201
01:17:30,400 --> 01:17:33,120
Speaker 1: and I had to do the actual procedure itself, not

1202
01:17:33,240 --> 01:17:39,240
Speaker 1: the pill, and um it was super traumatizing and the

1203
01:17:39,320 --> 01:17:41,720
Speaker 1: front staff was very very nice to me, like you know,

1204
01:17:41,720 --> 01:17:43,360
Speaker 1: they were doing the bestday camp. But I felt like

1205
01:17:44,320 --> 01:17:47,519
Speaker 1: the doctor who was performing in like he it's almost

1206
01:17:47,600 --> 01:17:50,000
Speaker 1: like I would say, he was like he didn't like

1207
01:17:50,120 --> 01:17:52,559
Speaker 1: doing it, but he was like not very common, like

1208
01:17:52,640 --> 01:17:54,920
Speaker 1: it was just a very like almost hoss olevery tense

1209
01:17:54,920 --> 01:17:57,360
Speaker 1: place to be, Like he was like he was doing

1210
01:17:57,400 --> 01:17:59,360
Speaker 1: his medical duties, but like he was al once again,

1211
01:17:59,400 --> 01:18:01,360
Speaker 1: stay like that's it I felt in the room at

1212
01:18:01,439 --> 01:18:04,479
Speaker 1: that time. And then um, they didn't really go like

1213
01:18:04,920 --> 01:18:07,519
Speaker 1: for the aftercare, like they make you sit in the

1214
01:18:07,600 --> 01:18:09,200
Speaker 1: room and I think you've to use the rest room

1215
01:18:09,240 --> 01:18:13,120
Speaker 1: before you I remember correctly, Um, but noone talks about

1216
01:18:13,120 --> 01:18:15,600
Speaker 1: like they they say there might be some spot, but

1217
01:18:15,640 --> 01:18:17,840
Speaker 1: doone talks about like the amount of like blood lost

1218
01:18:17,880 --> 01:18:21,360
Speaker 1: that can happen and how that's like that's typically normal.

1219
01:18:21,479 --> 01:18:23,400
Speaker 1: So like I was, like I took a few days

1220
01:18:23,400 --> 01:18:25,839
Speaker 1: off of work because it was just like so horrendous.

1221
01:18:25,880 --> 01:18:27,879
Speaker 1: I was so sick, and they didn't really like explain

1222
01:18:27,920 --> 01:18:29,920
Speaker 1: that in detail. They were just kind of like, oh,

1223
01:18:30,080 --> 01:18:32,080
Speaker 1: all right, go on your merry way, and like didn't

1224
01:18:32,080 --> 01:18:34,479
Speaker 1: provide any support like um when he came to like

1225
01:18:34,520 --> 01:18:37,840
Speaker 1: abortion doulahs or any resources for like um mental health.

1226
01:18:37,880 --> 01:18:40,920
Speaker 1: And I think that probably kind of hindered like my

1227
01:18:41,000 --> 01:18:42,920
Speaker 1: healing process a little bit because I didn't know what

1228
01:18:42,960 --> 01:18:46,040
Speaker 1: to do. Like it was just like okay and you're done, goodbye,

1229
01:18:46,800 --> 01:18:48,720
Speaker 1: And so that I think that was the town type

1230
01:18:48,720 --> 01:18:50,880
Speaker 1: of thing, because he was just like it's like still

1231
01:18:50,960 --> 01:18:53,200
Speaker 1: very under wrapped, even though you're like out of plant parenthood,

1232
01:18:53,240 --> 01:18:55,519
Speaker 1: Like I'm in the South, I'm in the Bible Belt,

1233
01:18:55,640 --> 01:18:58,000
Speaker 1: so it's just like even the clinic is still like

1234
01:18:58,040 --> 01:19:01,559
Speaker 1: super high hush, and then so it's just like I think, yeah,

1235
01:19:01,600 --> 01:19:03,720
Speaker 1: they just want you in and out. And then my

1236
01:19:03,800 --> 01:19:06,599
Speaker 1: family knew and they were sportive of my decision, but yeah,

1237
01:19:06,600 --> 01:19:08,559
Speaker 1: it was just like we don't talk about it. Like

1238
01:19:08,600 --> 01:19:11,080
Speaker 1: any time I was upset, it was just like, oh, well,

1239
01:19:11,360 --> 01:19:14,120
Speaker 1: you know, it's this choice you made, and it's like that, yeah,

1240
01:19:14,439 --> 01:19:16,400
Speaker 1: but like not every choice in life, where whether it

1241
01:19:16,400 --> 01:19:19,680
Speaker 1: when it comes to abortion or not, there's choices we're

1242
01:19:19,680 --> 01:19:21,519
Speaker 1: gonna have to make in life that aren't easy choices.

1243
01:19:21,560 --> 01:19:23,719
Speaker 1: And just because this one has to do with abortion

1244
01:19:23,800 --> 01:19:26,720
Speaker 1: doesn't take away from that hurt I personally felt when

1245
01:19:26,720 --> 01:19:30,360
Speaker 1: I went through that, and you know, like my partner

1246
01:19:30,479 --> 01:19:33,360
Speaker 1: was like upset with me or like months down the road,

1247
01:19:33,400 --> 01:19:35,519
Speaker 1: like you know, he finally like turned around was like, well,

1248
01:19:35,600 --> 01:19:37,920
Speaker 1: you know you should it's my say too, and so

1249
01:19:38,040 --> 01:19:40,920
Speaker 1: they got that stigment to like you know, like it

1250
01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:42,800
Speaker 1: was just like it's just all of it was just

1251
01:19:42,880 --> 01:19:45,840
Speaker 1: so much like and then yeah, we just don't talk

1252
01:19:45,880 --> 01:19:49,200
Speaker 1: about it. I was almost ashamed because like I was like, wow,

1253
01:19:49,320 --> 01:19:51,320
Speaker 1: like not a lot of people go through this process.

1254
01:19:51,800 --> 01:19:55,000
Speaker 1: And then when I um I got diagnosed with HIV

1255
01:19:55,080 --> 01:19:57,439
Speaker 1: in the beginning of twenty I started to share my

1256
01:19:57,520 --> 01:20:01,200
Speaker 1: story because I became like an active for HIV care

1257
01:20:01,880 --> 01:20:04,120
Speaker 1: and then I found out how many people have had

1258
01:20:04,160 --> 01:20:07,000
Speaker 1: abortions or they've been with their friends and family members

1259
01:20:07,040 --> 01:20:10,200
Speaker 1: to support them, because like you typically take someone because

1260
01:20:10,240 --> 01:20:13,560
Speaker 1: they UM, sometimes they'll give you like anti anxiety meds beforehand.

1261
01:20:14,400 --> 01:20:16,240
Speaker 1: And I was just like, wow, why don't why aren't

1262
01:20:16,240 --> 01:20:18,639
Speaker 1: we talking about this? And like it was that's when

1263
01:20:18,640 --> 01:20:20,639
Speaker 1: I really started to open up, and then it led

1264
01:20:20,680 --> 01:20:23,320
Speaker 1: to other people opening up, and I was just it

1265
01:20:23,400 --> 01:20:25,880
Speaker 1: was such it. And then when I started sharing my story,

1266
01:20:26,040 --> 01:20:29,280
Speaker 1: like everyone coming together and us talking about it like

1267
01:20:29,320 --> 01:20:31,320
Speaker 1: really helped me work through that and be like, wow,

1268
01:20:31,360 --> 01:20:34,439
Speaker 1: there's no there's no shame, there's nothing, and it was

1269
01:20:34,479 --> 01:20:37,880
Speaker 1: just we're just I was done being quiet about it.

1270
01:20:40,439 --> 01:20:42,640
Speaker 1: My name is Belinda and I was seventeen when I

1271
01:20:42,680 --> 01:20:45,920
Speaker 1: had an abortion. I grew up in a pretty small town,

1272
01:20:46,040 --> 01:20:51,439
Speaker 1: about twelve thousand people, and it was raised I guess

1273
01:20:51,439 --> 01:20:55,640
Speaker 1: you could call it Southern Baptist um. You know, very

1274
01:20:56,520 --> 01:20:59,960
Speaker 1: just certain morals, certain things that you just didn't believe.

1275
01:21:00,040 --> 01:21:03,000
Speaker 1: Even abortion was one of those things. You know. I

1276
01:21:03,479 --> 01:21:06,880
Speaker 1: always thought, who does that? That's a horrible thing. I

1277
01:21:06,880 --> 01:21:10,679
Speaker 1: would never do that. And then when I was seventeen

1278
01:21:10,800 --> 01:21:15,439
Speaker 1: years old, UM I was date raped by UM, an

1279
01:21:15,439 --> 01:21:19,320
Speaker 1: old boyfriend. I was getting ready to start college and

1280
01:21:20,280 --> 01:21:25,200
Speaker 1: after that happened to me. It is incredible to me

1281
01:21:25,320 --> 01:21:29,799
Speaker 1: that there was never even a second in my mind

1282
01:21:30,040 --> 01:21:32,719
Speaker 1: about what I was going to do. There was never

1283
01:21:33,880 --> 01:21:36,280
Speaker 1: you know, oh, I've been for seventeen years. This is

1284
01:21:36,320 --> 01:21:39,960
Speaker 1: what I've been raised. That's horrible. What should I do?

1285
01:21:40,160 --> 01:21:42,599
Speaker 1: It was, this is what I'm going to do. I'm

1286
01:21:42,600 --> 01:21:48,280
Speaker 1: going to terminate this pregnancy. I'm seventeen, I have college.

1287
01:21:48,840 --> 01:21:52,240
Speaker 1: The way it happened, it was just too much. So

1288
01:21:53,160 --> 01:22:00,000
Speaker 1: that's what led me to decide to get the abortion. So. UM,

1289
01:22:00,120 --> 01:22:03,439
Speaker 1: I had an older sister who I don't have a

1290
01:22:03,479 --> 01:22:09,000
Speaker 1: relationship with now, but she had had one, and so

1291
01:22:09,520 --> 01:22:12,240
Speaker 1: I reached out to her. You know, of course my

1292
01:22:12,320 --> 01:22:16,880
Speaker 1: close girlfriends knew, and you're so young and naive that

1293
01:22:17,760 --> 01:22:21,519
Speaker 1: even though I probably did for pregnancy tests, take home

1294
01:22:21,560 --> 01:22:25,160
Speaker 1: pregnancy tests, I still was like, no, I'm not pregnant.

1295
01:22:25,200 --> 01:22:28,759
Speaker 1: I'm not pregnant. I'm you know. Um. So I told

1296
01:22:28,760 --> 01:22:33,920
Speaker 1: my sister, who again I don't have a relationship with her,

1297
01:22:33,960 --> 01:22:37,640
Speaker 1: but she ended up telling her mother. And so I

1298
01:22:37,720 --> 01:22:41,800
Speaker 1: came home one day, UM and just came into the

1299
01:22:41,800 --> 01:22:45,040
Speaker 1: house and my my mom was It was funny because

1300
01:22:45,040 --> 01:22:49,080
Speaker 1: my mom was upset and she said she handed me

1301
01:22:49,120 --> 01:22:52,639
Speaker 1: this bottle of prescription medication and she said, take these.

1302
01:22:53,200 --> 01:22:57,240
Speaker 1: So if you're not starting your period because of stress,

1303
01:22:57,320 --> 01:22:59,920
Speaker 1: you'll start your period. So she had called the dog

1304
01:23:00,120 --> 01:23:02,640
Speaker 1: her and said this is what's so. I don't have

1305
01:23:02,680 --> 01:23:06,880
Speaker 1: any idea what that was, but if you know, if

1306
01:23:06,920 --> 01:23:09,400
Speaker 1: it was going to happen naturally, I would have started

1307
01:23:09,439 --> 01:23:13,120
Speaker 1: and I didn't, and so my mother got involved. I

1308
01:23:13,320 --> 01:23:16,000
Speaker 1: probably didn't tell my mom the truth of the story

1309
01:23:16,360 --> 01:23:21,800
Speaker 1: until probably around I would stay around nineteen ninety. It

1310
01:23:21,840 --> 01:23:24,360
Speaker 1: took me a long time to tell her what had

1311
01:23:24,400 --> 01:23:29,960
Speaker 1: actually happened. But so, yeah, my mom was involved. And funny,

1312
01:23:30,120 --> 01:23:33,759
Speaker 1: we had a doctor in my town that delivered babies

1313
01:23:34,360 --> 01:23:39,200
Speaker 1: but also did abortions. You know, this was in three

1314
01:23:39,320 --> 01:23:43,800
Speaker 1: and so um that's you know. My mom called and

1315
01:23:43,840 --> 01:23:46,080
Speaker 1: made me the appointment, and then I went with a

1316
01:23:46,120 --> 01:23:49,320
Speaker 1: family member because my mother had to work and couldn't

1317
01:23:49,320 --> 01:23:52,400
Speaker 1: go with me. But it just was never talked about

1318
01:23:52,439 --> 01:23:56,040
Speaker 1: after that point. It wasn't something I ever thought I

1319
01:23:56,040 --> 01:23:59,479
Speaker 1: would do. I was I didn't believe in it. I

1320
01:23:59,520 --> 01:24:01,920
Speaker 1: didn't think people should do it, and when I made

1321
01:24:01,920 --> 01:24:05,439
Speaker 1: the decision, I just never looked back. It was it

1322
01:24:05,520 --> 01:24:08,559
Speaker 1: was the right choice, and I stand by it to

1323
01:24:08,680 --> 01:24:16,080
Speaker 1: this day. I was in grad school for Sexual and

1324
01:24:16,120 --> 01:24:20,360
Speaker 1: Reproductive Health UM during my Master of Public health at Columbia,

1325
01:24:21,080 --> 01:24:25,960
Speaker 1: and I found out I was pregnant a few months

1326
01:24:26,000 --> 01:24:32,639
Speaker 1: before graduation, and I UM, it was a really weird week.

1327
01:24:32,760 --> 01:24:36,000
Speaker 1: It happened to be the week that in multiple classes

1328
01:24:36,080 --> 01:24:42,160
Speaker 1: we were focusing specifically on pregnancy UM, and that was

1329
01:24:42,240 --> 01:24:48,880
Speaker 1: completely coincidental UM. But because of my my access and

1330
01:24:49,560 --> 01:24:53,280
Speaker 1: also UM kind of the knowledge that I had from

1331
01:24:53,320 --> 01:24:59,120
Speaker 1: my professional work UM, I felt pretty comfortable with what

1332
01:24:59,280 --> 01:25:03,440
Speaker 1: I knew kind of the steps to take UM about

1333
01:25:03,479 --> 01:25:05,839
Speaker 1: how to access the care that I wanted to access.

1334
01:25:05,920 --> 01:25:10,920
Speaker 1: So UM I made an appointment with my primary care

1335
01:25:11,000 --> 01:25:16,480
Speaker 1: doctor in Brooklyn UM to confirm the pregnancy, and simultaneously

1336
01:25:16,600 --> 01:25:22,320
Speaker 1: made an appointment at Planned Parenthood UM, and I knew

1337
01:25:22,400 --> 01:25:27,080
Speaker 1: that I wanted to have an in clinic abortion, even

1338
01:25:27,080 --> 01:25:30,000
Speaker 1: though I knew that I was very early. I have

1339
01:25:30,439 --> 01:25:35,120
Speaker 1: some chronic illnesses so UM. I tend to be very

1340
01:25:35,160 --> 01:25:38,960
Speaker 1: sensitive to a lot of medications, and UM I was

1341
01:25:39,040 --> 01:25:43,080
Speaker 1: much more comfortable with the idea of having a surgical

1342
01:25:43,120 --> 01:25:49,320
Speaker 1: abortion than rather than using the medication pills that UM

1343
01:25:49,479 --> 01:25:55,160
Speaker 1: affect hormones. Obviously, that's how they work. UM, So I

1344
01:25:55,200 --> 01:25:59,559
Speaker 1: made an appointment UM and in the meantime, I went

1345
01:25:59,600 --> 01:26:03,879
Speaker 1: to my doctor about about two days before. It was Thursday.

1346
01:26:03,920 --> 01:26:08,760
Speaker 1: My appointment was on Saturday, UM and she confirmed my pregnancy.

1347
01:26:08,840 --> 01:26:10,800
Speaker 1: And then the other reason I went to her is

1348
01:26:10,840 --> 01:26:15,320
Speaker 1: because I was already having really, really really intense nausea

1349
01:26:16,120 --> 01:26:20,560
Speaker 1: and UM I wanted to see whether she could prescribe

1350
01:26:20,640 --> 01:26:23,680
Speaker 1: some kind of stronger anti nausea medication that could help me,

1351
01:26:24,400 --> 01:26:26,840
Speaker 1: even just in those two days and then in the

1352
01:26:27,479 --> 01:26:31,639
Speaker 1: following days before the pregnancy hormones kind of subsided after

1353
01:26:32,000 --> 01:26:38,639
Speaker 1: the procedure UM and UM, I had a specific idea

1354
01:26:38,720 --> 01:26:41,280
Speaker 1: of a drug that I take for UM for my

1355
01:26:41,400 --> 01:26:44,240
Speaker 1: migraine that I've always had a really good response to.

1356
01:26:44,960 --> 01:26:48,680
Speaker 1: UM and I asked whether I could UM kind of

1357
01:26:48,720 --> 01:26:51,000
Speaker 1: re up my prescription for that because I was running

1358
01:26:51,040 --> 01:26:56,240
Speaker 1: out at home and UM she looked up kind of

1359
01:26:56,280 --> 01:26:59,599
Speaker 1: the drug interactions and whatever and said, you know all

1360
01:26:59,680 --> 01:27:02,640
Speaker 1: this maybe you know just so you know, there's a

1361
01:27:02,760 --> 01:27:06,640
Speaker 1: somewhat of an interaction with your anti depressants. So I

1362
01:27:06,680 --> 01:27:09,080
Speaker 1: was aware of that because I had taken the medication before.

1363
01:27:09,760 --> 01:27:13,040
Speaker 1: UM and I said, you know, thank you for telling me.

1364
01:27:13,120 --> 01:27:17,920
Speaker 1: I'm I'm comfortable with taking it. UM. And then a

1365
01:27:18,040 --> 01:27:23,800
Speaker 1: moment later she stopped and said, actually, I don't know

1366
01:27:23,880 --> 01:27:27,600
Speaker 1: that I want to give this to you because it

1367
01:27:27,760 --> 01:27:33,240
Speaker 1: says here that it's not recommended for pregnant women. And

1368
01:27:33,720 --> 01:27:40,000
Speaker 1: I was confused and said, well, I know that I'm

1369
01:27:40,040 --> 01:27:44,240
Speaker 1: pregnant now, but it's not going to be much longer. Um.

1370
01:27:44,320 --> 01:27:47,800
Speaker 1: And she refused to give me the medication because she

1371
01:27:48,120 --> 01:27:51,960
Speaker 1: was afraid that I would change my mind. UM, And

1372
01:27:52,600 --> 01:27:58,479
Speaker 1: I was. I was shocked, honestly, and also really upset

1373
01:27:58,560 --> 01:28:02,280
Speaker 1: by the interaction. Has It felt like she was giving

1374
01:28:02,280 --> 01:28:06,040
Speaker 1: me her own personal waiting period. I was in a

1375
01:28:06,120 --> 01:28:12,160
Speaker 1: state that has a state mandated waiting period. Um, because

1376
01:28:12,400 --> 01:28:15,439
Speaker 1: the idea that saying I want an abortion of you're

1377
01:28:15,439 --> 01:28:17,479
Speaker 1: going to have to wait forty eight hours and check

1378
01:28:17,520 --> 01:28:19,519
Speaker 1: again and if you still want it, then I'll give

1379
01:28:19,560 --> 01:28:24,680
Speaker 1: it to you. UM. It felt like that. And UM,

1380
01:28:24,720 --> 01:28:26,840
Speaker 1: you know, no matter how much I said to her,

1381
01:28:27,479 --> 01:28:30,200
Speaker 1: there is zero chance I'm going to change my mind.

1382
01:28:30,400 --> 01:28:34,080
Speaker 1: There is absolutely zero chance. I know for certain this

1383
01:28:34,160 --> 01:28:37,679
Speaker 1: is what I want to do. UM. And it's also

1384
01:28:37,800 --> 01:28:43,760
Speaker 1: two days away. She didn't budge, and UM, I know

1385
01:28:43,920 --> 01:28:47,920
Speaker 1: that it has to do with you know, She was

1386
01:28:47,920 --> 01:28:52,519
Speaker 1: afraid of legal ramifications of her choice more so than

1387
01:28:52,760 --> 01:28:55,920
Speaker 1: you know, the moral ones. But it doesn't change the

1388
01:28:55,960 --> 01:29:00,400
Speaker 1: fact that it meant that her fear around at and

1389
01:29:00,439 --> 01:29:03,799
Speaker 1: this kind of belief that I could potentially change my mind,

1390
01:29:04,320 --> 01:29:07,639
Speaker 1: even though I was an adult telling her I wasn't

1391
01:29:07,680 --> 01:29:11,040
Speaker 1: going to UM and it was again two days away.

1392
01:29:11,800 --> 01:29:17,040
Speaker 1: UM that superseded basically the quality of care that I

1393
01:29:17,040 --> 01:29:21,439
Speaker 1: should have received in that appointment UM. And she ended

1394
01:29:21,520 --> 01:29:27,680
Speaker 1: up prescribing me a pregnancy specific specialty drug UM that

1395
01:29:27,800 --> 01:29:31,439
Speaker 1: my insurance didn't cover when I went to go pick

1396
01:29:31,479 --> 01:29:33,600
Speaker 1: it up UM, and it was going to be hundreds

1397
01:29:33,640 --> 01:29:37,880
Speaker 1: of dollars UM. Obviously, I wasn't interested in doing that.

1398
01:29:38,439 --> 01:29:41,760
Speaker 1: I was I was really uncomfortable with how nauseated I was,

1399
01:29:42,960 --> 01:29:46,120
Speaker 1: But it wasn't you know, I wasn't going to the

1400
01:29:46,120 --> 01:29:49,880
Speaker 1: emergency room level, I wasn't vomiting UM. I was fine.

1401
01:29:50,040 --> 01:29:52,000
Speaker 1: It was just really more to do with my comfort.

1402
01:29:52,120 --> 01:29:56,240
Speaker 1: So I said, no, I'm fine. I sent my primary

1403
01:29:56,240 --> 01:29:59,840
Speaker 1: care doctor a message and explained, and I asked her

1404
01:29:59,840 --> 01:30:04,000
Speaker 1: a again, please just give me this medication that I

1405
01:30:04,080 --> 01:30:06,760
Speaker 1: know is safe for me to take, given all I've

1406
01:30:06,800 --> 01:30:09,880
Speaker 1: taken it before. I have a good response, I'm not

1407
01:30:09,960 --> 01:30:14,160
Speaker 1: keeping this pregnancy UM, and she ended up getting it

1408
01:30:14,200 --> 01:30:18,800
Speaker 1: to me. UM. She prescribed a few pills and UM.

1409
01:30:19,000 --> 01:30:22,599
Speaker 1: I never went back to her ever again. I didn't

1410
01:30:22,600 --> 01:30:28,000
Speaker 1: even tell her why. I was just UM. Absolutely, I

1411
01:30:28,120 --> 01:30:30,760
Speaker 1: just felt like my trust or it felt like she

1412
01:30:30,800 --> 01:30:35,799
Speaker 1: didn't trust me because she didn't UM, and that meant

1413
01:30:35,840 --> 01:30:40,400
Speaker 1: that for me, especially with chronic illnesses, my relationship with

1414
01:30:40,400 --> 01:30:44,599
Speaker 1: my doctors is so incredibly important to me UM and

1415
01:30:44,880 --> 01:30:48,200
Speaker 1: having feeling like they don't trust me is like, that's

1416
01:30:48,320 --> 01:30:54,400
Speaker 1: not gonna work for me. So UM. When I ended

1417
01:30:54,479 --> 01:30:58,400
Speaker 1: up going to get the abortion UM two days later,

1418
01:30:59,280 --> 01:31:04,479
Speaker 1: I hold the UM the doctor and UM. I had

1419
01:31:04,520 --> 01:31:08,960
Speaker 1: to physicians and UM a couple of nurses in the room,

1420
01:31:09,160 --> 01:31:13,840
Speaker 1: and they were absolutely lovely. They were really interested in

1421
01:31:13,920 --> 01:31:18,400
Speaker 1: my work and UM and I told them about this

1422
01:31:18,520 --> 01:31:22,840
Speaker 1: story but would happened with my primary care doctor and

1423
01:31:22,880 --> 01:31:27,599
Speaker 1: they were horrified UM. And also told me that actually

1424
01:31:27,680 --> 01:31:30,519
Speaker 1: the drug that she was afraid of prescribing to me

1425
01:31:30,720 --> 01:31:35,200
Speaker 1: is prescribed off label all the time for morning sickness

1426
01:31:35,439 --> 01:31:39,400
Speaker 1: UM and is UM. It's just a case of the

1427
01:31:39,400 --> 01:31:45,160
Speaker 1: fact that clinical research hasn't definitively proven it's safe for

1428
01:31:45,320 --> 01:31:50,000
Speaker 1: UM for the pregnancy. UM not it's definitely safe for

1429
01:31:50,000 --> 01:31:55,320
Speaker 1: the person who's pregnant. UM, and there's no evidence to

1430
01:31:55,360 --> 01:31:58,320
Speaker 1: suggest it isn't safe. It just hasn't been definitively proven

1431
01:31:58,320 --> 01:32:03,120
Speaker 1: that it is. UM and UM. You know, the care

1432
01:32:03,160 --> 01:32:07,760
Speaker 1: that I received there was absolutely amazing. I was I

1433
01:32:07,880 --> 01:32:11,960
Speaker 1: was in and out in less than maybe four hours.

1434
01:32:12,360 --> 01:32:16,160
Speaker 1: Even though there's the ultrasound and lots of counseling and

1435
01:32:16,800 --> 01:32:21,720
Speaker 1: UM it was. It always felt very comfortable and UM

1436
01:32:21,760 --> 01:32:26,800
Speaker 1: like my like I was being respected and trusted. UM.

1437
01:32:26,920 --> 01:32:31,320
Speaker 1: And I had an abortion do LA and that was

1438
01:32:31,439 --> 01:32:35,760
Speaker 1: really wonderful. UM. Even just having the option made me

1439
01:32:35,840 --> 01:32:39,320
Speaker 1: feel so much more uncomfortable that they were even considering

1440
01:32:39,479 --> 01:32:45,920
Speaker 1: kind of the emotional UM needs of the patient and UM.

1441
01:32:46,000 --> 01:32:48,880
Speaker 1: The only other kind of hiccup that happened to do

1442
01:32:49,000 --> 01:32:53,880
Speaker 1: with my abortion was that I had confirmed with my

1443
01:32:54,880 --> 01:32:57,840
Speaker 1: health insurance that they would cover it. UM. I called them,

1444
01:32:57,880 --> 01:33:03,000
Speaker 1: I looked at the UM explanation of coverage. I looked

1445
01:33:03,080 --> 01:33:06,839
Speaker 1: at everything, and it was very clear that abortion was covered.

1446
01:33:07,800 --> 01:33:11,880
Speaker 1: Then I received a bill for a few hundred dollars

1447
01:33:12,560 --> 01:33:16,840
Speaker 1: UM from Planned Parenthood, and I called my insurance and

1448
01:33:16,880 --> 01:33:21,439
Speaker 1: I was confused, and they explained that oh, actually, only

1449
01:33:22,160 --> 01:33:27,799
Speaker 1: medically necessary abortions are covered, and they had never mentioned

1450
01:33:27,840 --> 01:33:32,680
Speaker 1: that before. UM, and they just made it sound like

1451
01:33:32,720 --> 01:33:36,680
Speaker 1: there was some kind of like miscommunication around whether it

1452
01:33:36,880 --> 01:33:41,400
Speaker 1: was UM, in their words, an elective abortion or UM

1453
01:33:41,600 --> 01:33:47,280
Speaker 1: medically necessary one. UM. But then UM, you know I was.

1454
01:33:47,520 --> 01:33:50,840
Speaker 1: I had the abortion for two main reasons. One, I

1455
01:33:50,880 --> 01:33:54,960
Speaker 1: don't want children, now that's a good one UM. And

1456
01:33:55,000 --> 01:33:58,000
Speaker 1: then the other thing is because of my chronic illnesses,

1457
01:33:58,080 --> 01:34:01,720
Speaker 1: I'm at a higher risk of pregnan and see complications.

1458
01:34:03,160 --> 01:34:11,439
Speaker 1: And it was absolutely consideration for me UM that I

1459
01:34:11,479 --> 01:34:14,479
Speaker 1: wasn't comfortable with the idea of continuing a pregnancy given

1460
01:34:14,520 --> 01:34:20,799
Speaker 1: my health and UM my insurance. The person I spoke

1461
01:34:20,880 --> 01:34:24,400
Speaker 1: to UM said that I would be able to kind

1462
01:34:24,400 --> 01:34:30,240
Speaker 1: of retrospectively at UM at a letter from a doctor

1463
01:34:30,520 --> 01:34:34,400
Speaker 1: saying that my abortion was medically necessary and then they

1464
01:34:34,439 --> 01:34:39,720
Speaker 1: would retrospectively cover it. UM. And I reached out to

1465
01:34:39,960 --> 01:34:47,280
Speaker 1: my geneticist and explained what had happened, and UM, they

1466
01:34:47,320 --> 01:34:50,040
Speaker 1: wouldn't write the letter because they said that there wasn't

1467
01:34:50,360 --> 01:34:54,639
Speaker 1: enough research done into my conditions and how they interact

1468
01:34:54,680 --> 01:35:01,360
Speaker 1: with pregnancy. And as somebody who works in you know,

1469
01:35:02,720 --> 01:35:07,559
Speaker 1: public health from in reproductive health specifically and also have

1470
01:35:08,040 --> 01:35:12,240
Speaker 1: these conditions. I know that that's not true. UM. There

1471
01:35:12,280 --> 01:35:17,360
Speaker 1: has been plenty of research very clearly linking the genetic

1472
01:35:17,479 --> 01:35:22,760
Speaker 1: disorder that I have with higher risk pregnancy complications and

1473
01:35:23,240 --> 01:35:31,360
Speaker 1: often worsened symptoms post pregnancy. UM and knowing that plenty

1474
01:35:31,400 --> 01:35:36,040
Speaker 1: of people end up getting UM approvedramatically necessary abortions for

1475
01:35:36,280 --> 01:35:41,400
Speaker 1: various health conditions, including mental health reasons UM and the

1476
01:35:41,439 --> 01:35:46,320
Speaker 1: fact that they wouldn't acknowledge that my chronic illnesses would

1477
01:35:46,360 --> 01:35:48,920
Speaker 1: be a valid reason to not want to continue a

1478
01:35:48,960 --> 01:35:58,080
Speaker 1: pregnancy even without the absolutely clear research that does exist UM,

1479
01:35:58,200 --> 01:36:01,000
Speaker 1: they ended up make it meant that I ended up

1480
01:36:01,040 --> 01:36:04,280
Speaker 1: having to pay for it out of pocket UM, and

1481
01:36:05,400 --> 01:36:07,080
Speaker 1: I had no clue that that was going to happen,

1482
01:36:07,720 --> 01:36:12,000
Speaker 1: but because of my financial situation, I was able to

1483
01:36:12,160 --> 01:36:16,759
Speaker 1: pay for it myself. And UM. In lots of ways,

1484
01:36:16,920 --> 01:36:22,640
Speaker 1: my story is kind of an example of someone with

1485
01:36:22,720 --> 01:36:27,800
Speaker 1: a lot of privilege geographic, financial, UM, informational, the fact

1486
01:36:27,840 --> 01:36:31,960
Speaker 1: that I work in this space UM, and I think

1487
01:36:32,160 --> 01:36:35,400
Speaker 1: kind of the one area in which that I don't

1488
01:36:35,439 --> 01:36:38,360
Speaker 1: have a lot of privileges is my health. And it

1489
01:36:38,439 --> 01:36:42,280
Speaker 1: was kind of ironic that I was experiencing these barriers

1490
01:36:42,960 --> 01:36:47,439
Speaker 1: um as a somewhat related to my health conditions, but

1491
01:36:47,479 --> 01:36:51,600
Speaker 1: then also through my doctors, um that they were the

1492
01:36:51,640 --> 01:36:54,519
Speaker 1: people who were kind of getting in the way between

1493
01:36:54,920 --> 01:36:58,679
Speaker 1: of me being having the access or it wasn't even

1494
01:36:58,720 --> 01:37:01,880
Speaker 1: access I went, stopping me from getting an abortion. They

1495
01:37:01,880 --> 01:37:07,000
Speaker 1: were just making it a little harder, um and more uncomfortable.

1496
01:37:07,080 --> 01:37:10,599
Speaker 1: And then also like this area, this kind of sense

1497
01:37:10,640 --> 01:37:13,960
Speaker 1: that they didn't trust me, um is was kind of

1498
01:37:14,360 --> 01:37:21,880
Speaker 1: um even worse um than than than the actual consequences

1499
01:37:21,960 --> 01:37:24,840
Speaker 1: of what happened. Although having to pay for um the

1500
01:37:24,840 --> 01:37:31,439
Speaker 1: abortion was pretty sad, um, but it was possible, so

1501
01:37:31,800 --> 01:37:35,320
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't It wasn't the end of the world,

1502
01:37:35,360 --> 01:37:37,439
Speaker 1: but it was it could have been for somebody else,

1503
01:37:37,479 --> 01:37:39,679
Speaker 1: you know, it could have been a much bigger deal

1504
01:37:39,760 --> 01:37:45,280
Speaker 1: for another person. And um, I think about that all

1505
01:37:45,280 --> 01:37:52,439
Speaker 1: the time. Honestly. My name is Natasha ko Techi and

1506
01:37:52,479 --> 01:37:55,840
Speaker 1: I am forty six years old, and I had an

1507
01:37:55,880 --> 01:38:00,120
Speaker 1: abortion when I was seventeen years old. I um, you know,

1508
01:38:00,160 --> 01:38:04,880
Speaker 1: I had a sexual relationship with two guys one summer

1509
01:38:04,920 --> 01:38:09,040
Speaker 1: before my senior year. I was free. I was exploring

1510
01:38:09,040 --> 01:38:12,960
Speaker 1: my own sexuality, which was very important and and I

1511
01:38:13,000 --> 01:38:16,840
Speaker 1: think that is something at the heart of women's reproductive

1512
01:38:16,920 --> 01:38:22,400
Speaker 1: justice that we don't often think about um sexuality, and

1513
01:38:22,439 --> 01:38:24,600
Speaker 1: I think I think it has a lot to do

1514
01:38:24,720 --> 01:38:29,040
Speaker 1: with UM. With this also, but um. And I found

1515
01:38:29,080 --> 01:38:33,479
Speaker 1: myself pregnant uh a couple of weeks after school started,

1516
01:38:33,640 --> 01:38:38,519
Speaker 1: and of course I called both of them, and both

1517
01:38:38,560 --> 01:38:41,200
Speaker 1: of them said, well, it's not mine, because suddenly I was,

1518
01:38:41,320 --> 01:38:45,519
Speaker 1: you know, the virgin Mary um. And they turned the

1519
01:38:45,560 --> 01:38:47,679
Speaker 1: backs on me and left me to figure it out.

1520
01:38:48,120 --> 01:38:52,000
Speaker 1: So I called my cousin who lived in Maryland, and

1521
01:38:52,160 --> 01:38:56,120
Speaker 1: she was She really stepped up to the plate for me.

1522
01:38:56,280 --> 01:38:59,040
Speaker 1: She did everything, she arranged everything. I didn't even bot

1523
01:38:59,080 --> 01:39:02,519
Speaker 1: an eyelid. And you know, I often struggle with the

1524
01:39:02,560 --> 01:39:06,240
Speaker 1: fact that I didn't even think twice about it. I

1525
01:39:07,760 --> 01:39:10,840
Speaker 1: it was always you're having an abortion. I never even thought,

1526
01:39:10,880 --> 01:39:13,280
Speaker 1: oh my god, let me think about this, let me

1527
01:39:13,320 --> 01:39:14,920
Speaker 1: see how it's going to go. It was. That was

1528
01:39:14,960 --> 01:39:18,680
Speaker 1: never the case. It was always I was having an abortion. UM.

1529
01:39:18,720 --> 01:39:21,040
Speaker 1: So thankfully I had a cousin who was older than me,

1530
01:39:21,080 --> 01:39:23,040
Speaker 1: who was able to take care of everything, and she did,

1531
01:39:23,080 --> 01:39:24,920
Speaker 1: and I met her at the clinic and she paid

1532
01:39:24,960 --> 01:39:27,040
Speaker 1: for it. I never paid her back, which I still

1533
01:39:27,320 --> 01:39:29,760
Speaker 1: feel very guilty about to this day, and I talked

1534
01:39:29,800 --> 01:39:35,760
Speaker 1: about with her often. UM And that was it. After that,

1535
01:39:36,000 --> 01:39:38,040
Speaker 1: all of my friends abandoned to me. I had no

1536
01:39:38,160 --> 01:39:40,760
Speaker 1: friends my whole senior year of high school. I went

1537
01:39:40,800 --> 01:39:43,800
Speaker 1: to a very small Catholic high school. I was one

1538
01:39:43,840 --> 01:39:50,120
Speaker 1: of fifteen graduating seniors. UM My supposed best friend who

1539
01:39:50,160 --> 01:39:52,559
Speaker 1: I went to school with, made it her business to

1540
01:39:52,600 --> 01:39:57,400
Speaker 1: tell everyone my business. UM and I had to confide

1541
01:39:57,680 --> 01:40:01,080
Speaker 1: in adults at my school that I had had an abortion.

1542
01:40:01,400 --> 01:40:06,400
Speaker 1: UM And in the handbook, the student handbook, it's specifically

1543
01:40:06,640 --> 01:40:11,000
Speaker 1: states that if you have an abortion, that we can

1544
01:40:11,080 --> 01:40:13,599
Speaker 1: remove you from the school. Now. Thankfully, the two adults

1545
01:40:13,640 --> 01:40:17,240
Speaker 1: that I had confided in did not tell anyone that

1546
01:40:17,920 --> 01:40:20,640
Speaker 1: had me removed from the school. But it was, you know,

1547
01:40:20,680 --> 01:40:24,080
Speaker 1: it was a very you know, it's a very Catholic school. UM.

1548
01:40:24,160 --> 01:40:28,280
Speaker 1: And so that year was hell for me. Living hell,

1549
01:40:28,320 --> 01:40:31,360
Speaker 1: I mean I was. I didn't struggle with the decision initially,

1550
01:40:31,439 --> 01:40:35,599
Speaker 1: but living with it without having a support system was

1551
01:40:35,880 --> 01:40:40,960
Speaker 1: really difficult for me. And UM, I fell into what

1552
01:40:41,120 --> 01:40:43,479
Speaker 1: I would call a depression. But I don't think it

1553
01:40:43,520 --> 01:40:45,680
Speaker 1: was a depression because of my abortion. I think it

1554
01:40:45,720 --> 01:40:48,240
Speaker 1: was a depression because I was sad and lonely that

1555
01:40:48,280 --> 01:40:52,200
Speaker 1: I didn't have any friends or support system. Um, and

1556
01:40:52,320 --> 01:40:55,240
Speaker 1: you know that manifests itself in different ways, and you know,

1557
01:40:55,400 --> 01:40:57,880
Speaker 1: kind of snowball when I graduated from my school. But

1558
01:40:59,000 --> 01:41:02,760
Speaker 1: that's my story, and you know, honestly, I thought about it.

1559
01:41:03,200 --> 01:41:05,160
Speaker 1: I think about I used to think about it all

1560
01:41:05,200 --> 01:41:06,840
Speaker 1: the time. I think about it all the time now

1561
01:41:06,880 --> 01:41:10,959
Speaker 1: because it's front and center of the news cycle. Um,

1562
01:41:10,960 --> 01:41:14,200
Speaker 1: But it did consume me for a long time. And

1563
01:41:14,520 --> 01:41:18,639
Speaker 1: I think what bothered me is that I didn't have anyone,

1564
01:41:19,320 --> 01:41:21,760
Speaker 1: you know, and and even my cousin who had set

1565
01:41:21,760 --> 01:41:25,000
Speaker 1: everything up, she wasn't able to provide the emotional support

1566
01:41:25,040 --> 01:41:29,280
Speaker 1: that I needed, which is why I became an abortion Duela.

1567
01:41:29,439 --> 01:41:35,400
Speaker 1: It's one of the most rewarding and um, you know,

1568
01:41:35,840 --> 01:41:38,559
Speaker 1: as I said in my Shout your Abortion story, I

1569
01:41:38,640 --> 01:41:42,479
Speaker 1: needed to become who I needed and that has helped

1570
01:41:42,479 --> 01:41:47,280
Speaker 1: me in more ways than I can ever express. Once again,

1571
01:41:47,360 --> 01:41:53,360
Speaker 1: here's renamed Bracy Sherman from We testify my goal with

1572
01:41:53,400 --> 01:41:55,800
Speaker 1: whatever we do with we testify, whether it's any of

1573
01:41:55,800 --> 01:41:59,719
Speaker 1: our campaigns or efforts like it is to end the stigma,

1574
01:41:59,760 --> 01:42:03,559
Speaker 1: which the pervasive belief all around us that abortion is

1575
01:42:03,600 --> 01:42:07,240
Speaker 1: something to be whispered and not talked about. UM. To

1576
01:42:07,439 --> 01:42:09,599
Speaker 1: end that stigma, to end the way that people who

1577
01:42:09,600 --> 01:42:15,479
Speaker 1: have abortions are treated with disrespect and just like lack

1578
01:42:15,520 --> 01:42:19,479
Speaker 1: of any sort of autonomy or used for our stories.

1579
01:42:20,240 --> 01:42:23,280
Speaker 1: UM and create a world in which we are loved

1580
01:42:23,360 --> 01:42:28,320
Speaker 1: and honored and celebrated and supported. And to teach people

1581
01:42:28,360 --> 01:42:30,280
Speaker 1: who haven't had abortions how to love us and how

1582
01:42:30,280 --> 01:42:32,280
Speaker 1: to show up for that loved one in your life

1583
01:42:33,200 --> 01:42:36,240
Speaker 1: who needs an abortion, because there is one, I promise,

1584
01:42:36,760 --> 01:42:38,280
Speaker 1: and they are hoping that they can come to you

1585
01:42:38,320 --> 01:42:41,160
Speaker 1: for some support. And they have been listening to everything

1586
01:42:41,200 --> 01:42:43,320
Speaker 1: you say along the way to see whether or not

1587
01:42:43,400 --> 01:42:47,760
Speaker 1: you're a safe person. And so everything we do, all

1588
01:42:47,760 --> 01:42:52,679
Speaker 1: our social media and art projects and campaigns, they're beautiful,

1589
01:42:52,720 --> 01:42:54,720
Speaker 1: and we want them to be a beautiful mirror of

1590
01:42:54,800 --> 01:42:57,960
Speaker 1: people who have abortions, because we know that we're beautiful

1591
01:42:57,960 --> 01:43:00,760
Speaker 1: people who just walk among us. We're asked to do

1592
01:43:00,800 --> 01:43:04,000
Speaker 1: it silently, and I'm saying that we shouldn't need to

1593
01:43:04,040 --> 01:43:09,080
Speaker 1: do that anymore. If you want to share your own

1594
01:43:09,120 --> 01:43:13,840
Speaker 1: abortion story, connect with other storytellers, or find ways to help,

1595
01:43:14,320 --> 01:43:17,760
Speaker 1: you can visit we testify dot Org, as well as

1596
01:43:17,800 --> 01:43:23,120
Speaker 1: shout your Abortion dot Com. Thank you again for listening, everyone,

1597
01:43:23,360 --> 01:43:27,280
Speaker 1: for sharing your thoughts, and for sharing this podcast. We

1598
01:43:27,320 --> 01:43:31,639
Speaker 1: hope it encourages, at the very least conversations around this

1599
01:43:31,840 --> 01:43:36,040
Speaker 1: important but often taboo topic. Check out the description of

1600
01:43:36,080 --> 01:43:39,920
Speaker 1: this episode for more ways you can help and organizations

1601
01:43:39,960 --> 01:43:43,080
Speaker 1: and people you can follow to stay engaged in the

1602
01:43:43,120 --> 01:43:55,600
Speaker 1: fight for reproductive rights. Abortion. The Body Politic is executive

1603
01:43:55,640 --> 01:43:59,320
Speaker 1: produced by me Katie Couric and was created by small

1604
01:43:59,400 --> 01:44:05,400
Speaker 1: team led by our intrepid supervising producer Lauren Hansen. Editing

1605
01:44:05,439 --> 01:44:09,400
Speaker 1: and sound designed by Derrick Clements, researched by Nina Perlman,

1606
01:44:09,960 --> 01:44:14,280
Speaker 1: and a special thanks to CASEM producers Fortney Litz and

1607
01:44:14,439 --> 01:44:15,599
Speaker 1: Adriana Fasio.