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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly

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Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small

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Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions

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Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy hard and Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

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Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website

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Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope

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Speaker 1: you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it

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Speaker 1: is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with

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Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much

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Speaker 1: for joining me for session on the Therapy for Black

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Speaker 1: Girls Podcast. Today, I'm excited to share a conversation with

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Speaker 1: you with one of those people who just exudes peace

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Speaker 1: and calm. Today I'm chatting with Dr Crystal Jones. Dr

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Speaker 1: Jones is a dynamic anchor into the depth of stillness,

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Speaker 1: trained and certified in many languages of healing. Her chosen

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Speaker 1: path is that of the witness. Dr Jones and I

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Speaker 1: chatted about what sound therapy is and how she uses

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Speaker 1: it with clients, how she's been able to cultivate stillness

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Speaker 1: in her life, the importance of radical vulnerability and what

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Speaker 1: it means to experience a full body yes, and how

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Speaker 1: this can be a great gauge for decision making. If

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Speaker 1: you hear something that resonates with you while listening, please

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Speaker 1: share it with us on social media using the hashtag

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Speaker 1: TBG in Session. Here's our conversation. I'm so glad you're

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Speaker 1: finally able to join us, Dr Crystal. I am excited

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Speaker 1: to be here. Yes, you are one of those people,

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Speaker 1: and I think people who are listening kind of know

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Speaker 1: what I'm talking about, Like one of those people that

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Speaker 1: you meet that you are just like instantly curious about

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Speaker 1: and they just instantly had like this presence in the room.

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Speaker 1: So that is who you are, Dr Crystal, and so

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Speaker 1: I definitely wanted to take some time to just hear

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Speaker 1: more about your story and to you know, let the

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Speaker 1: audience here from another practitioner who heals in a different way,

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Speaker 1: because we definitely, you know, have conversations here on the

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Speaker 1: podcast just about the fact that healing become in many

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Speaker 1: different forms. And so you were one of those people

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Speaker 1: that I really wanted people to meet. So can you

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Speaker 1: start just a little bit by telling us about who

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Speaker 1: you are and your journey to displace where you are

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Speaker 1: in your life now. Personally, I have to say you

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Speaker 1: are that person I was literally sitting on stage with you, like,

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Speaker 1: who is talking to me? This is wild? I need

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Speaker 1: to know her more. So I just wanted to say

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Speaker 1: that firstly, and um, and I think of who I am,

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Speaker 1: like I really just think of my essence, and my

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Speaker 1: essence is really a person that like anchors into the

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Speaker 1: present moment, and so that could be anchoring other people,

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Speaker 1: that could be anchoring myself. And I do that in

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Speaker 1: many different ways, and currently the way that I do

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Speaker 1: it mostly is through sound therapy, and then also I

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Speaker 1: call them anchoring sessions where people just we come together

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Speaker 1: on the path together at a certain time and we

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Speaker 1: get into this present moment and really acknowledge what's here,

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Speaker 1: what's now, what's available, and how do we move forward?

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Speaker 1: Truly honoring your favorite thing, the full body, yes, and

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Speaker 1: allowing our body to continually expand into like what this

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Speaker 1: this seed inside of us wants to do. And that's

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Speaker 1: literally all that I do. I think sound therapy really

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Speaker 1: creates the atmosphere for the sales to move into that

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Speaker 1: like planting space. And then once we're a present moment,

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Speaker 1: it's like, how do we continue moving from there? And

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Speaker 1: it looks so different for different people. I worked for

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Speaker 1: the corporate side of it, and I worked for it

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Speaker 1: with individuals, and people just really get in to the

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Speaker 1: present moment with me, and that's really where I sit

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Speaker 1: with myself all the time. I am an anchor into

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Speaker 1: the present moment and how I got here. I've worked

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Speaker 1: in like on the allopathic side. I've been in that

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Speaker 1: industry for fifteen years, for sixteen years, and I just

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Speaker 1: didn't do very well with leaving out the critical thinking

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Speaker 1: aspect of of health care. I know I started off.

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Speaker 1: I would see a chart in the box. As soon

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Speaker 1: as I saw the chart, I was a nutritionist already

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Speaker 1: knew exactly what the person needed and like how much

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Speaker 1: they needed of a certain thing. And I never been

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Speaker 1: trained to like hear anything outside of just what the

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Speaker 1: facts were showing and how I can get you to

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Speaker 1: whatever the standard was. And so I continue working. Moved

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Speaker 1: all the way up into energy medicine, reiki, chirocractic, and

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Speaker 1: those are everything that you know. All those spaces have

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Speaker 1: been really amazing spaces, but they generally bring you to

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Speaker 1: a space of standard so that you can prove it.

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Speaker 1: And if you can prove it, then like the body

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Speaker 1: knows what it needs to do. And I really really

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Speaker 1: really enjoy witnessing how fascinating it is for it to

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Speaker 1: create its own path. And I get to do that

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Speaker 1: now as I'm a little more hands off of people

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Speaker 1: and listening to the facts a lot less and listening

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Speaker 1: to the story a lot more than being able to

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Speaker 1: leave in those facts and saying, Okay, well, your body

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Speaker 1: is expressing in this capacity, how can we continue to

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Speaker 1: expand in that way? I hope that answers your question

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Speaker 1: in a roundabout way, yes, And it definitely gave us

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Speaker 1: a high level point for us to kind of drill

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Speaker 1: down a little bit more. So we will get into,

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Speaker 1: of course, my favorite thing. So we'll talk about the

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Speaker 1: fool body years. You hear us talking about it now

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Speaker 1: and you're like, what are we talking about? But that

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Speaker 1: was a moment we shared. Um. So we originally met

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Speaker 1: at some of the twenty one in Atlienza. I mean

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Speaker 1: you talked about this fool body, yes, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this thing is mag difficente. This is

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Speaker 1: what I want to talk to her about. But I

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Speaker 1: feel like you, you know, the words that you're using

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Speaker 1: sounds so powerful, and I think or think that as

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Speaker 1: black women, we often have a difficult time really focusing

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Speaker 1: on so things like anchoring and sing a tune to

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Speaker 1: the positive moment. I feel like they're often so many

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Speaker 1: things competing for our attention that when you're talking about

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Speaker 1: sounds like something that lots of us desperately need. Mm. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And you know, honestly, that's what I love about sound,

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Speaker 1: because there's so much sound around you all the time

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Speaker 1: that it's competing for your attention and you can do

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Speaker 1: this or you can do that, but like most times

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Speaker 1: we forget to listen to that sound a fin and

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Speaker 1: that voice of and and um or we listened to

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Speaker 1: that voice of them, and we think that voice is long,

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Speaker 1: and we're always wanting something outside of us to tell

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Speaker 1: us what to do, because that's right over what does

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Speaker 1: your body say? And like we can even touch on

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Speaker 1: it now and say, like when I say a full

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Speaker 1: body yes, it's like you have to know what that

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Speaker 1: feels like. And to know what that feels like, you

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Speaker 1: have to think of that last time there was an

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Speaker 1: absolute yes, there was like no way that the answer

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Speaker 1: would have ever been known and it excited you and

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Speaker 1: it made you like jump for joy, and when you

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Speaker 1: feel that for your whole body, Like what would it

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Speaker 1: be like to create a life that was full of that?

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Speaker 1: And then like when I asked that question, do you

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Speaker 1: think of the idea that I can't live a full

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Speaker 1: life like that? That's not possible, Like life has to

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Speaker 1: be struggle, life has to be this. Like just notice

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Speaker 1: the narratives that come up when I say that you

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Speaker 1: can live a life of that same level of excitement

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Speaker 1: that you had when you found out that all of

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Speaker 1: your student loans are paid off, Like whatever it is

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Speaker 1: that like if you could get that into your body,

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Speaker 1: you really could embody that feeling. You can experience that

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Speaker 1: all the time. That does not mean that you won't

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Speaker 1: have any challenges and you won't be asked is this

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Speaker 1: the type of life you want to live? That comes up,

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Speaker 1: like what would it be like to always live and

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Speaker 1: say yes when it means yes and let your know

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Speaker 1: be like a full statement even if it's yes and

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Speaker 1: two percent no, What would it be like to say

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Speaker 1: that to how greatly would you expand your life? And

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Speaker 1: that requires that sound in that voice that comes within

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Speaker 1: and it really does mean tuning out everybody's thoughts of

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Speaker 1: what success or what happiness or what joy or whatever

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Speaker 1: is supposed to be. Like, let's tune that out and

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Speaker 1: start saying, what is my full body? Yes? And can

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Speaker 1: I choose to live in that capacity for the rest

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Speaker 1: of my life? And how would we even start to

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Speaker 1: get on that pair of Dr Crystal m. You know,

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Speaker 1: I think it can be terrifying, But the first step

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Speaker 1: is to figure out what that feels like. And it does,

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Speaker 1: and it can relate to a past thought or you

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Speaker 1: can visualize that that's not kind of what I do.

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Speaker 1: But I think of the last time something was like

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Speaker 1: I always say, like orgasman, I can say on here

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Speaker 1: what I can't failing here? But what was that last

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Speaker 1: orgasmic experience? And you that doesn't even have to be

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Speaker 1: sexual in nature, but like sexuality is creativity, Like when

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Speaker 1: were you creating the last time and you were just like,

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Speaker 1: this is it? And how can you have more of that?

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Speaker 1: So the beginning is to know what that feels like.

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Speaker 1: Because once you know what it feels like, now you

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Speaker 1: have a responsibility. Now this is when the work comes in,

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Speaker 1: because you have to say no when it doesn't feel

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Speaker 1: that way. And that is taking on this level and

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Speaker 1: responsibility for your path and knowing that your liberation means

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Speaker 1: the liberation of other people. So where we get caught

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Speaker 1: in that is saying that if I say yes to

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Speaker 1: myself and yes to all the things that I want,

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Speaker 1: does that mean that other people are going to be hurt? No,

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Speaker 1: that's that's that's like scarcity mindset is saying that like

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Speaker 1: somebody somebody, yes means uh, hurting someone else, That's not

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Speaker 1: very true. That means that the other person starts to

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Speaker 1: have to take that responsibility like you did. You have

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Speaker 1: to teach by example. And so that's where the last

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Speaker 1: part of it is. It's like really dedicating your life

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Speaker 1: to being that example, not just for yourself but for

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Speaker 1: other people. Really owning um that this is the way

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Speaker 1: that I want to move, This is the way that

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Speaker 1: I want to continue to expand in my life. And

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Speaker 1: it takes time because it's very easy to put yourself second,

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Speaker 1: and it's very easy to believe that you don't deserve

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Speaker 1: to live a life like that, especially in the Western world.

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Speaker 1: It's very easy to take on the narratives of everything

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Speaker 1: else around you. Once again, all those competing narratives that

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Speaker 1: want to be true for you. So it sounds like

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Speaker 1: a part of at least the work that you do

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Speaker 1: in helping people to really kind of tap into what

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Speaker 1: feels like a full body yes, is through sound therapy.

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Speaker 1: So I am excited to learn more about that because

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Speaker 1: I don't know And I saw you sharing more about

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Speaker 1: it on your Instagram one day and I was like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: I definitely want to talk to me about that because

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Speaker 1: I don't know who what this is and how this works.

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Speaker 1: So can you tell us more about what sound therapy

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Speaker 1: is and how it works for people. It's really interesting

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Speaker 1: because a lot of people have used it and they've

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Speaker 1: ever had an ultrasounder ever been like like literally Laure's ultrasound.

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Speaker 1: It's very it for me, and time practitioners are very different.

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Speaker 1: Sound is It gives your brain this vocal point and

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Speaker 1: as you have this focal point, your body is you know,

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Speaker 1: it's just mostly water, and water vibrates at different frequencies,

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Speaker 1: and as your body is vibrating at this different frequency,

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Speaker 1: like different things are just opening for You're relaxing in

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Speaker 1: this You're relaxing in this bath because we call it

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Speaker 1: sound bath. So think about getting into a regular bath

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Speaker 1: you're relaxing into this specific frequency that is designed to

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Speaker 1: give yourself like a cellular deep tissue massage, and that's

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Speaker 1: literally what the person is doing. And we do this

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Speaker 1: through gong, we do it through like crystal balls. There's

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Speaker 1: so many different instruments, drumming. I mean, this is some

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Speaker 1: stuff that we've done since the beginning of time, where

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Speaker 1: we literally just focus the mind in one direction and

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Speaker 1: then you're once your mind is focused in one direction,

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Speaker 1: the body just begins to relax and the body only

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Speaker 1: heals when it relaxes. And so as the body is

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Speaker 1: healing through this relaxation, certain things come up. And my

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Speaker 1: experience and why even do it is to kind of

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Speaker 1: give your body this level of reset, and not a

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Speaker 1: reset that I think that you need, but a reset

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Speaker 1: that your body allows so you can accept what you want.

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Speaker 1: Your body is going to reject what it doesn't want.

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Speaker 1: And now that we're at this reset, now that we're

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Speaker 1: finally in this present moment, now what is it that

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Speaker 1: we want to create from this? Because like we're in

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Speaker 1: this life and that which is greater than us always

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Speaker 1: wants to express through us. And now that we're in

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Speaker 1: a vessel and clearly, like we've created this clear path

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Speaker 1: for expression, wants to sound back is over. Then it's like,

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Speaker 1: now what do we want to create? Because we can

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Speaker 1: focus on all the reasons that we don't deserve to

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Speaker 1: create or that we we don't know how to do anything,

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Speaker 1: and then we can always focus on like the future

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Speaker 1: of how we need to control stuff. But like, once

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Speaker 1: we get down to that moment of stillness, you can create.

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Speaker 1: Now is the only time that it exists. And a

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Speaker 1: lot of my particular clients are people that are in

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Speaker 1: like heavy transition, so that could be physical transition, it

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Speaker 1: could be wanting to transition in career. Most of them

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Speaker 1: are wanting to let that wild person inside of them

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Speaker 1: out and they don't think that it's right, but that

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Speaker 1: the inner child really begins to exist in this present moment.

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Speaker 1: And that's why I intend to ever use sound, is

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Speaker 1: to like really unleash that wild wanting to say you're available,

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Speaker 1: like you're here, Like what do you want to do?

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Speaker 1: How do you want to play? How do you want

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Speaker 1: to be curious to life? Yeah, that's how I see it,

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Speaker 1: and that that's my intention. And there's so many different

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Speaker 1: intentions for for sound, and and you said, like, how

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Speaker 1: does it lead to that full body? Yes, if you

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Speaker 1: think of like the inner child, that two year old,

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Speaker 1: they always only follow there, Yes, they always they always

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Speaker 1: feel their emotions to completion and then they're like, oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: like what do we want to eat? Now? They get

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Speaker 1: really angry and get really sad and screaming out and

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Speaker 1: they're done. And like, that's actually what happens when we

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Speaker 1: can get into this now moment instead of like thinking

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Speaker 1: of all the reasons that we can't express ourselves. And like,

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Speaker 1: once we come out of the sound bath, generally I

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Speaker 1: do some like constructed rests where like we're like really

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Speaker 1: intentional about our rest and then we get up and

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Speaker 1: we're like, okay, so from this place, let's set that

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Speaker 1: child out less released, because that like that's the reason

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Speaker 1: that we're in most of the patterns. It's because of

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Speaker 1: that child has never been able to play and have fun.

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Speaker 1: They got shut down at a young age. So is

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Speaker 1: the sound beath non talking? Like? Am I been just

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Speaker 1: with you in the room while the sound bath is

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Speaker 1: happening and then we maybe have some conversation afterwards, or

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Speaker 1: is it you're talking while you're listening to the cell

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Speaker 1: or the ones that I do. There's no talking through

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Speaker 1: the sound. We will bring it in. I like to,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's more for my clinical background. I

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Speaker 1: like to start with like what's bringing you here? Like

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Speaker 1: why are we here today? Why did you choose to

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Speaker 1: like connect with me on my path, because like I

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Speaker 1: don't really put myself out there and say everybody come

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Speaker 1: to a sound back with me. So it's intentional that

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Speaker 1: you're here. And so now that I know what's happening,

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Speaker 1: they will drop it into the body, and so we'll say,

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Speaker 1: like where do you feel it in your body? And

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Speaker 1: so like you just have a present tense of like

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Speaker 1: what is actually here, So drop into your body, will

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Speaker 1: do like some breathing exercises, and then between like forty

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Speaker 1: and sixty minutes there's just pure sound. And it's really

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Speaker 1: interesting because like how I played the instruments is intuitively,

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Speaker 1: and I can hear when they don't want to be

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Speaker 1: played in a certain way, or they want to be

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Speaker 1: played counterclockwise, or let's go to the gonge. Like their

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Speaker 1: body is saying all of that stuff to me, and

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Speaker 1: so the person is just laying there and sometimes like

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Speaker 1: if it's very intense, they can't lay there, they're like

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Speaker 1: moving and doing all the things, which is fine with me.

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Speaker 1: Um and some people snore whatever. It is like, they

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Speaker 1: just have their moments. And then once we bring it

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Speaker 1: back out, after we've done this constructive rest, then we

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Speaker 1: presence again. We bring it back into the body what's

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Speaker 1: really here, And a lot of people noticed that what

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Speaker 1: they felt that body had changed. And then we kind

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Speaker 1: of like go into conversation of what came up for

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Speaker 1: you and how do we want to move forward now

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Speaker 1: that you know where you were feeling stuck before you've

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Speaker 1: moved back. And I think the most important thing that

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Speaker 1: I try to convey by me not talking is you

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Speaker 1: did that. You're the one who guided my hands. You're

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Speaker 1: the one who decided what you wanted and what you

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Speaker 1: didn't want. You're the one who started and stop this.

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Speaker 1: I just connected with you on that level. And then

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Speaker 1: as I'm bringing you out, like I said, it's just

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Speaker 1: more of well, what came up for you, and if

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Speaker 1: nothing came up for you, that's fine. I just keep

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Speaker 1: myself available for the next forty eight hours. And just

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Speaker 1: like any like deep tissue massage, there's lots of water

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Speaker 1: that you have to dre you have to push all

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Speaker 1: of these toxins that came up through your body. And

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Speaker 1: sometimes people just want to be held afterwards. And that's

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Speaker 1: my favorite part is there's like there's firstly an intimacy

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Speaker 1: with themselves, and then there's like this intimacy where they

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Speaker 1: want to be held as they're figuring it out, because

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Speaker 1: there's not always words. It's just like I just want

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Speaker 1: to be hell right now, and knowing that that's okay

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Speaker 1: and whatever continues to move through that process. That's why

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Speaker 1: I have such you know, I leave a lot of

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Speaker 1: time for our appointments. There's no rush. It's just what's

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Speaker 1: here and once now and what wants to be released

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Speaker 1: and expressed to you mm hmm. Yeah. And I can

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Speaker 1: imagine that that would be a very powerful experience, especially

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Speaker 1: for somebody who is maybe quite distracted right or or

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Speaker 1: heads difficulty getting to the stilless that you talk about

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Speaker 1: also where they're kind of, you know, in this space

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Speaker 1: where there is no conversation. I'm just listening to this

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Speaker 1: sound and really, you know, kind of thinking about what's

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Speaker 1: going on with me and you know, experiencing what's happening

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Speaker 1: in my body. Mm hmm. You know, I think a

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Speaker 1: really important part is that you're required to trust yourself

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Speaker 1: and advocate for yourself, and many people don't know how

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Speaker 1: to do that through their mouths because you know, they

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Speaker 1: advocated for themselves before and nobody listened to them where

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Speaker 1: they were wrong, or they were told they were in

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Speaker 1: a safe space and that space was not safe for them,

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Speaker 1: And you know, you always have to hit on the

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Speaker 1: fact that there's no such things a safe space, because

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Speaker 1: like people have been told that and then like adults

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Speaker 1: that they trust that came in and made it not safe.

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Speaker 1: So I think a big part of it is trusting

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Speaker 1: yourself because as you're laying there, there's part of you

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Speaker 1: that's going to say I need to be still, and

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Speaker 1: there's another part of you that says, this sound is

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Speaker 1: making my body move right now, or there's part of

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Speaker 1: you that says that I don't need to fall asleep

359
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Speaker 1: because this is a thing that needs to be done.

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Speaker 1: And so what I'm like, without giving any instruction, you

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Speaker 1: have to trust yourself. And I really get to see

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Speaker 1: that for the first ten minutes they're really wanting to

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Speaker 1: trust me. Um, and I love it and I'm happy

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Speaker 1: to create that brave space where you trust me. But

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Speaker 1: the big part is me getting you to trust yourself

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Speaker 1: because I'm not going to tell you what to do

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Speaker 1: when I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna allow

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Speaker 1: you to hurt yourself by any means. But what's coming

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Speaker 1: through is when were you told you had to be so?

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Speaker 1: Like when did you have to start adulting in a

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Speaker 1: certain way? Or when did you have to do this?

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Speaker 1: Or when did you have to be quiet? When did

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Speaker 1: like a sound moved through you and you had to

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Speaker 1: figure out how to hush it? Like when did all

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Speaker 1: of this show up for you? And that's kind of

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Speaker 1: what happens at the end when they realize this wanted

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Speaker 1: to come through me. But I realized that like I

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Speaker 1: couldn't because I didn't want to disturb you. And how

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Speaker 1: people that are like generally like wanting to work with

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Speaker 1: me there need to take care of me because they're

381
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Speaker 1: like I'm too heavy or I'm too intense. They're like,

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Speaker 1: if I move, I'm going to mess you up, and like, no,

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Speaker 1: if you move, I'm gonna move with you. And that's

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Speaker 1: so different to trust yourself as the guide. And it's

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Speaker 1: why I moved out of the industry that I was

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Speaker 1: in because I had to be the guy that had

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Speaker 1: to be the one that was the smartest about the body.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, I understand human physiology and love human physiology,

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Speaker 1: but I don't know more about your body than you do.

390
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Speaker 1: In this really really really forces you to have to

391
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Speaker 1: sit with where did you learn that you're not brilliant?

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Speaker 1: Where did you learn that like you don't know about

393
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Speaker 1: your body? Where did you learn that you need to

394
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:47,359
Speaker 1: an outsource to someone with the doctor title to no

395
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:52,320
Speaker 1: more than you? Where did it come from? And it's okay,

396
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Speaker 1: And we're going to play with it until it moves

397
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Speaker 1: because I'm not going to tell you what to do.

398
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Speaker 1: But you do know that I'm not going to let

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Speaker 1: you like run into something or like I'm not going

400
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,320
Speaker 1: to let that happen. And so that's where I think

401
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 1: the trust is necessary and mean creating the space, but

402
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 1: also like no, this is a playground and you get

403
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:16,000
Speaker 1: to be a child right now. And that's where we

404
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,480
Speaker 1: start letting that wild woman. And that's when we make

405
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Speaker 1: that decision that like this job is actually killing me

406
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,359
Speaker 1: and the full body, yes, the two year old would

407
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:27,919
Speaker 1: say no to that. And if it's just for this

408
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:31,080
Speaker 1: like three hours, it's just for this hour long session.

409
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Speaker 1: How did it feel to be a child? And do

410
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Speaker 1: I want more of that? Or do I want to

411
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 1: like an air quotes adult more? And neither one of

412
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Speaker 1: them is wrong. But now you're just more conscious of

413
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Speaker 1: your decisions. Yeah, and so this sounds like allowed. What

414
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,119
Speaker 1: did you talk about in you were to this is

415
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,800
Speaker 1: the concept of radical vulnerability, um, And it feels like

416
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Speaker 1: you have to really embrace that in one of these

417
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Speaker 1: found therapy experiences because you know, I am kind of

418
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Speaker 1: in the space where you know, even if I'm open

419
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 1: to it, you likely have done it, boy, and you

420
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Speaker 1: know no more about like what can happen in this space.

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Speaker 1: And I'm really kind of trusting you to create this

422
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:12,680
Speaker 1: space with me. Yeah, I mean, right of the vulnerability

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Speaker 1: is my it's it's newer for me, but it is

424
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Speaker 1: my spiritual practice that and allowing and just allowing what's

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Speaker 1: inside of me to be true. And there's not like

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Speaker 1: a scale of like being good at it or not

427
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 1: being good at it. It's how I bring myself back

428
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,480
Speaker 1: to this moment because I won't be vulnerable if I

429
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Speaker 1: say something that's true for me that m M, it

430
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,439
Speaker 1: might lead to this consequence. And so now I'm already

431
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 1: out of the present moment. So vulnerability really makes you

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Speaker 1: be true with what's true for you in this moment.

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Speaker 1: It creates once again that trust that whatever is coming

434
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:54,240
Speaker 1: through you is for highest good and you have to

435
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,719
Speaker 1: always take it back. And I think this is probably

436
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 1: something you all do more in your work. But therapy

437
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 1: is where did it come from that what I said

438
00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 1: or how I felt was not okay? Um? And so vulnerability,

439
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 1: I think in some stances it seems like a thing

440
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 1: that people are trying to achieve and like I need

441
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,880
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable. I need to like let it all

442
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 1: hang out there, and that's the thing. But also radical

443
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 1: vulnerability is mostly with yourself first. It's like, do I

444
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:27,160
Speaker 1: even trust that the feelings that I'm feeling are okay

445
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 1: and that they're enough and that they're not going to

446
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:34,879
Speaker 1: hurt someone? Or do I not trust that? And do

447
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:38,360
Speaker 1: I put on a facade so that like everybody else

448
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 1: is okay, or so that my words don't hurt, or

449
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,399
Speaker 1: so that my actions don't hurt. And all of it's

450
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 1: rooted in like allowing yourself to be like this divine person,

451
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 1: like who I am is the personification of the divine

452
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 1: that's all that's available. And if I really trusted that

453
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,160
Speaker 1: I live in fear or what I live in love,

454
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 1: what I be stagnant, or what I continue to create,

455
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,159
Speaker 1: And this is not just sound, and it's when you

456
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 1: know I'm doing things like I deal with you at

457
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 1: Summer twenty one. It's like it feels like it's this

458
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 1: trance of you being enough and you're being great and

459
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 1: you being a genius. Like to feel that way for

460
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 1: a certain amount of time feels like a tramp because

461
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,439
Speaker 1: you're so stuck in the present moment um what I

462
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 1: call it anchored in the present moment, because most times

463
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 1: we're like trying to be better instead of like really

464
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 1: trusting that where you are is perfect and that you

465
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 1: will continue to expand from there. It's just beautiful to

466
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,640
Speaker 1: recognize that where you are, which can be a very

467
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 1: raw and vulnerable place, is the perfect place to continue

468
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,320
Speaker 1: to grow from. Like you don't grow from being better,

469
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:01,440
Speaker 1: You grow from like being in the moment and fully

470
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:05,639
Speaker 1: expanding from there. And I think we just get a

471
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 1: lot of opportunity to do that. But it doesn't feel

472
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,439
Speaker 1: normal to not have to grasp on something else or

473
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 1: to find something that's wrong with us too, that we

474
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 1: need to fix. And I noticed that at the beginning

475
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:22,480
Speaker 1: of working with someone, they're like wanting me to fix

476
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,119
Speaker 1: them or that's why even what they wanted in practice,

477
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:27,639
Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with you, it's like where we

478
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 1: want to expand from. That's all that I can focus on.

479
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: Let's hear us down on, however, going to expand. I

480
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: find myself really fortunate to be in the position to

481
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 1: really get to just watch a lot of trees grow

482
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 1: into amazing nous as they realized like they've been this

483
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 1: all along. Mm hmm. Yeah. And I'm wondering what this

484
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 1: looks like in relationships, right, because I can imagine, you know,

485
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 1: when you start to orient yourself in this way and

486
00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:00,720
Speaker 1: really you know, embrace being more vulnerable, and of course

487
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,959
Speaker 1: the systems around you have to shift as well. So

488
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:06,480
Speaker 1: I'm wondering if you can talk more about how you

489
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 1: navigate that, like trying to lead more into this space

490
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,360
Speaker 1: of your own amazing nous and you know, the full body, yes,

491
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 1: but also navigating relationships with other people when you walk

492
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,880
Speaker 1: in the space of wholeness. And I think I need

493
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 1: to say that life is flow, which means sometimes I

494
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,199
Speaker 1: feel whole. Sometimes I feel broken. Like the practice that

495
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 1: I create of like radical vulnerability and allowance and all

496
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:33,120
Speaker 1: of that is my practice so that I do recognize

497
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:35,200
Speaker 1: my wholeness. If I knew it all the time, I

498
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 1: wouldn't need to practice. So I need to preface that

499
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 1: by saying that. But as I'm in the practice, I

500
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 1: tend to attract people who are aware of their wholeness,

501
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 1: and so there there's not like the space of codependency

502
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:53,160
Speaker 1: of like needing to eat projections or needing to save

503
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 1: other people or anything like that. It's now My relationships

504
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 1: are continual practices. They're all spiritual relationships. There's whatever level

505
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: they're on. If they're not to that level of intimacy

506
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,880
Speaker 1: where we're being radically vulnerable with each other, they're really

507
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 1: not for me, because otherwise I'm going to have to

508
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,879
Speaker 1: be pulled into like whatever it is that you're projecting

509
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,280
Speaker 1: on me and all those kinds of things. I have

510
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 1: to see that. You know, whatever you're saying, it's a

511
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 1: reflection of you, and you have to see that in me.

512
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 1: Otherwise we're going to fight at a level of like

513
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:31,840
Speaker 1: content all the time, and it doesn't really get anybody anywhere.

514
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 1: And so I'm pretty intentional about those types of relationships

515
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 1: and I love the quality of the relationships that I have.

516
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: And you know, growing up military was not really important

517
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 1: to me to have like a lot of people around me.

518
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 1: It was who was around me. Was also interesting about

519
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 1: relationships is that they are very intense and they're always

520
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 1: burcing me into a deeper practice with myself, and it's

521
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 1: easy for me to jump out of that and always

522
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 1: want to like be in the relationship with the other

523
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,800
Speaker 1: person and like we're creating this like code of pendency.

524
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 1: It's easier to do that because then I can blame

525
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 1: someone else, so like talk about how amazing thing they are.

526
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 1: But the truth of it is that create this responsibility

527
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 1: where no matter what I'm seeing, like that's what's within me,

528
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:23,280
Speaker 1: and like do I want to build on that? Do

529
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: I want to expand on that? Or is that something

530
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,680
Speaker 1: that like I want to dive into, or am I

531
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 1: do I want to push that mirror away and not

532
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 1: work on that? Because that's all relationships are to me

533
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 1: at this point, levels of of reflection and how deep

534
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 1: will I allow myself to see myself no matter what

535
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 1: that person looks like or what that person is doing

536
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 1: how deep am I willing to see myself? And going

537
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 1: deeper does not mean better or worse. It means I

538
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 1: have the control to say that doesn't resonate with me.

539
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 1: I have the ability to do that. And so that's

540
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 1: what relationships are for me now on every single level.

541
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:04,920
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Yeah, So it sounds like you're saying that

542
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 1: once you're really leaning into this practice, then it makes

543
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 1: it easier, at least sometimes to choose people who can

544
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 1: kind of connect with you where you are as opposed

545
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 1: to people who may be pulling you into a cold

546
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 1: dipence or a need to kind of be fighting all

547
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 1: the time or that kind of thing. It makes it

548
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 1: easier for you to make those choices. Yeah, m hmmm, Um,

549
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 1: I wasn't. It's I wasn't. It's easier. I will say,

550
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 1: there's like just a difference because you resonate with people

551
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 1: who are on that same frequency, not better, not worse,

552
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 1: not like looking at like, oh I'm above these people,

553
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 1: are below these people. It's just you start to like

554
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,520
Speaker 1: be around people who resonate on that frequency because anything

555
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:50,320
Speaker 1: else just doesn't make sense. Everything else. Now, Now, what

556
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 1: I have noticed with people is there's a level of

557
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 1: guilt when you are you know, operating in a different

558
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:00,240
Speaker 1: in a different space, and it's like this all that

559
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:03,479
Speaker 1: I'm leaving other people behind, which you're not leaving people behind,

560
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 1: You're allowing people to resonate on their frequency, and for

561
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 1: you to see it as behind me to think that

562
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 1: you're ahead, and that is where the problem is. You're

563
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 1: just on a different frequency. You're not ahead of anybody.

564
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 1: You're not more spiritually aware, you're not more like emotionally available,

565
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 1: like none of that. There's no there's no hierarchy. It's

566
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 1: like this is another frequency and and if I allow

567
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 1: what people that resonate on that frequency will start to

568
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 1: come around. That's just that's just the law of nature.

569
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 1: We just tend de fide it a lot because certain

570
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 1: levels of attachment and when we look at those attachments

571
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,680
Speaker 1: and not actually healthy, it's more of like just levels

572
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:47,479
Speaker 1: of codependency. Yeah, And so I want to get more

573
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 1: into that because I think, you know, kind of going

574
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 1: back to the fool body. Yes, And of course we

575
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 1: talk a lot about boundaries on the podcast, um right,

576
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 1: which which pointimes perfectly with your fool body, Yes, right,

577
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 1: like that you have a boundary that I am only

578
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 1: accepting things that give meat this full body yes? But

579
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 1: what happens when you don't get that full body yes?

580
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 1: With relationships that you may really want to keep in

581
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 1: your life, like family the first and I think that's

582
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 1: where a lot of people in the community really struggle

583
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:19,960
Speaker 1: um with, like how do I stay true to myself

584
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 1: and like the practices I'm trying to grow into even

585
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 1: if I have relationships with people who may not be

586
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:28,080
Speaker 1: on the same frequency, but those people are so important

587
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 1: to me, and I think it's important to recognize even

588
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 1: that awareness that the person is important to you and

589
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 1: they're not on the same frequency. I want to sit

590
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 1: with this. I feel I feel like I have to

591
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 1: be careful with my words because we can just say, well,

592
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 1: throw the family out or you know this is this

593
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 1: is your family and you need to do whatever they say.

594
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 1: Like we tend to like thinking that black and white

595
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 1: of like either we have to throw the family away

596
00:32:55,040 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 1: or yeah, and then is that's not if you think

597
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 1: in that capacity, yeah, you do need to choose. But

598
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 1: the other way, it's like what would it be like?

599
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:10,320
Speaker 1: So here's what happens sometimes, I think when we start

600
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 1: to be on a different frequency than we think that's

601
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 1: the right frequency for everyone around us. So we have

602
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:19,560
Speaker 1: responsibility in those relationships that have tensions because what we're

603
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 1: trying to do is like drag everybody with us because like, oh, no,

604
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 1: where you are is where I was, and that's not

605
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 1: right because like I've seen this light. No, that's not it.

606
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:35,760
Speaker 1: Like what would it be like if family relationships, your children,

607
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,479
Speaker 1: whatever it is, whatever that like that court is that

608
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 1: we have us someone What if we just like really

609
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 1: witness of each other and just allowed what's there to

610
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:50,480
Speaker 1: be there. And something that I've learned through some work

611
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 1: that I'm doing is like really asking like how this

612
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 1: is for me? Not like how is whow is my

613
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:59,160
Speaker 1: mom trying to come at me or like how she

614
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 1: trying to bring me down or whatever? Like how is

615
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 1: this for me? Like how is what she's asking me

616
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 1: to do? Or how is her reaction to me? Like

617
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 1: what is that actually triggering inside of me? Because we

618
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 1: can say that mom is a trigger, but then we

619
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,480
Speaker 1: don't actually say that next sentence, what is she actually

620
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 1: triggering inside of me? And how is that for me?

621
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 1: That does take a level of practice because it's easy

622
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:23,959
Speaker 1: to just come back and say, well, that's my mom

623
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:27,560
Speaker 1: and either I need to do what she says or

624
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 1: I need to be like my mom is trash and

625
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,719
Speaker 1: like think of all of the ways that she's just

626
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:36,400
Speaker 1: not good enough. Like it's easy to get into that

627
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 1: cycle rather than like really just stepping back and saying,

628
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 1: is she actually coming from me? Or is she like

629
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:48,040
Speaker 1: using everything that she's used in her and experience in

630
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:51,280
Speaker 1: her life and just saying something. It's really it's really

631
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 1: tempting to get involved in what she's saying to you,

632
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:59,040
Speaker 1: right instead of saying, how is this a projection and

633
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,400
Speaker 1: it's is my dinner to eat? Or is she just

634
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,720
Speaker 1: needing to say this? And so now when that happens,

635
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 1: then we can get into the point of like hearing

636
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,279
Speaker 1: well Crystal saying that I just need to sit there

637
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 1: and be abused. No, you don't. What you have to

638
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,319
Speaker 1: do is allow yourself to be conscious enough to make

639
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 1: choices to remove yourself from spaces that don't resonate. So

640
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 1: when you find that, like the talk is not something

641
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 1: that you want, this is when we can activate the

642
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 1: school body. Yes, because if you decide to continue allowing

643
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 1: it to happen, we can look at what BOYD, is

644
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 1: this like kind of talk feeling for me, and then

645
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:41,319
Speaker 1: we can also say how can I remove myself from

646
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:45,040
Speaker 1: the situation because I don't have to allow it. And

647
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,839
Speaker 1: I think when we're talking about family, we have these

648
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 1: like societal expectations of how you're supposed to act in

649
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 1: certain relationships, and you really need to evaluate is that

650
00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 1: true for me? Am I always supposed to be my

651
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:03,040
Speaker 1: mom stomping girl? Because when you step even further back

652
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:05,319
Speaker 1: away from it, you realize that if you're not the

653
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 1: one she's going to stop on, she's going to stop

654
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:10,320
Speaker 1: on someone else. That's not the thing. What she's doing

655
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,400
Speaker 1: is living out her life, and you get to decide

656
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 1: if you're going to be a character in her play

657
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:17,279
Speaker 1: or if you're not going to be a character in

658
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:21,560
Speaker 1: her play. And that doesn't mean throw her out or

659
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 1: anything like that. It just means I may need to

660
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 1: walk away. But there's just so much to think about

661
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:30,080
Speaker 1: why am I still holding onto this? Because there's some

662
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:33,879
Speaker 1: part of you that's saying, I'm here because she's my mom,

663
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 1: and I'm supposed to do this for my mom. And

664
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 1: you just really need to think and start to like

665
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 1: come up with those definitions on your own and in

666
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:45,799
Speaker 1: that way, we start to be too humans communicating with

667
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:51,399
Speaker 1: each other, not mom and child playing these roles that

668
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 1: somebody else made up for us. Like, what would it

669
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,880
Speaker 1: be like to enter that relationship with our own roles

670
00:36:57,680 --> 00:36:59,919
Speaker 1: because most times that we're stuck in those family things

671
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:04,279
Speaker 1: because they're playing by the rules of society. You can,

672
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 1: you know, even with like partnered relationships, you know, like

673
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:11,239
Speaker 1: there was one point that one spouse had to do

674
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 1: the cooking and the cleaning and all of those kinds

675
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:14,920
Speaker 1: of things, and the other person had to work all

676
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:17,759
Speaker 1: of the times. That's changing these days because people are

677
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,319
Speaker 1: realizing we can create our own rules, and what would

678
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:22,879
Speaker 1: it be like to create your own rules? What would

679
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,399
Speaker 1: it be like to create relationship out of what you

680
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 1: want rather than like what you have to do because

681
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 1: of this person, Like I think it's an invitation for

682
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 1: you to start doing that. It may be hard because

683
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,719
Speaker 1: this person has been doing this all their life. You

684
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 1: get to do what you want to do, and you

685
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 1: can create these relationships however you want to. You are

686
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:50,440
Speaker 1: not stuck in any pattern unless that's the pattern that

687
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 1: you know served you best or whatever. You don't have

688
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:58,319
Speaker 1: to do anything but taking that responsibility can be very difficult,

689
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,560
Speaker 1: and it can be very shy. Name. Are you dedicated

690
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:06,360
Speaker 1: to your liberation? Are you dedicated to being trapped and

691
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,280
Speaker 1: something that doesn't work for you? Because whatever you choose

692
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:15,279
Speaker 1: will continue to expand, and that's where the responsibility comes in. Yeah,

693
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:18,320
Speaker 1: that's very important point. Dr Crystal, This idea that in

694
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,840
Speaker 1: a lot of our relationships were not necessarily like in

695
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:25,040
Speaker 1: the relationship like in the present, we are really just

696
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 1: acting out these roles of what we think we're supposed

697
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 1: to do in the relationship. M hm, We're just yeah,

698
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,879
Speaker 1: we're playing the roles. And then when you really think

699
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 1: about it, we taught you that, mm hmm. And then

700
00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 1: they didn't mean any malis by because somebody taught them that.

701
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:46,720
Speaker 1: And just like any streamwriter, you can rewrite your story

702
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 1: at any moment. It does not mean it's not going

703
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:51,520
Speaker 1: to feel like death for you to do that. It's

704
00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:53,879
Speaker 1: going to feel like that. And those are the people

705
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,760
Speaker 1: who generally come and see me because they're like, Okay,

706
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:58,719
Speaker 1: I did this. I feel like I'm gonna die, and

707
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:00,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, yeah, of course, feel like we're gonna

708
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 1: die because everything you've known is changing, Like everything that

709
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 1: you're doing right now you feel like it's wrong because

710
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 1: you're honoring yourself is nothing you were ever taught, and

711
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 1: it's going to feel like hill to do it. That's

712
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:15,799
Speaker 1: why I'm here, and that's why I'm willing to hold

713
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 1: you through it and take your time. You're not trying

714
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 1: to get anywhere. I think that's also a thing, especially

715
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:24,839
Speaker 1: with a lot of self health and spirituality. It's like

716
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 1: there's another end of the spectrum that we're trying to

717
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:30,439
Speaker 1: get to. Once again, that means we're trying to get better.

718
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:32,760
Speaker 1: Stop trying to get better, and why don't you accept

719
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 1: yourself for where you are right now? And if we

720
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:39,719
Speaker 1: do that, then we can expand and grow. But if

721
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:42,959
Speaker 1: we're always trying to escape the now moment with getting better,

722
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 1: because getting better has become a drug to escape the

723
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:49,280
Speaker 1: now moment, if we're always on that getting better drug,

724
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 1: you'll never be here long enough to create any sustainable change.

725
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 1: So what are some of your favorite resources. What are

726
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,960
Speaker 1: some of the things the books of podcasts and movie

727
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 1: is that you find yourself kind of maybe frequently recommending

728
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:05,319
Speaker 1: to other people who want to kind of maybe lead

729
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 1: more into this practice or you know, could be helpful

730
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:10,320
Speaker 1: with some of the things you've talked about, I learned

731
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 1: very experientially, so I do recommend highly if anybody's interested

732
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 1: seeking out, we're not seeking out, just like setting the

733
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 1: intention to find like sound therapy, that's helpful for you

734
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:27,360
Speaker 1: to create this space, and that's something that I recommend.

735
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 1: I love Therapy forul Black Girls, I love Black Girl,

736
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 1: and Home I love Alexael And those are like podcasts

737
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 1: that I listened to, and I listened to a lot,

738
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:42,760
Speaker 1: like a lot of times when I'm traveling. I really

739
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,960
Speaker 1: like these three podcasts, and I'm sure there are other

740
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:47,719
Speaker 1: ones that I'm cregating, but these are regular because they

741
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 1: seem very like exploratory where there's like not this this

742
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 1: idea of right long, it's more of experiencing someone else

743
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 1: as they're like finding their way. And so those are

744
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 1: three resources that I recommend. I am a fan of

745
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:15,360
Speaker 1: the Fifteen Commitments to Conscious Leadership. That's a book, and

746
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,280
Speaker 1: I like it from the standpoint of just even looking

747
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 1: at the commitments and being aware of where you are

748
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 1: at the time, because a lot of a lot of

749
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 1: um this work is just knowing where you're at without

750
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 1: needing to fix anything. And I like to recommend different

751
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,839
Speaker 1: types of body work, but I'm very leary about it

752
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:41,080
Speaker 1: because I think people have to go into body work

753
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 1: not feeling a void, but in a space of co creation.

754
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:49,439
Speaker 1: And so you can do any type of body work,

755
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 1: but I think you have to go from a space

756
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:53,279
Speaker 1: what am I going to create from this? Like what

757
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 1: do I want to create as this person is touching me?

758
00:41:56,800 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 1: And I am also a fan of therapy, and and um,

759
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 1: that's a great resource. And I will tell people I

760
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 1: looked on many many directories. The person that is my

761
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:14,800
Speaker 1: therapist was the last person that I found. I looked

762
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 1: up and down, inside and out because I wanted a

763
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:22,919
Speaker 1: specific type of person to hold me. And I see

764
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 1: her every week. I don't know what anybody else's a

765
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:30,400
Speaker 1: therapy relationship is like. But that's a huge resource because

766
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,879
Speaker 1: once again, like I learned by experiencing, and I think

767
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:37,720
Speaker 1: having a therapist is very helpful because it's experiential in nature.

768
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 1: I don't ever know where we're starting or where we're ending,

769
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:43,760
Speaker 1: but like it's wild where we go in fifteen minutes

770
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:49,640
Speaker 1: is right right? It definitely could be a wild ride. Yeah,

771
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 1: like how did how did we how did we get there?

772
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:55,600
Speaker 1: So like obviously the director for Therapy for Black Girls.

773
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:59,919
Speaker 1: It's helpful, and there was also like the National Black

774
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 1: trans Queer Directory. I don't know all of the letters

775
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 1: because it correlates with the letters, but for those who

776
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:10,880
Speaker 1: may really want to and that's where I found my therapist.

777
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,920
Speaker 1: They want to like have a specific identity. That one

778
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 1: was helpful too and really finding someone that you like

779
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:24,120
Speaker 1: to hold you. I'm a fan of therapy. I'm here

780
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:26,880
Speaker 1: for it. That were probably my number one resource, but

781
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 1: from a space of co creation rather than like fix me.

782
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, right, and where can we learn more about you?

783
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 1: Dr Crystal Wood is your website as well as any

784
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:42,719
Speaker 1: social media handles you want to share. I keep it

785
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:47,400
Speaker 1: pretty simple for myself. Mostly it is Dr Crystal Jones

786
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 1: dot com and that's d R c r y s

787
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:55,680
Speaker 1: t A l j o anys dot com, my Instagram handle, Twitter,

788
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:59,359
Speaker 1: anything that ever comes out from here and forth will

789
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 1: be Dr Crystal Jones spelt the same way. And I

790
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:06,440
Speaker 1: do look forward to connecting with people who you know

791
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,440
Speaker 1: resonate with this message. Those are the ways to connect

792
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:12,919
Speaker 1: with me perfect well. Thank you so much, Liker christ

793
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 1: I really appreciate you spending some time with us today.

794
00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:18,680
Speaker 1: Thank you for inviting me out. I always love spending

795
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 1: time with you, and so you know, the audience was

796
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 1: like an extra special icing on Happen. Love it. Thank

797
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:31,800
Speaker 1: you so much, You're welcome. I'm so glad Dr Jones

798
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 1: was able to share her expertise with us today. To

799
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:38,840
Speaker 1: find out more information about her and the resources she shared,

800
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:41,880
Speaker 1: check out the show notes at Therapy for Black Girls

801
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 1: dot com slash Session one. Please remember to share the

802
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 1: episode with two people in your circle, and don't forget

803
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,040
Speaker 1: to share your takeaways with us either on Twitter or

804
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:55,719
Speaker 1: in your I G stories using the hashtag tv G

805
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 1: in session. If you're searching for a therapist in your area,

806
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:03,760
Speaker 1: be sure to check out our therapist directory at Therapy

807
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:07,239
Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And if you

808
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 1: want to continue digging into this topic and meet some

809
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 1: other sisters in your area, come on over and join

810
00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:15,680
Speaker 1: us in the Yellow Couch Collective, where we take a

811
00:45:15,719 --> 00:45:18,839
Speaker 1: deeper dive into the topics from the podcast and just

812
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:22,160
Speaker 1: about everything else. You can join us at Therapy for

813
00:45:22,239 --> 00:45:26,359
Speaker 1: Black Girls dot com slash y c C. Thank y'all

814
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 1: so much for joining me again this week. As a reminder,

815
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 1: next week's episode will be the last new episode for

816
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,759
Speaker 1: twenty nineteen, and we'll pick up again with new episodes

817
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 1: on January e I look forward to continue in this

818
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:42,719
Speaker 1: conversation with you all real soon. Take your care,