Speaker 1: Hey everyone, I'm so excited because we're going to be
Speaker 1: adding a really special offering onto the back of my
Speaker 1: solo episodes on Fridays. The Daily Jay is a daily
Speaker 1: series on Calm and it's meant to inspire you while
Speaker 1: outlining tools and techniques to live a more mindful, stress
Speaker 1: free life. We dive into a range of topics and
Speaker 1: the best part is each episode is only seven minutes long,
Speaker 1: so you can incorporate it into your schedule no matter
Speaker 1: how busy you are. As a dedicated part of the
Speaker 1: on Purpose community, I wanted to do something special for
Speaker 1: you this year, so I'll be playing a handpicked Daily
Speaker 1: Jay during each of my Friday podcasts. This week, I'm
Speaker 1: sharing an inspiring story that motivates me and hopefully can
Speaker 1: motivate you too. Of course, if you want to listen
Speaker 1: to The Daily Jay every day, you can go subscribe
Speaker 1: to Calm. So go to calm dot com forward slash
Speaker 1: j for forty percent off your membership today. Hey everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome back. It is so good to be here with you.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for choosing on Purpose, for being
Speaker 1: in your ears right now, whether you're walking your dog,
Speaker 1: whether you're cooking, whether you're hanging out with a friend,
Speaker 1: listening together, whatever you're up to, or you're driving to
Speaker 1: and from work. I just want you to know thank you.
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. I'm glad you're here. And it's been
Speaker 1: an incredible year so far. We've had some phenomenal guests
Speaker 1: on the show, everyone from Rick Ruben to Tom Holland
Speaker 1: to who else have we had? I mean, doctor Joe Dispenser,
Speaker 1: Kim Kardashian, Ryan Holiday, Cynthia Arrivo. That episode was really,
Speaker 1: really special. It has been a phenomenal, phenomenal journey to
Speaker 1: share with all of you, and I hope you're enjoying
Speaker 1: the content. Every week, we've got so many more experts,
Speaker 1: cultural change makers, and celebrities to come on the show.
Speaker 1: As always, I feel like we drive the conversation in
Speaker 1: the direction of improving ourselves, becoming happier, healthier, and more healed.
Speaker 1: Today's topic is one that I've been thinking about a lot,
Speaker 1: but I don't think I've ever really spoken about fully,
Speaker 1: and it's about this idea of low self worth, low
Speaker 1: self esteem, and feeling like you're not enough. Now, if
Speaker 1: you came to my live show, you heard me tell
Speaker 1: this moment at the beginning of the show. So if
Speaker 1: you go on to Google and you type in the
Speaker 1: words will I ever The first thing that comes up
Speaker 1: for most of us is will I ever find love? Okay,
Speaker 1: stop doing it right now, I need your attention back.
Speaker 1: The second thing that comes up is will I ever
Speaker 1: be enough? And the third thing that comes up is
Speaker 1: will I am net worth? That literally comes up if
Speaker 1: you keep saying, and it's really interesting. I want to
Speaker 1: go back to that second one, Will I ever be enough?
Speaker 1: It is such a big question. You might be sitting
Speaker 1: there right now or walking there right now thinking I'm
Speaker 1: not smart enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not fast enough,
Speaker 1: I'm not hard working enough. Fill in the blank. What
Speaker 1: is that for you that you feel I am not
Speaker 1: ex enough? Because we all have something, or maybe you
Speaker 1: have a couple of things, and we also think I'm
Speaker 1: not smart enough for It happens in our relationships too,
Speaker 1: I'm not good enough for that person, I'm not good
Speaker 1: enough for that relationship, and then it transfers into our careers.
Speaker 1: I'm not good enough for that job, I'm not good
Speaker 1: enough for that opportunity. I can't put in an application.
Speaker 1: I don't have enough skills. This repetitive thought plagues our mind.
Speaker 1: It's like an infection, and it's contagious too. We get
Speaker 1: it off other people and we pass it on. And
Speaker 1: maybe it's because someone told you at school that you
Speaker 1: weren't good enough or smart enough. Maybe you had a
Speaker 1: parent who always made you feel like you weren't enough.
Speaker 1: Wherever it came from, it's our opportunity to address it
Speaker 1: and understand it, because it's not serving us anymore. I'm
Speaker 1: guessing you're here because you feel stuck. I'm guessing you're
Speaker 1: here because you feel like you've lost a bit of momentum.
Speaker 1: I'm guessing you're here because you doubt yourself, and you
Speaker 1: know that that doubt blocks you from taking the steps
Speaker 1: you want to take, or receiving love from someone else.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's someone in your life who's been trying to
Speaker 1: treat you right, but you don't know what that feels like,
Speaker 1: so you'd rather they treat you wrong. Think about that
Speaker 1: for a second. You've got someone in your life who
Speaker 1: wants to treat you right, but you don't know what
Speaker 1: that feels like, so you'd rather they treat you wrong,
Speaker 1: even if it feels awful. It's interesting what we begin
Speaker 1: to achieve and receive. Both what we try to achieve
Speaker 1: and what we allow ourselves to receive, become reduced because
Speaker 1: of low self worth, because of not feeling enough. You
Speaker 1: end up achieving less and receiving less. It's not just
Speaker 1: about you don't make as much success in your career
Speaker 1: and you don't go out there and win.
Speaker 2: You actually let less in to yourself.
Speaker 1: The idea that we actually block so much goodness in
Speaker 1: our life, so much goodness and greatness, because we don't
Speaker 1: feel like we're enough.
Speaker 2: And you might be thinking.
Speaker 1: Well, Jay, easy for you to say you feel like
Speaker 1: you have it all figured out, and I want to
Speaker 1: share with you. I want to take you back ten
Speaker 1: years ten years ago. I'd just left the monastery around
Speaker 1: ten and a half years ago, and I was moved
Speaker 1: back in with my parents, living in their loft, the
Speaker 1: place I grew up as a teenager. I was twenty
Speaker 1: five years old and I was twenty five thousand dollars
Speaker 1: in debt, and I was struggling to figure out my
Speaker 1: next steps back to the bedroom I grew up in
Speaker 1: as a teenager and what I try and do after
Speaker 1: I managed to finally get up and get out because
Speaker 1: for the first month I was just so depressed and stuck,
Speaker 1: and all I was doing was listening to Drake, watching
Speaker 1: How I Met Your Mother, and eating chocolate, three things
Speaker 1: I definitely didn't do as a monk. After I got
Speaker 1: out of that slump, I used to go to the
Speaker 1: library and sit there for hours sending job applications, hoping
Speaker 1: i'd be able to move out of my parents home,
Speaker 1: and I was rejected by forty companies. I felt like
Speaker 1: I wasn't enough. Surprise, surprise, no one wanted a former
Speaker 1: monk right. They were like, what are your transferrable skills?
Speaker 1: Sitting still and being silent? We don't need that. And
Speaker 1: I felt like I wasn't enough when I sat in
Speaker 1: a job interview and someone said to me, Hey, so
Speaker 1: tell me what you've been up to. Tell me about
Speaker 1: your recent work experience, and I was like, oh, my gosh,
Speaker 1: I don't have any. And I'd feeled inadequate because that
Speaker 1: wasn't good enough for them. And then when I talked
Speaker 1: to my friends, all of my friends were now dating,
Speaker 1: They were in good relationships, some of them were moving
Speaker 1: into new apartments, some of them were getting promoted, some
Speaker 1: of them looked like they were winning it life, at
Speaker 1: least externally, and again I felt like I wasn't enough,
Speaker 1: and I felt like I was behind.
Speaker 2: I felt like I was left behind.
Speaker 1: And the worst thing was I felt like it was
Speaker 1: all my fault because people had said to me that
Speaker 1: if I became a monk when I eventually failed, which
Speaker 1: they predicted that I'd have committed career suicide, I would
Speaker 1: have let my parents down, I would be behind everyone.
Speaker 1: And now it felt like they were right. So I
Speaker 1: really felt like I wasn't enough. Moved back into my parents' left,
Speaker 1: rejected from forty companies, don't know where I'm going. And
Speaker 1: then sometimes after I started dating Radi, who was my
Speaker 1: girlfriend at the time is my wife today, and I
Speaker 1: remember meeting her family for the first time. They invited
Speaker 1: me over and they're wonderful people. I have such a
Speaker 1: great relationship with them. But it's really interesting how when
Speaker 1: you meet someone's parents for the first time, and actually
Speaker 1: you'll find this in all areas of your life. When
Speaker 1: you don't feel secure, when you don't feel like you're enough,
Speaker 1: you project that insecurity onto other people. So when we
Speaker 1: were at dinner, I was just hoping that i'd be
Speaker 1: able to dodge the one dreaded question. I hope they
Speaker 1: didn't ask, and I was doing okay. I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I made it through dinner. I'm fine, this is going
Speaker 1: to be all right. And then I remember sitting down
Speaker 1: with Rady's dad, and he's the sweetest man and he
Speaker 1: didn't mean this in an intimidating way at all, but
Speaker 1: that's how I took it because of my own insecurity.
Speaker 1: And he said to me, so, what are you going
Speaker 1: to do for work? And that question was like a
Speaker 1: dagger to the whole I can't express to you just
Speaker 1: how unconfident and insecure I felt in that moment, and
Speaker 1: I didn't really have an answer. I felt like I
Speaker 1: wasn't enough, and I felt like I was lost. I
Speaker 1: was stuck. I was late, I was slow. I felt
Speaker 1: like I'd missed my opportunity. And what makes it worse
Speaker 1: is our comparison mindset. When you say things like I'm behind,
Speaker 1: it means you think someone else is ahead. When you
Speaker 1: say things like I'm late, it means you think people
Speaker 1: are early. If you say things like I think I
Speaker 1: missed my opportunities, it's because you think other people took them.
Speaker 1: And so What we're really scared of is how we
Speaker 1: look in comparison to other people. What we're really struggling
Speaker 1: with is how we feel we're perceived based on other
Speaker 1: people's supposed success, and all of that makes us feel
Speaker 1: like we're less, less and less. Now, I want to
Speaker 1: give you an insight into what I learned that evening.
Speaker 1: I remember when I got home, I was sitting and
Speaker 1: reflecting about why I felt like I wasn't enough. I'd
Speaker 1: always chosen to follow my heart based on what I
Speaker 1: studied at college to becoming a monk. I'd lived a
Speaker 1: fulfilling life before. So why was it now that I
Speaker 1: was putting all this pressure on myself? And I realized
Speaker 1: it came down to one thing. I didn't feel like
Speaker 1: I wasn't enough based on the choices I'd made. It's
Speaker 1: about how i'd felt about the choices I'd made. Let
Speaker 1: me explain what I mean by that, And before I
Speaker 1: do that, I want to ask you how many of
Speaker 1: you have one of those emotions right now that I
Speaker 1: was feeling. How many of you feel like you're not enough,
Speaker 1: that you're behind, that you're stuck, that you're lost, that
Speaker 1: you're confused, that everyone's got to figure out. But you well,
Speaker 1: if you are feeling that way, I want you to
Speaker 1: know you're in.
Speaker 2: The right place.
Speaker 1: The reflection that I came up with, or realization that
Speaker 1: came to my mind that night, was that I was
Speaker 1: seeing everything I'd done in life until that point as useless.
Speaker 1: Everything that i'd done up until the age of twenty five,
Speaker 1: I was seeing as a waste of time and meaningless.
Speaker 1: And now there was a tiny belief in me that
Speaker 1: I had to find something meaningful. I had to find
Speaker 1: something powerful. I had to find something positive. Basically, everything
Speaker 1: up until when I was negative, I now had to
Speaker 1: discover what was positive. And that was so wrong. That
Speaker 1: mindset was so inaccurate. How many of you have ever
Speaker 1: looked to your past and thought that was all a
Speaker 1: waste of time. Now I'm going to find something meaningful.
Speaker 1: That is such a destruction of your history. It is
Speaker 1: such denial of the strength that you've accomplished, the pain
Speaker 1: you've been through.
Speaker 2: It all has meaning.
Speaker 1: Anything that helps you help someone else can't be worth less.
Speaker 1: It has value and meaning. The problem was how I
Speaker 1: saw my life, and the challenge is how you see yours.
Speaker 1: Know that your experiences are what make you special. You
Speaker 1: don't need a better story or journey. All of what
Speaker 1: you've been through is what made you who you are today.
Speaker 1: Your pain is enough, your story is enough, Your challenges
Speaker 1: are enough, your mistakes are enough, your choices are enough.
Speaker 2: All of that is enough.
Speaker 1: It's not that you need a different past to create
Speaker 1: a different future.
Speaker 2: Your past as it is, if.
Speaker 1: Accepted and embraced and seen as useful as collecting experiences,
Speaker 1: collecting skills, collecting people, everything that you've experienced. If you
Speaker 1: collect all of that and see it as worthy, what
Speaker 1: you can create is phenomenal.
Speaker 2: You are enough. Your experiences are enough.
Speaker 1: And there's an incredible quote from Wayne Dayer where he said,
Speaker 1: when we change the way we look at things, the
Speaker 1: things we look at change. And that's what I realized
Speaker 1: that I had to change the way I looked at
Speaker 1: my past. I couldn't see my three years as a
Speaker 1: monk as a waste of time. They weren't. They definitely weren't.
Speaker 1: But it's crazy how a mindset can convince you that
Speaker 1: they were. You might think, wow, I don't use my
Speaker 1: college degree. What a waste of time. I promise you
Speaker 1: there's a connection. There's a relationship there's a person, there's
Speaker 1: an assignment that you did at college that has actually
Speaker 1: made a difference in your life today. Now I'm not
Speaker 1: backing up college. I'm backing up the idea that every
Speaker 1: experience has had some positive impact in your life.
Speaker 2: I often think about it that why did I go
Speaker 2: to college?
Speaker 1: And then I remember some of the case studies I
Speaker 1: studied that inform my work. Now I remember some of
Speaker 1: the relationships that taught me so much about friendship and connection.
Speaker 2: I remember some of.
Speaker 1: My good choices and my bad choices, and I wouldn't
Speaker 1: have learned them any other way. It's so important to
Speaker 1: take stock of your life and actually accept that there
Speaker 1: is meaning and value there. Now, when you look at
Speaker 1: the studies, they talk about four types of self worth
Speaker 1: or four types of self esteem, and I've taken some
Speaker 1: of these from research and thought about them myselves, and
Speaker 1: I wanted to give you a bit of insight. So
Speaker 1: one of the first ones is security and safety. A
Speaker 1: lot of us didn't grow up feeling safe or secure
Speaker 1: with our families, our parents, and so we are constantly
Speaker 1: feeling unsafe or insecure around other people. But feeling a
Speaker 1: sense of security and safety is such an important part
Speaker 1: of our self worth, and the challenge is that if
Speaker 1: someone doesn't create that environment for us growing up, we
Speaker 1: have to focus on creating that environment for ourselves later
Speaker 1: on in life. And often instead of creating it, we're
Speaker 1: hoping to fall into someone else's. So often what ends
Speaker 1: up happening is that instead of building it, we depend
Speaker 1: on someone else being that safety net because we didn't
Speaker 1: have it earlier. This feeling of not being enough is
Speaker 1: what can make us codependent in relationships. It's also what
Speaker 1: can make us push partners away or allow toxic partners
Speaker 1: into our lives. Because if you don't feel a sense
Speaker 1: of security and safety, you accept any type of behavior
Speaker 1: towards you as safety and security because it gets you
Speaker 1: one step ahead of loneliness and one step ahead of
Speaker 1: being alone. And so that's where that particular one affects
Speaker 1: you in life, is that if you don't feel that
Speaker 1: security and safety, chances are your romantic relationships and the
Speaker 1: relationships that are close around you are going to struggle
Speaker 1: and suffer. So we want to focus on that one
Speaker 1: specifically for that reason. The second type of self worth
Speaker 1: that studies talk about is identity, and this I talk
Speaker 1: about through the lens of values. When you know your values,
Speaker 1: it's easier for you to make decisions about who you
Speaker 1: want around you and who you don't. It's easier for
Speaker 1: you to make decisions about what's aligned with your identity
Speaker 1: and what isn't. What places you go to, what projects
Speaker 1: you take on, what people you hang out with, all
Speaker 1: of that can be inferred by your values. This part
Speaker 1: becomes like a compass to you. And so I'm giving
Speaker 1: you all of these because I want you to diagnose
Speaker 1: or check with yourself which is the one you're struggling with. Now.
Speaker 1: You may be struggling with a few of these, but
Speaker 1: I want you to figure out which is the first
Speaker 1: one you want to dive into for yourself, because you
Speaker 1: can't do them all at the same time. And so,
Speaker 1: how many of you a struggling with your values? If
Speaker 1: I asked you what are your top three values?
Speaker 2: Would you know? If I asked you what are your
Speaker 2: top three values in a friend? Would you know?
Speaker 1: If I asked you what are your top three values
Speaker 1: in the person you want to become?
Speaker 2: Do you know?
Speaker 1: And if you're unaware, I'm not asking that in a
Speaker 1: challenging way or in a stressful way it's just to
Speaker 1: make you aware that that's where you want to start
Speaker 1: putting your energy and emphasis. Now, the next one studies
Speaker 1: talk about is the self confidence we experience through competence,
Speaker 1: a skill, an ability that we have. And this one,
Speaker 1: of course, massively affects our careers. Most of us end
Speaker 1: up in jobs that were not that great at because
Speaker 1: we were never told to focus on our skills. We
Speaker 1: were told to focus on the skills that jobs needed,
Speaker 1: and so there's a mismatch there, and so some of
Speaker 1: us actually feel low self esteem. What we feel like
Speaker 1: we're not enough because of our work, because we feel
Speaker 1: we don't have skills at work. Notice how it's such
Speaker 1: a subtle and specific thing. Whereas you might have skills
Speaker 1: in something else, but you don't value yourself for that
Speaker 1: because that's not what's being measured at work. So your
Speaker 1: self worth currently, your self confidence could be based on
Speaker 1: safety and security, could be based on your lack of
Speaker 1: identity and values.
Speaker 2: It could be.
Speaker 1: Based on an unawareness of your true competence and skills,
Speaker 1: or being in a job or career that doesn't rely
Speaker 1: on the one you love. And if we're neglectful of that,
Speaker 1: that can create more challenges in our career because if
Speaker 1: you keep doing something you're not good at or can't
Speaker 1: get better at. And that's a second important point, that
Speaker 1: you can get better at things you're not good at.
Speaker 2: But if you.
Speaker 1: Don't do that act, your self esteem and your self
Speaker 1: worth could always be low. And that's what I want
Speaker 1: you to see with these four areas that in order
Speaker 1: for us to have three sixty self esteem and self
Speaker 1: confidence or total self worth, it requires us to focus
Speaker 1: on these four areas. And without focusing on these four areas,
Speaker 1: it can be very, very challenging to build it. So
Speaker 1: some of you may be like, but I'm doing the
Speaker 1: affirmations in the mirror, but I'm, you know, working hard
Speaker 1: on my daily habits. I'm meditating every day, I'm working
Speaker 1: out every day. Why am I not solving my self worth?
Speaker 1: It's because of these It's because of this, and I
Speaker 1: want you to come back to this. The fourth one
Speaker 1: that research shows is belonging or a sense of community.
Speaker 1: Do I feel like there is a play that I
Speaker 1: feel understood? Right? There's a difference between being understood and
Speaker 1: just being comfortable. You might be comfortable about a bunch
Speaker 1: of people, but that's different from a sense of belonging.
Speaker 1: The uniqueness in feeling like a sense of belonging is
Speaker 1: that when you talk, you feel almost like you don't
Speaker 1: have to add disclaimers and you don't have to over
Speaker 1: explain yourself. Now, I'm not saying someone can read your mind.
Speaker 1: That's unhealthy and not realistic. What I mean is that
Speaker 1: you don't feel like you have to do the same
Speaker 1: kind of over explaining that you might have to do
Speaker 1: with someone else, or the kind of deep dive into
Speaker 1: an area because you have a shorthand with these people.
Speaker 1: Do you feel a sense of belonging? Do you feel
Speaker 1: a part of something bigger? A lot of us need
Speaker 1: to feel like a part of something bigger in our lives.
Speaker 1: It's why we follow football clubs, It's why we take
Speaker 1: on religion or spiritual areas in our life. It's why
Speaker 1: we want to be part of a book club or
Speaker 1: whatever it may be. We all want to be a
Speaker 1: part of something because it gives us a sense of
Speaker 1: self confidence. And so I want you to reflect on
Speaker 1: your life and go which one of these do you
Speaker 1: need to work on? And maybe it's all of them
Speaker 1: and that's okay. And if I could suggest an order
Speaker 1: I'd say that your identity and your values is a
Speaker 1: great place to start, because that will help you choose
Speaker 1: the right community. It will help you build safety and security,
Speaker 1: and it will help you build competence and skills. But
Speaker 1: all of these can happen in any order, and it
Speaker 1: doesn't really matter. It just matters that you're aware of
Speaker 1: these areas. Now, I was talking to a friend and
Speaker 1: I want to talk about symptoms of how we feel
Speaker 1: like we're not enough, and he told me he was
Speaker 1: scared to start. And I asked him something that I've
Speaker 1: been asked before. I said, are you scared of not starting?
Speaker 1: Or are you scared of starting at zero? Right? I said,
Speaker 1: You're not scared of starting, You're scared of starting at zero.
Speaker 1: That hits right, that we can relate to that we
Speaker 1: don't want to start at z zero followers, zero subscribers,
Speaker 1: zero downloads, zero emails, zero phone numbers, zero contacts, whatever.
Speaker 2: It may be.
Speaker 1: Even the number zero, we have like a fearful feeling of.
Speaker 1: And the interesting thing is everyone starts at zero, and
Speaker 1: that's okay. I actually don't even have a picture of
Speaker 1: my first presentation because zero people showed up, So who
Speaker 1: would I have asked to take the picture. I remember
Speaker 1: being in a tiny, tiny, little college classroom and practicing
Speaker 1: to an empty room. Now recently on Instagram, I was
Speaker 1: sharing these How it started, how It's going, And I
Speaker 1: love the feedback and all the comments that I got
Speaker 1: for that, and just the amazing response because you got
Speaker 1: to see me speak into groups of ten people, twelve people.
Speaker 1: I had to dig out the archives and pull out
Speaker 1: these pictures, and I want to tell you a story.
Speaker 1: One of those pictures that I posted, I literally drove
Speaker 1: for three hours to speak to a group of ten
Speaker 1: people because one of my friends said that they'd be
Speaker 1: interested in spirituality adding a paid There's no followers involved,
Speaker 1: there's no money, there's no reward apart from the exchange
Speaker 1: in the room. And guess what I drive those three
Speaker 1: hours all over again. I'm sure you have something you
Speaker 1: drive three hours for. I'm sure you'd have something you
Speaker 1: drive six hours for. What is it that you already do?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: When I was doing that, I never thought to myself,
Speaker 1: oh I hope this gets bigger one day. Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: why did no more people show up? I was just
Speaker 1: happy making an impact. And one of the reasons why
Speaker 1: we don't feel like we're enough. If you're starting a sidehustle,
Speaker 1: you started a podcast, you started a social media page,
Speaker 1: you are starting a book club, whatever it is that
Speaker 1: you're doing that you're passionate about one of the reasons.
Speaker 1: Or you started working out and you want to lose
Speaker 1: or gain weight and you've lost zero or gain zero weight.
Speaker 2: Right One of the.
Speaker 1: Reasons we struggle so much is we live in a
Speaker 1: world today where numbers are astronomical and they're so in
Speaker 1: front of us. But if you actually focus on helping
Speaker 1: one person, adding one calorie, building one skill like that,
Speaker 1: one is so powerful, and it leads to two, it
Speaker 1: leads to three, it leads to four. So I want
Speaker 1: you to ask yourself this question, what is the first
Speaker 1: thing I can do and what is the smallest thing
Speaker 1: I can do? If you have low self confidence or
Speaker 1: low self esteem right now, I want you to ask yourself,
Speaker 1: what's the first thing I can do and what's the
Speaker 1: smallest thing I can do? Because the challenge is usually
Speaker 1: what our mind saying is I don't just need to
Speaker 1: do one thing. I need to do lots of things,
Speaker 1: and small things wan't help me. I need to do
Speaker 1: something big to make a change in my life.
Speaker 2: Right. That's the issue.
Speaker 1: We've conditioned ourselves to believe that we can only make
Speaker 1: change if we do a million things and if we
Speaker 1: do something big. And so I want you to ask
Speaker 1: yourself those questions. Scribble them down right now, because guess what,
Speaker 1: you don't need a million followers to make an impact.
Speaker 1: You don't need a podcast to make an impact. You
Speaker 1: just need to be fueled by your passion, and you
Speaker 1: need to be developing real skills that will help you.
Speaker 1: And I remember at that time, I didn't think it
Speaker 1: would be big. I didn't put pressure on myself for
Speaker 1: it to be big. And one more important thing, I
Speaker 1: didn't know the path before I started. I figured it
Speaker 1: out as I went along. Ten years ago. I wasn't saying, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to do this talk and then five people
Speaker 1: were going to turn into one hundred and then one
Speaker 1: day I'm going to launch a book in a pod like.
Speaker 1: I didn't even think about all that stuff. All I
Speaker 1: thought was how do I help these five to ten
Speaker 1: people who care enough to listen to me? And I
Speaker 1: figured it out as I went along. So some of
Speaker 1: us are thinking, I need to figure out step seven
Speaker 1: in order to start step one, and then we don't
Speaker 1: start step one, and then we're thinking, I need to
Speaker 1: know step seven, eight, nine, ten, Right, we get so
Speaker 1: lost in taking the next step because we think we
Speaker 1: have to figure out the complete step. And that's how
Speaker 1: we continue to reduce our self confidence because we're thinking,
Speaker 1: I need to think big, I need to know every
Speaker 1: step before I start, and I need to know not
Speaker 1: just the first step, whereas actually it's the complete opposite.
Speaker 1: What's the first thing I can do? What's the smallest
Speaker 1: thing I can do?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: So I want to shift your mindset to that to
Speaker 1: help you make that shift. So so far we've covered
Speaker 1: how we view our pain makes all the difference. We've
Speaker 1: talked about how everyone starts from zero. And I want
Speaker 1: you to remember this. Your first time will never be
Speaker 1: your best time, and it doesn't have to be your
Speaker 1: last time. Right, Your first time will never be your
Speaker 1: best time, and it doesn't have to be your last time.
Speaker 1: And I think that applies to a lot of things
Speaker 1: in life. But the first time I gave a presentation,
Speaker 1: it was definitely not my best And if I made
Speaker 1: that the last time I gave a presentation, it would
Speaker 1: have stayed there. But it doesn't have to be my
Speaker 1: last time. And so I want you to remember that
Speaker 1: that first thing you do will probably be average, and
Speaker 1: it's more likely that it will fail than succeed. And
Speaker 1: as soon as you know that and accept that, you go, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's okay, that's fine. I can still do this. And
Speaker 1: I want you to remember your story matters, So don't
Speaker 1: abandon it. Don't abandon your own story. Don't abandon your
Speaker 1: own history because it got you here.
Speaker 2: Mine it for.
Speaker 1: Truths, for stories, for experiences, for people, and the greatness
Speaker 1: that came out of it. And here's one thing I
Speaker 1: want you to do that will help boost your self confidence.
Speaker 1: I want you to help the person you were five
Speaker 1: years ago. You may think you have nothing to offer people.
Speaker 1: You may say, Jay, my self confidence is so low,
Speaker 1: I have nothing to offer people. All the studies show
Speaker 1: that when people in need help others in need, it
Speaker 1: helps them. Our confidence and self esteem improve when we
Speaker 1: help others. And you may say, Jay, well, I'm in
Speaker 1: no position to help others. Who am I to help anyone?
Speaker 1: Help the person you were five years ago. I promise
Speaker 1: you there's someone who's there, who's three to five years
Speaker 1: behind where you are you've moved on ahead a little bit,
Speaker 1: any bit help that person become the person you needed
Speaker 1: five years ago. Because you have those skills. You moved on,
Speaker 1: you lived, you survived where you were five years ago.
Speaker 1: You're here to serve the person you were five years ago.
Speaker 1: You're here to help the person you were five years ago,
Speaker 1: because I promise you one of the greatest gifts in
Speaker 1: life is having someone who's just a few years ahead
Speaker 1: of you. Everyone thinks they need to have a coach
Speaker 1: or a mentor who's like one of the leaders in
Speaker 1: the world, And what most of us need is to
Speaker 1: talk to someone who's just three to five years ahead,
Speaker 1: maybe three to five months ahead, because we need to
Speaker 1: know what we need to do now. If someone's twenty
Speaker 1: years ahead, ten years ahead can be quite hard. I
Speaker 1: want you to write three things down you've been through
Speaker 1: in three years that you think you could help people
Speaker 1: on again. You don't have to be an expert, you
Speaker 1: don't have to have the solution, but you could talk
Speaker 1: someone through the challenge they're going through. What challenge is
Speaker 1: you've been through? What pains have you been through? Not
Speaker 1: that you could coach on or be a therapist on
Speaker 1: or anything of that kind, but that you could be
Speaker 1: a friend on I want you to remember helping others
Speaker 1: is helping yourself. If you want to boost your self confidence,
Speaker 1: remember these steps. How we view our pain makes all
Speaker 1: the difference. Everyone starts from zero. Your first will never
Speaker 1: be your best, and it doesn't need to be your last.
Speaker 1: Your story matters, so don't abandon it and help the
Speaker 1: person you were five years ago, and remember that. Look
Speaker 1: at your life three sixty. Do you need to find
Speaker 1: more belonging? Is it your skills that you need to
Speaker 1: work on? Is it your career? Is it your values?
Speaker 1: Or is it a sense of security and safety. The
Speaker 1: more you break it down into these compartments, the easier
Speaker 1: it is to actually focus and prioritize. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for listening to you on purpose. I appreciate you
Speaker 1: so much. I hope that you'll keep coming back for
Speaker 1: more incredible episode. I know some of you are listening
Speaker 1: to us every day, which means the world to me,
Speaker 1: and thank you so much for leaving you incredible reviews.
Speaker 1: I do take a look at them, and there were
Speaker 1: a couple of recently that I wanted to address around
Speaker 1: some episodes we posted. We posted some episodes where I
Speaker 1: was a guest. So if you thought I was talking
Speaker 1: too much to a guest, it's actually because we posted
Speaker 1: somewhere I was being interviewed, and so I just wanted
Speaker 1: to clarify that because I would never over talk my guests.
Speaker 1: I always like to sit and respect them, but I
Speaker 1: wanted to share insights from people interviewing me as well.
Speaker 1: So thank you so much. I appreciate you. I'm grateful
Speaker 1: for you now Seeucy. I'm not much of a gambler.
Speaker 1: I don't care for cards or slots, and you'll never
Speaker 1: find me wagering on sports. But there is one thing
Speaker 1: I do bet on myself. Today I hope to inspire
Speaker 1: you to do the same. Seven minutes are about leaning
Speaker 1: into self belief. I'm Jay Sheddy. Welcome to the Daily Jay.
Speaker 1: Let's start by taking three deep breaths to center ourselves
Speaker 1: in this moment, So breathing in and breathing out, expanding
Speaker 1: and relaxing, sharpening our attention and bringing it to the present.
Speaker 1: Let's dive in today. I'd like to tell you a
Speaker 1: story about Venus Williams. Right before her first pro tournament,
Speaker 1: she was offered three million dollars Venus was just fourteen
Speaker 1: years old, a prodigy, but outside of hardcore tennis circles,
Speaker 1: she was relatively unknown. She had not been competing on
Speaker 1: the junior circuit, the standard route for promising young players.
Speaker 1: Her dad didn't want her to burn out too soon,
Speaker 1: and he also wanted her to focus on school. So
Speaker 1: when Venus headed to Oakland, California for the nineteen ninety
Speaker 1: four Bank of the West Classic, it was going to
Speaker 1: be her first competitive match in three years. Still, Nike
Speaker 1: saw something in her and extended a massive sneaker deal.
Speaker 1: The company wanted in on Venus's bright future, and they
Speaker 1: were willing to pay for it. There was just one catch.
Speaker 1: The offer would expire the second she stepped.
Speaker 2: On the court.
Speaker 1: Three million dollars for an untested fourteen year old it
Speaker 1: was a no brainer, right Wrong turned down the deal,
Speaker 1: choosing instead to play. She and her father appreciated the offer,
Speaker 1: but they believed it was just their first and that
Speaker 1: it wouldn't be the best. They believed that she would
Speaker 1: boost her value on the core. Venus better on herself. Now,
Speaker 1: if this seems foolish, it wasn't bold maybe, but not reckless.
Speaker 1: Venus and her father weren't being arrogant or unrealistic. They
Speaker 1: weren't operating on blind faith. Venus had been practicing diligently
Speaker 1: with one of the best coaches in the country. She
Speaker 1: was a remarkable natural athlete, and she had put in
Speaker 1: serious work to refine her game, and so Venus knew
Speaker 1: what she was capable of. In that first tournament, Venus
Speaker 1: ended up facing the number two player in the world
Speaker 1: world and she held her own. Seven months later, Rebark
Speaker 1: came knocking with a five year, twelve million dollar deal,
Speaker 1: an unprecedented amount for someone her age. Now, that deal
Speaker 1: she took. Venus gambled, but she wasn't lucky. She was good,
Speaker 1: and yet most of us faced with the same situation
Speaker 1: would have probably taken the money. It can be a
Speaker 1: human instinct to cash in on a certainty, even if
Speaker 1: there might be something greater around the next turn. But
Speaker 1: sometimes a calculated leap of faith can pay off. Again,
Speaker 1: it's not about blind faith. Betting on yourself doesn't mean
Speaker 1: going all in with a bad hand. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: you should quit your job without a plan for the future,
Speaker 1: or enter a marathon with no training at all. What
Speaker 1: I am saying is to believe in yourself when you
Speaker 1: know you're ready for more. It's about trusting your process
Speaker 1: and your preparation and sometimes your gout. I get it.
Speaker 1: It's easy to be afraid of failure or embarrassment, to
Speaker 1: worry about what we may lose, so we play it
Speaker 1: safe when we really should go big. But next time,
Speaker 1: when you're faced with your three million dollar Nike deal,
Speaker 1: don't just automatically jump at it. Ask yourself, are you
Speaker 1: worth more? And that's what we're going to work on
Speaker 1: for the rest of this session. We're going to do
Speaker 1: a short meditation and then we'll reflect on how you
Speaker 1: can bet on yourself. So get comfortable wherever you are,
Speaker 1: seeing if you can release a little tension. And I'd
Speaker 1: like to try one of my favorite exercises here adding
Speaker 1: next stretches to the rhythm of your breath, So inhaling
Speaker 1: and lowering your left ear to your left shoulder and
Speaker 1: exhaling back to the middle, this time to the right,
Speaker 1: breathing in and down and exhaling back to center. As
Speaker 1: you find your own rhythm, see if you can bring
Speaker 1: your full attention to the feeling of the stretch. The
Speaker 1: idea is not to do the biggest stretch ever. It's
Speaker 1: just to become aware of your movement. Maybe you feel
Speaker 1: a sense of release, maybe there's some tightness. Whatever you
Speaker 1: feel is okay. Keep tuning in now, feel free to
Speaker 1: settle into stillness. And let's open this up. Think of
Speaker 1: a time when you settled for less than you thought
Speaker 1: you were really worth, When you wanted to go for
Speaker 1: something but you didn't. What was holding you back? Fear, complacency,
Speaker 1: self doubt. Next time, can you can instead of betting
Speaker 1: on yourself. If today's session made an impact on you,
Speaker 1: go ahead and share it with someone else so that
Speaker 1: they can bet on themselves too. Thank you for joining today.
Speaker 1: I'll see you tomorrow.