1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,520 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, I'm so excited because we're going to be 2 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:05,560 Speaker 1: adding a really special offering onto the back of my 3 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:09,039 Speaker 1: solo episodes on Fridays. The Daily Jay is a daily 4 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:12,160 Speaker 1: series on Calm and it's meant to inspire you while 5 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:16,120 Speaker 1: outlining tools and techniques to live a more mindful, stress 6 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: free life. We dive into a range of topics and 7 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:22,480 Speaker 1: the best part is each episode is only seven minutes long, 8 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,400 Speaker 1: so you can incorporate it into your schedule no matter 9 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,840 Speaker 1: how busy you are. As a dedicated part of the 10 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:32,199 Speaker 1: on Purpose community, I wanted to do something special for 11 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:35,640 Speaker 1: you this year, so I'll be playing a handpicked Daily 12 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 1: Jay during each of my Friday podcasts. This week, I'm 13 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,559 Speaker 1: sharing an inspiring story that motivates me and hopefully can 14 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,360 Speaker 1: motivate you too. Of course, if you want to listen 15 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:48,160 Speaker 1: to The Daily Jay every day, you can go subscribe 16 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:50,840 Speaker 1: to Calm. So go to calm dot com forward slash 17 00:00:50,920 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 1: j for forty percent off your membership today. Hey everyone, 18 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:04,200 Speaker 1: welcome back. It is so good to be here with you. 19 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for choosing on Purpose, for being 20 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,199 Speaker 1: in your ears right now, whether you're walking your dog, 21 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,919 Speaker 1: whether you're cooking, whether you're hanging out with a friend, 22 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 1: listening together, whatever you're up to, or you're driving to 23 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 1: and from work. I just want you to know thank you. 24 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,440 Speaker 1: I appreciate you. I'm glad you're here. And it's been 25 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:25,120 Speaker 1: an incredible year so far. We've had some phenomenal guests 26 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:30,920 Speaker 1: on the show, everyone from Rick Ruben to Tom Holland 27 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,959 Speaker 1: to who else have we had? I mean, doctor Joe Dispenser, 28 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:40,040 Speaker 1: Kim Kardashian, Ryan Holiday, Cynthia Arrivo. That episode was really, 29 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 1: really special. It has been a phenomenal, phenomenal journey to 30 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 1: share with all of you, and I hope you're enjoying 31 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,560 Speaker 1: the content. Every week, we've got so many more experts, 32 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:53,040 Speaker 1: cultural change makers, and celebrities to come on the show. 33 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:57,040 Speaker 1: As always, I feel like we drive the conversation in 34 00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 1: the direction of improving ourselves, becoming happier, healthier, and more healed. 35 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 1: Today's topic is one that I've been thinking about a lot, 36 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 1: but I don't think I've ever really spoken about fully, 37 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 1: and it's about this idea of low self worth, low 38 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:20,120 Speaker 1: self esteem, and feeling like you're not enough. Now, if 39 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,000 Speaker 1: you came to my live show, you heard me tell 40 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,720 Speaker 1: this moment at the beginning of the show. So if 41 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,160 Speaker 1: you go on to Google and you type in the 42 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:33,080 Speaker 1: words will I ever The first thing that comes up 43 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:37,079 Speaker 1: for most of us is will I ever find love? Okay, 44 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,040 Speaker 1: stop doing it right now, I need your attention back. 45 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,360 Speaker 1: The second thing that comes up is will I ever 46 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:47,400 Speaker 1: be enough? And the third thing that comes up is 47 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,880 Speaker 1: will I am net worth? That literally comes up if 48 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 1: you keep saying, and it's really interesting. I want to 49 00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:57,120 Speaker 1: go back to that second one, Will I ever be enough? 50 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: It is such a big question. You might be sitting 51 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,839 Speaker 1: there right now or walking there right now thinking I'm 52 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 1: not smart enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not fast enough, 53 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 1: I'm not hard working enough. Fill in the blank. What 54 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 1: is that for you that you feel I am not 55 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 1: ex enough? Because we all have something, or maybe you 56 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:23,359 Speaker 1: have a couple of things, and we also think I'm 57 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:26,639 Speaker 1: not smart enough for It happens in our relationships too, 58 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 1: I'm not good enough for that person, I'm not good 59 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:35,320 Speaker 1: enough for that relationship, and then it transfers into our careers. 60 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 1: I'm not good enough for that job, I'm not good 61 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,160 Speaker 1: enough for that opportunity. I can't put in an application. 62 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:46,720 Speaker 1: I don't have enough skills. This repetitive thought plagues our mind. 63 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 1: It's like an infection, and it's contagious too. We get 64 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 1: it off other people and we pass it on. And 65 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 1: maybe it's because someone told you at school that you 66 00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: weren't good enough or smart enough. Maybe you had a 67 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,520 Speaker 1: parent who always made you feel like you weren't enough. 68 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:06,920 Speaker 1: Wherever it came from, it's our opportunity to address it 69 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:11,160 Speaker 1: and understand it, because it's not serving us anymore. I'm 70 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,360 Speaker 1: guessing you're here because you feel stuck. I'm guessing you're 71 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: here because you feel like you've lost a bit of momentum. 72 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:20,960 Speaker 1: I'm guessing you're here because you doubt yourself, and you 73 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,840 Speaker 1: know that that doubt blocks you from taking the steps 74 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,839 Speaker 1: you want to take, or receiving love from someone else. 75 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,039 Speaker 1: Maybe there's someone in your life who's been trying to 76 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,919 Speaker 1: treat you right, but you don't know what that feels like, 77 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 1: so you'd rather they treat you wrong. Think about that 78 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 1: for a second. You've got someone in your life who 79 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 1: wants to treat you right, but you don't know what 80 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:45,600 Speaker 1: that feels like, so you'd rather they treat you wrong, 81 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 1: even if it feels awful. It's interesting what we begin 82 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:55,920 Speaker 1: to achieve and receive. Both what we try to achieve 83 00:04:56,560 --> 00:05:02,560 Speaker 1: and what we allow ourselves to receive, become reduced because 84 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:07,159 Speaker 1: of low self worth, because of not feeling enough. You 85 00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:11,039 Speaker 1: end up achieving less and receiving less. It's not just 86 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:14,600 Speaker 1: about you don't make as much success in your career 87 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:16,000 Speaker 1: and you don't go out there and win. 88 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 2: You actually let less in to yourself. 89 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:24,600 Speaker 1: The idea that we actually block so much goodness in 90 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:29,719 Speaker 1: our life, so much goodness and greatness, because we don't 91 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:30,719 Speaker 1: feel like we're enough. 92 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,040 Speaker 2: And you might be thinking. 93 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 1: Well, Jay, easy for you to say you feel like 94 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,840 Speaker 1: you have it all figured out, and I want to 95 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,160 Speaker 1: share with you. I want to take you back ten 96 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 1: years ten years ago. I'd just left the monastery around 97 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:50,480 Speaker 1: ten and a half years ago, and I was moved 98 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:54,520 Speaker 1: back in with my parents, living in their loft, the 99 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 1: place I grew up as a teenager. I was twenty 100 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,600 Speaker 1: five years old and I was twenty five thousand dollars 101 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,719 Speaker 1: in debt, and I was struggling to figure out my 102 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 1: next steps back to the bedroom I grew up in 103 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,760 Speaker 1: as a teenager and what I try and do after 104 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,040 Speaker 1: I managed to finally get up and get out because 105 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 1: for the first month I was just so depressed and stuck, 106 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,679 Speaker 1: and all I was doing was listening to Drake, watching 107 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,279 Speaker 1: How I Met Your Mother, and eating chocolate, three things 108 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 1: I definitely didn't do as a monk. After I got 109 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,520 Speaker 1: out of that slump, I used to go to the 110 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 1: library and sit there for hours sending job applications, hoping 111 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 1: i'd be able to move out of my parents home, 112 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:40,000 Speaker 1: and I was rejected by forty companies. I felt like 113 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:44,279 Speaker 1: I wasn't enough. Surprise, surprise, no one wanted a former 114 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 1: monk right. They were like, what are your transferrable skills? 115 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,680 Speaker 1: Sitting still and being silent? We don't need that. And 116 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,640 Speaker 1: I felt like I wasn't enough when I sat in 117 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:55,240 Speaker 1: a job interview and someone said to me, Hey, so 118 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 1: tell me what you've been up to. Tell me about 119 00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,520 Speaker 1: your recent work experience, and I was like, oh, my gosh, 120 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:04,039 Speaker 1: I don't have any. And I'd feeled inadequate because that 121 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 1: wasn't good enough for them. And then when I talked 122 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,440 Speaker 1: to my friends, all of my friends were now dating, 123 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,440 Speaker 1: They were in good relationships, some of them were moving 124 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 1: into new apartments, some of them were getting promoted, some 125 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,120 Speaker 1: of them looked like they were winning it life, at 126 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 1: least externally, and again I felt like I wasn't enough, 127 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 1: and I felt like I was behind. 128 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 2: I felt like I was left behind. 129 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:31,400 Speaker 1: And the worst thing was I felt like it was 130 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: all my fault because people had said to me that 131 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 1: if I became a monk when I eventually failed, which 132 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:44,040 Speaker 1: they predicted that I'd have committed career suicide, I would 133 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 1: have let my parents down, I would be behind everyone. 134 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 1: And now it felt like they were right. So I 135 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: really felt like I wasn't enough. Moved back into my parents' left, 136 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:59,040 Speaker 1: rejected from forty companies, don't know where I'm going. And 137 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 1: then sometimes after I started dating Radi, who was my 138 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,840 Speaker 1: girlfriend at the time is my wife today, and I 139 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: remember meeting her family for the first time. They invited 140 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 1: me over and they're wonderful people. I have such a 141 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 1: great relationship with them. But it's really interesting how when 142 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:21,480 Speaker 1: you meet someone's parents for the first time, and actually 143 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 1: you'll find this in all areas of your life. When 144 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:26,520 Speaker 1: you don't feel secure, when you don't feel like you're enough, 145 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 1: you project that insecurity onto other people. So when we 146 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 1: were at dinner, I was just hoping that i'd be 147 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:37,160 Speaker 1: able to dodge the one dreaded question. I hope they 148 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,600 Speaker 1: didn't ask, and I was doing okay. I was like, okay, 149 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,320 Speaker 1: I made it through dinner. I'm fine, this is going 150 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:43,839 Speaker 1: to be all right. And then I remember sitting down 151 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 1: with Rady's dad, and he's the sweetest man and he 152 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,560 Speaker 1: didn't mean this in an intimidating way at all, but 153 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:54,400 Speaker 1: that's how I took it because of my own insecurity. 154 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,320 Speaker 1: And he said to me, so, what are you going 155 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:59,079 Speaker 1: to do for work? And that question was like a 156 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,600 Speaker 1: dagger to the whole I can't express to you just 157 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:06,760 Speaker 1: how unconfident and insecure I felt in that moment, and 158 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:11,520 Speaker 1: I didn't really have an answer. I felt like I 159 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 1: wasn't enough, and I felt like I was lost. I 160 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 1: was stuck. I was late, I was slow. I felt 161 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:24,200 Speaker 1: like I'd missed my opportunity. And what makes it worse 162 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,520 Speaker 1: is our comparison mindset. When you say things like I'm behind, 163 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,320 Speaker 1: it means you think someone else is ahead. When you 164 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 1: say things like I'm late, it means you think people 165 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,600 Speaker 1: are early. If you say things like I think I 166 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:40,040 Speaker 1: missed my opportunities, it's because you think other people took them. 167 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 1: And so What we're really scared of is how we 168 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 1: look in comparison to other people. What we're really struggling 169 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:53,680 Speaker 1: with is how we feel we're perceived based on other 170 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:58,160 Speaker 1: people's supposed success, and all of that makes us feel 171 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:02,719 Speaker 1: like we're less, less and less. Now, I want to 172 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:07,640 Speaker 1: give you an insight into what I learned that evening. 173 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 1: I remember when I got home, I was sitting and 174 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:15,839 Speaker 1: reflecting about why I felt like I wasn't enough. I'd 175 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 1: always chosen to follow my heart based on what I 176 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:22,760 Speaker 1: studied at college to becoming a monk. I'd lived a 177 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 1: fulfilling life before. So why was it now that I 178 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 1: was putting all this pressure on myself? And I realized 179 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,400 Speaker 1: it came down to one thing. I didn't feel like 180 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,920 Speaker 1: I wasn't enough based on the choices I'd made. It's 181 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 1: about how i'd felt about the choices I'd made. Let 182 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,400 Speaker 1: me explain what I mean by that, And before I 183 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:43,720 Speaker 1: do that, I want to ask you how many of 184 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,760 Speaker 1: you have one of those emotions right now that I 185 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:49,199 Speaker 1: was feeling. How many of you feel like you're not enough, 186 00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:52,040 Speaker 1: that you're behind, that you're stuck, that you're lost, that 187 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 1: you're confused, that everyone's got to figure out. But you well, 188 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 1: if you are feeling that way, I want you to 189 00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:58,120 Speaker 1: know you're in. 190 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:58,720 Speaker 2: The right place. 191 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,920 Speaker 1: The reflection that I came up with, or realization that 192 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 1: came to my mind that night, was that I was 193 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:09,760 Speaker 1: seeing everything I'd done in life until that point as useless. 194 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,760 Speaker 1: Everything that i'd done up until the age of twenty five, 195 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:17,000 Speaker 1: I was seeing as a waste of time and meaningless. 196 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 1: And now there was a tiny belief in me that 197 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:25,440 Speaker 1: I had to find something meaningful. I had to find 198 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 1: something powerful. I had to find something positive. Basically, everything 199 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:31,880 Speaker 1: up until when I was negative, I now had to 200 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,439 Speaker 1: discover what was positive. And that was so wrong. That 201 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:38,600 Speaker 1: mindset was so inaccurate. How many of you have ever 202 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,160 Speaker 1: looked to your past and thought that was all a 203 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,360 Speaker 1: waste of time. Now I'm going to find something meaningful. 204 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:47,560 Speaker 1: That is such a destruction of your history. It is 205 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:52,640 Speaker 1: such denial of the strength that you've accomplished, the pain 206 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 1: you've been through. 207 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,400 Speaker 2: It all has meaning. 208 00:11:55,960 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 1: Anything that helps you help someone else can't be worth less. 209 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:04,440 Speaker 1: It has value and meaning. The problem was how I 210 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,840 Speaker 1: saw my life, and the challenge is how you see yours. 211 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,960 Speaker 1: Know that your experiences are what make you special. You 212 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:14,520 Speaker 1: don't need a better story or journey. All of what 213 00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 1: you've been through is what made you who you are today. 214 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:23,319 Speaker 1: Your pain is enough, your story is enough, Your challenges 215 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:27,040 Speaker 1: are enough, your mistakes are enough, your choices are enough. 216 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,600 Speaker 2: All of that is enough. 217 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:33,320 Speaker 1: It's not that you need a different past to create 218 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:34,440 Speaker 1: a different future. 219 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,120 Speaker 2: Your past as it is, if. 220 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:43,040 Speaker 1: Accepted and embraced and seen as useful as collecting experiences, 221 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:48,200 Speaker 1: collecting skills, collecting people, everything that you've experienced. If you 222 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,400 Speaker 1: collect all of that and see it as worthy, what 223 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 1: you can create is phenomenal. 224 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:57,640 Speaker 2: You are enough. Your experiences are enough. 225 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:02,000 Speaker 1: And there's an incredible quote from Wayne Dayer where he said, 226 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,400 Speaker 1: when we change the way we look at things, the 227 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:08,600 Speaker 1: things we look at change. And that's what I realized 228 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 1: that I had to change the way I looked at 229 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,000 Speaker 1: my past. I couldn't see my three years as a 230 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,920 Speaker 1: monk as a waste of time. They weren't. They definitely weren't. 231 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:19,720 Speaker 1: But it's crazy how a mindset can convince you that 232 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 1: they were. You might think, wow, I don't use my 233 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 1: college degree. What a waste of time. I promise you 234 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:29,080 Speaker 1: there's a connection. There's a relationship there's a person, there's 235 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 1: an assignment that you did at college that has actually 236 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,840 Speaker 1: made a difference in your life today. Now I'm not 237 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,800 Speaker 1: backing up college. I'm backing up the idea that every 238 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:41,280 Speaker 1: experience has had some positive impact in your life. 239 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:44,560 Speaker 2: I often think about it that why did I go 240 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:44,959 Speaker 2: to college? 241 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,679 Speaker 1: And then I remember some of the case studies I 242 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,680 Speaker 1: studied that inform my work. Now I remember some of 243 00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:52,960 Speaker 1: the relationships that taught me so much about friendship and connection. 244 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 2: I remember some of. 245 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,920 Speaker 1: My good choices and my bad choices, and I wouldn't 246 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,440 Speaker 1: have learned them any other way. It's so important to 247 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:04,520 Speaker 1: take stock of your life and actually accept that there 248 00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:07,719 Speaker 1: is meaning and value there. Now, when you look at 249 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:12,840 Speaker 1: the studies, they talk about four types of self worth 250 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:19,440 Speaker 1: or four types of self esteem, and I've taken some 251 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 1: of these from research and thought about them myselves, and 252 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,880 Speaker 1: I wanted to give you a bit of insight. So 253 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:29,600 Speaker 1: one of the first ones is security and safety. A 254 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,520 Speaker 1: lot of us didn't grow up feeling safe or secure 255 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:36,760 Speaker 1: with our families, our parents, and so we are constantly 256 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:41,440 Speaker 1: feeling unsafe or insecure around other people. But feeling a 257 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:45,640 Speaker 1: sense of security and safety is such an important part 258 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 1: of our self worth, and the challenge is that if 259 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 1: someone doesn't create that environment for us growing up, we 260 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 1: have to focus on creating that environment for ourselves later 261 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 1: on in life. And often instead of creating it, we're 262 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,720 Speaker 1: hoping to fall into someone else's. So often what ends 263 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 1: up happening is that instead of building it, we depend 264 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 1: on someone else being that safety net because we didn't 265 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 1: have it earlier. This feeling of not being enough is 266 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 1: what can make us codependent in relationships. It's also what 267 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:23,120 Speaker 1: can make us push partners away or allow toxic partners 268 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 1: into our lives. Because if you don't feel a sense 269 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 1: of security and safety, you accept any type of behavior 270 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 1: towards you as safety and security because it gets you 271 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 1: one step ahead of loneliness and one step ahead of 272 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 1: being alone. And so that's where that particular one affects 273 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 1: you in life, is that if you don't feel that 274 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 1: security and safety, chances are your romantic relationships and the 275 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:50,000 Speaker 1: relationships that are close around you are going to struggle 276 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 1: and suffer. So we want to focus on that one 277 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:56,160 Speaker 1: specifically for that reason. The second type of self worth 278 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 1: that studies talk about is identity, and this I talk 279 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:03,360 Speaker 1: about through the lens of values. When you know your values, 280 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:07,440 Speaker 1: it's easier for you to make decisions about who you 281 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 1: want around you and who you don't. It's easier for 282 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 1: you to make decisions about what's aligned with your identity 283 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 1: and what isn't. What places you go to, what projects 284 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,760 Speaker 1: you take on, what people you hang out with, all 285 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 1: of that can be inferred by your values. This part 286 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:29,680 Speaker 1: becomes like a compass to you. And so I'm giving 287 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 1: you all of these because I want you to diagnose 288 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:35,080 Speaker 1: or check with yourself which is the one you're struggling with. Now. 289 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 1: You may be struggling with a few of these, but 290 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,440 Speaker 1: I want you to figure out which is the first 291 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,920 Speaker 1: one you want to dive into for yourself, because you 292 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,400 Speaker 1: can't do them all at the same time. And so, 293 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,080 Speaker 1: how many of you a struggling with your values? If 294 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:46,720 Speaker 1: I asked you what are your top three values? 295 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,840 Speaker 2: Would you know? If I asked you what are your 296 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,880 Speaker 2: top three values in a friend? Would you know? 297 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,680 Speaker 1: If I asked you what are your top three values 298 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,240 Speaker 1: in the person you want to become? 299 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:55,760 Speaker 2: Do you know? 300 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 1: And if you're unaware, I'm not asking that in a 301 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 1: challenging way or in a stressful way it's just to 302 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,040 Speaker 1: make you aware that that's where you want to start 303 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 1: putting your energy and emphasis. Now, the next one studies 304 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:11,880 Speaker 1: talk about is the self confidence we experience through competence, 305 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,640 Speaker 1: a skill, an ability that we have. And this one, 306 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 1: of course, massively affects our careers. Most of us end 307 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,440 Speaker 1: up in jobs that were not that great at because 308 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,239 Speaker 1: we were never told to focus on our skills. We 309 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: were told to focus on the skills that jobs needed, 310 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 1: and so there's a mismatch there, and so some of 311 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,200 Speaker 1: us actually feel low self esteem. What we feel like 312 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,440 Speaker 1: we're not enough because of our work, because we feel 313 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 1: we don't have skills at work. Notice how it's such 314 00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 1: a subtle and specific thing. Whereas you might have skills 315 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,480 Speaker 1: in something else, but you don't value yourself for that 316 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:46,240 Speaker 1: because that's not what's being measured at work. So your 317 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,919 Speaker 1: self worth currently, your self confidence could be based on 318 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 1: safety and security, could be based on your lack of 319 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:52,879 Speaker 1: identity and values. 320 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:53,440 Speaker 2: It could be. 321 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,919 Speaker 1: Based on an unawareness of your true competence and skills, 322 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 1: or being in a job or career that doesn't rely 323 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,920 Speaker 1: on the one you love. And if we're neglectful of that, 324 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,920 Speaker 1: that can create more challenges in our career because if 325 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,480 Speaker 1: you keep doing something you're not good at or can't 326 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,879 Speaker 1: get better at. And that's a second important point, that 327 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,640 Speaker 1: you can get better at things you're not good at. 328 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 2: But if you. 329 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:18,280 Speaker 1: Don't do that act, your self esteem and your self 330 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,680 Speaker 1: worth could always be low. And that's what I want 331 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,359 Speaker 1: you to see with these four areas that in order 332 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:26,960 Speaker 1: for us to have three sixty self esteem and self 333 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:31,359 Speaker 1: confidence or total self worth, it requires us to focus 334 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:35,960 Speaker 1: on these four areas. And without focusing on these four areas, 335 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: it can be very, very challenging to build it. So 336 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,080 Speaker 1: some of you may be like, but I'm doing the 337 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:44,640 Speaker 1: affirmations in the mirror, but I'm, you know, working hard 338 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 1: on my daily habits. I'm meditating every day, I'm working 339 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,679 Speaker 1: out every day. Why am I not solving my self worth? 340 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,679 Speaker 1: It's because of these It's because of this, and I 341 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 1: want you to come back to this. The fourth one 342 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,920 Speaker 1: that research shows is belonging or a sense of community. 343 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,920 Speaker 1: Do I feel like there is a play that I 344 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 1: feel understood? Right? There's a difference between being understood and 345 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,080 Speaker 1: just being comfortable. You might be comfortable about a bunch 346 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,200 Speaker 1: of people, but that's different from a sense of belonging. 347 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 1: The uniqueness in feeling like a sense of belonging is 348 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,600 Speaker 1: that when you talk, you feel almost like you don't 349 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,280 Speaker 1: have to add disclaimers and you don't have to over 350 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:25,119 Speaker 1: explain yourself. Now, I'm not saying someone can read your mind. 351 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,680 Speaker 1: That's unhealthy and not realistic. What I mean is that 352 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,960 Speaker 1: you don't feel like you have to do the same 353 00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 1: kind of over explaining that you might have to do 354 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:36,960 Speaker 1: with someone else, or the kind of deep dive into 355 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,919 Speaker 1: an area because you have a shorthand with these people. 356 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,200 Speaker 1: Do you feel a sense of belonging? Do you feel 357 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 1: a part of something bigger? A lot of us need 358 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 1: to feel like a part of something bigger in our lives. 359 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 1: It's why we follow football clubs, It's why we take 360 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,840 Speaker 1: on religion or spiritual areas in our life. It's why 361 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,080 Speaker 1: we want to be part of a book club or 362 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,359 Speaker 1: whatever it may be. We all want to be a 363 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,240 Speaker 1: part of something because it gives us a sense of 364 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,320 Speaker 1: self confidence. And so I want you to reflect on 365 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:05,720 Speaker 1: your life and go which one of these do you 366 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,480 Speaker 1: need to work on? And maybe it's all of them 367 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,560 Speaker 1: and that's okay. And if I could suggest an order 368 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,639 Speaker 1: I'd say that your identity and your values is a 369 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,760 Speaker 1: great place to start, because that will help you choose 370 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:20,359 Speaker 1: the right community. It will help you build safety and security, 371 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,399 Speaker 1: and it will help you build competence and skills. But 372 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,879 Speaker 1: all of these can happen in any order, and it 373 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,919 Speaker 1: doesn't really matter. It just matters that you're aware of 374 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,879 Speaker 1: these areas. Now, I was talking to a friend and 375 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,080 Speaker 1: I want to talk about symptoms of how we feel 376 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:37,240 Speaker 1: like we're not enough, and he told me he was 377 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,920 Speaker 1: scared to start. And I asked him something that I've 378 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:45,919 Speaker 1: been asked before. I said, are you scared of not starting? 379 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:51,360 Speaker 1: Or are you scared of starting at zero? Right? I said, 380 00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 1: You're not scared of starting, You're scared of starting at zero. 381 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:59,040 Speaker 1: That hits right, that we can relate to that we 382 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:02,080 Speaker 1: don't want to start at z zero followers, zero subscribers, 383 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:08,200 Speaker 1: zero downloads, zero emails, zero phone numbers, zero contacts, whatever. 384 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:08,359 Speaker 2: It may be. 385 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 1: Even the number zero, we have like a fearful feeling of. 386 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,840 Speaker 1: And the interesting thing is everyone starts at zero, and 387 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:20,399 Speaker 1: that's okay. I actually don't even have a picture of 388 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:24,720 Speaker 1: my first presentation because zero people showed up, So who 389 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,320 Speaker 1: would I have asked to take the picture. I remember 390 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:33,119 Speaker 1: being in a tiny, tiny, little college classroom and practicing 391 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,480 Speaker 1: to an empty room. Now recently on Instagram, I was 392 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 1: sharing these How it started, how It's going, And I 393 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,000 Speaker 1: love the feedback and all the comments that I got 394 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,600 Speaker 1: for that, and just the amazing response because you got 395 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,639 Speaker 1: to see me speak into groups of ten people, twelve people. 396 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,440 Speaker 1: I had to dig out the archives and pull out 397 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,560 Speaker 1: these pictures, and I want to tell you a story. 398 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:55,399 Speaker 1: One of those pictures that I posted, I literally drove 399 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 1: for three hours to speak to a group of ten 400 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,119 Speaker 1: people because one of my friends said that they'd be 401 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 1: interested in spirituality adding a paid There's no followers involved, 402 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:09,480 Speaker 1: there's no money, there's no reward apart from the exchange 403 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:11,680 Speaker 1: in the room. And guess what I drive those three 404 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,320 Speaker 1: hours all over again. I'm sure you have something you 405 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,920 Speaker 1: drive three hours for. I'm sure you'd have something you 406 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,960 Speaker 1: drive six hours for. What is it that you already do? 407 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:21,040 Speaker 2: Now? 408 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,120 Speaker 1: When I was doing that, I never thought to myself, 409 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,720 Speaker 1: oh I hope this gets bigger one day. Oh my gosh, 410 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,879 Speaker 1: why did no more people show up? I was just 411 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:31,480 Speaker 1: happy making an impact. And one of the reasons why 412 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 1: we don't feel like we're enough. If you're starting a sidehustle, 413 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,040 Speaker 1: you started a podcast, you started a social media page, 414 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,439 Speaker 1: you are starting a book club, whatever it is that 415 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:42,760 Speaker 1: you're doing that you're passionate about one of the reasons. 416 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,920 Speaker 1: Or you started working out and you want to lose 417 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,800 Speaker 1: or gain weight and you've lost zero or gain zero weight. 418 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:48,920 Speaker 2: Right One of the. 419 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:52,480 Speaker 1: Reasons we struggle so much is we live in a 420 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:55,639 Speaker 1: world today where numbers are astronomical and they're so in 421 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,959 Speaker 1: front of us. But if you actually focus on helping 422 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 1: one person, adding one calorie, building one skill like that, 423 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:08,359 Speaker 1: one is so powerful, and it leads to two, it 424 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,800 Speaker 1: leads to three, it leads to four. So I want 425 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:13,320 Speaker 1: you to ask yourself this question, what is the first 426 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:16,199 Speaker 1: thing I can do and what is the smallest thing 427 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 1: I can do? If you have low self confidence or 428 00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 1: low self esteem right now, I want you to ask yourself, 429 00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:25,000 Speaker 1: what's the first thing I can do and what's the 430 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 1: smallest thing I can do? Because the challenge is usually 431 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,639 Speaker 1: what our mind saying is I don't just need to 432 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,240 Speaker 1: do one thing. I need to do lots of things, 433 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:34,800 Speaker 1: and small things wan't help me. I need to do 434 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:36,760 Speaker 1: something big to make a change in my life. 435 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:37,800 Speaker 2: Right. That's the issue. 436 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,840 Speaker 1: We've conditioned ourselves to believe that we can only make 437 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:44,560 Speaker 1: change if we do a million things and if we 438 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 1: do something big. And so I want you to ask 439 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:50,160 Speaker 1: yourself those questions. Scribble them down right now, because guess what, 440 00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:52,440 Speaker 1: you don't need a million followers to make an impact. 441 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,159 Speaker 1: You don't need a podcast to make an impact. You 442 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,840 Speaker 1: just need to be fueled by your passion, and you 443 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,639 Speaker 1: need to be developing real skills that will help you. 444 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,040 Speaker 1: And I remember at that time, I didn't think it 445 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:07,320 Speaker 1: would be big. I didn't put pressure on myself for 446 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:11,159 Speaker 1: it to be big. And one more important thing, I 447 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,879 Speaker 1: didn't know the path before I started. I figured it 448 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,359 Speaker 1: out as I went along. Ten years ago. I wasn't saying, oh, 449 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,160 Speaker 1: I'm going to do this talk and then five people 450 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,679 Speaker 1: were going to turn into one hundred and then one 451 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,399 Speaker 1: day I'm going to launch a book in a pod like. 452 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,040 Speaker 1: I didn't even think about all that stuff. All I 453 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,600 Speaker 1: thought was how do I help these five to ten 454 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,159 Speaker 1: people who care enough to listen to me? And I 455 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,119 Speaker 1: figured it out as I went along. So some of 456 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,040 Speaker 1: us are thinking, I need to figure out step seven 457 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,800 Speaker 1: in order to start step one, and then we don't 458 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:38,760 Speaker 1: start step one, and then we're thinking, I need to 459 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 1: know step seven, eight, nine, ten, Right, we get so 460 00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,480 Speaker 1: lost in taking the next step because we think we 461 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,400 Speaker 1: have to figure out the complete step. And that's how 462 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:53,160 Speaker 1: we continue to reduce our self confidence because we're thinking, 463 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,280 Speaker 1: I need to think big, I need to know every 464 00:24:56,320 --> 00:25:03,480 Speaker 1: step before I start, and I need to know not 465 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,440 Speaker 1: just the first step, whereas actually it's the complete opposite. 466 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 1: What's the first thing I can do? What's the smallest 467 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:10,040 Speaker 1: thing I can do? 468 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:10,960 Speaker 2: Right? 469 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,720 Speaker 1: So I want to shift your mindset to that to 470 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,600 Speaker 1: help you make that shift. So so far we've covered 471 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 1: how we view our pain makes all the difference. We've 472 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,480 Speaker 1: talked about how everyone starts from zero. And I want 473 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,800 Speaker 1: you to remember this. Your first time will never be 474 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,359 Speaker 1: your best time, and it doesn't have to be your 475 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,879 Speaker 1: last time. Right, Your first time will never be your 476 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 1: best time, and it doesn't have to be your last time. 477 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,679 Speaker 1: And I think that applies to a lot of things 478 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,880 Speaker 1: in life. But the first time I gave a presentation, 479 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:44,320 Speaker 1: it was definitely not my best And if I made 480 00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:46,920 Speaker 1: that the last time I gave a presentation, it would 481 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,560 Speaker 1: have stayed there. But it doesn't have to be my 482 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,400 Speaker 1: last time. And so I want you to remember that 483 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,760 Speaker 1: that first thing you do will probably be average, and 484 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,800 Speaker 1: it's more likely that it will fail than succeed. And 485 00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,399 Speaker 1: as soon as you know that and accept that, you go, Okay, 486 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:04,399 Speaker 1: that's okay, that's fine. I can still do this. And 487 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,600 Speaker 1: I want you to remember your story matters, So don't 488 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:11,280 Speaker 1: abandon it. Don't abandon your own story. Don't abandon your 489 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,480 Speaker 1: own history because it got you here. 490 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:14,760 Speaker 2: Mine it for. 491 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:19,480 Speaker 1: Truths, for stories, for experiences, for people, and the greatness 492 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,560 Speaker 1: that came out of it. And here's one thing I 493 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,320 Speaker 1: want you to do that will help boost your self confidence. 494 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,080 Speaker 1: I want you to help the person you were five 495 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,920 Speaker 1: years ago. You may think you have nothing to offer people. 496 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,040 Speaker 1: You may say, Jay, my self confidence is so low, 497 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:36,160 Speaker 1: I have nothing to offer people. All the studies show 498 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:40,080 Speaker 1: that when people in need help others in need, it 499 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:44,800 Speaker 1: helps them. Our confidence and self esteem improve when we 500 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,199 Speaker 1: help others. And you may say, Jay, well, I'm in 501 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,520 Speaker 1: no position to help others. Who am I to help anyone? 502 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 1: Help the person you were five years ago. I promise 503 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:56,160 Speaker 1: you there's someone who's there, who's three to five years 504 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:59,720 Speaker 1: behind where you are you've moved on ahead a little bit, 505 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:04,440 Speaker 1: any bit help that person become the person you needed 506 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:07,840 Speaker 1: five years ago. Because you have those skills. You moved on, 507 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,960 Speaker 1: you lived, you survived where you were five years ago. 508 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,760 Speaker 1: You're here to serve the person you were five years ago. 509 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,480 Speaker 1: You're here to help the person you were five years ago, 510 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,239 Speaker 1: because I promise you one of the greatest gifts in 511 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:24,720 Speaker 1: life is having someone who's just a few years ahead 512 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,560 Speaker 1: of you. Everyone thinks they need to have a coach 513 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,119 Speaker 1: or a mentor who's like one of the leaders in 514 00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,919 Speaker 1: the world, And what most of us need is to 515 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,960 Speaker 1: talk to someone who's just three to five years ahead, 516 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,760 Speaker 1: maybe three to five months ahead, because we need to 517 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,440 Speaker 1: know what we need to do now. If someone's twenty 518 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 1: years ahead, ten years ahead can be quite hard. I 519 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:47,200 Speaker 1: want you to write three things down you've been through 520 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,919 Speaker 1: in three years that you think you could help people 521 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,479 Speaker 1: on again. You don't have to be an expert, you 522 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,240 Speaker 1: don't have to have the solution, but you could talk 523 00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:59,879 Speaker 1: someone through the challenge they're going through. What challenge is 524 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:02,639 Speaker 1: you've been through? What pains have you been through? Not 525 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:04,720 Speaker 1: that you could coach on or be a therapist on 526 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:06,760 Speaker 1: or anything of that kind, but that you could be 527 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:10,800 Speaker 1: a friend on I want you to remember helping others 528 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:14,399 Speaker 1: is helping yourself. If you want to boost your self confidence, 529 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:18,640 Speaker 1: remember these steps. How we view our pain makes all 530 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:23,200 Speaker 1: the difference. Everyone starts from zero. Your first will never 531 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,400 Speaker 1: be your best, and it doesn't need to be your last. 532 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:29,720 Speaker 1: Your story matters, so don't abandon it and help the 533 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:34,240 Speaker 1: person you were five years ago, and remember that. Look 534 00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,720 Speaker 1: at your life three sixty. Do you need to find 535 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 1: more belonging? Is it your skills that you need to 536 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:42,280 Speaker 1: work on? Is it your career? Is it your values? 537 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,000 Speaker 1: Or is it a sense of security and safety. The 538 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,960 Speaker 1: more you break it down into these compartments, the easier 539 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:53,000 Speaker 1: it is to actually focus and prioritize. Thank you so 540 00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,800 Speaker 1: much for listening to you on purpose. I appreciate you 541 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,640 Speaker 1: so much. I hope that you'll keep coming back for 542 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:01,480 Speaker 1: more incredible episode. I know some of you are listening 543 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:03,360 Speaker 1: to us every day, which means the world to me, 544 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,120 Speaker 1: and thank you so much for leaving you incredible reviews. 545 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:09,520 Speaker 1: I do take a look at them, and there were 546 00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:11,840 Speaker 1: a couple of recently that I wanted to address around 547 00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,800 Speaker 1: some episodes we posted. We posted some episodes where I 548 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:16,360 Speaker 1: was a guest. So if you thought I was talking 549 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,880 Speaker 1: too much to a guest, it's actually because we posted 550 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:20,880 Speaker 1: somewhere I was being interviewed, and so I just wanted 551 00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:24,320 Speaker 1: to clarify that because I would never over talk my guests. 552 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,840 Speaker 1: I always like to sit and respect them, but I 553 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,800 Speaker 1: wanted to share insights from people interviewing me as well. 554 00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,760 Speaker 1: So thank you so much. I appreciate you. I'm grateful 555 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:44,240 Speaker 1: for you now Seeucy. I'm not much of a gambler. 556 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:48,520 Speaker 1: I don't care for cards or slots, and you'll never 557 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:52,040 Speaker 1: find me wagering on sports. But there is one thing 558 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:57,320 Speaker 1: I do bet on myself. Today I hope to inspire 559 00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:02,120 Speaker 1: you to do the same. Seven minutes are about leaning 560 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:07,760 Speaker 1: into self belief. I'm Jay Sheddy. Welcome to the Daily Jay. 561 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:13,280 Speaker 1: Let's start by taking three deep breaths to center ourselves 562 00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:23,120 Speaker 1: in this moment, So breathing in and breathing out, expanding 563 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:35,000 Speaker 1: and relaxing, sharpening our attention and bringing it to the present. 564 00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:41,320 Speaker 1: Let's dive in today. I'd like to tell you a 565 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:46,960 Speaker 1: story about Venus Williams. Right before her first pro tournament, 566 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:53,760 Speaker 1: she was offered three million dollars Venus was just fourteen 567 00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:58,680 Speaker 1: years old, a prodigy, but outside of hardcore tennis circles, 568 00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:03,560 Speaker 1: she was relatively unknown. She had not been competing on 569 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:07,920 Speaker 1: the junior circuit, the standard route for promising young players. 570 00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:10,840 Speaker 1: Her dad didn't want her to burn out too soon, 571 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:14,880 Speaker 1: and he also wanted her to focus on school. So 572 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:19,000 Speaker 1: when Venus headed to Oakland, California for the nineteen ninety 573 00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:22,600 Speaker 1: four Bank of the West Classic, it was going to 574 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:28,440 Speaker 1: be her first competitive match in three years. Still, Nike 575 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:32,680 Speaker 1: saw something in her and extended a massive sneaker deal. 576 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:37,640 Speaker 1: The company wanted in on Venus's bright future, and they 577 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 1: were willing to pay for it. There was just one catch. 578 00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:47,160 Speaker 1: The offer would expire the second she stepped. 579 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:47,400 Speaker 2: On the court. 580 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:55,680 Speaker 1: Three million dollars for an untested fourteen year old it 581 00:31:55,760 --> 00:32:01,240 Speaker 1: was a no brainer, right Wrong turned down the deal, 582 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:06,640 Speaker 1: choosing instead to play. She and her father appreciated the offer, 583 00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:10,600 Speaker 1: but they believed it was just their first and that 584 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:14,480 Speaker 1: it wouldn't be the best. They believed that she would 585 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:21,440 Speaker 1: boost her value on the core. Venus better on herself. Now, 586 00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:27,840 Speaker 1: if this seems foolish, it wasn't bold maybe, but not reckless. 587 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:34,040 Speaker 1: Venus and her father weren't being arrogant or unrealistic. They 588 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:39,320 Speaker 1: weren't operating on blind faith. Venus had been practicing diligently 589 00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,800 Speaker 1: with one of the best coaches in the country. She 590 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:46,640 Speaker 1: was a remarkable natural athlete, and she had put in 591 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:51,560 Speaker 1: serious work to refine her game, and so Venus knew 592 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:56,600 Speaker 1: what she was capable of. In that first tournament, Venus 593 00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:00,000 Speaker 1: ended up facing the number two player in the world 594 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:05,800 Speaker 1: world and she held her own. Seven months later, Rebark 595 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:10,440 Speaker 1: came knocking with a five year, twelve million dollar deal, 596 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:15,720 Speaker 1: an unprecedented amount for someone her age. Now, that deal 597 00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:23,200 Speaker 1: she took. Venus gambled, but she wasn't lucky. She was good, 598 00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:27,480 Speaker 1: and yet most of us faced with the same situation 599 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,920 Speaker 1: would have probably taken the money. It can be a 600 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:36,320 Speaker 1: human instinct to cash in on a certainty, even if 601 00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:40,600 Speaker 1: there might be something greater around the next turn. But 602 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:46,640 Speaker 1: sometimes a calculated leap of faith can pay off. Again, 603 00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:51,960 Speaker 1: it's not about blind faith. Betting on yourself doesn't mean 604 00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:56,040 Speaker 1: going all in with a bad hand. I'm not saying 605 00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:59,040 Speaker 1: you should quit your job without a plan for the future, 606 00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:03,800 Speaker 1: or enter a marathon with no training at all. What 607 00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:07,920 Speaker 1: I am saying is to believe in yourself when you 608 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:13,279 Speaker 1: know you're ready for more. It's about trusting your process 609 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:21,239 Speaker 1: and your preparation and sometimes your gout. I get it. 610 00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:25,600 Speaker 1: It's easy to be afraid of failure or embarrassment, to 611 00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:29,520 Speaker 1: worry about what we may lose, so we play it 612 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:34,520 Speaker 1: safe when we really should go big. But next time, 613 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:39,080 Speaker 1: when you're faced with your three million dollar Nike deal, 614 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:45,239 Speaker 1: don't just automatically jump at it. Ask yourself, are you 615 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,920 Speaker 1: worth more? And that's what we're going to work on 616 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,319 Speaker 1: for the rest of this session. We're going to do 617 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:57,759 Speaker 1: a short meditation and then we'll reflect on how you 618 00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:03,239 Speaker 1: can bet on yourself. So get comfortable wherever you are, 619 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:11,000 Speaker 1: seeing if you can release a little tension. And I'd 620 00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:15,320 Speaker 1: like to try one of my favorite exercises here adding 621 00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:21,279 Speaker 1: next stretches to the rhythm of your breath, So inhaling 622 00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:26,960 Speaker 1: and lowering your left ear to your left shoulder and 623 00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:32,160 Speaker 1: exhaling back to the middle, this time to the right, 624 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:40,839 Speaker 1: breathing in and down and exhaling back to center. As 625 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:44,320 Speaker 1: you find your own rhythm, see if you can bring 626 00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:50,840 Speaker 1: your full attention to the feeling of the stretch. The 627 00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:55,680 Speaker 1: idea is not to do the biggest stretch ever. It's 628 00:35:55,800 --> 00:36:01,960 Speaker 1: just to become aware of your movement. Maybe you feel 629 00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:10,040 Speaker 1: a sense of release, maybe there's some tightness. Whatever you 630 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:22,400 Speaker 1: feel is okay. Keep tuning in now, feel free to 631 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:29,920 Speaker 1: settle into stillness. And let's open this up. Think of 632 00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:34,000 Speaker 1: a time when you settled for less than you thought 633 00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:38,319 Speaker 1: you were really worth, When you wanted to go for 634 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:50,800 Speaker 1: something but you didn't. What was holding you back? Fear, complacency, 635 00:36:52,360 --> 00:37:00,760 Speaker 1: self doubt. Next time, can you can instead of betting 636 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:08,520 Speaker 1: on yourself. If today's session made an impact on you, 637 00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:12,839 Speaker 1: go ahead and share it with someone else so that 638 00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:16,720 Speaker 1: they can bet on themselves too. Thank you for joining today. 639 00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:18,240 Speaker 1: I'll see you tomorrow.