Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with Dengler and Jared Haven.
Speaker 1: I heart radio podcast. Hey, welcome to help I Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating. I think this is our second episode of
Speaker 1: the year if I remember correctly. I'm Jared Haven, of course,
Speaker 1: joined by Dean Ungler. Dean, how the hell are you?
Speaker 1: I'm just eating my cheesy poops over here? Jared, I'm
Speaker 1: doing good man. Thanks. We had a debate before the
Speaker 1: podcast poofs or puffs? So let us know and help
Speaker 1: I suck a dating Instagram? Where do you guys think
Speaker 1: it's poofs or puffs? We're dying to know. We're dying
Speaker 1: to know what the what the suck army thinks, whether
Speaker 1: it's poops or pops. I'm a puff guy. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: beat Jared to it. We got a very special episode
Speaker 1: for you guys today. We have the one and only
Speaker 1: Mark hell Martin joining us. Um from where is it Again?
Speaker 1: In rialto California. So, uh, he's gonna be co hosting
Speaker 1: with us all day. You guys know how you like
Speaker 1: to do it. Uh, And yeah, we're just gonna kind
Speaker 1: of take it step by step. I guess it's a
Speaker 1: new year, It's and it's a new uh year to
Speaker 1: be thankful for in the podcast world, and I think
Speaker 1: this is one of the best ways to have an
Speaker 1: episode number two. So ste you just referenced new Kids
Speaker 1: on the Block song nicely, Dundine, Well Marquel. First of all, yeah, Marquel,
Speaker 1: markl Maren is here, ladies and gentlemen. Of course, Marquel
Speaker 1: was on Andy Dorfman's season of the Bachelorette, and then Marquel,
Speaker 1: you were on Bachelor in Paradise season one, if I
Speaker 1: remember correctly, So how are you. I'm good, I'm good
Speaker 1: those thanks for having me on, man and it's it's
Speaker 1: nice to meet you, guys. I remember. It's nice to
Speaker 1: you too. I remember you were like a little bit.
Speaker 1: So first of all, you were on Andy Dorfman's season
Speaker 1: of the Bachelorette, and then when you went to Paradise.
Speaker 1: I remember, like the women got to call him crazy
Speaker 1: for you a little bit because obviously Claire's the Bachelorette
Speaker 1: right now, I remember her. It was like I think
Speaker 1: Michelle Money, right though, they were like fighting against each
Speaker 1: other for you. Yeah, yeah, Michelle. Michelle Money came on
Speaker 1: like later. But I do remember if you're referencing kind
Speaker 1: of like the beginning of the season. Yeah, that that
Speaker 1: that was fun. Man. I felt like, you know, we
Speaker 1: were just coming into a new world of the Bachelor franchise, right, so,
Speaker 1: you know, come to see that, you know, Claire has
Speaker 1: is with the Bachelorette. That's awesome to see. She's amazing person.
Speaker 1: I still remember some of the stories that she used
Speaker 1: to share. But as you guys know, it's just such
Speaker 1: a fun experience to be a part of the franchise.
Speaker 1: You know. So now regular Joe, you were an o
Speaker 1: GEEP Bachelor in Paradise season one. Um, but that aside. So,
Speaker 1: so you have made news lately because you're engaged. Yes, congratulations,
Speaker 1: congratulations on the engagement. Uh, pardon my ignorance, but so
Speaker 1: is the is the woman that you're engaged to, uh
Speaker 1: from Bachelor or is it someone that you met out
Speaker 1: in the real world? To give us an update? No, No,
Speaker 1: just just old school, old fashioned, just a real world
Speaker 1: you know, circumstance that's still a thing, huh. I know,
Speaker 1: I feel like I meet more people that either meet
Speaker 1: on like TV or like dating apps or something like that,
Speaker 1: and there's no better, no words, just interesting to see
Speaker 1: the dynamic of you know, where the world is today
Speaker 1: with technology. Yeah, she was my neighbor. Um. I don't
Speaker 1: know how much of the story you guys want me
Speaker 1: to get into it. I want to hear the whole thing.
Speaker 1: I love hearing, all right, Uh, fair enough. So, Um,
Speaker 1: I I grew up in rialto California. I went to
Speaker 1: go play football at NLB in Las Vegas. Uh So
Speaker 1: I lived in Vegas for for twelve years and uh
Speaker 1: launch short after after grad school at UNLV, UM, I
Speaker 1: was a personal stylist, worked at UFC, and I was
Speaker 1: just staying at my apartment complex. And you know, I
Speaker 1: met my girl, my fiance, at my apartment complex. She
Speaker 1: had ran out of gas. I took her to the
Speaker 1: gas station. Um, and kind of the rest was history.
Speaker 1: We we started exchange numbers, right, and she invited me
Speaker 1: because her um, her brothers are up. Um a guitarist.
Speaker 1: He used to play in the Guns and Roses. If
Speaker 1: you go, h yeah, I thought you were gonna be like, oh,
Speaker 1: they used to play in some sort of cover band
Speaker 1: down the street. Uh. They would play at a bar
Speaker 1: on Friday and Saturdays. No, you were like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: they played in a band. What was that band called
Speaker 1: Guns and Roses? Yeah, a little little known thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Nor her brother is dj ashbak um or or not,
Speaker 1: so he replaced Slash. I don't know much about rock
Speaker 1: and roll at all, but that's concerts and stuff. So yeah,
Speaker 1: that's how. And we we didn't start dating right away
Speaker 1: at all, like I'm super super old school. Uh. And
Speaker 1: I'll give you a lot of side conversations as we go,
Speaker 1: so if you guys get lost, just I'll bring it back.
Speaker 1: You know, my parents have been married since my mom
Speaker 1: was sixteen and my dad was eighteen and and they're
Speaker 1: still married married today, thank you. And you know, so I, however,
Speaker 1: me growing up and wanting that aspiring to have that
Speaker 1: type of relationship, you know in Vegas, if know, I
Speaker 1: tell everyone in Vegas like ages you by ten years
Speaker 1: because it's so many people from all over the world.
Speaker 1: It's the city of sin as as they as someone
Speaker 1: call it, right, and me being there in my transformative
Speaker 1: like like mature or trying to become a mature adult stages.
Speaker 1: You know, I've you know, kind of kind of done
Speaker 1: it all really, and I don't I don't say that
Speaker 1: with a sense of pride. Let's say I feel like
Speaker 1: those two things don't go together. It's like, you know,
Speaker 1: I really wanted to become a mature, better human being.
Speaker 1: So I moved to Vegas, right right, so right, so
Speaker 1: around I was working at UFC at the time, and
Speaker 1: I got a random phone call from the Bachelorrette because
Speaker 1: because of my dating history was so terrible, I I
Speaker 1: sucked at dating, right, Uh, I was that guy in Vegas.
Speaker 1: I thought I was cool and and you know, college
Speaker 1: football player, that the whole nine and uh, one of
Speaker 1: my best friends she nominated me to be on the
Speaker 1: show and she said, hey, you need a change of
Speaker 1: pace and maybe you can find your love here because
Speaker 1: you're certainly not finding success success in uh in Vegas.
Speaker 1: And it wasn't. The women's bottle was definitely my fault.
Speaker 1: Right So I at that same time, that's where I
Speaker 1: met my fiance, Kerrie Um and she knew I was
Speaker 1: going through the process of the show and we were
Speaker 1: just friends at the time, so she was like supporting
Speaker 1: me as a as a friend and she like hadn't
Speaker 1: had cable and in her apartment and bought it just
Speaker 1: to watch me on the Bachelorette. I come back, right,
Speaker 1: you come back and you try to get acclimated to
Speaker 1: the craziness and the social media. Social media definitely wasn't
Speaker 1: as big as as it is now, right, Like, but
Speaker 1: um so that was happening, and I think at that
Speaker 1: point in time, that's where I saw a clear divide
Speaker 1: of like, okay, I don't even claim it that it
Speaker 1: was like you know, your five minute to famous, like
Speaker 1: five seconds of fame at least that that I felt
Speaker 1: of like the behemoth that is the Bachelor franchise. Right,
Speaker 1: so you get girls coming out of the woodwork, and
Speaker 1: you know, I I was, um, you know, just like
Speaker 1: coming off like Okay, I'm just gonna go back to
Speaker 1: my old self because the show didn't work out, and
Speaker 1: she just stayed solid and steadfast throughout the whole thing.
Speaker 1: And what it allowed me to have is this perspective
Speaker 1: of Okay, I know what like Vegas Marquille was liking,
Speaker 1: is right. I went on the show and and saw
Speaker 1: kind of the romanticism of the whole thing and the
Speaker 1: idea of potentially spending the rest of your life with
Speaker 1: someone while at the same time you know it's not
Speaker 1: working out, and coming back I just wanted stability. So
Speaker 1: she was kind of like my rock in a sense
Speaker 1: and one thing led to another and um yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't want to bore you guys. Know, well, let's get
Speaker 1: to that one thing to another. How did it change
Speaker 1: from being friends to going to boyfriend girlfriend? Was it you?
Speaker 1: Was it her? Was it mutual? You guys just made
Speaker 1: out one night and was like, oh that was really good.
Speaker 1: Al Right, Like that was cool, so we should do
Speaker 1: that more often. Um So, what happened was where I
Speaker 1: came back from the show. One of the producers of
Speaker 1: the Bascharette was like, hey, we know you love cookies
Speaker 1: because while I was on the show, I would always
Speaker 1: eat cookies, right like they make sure cookies were there
Speaker 1: because I just love them. And well, you don't look
Speaker 1: like you love cookies. Good God, I wish I could
Speaker 1: eat cookies and look like you. Damn it. I eat
Speaker 1: cookies and I am not in good shape right now.
Speaker 1: I'm Winter Jared. It's definitely I'm Winter Mark Hill. I'm
Speaker 1: twenty pounds overweight, and it's just like the metabolism just
Speaker 1: falls off a cliff. And plus quarantine doesn't know in
Speaker 1: any favors. Um So I was I used While I
Speaker 1: was on the show and we were filming, I would
Speaker 1: tell them like, yo, one day, when I retire, all
Speaker 1: I want is the gourmet cookie lounge where it's like cookies, wine, milk,
Speaker 1: uh tea whatever, but just in like a little speakeasy,
Speaker 1: but for cookies, right, And they're like, no, you may
Speaker 1: want to like start that sooner than later, Like you'll
Speaker 1: you'll be surprised. So I come back. The social media
Speaker 1: kind of blows up. People start recognizing you from the show,
Speaker 1: and a guy had hit me up. I was like, hey, man,
Speaker 1: like like I love your your thing with cookies or whatever,
Speaker 1: like can I you know, can we you know, grab lunch.
Speaker 1: So I told him about this business that I have
Speaker 1: when I retire. He's like, dude, why not just do
Speaker 1: it now? So I was like, okay, well maybe I
Speaker 1: should just give it a shot and try to start
Speaker 1: my own cookie business. Right. So that's what happened. I
Speaker 1: this The chef of UFC was my chef, and then
Speaker 1: the guy who I met became my partner, and Carrie,
Speaker 1: who was my friend, believed in me and my idea
Speaker 1: and the concept and started helping out. So we went
Speaker 1: from we did a cookie and wine tasting event at
Speaker 1: um I like the Venetian Hotel and we went through
Speaker 1: five thousand cookies in in thirty minutes. The most sold
Speaker 1: out like booth, I have some I'll post some throwback
Speaker 1: pictures so you guys can can check it out. But
Speaker 1: uh yeah, like line was wrapped up. And so that
Speaker 1: was like proof of concept where I was like okay,
Speaker 1: and it was called social cookie. I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: we're onto something because I wanted to pair cookies, um
Speaker 1: with with wine because that was my thing to get
Speaker 1: girls prior, like in common because I was broke right
Speaker 1: in college and you're living in a dorm or sharing
Speaker 1: the house with with with some friends or when I
Speaker 1: got my first apartment by myself, I would invite a
Speaker 1: girl over, bake some cookies, play some music, have some wine,
Speaker 1: and then there you go. You know. Uh yeah that
Speaker 1: that was my thing, you know. Um So anyways, that
Speaker 1: concept was working. Carrie started helping me out. We ended
Speaker 1: up going from just hey, doing private events. So okay,
Speaker 1: the next step, let's see if we can start shipping
Speaker 1: cookies online. So she she has a marketing background and
Speaker 1: she's like the hardest worker on the planet, and uh,
Speaker 1: she was helping me with that. We got a commissary
Speaker 1: kitchen um in Vegas and started cooking out of the
Speaker 1: Commissary kitchen and just as if we were getting our
Speaker 1: certifications from like Nevada and everything about like the nutritional
Speaker 1: facts to put on labeling and packaging. In that same month,
Speaker 1: I found out that I had genetic heart disease. So
Speaker 1: that was, um, you know, crazy, and that threw me
Speaker 1: for a loop. And so because of that news, right,
Speaker 1: we shut down the business. Um and you know, they said, hey,
Speaker 1: you gotta get heart surgery, you know, because you can
Speaker 1: die at any minute, uh working out or whatever. This was.
Speaker 1: So I was twenty yeah nine, and yeah I was,
Speaker 1: you know, in in tip top shape, right, you know. Yeah, no, Um,
Speaker 1: I felt like I was again in my professional career
Speaker 1: working at the UFC as as an exact there and
Speaker 1: everything was great, and then to get that news was
Speaker 1: like heartbreaking. Right. So I'm sure you guys, you guys
Speaker 1: both you know, great looking guys and work out and
Speaker 1: so to to have that throughout your whole life and
Speaker 1: literally just play sports and them telling you, hey, you
Speaker 1: can't work out, you can't you know, do this, do that,
Speaker 1: your life's gonna change. I fell into like a little
Speaker 1: mini depression and that again opened my eyes to what
Speaker 1: a good woman is. Right. I was at a time
Speaker 1: in my life where I was this young hot shot,
Speaker 1: and then I felt like I was at a time
Speaker 1: in my life where I was I was at the
Speaker 1: bottom and I was and and to add on top
Speaker 1: of that, that same no, two months later, after I
Speaker 1: found out that I needed heart surgery, I got laid
Speaker 1: off from UFC exactly, so don't for me. It was
Speaker 1: a big talent agency in l A. Uh. They purchased
Speaker 1: UFC for four billion dollars and they laid off a
Speaker 1: hundred people um or more, and I was one of them.
Speaker 1: Unfortunately because of redundancies. Uh, you know, it was no
Speaker 1: one's ball. It was just that's that's the nature of
Speaker 1: the businesses. So I was I was broke um because
Speaker 1: I was jobless. Then I was told I had to
Speaker 1: have heart surgery at at and I had to move
Speaker 1: out of my apartment because I couldn't afford it. I
Speaker 1: had to start getting an unemployment And again she was
Speaker 1: just remained solid. And I've been with enough women over
Speaker 1: my time. Again not not not trying to you know,
Speaker 1: promote that, but that's all the clear difference. Most girls
Speaker 1: would leave I mean, most girls would just like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, thanks, but I got to go back to
Speaker 1: the club or this, and you're no longer hot because
Speaker 1: you're gonna have heart surgery and that's not cool. And yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's what made me like fall more in love
Speaker 1: with her. But yeah, I say, between the cookies business
Speaker 1: and the heart surgery, that's when we started, you know,
Speaker 1: making out and saying, so, you guys, you guys have
Speaker 1: been together for because if that all happened with Seen,
Speaker 1: you guys have been at least dated for like three
Speaker 1: plus years. Then yeah, yeah, so we we don't even
Speaker 1: have like a day like you know how people like
Speaker 1: have like those dating and we don't have that. We
Speaker 1: kind of approximate and say five or six years because
Speaker 1: that's how long we've known each other. But our relationship
Speaker 1: you know, went from this friendship to more than friends
Speaker 1: to what are we to write the typical stuff and
Speaker 1: then it's just like, okay, no, we're solely committed to
Speaker 1: one another. There was a there was a long gray period.
Speaker 1: It sounds like where it was like, well, we don't
Speaker 1: even identify as as a gray period, like we know
Speaker 1: knew what we were to one another the outside world
Speaker 1: it would look like a gray period, right right right?
Speaker 1: Any any sense that makes sense? That makes sense. Well,
Speaker 1: we definitely want to hear more about this, but before
Speaker 1: we do that, we're gonna take one quick break and
Speaker 1: then just jump right back into it. Uh So for
Speaker 1: the listeners, state tuned and we'll be back with Marquel.
Speaker 1: All right, we're back, okay, cool, Yeah, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: You know this for years, I'm Getting'm getting pretty good
Speaker 1: at it. So, by the way, bro, that's that's strong.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, thank you. Actually I was going to shave
Speaker 1: it off today, but you know, I just get so
Speaker 1: attached to it. I know it's hideous. What does it?
Speaker 1: You know? She is very kind and she says whatever
Speaker 1: makes me happy makes her happy. But I know, deep
Speaker 1: down it it probably bothers her, like irritate her upper
Speaker 1: lip um, because that looks like it would be you know,
Speaker 1: some serious rash redness right there on the upper lip. No, yeah,
Speaker 1: I can only imagine. I think she likes the fact
Speaker 1: that I consistently change it up, so like I'll go
Speaker 1: into the bathroom one day, come out and completely shaven,
Speaker 1: and then I'll go back and like, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't really stick to one thing. But but no, it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's very you just getting close to your day, it's
Speaker 1: getting close to having to be cut um um. But
Speaker 1: Mark L, thank you for sharing that story with us.
Speaker 1: We appreciate it. So you did end up having heart
Speaker 1: surgery then, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a fiber latter
Speaker 1: placed in. Wow. That's and you were saying it was
Speaker 1: a genetic heart disease too, so it wasn't because of
Speaker 1: all the cookies you're eating. No that sucks, man. I know,
Speaker 1: like you're saying, like you're in tip top shape, you're young,
Speaker 1: you're healthy, and then boom, just like that. It's scary, man.
Speaker 1: But I'm glad to hear you're doing well. Glad to
Speaker 1: hear you're engaged. That's super exciting. You just recently got engaged, right, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: December nineteen. You know, obviously it's a was a terrible
Speaker 1: monument this year for for everyone, and I just didn't
Speaker 1: want to go out on a low note. So you know,
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, no matter what, I'm
Speaker 1: doing this. The circumstances of quarantine and social distancing weren't
Speaker 1: like the the best, but I was able to um
Speaker 1: hit up some contacts that I had in Vegas. Red
Speaker 1: Rock Casino hooked it up really well. Um some friends,
Speaker 1: some um you know, helped set up the room and
Speaker 1: then we drove out there from from Cali and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, I brought my parents and I flew her
Speaker 1: parents out. So it was just a small intimate setting
Speaker 1: in a suite and yeah, and said, yes, that was
Speaker 1: a good thing. That's the I did. So when she
Speaker 1: went there, and I'm assuming you proposed before you, like,
Speaker 1: was her parents a surprised like, she said yes, and
Speaker 1: then her parents popped out. No, nor her parents were
Speaker 1: a surprise. Like. So the way I set it up was,
Speaker 1: I said, hey, we're gonna have dinner um with my parents.
Speaker 1: But before we go to dinner, my fighter, because I
Speaker 1: represent UFC fighters, I'm like, my fighters also here and
Speaker 1: he's staying in the sweet let's go say hi. So
Speaker 1: as we go into the suite, I had like rose
Speaker 1: petals on the floor and her her parents and my
Speaker 1: parents were there. And as soon as she saw them,
Speaker 1: she started like crying and she was shocked, like what's
Speaker 1: gonna happen? And she turned around and now I was
Speaker 1: on one knee. Nice. Yeah, but as far as I
Speaker 1: mean over the past couple of years. It sounds like
Speaker 1: might have even been the worst one. But that's great
Speaker 1: that you're able to end it on a on a
Speaker 1: high note, which is good. And it's funny you keep
Speaker 1: you keep ragging on Vegas. But I was Jared and
Speaker 1: I have talked over the past month or so. Caitlin
Speaker 1: and I just bought a house out in Vegas, So hopefully,
Speaker 1: hopefully you'll give us an inside line on some of
Speaker 1: the good spots out there. Oh, congrats, we're at what
Speaker 1: area in Summerland actually prettylose to Red Rocks Casino. Oh
Speaker 1: someone is beautiful. Awesome. Yeah, I love that area. That's yeah,
Speaker 1: we we know it's an older community, which I think
Speaker 1: is probably gonna be good. You know, we're not gonna
Speaker 1: be like in the Sinning since part of the city.
Speaker 1: But uh, but yeah, we're excited. Um, but yeah, we'll
Speaker 1: moved there yet or is it just like an investment
Speaker 1: property you guys are going to Uh, we're it's gonna
Speaker 1: be a permanent residence. We are moving in aprils when
Speaker 1: the house is finished being built. It's not finished yet,
Speaker 1: but yeah, we're gonna stay in l A and also
Speaker 1: spend time out in Vegas. Uh and who knows, maybe
Speaker 1: stopping in Rialto on the way out. Yeah, for sure, man,
Speaker 1: you know, whatever you need. I got a lot of
Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of cool people in Vegas
Speaker 1: and you're you're, you're, you're gonna love it. I'm sure
Speaker 1: you guys have been there multiple times. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel like when you're a resident there, you see a
Speaker 1: different side of visas Vegas and you appreciate it more
Speaker 1: like as a resident you don't spend time in like
Speaker 1: the Sin City, like the Strip. You just are and
Speaker 1: it's it's accessible. But outside of Vegas it's like amazing.
Speaker 1: But it seems perfect for me because there's a lot
Speaker 1: of golf courses, there's great rock climbing, great mountain biking,
Speaker 1: great hiking, like all those things that I like to do.
Speaker 1: So I love the Red Rocks over there. Yeah, Jared,
Speaker 1: I think we got some questions for Mark Hell, don't
Speaker 1: we or some just some host general questions, right, we
Speaker 1: do have some host general questions that I want to
Speaker 1: get to Mark Hell. I do want to ask you
Speaker 1: one question though, So when I was on Paradise, I'll
Speaker 1: remember I was doing an I T M. As you
Speaker 1: guys know, they're in the moments, uh where I was
Speaker 1: doing this interview with the producer and you go into
Speaker 1: room and you talk, and this particular producer won't see
Speaker 1: his name, but you guys both know him. He's the
Speaker 1: producer you'd like sit down and like have three hour
Speaker 1: conversations with. And I remember he brought up your name
Speaker 1: and he was talking about how I don't know how
Speaker 1: we got into this conversation, but he was seeing your praises,
Speaker 1: he loves you, and he was saying how he wanted
Speaker 1: you to be the bachelor. And I remember back then
Speaker 1: there was rumors about you possibly becoming the first black
Speaker 1: bachelor in the franchise. And so now that we have
Speaker 1: Matt James, who was the first black bachelor, what are
Speaker 1: your thoughts? How close were you to becoming the bachelor? Uh?
Speaker 1: And you know, what are your thoughts about the franchise
Speaker 1: moving forward? Yeah? No, no, no, first, Um, I I
Speaker 1: love to see that the franchise made that decision. I
Speaker 1: think they made the right decision. I think Matt James
Speaker 1: is gonna be a great representative of all the bachelors
Speaker 1: and the whole franchise and stuff like that. And I'm
Speaker 1: and me just not only as like an alum, but
Speaker 1: also just as as a as a black man, like
Speaker 1: like I love it, right, Like I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: subscribe to like say, hey, I'm like I watched every
Speaker 1: Monday night or whatever like that, you know, just because
Speaker 1: I'm just busy, but I always support the show. And
Speaker 1: and I checked in the first episode and it's it's
Speaker 1: just good to see. But in terms of where I
Speaker 1: was back then, right, And I appreciate you sharing that
Speaker 1: because I love that dude. I don't know if he listens,
Speaker 1: but you probably talked to him more than every week,
Speaker 1: never mind said what's up? And I love I really
Speaker 1: really do. Like there's some special people, as you guys
Speaker 1: know on that franchise that it's just like irreplaceable. Um.
Speaker 1: And and yes, he he wanted me or at least
Speaker 1: like positioned me to to potentially be the first black Bachelor.
Speaker 1: And at that time, you know, you asked how close
Speaker 1: was I, uh to becoming that I have no idea. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I would assume not that close. Um. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, like there are points where I can argue, hey,
Speaker 1: maybe I was close because of the multiple conversations and
Speaker 1: you know, the I think it was the mental law, right,
Speaker 1: it's it's it was Chris or myself. Um, that seemingly
Speaker 1: one one would argue like would be next? You know? Um,
Speaker 1: I do remember a conversation with a different producer and
Speaker 1: you know, when I was back in Vegas and I
Speaker 1: was like, like, I don't know, you know, if I like,
Speaker 1: do I want to and think I could like I'm
Speaker 1: leaning towards yes, right, I'm just going through the through
Speaker 1: the conversation. However, I remember bringing up my mom and
Speaker 1: how she would react or my family would have to
Speaker 1: deal with scrutiny. Right. So because of my work and
Speaker 1: like UFC and UH and knowing like media and stuff
Speaker 1: like that, I felt like it would be a hard
Speaker 1: decision to make for for me personally because I've uh
Speaker 1: predominantly dated outside of my race, right my Fyance's wife.
Speaker 1: And so I had that vision of of Okay, if
Speaker 1: I am fortunate enough to be elected to be the
Speaker 1: first black bachelor, right and we have this diverse group,
Speaker 1: and if I end up with the white woman, what
Speaker 1: does that look like? If I end up with Latino Hispanic,
Speaker 1: what does that look like? Uh? If I end up
Speaker 1: with the black woman, what does that look like not
Speaker 1: just for for myself, right obviously, like that's what matters
Speaker 1: um at the end of the day. But we all
Speaker 1: know in the world of just media and the franchise,
Speaker 1: that pressure and and that judgment and you know, that's heavy.
Speaker 1: And I I like to think of myself as like
Speaker 1: a mature, responsible adult. But I had to say, like, honestly,
Speaker 1: I was like, honestly, I don't know if I would,
Speaker 1: you know, because I also knew that if I met
Speaker 1: some woman on there that I, you know, could see
Speaker 1: myself being with or but not necessarily engaged get engaged to,
Speaker 1: I they knew, and I knew I wouldn't do it,
Speaker 1: you know, like I'm stubborn in that sense, like I
Speaker 1: gotta know, like I'm a slow mover, like I remember
Speaker 1: them pushing me on Bachelor in Paradise, like you know,
Speaker 1: kiss someone, you know what I mean, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: but yeah, that's part of your charm, though I imagine
Speaker 1: I don't, you know, I I don't know, man, I'd
Speaker 1: like to. I like to think I'm an okay guy.
Speaker 1: And and you know, uh, you know, some people are
Speaker 1: gonna hate me. Some people are gonna like be cool
Speaker 1: with me. You know, I'm just me, but yeah, when
Speaker 1: it comes to the Bachelor, that was my experience. They
Speaker 1: went with Chris. I think they made the right decision,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Um, at the time, I
Speaker 1: was younger and more emotional, and I remember writing a
Speaker 1: blog as to my truth of why I thought. And
Speaker 1: it wasn't a um an indictment on the franchise, but
Speaker 1: more so like, hey, at in the world was not
Speaker 1: ready for a black Bachelor? I think, you know, and
Speaker 1: that's just my own personal opinion. I could be totally wrong,
Speaker 1: but at that time, it wasn't the time. I felt
Speaker 1: like they do much better if they would have a
Speaker 1: black woman on first, right, which they ended up doing.
Speaker 1: Like it's not like I told him like, hey, you
Speaker 1: guys should do that, but like like logically speaking in
Speaker 1: the media world, like that's uh more safer bat I think.
Speaker 1: And they did that. And then, you know, with everything
Speaker 1: that's happened on and and and um, a lot of
Speaker 1: issues of some the negative of right, and I I
Speaker 1: know the network has already been thinking about it, right
Speaker 1: that it's not like it was so reactive of like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, black lives matter, Let's let's put Matt in there.
Speaker 1: It is that they always wanted to do it. I'm
Speaker 1: a perfect example of you know, they were thinking of that,
Speaker 1: but it just wasn't the right time and for whatever variable.
Speaker 1: You know, I think with timing, you know, everything happens
Speaker 1: for a reasons. So I'm glad it ended up that way,
Speaker 1: you know, because maybe I probably would have been such
Speaker 1: a terrible bachelor and they're not. I don't think that,
Speaker 1: but hey, not being the bachelor of a not being
Speaker 1: the Bachelor alleged to carry so, like you said, it
Speaker 1: all works out in the end. It's interesting to hear
Speaker 1: you say that too, because Matt, I don't know if
Speaker 1: you watched the first episode of The Bachelor last week
Speaker 1: but or whenever it aired, but Matt had the same
Speaker 1: conversation with Chris Harrison as far as I remember, where
Speaker 1: he was like, uh, you know, there's expectations of me.
Speaker 1: I don't know, like I don't want people to criticize
Speaker 1: me one or the other, but like it's there. You
Speaker 1: are opening yourself up for a lot of criticism, and
Speaker 1: especially as a black man, you're opening yourself up for
Speaker 1: a lot more criticism, which which it's got to be.
Speaker 1: It it's probably a scary thing to confront for sure. Yeah, yeah, man.
Speaker 1: And and like my hat, my hat goes off to
Speaker 1: him because yeah, when he had that conversation with Chris
Speaker 1: before everything kind of started, I was like, I really
Speaker 1: respect them for having that conversation on Matt side, Yeah
Speaker 1: and there, because it's just like, you know, it's it's
Speaker 1: it's really you know, sorry if I'm sorry if that's yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, it's just like it's real life life that
Speaker 1: you know, black men go through and have to think about,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I remember when I first started,
Speaker 1: like you know, being public with Kerry and going out
Speaker 1: to certain like white areas, are going back to you know,
Speaker 1: middle of nowhere, Illinois where she's from, like feeling those eyes,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So I know, like he's
Speaker 1: going to go through a lot of different emotions, you know,
Speaker 1: this season or already has, right, it's already been shot.
Speaker 1: But and I don't know who he ends up with,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I hope he's handling it well, you know.
Speaker 1: And I'm in full support of them, and I know
Speaker 1: the franchise and the full support of them, but I'll
Speaker 1: be interested to see kind of what the well he's
Speaker 1: he's gotta he's gotta got a double time because he
Speaker 1: is you know, he is the first black bachelor, of course,
Speaker 1: but is also the first ever bachelor to never have
Speaker 1: been a contestant on the Bachelorette minus I guess, the
Speaker 1: first bachelor ever. But like, you know, that's that in
Speaker 1: and of itself is crazy. It doesn't matter if you're white, black,
Speaker 1: or whatever. But like you know, because you kind of, like,
Speaker 1: for instance, Marquel, you were on Bachelorette and then you
Speaker 1: want a Bachelor in Paradise. When you want to Bachelor Paradise,
Speaker 1: you're like kind of knowing what you can expect because
Speaker 1: you had been through the whole process. This guy has
Speaker 1: never been on reality TV before. You know, That's that's
Speaker 1: crazy enough as it is. That's true and that and
Speaker 1: that was something I learned. I thought he was on
Speaker 1: like a previous season or whatever, but when he was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: they just brought him off, you know, for from the
Speaker 1: street or whatever, Like man, more more power to him.
Speaker 1: You know. That's what makes me. I love Matt as
Speaker 1: the Bachelor. I you know, he's obviously he looks the part.
Speaker 1: He fits the part. He's tall, he's good looking, he's charismatic.
Speaker 1: One of the things that I love watching the first
Speaker 1: episode was the fact that he has this wide eyed
Speaker 1: look about him because this is the first time he's
Speaker 1: going through the process as well, where previous bachelors who
Speaker 1: are fantastic and obviously I'm friends with Ben and Nick,
Speaker 1: they they have this certain comfort level about them because
Speaker 1: they have been through it before, right, so they kind
Speaker 1: of helped the women along and this is how it's
Speaker 1: kind of done, and they have a certain confidence about them,
Speaker 1: where Matt was kind of lost along with the women.
Speaker 1: And for me, watching that, like Matt go through this
Speaker 1: process for the first time along with the women that
Speaker 1: he was talking about was so endearing. It just like
Speaker 1: made me love Matt as the bachelor even more. And
Speaker 1: I think it's something that maybe the show should consider
Speaker 1: moving forward, because I didn't realize how much i'd really
Speaker 1: really like a bachelor just doing this for the first
Speaker 1: time and trying to figure it out along with the
Speaker 1: women because it's such a bonding experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that that's that's such a good point, um, And it
Speaker 1: makes for not only just just great TV, but just
Speaker 1: like just such a humanistic lack of response because it's
Speaker 1: such fresh because he's coming in without having any preconceived
Speaker 1: like right like like experience. He's all of us on
Speaker 1: On Night one when we were on the Bachelorette, it
Speaker 1: was like, what the hell are we doing with our lives?
Speaker 1: Like what is going on right now? Yeah? Night night one?
Speaker 1: Man that if anything, I don't know if you guys
Speaker 1: are the same way, but like that is my like
Speaker 1: example of where I tell people I'm like that Night
Speaker 1: one was traumatizing. Oh dude, so bad, Like it's for
Speaker 1: for me. Walking out Night one, it was like I
Speaker 1: was surrounded by a bunch of I was the youngest
Speaker 1: person in my season, so I was surrounded by a
Speaker 1: bunch of older guys who were like super successful in
Speaker 1: their careers, and I was like, I felt so out
Speaker 1: of place. I was like, I have no reason to
Speaker 1: be here. Uh. But now Matt like he still has
Speaker 1: to have these first night jitters. But it's just so
Speaker 1: weird to think that he is the reason that all
Speaker 1: of them are there. You know, like when you're there
Speaker 1: night one of the Bachelorette, you're you're just like one
Speaker 1: person of thirty to get this girl's attention. But he
Speaker 1: is his first night is he's like that he's the
Speaker 1: main event, like he's the reason everyone's there. I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's gotta be. It's definitely gotta you uh, interesting experience,
Speaker 1: but it's a world wind to say the least. Um,
Speaker 1: But Marquel, we do have some questions for you now,
Speaker 1: usually we do, like listen, we're two dudes on a
Speaker 1: podcast called help Us, like a danting, So sometimes we
Speaker 1: ask ourselves some random dumb questions because that's what guys do.
Speaker 1: So we figured why not jump right into that right now? Um? Alright,
Speaker 1: so Dean, can can we pause real quick? I said
Speaker 1: the question for Jared? Did you just say WorldWind? Is
Speaker 1: that not an expression? You said? World wind? Hold on,
Speaker 1: hold on, hold on, everyone settled down for a second.
Speaker 1: Just everyone calm down. It's a whirldwind. Okay. I are okay, okay,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. I'm so sorry. I thought you
Speaker 1: said world wind. I probably did. Listen. Well, I grew
Speaker 1: up in the Hode Island public school system, bro, what
Speaker 1: do you expect from me? Okay? People from Rhode Island.
Speaker 1: We grew up in RhE Island. We we live in
Speaker 1: Rhode Island, and then we die in Rhode Island. Okay,
Speaker 1: we don't know the outside world. I'm I'm one of
Speaker 1: these people that escaped briefly. Alright, alright, anyway, ran with
Speaker 1: it Jared and said, yeah, wind revolved around the world,
Speaker 1: as to try to explain, So the wind factors in
Speaker 1: you know, the world spins around, bro, don't you know?
Speaker 1: Don't you know the world's flat? Um? Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: the wind blows over it. All right, So Dean markl
Speaker 1: and I'll answer this too. What is your most embarrassing
Speaker 1: moment in junior high or high school? Uh, most embarrassing
Speaker 1: moment in junior high or high school? I'll go with
Speaker 1: high school probably probably, And this is all pertaining to women,
Speaker 1: whatever you want. Oh shoot, uh, I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: probably like getting caught by my mother, um, trying to
Speaker 1: have have Yeah, what was that after some cookies and wine? Right,
Speaker 1: probably cookies and capri son at that time. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: my momked walked in on me one once and I was, well,
Speaker 1: walked in you alone or with somebody else? No, no,
Speaker 1: with with with uh someone at the time, and like
Speaker 1: like we're getting in the process of having things happen,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like, what was the what was your reaction?
Speaker 1: I ran towards my mom for some reason, like I
Speaker 1: ran towards her like, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: I remember saying it's all good. I wish you just
Speaker 1: would have called me so I can drive around the
Speaker 1: block a few times. Response. Oh, so she's supportive of it, though,
Speaker 1: she said homely about it. Well, I'm the youngest of
Speaker 1: three boys, like I have no sisters, so she's seen
Speaker 1: it all right, and my brothers were like, I'm the
Speaker 1: good one of my family. And yeah, so she she
Speaker 1: was like very supportive. I was super super young, Dean.
Speaker 1: What was your most embarrassing I was gonna still actually
Speaker 1: and ask you what years was so I could have
Speaker 1: some more time to think. Well, honestly, I was trying
Speaker 1: to think of one, but this probably is the most embarrassing. So,
Speaker 1: Mark Kelly, you got walked in on with a girl
Speaker 1: where me and my teenage years, my younger teenage years,
Speaker 1: I got walked in on by myself. Nice, so that
Speaker 1: that was true, but it was my dad, so like
Speaker 1: you know, it was I was just in my room,
Speaker 1: and you know, I'm probably like twelve or thirteen at
Speaker 1: this point, and like you can only imagine with twelve
Speaker 1: or thirteen year old boys doing the room. So I'm
Speaker 1: you know, discovering things, and uh, my dad just like
Speaker 1: walked in. But it was just so traumatizing. And then
Speaker 1: he immediately was like oh and then closed the door.
Speaker 1: And then it was just like that moment where I'm
Speaker 1: just you know, standing or laying there. I don't even
Speaker 1: remember because I just blurted out of my memory and
Speaker 1: you know, you have to like go sit down at
Speaker 1: the dinner table in like two hours. And uh, but
Speaker 1: my dad was great about it. So he like came
Speaker 1: into my room a little while afterwards and he's like,
Speaker 1: you know, just if you you know, you ever won't talk,
Speaker 1: just let me know. And then he but then he
Speaker 1: was like just you know, in the most dad way possibles,
Speaker 1: like just just don't do that. I'm like, okay, Dad, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just looking back on it now in my thirty
Speaker 1: two year old stuf from like, what horrible advice? Dad?
Speaker 1: You told me just not to do it? That is amazing.
Speaker 1: That's that's what your American five moment. Yeah, that's your
Speaker 1: American five moment. Well that's kind of where my mind
Speaker 1: goes to, is my dad walked in on me once
Speaker 1: when I was like maybe a twelve yeah, probably twelve
Speaker 1: or thirteen, similar age to you, Jared, And uh, I
Speaker 1: thought I was like home from home from school six
Speaker 1: that day, so I thought I had the house to myself.
Speaker 1: He like opened the door and I like look up
Speaker 1: and he's just standing there and he like turns around
Speaker 1: and his walks away like he like pretending like he
Speaker 1: didn't see anything. And then like the next day, my
Speaker 1: mom talked to me. She goes, hey, were you doing
Speaker 1: something naughty in the room yesterday? And know I'm talking
Speaker 1: about I was just I was just sitting there. I
Speaker 1: don't know what you're talking about. So that that probably
Speaker 1: was like one of the more embarrassing moments for me,
Speaker 1: But I was trying to think more of like what
Speaker 1: could have happened like in school that would have been
Speaker 1: really embarrassing. And surely there were plenty of things, but um,
Speaker 1: that's definitely the first one that comes to mind is
Speaker 1: whenever you get caught in the act of something like that, man,
Speaker 1: it stays in your brain. That's it's a moment you'll
Speaker 1: never forget. It's certainly certainly all right. So Mark ellen Dean,
Speaker 1: this one's a little bit more raunchy. What is the
Speaker 1: best time of day, uh you know, to be uh
Speaker 1: in in in the mood, in the moment. What's the
Speaker 1: best time of day for sex? Okay? I was about
Speaker 1: to say, like for ourselves or like, oh no with
Speaker 1: somebody else. We're moving on to our adult years now,
Speaker 1: all right, Um, I mean me, I'm just yeah, nighttime,
Speaker 1: like right, Like, I don't know, I'm not much of
Speaker 1: a morning person. I don't mind any morning, but I
Speaker 1: prefer night. As I get older, it's like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: four five pm, I'm exhausted by a like you're pushing
Speaker 1: this and that's why he's got to be a morning person.
Speaker 1: I think morning is the best time to do it. Morning.
Speaker 1: You're absolutely you wake up, You're already you know, you
Speaker 1: just had a couple of good dreams. You're already feeling
Speaker 1: a little like vigorous down there. So I have to
Speaker 1: ask you, guys, though this is a guy question. It's
Speaker 1: just like, are you guys just getting it there? Are you?
Speaker 1: Are you going to brush your teeth and wash up first?
Speaker 1: Or like, what like just raw dog in it? What
Speaker 1: are we doing? Wow, we're bringing raw dog to the
Speaker 1: help by suck at Dating podcast. Uh, you know, you
Speaker 1: know what it is you found the right girl if
Speaker 1: you can kiss or you fell in the right person,
Speaker 1: if you can kiss them in the morning before you
Speaker 1: brush your teeth or they brush your teeth, because if
Speaker 1: that's if that doesn't taste bad to you, full of mouse,
Speaker 1: full of mouth kissed, Oh yeah, full mouth kiss I
Speaker 1: agree with Jared. I'm the same way. I don't need
Speaker 1: to like brush or anything in the morning. What I've noticed, actually,
Speaker 1: what's funny is Caitlin and I Kaitlin got like this
Speaker 1: California king size bed and it is massive. Like we
Speaker 1: when we were visiting my brother in Montana, we stayed
Speaker 1: in a queen size bed and it literally it felt
Speaker 1: like a tiny, little cop But so this California king
Speaker 1: bed that we sleep on, I like wake up in
Speaker 1: the morning and I'm like good six ft away from her,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's the craziest thing. And
Speaker 1: so sometimes, um, it's just it's just like a weird
Speaker 1: thing because normally, you know, you wake up in the
Speaker 1: bed next to someone and you're like right there. But
Speaker 1: I've like dig through blankets and pillows just to even
Speaker 1: see if she's still in bed without even realizing it.
Speaker 1: But no, I'm the same way as Jared. I think
Speaker 1: that if you like get up to brush and all
Speaker 1: those things, that kind of like takes away from the
Speaker 1: experience in my opinion, and it's like our I'm ready
Speaker 1: for coffee. Yeah, let's just do it tomorrow. Yeah, let's
Speaker 1: just so I'll just figure it out later. Alright. Last
Speaker 1: question a little bit more thought provoking, uh, Mark, Helen Deane.
Speaker 1: Where do you guys picture your life at uh in
Speaker 1: your later years? Like hopefully knock on wood, the earth
Speaker 1: is still here and we're all still healthy and here.
Speaker 1: Where do you picture your life when you're seventy eighty
Speaker 1: years old? Mark? Oh? Yeah, you know it may say,
Speaker 1: it may sound strange. I look forward to being if
Speaker 1: I'm blessed enough to make it that far, to being
Speaker 1: like an eighty year old man like I I want
Speaker 1: to be so awesome to like my grandkids and or
Speaker 1: great grandkids. I picked myself dancing, flirting, uh with carry
Speaker 1: my wife, you know, um, just embarrassing, just being super like.
Speaker 1: I feel old people get a pass for everything, like
Speaker 1: public or at the house. I'm gonna do what i want,
Speaker 1: say what I want when I want. How I want
Speaker 1: so that, and hopefully we'll have a ton of money,
Speaker 1: a lot of real estate, and yeah, no worries or
Speaker 1: cares in the world. There's a joke by a comedian
Speaker 1: named Tom Segur who talks about he can't wait to
Speaker 1: be at an age where he gets yelled at for
Speaker 1: trying to help out, like he tries to take the
Speaker 1: garbage out, and his daughter will be like, are you
Speaker 1: out of your mind, Hadie? You'll die. Sit down, don't
Speaker 1: do anything exactly exactly. I'm kind of in the same
Speaker 1: boat as Marquel. I'll be very happy if I make
Speaker 1: it to that age, you know, grateful to be there.
Speaker 1: I suppose. I imagine if I get there, I'll probably be,
Speaker 1: you know, contending to make the cut for the senior
Speaker 1: p g a uh, because that's probably gonna be the
Speaker 1: only thing I'm gonna be doing at that age anyway.
Speaker 1: Although with the advancements of like modern medicine, we could
Speaker 1: be nine years old and feel like we're forty So
Speaker 1: who who the who the hell? No, you look at
Speaker 1: Tom Brady. I mean, granted, we're never I mean not never,
Speaker 1: but we're hard pressed to achieve his level of wealth. Um,
Speaker 1: but you know, we got we got a long way
Speaker 1: to go. It's not impossible, but no, I agree, Yeah,
Speaker 1: just playing golf. Hopefully wealthy enough to where I don't
Speaker 1: have to worry about anything. I guess we'll see, But yeah,
Speaker 1: Jared makes a good points, like if the world is
Speaker 1: still around, hopefully given the right, right, given the right
Speaker 1: we've been going, I would say it's fifty fifty. It's
Speaker 1: a coin flip at this point, not off to a
Speaker 1: hot start. Let's just put it that way. What about you, Jared,
Speaker 1: You're gonna have grandkids, great grandkids, and I hope, I hope, yes,
Speaker 1: similar to Marquel, hopefully you know, have some grandkids running
Speaker 1: around and just uh it's weird. I mean, this is
Speaker 1: uh really morbid, but it's you know, in my life,
Speaker 1: the only family I've ever really known is is my
Speaker 1: parents and my cousins and aunts and uncles, and you know,
Speaker 1: to think about if lucky enough to be at seventy
Speaker 1: eight years old to think about like what my family
Speaker 1: will look like, then it will be so much different,
Speaker 1: you know, hopefully you know, my family will be kids
Speaker 1: and grandkids. Uh. And so it's like that's when I'm
Speaker 1: most fascinated with to see the like you know, the
Speaker 1: evolution of of of family and friends. So anyway, um,
Speaker 1: but let's take a quick break. We also have some emails,
Speaker 1: of course from the best listeners in the world Suck Army,
Speaker 1: uh so stay tuned for that. But first we're gonna
Speaker 1: take eight quick breaks. All right, everybody, welcome back to
Speaker 1: help I suck at dating. We're gonna get into some emails.
Speaker 1: We love our emails. Thank you guys so much for
Speaker 1: sending them in. You know, it's obviously always been one
Speaker 1: of our favorite parts. But before we do that, I
Speaker 1: just want to say one thing. If you're listening to this,
Speaker 1: you probably suck at dating and need some help getting
Speaker 1: back out there. And we all know it can be
Speaker 1: hard and you may not know how to start where
Speaker 1: to look. But we know the perfect matchmakers that can
Speaker 1: help you find your perfect match at three Day Rule,
Speaker 1: because let's be honest, your time is too valuable to
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Speaker 1: three day Rule dot com slash I heart that's three
Speaker 1: Day Rule dot com slash I heart and three is
Speaker 1: held out. It's not the number th h R E
Speaker 1: day rule dot com slash my heart. You will thank
Speaker 1: us later. All right, let's get an email. So we
Speaker 1: have the first email. But I think Mark hopefully is
Speaker 1: listening in and is willing to jump in and help
Speaker 1: us out with you guys. Absolutely. In fact, we have
Speaker 1: one for Jared and one for Dean today perfect none
Speaker 1: from Markel. We'll start with the one for Jared. This
Speaker 1: is from April. I have a question about Jared and
Speaker 1: n Ashley's story. I'm in a similar situation, and I'm
Speaker 1: so curious to know what your thoughts were throughout the
Speaker 1: time you chose not to date Ashley. I can understand
Speaker 1: how she felt, but not much was said about what
Speaker 1: you were thinking and why you hadn't wanted to date
Speaker 1: her for a while. I think a lot has been
Speaker 1: said about my thought process during those years. I think
Speaker 1: I've covered it extensively. But for April again, it just, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, the the nervousness of jumping into a situation
Speaker 1: being unsure about it. I love Ashley obviously more than anything.
Speaker 1: Ashley was not my type when I first met her physically,
Speaker 1: of course she's stunning, But I always was attracted to
Speaker 1: more Demur girl Demir girls and shy and quiet, and
Speaker 1: and Ashley is a complete opposite of that. Actley is
Speaker 1: very emotional, says exactly what's on her heart. Uh, it's
Speaker 1: her best quality, but something that I just never really
Speaker 1: saw on a partner. And so it was like a
Speaker 1: process of me just accepting the fact of dating someone
Speaker 1: that I never really tried dating before dating someone who
Speaker 1: wasn't in my uh, you know that I thought I
Speaker 1: could build a life with. And so it was just
Speaker 1: a lot of things and and you know, ash had
Speaker 1: this this thought of me of what I was as
Speaker 1: a human being, as a guy, which I wasn't. You know,
Speaker 1: I I could never reach her expectations. So keeping her
Speaker 1: at arm's length was always my way of It was
Speaker 1: like a defense mechanism to be like, no, I'm crazy.
Speaker 1: You'll find out. And she now knows I'm crazy, but
Speaker 1: it's too late. You know, I put a ring on it. Um.
Speaker 1: So that was a little bit of insight of of
Speaker 1: what was happening. But I feel like I feel like
Speaker 1: your guys situation is somewhat similar to Markel and carries
Speaker 1: maybe less of like the obsessive, you know, Ashley over
Speaker 1: you situation, but they were it sounds like they were
Speaker 1: friends for a long time before they started actually like
Speaker 1: getting very serious about the relationship. So what what what
Speaker 1: changes do you guys? I know you said that Carrie
Speaker 1: was like there throughout the entire time, but like, well
Speaker 1: was it. Like, Let's be honest, usually in a friendship
Speaker 1: there's one person that wants to date someone more than
Speaker 1: the other. So where would you have categorized yourself, Marco?
Speaker 1: I would say I was the one in the relationship
Speaker 1: that wasn't ready. I I kept her at at a
Speaker 1: distance because I felt at one point I was not
Speaker 1: deserving of her, you know, So I was. I was
Speaker 1: in that mode where where she just kept telling me, Hey,
Speaker 1: I love you as is, I accept you as is,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm with you as is, and I'm like, no, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, Like you don't understand. I've done so many
Speaker 1: crazy things in my life and I'm not rich. I
Speaker 1: don't come from money. Yeah, So it's so it's so funny.
Speaker 1: So Caylin and I were actually just having the same
Speaker 1: conversation with each other. Well, so Kylin was like filming
Speaker 1: for her YouTube channel a Q and A between the
Speaker 1: two of us, and one of the questions was when
Speaker 1: did Dan know that Kaylin was the one? And I
Speaker 1: had think the exact same answer. I was talking about
Speaker 1: how when I kept showing like my worst sides of
Speaker 1: myself or like just pure honesty, Like everyone like Ashley
Speaker 1: and Carry thought you guys were these, you know, fantastic men.
Speaker 1: And you know, I'm not saying you're not, but they
Speaker 1: probably thought that you were, uh way better than you
Speaker 1: are in a broad sense. And I feel like everyone
Speaker 1: kind of has those blinders on, especially when they meet
Speaker 1: someone they really like and then you live with them
Speaker 1: and you realize they're messy or you know, they played
Speaker 1: too many video games, they don't put the toilet seat down,
Speaker 1: like all these things that really humanize you. Um And
Speaker 1: with Kaylin, that was my response to I was like, she,
Speaker 1: you know, I kept showing the worst sides of myself,
Speaker 1: which were just like the honest, truthful sides of myself,
Speaker 1: and she always said, yes, please, like give me more.
Speaker 1: I you know, that's why I appreciate, like you're You're
Speaker 1: perfect just the way you are. And I think that's
Speaker 1: kind of the moment that that kind of allows you
Speaker 1: to go from friends to uh serious relationship. Yeah, like, uh,
Speaker 1: if I can add really quick, it was the in
Speaker 1: the times that we were friends, I was just so
Speaker 1: overly honest, like I told her what I did this
Speaker 1: and when I did that, and probably too honest to
Speaker 1: where I started to learn like, hey, like there's a
Speaker 1: difference between like communicating and just like oversharing, you know.
Speaker 1: And it was at that point to where like I
Speaker 1: felt like that judgment but it was just me having
Speaker 1: to like mature and kind of accept myself more, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, and feel and feel deserving of
Speaker 1: of her right. But how how good is it now?
Speaker 1: Where it's like if something, if there's like a topic
Speaker 1: that gets brought up, you know, you don't have to
Speaker 1: like tiptoe around the subject because all of those like
Speaker 1: all of those albums have already been talked about and
Speaker 1: exploring everything. Yeah, no, it makes it so much easier,
Speaker 1: you know, because Yeah, if you get in to a
Speaker 1: relationship in my opinion, like too soon too early, without
Speaker 1: knowing each other and you start unpacking stuff, that's when
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, you know, I hate that about you
Speaker 1: or I'm judging this about you, and you know, whereas
Speaker 1: you know, we kind of started off as like a mess,
Speaker 1: you know, and kind of like cleaned up from from
Speaker 1: from there, you know, And I was selfish, you know.
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily try to give this as advice, but me,
Speaker 1: I always think like you should be selfish at the
Speaker 1: beginning of a relationship, and then you move up the
Speaker 1: curve to selfless, you know. Yeah, so I felt as
Speaker 1: opposed to the other way around. Can you expand upon
Speaker 1: that a little bit? Yeah, so, like like you gotta
Speaker 1: be selfish, meaning like when when Carrie and I were
Speaker 1: friends and and started dating, like she knew, my work
Speaker 1: came first, my family came first, you know, my ambitions
Speaker 1: came first, and then when we had time to hang out,
Speaker 1: then I would and then we would just live in
Speaker 1: the moment and be present with one another. But that
Speaker 1: is like a non negotiable with with me. And again
Speaker 1: I'm I'm stubborn, and that's just what it was. So
Speaker 1: she kind of knew right away that hey, she can
Speaker 1: either play along or try to like buck that system.
Speaker 1: But if if she would buck, we may have grown separately.
Speaker 1: So instead of like just trying to like necessarily fit me,
Speaker 1: she also was doing her own thing and being independent
Speaker 1: or whatever. So as we started to grow, we just
Speaker 1: learned like you know what, like we've been doing all
Speaker 1: the selfish stuff for ourselves, but we love it more
Speaker 1: like when we have our time, like why not grow
Speaker 1: business together? Why not planning together? Why not save money together?
Speaker 1: And then it started becoming like now my perception is like, okay,
Speaker 1: how can I see her, you know, be the best
Speaker 1: version of herself? And to your point too, I think
Speaker 1: I think one of the big positives that come from
Speaker 1: being selfish, at least at the beginning is let's say
Speaker 1: your partner tries to tell you to stop hanging, like
Speaker 1: stop doing all these things that you want to be doing.
Speaker 1: Then you start to like build a bit of resentment
Speaker 1: towards them for not letting you do the thing that
Speaker 1: you want to be doing, which you can only lead
Speaker 1: to bad things exactly. And because if you start off
Speaker 1: selfless and in trying to do that, like say if
Speaker 1: I was like if if she said, hey, don't hang
Speaker 1: out with your friends, and I was like, okay, at
Speaker 1: the beginning, I don't hang out, and I start to
Speaker 1: build this resentment and then towards that curve what I'm
Speaker 1: gonna turn into a selfish and I'm gonna start hanging
Speaker 1: out with my friends, and then by all that time
Speaker 1: and effort and energy that you guys put into the relationship,
Speaker 1: that's what the viewpoints are. Is like you went, you
Speaker 1: were selfless at the beginning of our relationship, but now
Speaker 1: you're doing all everything on your own and you're and
Speaker 1: you're selfish, and that's what I feel like, cause like
Speaker 1: nasty breakups. Yeah, I agree, And it was interesting you
Speaker 1: said that you didn't feel like you were good enough
Speaker 1: for your carry at the time, which is exactly how
Speaker 1: I felt as well, because I feel like a lot
Speaker 1: of girls don't buy the excuse of your too good
Speaker 1: for me. A lot of guys will say that, and
Speaker 1: some guys are using a bullshit they totally are, but
Speaker 1: I also feel that a lot of people out there
Speaker 1: truly feel that way. And not to quote perks of
Speaker 1: being a wall far, but I'm gonna quote it. We
Speaker 1: accept the love we think we deserve, and that's true
Speaker 1: for a lot of people out there because as guys
Speaker 1: like especially you know, not people human beings who can
Speaker 1: kind of self reflect. I feel like for me personally,
Speaker 1: it's even with Ash. It was like, no, no, no no,
Speaker 1: you don't understand. Like you might think I'm great. I'm
Speaker 1: I'm like, I know the thoughts that go up in here,
Speaker 1: and some are like really disgusting and I don't know
Speaker 1: why they are. But like I I don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm doing with the future of my life, Like I'm
Speaker 1: just a mess. So you just please Uh so, I
Speaker 1: I totally agree with you there. But Mark, can you
Speaker 1: read the next email? I think we answered that pretty well.
Speaker 1: Nice transition, Jerry, all right, this is from Marissa. She says,
Speaker 1: so I followed my dreams and I got a converted
Speaker 1: van to live in this year where it has been tough,
Speaker 1: but dating in general it is hard with living van life.
Speaker 1: Dean as a fellow van life for if you were
Speaker 1: still single and exploring in your van, how would you
Speaker 1: approach your dating life? How do you recommend meeting quality people? Um? Well, Marissa,
Speaker 1: first and foremost, thanks for emailing us. We appreciate it.
Speaker 1: It's a great question. Uh, there's actually an episode that
Speaker 1: we recorded. I want to say, maybe like six months
Speaker 1: ago with my friend Michelle, who is uh well at
Speaker 1: the time. I think she's in a relationship now, but
Speaker 1: at the time she was single in living van life
Speaker 1: full time, and she was talking about the struggles that
Speaker 1: she's faced and how she is able to kind of
Speaker 1: curb that. So go back and check that one out.
Speaker 1: But I I do think she ran in some issues
Speaker 1: because you know, she's traveling around a lot, she's in
Speaker 1: a in a town for not very long, and then
Speaker 1: she's on the road. So even if you meet someone,
Speaker 1: it's like, well, you're gone all of a sudden. Um.
Speaker 1: But the nice thing about living the van life is
Speaker 1: you know you're not um. You're not stuck in like
Speaker 1: a house or an office for a large part of
Speaker 1: the day. You're doing things like hiking, rock climbing, skiing,
Speaker 1: whatever it is. And so what you need to do is,
Speaker 1: you know, explore those hobbies and interests and then meet
Speaker 1: someone while doing them, preferably that shares those interests with
Speaker 1: you that you can then go out and do those
Speaker 1: those things with. And it really depends on like if
Speaker 1: you're moving around from spot to spot. I unfortunately haven't
Speaker 1: really been able to live in the van full time
Speaker 1: for about over a year since I broke the legs,
Speaker 1: So maybe I'm not like the best person for this advice.
Speaker 1: But uh, definitely, like do you're the things that interest you,
Speaker 1: like hiking or whatever it is, mountain biking, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: Find someone that also like those likes those same things,
Speaker 1: and then you know whether it starts as a friendship
Speaker 1: or like a companion thing where you guys go out
Speaker 1: and do those things together, then it gets snow volunteer
Speaker 1: relationship from there. But in terms of like living in
Speaker 1: the van full time and moving around so much, it's
Speaker 1: probably tricky because you're so nomadic and you're moving around
Speaker 1: all the time. Um, you just gotta find someone that's
Speaker 1: doing that same thing and then you know, if it works,
Speaker 1: it works, If it doesn't, it doesn't. But I also
Speaker 1: feel like living in a van, it's kind of a
Speaker 1: time where you don't really even need to like prioritize
Speaker 1: being in a relationship. It's a time where you should
Speaker 1: like do the things that you want to do to
Speaker 1: make you happy. And I think by doing those things
Speaker 1: that will eventually lead you to the person that you
Speaker 1: need to be with. So hopefully that helps. But like
Speaker 1: I said, go back and listen to the episode. I
Speaker 1: can't remember the name of it, but it was with
Speaker 1: Michelle Um. So hopefully hopefully that helps a little bit.
Speaker 1: I feel like you're domesticated now. I feel like Kalen
Speaker 1: has domesticated you, Dean. You know, I don't want to
Speaker 1: say that she's domesticated me per se, but yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean since dating her, we've bought a house together, we
Speaker 1: adopted a dog together. You're sleeping in a king bed. Now,
Speaker 1: who the hell are you, Dean? Not just a king bed,
Speaker 1: but a California king be It's like a stupidly like
Speaker 1: a family of six could fit in this freaking thing.
Speaker 1: It's ridiculous. I'll tell you that king bed is not
Speaker 1: fitting in the van. No, it's not fitting in a van.
Speaker 1: That's for that's for gosh darn sure. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think whenever I set out to do the whole
Speaker 1: van life thing, I said out with the maybe like
Speaker 1: the preconceived notion that I would do it for like
Speaker 1: a year to a year and a half. And I
Speaker 1: did make it just about a year and a half.
Speaker 1: And so I'm proud of my self for that at least.
Speaker 1: Uh And I still have it, you know, as a
Speaker 1: recreational vehicle for like week weekend trips week And I
Speaker 1: would imagine that you're gonna still travel in it, your van.
Speaker 1: The van life is not over for Dean. It's not over,
Speaker 1: But you're right, it's it's not like it's one thing
Speaker 1: to have the van and live in it and like
Speaker 1: have all of your earthly possessions in the van, and
Speaker 1: another thing to have the van while also like having
Speaker 1: a garage to like keep everything else, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. So, Um, it's a little saddening. It's a
Speaker 1: little saddening, but you're right. There's definitely gonna be some
Speaker 1: big van trips where I'll spend like at least a
Speaker 1: month or so in the van traveling around. I still
Speaker 1: want to do like a trip down to Mexico and
Speaker 1: Central America. Uh, and then obviously up north too. So
Speaker 1: there's there's still a lot of memories to be had
Speaker 1: with the van for sure. Um, is that gonna do it?
Speaker 1: For this week's episode? Anything else that we want to
Speaker 1: talk about? I think that there's gotta be some burning
Speaker 1: There's gotta be some burning questions that we haven't gotten
Speaker 1: to yet. I mean, we didn't get too hot topics
Speaker 1: including Harry Styles dating Olivia Wild, but well, I think
Speaker 1: that we should at least talk talk about Peter and
Speaker 1: Kelly breaking up. I know that it's happened, you know,
Speaker 1: at this point, what a week or two ago, but
Speaker 1: it's a bachelor breakup, and it's not just a bachelor
Speaker 1: bachelor breakup, but it is like the bachelor breaking up
Speaker 1: with his girlfriend, which is a pretty big deal. It
Speaker 1: made headlines, you know, so, uh, that happened together. They
Speaker 1: were together for like six months, like not very long.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I guess the only reason that I
Speaker 1: have thoughts on it, and the only reason that well,
Speaker 1: the only reason we're talking about it is because they
Speaker 1: were dating. Now they're not, and they were in the
Speaker 1: Bachelor as we are. Well, so I don't know if
Speaker 1: you know, but so obviously Peter was the last Bachelor,
Speaker 1: but he started dating this girl, Kelly, who was on
Speaker 1: his season after his season stopped airing, so he picked
Speaker 1: somebody else. They got engaged, they broke it off, and
Speaker 1: then like a couple of weeks later, I got like,
Speaker 1: you know, announced or they post. Not so for me
Speaker 1: that like he started dating someone that he she was
Speaker 1: like was like tenth too. It wasn't like he went
Speaker 1: to his runner Rob. They just I don't know why.
Speaker 1: I think the only contribution that I have to that
Speaker 1: whole thing is Peter reminds me a lot of myself
Speaker 1: from my first stint on Paradise, you know, like, um,
Speaker 1: just like unsure of himself, like kind of wants to
Speaker 1: be like that the bachelor, not like not like the Bachelor,
Speaker 1: but like be a bachelory, be single, experience being single. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, kind of like like relish the newfound five
Speaker 1: seconds of fame that you're gonna have for a little bit. Uh.
Speaker 1: And like the idea of a relationship sounds good to
Speaker 1: him or or me at the time, but I think
Speaker 1: the practice of it is a little bit more challenging.
Speaker 1: So that's kind of That's kind of like that's like
Speaker 1: the one edition or like the one contribution that I
Speaker 1: have to the whole situation is. I feel like Peter
Speaker 1: now is who I was a couple of years ago.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying like I'm any better than I
Speaker 1: was then or or or now or whatever, but like,
Speaker 1: you know, I think that I think you've grown since then.
Speaker 1: I think you've definitely grown. But I just feel like he,
Speaker 1: you know, he wants to be single. He wants to
Speaker 1: experience the bachelor hud for a little bit, And there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that. It's just it's just whenever you
Speaker 1: see a Baschetard breakup, it's always it's always a little saddening.
Speaker 1: You know. It sounds like he should explore that van life. Man.
Speaker 1: That's right. See, I was gonna say he would be
Speaker 1: like Marquel in Vegas. He needs to explore that life. Yeah.
Speaker 1: That that's a quick, fast and easy. But with quarantine,
Speaker 1: you know that is true? A mustache maybe? Yeah? Um?
Speaker 1: All right, well, thank you everybody for tuning into this
Speaker 1: week's episode of Help I Second Dating. A big thank you,
Speaker 1: of course to Marquelle. Marquelle, thanks for co hosting with us. Man,
Speaker 1: we really appreciate it. Oh my god, any time it
Speaker 1: was great. Well, congratulations once again on getting engaged. Any
Speaker 1: like potential wedding date. Uh, she wants to do it
Speaker 1: this year for sure, in either August would be the
Speaker 1: soonest so summer um or latest probably November. We'll have
Speaker 1: have fun with it. As someone who who's gone through
Speaker 1: the wedding process, planning, it goes by all too quickly
Speaker 1: and it can be stressful at times, but it is
Speaker 1: ultimately so much fun and I would do it all
Speaker 1: over again. If I could so have fun with it, man, Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you, Marquel. Hey, I'm gonna send you my my
Speaker 1: Vegas address. You'll figure to send the wedding invitation there um.
Speaker 1: And then if you guys ever want to come over,
Speaker 1: you know, for cookies and wine by all means, you're
Speaker 1: more than welcome to. Just make sure you get DN
Speaker 1: A plus one so I can tag along too. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna bump Kalin out of the way. I'm going, yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure, I'm definitely gonna hit you up when I'm
Speaker 1: in Vegas. Man, Vegas is a good spot. Hopefully, hopefully
Speaker 1: everything opens back up soon and we'll do it up right.
Speaker 1: I love that, alright, I look forward to it all right, fellas.
Speaker 1: Appreciate you guys. Thanks Marquel and uh so big thank
Speaker 1: you to all obviously our emailers for sending in all
Speaker 1: your emails. We love you, Suck Army, we appreciate you.
Speaker 1: Without you, guys, there is no podcast, so make sure
Speaker 1: you tune in next week, where hopefully we all suck
Speaker 1: just a little less. Follow help by Suck at Dating
Speaker 1: on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast