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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's trying to start a new

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Speaker 1: hairstyle trend, the Downstairs Mullet. So far, only two celebrities

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Speaker 1: have signed on for it.

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Speaker 2: I don't Lindsay Lohan.

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Speaker 1: And the goalie from Mighty Ducks three.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he's been going through.

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Speaker 1: Should they support Laser Stories? That's the segment where we

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Speaker 1: read weird news stories from around the globe, just like

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Speaker 1: everyone else does, except we have a laser and those

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Speaker 1: other urinal snakes just don't. This first laser story is

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Speaker 1: out of Sundown, Kansas. Two weeks ago, a mass man

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Speaker 1: robbed a small neighborhood market that's run by the eighty

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Speaker 1: two year old owner and.

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Speaker 2: His wife got away.

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Speaker 1: That got away with seven dollars worth of bananas.

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Speaker 2: Not even in cash. Got all your potassium, Yeah, take

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Speaker 2: that vitamin ca Keita thief.

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Speaker 1: The same masked man came back five days later and

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Speaker 1: got away with wait for it, sixteen dollars in flushable wipes.

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Speaker 2: Bananas.

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Speaker 1: So the very next day, you guessed it, he returned

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Speaker 1: for a third time. He got one hundred eighty dollars cash.

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Speaker 2: They couldn't see that coming. Why did they wait till

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Speaker 2: the third day for that they get the cash first.

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Speaker 1: I was building up the confidence. But if you're keeping track,

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Speaker 1: that's three robberies in six days. Yeah, oh my god.

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Speaker 1: But there's no way he would come back for a

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Speaker 1: fourth robbery, right, Yeah, if you thought that, you'd be wrong,

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Speaker 1: because he showed up again a few days later, and

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Speaker 1: this time the couple was waiting for him. What they did,

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Speaker 1: The eighty two year old was hiding in the ceiling

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Speaker 1: above the cash register.

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Speaker 2: Are you joking?

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Speaker 1: And when the robber tried to open up the till,

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Speaker 1: the old man dropped a cargo net on him.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, old school. They watching cartoons before he came up

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Speaker 2: with this playoff.

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Speaker 1: Comes in along with and how did he get up there?

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Speaker 1: As the mass man became disoriented with the net on him,

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Speaker 1: the old man's wife beat him with the largest summer

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Speaker 1: sausage that you've ever seen. Wow. So cops recalled and

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Speaker 1: the man was arrested and charged with four counts of

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Speaker 1: strong arm robbery and one count of resisting arrest.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow.

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Speaker 1: As for the couple, they still have the cargo net

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Speaker 1: and the sausage, so other potential thieves won't.

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Speaker 2: Mess with You're saying they're armed and loaded. Yeah it.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm more interested. I'm like, oh, is this the

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Speaker 1: place with the large summer sausage. This next Lazer story

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Speaker 1: is out of Florida. Police got a call the other

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Speaker 1: night about a suspicious person walking around in neighborhood, and

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Speaker 1: when they responded, they found thirty year old Eric Bennett.

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Speaker 1: He was visibly intoxicated on an unknown substance, and when

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Speaker 1: cops noticed large bulge of in the pockets of his shorts,

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Speaker 1: they asked if he was in possession of a weapon.

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Speaker 1: Eric immediately denied having any firearm. He did explain, however,

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Speaker 1: that his pockets were full of hypodermic needles. Don't put

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Speaker 1: your hand in there, So cops asked him what exactly

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Speaker 1: are the needles for. Then that's when Eric said, for fishing.

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Speaker 2: I was gonna sound like I'm diabetic.

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Speaker 1: You've never fished with hypodermic before.

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Speaker 2: Darts.

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Speaker 1: Unfortunately for him, Eric had no other fishing equipment. No,

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Speaker 1: none of his catches they all got away, just the

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Speaker 1: tiny spears he apparently planned on using to impale his catches.

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Speaker 2: For bait. He's like a little bit of crack.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that is actually exactly what the police asked. They

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Speaker 1: said if you're fishing with hypodermic needles, what do use

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Speaker 1: for bait?

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Speaker 2: And Eric offered up a baggie with a large.

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Speaker 1: Amount of fetanol.

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Speaker 2: I heard fans.

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Speaker 1: He was arrested shortly after that. And since he has

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Speaker 1: prior convictions for grand theft, d uy, driving without a license,

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Speaker 1: possession of drug paraphernalia, and probation violations, chances are pretty

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Speaker 1: good he's going to be serving.

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Speaker 2: A lot of times. Yeah. I mean, with all those

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Speaker 2: other prior convictions, he couldn't have come up with a

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Speaker 2: better excuse than for fishing. Do you think you'd be

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Speaker 2: like a lawyer by now?

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Speaker 1: His next lazer stories out of Sweet Tooth City.

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Speaker 2: I like it here, but I can try to go

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Speaker 2: in it out.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. We like to believe we're all free thinkers who

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Speaker 1: form our own opinions, but turns out we can't even

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Speaker 1: do that with something as simple as a delicious cookie.

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Speaker 2: Tasty? What do you mean you don't have an opinion

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Speaker 2: on cookies?

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Speaker 1: A new study out of Ohio State found that you're

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Speaker 1: less likely to enjoy a cookie if you think other

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Speaker 1: people hated it. Researchers gave people three chocolate chip cookies

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Speaker 1: that were exactly identical, but they labeled them differently. One

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Speaker 1: said factory typical, another one said new and improved, and

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Speaker 1: the third label said consumer complaint. Oh, so people were

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Speaker 1: a little more likely to say they liked the new

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Speaker 1: and improved one overall. Now, are these people who would

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Speaker 1: also eat the cookie if it fell on the floor,

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Speaker 1: because I would.

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Speaker 2: What's your cookie standards? Exactly exactly?

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Speaker 1: I don't know that I would have a problem with

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Speaker 1: the customer complaint cookie. And they're also much more likely

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Speaker 1: to hate the one that they thought other people had

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Speaker 1: complained about.

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Speaker 2: I could see that.

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Speaker 1: Working on the researchers were surprised by how much people

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Speaker 1: actually said they hated it.

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Speaker 2: It's because, like, you're eating that one, you're like looking

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Speaker 2: for excuses. I'm gonna feel sick. What was so bad

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Speaker 2: about this?

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Speaker 1: Next laser stories? Out of what in the world's world? Oh,

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Speaker 1: have you ever been knocked out or fainted before? Oh?

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Speaker 2: Yes, I have.

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Speaker 1: I only asked because the website read it has been

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Speaker 1: a buzz over the top stories about waking up in

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Speaker 1: the hospital and having no idea how you got there.

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Speaker 2: Oh, he's like freaking me out. Yeah, I never went

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Speaker 2: to the hospital.

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Speaker 1: Here's the top ones. Number four, a guy drank too

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Speaker 1: much and fell off a horse. And when I say horse,

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Speaker 1: I mean a metal statue of a horse outside the

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Speaker 1: Wind Hotel in Las Vegas.

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Speaker 2: I know exactly what horse not the only time that's happened.

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Speaker 1: Number three is a guy was riding his bike and

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Speaker 1: woke up in the hospital and found out he'd been

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Speaker 1: hitting the head by a flying squirrel.

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Speaker 2: I'd be so disappointed I didn't remember that. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 2: a video.

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Speaker 1: Number two a guy woke up in the hospital and

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Speaker 1: realized he didn't die in that motorcycle accident he was in.

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Speaker 1: He accidentally drove into a mattress factory and just had

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Speaker 1: a concussion. He called it a pleasant surprise.

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Speaker 2: This is the best Temporpeda commercial ever.

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Speaker 1: And finally the number one woke up in a hospital story.

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Speaker 1: A guy came to and realized he was handcuffed to

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Speaker 1: a hospital bed.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't want to know why.

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Speaker 1: Turns out he'd been hit by a drunk driver and

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Speaker 1: they strapped him to the bed because he kept trying

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Speaker 1: to pull his catheter out.

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Speaker 2: Oh don't you okay, Suddenly I wanted him to be

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Speaker 2: arrested instead. Yeah, put him to sleep.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this guy woke up in a hospital once. Okay,

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Speaker 1: he hit his head on an.

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Speaker 2: UGG boot would be pretty soft.

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Speaker 1: The Best Bachelor Party, Oh okay, the laser stories to

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Speaker 1: come to an end for the day. We'll do it

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Speaker 1: again the same time on Monday.