WEBVTT - Service and Sacrifice with ShaRonda Calderon 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:11.360 Welcome to the Good Stuff. I'm Jacob Schick and I'm 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:13.720 joined by my co host and wife, Ashley Shick. 0:00:14.360 --> 0:00:16.880 Jake is a third generation combat Marine and I'm a 0:00:16.880 --> 0:00:20.560 gold Star granddaughter. We work together to serve military veterans, 0:00:20.600 --> 0:00:24.240 first responders, frontline healthcare workers, and their families with mental 0:00:24.280 --> 0:00:27.920 and emotional wellness through traditional and non traditional therapy. At 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:29.840 One Tribe Foundation, we. 0:00:29.720 --> 0:00:32.240 Believe everyone has a story to tell, not only about 0:00:32.240 --> 0:00:34.559 the peaks, but also the valleys they've been through to 0:00:34.560 --> 0:00:35.840 get them to where they are today. 0:00:36.120 --> 0:00:38.600 Each week, we invite a guest to tell us their story, 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:41.000 to share with us the lessons they've learned that shaped 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:43.000 who they are and what they're doing to pay it 0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:44.280 forward and give back. 0:00:44.800 --> 0:00:46.919 Our mission with this show is to dig deep into 0:00:46.920 --> 0:00:49.320 our guest's journey so that we can celebrate the hope 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:51.400 and inspiration their story has to offer. 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:54.160 We're thrilled you're joining us again. 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:56.040 Welcome to the Good Stuff. 0:00:56.920 --> 0:01:00.960 Our guest today is Sharonda Calderon. She's a mother business woman, 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:03.240 board member, and she is a widow. 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:06.240 Sharanda is here today to tell us the story of 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:10.080 losing her late husband, Dallas Sheriff's Deputy Omar Calderon when 0:01:10.120 --> 0:01:12.679 he took his own life. Her story is about the 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:16.000 devastating effects of suicide and the grit and determination it 0:01:16.040 --> 0:01:18.200 took for her to keep pushing forward in spite of 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:18.600 the pain. 0:01:19.280 --> 0:01:22.640 This conversation is raw and real, and Shronda is such 0:01:22.680 --> 0:01:26.640 a huge advocate, both personally and professionally for mental wellness 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:28.960 and getting the help we all need at times. 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:32.399 Like the two of us, Sharanda knows the healing power 0:01:32.440 --> 0:01:35.440 of being open and honest and telling your story. 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:41.959 We are so excited today to be joined by Sharonda Calderon. 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:44.160 Thank you so much for being here with us on 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:44.880 the good stuff. 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:47.120 Thank you for having me of course. 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:50.840 Now, we met you through actually One Tribe Foundation, through 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:53.640 our Watch program, which is an acronym because everything in 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:56.800 the military and law enforcement seems like is an acronym. 0:01:56.880 --> 0:01:59.840 We are the children of Heroes, and we actually met 0:01:59.840 --> 0:02:03.080 you through that organization. We're just so thrilled to have 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:04.680 you here because we've gotten to know you over the 0:02:04.760 --> 0:02:07.520 years and you're always such a positive light and every 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:10.080 time we see you, you just make us smile, You 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:13.600 just make us happy. Thank you, of course, So we 0:02:13.680 --> 0:02:16.239 will get into how you even came to be part 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:18.760 of the tribe as we call it. So tell us 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:22.440 a little bit about your background here in Dallas, Texas. 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:26.080 Actually I've been Dallas. I met my husband here as well, 0:02:26.200 --> 0:02:28.480 Deputy I'm a metal called that on and he was 0:02:28.520 --> 0:02:30.920 an eighteen year veteran with the Dallas County Shares Apartment. 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:34.520 Fortunately he died by suicide. That was in twenty eighteen. 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:39.520 And from there, that's where I met you guys. I 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:45.760 remember losing everything on that day, a day after, well, 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:48.400 I will say a day after my husband's funeral. I 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:51.360 remember my little boy came into the room and he 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:53.440 said that he found the way that he could hug 0:02:53.440 --> 0:02:56.600 his dad, but he didn't want to tell me, and 0:02:56.639 --> 0:02:58.679 I had to encourage him to tell me. And that's 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:01.760 when he said, if I kill mysel So I was 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:04.560 broken and from there I didn't know what to do. 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:08.400 So I called our PCP and I was told that, well, 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:11.440 your insurance was canceled. My husband was found on a Friday, 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:14.880 and our insurance was canceled on a Saturday. At that time, 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:17.200 I was a stay at home mom. I didn't know 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:21.800 what to do. I was broken. I it's just a 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:26.280 whole just that feeling back then, just being numb, but 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:31.120 just full of pain. And I was I was given 0:03:31.200 --> 0:03:33.640 up even then, but I didn't want to give up 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:38.560 on them. Someone had contacted me. It was almost like 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:41.440 a little secret sir. I don't know. I always say that. 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:45.160 It felt like like something off TV. I received a 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:49.400 phone call from someone. She left a message and I 0:03:49.480 --> 0:03:51.880 was going to call her back maybe, But then there 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:54.760 was a deputy that worked with my husband and I 0:03:54.800 --> 0:03:57.920 because we both worked the Shaff's apartment together, and he said, so, 0:03:57.960 --> 0:03:59.920 I was going to call you. She's legit and asked 0:04:00.160 --> 0:04:03.600 the phone. So I called her back and she said 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:05.720 what do you need? And I said, I don't know, 0:04:06.240 --> 0:04:09.280 but I just need to give my children therapy. I 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:11.480 need insurance. That's all that I need for my kids. 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:14.880 And she said, call this number. I called the number 0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:20.279 and it was amazing, Joaiquing. I'll always remember that name. 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:22.880 He answered the phone and he said we've been expecting 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:25.600 your call. And I was like, okay, and he said 0:04:25.640 --> 0:04:27.880 can you come in? When can you come in? And 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:31.400 I came in. I brought my boys with me. Yes, 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:33.880 we did the assessment, you know, I guess the initial 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:37.440 conversations and then I said, but this is all that 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:39.720 I have money set aside, and I just want to 0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:41.800 get I just want you guys to get my boy's therapy. 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:44.560 That's all. That's the reason why I'm here. And I 0:04:44.600 --> 0:04:48.039 remember my therapist at the time, he said, no, we're 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:51.160 going to give you and the boy's therapy. And they said, 0:04:51.200 --> 0:04:53.400 your money's not needed. You know, it's not wanted here. 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:56.480 So if it takes thirty days or thirty years, we 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:59.640 got you. Wow. And that was the day I feel 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:02.040 like we're gonna be okay, and my boys are gonna 0:05:02.040 --> 0:05:06.400 be okay. That is actually my background of I got 0:05:06.440 --> 0:05:08.919 to be a part of the tribe. That's right. 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:12.160 Oh, and such a huge part you are. It gives 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:15.080 me goosebumps just to hear that story because knowing that's 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:19.000 what we do, but just to hear what it meant 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:20.880 to you at that point in time in your life. 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:23.680 Take us back to the beginning. How did you and 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:24.360 Omar meet? 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:29.120 Well, ironically, we actually met in high school. We didn't 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:32.120 know each other until later when we looked at a picture. 0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:35.080 I went to this high school for health profession so 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:37.760 it was like health magnet. It was downtown and he 0:05:37.839 --> 0:05:40.240 went to another school, although on the other side of town. 0:05:40.240 --> 0:05:42.160 They were just coming by to just look at the 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:45.880 girls at the school. And I remember a guy that 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:48.320 he was on a it was a dark bus. He 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:50.120 was on the dart bus and he was like, can 0:05:50.160 --> 0:05:51.520 I get your number? And I was like yeah. It 0:05:51.640 --> 0:05:53.800 was like surprise, and he tried to come back, but 0:05:53.839 --> 0:05:57.080 I had left. There was a picture of him in 0:05:57.120 --> 0:05:58.640 the background because to my friends and we were all 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:00.800 taking pictures and there was a picture the background and 0:06:00.839 --> 0:06:02.680 I found that picture years later and I was like, 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:05.560 oh my god, like, who was that back there? He 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:07.640 was like that's mean. He was like I remember that 0:06:07.720 --> 0:06:09.560 day and he's like that was you and I was like, yeah, 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:12.760 that was me. Wow. Yeah. But when we, I guess 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:16.080 officially met it was at the Sheriff's apartment. Both of 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:19.120 us had started working there as correction officers. He had 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:20.840 to start there in order to be a deputy, so 0:06:20.920 --> 0:06:23.120 you have to start there on the ground level. And 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:26.000 we met there and a year or so later we 0:06:26.000 --> 0:06:26.600 were together. 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:31.039 Sparked, yeah, awesome, what made you want to go into 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:32.000 that line and profession? 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:34.400 I actually went in. It was supposed to be for 0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:37.599 an internship, so I needed internship hours. But I had 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:40.720 two boys already, so I couldn't afford to do internships. 0:06:41.120 --> 0:06:43.280 So I went there for that and I was going 0:06:43.360 --> 0:06:46.159 to take those hours and you know, transfer them over 0:06:46.360 --> 0:06:48.479 just to keep going. It was in criminal justice, and 0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:50.800 I was you know, you had to have those little hours. 0:06:50.880 --> 0:06:53.560 Omar went in because he wanted to be become a deputy. 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:55.400 You know, it was either going to be that or 0:06:55.440 --> 0:06:58.279 a nurse. He fit the mold for to be a deputy. 0:06:59.760 --> 0:07:03.919 So that's actually how we ended up there. What was 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:09.000 he like? Oh my god, he was charismatic. He was 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:12.240 laid back. He didn't let a lot get to him, 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:15.080 you know, and everyone came to him. He was delightful 0:07:15.120 --> 0:07:18.520 the party. He was very funny. He didn't meet a stranger. 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:22.520 Everyone like immediately love him. Now. He looked mean and 0:07:22.720 --> 0:07:25.440 he was rough around the edges. He was he was, 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:28.160 I guess, you know, the ying to my yang. You know, 0:07:28.760 --> 0:07:31.160 he was very rough around the edges. He would say 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:33.400 anything and I would say, oh, Mark, don't say that. 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:35.720 You know, that was the right thing to say, Yeah, 0:07:36.240 --> 0:07:38.000 like why are you worried about what they say? You know? 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:41.440 That was that was That's who he was. He could 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:44.200 say no all the time, and I was the one 0:07:44.200 --> 0:07:49.239 that would say yes all the time. So we balanced 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:51.680 each other out. So I would get him to say yes, 0:07:51.720 --> 0:07:54.160 and he would say no for me, and we kind 0:07:54.160 --> 0:07:56.200 of depended on each other for that. Well, he didn't 0:07:56.200 --> 0:07:57.760 depend on me saying yes for him, but I kind 0:07:57.760 --> 0:08:00.800 of depended on him just to say no. Yeah. 0:08:00.920 --> 0:08:03.440 We joke about that all the time, that Jake brings 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:06.440 me back down to ground and I bring him up. 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:06.880 To the clouds. 0:08:06.920 --> 0:08:08.920 Sometimes it's it's that good match. 0:08:08.960 --> 0:08:13.360 So right, Yeah, I got it to that ability to 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:15.240 say no. It's such a huge thing. 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:19.800 Well was it like to spring your romance in that environment? 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:21.000 Oh? 0:08:21.040 --> 0:08:23.440 It was difficult because I was always raised, you know, 0:08:23.600 --> 0:08:26.000 never get your money where you get your honey, you know, 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:29.440 so you never do that. And I was against it, 0:08:29.480 --> 0:08:32.640 and he would always pursue me and I would say no. 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:34.440 So we became friends. So we were like friends for 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:36.720 pretty much a whole year. He was like no, he said, 0:08:36.720 --> 0:08:40.679 I had a game plan. I was in you. That's 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:43.520 what I was doing, playing that slow game. Yeah, And 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:45.640 I would say no, and he would always ask me, 0:08:45.679 --> 0:08:47.800 are you going to be my girl? Like no, it's 0:08:47.840 --> 0:08:49.800 like you're going to be my girl. No, And I 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:51.720 was like, no, I can no, I can't do that. 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:53.160 You know, I have to focus on my kids. I 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:55.360 was focused on school. I always had an excuse. And 0:08:55.400 --> 0:08:57.920 then I remember one day he told me, and it 0:08:58.000 --> 0:09:00.719 was a Wednesday, specifically, I would remember that it was 0:09:00.720 --> 0:09:02.360 a Wednesday, and he said, you know what, I'm not 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:04.920 going to ask you anymore. He said, you're going to 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:06.560 keep shooting me down. He said, so, if you just 0:09:06.600 --> 0:09:08.360 want us to be friends at work, then we'll just 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:10.040 be friends at work, he said, But I'm not going 0:09:10.080 --> 0:09:10.880 to keep asking you. 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:16.400 And then I was like, okay, let's do this and 0:09:16.480 --> 0:09:19.319 that ladies and gentlemen, is called reverse psychology. 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:24.600 Yes, game, Yeah, that's awesome. That is awesome. 0:09:24.720 --> 0:09:27.600 And he definitely was lucky. Man. I mean, you were 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:30.199 an absolute catch. One of the things that we love 0:09:30.320 --> 0:09:32.840 so much about you. Not only are you beautiful, but 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:35.240 you walk into a room and you can just feel 0:09:35.679 --> 0:09:38.680 the energy level go up. You are one of those 0:09:38.720 --> 0:09:42.320 people that are just truly magnetic. So good on him 0:09:42.600 --> 0:09:45.400 for playing that role and closing the deal like that. 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:46.600 Thank you. 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:49.600 Yeah, I mean you are Actually it's right, and we've 0:09:49.679 --> 0:09:54.280 expressed this to you you're a light. You know you 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:54.880 are a light. 0:09:56.000 --> 0:09:57.760 Thank you totally agree. 0:09:57.920 --> 0:10:01.079 Tell us about when you and Omar finally did get together. 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:03.240 Now you had two boys. 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:06.600 Oh that those are his kids. And if you would 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:10.120 say stepdad, that is he would say the whole other 0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:13.120 side him. And it was not pretty, really it was. 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:16.720 It was not pretty. That's all his kids. Yeah, that's awesome. 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:20.160 Those are his babies, his boys. I remember he brought 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:22.400 his partner was it wasn't his normal as usual partner, 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:24.000 but it was a partner, and he brought him by 0:10:24.040 --> 0:10:26.079 the house and he said, yeah, my son, I want 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:27.559 you to meet my son. I have my son to 0:10:27.600 --> 0:10:29.200 come out here. He need to, you know, bring my 0:10:29.240 --> 0:10:31.880 credit card out here. I left it. The guy he said, 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:36.160 I see this six two six three tall black guy 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:38.000 walk out, and he's like, that's my baby boy, right, 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:44.079 there's baby. He was like, somebody should tell you something's 0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:48.840 wrong there, but I'm not gonna say anything. Right. Oh 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:49.480 that's great. 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:52.440 Yeah, And then you but your family grew and you 0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:53.800 were blessed with Omario. 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:56.720 Yeah, in two thousand and six, I was blessed with Omari. 0:10:56.840 --> 0:11:00.520 And then you know, it happened and he's like, yeah, 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:01.920 you know, that's my baby, and he was like my 0:11:02.000 --> 0:11:04.000 baby boy. He used to call him Marian baby boy. 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:06.280 So for the longest A Marian thought his name was 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:08.760 a Marian baby boys. So somebody asked him, what's your name? 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:13.959 You say Marian baby boy? I love that? 0:11:14.080 --> 0:11:17.920 And how did your relationship and everything grow after Amaran 0:11:18.080 --> 0:11:18.400 was born? 0:11:18.840 --> 0:11:21.920 It was always just us. Even from before a Marian, 0:11:22.000 --> 0:11:25.280 it seemed like it was just Omar and the two 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:27.760 boy extra three boys because I raised my nephew as well, 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:30.600 so it was just the three boys, Omar and myself 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:33.200 and we did everything together, and A Marian was just 0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:36.400 another piece of the puzzle that was always meant to 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:38.520 be there. Omar's legacy. 0:11:38.880 --> 0:11:40.880 He also alight, we love him, Todae. 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:42.560 Yeah, he's such a great kid. 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:43.480 He really is. 0:11:43.600 --> 0:11:45.520 He's such a great kid. I mean, I love it 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:47.720 when you guys come to the game nights and you know, 0:11:47.720 --> 0:11:50.360 when we're able to come, I look for him like 0:11:50.400 --> 0:11:51.839 I see come out because I'm I just got a 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:54.160 hog got kid, you know, I just got to get 0:11:54.400 --> 0:11:56.240 just a little bit. It's soul food. 0:11:56.640 --> 0:12:02.800 It is soul food to see both of you. Omarian 0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:07.920 comes into your life and it's complete right and omar Meanwhile, 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:11.679 it's still working now as a deputy. Yes, tell us 0:12:11.720 --> 0:12:15.240 about his journey through that and the pressures that come 0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:16.160 with that job. 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:20.880 Well, he worked in a warranton execution from the time 0:12:20.920 --> 0:12:24.880 he graduated deputy academy. Yeah, so he was there from 0:12:24.960 --> 0:12:29.240 the beginning. Also, he's competitive with all of his arrests, 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:32.880 and he didn't want to be an FTO, but he 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:37.520 pretty much was one field training officers, sorry, a field 0:12:37.520 --> 0:12:40.360 training officer. People wanted to work with him because he 0:12:40.440 --> 0:12:42.600 was real calm and he would tell them what to do, 0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:44.480 and he would tell them always the right thing. That's 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:47.079 the one thing that people said after he died that 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:49.120 he always taught me the right way and said, hey, 0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:51.280 if you do it on your own, that's one thing, 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:52.920 but this is the way it's supposed to be done. 0:12:53.600 --> 0:12:57.840 And he was always about business, like we can play later, 0:12:57.920 --> 0:13:01.560 but it's about business with this. He was a great officer. 0:13:02.000 --> 0:13:03.840 That was actually one of the things that attracted me 0:13:03.920 --> 0:13:07.800 to him was his work ethics. He could get it 0:13:07.800 --> 0:13:10.560 done and he was about business and he knew how 0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:12.520 to separate it and he wasn't one of those that 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:16.280 liked to like lay back and not do the job. Yeah, 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:18.880 even as a police officer, there were people that would 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:20.760 tell me, hey, he would stop and give people gas 0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:22.080 if they were on the side of the road. You 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:24.920 know that that was Omar, Yeah. 0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:25.560 The servant's heart. 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:27.880 Yes, where did that come from? 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:31.200 His dad was actually a police officer in Mexico, you know, 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:34.080 even in the army, So I think maybe that's where 0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:38.160 he got it from. But out of all of his siblings, 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:43.280 he's the one that's always been about people, you know, 0:13:43.480 --> 0:13:44.400 and helping people. 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:48.280 And see why y'all were such a great pair. So 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:49.960 when did you feel a shift in him? 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:55.800 Twenty sixteen exactly. That's when I noticed change when we 0:13:55.840 --> 0:14:02.079 had the shooting. Yeah, he became a little more emotional then, 0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:06.480 and he was a little more withdrawn. That's when we 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:10.520 actually start having problems at home, where he was everything. 0:14:10.640 --> 0:14:13.240 I couldn't say anything because he felt I was attacking 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:15.200 him and we would go back and forth with that, 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:19.560 and I was at home. But the whole point of 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:21.440 me being at home to just stay at home mom. 0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:23.320 I was supposed to, Okay, we're gonna let our son 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:25.600 make it to middle school. That I was going to 0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:27.560 go back to work, and actually I had got hired 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:31.200 on through DPD and that was the police Department, and 0:14:31.400 --> 0:14:34.800 I wanted to go back, and so we started arguing 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:37.080 a lot about that, like why do you want to go? 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:39.560 What's the rush? You know he has made it to 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:41.840 middle school yet, and I would tell him, you don't 0:14:41.880 --> 0:14:44.320 know what it's like. Everyone is like doing everything and 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:46.120 I want to do that before I get too old. 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:48.960 So but I can do other things. And so that's 0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:50.760 when the change started. 0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:53.600 Then do you feel like he was protecting you? 0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:57.080 I know that he was protecting me, now, yeah, I 0:14:57.160 --> 0:14:57.480 know it. 0:14:57.840 --> 0:15:02.440 I remember how just horrific that that night was the 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:07.080 Dallas five and how hard this not only this community, 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:10.120 but this country and those that felt it, Like I 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:13.040 can't imagine what he went through being right there so 0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:13.800 close to it. 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:18.600 Yeah, senseless, senseless acts of violence. And uh, it's crazy 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:20.960 because when I as asked that question and you said 0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:26.400 without hesitation and with such conviction twenty sixteen, like you 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:29.960 didn't even hesitate, that goes to show from the people 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:35.040 listening that that is, you haven't forgotten anything, you haven't 0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:37.680 suppressed anything. You've done a lot of work. I mean, 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:41.920 I know because we've been able to together. Yeah. I 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:43.840 mean we've been able to have you around for quite 0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:46.880 some time. But it's to be able to know that 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:49.680 it's it's really no different than when people ask me, like, well, 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:51.560 when did you get hit and it's two thousand and four, 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:55.240 because it was very significant, it was an abrupt shift. 0:15:56.320 --> 0:16:00.000 And when doctor Bessel vander Kolk talks about the issue 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:04.360 user and the tissues like it's there at the molecular 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:07.560 level and that's why this work is so important. And 0:16:07.720 --> 0:16:11.720 continue to do the deep dives and the self discovered 0:16:12.040 --> 0:16:15.040 journeys and the self healing and the healthy selfish and 0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:19.920 like it's so vital because it never goes away. In 0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:23.640 twenty sixteen, I mean that's almost not too long. That'll 0:16:23.680 --> 0:16:27.160 be a decade. And then every year, especially here in 0:16:27.160 --> 0:16:30.280 the DFW area, the Dallas five, when that anniversary comes up, 0:16:30.840 --> 0:16:33.240 you know, I mean it's we make a big deal 0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:36.120 of it, as we should on all those legacies. I mean, 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:40.080 it's a it's just such a thankless job, such a 0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:43.960 thankless job that I can say no amount of money 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:46.440 could get me to do that job. Especially now. 0:16:46.800 --> 0:16:50.120 Did y'all feel that in this climate of the everyone 0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:53.080 hates cops or did y'all feel any of that. 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:57.200 He did. I think it's because you know, we were 0:16:57.240 --> 0:17:00.440 aware of it. I think there was a s but 0:17:00.480 --> 0:17:03.120 we could feel the shift because we were aware because 0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:05.760 you're always heighten all you know, you're trained, so you 0:17:05.920 --> 0:17:10.840 know what's what's there sure, and when you see the 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:14.439 many protests and you see the shootings, and then you 0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:18.920 feel it, especially with him being out there a little 0:17:18.920 --> 0:17:22.160 more fearful of what could the possibilities of what could happen? 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:24.320 What if I don't come home see you all? What if? 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:26.879 And I remember him saying, you know, both of us 0:17:26.880 --> 0:17:29.919 should be putting our lives on the line. And he's like, so, 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:31.560 why do you want to do this? He would always say, 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:33.080 why do you want to do this? What do you 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:35.119 have to prove? It was like the same thing that 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:37.000 you have to prove, you know, That was our argument, 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:39.520 But he was both of us shouldn't have to do this. 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:44.360 Definitely protecting you. Did he when he started to struggle? 0:17:44.359 --> 0:17:45.320 Did he open up to you? 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:49.720 I made him. That was another thing. I felt like 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:53.080 I was pushing him. But he told me actually the 0:17:53.160 --> 0:17:56.400 day that he left that he thanked me for doing 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:59.320 all of that, So I knew a lot of what 0:17:59.400 --> 0:18:01.199 he was going through. I know a lot of his 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:04.960 feelings because he would tell me, not because he would 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:06.560 do it on his own, it's because I would make 0:18:06.640 --> 0:18:11.320 him tell me. So, yeah, that change in him, and 0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:13.760 I made him go to the doctor. He didn't want 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:15.520 to go, but he really didn't have much a choice 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:17.960 to shut me up. He would go and I remember 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:21.760 because I feel like his tesoscerone levels were low. I said, 0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:25.719 this is the problems, like low libido. You know, you're irritable, 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:29.520 You're this. I was like, you fit this, and we 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:33.240 need to go and get your disosterone levels. And I'm 0:18:33.280 --> 0:18:35.600 a man, I don't need to what you're talking about esoscerone. 0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:40.080 I'm fine. But eventually we went and they were extremely low. 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:44.880 But he was also diagnosed with bipolar two disorder, and 0:18:44.920 --> 0:18:49.080 he said, I'm not crazy, but he didn't accept that. 0:18:49.160 --> 0:18:51.719 He didn't want to, so I said, okay, well go 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:54.040 and get another opinion. By this time, he was still 0:18:54.080 --> 0:18:58.000 getting the injections, and actually he was so terrified of 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:02.440 the injections. He would take a whole hour to put 0:19:02.440 --> 0:19:04.800 this one needle in his thigh and I would tell 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:06.400 him I'll do it, and he was like I did 0:19:06.440 --> 0:19:09.240 it one time, he said. He called my mom told 0:19:09.280 --> 0:19:11.919 everybody I was trying to kill him because I just 0:19:11.960 --> 0:19:14.080 shove the needle down. He was like, why would you 0:19:14.080 --> 0:19:15.480 even do that? He was like, I don't want you 0:19:15.560 --> 0:19:17.960 to do it. But he would take literally a whole 0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:21.240 almost an hour because he had to take it every 0:19:21.440 --> 0:19:23.680 like every Tuesday or Wednesday, I don't remember the exact day, 0:19:23.680 --> 0:19:30.320 but he would sit there the needle. He was terrified 0:19:30.359 --> 0:19:32.680 of it. So we went and got a second opinion 0:19:32.760 --> 0:19:37.160 and they diagnosed him with major depressive disorder. And he said, see, 0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:39.760 I told you, none of those doctors know what they're 0:19:39.760 --> 0:19:42.120