1
00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:03,680
Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio

2
00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:13,800
Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. Welcome to Katie's Crib.

3
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:17,320
Speaker 1: I'm Katie Lows, and I've got a lot of energy

4
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:22,599
Speaker 1: today because we have got seven time Grammy Award winning

5
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:29,040
Speaker 1: singer songwriter mother of three Atlantis Morissett on the podcast today.

6
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,600
Speaker 1: And if you can't tell from my voice, I am

7
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:35,160
Speaker 1: losing my mind. I got to spend an hour with Atlantis,

8
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:40,200
Speaker 1: and um, after I stopped all my hormonal crying and

9
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:44,599
Speaker 1: freaking out, UM, I just talked to her about like

10
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:49,479
Speaker 1: being a mom you guys, like she's three kids, about unschooling,

11
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:56,200
Speaker 1: about attachment parenting, about her postpartum depression, her home births. Guys,

12
00:00:56,240 --> 00:01:02,279
Speaker 1: she is a wealth of mommy knowledge, and UM, I

13
00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,120
Speaker 1: just can't wait for you guys to listen. So here

14
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:10,640
Speaker 1: she is, Atlantis Morrisset. I am so honored, thrilled, emotional

15
00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:16,959
Speaker 1: to meet you. I mean, yeah, you really you're bringing

16
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:20,320
Speaker 1: up a lot in me. I'm sorry and you're welcome.

17
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,240
Speaker 1: I'm also it's really crazy, but I'm pregnant with my

18
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:30,319
Speaker 1: second child. Probably I would probably thank you. I would

19
00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:32,600
Speaker 1: probably be able to cover better that I'm on the

20
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:37,039
Speaker 1: verge of tears meeting Atlantis Morrisset people. But I that's

21
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,759
Speaker 1: not available. That's not available to me on this day.

22
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,200
Speaker 1: I just think you are. I mean, obviously, you're a

23
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:49,360
Speaker 1: musical genius, you're a visionary, you're an icon. I'm talking

24
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:54,000
Speaker 1: about Atlantis Morrisset people. Um, but for me, you're an

25
00:01:54,080 --> 00:02:00,360
Speaker 1: incredible mom. And we are a podcast talking to ms

26
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:05,360
Speaker 1: and I just can't believe this new album. Um, such

27
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,120
Speaker 1: pretty forks in the road and the ablaze video again

28
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:14,520
Speaker 1: me being a hormonal pregnant woman. Oh my god, what

29
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,840
Speaker 1: are you trying to do to me? I can't even

30
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,920
Speaker 1: get tested myself. So when I'm when I'm singing it,

31
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,040
Speaker 1: I literally have to think of baseball or something, because

32
00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:24,240
Speaker 1: if I really tune into what I'm singing, I'm a mess.

33
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:31,720
Speaker 1: It's unbelievable. And your your baby Winter turns one tomorrow.

34
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:36,640
Speaker 1: We can't believe it. I can't. Thanks for saying that

35
00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:39,960
Speaker 1: he's the keutest. We needed an e name for my

36
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:43,799
Speaker 1: first We wanted any name for my firstborn. And we're

37
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:47,720
Speaker 1: just something you do in the Jewish faith and we ever,

38
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,840
Speaker 1: I was like, Atlantis Morris, that's oldest is ever that

39
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,799
Speaker 1: should be on our list, but we are not cool enough.

40
00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:58,560
Speaker 1: So what's your name? Well, we ended up going with

41
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:04,840
Speaker 1: another No, that's what we should have put that there. Um,

42
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:08,240
Speaker 1: we ended up going with a different deceased grandparents with

43
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:14,200
Speaker 1: an a letter and his name is Albie and he's

44
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:17,760
Speaker 1: going to be three. Um. But I want to get

45
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,880
Speaker 1: into when I was drafting up all the questions you

46
00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:25,000
Speaker 1: could sit and ask Atlantis Morrisset about her mothering and

47
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:29,480
Speaker 1: you as a human. The pages are endless, so I

48
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,480
Speaker 1: wanted to not take so much advantage of your time.

49
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:35,360
Speaker 1: But we are marking the twenty anniversary of Jagged Little Pill.

50
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:40,000
Speaker 1: We just did that in June. Your life, my life,

51
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,960
Speaker 1: all of our listeners lives, so I feel like we're

52
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,280
Speaker 1: very in a similar mom age. Group looks very different

53
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:50,320
Speaker 1: from Jagged Little Pill. Talking about it, it's exactly the same.

54
00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:54,640
Speaker 1: I think this new album such pretty forks in the road.

55
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,360
Speaker 1: What's so cool to me about it is that you

56
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,920
Speaker 1: didn't compart like this. Atlanta is like, you're just not

57
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:08,640
Speaker 1: putting your motherhood aside. Yeah, It's like, well you can't,

58
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,800
Speaker 1: but I feel like women do, right. I don't know.

59
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:15,440
Speaker 1: I think is a real thing, and I understand why

60
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:19,000
Speaker 1: women do it. I just like, I'm looking at you.

61
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:22,719
Speaker 1: You're so beautiful, you look so good. I just like

62
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,200
Speaker 1: you're such goals in terms of like being a full

63
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:29,479
Speaker 1: rounded artist that's speaking about where you are in your

64
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,720
Speaker 1: life as a woman. Now. It's like, I'm not trying

65
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:36,520
Speaker 1: to be my year ago self. I'm not trying to

66
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,560
Speaker 1: be who knows where the hell we're going to be.

67
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:43,560
Speaker 1: You know what inspired this album, Let's start there. Obviously

68
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:49,240
Speaker 1: it's your kids. Um obviously your children. Was it a

69
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:53,480
Speaker 1: long process in writing these these songs. So I wrote

70
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,239
Speaker 1: that song before Winter was born, actually a year before

71
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:59,719
Speaker 1: Winter was born, so it had the two choruses about

72
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:03,320
Speaker 1: Ever my son, and Onyx my daughter. And then we

73
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,000
Speaker 1: moved up to just outside the Bay Area after having

74
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:08,720
Speaker 1: lived in Hollywood for twenty five years, so that was

75
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,240
Speaker 1: a huge adjustment. And I was pregnant during that time.

76
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,600
Speaker 1: And you know, basically every PPD doctor in the world says,

77
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,680
Speaker 1: if there's one thing I suggest you not doing while

78
00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:21,960
Speaker 1: you are pregnant is a big move, And I'm like, okay, check,

79
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:26,039
Speaker 1: did thou not the smartest timing to be moving? But

80
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:28,000
Speaker 1: um so when I was writing the first part of

81
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,680
Speaker 1: the record, I was living in Malibu, so we were

82
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,520
Speaker 1: recording it all right on the ocean, which was really

83
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:36,640
Speaker 1: kind of cinematic and idyllic um environment. And then I

84
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,000
Speaker 1: wrote the last couple of songs, and I wrote the

85
00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:42,360
Speaker 1: song Reckoning in just outside the Bay Area, and then

86
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,880
Speaker 1: I thought, you know, winters here we the guy needs

87
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:49,600
Speaker 1: a chorus, so I erased an extroverse and put a chorus.

88
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:53,880
Speaker 1: That final chorus is about winter, and that's what QQ

89
00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:58,360
Speaker 1: sobbing c. It's a kind of love that is really

90
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,560
Speaker 1: hard to articulate. It's almost like it's you either know,

91
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:04,400
Speaker 1: this version of love, because we know there's the dopamine

92
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:09,080
Speaker 1: from infatuation, there's there's bliss, there's ecstasy, but this kind

93
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:13,039
Speaker 1: of love for these creatures is really hard to put

94
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,599
Speaker 1: into words. It's hard, you know, and I live to

95
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:19,040
Speaker 1: chase putting everything into words. And we were just saying

96
00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:21,280
Speaker 1: before you came on, I said, I'm so petrified to

97
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:25,640
Speaker 1: interview Alanis Morrisset. I mean, but because you're you're such

98
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,760
Speaker 1: a poet and a lyricist and so incredible with language,

99
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,400
Speaker 1: and I'm like a bumbling, fumbling ass, not quite but

100
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:34,560
Speaker 1: I love being an actor because I get to say

101
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,520
Speaker 1: a like I get to say Shanna Rhyme's words, you

102
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:41,279
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like you know, like everything. I'm

103
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,919
Speaker 1: just like, let someone else write me out of this situation.

104
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,320
Speaker 1: I can't do this, but if anyone can write about

105
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,120
Speaker 1: the love of a child, I can at least attempt it.

106
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,280
Speaker 1: You can attempt it. Did you know right away that

107
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,800
Speaker 1: you wanted the music video to feature your three kids

108
00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:57,240
Speaker 1: and soul? Lie? I had no idea. You know, I'm

109
00:06:57,279 --> 00:06:59,640
Speaker 1: the I'm the opposite of a stage mom. So my

110
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,680
Speaker 1: parents are begging me to exploit them. Please, I'm like, no,

111
00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:06,840
Speaker 1: you will have absolute permission to make any choices you want,

112
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,240
Speaker 1: free will when you turn fifty seven. And not a

113
00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:12,080
Speaker 1: month before when they came time to shoot the video,

114
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:15,560
Speaker 1: we're basically still in lockdown and you know, pandemic time,

115
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,520
Speaker 1: so we're like, what is this? What are we going

116
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,120
Speaker 1: to do? How are we going to do this? So

117
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,920
Speaker 1: you like just shot this video a few days ago?

118
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:29,600
Speaker 1: What a fucking gift for us? Oh my gosh, you're

119
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:33,200
Speaker 1: so sweet? Like what so like this video could have

120
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:37,280
Speaker 1: existed in a completely different way pree covid had there

121
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:41,040
Speaker 1: been the seventy people crewmates and and uh you know

122
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:44,160
Speaker 1: the team that usually we arrive and shoot a video.

123
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,280
Speaker 1: There's about seventy five of us in this time there

124
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:50,360
Speaker 1: we're not and we're the kids completely down with it

125
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,559
Speaker 1: because I know we have similar parenting styles. I don't

126
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,960
Speaker 1: really for you. No, I'm not forcing my kid to

127
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,960
Speaker 1: hit their mark, you know what I mean, Like that's

128
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,880
Speaker 1: never going to happen about stage moms. So how was

129
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,960
Speaker 1: it just a free for all? And and that's why

130
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,000
Speaker 1: it feels so spirited and free. Oh that's so sweet. There.

131
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,640
Speaker 1: It was a little structured that, you know, the sense

132
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,400
Speaker 1: of what the scope was and what our goals were.

133
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,880
Speaker 1: That was structured. But you know how it goes with

134
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:20,600
Speaker 1: structure with people under twenty people under thirty at this point, um,

135
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,920
Speaker 1: good luck. So basically, we we kept them in the

136
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,800
Speaker 1: scenes to the degree that they were happy about it,

137
00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:28,040
Speaker 1: and there were moments where you know, they weren't happy,

138
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:31,920
Speaker 1: and I said, okay, we're done this one cut, We're done,

139
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:36,079
Speaker 1: no no pain around shooting for my family. You're you're

140
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:39,240
Speaker 1: a very famous musician. What does that mean for your

141
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,040
Speaker 1: kids putting them out there? I mean, and it's a

142
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,200
Speaker 1: very personal question for a lot of people, how do

143
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,720
Speaker 1: you feel about that? Well, because who I am is

144
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:51,160
Speaker 1: so attachment, inextricably linked to my family, I'm open to

145
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,560
Speaker 1: having some things include all of us, but I'm hyper

146
00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:59,000
Speaker 1: discerning my mama bear like any other mama, I'm super protective,

147
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:03,280
Speaker 1: so you know, if it's a fun thing, I'll share.

148
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:06,199
Speaker 1: But I really think there's a difference between privacy and secrecy.

149
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,880
Speaker 1: I have no desire to keep my family a secret,

150
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,120
Speaker 1: but privacy is loving and protective. So I definitely have

151
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,719
Speaker 1: the guardian at the gate thing um. But at the

152
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,680
Speaker 1: same time, I'm not going to deprive us of having

153
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,839
Speaker 1: a ball, you know, and they happen to the enjoy it.

154
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,160
Speaker 1: You know, that makes perfect sense. Now, there's a big

155
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,640
Speaker 1: age gap you I've read this. There's an age gap

156
00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:30,240
Speaker 1: between ever and Onyx due to miscarriages in between. I've

157
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:34,199
Speaker 1: also had miscarriages and it it. I know You've done

158
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,160
Speaker 1: a bunch of interviews about that and the mom community.

159
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:41,000
Speaker 1: Thanks you for your openness on the topic. When did

160
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,880
Speaker 1: you know you were ready again for moms listening who

161
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:47,160
Speaker 1: might be in that situation? I just never stopped. I've

162
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:50,440
Speaker 1: just been on this like crazy mission for ten years.

163
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,760
Speaker 1: The mission was. You know, I, before having met SOULI

164
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:57,720
Speaker 1: and before having met my kids, you know, this was

165
00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,800
Speaker 1: my It was just a driving force. I've had this

166
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,120
Speaker 1: maternal energy. I know a lot of women friends of

167
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,720
Speaker 1: mine who don't. They have no desire, and I love

168
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,120
Speaker 1: them for it. I happened to be one of those

169
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,000
Speaker 1: women that when I was very little, I had the

170
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,640
Speaker 1: dolls and I was, you know, feeding the dolls, and

171
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,320
Speaker 1: so that maternal thing was just there. And I have

172
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,439
Speaker 1: two brothers, so I think there was some unconscious part

173
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:20,120
Speaker 1: of me that just wanted to have three kids. But

174
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:24,040
Speaker 1: when it became a little bit more difficult, uh, you know,

175
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,880
Speaker 1: just randomly choosing the three numbers, I just gave up.

176
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:31,400
Speaker 1: But I kept, you know, I kept in contact with

177
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:35,239
Speaker 1: what I felt was just you know, the existential procreative

178
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,760
Speaker 1: imperative was still pretty fiery in me. So I just

179
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:42,320
Speaker 1: kept chasing, like an ambitious little like it just like

180
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,480
Speaker 1: it was out there. Yeah, you're just like you're it

181
00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:47,040
Speaker 1: was like a calling and you've always known three, whether

182
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,520
Speaker 1: or not that's because it was your personal experience or

183
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:53,040
Speaker 1: a number you just really like, yeah, and who cares? Right? Like, Okay,

184
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:55,800
Speaker 1: so three and if it wasn't to be three, I

185
00:10:55,840 --> 00:11:00,280
Speaker 1: didn't it would have been fine. So yeah, and you

186
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,800
Speaker 1: had home births with all three of them, which has

187
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,839
Speaker 1: been a topic that has been massive during quarantine. UM,

188
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:10,000
Speaker 1: I have seen just a lot of friends make that

189
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:16,040
Speaker 1: choice that may maybe wouldn't have previously for many reasons. Again,

190
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,200
Speaker 1: did you always know you wanted to have a home birth? Like,

191
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:22,960
Speaker 1: as the time came to find care, you know, prenatal care,

192
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,400
Speaker 1: I just met with a ton of people, and I,

193
00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:28,440
Speaker 1: you know, there were a big nose. Cheryl Richardson taught

194
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,199
Speaker 1: me a long time ago if it's if it's not

195
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,800
Speaker 1: a percent yes, it's a no. So basically I'd meet

196
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:37,560
Speaker 1: all these you know, lovely, well well reputable doctors and

197
00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:40,319
Speaker 1: um just wasn't a match. And then I started talking

198
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,720
Speaker 1: with midwives and I thought, Okay, this this feels this

199
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:48,719
Speaker 1: feels like yes, and this feels like everything, every part

200
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:52,440
Speaker 1: of this process is being honored. There's love, there's tenderness,

201
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,520
Speaker 1: there's there's a maternal energy already in place in this

202
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:59,400
Speaker 1: care context. It was perfect for me. And then as

203
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,760
Speaker 1: I was giving birth the first time at home with ever,

204
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,960
Speaker 1: I just remember looking up because it was too late

205
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,920
Speaker 1: by the end to go to any hospital or to leave.

206
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,079
Speaker 1: So I just remember thinking of all the other women

207
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,920
Speaker 1: a that have already given birth the kick butt and

208
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,880
Speaker 1: they're on the other side. Then I was thinking about

209
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,360
Speaker 1: all the women at the exact same time who were

210
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:20,240
Speaker 1: giving birth with me around the planet, and I was

211
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,880
Speaker 1: just really calling upon those women because I was like,

212
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:25,160
Speaker 1: this is a this is a turning point where I

213
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:28,320
Speaker 1: you know, I can't change my mind. You know what,

214
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,520
Speaker 1: you know, I forget it. I changed changed my mind.

215
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,600
Speaker 1: You're like, I can't call in all the drugs. Now,

216
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,400
Speaker 1: this this is what I chose. But the good part

217
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,880
Speaker 1: is in having prepped. If you can even prep for

218
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,080
Speaker 1: home birth, you barely can. But I mean someone would

219
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,960
Speaker 1: argue with me that you can prepare, and I did.

220
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,360
Speaker 1: I did all the hypno birth. I did everything you can,

221
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,160
Speaker 1: especially that first baby, right. I was just like I

222
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,960
Speaker 1: read home into it. I took so many classes and

223
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:58,920
Speaker 1: meditative things, and honestly, until you're looking down the baron

224
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:03,160
Speaker 1: all the whole situation and Daryl, you can't know it.

225
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:07,480
Speaker 1: You can't. It's really wild. The best for the closest

226
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,720
Speaker 1: I've come to describing the birth experience is an eighteen

227
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:14,360
Speaker 1: wheeler careening through your body and then kind of ripping

228
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:19,520
Speaker 1: back in and then driving back out again, and then see.

229
00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:22,160
Speaker 1: And that's why you're such a poet and so great

230
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,520
Speaker 1: with words, because that is what it feels like. We're

231
00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:28,760
Speaker 1: your second and third home birds easier. Um, they were wilder.

232
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,840
Speaker 1: So my daughter was born at home and our midwife

233
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,679
Speaker 1: didn't make it because she was so fine. That's right.

234
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:39,600
Speaker 1: I read that so so literally. Was your midwife, your dula,

235
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:45,280
Speaker 1: your baby catcher, your husband, your life partner, you're daddy,

236
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:50,320
Speaker 1: you're everything? Yes, of ever, yes, And were you afraid, like,

237
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:53,480
Speaker 1: of course you can't know what he's doing. Well, the

238
00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:55,839
Speaker 1: best part about arts haven't been born in such a

239
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,480
Speaker 1: short amount of time. And I think it was about

240
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,600
Speaker 1: I think of my water broken. I woke up at

241
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:04,960
Speaker 1: twelve seventeen and she was here at am, basically when

242
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:08,559
Speaker 1: he was scared. It was perfect timing between us. When

243
00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:11,520
Speaker 1: he was scared, I just kicked into coach, you know, like, no,

244
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,400
Speaker 1: she's going to come. You don't have to manipulate this.

245
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,920
Speaker 1: She's coming on the next one. And when I would

246
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,440
Speaker 1: freak out, like he would tell me how to breathe,

247
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,200
Speaker 1: and he at one point said, get on your hands

248
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,080
Speaker 1: and needs. Get on your hands and niece, okay, And

249
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,400
Speaker 1: then she came right out. And then we waited about

250
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:29,200
Speaker 1: thirty five minutes and then everyone came. But the question

251
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,320
Speaker 1: is for fucking craziest to choose my language thing I've

252
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:35,440
Speaker 1: ever heard in my life, Like, I mean, I just can't.

253
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,960
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess because I'm I'm putting my husband

254
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:42,240
Speaker 1: in soul lives shoes that would just not but they

255
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:46,760
Speaker 1: rise my husband. He's the greatest, most wonderful thing. But

256
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,400
Speaker 1: he faints that he's a fainter. I think I would

257
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,080
Speaker 1: have been alone. Well, the good news is you still

258
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,000
Speaker 1: could have done it. I could have squatted and caught

259
00:14:55,120 --> 00:15:00,920
Speaker 1: my own baby women do. Um wow, that's I can't

260
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:04,160
Speaker 1: even imagine looking in my husband's eyes after that, knowing

261
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:08,160
Speaker 1: that you shared something like that together. Yes, no, we were.

262
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:11,040
Speaker 1: We were both gob smacked for quite a while. We

263
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,160
Speaker 1: still are. I still don't believe that three humans were

264
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,720
Speaker 1: in my body when I look at them and I

265
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:19,000
Speaker 1: hang out with them and they're so funny and charming

266
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:23,120
Speaker 1: and you know wild Just wait a minute, you were

267
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,880
Speaker 1: in Okay, There's just no way I can figure that

268
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,400
Speaker 1: one out or or you know, make sort of some

269
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:33,360
Speaker 1: conscious grasp of that it's just too big for me.

270
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:36,840
Speaker 1: It's too big, but I love it. In an interview,

271
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:42,800
Speaker 1: you um also we're very honest for your postpartum depression,

272
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,960
Speaker 1: and you said, quote it's like being covered in tar

273
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:50,200
Speaker 1: unquote again the beautiful words of Atlantis Morrist that are perfect.

274
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,960
Speaker 1: This is very accurate description. And what I'm curious about

275
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:59,560
Speaker 1: is I had um. I guess they call it postpartum

276
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:02,920
Speaker 1: blue after my first because it mad in that six weeks.

277
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,560
Speaker 1: But I was not thrilled. I did not take to mothering,

278
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,240
Speaker 1: which was a shock. I was a nanny for ten years.

279
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,840
Speaker 1: I love kids, and my own child came home and

280
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:16,400
Speaker 1: I was like a zombie and crying endlessly. And my

281
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:19,000
Speaker 1: husband was like, oh shit, my my wife's going to

282
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,760
Speaker 1: get on a plane and get a false identity and

283
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,400
Speaker 1: I'm going to be here by myself. That's it. I'm

284
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,520
Speaker 1: going to pay attention. But did you do anything to

285
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:32,000
Speaker 1: prepare differently for number two and number three? Because I'm

286
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,160
Speaker 1: looking down the barrel of number two and I'm trying

287
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:38,200
Speaker 1: to prepare myself better and I'm talking about blues or

288
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:43,480
Speaker 1: potential postpartum activity, both okay, um, do you have a

289
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:47,440
Speaker 1: history of depression in your family? Yes, okay, so it's

290
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,720
Speaker 1: a possibility. And I um, unbeknownst to me after my

291
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:54,320
Speaker 1: third experience with postpartum activity, because it isn't just depression,

292
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:56,720
Speaker 1: let's be honest, there's a list of twenty seven things

293
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,480
Speaker 1: that one's a hard one to chase with words too.

294
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:03,160
Speaker 1: So with ONYX, it came back and it was actually worse.

295
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:09,680
Speaker 1: So I've heard the depression. So after ever and after ONYX,

296
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,160
Speaker 1: it was it was depression. And I'm a high functioning

297
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:15,400
Speaker 1: depressed person, which I'm not wildly proud of saying, but

298
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:19,560
Speaker 1: survival for survival reasons. It was fortuitous that I could

299
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,320
Speaker 1: somehow still function through it. But it was, you know,

300
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:26,119
Speaker 1: not a lovely experienced quote unquote. Uh. And then after

301
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:30,000
Speaker 1: Winter was born, I was prepared with bioidentical hormones because

302
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,600
Speaker 1: I thought it was pretty much just thyroid and hormones,

303
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,480
Speaker 1: and hey, I can head that off at the past

304
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:38,600
Speaker 1: with doing bioidenticals, But what I forgot is that I

305
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:42,240
Speaker 1: can't breastfeed and be taking bioidenticals that bring my hormones

306
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:47,280
Speaker 1: into a category of homeostasis whatever that means. The milk

307
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:50,520
Speaker 1: supply would go away. So for me, in some ways,

308
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:55,200
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm tolerating this, you know, activity, postpartum activity,

309
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,760
Speaker 1: because I want a breastfeed and I have a sense

310
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,119
Speaker 1: and I could be wrong on this one, but I

311
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:03,240
Speaker 1: have a sense that because both times last time, this

312
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,120
Speaker 1: is what happened once I stopped breastfeeding and I adjust

313
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:09,399
Speaker 1: the hormones and you know, basically I'm not up all

314
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,520
Speaker 1: night feeding on demand. I think it will things will

315
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:16,600
Speaker 1: shift a little bit. But I'm on medication. I love medication.

316
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:19,240
Speaker 1: I have first time, I waited a year in four months,

317
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,560
Speaker 1: and I remember having spoken to a doctor and she said,

318
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:25,240
Speaker 1: I said, if I white knuckle through this as I

319
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,600
Speaker 1: do with everything, and I'm like, if I sold her

320
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,880
Speaker 1: through this, can I just kind of get through it?

321
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,320
Speaker 1: And she said, actually no, honey, it gets worse. So

322
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:35,200
Speaker 1: as soon as I heard that, I was like, okay,

323
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,080
Speaker 1: so what what am I taking? You know? So I

324
00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:41,399
Speaker 1: tried everything. I tried alexa, pros alexa. We tried everything,

325
00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:45,600
Speaker 1: and prozac was the winner for me. And but it

326
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:49,560
Speaker 1: does all these side you know, not the most fun,

327
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:53,399
Speaker 1: but again, I get to breastfeed. So I met something

328
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:54,800
Speaker 1: for you that some women I've talked to you who

329
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:59,000
Speaker 1: struggled with p P d UM, they knew in their

330
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:00,879
Speaker 1: heart that if they had the choice to go on

331
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,640
Speaker 1: let's say, a different drug that would stop breastfeeding, they

332
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,199
Speaker 1: were going to be even more depressed because breastfeeding was

333
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,160
Speaker 1: so such a goal of theirs and something that they

334
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 1: enjoyed and loved so much with their children that they

335
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,399
Speaker 1: were like, what's the lesser of all evils? It's like,

336
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,879
Speaker 1: what do we choose here? And it's so different for

337
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,680
Speaker 1: every mom because some moms, first of all, you can

338
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:26,719
Speaker 1: nail attachment quote unquote just by eye contact, skin nurturings,

339
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,760
Speaker 1: you know. So I mean, if you can't breastfeed, you're

340
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 1: you can still nail attachment. It's like, of course, so

341
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,920
Speaker 1: of course you'll always be snuggling and you know, and

342
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,240
Speaker 1: getting to know each other. And that's the most charming

343
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,359
Speaker 1: thing that I thought about today when I was talking

344
00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:42,680
Speaker 1: with winter Um in our own little language this morning,

345
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,440
Speaker 1: and I just thought, Wow, I'm I'm getting to know

346
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:49,160
Speaker 1: you like you're becoming someone I know now. You know,

347
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,560
Speaker 1: I've known ever for nine and some nine and a

348
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,639
Speaker 1: half years. You know, I know what you know, and

349
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:56,919
Speaker 1: I've only known winter for a year, and and so

350
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,080
Speaker 1: it's it's it is like a process of getting to

351
00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:02,000
Speaker 1: know a person you've just met. It's way more complicated

352
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,880
Speaker 1: and more no more death to it than that. But

353
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,720
Speaker 1: but there's an element of me just going, wow, it's

354
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,879
Speaker 1: just been such a pleasure getting to know you. You go,

355
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:21,800
Speaker 1: it's amazing. You know. I have friends that are like whatever,

356
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,120
Speaker 1: second kid, third kid, you're just less worried that they're

357
00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:28,959
Speaker 1: going to die at every second. And so your chiller,

358
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:32,000
Speaker 1: their chiller isn't even more so with the third Yes,

359
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,480
Speaker 1: my chiller. But also but at this point, you know,

360
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 1: and I used to hear people saying, oh gosh, now

361
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:42,040
Speaker 1: we're outnumbered, and I'm like, yeah, that's exactly right. You're outnumbered.

362
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,200
Speaker 1: So it can't just be mom and dad saving the

363
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,200
Speaker 1: day or where mom and mom or dad or dad

364
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,400
Speaker 1: is just like we need a village now there needs

365
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,520
Speaker 1: to be the village needs to grow. And we also

366
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,399
Speaker 1: have been unschooling, so we have Yeah, we need to

367
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,439
Speaker 1: talk about Okay, I want to go back to first

368
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,400
Speaker 1: explain for anyone listening. I already know, but let's give

369
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:03,080
Speaker 1: a little contact what attachment parenting is. And that's something

370
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 1: you've practiced with all your kids. It's a twenty four

371
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,639
Speaker 1: hour gig. Yeah. Like so, so it was very intuitive

372
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:13,359
Speaker 1: and very you know, the least intellectual thing choice I

373
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 1: could ever make, and I truly didn't. I'd always understood

374
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:20,360
Speaker 1: attachment theory, but attachment parenting and attachment theory we're kind

375
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,720
Speaker 1: of like church and state and they. But I had

376
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,359
Speaker 1: a I'm just going to name drop a little bit,

377
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,360
Speaker 1: but I was talking with Dan Siegel and I said

378
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:30,000
Speaker 1: this attachment parenting. God, I was like, what if the

379
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 1: attachment parents isn't the agenda? If it's if if it's

380
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 1: true that parenting is one of the maybe the only,

381
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:41,400
Speaker 1: in my opinion, the biggest activism there is because it's

382
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:46,800
Speaker 1: where we're instilling values and perceptions and racism or not racism.

383
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:48,879
Speaker 1: You know. This is where it's all the all the

384
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,200
Speaker 1: seas are being planted, you know. And of course we're

385
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,359
Speaker 1: dealing with the nature as well. So you've got the

386
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,439
Speaker 1: beautiful temperament that you're just going to get to know

387
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 1: and see what works, and then you're adding all this information.

388
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:03,200
Speaker 1: So for me, at my parenting is on a very

389
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:07,360
Speaker 1: basic level, it's eye contact, skin on skin responsivity, um

390
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,480
Speaker 1: gentleness and it's actually really high responsivity. And on Instagram

391
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:15,720
Speaker 1: there's you know, gentle parenting, there's responsive parents. You know,

392
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 1: just the idea that you're available and attuned. And that

393
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 1: word a tunement is it? I mean it's the word

394
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 1: of tunement, is it? In parenting? But also in marriage

395
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 1: and best friendship and professional relationships when you're collaborating. If

396
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,399
Speaker 1: we're not at tuned to each other and we're missing

397
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 1: each other like ships passing, there's not a chance for

398
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,840
Speaker 1: that deep connection that will be the you know, the

399
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,360
Speaker 1: hot bed for their whole life. I like to think

400
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:40,480
Speaker 1: that my you know, my husband and I both practice

401
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 1: attachment parenting with our son UM and even still I

402
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 1: don't know if it's because I'm the mother or whatever

403
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,919
Speaker 1: it is, but like my child looks at me and

404
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 1: I know exactly what he wants and needs, Like he

405
00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:56,359
Speaker 1: speaks in a language that maybe not everyone understands, and

406
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 1: I know exactly what he's asking for what he needs,

407
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,199
Speaker 1: and it's because I just it's like we're attached to

408
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,200
Speaker 1: each other. I know, I know him, yes, Like it's

409
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:09,880
Speaker 1: really crazy, Um yeah, well it's telegraphic, right, It's it's

410
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:13,679
Speaker 1: it's this non verbal language. I mean, I mean, Winter

411
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 1: can raise his eyebrow and I'll be like, oh, he

412
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:19,040
Speaker 1: wants to go to the living room. He oh, he

413
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,760
Speaker 1: doesn't like that light? Shut light light up? You know

414
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 1: that's exactly right. And what about this unschooling? Now? What

415
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,679
Speaker 1: is this? I'm fascinated and I think this is major

416
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,320
Speaker 1: during these times. I mean, we are one our kids

417
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 1: physically in a lot of people's circumstances, can't be in school.

418
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:38,159
Speaker 1: And also we're doing a lot of work on this

419
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,720
Speaker 1: podcast on anti racism and also looking at where the

420
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:46,639
Speaker 1: curriculum that I learned. For example, I didn't learn a

421
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,080
Speaker 1: lot of things that I should know. And I like

422
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 1: skill skiing, yeah, life skills, social skills, history like history

423
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,199
Speaker 1: history has been already been revised to high heaven? Do

424
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,480
Speaker 1: we are we gonna find any books with real history?

425
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:04,640
Speaker 1: And no? So so I keep asking experts that come

426
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 1: on the show about, you know, how am I supposed

427
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 1: to school my children? So I'm really curious about what

428
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 1: you're what This unschooling alanttis more than all this business.

429
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,199
Speaker 1: First of all, unschooling. When I would bring that up

430
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 1: with people before it was met with I don't know

431
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,200
Speaker 1: what you're talking about and I don't care to or

432
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 1: I'd hear, wow, that's the ideal, and we just don't

433
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 1: have the band with you know, and I'd say a

434
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 1: really high percentage of us. I mean, we're all working,

435
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:35,240
Speaker 1: and I have this privileged position where I can be

436
00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 1: working at home when I want to and they can

437
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,960
Speaker 1: come on tour with me, and you know, we're we're

438
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 1: an attachment village really, So my ideal situation would be

439
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:47,199
Speaker 1: to mimic what I saw in Fiji years ago. I

440
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:49,200
Speaker 1: was walking down the street and I saw these two there,

441
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,920
Speaker 1: about nine or ten year old boys, and they were

442
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,479
Speaker 1: linked arm and arm linked and just let laughing and

443
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:56,200
Speaker 1: walking down towards the beach. And I turned to them

444
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 1: and I said, where are your grandparents? You know? And

445
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,640
Speaker 1: they just did this waving out waving motion with their

446
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: finger like they're everywhere. Why would you ask us that,

447
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 1: you know? So so I remember thinking, well, that's the

448
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,639
Speaker 1: ideal that you would know that any itch you have,

449
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,960
Speaker 1: whether hey, I want to learn about technology, I want

450
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 1: to be really funny right now, you would know that

451
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,240
Speaker 1: there would would be a village around you that every

452
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,880
Speaker 1: itch could be scratched on some level. So so that's

453
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:23,919
Speaker 1: sort of the philosophical underpinnings. But but in terms of

454
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,639
Speaker 1: what the approach is really like, we loosely SOLI and

455
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 1: I loosely reference the multiple intelligence theory by Howard Gardner.

456
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: You know, things like musical intelligence, physical intelligence, spatial intelligence,

457
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 1: which is design and aesthetic and composition and painting, and

458
00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:42,920
Speaker 1: you know um intra personal, which is the interiority thing

459
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,439
Speaker 1: because for some of us who are highly sensitive to

460
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 1: any percent of people are highly sensitive, which just goes

461
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:53,919
Speaker 1: to say that we are more over stimulated by you know,

462
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 1: outward stimuli based on the fact that we're taking in

463
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 1: something like HSPs taken five hundred pieces of information in

464
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:05,960
Speaker 1: a room. You know, I've added comedic intelligence. There's that's true.

465
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,480
Speaker 1: It's a real thing. When you come in, when you

466
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 1: come across a comedic genius, you're like, oh, that's a

467
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:15,199
Speaker 1: whole section of genius. It's a thing, yes, And I

468
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:18,119
Speaker 1: see it in them before they can speak. You know.

469
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 1: Like the other day, I was saying something to a

470
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 1: couple of teammates that I was working with on a

471
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:23,879
Speaker 1: zoom call and he I was breastfeeding him and I

472
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,000
Speaker 1: said something and I laughed, and he just pulled off

473
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 1: the boob and went, you know, like he's in on

474
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 1: the joke. The joke. So when you so unschooling, you're

475
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:42,919
Speaker 1: looking at your three children could all have genius whatever

476
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,879
Speaker 1: that word means to do, but like in different areas,

477
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 1: Like someone is going to be like a Parker genius

478
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:52,200
Speaker 1: Parker genius, and someone's going to be musical, and someone's

479
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 1: going to be building things with their hands. Building is

480
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,640
Speaker 1: or someone's going to be like a genius people per

481
00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 1: like I'm so good at reading and communicating, you know,

482
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 1: like that's my strong student or whatever it is. And

483
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 1: it is hard to think about how any one school

484
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:13,720
Speaker 1: could well they can't. They can't. They just can't know.

485
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 1: I mean, if you have one person who is in

486
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 1: the sacred position and underpaid um too to teach thirty

487
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 1: people in a room, I mean, how's that even possible?

488
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 1: How could you even corral thirty people in a room?

489
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 1: I couldn't, no way. And I think there's something really

490
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:31,720
Speaker 1: powerful because the attunement and the attachment, the one on

491
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,639
Speaker 1: one and what I do with my kids is I

492
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,760
Speaker 1: watched their eyes basically, So if I'm invested in them

493
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:39,880
Speaker 1: looking at this candle that I'm holding yet their eyes

494
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,160
Speaker 1: are looking over there at the dappling through the tree.

495
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,720
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put that candle down and follow the down

496
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 1: they could, you know, my little agenda. So whenever I

497
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:52,119
Speaker 1: have any kind of moment of teaching curriculum agenda, I

498
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:54,720
Speaker 1: know my parents were both teachers, so I also understand

499
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 1: and respect conventional schooling to some degree. Um, you know what,

500
00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 1: Ever says to me Sometimes it's like, mom, you know

501
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,920
Speaker 1: what if I want to get my doctorate or whatever else,

502
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 1: and I just say, yeah, whatever, whenever you want to

503
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 1: go to school, We're you're going to go to school,

504
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 1: and and if you want to just keep learning outside

505
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:13,679
Speaker 1: of that context, then you will. And I think because

506
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:17,520
Speaker 1: of my direct experience with ongoing education, it has me

507
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,359
Speaker 1: see on schooling as certainly daunting, but in a really

508
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 1: cool way, like, Wow, this is a huge thing to

509
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 1: take on because, as you mentioned earlier, it's like, if

510
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,159
Speaker 1: ever asks me something wakes up in the middle of

511
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 1: and I asked me a question, I'm not going to

512
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 1: blow him off because this is the time he's going

513
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 1: to learn about that dinosaur or you know. I mean,

514
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 1: sometimes we'll table things, you know, and can we talk

515
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 1: about this tomorrow morning over cereals. Yes, this is a

516
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: breakfast conversation. Um, I have this. A lot of us moms,

517
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 1: I think have the I just want to be the

518
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,480
Speaker 1: best mom I can be, and I just want to

519
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 1: protect him from any heart, you know. And then I'm

520
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 1: gonna name it up again. Dancy said, he's supposed to

521
00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,960
Speaker 1: come on this podcast we had. He's been credible, He's

522
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 1: incredible child, He's amazing, and the Brainstorm book on teen

523
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 1: is huge. Okay, I asked Dan. I was like, what

524
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 1: percentage of quote unquote nailing it or being a good

525
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 1: enough parent do we have to be in order to

526
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 1: not like wildly traumatize our children, you know, or or

527
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: keep the He said sixty percent, right, Okay. Yeah. When

528
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 1: I heard sixty, I was like, oh man, I could

529
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 1: do sixty. I took I just literally took a breath

530
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 1: and like let my armpits stop sweating. Like. I just

531
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 1: was like, oh, we could do that. I know that

532
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 1: seven and of course failing every day and then and

533
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 1: then when I heard that number, I was like, oh god, yeah,

534
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 1: we could do that. And basically we don't need to

535
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 1: be a d a hundred percent at a time. No,

536
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 1: we want to be consistent ish and constant ish, and

537
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: we want to do the best we can. And here's

538
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,360
Speaker 1: the thing, you know, John Gottman, Julie Gottman, everyone you

539
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 1: talk about repair life isn't about the fact we're not

540
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 1: going to step at each other's toes or or trigger pain.

541
00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 1: It's how are we going to correct it? How are

542
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 1: we going to repair it? So we are in a

543
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 1: culture here of of high responsivity and high apology in

544
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 1: our house. You here, I'm so sorry, and here's what

545
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 1: I would have done differently, And I didn't know. We

546
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 1: say that like there's about ten apologies a day, and

547
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 1: we just kind of my my attempt here is to

548
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 1: just show how cool it is and how relaxing and

549
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 1: how empowering it is to take responsibility. Like if I

550
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 1: broke that, I just go, oh, I broke it. I'm

551
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 1: so sorry. Oh it's okay, sweetie. I'm sad, but you

552
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 1: know that must be so great for I was going

553
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:40,160
Speaker 1: to ask about the three kids and how you introduced

554
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:42,320
Speaker 1: them to each other, because I'm I'm kind of in

555
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 1: a panic of like, oh, I'm about to take my

556
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 1: three family unit plus a dog to four. Um My

557
00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 1: son is so it's going to be so great for

558
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 1: him to have a Similka. He's the star of the show,

559
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 1: and he's not keen on sharing and doesn't get a

560
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 1: lot of practice. Right now, I'm the right way the sharing. Ever.

561
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 1: Notice I have a thing around sharing where picture you

562
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 1: and I just met, and that closet behind you looks

563
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 1: really fun. By the way, imagine I just walked into

564
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,640
Speaker 1: that closet and I just grabbed a couple of shirts

565
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 1: and you had just bought them, and you've never worn

566
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 1: them before, and I just grabbed them and took them.

567
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 1: That would be like, go to jail's social not okay, nous.

568
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,479
Speaker 1: Yet we're we're trying to teach our kids who just

569
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 1: got a new toy that they're supposed to share. And

570
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: I what I noticed is people share naturally organically, and

571
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 1: sometimes they don't want to share a kind of like adults.

572
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,719
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'll share my burger, my veggie burger with Soli

573
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 1: and sometimes if you come snear mails get away from you.

574
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 1: I don't touch my total sense And I'm like cool,

575
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 1: Like I don't care if Albi doesn't share and says

576
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 1: I don't want to share right now, But I'm not

577
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 1: cool with the latest and I'm going to hit you.

578
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 1: Oh yes, but I will say that if they're going

579
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 1: to put it in words, that's way better than them

580
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 1: just going bam and and it's a rite of passage

581
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 1: for them. Did you say that Elv's three right now? Yeah,

582
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 1: he's gonna be three, it's almost three. I mean, this

583
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 1: is the time where they're learning how to punch, right.

584
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 1: Punching is the greatest. It's just that if we punch

585
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 1: each other, no one's gonna ever want to hang out

586
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 1: with us. You know, we can't. We can't really hit

587
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,719
Speaker 1: other people. But boy is it fun to hit. So

588
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 1: I've I've bought a bunch of mats for on EXI

589
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 1: the same. I'm like, you hit that out of the couch,

590
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:29,480
Speaker 1: hit that pillow, hit it. I'm like, show them because

591
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 1: otherwise it will be it just doesn't really connect until

592
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 1: I go like this, honey and a rail on that couch,

593
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:38,360
Speaker 1: you know, and there's dust, Like I do that tonight.

594
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 1: I want you all to think about me being like

595
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 1: Atlantis told me that I have to instruct Albie and

596
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hit model model the punch that is awesome

597
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 1: and gets it out of your body. But doesn't hurt

598
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 1: a human being or an animal or a plant, yes,

599
00:32:54,280 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 1: or punch my plant. How did you introduce the new children? How?

600
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 1: How how were they there at the birds and so

601
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 1: it was seamless. Did you talk to your children as

602
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,120
Speaker 1: soon as you got pregnant that another one was coming?

603
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 1: Did you wait? Okay? So I told ever about Onyx,

604
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 1: and then it became self evident. There's this large belly

605
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 1: my mom hasn't there's some someone kicking in there. He

606
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 1: was neutral about it while I was pregnant. After she came,

607
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 1: he pulled, he pulled him soul and I aside at

608
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 1: one point and said this whole Onyx thing, I'm not

609
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:44,040
Speaker 1: into it, and then he was like and then okay,

610
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 1: so I'm laughing. But it was actually quite heartbreaking. So

611
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 1: please know that it was really hard for me. And

612
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 1: I think the biggest amount of crying I did was

613
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 1: right before Onyx was born, where I was grieving that

614
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:57,960
Speaker 1: I had been alone with my baby boy and it

615
00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 1: was us, you know, and then all of a sudden,

616
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 1: and there's gonna be this other person and how am

617
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 1: I going to navigate this? And and the truth is

618
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 1: some moments were fine, and then other moments have you know,

619
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 1: saw me nursing Onyx at night and and Ever screaming

620
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:15,440
Speaker 1: for my attention, and then Onyx screening, and then it

621
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 1: was compounded when Winter came to. So there are moments

622
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna sugarcoat this the thanks that are just

623
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 1: terrible where I'm standing there and I'm nursing Winter and

624
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:27,200
Speaker 1: he's crying, and then Onyx wants me and she's crying,

625
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 1: and then Ever's crying because everyone's crying, and uh, it's

626
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:34,360
Speaker 1: the worst. And I mean there's a tiny bit of

627
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,319
Speaker 1: comedy in it, but usually in retrospect the comedy comes in.

628
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 1: But after a while they start to get used to

629
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 1: each other and then that's when they start like wrestling

630
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,560
Speaker 1: and oh no, no, you can't touch your face. And

631
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: we have the boundaries thing, so stuff, what you're thinking,

632
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:53,320
Speaker 1: what you're feeling, and your body is a no touch.

633
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 1: You can't tell Lonx, but she's thinking you can't. You

634
00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 1: can't argue with what someone's feeling. They're just feeling that

635
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:03,600
Speaker 1: feeling and don't touch their stuff. So it's so genius.

636
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:05,439
Speaker 1: I read this in your I think it was well

637
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 1: listed on case here, but these four boundaries are great

638
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 1: where did you did you make that up? I did

639
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:12,480
Speaker 1: because I thought about where are the boundaries really? I

640
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 1: mean if there were, if it more adult conversation, I'd

641
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 1: say in physical sexual right, but just saying physical you can't.

642
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 1: You can't touch me, you can't grab my ass, you

643
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:25,759
Speaker 1: can't you know um. And there's there's stages of development

644
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:27,840
Speaker 1: where they need to be omnipotent, where they need the

645
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:30,880
Speaker 1: whole world to revolve around them and it's appropriate. And

646
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:33,760
Speaker 1: then what people have called the Terrible twos, I actually

647
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 1: think they're it's the three. Yeah, it was a joke

648
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 1: that was fine too, was Kumbaya fine? I'm looking at

649
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 1: three is like, holy crap. Sometimes my husband and I

650
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 1: look at our son and we're like, is he back today?

651
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,799
Speaker 1: Like is he? Adam will be like did he wake

652
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:55,480
Speaker 1: up this morning? What are his eyes look like? Does

653
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 1: he look like our son? And I'm like, he's still

654
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 1: in one of these is among us and they're experimenting

655
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 1: also with realizing that they are separate beings and that

656
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:07,959
Speaker 1: the world doesn't revolve around them as much as they thought.

657
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:12,680
Speaker 1: So that's a pretty big grief. Protest was like, oh no,

658
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 1: I can't tell me about soul I is you've said

659
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 1: he's like a modern What did we say, he's a

660
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 1: modern man? He's a modern man? Man? That was it? Yes, man,

661
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 1: that's the world. I knew. It was a complicated one partner.

662
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:39,640
Speaker 1: I don't know, but okay, he's a modern man who's

663
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:44,400
Speaker 1: very very involved. My husband is too. Was it inherent

664
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:46,239
Speaker 1: when you fell in love that you knew this guy

665
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 1: was going to really show the hell up? I saw

666
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 1: on your Instagram you just went on a date. Well done,

667
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 1: haven't That was the best hour and a half I've

668
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 1: had in three years. What we actually talked, we actually

669
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:03,759
Speaker 1: finished a sentence. Oh my god, amazing. That's gonna guys

670
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 1: are gonna you got a whole three years because we

671
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 1: don't need to see each other again. Yeah, like that's fighting. Um. Yeah,

672
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 1: So going on the date was really important. And I

673
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 1: think what what I loved about Soli I kind of

674
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 1: dated against type because I was often dating people who

675
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 1: were not comfortable with the part of me that was

676
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:23,799
Speaker 1: in the driver's seat. I'm an alpha. I love to

677
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 1: make decisions. I love being a leader, I love being

678
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:29,840
Speaker 1: a CEO, I love managing, you know, so I would

679
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 1: date a lot of people who were more interested in

680
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 1: the conventional stereotypical like man alpha woman beta. So I

681
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 1: had to start dating against type. And then I researched,

682
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:43,680
Speaker 1: like a like a rabbit hole chaser, what kinds of

683
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:47,040
Speaker 1: marriages that were modeling what I wanted? Right, So I'd

684
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 1: seen so many that we're modeling what would never work

685
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,360
Speaker 1: for me. If I wanted to keep a career, stay expressed,

686
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:56,359
Speaker 1: be an activist, be of service, be a homemaker, and

687
00:37:56,440 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 1: keep keep all these forms of self expression alive. There

688
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,840
Speaker 1: is no way I could have been pardon me, with

689
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:08,319
Speaker 1: a with a conventional heterosexual man running off, bringing home

690
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 1: the proverbial bacon, and then me bringing up the three kids.

691
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:14,840
Speaker 1: It's just that this, this lifetime is not that was

692
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:18,680
Speaker 1: not gonna work. So basically I dated against type. And

693
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:21,560
Speaker 1: his mom held down two full time jobs and his

694
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,320
Speaker 1: dad did a lot of the heavy lifting around parenting.

695
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 1: So there was nothing strange about this too, Soula. In fact,

696
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 1: it was normal, And I think had we attempted to

697
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,000
Speaker 1: do the other version, the more sort of stereotypical version,

698
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 1: I think he wouldn't have been into that. So he loves,

699
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,080
Speaker 1: he loves the team thing. He loves that we are

700
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 1: I call it proximity snugs like that. We're just around

701
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,759
Speaker 1: each other. Like my three kids right now know that

702
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 1: if they really needed me, they just come out here.

703
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,239
Speaker 1: Of course, so it's the best. My kid too, I'm like,

704
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,080
Speaker 1: he's during a nap. I'm like, you know, like you

705
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,400
Speaker 1: need me come into the closet. Yeah, he could come

706
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 1: into my he knows where I am. But I feel

707
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 1: very similar when I for you know, Adam, my husband

708
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 1: and I we've been together for fifteen years and we

709
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:02,319
Speaker 1: both started super struggling artists, and um, when I got

710
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 1: my first like a bout of success. I can't tell

711
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:07,640
Speaker 1: you how many of his guy friends took him out

712
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,719
Speaker 1: to lunch to ask him if he's okay, And my

713
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 1: husband was like what why, like yeah, because he had

714
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:17,440
Speaker 1: no clue what the hell they were talking about, Like

715
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 1: he was like, what is even happening? Like, and now

716
00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 1: we have this big joke. I don't do the cooking

717
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:25,440
Speaker 1: and Adam does the cooking, and my child, this all

718
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:28,319
Speaker 1: of quarantine has been like right now, I think my

719
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 1: son is very attached to me because he knows I'm

720
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 1: having another baby and he prefers me in some situations,

721
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:38,320
Speaker 1: and so he'll say it is yellow, Daddy and say, Daddy,

722
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:42,720
Speaker 1: get back in the kitchen because because Adam cooks most

723
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:46,560
Speaker 1: of the time. And I'm like, this is amazing, throwing

724
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:50,400
Speaker 1: everything on its face. I love it. You and your

725
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 1: husband are both musicians. I just got to ask, like,

726
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:56,280
Speaker 1: because I can't imagine a rock star's life, your kids

727
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:58,640
Speaker 1: come on tour with you everything. That was the plan

728
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:01,279
Speaker 1: for this tour that's not no longer. Yeah, and I

729
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:03,919
Speaker 1: had tickets for the Eilwall bomb, so man, man, let's

730
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:07,640
Speaker 1: let's just say it's happening again, and we're um, there

731
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 1: are some postmonement dates already set. But you know, we'll

732
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:14,839
Speaker 1: see what happens when we're making plans, see what life

733
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 1: has faith. But but normally you would take them on

734
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,400
Speaker 1: the road with you. Yeah, they come with us everywhere.

735
00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 1: And we actually were in Europe before COVID. We were

736
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 1: there for a month, so that was our first taste of,

737
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 1: you know, three kids on the road. And there were

738
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:30,920
Speaker 1: some former tour managers whom I had worked with, who said, oh, Andice,

739
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 1: you're never going to be able to do this, and

740
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 1: I there's a part of me that agreed with them,

741
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 1: and I think we can do it. We'll just make

742
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,600
Speaker 1: it work, you know. I mean sometimes I'm breastfeeding and

743
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 1: then I run on stage and and sometimes the kids

744
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 1: are backstage. I remember one time I was taking a

745
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 1: flight from the hotel to go do a show and

746
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:52,800
Speaker 1: Onyx was particularly like, mom, don't go, and I said, Okay,

747
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:55,279
Speaker 1: come with me, and she just jumped into my arms

748
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:58,320
Speaker 1: and literally was in my arms all night on the plane,

749
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:00,680
Speaker 1: on the way home everything and she just had she

750
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 1: had a blast. So don't you think they learn so

751
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:07,879
Speaker 1: much through social interaction? Yeah, I just think they learned

752
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,279
Speaker 1: so much. I had the same thing. I was. Yeah,

753
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:14,360
Speaker 1: I've shot all over certain things, and I've come up

754
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:17,719
Speaker 1: against some you know, heads of things. Never in Shonda Land,

755
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:20,040
Speaker 1: thank god, Shanna Rhymes is like the greatest place to

756
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 1: ever work in the world. As far as like, oh

757
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 1: you want to bring your kids, Yeah, yeah, yeah, We'll

758
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:27,439
Speaker 1: set up a whole, a nursery. We got a whole,

759
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 1: we got people, and you can breastfeed whenever you want,

760
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:33,840
Speaker 1: Like it's incredible. But that's not exactly how it is everywhere.

761
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 1: Um and I usually have to fight, like I'll be like,

762
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 1: oh no, no, you don't understand. Like I've never been

763
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 1: away from my kid for more than a night. So like,

764
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:44,640
Speaker 1: that's not that's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen.

765
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 1: So we got to figure out how we're all going exactly. Um,

766
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 1: that's an attachment mom right there by the way there. Um. Quickly,

767
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 1: as we wrap up, I want to ask you about

768
00:41:56,520 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 1: spirituality with your kids, meditating with your kids. It's have

769
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,360
Speaker 1: you been able to hold onto any of that in COVID?

770
00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 1: I know it's a big part of your life. Is

771
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 1: it a big part of your kids lives? Um? We have,

772
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:12,399
Speaker 1: it's without it being wildly formalized. There are times where

773
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 1: I'll sit with my kids and I have a ton

774
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 1: of um, what do you call it? Bowls, sound bowles,

775
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 1: what do you call sound? I don't even know what

776
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:21,960
Speaker 1: to call them, yet I use them, um, and the

777
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,480
Speaker 1: Tibetan bowls. So I have those all around the floor

778
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 1: in my room, and little music makers and books and

779
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 1: so my altar is literally at this point become a

780
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:35,320
Speaker 1: family altar. And I remember when that first happened. I

781
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:38,319
Speaker 1: just thought, my last vestige of things for me has

782
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:41,319
Speaker 1: been eaten by the system, you know. So I was

783
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 1: like horrified. Then I thought, well, isn't this amazing? Though

784
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 1: there's everything super I mean, it's it's integrated. I just

785
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 1: had to come up with maybe I'll build a little

786
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:52,319
Speaker 1: thing on the roof of the house. And that's real.

787
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:56,359
Speaker 1: Go hi. It's like we're um just to get ten

788
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:58,880
Speaker 1: minutes sometimes or two minutes not you know, it's I

789
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:01,480
Speaker 1: haven't showered without some cute little hand knocking on the

790
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 1: shower door, and yeah, yeah, it's like so um so.

791
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:10,880
Speaker 1: In terms of the spiritual practice, we do things like, hey,

792
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,919
Speaker 1: you know, if I'm watching an animated show with Ever

793
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:16,399
Speaker 1: as an example, I'll say, oh, he he really thinks

794
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 1: they're you're they're divided there, that's too bad. Or oh

795
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 1: he's he's actually he's really upset and instead of saying

796
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 1: he's sad, he's saying he's angry. Isn't that interesting? Or

797
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 1: and and you know, gratitude is a big sort of

798
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:31,279
Speaker 1: epicenter of the spiritual practice for us, realizing that, you know,

799
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:34,320
Speaker 1: conflict is growth trying to happen. Yesterday, Onyx was saying,

800
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:37,279
Speaker 1: why are you and Ever picker me? You know, I said, oh,

801
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,400
Speaker 1: we're just kind of having a heated exchanged and conflict

802
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 1: is okay. It's just we're conflict. Means we're trying to

803
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 1: grow together, you know. And she was like, oh, so

804
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,360
Speaker 1: I don't know if the answer I should write that down.

805
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:51,240
Speaker 1: I'm a this is good. This see this is really

806
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:55,160
Speaker 1: good Jim James dot com. This is really good. So good.

807
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 1: But spiritual practice. I mean we've had funny moments where

808
00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 1: I'd be in front of my I have little altars

809
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:02,160
Speaker 1: that I that I bought in Japan years ago that

810
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:04,240
Speaker 1: I just have all my stuff and it's all my kids,

811
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:09,759
Speaker 1: you know, us posterity stuff. And so ever, once was

812
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 1: with me and I was I lit a candle, so

813
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:14,279
Speaker 1: I was sitting there and he just started oming and

814
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 1: I don't I'm not an omer. I love home, but

815
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:22,600
Speaker 1: I don't know, and uh, he just started Oh you know.

816
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 1: He was about a year and a half old. So

817
00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:26,960
Speaker 1: I think it's just you know, they're like, oh, this room,

818
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 1: this is the room we we we get quiet in.

819
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 1: And to say that they are able to meditate is

820
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:34,319
Speaker 1: just not true because no, but you bring in a

821
00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 1: moment of breath or a moment of a sound to body.

822
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:41,440
Speaker 1: So I do a lot of um squeezing and just

823
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 1: you know, this is your eyelid. This is your gluteous maximus.

824
00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:48,359
Speaker 1: This is your elbow, This is your vagina, This is

825
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:50,839
Speaker 1: your toe, this is your knee. So there's a lot

826
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 1: of like um anatomy lessons, trying to neutralize the genitals

827
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 1: for sure, and just neutralize anything where there's usually shame

828
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 1: and beauty into it before or they even before they

829
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:05,000
Speaker 1: can even speak, right, So naked as often as possible

830
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:08,279
Speaker 1: if it's weather allowing. Yeah, just so, so a lot

831
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:11,279
Speaker 1: of the spiritual for me, my spirituality is so inextricably

832
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:14,600
Speaker 1: linked with all the human stuff, Like you know those

833
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:17,200
Speaker 1: that transpersonal psychology era. I think it was like in

834
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:20,360
Speaker 1: the seventies where it started to slowly become more integrated

835
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 1: and popular as models to bring in science and neurobiology

836
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 1: and um attachment theory and you know, a conflict resolution,

837
00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:33,439
Speaker 1: you know, like just just so many amazing resources out there.

838
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:35,279
Speaker 1: And then at the end of the day, it's just

839
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:37,880
Speaker 1: an intuitive thing. You know, we all to some degree,

840
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 1: those of us who have had neglect or abuse in

841
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:42,120
Speaker 1: our past, we want to snip that legacy of abuse

842
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 1: and not pass it on to our children. So I'm

843
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:47,879
Speaker 1: constantly in therapy to going like what am I projecting,

844
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 1: and some of it because I'm an EmPATH, I feel

845
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,480
Speaker 1: they're feelings so deeply, so it's like, by the end

846
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 1: of any given day, they're so beautifully emotional, and we're

847
00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 1: in an environment where I want to let them know

848
00:45:57,719 --> 00:45:59,960
Speaker 1: that they can feel the emotion all the way through

849
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:01,759
Speaker 1: you to the end, that it won't be snipped and

850
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 1: then stored in their bodies. But I am so depleted

851
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 1: because everyone is so freaking emotional around here. I'm containing

852
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 1: so fiercely all day long that at night, I mean,

853
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:18,000
Speaker 1: thank god, there's no camera. Do you do for self care?

854
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:21,319
Speaker 1: This has also been Oh that's good. That's been a

855
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,920
Speaker 1: big COVID mom thing too, of like, how are we

856
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 1: supposed to, yeah, care for everybody in our home front

857
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:32,000
Speaker 1: um and their anxiety and the state of the world

858
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:34,839
Speaker 1: and the state of our you know, of America, and

859
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:37,480
Speaker 1: but how do you take care of you? Because again,

860
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 1: like I keep reading, like, you can't show up if

861
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:44,760
Speaker 1: you don't take care of yourself. That's not true. Horrible

862
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:48,200
Speaker 1: at that, Yeah, that's not true. That's complete. Yeah, because

863
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,439
Speaker 1: I don't take care of myself at all, and I'm

864
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 1: shown up for everybody else. I haven't taken a bath. Yeah.

865
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 1: I also I don't like them, but I haven't met.

866
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 1: When people are like are you meditating? Are you journaling,

867
00:46:58,239 --> 00:47:01,759
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, guys, loss of water. Yeah, Like I'm

868
00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 1: like a fisk iced green tea is the biggest treat

869
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 1: I've had in days. Because I was like, I am

870
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 1: talking to Alattis Morrison. No, I, um, you know you

871
00:47:14,719 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 1: know that analogy or that addit or whatever you call it. Um,

872
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:22,799
Speaker 1: the airplane thing flying down? You play yours? If I

873
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:25,240
Speaker 1: hear if I, if I hear that one more, because

874
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:29,799
Speaker 1: it's because you know yourself that's true. Well, here's the thing. Ideally,

875
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 1: it's true. Ideally it's in a perfect world, perfect whatever

876
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:36,919
Speaker 1: that even means. Um and and it shows to be true.

877
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 1: Like I'll turn to my son ever and say, listen,

878
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 1: I am cranky mom right now, and my behavior is horrible, book,

879
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:44,760
Speaker 1: And if I go to my room for ten minutes,

880
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 1: I'm going to come out with a huge smile on

881
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:48,160
Speaker 1: my face so excited to do what you want to do.

882
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:49,799
Speaker 1: But if I try to do it now, I'm just

883
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:52,879
Speaker 1: going to be the worst. And he's like, enjoy your time,

884
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:57,520
Speaker 1: enjoy your ten minutes. He sets his timer so that

885
00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:00,120
Speaker 1: so that he can feel that reliability. I'll just say,

886
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:02,880
Speaker 1: set your timer for seven minutes. You know. Sometimes I

887
00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:04,960
Speaker 1: even say, set your timer for two minutes. That's how

888
00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:08,400
Speaker 1: diary it gets to give me two minutes. But the

889
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:11,680
Speaker 1: self care thing, to be honest, the question for me

890
00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 1: becomes with that much containment all day long, because there's

891
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:18,799
Speaker 1: for me and likely for you too, there's professional boundary containment,

892
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:22,200
Speaker 1: there's I mean, there's constant containment as a so called

893
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:25,799
Speaker 1: mature mom adult. So at night it's like, how do

894
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:29,359
Speaker 1: I you know, when no one's around and it's silent um,

895
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:32,600
Speaker 1: Sometimes I just have to stretch get the bolsters out,

896
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:35,480
Speaker 1: you know. And also I have this sort of wedding

897
00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:38,319
Speaker 1: smile on my face all day, so at night I

898
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 1: have to make you I just looked not happy because

899
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 1: everyone's looking at me, right, baby, Everyone's looky to see

900
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:48,719
Speaker 1: if mommy's happy. So I don't want to vent your

901
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:51,839
Speaker 1: eyes and face ablaze for your children to keep their

902
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 1: eyes and faces ablaze, And so at night you really

903
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 1: just have to like the opposite of a blaze like

904
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:02,439
Speaker 1: face mask. Yes, and I cracked myself up because I'll

905
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:05,320
Speaker 1: literally walk around with this scowl on my face because

906
00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:07,120
Speaker 1: that's a big no note. During the day, you don't

907
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:09,719
Speaker 1: want to walk around with a big scowl. So so

908
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:12,799
Speaker 1: at night is when everything you know, compensatory lee sort

909
00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:15,719
Speaker 1: of comes to life. Bolsters are my best friends, pardon

910
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 1: of me. So that's like soft ones, hard ones, medium

911
00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:23,160
Speaker 1: soft hard ones. Um, I have a hot mat. It's

912
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 1: slightly crazy, but it's it's saved my life. A biomat.

913
00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:29,960
Speaker 1: It's just hot amethyst crystals and you just lay on,

914
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:32,480
Speaker 1: just even for two minutes before I go to sleep,

915
00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:35,080
Speaker 1: because it's like a hug, right, because this mom's it's like,

916
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:38,040
Speaker 1: where's my bosom? I want to I want to sneak

917
00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:40,440
Speaker 1: into someone's armpit and fall asleep there too, you know.

918
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:42,960
Speaker 1: And my husband and I are just like barely holding

919
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 1: it together. You just off down the hall of meeting,

920
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:50,360
Speaker 1: you know. So Mothering the Mother was was a sweet

921
00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:52,800
Speaker 1: book that I really enjoyed. But the idea of mothering

922
00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:55,799
Speaker 1: the mother, I don't know that mothering the mother it's

923
00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 1: a you know, And I think what happened is that

924
00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:00,319
Speaker 1: there used to be such a villageful now us right,

925
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:03,359
Speaker 1: So the grandparents, Grandma was just taking care of the mom,

926
00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 1: and then they take the baby, and and now because

927
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:09,880
Speaker 1: we're so isolated and then triplely compounded by pandemic time.

928
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:13,279
Speaker 1: I mean, so I think about women postpartum. I mean,

929
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:15,720
Speaker 1: I'm included in this, but I do. There's some people

930
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:18,720
Speaker 1: here who I can lean on a little bit, thank God.

931
00:50:19,239 --> 00:50:21,719
Speaker 1: But I think about people who are super isolated, and

932
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:23,920
Speaker 1: it's just not how we were meant to raise our

933
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 1: families and our children. No. I keep thinking about those

934
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 1: the boys in Fiji, and I'm just like, that's it,

935
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 1: um very quickly. What do you hope to teach your

936
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:39,759
Speaker 1: kids the most in life? You know? I mean I

937
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:45,680
Speaker 1: think about the stages of development, So I would say safety, freedom,

938
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:51,879
Speaker 1: self expression, and competence and and cutting slack for our

939
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:54,799
Speaker 1: own human nous, feeling the feelings all the way through,

940
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:57,640
Speaker 1: and that we need each other, that we're relational creatures,

941
00:50:57,640 --> 00:50:59,399
Speaker 1: and that we need each other and we'll die without

942
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:05,839
Speaker 1: each other. M hmm. That's so beautiful, I am. I mean,

943
00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:10,400
Speaker 1: I don't even know it. Is there any other guys?

944
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:14,000
Speaker 1: If you have not watched the Ablaze video, if you

945
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 1: have not gotten the album, such Pretty Forks in the Road,

946
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:21,160
Speaker 1: for all of our moms listening, I know you weren't

947
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 1: speaking to me personally, but I felt like you were

948
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 1: speaking and that's that is the gift of your talent

949
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:33,959
Speaker 1: um and how you reach all of us through twenty

950
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:40,600
Speaker 1: five plus years of a career. I mean, that's bananas, um.

951
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:43,120
Speaker 1: And also to just be able to see someone do

952
00:51:43,160 --> 00:51:45,160
Speaker 1: what you do and like, I was just so inspired

953
00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:47,399
Speaker 1: by all the alpha stuff and running a business and

954
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 1: being a mom and and showing us those things because

955
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:55,839
Speaker 1: I think it's really important for us women to see that. Yes,

956
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:59,480
Speaker 1: and you're doing it beautifully. Yeah, I mean that's our

957
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:06,839
Speaker 1: fix you right now, they're like wide trauma. Yeah, that's right.

958
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Alanis Morrison for coming on Katie's Crib.

959
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:14,360
Speaker 1: I wish you the best of luck and I cannot

960
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:17,640
Speaker 1: wait to see the tour when it comes. I had

961
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:21,080
Speaker 1: tickets for Jagged Little Pill. The soundtrack of the Broadway

962
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:23,480
Speaker 1: show is the greatest thing I've ever sung at the

963
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:31,000
Speaker 1: top of my mouth. Um, it's so great. I'm so

964
00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 1: inspired by you. I really think you're the shit. I

965
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:38,600
Speaker 1: don't have words like you do, but I just think

966
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:42,040
Speaker 1: you're incredible. Oh my gosh. Well you're an inspiration to

967
00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:44,799
Speaker 1: me too, and I'm I'm so happy to be on

968
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:46,400
Speaker 1: this show, and I just want to thank you for

969
00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:50,279
Speaker 1: all the women that you're empathizing with and validating and

970
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:53,280
Speaker 1: giving hope to and just letting everyone know that it's okay.

971
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:57,239
Speaker 1: We're especially this unschooling time, like so many parents I

972
00:52:57,280 --> 00:52:59,839
Speaker 1: know are just taking our own asses, and I'm just

973
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:03,759
Speaker 1: my first thought is, just totally cut yourself from slack.

974
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:05,879
Speaker 1: Your children are going to keep learning, They're gonna thrive,

975
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 1: they might even learn more. Dreams my kids learning way more.

976
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:12,880
Speaker 1: I'm convinced, like he's never been so happy to have

977
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:18,760
Speaker 1: both parents like kicking around, avail, attentive, and the education

978
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:21,680
Speaker 1: is so catered to their you know, their impulse and

979
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:24,879
Speaker 1: their curiosity. I mean, there's nothing better than that. So

980
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:26,839
Speaker 1: I would just say to any parent, I just cut

981
00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:30,200
Speaker 1: yourself some slack and know that everything is going to

982
00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:34,359
Speaker 1: be okay. It is going to be okay. It's gonna

983
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:40,840
Speaker 1: be okay. Guys, Yes, News Report, It's gonna be okay.

984
00:53:41,239 --> 00:53:44,280
Speaker 1: Thank you Alanis Morrison for coming on Katie's Crib You guys,

985
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:47,080
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening. Tell your friends subscribe,

986
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:50,680
Speaker 1: Email me any questions, comments, concerns. Katie's Crib at Shonda

987
00:53:50,760 --> 00:54:01,240
Speaker 1: land dot com. Katie Scream is a production of Shonda

988
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 1: land Audio in partnership with I heart Radio. For more

989
00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:06,919
Speaker 1: podcasts from Shonda land Audio, visit the I Heart Radio app,

990
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

991
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:16,160
Speaker 1: I Want to Watch Watch