1 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:06,880 Speaker 1: Comedy Saved Me. Hey everyone, Welcome back to Comedy Saved Me. 2 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,559 Speaker 1: I'm Lynn Hoffman, and today's guest has spent her career 3 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:14,200 Speaker 1: proving that the most painful moments in life make the 4 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,520 Speaker 1: best material ever, which is exactly what she's done with 5 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:20,840 Speaker 1: her brand new book. My guest today is Kelsey Dara, 6 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:26,640 Speaker 1: content creator, writer, filmmaker, comedian, and Amazon best selling author. 7 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:30,200 Speaker 2: Offer that's a offer, Offer, Jesse Bezos, give me money. 8 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:30,520 Speaker 3: Yeah. 9 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,919 Speaker 1: Of her first book, Joan Effing Panic, the shit they 10 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:37,000 Speaker 1: don't tell you in therapy about anxiety disorder, panic attacks, 11 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:41,000 Speaker 1: and depression, which amazing in and of itself. She has 12 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,559 Speaker 1: a brand new book out though, called Don't Do What 13 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:47,600 Speaker 1: I Did, break Up and Bounce Back. She's gonna top 14 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:51,320 Speaker 1: her first bestseller with another bestseller. This isn't your typical 15 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 1: healing journey book. By the way. It's brutally honest, laugh 16 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,880 Speaker 1: out loud, funny as she always is, and throws out 17 00:00:56,920 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 1: basically everything the self help world has told you about healing, 18 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:05,360 Speaker 1: just tosses it aside. Kelsey Blend's comedy memoir with real 19 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,800 Speaker 1: psychology and practical advice to walk readers through heartbreak and 20 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:12,240 Speaker 1: instead of romanticizing the loser who broke your heart. She 21 00:01:12,319 --> 00:01:16,000 Speaker 1: shows you how to actually rebuild your life. Yes, it's true, 22 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 1: you can. She's referred to as the Big Sister of 23 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,840 Speaker 1: mental health on the Internet. This is so cool, and 24 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: she's built one of the most engaged mental health communities 25 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,679 Speaker 1: on TikTok and Instagram with get this, an average of 26 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: fourteen million views for each video she posts. This is insane. 27 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 1: The hysterically funny, uplifting, inspiring Kelsey Darra coming up next 28 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: on coming to Save Me? Are you excited? 29 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,440 Speaker 2: That was really fun? Listen? 30 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: Are you impressed with yourself? That's what I want to know. 31 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, I think I needed that, 32 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:49,880 Speaker 2: Like the Lexapro wasn't hitting as herd today and I 33 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 2: think you just save me the top up off serotonin. 34 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,640 Speaker 2: Then I need it because now I'm like, I'm horny 35 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:55,280 Speaker 2: for myself. 36 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:55,680 Speaker 1: Thank you. 37 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 2: That was so nice of you. 38 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Well, it's true. You really are doing 39 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 1: a huge job out there with helping people with their 40 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 1: mental health, which is why it's so perfect to have 41 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,080 Speaker 1: you on the show. However, we do have to pay 42 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,320 Speaker 1: a couple of bills here, so let's take a quick 43 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 1: break regroup, she can hug herself a little bit right 44 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:24,640 Speaker 1: back with Kelsey Dara Comedy Saved Me. Kelsey boy, you 45 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,640 Speaker 1: really are spreading a lot of love and laughter and 46 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 1: great important advice far and wide in this world. Welcome 47 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 1: to comedy save me to share it here with us. 48 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:36,600 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me. You're so kind 49 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,640 Speaker 2: and your also, your voice is so soothing, My god, 50 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 2: I can listen to you all day read the dictionary. 51 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,640 Speaker 1: Well, thank you for saying that. I guess I should 52 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,960 Speaker 1: sound decent. I'd do that for a living. I've been 53 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,360 Speaker 1: doing that for a living for a long time. 54 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 2: You know, it doesn't stop you when you have a biting, 55 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:56,200 Speaker 2: annoying voice. As every comment or sometimes still likes to 56 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:59,960 Speaker 2: say every now and then, my voice is so anti 57 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,240 Speaker 2: radio podcast. And I really just said up yours and 58 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 2: did it anyway. 59 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: Oh, I don't think so at all. I think you 60 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,640 Speaker 1: have a great voice. I was watching a lot of 61 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:11,560 Speaker 1: your clips and even your characters they're they're just so funny. 62 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:13,960 Speaker 1: But you have a great voice. I used to think 63 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: I was a boy when I was a kid. I 64 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:19,639 Speaker 1: was angry at myself because I sounded like a man 65 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: when I was little and. 66 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,119 Speaker 2: I love it. It's very sexy. 67 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:24,960 Speaker 1: Thanks. I turned it around. I was like, well, I'm 68 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,160 Speaker 1: going to make some money with that man's voice. 69 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,880 Speaker 2: Funny. I mean that just like that just lands with 70 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 2: exactly what you guys are doing, which is like the 71 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 2: stuff that we think we used to hate and like, 72 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,240 Speaker 2: wasn't insecurity now? Or like how can we capitalize on this? 73 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 1: Yes? Yes? What was the moment that you realized that 74 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,560 Speaker 1: your breakup story needed to become a book not just 75 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,560 Speaker 1: a rant to your friends? Yeah? 76 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 2: Well, probably because my friends were sick and tired of 77 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:53,880 Speaker 2: hearing them. They were like, we can't keep doing this 78 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,600 Speaker 2: every two to three years with a breakup cals. No, 79 00:03:56,640 --> 00:04:02,000 Speaker 2: they're great. I think it was probably because I, you know, 80 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 2: for many years, have projected like a pretty confident, like 81 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 2: self assured person on the internet, Like I like to 82 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:14,440 Speaker 2: think that that's what I give and have run with 83 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,919 Speaker 2: for my whole career. But something that I was really 84 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:21,159 Speaker 2: hiding from followers and the Internet was the way that 85 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 2: breakups would collapse me, like absolutely ruin me in a 86 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 2: way where I didn't feel like myself, and I felt 87 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:31,320 Speaker 2: so unlike myself in fact, that I didn't even want 88 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 2: to make content around it. Like I was so embarrassed 89 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 2: about who I became during heartbreak that it almost was 90 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:43,039 Speaker 2: like annoying at Like, at some point in my mid thirties, 91 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:45,640 Speaker 2: I was like, I gotta figure this out, Like I 92 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 2: really I got curious and figured, you know, the best 93 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:53,359 Speaker 2: way I know how to do more like long form 94 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:56,359 Speaker 2: content actually is with writing. And so I was like, 95 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 2: I think I gotta take this as like an assignment 96 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,600 Speaker 2: to myself to figure it out and bring my followers 97 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,920 Speaker 2: with me. And then, of course, you know, as soon 98 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 2: as I did decide to be a little bit vulnerable 99 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,520 Speaker 2: and post about my big breakup, it you know did 100 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,120 Speaker 2: really well and it was something that people still message 101 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 2: me about today, and I went, okay, this is this 102 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,719 Speaker 2: is something and you know, that's what happened in my 103 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:22,599 Speaker 2: decade earlier content about mental health, and I thought, okay, 104 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,400 Speaker 2: maybe this is the next like version of that. 105 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,839 Speaker 1: Wow, did you even take psychology in school or college? 106 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 2: Or I dropped out of three colleges? I did you do? 107 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,919 Speaker 1: I went to like four? My parents were ready to 108 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,520 Speaker 1: kill me. I think four maybe four, maybe five, I 109 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,160 Speaker 1: can't remember. It's all a blur. Now. 110 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:42,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not good at sitting at a desk and 111 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:44,520 Speaker 2: listening to someone talk. That's very hard for me. 112 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:45,760 Speaker 1: How do you learn how? 113 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 3: Well? 114 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,920 Speaker 1: I shouldn't say this because we're talking about your book, 115 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:51,840 Speaker 1: but I'm talking about like, you know, Marconi invented the microphone. 116 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:53,960 Speaker 1: It's like, just tell me how to be a broadcaster, 117 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:54,720 Speaker 1: you know, Like. 118 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:58,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, I just need to not need to know the 119 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,279 Speaker 2: history of a watch to tell the time. I just 120 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:01,720 Speaker 2: wanted to do learn by doing. 121 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 1: That's so true. Well, the title alone of your book, 122 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 1: Do What I Did, tells us a lot right in there. 123 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 1: What's the biggest thing that you did that you're warning 124 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,360 Speaker 1: readers to stay away from? 125 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I mean there's so many. Every chapter 126 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:20,119 Speaker 2: is basically something that I did that I didn't want 127 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:22,279 Speaker 2: others to do. But I guess if I had to 128 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:26,440 Speaker 2: pick like one big one, I think it's something that 129 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 2: resonates a lot with you know, women, specifically people that 130 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,520 Speaker 2: love love like I love love. I think it's great. 131 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:40,840 Speaker 2: I think it's fantastic. But something that we tend to 132 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:47,360 Speaker 2: do that I was most guilty of was self sacrifice 133 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 2: in order to be loved. Like I am a very 134 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 2: loyal person, I am a very write or die, you know, 135 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 2: with my friendships, with my work, Like when I go 136 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,920 Speaker 2: into something, I go all in and I'm like, why 137 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 2: can't we figure this out? And I would do anything 138 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,920 Speaker 2: to try to make a relationship work, and that included 139 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:12,720 Speaker 2: like bending myself into ways that looking back now I get, 140 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,840 Speaker 2: I get the real big ick about it looking back 141 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:21,040 Speaker 2: that I just couldn't believe I couldn't let go And 142 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:24,480 Speaker 2: to the opposite of that. For years in my youth, 143 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 2: like before I really knew how to manage conflict, I 144 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,960 Speaker 2: ran from it. Like the second someone would give me 145 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,240 Speaker 2: the ick, or the second I we'd have a conflict, 146 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 2: I'd be like, well, I'm going to cut it off 147 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 2: and compartmentalize and never deal with that again. So I 148 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:41,480 Speaker 2: really like ran the spectrum of self sacrificing and you know, 149 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 2: uh being a bit uh there's no real better word 150 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 2: from it, from like love anorexic, I like would I 151 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:53,320 Speaker 2: took the title of being single to the farthest it 152 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:56,200 Speaker 2: could go, you know for a single maxt you were 153 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 2: saying single, that's such a good way of putting it. 154 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 1: Very now, sorry, I have to try that once in 155 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 1: a while. 156 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:04,960 Speaker 2: Now, the gen zers, thank you. 157 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:10,000 Speaker 1: Single maps, Yeah, you blend comedy memoir in psychology so 158 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:13,800 Speaker 1: beautifully and authentically, which I think is the main thing 159 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,640 Speaker 1: about why it's so popular, because you are you and 160 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:20,120 Speaker 1: you can really tell that which part came easiest and 161 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,880 Speaker 1: which was the hardest part to get right. 162 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,440 Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know if like your feet is 163 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 2: like this, but my feet is filled with like coaches 164 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:33,520 Speaker 2: selling courses and like experts on certain topics, and I 165 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:38,080 Speaker 2: just was really missing that. Well, prove it, how do 166 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 2: you know? Like I need, you know, someone to tell 167 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:46,200 Speaker 2: me their deepest, darkest secrets. And That's what I've kind 168 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 2: of discovered about making comedy online, is like you really 169 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 2: have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable to 170 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,480 Speaker 2: be relatable. And I guess it's just because like I'm 171 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,079 Speaker 2: I'm the baby of the family that didn't like get 172 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,520 Speaker 2: much attention that I just don't have any their choice 173 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:05,080 Speaker 2: but to like put myself out there. Yeah, And I 174 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:09,240 Speaker 2: think that's the easiest. Being vulnerable comes very easy to me. 175 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,320 Speaker 2: Like I can just meet you and tell you, like 176 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,600 Speaker 2: what's going on in my bowel movements that morning, Like 177 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 2: I have no problem just like talking about shameful stuff. 178 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,679 Speaker 2: I'm like, whatever, I don't know, I might not ever 179 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:22,719 Speaker 2: see you again. What do I care? 180 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,720 Speaker 1: Do you think that's disarming? I mean, that's a disarming 181 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:29,080 Speaker 1: thing that makes people, you know, just calm down immediately 182 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,320 Speaker 1: when they're in your presence. When you do, I. 183 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,640 Speaker 2: Think I have this weird like talent of being able 184 00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 2: to get people to tell me their deepst darkest secrets 185 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 2: very quickly. And I didn't like plan for that. That 186 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,480 Speaker 2: wasn't the thing I set out to do. But I 187 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 2: think it makes people feel really comfortable, even people that 188 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,199 Speaker 2: are kind of like eh to vulnerability. I can get 189 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,480 Speaker 2: in there. I know how to like connect with people, 190 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:54,000 Speaker 2: and that's what I love about my job too. 191 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:57,760 Speaker 1: Well, you're smiling your obviously people are listening to this 192 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:01,200 Speaker 1: right now, but she has the biggest smile in her face. Seriously, 193 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:04,120 Speaker 1: And when when you popped onto the screen, I could 194 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,559 Speaker 1: just feel the warmth right away, Like it wasn't even 195 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,640 Speaker 1: like a moment where it was I feel like I've 196 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,839 Speaker 1: known you forever. And so that's what you're describing. 197 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:14,959 Speaker 2: Thanks, that's I think that's like that just goes to 198 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:18,760 Speaker 2: show of like what media can do. Also, like I 199 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:23,320 Speaker 2: think it can be like deeper than just the surface 200 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,559 Speaker 2: level stuff that we see. I think, like we can't 201 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 2: have space for it all. 202 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:33,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, I just wonder like where it came from, you know, 203 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 1: I've always tried to figure that out. Where where did 204 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,640 Speaker 1: that particular thing come from? And I wondered, like, did 205 00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 1: you were you ever bullied when you were growing up? 206 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,959 Speaker 2: Yeah? Okay for any I don't know a single comedian 207 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 2: that was like, actually no, I've just been like slaying 208 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 2: from day one. I was the popular guy. I had 209 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,600 Speaker 2: it all figured out. No, oh my god, I was. 210 00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 2: I was so flat chested that I think my actually 211 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:05,440 Speaker 2: inverted and like I was the late bloomer of my 212 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,000 Speaker 2: friendship group. I was like the last one to have 213 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:11,240 Speaker 2: their first kiss, to like lose your virginity, even though 214 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:15,040 Speaker 2: that's a construct. Like I was sort of the the 215 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,280 Speaker 2: hot girl's best friend. Was the way I grew up, 216 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 2: that would be a wing woman, yes, but like the wingwoman, 217 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:27,200 Speaker 2: no one even wanted to really talk to what I 218 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:32,439 Speaker 2: was relentlessly bullied for not really being like the hot girl. 219 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:34,680 Speaker 2: So what does the not hot girl do? She becomes 220 00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:37,440 Speaker 2: like the funny girl. She becomes like the one who's 221 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 2: really good at beer pong, the one who excels in, 222 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:45,760 Speaker 2: you know, her extracurriculars. Like I definitely had to find 223 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,560 Speaker 2: a way. Like I joke a lot that the way 224 00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 2: I've like nabbed most of the like dick in my 225 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 2: life is with my personality. I'm not like that Instagram model. 226 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:59,280 Speaker 2: I'm just like, I don't know. I I could never 227 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:00,080 Speaker 2: really rely. 228 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:03,680 Speaker 1: On that, you know, no, but I ask and I 229 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 1: ask you that because I I just sense that. Similarly 230 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:12,240 Speaker 1: that when you're young and you're bullied and you do 231 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,440 Speaker 1: everything you can to fit in, and however you sort 232 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 1: of you know, you kind of what's that word my 233 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 1: way in? Yeah, you just know you just sort of 234 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,160 Speaker 1: like a chameleon and you're like, okay, here it is. 235 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,680 Speaker 1: I can be funny and you get this. But you 236 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:31,800 Speaker 1: learn how to disarm people because it makes you feel 237 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,840 Speaker 1: comfortable and then you're not being bullied. 238 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,600 Speaker 2: Is that like it's actually a selfish thing. I'm like, 239 00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:40,280 Speaker 2: can we just get chummy together quickly so we don't 240 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 2: have to pretend like there's all these formalities, Like I 241 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,720 Speaker 2: don't know, for me, it's a lot easier to just 242 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:49,360 Speaker 2: be cool with people than you know, pretending like we're 243 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 2: too cool to be doing whatever we're doing. 244 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:54,440 Speaker 1: You know, yes, totally all right, thank you, thank you, 245 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,000 Speaker 1: thank you. I've never actually talked to somebody about this 246 00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 1: stuff like this. 247 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,439 Speaker 2: You get it. I can tell you, guys, Wow, it's. 248 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:03,080 Speaker 1: Like, wow, this do we have three hours? No? 249 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like I'm holding up a mirror. 250 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 1: Comedy Saved Me is all about humor getting people through 251 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:14,200 Speaker 1: hard times. When did you, Kelsey, first notice that you 252 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 1: were processing pain by making it funny? I think we 253 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 1: may have just touched on a bit of that, but 254 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 1: there may be other things for sure. 255 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:25,880 Speaker 2: I mean, in a sense where I saw the impact 256 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 2: of it, I would say would be when I started 257 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 2: making internet videos. Like I think there's a time when 258 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:38,000 Speaker 2: you're entering like the comedy scene. You know, I was 259 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,560 Speaker 2: doing like acting, I was doing improv. I was doing 260 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,959 Speaker 2: all these different like modalities of comedy. But it was 261 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:48,440 Speaker 2: not really I mean, it was cool, but it wasn't fulfilling, right, Like, 262 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 2: I wasn't seeing the impact. And I started in the 263 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:56,720 Speaker 2: really early days of YouTube, so back in wild Wild West, 264 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,920 Speaker 2: like twenty ten was when I posted my first video 265 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:04,360 Speaker 2: and seeing the comments from a video that I made, 266 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,720 Speaker 2: which on the outside seems just very funny, right, it 267 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,240 Speaker 2: was a video, and this is a really big throwback. 268 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,600 Speaker 2: It was it was called stuff girlfriend's say or like 269 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,800 Speaker 2: shit girlfriends say, and it was all the kind of 270 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:20,760 Speaker 2: like crazy things I had thought of but was playing 271 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 2: this character so I distanced myself from it. 272 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 3: You know. 273 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,600 Speaker 2: It was the things that were like, baby, you cheated 274 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 2: on me and my dream or like do you like 275 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 2: my lab haha? Like uh, I'm not even drunk, like 276 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 2: just all the things that I had been accused of 277 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:39,840 Speaker 2: saying or like accused of being too much from a 278 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 2: boyfriend or a girlfriend at the time or whatever. And 279 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,680 Speaker 2: that video went viral and this was like before virality 280 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 2: was even a word, right, And I just remember seeing 281 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:51,320 Speaker 2: the comments of being like sending this to all my 282 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,920 Speaker 2: girlfriends or like you know, this is me and my 283 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 2: sister and like, oh, I'm so glad someone said it. 284 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 2: And I just remember being like, Okay, I only want 285 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:03,280 Speaker 2: to comedy that has like an impact or just like 286 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:07,720 Speaker 2: has a connective tissue. Otherwise, like I don't know, I 287 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,760 Speaker 2: think what's the point comedy can get really like I 288 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:15,720 Speaker 2: don't know, self aggrandizing and yeah, just a bit. I 289 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 2: don't know, you're doing it for the wrong reasons or 290 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 2: for other people, or like trying to chase what's cool. 291 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, is there a line for you between this is 292 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 1: funny and this is too soon when you're writing about heartbreak? 293 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:31,080 Speaker 2: Oh man, that's a really good question. I think the 294 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 2: best comedy is when I can process a little bit. 295 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,280 Speaker 2: I don't know that I always know how to make 296 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:43,400 Speaker 2: things funny intentionally. I think it. Someone will say something's 297 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 2: funny and I was like, oh, that was actually like 298 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:49,520 Speaker 2: a painful moment that I went through, and I can 299 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,680 Speaker 2: see like the audience can kind of help me shape 300 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,200 Speaker 2: it in the early days. But I think the best 301 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 2: comedy I make is when I have time to like 302 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:02,240 Speaker 2: collect I need to collect memories. I need to collect experiences. 303 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 1: Like a hindsight, Like you have to look back and say, Okay, 304 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,960 Speaker 1: what did I learn? Yeah, and it's just funny in 305 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:10,400 Speaker 1: and of itself, but that lends you all right. I 306 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,440 Speaker 1: always ask comedians when I talk to them about how 307 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,600 Speaker 1: important it is to be able to laugh at yourself. 308 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 1: And I don't think that that is owned by the 309 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,840 Speaker 1: comedy world, do you know. 310 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:24,360 Speaker 2: No, I think that that's like the self, that's the self, right, 311 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,080 Speaker 2: Like you have to be able to laugh at yourself. 312 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,120 Speaker 2: I think it makes life a lot easier, and it 313 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,760 Speaker 2: gives other people permission to laugh at themselves too, Like 314 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,080 Speaker 2: we're all walking around like we're just too cool for school. 315 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:40,120 Speaker 1: Oh, it's like therapy for yourself. If more people did it, 316 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 1: I think it's scary because you're It makes you have 317 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,800 Speaker 1: to look inward and you have to actually look at yourself, 318 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,080 Speaker 1: and nobody wants to do it. 319 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:51,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like painfully self aware, Like I go anytime 320 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:55,240 Speaker 2: I get a new therapist, they're like, you know what's 321 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,600 Speaker 2: wrong with you? Like you know all your problems. You 322 00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,800 Speaker 2: know that's you know, you know all the language, you 323 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 2: know all the therapy words for it, but like, what are 324 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,080 Speaker 2: we going to do about it? 325 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,160 Speaker 1: Why are you here giving me money when you already 326 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:05,840 Speaker 1: could teach this. 327 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:09,800 Speaker 2: Class exactly exactly, And so you know, And I also 328 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:13,200 Speaker 2: think like I like to keep people around me who 329 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:17,720 Speaker 2: are mirrors and can reflect up you know, tough stuff 330 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:23,080 Speaker 2: that can you know, be be said with like calling 331 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 2: me in instead of calling me out. And I really 332 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:29,040 Speaker 2: love from that advice from the four Agreements, like you 333 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:32,840 Speaker 2: can never take anything personally. And as soon as I 334 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:36,840 Speaker 2: started applying that to my life, oh my god, everything 335 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,680 Speaker 2: got so much easier everything. 336 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:39,880 Speaker 1: Don't take anything personal. 337 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, whether it's like a critique or feedback or a 338 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:50,040 Speaker 2: mean comment, or just the way that someone said something 339 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:51,880 Speaker 2: to me that I'm like, oh my god, did they 340 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,479 Speaker 2: actual are they mad at me? Did they mean this? 341 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 3: Like? 342 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,320 Speaker 2: What what does that actually mean? And then as soon 343 00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:59,320 Speaker 2: as you's just stop like taking things personally, you're just like, oh, 344 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:02,440 Speaker 2: it was just something that was said, and that makes 345 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,240 Speaker 2: everything so much easier to do. 346 00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:06,800 Speaker 1: It does it does? And also, I mean, if you're 347 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,919 Speaker 1: into self blaming, which I can do obviously, sometimes you know, 348 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,399 Speaker 1: oh that was my fault or I you know, and 349 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:18,440 Speaker 1: then you realize, actually, no, yeah, what's a joke or 350 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:22,000 Speaker 1: a bit from the book that took the most rewrites 351 00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:25,720 Speaker 1: to land. Something tells me that not many, because naturally 352 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:29,520 Speaker 1: it just rolls off after your retrospective look back. It 353 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,240 Speaker 1: should just come right out right. 354 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:37,639 Speaker 2: Yeah. I think there was a section just about like codependency, 355 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,400 Speaker 2: mostly because that was the hardest thing to admit about myself. 356 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:46,320 Speaker 2: Like I really had a hard time accepting codependency as 357 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:51,080 Speaker 2: something that I could be involved in accused of. I 358 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,840 Speaker 2: was like, oh not, I like, what do you mean? 359 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 2: Look at all of these reasons why I'm not. 360 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,119 Speaker 1: I am codependent. 361 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:01,680 Speaker 2: Yes, I am, like literally the dependence queen, how dare you? 362 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,280 Speaker 2: And so I think that was probably the hardest thing 363 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:07,439 Speaker 2: to write about and make it funny because it was 364 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 2: just hard to admit about myself. But I think that 365 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,840 Speaker 2: that was like doubly the reason why you have to 366 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:14,919 Speaker 2: write about those those hard edges. 367 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,680 Speaker 3: We'll be right back with more of the comedy Save 368 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:28,840 Speaker 3: Me podcast. Welcome back to the comedy Save Me podcast. 369 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 1: Let's talk about the anti healing approach. Yeah, you say 370 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,840 Speaker 1: the book throws out what we think we know about healing. 371 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 1: What is the biggest myth about breakup recovery that you're 372 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,160 Speaker 1: going after in this book, because it's very important. Yeah. 373 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:50,720 Speaker 2: I think there's like this myth that if you do XYZ, 374 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,400 Speaker 2: then you should be able to get up and function 375 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 2: and go to work and act like everything sign and 376 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 2: like fall in love again. Like I just remember being 377 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 2: like I'm doing the breath work, I'm going to social events. 378 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,560 Speaker 2: I'm you know, I'm forcing myself to get up and 379 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,440 Speaker 2: like put on makeup and like listen to Beyonce and 380 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,560 Speaker 2: try to empower myself and like I'm sad still, Like 381 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:20,800 Speaker 2: what none of this is working. And I also didn't 382 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 2: I think that we are like we all understand that 383 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,840 Speaker 2: heartbreak is gonna suck and it's supposed to hurt, but 384 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,800 Speaker 2: like we don't really give people space longer than like 385 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 2: a couple weeks to be sad about it, like whether 386 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:39,119 Speaker 2: it's group chats or like at work or whatever. It's like, okay, 387 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,040 Speaker 2: we got to start like getting over things, and sometimes 388 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:45,639 Speaker 2: it takes people years to get through it and get 389 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:49,919 Speaker 2: over it and understand why this hurts so much. And 390 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,800 Speaker 2: so for me it was like not only about discovering 391 00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 2: the pain of the right now, So like the first 392 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,439 Speaker 2: section is all about the mess, which is like the 393 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,400 Speaker 2: today pain, and then once you feel a little bit 394 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:05,439 Speaker 2: more confident in experiencing the today pain, I got into like, okay, now, 395 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,240 Speaker 2: how can we look back at what happened? How can 396 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:10,119 Speaker 2: we take inventory of the relationship, which a lot of 397 00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:11,960 Speaker 2: people don't want to do, a lot of people want 398 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,560 Speaker 2: to get over it and be like shut that door, 399 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,879 Speaker 2: move on, like time to go to the next and 400 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,119 Speaker 2: hopefully I don't repeat that same pattern again, or like 401 00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:20,080 Speaker 2: hopefully I don't fall for that same type of bad 402 00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 2: boy again. I'll learn from my mistakes, but we don't 403 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 2: do any like postmortem about the relationship. And then another 404 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,600 Speaker 2: big part for me was like what are we going 405 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,960 Speaker 2: to do about that? Like how do we actually put 406 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,840 Speaker 2: that into practice? How do we actually use what we've 407 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,320 Speaker 2: learned and put it into like our daily existence so 408 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:42,320 Speaker 2: that we don't make the same heart wrenching, gut life 409 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:43,679 Speaker 2: altering mistakes again. 410 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:47,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, learn from the mistakes so that you don't repeat it, 411 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,159 Speaker 1: otherwise you're doomed to continue the same loop. 412 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,960 Speaker 2: Exactly. Your brain likes to close loops, Like your brain 413 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:57,800 Speaker 2: wants to get things right. So when we end a relationship, 414 00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,240 Speaker 2: and especially if it's coming from a place of lack, 415 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,120 Speaker 2: our brain first of all wants to fulfill that need. 416 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,000 Speaker 2: So we're going to give it to the first person 417 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:08,680 Speaker 2: that gives that need to us, and then we want 418 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,439 Speaker 2: to close the loop, so we want to try again. 419 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,920 Speaker 2: We want to make it successful. Like our brain doesn't 420 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,280 Speaker 2: like having that broken ending. So for me, it was 421 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 2: like really important to have people pause in that piece 422 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,640 Speaker 2: of healing and be like what do we do with this? 423 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,879 Speaker 2: Which direction is the right way to go from this? 424 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:30,760 Speaker 2: Like how do we actually change our brain chemicals to 425 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:35,040 Speaker 2: understand like what we were going through doesn't have to 426 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:38,080 Speaker 2: happen again in such a deep painful way that it did. 427 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:41,639 Speaker 1: No, and you cut right to it. I mean, yeah, 428 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,280 Speaker 1: you know, I can only imagine therapists looking at even 429 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,399 Speaker 1: just the title of the book going damn, there's the 430 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,959 Speaker 1: secret sauce right there, like, what do they need us? 431 00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 2: Best compliment I've gotten? And this happened a lot with 432 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:56,159 Speaker 2: my first book, was I have therapists that DM me 433 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,119 Speaker 2: and say that they give my book to their clients 434 00:22:58,119 --> 00:22:59,840 Speaker 2: all the time or they like recommend it to their 435 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 2: all the time. And I'm like, that's the greatest compliment 436 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 2: to receive. 437 00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:08,439 Speaker 1: You ever, it's a huge, huge congratulations on that. What 438 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 1: a yeah, Like you're just I love that. I can't 439 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:16,120 Speaker 1: everyone really romanticizes their ex after a breakup and stuff, 440 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:19,320 Speaker 1: and you go, you were talking earlier about something that 441 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,840 Speaker 1: reminded me like I used to be that way. I 442 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:27,120 Speaker 1: listened to the sad music Chicago. Oh now it's hard 443 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:30,680 Speaker 1: for me to Samsar like cry cry. I couldn't get 444 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,000 Speaker 1: over it. And then I went to a point where 445 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 1: this guy I was dating, Oh my god, it was 446 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:40,000 Speaker 1: so good looking and so wonderful, but a liar, a 447 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,560 Speaker 1: horrible liar, and I finally got to the point where 448 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,879 Speaker 1: I'd been kissed by so many frogs that now I'm like, 449 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,760 Speaker 1: go ay, don't come back, and he's and he's crying, 450 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,760 Speaker 1: please don't break up with me. I'm like, talk to 451 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,639 Speaker 1: the hand. And then I felt like I'm a horrible person, 452 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 1: like I'm mad to myself, I'm bad to myself. And 453 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,320 Speaker 1: now I've completely turned around and I'm treating the guys 454 00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:03,919 Speaker 1: like they were treating me, which doesn't fix things. So 455 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:09,000 Speaker 1: this sounds like a wonderful addition to your reading asap 456 00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:12,119 Speaker 1: if you're having issues in relationship or you know, just 457 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:13,280 Speaker 1: getting out of a bad one. 458 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:15,919 Speaker 2: Yeah, I like to tell people that it's not just 459 00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,679 Speaker 2: for people like experiencing a breakup right now, It's for 460 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,800 Speaker 2: anyone that's like been in a relationship before, because there 461 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,200 Speaker 2: really is stuff to be able to look at and say, 462 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,840 Speaker 2: like where did that not sit right with me? Or 463 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,239 Speaker 2: how do I not have that happen again? Or were 464 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:32,119 Speaker 2: like what patterns keep showing up that maybe you know, 465 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:33,720 Speaker 2: I could take a second look at look in the 466 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:34,560 Speaker 2: mirror a little bit. 467 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 1: Well, like, so he wasn't that bad. That's kind of 468 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,000 Speaker 1: like the spiral we could go down. How do you 469 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 1: talk people off a ledge with that? 470 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, the first thing is to remember that your 471 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 2: brain wants to protect you. Your brain wants to be like, no, 472 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,119 Speaker 2: we were tricked, we were you know, like this wasn't 473 00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:53,560 Speaker 2: that as bad as it seems, because I don't ever 474 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,720 Speaker 2: want to admit that my brain didn't keep me safe, 475 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,639 Speaker 2: Like my brain didn't keep me in a safe space. 476 00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:01,720 Speaker 2: And so that's the first thing is it is knowing 477 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:05,360 Speaker 2: when to say, like our brain, what is looking back 478 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,800 Speaker 2: at this with fondness and rose colored colored lenses, because 479 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,320 Speaker 2: of course we don't want to think about the worst 480 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,000 Speaker 2: thing that's ever happened to us. We don't want to, 481 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,359 Speaker 2: especially if we share kids with this person or we 482 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,960 Speaker 2: created like a long relationship, Like we don't want to 483 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,840 Speaker 2: trash the entire thing. So we'll do things like romanticize it, 484 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:24,159 Speaker 2: and we'll also do things like demonize it like I 485 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 2: can't believe they were like this, like they never loved me, 486 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,440 Speaker 2: and then that kind of like popoosed the entire relationship 487 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:32,040 Speaker 2: experience that you had too. But when we do the opposite, 488 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:36,760 Speaker 2: which is we embrace the person, we even maybe blame 489 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,080 Speaker 2: ourselves a little bit. I think we do that because 490 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:46,200 Speaker 2: breakup is basically creating like a blank slate for us 491 00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,960 Speaker 2: in our life, right, Like it's a great time for reinvention, 492 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,280 Speaker 2: Like it's a great time to start over, to get 493 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,680 Speaker 2: rid of all, like clear the cobwebs. And I think 494 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:57,840 Speaker 2: that's almost the part that people need to embrace over 495 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:02,119 Speaker 2: the pain and the suffering and the things that we 496 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:08,359 Speaker 2: stayed too long for, if that makes sense, Like, yeah, 497 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,439 Speaker 2: you can start over like literally any time any place 498 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,720 Speaker 2: today if you want to, Like you can just start 499 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:15,200 Speaker 2: a new. 500 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,919 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm dating this guy. I'm engaged to 501 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:23,159 Speaker 1: this man. His ex wife and daughter moved across the 502 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:27,280 Speaker 1: country to be near me, and I I broke his 503 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,320 Speaker 1: heart because I knew I wanted to do things. He 504 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:34,159 Speaker 1: was a wonderful man, but I had to tell him 505 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,639 Speaker 1: if I don't do this, I'll live to regret it. 506 00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:39,880 Speaker 1: And I know I can change my life right now, 507 00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:43,280 Speaker 1: it's completely like we were engaged, and I literally like changed. 508 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:49,040 Speaker 1: I did a three sixty. Yeah that's sometimes I no, 509 00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:50,919 Speaker 1: that's a half a turn, that's three sixty. 510 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,920 Speaker 2: Yeah. You don't want to come back to the place 511 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:57,800 Speaker 2: you started, YEA. I think it depends on your outlook 512 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:04,440 Speaker 2: was reationship to shape exactly. But that's huge because the 513 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:08,240 Speaker 2: opposite of that is the sunk cost sallacy, right like 514 00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:11,920 Speaker 2: you're engaged, his ex and child moved to be close 515 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,120 Speaker 2: to you, Like there's all these things that we give 516 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:17,080 Speaker 2: reasons to ourselves as to why we can't break up, 517 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:20,040 Speaker 2: like we've invested so much, and so the fact that 518 00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:22,560 Speaker 2: you were able to say, like it doesn't matter how 519 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,119 Speaker 2: far we've come or like how much we've done, like 520 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,520 Speaker 2: you still at the end of the day have to 521 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,760 Speaker 2: live alone and dialone, right Like we're born alone, we dialone, 522 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,240 Speaker 2: and you're the person that has to deal with the 523 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,679 Speaker 2: consequences of your own actions, right Like it's not a 524 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:38,400 Speaker 2: team effort, Like you're the person that has to wake 525 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:40,240 Speaker 2: up every single day. And so that's so amazing that 526 00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,600 Speaker 2: you were able to recognize that and make that decision 527 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:43,120 Speaker 2: for yourself. 528 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,080 Speaker 1: Thank you for saying that. And the reason why I'm 529 00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,720 Speaker 1: sharing it, I guess is because of the exact words 530 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,520 Speaker 1: you just said, which I have said so many times 531 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:56,720 Speaker 1: to people, and it's hard to do. It's not for 532 00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,479 Speaker 1: the faint of heart, but once you do it, you 533 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:03,400 Speaker 1: feel like like you said, it's like a rebirth almost. 534 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,439 Speaker 1: You get to start all over with the blank slate, 535 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:07,840 Speaker 1: you know, And as long as you're good to people 536 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,480 Speaker 1: and good to yourself, and you can go to bed 537 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,480 Speaker 1: at night knowing that, then it's okay to change your life. 538 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:17,359 Speaker 2: The craziest thing I experienced when I went through like 539 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:22,280 Speaker 2: my biggest breakup was understanding that there is a kind 540 00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 2: way to have a breakup. Yes, like so many of 541 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:29,560 Speaker 2: my relationships had ended with these like huge, fiery, like 542 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:34,240 Speaker 2: life altering endings, that when I realized there's a kind 543 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:38,000 Speaker 2: way to uncouple and untangle your life with someone, it 544 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:42,480 Speaker 2: can be really relieving, Like you don't have to hate 545 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,240 Speaker 2: each other, You don't have to want to like pop 546 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,640 Speaker 2: each other's tires and light each other's shit on fire, 547 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:48,920 Speaker 2: Like you can come from a place of love and 548 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,640 Speaker 2: saying like this isn't the best thing for me, and 549 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 2: because I love you, I don't want that for you either, 550 00:28:55,840 --> 00:29:01,520 Speaker 2: Like we both should not diminish our shine or stagnate 551 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:05,280 Speaker 2: our lives because of that. Like that's actually very loving 552 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,760 Speaker 2: to do. It's kind Even if maybe you know one 553 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:09,600 Speaker 2: person wants to break up the other doesn't, Like, yeah, 554 00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:12,080 Speaker 2: they will come to see that's hard. Yeah, you will 555 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,680 Speaker 2: come to see eventually like not only is it survivable, 556 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:16,600 Speaker 2: but like it happened for a reason. 557 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, totally. Oh my goodness. What what's one piece? 558 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,600 Speaker 1: I love this conversation so much. What one piece of 559 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:28,280 Speaker 1: conventional breakup advice that you actually think is actively bad 560 00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:30,400 Speaker 1: for people and they should be aware of it. Like 561 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,880 Speaker 1: it's one of those red alert red flags that goes 562 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:33,600 Speaker 1: up when you hear it. 563 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:39,000 Speaker 2: Hmm uh. I think there's the myth that you're supposed 564 00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:42,560 Speaker 2: to put on like your hottest dress and go get 565 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:46,960 Speaker 2: drunk with your girlfriends. That has never ended well for 566 00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:51,200 Speaker 2: any girl going through a breakup. No one has down 567 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:54,320 Speaker 2: like six martinis and gone out dancing and hooked up 568 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,560 Speaker 2: with some random person that they barely remember and the 569 00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,720 Speaker 2: next day and like I think that did it? 570 00:29:58,880 --> 00:29:59,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that really was. 571 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:04,080 Speaker 2: That's the thing. Yeah, I feel great today. Actually, Like no, 572 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:07,280 Speaker 2: I would argue, don't put on your hottest outfit and 573 00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:09,960 Speaker 2: go out and get drunk. Like, you know, we use 574 00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:14,360 Speaker 2: substances like we use we use alcohol as a form 575 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,400 Speaker 2: of therapy post breakup in a way that is like 576 00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:21,720 Speaker 2: definitely romanticized. And movies do it like we think that's 577 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,600 Speaker 2: what we're supposed to do, and I actually think we 578 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:26,200 Speaker 2: should be doing the opposite. I think we should put 579 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,680 Speaker 2: on our hottest dresses with our girlfriends and lay on 580 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:32,320 Speaker 2: the couch and like have a craft night and do 581 00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 2: something that does not involve getting obliterated out of your mind. 582 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 1: And you know, you. 583 00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:40,560 Speaker 2: Don't have to talk about the breakup. You don't have 584 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:43,720 Speaker 2: to do like woo woo therapy stuff. But I just 585 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:48,400 Speaker 2: I'm cautioned to tell people that the first thing they 586 00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:51,080 Speaker 2: should do is like go out. And what's that phrase, 587 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,520 Speaker 2: like get under someone to get over someone? 588 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:55,760 Speaker 1: Oh wow, I've never heard that before. 589 00:30:56,000 --> 00:31:00,560 Speaker 2: Really, let's get over someone. You gotta get under someone else. No, 590 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 2: never never worked out. It never worked out, all. 591 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:08,600 Speaker 1: Right, without spoiling the book, What's one concrete thing readers 592 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:11,160 Speaker 1: can do that the day that they read the book, 593 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:14,160 Speaker 1: don't do what I did, but not just eventually like 594 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:15,640 Speaker 1: the day that they read it. One thing. 595 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:20,080 Speaker 2: I love this piece because it's actually the very first 596 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:21,320 Speaker 2: thing I put in the book. It's like in the 597 00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:25,840 Speaker 2: first pages where it was revelatory for me, which was 598 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:28,360 Speaker 2: the way you talk about your breakup is the way 599 00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,480 Speaker 2: you will experience your breakup, so your brain is listening 600 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:33,360 Speaker 2: to the way you talk about it. So if you're 601 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,360 Speaker 2: telling everyone it was the worst thing that ever happened 602 00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:36,840 Speaker 2: to you, you have no idea how you're going to 603 00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:41,520 Speaker 2: get over it. You're never gonna love again. You're the 604 00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:43,720 Speaker 2: status you've ever been. Like, your brain is hearing you 605 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,400 Speaker 2: say this, and you're telling it to anyone that will listen. 606 00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:49,000 Speaker 2: Your best friend, your mom, your sisters, the barista, your 607 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:53,520 Speaker 2: mail man. Like literally, you're saying this narrative and your 608 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:56,200 Speaker 2: brain is hearing the trauma and your your body is 609 00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:58,880 Speaker 2: reliving that pain. It's why we start like tearing up 610 00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:02,640 Speaker 2: when we start talking about stuff. And even if it 611 00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:04,880 Speaker 2: was that bad, even if it was that dramatic, this 612 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:07,520 Speaker 2: exercise in this tool is for you. This is like 613 00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:10,280 Speaker 2: a gift you're giving to yourself, which is you're going 614 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,720 Speaker 2: to change the way you talk about your breakup, so 615 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:18,720 Speaker 2: instead of spewing and letting your bleeding heart lie out 616 00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,680 Speaker 2: on the table for everyone to see. An easy trick 617 00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,960 Speaker 2: you can just start today, even if you're faking it, 618 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:25,720 Speaker 2: even if it's bullshit, even if you don't mean it. 619 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:29,479 Speaker 2: It's changing the narrative. So when someone asks or if 620 00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:32,200 Speaker 2: you need to say something about it. What I changed 621 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,360 Speaker 2: the way I talked about it was I just started 622 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:37,160 Speaker 2: saying it didn't work out and we broke up. 623 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 1: That was it. 624 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:39,560 Speaker 2: And then I would change the subject and then I 625 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:41,520 Speaker 2: would move on and I would start talking about something else, 626 00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:44,960 Speaker 2: or like if they ask questions, I would just redirect 627 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:48,920 Speaker 2: it into a conversation that didn't have me re traumatizing 628 00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:51,479 Speaker 2: myself every time I spoke about it. He did this, 629 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,200 Speaker 2: you wouldn't believe it was that, Like, yeah, it's validating, 630 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,360 Speaker 2: and it feels good to have someone be like, oh 631 00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:59,560 Speaker 2: my god, that sucked, because it does suck. It really 632 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:00,160 Speaker 2: does suck. 633 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:00,560 Speaker 1: Yeah. 634 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:04,080 Speaker 2: But again, this is a tiny little psychology hack and 635 00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:07,239 Speaker 2: trick is to just start speaking into an existence a 636 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,560 Speaker 2: different narrative of how the breakup went, which is like 637 00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:14,400 Speaker 2: it's really helps when you do it, When you just 638 00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:17,800 Speaker 2: start enacting it, it can really change the way you 639 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,200 Speaker 2: get up and experience a breakup every single day. 640 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:25,360 Speaker 1: Absolutely, you're you're literally suggesting that we train our brains, 641 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,840 Speaker 1: which we can do because the brain is also like 642 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,520 Speaker 1: a muscle. Although a lot of doctor's babe, thank you, 643 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:36,440 Speaker 1: so you can. I learned that memorizing eighty pages. When 644 00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:38,440 Speaker 1: I used to work at VH one, I had to 645 00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:42,440 Speaker 1: They didn't have teleprompters, so I had to actually rememberize everything, 646 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,960 Speaker 1: and then I couldn't believe that muscle works. I mean, 647 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:50,160 Speaker 1: it literally does work. And what you're saying can be 648 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:55,760 Speaker 1: put in place of a breakup or anything like why 649 00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,240 Speaker 1: aren't I I can't get a job, I'm not happy? 650 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,240 Speaker 1: What's wrong? Like this is bad? In this, this is 651 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:02,960 Speaker 1: bad and I can't I can't. Well, it starts saying 652 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,400 Speaker 1: if you can. If you keep saying you can't, you 653 00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:09,600 Speaker 1: perpetuate what's bailing you and you never get out from 654 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:10,000 Speaker 1: under it. 655 00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:13,560 Speaker 2: Your brain is listening like the what you sew you 656 00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:17,520 Speaker 2: grow or whatever. I got a lot of weird quipy saying, but. 657 00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:19,440 Speaker 1: They mean something like when you get older. You're like, 658 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,840 Speaker 1: that's why they say that, because you don't really know 659 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:22,399 Speaker 1: until you. 660 00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:26,799 Speaker 2: Experience exactly and then you're like, oh, it really can 661 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,520 Speaker 2: be just as simple as like thirty seconds a day 662 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,680 Speaker 2: saying the opposite of what your brain is trying to 663 00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:33,880 Speaker 2: tell yourself and just be like, no, I'm actually going 664 00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:36,120 Speaker 2: to think this and it's just an exercise in like 665 00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:38,480 Speaker 2: mantra work. If you will even. 666 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,160 Speaker 1: Oh, hell yeah, no, I mean that is the the 667 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:43,800 Speaker 1: It's like one of the best prescriptions you could give people. 668 00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,239 Speaker 1: If they do it, you have to do it. 669 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:48,920 Speaker 2: You have to have to do it, and it takes nothing. 670 00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:52,719 Speaker 2: It's free ninety nine to do free ninety nine. 671 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:56,480 Speaker 1: I love it. If your ex Kelsey is reading this 672 00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,759 Speaker 1: book right now, or if he reads the book, what 673 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:01,960 Speaker 1: you think the reaction would be. 674 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:07,440 Speaker 2: I know that he got a copy. I did. I 675 00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,560 Speaker 2: do know that he got a copy. I got word 676 00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:13,319 Speaker 2: that he has a copy. I think different exes will 677 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:19,040 Speaker 2: say different things. I know my longest relationship X, it's 678 00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,960 Speaker 2: nothing but love, like that we were such large chapters 679 00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:24,160 Speaker 2: in each other's lives, and like we wouldn't be who 680 00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:26,200 Speaker 2: we are and where we are today without each other. 681 00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:28,719 Speaker 2: So I think there's like a ton of gratitude and love. 682 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:32,279 Speaker 2: But if the other ones are listening, they know who 683 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:35,440 Speaker 2: they are, and I hope you know they see this 684 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,560 Speaker 2: and they know you know it was no thanks to them. 685 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:40,400 Speaker 2: It was no thanks to them. I did all the 686 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,440 Speaker 2: work myself. I've put in the hours I put in 687 00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:45,840 Speaker 2: the dredge and the sledge in the time of writing 688 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:49,640 Speaker 2: a book. That they were just a tiny little page 689 00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:52,440 Speaker 2: in you know, I like I use the word tiny 690 00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:56,680 Speaker 2: little fake. They're just a small, tiny lasted page in 691 00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:57,440 Speaker 2: the book, Just a. 692 00:35:57,400 --> 00:35:59,480 Speaker 1: Little tiny page in the book. Wow, I love it. 693 00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:04,439 Speaker 1: I was reading your I am Well. For anyone who 694 00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:08,600 Speaker 1: doesn't know Kelsey Dara is, just go to her IMDb 695 00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:11,799 Speaker 1: page and watch her demo reel. I actually had to 696 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,280 Speaker 1: reapply my makeup before I got on with you because 697 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,799 Speaker 1: I didn't realize that clip. It's Hille. It's like you 698 00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:20,680 Speaker 1: all your It's like a mashup of all of your 699 00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:23,080 Speaker 1: really cool funny videos online. 700 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:24,960 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I have not seen I gotta go 701 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,560 Speaker 2: back and watch it. It's probably been years since I've 702 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:28,000 Speaker 2: seen that. 703 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,920 Speaker 1: I'm watching it, I'm like laughing out loud. My husband's like, 704 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:32,560 Speaker 1: what are you doing down there? 705 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,439 Speaker 2: I thank you for saying that. 706 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:39,200 Speaker 1: What is next for you? Do you have where you're 707 00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:42,959 Speaker 1: going to do? More books, more content, more chaos? Where 708 00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:46,040 Speaker 1: can people find you and your joy that they need 709 00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:46,680 Speaker 1: in their life? 710 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:46,920 Speaker 3: Oh? 711 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:51,480 Speaker 2: Thanks? Yeah, I'm Kelsey Darra all over the internet. I 712 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:55,440 Speaker 2: love making content that's just like relatable and makes me laugh, 713 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:58,960 Speaker 2: So like I try to, you know, contribute to the 714 00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:02,240 Speaker 2: fun good beside of the Internet every day with where 715 00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:06,480 Speaker 2: you know the algorithm can be going. In this economy 716 00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,600 Speaker 2: and in this day and age, I try to contribute 717 00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,480 Speaker 2: just a little bit to make people laugh. I would 718 00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:16,800 Speaker 2: love to write more books. I've recently pitched a book 719 00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:20,880 Speaker 2: about sobriety, and then I also had just pitched my 720 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:25,160 Speaker 2: first fiction book that I'm like toying with the idea 721 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:29,359 Speaker 2: of writing. So you know, I'll never stop being loud 722 00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:31,960 Speaker 2: and proud and obnoxious. It'll just be like, which subject 723 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,279 Speaker 2: matter are we taking on this year? 724 00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,600 Speaker 1: Fantastic? And by the way she spells her last name 725 00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:39,120 Speaker 1: d A R r A g h in cause you 726 00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:41,840 Speaker 1: were going online right now to look her up, you 727 00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:44,359 Speaker 1: won't be disappointed. Kelsey Darra. And if I said your 728 00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:47,000 Speaker 1: last name when correctly, I apologize. But it's been such 729 00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:50,239 Speaker 1: a pleasure to have you on and to talk to you. 730 00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:52,520 Speaker 1: And will you come back again, like the next time 731 00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:54,400 Speaker 1: you do something big and share it with us? 732 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,840 Speaker 2: Oh my god, Yes, And thank you so much for 733 00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,080 Speaker 2: having me and asking such thoughtful questions and even having 734 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:00,880 Speaker 2: this space to do something like that's wow. 735 00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:05,960 Speaker 3: Thank you, I'm buzz night, and thanks for listening to 736 00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:09,919 Speaker 3: comedy Save Me with Lynn Hoffman and do check out 737 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:14,200 Speaker 3: our other podcast, Lynn Hoffman's Music Save Me podcast. 738 00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:19,280 Speaker 1: Also Sarah Harrelson and Taking a Walk Nashville and Don't 739 00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:23,560 Speaker 1: Forget also about taking a Walk hosted by Yours Truly. 740 00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:28,799 Speaker 1: All shows are available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and are 741 00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,960 Speaker 1: part of the iHeart podcast network