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Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this once and one time only.

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Speaker 2: Don't invite me anywhere and say feel free to bring

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Speaker 2: the kids unless you plan on paying for all the motherfuckers.

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Speaker 3: Dead ass, dead ass, and I'm caught somewhere in between

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Speaker 3: wanting to take my kids to see the world and

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Speaker 3: leaving it asses at home.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass.

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Speaker 3: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm devoued, and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our

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Speaker 1: boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I make you need therapy most days. Wow. Oh, and

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Speaker 1: one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,

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Speaker 1: we are.

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Speaker 4: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 4: Li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 1: Things most folks don't want to talk about through the

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Speaker 1: lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a

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Speaker 1: term that we say every day.

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Speaker 4: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts

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Speaker 4: one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but

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Speaker 4: the truth.

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Speaker 1: Were about to take philotof to our whole new level.

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Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 2: I got a story to I'm taking you back a

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Speaker 2: couple of weeks ago when we was in the Bahamas.

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Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, shout out to the Bahamas. We had an

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Speaker 3: amazing time together. That was our first time taking a

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Speaker 3: trip as the family of six. Yes, solo, just the six.

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Speaker 1: Of us, family of six.

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Speaker 2: The last time we all went somewhere, you were pregnant

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Speaker 2: with the code.

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Speaker 1: We went to Aruba, had a good time at a.

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Speaker 3: Great time, family of six. It was like five point five.

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Speaker 1: It's five point five. This is our first time is

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Speaker 1: family of six.

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Speaker 2: So we go to the Bahamas and Kadeen decides, like, yo,

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Speaker 2: they got a dope hotel that has a water park

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Speaker 2: attached to it. So one thing about Kadeen, Kadeen always

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Speaker 2: makes plans, thinking about how the plan is going to

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Speaker 2: be executed, how I'm going to feel executing the plan,

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Speaker 2: and if the kids going to have fun.

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Speaker 1: Yes, that's how she makes small plants.

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Speaker 2: She's like, you know what if we're in the hotel,

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Speaker 2: DEVI wants to sleep in, but the kids want to

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Speaker 2: go to a water park, he don't have to get

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Speaker 2: up and drive us. We can go right down there.

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Speaker 2: So she had this whole plan set up, which I appreciate. Right,

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Speaker 2: So we pull up to the SLS and we're like, Yo,

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Speaker 2: we're hungry. Let's go get something to eat. Boom, our

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Speaker 2: room ain't ready. We go eat at the what was

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Speaker 2: it called the squigly pig.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Somebody swimming pig.

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Speaker 2: Swimming pig, the swimming piglet's called the swimming pick. All right,

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Speaker 2: So we go into the swimming pig. They got food,

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Speaker 2: regular food, chicken fingers. You had some tacos.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, they had this barbecue brisket, nachos.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it was good to die for. It's slapped food out.

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Speaker 1: There was amazing. I will say that it's slap right.

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Speaker 2: Cairo got a burger, cats got chicken fingers, the Coda

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Speaker 2: got chicken fings. Everybody got typical stuff. Right, we get

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Speaker 2: the bill sixty dollars? How how was it six hundred

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Speaker 2: and fifty dollars. I'm gonna explain to you how it's

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Speaker 2: six hundred and fifty dollars?

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Speaker 1: All right?

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Speaker 3: Was that bill six hundred? That was more like four

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Speaker 3: or five?

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Speaker 1: Nah, that bill was six hundred fifty dos.

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Speaker 2: I remember I paid it. I paid it. I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: tell you how right. The bill itself was about four

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Speaker 2: hundred dollars. The bill itself was four hundred dollars. But

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Speaker 2: remember we were drinking too.

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Speaker 1: There was you and I.

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Speaker 2: You and I started that. We just got there. I

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Speaker 2: had two drinks, You had two drinks. So it was

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Speaker 2: four hundred and something dollars, right. But then I'm looking

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Speaker 2: down because I'm going with I'm like six fifty dollars.

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Speaker 2: I'll go down there and I see service charge fifteen percent,

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Speaker 2: fifteen percent, four fifty.

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Speaker 1: That's another game, about seventy eighty dollars. Then I see vat.

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Speaker 1: Not that, but that vat va, that's vat.

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Speaker 2: So I'm like, yo, yo, yo yo. I didn't have

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Speaker 2: a VAT. I don't know what drink that is. I

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Speaker 2: didn't have that. I didn't have that. I had a

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Speaker 2: ba tapa, I had a Bahama papa. I didn't have

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Speaker 2: a VAT. And he's like, no, no, no, the vat is

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Speaker 2: just a tax that we put on as a search

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Speaker 2: charge because we do imports and exports. And I was

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Speaker 2: just like, so you're going to tax me on top

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Speaker 2: of the tax you're already put on my thing and

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Speaker 2: the surcharge because y'all had to import stuff and.

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Speaker 1: We didn't ask you the import. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But he was just like that's how that's how the

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Speaker 2: country makes money off the VAT tax. So it's a

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Speaker 2: tax that the government charges the restaurant, which is an

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Speaker 2: additional ten percent.

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Speaker 3: So it was.

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Speaker 2: Twenty five percent on top of already what I had

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Speaker 2: already paid.

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Speaker 1: So you're looking at four point fifty plus.

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Speaker 2: The additional twenty five percent put you at an additional

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Speaker 2: one hundred dollars plus.

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Speaker 1: They had the nerve to ask for gratuity.

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Speaker 2: Me.

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Speaker 1: I put my hand and I'm like, yo, yo said,

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Speaker 1: we're not in school, you're here. I had to know.

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Speaker 1: I had to know.

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Speaker 2: I said, so, y'all already have a service charge and

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Speaker 2: you have a VAT, right, what are you saying like that?

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Speaker 1: Because I was? I was. I was why said, like

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Speaker 1: the gratuity? What do you expect me to do for gratuity?

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Speaker 1: I asked? She was like, ultypically people do twenty thirty

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Speaker 1: percent for gratuity. I was like, y'all got service charge. Well,

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Speaker 1: service charge doesn't go to a service charge goes to the.

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Speaker 2: Restaurant divided and that goes to the government, right, so

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Speaker 2: the gratuity goes to the person who actually like directly

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Speaker 2: service suffs. And I was like, and now I feel

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Speaker 2: bad because you deserve to get your gratuity yours. But

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Speaker 2: but I don't feel very gratuitous right now because y'all

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Speaker 2: already vatted me to death and you already service charged

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Speaker 2: me to death. So I gave her thirty percent, but

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Speaker 2: it came up to six hundred and fifty dollars the

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Speaker 2: bill just to have lunch.

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Speaker 1: Bro, We're not talking about a dinner in a sit

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Speaker 1: down like.

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Speaker 3: No, this resort was not all inclusive. No, every every

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Speaker 3: meal we paid for. Bro.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't that that was the first meal I paid for.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't that moment I looked at Caneen and I

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Speaker 1: was just like, how long are we here?

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Speaker 4: Yo?

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Speaker 1: Dead ass? For real? Dead ass?

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Speaker 3: Now tell me, are you going to sing the karaoke

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Speaker 3: time with the same accent that you said with lots?

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Speaker 2: No, I ain't singing. I ain't singing the Russian karaoke

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Speaker 2: song right now?

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Speaker 3: Right that sidebar VAT stands for value added text in

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Speaker 3: case anybody was wondering.

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Speaker 2: Oh so they spell it b S because that's really

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Speaker 2: what that is. What the fuck is the value added tax?

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Speaker 1: Bro?

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Speaker 2: They just put anything on the bill, Bro, They put

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Speaker 2: anything on the bill in fact, and they gave it

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Speaker 2: an acronym like like like, oh, they won't know what

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Speaker 2: that is and look up that No, it's fucked up,

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Speaker 2: bro funked up.

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Speaker 1: Let me get to it. Let me get to karaoke.

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Speaker 1: This karaoke shout out to my man Kaz my twin.

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Speaker 1: This was his song. Whenever we used to travel, remember

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Speaker 1: we did our road trips.

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Speaker 2: He'd be in the back of the car screaming his

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Speaker 2: head off until we sang this uh.

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Speaker 1: Huh b b shot did.

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Speaker 3: Baby shock, baby shock, baby.

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Speaker 1: Shoe by shot at.

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Speaker 2: Baby shop, baby shop, baby shoe.

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Speaker 1: And we had to sing it like that. That rendition

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Speaker 1: of it was amazing.

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Speaker 3: I forget who we came across on social media. It

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Speaker 3: was like a comedian. That version of it.

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Speaker 1: It was amazing.

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Speaker 3: And from then that's the only version of it that

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Speaker 3: we singing. He got a kick out of it. And

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Speaker 3: then now we get wheels on the bus to death.

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Speaker 1: Go around and but it has to start like that,

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Speaker 1: if you go right to the wheels and a busy No,

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Speaker 1: I love it.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I missed my baby cod to come home co

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Speaker 3: to sal on vacations, I talk about vacation, best life

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Speaker 3: of being lived by an almost two year old. All right,

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Speaker 3: let's pay some bills. Let's actually let devour recoup from

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Speaker 3: all of the VAT charges. We're gonna pay some bills

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Speaker 3: because we need it. All right, thanks, and now we'll

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Speaker 3: be back. All righty doaks, we're back. We're back. So yeah,

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Speaker 3: back to your story time. That was the first meal

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Speaker 3: that we got upon arrival at the resort and going

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Speaker 3: into it, I had paid for air fear and I

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Speaker 3: had paid for the hotel stay, which with a family

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Speaker 3: this big, we have to get either one or two

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Speaker 3: bedroom suite at minute, well one bedroom suite at minimum,

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Speaker 3: or we get adjoining rooms.

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Speaker 1: So we got to get at least a two bedrooms

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Speaker 1: at least.

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Speaker 3: Well true two bedroom sweet one for me and you

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Speaker 3: and then one for the boys. And they didn't have

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Speaker 3: that available and we got there. We tried to get

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Speaker 3: an upgrade, but they were at capacity, so we ended

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Speaker 3: up doing an adjoining room, which worked out really well

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Speaker 3: for us also because you know, the kids have access

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Speaker 3: to us, but we also have our private time.

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Speaker 1: And to not make any more kids.

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Speaker 3: That part that part, But then looking at it in

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Speaker 3: that moment, I was like, man, should I have booked

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Speaker 3: an all inclusive resort versus booking a spot where we

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Speaker 3: would have to pay per meal. That's always the debate

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Speaker 3: for me, and the issue that I typically run into

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Speaker 3: when looking at all inclusive resorts is, you know, reading

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Speaker 3: the reviews. I'm a very big like read the reviews,

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Speaker 3: get on trip advisors, see how many stars? What are

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Speaker 3: people saying about food? And that can kind of be

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Speaker 3: hit or miss sometimes because of course, everybody's experience is different,

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Speaker 3: and we can kind of compare it to for example,

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Speaker 3: us going to the Muhamas versus the week later going

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Speaker 3: to Mexico on a trip with your family and what

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Speaker 3: the food experienced at the very least was like very too,

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Speaker 3: completely different.

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Speaker 2: I will say this though, right I was starting to

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Speaker 2: get mad at my kids right because I'm like, you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm paying six hundred dollars for this food. My nigga,

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Speaker 2: you're not going to eat chicken fingers every day, like,

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Speaker 2: order something else just because it's so expensive. I need

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Speaker 2: need you to try something else. Try a conk Fredda,

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Speaker 2: try a Conkforredda. Please just do something. Try try a

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Speaker 2: fish taco. But I'm not gonna pay six hundred dollars

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Speaker 2: every time we eat for you to have chicken.

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Speaker 3: Fingers bro and then we kind of also found a

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Speaker 3: way around it because then you realize, too, Okay, what

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Speaker 3: are the portions looking like at this resort, right, we

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Speaker 3: can essentially have Cairo Kass split a meal, fact and

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Speaker 3: then Dakota pretty much eats a little bit from everybody.

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Speaker 3: So we got a little smarter as the trip progressed,

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Speaker 3: because we're like, do we really even need this? But

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Speaker 3: the good thing too, is that we don't really we're

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Speaker 3: not big foodies like that, Like we don't have to

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Speaker 3: eat slack dinners, but.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna take some.

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Speaker 2: Let me tell you about Kadeen Kadean not gonna spend

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Speaker 2: a bad dollar. No, we order for where did we

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Speaker 2: go into Bahamas? And they gave us so much food?

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Speaker 2: First of all, if y'all go to the Bahama, eat local.

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Speaker 3: Eat local, Well, I'm just saying to eat local.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no, what's the name of the place.

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Speaker 3: Though, Oh oh shoot, we're gonna find Aandrasandrisandris Wandris.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we went first of all, the Bahamas food be slapping.

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Speaker 2: It's a mixed for me, it's a mix between Jamaican

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Speaker 2: food and Nigerian food. There's an earthiness that Nigerian food

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Speaker 2: has and suspiciness that they have, but the colorfulness that

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Speaker 2: Jamaican food has was like a perfect mix. And Bahamian

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Speaker 2: food is really really good. So every time we ate locally,

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Speaker 2: it was, oh my gosh, it was so they still

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Speaker 2: have the fat.

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Speaker 3: We also went to the poop what was it called again,

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Speaker 3: the poop somewhere.

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Speaker 1: I know you're talking about on the on the the water.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, name for you, But anything local for me, that's

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Speaker 3: what I enjoyed. So I don't solely rely on staying

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Speaker 3: on the resort. When I go to places, I like

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Speaker 3: to go off the resort. She loves, because I want

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Speaker 3: the local experience. Like where are y'all going on? Yall

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Speaker 3: lunch break?

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Speaker 1: That's what I want to know.

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Speaker 3: So I always make friends and shout out to Kanesha

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Speaker 3: at the resort we went, Tonsha was amazing and she

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Speaker 3: was able to give us all the tea and all

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Speaker 3: the local spots where to go.

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Speaker 1: We're not to go, That's what I was going to say.

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Speaker 2: We were at uh Ohandra's, said Andra Laundras, and they

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Speaker 2: gave us huge portions, I mean huge huge. So Candien

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Speaker 2: is there and I guess people don't typically take food

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Speaker 2: home there because when we asked for to go containers

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Speaker 2: and stuff, they were just like.

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Speaker 1: To go containers.

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Speaker 3: It didn't really happen.

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Speaker 2: And then it was like yo, yo yo, my men's

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Speaker 2: my mens, you're gonna have to find something for me

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Speaker 2: to put this in.

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Speaker 3: Conk solad in because it was so fresh, it was

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Speaker 3: so good and all my father talked about when he

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Speaker 3: knew that we were going to the Bahamas, it's like,

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Speaker 3: you have to try the conk Bahamas. They're known for

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Speaker 3: conk conk. That's just what it is. It was conk salad.

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Speaker 3: Everything was just super fresh.

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Speaker 1: Love there.

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Speaker 2: Fast forward a week and a half, we're in Mexico

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Speaker 2: right and we're we had an all inclusive resort. When

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Speaker 2: you go to all inclusive resorts, they have restaurants on

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Speaker 2: the premises.

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Speaker 1: Poo Poop Deck is a place.

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Speaker 2: When you're in the Bahamas, you have to go to

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Speaker 2: poop Deck. Yes, the food is so good, the service

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Speaker 2: was great.

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Speaker 1: Everything. The only thing I will say was that it's

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Speaker 1: on the water.

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Speaker 2: It's humid if you go into summertime because they don't

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Speaker 2: have it's the way it's built is you eat right

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Speaker 2: on the deck and it's all open, but it's covered

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Speaker 2: so the sun doesn't come in, but there's no real ventilation.

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Speaker 1: And there's no wind going through. So it was hot.

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Speaker 1: So it was hot, but it was worth it.

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Speaker 2: Fast forward to Mexico, and when you're at these resorts

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Speaker 2: for all inclusive, you can't take food home. Tell me

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Speaker 2: while my wife is throwing napkins over the place that's

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Speaker 2: not full and putting them underneath the baby carriage.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and were walking out.

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Speaker 2: There with plates and plates of food and caves that

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Speaker 2: listen to them, kids gonna eat this food later?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because they will be because they're gonna look at

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Speaker 3: me at a certain time of the evening. And in Mexico,

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Speaker 3: we had like a kitchen itt with a microwave and

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Speaker 3: a fridge. So I said, they're gonna eat this later.

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Speaker 3: Because the room service was terrible, you know, breakfast was

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Speaker 3: hit or miss. Like the food of the all inclusive

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Speaker 3: resort was very mediocre. So if you did find something

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Speaker 3: that they liked, I'm like, let's just bag this to

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Speaker 3: go and I'm gonna put it under the stroller.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and we're gonna go back to the room.

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Speaker 2: And one thing we noticed too sometimes going to onlyclusive spots.

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Speaker 2: When we went to the Rio in the Grill, the

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Speaker 2: food there wasn't good either. They have a jerk chicken

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Speaker 2: spot that me and k Ate most of the time

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Speaker 2: because that's where the local guy comes in to make

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Speaker 2: the jerk food. And I mean to us when we

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Speaker 2: say the food is terrible. It wasn't like our palates

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Speaker 2: have gotten way more different. But also we just want

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Speaker 2: to try the food at the actual place we're staying in. Like,

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Speaker 2: I don't want to go to a resort and have

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Speaker 2: to eat Italian food if I'm staying in Mexico. You know,

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Speaker 2: I don't want to go to the Bahamas and eat

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Speaker 2: French food. You know, I want to go eat Bahamian food.

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Speaker 2: I want to eat some Mexican food.

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Speaker 1: Now here's the thing.

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Speaker 2: I'm not a big Mexican food eater. So they had

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Speaker 2: a Mexican restaurant which was actually really good. I heard

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Speaker 2: it was very authentic. But Coleen and I don't like

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Speaker 2: Mexican food.

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Speaker 3: So well, I like Mexican food, I'm not myself. I

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Speaker 3: just don't like cilantro Okay, okay, okay, okay. So yeah,

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Speaker 3: so that being said, whenever I do vacation with the

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Speaker 3: boys and deval aside from food, because it's just only

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Speaker 3: one component of the trip. I'm trying to find something

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Speaker 3: that everybody can enjoy, right. So, like we said with

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Speaker 3: a Ruba, for example, we had gotten Airbnb and we

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Speaker 3: were able to kind of do our own thing. The

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Speaker 3: kids can have breakfast at home with us that well

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Speaker 3: yet our Airbnb, and then we go out. I found

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Speaker 3: the water parks. I found the place that would be

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Speaker 3: fun for the kids. But also knowing at that water park,

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Speaker 3: let me try to find like a cabana space or

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Speaker 3: something that's a little bit private that we can have

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Speaker 3: some downtime where now doesn't feel like he's in the

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Speaker 3: sun all day chasing the kids. So with the cost

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Speaker 3: of airline tickets at an all time high at this point,

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Speaker 3: because they're out there trying to recoup every penny, I'm

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Speaker 3: thinking since the pandemic, sometimes it's better just to leave

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Speaker 3: the kids at home. But if you want to give

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Speaker 3: your kids experiences that they'll hopefully never forget and always cherish,

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Speaker 3: you better be ready to spend a pretty penny if

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Speaker 3: those memories include traveling, and recently we took our little

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Speaker 3: small village, our little six of us to the Bahamas

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Speaker 3: and we had an amazing, amazing time, but just watching

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Speaker 3: the way the bills were racking up, it was wow.

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Speaker 3: I just didn't know at any point, whether we did

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Speaker 3: all inclusive or not. Was there an inexpensive way to

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Speaker 3: vacation with the family this big. I don't know if

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Speaker 3: there there's even a way to do that.

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Speaker 2: I remember growing up people saying all the time, you know,

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Speaker 2: kids are expensive, kids are expensive. And I hadn't reached

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Speaker 2: we hadn't reached the point yet where the kids have

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Speaker 2: become expensive, you know, because it doesn't matter how much

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Speaker 2: money Kadein and I made, we always found ways to

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Speaker 2: do things on a budget.

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Speaker 1: So he's like, Yo, this isn't that you know, this

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Speaker 1: isn't that big deal. This isn't that big a deal.

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Speaker 2: But now that we have to pay, and when you

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Speaker 2: think about it, before Covid Kaz, we didn't have to

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Speaker 2: pay for him to travel. He was still under two

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Speaker 2: years old, Kotas and much like Koda, but also Cairo.

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Speaker 2: There were times, because Cairo hadn't even become three yet,

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Speaker 2: we'd be like, let's see if we can sneak him by.

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Speaker 2: You know, Sometimes me and kay gonna try to get

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Speaker 2: over one thing about my wife. My wife is a jenile,

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Speaker 2: all right, me a teeth, She had a tief Shes gonna.

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Speaker 1: Find ways to get by and get over. And I

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Speaker 1: love that about hers. It's called reparation. But what is

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Speaker 1: wrong with you?

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Speaker 3: I'm just saying I had to take it how I

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Speaker 3: can get it.

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Speaker 2: Listen, I appreciate it because I the benefits of that,

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Speaker 2: because them reparations come back in our pockets. But okay,

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Speaker 2: we found ways in those early years when we had

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Speaker 2: three kids to travel and it wasn't expensive. Now, when

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Speaker 2: you have a twelve year old, a six year old,

382
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Speaker 2: a five year old, you have to pay for all

383
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Speaker 2: those tickets. The coda is about to be two. We're

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Speaker 2: gonna end up having to pay for his tickets. You're

385
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Speaker 2: talking about six airline tickets. There's no cheap way to

386
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Speaker 2: do that. There is no cheap way to do that.

387
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Speaker 2: And the craziest part is Kadeen and I try to

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Speaker 2: get everything together.

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Speaker 1: So we try to book a flight where we.

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Speaker 2: Can get six seats across the road, either in comfort

391
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,560
Speaker 2: plus or if I like to travel first class, like

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Speaker 2: that's just how I like to travel.

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Speaker 1: But if we can't.

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Speaker 2: Kadeen will be the first, but yo, it ain't no

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Speaker 2: first class available and just four thousand a piece.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna go Comfort Plus. So we go Comfort a Plus.

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Speaker 3: So if you see us in Comfort Plus and the

398
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,800
Speaker 3: kids in main Wave, just say, hi, don't judge us.

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Speaker 1: It's just what it is. It is what it is

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Speaker 1: because it is what it is.

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Speaker 2: I am not going to pay eighteen thousand dollars to

402
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Speaker 2: take a two hour trip to Disney World.

403
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Speaker 1: I'm just not doing it, bro.

404
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,359
Speaker 3: I'm getting the car and drive it and depending on

405
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Speaker 3: where's drivable.

406
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Speaker 1: And that's what we did when we went to Disney

407
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Speaker 1: World to go see Grandma.

408
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,000
Speaker 2: We went to go see Grandma, and we said, you

409
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Speaker 2: know what, Disney World is not really that far six hour,

410
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Speaker 2: six hour.

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Speaker 1: She lives close by.

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Speaker 3: Might as well make it an experience again going down

413
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Speaker 3: for one thing to spend time.

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Speaker 1: But I'll just trying to find ways to keep the

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Speaker 1: boys entertained.

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Speaker 3: So let's go into some facts and stats so we

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Speaker 3: can see what things are looking like on an average

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00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,840
Speaker 3: basis for domestic travel versus international travel and all that

419
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Speaker 3: good stuff. So this is according to a family of four.

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Speaker 3: So you guys can kind of do the math based

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Speaker 3: on your family size. But according to picasa dot com,

422
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,919
Speaker 3: the average cost for travel for a domestic trip for

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Speaker 3: a family of four is nineteen seven.

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Speaker 1: You can round that up to two thousand, two thousand.

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Speaker 1: This s would be about three thousand for us if

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Speaker 1: you added additional two.

427
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,800
Speaker 3: There you go, and that's with four domestic flights for

428
00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:13,760
Speaker 3: thirteen twenty, So that's about thirteen hundred. Airport parking FO

429
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:17,520
Speaker 3: one hundred and thirty dollars. Rental car two ninety they

430
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,400
Speaker 3: rented for twenty to a bike and gas for two

431
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,400
Speaker 3: eighty eight. Because these rental cars too wild expense, they'll

432
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,359
Speaker 3: show you one price when you start seeing expedia, and

433
00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:28,320
Speaker 3: by the time you know, you go through taxes and

434
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,360
Speaker 3: fees and whatever version of that they got. Then next

435
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:33,160
Speaker 3: thing you know, you got an eight hundred dollars rental

436
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:38,080
Speaker 3: car bill. Fact average flight calls for domestic three thirty.

437
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Speaker 3: That's fair depending on where you're going right now and

438
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Speaker 3: how far in advanced you book.

439
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,160
Speaker 1: International eight eighty.

440
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,840
Speaker 2: So international, if we were to just fly coach a

441
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,680
Speaker 2: eighty plus tax, you can round it up to nine

442
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:54,400
Speaker 2: hundred dollars for six people would be four hundred dollars already,

443
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 2: that just for flights to go international. And K and

444
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 2: I talked about wanting our kids to see the world.

445
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,440
Speaker 2: But when you think about every time you have to travel,

446
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,960
Speaker 2: it's going to court you at least six thousand dollars

447
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 2: just to get on the flight. I don't care how

448
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,800
Speaker 2: much money you make. That's expensive. Absolutely, it's expensive.

449
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:15,920
Speaker 3: Absolutely, average fortnight lodging costs for a hotel eight ten,

450
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,320
Speaker 3: so that's about two hundred dollars a night roughly where

451
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:19,919
Speaker 3: you staying at.

452
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,320
Speaker 1: I don't know, yeah, two hundreds a night. I don't

453
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 1: see that happening.

454
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,200
Speaker 3: I don't know where you're staying at for that, especially

455
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:25,439
Speaker 3: if you.

456
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:27,040
Speaker 2: Have kids and them kids got to eat and you

457
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,440
Speaker 2: need plate like you need entertainment, right, Well, the hotel

458
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,560
Speaker 2: is a form of entertainment for the kids.

459
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,240
Speaker 3: That's true. I mean, our kids do enjoy hotels. They

460
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 3: feel like they're in somewhere so different. Sometimes campsite if

461
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,320
Speaker 3: you're going campaign one sixty vacation rental. Maybe that's if

462
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,520
Speaker 3: you're doing an airbnb or property five forty eight.

463
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,159
Speaker 1: Which is I don't know how accurate this thing is.

464
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,960
Speaker 3: Chill. This might have been from years ago, because if

465
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 3: you want to even do a fortnight Airbnb, depending on

466
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,359
Speaker 3: where your story it stay, if it's not at a hostel,

467
00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:56,840
Speaker 3: I mean, if you want to just stay in a

468
00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,520
Speaker 3: half decent apartment, then it's going to be at least

469
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:01,880
Speaker 3: three times that our kids can.

470
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,159
Speaker 1: Survive a hostel. I don't think the hostile can survive

471
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:04,560
Speaker 1: our kids.

472
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,680
Speaker 3: I was about to say we probably run the hostile out.

473
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 3: We would, We would just take it. Even like them

474
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,920
Speaker 3: kids is too loud, that's a fact. They'd be jumping

475
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:13,240
Speaker 3: all over everything. Cairo got people waking up in the

476
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:16,400
Speaker 3: morning and working out. No, like, we're not doing this,

477
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 3: is gonna ask them questions to death. Carol's colda is

478
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,600
Speaker 3: gonna give him the side eye of the entire time

479
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:22,760
Speaker 3: and make them really uncomfortable.

480
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:24,920
Speaker 1: Jackson will make friends with everyone, Yeah he would.

481
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:28,440
Speaker 3: Jackson Jackson would try to find the bright side. Average

482
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,880
Speaker 3: food and drink costs per person for food forty six

483
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:34,560
Speaker 3: dollars if you're not traveling with my kids, and alcohol

484
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,280
Speaker 3: twenty one dollars. That's like one drink nowadays.

485
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:38,960
Speaker 1: I don't know about this.

486
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 2: Very they were very conservative, but they were very conservative.

487
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,119
Speaker 2: But I will say that we do travel expensive like

488
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 2: you're you you are a hotel.

489
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,159
Speaker 1: Snob, I am, and you're a flight snow. I'm a

490
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,359
Speaker 1: flight stop. So I marriage it is to be broke.

491
00:21:54,440 --> 00:22:00,560
Speaker 1: According to the blog mouse Hacking you, I don't.

492
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:00,879
Speaker 3: Know what it is.

493
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:02,200
Speaker 1: It's my element, I guess.

494
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,679
Speaker 3: And the average cost for a family trip to Disney

495
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,359
Speaker 3: World and twenty twenty four will be and they're projecting this,

496
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:12,199
Speaker 3: I guess, with inslation and everything involved, sixty nine one

497
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:16,320
Speaker 3: hundred dollars for a family of four to Disney World.

498
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 2: And you know every fifth birthday, which would be the

499
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:26,320
Speaker 2: coldest fifth birthday in twenty twenty six. We will all

500
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,320
Speaker 2: be traveling to Disney World in twenty twenty six.

501
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,399
Speaker 3: What's the price gonna look like? At least as the

502
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 3: last child? And y'all could take me out my misery

503
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,119
Speaker 3: of these trips that we Why do we think this

504
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 3: was a good idea? A sidebar, here's our mickey and

505
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 3: see our mom and dad shirts. This was from Kaz's

506
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,159
Speaker 3: fifth birthday last year? Was it right?

507
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 2: Well, I'm gonna tell you why we decided to do

508
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 2: this because we had good parents. And your parents gave

509
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 2: you experiences and my parents gave us good experience.

510
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:50,400
Speaker 1: But now I see why they stopped at three kids.

511
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:52,720
Speaker 1: I have right, and I see why we went to.

512
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,440
Speaker 2: Our grandparents every summer and didn't go on the long

513
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:59,399
Speaker 2: vacations because my parents was like, fuck them kids, we.

514
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 1: Deserve to go and occasion bosself.

515
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,359
Speaker 3: But now you're traumatized from that whole experience.

516
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,160
Speaker 1: No, actually I'm not traumatized.

517
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:08,600
Speaker 2: I gained a lot of work ethic having the cut

518
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,320
Speaker 2: grass first thing in the morning.

519
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 5: Yes, get my ask, what would have flash water? I

520
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 5: learned discipline, that's a fact. And you're also athletic because

521
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:15,520
Speaker 5: of it.

522
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 1: Super athletic, you know what I'm saying.

523
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,120
Speaker 3: At the kids club doing your boys and girls club,

524
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,200
Speaker 3: that's what it was, and you were doing your your

525
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 3: acting there.

526
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,600
Speaker 2: I think I started early days in the role center

527
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:28,720
Speaker 2: my arts and craft.

528
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,320
Speaker 3: Sperients, had the foresight to see how it was going

529
00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 3: to positively impact you.

530
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,520
Speaker 1: So it's a scoop and Ma, now I understand you.

531
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:39,200
Speaker 2: I truthfully understand why we wasn't going on full family

532
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:40,119
Speaker 2: vacations everything.

533
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 3: So you know what we should do is return the

534
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,879
Speaker 3: favor and ship all four of our kids to scoop in. Ma.

535
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:49,359
Speaker 2: Now we on the same give me four. See I

536
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 2: knew she was on something. You're on fire today, your

537
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 2: brain braining, listen your brain, you have your cell rejuice

538
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:54,680
Speaker 2: this morning.

539
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 1: See I'm not mental clarity. But look at this.

540
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,120
Speaker 2: It says gonna be about set thousand dollars in twenty

541
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 2: twenty four with four family of four. So if that's

542
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,959
Speaker 2: a family of six, two much about it. Three you're

543
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 2: looking at ten thousand, five hundred dollars for us if

544
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,760
Speaker 2: we were going twenty twenty four, but we're not going

545
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,240
Speaker 2: till twenty twenty six. Yeah, so that ten to five

546
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 2: will probably be about twelve thousand dollars to go to

547
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:17,360
Speaker 2: Disney World.

548
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:18,480
Speaker 1: I know they could.

549
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 3: I know on Amazon, I could find a Mickey and

550
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 3: a mini costume and we could just make this house

551
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 3: look like Disney World.

552
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,520
Speaker 1: So we gonna dre up as Mickey. Many that's a fact,

553
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 1: and we could use it. At the end of the night.

554
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 2: The coda will disown you. The Coda's like I watched

555
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:35,879
Speaker 2: all these videos and my brother's going to Mickey and

556
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 2: in Disney.

557
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,439
Speaker 1: World, and I got to fly in the backyard and

558
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:39,200
Speaker 1: I'm still here.

559
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 3: I know, I know, No, we have to make a

560
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,600
Speaker 3: special for him too. And that's one thing we're very

561
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 3: very deliberate about. We don't want to drop off at

562
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:45,720
Speaker 3: the fourth chowel.

563
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:46,439
Speaker 1: We can't.

564
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,120
Speaker 3: You feel like, damn y'all had me just the skimps.

565
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 3: So his own actually might then be more elaborate, because

566
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 3: think about how many years from now that's going to

567
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 3: be in what position we plan to be.

568
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 2: In, you know, well, if it's anything like his baby

569
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:03,399
Speaker 2: shower that you play, and.

570
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 1: Then he probably gonna boy Disney World when he's five

571
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:05,880
Speaker 1: years old. That shit was a vibe bro.

572
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 3: That was such a fun experience and that was the

573
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,760
Speaker 3: first time people were finally back outside after COVID, So

574
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,159
Speaker 3: I think it was the reunion field plus the party.

575
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 3: Shout out to pep Our event designers, she snapped, she.

576
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 1: Did snap, that's a whole nother podcast.

577
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 2: We have to do, Yeah, children's experiences based on what

578
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 2: position they fall in the family. For example, Jackson's baby

579
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 2: Shadow was at Aviator right, we had we had over no,

580
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,200
Speaker 2: we had over one hundred people at that baby sit low.

581
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,639
Speaker 3: In terms of like the core and theatric Yeah, but

582
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 3: we did have agreed.

583
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 2: We didn't hire a planner. We did everything our own.

584
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 2: It cost us cost us a grip too, but it

585
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 2: was at Aviator.

586
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 3: We got in a discount because you were working there

587
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 3: running your program out of there.

588
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:51,680
Speaker 1: But then we did get a lot.

589
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,560
Speaker 3: And every time we have a baby, we get such

590
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 3: great support and outpour of people with diapers and wipes.

591
00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 3: I don't think we bought diapers for Jackson for like

592
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:58,120
Speaker 3: a year.

593
00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 1: And a half, we did it.

594
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:02,960
Speaker 2: Cairo's Baby Shit Hour was at that event space in

595
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 2: bed in Brooklyn.

596
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:08,399
Speaker 1: Kaz's baby shower was well.

597
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,760
Speaker 3: Kas probably had small, It was a little It was

598
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 3: a little dinner that we did.

599
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,280
Speaker 1: Because because we had him right after Kyro.

600
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,159
Speaker 3: He literally came right after Cairo, we didn't need as

601
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:18,920
Speaker 3: much stuff, but we still felt that we wanted to

602
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:20,960
Speaker 3: celebrate him in some way, so we had a very

603
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 3: small We called it a.

604
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:26,200
Speaker 2: Little push party because we didn't need that much stuff

605
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 2: because we had Kyro.

606
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:27,119
Speaker 3: Right.

607
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:32,119
Speaker 2: Dakota's baby shower though, was in the city in Manhattan,

608
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 2: and we had how many people over two hundred people there.

609
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,440
Speaker 2: Of two hundred people, it was it was a full event.

610
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 2: His first birthday party was the same thing, a full event. Like, yeah,

611
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 2: so his his Disney World trip is gonna be crazy.

612
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 3: Another episode on why we chose to do events that big.

613
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 2: Now, how about we do an episode on starting only

614
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 2: fans so we can pay for this Disney trip?

615
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 1: About that, and they practiced my moves enough. That's a fact.

616
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,000
Speaker 1: You've got to get this phone on. Put the phone

617
00:26:59,040 --> 00:26:59,679
Speaker 1: on hit record.

618
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,399
Speaker 3: So the reactions that we've gotten from our kids, I

619
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,399
Speaker 3: think that's what makes it worthwhile for us. Like Jackson

620
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 3: to this day still can't stop talking about how much

621
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,120
Speaker 3: fun he had on both trips. Yes, and I love

622
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 3: that we went to the Bahamas right with just the

623
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 3: six of us. Then we went to Mexico, and of

624
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,439
Speaker 3: course us adults were more critical because we've seen and

625
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:21,439
Speaker 3: we've yeah, and they one thing with our children, they

626
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:25,359
Speaker 3: don't complaint. They're grateful, Yes, and I such Jackson at

627
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:28,320
Speaker 3: the end of it. Actually they had They're pretty grateful.

628
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 2: Cairo said, the last time we went in first class.

629
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 2: This first class is trash because they didn't because they

630
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:34,439
Speaker 2: didn't serve dinner.

631
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 3: That is true, but it was a flight.

632
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:38,919
Speaker 1: But at least he knows what to expect. You know,

633
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 1: it's okay to have.

634
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,439
Speaker 2: Standards, right, but they are grateful, will tell you if

635
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 2: something is true.

636
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 3: Carol is super honest and Kaz to kas the same way.

637
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:51,640
Speaker 3: Jackson is a little more and more diplomatic. It's good,

638
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:53,199
Speaker 3: you know, I'm just happy to be here. So I

639
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 3: hit Jackson with you know, like what was your favorite

640
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,480
Speaker 3: part of the vacations or the summer or whatever, and

641
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 3: he was like, family, Like it got to be with

642
00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:02,160
Speaker 3: you and Daddy and my brothers, and then we got

643
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 3: to be a daddy's side of family.

644
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 1: Like family was my favorite.

645
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:09,120
Speaker 2: This is the first summer in the past six years

646
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,919
Speaker 2: where I've been home the entire summer.

647
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 3: The entire summer you were in Ottawa, I was in Ottawa.

648
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: Then I had to go to New York to film,

649
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:18,360
Speaker 1: then we went on tour.

650
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:23,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, last summer, I enjoyed every freaking second of it.

651
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,960
Speaker 3: As y'all know, I pretty much shut down once May hit.

652
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, you was done. I was burnt out.

653
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,920
Speaker 3: I was, but also too, I really was like desperately

654
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 3: craving reconnecting with you and my boys. I kind of

655
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,680
Speaker 3: felt like the past two years were really a blur

656
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 3: because we were working so much and around the clock.

657
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 3: There was really no off time. So I was very

658
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 3: deliberate this summer about really enjoying it because I knew

659
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 3: the minute the last day of school hit. This year,

660
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 3: I'm like, watch, we're gonna blink and they're back in school,

661
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 3: and here we are.

662
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 1: They're back in school.

663
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,560
Speaker 3: But I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed the summer

664
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 3: with the boys and they got all of us and

665
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 3: shout out to you for even just being.

666
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,720
Speaker 1: Home and getting a little bit of a getting a break.

667
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 1: You have not stopped. I don't think ever.

668
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:05,760
Speaker 3: I don't think it was ever a time where you

669
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 3: just did not have to be out of the house.

670
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 2: Since we since we've been together, since I've turned eighteen

671
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:15,200
Speaker 2: and been playing football than in the NFL, I've never

672
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:18,920
Speaker 2: had a full three weeks straight off.

673
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:22,120
Speaker 1: Never you always doing something, always doing something.

674
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 3: But I mean, think about it, even with those weeks off,

675
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 3: all you've been doing was doing content. Yeah, this summer,

676
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 3: Deva has been like back to videos again, back to videos.

677
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 3: I'm like, wait a sday, I thought we stopped doing that.

678
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 6: Bro. I looked at the VAT and I said, Man,

679
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 6: if I got to pay this VAT, I'm gonna make

680
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 6: some money off this video video video after taxes, That's

681
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 6: what that is.

682
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do a video after I pay these taxes.

683
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 1: There we go.

684
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 3: That's that was it, the new definition of vat. I

685
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 3: love that every time you held the phone like here's

686
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 3: my video for the dek and I'm like that I

687
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 3: got PTSD.

688
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 1: No, we're not doing this again. We're not doing this again.

689
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:56,760
Speaker 1: I'm not playing we had as.

690
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 2: I will say this though, as much as we are

691
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 2: complaining and making jokes how expensive it is, we're making

692
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 2: jokes because we have to laugh at our pain.

693
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 1: It is expensive.

694
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 2: I will not trade the time I spent with you

695
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 2: and the kids for anything.

696
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 1: Else, nothing like those.

697
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 2: This past summer has been my favorite summer so far.

698
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 1: Kadeen and I have been man, we've traveled.

699
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 2: When we went to Italy and I was just asked,

700
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 2: we did our vacation and we're going to do a

701
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 2: whole other podcast on the purpose of a vacation. But

702
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 2: now that I know things, I'm just going to say this,

703
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 2: you should do the vacation after the family vacation facts,

704
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 2: because we did the vacation.

705
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:37,240
Speaker 1: Then we went to the Bahamas and we.

706
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,520
Speaker 3: Did back to back family vacations with the kids, so

707
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 3: that was just a lot.

708
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we should have kind of flipped it. We

709
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 1: should have flipped it.

710
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 3: In my mind, I said, if we did the vacation first,

711
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 3: that was our way to kind of really get connected. Yeah,

712
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 3: and then we'll have the energy for the kids. Because literally,

713
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:53,280
Speaker 3: within the time span of doing Bahamas in Mexico, Devo

714
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 3: was just like I'm in Chuigan. No ready a vacacy No,

715
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 3: because it's literally me running after the kids all the

716
00:30:58,480 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 3: entire time and him.

717
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 2: You won't spend any time with your significant other if

718
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 2: you're on vacation with your kids, especially if you have

719
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 2: a young child, like the Colde is turning too. He

720
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 2: wanted either me or Kadeen. Most of the time, you

721
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:16,360
Speaker 2: wanted Kadeen. But withf that comes fatigued, like Kadeen is like, yo,

722
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 2: I've been trying to get the boys ready all day.

723
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 1: I've been doing all this other stuff.

724
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 2: And even if I took them on the slide or

725
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 2: I took them to do some things, he was climbing

726
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 2: up Kadeen because it's a different environment for him.

727
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 1: So his fear that it's a different advice. He just

728
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 1: wants to be with his mom.

729
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 2: So we spend all day chasing after the kids, make

730
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 2: sure they enjoy themselves in that night, Kadeen and I

731
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 2: would put the kids down to sleep.

732
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:36,480
Speaker 1: You have a twelve year old.

733
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 2: The good thing is having a twelve year old and

734
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 2: he can chill and watch the kids that go to sleep.

735
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 2: We will go down to the bar for about thirty

736
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 2: minutes and we're like, yo, let's just sit down and

737
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 2: talk about the day people watch.

738
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:48,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the best time we had.

739
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 5: Exactly, and come upstairs it little nightcab and pass out. Yeah,

740
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 5: because after you after y'all know how d be on me.

741
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'll be like, you know, I am not a machine,

742
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 2: don't objective find my body.

743
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:07,240
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, since you vated the balls, now we're easy.

744
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 3: It's easy for us to just see know what I'm saying.

745
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 3: Since the balls got the vat, you.

746
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 1: Know, I still didn't have my VAT party. Oh my god,

747
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 1: that's pretty good. What's coming, baby?

748
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 3: The anniversary of the VET is almost here, So just

749
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 3: just stay tuned, Just stay tuned. Okay, stay tuned.

750
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 1: I love that.

751
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 3: But as a kid, my mom and dad they also

752
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 3: were deliberate about showing me different places, and I love that.

753
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 3: I looked forward to every summer. We went to a

754
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 3: different place every year, and I love that my parents,

755
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 3: they worked really hard to provide us that, you know, yeah,

756
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:40,920
Speaker 3: one or two weeks where we were able to go

757
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 3: abroad and just learn about a different culture and experience

758
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 3: different things.

759
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 1: And had that time.

760
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 3: So I just knew when I had children, I wanted

761
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 3: to be able to offer them the same experience. We

762
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 3: raise little well traveled, cultured global citizens, because it's hard

763
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 3: sometimes when you can't see past your front step or

764
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 3: past your environment, and you just want to have a

765
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 3: greater appreciation for what you have when you can see

766
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 3: how other people live. Absolutely, And I always in the

767
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 3: fun and in the water slides and in the experiences

768
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 3: that we provide them on vacation, I also make sure

769
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:13,840
Speaker 3: I give them lessons absolutely and show them how other

770
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:17,480
Speaker 3: people live in different ways of doing things cultures, because

771
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:21,160
Speaker 3: everybody deserves some sort of respect, regardless of where you

772
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 3: come from. So there's always a lesson wrapped up in there.

773
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 3: You know. I'm still a very much wester than in

774
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 3: a mom and I'm going to find a way to

775
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 3: make a lesson out of something.

776
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,560
Speaker 2: So everything's a lesson. Everything's a lesson. She had them

777
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:34,880
Speaker 2: calculating the vets at the end of every year dinner.

778
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 2: They wanted with Roger their tutoring. But what you're saying

779
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 2: is actually very true, right, Traveling with your children teaches

780
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 2: them how to travel, you know, like for example, Jackson,

781
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:49,560
Speaker 2: if he had to travel on his own now but

782
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 2: nowhere to go, go to the kiosk print his boarding past,

783
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 2: how to navigate. The funny thing is watching our kids

784
00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:00,240
Speaker 2: and they've traveled a lot over the past couple of year,

785
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 2: and we're typically in first class, so people always give

786
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 2: us compliments and be like, wow, I didn't realize that

787
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:10,680
Speaker 2: there was a baby and two little kids and a

788
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 2: preteen in first class. Like they get on there, they

789
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,319
Speaker 2: put their headphones on, they find what they want to

790
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:16,840
Speaker 2: watch when a lady comes by, so you can have

791
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:18,920
Speaker 2: a spike please, Like they just know.

792
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:20,560
Speaker 1: How to properly.

793
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,360
Speaker 2: Properly exists in the space where people just want to relax.

794
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:26,760
Speaker 1: You know. Kids. Travel etiquette, Yeah, travel etiquette.

795
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,880
Speaker 2: You know, kids oftentimes because they're only in school or

796
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 2: at home, behave other places like they would behave in

797
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:34,879
Speaker 2: school or home.

798
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,960
Speaker 1: Kids can be wild. You know, my kids in this house.

799
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,280
Speaker 2: If people were to just come by this house randomly

800
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,400
Speaker 2: on a Tuesday, they would be like, yo, how do

801
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 2: you Because.

802
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:45,839
Speaker 1: When they're at home, we let them do what they want.

803
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:47,879
Speaker 2: They can bounce the ball, they can run around, they

804
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 2: go to their boy cave, they get in the air matches,

805
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 2: they flipping on the air matches, they go jump in

806
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 2: the pool. But I think them traveling and being told like, hey,

807
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,359
Speaker 2: when we travel, there's a certain etiquette. They know how

808
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 2: to bring it down when they get older, like when

809
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 2: you travel in middle school or high school for AAU tournaments.

810
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:06,760
Speaker 2: I don't have to worry about my children going places

811
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 2: and say, you know how your kids were acting.

812
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know how my kids were acting. So if

813
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 1: something happened, wasn't my kids, you know.

814
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,840
Speaker 2: It ain't them. No, that's a fact. They go to restaurants,

815
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:18,560
Speaker 2: they order their own food. They know how to speak

816
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 2: to the waiters or the waitresses.

817
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 3: I should reading them men, that's reading comprehensions.

818
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 1: Would you order? Oh you didn't know the burger had

819
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:24,760
Speaker 1: that on it?

820
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:28,839
Speaker 2: Sorry, all experiences and these are the same compliments your

821
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:31,359
Speaker 2: parents used to get. My parents used to get grandparents

822
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 2: because they did that to us. So it seems like

823
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 2: it's normal. But everyone doesn't get the same experience. So ultimately,

824
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:41,279
Speaker 2: we want to implore all you to as expensive as

825
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 2: it's going to be, put some money aside and find

826
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:45,880
Speaker 2: ways to travel with your children.

827
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:47,880
Speaker 3: So many ways to travel, especially if you're on a budget.

828
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 3: Like there's so many websites and deals and stuff out there,

829
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:52,879
Speaker 3: So find what is within your means to be able

830
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,400
Speaker 3: to give your family those experiences because they'll thank you later.

831
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 2: And if flights are too expensive, remember the Kadeena and

832
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 2: I did the travel show that Elie only vacation. We

833
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:03,919
Speaker 2: get in our car and we'll drive six to eight

834
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 2: hours and take them to see places within the country

835
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:10,799
Speaker 2: that have historical value and make it a lesson, but

836
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:12,400
Speaker 2: also have fun for sure, you know.

837
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 1: So you don't have to always get on a plane.

838
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:18,919
Speaker 2: You can go stay in a whole four hours, four

839
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 2: hours away from your house and just enjoy that time too.

840
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 3: That's a fact, all right. I don't think we can

841
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:27,799
Speaker 3: enjoy any more talk about this until we go pay

842
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 3: some bills so we can recoup some of that money,

843
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:33,440
Speaker 3: and we'll be back in listener letter land.

844
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:47,680
Speaker 1: So stay tuned. All right, we're back. We are back.

845
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 2: Oh, I haven't said this in a long time. For

846
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 2: Kadi's favorite part of the show.

847
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 1: Hey love this for us. You want me to go first?

848
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 1: All right, go for it? All right? Hey guys, Kadeen,

849
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,200
Speaker 1: I love you real bad. Oh, I love you.

850
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,480
Speaker 3: An all cats, all cats or this is I love

851
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 3: you back, thank you.

852
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,720
Speaker 2: But I'm writing you guys because I'm kind of desperate.

853
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:08,879
Speaker 2: I'm a twenty seven year old single mother of two

854
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 2: ages six and eight. You had them babies young, so

855
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,799
Speaker 2: that's nineteen and twenty one. So and I grew up

856
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 2: being molested at a very young age. Sorry to hear that, Mama,

857
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:19,920
Speaker 2: that I would say it started at about seven or

858
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,399
Speaker 2: eight years old, and I thought it was okay, that.

859
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 1: It was normal.

860
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,279
Speaker 2: Now that I know how wrong it was, it's so

861
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 2: hard not to blame myself for allowing it to happen.

862
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 2: You can't blame yourself for that mom when you didn't know,

863
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:32,840
Speaker 2: like you said you were seven or eight. Blaming my

864
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:35,759
Speaker 2: mom for not knowing, not teaching me or having conversations

865
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:38,040
Speaker 2: about my body parts and knowing where a good touch

866
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,399
Speaker 2: is and where a bad touch is. I never had

867
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:43,239
Speaker 2: any conversation with my mother about it, about any of it,

868
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:46,280
Speaker 2: So I feel like I'm just learning life at twenty seven.

869
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,320
Speaker 2: But my question is how do I teach my kids

870
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 2: things that I don't know. I've learned a lot from

871
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 2: you guys, and I'm in therapy, but I don't feel

872
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,799
Speaker 2: like I'm emotionally intelligent. I have no financial literacy, and

873
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 2: I feel like a I parent out of fear and anger.

874
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:00,880
Speaker 2: And I just want to give my kids everything I

875
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 2: never had. Man, I just want to know how a

876
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,919
Speaker 2: single mom can raise a black man having not been one.

877
00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 2: How to instill confidence, love, respect, compassion, comfort, just all

878
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 2: the things I feel I lack because I feel like

879
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 2: such a horrible mother and it hurts that I feel

880
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:19,280
Speaker 2: like I'm damaging them and just doing them a disservice.

881
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 1: Please help first and foremost.

882
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:24,799
Speaker 2: Wrong, But I want to say this though, sorry the

883
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,440
Speaker 2: way you feel, Me and Kadean be feeling the same

884
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 2: way at times. You know how many times we look

885
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,719
Speaker 2: at each other and be like, do you feel like

886
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 2: I handled that right? Like? Do you think we don't

887
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 2: want to damage our own kids? So what we're saying

888
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:41,480
Speaker 2: to you is this feeling of guilt and feeling lost

889
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 2: and feeling like you don't have all the answers is normal,

890
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:47,799
Speaker 2: regardless of what your upbringing is. Because I grew up

891
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 2: in I would say a fairly privileged, black, upper middle

892
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 2: class family. I grew with both my mom and my dad.

893
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,279
Speaker 2: My dad always made very good money. My mom worked

894
00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 2: as well. We lived in a private house, they owned cars.

895
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 2: My father owned land in Virginia. Like I grew up privilege,

896
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:08,520
Speaker 2: your parents grew up. Your mom and dad owned three properties.

897
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:10,800
Speaker 2: You grew up with a driveway in a private house.

898
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 2: All of your brothers and sisters owned cars. We both

899
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:16,799
Speaker 2: were privileged. Yes, So considering your background and saying you

900
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:19,840
Speaker 2: don't know because of your background, think about our background.

901
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:21,839
Speaker 3: And we still didn't know a lot of stuff.

902
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:24,080
Speaker 1: And we still damaged. Doctor, you know, look at Jackson

903
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:25,720
Speaker 1: and be like, bro, I'm sorry.

904
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 3: We just had this conversation like two days ago about

905
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:30,440
Speaker 3: how much Jackson still feels the effects of stuff that

906
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 3: we've done early on where we thought we were doing

907
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:34,279
Speaker 3: the best that we could as parents. But again, like

908
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:36,600
Speaker 3: you said, and we can relate to you parenting out

909
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 3: of fear, parenting out of you know, not knowing anger,

910
00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:44,360
Speaker 3: anger parenting because that's just what our parents did and

911
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:46,359
Speaker 3: that's the only way that we knew. Like, there were

912
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,960
Speaker 3: so many moments with Jackson that now we're self correcting

913
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:52,680
Speaker 3: and apologizing, like I feel like you should be speaking

914
00:39:52,719 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 3: to your children about moments where you feel like, you

915
00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 3: know what. I may not have handled that right and

916
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 3: acknowledged the way they feel because I think the emotionally

917
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:05,400
Speaker 3: intelligent part that we've lacked even as adults, and we

918
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 3: can see why it's them from that as children, is

919
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 3: because we weren't acknowledged as children where our feelings were

920
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:14,880
Speaker 3: validated right, And sometimes our parents did or did not

921
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:18,239
Speaker 3: take accountability for that, but not because they were coming

922
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:19,360
Speaker 3: from a place of analysis.

923
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: They just did not know.

924
00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 3: So I think you're doing the right thing first off

925
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 3: by even writing into us or listening to our podcasts

926
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 3: or other spaces or other forums where you can learn

927
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 3: as a mom and as a single mom, taking tidbits

928
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 3: from places that you say, you know, I never thought

929
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 3: about that before, but I listened and heard it on

930
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:40,760
Speaker 3: this platform, and I can maybe implement this in my life.

931
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 2: One thing I will say having my mentorship program, seventy

932
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 2: five percent of the young men and women that I

933
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,600
Speaker 2: trained were from single moms. And the one thing I

934
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:52,240
Speaker 2: knew that was a consistent was that those single moms

935
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:57,239
Speaker 2: tried to find men that could fill that space of

936
00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 2: not having a fallow Yes, and part of that comes

937
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:04,040
Speaker 2: from having discernment right, choosing the right person to be

938
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:07,760
Speaker 2: your child's mentor. I would understand, and I truly understand,

939
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 2: her fear. If she was molested from seven to eight

940
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 2: for a long time, it would probably be difficult for

941
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 2: her to let her children be with other adults. So

942
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 2: the first thing is you can't parent out a fear

943
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:21,319
Speaker 2: because you can't protect them all of the time. And

944
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,319
Speaker 2: what you can do is you can put them in

945
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 2: a bubble, and putting them in a bubble until they

946
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:28,520
Speaker 2: become adults is not protecting them at all either. So

947
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 2: you don't want to do that out of fear by

948
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:31,880
Speaker 2: putting them in a bubble. What I would say is

949
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:35,840
Speaker 2: continue to go to therapy. Right in therapy, learn a

950
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,680
Speaker 2: lot about yourself, open up to your therapists, but also

951
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:41,279
Speaker 2: the people in your life and family who've wronged you.

952
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,080
Speaker 2: Right more than likely the people who've molested you or

953
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 2: we're in your family who may still be there. I

954
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 2: think that you owe it to yourself to heal, you know,

955
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 2: to approach them or let them know how you feel

956
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:53,239
Speaker 2: and how it's hurt you. So that you can let

957
00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:55,360
Speaker 2: it be known that this is not a secret that

958
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,759
Speaker 2: I'm going to keep for everybody. This is something that

959
00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 2: I went through and I experienced it. Showing that strength

960
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 2: will show your kid's strength. Yes, But then what it

961
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:05,759
Speaker 2: also do is allow you to at some point let

962
00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 2: it go.

963
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:06,719
Speaker 1: Right.

964
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,880
Speaker 2: I'm going to give you an analogy real quick, and

965
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 2: I hope this analogy helps people. So we and I

966
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:12,840
Speaker 2: know will take time. I tend to talk a lot.

967
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:17,120
Speaker 2: But if I hold my phone, right, I hold my phone?

968
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:19,040
Speaker 2: Is it heavy? Is it heavy?

969
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,319
Speaker 1: I got my phone on my hands? Your phone heavy?

970
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 1: How much? Is the phone? Way? Less than a pound? No?

971
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:24,200
Speaker 1: Less than the pound? Right?

972
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 2: But if I hold it for an hour, start to

973
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:29,240
Speaker 2: make my arm ache.

974
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 1: A little bit? Right? Is your arm extended? Yeah, my

975
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 1: arm extended?

976
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:31,960
Speaker 3: Right?

977
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:35,440
Speaker 2: If I hold it for a day, my arm might

978
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:37,960
Speaker 2: feel like it's gonna fall off. Right, And now the

979
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:41,280
Speaker 2: phone feels like a thousand pounds wide because I'm holding

980
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 2: onto it. Some things you got to learn how to

981
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 2: let go, because the only person you damaging when you

982
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 2: hold on to things that you don't have to hold

983
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:50,000
Speaker 2: on to is yourself.

984
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 1: Let stuff go.

985
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 2: If you learn to let it go, you won't continues

986
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:59,279
Speaker 2: to continuously damage yourself. You can heal, but then you

987
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:03,120
Speaker 2: also won'tamage the people around around you, which right now.

988
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:03,960
Speaker 1: Are your children.

989
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 2: Learn to let stuff go, use discernment, find good, positive

990
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:11,919
Speaker 2: influences around them that you can put them in front

991
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:15,359
Speaker 2: of that you trust you. You use discernment to meet

992
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,719
Speaker 2: these people first, and if you trust them, allow those

993
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:19,799
Speaker 2: people to pour into your children. Because that's what we

994
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 2: were at Prototype Sports Performance Lab. I was a big brother,

995
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,120
Speaker 2: a father figure, uncle, whatever I had to be.

996
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:29,479
Speaker 5: I mean still to this today. Yes, yes, TJ called

997
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 5: you pops, called me pops. A lot of y'all think

998
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:33,400
Speaker 5: that he's really my son because.

999
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:36,800
Speaker 3: It looks just like just like me when he doesn'tunding

1000
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:38,399
Speaker 3: how much they resemble each other.

1001
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:39,680
Speaker 1: A couple of times I have to be like.

1002
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:43,319
Speaker 3: You sure you know?

1003
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:45,880
Speaker 1: And is my boy? I love them, I love them,

1004
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:46,520
Speaker 1: we love them.

1005
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:51,200
Speaker 2: And there's guys that like TJ, like ramel Uh, Tasia,

1006
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 2: my cousin Kai Roger, they're so ricky DJ.

1007
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:59,120
Speaker 1: And some of these guys have fathers, but that doesn't.

1008
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,919
Speaker 2: Mean you can't supplement with another father figure to get

1009
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:05,319
Speaker 2: to give them, you know, a different perspective. So It's

1010
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 2: natural for you to feel fear, mama, but let things

1011
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 2: go heal, don't pass it on to your children. And

1012
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 2: I use that desertment to find some positive influences that

1013
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:16,560
Speaker 2: can help you for.

1014
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 3: Sure and continue to be a student of life because

1015
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 3: you'll just learn so many.

1016
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 1: Things that will absolutely at your kids.

1017
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 3: Alrighty, Hey, Kadina devou first Kadeen, my Jamaican sister.

1018
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:30,560
Speaker 1: From a Nada my dad and mother. Way you see

1019
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:31,279
Speaker 1: how I read it that way?

1020
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 3: Right? I just knew what it was. You're so beautiful.

1021
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 3: Thank you for inspiring me to get my body banking.

1022
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:38,719
Speaker 3: I'm saying love my body and loving my body after

1023
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:39,360
Speaker 3: these kids.

1024
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:40,760
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you for that. Sis.

1025
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 3: Love you guys, and how honest you are about your relationship.

1026
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:46,279
Speaker 3: Listening to your podcast has inspired and forced me to

1027
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 3: get my money slash business right, be a better mom, partner, friend,

1028
00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:53,319
Speaker 3: and all around better person. You guys are like the

1029
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 3: mirror I ignored for so many years. I love to

1030
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 3: hear that. Thank you and that's why we do it

1031
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:02,760
Speaker 3: and value You're my favorite sisters. So here's my question.

1032
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:06,239
Speaker 3: I have been in a relationship with my fiance for

1033
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:08,719
Speaker 3: seven years. We have one child together, and I have

1034
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:12,320
Speaker 3: two from before. We have been engaged for three years.

1035
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:16,239
Speaker 3: My fiance keeps saying that he wants everything right financially

1036
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:19,480
Speaker 3: before we get married. We both own businesses that are

1037
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 3: in the beginning stages, so you know how that goes.

1038
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:24,359
Speaker 3: I don't want a big wedding. I'm fine with going

1039
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:26,920
Speaker 3: to the courthouse. My ringe doesn't even have to be

1040
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:29,440
Speaker 3: a diamond, just a simple band, and I love it.

1041
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 3: I spent to spend money on a wedding is foolish

1042
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:35,319
Speaker 3: right now. We have set a date two times and

1043
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 3: he's continuously said I'm not ready yet, not sure when

1044
00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:41,759
Speaker 3: we can set a date. This last time, I told

1045
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,640
Speaker 3: him we need to live separately unless we get married.

1046
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:47,319
Speaker 3: He set a date to get married. I bought a dress,

1047
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:49,799
Speaker 3: and after I bought it, he told me, I'm not

1048
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 3: ready yet. I need more time. I'm seeing time go

1049
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:56,719
Speaker 3: by with no date in sight, and I don't know

1050
00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:59,800
Speaker 3: what to do. I want to leave, but I really

1051
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:02,319
Speaker 3: do feel like, deep down he's the man I am

1052
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:05,719
Speaker 3: to marry. Also, my parents do not like him at all,

1053
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:09,320
Speaker 3: and they make it known, which makes it even harder.

1054
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:10,360
Speaker 1: Please help me.

1055
00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:14,479
Speaker 2: She's Jamaican. She's Jamaican too, and she's ja Jamaican parents

1056
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:18,080
Speaker 2: don't be liking people. That's just what it is.

1057
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,560
Speaker 1: That's true because you know, listen, mom, Mimi gave me

1058
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:22,400
Speaker 1: a hard way to go.

1059
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 3: Me me almost fumbled the bag for you.

1060
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 1: Like song says, married Donovan not de vow.

1061
00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 3: All right, So he keeps putting off the date, putting

1062
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:37,839
Speaker 3: off the date. So it's giving what he doesn't want

1063
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 3: to get married Devau, What do you think.

1064
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 1: I don't think that it's given that to me.

1065
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:43,960
Speaker 2: It's thinking that he said he wants things to be

1066
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 2: together financially, but they're starting a business, so things aren't

1067
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 2: together financially. It could also be that he does not

1068
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 2: want his wife to settle because then he would have

1069
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:54,239
Speaker 2: to hear for the rest of his life how I

1070
00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:58,480
Speaker 2: settled for this wedding. A lot of times I understand,

1071
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:01,560
Speaker 2: right when a woman says, and I'm not going to generalize,

1072
00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:03,960
Speaker 2: but when a woman says, babe, I don't need this,

1073
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:06,680
Speaker 2: I just want this, and then you give them what

1074
00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 2: they say they just want, and then later on you

1075
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 2: got to hear about how they just settle for that.

1076
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,240
Speaker 1: Nobody wants to hear that you've done.

1077
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:15,920
Speaker 2: That before, right, and that it doesn't feel good to me.

1078
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:17,840
Speaker 2: It didn't feel good to me, And as a man,

1079
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 2: you don't ever want to feel like your wife or

1080
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 2: your girlfriend had to settle.

1081
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:22,799
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

1082
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:25,200
Speaker 2: You want her to have everything her heart desires, and

1083
00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 2: sometimes as you're planning and trying, things don't go the

1084
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:32,560
Speaker 2: way you wanted them to go financially, and I feel

1085
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 2: I don't know him, I don't know his story. I

1086
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:36,880
Speaker 2: know that she's kind of anty, and she's like, yo,

1087
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,920
Speaker 2: it's been time, and she's putting her foot down, like

1088
00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 2: we have to live separately, similar to you. Two thousand

1089
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:45,680
Speaker 2: and seven, Kadina and I were living together in Michigan

1090
00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 2: and she was like, YEA, I think I'm gonna go

1091
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:49,160
Speaker 2: back to my parents' house if we're not going to

1092
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 2: get married.

1093
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:51,000
Speaker 1: I don't want to be a living girlfriend.

1094
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:56,200
Speaker 2: I understand now your perspective then, but at that time

1095
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 2: I didn't.

1096
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 3: Understand make sense.

1097
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:00,080
Speaker 2: And I was kind of like, yo, like why are

1098
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:03,400
Speaker 2: you forcing me to do something when I can't physically

1099
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:05,600
Speaker 2: give you what I know that you want?

1100
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:09,600
Speaker 3: And it all might also be sis that maybe your

1101
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:12,879
Speaker 3: fiance knowing how your parents feel about him, because they've

1102
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:15,480
Speaker 3: made it known that they don't necessarily care for him,

1103
00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:18,600
Speaker 3: he does not want to enter into a marriage with you,

1104
00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:23,200
Speaker 3: and then shit flop and then they be like see Metelia,

1105
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:25,719
Speaker 3: and I like him from money, And that's all you're

1106
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:28,359
Speaker 3: going to hear over and over again because they won't

1107
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:30,880
Speaker 3: let you live it down that he's pretty much married

1108
00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:33,040
Speaker 3: you or they're marrying you off to this man who

1109
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 3: essentially is not going to be able to sustain your lifestyle.

1110
00:48:36,880 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 3: And having started two businesses, there probably is a lot

1111
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,600
Speaker 3: going on. I when Devala is in his business mindset

1112
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,440
Speaker 3: and DeVos trying to grow some business, or he has

1113
00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:47,319
Speaker 3: an idea and he's in like work mode, he don't

1114
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 3: want to hear about nothing else in that moment. So

1115
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 3: he could essentially just be putting things off because he

1116
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:56,240
Speaker 3: just mentally might be bogged down from getting these businesses started.

1117
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:58,759
Speaker 3: You know, that's only something we can you can know,

1118
00:48:58,880 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 3: because we don't know how.

1119
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:02,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't know him like that. We don't really

1120
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:06,480
Speaker 2: know you like that. But this sounds very similar to us.

1121
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 2: And I'll give you the most realist feeling that I

1122
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:12,839
Speaker 2: had one time in your parents' house. I just got

1123
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:15,640
Speaker 2: cut from the lions. We come back we get married,

1124
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:18,400
Speaker 2: we have this big wedding. Right, have this big wedding.

1125
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:20,680
Speaker 2: We have to move back into the apartment. We moved

1126
00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:23,680
Speaker 2: back into the apartment you pregnant. I'm like, yo, these walls.

1127
00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:25,600
Speaker 2: My wife is not going to live in this old

1128
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:28,920
Speaker 2: apartment like this. So we had to live with your

1129
00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:32,280
Speaker 2: parents for about three months while they renovated the whole apartment.

1130
00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:36,840
Speaker 2: Do you know how less of a man I felt

1131
00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:41,680
Speaker 2: with my pregnant wife staying in Sakari's room because Sakari

1132
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 2: was at boarding school. After I promised your parents that

1133
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:47,440
Speaker 2: I was going to take care of you, like, I know,

1134
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:50,040
Speaker 2: you probably didn't feel like, well, this is my responsibility

1135
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:51,799
Speaker 2: to get us out of here, because you was just like, oh,

1136
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:52,839
Speaker 2: we can stay at my parents' house.

1137
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:53,279
Speaker 1: Be cool.

1138
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 2: I felt like I was feeling as a man, like

1139
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:01,120
Speaker 2: I'm like, yo, Remember I asked your your pop. I said, Pops,

1140
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,640
Speaker 2: how did you feel when your daughter was back at home?

1141
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 1: You know?

1142
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:09,759
Speaker 2: With it was me, you Kingston and Achilles. So we

1143
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:12,840
Speaker 2: had two dogs living in their house for three months.

1144
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:17,120
Speaker 2: Like you didn't feel like like like my my daughter's back.

1145
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 2: He was like, nah, you know, it's just this is

1146
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:20,360
Speaker 2: what you guys have to do.

1147
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 1: You got to do it.

1148
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:23,840
Speaker 3: You have to do My dad, Loki loves roll together,

1149
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:26,799
Speaker 3: he loves he loves all the family together in one house.

1150
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:28,440
Speaker 1: So many ninety you'd be like, you guys, don't have

1151
00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:29,200
Speaker 1: to go back to the apartment.

1152
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:31,640
Speaker 3: You can stay and I'm like, Dad, we gotta go home.

1153
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:33,400
Speaker 1: But I know your mother wasn't liking it.

1154
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:36,279
Speaker 3: She was probably just like she see where this will go.

1155
00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 2: Now send its football, Pa this football and is going

1156
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:41,440
Speaker 2: to do this. And then remember I was telling I'm

1157
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:43,520
Speaker 2: starting to start in the business, you know, starting a

1158
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:48,120
Speaker 2: football training program. Jim, he's going to open the gym. Now, okay, okay,

1159
00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 2: let's see where this goes. Like, I know what that

1160
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:52,960
Speaker 2: feels like as a man, to have that pressure to

1161
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,239
Speaker 2: be able to be everything you want to be for

1162
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:59,880
Speaker 2: your wife. I think more people should understand what that

1163
00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:03,200
Speaker 2: looks like before they say here's an ultimatum, We're either

1164
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:05,640
Speaker 2: doing this this way or it's not gonna work, because

1165
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:09,320
Speaker 2: that pressure realistically does not fall on you as a woman.

1166
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:10,399
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

1167
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:14,200
Speaker 2: If things don't happen financially, people don't ever look at

1168
00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:16,000
Speaker 2: me and be like, what is Kadeen doing?

1169
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 1: They look at me like, what is happening?

1170
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:22,960
Speaker 3: You know what I'm that is a fact?

1171
00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 1: Think about it.

1172
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 2: Did anybody when we move back to Brooklyn and we

1173
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 2: had to live in the apartment, did anybody ever say

1174
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 2: to you, Kadeen, why aren't you picking yourself up by

1175
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:33,920
Speaker 2: your bootstraps and helping out and doing all this?

1176
00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:35,920
Speaker 1: And anybody ever say that to you?

1177
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:35,960
Speaker 3: No?

1178
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:36,839
Speaker 1: Your mom, your mom.

1179
00:51:36,920 --> 00:51:38,799
Speaker 3: That's one thing, mam your my mom might be hard

1180
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,960
Speaker 3: on you, but she's equally hard on probably.

1181
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 1: Ten times I will give Mimi that. Mimi was definitely

1182
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:45,160
Speaker 1: on you, like.

1183
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 3: She's just like, and what are you doing to contribute?

1184
00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 3: What's next for you? And what is your plan?

1185
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:51,120
Speaker 1: She says that.

1186
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:54,000
Speaker 3: Now still living in this house with us, she looks

1187
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:55,399
Speaker 3: at me some days like, so what are you doing?

1188
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:57,239
Speaker 3: So what's next? I was like, mine, you don't even

1189
00:51:57,239 --> 00:51:58,480
Speaker 3: have any clue about what I do?

1190
00:51:58,480 --> 00:51:59,879
Speaker 1: Do you? She don't.

1191
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:03,560
Speaker 2: But think about it other than your mom than anybody else,

1192
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:07,400
Speaker 2: look at your no, no, you know, but think about

1193
00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:09,680
Speaker 2: Tiff for example, Oh yeah, Tiff.

1194
00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:12,200
Speaker 1: Which was friends going to do? Is be life? Say

1195
00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 1: it to you? So how long?

1196
00:52:16,120 --> 00:52:17,680
Speaker 3: She was like, how long are you about to let

1197
00:52:17,719 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 3: this acting thing? Right out until it's no more.

1198
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:23,320
Speaker 1: And I'm like, you know what, I love to for

1199
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:26,200
Speaker 1: saying that. You want to know why she was honestly concerned?

1200
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:28,560
Speaker 3: She genuinely was, and I mean tell me about it.

1201
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:30,279
Speaker 3: She was like friends being friends with both of us,

1202
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:31,080
Speaker 3: just like what.

1203
00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:33,719
Speaker 2: The she said to me, She said, I've known you

1204
00:52:33,719 --> 00:52:35,600
Speaker 2: since college. You've always been good at school, you good

1205
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:37,960
Speaker 2: with business. You expected me to believe at that time

1206
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:39,680
Speaker 2: that acting was going to be the thing that got

1207
00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:41,480
Speaker 2: you like she just didn't see it. She was like,

1208
00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:44,719
Speaker 2: you've always done business like you've done well. Why was

1209
00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:45,640
Speaker 2: it that so?

1210
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:46,560
Speaker 1: And I respect her?

1211
00:52:46,560 --> 00:52:48,680
Speaker 2: And this is another thing for you people who have friends,

1212
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:51,120
Speaker 2: When you have friends who tell you the truth, don't

1213
00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:53,200
Speaker 2: be mad at your friends, for that's why.

1214
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:56,959
Speaker 1: They're your friends. You would hope they would not.

1215
00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:59,080
Speaker 2: Just not just applaud for you in your face and

1216
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:01,879
Speaker 2: in behind your back, be like, I don't know, nah,

1217
00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:05,239
Speaker 2: Tiffany applauded and then to k was just like what

1218
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:06,680
Speaker 2: is this? And then to me it was just like

1219
00:53:06,719 --> 00:53:09,240
Speaker 2: the val like how long you're gonna have my friend

1220
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:10,359
Speaker 2: working at the mall?

1221
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:11,560
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

1222
00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:15,319
Speaker 2: But those pressures I felt and I just want her

1223
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:17,759
Speaker 2: to understand that those are the pressures that men feel true,

1224
00:53:17,880 --> 00:53:20,480
Speaker 2: and we got to own that pressure the same way

1225
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:22,760
Speaker 2: the pressure for y'all will be well when you're having kids,

1226
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:25,240
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, Like, no one ever asks

1227
00:53:25,239 --> 00:53:27,879
Speaker 2: a man, it's you know when you have kids, when

1228
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:29,439
Speaker 2: you have a kids, that doesn't happen to us.

1229
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:32,440
Speaker 1: There's certain pressures.

1230
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:34,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's pressures that society puts on certain genders.

1231
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:35,799
Speaker 1: And that's one of themen.

1232
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:38,000
Speaker 3: I want what your plan inside when you say you

1233
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:41,239
Speaker 3: need to live separately, because living separately, if you're gonna

1234
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:42,719
Speaker 3: be paying a rent, he's gonna be paying a rent

1235
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:44,400
Speaker 3: or two separate sets of bills. That too, is not

1236
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 3: also physically responsible. So financially that might be a lot

1237
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:49,920
Speaker 3: too if you're going to be living separately.

1238
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:51,680
Speaker 2: But I think, but you know what's funny, she's probably

1239
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:53,479
Speaker 2: not even thinking about that because you weren't thinking about

1240
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:56,520
Speaker 2: your plan. You weren't working, and you were living with

1241
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,239
Speaker 2: me in Michigan. But she was like, I'm thinking I'm

1242
00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:00,319
Speaker 2: gonna go back home to my mom because parents you

1243
00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:02,960
Speaker 2: was thinking about fiscal responsibility. You were just like, no,

1244
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 2: I want to be a wife and I'm not going

1245
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,320
Speaker 2: to be a living girlfriend in fact, so I understand where.

1246
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:08,960
Speaker 3: She's where she's coming from you. But the good thing

1247
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:10,399
Speaker 3: is that you're writing in right to trying to get

1248
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 3: our little two cents. We don't have all the answers

1249
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:14,400
Speaker 3: to this, and of course we're only working with what

1250
00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:18,000
Speaker 3: we got in this paragraph that you wrote us. But Sistern,

1251
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:21,839
Speaker 3: I think it's worth having more conversations to find out

1252
00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:24,160
Speaker 3: why exactly he's not ready and why the date is

1253
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:25,600
Speaker 3: not sticking.

1254
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:29,000
Speaker 2: And when he tells you, don't try to make up

1255
00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:31,360
Speaker 2: your own narrative as to what's really happening. If he

1256
00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:34,840
Speaker 2: tells you believe him, if that's the man you chose

1257
00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:38,440
Speaker 2: and you used proper discernment. If he tells you believe him,

1258
00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:40,279
Speaker 2: don't try to make up your own story about what

1259
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:43,680
Speaker 2: it is. And do if she wants to get married

1260
00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:45,319
Speaker 2: or move in a certain way and she's letting you

1261
00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:48,400
Speaker 2: know what it is, don't take that from her and say, well,

1262
00:54:48,440 --> 00:54:51,240
Speaker 2: you got to do things on my timeline. Be honest

1263
00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:56,160
Speaker 2: and say, baby, I would be more comfortable doing this

1264
00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:58,120
Speaker 2: if I had this amount of money in my bank account,

1265
00:54:58,160 --> 00:55:01,359
Speaker 2: because then I know we would be fine. Or when

1266
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:03,640
Speaker 2: my business gets to this level, we'll be good. But

1267
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:05,799
Speaker 2: when you're vague as a man and you say, well,

1268
00:55:05,840 --> 00:55:07,200
Speaker 2: we're just waiting, we're just waiting.

1269
00:55:07,719 --> 00:55:09,719
Speaker 1: Nah, that doesn't work for women either.

1270
00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 3: Facts and address your parents. They can't be disrespecting your

1271
00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:14,200
Speaker 3: man either. I had to put my foot down at

1272
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:16,239
Speaker 3: one point my parents and be like, listen, this is

1273
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:18,160
Speaker 3: the way it's going to be, and I just need

1274
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:18,640
Speaker 3: your support.

1275
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:20,799
Speaker 1: So there you go, all right. If you like to

1276
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:21,439
Speaker 1: be featured as.

1277
00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:24,280
Speaker 3: One of our listener letters, email us at dead ass

1278
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 3: Advice at gmail dot com.

1279
00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:29,600
Speaker 2: That's d E A d A S S A D

1280
00:55:29,719 --> 00:55:32,680
Speaker 2: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1281
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:36,760
Speaker 3: Love it and we're talking traveling with kids. Moment of truth.

1282
00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:41,839
Speaker 3: Leada Ass is home. I'm just kidding. What's your moment

1283
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:42,440
Speaker 3: of truth? Babe?

1284
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:44,720
Speaker 1: My moment of truth is that the travel is worth it.

1285
00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:45,000
Speaker 1: It is.

1286
00:55:45,080 --> 00:55:47,920
Speaker 2: We made jokes about it being expensive because it is expensive,

1287
00:55:48,239 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 2: but every single moment we had on vacation with these

1288
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:52,960
Speaker 2: young men was so worth it.

1289
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:54,560
Speaker 3: It was so worth it that was actually gonna be

1290
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:56,120
Speaker 3: my moment of truth. My own truth is actually going

1291
00:55:56,200 --> 00:55:58,879
Speaker 3: to be that. In addition to and just be strategic

1292
00:55:59,120 --> 00:56:02,400
Speaker 3: with when you're gonna plan the vacation after, because you

1293
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 3: don't need to recoup after the same way we joke

1294
00:56:05,719 --> 00:56:07,279
Speaker 3: and say that this house is not really our house

1295
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:09,080
Speaker 3: and we just stay here because it's the kid's house.

1296
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:11,919
Speaker 3: It's the same thing with kids' vacations and stuff. It's

1297
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:14,640
Speaker 3: for them to enjoy, and it's so worth it to

1298
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:16,200
Speaker 3: see the light in their eyes when they're in a

1299
00:56:16,280 --> 00:56:18,919
Speaker 3: different space and they're absorbing things for the first time

1300
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:21,640
Speaker 3: and trying things for the first time, snorkeling for the

1301
00:56:21,680 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 3: first time, jumping off a boat for the first time,

1302
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:26,080
Speaker 3: like those are so many memories that you know they'll

1303
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:27,959
Speaker 3: be able to tell these stories for years to come.

1304
00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:32,480
Speaker 3: All right, y'all, be sure to follow us on Patreon

1305
00:56:32,520 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 3: if you have not yet. Exclusive Deadass podcast video is

1306
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:37,400
Speaker 3: there and you might see some family action. You might

1307
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:40,759
Speaker 3: see some vacation stuff on Patreon as well too. Be

1308
00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:42,560
Speaker 3: sure to follow us on social media too if you

1309
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Speaker 3: have not yet, dead Ass the podcast on Instagram, I'm Kadene,

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Speaker 3: I am and.

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Speaker 2: I am Devout, And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,

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Speaker 2: be sure to rate, review, and subscribe.

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Speaker 1: Dead Ass, y'all. Dead Ass.

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Speaker 4: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast network and

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Speaker 4: produced by Donora Pinya and Tribble. Follow the podcast on

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Speaker 4: social media at dead ass the Podcast and never miss

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Speaker 4: a Thing