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Speaker 1: Welcome to j dot im, a production of I Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: What's Up World? Wow, it's it's it's uh, it feels

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Speaker 1: like a long time, but it's not. This is j

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Speaker 1: dot il the podcast. I'm here with my sister friends,

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Speaker 1: Age is Great and Danzler. That's me. I'm the Gorge

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Speaker 1: Slayes st Clair. Yeah that's us. Yeah, yeah, that says.

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Speaker 1: This is Joe Scott. And today we're talking about something

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Speaker 1: that seems to it just seems to not die the

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Speaker 1: way I wanted to. I wanted to die a terrible,

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Speaker 1: terrible dude. Yeah I do. I do. Today we are

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Speaker 1: talking about poo puts, poop. Let us know what a

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Speaker 1: pop please? What's so poop? A poop put is a

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Speaker 1: grown ass man, y'all, like that fillionaire, a grown ass man. Actually, women,

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Speaker 1: females could be poop putts too. Typically it's not looked

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Speaker 1: at that way. But we'll talk about that, uh and why.

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Speaker 1: But we're talking about a poop putt. Is is a

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Speaker 1: grown man that is I don't know, uh, in his

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Speaker 1: forties living at home in the basement um at his

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Speaker 1: mom's house. And she's not sick and you're not taking

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Speaker 1: care of her right he is not a poop is

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Speaker 1: not a caregiver. Yeah, poo is not a caregiver. A

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Speaker 1: poop put asked to borrow the car. A poop put asked,

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Speaker 1: What's what what mom made for dinner every night? You know,

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Speaker 1: a poop poop put. I dated one of them in college.

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Speaker 1: I came front, I did, I d a whole poop

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Speaker 1: but he must have. He was almost thirty years old,

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Speaker 1: still in undergrad like you're gonna be in school side,

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Speaker 1: what's going I remember him saying something to me about

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Speaker 1: I was like, so when are you you know, when

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Speaker 1: are you going to move out? Like you should move out?

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Speaker 1: And he said that why would he leave the castle?

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Speaker 1: Why should he leave the castle? And it's all set

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Speaker 1: up for him and all. That's like one of my

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Speaker 1: favorite episodes of Sex in the City, the dude that

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Speaker 1: lived in the penthouse apartment with his mom and his

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Speaker 1: daddy and then when they came home he had to

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Speaker 1: run because they were smoking weed to eat munkey's. But

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Speaker 1: he was forty years old, right right, I'm gonna give

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Speaker 1: this to myself. I'm going to say that I dated

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Speaker 1: a poop ut because you know, it's that thing in us,

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Speaker 1: so we see potential in somebody and the pen and

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Speaker 1: the penis marvel There we go. That's really come on,

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Speaker 1: keep a real agent. That's what it really is, the

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Speaker 1: peni because if the penis marvelous, many things good, really

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Speaker 1: many faults. Yeah, but it wasn't that though, it wasn't.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't the penni. What it was was that he

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Speaker 1: fit a lot of the characteristics at the time for

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Speaker 1: my family, and my family liked that he was in school,

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Speaker 1: even though he was in school firm. My family like

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Speaker 1: that he had parents. Father, Yeah, yeah, yeah, all the

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Speaker 1: all the stuff, because that's not something that you know,

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Speaker 1: I grew up with our salt on a regular basis,

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Speaker 1: was a mother and doesn't because your standards is low. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: damn it, damn it. Listen, we can have another conversation

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Speaker 1: about choosing from trauma as poo put is much funner.

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Speaker 1: Let's stay there. Poot. Yeah, so that particular poop put. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I dated him because my family thought he was awesome.

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Speaker 1: Where is he now, Jille, Do you know if he's

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Speaker 1: still living with his he's well, no, he's not living

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Speaker 1: with his parents. Unfortunately they passed. Um don't well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think so. Um they haven't spoken to him and

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Speaker 1: a long time and really don't have any need. So

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Speaker 1: basically what he did was he waited out them poor parents.

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Speaker 1: They don't passed away. And now he has the house

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Speaker 1: to himself. Now he's the king. He look, look what

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Speaker 1: what's the thing. It's like he's a kid. He's not

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Speaker 1: only a member, but he is the poop President President,

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Speaker 1: because that's your goal, president, because one day, Jill, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna own this house. You see, it's all want to

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Speaker 1: be mine. So I just need to see you see

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Speaker 1: I'm watching let us home. This is terrible because okay,

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Speaker 1: wait minute, okay, okay, So how exactly do we you know,

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Speaker 1: what is the criteria like when we're looking at the

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Speaker 1: poop A six, right, how do we separate who is

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Speaker 1: the pooper and who is just like in transition? How

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Speaker 1: do ye? Yes? Because there's some people who like and

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Speaker 1: I've told my children this. I was like, listen, this

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Speaker 1: is your home for your life. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: You are always welcome here, you can always come back here, right,

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Speaker 1: So I just want to know the audience and certain cultures,

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Speaker 1: that's what they do anyway, until you get your money

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Speaker 1: up that part. Yeah, so it's a slippery slope because

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Speaker 1: sometimes you know, um, somebody like you said, they're in

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Speaker 1: transition or they're trying to figure it out, which we've

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Speaker 1: all done. You know, like, what am I gonna do

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Speaker 1: with my life? How? How am I gonna make this?

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Speaker 1: Wait a minute, let me say this too. I know

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Speaker 1: it's not fair. Yeah, I was gonna say that I

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Speaker 1: was a poop pup, but that's not fair. That's not

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Speaker 1: it's not true because I had to take care of

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Speaker 1: my family, you know, so I didn't move out till

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Speaker 1: I was twenties. Wow, that's still yeah. I had to

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Speaker 1: take care of myself. You were paying bills though, because

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Speaker 1: sometimes because poopus don't, they don't pay rent, pooputs don't.

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Speaker 1: They namde on none of the bills. No, Poopus paid

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Speaker 1: three hundred dollars a month, no matter what the mortages

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Speaker 1: with free food and free lights and free gas and

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Speaker 1: free water and free you know all of that. They

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Speaker 1: but they paid three hundred dollars a month flat feet. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we gotta we gotta finish this list, though, Jill, because

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Speaker 1: you you kind of started, but I might do. Poop

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Speaker 1: Puts always have money for we and a video game,

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Speaker 1: but nene for anything else. Tell me what did I

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Speaker 1: don't go with that. Yes, I'm gonna say yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: and so and and and honestly, like a poop put,

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Speaker 1: don't have a plan. I have big dreams, big dream stuff,

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Speaker 1: a lot of ideas. But they don't write business plans.

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Speaker 1: They don't don't write. They got a lot of dreams.

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Speaker 1: And so let me ask you a question. A lot

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Speaker 1: of times successful men do tell these stories about these

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Speaker 1: ride or die women that you know, live the poop

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Speaker 1: put existence for a while, hung in there and did this,

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Speaker 1: and that she was with me when I didn't have nothing,

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Speaker 1: when I was shooting in a gym. Yes, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: that she was with me when I wasn't nod body.

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Speaker 1: And so they tell that story there. So I just

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Speaker 1: want I don't want nobody to miss out on their blessing.

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Speaker 1: This is what I'm saying, Like I'm just I'm only

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Speaker 1: paying you know, I don't like to say the devil's

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Speaker 1: that kids. I'm playing the opposite for the moment, so

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Speaker 1: that we can make sure that we're clear, we don't

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Speaker 1: stare no women away from their little blessing. And you know,

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Speaker 1: just that we make sure that we clear on what

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Speaker 1: it is. So they don't write plans, they don't pay

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Speaker 1: bills that three a month, right about that? About that? Um,

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Speaker 1: they have big dreams. Are these dreams? Do we need

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Speaker 1: to Is this a dream? Because I heard somebody tell

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Speaker 1: me after a certain age, like if your man is

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Speaker 1: gonna be a rapper? Well yeah, that's yeah, to like,

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Speaker 1: is it some dreams? Get cat? Yeah? Is there a cat? Boys?

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Speaker 1: Like the majority of entertainment performance dreams maybe getting capp.

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Speaker 1: You can write, you can still write your book, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Write your book, you know, or

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Speaker 1: no more dancing you can't be doing you know. But

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Speaker 1: the performative, Yeah, I think you should get you get

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Speaker 1: that up where you gotta up like that? I'm thinking, Well,

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Speaker 1: I mean I damn ta stam a pool put? What

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Speaker 1: about a team turn? Because Tina Turner didn't start her

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Speaker 1: solo career that she was volting five, but she did

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Speaker 1: start her other Her career as a whole started when

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Speaker 1: she was four teams. Okay, that's true, that's true. That's true.

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Speaker 1: She was to keep that working and earning. She just

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Speaker 1: wasn't getting any of her money, right right, right, right,

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Speaker 1: all right? So here's my question out here in the

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Speaker 1: single streets, right and even even in the marriage stree,

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Speaker 1: when you start making a list of to things you

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Speaker 1: want right, certain things over time outweigh some other things.

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Speaker 1: So I'm I'm curious that if the pol, if the

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Speaker 1: poolp put is loyal, if the poop is kind, h

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Speaker 1: if the poop put is important, if the poop put

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Speaker 1: and he's funny, funny, so would you take the pool

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Speaker 1: putt over the one that have his own place and

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Speaker 1: have his own plans. But maybe he can't keep his

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Speaker 1: pinion to himself. Maybe not, Maybe he's not so nice,

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Speaker 1: maybe he not really funny, you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: Like I don't know, Like what's the toss up? Because

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Speaker 1: I think sometimes, I mean, we start to weigh things

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Speaker 1: a little differently when we know and when you just

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Speaker 1: have experiences, some experiences will shift that because I personally cannot,

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Speaker 1: I can't be around nobody, I can't handle fun around

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Speaker 1: yeah word, I'm sorry. We got to be silly, goofy

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Speaker 1: the whole not And unfortunately most pools are really fun

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Speaker 1: because that's a qualification. Good time, yes, but that's what

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Speaker 1: is a good time. You don't necessary you don't invest

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Speaker 1: your future in the poop buttinly, do your best not

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Speaker 1: to have no babies with a poop. And to answer

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Speaker 1: your question, Asia, you usually write somewhere a poop plu

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Speaker 1: can pick up a baby from school, a poop can

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Speaker 1: can bay. They just can't afford it. They just can't

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Speaker 1: afford defeat it, you know, because they gotta get that nude. Yeah, y'all, listen,

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Speaker 1: we know. I do know one thing though that Jill

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Speaker 1: did say this a while ago, and it's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of us want to avoid raising

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Speaker 1: and or guiding anyone into put and so girl back

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Speaker 1: because you know, my son staying on your phone like

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Speaker 1: this conversation. I was saying, y'all like mothers. But you

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Speaker 1: you're right, okay, okay, so you you you got a

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Speaker 1: dog in this, right, You're right, You're right, You're right.

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Speaker 1: Some only feel like a lot of single mom set

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Speaker 1: sons up to be You gotta talk about it, Jill,

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Speaker 1: talk about because because that's there make them up, because

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Speaker 1: they hold them accountable for for their life and their actions.

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Speaker 1: They're not required to earn a living for themselves, they're

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Speaker 1: not required to take care of their children. That they're

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Speaker 1: not required, you know, to to do much that a

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Speaker 1: man as an adult, an adult should do. And I

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Speaker 1: think that that is a problem. Like that frightens me. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: I think about it a lot, like Okay, I do

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Speaker 1: not want to raise whether it's my my sins is

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Speaker 1: my son and all my nephews and and you know,

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Speaker 1: all the little young men that I love. I can't

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Speaker 1: take it. I will not have it like no, son,

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Speaker 1: No you need chores. How close is the pool? But

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Speaker 1: to the mama's boy, what's the what's the relationship between

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Speaker 1: the poop? But I definitely have a mama's boy and

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Speaker 1: hand nobody poop. But word, no, my son. You know,

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Speaker 1: I would say he were good friends. We have a

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Speaker 1: respect relationship, that's clear, you know what I'm saying. But

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Speaker 1: he's extremely independent, and you know and and and he

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Speaker 1: there's there's boundaries and requirements to his life sentence. You

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Speaker 1: know this that understanding. There will never be a woman

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Speaker 1: more important in your life, ever, ever, ever than the

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Speaker 1: one that is talking to you right now. I have

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Speaker 1: never let those words utter through my list. But I

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Speaker 1: think that's some women who got man in the house

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Speaker 1: to say that mess to their sons. It all depends

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Speaker 1: on the relationship that they have with the man involved,

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Speaker 1: because I know you noticed that you had said something

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Speaker 1: about with with some single moms do this, and I

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Speaker 1: have seen it happen with single mothers absolutely, But I

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Speaker 1: also seen that happen with mothers who have husbands or

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Speaker 1: men in the house too. It all depends on the

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Speaker 1: personality of said man. I was about to say, is

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Speaker 1: that the man, Yeah, because you're trying to raise the

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Speaker 1: sound to everything that man in the house there is

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Speaker 1: not maybe maybe not also too a thing is this?

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Speaker 1: Here's the thing too. And and this happens with parents,

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Speaker 1: depending on what happened to the kid or the parents.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes parents can poo put their children just because they

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Speaker 1: know that child may have had a traumatic experience or

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Speaker 1: something happened, and their whole energy is around making life

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Speaker 1: easier for the kids because they know that the kid's

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Speaker 1: been through some things that watch go back and watch

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Speaker 1: ray ship. That was some bomb ass mother, And to

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Speaker 1: me who that was somebody? She sat there, she stood there,

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Speaker 1: and she held herself while her child, who had gonline,

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Speaker 1: was trying to find her and calling out her name,

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Speaker 1: and and she just stood there. I was like that

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Speaker 1: is not gonna be a poop put. It could be

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Speaker 1: a lot of things, right, but our goal as parents

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Speaker 1: are just I'll speak for myself as a parent, like

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Speaker 1: I need this, this boy and my nephew to walk

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Speaker 1: away from me, to to leave our home and fly fly.

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Speaker 1: I don't want you to come back to the nest.

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Speaker 1: You can come back and visit for two weeks, but

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Speaker 1: you can't live here. You had your time to live

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Speaker 1: here now and set yourself up for the world. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to obviously, I'm going to help you set yourself up,

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Speaker 1: but I'm not a t M. You're going to have

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Speaker 1: to make your way in the world. Why because I did?

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Speaker 1: Because because it's mandatory. How many jobs did I have ship?

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Speaker 1: I had sold many jobs. I work contract because demolition. Yea,

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying like, there's some stuff that you could

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Speaker 1: do to take care of yourself, and I'm gonna I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna need you to figure out what that is now

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Speaker 1: while you're going to school. Yes, I'm here to help

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Speaker 1: for that, absolutely, you know, if that's what you're trying

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Speaker 1: to do. They usually come back a little bit after

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Speaker 1: to Jim, I've heard these things, but but there's a

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Speaker 1: time limit on that in my mind, because you have

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Speaker 1: to you gotta fly, baby, you gotta go out there

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Speaker 1: and fly and make your life. It's it's I feel

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Speaker 1: like that's as a as a woman who only has

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Speaker 1: one child, that is my goal to make sure that

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Speaker 1: he is self sufficient, that he can take care of himself.

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Speaker 1: He can wash his clothes, he can iron his clothes,

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Speaker 1: he can cook some food, he can clean you know

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Speaker 1: for his home goes. That he has a drive and

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Speaker 1: a reason to have a drive. You know that he

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Speaker 1: has that. Yes, because put poopos have potential, but no

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Speaker 1: vision and no drive and and very little work ethic.

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Speaker 1: They get by. It's just enough to survive. It's not

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Speaker 1: enough to thrive. More real talk after the break, Let's

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Speaker 1: consider let's let's consider the idea that the confidence needed

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Speaker 1: to go out and and thrive right comes from a

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Speaker 1: lot of different things. And so when people are unable

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Speaker 1: to do this, you know that that has a source.

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Speaker 1: And it may not be as simple as oh um,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to. You know, just as the desire

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Speaker 1: as a parent to not want to raise someone who

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Speaker 1: doesn't have this desire, Because a parent can have a

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Speaker 1: desire to not want to raise someone who has who

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Speaker 1: struggles with this and still end up with a child

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Speaker 1: that struggles with this. For many many reasons, and for

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Speaker 1: men in particular, I feel we do a very terrible

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Speaker 1: job of identifying depression, anxiety, or any of these things

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Speaker 1: that are usually underneath the surface of of a poop

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Speaker 1: that situation. And I'm not saying it's not always the case.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's always that case. But this is

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Speaker 1: a societal thing, right. We don't expect for men to

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Speaker 1: struggle with this thing. We want men to. We want

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Speaker 1: boys and boy children to exhibit this fearlessness, this this

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Speaker 1: uh you know, ability to go out and make a

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Speaker 1: way for themselves. We have this expectation of them, and

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Speaker 1: when when they don't display it at as the outside world,

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Speaker 1: I don't see us always immediately go to compassion with it. Right,

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Speaker 1: And so I'm not saying go day the dude. I'm

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Speaker 1: not saying go have a kid with the dude. I'm

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Speaker 1: just saying that we're gonna have to dig a little deeper,

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Speaker 1: particularly with our guys, because like right now, we've we've

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Speaker 1: dealt with several different situations with men in public that

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Speaker 1: have exhibited all kinds of toxic stuff. And when you

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Speaker 1: peel back the layers, it's like, yeah, recently stuff has happened.

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Speaker 1: This person has some stuff with them, and so this this,

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Speaker 1: there's a spectrum of that. So all I'm saying is

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Speaker 1: this as parents, right, So if you can look back,

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Speaker 1: even at Ray, the situation with Ray, although this was

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Speaker 1: a really powerful moment for his mother, his mother is

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Speaker 1: also dealing with a few realities here, some realities of

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Speaker 1: having a child born in the earlier part of the

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Speaker 1: ninety What you figure he's born in the nineteen thirties,

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Speaker 1: yea early nineteen thirties, night late, okay. So she's looking

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Speaker 1: at a child, a black boy, child in the nineteen thirties, okay,

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Speaker 1: who also has a physical disability. So she realizes that

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Speaker 1: his chances of death are high, you know. And so this,

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Speaker 1: this the survival parenting is something as black people that

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Speaker 1: we've depended on for many, many decades that we're going

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Speaker 1: to have to eventually slide up out of. Now that

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean that the other part of that spectrum is

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Speaker 1: this disengaged, passive, aggressive as parenting that ends up with

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Speaker 1: a child that can't even thrive. But what it does mean,

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Speaker 1: is finding that little part in the middle where we

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Speaker 1: begin to parent from a place that says everybody doesn't

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Speaker 1: learn the same, everybody does not thrive the same, everybody

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Speaker 1: doesn't launch at the same time. People will need this

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Speaker 1: or that. If they don't have that, they're not going

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Speaker 1: to function the same as a person who who did

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Speaker 1: have that. So I don't know. I mean, I'm just

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Speaker 1: thinking about all of these things. My adult son has

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Speaker 1: never really given me an issue. But I got another

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Speaker 1: son coming, so who's a very different personality. He's eleven.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what type of twenty one year old

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Speaker 1: he's gonna be. I don't know what type of eighteen

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Speaker 1: year old he's gonna be. So I and I already

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Speaker 1: have to approach my parenting with him totally different. And

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Speaker 1: you also know, like, Okay, you don't know if you

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Speaker 1: get it right until they're You don't know if you

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Speaker 1: did that thing or not. As hard as you try

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Speaker 1: right now, you don't know, and you won't know until

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Speaker 1: they out of your house. M Then you know if

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Speaker 1: you go over there and the house is a disaster,

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Speaker 1: you know that you failed. You know you failed in

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Speaker 1: something you didn't you know. Make this a priority, you

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Speaker 1: know you or does your kid have adult a d

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Speaker 1: h D or does your kid does your kid have anxiety?

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Speaker 1: Let's take all of the stuff. Let's take all the

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Speaker 1: stuff outside. I have a girlfriend right now and her

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Speaker 1: her daughter has as Burgers, and it makes it very

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Speaker 1: complicated for her to have relationships. As Burgers is such

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Speaker 1: that you don't really have a filter. You don't really

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Speaker 1: have a filter, and you don't really know how to

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Speaker 1: engage with people and social cues and stuff like social

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Speaker 1: cues all reading the room and things like that. And

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Speaker 1: what she has done is she's paid attention to her

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Speaker 1: particulars and made it a point that she got into

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Speaker 1: that she put her into schools that would help her

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Speaker 1: with social relationships. She put her in places that will

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Speaker 1: benefit her particular that's parenting. What about parents who ain't

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Speaker 1: got money for those type of schools. Sometimes it's not

350
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Speaker 1: about money. It's about creativity. It's about thinking outside of

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Speaker 1: the box. If you don't have access to these resources,

352
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Speaker 1: about knowing these things. I mean, like I don't know

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Speaker 1: anything about asked Burgers and I and I have a

354
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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I can't afford private school.

355
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Speaker 1: But if you had a child who had as burgers

356
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Speaker 1: you wouldn't know about I would know if I had

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Speaker 1: access to doctors who would even do that, who would

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Speaker 1: give a give a right a correct diagnosis. You know

359
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Speaker 1: how many kids have incorrect diagnosis around learning disability, particularly

360
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Speaker 1: with black kids. It's particularly with black children. This is

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Speaker 1: all I'm saying. I'm only saying these things to say

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Speaker 1: that what we will ultimately have to think about in

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Speaker 1: terms of how we thrive outside of being children, Those

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Speaker 1: things are not separate from the child experience and the

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Speaker 1: parent experience, which is very much complicated when you are

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Speaker 1: trying to raise healthy black children and oftentimes when you

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Speaker 1: see an adult who has not been able to this

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Speaker 1: whole failure to launch idea. This experience is so much

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Speaker 1: different for our folks because it all kind of ties

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Speaker 1: into some sort of failure, but not the failure always

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Speaker 1: of the parenting. Often it's about what the parents have

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Speaker 1: at their disposal, knowledge and ways of knowledge, resources, or

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Speaker 1: even you know, something outside knowledge, outside of what they

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Speaker 1: knew for themselves. When I think about the way I

375
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Speaker 1: was raised, right, I love my mother. Everybody knows that

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Speaker 1: my mom might as well be an angel floating in

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Speaker 1: the sky. If you hear me talking about her, but

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Speaker 1: the truth, but the right right, literally a figuratively right. Amen.

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Speaker 1: But the bottom line is that she was raised with

380
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Speaker 1: some very kind of serious, you know, baby boomer ass

381
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Speaker 1: baggage that I had to sift room on my own.

382
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Speaker 1: But that didn't happen until I was older, and also

383
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Speaker 1: when I have my own children, because when my kids

384
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Speaker 1: were born, what did I think, boom, I had a

385
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Speaker 1: great mom parents kid like she parrited me, or or

386
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Speaker 1: I thought even with my father or with you know,

387
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Speaker 1: other situations where it's like, oh, well, that didn't really work.

388
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Speaker 1: So I'm gonna try to do the opposite of that.

389
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Speaker 1: So I think a lot of parenting and relationships that

390
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,880
Speaker 1: you have with children, it's all based on these kind

391
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Speaker 1: of preconceived notions about what that's supposed to be like.

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Speaker 1: And when I both know that black folks are way

393
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Speaker 1: behind the you know, the line or the wall or

394
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Speaker 1: whatever on what it means to be able to raise

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Speaker 1: a healthy, happy child, just because we're just under so

396
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Speaker 1: many different you know, boundaries and and ship in the world.

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Speaker 1: Excuse me, I couldn't find my wife. I know, I

398
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Speaker 1: know I'm not everybody, and you know, we talked about

399
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Speaker 1: that often. I know, I'm not anybody. I'm a different

400
00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:00,639
Speaker 1: kind of bird. But I grew up in the hood,

401
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 1: and I grew up around a lot of death um

402
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Speaker 1: on the corners, you know, I grew up around a

403
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 1: lot of poverty. But at the same exact time, I

404
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,719
Speaker 1: don't know if it was necessarily something that was in

405
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Speaker 1: me or something that my mother taught me. I'm gonna

406
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 1: give it to her. I'm gonna say my mother gave

407
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Speaker 1: it to me. She just kept finding beauty in everything,

408
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 1: beauty in everything, and that changed my perspective on my existence.

409
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 1: And when I looked around and I just saw I

410
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 1: felt like there wasn't enough beauty in the places that

411
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Speaker 1: I was in. And then, you know, she sent me

412
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Speaker 1: to free camp, you know, that kind of thing, just

413
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Speaker 1: to expand my mind. And then there was the Art

414
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:48,680
Speaker 1: Museum was free on Sunday, you know, just to see

415
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 1: something different and feels something and live music that was free.

416
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Speaker 1: We went because it was free, just trying to take

417
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Speaker 1: my mind out of what my circumstances were. What are

418
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:03,600
Speaker 1: sir thumstances where I think that to me was the

419
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Speaker 1: best part of her parenting, Just opening my mind to

420
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Speaker 1: what is more And that's how ill because if you

421
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 1: think about it, jail, it's already so different than what

422
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:19,119
Speaker 1: Jet is experiencing. Man, so that terrifies me. That terrorist,

423
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Speaker 1: he's never lived in the house of one bathroom. I

424
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Speaker 1: probably said this before, but you know that is my

425
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:29,679
Speaker 1: go to because you're going to the bathroom after somebody

426
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 1: then blew it up, but you really got it, but

427
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:37,639
Speaker 1: you really got to go. So you know, putn't perfume

428
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,400
Speaker 1: in your hand, it's a lotion and going there and pay,

429
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 1: you know, because you have to. He doesn't. He doesn't

430
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 1: have those experiences, but it's it. But it's to me.

431
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,359
Speaker 1: I don't want him. It's like the thought of him

432
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 1: being a poop, but it just works with me. My girlfriend,

433
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 1: my girlfriend was always saying this, like when you need

434
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 1: you to go and and hang out, Let's let's go

435
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 1: to Philly. Let's look around. What do you like? What

436
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,879
Speaker 1: do you don't? But don't you like? Okay, this is

437
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:10,640
Speaker 1: where I grew up. This is the street I grew

438
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 1: up on. This the house I grew up in. Is

439
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 1: you grew up here? Mommy? Yes I did, Yes, I did.

440
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 1: These These these steps are we sitting on right? Now, yeah,

441
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:22,160
Speaker 1: this is where I spent a lot of my time.

442
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 1: Oh oh wow, yeah yeah, check it out. Do you

443
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 1: like this? Is this what you want? If this is

444
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:32,680
Speaker 1: what he wants, If he if he only requires a

445
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:36,680
Speaker 1: house that is is forty two thousand dollars, then good

446
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,240
Speaker 1: for him. I need him to be able to pay

447
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 1: for it and live that life. I'm not asking him

448
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:45,920
Speaker 1: to be me. I'm asking him to to thrive or

449
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:49,200
Speaker 1: to be everything that he can be. That's all you

450
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:52,960
Speaker 1: want for you, I was saying. My homegirl who she was?

451
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:56,119
Speaker 1: She's on the show Janis Johnson Diets. She came on.

452
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,439
Speaker 1: She says all the time that for those of us

453
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,440
Speaker 1: whose children are growing up in these kind of much

454
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 1: better circumstances, they're like a big part of of them

455
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 1: understanding these things that are innately in us because of

456
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:14,160
Speaker 1: our our growing up that they will never experience that service. Right,

457
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: So service is a big thing. They're like making sure

458
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 1: that they understand what it is to be in service

459
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 1: to others and um that that makes a big difference

460
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,679
Speaker 1: in how they go out and become president in the world,

461
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:31,359
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Agreed, So they already have

462
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 1: it easier. You can't change that you can go outside.

463
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:39,240
Speaker 1: And that's the goal anyway. You know, when you have children,

464
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 1: want their lives to be better than what yours were, Right,

465
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 1: it all depends on what is the better? Is the better?

466
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 1: And just to throw the another aspect to y'all, because

467
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 1: we said we were gonna talk about the females too

468
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: when it comes to being pool puts. I mean, it's funny.

469
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 1: I was thinking about this and I was like, hey, now,

470
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 1: I have been in the career for all of my life,

471
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 1: literally since high school, the entertainment business, which is shaky

472
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: as hell. So a lot of us entertainment folks have

473
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 1: had to go home at some point, and even from Philadelphia,

474
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 1: like I've had to take breaks from getting fired from

475
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 1: a radio job in Philly and like go home to

476
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 1: my mother's house. And I was trying to in my mind,

477
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,200
Speaker 1: I was like, now, what's the difference in my mentality

478
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 1: and a poop? But I guess the difference in my

479
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 1: mentality is I did you want to live independently and

480
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 1: you wanted somebody's roof. You're trying to get there again, Yeah,

481
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 1: because a true poopa is like, oh I'm cool here.

482
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 1: My mom said I could stay here red free. I'm

483
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 1: gonna save my money and just chill as long as

484
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 1: I can. But I think the I guess the opposite

485
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 1: of that narrative is no, you want your own rules,

486
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 1: your own situation, but yeah, you may fall. And I'm

487
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 1: grateful that I had a parent who said to me,

488
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 1: if you ever do fall, your room is here. It

489
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 1: will always be here. And to this day in this

490
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 1: entertainment business, that has happened to me at least twice

491
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 1: where I've had to take a Philadelphia break from being

492
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 1: fired from radio and go sit in my room in

493
00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 1: my mama's house and figure it out while I was

494
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 1: still working part time radio on d C. Because I

495
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 1: ain't know poop But you know what I'm saying, right,

496
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 1: because you don't. You don't want to live under your

497
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 1: mama's room. Yeah, yes, but ladies we too, can You know?

498
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 1: There are some ladies that are quite set up. And

499
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 1: I think there's another thing that poo PUDs. I think

500
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 1: do they make unemployment a career? That check is enough?

501
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 1: You know, poop PUDs get by. Since we're still defining

502
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 1: what poop puts just get by. There is really no

503
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 1: desire to to advance because my Trader Joe's a Whole

504
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 1: Food started taking them. It was might as well just

505
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 1: taking Oh oh the what do you call it? EBT? Yeah, well,

506
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 1: I I ventured to say. I mean, I could be wrong.

507
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:06,880
Speaker 1: I really believe people who who have this failure to launch.

508
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 1: I really believe a lot of it is just depression.

509
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 1: And I think that I really believe out of it

510
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 1: is depression. We're happy, but happy. I'm happy, they're not happy.

511
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:26,520
Speaker 1: So I'm going on and I'm tired every time you're

512
00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 1: making us rethink everything. You ain't wrong. She always does that.

513
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 1: She's not wrong at all, being a conscious person. I

514
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,040
Speaker 1: just don't want to want to consider all these I mean,

515
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,120
Speaker 1: you don't have to get into a relationship with a

516
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 1: person who was suffering from mental illness. I mean, you

517
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 1: have the right to choose. But I will say this

518
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 1: much have the right to choose. And let me just

519
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: throw this out here and say it firmly. You have

520
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 1: the right to choose which issues you want to deal

521
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 1: with your talk about another person. You have the right

522
00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 1: to choose, and the obligation to choose is what you

523
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 1: want to deal with and what you don't. So if

524
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 1: this this kind of ideas mentality is cool with you

525
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 1: and you're good with it, then go forth have act.

526
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 1: But as for me, um from someone who has dated

527
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 1: a pooput and and did not want to be a

528
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 1: poop put like, I just can't. Like I I grew

529
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 1: up watching a lot of people be at home like

530
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,959
Speaker 1: their whole life with their parents. And I love my mom,

531
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:34,120
Speaker 1: but don't feel guilty. Now, what if they were depressed

532
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 1: and you just never really asked them the right questions?

533
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Everybody's gonna have issues everyone.

534
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:46,440
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not excusing behavior, yeah, I think, but

535
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 1: it feels like it feels like you're excusing I know,

536
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 1: I know, it's for every day. I know, I know,

537
00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 1: I know. But there is a reason you're everything. I mean,

538
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:05,760
Speaker 1: we do know. So you got to find out what

539
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 1: that reason is and then go forward. Well, this is

540
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 1: my thing, right, So no, I don't think that we

541
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 1: should be I don't think that you should have to

542
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 1: solve this for anyone. I certainly don't think you should

543
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:22,640
Speaker 1: put yourself in a position of emotional or physical harm

544
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 1: because you know this about a person. I think what

545
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: is what I'm asking us to do is to make

546
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:35,840
Speaker 1: sure that the way we view this person is fair,

547
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 1: and that we're using language that helps people to understand

548
00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 1: their own stuff. Because ifore telling people, hey, work your

549
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 1: own stuff out and we're not willing to discuss what

550
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 1: is really going on with them, they're not gonna ever

551
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 1: work it out because they won't see themselves as having

552
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,719
Speaker 1: a problem. It's like you said, this person will say, oh,

553
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 1: I'm happy or I ain't gotta pay no rent. They

554
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 1: will never dig deeper to see what is the real issue.

555
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 1: And that's that you're tion and part of people, part

556
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 1: of people doing that work is about how we discuss

557
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 1: it and and and it's like it's like anything in

558
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:13,439
Speaker 1: the world, like, for example, like how we require white

559
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 1: people to have their conversations in private. If their conversations

560
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:21,120
Speaker 1: in private are not are are are anti racist, that's

561
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 1: just as important as what they say on Twitter, or

562
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 1: what they say out at their job, or what they

563
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:27,719
Speaker 1: say in their resume, or what they say when they're

564
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:30,720
Speaker 1: in conversation with other people. So when we're talking about

565
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:33,560
Speaker 1: people who have this, I don't have a problem with

566
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:35,399
Speaker 1: the word poop put like you gotta have a turn.

567
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 1: But my point is as long as we understand that

568
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:41,840
Speaker 1: poop put nous is not always this specific choice that

569
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,759
Speaker 1: people are making. Sometimes it is very much about their

570
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 1: inability to deal with what it is going on inside them,

571
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 1: that this is not just laziness, or this is not

572
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 1: just being trifling, or this is not just so and

573
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:57,880
Speaker 1: so and so and so, and it ain't gotta be

574
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 1: for you in a relationship. And certainly, like I said,

575
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,800
Speaker 1: you're not somebody's personal therapists. You ain't gotta be in

576
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 1: there telling them let me help you. So it ain't

577
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:08,839
Speaker 1: even about that. I'm just talking about just you know us.

578
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,560
Speaker 1: I'm just talking about the language that we use. Yeah,

579
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:18,919
Speaker 1: I know I know this about myself because I've listened

580
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 1: to other other episodes and I'm like, damn Age, You're like,

581
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 1: you know, but this is how I think a lot

582
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 1: of time, you're always gonna have regrets. I just want

583
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 1: to know, I really do. I mean a lot of

584
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 1: it's just curiosity, Like I just want to know why

585
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:34,239
Speaker 1: why does a person act like that? Because I just

586
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:36,320
Speaker 1: don't feel like people pull this ship out. They ask

587
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 1: and there's so many reasons, and then you get lost

588
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 1: in that because that nobody is the same. Let me

589
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,800
Speaker 1: something to that, but let me space. Something just pulls

590
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 1: the ship out there. I love that. I love that

591
00:35:49,560 --> 00:36:00,480
Speaker 1: nobody just pulls the ship out there. Ass no, no body,

592
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:08,400
Speaker 1: oh man, oh man. But here, here's here's here's here's

593
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,000
Speaker 1: something too. Though, and I want to say this, we

594
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:13,239
Speaker 1: did have a conversation about people being quote unquote imperfect.

595
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 1: Here's my thing about imperfections. We're all we're all not

596
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:22,320
Speaker 1: none of us are perfect. However, we gotta see ourselves

597
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 1: as hold people. So at the end of the day,

598
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 1: even though a person is not perfect, and that's okay

599
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 1: to acknowledge when someone has done harm. There's a thing

600
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 1: called accountability, and it's okay to make people accountable for

601
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:40,719
Speaker 1: the harm that they do carry. That is important. So

602
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 1: I want to be clear that I'm not that person

603
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,600
Speaker 1: who's saying, oh, well, just because you're depressed means you

604
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,360
Speaker 1: could just you know, waste a woman's time or you

605
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,359
Speaker 1: can just do whatever you want to do. No, sir,

606
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 1: if you do harm, you're accountable for that. And I

607
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:55,919
Speaker 1: and I will circle back to what Jill was saying

608
00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 1: that as parents, regardless of what our children go through

609
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,480
Speaker 1: or what they've been and through, accountability and boundaries are important.

610
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:04,720
Speaker 1: But if we're not able to jump in there early

611
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:08,359
Speaker 1: on and say these are the boundaries, these are my expectations,

612
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 1: this is what is it has to happen without then

613
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:15,760
Speaker 1: also ruining their confidence. And there in lies the true

614
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 1: fucking you know challenge of raising children, which is like

615
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,920
Speaker 1: the hardest craft on the planet. I don't care what

616
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:27,120
Speaker 1: nobody says, and I don't care what part of raising

617
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:30,800
Speaker 1: children you're involved in. It is very, very difficult to

618
00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 1: create boundary to to help people understand accountability, but also

619
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:38,320
Speaker 1: make sure that they are confident, that they feel loved,

620
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: and they feel supportive. That is the balance that we're

621
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 1: all talking about. This is the This is what keeps

622
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 1: people from delving into the deep abyss. That is promptness.

623
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 1: The balance of it all is the is the work

624
00:37:55,920 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 1: because if you, I know, everybody you know you have

625
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 1: a kid, and I'm not gonna say everybody, but most

626
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:04,880
Speaker 1: people want to provide more than what they had when

627
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,320
Speaker 1: they were growing up. I didn't have a lot of shoes,

628
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 1: so you know, that shoes a thing. That's a thing

629
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:16,359
Speaker 1: I've been working on that, trying to down. But when

630
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,399
Speaker 1: you get you know, two pair of shoes a year,

631
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 1: you start to feel some kind of way in the

632
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 1: same shoes, like with this different outfit or you know whatever,

633
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 1: thrift store shopping. I'm grateful for it all. Don't get

634
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 1: it twisted wisides you wear again? Oh bitch, I'll be

635
00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:35,919
Speaker 1: over your house, girl. I will send you a by

636
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:40,759
Speaker 1: Oh yes, praise to the tends. Something just some some

637
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:43,399
Speaker 1: I just I went a little far in my over

638
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 1: from not having you see I'm silent. So now wait

639
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: now my mother's up. Well she's also six one, so

640
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 1: that I mean I'm five eleven. You are tall. I

641
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 1: forget that. Are looking at her legs? The beautiful to

642
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 1: say that only black listen. I love it, I love it.

643
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 1: I take it all. Thank you. There's there is a

644
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:25,400
Speaker 1: mentality where we provide so much for our children that

645
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 1: we don't give them like chores. You have to participate

646
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 1: in a home. So I think that the food is

647
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 1: gonna cook yourself, and then the dishes gonna wash themselves,

648
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:40,480
Speaker 1: and the child the floor is going to be swept. Really,

649
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:44,920
Speaker 1: I would love to see that house. I've never experienced it.

650
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 1: I've never visited that house either, even whether if it

651
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 1: was somebody that was insanely wealthy, there was somebody that

652
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,759
Speaker 1: cleaned the floors and clean the kitchen, and those people

653
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:58,360
Speaker 1: had to be paid to do that service. I'm just

654
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,400
Speaker 1: saying it has to be done or you're gonna have

655
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 1: some foolishness in your house. R O d n T

656
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:08,239
Speaker 1: s is and that's real spell fast. But I'm just

657
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:11,880
Speaker 1: saying that I grew up fighting r O d n

658
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 1: T s with the with the the Brillo pad stuff

659
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:21,200
Speaker 1: in the in the holes. I mean, first of all sins,

660
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,799
Speaker 1: let me just tell you something. In Philly, I don't

661
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 1: care how much money you got. If your house is

662
00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:29,160
Speaker 1: older than you're gonna get some Brillo pads, You're gonna

663
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 1: have to have people come in and fill in holes

664
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,800
Speaker 1: and do all kinds of stuff. Girl. That's that's just

665
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 1: that's called Philly living well. But I get what you're

666
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 1: saying changes things. If you have dishes in the sink,

667
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 1: if you have dirty dishes in the sink, you're gonna

668
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:47,799
Speaker 1: have more R O d and T s. This is true. Mother,

669
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 1: Please teach your sons like how to do laundry. I

670
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 1: know that's maybe sounding sexist, but I'm just saying a

671
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 1: lot of them really don't mind it. Everybody teach everybody

672
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,359
Speaker 1: how to how to take care of themselves. Girls ain't

673
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:03,680
Speaker 1: got a because girl, well, we have a choice. Listen. Well,

674
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 1: I'm trying to tell y'all, once we die I'm talking.

675
00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 1: I mean, hopefully we all live a long life, but

676
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 1: once we die off, I promise you that these girls

677
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 1: coming after us, they're not walking into marriages and relationships

678
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 1: the same way we did. They're just not walking in

679
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 1: there all in that automatically, automatically taking response to taking

680
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 1: responsibility for meals and cleaning and all of that kind

681
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 1: of stuff. That's that's left over. But so at the

682
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:35,840
Speaker 1: end of the day, he didn't cookie. I promise you mind, didn't.

683
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:41,080
Speaker 1: I promise you mind did not boomerang? Right, yeah, bam.

684
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:51,840
Speaker 1: First of all, let me tell you something. What's his name? Was? Know?

685
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:57,440
Speaker 1: What was the what was the son's names? Parents are

686
00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 1: my goals in life? Do you understand me? My goal

687
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:05,239
Speaker 1: is to have sex in the bathroom on Thanksgiving at

688
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:13,839
Speaker 1: my child's friends place. Yes, I listen, I stand parents.

689
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 1: Do you understand that that and that in every close

690
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 1: commercial with them older white folks. Yes, yes. The reason

691
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:23,359
Speaker 1: alone I'm inviting you over Asia and Fatina. I need

692
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:27,320
Speaker 1: y'all to come and I'll be on the floor somewhere,

693
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 1: tickle to death. Yeah, they already there. We have already

694
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 1: planned it. Trust people to tell you discussed this. We

695
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:39,960
Speaker 1: have already discussed it. Do you understand me? This is happening, Okay,

696
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:42,919
Speaker 1: except really bringing no children because we don't eat no pork.

697
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,240
Speaker 1: But I make sure I bring you a nice turkey

698
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 1: ham girl, glazed and everything. But just if you don't,

699
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 1: if you can't find me, don't come looking. That's all

700
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:54,640
Speaker 1: I'm gonna sun. Look, my sister and I were raising

701
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:58,400
Speaker 1: our children together, and so when I say my kids,

702
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 1: I'm talking about my nephew and my son, my son,

703
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 1: and we've already decided that when they move out, we're

704
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:08,279
Speaker 1: going over there and we're gonna make toasts and we're

705
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:11,879
Speaker 1: gonna crumble it up on the floor, and we're going

706
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:14,880
Speaker 1: to make up our beds or no, we're gonna go

707
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 1: to sleep, and then we're gonna just leave the bed

708
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 1: unmade and we're going to wipe our hands on whatever

709
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:26,360
Speaker 1: we feel like. And like I can't wait too, I

710
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:30,160
Speaker 1: just can't wait to do it. Whatever we get that age,

711
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 1: you'd be over there cleaning that house like every other mother.

712
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 1: I I don't go over my son's house and clean nothing.

713
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 1: I don't go over there and clean nothing. Now I

714
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 1: might buy them some towels a little or a rug

715
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 1: or something. That's true, but I ain't going over there. Okay,

716
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 1: So this is it's a change in the guard. Okay,

717
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:50,879
Speaker 1: the old guard. This is the new guard. I got

718
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 1: it all right. Yes, I don't go and clean what.

719
00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 1: He can come and clean it up after him his

720
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:57,839
Speaker 1: whole life, and just go over here and clean. In fact,

721
00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:00,239
Speaker 1: my son is coming over here today. Okay, you ain't

722
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:02,719
Speaker 1: gotta be angry about I didn't say. Yeah, no, I'm sorry, girl,

723
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:05,440
Speaker 1: I got triggered. I saw it. It's a trigger. And

724
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:09,879
Speaker 1: she had so many opportunities to be triggered, my god,

725
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 1: but that was the one right there, she sweating like

726
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,799
Speaker 1: all tip we talk about. But I ain't clean at

727
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:23,799
Speaker 1: my son's house though. No, No, I'm sorry, I have flashback.

728
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:26,440
Speaker 1: No used to come over and planting flat flowers and

729
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 1: my lord rental place and do things and makes love.

730
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:33,560
Speaker 1: That's something that I feel in my heart to do that.

731
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 1: That's true, that with permission, because I don't want to

732
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 1: do anything. My mother does that. I love her, but

733
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:44,800
Speaker 1: she does that she'll come over and move my furniture

734
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:47,839
Speaker 1: in a minute, my furniture. So see that's old guard.

735
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:51,759
Speaker 1: That's baby, baby but my parents. That's baby but my parents. Yeah.

736
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,040
Speaker 1: One time my mother came over to my house and

737
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 1: tried to rehan some some curtains because she said they

738
00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 1: was up to I, ma'am, ma'am, if you don't get

739
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 1: up the ladder, get on the ladder, off the ladder. Ye,

740
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:13,239
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell y'all one time, I'm sorry. One tip

741
00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:17,360
Speaker 1: my mother, what time? Mother? She wished she got a

742
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:21,719
Speaker 1: little older. She couldn't sleep that well. And one night,

743
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:25,279
Speaker 1: I kid y'all not what night? It was literally the

744
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:28,799
Speaker 1: midle of the night and my mother was sweeping. Yeah

745
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 1: see I was like, I knew I wasn't crazy. Now

746
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 1: I figured it out. It's the baby boomer mother's that

747
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:39,160
Speaker 1: was the last y'all are like generation X mom. That

748
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:41,480
Speaker 1: ship is different. Like he's saying she was changing. It

749
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:44,560
Speaker 1: ain't okay, okay, ain't no more cleaning up, acting like

750
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 1: I'm cleaning up your room just to read your diary.

751
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:50,399
Speaker 1: They don't do that. Okay, I got it all right, Okay, Yeah,

752
00:45:50,440 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 1: I'm learning. We'll be back after the break. Okay, I know,

753
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 1: I know. Poop. Here's a poop up story. Got into

754
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 1: college a good school, but before he left, he made

755
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:17,600
Speaker 1: a baby with a young woman. She was in the

756
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 1: eleventh grades, the twelfth grades, going off to school. So

757
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:23,360
Speaker 1: the parents say, okay, well you're in school, you got

758
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:27,280
Speaker 1: into this good school, go go forth. He goes forth.

759
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 1: The parents don't require him to get a job while

760
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:35,320
Speaker 1: he's in school. For me, anyway, I just feel like,

761
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 1: if you've made a baby, then you have to help

762
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:44,280
Speaker 1: at least help support your baby. I understand you're in school,

763
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 1: but you're also now a father. This is this is

764
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 1: your choice, this is what has occurred in your life,

765
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:53,279
Speaker 1: so you need to do that. Anyway, he didn't have

766
00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:55,560
Speaker 1: to get a job, So the young woman of the

767
00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 1: eleventh grader is now trying to take care of a

768
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:02,560
Speaker 1: baby by her self. I thought you were gonna say

769
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:06,080
Speaker 1: the parents just care, Okay. I mean, I'm sure, I'm

770
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 1: certain that the parents gave stuff every here and there,

771
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:11,960
Speaker 1: but it was on her and her parents um to

772
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 1: take care of the baby. He comes home freshman year

773
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:25,239
Speaker 1: from college and brings a new girlfriend. But Thanksgiving, I

774
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 1: think at that point, I think about this quite a bit,

775
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 1: like if I if I were that mother, like, I'm

776
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 1: so sorry to be hard. You can't stay here. I'm sorry,

777
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:38,040
Speaker 1: you have to go home, go somewhere, because he has

778
00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 1: a whole baby, and he should be here with that

779
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:45,200
Speaker 1: baby while he's home. The baby wasn't and the mother

780
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 1: wasn't invited to Thanksgiving dinner, mind you, Thanksgiving is what

781
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:54,160
Speaker 1: November and school started in September? What and the boogie

782
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 1: black parents? Who do you people? And you got a

783
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:58,960
Speaker 1: new girlfriend and you bringing your girlfriend home? And and

784
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:04,400
Speaker 1: the baby we ain't here him? That's poop, Putton is

785
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 1: that is the beginning and middle center. I think that is,

786
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:12,640
Speaker 1: you know, I think that's deplorable. I blame the parents

787
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 1: for that one. But he might not be the one

788
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:16,160
Speaker 1: that's gonna be in the house though, Jill. That's the

789
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,399
Speaker 1: crazy part. He's not gonna be the poop that comes

790
00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 1: back to the house and lives there. He's probably gonna

791
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,759
Speaker 1: live a nice, successful life and just not take care

792
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:30,000
Speaker 1: of his responsibilities and that and start a family, right

793
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:34,759
Speaker 1: I got and continue to start families. Foh he did

794
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 1: four in all? Oh, so why are you know what

795
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 1: she's talking about? I can see her face is doing

796
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:47,239
Speaker 1: something you don't know. I'm sitting here thinking to myself, like,

797
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:53,960
Speaker 1: see now, I see so many little problems right there. Okay,

798
00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:59,239
Speaker 1: come on, I see so many problems. First of all,

799
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:03,120
Speaker 1: the parents. This this is this is also the way

800
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:05,640
Speaker 1: that we think about women. We think when you have

801
00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:10,200
Speaker 1: a baby as a teenager, that's the girl's problem, that

802
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:13,480
Speaker 1: the woman, the woman, that the woman becomes the heavy

803
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 1: and when you start getting into that, oh, she gonna

804
00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:22,160
Speaker 1: mess up his life. Blah blah blah blah blah. That

805
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 1: that type of stuff, That thing where parents start to

806
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 1: orchestrate the lives of their children. This is where that

807
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 1: starts to get real deep, because then your life becomes

808
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:37,880
Speaker 1: your life becomes defined by the values of your parents.

809
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 1: And even though on paper that sounds like a good thing,

810
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 1: that can be a real crappy thing, because how do

811
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 1: you evolve, How does the next generation evolved when everything

812
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:54,600
Speaker 1: about that child is dictated by the parents, Because the

813
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:58,360
Speaker 1: fear of those parents that he would never be anything

814
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:05,840
Speaker 1: because he had that child, they created a monster. They

815
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 1: created a monster from fear. This is why I will

816
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:14,200
Speaker 1: not pair for her too, because I'm sure if he

817
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 1: didn't resent her before for having the baby. He definitely

818
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,600
Speaker 1: resented her. As you keep going on, Somebody convinced him

819
00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:25,800
Speaker 1: it wasn't his problem. Someone convinced him it wasn't his problem.

820
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:28,280
Speaker 1: All you need is for somebody to coast on something

821
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:30,720
Speaker 1: from your lens, and that's all you need in life.

822
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:34,600
Speaker 1: If no one ever questions you, it makes you question

823
00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 1: your own personal lens, then you're always going to be

824
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:39,680
Speaker 1: looking at things from a point of view that only

825
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:43,960
Speaker 1: read what's the word I'm looking for? That only reiterates,

826
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:47,879
Speaker 1: reforces your point of view. That's that's not growth, that's

827
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 1: not evolution, that's not that's not becoming U a more

828
00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 1: you know, community centered person. That's not gonna happen. And

829
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:58,759
Speaker 1: you can't be centered only on your own needs and

830
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:00,719
Speaker 1: think you're gonna be a parent. That's just not gonna

831
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:04,279
Speaker 1: that's not gonna work. It's not gonna work never ever never.

832
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:09,080
Speaker 1: But again again, that mess right there is so classic.

833
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:12,800
Speaker 1: It's very old school. They're very very old school. You

834
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:17,360
Speaker 1: got a high children, Yeah, that's everything. Remind me some

835
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:21,520
Speaker 1: old DC black and Boogie ship like girl, you see

836
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:24,480
Speaker 1: black and Boie. That's what that sounds like. It sounds

837
00:51:24,520 --> 00:51:28,160
Speaker 1: like she wasn't bougie enough in the first place. That part,

838
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:30,520
Speaker 1: that part because that she came from a certain kind

839
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:32,879
Speaker 1: of family that would have never been able to do dope.

840
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: Don't dope? Right, yeah, sure you know that little tramp

841
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:46,960
Speaker 1: Yeah Southeast girls, Yeah yeah, and then and then one

842
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:51,839
Speaker 1: and another one and wasn't responsible or present for any

843
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:54,600
Speaker 1: of them because he was able to think that. That's

844
00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:57,279
Speaker 1: when that's when parents set your kids. You set your

845
00:51:57,320 --> 00:52:01,360
Speaker 1: get up to be a poop put because yeah, financially

846
00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 1: that's one thing. Driving is another thing. But accountability, like

847
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 1: we said, is major, major, major, dropped the glass, you

848
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:14,880
Speaker 1: clean it up. I am learning that poop putt is

849
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:21,799
Speaker 1: a very nice word for something else. Motherfuck yeah, spoiled ass.

850
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,000
Speaker 1: But but may have the potential to be depressed, and

851
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:28,800
Speaker 1: so you should respect him as such and move on

852
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:33,919
Speaker 1: if you don't want to deal with that, you see. Yeah,

853
00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:38,440
Speaker 1: I love y'all. I love y'all. I'm gonna let you

854
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:42,440
Speaker 1: do it. I'm gonna let you do it because listen,

855
00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:49,280
Speaker 1: I is important. I kinda yes, I don't have no problem.

856
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:53,600
Speaker 1: What I'm saying here is this, I have no problems

857
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 1: with you either. And the reason that I love talking

858
00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 1: to you guys so much is because you always give

859
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:03,320
Speaker 1: me an other perspective. I'll be sick or no, I

860
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:06,600
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. I Yo, I feel how I feel.

861
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 1: And then I talked to y'all asses life It's like

862
00:53:10,160 --> 00:53:15,239
Speaker 1: but chill, but but Jill, what about And I'm like,

863
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 1: you got a point? And then ages like quite supremacy

864
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:25,200
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, you're right. Basically, I was just

865
00:53:25,640 --> 00:53:27,439
Speaker 1: thinking when Asian was giving us that speech about having

866
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:29,560
Speaker 1: somebody in your life that doesn't always seek to your lands,

867
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 1: I was like, well, me and Jil straight like we

868
00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:38,439
Speaker 1: got Asia were the most well rounded motherfucker's you're gonna be. Look,

869
00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:41,560
Speaker 1: we we we we love each other. We love each other,

870
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:44,120
Speaker 1: and I know that our desire is to make sure

871
00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 1: that the things that we don't want for our selves,

872
00:53:46,360 --> 00:53:48,480
Speaker 1: we don't want those things for our sisters either. And

873
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:50,320
Speaker 1: we don't want those things five brothers either. We just

874
00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:53,480
Speaker 1: don't want to see us out there taking up space.

875
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:56,520
Speaker 1: I want to be productive and part of the whole.

876
00:53:57,640 --> 00:54:00,880
Speaker 1: So I get all of this, and I'm I'm absolutely

877
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:04,600
Speaker 1: anti poop, but you know what I mean, I'll just

878
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:06,600
Speaker 1: be trying to get us to dig underneath the service

879
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 1: sometimes nobody who else gonna do it? Coming up next

880
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:15,720
Speaker 1: on the show, What's on Your Heart an occasional segment

881
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:17,880
Speaker 1: where we're check in with people we respect about how

882
00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:23,000
Speaker 1: they're really feeling. Hollo, y'all. I think that's somebody calling.

883
00:54:24,080 --> 00:54:28,840
Speaker 1: That must mean it's time for What's on your Heart?

884
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:34,839
Speaker 1: Looks like there is someone waiting to talk to us.

885
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:39,160
Speaker 1: How pleasurable. It looks like it's a friend. Her name

886
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:45,920
Speaker 1: is Mashie Sean Tayshanie from North Philly. How Elsie? Wrong, Psyche,

887
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:50,279
Speaker 1: It's really Macy Gray. I know, Macy Gray. If you

888
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:52,600
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know how you could not know.

889
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:59,400
Speaker 1: Since the woman has sold over twenty five million records globally,

890
00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:06,760
Speaker 1: glow blows my mind even that this is about the people. Okay,

891
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 1: A firetime Grammy nominee and a winner, a Grammy winner

892
00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:13,759
Speaker 1: as well. You we don't even know. We gotta put

893
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:17,120
Speaker 1: the Grammy nominee part in it. She's a Grammy winner, okay,

894
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:22,400
Speaker 1: and she's also a mental health advocate and co founder

895
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:29,719
Speaker 1: of the organization My Good. Hi Macy Gray, Hey there,

896
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:36,920
Speaker 1: Hi'm fantastic. We have one simple question, which is typically

897
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:43,280
Speaker 1: not a simple thing. But Macy Gray, what's on your heart? Jeez,

898
00:55:43,560 --> 00:55:47,840
Speaker 1: it's girl. You know I'm in touch with my feelings already.

899
00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:53,640
Speaker 1: I just got t went of minutes ago. Well, I'll

900
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:58,600
Speaker 1: say this. You are co founder of My Good and

901
00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 1: what exactly does their foundation do? What we do is

902
00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:06,000
Speaker 1: we support families who have lost loved ones due to

903
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:11,360
Speaker 1: police violence. Oh, you hear about all those stories, but

904
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:15,279
Speaker 1: in the aftermath of their tragedy, they have a lot

905
00:56:15,360 --> 00:56:20,680
Speaker 1: of need. Mental health is number one. And of course

906
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 1: you noticed all the stories that you see. None of

907
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:26,360
Speaker 1: those families are wealthy, and none of them are in

908
00:56:26,520 --> 00:56:30,799
Speaker 1: wealthy neighborhoods, so they always have huge, you know, financial

909
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 1: burden's left on them, funeral costs. The ones who have kids,

910
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:39,120
Speaker 1: you know, grandma's are taken in their their grandchildren now.

911
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:41,640
Speaker 1: And you know you hear about these big settlements, but

912
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:44,040
Speaker 1: you notice you only hear about a handful of most

913
00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:47,320
Speaker 1: of them. The families get nothing or they fight for

914
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:50,640
Speaker 1: it for years and years. So so we step into

915
00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:53,799
Speaker 1: help people get back on their feet. Like we all

916
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:56,080
Speaker 1: move on because it's a new story every day. But

917
00:56:57,239 --> 00:57:03,319
Speaker 1: but you know they get it's lifetime struggle for them. Afterwards, yeah,

918
00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:06,520
Speaker 1: I mean that that that is such important work because,

919
00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:10,400
Speaker 1: like you said, the headlines, they stay headlines for a

920
00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:13,799
Speaker 1: certain period of time, and you know, and then also too,

921
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:17,400
Speaker 1: there's so much around what people feel like they can

922
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:20,640
Speaker 1: do or not do. But it's like these these families

923
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:24,720
Speaker 1: don't ask to be celebrities. They don't ask to be

924
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:27,080
Speaker 1: thrust into the spotlight and the way that they are,

925
00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:29,880
Speaker 1: and they still have to go back and live regular life.

926
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:32,240
Speaker 1: And in those of us who live public lives, we

927
00:57:32,400 --> 00:57:35,880
Speaker 1: understand that it's one thing when you're out and the

928
00:57:36,040 --> 00:57:37,840
Speaker 1: light is on you, but then you gotta go home

929
00:57:37,920 --> 00:57:39,640
Speaker 1: and you gotta deal with all of the things at

930
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:42,600
Speaker 1: home has to deal with, and you know, and when

931
00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 1: this is not something that people sign up for, you

932
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:48,560
Speaker 1: can't even imagine the pain in the quiet times and

933
00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 1: just to not being able to just pay your phone bill,

934
00:57:52,400 --> 00:57:55,840
Speaker 1: and they have to deal with losing somebody that you

935
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:59,760
Speaker 1: love in the most horrible way. The fact that you

936
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:04,760
Speaker 1: that your foundation even exists says a lot about what's

937
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:08,720
Speaker 1: happening in society today that this is a norm. And

938
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:12,160
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know if any other foundation

939
00:58:12,840 --> 00:58:17,040
Speaker 1: that has been supportive of families, what made you ever

940
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:19,440
Speaker 1: heard of it? What made you want to do this? Amazing? Like?

941
00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:22,080
Speaker 1: Why why this direction? Well? I was, you know, I

942
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 1: was reaching out to some of the families that just

943
00:58:24,480 --> 00:58:26,240
Speaker 1: on my own to see if I can help out

944
00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:30,120
Speaker 1: they needed something. And then uh, and then we decided,

945
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:31,919
Speaker 1: you know, to put it together. I already had five

946
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:35,440
Speaker 1: oh one C three for mental health, so I used it,

947
00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:38,480
Speaker 1: but it wasn't active, so I used it for for

948
00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:40,840
Speaker 1: this because you talked to those families and they really

949
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:45,440
Speaker 1: you know, like I talked to reality terrorist mom and

950
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 1: everybody's going on about how much money she got, and

951
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:52,520
Speaker 1: but she's, you know, like just in pain because you know,

952
00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:56,680
Speaker 1: her daughter was twenty six and nobody saw that comment.

953
00:58:56,720 --> 00:59:00,240
Speaker 1: And and while we're all you know, doing I think

954
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:02,280
Speaker 1: she's getting up on the court every day trying to

955
00:59:02,360 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 1: get those beliefs to be held accountabullet you know. So

956
00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:09,080
Speaker 1: it just it just never stops. And you can say this,

957
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,200
Speaker 1: and you can send flowers and you can send money,

958
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:16,040
Speaker 1: but it doesn't really change anything, you know what I mean.

959
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:21,640
Speaker 1: That's the negative of social media. Yeah, initially it's a

960
00:59:21,720 --> 00:59:25,760
Speaker 1: positive because you're getting out information that people aren't aware of.

961
00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:29,840
Speaker 1: But then the negative is that like you said, it

962
00:59:29,920 --> 00:59:35,240
Speaker 1: becomes a meme, becomes you know, a quick story that dissipates.

963
00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:39,040
Speaker 1: But the families are still holding on to the loss

964
00:59:39,120 --> 00:59:42,120
Speaker 1: of a child or father, or a brother, or a

965
00:59:42,240 --> 00:59:46,800
Speaker 1: son or a daughter for that matter, or mother. Trying

966
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:48,680
Speaker 1: to trying to do a grief in such a long

967
00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:52,920
Speaker 1: term commitment and committing to people's mental health and wellness

968
00:59:53,800 --> 00:59:58,320
Speaker 1: is you know, beyond value. Like you can't even put

969
00:59:58,360 --> 01:00:00,920
Speaker 1: an actual amount on you know what I mean, even

970
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 1: though of course that cost, that's also a cost, you know,

971
01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:07,520
Speaker 1: and you know, and trying to give people an opportunity

972
01:00:07,640 --> 01:00:10,400
Speaker 1: to address that. I mean, we don't even talk about

973
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:14,560
Speaker 1: that part. You know, people just become a photo. They

974
01:00:14,640 --> 01:00:18,760
Speaker 1: become Yeah, they become a photo. But with some of

975
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:23,040
Speaker 1: the what's the main thing that you've gotten from these mothers?

976
01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:25,280
Speaker 1: I just just in the in the in the intimacy

977
01:00:25,560 --> 01:00:28,720
Speaker 1: talking with them. What are some of the things that

978
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:32,200
Speaker 1: you've come away with that? Oh I stopped complaining. I

979
01:00:32,240 --> 01:00:36,280
Speaker 1: don't I don't complain about nothing, because they have just

980
01:00:36,560 --> 01:00:40,600
Speaker 1: real ship going on and and just crazy strength. You know.

981
01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:42,640
Speaker 1: I personally, I have three kids in my own and

982
01:00:42,760 --> 01:00:45,080
Speaker 1: I don't know if I would survive that I definitely,

983
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:48,920
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know. I don't even want to

984
01:00:48,960 --> 01:00:51,360
Speaker 1: think about how I would handle that. But just the

985
01:00:51,440 --> 01:00:54,080
Speaker 1: fact that they lived through it is amazing to me,

986
01:00:54,440 --> 01:00:57,040
Speaker 1: you know, because of what they go through after and

987
01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:00,600
Speaker 1: like I said, you know, all these family is you know,

988
01:01:01,040 --> 01:01:02,680
Speaker 1: most of the time you see those stories, they're not

989
01:01:02,840 --> 01:01:05,600
Speaker 1: in you know, they're not in Beverly Hills, you know

990
01:01:05,680 --> 01:01:11,360
Speaker 1: what I mean. So that already, you know, fighting, you

991
01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:14,440
Speaker 1: know what I mean, it's already the relatives kind of

992
01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:16,800
Speaker 1: let you know that this has been a at least

993
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:20,520
Speaker 1: a small weight off of their shoulders. Um. Yeah, wait,

994
01:01:20,560 --> 01:01:24,120
Speaker 1: would put a smile on some people's face, you fixed that,

995
01:01:24,240 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, You know what I mean.

996
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:30,480
Speaker 1: It's nothing you can really do. You can, Okay, we'll

997
01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:34,440
Speaker 1: pay for your therapy and we'll try to raise somebody

998
01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:38,160
Speaker 1: to put their kids through school. But it doesn't it

999
01:01:38,280 --> 01:01:41,800
Speaker 1: doesn't change what happened, doesn't change the fact that they

1000
01:01:41,840 --> 01:01:43,439
Speaker 1: have to hear about it every day on the news

1001
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:46,520
Speaker 1: or like I said, on social media. I think about though,

1002
01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:49,919
Speaker 1: that you know that that's such an investment in in life,

1003
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:54,360
Speaker 1: being life affirmed, because you know, one of the things

1004
01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:56,080
Speaker 1: that really kind of hurt my heart was with I

1005
01:01:56,200 --> 01:01:58,440
Speaker 1: want to say it was Tatiana Jefferson and how her

1006
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:03,040
Speaker 1: family subsequently then both her parents passed away not long

1007
01:02:03,160 --> 01:02:08,640
Speaker 1: after her, and just the the physical strain and emotional strains.

1008
01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:12,920
Speaker 1: So even even thinking around in terms of mental wellness

1009
01:02:13,080 --> 01:02:17,320
Speaker 1: and mental health and so important because that's keeping these

1010
01:02:17,440 --> 01:02:20,320
Speaker 1: mothers alive. That's something that that's keeping them there. You know,

1011
01:02:20,440 --> 01:02:23,439
Speaker 1: sometimes you're going going going to court every day, you're

1012
01:02:23,560 --> 01:02:26,920
Speaker 1: you're watching the news, and that that takes place starts

1013
01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:29,960
Speaker 1: to you know, take up space and residence in your

1014
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:34,600
Speaker 1: body in ways that people may not necessarily immediately see.

1015
01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:38,120
Speaker 1: And we've seen that that can you know, cause even

1016
01:02:38,200 --> 01:02:41,080
Speaker 1: the parents too then you know, suffer from all kinds

1017
01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:43,440
Speaker 1: of physical ailments and things of that nature. And even

1018
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:48,200
Speaker 1: with Eric Garner's daughter and we saw how she fell

1019
01:02:48,320 --> 01:02:51,440
Speaker 1: ill and then eventually passed away. So I just want

1020
01:02:51,480 --> 01:02:53,160
Speaker 1: to say thank you for the work you're doing, because

1021
01:02:53,160 --> 01:02:57,200
Speaker 1: it is extremely you're saving you are saving lives because

1022
01:02:57,320 --> 01:02:59,960
Speaker 1: it is very clear and we have evidence and conceived

1023
01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:04,200
Speaker 1: that intervention at this level can actually save the lives

1024
01:03:04,240 --> 01:03:07,320
Speaker 1: of family. So this is important work and I'm glad

1025
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:10,680
Speaker 1: and grateful you know that that's something that you know

1026
01:03:10,840 --> 01:03:13,560
Speaker 1: came on your heart and you have the resources to

1027
01:03:14,120 --> 01:03:17,240
Speaker 1: to do something about it. Well, thank you. Yeah, we're

1028
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:20,040
Speaker 1: still we're still working at it. It's still really new,

1029
01:03:20,200 --> 01:03:24,320
Speaker 1: like technically we just got going July last year. So

1030
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:30,280
Speaker 1: I know, it's a lot, it's a lot. I didn't

1031
01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:35,320
Speaker 1: know having a charity was this much work, but but

1032
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:37,800
Speaker 1: it feels to help people out. You haven't even talked

1033
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:39,560
Speaker 1: about the mental health aspect. I mean, I know we

1034
01:03:39,640 --> 01:03:42,800
Speaker 1: talked about how you guys paid for funeral services, but man,

1035
01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:45,760
Speaker 1: can you talk about how, my good it's supportive in

1036
01:03:45,880 --> 01:03:49,360
Speaker 1: the mental capacity? How did that work? Yeah, that's that's

1037
01:03:49,440 --> 01:03:52,200
Speaker 1: the number one need. And it's a lot of them.

1038
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:56,200
Speaker 1: The moms who have their kids, like Samaria Rights SAMs mother,

1039
01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:58,600
Speaker 1: she had you know, people don't know she had three

1040
01:03:58,640 --> 01:04:02,560
Speaker 1: other kids and her youngest daughter was there that day.

1041
01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:06,280
Speaker 1: Then I'll talk about she went to the bathroom and

1042
01:04:06,400 --> 01:04:10,160
Speaker 1: she came out and her her little brother had been shot.

1043
01:04:10,320 --> 01:04:15,280
Speaker 1: And so you know, she's she's dealing with her daughter,

1044
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:19,560
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean on a everyday basis,

1045
01:04:19,720 --> 01:04:23,920
Speaker 1: you know, like just trying to keep her daughter going

1046
01:04:24,440 --> 01:04:29,760
Speaker 1: so much less herself. So it's a lot until yes,

1047
01:04:29,880 --> 01:04:33,880
Speaker 1: we we We definitely our big advocates for mental health,

1048
01:04:34,240 --> 01:04:38,520
Speaker 1: innoventing and supporting that as as much as we can. Yeah,

1049
01:04:39,280 --> 01:04:41,480
Speaker 1: but it's just it's so deep, you know, It's like,

1050
01:04:42,160 --> 01:04:45,320
Speaker 1: you know, how how do you how do you do that?

1051
01:04:45,480 --> 01:04:48,200
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? It's just so sick, it's sick,

1052
01:04:48,880 --> 01:04:51,920
Speaker 1: you said, yeah. Yeah, I don't know if if if

1053
01:04:52,000 --> 01:04:55,680
Speaker 1: everybody knows this or not, whether you know you follow

1054
01:04:55,760 --> 01:05:00,760
Speaker 1: Macy on Instagram, But Macy Gray is in my opinion,

1055
01:05:01,320 --> 01:05:06,880
Speaker 1: very lighthearted, like very silly, like a silly mom, likes

1056
01:05:06,920 --> 01:05:09,920
Speaker 1: to laugh, likes to have fun. And the fact that

1057
01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:13,400
Speaker 1: she is making this effort to help so many people

1058
01:05:13,520 --> 01:05:16,040
Speaker 1: in such a dark place. How are you holding your

1059
01:05:16,080 --> 01:05:19,800
Speaker 1: head up? How you doing? Yes? Yes, yes, yes, I

1060
01:05:19,960 --> 01:05:23,400
Speaker 1: don't know. I mean, I'm you know, I'm very lucky girl.

1061
01:05:23,760 --> 01:05:27,960
Speaker 1: God likes me, so good things happened to me. But

1062
01:05:28,160 --> 01:05:30,320
Speaker 1: you know, this is the least I can do. I

1063
01:05:32,240 --> 01:05:36,320
Speaker 1: help out other charities, But um, I just noticed, you

1064
01:05:36,440 --> 01:05:39,320
Speaker 1: know that no one was really checking for them after,

1065
01:05:39,720 --> 01:05:42,640
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like it's nice to go

1066
01:05:42,800 --> 01:05:47,520
Speaker 1: out and protests, but you know what what was happening

1067
01:05:47,560 --> 01:05:49,480
Speaker 1: a year later? You know what I mean? When they're

1068
01:05:49,520 --> 01:05:53,680
Speaker 1: still you know, going through it. So so we are

1069
01:05:53,880 --> 01:05:57,400
Speaker 1: me and uh two of my best friends, Graced and

1070
01:05:57,560 --> 01:06:00,520
Speaker 1: our sharing hairs. We all just came together just did it.

1071
01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:05,000
Speaker 1: Like no, like you be'st friends. That's so yeah, don't

1072
01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:13,640
Speaker 1: you like befriend It depends on the day. Lies we

1073
01:06:13,800 --> 01:06:24,240
Speaker 1: are lies. But this is we are definitely part of

1074
01:06:24,280 --> 01:06:32,280
Speaker 1: each other's sisters. Yes, oh yeah, that's true. This is

1075
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:34,880
Speaker 1: a different it is like but can I just say

1076
01:06:34,960 --> 01:06:38,480
Speaker 1: this though? Are right without huge different but that but

1077
01:06:38,560 --> 01:06:40,280
Speaker 1: the funny thing is that we're not funny. But what

1078
01:06:40,400 --> 01:06:42,720
Speaker 1: I think is always just amazing is that when you

1079
01:06:42,840 --> 01:06:45,520
Speaker 1: see the innovation of this type of giving and this

1080
01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:49,440
Speaker 1: type of you know, being in tune, it's always the

1081
01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:57,760
Speaker 1: black women is you know, always show up. Huh. I

1082
01:06:57,880 --> 01:07:02,640
Speaker 1: can't even that's all loan compensation. That's a long conversation.

1083
01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:07,360
Speaker 1: That's a five day compensation, baby, that's a that's a conference. Amen.

1084
01:07:09,120 --> 01:07:11,280
Speaker 1: These are just favorite people, I mean mine as well

1085
01:07:11,600 --> 01:07:15,240
Speaker 1: Black women. So this is because we don't wait for

1086
01:07:15,360 --> 01:07:18,480
Speaker 1: people to tell us what needs to be done. We observe,

1087
01:07:19,400 --> 01:07:21,600
Speaker 1: we figure out what needs to happen, and then we

1088
01:07:21,760 --> 01:07:26,600
Speaker 1: go do it because and just go because because it's

1089
01:07:26,640 --> 01:07:29,240
Speaker 1: it's what's needed, you know what I mean. It's not

1090
01:07:29,400 --> 01:07:32,920
Speaker 1: because I had some experience, or because I waited for

1091
01:07:33,040 --> 01:07:35,840
Speaker 1: somebody to give me some money, or because of such

1092
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:38,560
Speaker 1: and such like. It's like, no, this is what needs

1093
01:07:38,600 --> 01:07:41,280
Speaker 1: to be done, and we're gonna do it. But you know,

1094
01:07:41,840 --> 01:07:44,680
Speaker 1: I think of I think we get that from my

1095
01:07:44,840 --> 01:07:49,400
Speaker 1: mom's Yeah that part. Now many how many? How many

1096
01:07:49,480 --> 01:07:55,200
Speaker 1: people you know in the neighborhood? How many? So my

1097
01:07:55,280 --> 01:08:01,200
Speaker 1: grand moother had twelve of her own and her husband one. Oh,

1098
01:08:09,160 --> 01:08:16,080
Speaker 1: I'm living really small. Over has six. Oh yeah, that's

1099
01:08:16,120 --> 01:08:26,320
Speaker 1: a lot. That's how is How did yourself? He's twelve? Oh? Twell, okay,

1100
01:08:27,240 --> 01:08:29,920
Speaker 1: and she still got a break back. I got a baby.

1101
01:08:30,720 --> 01:08:37,320
Speaker 1: How old is your eldest sis? Twenty three? Oh? You

1102
01:08:37,439 --> 01:08:41,639
Speaker 1: got grown? People? You're asking? Still living in my house?

1103
01:08:43,200 --> 01:08:47,400
Speaker 1: It's a nice house. What did I do? You just

1104
01:08:48,240 --> 01:08:53,519
Speaker 1: just coody a good life? What did I do? Start

1105
01:08:53,560 --> 01:08:57,160
Speaker 1: to stop? You said, you fun mom? The fun mom.

1106
01:08:58,080 --> 01:09:01,160
Speaker 1: Oh my god, get out of my can do everything

1107
01:09:01,240 --> 01:09:02,479
Speaker 1: that I want to do in my old house, in

1108
01:09:02,600 --> 01:09:04,560
Speaker 1: my mama's house where I'm going and it's nice and

1109
01:09:04,680 --> 01:09:13,479
Speaker 1: she clean. Get out to get grace kids, I said, it.

1110
01:09:14,240 --> 01:09:20,360
Speaker 1: Get out, get out my megaphone. I just get out

1111
01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:24,160
Speaker 1: of my house on the megaphone. But the town part is,

1112
01:09:24,240 --> 01:09:25,880
Speaker 1: you know, they're just laughing at you. They on the

1113
01:09:25,920 --> 01:09:28,000
Speaker 1: phone FaceTime with their friends, like and she talking about

1114
01:09:28,000 --> 01:09:33,160
Speaker 1: get out of kids on the best part is that

1115
01:09:33,720 --> 01:09:37,040
Speaker 1: Macy could get up, pack her stuff, go somewhere else

1116
01:09:37,080 --> 01:09:40,559
Speaker 1: to turn off the electricity. That's what I wandered about.

1117
01:09:40,600 --> 01:09:48,160
Speaker 1: Everything else I'm thinking about it is gangster fly, little birds,

1118
01:09:48,920 --> 01:09:54,720
Speaker 1: lifely life, fly away, good luck now and go by,

1119
01:09:55,240 --> 01:09:58,320
Speaker 1: go by, call me, I'll see you later. You can

1120
01:09:58,400 --> 01:10:00,719
Speaker 1: come and visit for about three days and then after

1121
01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:04,120
Speaker 1: that it's time to go. You know, I'm not scared

1122
01:10:04,160 --> 01:10:07,200
Speaker 1: of locking the door. I told my kids, I said nights.

1123
01:10:07,680 --> 01:10:12,519
Speaker 1: I'm telling y'all right now, I love you, but get out,

1124
01:10:12,680 --> 01:10:17,519
Speaker 1: but you got to go. You do you have to go? No?

1125
01:10:17,800 --> 01:10:20,920
Speaker 1: I do, though, How do you? What did I do? You? Love?

1126
01:10:24,360 --> 01:10:27,680
Speaker 1: What happened? That is not what happened. Love is not

1127
01:10:27,920 --> 01:10:30,760
Speaker 1: what happened. I mean, yes, love happened, but that is

1128
01:10:30,800 --> 01:10:34,240
Speaker 1: not the cause. That is not the cause. What is it?

1129
01:10:35,600 --> 01:10:38,600
Speaker 1: May see, I don't know. Try you gotta give us

1130
01:10:38,640 --> 01:10:43,240
Speaker 1: some more information for your kids. Out of the house yet. Yeah,

1131
01:10:43,360 --> 01:10:47,080
Speaker 1: my two year old lives on his own. But but

1132
01:10:47,280 --> 01:10:49,960
Speaker 1: we helped them, We helped them to you know, but

1133
01:10:50,120 --> 01:10:56,920
Speaker 1: he he maintains his residents help him get out. Yeah, well,

1134
01:10:56,960 --> 01:10:58,600
Speaker 1: they don't want to say stuff. For my Sunday, I

1135
01:10:58,760 --> 01:11:00,960
Speaker 1: went to school and then came back for the twenty

1136
01:11:01,000 --> 01:11:04,639
Speaker 1: six year old. Is that can he can help him

1137
01:11:04,840 --> 01:11:07,400
Speaker 1: get Can we get him a spot? He could pay

1138
01:11:07,439 --> 01:11:15,400
Speaker 1: half a quarter a quarter. That's my daughter. She's like,

1139
01:11:17,000 --> 01:11:19,519
Speaker 1: I can't even explain her. But I don't know if

1140
01:11:19,560 --> 01:11:21,439
Speaker 1: she's ready to go. I don't know. My sounds ready,

1141
01:11:21,600 --> 01:11:30,200
Speaker 1: and my youngest is ready. Income income, property, income prost.

1142
01:11:32,439 --> 01:11:36,280
Speaker 1: They manage it, they live there, they pay their little stuff,

1143
01:11:37,040 --> 01:11:38,920
Speaker 1: you know, they get a little heads up in life,

1144
01:11:40,439 --> 01:11:45,680
Speaker 1: little property, a little situation, A good idea agent. Very

1145
01:11:45,840 --> 01:11:51,880
Speaker 1: nice about that, like a let a trap. Yes, advice

1146
01:11:51,960 --> 01:11:57,080
Speaker 1: for the well to do parents. Yes, that's not listen,

1147
01:11:57,160 --> 01:11:59,400
Speaker 1: that is not my situation. That just was using my

1148
01:11:59,600 --> 01:12:02,640
Speaker 1: and my and you was building all your ship. I

1149
01:12:02,800 --> 01:12:06,240
Speaker 1: was building on my imagination. Where it happened was at

1150
01:12:06,320 --> 01:12:10,479
Speaker 1: my house, my husband and then they had inherited. They

1151
01:12:10,520 --> 01:12:17,599
Speaker 1: didn't see because it's a regular black ship over here. Okay,

1152
01:12:18,080 --> 01:12:22,639
Speaker 1: I can dre the family, so remix. But but listen,

1153
01:12:22,840 --> 01:12:25,320
Speaker 1: it can be done. It can be done at every level,

1154
01:12:25,479 --> 01:12:28,639
Speaker 1: was all I'm saying. But you know, I think sometimes

1155
01:12:28,800 --> 01:12:32,080
Speaker 1: I think it's it's it's the comfort level number one

1156
01:12:32,680 --> 01:12:35,760
Speaker 1: and then number two. I think sometimes with some kids,

1157
01:12:35,840 --> 01:12:37,880
Speaker 1: they think I could go at any time. You know,

1158
01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:40,759
Speaker 1: I got an education and Mike got a couple of dollars.

1159
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:46,080
Speaker 1: I ain't gotta rush it. I'm saying that, Yeah, the deadline,

1160
01:12:47,080 --> 01:12:51,800
Speaker 1: deadline tonight night. They be bad at us. Why don't

1161
01:12:51,800 --> 01:12:54,160
Speaker 1: I believe you? Why don't I feel like you're just

1162
01:12:54,280 --> 01:12:56,880
Speaker 1: as good and as gravy With a couple of months,

1163
01:12:56,960 --> 01:12:59,320
Speaker 1: maybe a couple of months, I have a way to

1164
01:12:59,439 --> 01:13:02,519
Speaker 1: gauge whether or not Macie is actually serious about this.

1165
01:13:02,880 --> 01:13:06,000
Speaker 1: At the gage? What is that? At any point this

1166
01:13:06,240 --> 01:13:11,080
Speaker 1: week did them kids climb in your bed with you

1167
01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:21,639
Speaker 1: to cuddle? Oh my god, No, yes, see so you're

1168
01:13:21,680 --> 01:13:24,160
Speaker 1: not really you're not really ready. You're not ready because

1169
01:13:24,200 --> 01:13:25,680
Speaker 1: if they get on that bad did they get on

1170
01:13:25,840 --> 01:13:31,240
Speaker 1: the bed. Mostly they come in here looking for weeds everything.

1171
01:13:34,320 --> 01:13:38,599
Speaker 1: That's what it is. That is not even just getting

1172
01:13:38,640 --> 01:13:40,400
Speaker 1: because like that means I don't have to buy I

1173
01:13:40,439 --> 01:13:42,040
Speaker 1: don't have to buy my own weed. I have to

1174
01:13:42,040 --> 01:13:44,240
Speaker 1: pay rent. I don't have to buy no food. I

1175
01:13:44,400 --> 01:13:49,120
Speaker 1: can want to be your child, can you? Yeah, come on,

1176
01:13:49,400 --> 01:13:51,760
Speaker 1: and I don't know what you like, Masie, but you

1177
01:13:51,840 --> 01:13:55,240
Speaker 1: need somebody butt naked in the kitchen making eggs. But naked.

1178
01:13:56,920 --> 01:14:01,679
Speaker 1: That's a good suggestion to making eggs seper kids. Yeah,

1179
01:14:02,360 --> 01:14:11,000
Speaker 1: that will definitely, Yeah, that's truly. Yeah, right, listen, because

1180
01:14:11,040 --> 01:14:13,679
Speaker 1: my kids broke out by their own daddy, we could

1181
01:14:13,720 --> 01:14:16,439
Speaker 1: call and we could call Bowler. We could call Bowler,

1182
01:14:19,040 --> 01:14:22,800
Speaker 1: motherfuckerun with the big that was on House the House Wiles,

1183
01:14:24,520 --> 01:14:29,240
Speaker 1: house Wives, and then that got a good idea stripper. Yeah,

1184
01:14:29,320 --> 01:14:31,040
Speaker 1: why don't I just pay somebody you ain't even really

1185
01:14:31,080 --> 01:14:34,800
Speaker 1: gotta like have attachment and yeah but boldig so I

1186
01:14:34,880 --> 01:14:38,800
Speaker 1: just thought a Bowler. Okay, that now that would freak

1187
01:14:38,840 --> 01:14:41,920
Speaker 1: him out. Yeah, I see, I see your in I

1188
01:14:42,040 --> 01:14:46,920
Speaker 1: see that. Sure, you're totally in the place, in a space.

1189
01:14:47,240 --> 01:14:49,160
Speaker 1: It was a good week. I'm sorry, I'm gonna yeah,

1190
01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:53,519
Speaker 1: I'm gonna call you. We're gonna talk. I didn't say that.

1191
01:14:53,520 --> 01:14:54,639
Speaker 1: I didn't say that. I didn't say that. I didn't

1192
01:14:54,640 --> 01:14:55,800
Speaker 1: say that. I didn't say that. I didn't say that

1193
01:14:58,720 --> 01:15:01,840
Speaker 1: it was good. You did already said it. It's over.

1194
01:15:02,200 --> 01:15:11,680
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Ok okayf the weed supply and let's start there. Okay, Well,

1195
01:15:11,800 --> 01:15:14,200
Speaker 1: thank you so much for being here, Macy, and if

1196
01:15:14,240 --> 01:15:19,400
Speaker 1: you would thank please share how other people can donate

1197
01:15:19,479 --> 01:15:22,559
Speaker 1: to your foundation where they can find you, what they

1198
01:15:22,600 --> 01:15:25,200
Speaker 1: could see being done, how they can help. Yes, So

1199
01:15:25,439 --> 01:15:27,800
Speaker 1: you go to MAGA dot org and you can either

1200
01:15:27,880 --> 01:15:31,960
Speaker 1: donate or you can sign up to volunteer because because

1201
01:15:32,040 --> 01:15:36,320
Speaker 1: we were doing a lot, and definitely use the support.

1202
01:15:36,920 --> 01:15:39,080
Speaker 1: And we'll hit you right back. And if you are

1203
01:15:39,520 --> 01:15:41,280
Speaker 1: one of those families, you also go to back with

1204
01:15:41,400 --> 01:15:45,040
Speaker 1: dot org and you'll see another link. Well, well, well

1205
01:15:45,360 --> 01:15:48,280
Speaker 1: we'll reach out to you and and be there for you.

1206
01:15:49,320 --> 01:15:57,040
Speaker 1: Sure if you're a therapist, yeah yeah, yea more. Hey,

1207
01:15:57,120 --> 01:15:58,760
Speaker 1: but I also I've got a record out. It's called

1208
01:15:58,800 --> 01:16:00,560
Speaker 1: Thinking of You. You could you can listen to it

1209
01:16:00,640 --> 01:16:03,600
Speaker 1: on all platforms. Is this the jazz record that you

1210
01:16:03,800 --> 01:16:06,360
Speaker 1: just know? It's a new record is called thinking of

1211
01:16:06,960 --> 01:16:10,880
Speaker 1: Me in My Bad Bad it's Macy Gray in the

1212
01:16:10,960 --> 01:16:16,840
Speaker 1: California jack climate. Nice. My good is making shoes. We

1213
01:16:16,920 --> 01:16:21,040
Speaker 1: got our own shoes. I don't have them. If you

1214
01:16:21,160 --> 01:16:25,640
Speaker 1: go on the Twins for Piece dot com because I

1215
01:16:25,760 --> 01:16:27,479
Speaker 1: love it, and so all the money goes right to

1216
01:16:27,640 --> 01:16:30,679
Speaker 1: My Good. Yes, My Good and Twins for Piece. Nice.

1217
01:16:31,200 --> 01:16:33,600
Speaker 1: Shout out to all the all the black women that

1218
01:16:33,720 --> 01:16:37,320
Speaker 1: are just seeing the need and filling the need. It

1219
01:16:37,479 --> 01:16:40,200
Speaker 1: doesn't matter if you're doing a very big thing or

1220
01:16:40,439 --> 01:16:43,719
Speaker 1: very small thing. If you're being beneficial to your community,

1221
01:16:43,840 --> 01:16:47,600
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful thing. Pery Young shout out to you

1222
01:16:47,800 --> 01:16:57,800
Speaker 1: may see. Thank you, Scott. How do you eat an elephant?

1223
01:16:58,680 --> 01:17:09,000
Speaker 1: One by Hi? What's up? Everybody? Producer eaves here. So

1224
01:17:09,400 --> 01:17:13,439
Speaker 1: the ladies mentioned the movie Ray, about the legendary musician

1225
01:17:13,800 --> 01:17:16,680
Speaker 1: Ray Charles, So I'll post a link to where you

1226
01:17:16,720 --> 01:17:19,920
Speaker 1: can watch the film and the description. You can find

1227
01:17:19,960 --> 01:17:23,720
Speaker 1: out more about My Good, the foundation that Macy Gray

1228
01:17:23,800 --> 01:17:27,680
Speaker 1: co founded at my Good dot org, and you can

1229
01:17:27,760 --> 01:17:30,840
Speaker 1: check out their collap with Twins for Peace at the

1230
01:17:30,920 --> 01:17:35,240
Speaker 1: link I'll post in the description. Lastly, Agent recommends an

1231
01:17:35,360 --> 01:17:38,840
Speaker 1: article published on the site The Cut, written by Dr

1232
01:17:38,960 --> 01:17:43,559
Speaker 1: Emani Perry. It's called Stop Hustling Black Death, and it's

1233
01:17:43,600 --> 01:17:47,200
Speaker 1: about Samaria Rice to me or Rice's mother. It's a

1234
01:17:47,439 --> 01:17:51,599
Speaker 1: great piece about Samaria Rice's life, how the media used

1235
01:17:51,720 --> 01:17:55,960
Speaker 1: to Mirror's image after his death, and how Samaria and

1236
01:17:56,240 --> 01:17:59,920
Speaker 1: other families of people who were killed by police are

1237
01:18:00,000 --> 01:18:05,439
Speaker 1: are frustrated by celebrity activism and how artists, organizers and

1238
01:18:05,520 --> 01:18:10,439
Speaker 1: attorneys capitalize off of black death. Definitely worth a read.

1239
01:18:10,880 --> 01:18:29,680
Speaker 1: I'll post that link in the description to until next week. Y'all, Hi,

1240
01:18:30,160 --> 01:18:32,519
Speaker 1: if you have comments on something he said in this

1241
01:18:32,680 --> 01:18:37,040
Speaker 1: episode called eight six six, Hey ju, if you want

1242
01:18:37,040 --> 01:18:40,160
Speaker 1: to add to this conversation, that's eight six six four

1243
01:18:40,280 --> 01:18:43,559
Speaker 1: three nine five four five by don't forget to tell

1244
01:18:43,640 --> 01:18:46,439
Speaker 1: us your name and the episode you're referring to. You

1245
01:18:46,600 --> 01:18:50,800
Speaker 1: might just hear your message on a future episode. Thank

1246
01:18:50,840 --> 01:18:54,000
Speaker 1: you for listening to Jill Scott Presents j dot IL

1247
01:18:54,240 --> 01:18:58,120
Speaker 1: the Podcast. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Layah

1248
01:18:58,160 --> 01:19:01,800
Speaker 1: st Clair and Age of Gray and Danceller. It's executive

1249
01:19:01,800 --> 01:19:05,559
Speaker 1: producers are Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian Calhoun. It's

1250
01:19:05,600 --> 01:19:09,200
Speaker 1: produced by Layah st Clair and me Eve Jeff Cope.

1251
01:19:09,400 --> 01:19:11,920
Speaker 1: The editing and sound design for this episode we're done

1252
01:19:12,080 --> 01:19:19,320
Speaker 1: by Christina Loranger. And then you got one on this

1253
01:19:19,479 --> 01:19:21,080
Speaker 1: team and one on that team. You gotta go to

1254
01:19:21,200 --> 01:19:23,240
Speaker 1: that game, and then that one has a birthday party

1255
01:19:23,840 --> 01:19:26,599
Speaker 1: and then the other one is said, the other one

1256
01:19:27,040 --> 01:19:36,080
Speaker 1: teeth clean, and the other one I just got a

1257
01:19:36,400 --> 01:19:48,800
Speaker 1: day day. Jay dot Ill is a production of I

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01:19:49,160 --> 01:19:53,479
Speaker 1: heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit

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Speaker 1: the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you

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Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.