Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and
Speaker 1: the Black Effects, And just like that, welcome back to
Speaker 1: yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl, Jess.
Speaker 2: Hilarious.
Speaker 1: Listen, I'm gonna jump right into fixing some mess because
Speaker 1: I'm on my way to Puerto Rico, but I have
Speaker 1: to deliver this episode, y'all. And I'm also coming down
Speaker 1: off of a fucking cold, so that's why I sound
Speaker 1: like somebody's granddad. So let's get it popping, Jess. Hey girl,
Speaker 1: I know you have hello people to get to, but
Speaker 1: I need you to fix my mess. And I hope
Speaker 1: you read this one day. First of all, I love
Speaker 1: your podcast, and hey, don't talk about my grammar and
Speaker 1: punctuation because I'm really typing this like you're a homegirl. Anyway,
Speaker 1: let's get to it. It's gonna be long. Let me
Speaker 1: start by saying, I'm twenty five years old and I've
Speaker 1: been dating my boyfriend, who's about to turn twenty eight
Speaker 1: next month, for about two and a half going on
Speaker 1: three years, but we've met in college. I was in
Speaker 1: a relationship from twenty nineteen to twenty twenty one. Around
Speaker 1: twenty twenty, he started a YouTube channel, and I was
Speaker 1: very supportive of his channel until it started taking away
Speaker 1: time for him to spend with me. First of all,
Speaker 1: that was crazy at shitineteen twenty nineteen through twenty twenty one.
Speaker 1: Around twenty twenty, yes, you definitely typing this like my
Speaker 1: motherfucker homegirl because I can barely understand, but bear with me.
Speaker 1: I was always transparent about him not spending as much
Speaker 1: time with me, but he never made an effort to
Speaker 1: change this, and I began to get on dating apps
Speaker 1: and eventually met someone and stepped out of my relationship.
Speaker 2: What should I do? Well, you stepped out of here
Speaker 2: fucking relationship? What do you mean where you should do?
Speaker 2: You should step back in it? I mean did? Okay?
Speaker 1: Now you left no meat on the bone from me.
Speaker 1: You told me this was going to be long, but
Speaker 1: it was in fact very short. All right, So let's
Speaker 1: gather all that we can. So you're twenty five and
Speaker 1: you've been with your boyfriend, who was about to be
Speaker 1: twenty nine for almost three years. Y'all met in college
Speaker 1: and in twenty nineteen, but you are in a relationship.
Speaker 1: This one is kind of confusing, but basically you said
Speaker 1: all that just to say, you cheated on him, you
Speaker 1: stepped out on him, and you don't.
Speaker 2: Know what to do.
Speaker 1: You feel guilty. I think you should go to him.
Speaker 1: You should talk to him, sit down and tell him why.
Speaker 1: A lot of times when people cheat, they do have reasons.
Speaker 1: Not all the time, but more than likely, there is
Speaker 1: a reason why somebody would step out of a relationship
Speaker 1: that they that's fixable, that's doable, that not. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to say that you can tolerate, because when you're
Speaker 1: tolerating somebody, you're literally settling, like all right, I'm tolerating you.
Speaker 1: You're like, no, No, that's when you're fed up and
Speaker 1: you should y'all already grow apart. What I mean is
Speaker 1: is if it's still work on able, Like if you
Speaker 1: can still work on your relationship, then that's what you
Speaker 1: stay and do. I mean, you obviously love this person,
Speaker 1: You've obviously devoted some years, so I would definitely say
Speaker 1: there is still something there, So yes, it's worth a
Speaker 1: sit down. You go and talk to them and tell
Speaker 1: your partner exactly how you feel. We need to stop
Speaker 1: being afraid to communicate in relationships. That's one thing that
Speaker 1: we as people struggle with anyway. Like communicating with each other,
Speaker 1: keeping it a buck, they say. I call it being honest,
Speaker 1: being straightforward without being disrespectful. Now, sometimes communication can go
Speaker 1: bad both ways, like you could either not be communicating
Speaker 1: enough or you can over communicate.
Speaker 2: I think over communicating.
Speaker 1: Is better because it's better to tell somebody to pull
Speaker 1: back from some of the shit they say than to
Speaker 1: try to pull some shit out of somebody.
Speaker 2: And you never know.
Speaker 1: Your man could have definitely saw the signs and figured
Speaker 1: out that you were messing around, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So I think you should sit down with your man
Speaker 1: and tell him listen. You don't spend enough time with me.
Speaker 1: I find this quite boring, and I find myself looking
Speaker 1: for attention outside of our relationship behind your back, of course,
Speaker 1: because I don't want to leave you, but I'm not
Speaker 1: happy here.
Speaker 2: What can we do to fix this?
Speaker 1: If you're not mature enough to have that conversation and
Speaker 1: he's not muture enough to listen, then you need to
Speaker 1: let that go because obviously communication is not y'all strong suit.
Speaker 2: That's not a.
Speaker 1: Strength in your relationship. So that's what I think you
Speaker 1: should do. I think you should sit down and talk
Speaker 1: to your man child, because I'd be beating somebody's ass
Speaker 1: up and down if I found out they were cheating.
Speaker 2: Just come to me and tell me.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Got to save you a
Speaker 1: slap in a punch, all right, all right, check back
Speaker 1: in with me. If you love me, you'll listen to
Speaker 1: this commercial and then we'll be right back.
Speaker 2: Moving on.
Speaker 1: Hey, Jess, I need you to fix my mess. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure if you do parental mess a girl, I
Speaker 1: do it all. But that's what I have to bring
Speaker 1: to the table. For background, I am eighteen. I live
Speaker 1: with my father and stepmother. I am Christian and very outspoken.
Speaker 1: That sounds like my cousin London. And I really am
Speaker 1: loved by a lot of people and try my best
Speaker 1: to be a good person. I have been in therapy
Speaker 1: my whole life, but recently I started with the therapist
Speaker 1: and told her about my parents and how they are
Speaker 1: extremely toxic and abusive mentally and emotionally. I eventually got
Speaker 1: diagnosed with the react of attachment disorder. That's when you
Speaker 1: do not attach any parental figures because they were taken
Speaker 1: from you or abusive. Okay, okay, thank you for enlightening me.
Speaker 2: On that.
Speaker 1: So basically I didn't get modeled what a healthy relationship
Speaker 1: looks like. So all throughout my childhood I have been
Speaker 1: constantly ridiculed and made to feel like I'm an awful person,
Speaker 1: constantly being called selfish and considerate, lazy, and manipulating me
Speaker 1: to believe this about myself for years. Wow, well you
Speaker 1: stop there, babe, But I think I can figure this out.
Speaker 1: Since y'all are leaving me to pick up the pizza
Speaker 1: is this morning, now, let me just go hit on
Speaker 1: and do it. Looking at your profile, you are such
Speaker 1: a breath of fresh air. Looks like you are the
Speaker 1: life of the party. People do love you. You are
Speaker 1: just so happy and bubbly, is what it looks like
Speaker 1: from what I can see.
Speaker 2: So basically, you either.
Speaker 1: Want me to tell you how you can I don't
Speaker 1: know reconcile with your parents, or how you go on
Speaker 1: in life without knowing how a healthy family is structured.
Speaker 2: I'll just give you both, okay.
Speaker 1: So obviously it's something they're deep rooted with your parents,
Speaker 1: which may have led to the abuse. Are you an
Speaker 1: only child? You didn't leave a lot of meat on
Speaker 1: the bone for me? Are you the baby? Are you
Speaker 1: the middle child. Are you the oldest child or are
Speaker 1: you an only child that actually could play a role
Speaker 1: as well?
Speaker 2: Also, when did your parents have you? Did they have
Speaker 2: you early?
Speaker 1: As hell, when they couldn't even beat parents themselves?
Speaker 2: What happened? You know?
Speaker 1: What do you think caused this trauma? You know what
Speaker 1: caused them to be this way? Not justifying it at all,
Speaker 1: but it's almost more often than not a reason why
Speaker 1: parents disconnect with their kids. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: find out how their parents treated them. Is it one
Speaker 1: parent or is it both parents? You know because you
Speaker 1: spoke about the fact that you live with your father
Speaker 1: and your stepmother.
Speaker 2: Where is mom?
Speaker 1: You know, if you don't mind me asking, if you
Speaker 1: don't mind coming back to update me with more information.
Speaker 1: Where's mom? How are you guys' relationship? And what's going
Speaker 1: on with the step mom? Is your step mom a comforting,
Speaker 1: nurturing woman. Do you get what you need from her
Speaker 1: that you never got from your real mother? You know,
Speaker 1: your biological mother. I don't want to say real mother,
Speaker 1: your biological mother. Hear you say, throughout your childhood you
Speaker 1: have been constantly ridiculed and made to feel like you're
Speaker 1: an awful person. What are some of the things you do?
Speaker 1: You said you were being called selfish and considerate, lazy,
Speaker 1: and you are manipulative. What are some of the actions
Speaker 1: that led to people saying this about you? You know,
Speaker 1: because a lot of times, depending on how you were
Speaker 1: treated growing up, that's how you tend to treat others,
Speaker 1: because that's all you know, that's all you've been taught.
Speaker 1: So I wonder if you've become this kind of person
Speaker 1: or you've developed this personality about yourself based on how
Speaker 1: you were treated growing up, or based on who your
Speaker 1: biological parents are. Because a lot of shit is hereditary too.
Speaker 1: Let's not play games, you know what I'm saying. Let's
Speaker 1: just say it for what it is. Sometimes you end
Speaker 1: up like your parents, even if you don't want that.
Speaker 1: Shit is just in your blood. You understand now, I
Speaker 1: don't want you to take offense to that, but I
Speaker 1: don't want to.
Speaker 2: I don't like to coddle my people.
Speaker 1: I don't like to coddle I really don't, because shit
Speaker 1: is real out here, you understand, And you're eighteen.
Speaker 2: You're eighteen, and you've already been through some stuff.
Speaker 1: I can honestly tell you know, but I don't want
Speaker 1: to treat you like, oh my god, I like like
Speaker 1: I pity you, or like you need my pity, or I,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I sympathize so much. No, no, I'm
Speaker 1: an impath and I feel you. I want you to
Speaker 1: tell me exactly. I want you to do some homework.
Speaker 1: You eighteen, I need you do some homework.
Speaker 2: Baby.
Speaker 1: Tell me what you do. Tell me the type of
Speaker 1: person you feel like you are. Tell me if you
Speaker 1: even feel like a good person. Don't tell me what
Speaker 1: somebody else thinks of you. Tell me what you think
Speaker 1: of yourself. You understand. Let me know exactly what you feel.
Speaker 1: You're strong, your your strengths are as opposed to your weaknesses,
Speaker 1: you know, and how you feel you developed them, and
Speaker 1: how it pertains to your life in terms of holding
Speaker 1: you back or pushing you forward or making you permanently
Speaker 1: suspend your family. You know what I'm saying, Expel them,
Speaker 1: because you talk as if you don't you don't even
Speaker 1: want to see them. You just told me you have
Speaker 1: a whole disorder basically where you don't attach parental figures
Speaker 1: because they were taken from you or abusive. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I don't like that I don't like
Speaker 1: that you struggle with this react of attachment disorder, Like
Speaker 1: I don't like that, you know, so put some more meat.
Speaker 2: On the bone.
Speaker 1: I can't really give you advice because first of all,
Speaker 1: you didn't finish your sentence. I mean, you didn't finish
Speaker 1: You didn't ask me a question. You just told me,
Speaker 1: heyj s, I need you to fix my mess, and
Speaker 1: you explain what was going on. So I do want
Speaker 1: to get to the bottom of it. And you know,
Speaker 1: and because you're young, you're so young, and you have
Speaker 1: so much life to live, and you're so charismatic literally
Speaker 1: scrolling through your profile, you know, beautiful kid, you know.
Speaker 1: So I want you to get back with me. Let
Speaker 1: me know what's going on, like below surface level. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Get deep rooted with me, you know,
Speaker 1: because if I'm a fiction mess, I'm gonna need all
Speaker 1: love it.
Speaker 2: You understand, all right? Well, I love you.
Speaker 1: Hold up, Hold up, I know this shit getting good.
Speaker 1: But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen. Last story. Hey Jass,
Speaker 1: I love you and you're my favorite comedian.
Speaker 2: Oh thank you. Boot.
Speaker 1: We've met a few times at your meet and greets
Speaker 1: in my state. Here's my mess. How do you handle
Speaker 1: being disrespected? Recently, I cooked dinner for my wife. We've
Speaker 1: been married a year and a half and I'm blessed
Speaker 1: to have her. After I cooked and sat down to
Speaker 1: scroll on social media, she wanted me to come closer
Speaker 1: to her on the other side of our couch. We
Speaker 1: have a sectional, so I got up and went to
Speaker 1: sit next to her. She wanted to be all on me,
Speaker 1: and I told her one sec I'm watching this video.
Speaker 1: It was a discussion video. She felt that I was
Speaker 1: brushing her off, so she made a shocking comment. She said,
Speaker 1: I'll call someone who wants to be all up on me.
Speaker 1: Oh that hurt me and made me cry.
Speaker 2: I bet it did. Shit.
Speaker 1: We got into it and I went upstairs, but before
Speaker 1: I got up and set their quiet, I felt low.
Speaker 2: And dumb and small. I understand.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to fight with fire, so I didn't
Speaker 1: say anything smart back. I asked her why you would
Speaker 1: disrespect me like that? She followed and wanted to talk. Okay,
Speaker 1: so if she following, y'all are pissing me off this morning,
Speaker 1: because basically that's the advice right there. She follows you
Speaker 1: and she wanted to talk. Did you talk to her?
Speaker 1: How did you feel about it? I understand? Let me,
Speaker 1: let me, let me calm down. I understand. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to shy you away or steer you away. I'm
Speaker 1: going to fix your mess because I think I.
Speaker 2: Know what you want. I think I know how you feel.
Speaker 1: Even after her sitting down talking to you, or you
Speaker 1: guys talking, or whether you did talk or not in
Speaker 1: hashing that out, even if she apologized fifty eleven times,
Speaker 1: why the fuck would you say that? What would make
Speaker 1: you want to say some shit like that? I am
Speaker 1: your husband, you know what I'm saying. So that has
Speaker 1: your mind wondering? Are you fucking with somebody? Do you
Speaker 1: already talk to somebody that be all up on you?
Speaker 2: Like bitch? I just wanted to finish a video real quick.
Speaker 1: I just cooked you dinner, damn like you need to
Speaker 1: say your grace and fucking eat like.
Speaker 2: Like you feel me.
Speaker 1: I cook dinner. Let me watch this video. Also, let
Speaker 1: me ask you something else. Is your ass always on
Speaker 1: the phone? I mean, I'm gonna ask you professionally first.
Speaker 1: Are you always on the phone? Do you always be
Speaker 1: on the damn phone? You know, because that's one thing.
Speaker 1: Even in my relationship, my boyfriend hates it. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: can't sleep straight through the night, so I'll wake up
Speaker 1: around like three or four or five, and I don't
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna get up and go in the gym.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna get up, and you know, not right now.
Speaker 1: I do work out, but some times you just want
Speaker 1: to lay there, you know, and I'll grab my phone
Speaker 1: and I'll be on the phone.
Speaker 2: He hates it.
Speaker 1: He hates it because he has this thing. He's like,
Speaker 1: let's talk to God first, let your feet touch the
Speaker 1: ground first, before you get online. It's so many things online.
Speaker 1: It's so many It's a cruel world in real life,
Speaker 1: but it's also even crueler online, you know. But we
Speaker 1: have a choice. We don't have a choice but to
Speaker 1: go out here in the world. We don't have a
Speaker 1: choice when it comes to going out in the world.
Speaker 2: But we do have a.
Speaker 1: Choice to control what goes in our minds, to control.
Speaker 2: What we look at.
Speaker 1: We do have a choice, you know, and internet is
Speaker 1: one of those choices that we have. And I choose
Speaker 1: to wake up, open my eyes and jump on my phone.
Speaker 1: And he can't stand that. So I compromise with that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, okay, nope, I won't So now I
Speaker 1: won't grab my phone, so maybe round nine ten o'clock.
Speaker 1: I mean, I have to work online as well, so
Speaker 1: he understands that. But that shouldn't be the last thing
Speaker 1: you do before you go to bed, and it shouldn't
Speaker 1: be the first thing you do when you wake up.
Speaker 1: So I set all that to ask you is that
Speaker 1: an issue for her?
Speaker 2: Do you? Is that something that you always do? You
Speaker 2: always be on the damn.
Speaker 1: Phone, and she like, look, come on, like I just
Speaker 1: want to kiss you, damn show you some attention. Boom, Like,
Speaker 1: let me know, because you ain't leave a lot of
Speaker 1: meat on the bone either. I do understand that you
Speaker 1: were hurt, you know what I'm saying, and that made
Speaker 1: you cry. I definitely wouldn't have cried, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: tell you that right now.
Speaker 2: I'd have been like, well, who the fuck is it?
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: And see a lot of times it depends on the person.
Speaker 1: It depends on the type of person that you're arguing with.
Speaker 1: Because I like to match energy, which is very toxic
Speaker 1: and not good all the time. So I'm not promoting that.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying, oh, we should do mash that energy,
Speaker 1: match that energy. No, because you could have easily said, well,
Speaker 1: should I have cast somebody who can be all up
Speaker 1: on me too, or I've cast somebody who give me
Speaker 1: my space?
Speaker 2: Then boom.
Speaker 1: It had been a whole will and fighting a mouffucker.
Speaker 1: So but you didn't say that. You cried and you
Speaker 1: got upset. So you're more emotional and that's fine. So
Speaker 1: that's maybe why she wanted to talk. I know she
Speaker 1: felt bad. Tell me what happened when you guys sat
Speaker 1: down and talked, you know, because I really can't give
Speaker 1: you advice moving forward until you let me know how
Speaker 1: that conversation went. But I can just ask questions and
Speaker 1: request that you update me and you know, keep me posted,
Speaker 1: because this is a story I do want to see
Speaker 1: end well. I mean, you know, I want to fix
Speaker 1: it and see it. You know. See, you guys come
Speaker 1: out of this reconcile for sure. And sometimes as women,
Speaker 1: we can get so fed up and so upset and
Speaker 1: throw temperate tantrums and say things.
Speaker 2: To deliberately hurt you.
Speaker 1: Deliberately say things to hurt you, like intentionally, you know,
Speaker 1: what I mean. So if that's what she was doing,
Speaker 1: she should never do that shit again. Because you're supposed
Speaker 1: to love your husband. You're supposed to protect his feelings.
Speaker 1: You're supposed to you know what I'm saying. You're supposed
Speaker 1: to do that as you're supposed to do for your wife,
Speaker 1: you know, or you know, whether it's a wife and wife, husband, husband, whatever,
Speaker 1: You're supposed to respect and love and encourage your partner,
Speaker 1: you know. And even when you guys are upset with
Speaker 1: each other, you have to love each other, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. You still have to show that you
Speaker 1: love each other when you're upset, because that's the difference.
Speaker 1: That's the difference. That's how you can really still feel
Speaker 1: somebody loves you. Okay, So definitely definitely tell me how
Speaker 1: you know what happened with that and get back to me. Well, y'all,
Speaker 1: we've come to the end of another episode. John, I
Speaker 1: about to go catch my flight going out put.
Speaker 2: Harico with at Mimian.
Speaker 1: Yes, Mimi in thank you, saying Mimi in get back
Speaker 1: to y'all next week.
Speaker 2: Oh and in my deepest fan voice.
Speaker 1: Peace classic classic Can'tfully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio
Speaker 1: and the black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit
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Speaker 2: Assass