1
00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:09,840
Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and

2
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:23,640
Speaker 1: the Black Effects, And just like that, welcome back to

3
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,160
Speaker 1: yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl, Jess.

4
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:26,640
Speaker 2: Hilarious.

5
00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,160
Speaker 1: Listen, I'm gonna jump right into fixing some mess because

6
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,760
Speaker 1: I'm on my way to Puerto Rico, but I have

7
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:35,360
Speaker 1: to deliver this episode, y'all. And I'm also coming down

8
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,360
Speaker 1: off of a fucking cold, so that's why I sound

9
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:42,800
Speaker 1: like somebody's granddad. So let's get it popping, Jess. Hey girl,

10
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,000
Speaker 1: I know you have hello people to get to, but

11
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,320
Speaker 1: I need you to fix my mess. And I hope

12
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,879
Speaker 1: you read this one day. First of all, I love

13
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,600
Speaker 1: your podcast, and hey, don't talk about my grammar and

14
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:57,600
Speaker 1: punctuation because I'm really typing this like you're a homegirl. Anyway,

15
00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,520
Speaker 1: let's get to it. It's gonna be long. Let me

16
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,920
Speaker 1: start by saying, I'm twenty five years old and I've

17
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,680
Speaker 1: been dating my boyfriend, who's about to turn twenty eight

18
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,679
Speaker 1: next month, for about two and a half going on

19
00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:11,520
Speaker 1: three years, but we've met in college. I was in

20
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,639
Speaker 1: a relationship from twenty nineteen to twenty twenty one. Around

21
00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:17,640
Speaker 1: twenty twenty, he started a YouTube channel, and I was

22
00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:21,480
Speaker 1: very supportive of his channel until it started taking away

23
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,400
Speaker 1: time for him to spend with me. First of all,

24
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:28,720
Speaker 1: that was crazy at shitineteen twenty nineteen through twenty twenty one.

25
00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:31,280
Speaker 1: Around twenty twenty, yes, you definitely typing this like my

26
00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:34,520
Speaker 1: motherfucker homegirl because I can barely understand, but bear with me.

27
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:39,480
Speaker 1: I was always transparent about him not spending as much

28
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,640
Speaker 1: time with me, but he never made an effort to

29
00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,640
Speaker 1: change this, and I began to get on dating apps

30
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:48,000
Speaker 1: and eventually met someone and stepped out of my relationship.

31
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,520
Speaker 2: What should I do? Well, you stepped out of here

32
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,080
Speaker 2: fucking relationship? What do you mean where you should do?

33
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:57,240
Speaker 2: You should step back in it? I mean did? Okay?

34
00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,000
Speaker 1: Now you left no meat on the bone from me.

35
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:01,480
Speaker 1: You told me this was going to be long, but

36
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:05,520
Speaker 1: it was in fact very short. All right, So let's

37
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,480
Speaker 1: gather all that we can. So you're twenty five and

38
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,360
Speaker 1: you've been with your boyfriend, who was about to be

39
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:14,120
Speaker 1: twenty nine for almost three years. Y'all met in college

40
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,200
Speaker 1: and in twenty nineteen, but you are in a relationship.

41
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,920
Speaker 1: This one is kind of confusing, but basically you said

42
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,600
Speaker 1: all that just to say, you cheated on him, you

43
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,680
Speaker 1: stepped out on him, and you don't.

44
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:26,000
Speaker 2: Know what to do.

45
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,280
Speaker 1: You feel guilty. I think you should go to him.

46
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,560
Speaker 1: You should talk to him, sit down and tell him why.

47
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,639
Speaker 1: A lot of times when people cheat, they do have reasons.

48
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,000
Speaker 1: Not all the time, but more than likely, there is

49
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,160
Speaker 1: a reason why somebody would step out of a relationship

50
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:46,320
Speaker 1: that they that's fixable, that's doable, that not. I'm not

51
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,919
Speaker 1: going to say that you can tolerate, because when you're

52
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:53,160
Speaker 1: tolerating somebody, you're literally settling, like all right, I'm tolerating you.

53
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,800
Speaker 1: You're like, no, No, that's when you're fed up and

54
00:02:55,840 --> 00:03:00,120
Speaker 1: you should y'all already grow apart. What I mean is

55
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,240
Speaker 1: is if it's still work on able, Like if you

56
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:06,359
Speaker 1: can still work on your relationship, then that's what you

57
00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:09,200
Speaker 1: stay and do. I mean, you obviously love this person,

58
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:13,880
Speaker 1: You've obviously devoted some years, so I would definitely say

59
00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:16,640
Speaker 1: there is still something there, So yes, it's worth a

60
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,560
Speaker 1: sit down. You go and talk to them and tell

61
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:22,000
Speaker 1: your partner exactly how you feel. We need to stop

62
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:26,400
Speaker 1: being afraid to communicate in relationships. That's one thing that

63
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,840
Speaker 1: we as people struggle with anyway. Like communicating with each other,

64
00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:33,040
Speaker 1: keeping it a buck, they say. I call it being honest,

65
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:40,000
Speaker 1: being straightforward without being disrespectful. Now, sometimes communication can go

66
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,559
Speaker 1: bad both ways, like you could either not be communicating

67
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:46,440
Speaker 1: enough or you can over communicate.

68
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,760
Speaker 2: I think over communicating.

69
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,480
Speaker 1: Is better because it's better to tell somebody to pull

70
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,640
Speaker 1: back from some of the shit they say than to

71
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,600
Speaker 1: try to pull some shit out of somebody.

72
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:56,480
Speaker 2: And you never know.

73
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,320
Speaker 1: Your man could have definitely saw the signs and figured

74
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,600
Speaker 1: out that you were messing around, you know what I'm saying.

75
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,000
Speaker 1: So I think you should sit down with your man

76
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,120
Speaker 1: and tell him listen. You don't spend enough time with me.

77
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,800
Speaker 1: I find this quite boring, and I find myself looking

78
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:16,800
Speaker 1: for attention outside of our relationship behind your back, of course,

79
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,560
Speaker 1: because I don't want to leave you, but I'm not

80
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:19,200
Speaker 1: happy here.

81
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,560
Speaker 2: What can we do to fix this?

82
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,040
Speaker 1: If you're not mature enough to have that conversation and

83
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,720
Speaker 1: he's not muture enough to listen, then you need to

84
00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:32,520
Speaker 1: let that go because obviously communication is not y'all strong suit.

85
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:33,000
Speaker 2: That's not a.

86
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,760
Speaker 1: Strength in your relationship. So that's what I think you

87
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,599
Speaker 1: should do. I think you should sit down and talk

88
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,760
Speaker 1: to your man child, because I'd be beating somebody's ass

89
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,400
Speaker 1: up and down if I found out they were cheating.

90
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:44,560
Speaker 2: Just come to me and tell me.

91
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,919
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Got to save you a

92
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:50,680
Speaker 1: slap in a punch, all right, all right, check back

93
00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:53,480
Speaker 1: in with me. If you love me, you'll listen to

94
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,680
Speaker 1: this commercial and then we'll be right back.

95
00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:57,920
Speaker 2: Moving on.

96
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,120
Speaker 1: Hey, Jess, I need you to fix my mess. I'm

97
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,400
Speaker 1: not sure if you do parental mess a girl, I

98
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,640
Speaker 1: do it all. But that's what I have to bring

99
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,840
Speaker 1: to the table. For background, I am eighteen. I live

100
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:12,160
Speaker 1: with my father and stepmother. I am Christian and very outspoken.

101
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,480
Speaker 1: That sounds like my cousin London. And I really am

102
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,599
Speaker 1: loved by a lot of people and try my best

103
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,800
Speaker 1: to be a good person. I have been in therapy

104
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,599
Speaker 1: my whole life, but recently I started with the therapist

105
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,320
Speaker 1: and told her about my parents and how they are

106
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:31,120
Speaker 1: extremely toxic and abusive mentally and emotionally. I eventually got

107
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:34,640
Speaker 1: diagnosed with the react of attachment disorder. That's when you

108
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:38,120
Speaker 1: do not attach any parental figures because they were taken

109
00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,120
Speaker 1: from you or abusive. Okay, okay, thank you for enlightening me.

110
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:42,479
Speaker 2: On that.

111
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:46,200
Speaker 1: So basically I didn't get modeled what a healthy relationship

112
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,000
Speaker 1: looks like. So all throughout my childhood I have been

113
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,920
Speaker 1: constantly ridiculed and made to feel like I'm an awful person,

114
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:57,320
Speaker 1: constantly being called selfish and considerate, lazy, and manipulating me

115
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:02,359
Speaker 1: to believe this about myself for years. Wow, well you

116
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:06,520
Speaker 1: stop there, babe, But I think I can figure this out.

117
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,760
Speaker 1: Since y'all are leaving me to pick up the pizza

118
00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:10,719
Speaker 1: is this morning, now, let me just go hit on

119
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:14,839
Speaker 1: and do it. Looking at your profile, you are such

120
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,360
Speaker 1: a breath of fresh air. Looks like you are the

121
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,440
Speaker 1: life of the party. People do love you. You are

122
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,599
Speaker 1: just so happy and bubbly, is what it looks like

123
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,120
Speaker 1: from what I can see.

124
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,880
Speaker 2: So basically, you either.

125
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:32,280
Speaker 1: Want me to tell you how you can I don't

126
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,880
Speaker 1: know reconcile with your parents, or how you go on

127
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:40,440
Speaker 1: in life without knowing how a healthy family is structured.

128
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,799
Speaker 2: I'll just give you both, okay.

129
00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:47,640
Speaker 1: So obviously it's something they're deep rooted with your parents,

130
00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:52,880
Speaker 1: which may have led to the abuse. Are you an

131
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,400
Speaker 1: only child? You didn't leave a lot of meat on

132
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,080
Speaker 1: the bone for me? Are you the baby? Are you

133
00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,320
Speaker 1: the middle child. Are you the oldest child or are

134
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:03,080
Speaker 1: you an only child that actually could play a role

135
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:03,520
Speaker 1: as well?

136
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,919
Speaker 2: Also, when did your parents have you? Did they have

137
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:09,040
Speaker 2: you early?

138
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,400
Speaker 1: As hell, when they couldn't even beat parents themselves?

139
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:14,440
Speaker 2: What happened? You know?

140
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,360
Speaker 1: What do you think caused this trauma? You know what

141
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:21,840
Speaker 1: caused them to be this way? Not justifying it at all,

142
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:28,120
Speaker 1: but it's almost more often than not a reason why

143
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:33,280
Speaker 1: parents disconnect with their kids. You know what I'm saying,

144
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,920
Speaker 1: find out how their parents treated them. Is it one

145
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,440
Speaker 1: parent or is it both parents? You know because you

146
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,160
Speaker 1: spoke about the fact that you live with your father

147
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:45,040
Speaker 1: and your stepmother.

148
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:46,440
Speaker 2: Where is mom?

149
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,040
Speaker 1: You know, if you don't mind me asking, if you

150
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,840
Speaker 1: don't mind coming back to update me with more information.

151
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:56,680
Speaker 1: Where's mom? How are you guys' relationship? And what's going

152
00:07:56,720 --> 00:08:00,080
Speaker 1: on with the step mom? Is your step mom a comforting,

153
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,160
Speaker 1: nurturing woman. Do you get what you need from her

154
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,280
Speaker 1: that you never got from your real mother? You know,

155
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,440
Speaker 1: your biological mother. I don't want to say real mother,

156
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:12,240
Speaker 1: your biological mother. Hear you say, throughout your childhood you

157
00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:14,960
Speaker 1: have been constantly ridiculed and made to feel like you're

158
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,880
Speaker 1: an awful person. What are some of the things you do?

159
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,680
Speaker 1: You said you were being called selfish and considerate, lazy,

160
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,560
Speaker 1: and you are manipulative. What are some of the actions

161
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,360
Speaker 1: that led to people saying this about you? You know,

162
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,440
Speaker 1: because a lot of times, depending on how you were

163
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:33,319
Speaker 1: treated growing up, that's how you tend to treat others,

164
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,800
Speaker 1: because that's all you know, that's all you've been taught.

165
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:40,040
Speaker 1: So I wonder if you've become this kind of person

166
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:45,839
Speaker 1: or you've developed this personality about yourself based on how

167
00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:48,880
Speaker 1: you were treated growing up, or based on who your

168
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,240
Speaker 1: biological parents are. Because a lot of shit is hereditary too.

169
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,480
Speaker 1: Let's not play games, you know what I'm saying. Let's

170
00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:57,920
Speaker 1: just say it for what it is. Sometimes you end

171
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,280
Speaker 1: up like your parents, even if you don't want that.

172
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:04,640
Speaker 1: Shit is just in your blood. You understand now, I

173
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,480
Speaker 1: don't want you to take offense to that, but I

174
00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:07,000
Speaker 1: don't want to.

175
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,400
Speaker 2: I don't like to coddle my people.

176
00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:13,400
Speaker 1: I don't like to coddle I really don't, because shit

177
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,720
Speaker 1: is real out here, you understand, And you're eighteen.

178
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:19,079
Speaker 2: You're eighteen, and you've already been through some stuff.

179
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:22,199
Speaker 1: I can honestly tell you know, but I don't want

180
00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:25,480
Speaker 1: to treat you like, oh my god, I like like

181
00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:28,200
Speaker 1: I pity you, or like you need my pity, or I,

182
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,600
Speaker 1: oh my god, I sympathize so much. No, no, I'm

183
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:34,240
Speaker 1: an impath and I feel you. I want you to

184
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,520
Speaker 1: tell me exactly. I want you to do some homework.

185
00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:38,280
Speaker 1: You eighteen, I need you do some homework.

186
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:38,640
Speaker 2: Baby.

187
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:43,800
Speaker 1: Tell me what you do. Tell me the type of

188
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,559
Speaker 1: person you feel like you are. Tell me if you

189
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,360
Speaker 1: even feel like a good person. Don't tell me what

190
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,160
Speaker 1: somebody else thinks of you. Tell me what you think

191
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:53,800
Speaker 1: of yourself. You understand. Let me know exactly what you feel.

192
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:57,680
Speaker 1: You're strong, your your strengths are as opposed to your weaknesses,

193
00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,640
Speaker 1: you know, and how you feel you developed them, and

194
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,800
Speaker 1: how it pertains to your life in terms of holding

195
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:10,040
Speaker 1: you back or pushing you forward or making you permanently

196
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:15,080
Speaker 1: suspend your family. You know what I'm saying, Expel them,

197
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,959
Speaker 1: because you talk as if you don't you don't even

198
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,640
Speaker 1: want to see them. You just told me you have

199
00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:25,439
Speaker 1: a whole disorder basically where you don't attach parental figures

200
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:28,120
Speaker 1: because they were taken from you or abusive. You know

201
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,280
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I don't like that I don't like

202
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:35,080
Speaker 1: that you struggle with this react of attachment disorder, Like

203
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:38,560
Speaker 1: I don't like that, you know, so put some more meat.

204
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:38,920
Speaker 2: On the bone.

205
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:42,200
Speaker 1: I can't really give you advice because first of all,

206
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:47,640
Speaker 1: you didn't finish your sentence. I mean, you didn't finish

207
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,280
Speaker 1: You didn't ask me a question. You just told me,

208
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:50,719
Speaker 1: heyj s, I need you to fix my mess, and

209
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,000
Speaker 1: you explain what was going on. So I do want

210
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,560
Speaker 1: to get to the bottom of it. And you know,

211
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,480
Speaker 1: and because you're young, you're so young, and you have

212
00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,320
Speaker 1: so much life to live, and you're so charismatic literally

213
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:04,120
Speaker 1: scrolling through your profile, you know, beautiful kid, you know.

214
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,080
Speaker 1: So I want you to get back with me. Let

215
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:12,200
Speaker 1: me know what's going on, like below surface level. You

216
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,920
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Get deep rooted with me, you know,

217
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,000
Speaker 1: because if I'm a fiction mess, I'm gonna need all

218
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:17,360
Speaker 1: love it.

219
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,200
Speaker 2: You understand, all right? Well, I love you.

220
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,840
Speaker 1: Hold up, Hold up, I know this shit getting good.

221
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,200
Speaker 1: But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.

222
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:30,720
Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen. Last story. Hey Jass,

223
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,480
Speaker 1: I love you and you're my favorite comedian.

224
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:33,280
Speaker 2: Oh thank you. Boot.

225
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,800
Speaker 1: We've met a few times at your meet and greets

226
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:39,040
Speaker 1: in my state. Here's my mess. How do you handle

227
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:43,320
Speaker 1: being disrespected? Recently, I cooked dinner for my wife. We've

228
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:46,120
Speaker 1: been married a year and a half and I'm blessed

229
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,400
Speaker 1: to have her. After I cooked and sat down to

230
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,960
Speaker 1: scroll on social media, she wanted me to come closer

231
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,200
Speaker 1: to her on the other side of our couch. We

232
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,520
Speaker 1: have a sectional, so I got up and went to

233
00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:57,880
Speaker 1: sit next to her. She wanted to be all on me,

234
00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,880
Speaker 1: and I told her one sec I'm watching this video.

235
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,880
Speaker 1: It was a discussion video. She felt that I was

236
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:06,240
Speaker 1: brushing her off, so she made a shocking comment. She said,

237
00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:08,679
Speaker 1: I'll call someone who wants to be all up on me.

238
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,240
Speaker 1: Oh that hurt me and made me cry.

239
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:13,600
Speaker 2: I bet it did. Shit.

240
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,600
Speaker 1: We got into it and I went upstairs, but before

241
00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:19,360
Speaker 1: I got up and set their quiet, I felt low.

242
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,719
Speaker 2: And dumb and small. I understand.

243
00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:25,040
Speaker 1: I didn't want to fight with fire, so I didn't

244
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,840
Speaker 1: say anything smart back. I asked her why you would

245
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:32,160
Speaker 1: disrespect me like that? She followed and wanted to talk. Okay,

246
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,439
Speaker 1: so if she following, y'all are pissing me off this morning,

247
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:39,960
Speaker 1: because basically that's the advice right there. She follows you

248
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,800
Speaker 1: and she wanted to talk. Did you talk to her?

249
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,480
Speaker 1: How did you feel about it? I understand? Let me,

250
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,760
Speaker 1: let me, let me calm down. I understand. I'm not

251
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,439
Speaker 1: going to shy you away or steer you away. I'm

252
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,360
Speaker 1: going to fix your mess because I think I.

253
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:55,160
Speaker 2: Know what you want. I think I know how you feel.

254
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,480
Speaker 1: Even after her sitting down talking to you, or you

255
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:02,400
Speaker 1: guys talking, or whether you did talk or not in

256
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,560
Speaker 1: hashing that out, even if she apologized fifty eleven times,

257
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,920
Speaker 1: why the fuck would you say that? What would make

258
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,959
Speaker 1: you want to say some shit like that? I am

259
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,840
Speaker 1: your husband, you know what I'm saying. So that has

260
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,440
Speaker 1: your mind wondering? Are you fucking with somebody? Do you

261
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,640
Speaker 1: already talk to somebody that be all up on you?

262
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,680
Speaker 2: Like bitch? I just wanted to finish a video real quick.

263
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:26,480
Speaker 1: I just cooked you dinner, damn like you need to

264
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,719
Speaker 1: say your grace and fucking eat like.

265
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:29,120
Speaker 2: Like you feel me.

266
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:32,199
Speaker 1: I cook dinner. Let me watch this video. Also, let

267
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:35,240
Speaker 1: me ask you something else. Is your ass always on

268
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,280
Speaker 1: the phone? I mean, I'm gonna ask you professionally first.

269
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:41,000
Speaker 1: Are you always on the phone? Do you always be

270
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,840
Speaker 1: on the damn phone? You know, because that's one thing.

271
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:48,360
Speaker 1: Even in my relationship, my boyfriend hates it. Sometimes I

272
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,360
Speaker 1: can't sleep straight through the night, so I'll wake up

273
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,839
Speaker 1: around like three or four or five, and I don't

274
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:56,880
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna get up and go in the gym.

275
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,640
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna get up, and you know, not right now.

276
00:13:58,679 --> 00:14:00,679
Speaker 1: I do work out, but some times you just want

277
00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:03,040
Speaker 1: to lay there, you know, and I'll grab my phone

278
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:04,120
Speaker 1: and I'll be on the phone.

279
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:04,880
Speaker 2: He hates it.

280
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,240
Speaker 1: He hates it because he has this thing. He's like,

281
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,079
Speaker 1: let's talk to God first, let your feet touch the

282
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,160
Speaker 1: ground first, before you get online. It's so many things online.

283
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,000
Speaker 1: It's so many It's a cruel world in real life,

284
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,960
Speaker 1: but it's also even crueler online, you know. But we

285
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,080
Speaker 1: have a choice. We don't have a choice but to

286
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:24,320
Speaker 1: go out here in the world. We don't have a

287
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,160
Speaker 1: choice when it comes to going out in the world.

288
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:27,160
Speaker 2: But we do have a.

289
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:31,280
Speaker 1: Choice to control what goes in our minds, to control.

290
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:31,960
Speaker 2: What we look at.

291
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,240
Speaker 1: We do have a choice, you know, and internet is

292
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,800
Speaker 1: one of those choices that we have. And I choose

293
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,880
Speaker 1: to wake up, open my eyes and jump on my phone.

294
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:43,600
Speaker 1: And he can't stand that. So I compromise with that.

295
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:46,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, okay, nope, I won't So now I

296
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:50,080
Speaker 1: won't grab my phone, so maybe round nine ten o'clock.

297
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,280
Speaker 1: I mean, I have to work online as well, so

298
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:54,760
Speaker 1: he understands that. But that shouldn't be the last thing

299
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:56,600
Speaker 1: you do before you go to bed, and it shouldn't

300
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:57,880
Speaker 1: be the first thing you do when you wake up.

301
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,160
Speaker 1: So I set all that to ask you is that

302
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:01,960
Speaker 1: an issue for her?

303
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:04,400
Speaker 2: Do you? Is that something that you always do? You

304
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:05,720
Speaker 2: always be on the damn.

305
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,560
Speaker 1: Phone, and she like, look, come on, like I just

306
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,800
Speaker 1: want to kiss you, damn show you some attention. Boom, Like,

307
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,280
Speaker 1: let me know, because you ain't leave a lot of

308
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:19,360
Speaker 1: meat on the bone either. I do understand that you

309
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,560
Speaker 1: were hurt, you know what I'm saying, and that made

310
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:28,480
Speaker 1: you cry. I definitely wouldn't have cried, and I'm gonna

311
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:29,360
Speaker 1: tell you that right now.

312
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:32,320
Speaker 2: I'd have been like, well, who the fuck is it?

313
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:33,440
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

314
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:37,800
Speaker 1: And see a lot of times it depends on the person.

315
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:41,680
Speaker 1: It depends on the type of person that you're arguing with.

316
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,440
Speaker 1: Because I like to match energy, which is very toxic

317
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,280
Speaker 1: and not good all the time. So I'm not promoting that.

318
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,680
Speaker 1: I'm not saying, oh, we should do mash that energy,

319
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,720
Speaker 1: match that energy. No, because you could have easily said, well,

320
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,600
Speaker 1: should I have cast somebody who can be all up

321
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,600
Speaker 1: on me too, or I've cast somebody who give me

322
00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:58,240
Speaker 1: my space?

323
00:15:58,440 --> 00:15:59,000
Speaker 2: Then boom.

324
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,160
Speaker 1: It had been a whole will and fighting a mouffucker.

325
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,240
Speaker 1: So but you didn't say that. You cried and you

326
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:08,080
Speaker 1: got upset. So you're more emotional and that's fine. So

327
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,080
Speaker 1: that's maybe why she wanted to talk. I know she

328
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,400
Speaker 1: felt bad. Tell me what happened when you guys sat

329
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:15,200
Speaker 1: down and talked, you know, because I really can't give

330
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:19,320
Speaker 1: you advice moving forward until you let me know how

331
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:22,840
Speaker 1: that conversation went. But I can just ask questions and

332
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:27,040
Speaker 1: request that you update me and you know, keep me posted,

333
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,400
Speaker 1: because this is a story I do want to see

334
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,440
Speaker 1: end well. I mean, you know, I want to fix

335
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,240
Speaker 1: it and see it. You know. See, you guys come

336
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,320
Speaker 1: out of this reconcile for sure. And sometimes as women,

337
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,440
Speaker 1: we can get so fed up and so upset and

338
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,560
Speaker 1: throw temperate tantrums and say things.

339
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,440
Speaker 2: To deliberately hurt you.

340
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,920
Speaker 1: Deliberately say things to hurt you, like intentionally, you know,

341
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,320
Speaker 1: what I mean. So if that's what she was doing,

342
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:53,080
Speaker 1: she should never do that shit again. Because you're supposed

343
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,800
Speaker 1: to love your husband. You're supposed to protect his feelings.

344
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,200
Speaker 1: You're supposed to you know what I'm saying. You're supposed

345
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,160
Speaker 1: to do that as you're supposed to do for your wife,

346
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:03,120
Speaker 1: you know, or you know, whether it's a wife and wife, husband, husband, whatever,

347
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:07,280
Speaker 1: You're supposed to respect and love and encourage your partner,

348
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,240
Speaker 1: you know. And even when you guys are upset with

349
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,440
Speaker 1: each other, you have to love each other, you know

350
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:13,879
Speaker 1: what I mean. You still have to show that you

351
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,840
Speaker 1: love each other when you're upset, because that's the difference.

352
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:20,600
Speaker 1: That's the difference. That's how you can really still feel

353
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:24,919
Speaker 1: somebody loves you. Okay, So definitely definitely tell me how

354
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:29,480
Speaker 1: you know what happened with that and get back to me. Well, y'all,

355
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,600
Speaker 1: we've come to the end of another episode. John, I

356
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,760
Speaker 1: about to go catch my flight going out put.

357
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:34,679
Speaker 2: Harico with at Mimian.

358
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,600
Speaker 1: Yes, Mimi in thank you, saying Mimi in get back

359
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:39,400
Speaker 1: to y'all next week.

360
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,680
Speaker 2: Oh and in my deepest fan voice.

361
00:17:41,600 --> 00:19:17,520
Speaker 1: Peace classic classic Can'tfully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio

362
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:21,280
Speaker 1: and the black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit

363
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:25,119
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

364
00:19:25,160 --> 00:20:05,840
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.

365
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,680
Speaker 2: Assass