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Speaker 1: Hey, this is jonnas is Sam your og Okay storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

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Speaker 2: We have some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 2: My husband said he choose his.

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Speaker 3: Deceased wife over made Oh. I love comparison because it

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Speaker 3: is not the thief of joy.

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Speaker 4: Try making a ven diagram.

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Speaker 5: What it's not gonna.

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Speaker 2: Do, It'll at least make things clearer.

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Speaker 3: I guess make a pros and gonzo list. My thirty

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Speaker 3: four female husband thirty seven male was once married before me.

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Speaker 3: She was his high school sweetheart. They started dating their

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Speaker 3: junior year, survived long distance during college, and got married

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Speaker 3: when they were both twenty three, very shortly after graduating college.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from No Contact seventy seven

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Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to art side Storky Stories. I'm Suburta. So she passed

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Speaker 3: away unexpectedly at the age of twenty six from an aneurysm,

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Speaker 3: and it obviously devastated him bro especially because they were

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Speaker 3: extremely young. They never had children. He contemplated remarrying because

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Speaker 3: he was so heart broken, but we ended up meeting

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Speaker 3: about four years after that. We got married when I

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Speaker 3: was thirty one and he was thirty four, and we

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Speaker 3: have two children. Last night, we were at a friend

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Speaker 3: part luck gathering. Everything was going well until one of

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Speaker 3: our friends brought up a new topic that had to

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Speaker 3: do with relationships. She was newly divorced, so it was

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Speaker 3: about her divorce. Oh no, lovely, others were chiming in

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Speaker 3: with past relationships from high school, college, et cetera. I

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Speaker 3: had said I never thought I would get married because

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Speaker 3: my luck with men has always been terrible until I

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Speaker 3: met my husband, and I said I felt very lucky

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Speaker 3: to have met him. After a little while longer, my

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Speaker 3: husband brings up his deceased wife. Everyone has known he

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Speaker 3: was married before me and that she had passed. He

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Speaker 3: was talking about her and then drops a bomb and goes,

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Speaker 3: she walked through that front door right now at pickup

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Speaker 3: or we left off. If I am being honest, it

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Speaker 3: felt like someone put my heart in a blender and

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Speaker 3: the old one tuned me and the gut as hard

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Speaker 3: as they could. Everyone in the could. Since the awkwardness

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Speaker 3: that followed. To avoid making a scene, I just laughed

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Speaker 3: and off, even though I think it was still obvious

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Speaker 3: that it hurt me. I just felt that if you

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Speaker 3: still felt that way, then why are we married. I've

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Speaker 3: never asked him to get over his wife. I've never

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Speaker 3: had a deceased spouse or even a deceased partner, so

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Speaker 3: I'm unsure how that feels.

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Speaker 2: But I would never say that in front of my

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Speaker 2: new spouse. Exactly.

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Speaker 4: It's like there's a time and a place that's something

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Speaker 4: you say to like your best friend who's known you forever.

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Speaker 3: After the gathering we left. I did not speak to

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Speaker 3: him the entire card ride home, or barely the entire night.

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Speaker 3: I did tell him that what he said hurt my

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Speaker 3: feelings deeply, and that we could talk in the morning

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Speaker 3: since I've calmed down. Because I didn't want to say

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Speaker 3: something mean to him, I ended up sleeping on the

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Speaker 3: couch because he would not leave me alone. It's now

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Speaker 3: the next morning and I barely slept. He is still sleeping.

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Speaker 3: I'm not really sure what to do or say, or

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Speaker 3: what he will say. Divorce or therapy, therapy, therapy.

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Speaker 2: Really, I think, yeah.

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Speaker 3: This one comment isn't divorce worthy. No, this one comment

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Speaker 3: doesn't show that he's not ready to have you as

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Speaker 3: a wife.

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Speaker 4: Well, it's like you're talking about like a really intense

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Speaker 4: emotion and something that honestly, like you know, being in

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Speaker 4: a relationship with someone that just like you're just like

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Speaker 4: in love with and you're like, this is gonna last

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Speaker 4: like forever, and then like if that person just like

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Speaker 4: fell off of the face of the earth, that would

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Speaker 4: have shattered me for the rest of my life. It

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Speaker 4: wouldn't matter who I met or who I got married to.

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Speaker 4: That would always be in there somewhere.

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Speaker 3: I also have tried to reply to as many comments

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Speaker 3: as I can. They were flooding in and we are

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Speaker 3: into the update right now. I may still try to

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Speaker 3: read them and reply to them. Many brought me so

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Speaker 3: joyous and grateful tears. Also, Booze was not involved in

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Speaker 3: the scene. He wasn't wasted. My husband is six three

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Speaker 3: and almost two fifty pounds. He had eaten quite a

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Speaker 3: bit and had one He was practically sober. Anyway, we talked.

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Speaker 3: I asked him to let me go first and to

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Speaker 3: not interrupt. He doesn't usually interrupt.

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Speaker 2: Anyways.

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Speaker 3: This isn't verbatim, just a rough skey of how things went.

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Speaker 3: I'll also include points of some of you without mentioning.

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Speaker 3: I posted about this stuff, of course me. I just

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Speaker 3: want to say that I do not hate you or

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Speaker 3: what you said. I understand where you were coming from.

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Speaker 3: She passed and it was something neither of you saw coming.

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Speaker 3: I could never ask you to get over her or

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Speaker 3: forget her, because I know how much you loved her.

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Speaker 3: She was your first love. I do understand that if

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Speaker 3: she hadn't passed, we likely would not be together, and

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Speaker 3: you too, and you too likely would be together. I

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Speaker 3: have always understood this, But to say what you said

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Speaker 3: hurt my feelings and embarrassed me. And even though her

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Speaker 3: coming back from the passing away place is impossible, it

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Speaker 3: were possible, you would have leave me and the children.

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Speaker 3: It was probably one of the worst things anyone has

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Speaker 3: ever said to me. It is clear your feelings about

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Speaker 3: her are still raw, and it hurts, and I want

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Speaker 3: to get you counseling. I also want couples counseling very

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Speaker 3: very soon. Even apologize profusely.

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Speaker 2: Wait, honestly, that was that was great. That was a great,

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Speaker 2: very calm.

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Speaker 4: The only thing that would be more impossible than this

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Speaker 4: situation right now. It would be like if she actually

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Speaker 4: did come back, like if it was like a castaway

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Speaker 4: type scenario.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, tear it up and said how he did not

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Speaker 3: mean to hurt me and embarrass me in front of

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Speaker 3: our friends. He basically said that he thought about it

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Speaker 3: before he went to sleep and came to the realization

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Speaker 3: that he could have kept it to himself. I mean,

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Speaker 3: I can't be angry for what he thinks. He loved

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Speaker 3: her and fell asleep eternally, his feelings are also valid here.

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Speaker 3: He also said that he would never leave me and

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Speaker 3: the children and that what he said was just poorly

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Speaker 3: thought out in poorly worded statement, that he was not

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Speaker 3: thinking clearly and when he said it, he immediately felt

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Speaker 3: that it maybe came out wrong. I asked him how

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Speaker 3: he would feel if I said that to him. He says, yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's bad. I know I shouldn't have said it. I

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Speaker 3: wouldn't be happy. I know you are happy. I should

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Speaker 3: have apologized in front of everyone as soon as I

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Speaker 3: said it, or not have said it at all. I

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Speaker 3: then asked him to think of the children and said,

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Speaker 3: it's like you saying hey, children's name. If I not

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Speaker 3: passed away, why flocked through the door, I'd pack my

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Speaker 3: bag to never speak to you guys again. And then

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Speaker 3: it really got uncomfortable. After some silence, I had no

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Speaker 3: idea what to say. After that, he asked me if

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Speaker 3: I wanted too divorced. So I asked him why he

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Speaker 3: would think I would want a divorce.

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Speaker 2: Just to see what he would say. He says he

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Speaker 2: doesn't know.

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Speaker 3: I didn't answer his question, and he said we needed

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Speaker 3: to look into counseling, that he needed to go to

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Speaker 3: counseling for himself, and that we would go to couples counseling.

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Speaker 3: And if the answer is no, I am not interested

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Speaker 3: in moving forward. This isn't one hundred percent about the

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Speaker 3: comment anymore. I need to know if he's willing to

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Speaker 3: make the necessary changes and to put in the work

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Speaker 3: to fix what he messed up, because if he were

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Speaker 3: to dismiss my feelings or not one counseling, it means

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Speaker 3: he doesn't think that it was that serious and that

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Speaker 3: he might not think to take me seriously. I also

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Speaker 3: told him this. Some of the comments also told me

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Speaker 3: to take the kids elsewhere. I agreed with this because

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Speaker 3: it would be difficult to get through this while also parenting.

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Speaker 3: I've got a very young daughter and a son that

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Speaker 3: is a coddler. They're currently with my parents for the weekend,

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Speaker 3: and I will be getting them Sunday night, So this

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Speaker 3: gives us time to really work.

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Speaker 2: Ah.

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Speaker 3: So this is like the little onion. It's like, oh,

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Speaker 3: what's underneath here. It's like, it's maybe not the onion.

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Speaker 2: The orange layers. There's layers to the orange peel. It's

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Speaker 2: a little rotten in there. Oh no, yeah, you waited

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Speaker 2: a little too lawney, that orange rot. Yeah, No, I

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Speaker 2: think it could have get under the hood. You know.

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Speaker 4: I would have even thought of, like separating the kids

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Speaker 4: from this sort of event going on right now, if

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Speaker 4: that's what you would call it.

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Speaker 2: But it's a pretty good idea, yeah.

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Speaker 4: To at least like it gets them away from whatever

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Speaker 4: sort of turmoil might be, you know, brought up or

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Speaker 4: being processed while the therapeutic process is happening.

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Speaker 2: So that's good. I think Op's approaching this with the

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Speaker 2: right mentality.

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Speaker 3: He suggested he sleep on the couch instead of me.

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Speaker 3: I have nowhere else to go. I haven't told my

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Speaker 3: parents because I really would like to keep this in

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Speaker 3: between me and him as much as possible. I mean,

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Speaker 3: friends jump to judge too fast and sometimes offer extremely

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Speaker 3: harmful advice, and also it's embarrassing. Luckily, we both have

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Speaker 3: very good insurance that will help out with counseling. I

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Speaker 3: told him that it seems like whatever counseling he got

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Speaker 3: after her passing was not enough, and that he was

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Speaker 3: not consistent with it like he should have been. With

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Speaker 3: trauma like that, I personally would have been in counseling

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Speaker 3: for years before I even consider remarrying. He agreed, he

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Speaker 3: was only in it for about a year and then

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Speaker 3: stomped once he moved away from his hometown never got

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Speaker 3: back into it. He also agreed to the individual and

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Speaker 3: couples counseling. He kept apologizing, kept telling me he loved

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Speaker 3: me all day. It was also so difficult to be

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Speaker 3: around him because he kept looking at me. I couldn't think.

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Speaker 3: It was like he would try to say something and

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Speaker 3: then he would just stare and not say anything. With

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Speaker 3: kids gone, there's nothing really to do except talk. So

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Speaker 3: we talked again right before dinner time. If I wanted

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Speaker 3: him to cook or buy something, I was not hungry,

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Speaker 3: to be honest, so I told him he could pick

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Speaker 3: something up for himself and that I wasn't hungry, and

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Speaker 3: that prompted the second discussion. I realized he must feel

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Speaker 3: very bad because he noticed I hadn't really eaten much

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Speaker 3: at all today. He kept asking me to eat. I

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Speaker 3: wasn't sulking too badly or anything, just doing my usual task,

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Speaker 3: but not speaking or eating as much because we're home

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Speaker 3: together all day. He noticed this. He asked me one

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Speaker 3: more time to please eat dinner with him, so I agreed.

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Speaker 3: During dinner, he told me that he looked for counselors

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Speaker 3: himself and wanted me to see if I thought they

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Speaker 3: were okay enough, and that he would keep looking last stretch.

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Speaker 3: After all that, I told him that we can't really

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Speaker 3: predict anything until we've met with therapists. I don't want

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Speaker 3: him to keep saying sorry. I want to work and

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Speaker 3: change and then maybe we can move forward. But this

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Speaker 3: is the first step. I don't want to leave him

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Speaker 3: just yet. I am also not saying divorces off the table.

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Speaker 3: I think he is still hurting from her, and his

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Speaker 3: judgment is very, very clouded. If he didn't love me,

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Speaker 3: I doubt he would have apologized so many times and

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Speaker 3: looked for counselors on his own. A man that doesn't

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Speaker 3: love me probably would have made me look or rejected

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Speaker 3: me going along together. Many people were suggesting this. I

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Speaker 3: do not think he doesn't love me. I thought of

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Speaker 3: this myself, cried about it. A lot of my children

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Speaker 3: cried more. I'm not staying for the kids. I'm staying

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Speaker 3: because I want to at least try and fix it.

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Speaker 3: If it cannot be fixed, then at least I tried.

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Speaker 3: We're very close. Some people were asking how close we

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Speaker 3: were prior to marriage. I guess this was a way

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Speaker 3: to gauge the difference between their relationship and our relationship,

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Speaker 3: maybe to see if he settled. He was always romantic, caring,

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Speaker 3: and sweet to me. We've never yelled at each other.

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Speaker 3: When we first started dating, he would plan dates, surprise me,

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Speaker 3: bragged to me about to his friends. So that's why

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Speaker 3: I'm very confused on why he would blurt that out,

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Speaker 3: unless it was just very poor brain and mouth coordination.

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Speaker 4: That's the number one tell you that, that's the number

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Speaker 4: one culprit.

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Speaker 3: I also told him that I may need to get

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Speaker 3: a counselor for myself. I don't think I need one.

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Speaker 3: Someone suggested this, but I think he needs it more

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Speaker 3: than I do. And because of insurance, companies are getting

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Speaker 3: crappier by the year three counseling bills may be pushing it.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. If I do get one, it's because

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Speaker 3: I don't want to potentially resent him or doubt myself.

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Speaker 3: Some people were making attempts to make me doubt myself.

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Speaker 3: Some people were very nasty to me. I appreciate Reddit

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Speaker 3: hiding comments with many down votes, as they may be

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Speaker 3: mean to me, but I couldn't help but click. Some

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Speaker 3: of you are very mean and nasty individuals. And I

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Speaker 3: hope you find happiness one day. I hope that you

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Speaker 3: find someone that you can fall in love with and

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Speaker 3: then they die three years later.

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Speaker 2: Wait what what? What? I was picking that? He just

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Speaker 2: picked that up out of nowhere? Oh my god.

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Speaker 3: Those things where it's like, I hope you have a

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Speaker 3: wife and kids and a family of four one day

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Speaker 3: and they all get in a car accident. Has anyone

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Speaker 3: ever told you that? Nope, someone told me that once.

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Speaker 4: You technically just told me that now, because you looked

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Speaker 4: me in the eyes and you said it.

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Speaker 3: I just asked if anyone It's sort of like, as

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Speaker 3: anyone told you that they like your hat.

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Speaker 2: You're like that.

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Speaker 4: See when Nick Cage is like, have you ever been

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Speaker 4: dragging along sidewalking beatn to you poo bah.

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Speaker 2: He said that where is your name?

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Speaker 3: There could be another update in the future, not opposed

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Speaker 3: to making one. Thank you all for your kind words

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Speaker 3: and support. I've also respond to everyone that texted me

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Speaker 3: people blah blah blah blah blah. They basically said the

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Speaker 3: same thing. They can't believe he said that they feel

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Speaker 3: bad for me, asking if everything is okay what he

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Speaker 3: said was not okay, et cetera. He showed me some

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Speaker 3: of the texts with him and his friends, and some

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Speaker 3: made me cry with how kind they were towards me,

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Speaker 3: basically telling him he wasn't necessarily wrong for thinking that,

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Speaker 3: but be wrong for saying that. And by the way,

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Speaker 3: it will not be wrong for you to join us

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Speaker 3: every day, every day on your favorite podcast platforms when

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Speaker 3: you search up Okay story Time and there will be

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Speaker 3: how many days worth of content?

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Speaker 2: Forty eight? Just click there? Just go right now? Oh wait,

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Speaker 2: this what we just added? Another one?

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Speaker 4: Another day of content, well, another episode of content, twenty

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Speaker 4: three more and it'll be another day, a.

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Speaker 3: Day of contents.

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Speaker 2: But do you think they're gonna make it?

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Speaker 4: It's hard because they're an idealized version it's like they there,

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Speaker 4: you can't actually compete with them because they're not here anymore.

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Speaker 4: So all that you have is an idealized memory.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 4: But that's why moving forward with counseling, with therapy can

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Speaker 4: maybe help break down this grief into something that's actually

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Speaker 4: digestible for OPI's partner, and then he can move forward

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Speaker 4: without this being this like, all right, well, I have

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Speaker 4: her up on this pedestal that no one else can touch,

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Speaker 4: because that also is unfair for OP to have that

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Speaker 4: sitting in the back of her brain, regardless of if

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Speaker 4: it was said in a bad way or not. It's

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Speaker 4: like they're gonna have to figure out how to, you know,

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Speaker 4: break that down into something that can.

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Speaker 3: Be back to the story, I told him I loved

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Speaker 3: him as well, and I've never not loved him for

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Speaker 3: even a second, and that I wasn't angry with him,

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Speaker 3: and I didn't want to, I guess suffer for what

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Speaker 3: he said, but I was just sir and needed him

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Speaker 3: to know that it did hurt me and him to

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Speaker 3: respond how he saw fit and we go from there.

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Speaker 2: That's all for now.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't possibly answer more questions here if you have any,

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Speaker 3: If I didn't address your question. I'm sorry, blah blah

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Speaker 3: blah blah blah. Have a nice weeek in everyone, and

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Speaker 3: thank you again and thank you for your lovely story.

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Speaker 3: I hope things work out, but that is the end

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Speaker 3: of that one.

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Speaker 1: My husband's girlfriend wants to stay with us permanently. I'm

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Speaker 1: having second thoughts.

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Speaker 2: I would maybe have ye second, third, maybe four thoughts,

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Speaker 2: and I would discuss them. Let's go to twelve. Let's

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Speaker 2: run it up.

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Speaker 1: So editor's note, metamore is someone who is dating one

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Speaker 1: of your partners. So my husband male thirty three and

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Speaker 1: I female, thirty four. I've been together for twelve years

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Speaker 1: and married for seven. We also have a kid who

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Speaker 1: is too By the way, this comes from fluid background

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Speaker 1: two to seven. And if you want to submit your

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Speaker 1: own stories, go to our slash Okay storytime, subred it

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Speaker 1: and send it in.

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Speaker 2: So, my husband has.

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Speaker 1: Been opened about the fact that some of his previous

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Speaker 1: relationships were polyamorous, and we have always been opened to

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Speaker 1: general ethic non monogamy.

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Speaker 2: For example, we.

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Speaker 1: Used to go to spicy sleep parties together and some

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Speaker 1: other examples. Fast forward to six months ago, when a

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Speaker 1: friend of his came to the end of her marriage

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Speaker 1: and quite urgently needed somewhere to stay, so we took

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Speaker 1: her in. That was all well and good at first,

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Speaker 1: and they were very close, but so were the three

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Speaker 1: of us. There were knights we all slept in the

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Speaker 1: same bed because she couldn't face sleeping in her own.

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Speaker 1: There are also nights when my husband slept in the

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Speaker 1: bed with her at my suggestion, because again she couldn't

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Speaker 1: handle sleeping alone.

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Speaker 2: But I struggled to share a bed with the three

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Speaker 2: of us just because of space. Wife. He gave the.

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Speaker 1: Okay, mutually agree, mutual spicies we got now. However, the

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Speaker 1: topic of Holly did come up a bit further down

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Speaker 1: the line as a genuine option, so they started spending

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Speaker 1: every Friday night together, and honestly, I was genuinely happy

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Speaker 1: about this. This started as a nominally friends with benefits thing,

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Speaker 1: but naturally progressed into a relationship. I honestly don't think

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Speaker 1: I have any issue with him seeing her, but the

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Speaker 1: problem I am facing is that they want to live together.

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Speaker 2: I'm three forever, get a bigger house and then do

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Speaker 2: this permanently.

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Speaker 1: And I can't tell you why, but I'm really uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: about permanently sharing my space like this. On the other hand,

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Speaker 1: my husband's mental health has always been really bad, but

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Speaker 1: since his girlfriend or friend of benefits. Since my husband's girlfriend, yeah,

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Speaker 1: there we go, I lived here and there have been

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Speaker 1: more of us around, it has been a lot better.

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Speaker 1: So I really don't want to take this away from him,

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Speaker 1: really really don't want to. So I have to find

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Speaker 1: some ways towards happiness for myself and this. Even though

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Speaker 1: I work from home and they both work out of

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Speaker 1: the house, I never feel like I'm on my own

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Speaker 1: anymore somehow, because wherever I look there are reminders that

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Speaker 1: it's the three of us now. So I just feel

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Speaker 1: permanently not at ease in my own home, and I

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Speaker 1: don't know how to get past that. Also, she really

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Speaker 1: wants us to move houses so that way we can

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Speaker 1: have somewhere bigger, but also so it doesn't feel like

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Speaker 1: our house that she's living in, rather something that we

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Speaker 1: have as equals. And I really don't want to transition

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Speaker 1: to potentially having less time with my husband than I

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Speaker 1: do right now.

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Speaker 2: Do I send some miscommunication happening here?

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Speaker 1: Miscommunication of no communication at the moment he's in my

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Speaker 1: bed four nights a week and in her bed for

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Speaker 1: two nights, and then we share the bed one night,

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Speaker 1: all three of us.

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Speaker 2: We bought a bigger bed so that we could do this.

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Speaker 1: It has to be said that I really like his

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Speaker 1: friend with benefits a lot of the time, and one

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Speaker 1: of my hopes is that if she and I work

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Speaker 1: on our relationship and get closer, this will get easier

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Speaker 1: for me.

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Speaker 4: Or it could never get easier because it's just something

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Speaker 4: you found dationally don't want. You want a marriage, not

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Speaker 4: a threerriage or whatever you call it.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: It's a great new term friarrage, take care apology communities

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00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:35,080
Speaker 1: for you.

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Speaker 2: But at the moment, I'm losing the home that I.

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Speaker 1: Thought I would grow old, and I am worried. I

398
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Speaker 1: am losing half of my husband. I don't know what

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Speaker 1: I'm looking for, but I'm so worried right now because

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Speaker 1: of relevant comments and what a sad person says. I

401
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Speaker 1: can't tell you why, but I'm really uncomfortable about permanently

402
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Speaker 1: sharing my space like this. Not that you need a

403
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Speaker 1: reason for not having someone else to move into your home,

404
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,320
Speaker 1: but unless I'm reading things wrong, it kind of seems

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Speaker 1: like they kind of assumed it had happened instead of

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Speaker 1: asking you how you felt about a roommate. That is

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00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,960
Speaker 1: a great call out. This also doesn't seem like a

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00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:04,800
Speaker 1: good idea anyways. They've only been together for a short time,

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Speaker 1: so not only would moving in not be sound.

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Speaker 2: But she just got out of a marriage boom.

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Speaker 1: If you're worried about your husband needing to split time

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Speaker 1: between you two, that is a reality of having multiple relationships.

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Speaker 1: Is that something you'd be okay with? Because this all

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00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,200
Speaker 1: just seemed to happen, and I'm wondering if you ever

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00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:22,000
Speaker 1: had the time to truly process and consider if this

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Speaker 1: is right for you, to which Opie response, I'm under

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Speaker 1: a lot of pressure to make this work for me.

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Speaker 2: My husband has not.

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Speaker 1: Ever been truly happy in a long while, and having

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Speaker 1: both of us around has transformed his mental health. I've

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00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:34,480
Speaker 1: expressed my worry that just swapping around which of us

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Speaker 1: is unhappy is in progress, even acknowledging that I'm not

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Speaker 1: as happy as he was, but long term might I be?

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Speaker 1: But there doesn't seem to be a middle ground he

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Speaker 1: can consider. I'm hoping some support from polyfrin therapist will

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Speaker 1: help us to articulate the needs and find a workable

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Speaker 1: middle ground. A sad person replies again, your husband's happiness

428
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:55,520
Speaker 1: shouldn't be so dependent on everyone cohabitting. To be honest,

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00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,680
Speaker 1: of course he's happy right now. Him lending a friend

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Speaker 1: a helping hand out of their marriage ended up with

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Speaker 1: him having a living girlfriend with his wife's permission, walking

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Speaker 1: around the.

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Speaker 2: House going score all day long.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, bro is on cloud nine right now, and you

435
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,200
Speaker 1: have to deal with the consequences. Not that he shouldn't

436
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Speaker 1: rely on those close to him. I have mental issues myself,

437
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,720
Speaker 1: but it's not you or his friend with benefics' job

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Speaker 1: to keep him well, especially when it's at the cost

439
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:26,040
Speaker 1: of your happiness. A good husband partner person would understand that,

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00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:28,639
Speaker 1: depressed or not, Also, neither of you should be playing

441
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,359
Speaker 1: the oppression Olympics. Not the most apt turn, but you know,

442
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,399
Speaker 1: don't think about who's less happy than the other. Your

443
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:36,320
Speaker 1: husband's mental health needs treatment, not another partner in a

444
00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:39,359
Speaker 1: complex and unplanned living situation. At the end of the day,

445
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,240
Speaker 1: it's the home you share with your husband and your child.

446
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:47,080
Speaker 1: Oh God, oh God, yeah, oh God, complicated?

447
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:54,679
Speaker 4: Hi Auntie, Why is Auntie Daddy having special sleepy dimes?

448
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,440
Speaker 2: Yay go little Timmy, watch out.

449
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:01,240
Speaker 4: None of my other aunties do that with my uncle

450
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:02,320
Speaker 4: or my dad.

451
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,040
Speaker 2: I'm I'm so okay, he's not gonna know who's who.

452
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:09,000
Speaker 2: What's what you see? Little to me, daddy has some needs.

453
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:11,879
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, it's the home you

454
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,240
Speaker 1: share with your husband and your child. In my opinion,

455
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,240
Speaker 1: this should always be a two yeses and one no.

456
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 2: Sort of situation. You have the right to choose who

457
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,160
Speaker 2: lives with you.

458
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,919
Speaker 1: Wyand Merk says, Unfortunately, it really seems like you're at

459
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,080
Speaker 1: an impass here. Have you made it clear that you're

460
00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:29,560
Speaker 1: not interested in this to your husband, Opie says, I

461
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,040
Speaker 1: have really tried, but he's very clear that this is

462
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:34,880
Speaker 1: absolutely what he has needed for a long time, not

463
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,800
Speaker 1: just being Polly that's fine, but also all of us

464
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,919
Speaker 1: living together. I think I've at least got across my

465
00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:43,720
Speaker 1: very strong reservations. Now we are going to try to

466
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,120
Speaker 1: put everything we have into how we can genuinely make

467
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 1: this work. Seeing a poll friendly therapist together as a

468
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,040
Speaker 1: three as well in various pairs. According to me and

469
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,879
Speaker 1: his friend with benefits, dude, they're going to be just

470
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:53,680
Speaker 1: swapping around.

471
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:54,359
Speaker 2: So funny.

472
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's again not complex or hard to navigate whatsoever,

473
00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,200
Speaker 4: so expensive.

474
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,919
Speaker 1: Too, and doing the work to find a balance together

475
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,120
Speaker 1: and separate the bits of life that actually work for us.

476
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:07,840
Speaker 1: Wandmerk says, what about your needs? Though your needs, Opie says,

477
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,679
Speaker 1: I really want to learn to compromise. There are a

478
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 1: lot of ways I've got my own way over the years,

479
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,080
Speaker 1: and it's fair that I at least give this my

480
00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:15,639
Speaker 1: best shot.

481
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:19,240
Speaker 2: Tore Ryder says, but why are you the only one compromising?

482
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 1: Opie says, I don't know. I really need to find

483
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,480
Speaker 1: ways to stay on my ground. Everything gets turned around

484
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,280
Speaker 1: on me when we start talking about it, so I

485
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,200
Speaker 1: think I may genuinely need the therapist there.

486
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:29,880
Speaker 2: Do help me communicate here and to a.

487
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 1: Deleted reply, she's been living here for six months already,

488
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,440
Speaker 1: since before they got together. So we have a big, fat,

489
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,919
Speaker 1: juicy update, dude, But let's talk again. I feel like

490
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 1: those relevant comments and Opie's responses have made it even

491
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:44,960
Speaker 1: more abundantly clear that husband's getting one hundred percent of

492
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 1: what he wants, op is getting zero and that's it.

493
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,159
Speaker 4: And op is just like trying to figure out a

494
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,479
Speaker 4: way to be like and I'm okay with this, How

495
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 4: do I force mye while really not being okay about it.

496
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's pretty clear.

497
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,119
Speaker 4: You know, I've been in this kind of situation in relationship.

498
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:04,160
Speaker 2: None in the context of.

499
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:07,400
Speaker 4: Polly, but like right, like you know that there's something

500
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 4: that you kind of want to say or should say,

501
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 4: but you also have that innate knowledge that when you

502
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 4: say it, things are gonna change like for ever, yes,

503
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:18,920
Speaker 4: and might be over.

504
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:20,119
Speaker 2: Yeah.

505
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,840
Speaker 4: But it's like you can either then, like live a lie,

506
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:26,399
Speaker 4: which is harder than that exactly, or you can just

507
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,719
Speaker 4: like you know, be honest and move through the relationship

508
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 4: in the truth, which is what you have to do when.

509
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:33,720
Speaker 2: You're in Polly. Yeah.

510
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 1: Cohabitating just got harder and harder, and I was getting

511
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:41,480
Speaker 1: less and less of my husband's love, attention, and even compassion.

512
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 1: A friend then bought a house and my husband was

513
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 1: going to live there two then three, then even.

514
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,920
Speaker 2: Five nights a week. Nothing I said was right anymore.

515
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:55,360
Speaker 1: I was the villain, apparently uncompassionate, selfish, a bad communicator,

516
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,359
Speaker 1: not seeing it from my husband's or a friend with

517
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,439
Speaker 1: benefits point of view. I was increasingly excluded in my

518
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 1: own life, and unsurprisingly, about six weeks ago, my husband

519
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 1: ended our marriage. Thank god it's over. Yeah, thank god

520
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 1: it's over dude now ostensibly for other reasons about our relationship.

521
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,360
Speaker 1: But it may surprise you not at all to learn

522
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 1: that he is now moving in with the friend in

523
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 1: the house she bought. I am now not on speaking

524
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,479
Speaker 1: terms with her at all after some increasingly manipultive behavior

525
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 1: from both of them, but especially her.

526
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:25,639
Speaker 2: By the way, if you never.

527
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 1: Want to be manipulated and you want a master guide

528
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 1: on how to never be gas lit or have anything

529
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 1: bad to you in terms of emotional manipulation happen, go

530
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,320
Speaker 1: to Spotify, good Apple podcast search. Okay, story time, listen

531
00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:39,919
Speaker 1: to the episodes. It's full episodes, Ladies and gentlemen. But

532
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 1: we have an update number two. Any quick thoughts before

533
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:42,919
Speaker 1: we dive into that.

534
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 4: Shout out to Opie's husband for low key like doing

535
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 4: the things she needed to do for her, because it's like,

536
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,679
Speaker 4: it's just not gonna work if you're unhappy on a

537
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,480
Speaker 4: fundamental level like that with something like that.

538
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:54,680
Speaker 2: Update number two.

539
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,159
Speaker 1: So I posted here ages ago about my husband and

540
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 1: his girlfriend essentially putting a lot of pressure on me

541
00:23:59,560 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 1: to be pop.

542
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,760
Speaker 2: It's not enough for you to want to want it.

543
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,360
Speaker 1: You have to actually want it, rather than in any

544
00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:06,919
Speaker 1: way acknowledging that I didn't.

545
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 2: It was bloody awful. I couldn't do it.

546
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 1: It's not who I am, and no matter how I

547
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,440
Speaker 1: tried to say that, they weren't having it. In the end,

548
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,239
Speaker 1: my husband broke up with me, ostensibly not because of

549
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,520
Speaker 1: me not wanting to be Polly, but I mean it

550
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 1: was absolutely that his girlfriend is hugely manipulative and had

551
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 1: swung him from being deeply in love with me to

552
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,680
Speaker 1: completely not and thinking I am a terrible person within

553
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 1: the space of a year, a world record. I've got

554
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 1: my faults, to be sure, but I didn't deserve any

555
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 1: of this. I've been doing a lot of work on

556
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 1: myself to identify and understand what happened to me and

557
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: the way my husband abuse manipulated me. Part of me

558
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 1: is also concerned that the girlfriend is also effectively doing

559
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:45,359
Speaker 1: the same thing to my ex.

560
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 2: But that's his problem, not mine. Yes, there we go, now,

561
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:53,959
Speaker 2: we're not your monkey, not your circus. There it is. So.

562
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 1: I've recently met the girlfriend's monogamous X and that has

563
00:24:59,080 --> 00:24:59,960
Speaker 1: been eye opening.

564
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:01,640
Speaker 2: It feels like she's got a playbook.

565
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 1: She treats her ex badly, and it's similar to me

566
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,200
Speaker 1: and debatably to my ex. My ex has also been

567
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 1: controlling over the years. I've been so much.

568
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 2: Healthier out of the situation, and it's better for me.

569
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm heartbroken for losing what I thought was a

570
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 1: happy marriage and for being so disillusioned about what I

571
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,200
Speaker 1: thought we had. This has really pulled the wool from

572
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,640
Speaker 1: my eyes, and it's awful being away from very small kids.

573
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:25,880
Speaker 2: Half the time, I'm hyper vigilant about.

574
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 1: Their welfare and I'm so worried for them, but they

575
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:31,000
Speaker 1: seem to be okay. In short, I have to accept

576
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,000
Speaker 1: that some of you are happy and healthy and in

577
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:36,440
Speaker 1: good relationships. But if that's not your experience, if it's

578
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,120
Speaker 1: being used by your partner or their partner to have

579
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:42,960
Speaker 1: their cake and eat it. If you're not happy, listen

580
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 1: to your gut, listen to your heart, listen to your friends,

581
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 1: and get out.

582
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 2: The sooner you escape, the less I hope you might

583
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 2: get hurt.

584
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:59,480
Speaker 4: Yes, my wife came out as queer after being caught

585
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 4: having an.

586
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:07,200
Speaker 1: Affair convenient timing, some would say, perhaps even dubious.

587
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 4: Timing dubious, and two weeks ago my wife came out

588
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 4: as the l n LGBTQ. To say that I'm confused

589
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:19,600
Speaker 4: her upset and possibly even relieved is an understatement. And

590
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 4: by the way, this comes from user average bald white guy.

591
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 4: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

592
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 4: do it at the r slash ok storytime subreddit. So

593
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 4: earlier this month, my wife told me she wanted to

594
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 4: disconnect for a little while. I chalked it up to

595
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,720
Speaker 4: a midlife crisis of sorts. She had turned thirty last

596
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 4: year and was depressed about how she felt her life

597
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 4: had not lived up to her expectations. For example, she

598
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,760
Speaker 4: had a bunch of things she wanted to do by

599
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 4: thirty but never did. I agreed to allow her to

600
00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 4: disconnect because I just wanted her to be happy. She

601
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 4: started hanging out with other women, including one with whom

602
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:56,399
Speaker 4: she previously worked. In the meantime, she would practically ignore me.

603
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 4: On one weekend, she and the former coworker went out

604
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,480
Speaker 4: to a s by some men club and then to

605
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 4: Disney World the following day. I had my suspicions when

606
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,199
Speaker 4: I saw the coworker slowly pull her truck up to

607
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,879
Speaker 4: the house, as if she was trying not to be seen.

608
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,440
Speaker 4: I eventually looked at my wife's phone and saw text

609
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 4: messages between them, flirty messages at that nothing explicit, but

610
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 4: definitely flirty. I wondered if my wife was having an affair.

611
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 4: She had previously identified herself as by to me when

612
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 4: we first started dating. I spoke to my wife several

613
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 4: times without directly asking about my affair suspicions, and she

614
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,280
Speaker 4: didn't really say anything to me. You're like I didn't

615
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,439
Speaker 4: really ask her directly, and she told me nothing.

616
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 2: Flash forward to two weeks ago.

617
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,639
Speaker 4: I cornered my wife in our kitchen before work and

618
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 4: told her I didn't like how she was treating me.

619
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 4: She broke down and cried hysterically and uttered the two

620
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:53,359
Speaker 4: words I never thought I would hear, I'm the LMLGBTQ. Well,

621
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 4: that was unexpected. She said that she knew she was

622
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 4: this way since she was eight, but she was too

623
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 4: afraid to say anything. A deeply religious woman would have

624
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:06,359
Speaker 4: likely disowned her. Plus, even in this time and age,

625
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,640
Speaker 4: coming out of the closet is still a hard thing

626
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 4: to do. I told my wife that I still loved

627
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:14,080
Speaker 4: her and I would not just remove her from our house,

628
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 4: and I encouraged her to seek counseling. I've done so

629
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,400
Speaker 4: as well. Make no mistake, I have no illusions about

630
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:20,360
Speaker 4: our marriage anymore.

631
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 2: It's over.

632
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 4: The only thing keeping us married is the marriage license.

633
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 4: But I'm now dealing with this tremendous range of emotions, relief.

634
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 4: I now know what's going on. She is just not hetero.

635
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,199
Speaker 4: She wasn't cheating on me, or so she says. And

636
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,840
Speaker 4: if she was, nay, it's with another woman.

637
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 2: Not as bad.

638
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 4: Oh peep, unbothered by heys, I like it, okay?

639
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 2: Anger?

640
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 4: How could she keep this hidden from me? Why didn't

641
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 4: she tell me four years ago when we first started dating,

642
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 4: or three years ago when I proposed to her, or

643
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 4: two years ago when we got married.

644
00:28:58,920 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 2: Lack of trust.

645
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,760
Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure something was going on between the coworker

646
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 4: and my wife before she came out to me. I

647
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,080
Speaker 4: know they are now in a relationship.

648
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 2: Hurt. I am heartbroken.

649
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 4: My wife was someone I thought I would spend my

650
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 4: entire life with. We even discussed having children. I was

651
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 4: so in love with her, and she made me a

652
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 4: better person. And now I fear I will be alone.

653
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 4: And that is just the tip of the iceberg. The

654
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 4: problem is there's not much out there when it comes

655
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 4: to men whose wives came out of the closet again.

656
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 4: I'm in counseling, and my wife and I are being

657
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 4: open and honest with each other. But what else could

658
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 4: I do? I know that we're getting divorced or anulled?

659
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 4: What do I tell my parents? I don't want to

660
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 4: out my wife, but I don't want to lie to

661
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 4: my parents either. Am I doing the right thing in

662
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 4: not punping my wife out of the house? Am I

663
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 4: being too supportive and nice? Should I be an ahle?

664
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 4: I've got so many emotions flying here and I simply

665
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:50,479
Speaker 4: don't know what to do.

666
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 2: And there is an update. However, buddy, I gotta say,

667
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 2: don't just be an ale now yep, which I mean

668
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 2: he isn't yet. I understand how he's like, am I

669
00:29:57,640 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 2: being too much?

670
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 1: But I think it's phenomenal that he's kind of It's

671
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 1: almost like he's like looking at it as a third

672
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 1: party in a way, and he's like, hey, look, I'm

673
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 1: not gonna get you out of the house right like

674
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 1: we still share this life together. It's an upheaval to

675
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 1: do this. I you know, feel for you that you

676
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 1: went through this thing. Obviously, I hurt myself and all

677
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,680
Speaker 1: these other things. But I think there's a world where

678
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: it's like, hey, let's like figure out the next steps together.

679
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 1: Let's figure out how to get you to a new

680
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 1: place as quickly but also, you know, safely and effectively

681
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 1: for you as possible, so I can move on with

682
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 1: my life too. I think it's that. I think it's

683
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,960
Speaker 1: coming together and working as a team. You still care

684
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 1: about each other.

685
00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 2: I think, do that right. Yeah, wonderfully said, there's no

686
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 2: need to get nasty. Yeah, let's get into this update.

687
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,640
Speaker 4: It has been a few days since I reached out

688
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,240
Speaker 4: to Reddit for help and advice about my problem. I

689
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 4: have seen a therapist twice about this whole sordid thing,

690
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 4: and I've reached out to good friends for support. My

691
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 4: wife and I have also talked about how we are

692
00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 4: and where we're going. I don't have all the answers

693
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 4: yet about why this is happening to me, you know,

694
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 4: besides the fact that my wife doesn't date man anymore.

695
00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 2: But for the first time in a long time.

696
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:05,479
Speaker 4: I do feel good and upbeat. My response to this

697
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 4: life changing event has surprised me. I haven't lashed out

698
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 4: in anger, caused any damage, destruction, or harm.

699
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 2: I've been level headed, and I've.

700
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 4: Handled, not ignored, the emotions as they come, and I've

701
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 4: chosen to take this time to make myself a better person.

702
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 2: My wife has.

703
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 4: Yet to see her a therapist, and I don't think

704
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 4: it's right for us to start making major decisions until

705
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 4: she gets a chance to have her issues examined as

706
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 4: I did to mine. However, I acknowledge and accept that

707
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 4: our marriage is over, which is good. She no longer

708
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 4: sleeps in the same bed as I. She instead spends

709
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 4: time between the couch at my house and her girlfriend's apartment.

710
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 4: I've told my wife that I no longer see us

711
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 4: as a husband and wife. I also don't wear my

712
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,360
Speaker 4: wedding band constantly anymore. Perhaps you're wondering why I'm even

713
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 4: wearing it at all, good thought. I wear it mainly

714
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 4: because I do not want to misrepresent myself to someone

715
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 4: who could be a future partner. We are still technically married,

716
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 4: and I know I wouldn't want to pursue a relationship

717
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 4: with someone who hasn't legally ended theirs yet, which is again.

718
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 2: This guy is the greatest. He should be sitting in

719
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 2: his seat. He is crassed the.

720
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 4: Code Wow and he's like, there's not a lot of

721
00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 4: resources out there for men whose wives leave them for

722
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 4: other women. It's like, buddy, you're becoming the blue prays

723
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 4: for how to deal with it.

724
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 2: So true.

725
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 4: So my wife, however, seems to have the opposite point

726
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 4: of view because she's already in a relationship with her

727
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:26,480
Speaker 4: new girlfriend. But I'm not gonna play that game. Plus,

728
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 4: my wife isn't out of the closet. Fully, we have

729
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 4: mutual friends at work. If someone sees me without my

730
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 4: wedding ring, what will they think. I'm not about to

731
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:37,520
Speaker 4: start any rumors or say something until I am dang

732
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 4: well ready. And don't get me wrong, I know a

733
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 4: split is inevitable, and I'm not about to think that

734
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 4: our marriage can be saved. It cannot. She is one way.

735
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 4: I am not do the math people. Honestly, I'm not

736
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 4: ready for any new relationships yet. I must still mend

737
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 4: my broken heart and then take that time to be

738
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 4: happy with me again before I can be happy with another.

739
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 4: I know love will come again, after all, I'm an

740
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 4: educated man, in good shape, with my own home in

741
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:05,600
Speaker 4: a nice neighborhood.

742
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 1: Tako Pie the most well adjusted man on Flanet art, dude.

743
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 4: Truly, the blueprint can we is that we should call

744
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 4: this story the blue print? My God and I also

745
00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 4: have a job that pays pretty well. Allow me to

746
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 4: toot my own horn and say I am one f

747
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 4: an incredible catch.

748
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,960
Speaker 2: Well, at least your confidence is certainly way up there.

749
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 4: Yes, some of you have wondered why I'm acting so

750
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 4: calm and collected, especially in light of my wife's decision

751
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 4: to be in love with another woman.

752
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 2: Getting angry is not going to solve anything.

753
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 4: I can scream, smash and break things and act out,

754
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,160
Speaker 4: but what is that going to do to solve anything

755
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 4: in the long run. I can work out my emotions

756
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 4: in healthy and productive ways. Acting out is only going

757
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:55,000
Speaker 4: to defeat me. I must be the strong, level headed

758
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 4: person in this situation. I will still deal with my

759
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 4: emotions as they come, but I will do so in

760
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 4: a way that helped me be a better person.

761
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 2: Do I worry about a messy divorce? Not really.

762
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 4: While I hope for the best, I do prepare for

763
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:10,839
Speaker 4: the worst. My family is very protective of each other,

764
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 4: and should things go south, I know they will be

765
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 4: there to support me and to make sure I come

766
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 4: out on top. Besides, the house is in my name,

767
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:21,840
Speaker 4: as is the new car in the driveway. My wife

768
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:25,799
Speaker 4: also cannot really afford anything but an amicable divorce. We

769
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:29,800
Speaker 4: also want an amicable split. Finally, a word about my wife.

770
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 4: I wish things were not the way they are now,

771
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 4: but that's just fate. She is going to make her

772
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:38,000
Speaker 4: decisions and live with the consequences. I will likewise do

773
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 4: the same. But I would be lying if I didn't

774
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,520
Speaker 4: say my wife helped me become a better person over

775
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 4: the past few years. Yes, I made the decision to

776
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 4: be a better person, but she was the catalyst. I

777
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,320
Speaker 4: still consider her a very good friend, and in fact,

778
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 4: as I think about it, I think we were destined

779
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:56,000
Speaker 4: to be best friends and not husband and wife.

780
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 2: Hey, better late than never, huh. I want the.

781
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 4: Best for her, and I know she wants the best

782
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 4: for me too. She is still upset over the pain

783
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 4: she has caused me. And if you want to listen

784
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 4: to full episodes with stories like this, you can't scamper

785
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:15,680
Speaker 4: your little master Chef eight.

786
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:17,920
Speaker 2: I mean, well, you don't really have to walk anywhere.

787
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 4: All you need is a device where you can listen

788
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 4: to podcasts beat a phone or a tablet or a

789
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 4: PC whereever and wherever, Spotify, Apple Podcast, YouTube, wherever you

790
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 4: listen to podcasts, just search. Okay, story time, we had

791
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 4: little tip tap fingers and you will have literally a

792
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:40,840
Speaker 4: month and a half's worth of stories to listen to.

793
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 2: Bingo.

794
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:46,200
Speaker 1: This is just the greatest, most self assured, self confident,

795
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 1: non egotistical, just beautiful man I've ever seen.

796
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:56,839
Speaker 4: Truly, I expected this story to go south. You're very

797
00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:00,479
Speaker 4: hard yep, and it did not close.

798
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:03,040
Speaker 2: He's like, guys, should I be more angry? Should?

799
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 1: And then he just doubled down on being the greatest human?

800
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 1: Who is this man is Jesus? This is literally Jesus.

801
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,320
Speaker 4: For those of you who offered your opinions and your advice,

802
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:16,759
Speaker 4: thank you so much. It means a lot to know

803
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,239
Speaker 4: that I am not alone and that I will make

804
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:21,799
Speaker 4: it through this with my mind and body intact. I

805
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 4: plan to share my journey with you as I forge ahead.

806
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:27,359
Speaker 4: It's going to be a long, strange trip, but I'm

807
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 4: eager about what lies ahead from me. God bless you

808
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:34,280
Speaker 4: all and for the atheists made Jean rayburn and smile

809
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:38,400
Speaker 4: upon you, And that is the.

810
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 2: Man is the greatest of all time. Bro.

811
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 4: Wow, Hey, it's Sam your ogi host here bring it

812
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 4: back to the stories.

813
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 2: But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.

814
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 4: My fiance proposed to me with a cheap engagement ring

815
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:56,799
Speaker 4: and I hate it no better art did he get

816
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 4: it from Evil Marketplace.

817
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:00,719
Speaker 6: Incorporated.

818
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 4: I twenty nine female, got engaged my fiance thirty mail

819
00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 4: after two years of dating. In fifteen years of knowing

820
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 4: each other. He is super sweet, kind, supportive, and very

821
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 4: family oriented. His parents love me and my parents love him.

822
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 4: There was absolutely no drama in our relationship until now.

823
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 2: The fire Nation effects. By the way, this comes from USA.

824
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 4: Cats are cool, m and if you want to submit

825
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,319
Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subred.

826
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:29,839
Speaker 2: It then do it there.

827
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 4: So I knew that he had been looking to settle

828
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:35,360
Speaker 4: down and be married, and he knew that I was too.

829
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 4: We just kind of always knew, even for those fifteen years,

830
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:40,799
Speaker 4: that this was going to happen. It's hard to fight

831
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:43,760
Speaker 4: the gut feeling because we were talking so much about

832
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:46,920
Speaker 4: getting married. He wanted to take me engagement ring browsing

833
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 4: so that he could see what styles I liked and

834
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,360
Speaker 4: didn't like. When we went, I suggested we go to

835
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,319
Speaker 4: an outlet jewelry shop, because I knew he wouldn't want

836
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 4: to spend a fortune on it, and I didn't want

837
00:37:57,080 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 4: anything super expensive or extravagant either. The one the only

838
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 4: rule I told him was that I only wanted traditional diamonds.

839
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:07,400
Speaker 4: No offense to those who like more colorful rings, but

840
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 4: I prefer to be a little more traditional. I tried

841
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:13,040
Speaker 4: on many rings that were all very similar, just one

842
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,279
Speaker 4: simple diamond and a strap. I tried to keep the

843
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:17,360
Speaker 4: budget at no more than a thousand dollars, which I

844
00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:22,160
Speaker 4: thought was generally reasonable. Months later, he proposes, and I

845
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 4: start to cry from the joy. After I say yes,

846
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:27,840
Speaker 4: he opens the box and in the box was a

847
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 4: small greenish brownish diamond with extremely tiny traditional diamonds around it.

848
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:38,800
Speaker 6: Greenish brownish diamond? What's a greenish brownish diamond?

849
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 2: Ugly?

850
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 5: Sorry, hey, this is just a ring?

851
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 2: Pop sounds bad?

852
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 6: Greenish brown? I don't think there is a greenish browns.

853
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 4: To a honey, you're greenish brownish gem is so beautiful?

854
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:56,439
Speaker 4: Fan of like it's the caramel apple ring birthtones, but like.

855
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 6: You can get a brown diamond. There's a there's like

856
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 6: a chocolate diamond, but that was. That's all those are

857
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:01,359
Speaker 6: just like.

858
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 2: Can you eat it? It made a really.

859
00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 6: Chocolate No, but there was a whole It's basically it's

860
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,319
Speaker 6: all marketing. Chocolate diamonds should have been cheaper.

861
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 2: But the diamonds are just marketing. That's true.

862
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 6: But anyway, there's a greenish brownish diamond.

863
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,759
Speaker 4: I was disappointed, but I put on a big fake

864
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,200
Speaker 4: smile and tried to erase it from my mind so

865
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:22,759
Speaker 4: I could let the excitement of.

866
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 2: The moment continue.

867
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:27,279
Speaker 4: After about thirty minutes, I went ahead and asked about

868
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:29,719
Speaker 4: the ring. I asked what kind of diamond it was,

869
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 4: and he said it was called a moss diamond. He

870
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 4: chose it for me because turquoise was my favorite color

871
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:36,760
Speaker 4: and it was the closest he could find. I wanted

872
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:41,400
Speaker 4: to say, what about my one rule of traditional diamonds only,

873
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 4: but I also didn't want to be ungrateful, so I

874
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 4: didn't ask. I asked him if he had gotten it

875
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 4: out of the outlet shop we went to, and he

876
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 4: said he had gotten it off at sea.

877
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 6: Well, you literally went to the outlet shop though, you

878
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:57,120
Speaker 6: literally like, why even go together? If you're not even

879
00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:57,880
Speaker 6: gonna listen?

880
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,720
Speaker 4: Why why I made of later told me that Etsy

881
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 4: made good quality jewelry, so that perked me up a bit.

882
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 4: I decided to just kind of let it be and

883
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,560
Speaker 4: accept the ring, learning to love it and attach memories

884
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:14,359
Speaker 4: to it, getting onto the drama. This whole process has

885
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,719
Speaker 4: made me realize how cheap he is. I don't mind

886
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 4: when someone knows how to stretch a dollar, but to me,

887
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:21,160
Speaker 4: there's a difference between.

888
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 2: Frugal and cheap.

889
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:25,280
Speaker 4: When I look back at all our dates, his gifts

890
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:28,120
Speaker 4: and everything, it kind of clicked that all of them

891
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 4: had either been cheap or a free gift from a

892
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 4: friend that he decided to give to me. The gifts

893
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:36,280
Speaker 4: he has given me during our relationship were just because

894
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 4: he found them for free or someone sold them for

895
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 4: an extremely cheap price. For one of my birthdays, he

896
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:44,960
Speaker 4: ended up getting us tickets to this massive local ball

897
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 4: and getting us ballroom dancing clauses before the ball started.

898
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,359
Speaker 4: I showed no interest in ballroom dancing, but I thought

899
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:54,239
Speaker 4: it was a fun idea to go, and we had

900
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 4: a generally good time. I thanked him and asked how

901
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,720
Speaker 4: he found out about this. He told me his friend

902
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,360
Speaker 4: was originally going to go with his girlfriend, but couldn't

903
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 4: make it, so they gave us the tickets.

904
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,959
Speaker 6: What a thoughtful gift, So like nothing he's ever given

905
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:08,520
Speaker 6: you has been like something he paid for.

906
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,759
Speaker 4: Really sorry, I've been giving you gifts of convenience for

907
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:12,960
Speaker 4: fifteen years.

908
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:14,280
Speaker 2: That's crazy.

909
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 4: So basically the ball and our food, our drinks, our

910
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 4: dance lesson and even my corsage.

911
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:21,080
Speaker 2: We're all free.

912
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,800
Speaker 4: And there's more cheap and free stories where that came from.

913
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:28,280
Speaker 4: When I look back at things, wherever we did something extravagant,

914
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,960
Speaker 4: it was always on my dime. He's not rich, but

915
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 4: he's certainly not poor. He makes decent money. Thing that

916
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,920
Speaker 4: I think made me finally break was our Valentine's Day plans.

917
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:41,200
Speaker 4: He had told me that he was going to take

918
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 4: me to the biggest landmark of our city, which is

919
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 4: expensive to just even set foot it, and they have

920
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 4: a restaurant inside that was ridiculously expensive. I was amazed

921
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:52,680
Speaker 4: and even said, are you sure you know that place

922
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 4: was expensive?

923
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:53,839
Speaker 2: Right?

924
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,400
Speaker 4: He said that he knew it was one of my

925
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,440
Speaker 4: bucket list things to do. It's gonna make us, he's

926
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:01,759
Speaker 4: gonna make up, he's gonna make Gopepa. It's gonna be

927
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 4: like Okay, you got the bill, right, babe, Right? It

928
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:07,320
Speaker 4: was your favorite restaurant. Why would I pay for it?

929
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 4: It meant so much to me that he was willing

930
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 4: to do this, and I was so excited. A few

931
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:14,880
Speaker 4: days later, I found that there was gonna be a

932
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 4: wedding convention in our town. I bought our tickets fifteen

933
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 4: dollars each plus one for my mom, and made of honor.

934
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 4: I told him about it, and he said, great, it's

935
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 4: better to spend our money out there than at the restaurant.

936
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:30,399
Speaker 6: No, they just didn't even go. Oh.

937
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:31,840
Speaker 2: I was so confused.

938
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:35,280
Speaker 4: I told him they weren't on the same day. In fact,

939
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 4: they were a week apart. In that I already had

940
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:40,240
Speaker 4: bought the tickets and he didn't need to buy anything,

941
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:42,839
Speaker 4: so he wouldn't have to worry about spending any money

942
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 4: at the convention.

943
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 2: He said, no at all.

944
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 4: It's better to save our money, so let's not go

945
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:47,800
Speaker 4: to the Landmark restaurant.

946
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:49,440
Speaker 2: My mind was blown. Break up.

947
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:52,840
Speaker 4: I couldn't believe he canceled my dream plans over something

948
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:56,440
Speaker 4: that had absolutely nothing to do with the plans.

949
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 2: That we made.

950
00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 4: I talked to my maid of honor. Yeah, breakup, but

951
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,320
Speaker 4: like fifteen years sunk cost fallacy.

952
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 2: You don't want to be with this guy for another

953
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 2: fifteen years.

954
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:07,880
Speaker 6: Don't be with him anymore.

955
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:11,560
Speaker 7: I got fifteen years of just getting reused gifts, not

956
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,800
Speaker 7: even yeah, heart like thoughtless gifts is crazy.

957
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:17,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, I wonder if he even gets He's like, I'm

958
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:19,080
Speaker 4: saving money on contracept.

959
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:20,760
Speaker 2: He probably, yeah, I'm using.

960
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 5: He probably got like flowers from somebody's guarden.

961
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:25,480
Speaker 2: He's like, oh, I guess I'll get those Jimmy's.

962
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:26,160
Speaker 6: Yeah.

963
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 4: I talked to my maid of honor about it, and

964
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:29,680
Speaker 4: she said she has always noticed he was a bit cheap.

965
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:31,319
Speaker 2: Onto the ring.

966
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:33,839
Speaker 4: I never looked up my ring on Etsy to try

967
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:35,680
Speaker 4: to find it or ask for the price, because I

968
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:37,200
Speaker 4: thought it was rude to look.

969
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:37,800
Speaker 2: Up or ask.

970
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 4: Because of all this craziness, I decided to go on

971
00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 4: Etsy and find it. There were surprisingly many moss diamond

972
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:45,719
Speaker 4: rings to look through, but I eventually found it.

973
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:47,320
Speaker 2: The ring was being sold for twenty eight.

974
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:51,279
Speaker 6: Yeah, no break up, break this marriage off and say

975
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:55,080
Speaker 6: you were a cheap little man, and I hate you.

976
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:57,920
Speaker 4: I knew it was made out of rescent. Honestly, my

977
00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:02,280
Speaker 4: heart kind of broke. I started I started saying stupid

978
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,040
Speaker 4: dramatic things in my head, like am.

979
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,360
Speaker 2: I only worth twenty eight dollars?

980
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 4: I want to confront him about it? But I might

981
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 4: be an ale here for just letting this get to me.

982
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:14,880
Speaker 2: Girl. No break up, break up.

983
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 6: You're not the oh You're.

984
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:21,240
Speaker 2: Worth your worth, your worth, know your worth? World?

985
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:22,839
Speaker 6: Are you the A hole? Not this one?

986
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 2: Yeah?

987
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:27,280
Speaker 4: In a world where you guys literally only have twenty

988
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 4: nine dollars to your name, then maybe you'd be the

989
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 4: a hole.

990
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:31,880
Speaker 2: But it's not the case.

991
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:32,959
Speaker 6: No, no, no, no no.

992
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:36,000
Speaker 4: There is an update, so I'll go ahead and answer

993
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:38,399
Speaker 4: some of y'all's questions and comments. No, my finger has

994
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:41,719
Speaker 4: not turned green yet, surprisingly lol, believe me, though I

995
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 4: do check once in a while. Here's a bit of

996
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:46,160
Speaker 4: info on his financial life and history. He grew up

997
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:48,840
Speaker 4: as one of seven siblings with parents who financially struggled.

998
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:51,920
Speaker 4: He definitely grew up learning how to stretch a dollar. Currently,

999
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,919
Speaker 4: even though I know he can afford a lot more.

1000
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:56,399
Speaker 4: He rents a cheap studio apartment in a sketchy part

1001
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:58,239
Speaker 4: of town, where when I come to visit, he will

1002
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:00,160
Speaker 4: come down and walk me from my car to his

1003
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 4: room for safety. His apartment has basically no decorations outside

1004
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:06,720
Speaker 4: of old comic book posters. All his furniture and household

1005
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:10,240
Speaker 4: appliances I can guarantee our secondhand or bought from goodwill.

1006
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:12,839
Speaker 4: He almost never eats out, and when he does, it's

1007
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:14,600
Speaker 4: always a small meal from Jack in the box, where

1008
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 4: he is willing to spend a spring for a milkshake.

1009
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 4: In terms of what he does with all his money

1010
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:22,799
Speaker 4: that he does not spend, I'm not sure. I never

1011
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:26,239
Speaker 4: asked because I always thought that it was rude to

1012
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 4: ask people where they put their money. But now that

1013
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 4: we're engaged, I guess I have every right to ask

1014
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 4: where it goes. Here's a bit of my financial life

1015
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:36,279
Speaker 4: in history. But really quick, it really does sound like

1016
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:38,800
Speaker 4: this guy's just dealing with like a complete scarcity mindset,

1017
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:41,920
Speaker 4: which is something I've dealt with before.

1018
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:43,840
Speaker 2: Or I guess, like, you.

1019
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 4: Know, I never really made a whole lot of any

1020
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 4: money whatsoever, and now having a little more money, I

1021
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:51,880
Speaker 4: have to remind myself like, oh, I can actually like

1022
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:56,719
Speaker 4: afford things, yeah, and buy things I want. It. It

1023
00:45:56,800 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 4: is a switch up doesn't justify buying a twenty eight

1024
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:01,800
Speaker 4: dollars freaking engagement.

1025
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:03,520
Speaker 2: Right now, I'm saying, fine.

1026
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:05,920
Speaker 6: Like not eatting out, Not like that's all fine, but

1027
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,640
Speaker 6: like not being not spending anything on your partner.

1028
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:11,719
Speaker 2: That's tough. Yeah, when you have that money to.

1029
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:13,919
Speaker 4: Move to a place where you don't have to risk

1030
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:16,920
Speaker 4: worry about your safety working walking to it from your car,

1031
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,359
Speaker 4: if you can afford that. So here's a bit on

1032
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:22,279
Speaker 4: my financial life and history. I grew up as an

1033
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 4: only child with parents who owned a small business, who

1034
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:26,960
Speaker 4: never had to struggle for money. We weren't rich, but

1035
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:31,200
Speaker 4: I would call us upper middle class, so rich. If

1036
00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:33,800
Speaker 4: I needed something expensive for a project for school, was

1037
00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 4: easy for my parents to get it. I wasn't spoiled,

1038
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 4: though there were plenty of times my parents would tell

1039
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:41,319
Speaker 4: me no and would only buy expensive things for me

1040
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 4: if I really needed them. As an adult, I make

1041
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:46,240
Speaker 4: a pretty good living. I did not go to college,

1042
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:47,760
Speaker 4: so thankfully I'm in no debt.

1043
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:51,800
Speaker 6: What was no way join the no debt train.

1044
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,280
Speaker 2: It's right over here.

1045
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:56,840
Speaker 6: God, I don't have no debt. I'm almost I'm almost

1046
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:58,240
Speaker 6: a free good job. Thanks.

1047
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:00,240
Speaker 4: I have a career in the field I always wanted

1048
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:02,399
Speaker 4: to be in, and I'm hoping that soon it will

1049
00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:05,120
Speaker 4: be growing even bigger. I don't think I make more

1050
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 4: money than my fiance, though, but I could be wrong.

1051
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:10,480
Speaker 4: I currently live in an apartment complex in a safe

1052
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:14,759
Speaker 4: part of town and decorate my apartment nicely. All my decorations, though,

1053
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 4: were not expensive. I do eat out, probably a little

1054
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:19,120
Speaker 4: more than I should, but it's not like I go

1055
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 4: to cheesecake factory every day.

1056
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 2: It's more like I'll get a.

1057
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:25,200
Speaker 4: Little chicken file ay or a little Chippota les or

1058
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:28,000
Speaker 4: get a pre made meal from the taje every other

1059
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:31,799
Speaker 4: day on my way to work. What the heck was

1060
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 4: that sentence? That's crazy, that's Oh my God.

1061
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:35,920
Speaker 5: Give him snaps, Give him snaps.

1062
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,400
Speaker 4: Here's some more information that maybe I should have mentioned.

1063
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:41,759
Speaker 4: For those of you who are saying he's a bad

1064
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:42,720
Speaker 4: or terrible guy.

1065
00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 2: He's really not.

1066
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:45,920
Speaker 4: He's literally one of the sweetest guys you'll ever meet,

1067
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 4: and honestly, he's pretty innocent. He's lightly on the spectrum

1068
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,719
Speaker 4: and doesn't always know how to process emotion but understand

1069
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 4: why what he said was inappropriate.

1070
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:55,279
Speaker 2: He also can't always take a.

1071
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:57,960
Speaker 4: Hint and doesn't always know whether someone is joking around

1072
00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:00,799
Speaker 4: or being serious. Oftentimes, when I make a joke, I

1073
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:04,040
Speaker 4: make it obvious, so he understands by the way, it's

1074
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 4: obvious that you can listen to full episodes with stories

1075
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 4: like this. Just go to Spotify, go to Apple podcasts,

1076
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:14,360
Speaker 4: go to whatever you listen to podcasts search Okay, story

1077
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:17,840
Speaker 4: timed and give it a gander, give it a little listen,

1078
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:21,880
Speaker 4: give it a list Not saying that replaces therapy, but anyway,

1079
00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:23,799
Speaker 4: I just wanted to put that out there because of

1080
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 4: his being on the spectrum. He has a therapist that

1081
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:28,160
Speaker 4: he has been going to ever since he was a

1082
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:29,280
Speaker 4: kid therapy.

1083
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:30,880
Speaker 2: He apparently used to see.

1084
00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:33,040
Speaker 4: Her every month, but now as an adult, he only

1085
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:35,680
Speaker 4: goes once or twice a year. A maid of honor,

1086
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,279
Speaker 4: my maid of honor had a fantastic idea and said,

1087
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:41,600
Speaker 4: I should book an appointment with my fiance and his

1088
00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:44,279
Speaker 4: therapist to talk about this. I told my fiance that

1089
00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:46,319
Speaker 4: it might be a great idea to talk about our

1090
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 4: relationship with her so we can learn how to best

1091
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 4: communicate as a future married couple. He said that it

1092
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:54,759
Speaker 4: was a great idea, and we're going to book an

1093
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:57,800
Speaker 4: appointment soon. Okay, So and that's the end of that story.

1094
00:48:57,960 --> 00:48:59,799
Speaker 6: Not not preborest quite yet.

1095
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:03,080
Speaker 4: It sounds like really he just like has Yeah, like

1096
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:07,120
Speaker 4: that like a really intense, like probably trauma related, scarcely

1097
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:10,960
Speaker 4: mindset where it's like, you can't spend any money on

1098
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 4: anything because you might need it for something to.

1099
00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:16,560
Speaker 6: Keep you alt, which they have to have like a

1100
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 6: big conversation about that. Yes, because that sounds like she's

1101
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:21,279
Speaker 6: very hard to go into that.

1102
00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:23,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it sounds like she kind of knows a

1103
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 4: little bit about it. But yeah, but definitely go deep

1104
00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:26,840
Speaker 4: on that.

1105
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:27,600
Speaker 6: Boy.

1106
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:30,279
Speaker 4: But yeah, you're you're not in the wrong for feeling.

1107
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 2: Like that's your kind of disrespect. It's like it's disrespectful.

1108
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:38,920
Speaker 6: That's in that story. My girlfriend disrespected my mother, so

1109
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:41,040
Speaker 6: I refuse to eat the dessert she made.

1110
00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:45,239
Speaker 2: Ah, dessert more like dessert. Put your food to my

1111
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:46,560
Speaker 2: mouth is staying dry?

1112
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:47,759
Speaker 6: Put your foot down?

1113
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:49,719
Speaker 2: Oh look like her?

1114
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:52,319
Speaker 4: Actually, well, yeah, it sounded bad. I shouldn't have done that.

1115
00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:56,320
Speaker 6: I've been with my current girlfriend for almost three years

1116
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:58,800
Speaker 6: and we pretty much get along for most things except

1117
00:49:58,840 --> 00:49:59,839
Speaker 6: when it comes to my mother.

1118
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 2: Ah.

1119
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:03,319
Speaker 6: My mother is mentally slow. I don't know what else

1120
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 6: to call. Since she grew up pretty rough and was

1121
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:08,919
Speaker 6: never formally diagnosed and had me at thirteen. Her being

1122
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:11,400
Speaker 6: physically and emotionally younger, made her a fun mom, just

1123
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:12,440
Speaker 6: not very responsible.

1124
00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:15,760
Speaker 2: Oh oh my god. Oh.

1125
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 6: By the way, this comes from Throwaway eighty one forty

1126
00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:20,320
Speaker 6: five seven and if you want to submit your own stories,

1127
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:23,120
Speaker 6: go to our slash Okay storytime Separate. So this is

1128
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:25,960
Speaker 6: one of the main reasons my girlfriend feels uncomfortable around

1129
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 6: my mom. She says, my mom has no manners and

1130
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:31,560
Speaker 6: can be rude, both of which can be true at times. However,

1131
00:50:31,719 --> 00:50:34,520
Speaker 6: my mom doesn't do things intentionally. It's just how she

1132
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:37,320
Speaker 6: was raised, and it's hard to teach her new things.

1133
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:39,839
Speaker 6: The second reason is that I spend a lot of

1134
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:42,560
Speaker 6: money for my mom to live in an expensive facility

1135
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:45,920
Speaker 6: slash community so she can be independent but still have

1136
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:48,960
Speaker 6: some help. She thinks it's a waste of money, especially

1137
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:50,920
Speaker 6: since she wants to buy a big house in the future,

1138
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:54,160
Speaker 6: and I refuse to pay her medical insurance. Despite having

1139
00:50:54,239 --> 00:50:57,480
Speaker 6: the money, She's currently on a plan that she can't afford.

1140
00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:00,400
Speaker 6: What she brings up a lot in arguments she's not

1141
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:02,320
Speaker 6: my wife, so I don't want to commit to something

1142
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:04,399
Speaker 6: like that yet, since I'm not sure how that would

1143
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:07,560
Speaker 6: work if she ever decided to end the relationship, or

1144
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:09,799
Speaker 6: if it increased to something I'd rather not pay.

1145
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:10,800
Speaker 2: I won't lie.

1146
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:14,080
Speaker 6: I love my girlfriend, but she's not my wife, therefore

1147
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:15,160
Speaker 6: not a priority.

1148
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:19,960
Speaker 4: What okay, that's one of the wackest things I've heard

1149
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:20,759
Speaker 4: in a minute.

1150
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:24,520
Speaker 6: I've tried proposing twice and been turned down each time.

1151
00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 4: Oh okay, immediately things are clearer.

1152
00:51:28,200 --> 00:51:31,239
Speaker 6: Anyways, I feel like I'm derailed. I've derailed this for

1153
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:34,319
Speaker 6: a second, but I felt some context was important. This year,

1154
00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:36,880
Speaker 6: she decided to make me a cake for my birthday.

1155
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:39,239
Speaker 6: I was happy because she's a great maker and even

1156
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:41,719
Speaker 6: better at decorating, so I asked for a chocolate sheet

1157
00:51:41,760 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 6: cake with canned frosting and rainbow sprinkles. She said it

1158
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,800
Speaker 6: was fine, but kept suggesting I have something special and less.

1159
00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:48,279
Speaker 2: Cheap this year.

1160
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:51,760
Speaker 5: It's me, I'm the cake, It's he is the cake.

1161
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:54,319
Speaker 6: My mom has made me this birthday cake every year

1162
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:56,439
Speaker 6: since I was a child, but of course this year

1163
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:58,440
Speaker 6: she couldn't, and I told her that. I told my

1164
00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:01,440
Speaker 6: girlfriend I was sure that's what I wanted. No presence

1165
00:52:01,520 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 6: and no people over. When I woke up on the

1166
00:52:03,239 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 6: morning of my birthday, she had me eat breakfast in

1167
00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:07,640
Speaker 6: the living room because the dining room and kitchen were

1168
00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:10,200
Speaker 6: a mess. I'm not sure if I believe that now,

1169
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:12,960
Speaker 6: and got me up and out of the house after lunch,

1170
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,560
Speaker 6: telling me it still wasn't ready. She also told me

1171
00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:18,360
Speaker 6: I couldn't see it because she had a really small surprise.

1172
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:21,279
Speaker 6: I came back an hour later and she asked, and

1173
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:24,200
Speaker 6: when I opened the door, pretty much everyone we know

1174
00:52:24,719 --> 00:52:27,560
Speaker 6: and even some people we don't know well leaped out

1175
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:32,400
Speaker 6: with those blow things blow things like kazoos. Yeah, blah

1176
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:35,640
Speaker 6: blah blah blah. I tried to act happy, but to

1177
00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:37,839
Speaker 6: be honest, I didn't want anyone there at all. If

1178
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:39,880
Speaker 6: it had just been our families, maybe it would have

1179
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:43,120
Speaker 6: been nice, but I was secretly annoyed. Then when I

1180
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:46,239
Speaker 6: saw the cake, it wasn't anything like what I asked for.

1181
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:51,600
Speaker 6: It was three round lemon crem cakes. They unclothed, fancy

1182
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 6: kind but what.

1183
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:54,920
Speaker 4: I think where it's like there's just nothing on them.

1184
00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:56,840
Speaker 6: Okay, the uh's kind.

1185
00:52:56,680 --> 00:52:58,439
Speaker 2: Of like it's the inside of the cake.

1186
00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:01,279
Speaker 6: Yeah, the bear fancy kid with flowers and berries. It

1187
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:03,800
Speaker 6: looked incredible and I could tell it must have taken ages,

1188
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:07,160
Speaker 6: but it's not what I wanted. I'm pretty neutral about

1189
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:10,720
Speaker 6: lemon desserts. Everyone brought gifts and I tried to pretend

1190
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:13,280
Speaker 6: that I like them, and I did, but at the moment,

1191
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:15,760
Speaker 6: I just didn't feel like opening and reacting to gifts,

1192
00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:19,160
Speaker 6: so I feel like my reactions were underwhelming. Then when

1193
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:20,640
Speaker 6: it was time to cut the cake, she gave me

1194
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:23,640
Speaker 6: a big piece and I didn't even finish half of it.

1195
00:53:24,239 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 6: I wasn't in the mood. I just lied and said

1196
00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:28,880
Speaker 6: I was too full for eating all of her favorite foods.

1197
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:31,080
Speaker 6: Wooo dunkin on her.

1198
00:53:31,120 --> 00:53:32,520
Speaker 2: I was a shot fired across the bow.

1199
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 6: I'll admit that was a bit blunt, especially since there

1200
00:53:37,239 --> 00:53:38,920
Speaker 6: was company and she was a little short with me

1201
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,440
Speaker 6: the rest of the party. Finally, my mom came just

1202
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 6: after everyone finished, and according to my girlfriend, she accidentally

1203
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:48,719
Speaker 6: told her the wrong time. That's messed up.

1204
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:51,360
Speaker 2: Messed up. Sorry, I had to stand up for a second.

1205
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 6: My mom brought me a single cupcake just how I

1206
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:55,920
Speaker 6: like it as a gift because she couldn't make the

1207
00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:59,080
Speaker 6: cake this year. I was happy and I couldn't hide it.

1208
00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:01,160
Speaker 6: My girlfriend noticed and kind of gave my mom the

1209
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:03,239
Speaker 6: stink eye, which is fine as long as she wasn't

1210
00:54:03,239 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 6: being rude. But then she took it a step further

1211
00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:08,920
Speaker 6: and just outright made a bad joke about how the

1212
00:54:08,960 --> 00:54:12,840
Speaker 6: cupcake was unique, like my mom, she still likes dresses

1213
00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:15,240
Speaker 6: and two ponytails. A few people even.

1214
00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:17,600
Speaker 2: Laughed, Okay, this is this is.

1215
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 6: Your girlfriend is mean? Why are you trying to marry

1216
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:23,240
Speaker 6: this woman? Why did you propose to this woman twice?

1217
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:25,960
Speaker 6: And also I feel guys like me girls.

1218
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:26,239
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1219
00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:28,239
Speaker 6: Okay, I don't want to make generalizations, but I feel

1220
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:31,560
Speaker 6: like if someone I think I think sometimes if a

1221
00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:33,920
Speaker 6: person denies a proposal, that doesn't necessarily I don't think

1222
00:54:33,960 --> 00:54:35,880
Speaker 6: that has to mean like the relationship is over. But

1223
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:39,319
Speaker 6: I think that if someone denies a proposal twice fool

1224
00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:41,240
Speaker 6: me once. You guys are not on the same page.

1225
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:44,799
Speaker 6: Shame on, you woo me twice, shame on. I think

1226
00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:47,160
Speaker 6: it's I think it just shows that you guys are

1227
00:54:47,200 --> 00:54:50,279
Speaker 6: not having a conversation about where you are, where you're at,

1228
00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 6: and that's that's an issue.

1229
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:56,080
Speaker 4: Sometimes you gotta leave it to receive what's coming next.

1230
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:58,040
Speaker 7: You know, what do you think is like baseball? You

1231
00:54:58,080 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 7: a third strike and you're like, all right, this is

1232
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:00,760
Speaker 7: my my last chance.

1233
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, gime on, man.

1234
00:55:02,160 --> 00:55:04,520
Speaker 6: Fast forward to later, I'm eating my cupcake in bed,

1235
00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:06,719
Speaker 6: hoping to end the day on a good note. I

1236
00:55:06,719 --> 00:55:09,239
Speaker 6: didn't complain at all outside of that one comment because

1237
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 6: I didn't want to seem too ungrateful. But then she

1238
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 6: says under her breath that, of course I'd rather eat

1239
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:16,080
Speaker 6: something that looks like it was made by a toddler

1240
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:19,080
Speaker 6: than actual quality. That was the last straw for me.

1241
00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:22,120
Speaker 4: I'm just food snobbery is like one of the cringiest

1242
00:55:22,120 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 4: things to me.

1243
00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 6: It's like, sometimes people just have like comfort foods and

1244
00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:29,440
Speaker 6: that's okay, okay, Like sometimes I'd rather have this, like

1245
00:55:29,560 --> 00:55:32,560
Speaker 6: one cake that my mom made me, you know, every year,

1246
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:34,760
Speaker 6: rather than like an Eclaire or something.

1247
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:38,680
Speaker 4: Sometimes I want a cosmic brownie, not Tarah masou, sorry,

1248
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:39,960
Speaker 4: Parah mussou me.

1249
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:42,959
Speaker 6: That was the last draw for me. We got into

1250
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:45,080
Speaker 6: a heated argument, so I ended up sleeping on the

1251
00:55:45,080 --> 00:55:46,560
Speaker 6: couch on my own birthday.

1252
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:47,280
Speaker 2: The next morning.

1253
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:48,839
Speaker 6: I made it clear that I wasn't going to eat

1254
00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:52,520
Speaker 6: any of her desserts until she apologizes. It's been three

1255
00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:55,640
Speaker 6: days and she told everyone that I hated the party.

1256
00:55:56,080 --> 00:55:58,959
Speaker 6: Now everyone is calling me ungrateful, Plus her family found

1257
00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:01,319
Speaker 6: out I don't pay her and insurance. Right now, things

1258
00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:03,759
Speaker 6: are on and off, tense and not tense between us,

1259
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:07,279
Speaker 6: am I the ale here and there are there is

1260
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:11,080
Speaker 6: an edit, and assume it presumably an update. Dude, you're

1261
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:12,919
Speaker 6: the a hole if you don't break up with her.

1262
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:15,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're the ahole. You have proposed good enough.

1263
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:18,400
Speaker 4: That's the only thing keeping her from being nicer to

1264
00:56:18,440 --> 00:56:19,359
Speaker 4: you and marrying you.

1265
00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:21,760
Speaker 6: Like, she doesn't like you, she doesn't like your mom.

1266
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:25,920
Speaker 4: Leave her honestly, Yeah, it's like you. It shouldn't be

1267
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:28,759
Speaker 4: like the main thing, but it is a thing. It's

1268
00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:31,480
Speaker 4: like when you marry, you're you're also marrying into the family.

1269
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:35,560
Speaker 4: If you like can't tolerate like the family. Yeah, like

1270
00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:37,399
Speaker 4: that's gonna be rough.

1271
00:56:37,640 --> 00:56:40,240
Speaker 6: It'd be difficult. But there is an edit, not an update.

1272
00:56:40,280 --> 00:56:41,760
Speaker 6: Just wanted to say that I read all the comments

1273
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:44,759
Speaker 6: and now I'm strongly considering just biting the bullet and

1274
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:47,840
Speaker 6: saying I don't care, especially since she only knows of

1275
00:56:47,920 --> 00:56:50,840
Speaker 6: both because I told her not due to actual evidence.

1276
00:56:51,280 --> 00:56:53,319
Speaker 6: It's just not something I wanted to be outed for,

1277
00:56:53,520 --> 00:56:56,320
Speaker 6: metaphorically and literally. In any case, I guess the Statue

1278
00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:58,440
Speaker 6: of limitations in my state would have already passed for

1279
00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:01,399
Speaker 6: me finnally right when we started dating. So at least

1280
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 6: if things go south, I can finally get the plastic surgery.

1281
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:05,399
Speaker 6: I always wanted a new name.

1282
00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:07,440
Speaker 2: What is this about? I think just happened? Did you

1283
00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:09,160
Speaker 2: submit a change? Realities?

1284
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:09,319
Speaker 3: Here?

1285
00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:09,920
Speaker 2: What's going on?

1286
00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:10,600
Speaker 6: What?

1287
00:57:10,600 --> 00:57:13,080
Speaker 2: What's happening? What just happened? Chat? What just happened? What

1288
00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:15,640
Speaker 2: has happened? Where are would you commit some sort of crime? Year?

1289
00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:15,880
Speaker 2: Is it?

1290
00:57:15,960 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 4: Day?

1291
00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:17,440
Speaker 2: Is it? Anyway?

1292
00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:19,880
Speaker 5: The eleven lmfao just dropped.

1293
00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:22,960
Speaker 6: But I'm going to tell her we aren't twin flames

1294
00:57:23,080 --> 00:57:25,560
Speaker 6: or anything close anymore, and probably update when I feel

1295
00:57:25,560 --> 00:57:28,400
Speaker 6: better if things get intense. Fortunately, my mom is happy

1296
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:30,840
Speaker 6: as always and we talk every day. For those wondering,

1297
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:33,160
Speaker 6: she's so nice. She doesn't always notice when people are

1298
00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:36,000
Speaker 6: being mean, so I won't and would never tell her

1299
00:57:36,040 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 6: about how my ex girlfriend truly felt about her if

1300
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:41,560
Speaker 6: she asks why things are going wrong, By the way,

1301
00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:43,880
Speaker 6: things will never go wrong if you listen to full

1302
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:46,440
Speaker 6: episodes of stories just like this. Just go to Apple Podcasts,

1303
00:57:46,480 --> 00:57:49,400
Speaker 6: Spotify or your favorite podcast app. Just search a book,

1304
00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:52,160
Speaker 6: a story time. Just go there, and there is a

1305
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:54,000
Speaker 6: little bit left.

1306
00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:55,720
Speaker 2: I got confused.

1307
00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:58,080
Speaker 6: I don't know what that whole thing about. I don't

1308
00:57:58,160 --> 00:57:59,720
Speaker 6: understand what OP was talking about.

1309
00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:01,960
Speaker 2: I got confused. I think we're all confused.

1310
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:04,480
Speaker 6: But we're just gonna ignore it and move on. Were not,

1311
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:06,320
Speaker 6: We're not even gonna read it.

1312
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:07,200
Speaker 2: Uh.

1313
00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:09,880
Speaker 6: Second, another thing that I just wanted to add is

1314
00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:13,200
Speaker 6: that my mom, fortunately was not an essay victim the comments.

1315
00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 6: Thinking that made me irrationally sad for some reason. My

1316
00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:18,360
Speaker 6: father was the same age. I don't know if he

1317
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:20,600
Speaker 6: had a disability, but he was pretty strange in a

1318
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:22,760
Speaker 6: good way. You didn't talk much, but he liked drawing

1319
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:24,920
Speaker 6: the same types of birds and flowers, and they got

1320
00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:27,280
Speaker 6: along well, and she was loved. I just didn't mention

1321
00:58:27,360 --> 00:58:30,720
Speaker 6: him because well, he passed away anyway. Sorry, I have

1322
00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:33,200
Speaker 6: a tendency to get long winded and over explained. But

1323
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:35,600
Speaker 6: I'm going to sleep additional in the comments. Since the

1324
00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:38,600
Speaker 6: post is already long, I guess i'll comment instead. Maybe

1325
00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:40,800
Speaker 6: I'm just a terrible writer when I'm tired, but writing

1326
00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:42,920
Speaker 6: this a few hours ago felt like it would make sense.

1327
00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:47,440
Speaker 6: To make it make sense, I used to make adult videos, okay,

1328
00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:50,120
Speaker 6: mostly with other men, so I don't want anyone to know.

1329
00:58:50,520 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, this is sketch situation.

1330
00:58:53,400 --> 00:58:56,120
Speaker 6: Second, I used to scam dates by using their credit

1331
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 6: card information online to buy textbooks and personal items because

1332
00:58:59,560 --> 00:59:02,240
Speaker 6: they could really afford food. But it was still bad

1333
00:59:02,360 --> 00:59:04,840
Speaker 6: and sometimes I wonder if they didn't eat so I could,

1334
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:07,080
Speaker 6: And it makes me paranoid. Even if I can't go

1335
00:59:07,160 --> 00:59:09,880
Speaker 6: to jail, now, I can still be socially ostracized.

1336
00:59:10,640 --> 00:59:14,760
Speaker 8: Wow, yeah, I mean, I guess it's brave to say that,

1337
00:59:15,360 --> 00:59:20,560
Speaker 8: but also like that's pretty that's like behavior that is

1338
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:22,760
Speaker 8: hard to look past.

1339
00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:25,080
Speaker 6: Well, it seems like op he was like maybe being

1340
00:59:25,360 --> 00:59:27,480
Speaker 6: vulnerable to his girlfriend being like I have this like

1341
00:59:27,560 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 6: past life that I'm not proud of anymore.

1342
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:34,520
Speaker 4: Ye, scamming people's still it's like, you know, I don't know.

1343
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:38,160
Speaker 4: It's like, didn't seem like the right moment to let

1344
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:41,880
Speaker 4: that one fly right now? Right when when was the

1345
00:59:41,960 --> 00:59:46,760
Speaker 4: vulnerability made with us or with with the girlfriend?

1346
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:49,760
Speaker 6: Well, I think they're about to get like he's they.

1347
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,720
Speaker 4: Proposed like two proposals down. Then he's like, hey, by

1348
00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:54,880
Speaker 4: the way, I used to do credit card fraud on dates,

1349
00:59:55,040 --> 00:59:56,040
Speaker 4: do you still want to marry me?

1350
00:59:56,880 --> 00:59:58,720
Speaker 2: Like yet you're there, We're.

1351
00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:01,800
Speaker 6: At a third time. Yeah, Yeah, I don't know. And

1352
01:00:01,840 --> 01:00:04,240
Speaker 6: plastic surgery is just that if my social life is ruined,

1353
01:00:04,240 --> 01:00:05,800
Speaker 6: I can buy a new face and name. I was

1354
01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:08,800
Speaker 6: half joking. Also, for those wondering, I didn't mention the

1355
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:12,160
Speaker 6: reason why my girlfriend rejected my marriage proposal twice is

1356
01:00:12,200 --> 01:00:14,600
Speaker 6: because it sounds really bad to people who don't understand

1357
01:00:14,680 --> 01:00:17,480
Speaker 6: what it's like to live with someone disabled. I love

1358
01:00:17,560 --> 01:00:19,920
Speaker 6: my mother dearly, but in all honesty, I would not

1359
01:00:19,960 --> 01:00:22,600
Speaker 6: want to have children like her. They won't have an

1360
01:00:22,600 --> 01:00:25,360
Speaker 6: easy life. And that's the reason. Basically, she thinks I

1361
01:00:25,440 --> 01:00:26,840
Speaker 6: might pass on bad jeans.

1362
01:00:27,240 --> 01:00:29,000
Speaker 2: Oh you can adopt.

1363
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:31,440
Speaker 4: That's so non that's nonsense.

1364
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:32,400
Speaker 2: What you just said.

1365
01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:35,280
Speaker 6: Also just like bad the bad genes terrible thing to say.

1366
01:00:35,360 --> 01:00:37,400
Speaker 4: Well, I do get that to some extent, not like

1367
01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:39,720
Speaker 4: the bad genes thing is like bad, but like there

1368
01:00:39,760 --> 01:00:44,040
Speaker 4: are certain like hereditary diseases. Sure it is like I

1369
01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:46,680
Speaker 4: wouldn't want to have a kid, and then be like, literally,

1370
01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:49,520
Speaker 4: I gave you this, I knew it could happen. Yes,

1371
01:00:49,640 --> 01:00:51,280
Speaker 4: now you're gonna have to leave your whole life knowing

1372
01:00:51,320 --> 01:00:51,920
Speaker 4: this thing's.

1373
01:00:51,720 --> 01:00:55,440
Speaker 6: Hanging over You understand that, but why are you even

1374
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:56,400
Speaker 6: dating him?

1375
01:00:56,680 --> 01:00:57,080
Speaker 2: Correct?

1376
01:00:57,440 --> 01:01:00,680
Speaker 4: You're also that was just probably beyond any think that

1377
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:02,360
Speaker 4: even dating out.

1378
01:01:02,520 --> 01:01:04,520
Speaker 2: Jab yeah jab twist like a.

1379
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:06,920
Speaker 6: Horrible thing to say. I'd like to try to have

1380
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:09,800
Speaker 6: at least one child anyway, because I don't have any disabilities,

1381
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:11,959
Speaker 6: so I'm hoping my child would be healthy as well.

1382
01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:14,760
Speaker 6: But I think also you have to know that, like

1383
01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:18,360
Speaker 6: you have to go into parenting knowing that, like, however

1384
01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:21,640
Speaker 6: your child comes out, you have to be ready to

1385
01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:22,400
Speaker 6: parent your child.

1386
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:25,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, like that. You know, you just have to adopt.

1387
01:01:25,280 --> 01:01:28,880
Speaker 4: You know, there's like a bajillion kids out there who

1388
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:30,160
Speaker 4: are in need of a parent.

1389
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:32,480
Speaker 6: He says. I don't think not wanting to adopt or

1390
01:01:32,520 --> 01:01:34,440
Speaker 6: take a chance is about a reason to project someone

1391
01:01:34,520 --> 01:01:36,880
Speaker 6: In any case, I decided to take the coward's way

1392
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:40,040
Speaker 6: out and leave for work excessively early to avoid her,

1393
01:01:40,120 --> 01:01:42,400
Speaker 6: and I put a breakup note in her lunch spot.

1394
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:43,640
Speaker 5: What is going on here?

1395
01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:48,160
Speaker 2: Brother? Oh? What are you in fifth grade? What?

1396
01:01:48,440 --> 01:01:49,080
Speaker 4: Oh? What?

1397
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:49,480
Speaker 2: Oh?

1398
01:01:49,520 --> 01:01:50,320
Speaker 6: You're the a hole?

1399
01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:51,320
Speaker 2: What I mean?

1400
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:53,080
Speaker 6: She's the a whole? But you're also the ahole?

1401
01:01:53,160 --> 01:01:57,080
Speaker 4: You guys both like you really both freakings no wonder.

1402
01:01:57,320 --> 01:01:59,000
Speaker 4: I bet you she doesn't want to marry.

1403
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:03,080
Speaker 2: I'm on the tracks much left.

1404
01:02:03,200 --> 01:02:07,280
Speaker 6: You left a sorry, so you made her lunch and

1405
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:10,000
Speaker 6: you left a little note in the lunch box that said,

1406
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:10,960
Speaker 6: I'm breaking up with you?

1407
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 2: Are you eleven years old? For real?

1408
01:02:14,840 --> 01:02:18,520
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, but like, that's one of the most out

1409
01:02:18,520 --> 01:02:21,040
Speaker 4: of pocket things I've ever heard. If you're that afraid

1410
01:02:21,080 --> 01:02:22,920
Speaker 4: of confrontation, you're not ready for marriage anyway.

1411
01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:25,240
Speaker 2: Buddys, marriage, marriage.

1412
01:02:24,880 --> 01:02:29,160
Speaker 4: And relationships, there's confrontation in them that you work through.

1413
01:02:29,200 --> 01:02:32,200
Speaker 4: You work through things, you find compromise. I'm expecting to

1414
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:34,959
Speaker 4: do that. Yeah, No, I'm expecting to feel awful later.

1415
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:37,120
Speaker 4: So I think I'll update again when I'm not sad,

1416
01:02:37,160 --> 01:02:39,920
Speaker 4: which takes me a while. I really hope these comments

1417
01:02:39,920 --> 01:02:41,440
Speaker 4: are roasting them. Yeah, coming one.

1418
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:43,800
Speaker 6: I can appreciate why she has such a grip on you.

1419
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:45,840
Speaker 6: If the credit card thing hasn't come back to bite

1420
01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:48,560
Speaker 6: you yet, it won't. Was it a good thing to do? No,

1421
01:02:48,720 --> 01:02:51,360
Speaker 6: but you know that and you stopped. There's no shame

1422
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:53,800
Speaker 6: in adult spicy sleepwork. But again, I understand why you

1423
01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:56,520
Speaker 6: might be feeling shame. It's twenty twenty five, and if

1424
01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:58,600
Speaker 6: she tries to shame you with it, then laugh and

1425
01:02:58,640 --> 01:02:59,560
Speaker 6: tell everyone is ai?

1426
01:02:59,520 --> 01:03:02,120
Speaker 7: I mean.

1427
01:03:03,520 --> 01:03:05,160
Speaker 2: That's a good deflection. I guess.

1428
01:03:05,600 --> 01:03:08,280
Speaker 6: I guarantee people will just forget about it. Okay, Well

1429
01:03:08,400 --> 01:03:10,840
Speaker 6: I'm not forgetting that you wrote a breakup note.

1430
01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:12,880
Speaker 2: You want me to psycho this one.

1431
01:03:13,240 --> 01:03:15,200
Speaker 6: I just want to know if there's common saying, like, dude,

1432
01:03:15,200 --> 01:03:16,680
Speaker 6: you wrote a breakup.

1433
01:03:17,840 --> 01:03:19,560
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here og host of the show. We're

1434
01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:21,120
Speaker 1: going to get back to these juicy stories. But here's

1435
01:03:21,120 --> 01:03:23,000
Speaker 1: a quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1436
01:03:23,520 --> 01:03:26,800
Speaker 2: My boyfriend's parents told me about their family.

1437
01:03:26,480 --> 01:03:29,920
Speaker 4: Trip that I've always dreamt of going on, and it

1438
01:03:30,040 --> 01:03:31,840
Speaker 4: made me jealous.

1439
01:03:32,880 --> 01:03:36,400
Speaker 6: Just go on it, not allowed, Just do it band,

1440
01:03:36,960 --> 01:03:38,480
Speaker 6: Just freaking do it banned.

1441
01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:41,960
Speaker 2: Hello. First of all, I want to acknowledge how petty

1442
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:42,360
Speaker 2: this is.

1443
01:03:42,640 --> 01:03:44,640
Speaker 4: I have no doubt in my mind that the jealousy

1444
01:03:44,680 --> 01:03:46,800
Speaker 4: I'm feeling is completely uncalled for.

1445
01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:48,760
Speaker 2: I just want to know how to deal with it.

1446
01:03:49,120 --> 01:03:51,480
Speaker 4: So for years and years, it has been my dream

1447
01:03:51,600 --> 01:03:55,520
Speaker 4: to visit Japan. I began learning Japanese in elementary school,

1448
01:03:55,800 --> 01:03:59,360
Speaker 4: and I am fascinated by their culture. Cook Japanese food,

1449
01:03:59,520 --> 01:04:02,040
Speaker 4: read books in Japanese, and stay up to date with

1450
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:02,840
Speaker 4: the culture.

1451
01:04:03,960 --> 01:04:05,800
Speaker 6: He's like, I stay up to date with their culture.

1452
01:04:05,920 --> 01:04:06,880
Speaker 6: I watch a lot of anime.

1453
01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:11,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, low key people anime is not being entrenched in

1454
01:04:11,720 --> 01:04:14,240
Speaker 4: Japanese culture, which we don't know if this person is

1455
01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:16,360
Speaker 4: doing that, just putting it out there.

1456
01:04:16,520 --> 01:04:17,560
Speaker 2: It don't conflate.

1457
01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:20,480
Speaker 4: That'd be like watching a bunch of cartoons from American

1458
01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:23,240
Speaker 4: Like I'm in American culture.

1459
01:04:23,280 --> 01:04:25,280
Speaker 7: It's like yeah, it's like saying, oh, I watch anime

1460
01:04:25,320 --> 01:04:26,680
Speaker 7: and eat sushi, I'm Japanese.

1461
01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:29,840
Speaker 4: It's not being like I eat Hamburgers and watch Adventure Time.

1462
01:04:29,920 --> 01:04:30,960
Speaker 2: I'm basically American.

1463
01:04:31,040 --> 01:04:33,040
Speaker 6: I had a I had a professor in school who

1464
01:04:33,200 --> 01:04:36,440
Speaker 6: had a Japanese husband and he and he taught our

1465
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:37,960
Speaker 6: Asian American theater class.

1466
01:04:39,040 --> 01:04:39,320
Speaker 7: Uh.

1467
01:04:39,360 --> 01:04:41,160
Speaker 6: And he was a white man, and he was like, yes,

1468
01:04:41,200 --> 01:04:45,720
Speaker 6: I know everything about Japan. And he just really thought

1469
01:04:45,760 --> 01:04:48,880
Speaker 6: he knew everything and with like correct a lot I

1470
01:04:48,920 --> 01:04:49,920
Speaker 6: don't know, and he just didn't.

1471
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:51,200
Speaker 2: He just he just knew.

1472
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:54,000
Speaker 6: He just thought. He was like.

1473
01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:57,760
Speaker 4: The he's basically honorably Japanese.

1474
01:04:57,840 --> 01:04:59,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, that was his vibe.

1475
01:04:59,080 --> 01:05:00,680
Speaker 2: Yeh. By the way, hey, this comes.

1476
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:03,520
Speaker 4: From user Jelly Japan Throwaway and if you want to

1477
01:05:03,520 --> 01:05:05,080
Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go do it at the r

1478
01:05:05,120 --> 01:05:09,520
Speaker 4: slash Okay Storytime supreading sue. As I'm graduating college in

1479
01:05:09,560 --> 01:05:12,160
Speaker 4: a few months, I would love to have a travel

1480
01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:15,160
Speaker 4: the world type vacation over the summer to Japan, but

1481
01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:18,200
Speaker 4: sadly it's just not possible. I don't make that kind

1482
01:05:18,240 --> 01:05:19,640
Speaker 4: of money to make.

1483
01:05:19,520 --> 01:05:20,400
Speaker 2: Matters even worse.

1484
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:22,960
Speaker 4: In my junior year, I was given the opportunity to

1485
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:26,240
Speaker 4: study abroad there and even received a small scholarship, but

1486
01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:29,080
Speaker 4: the degree plan I'm in would not permit it. My

1487
01:05:29,120 --> 01:05:32,280
Speaker 4: boyfriend of three years, Jack, and his family in their

1488
01:05:32,320 --> 01:05:34,920
Speaker 4: late fifties, are all aware of my love of Japan

1489
01:05:35,320 --> 01:05:38,280
Speaker 4: and my desire to visit then, even the sensitive subject

1490
01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:42,040
Speaker 4: of the failed study abroad semester. So when his parents

1491
01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:44,680
Speaker 4: surprised me by telling me about their trip to Japan

1492
01:05:44,760 --> 01:05:48,600
Speaker 4: this summer, I was confused and shocked. Jack has zero

1493
01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:51,880
Speaker 4: interest in going to Japan. He's told me as much

1494
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:55,320
Speaker 4: since then, and he didn't even know about the vacation

1495
01:05:55,600 --> 01:05:58,960
Speaker 4: until his parents told me. The biggest problem is every

1496
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:01,920
Speaker 4: time they make more plans in Japan, like booking tickets

1497
01:06:01,960 --> 01:06:04,640
Speaker 4: or meeting with tour guides, adding another place to visit,

1498
01:06:04,760 --> 01:06:06,760
Speaker 4: they make a big show of it to me and

1499
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:09,480
Speaker 4: fill me in on every last detail. Maybe they think

1500
01:06:09,520 --> 01:06:12,120
Speaker 4: that it will be interesting to me, but in reality

1501
01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:15,000
Speaker 4: it just upsets me, and yes, I know for a

1502
01:06:15,080 --> 01:06:18,360
Speaker 4: fact that I'm not invited. They've made it very clear

1503
01:06:18,400 --> 01:06:21,040
Speaker 4: that it's just a family vacation. They've also met with

1504
01:06:21,160 --> 01:06:24,000
Speaker 4: and hired a local translator to come on vacation with them.

1505
01:06:24,000 --> 01:06:27,800
Speaker 4: They're paying for his vacation and his translating services, And

1506
01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:29,479
Speaker 4: the selfish part of me wants to know.

1507
01:06:29,680 --> 01:06:32,520
Speaker 2: Why couldn't they have just used me? I'm fluent.

1508
01:06:33,200 --> 01:06:37,680
Speaker 6: Dang, that's actually I feel like you should suggest be like, hey, guys,

1509
01:06:37,840 --> 01:06:41,280
Speaker 6: do they know that I'm fluent and I'm free? I mean,

1510
01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:43,040
Speaker 6: you do have to pay for MI. You do have

1511
01:06:43,080 --> 01:06:44,760
Speaker 6: to pay for me just to like the ticket.

1512
01:06:44,880 --> 01:06:48,240
Speaker 4: Excellent point, I'm free, say I do that?

1513
01:06:48,520 --> 01:06:50,040
Speaker 2: You remember that I do that.

1514
01:06:50,040 --> 01:06:51,919
Speaker 4: You're not in Japan yet, you can still fire them.

1515
01:06:52,040 --> 01:06:52,640
Speaker 2: I do that.

1516
01:06:52,960 --> 01:06:56,720
Speaker 4: Jack and his family have taken heavish family trips for

1517
01:06:56,760 --> 01:06:59,760
Speaker 4: as long as I've known them. They're very wealthy and

1518
01:07:00,040 --> 01:07:04,000
Speaker 4: taken numerous enviable vacations to the Bahamas, to New York,

1519
01:07:04,160 --> 01:07:07,680
Speaker 4: to England, France, and the Grand Canyon. Whereas I've never

1520
01:07:07,720 --> 01:07:10,760
Speaker 4: been out of our home state, and all the places

1521
01:07:10,800 --> 01:07:14,440
Speaker 4: they've been before seems like typical hotspots for tourists and travelers.

1522
01:07:14,720 --> 01:07:16,920
Speaker 4: I just can't understand why they'd want to go to Japan,

1523
01:07:17,880 --> 01:07:21,520
Speaker 4: one of the most it's like desirable travel destinations on

1524
01:07:21,600 --> 01:07:22,400
Speaker 4: the face of the planet.

1525
01:07:22,480 --> 01:07:23,840
Speaker 6: Everyone wants to go to Japan.

1526
01:07:24,800 --> 01:07:27,120
Speaker 5: Every people want to go to Japan.

1527
01:07:27,320 --> 01:07:29,200
Speaker 6: I want to go to Japan.

1528
01:07:29,440 --> 01:07:31,400
Speaker 2: Japan. I'm the only one.

1529
01:07:31,480 --> 01:07:32,520
Speaker 6: I want to go to Japan.

1530
01:07:32,800 --> 01:07:35,760
Speaker 2: Why are they just want to go to Japan. I'm

1531
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:37,400
Speaker 2: quirky and I love.

1532
01:07:38,840 --> 01:07:42,400
Speaker 4: Any may Japan is the one place I've gushed about

1533
01:07:42,440 --> 01:07:45,600
Speaker 4: visiting four years to them. And why they've decided to

1534
01:07:45,600 --> 01:07:47,640
Speaker 4: make a big publicity show about it.

1535
01:07:47,720 --> 01:07:50,560
Speaker 2: I don't know. I need your help on how to

1536
01:07:50,560 --> 01:07:51,680
Speaker 2: cope with this jealousy.

1537
01:07:51,800 --> 01:07:53,560
Speaker 4: Is it something that I should just su up and

1538
01:07:53,600 --> 01:07:55,800
Speaker 4: deal with or should I speak to Jack about it?

1539
01:07:56,400 --> 01:07:58,760
Speaker 4: I feel like it's so trivial that telling him how

1540
01:07:58,800 --> 01:08:01,440
Speaker 4: I feel would be pointless. I also want to know

1541
01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:04,640
Speaker 4: how to kindly tell his parents to stop mentioning every

1542
01:08:04,840 --> 01:08:07,560
Speaker 4: detail of their trip to me. We do have an update,

1543
01:08:08,160 --> 01:08:08,760
Speaker 4: get into it.

1544
01:08:08,960 --> 01:08:09,600
Speaker 2: Talk to Jack.

1545
01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:11,760
Speaker 4: You should be able to tell your partner, like how

1546
01:08:11,800 --> 01:08:12,800
Speaker 4: you're feeling about something.

1547
01:08:12,920 --> 01:08:13,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1548
01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:17,160
Speaker 7: I feel like, yeah, like the parents are probably really excited,

1549
01:08:17,160 --> 01:08:19,400
Speaker 7: and I think they're kind of like blinded by the

1550
01:08:19,439 --> 01:08:21,240
Speaker 7: excitement of like, oh, we're going to Japan. You will

1551
01:08:21,240 --> 01:08:23,519
Speaker 7: talk about Japan so much, like oh, what should we do?

1552
01:08:23,640 --> 01:08:26,439
Speaker 7: Like we want to go? And yeah, I kind of like.

1553
01:08:26,479 --> 01:08:29,479
Speaker 6: That they're necessarily being like, you know, they're they don't

1554
01:08:29,479 --> 01:08:30,280
Speaker 6: think they're intending to.

1555
01:08:30,360 --> 01:08:31,960
Speaker 7: I don't think they're trying to wave it in Opie's

1556
01:08:31,960 --> 01:08:34,040
Speaker 7: face no less if they really are, like we're going

1557
01:08:34,080 --> 01:08:34,760
Speaker 7: to Japan, you're not.

1558
01:08:34,920 --> 01:08:36,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think there's.

1559
01:08:36,560 --> 01:08:38,160
Speaker 6: I think you just talked to Jack and you say, hey,

1560
01:08:38,280 --> 01:08:40,200
Speaker 6: like sorry, you know, I've been a little bit bommed

1561
01:08:40,240 --> 01:08:42,840
Speaker 6: because I really want to go to Japan, and I

1562
01:08:42,880 --> 01:08:46,559
Speaker 6: know it's like I know it's just in my brain,

1563
01:08:47,320 --> 01:08:49,799
Speaker 6: but I'm feeling a little jealous stuff. I'm sorry.

1564
01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:52,479
Speaker 7: The fact that Jack is also just like kind of

1565
01:08:52,479 --> 01:08:54,720
Speaker 7: oblivious to this is kind of like, come on, man,

1566
01:08:55,120 --> 01:08:57,640
Speaker 7: your girlfriend or your partner talks about this twenty four

1567
01:08:57,680 --> 01:08:58,920
Speaker 7: to seven, how much they love Japan.

1568
01:08:58,960 --> 01:09:00,840
Speaker 2: He says, I kind of place a little bit, so

1569
01:09:00,880 --> 01:09:02,680
Speaker 2: I don't even care. Yeah, I don't even care. What

1570
01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:03,439
Speaker 2: couldn't care?

1571
01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:06,600
Speaker 7: Much like if my if like my partner, if like

1572
01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:08,840
Speaker 7: Carley was like, oh, I want to go somewhere, my

1573
01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:10,960
Speaker 7: parents are going somewhere. I'm like, oh, get her something

1574
01:09:11,040 --> 01:09:13,320
Speaker 7: or like, you know, talk to her about it. It's

1575
01:09:13,320 --> 01:09:15,280
Speaker 7: not only that, Yeah, i'd be excited for that.

1576
01:09:15,520 --> 01:09:18,880
Speaker 4: Well, there's enough here. Maybe maybe olp ends up going

1577
01:09:18,920 --> 01:09:22,400
Speaker 4: to Japan. We can keep our fingers crossed. Hello, and

1578
01:09:22,439 --> 01:09:25,240
Speaker 4: thank you all for your advice in my previous post

1579
01:09:25,880 --> 01:09:28,439
Speaker 4: to those of you giving me information on programs in Japan,

1580
01:09:28,600 --> 01:09:30,719
Speaker 4: thank you. I took all of your advice to heart,

1581
01:09:30,720 --> 01:09:32,920
Speaker 4: but unfortunately I already have a job in the stem

1582
01:09:32,960 --> 01:09:35,920
Speaker 4: field lined up to begin this summer, and programs like

1583
01:09:35,960 --> 01:09:39,240
Speaker 4: those are not in the realm of possibility. Anyway, onto

1584
01:09:39,240 --> 01:09:41,920
Speaker 4: the actual update. I talked to Jack the night after

1585
01:09:41,920 --> 01:09:44,280
Speaker 4: I made my post. I told him that I knew

1586
01:09:44,280 --> 01:09:46,639
Speaker 4: his parents meant well by it, but the way they

1587
01:09:46,680 --> 01:09:49,360
Speaker 4: were constantly filling me in on the details of their

1588
01:09:49,400 --> 01:09:52,880
Speaker 4: trip made me more sad than interested. At first, Jack

1589
01:09:52,960 --> 01:09:55,719
Speaker 4: didn't understand what I was trying to say or why

1590
01:09:55,840 --> 01:09:58,160
Speaker 4: hearing about the trip would upset me. When I reminded

1591
01:09:58,200 --> 01:10:01,160
Speaker 4: him about my rejection from the study Abroad program and

1592
01:10:01,320 --> 01:10:04,000
Speaker 4: the time he'd spent helping me work through that, he

1593
01:10:04,080 --> 01:10:06,679
Speaker 4: was able to empathize a little more. Okay, good would

1594
01:10:06,720 --> 01:10:09,680
Speaker 4: Jack get to w there. Jack told me he recognized

1595
01:10:09,720 --> 01:10:13,720
Speaker 4: that his parents were, albeit indirectly rude, by going out

1596
01:10:13,720 --> 01:10:15,920
Speaker 4: of their way to tell me about the vacation. He

1597
01:10:15,960 --> 01:10:18,360
Speaker 4: said that gushing so much about a vacation to anyone

1598
01:10:18,360 --> 01:10:21,799
Speaker 4: who wasn't going was insensitive, and if I asked them politely,

1599
01:10:21,880 --> 01:10:25,240
Speaker 4: they would tone it down. Unfortunately, he refused to talk

1600
01:10:25,280 --> 01:10:26,080
Speaker 4: to them himself.

1601
01:10:26,120 --> 01:10:29,439
Speaker 6: What coward, coward? That is such an awkward Why would

1602
01:10:29,479 --> 01:10:31,599
Speaker 6: Ope have to talk to them? I mean, oh, he's

1603
01:10:31,640 --> 01:10:35,040
Speaker 6: a girlfriend, and as you want your girlfriend to go

1604
01:10:35,080 --> 01:10:38,760
Speaker 6: talk to your parents about talking to her about the vacation. No,

1605
01:10:39,240 --> 01:10:41,760
Speaker 6: that's your thing. Go say hey, mom and dad.

1606
01:10:41,840 --> 01:10:44,439
Speaker 4: You know you're kind of making OP a little sad

1607
01:10:44,920 --> 01:10:47,679
Speaker 4: at the very that's going as a unit.

1608
01:10:47,880 --> 01:10:49,520
Speaker 6: Coward coward.

1609
01:10:50,520 --> 01:10:53,280
Speaker 4: I think Op he could learn to speak up for herself.

1610
01:10:53,520 --> 01:10:56,439
Speaker 4: But no, but it's not her parents exactly.

1611
01:10:56,840 --> 01:11:00,400
Speaker 6: I think speaking to your partner makes sense, speaking touse.

1612
01:11:00,880 --> 01:11:03,200
Speaker 6: That's like if you like your friends over people.

1613
01:11:03,520 --> 01:11:05,479
Speaker 2: There's people, they're just people.

1614
01:11:05,600 --> 01:11:09,559
Speaker 6: No, this is like if you go to your friend's house, yeah,

1615
01:11:10,760 --> 01:11:14,479
Speaker 6: and they're like, and you're like, hey, like hungry or

1616
01:11:14,520 --> 01:11:16,439
Speaker 6: like I need something, and you're like and then your

1617
01:11:16,439 --> 01:11:20,360
Speaker 6: friends like, oh mom ah. He says that they're hungry,

1618
01:11:20,400 --> 01:11:23,080
Speaker 6: they like need you know, and put on you.

1619
01:11:23,160 --> 01:11:25,519
Speaker 7: I would kind of do that because my parents would

1620
01:11:25,520 --> 01:11:26,880
Speaker 7: be like, oh, we got to get the food immediately

1621
01:11:26,880 --> 01:11:28,120
Speaker 7: if I was like I'm hungry, like.

1622
01:11:28,680 --> 01:11:30,840
Speaker 6: Yeah, But it's like when you when you throw your

1623
01:11:30,840 --> 01:11:33,439
Speaker 6: friends all make something for yourself.

1624
01:11:33,479 --> 01:11:36,120
Speaker 2: All right, okay, I'm still in unit camp. I think

1625
01:11:36,120 --> 01:11:39,240
Speaker 2: you can go in together. Let her speak like you speak.

1626
01:11:39,560 --> 01:11:42,040
Speaker 2: I don't think you need to learn. You need to

1627
01:11:42,120 --> 01:11:43,840
Speaker 2: learn to be able to speak your mind to people

1628
01:11:43,840 --> 01:11:44,600
Speaker 2: who are like you.

1629
01:11:45,040 --> 01:11:47,280
Speaker 5: If they're like your step like in laws or something

1630
01:11:47,320 --> 01:11:47,679
Speaker 5: like that.

1631
01:11:48,240 --> 01:11:52,000
Speaker 6: They're in law girl, this is your boyfriend's parents, you know.

1632
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:53,640
Speaker 6: I think it's good practice. I don't know.

1633
01:11:53,840 --> 01:11:57,800
Speaker 4: I think that you can't just go fully hands off.

1634
01:11:57,800 --> 01:11:59,400
Speaker 2: That's absurd, that's crazy.

1635
01:11:59,720 --> 01:12:02,759
Speaker 4: I'd requested that he do so to get things resolved

1636
01:12:02,800 --> 01:12:04,559
Speaker 4: a little more smoothly, but in the end it was

1637
01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:07,200
Speaker 4: all up to me. I decided to call ahead and

1638
01:12:07,280 --> 01:12:10,519
Speaker 4: visit Jack's parents privately to have the conversation instead of

1639
01:12:10,600 --> 01:12:12,280
Speaker 4: during or after one of our dinners.

1640
01:12:12,760 --> 01:12:13,759
Speaker 2: That would have been awkward.

1641
01:12:14,160 --> 01:12:16,559
Speaker 4: I broached the subject with his parents by saying that

1642
01:12:16,640 --> 01:12:19,439
Speaker 4: I appreciated their thoughtfulness in trying to keep me updated

1643
01:12:19,479 --> 01:12:22,120
Speaker 4: on the vacation planning, but that travel to Japan was

1644
01:12:22,160 --> 01:12:24,760
Speaker 4: still a sore subject to me, and hearing about it

1645
01:12:24,840 --> 01:12:27,360
Speaker 4: made me sad. I spoke for a while about my

1646
01:12:27,479 --> 01:12:29,760
Speaker 4: dream to travel there and to study abroad, and how

1647
01:12:29,800 --> 01:12:32,439
Speaker 4: I was very regretful that the experience had impacted me

1648
01:12:32,479 --> 01:12:35,479
Speaker 4: so strongly. It was incredibly selfish of me to get

1649
01:12:35,560 --> 01:12:38,640
Speaker 4: jealous so easily, and I planned to work on my

1650
01:12:38,680 --> 01:12:41,680
Speaker 4: sensitivity in light of the issue. I had hoped that

1651
01:12:41,720 --> 01:12:45,160
Speaker 4: by making the conversation more focused on my behavior than theirs,

1652
01:12:45,479 --> 01:12:48,439
Speaker 4: it would deflect the blame from them and feel like

1653
01:12:48,560 --> 01:12:51,000
Speaker 4: less of a direct attack. It did not work very well.

1654
01:12:51,040 --> 01:12:53,719
Speaker 4: Throughout my home out of log they were completely silent.

1655
01:12:54,080 --> 01:12:56,879
Speaker 4: As soon as I finished, Jack's mom said, quite coldly,

1656
01:12:57,400 --> 01:12:59,920
Speaker 4: I'm sorry you're offended. I kept the conversation going for

1657
01:12:59,920 --> 01:13:02,400
Speaker 4: a few more minutes, trying my hardest to reiterate that

1658
01:13:02,439 --> 01:13:03,880
Speaker 4: it wasn't their fault, but.

1659
01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:06,040
Speaker 2: I received only short, cold responses.

1660
01:13:06,160 --> 01:13:08,160
Speaker 6: And this is why you don't have your girlfriend go

1661
01:13:08,200 --> 01:13:12,240
Speaker 6: talk to your parents solo about being sad about not

1662
01:13:12,280 --> 01:13:13,920
Speaker 6: being able to go on a trip, because that's such

1663
01:13:13,920 --> 01:13:17,160
Speaker 6: an awkward conversation to have. That's such a weird conversation.

1664
01:13:17,800 --> 01:13:19,240
Speaker 2: No, but it's the parents are whack.

1665
01:13:19,360 --> 01:13:21,799
Speaker 6: But like OPI was set up.

1666
01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:24,839
Speaker 2: But like to make it about this trip.

1667
01:13:25,040 --> 01:13:26,640
Speaker 4: You could be like if it was you, if it

1668
01:13:26,680 --> 01:13:29,599
Speaker 4: was anybody talking to me about how they're going to Japan.

1669
01:13:30,080 --> 01:13:32,080
Speaker 4: It just reminds me on how I'm not going to

1670
01:13:32,160 --> 01:13:33,599
Speaker 4: Japan and I want you so bad.

1671
01:13:33,800 --> 01:13:36,960
Speaker 2: No, I get that, but just talk to anyone else.

1672
01:13:37,600 --> 01:13:39,559
Speaker 4: Was freaking set up and just feels so weird that

1673
01:13:39,600 --> 01:13:41,599
Speaker 4: the parents are like parents.

1674
01:13:41,600 --> 01:13:42,760
Speaker 2: I guess you don't want to hear about it.

1675
01:13:42,760 --> 01:13:45,400
Speaker 4: It's like they're adding like a four year old who's like, Mommy,

1676
01:13:45,520 --> 01:13:48,160
Speaker 4: look at this. Look at this, Mom, Look mom, look

1677
01:13:48,200 --> 01:13:50,719
Speaker 4: at this. And then when Mom's like, I don't really care.

1678
01:13:50,840 --> 01:13:53,320
Speaker 2: I was like, why did you care? That thing out

1679
01:13:53,360 --> 01:13:56,640
Speaker 2: the window? The stick is moving in that tree.

1680
01:13:56,760 --> 01:13:59,680
Speaker 4: Jack's dad did not speak at all and walked out

1681
01:13:59,680 --> 01:14:01,479
Speaker 4: of the room as soon as I stood up to leave.

1682
01:14:01,960 --> 01:14:04,160
Speaker 4: Before I left, I thanked his mother for speaking with

1683
01:14:04,160 --> 01:14:05,960
Speaker 4: me and said I'd see them at dinner during the week.

1684
01:14:06,280 --> 01:14:10,000
Speaker 4: Her only response was we'll see. When I told Jack

1685
01:14:10,040 --> 01:14:12,680
Speaker 4: about the confrontation, he was confused by their reaction and

1686
01:14:12,720 --> 01:14:15,400
Speaker 4: then changed his stance on the whole thing. Now he's

1687
01:14:15,400 --> 01:14:18,400
Speaker 4: saying that I was being unreasonable from the start and

1688
01:14:18,439 --> 01:14:21,080
Speaker 4: I should have been able to tell they would take

1689
01:14:21,080 --> 01:14:23,040
Speaker 4: it poorly, as it was rood of me to mention

1690
01:14:23,120 --> 01:14:24,240
Speaker 4: it to them at all.

1691
01:14:24,400 --> 01:14:30,000
Speaker 2: He set her up. Yeah, it's time to break out.

1692
01:14:30,320 --> 01:14:30,880
Speaker 2: That's whack.

1693
01:14:31,080 --> 01:14:34,439
Speaker 4: That's all right, and I'm not I'm not able to

1694
01:14:34,479 --> 01:14:35,400
Speaker 4: move forward from how.

1695
01:14:35,400 --> 01:14:38,080
Speaker 5: We excuse to break up. And this was an excuse by.

1696
01:14:38,920 --> 01:14:42,479
Speaker 2: Whack boy w A C K A F.

1697
01:14:44,200 --> 01:14:46,759
Speaker 4: He insists that they would have had the same reaction

1698
01:14:46,840 --> 01:14:48,200
Speaker 4: if he had told them instead of me. You know,

1699
01:14:48,200 --> 01:14:51,120
Speaker 4: they wouldn't have used the little idiot, You little idiot.

1700
01:14:50,760 --> 01:14:51,840
Speaker 2: Boy, I hate you.

1701
01:14:52,560 --> 01:14:54,880
Speaker 4: Over the course of the next week, Jack's parents never

1702
01:14:54,880 --> 01:14:57,559
Speaker 4: contacted me about dinner, which the four of us usually

1703
01:14:57,640 --> 01:15:00,560
Speaker 4: have together weekly. Our dinner dates are always on Wednesdays,

1704
01:15:00,560 --> 01:15:03,360
Speaker 4: So yesterday I decided to take the plunge and give

1705
01:15:03,400 --> 01:15:05,800
Speaker 4: his mom a call. I asked if she was still

1706
01:15:05,840 --> 01:15:08,679
Speaker 4: on for our usual Wednesday dinner and told her I'd

1707
01:15:08,720 --> 01:15:11,120
Speaker 4: been wanting to make a new recipe for them to

1708
01:15:11,200 --> 01:15:15,200
Speaker 4: try for a while now. She said, quote, sorry, that's

1709
01:15:15,240 --> 01:15:17,519
Speaker 4: not going to work, and that was the end of

1710
01:15:17,560 --> 01:15:20,200
Speaker 4: the conversation. So here's where I am now hurt and

1711
01:15:20,240 --> 01:15:23,160
Speaker 4: completely confused. His parents are ignoring me completely in my

1712
01:15:23,240 --> 01:15:26,040
Speaker 4: relationship with Jack as strain, since you've a humanly denies

1713
01:15:26,080 --> 01:15:29,439
Speaker 4: supporting me at all. Gaslighting, break up, break up with it, breakup.

1714
01:15:29,439 --> 01:15:31,160
Speaker 2: It's time to break up. Break up with this, Marriag.

1715
01:15:31,479 --> 01:15:34,200
Speaker 4: I'm at a loss for what to do here, break up.

1716
01:15:34,600 --> 01:15:36,920
Speaker 4: I don't know why either of them reacted like this.

1717
01:15:37,280 --> 01:15:37,759
Speaker 2: They're whack.

1718
01:15:38,120 --> 01:15:41,960
Speaker 4: Any advice is appreciated as always, but I've decided to

1719
01:15:42,120 --> 01:15:45,240
Speaker 4: just see if time will mend the wound. It'll mend

1720
01:15:45,240 --> 01:15:49,000
Speaker 4: the wound of the breakup. Break up, break up, break up,

1721
01:15:49,320 --> 01:15:53,679
Speaker 4: break up, break up, break up up. You say when

1722
01:15:53,680 --> 01:15:57,960
Speaker 4: I say break you say up? Break up, break up,

1723
01:15:58,240 --> 01:16:03,640
Speaker 4: break up, break up. Break In the meantime, I'm reconsidering

1724
01:16:03,640 --> 01:16:05,160
Speaker 4: my relationship with all three of them.

1725
01:16:05,200 --> 01:16:05,439
Speaker 5: Good.

1726
01:16:05,800 --> 01:16:09,599
Speaker 6: Consider it, consider it done, considerate freaking done.

1727
01:16:09,600 --> 01:16:11,160
Speaker 2: I'm considered the mocked.

1728
01:16:12,760 --> 01:16:14,519
Speaker 6: Part of not part of their family.

1729
01:16:14,920 --> 01:16:19,559
Speaker 4: By the way, by the way, uh, by the way,

1730
01:16:19,720 --> 01:16:24,120
Speaker 4: you can sassily listen to full episodes of this podcast

1731
01:16:24,400 --> 01:16:25,599
Speaker 4: with stories just like this.

1732
01:16:25,920 --> 01:16:27,600
Speaker 2: All you gotta do is go to the Spotify or

1733
01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:28,160
Speaker 2: Apple podcast.

1734
01:16:28,200 --> 01:16:31,280
Speaker 4: Where have you listen to podcasts Search Okay, story Time,

1735
01:16:31,320 --> 01:16:37,479
Speaker 4: and Boom forty eight consecutive days worth of content for

1736
01:16:37,560 --> 01:16:40,439
Speaker 4: your listening pleasure. There's a little bit left. We're just

1737
01:16:40,479 --> 01:16:43,800
Speaker 4: gonna finish it off. Honestly, we already know break up.

1738
01:16:44,479 --> 01:16:46,240
Speaker 4: Jack's mom called me on the phone a couple of

1739
01:16:46,240 --> 01:16:48,920
Speaker 4: hours ago in a nutshell. She told me, very spitefully

1740
01:16:49,240 --> 01:16:51,080
Speaker 4: that they brought it up to me so frequently to

1741
01:16:51,080 --> 01:16:52,280
Speaker 4: make me jealous.

1742
01:16:53,840 --> 01:16:56,360
Speaker 2: They was they hate me the hazy.

1743
01:16:57,240 --> 01:17:00,400
Speaker 6: When you're crazy, I mean not wait, sorry, you and

1744
01:17:00,439 --> 01:17:02,759
Speaker 6: they're crazy. You're not crazy.

1745
01:17:02,920 --> 01:17:03,320
Speaker 2: She said.

1746
01:17:03,320 --> 01:17:06,840
Speaker 4: They were hoping I would eventually break down and beg

1747
01:17:07,000 --> 01:17:09,559
Speaker 4: them to pay for me to come. That way, they

1748
01:17:09,600 --> 01:17:12,200
Speaker 4: could show Jack that I am of a lesser social

1749
01:17:12,240 --> 01:17:14,599
Speaker 4: standard fit for him.

1750
01:17:14,680 --> 01:17:20,640
Speaker 6: WHOA, they're rich rich, they're evil rich rich rich richikes.

1751
01:17:21,120 --> 01:17:23,120
Speaker 5: They bond villains, they're not spies.

1752
01:17:23,400 --> 01:17:26,479
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, these people in a lake, by these

1753
01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:27,639
Speaker 4: people in a cold lake.

1754
01:17:28,000 --> 01:17:29,120
Speaker 6: I don't want to see you ever again.

1755
01:17:29,200 --> 01:17:31,559
Speaker 4: Then she basically broke up with me for Jack over

1756
01:17:31,600 --> 01:17:31,960
Speaker 4: the phone.

1757
01:17:32,840 --> 01:17:33,360
Speaker 2: Pathetic.

1758
01:17:33,600 --> 01:17:36,519
Speaker 4: I'm honestly at such a loss here. You've lost nothing.

1759
01:17:36,520 --> 01:17:39,400
Speaker 4: All you've done is gained everything. You've gained all the

1760
01:17:39,479 --> 01:17:40,800
Speaker 4: opportunity in the world.

1761
01:17:40,600 --> 01:17:43,439
Speaker 5: The fun type of rich mom broke up for him.

1762
01:17:43,360 --> 01:17:48,720
Speaker 4: Yes, what a pathetic loser?

1763
01:17:49,040 --> 01:17:51,920
Speaker 6: No, but okay. Also, they're not even like, can you

1764
01:17:51,920 --> 01:17:56,519
Speaker 6: break up with my girlfriend? They're not They're not even

1765
01:17:56,520 --> 01:17:58,639
Speaker 6: the fun type of rich where they pay for all

1766
01:17:58,680 --> 01:17:59,360
Speaker 6: of your trips.

1767
01:17:59,479 --> 01:18:02,040
Speaker 2: They just are mean in the meantime, and they make

1768
01:18:02,080 --> 01:18:02,599
Speaker 2: you jealous.

1769
01:18:03,240 --> 01:18:05,960
Speaker 7: Is the family the Purge movies that you're like, that's

1770
01:18:06,120 --> 01:18:09,240
Speaker 7: that's Purge. Oh good, But that's this is the family.

1771
01:18:09,360 --> 01:18:11,240
Speaker 7: This is the family that's in the Purge movie that like,

1772
01:18:11,640 --> 01:18:14,559
Speaker 7: oh wow, you're crazy, I hit crazy.

1773
01:18:14,880 --> 01:18:15,920
Speaker 6: I hate them.

1774
01:18:16,040 --> 01:18:16,760
Speaker 2: Such a loss here.

1775
01:18:16,840 --> 01:18:18,760
Speaker 4: Maybe this was just a lie she made up now

1776
01:18:18,880 --> 01:18:22,280
Speaker 4: because she was offended, but even so, it's incredibly hurtful.

1777
01:18:22,360 --> 01:18:23,439
Speaker 2: I have no idea if.

1778
01:18:23,400 --> 01:18:25,360
Speaker 4: Jack knows about any of this, but I don't care.

1779
01:18:25,560 --> 01:18:27,520
Speaker 2: I'm done with him and them.

1780
01:18:28,000 --> 01:18:30,519
Speaker 4: I do not want to be associated with such classes

1781
01:18:30,600 --> 01:18:31,639
Speaker 4: manipulative people.

1782
01:18:32,120 --> 01:18:32,439
Speaker 2: There.

1783
01:18:32,720 --> 01:18:35,280
Speaker 4: This was such a terrific waste of three years of

1784
01:18:35,280 --> 01:18:37,679
Speaker 4: my life, and that is the end of that story.

1785
01:18:37,680 --> 01:18:40,080
Speaker 4: But oh, you're not gonna waste any more of your life.