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Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio

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Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. Dear kids, think you're funny,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I think so because they laugh at

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Speaker 1: me when I'm trying to be strict with them. You know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what it's like having someone else like

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Speaker 1: a lion, just like yell at you. Hi, everybody, and

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Speaker 1: welcome back to Katie's Crib. This week's guest is ha Hilary. Yes,

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Speaker 1: if you don't know where you should. Her name is

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Speaker 1: Michelle Buteau and she is a mom of twins. She

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Speaker 1: had an incredibly wild, five year long journey to parenthood

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Speaker 1: that she shares all on this podcast, as well as

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Speaker 1: all of her amazing stories about parenthood in a pandemic

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Speaker 1: with a Dutch husband. We talk a lot about our

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Speaker 1: foul mouths. You're gonna enjoy it, but let me tell

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Speaker 1: you first about Michelle. She's a stand up comedian, she's

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Speaker 1: an actress, she's a podcast host. She's one of the

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Speaker 1: stars of the TV remake First Wives Club on b

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Speaker 1: ET Plus, and the host Slashed the voice of the

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Speaker 1: popular Netflix competition series The Circle. Michelle can also be

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Speaker 1: seen stealing scenes in some of your favorite shows in

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Speaker 1: films like Happiest Season, Always Be My, Maybe, Russian Doll,

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Speaker 1: Someone Great, and the upcoming Marry Me with Jennifer Lopez.

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Speaker 1: She also recently published her first book called Survival of

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Speaker 1: the Thickest. It's hilarious. Get it now. She also has

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Speaker 1: a one hour comedy special, Welcome to Beutopia. I Love

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Speaker 1: It so much and streaming on Netflix now, and the

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Speaker 1: special recently won the Critics Choice Television Award for Best

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Speaker 1: Comedy Special. We are so lucky to have Michelle on

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Speaker 1: Katie's Crib. This interview is going to make guys laugh. Michelle,

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Speaker 1: thank you for coming on to Katie's Crib today. I

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Speaker 1: mean wow, I am a huge fan of yours, like

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Speaker 1: you have no idea. That is so nice. Thank you

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Speaker 1: for those words. I am also a huge fan. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you have two year old twins, Hazel and Otis. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: did you know you always wanted to be a mom? Like,

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Speaker 1: were you a kid that wanted to do this? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I oh, I knew that. I always wanted to be

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Speaker 1: a mom and work before I even knew I wanted

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Speaker 1: to get married. I never even thought about getting married.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't picture who that person would be because I

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Speaker 1: never liked people past three weeks and I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know what that is, but I know what motherhood

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Speaker 1: is and I'm down for that. My uncle's the archbishop

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Speaker 1: of Jamaican and he does more baptisms than weddings. So

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Speaker 1: people are just out here having babies, but like not together.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, yeah, that's what I want. But

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Speaker 1: you know, wow, it's been a zay because the twins

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Speaker 1: just started daycare a couple of weeks ago, haven't been

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Speaker 1: sick for a year because they've been home, got another sick,

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Speaker 1: then they have to be home with me this week.

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Speaker 1: But I also come into my husband to take a

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Speaker 1: boy's trip to Tijuana this week because he needs to

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Speaker 1: get the funk out of the house because I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I need to miss you. You need to go, Like,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's bad when you can't even stand the

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Speaker 1: way your husband breathes and I'm like, I'm glad he's

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Speaker 1: got breath in his body. I don't need to hear it.

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Speaker 1: I know, let's talk how has having your twins in

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Speaker 1: a pandemic? How old are they there too? And just

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Speaker 1: a couple few January so too yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I know they're not paying taxes. They don't need to know.

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Speaker 1: How was pandemic twindom for you? Yeah, We've had an

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Speaker 1: amazing nanny who specializes in twins, so she basically taught

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Speaker 1: us how to be parents, which is amazing. Um. But

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Speaker 1: with the pandemic, she had to go on quarantine. We

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Speaker 1: had to go on quarantine. There's always been people in

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Speaker 1: the house, friends or family to help us, so I

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Speaker 1: was like, how are we going to do this? It

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Speaker 1: was scary at first because it was like snorkeling, you

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Speaker 1: know where it's like it's beautiful, but I can't read.

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Speaker 1: But then we just like it was all scheduled, so

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Speaker 1: I was like, husband has in this hour. I have

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Speaker 1: in this hour. We tag team to take a ship.

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Speaker 1: Depending on what the day is, we go to this

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Speaker 1: corner of the house. At eleven twelve o'clock, we go upstairs,

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Speaker 1: you know, so we try to like make it fun

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Speaker 1: for all of us. UM edibles help definitely after four o'clock.

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Speaker 1: I timed it out with their bathtime and by the

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Speaker 1: time they go to bed, no big deal. I don't

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Speaker 1: do them all the time. I just did the whole

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Speaker 1: bedtime routine, like on a really nice buzz and I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, this is so much more fucking fun,

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Speaker 1: Like what have I been doing? Like why have I

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Speaker 1: not been doing this? Um? Yeah, but it's true. It's true.

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Speaker 1: So there are so many aspects of your memoir, survival

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Speaker 1: of the thickest that did you read it? It's so

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Speaker 1: fucking I've told you I'm a huge fan. What are

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Speaker 1: you talking about? Damn it. I'm honored to get you.

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Speaker 1: I think you're amazing. You know not everyone is very

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Speaker 1: open um about their fertility experience, about their motherhood experience,

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Speaker 1: And when someone is, I'm like, very very excited for

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Speaker 1: me and for our Katie's Cript community, because I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of women are. We suffer in silence. We suffer.

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Speaker 1: We're supposed to be perfect and it's fucking not. We

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Speaker 1: have really heavy periods, put on a tight dress, go

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Speaker 1: to work, try to keep up with everybody else better

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Speaker 1: than everybody else, making less money, doing all the things,

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Speaker 1: have to apologize for being the smartest person in the room.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, we suffer in silence. It's how we've been

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Speaker 1: taught in almost in every country for thousands of thousands

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Speaker 1: of years, and now I'm just like fun yeah, funck

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Speaker 1: the noise, Fuck the noise. You were on a very

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Speaker 1: long fertility journey, which is a part of your act too.

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Speaker 1: I've seen you talk about like it was five years,

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Speaker 1: five years, um, four miscarriages, countless needles. The way I

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Speaker 1: look back on it is the way people look back

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Speaker 1: on corn teen, where people are like, God, I didn't know.

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Speaker 1: I was so busy, like running away from my family,

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Speaker 1: like always doing this, always doing that, And so for

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Speaker 1: me looking back on those five years, I'm just like God,

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Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm still you know, I just had

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Speaker 1: a d n C and then like hosted for Rosie

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Speaker 1: O'Donnell like three days later, just because I needed some

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Speaker 1: sense of normalcy. But also, like Base, you could barely walk.

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Speaker 1: So your miscarriages were they far along? No, they were

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Speaker 1: all between six and nine weeks. And I'm sure a

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Speaker 1: lot of your listeners know with IVF it's like you're

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Speaker 1: prepping your body for so many months to think it's pregnant.

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Speaker 1: So all four of them were IVF. Also, yeah, every yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've been a project that is also so expensive. It

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Speaker 1: was beyond and out of pocket, because God forbid, you

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Speaker 1: want to try to have a family going down an

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Speaker 1: alternative route because just old white man, please stop. No,

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Speaker 1: it's really bad our insurance, our health care system. It

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Speaker 1: is a fleet disaster. Or the only country in the

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Speaker 1: world that has no paid maternity leave. Great, isn't that

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Speaker 1: so great? And my husband from Holland, these women get

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Speaker 1: a whole year and when they come back to work,

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Speaker 1: they can come back to work three days a week

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Speaker 1: and still get paid for five because they appreciate parenthood

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Speaker 1: motherhood so much. And that's why these motherfuckers live longer,

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Speaker 1: all riding bikes, eating fish oil. They're riding so many bikes.

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Speaker 1: It's too much. It's too much. It's unbelievable. So okay

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Speaker 1: for miscarriages, And then how did you finally come to

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Speaker 1: the decision that a surrogate was going to be your road?

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Speaker 1: And then tell me about I think there was surrogacy

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Speaker 1: loss situation because you were doing this in New York

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Speaker 1: and there was probably a ton of barriers. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I say, wasn't legal in New York unless you're related

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Speaker 1: to the person, And I'm like, that is And it

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Speaker 1: only became legal I think last year. Yeah, June was

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Speaker 1: last year. So when I sort of went through this

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Speaker 1: n and started talking about it. I was on Wendy

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Speaker 1: Williams talking about it, and Andy Cohen saw the interview

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Speaker 1: and he reached out to me and he's like, I

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Speaker 1: have been trying to lobby for surrogacy in New York.

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Speaker 1: It's in the budget. I need people on board. They're

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Speaker 1: trying to make it like a rich thing, a gay things,

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Speaker 1: just like so ridiculous. And so I went to all

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Speaker 1: of me with him and a bunch of other fears,

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Speaker 1: asked people just the stories. You know. It wasn't exhausting

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Speaker 1: being out for eight hours just talking to people. It

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Speaker 1: was exhausting, like living through people's grief all over again.

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Speaker 1: And we've all been on this other side of it

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Speaker 1: where we're like, Okay, now we can look back and

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Speaker 1: talk about it. And now you have like this elevator

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Speaker 1: pitch for your your trauma, which is what you need

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Speaker 1: to go into these rooms to make sure happen. And

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Speaker 1: it was like just fucking bananas, because I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've narrowed it down to six sentences or less to

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Speaker 1: try and keep people's attention. So I was like, I

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Speaker 1: see all of you, and it was really bananas. And

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Speaker 1: I even you know so hard not to cry every

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Speaker 1: damn and but I was like, God, where were you

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Speaker 1: people when I was going through this because there was

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Speaker 1: no one to talk to, which was so crazy for

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Speaker 1: me because I know way too many people. How do

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Speaker 1: I have not one person I could talk to about this,

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Speaker 1: not even my therapist. Why it's really, it's so ridiculous

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Speaker 1: and it and it happens more than we know. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: and and honestly, it's why I'm so appreciative of you

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Speaker 1: being so open. Gabrielle Union was on last year and

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Speaker 1: she had a surrogate, but she has U dinometriosis and

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Speaker 1: she got the help that she needed because Lena Dunham

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Speaker 1: has the same thing and posted something about it. So

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Speaker 1: Gabrielle reached out to Lena and was like, please help,

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Speaker 1: and Lena like and so it's like you keep paying

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Speaker 1: it forward, you know what I mean. Now that you've

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Speaker 1: made this step, it's like, now you influence other people.

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Speaker 1: So oh of course, oh my gosh, of course you do.

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Speaker 1: Um Okay, So how did you find your surrogate? How

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Speaker 1: was the pregnancy experience? Was it insane? Like Ted, tell

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Speaker 1: tell me about that, Tell me about the whole journey.

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Speaker 1: Of like actually getting her pregnant. All of this, um well,

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Speaker 1: um well, when you do I V f right. You

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Speaker 1: have to go to the clinic at least three days

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Speaker 1: a week for sonogram's blood tests, pay for your medicine

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Speaker 1: out of pocket. You just feel like you're Carmela Soprano

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Speaker 1: and you're like Tony any money, you know, and it's

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Speaker 1: just like ridiculous. And so after the last miscarriage, my doctors,

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Speaker 1: who are amazing, We're like, we want you to walk

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Speaker 1: out of this office pregnant far along and they were

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Speaker 1: so great, but my body was just so tired that

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Speaker 1: I was like I can't do this anymore and I

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Speaker 1: don't know what to do. And then they sit you

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Speaker 1: down and give you the pamphlet with surrogacy and you're

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Speaker 1: like what is this? And my doctor worked with a

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Speaker 1: couple of surgacy agencies that he really trusted, and so

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Speaker 1: I just I was like the girl who just got

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Speaker 1: the license at the car dealership. I'm like, tell me

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Speaker 1: where to go and tell me what to do. I

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Speaker 1: can't make any more decisions for myself, and so I

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Speaker 1: just called up this agency and it was really hard

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Speaker 1: to just even get an appointment. I was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, how long is this gonna take. It's still

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Speaker 1: a whole step. And as things started to happen and

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Speaker 1: we were meeting and they were like, do you have

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Speaker 1: any more questions? It's sort of like going back to

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Speaker 1: work with COVID. I can't think of questions for something

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Speaker 1: that's never happened before. So it's really just as we

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Speaker 1: go along, and then there's some questions. It's so personal

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Speaker 1: you're like, am I even allowed to ask? As you know,

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Speaker 1: it is a very weird, wild emotional experience um going

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Speaker 1: through surrogacy without even knowing anyone that's done it. It

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Speaker 1: feels like you're on a roller coaster ride in the dark,

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Speaker 1: but people keep telling you it's gonna be beautiful, don't worry,

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Speaker 1: keep holding on, but you don't know when the next

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Speaker 1: thing happens. It's a it's a huge miracle of fact

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Speaker 1: that anyone is born. Remember that when you have grown rage.

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Speaker 1: The fact that anyone if born is crazy, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. It's just like, oh damn, mo, I'm

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Speaker 1: went through something I know and I'm so I'm sitting

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Speaker 1: here just thinking, like my god, like this is a

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Speaker 1: fucking journey. It was weird and everyone I know who's

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Speaker 1: had IVF or even just egg freezing, the hormonal ship

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Speaker 1: of Yeah, like getting your drugs and then having your

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Speaker 1: partner or yourself or whoever putting them into your body

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Speaker 1: and then feeling sick and bloated and all this, and

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Speaker 1: you did that so many times, and then to go

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Speaker 1: through a surrogacy um agency, I mean unbelievab Well, so

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Speaker 1: how did you check in with your surrogate? We spoke

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Speaker 1: every day. I would check in with her every day

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Speaker 1: to see how she was feeling. Because at this point

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Speaker 1: when the babies were born, I felt like I had

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Speaker 1: already met them. When I was like going through IBM,

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Speaker 1: between the miscarriages and everything, I was like, I need

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Speaker 1: to meet these souls. You know, did you everything twins

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Speaker 1: was a possibility? How did that information come your way?

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Speaker 1: I did not know what was in store. I knew

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Speaker 1: that we had um some embryos bank. I knew that.

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Speaker 1: In terms of being safe about it and being sure

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Speaker 1: about it, it's like, let's put it, yes, exactly, let's

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Speaker 1: put in a few because the chances and the odds,

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Speaker 1: and you know, one takes, one might not take ex exactly.

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Speaker 1: It's kind of gross how people think we just wake

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Speaker 1: up and we're just like, I don't want to ruin

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Speaker 1: my body and I have money to spend. It's either

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Speaker 1: kids or a boat, So let's get a kid with

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Speaker 1: curly hair and make sure it's like that's not what

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Speaker 1: we're out here doing. This is like a last ditch

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Speaker 1: effort of I really hope I get to make this

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Speaker 1: family happen and meet these souls that we've worked so

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Speaker 1: hard to have, right, and so yeah, I mean it

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Speaker 1: was just so crazy, like proper educated people asking me

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Speaker 1: was like plaques on the wall making important decisions, asking

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Speaker 1: me stuff like that, you know, like you know, it's

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Speaker 1: just so crazy. Yeah, people are people just don't understand

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Speaker 1: what it is or how it works because we're people

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Speaker 1: are so selfish and never think outside of their like

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Speaker 1: five mile radius in their head to say, oh, I

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Speaker 1: don't want that, but you do, so it's still worthy

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Speaker 1: and it's like, what the fuck? So when did you

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Speaker 1: get the call that it was twins? Was it around

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Speaker 1: the twelve week mark or something? Yeah, I think it

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Speaker 1: was a couple of weeks, but it was because there

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Speaker 1: was some bleeding. You We're like, oh no, in my mind,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, here we go again. But when we did

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Speaker 1: an ultrasound, there was two heartbeats and I was like what.

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Speaker 1: But like, even up until the second they were born,

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Speaker 1: I was like, I don't want the other shoe to

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Speaker 1: fucking drop right right, because you've had you been through

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Speaker 1: such trauma that you were like, there's no way this

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Speaker 1: is going to work out. There's no way. It hasn't

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Speaker 1: worked out up until now. So like at some point

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Speaker 1: some ship is going to hit the fan that is

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Speaker 1: unexpected or whatever. I have felt that so many I mean,

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Speaker 1: I had miscarriages and stuff like that before. Um does

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Speaker 1: it ever leieve you though? I mean you, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: for sure. I mean and even going through this year.

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Speaker 1: I pregnant during the pandemic and it was just hard

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Speaker 1: being pregnant and isolated and even my labor, I was like,

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Speaker 1: something's going to go horribly wrong, right, Like, something's gonna

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Speaker 1: go horribly wrong. There's no way that like you know, um, hello,

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Speaker 1: here's my child. Hey, Albi, I'm busy talking to my

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Speaker 1: friend Michelle. Okay, okay, we love you. Have a good

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Speaker 1: day at school. All be just started school too, Oh

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Speaker 1: my goodness, two weeks ago. I'll be this is my

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Speaker 1: friend Michelle. Hi, ok are you what did he say? Hi?

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Speaker 1: Poopy Michelle, You're welcome. We're big at the body talk

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Speaker 1: right now. I had a good poopy too, Thanks for asking.

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Speaker 1: She had a good poopy too, Thanks for asking, she said, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'll come tune. You can't. Started school also, and in

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Speaker 1: two days was sick. Two days, I hold, my husband

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Speaker 1: got a cold, my baby got a cold. I was like,

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Speaker 1: is this a joke? This is what we're and also

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Speaker 1: is it COVID? And are we freaking out? And what

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Speaker 1: are we doing? And everyone told me, your kid's gonna

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Speaker 1: get sick in the first two weeks. Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 1: So it's for as far as school is concerned, Like,

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Speaker 1: how did your kids adjust to being in school with

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Speaker 1: other kids being around? It was so hard And this

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Speaker 1: is the personal decision for me. But I was trying

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Speaker 1: to find a daycare where they weren't required to wear

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Speaker 1: masks because they're two years old. I'm in the same

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Speaker 1: boat his his doesn't require masks either. Yeah, So the

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Speaker 1: fact that I found one, I'm like dope. And then

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Speaker 1: it was a whole kitten caboodle of just like they

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Speaker 1: better be nice to my children. Are there are there

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Speaker 1: cameras But they weren't cameras, but they sent you updates

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Speaker 1: and there's an I'm like, send me updates all the time.

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Speaker 1: So I was like that bitch, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh they like it. Look at them porn stuff and

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Speaker 1: listening and doing yoga and um yeah. They were the

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Speaker 1: only two in the class, and I was like, where

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Speaker 1: the rest of the kids. They're like, oh, this is it.

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Speaker 1: The whole point was for them to be socialized. No way,

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Speaker 1: there are no kids in the class. There's no kids

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Speaker 1: in the class. And like, why am I saying there

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Speaker 1: with no peanut butter if there's no kids in the class.

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Speaker 1: So finally there's another kid, but he's only there, he's

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Speaker 1: there part time. Where are the children? Where are they are?

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Speaker 1: They all sick with the same cold that you gave

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Speaker 1: your kids and they'll be back next week. No, there's

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Speaker 1: you know, it's so fun. There's like a twenty four

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Speaker 1: month cut off and then like a two year old thing,

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Speaker 1: so all the kids, I have a fun twenty four

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Speaker 1: months under That's why I'm like, this month is bullshit,

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Speaker 1: that's not true. I I mean, I'm really whatever my school.

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Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be like my school's better, but

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Speaker 1: it's not. But I'm just saying probably it's mixed age

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Speaker 1: and I and I fucking love it because my child

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Speaker 1: is such like needs um. Although God like you have twins,

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Speaker 1: they had each other during the pandemic. My child became

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Speaker 1: a nightmare. But it was alone the entire pandemic, and

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Speaker 1: the sun moon stars sets on this fucking kid and

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Speaker 1: it's like he is needs to go to school, like

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Speaker 1: he got bit yesterday, and I was thrilled about it.

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Speaker 1: I was like for a little boy. They were fighting

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Speaker 1: over a toy and a little boy like used his

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Speaker 1: teeth not he didn't even break this like it wasn't

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Speaker 1: a bad one. But I was like, yes, like my

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Speaker 1: child needs to get out there and learn this ship

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Speaker 1: like you can't hit your friends, you gotta fight over toys.

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Speaker 1: You gotta learn to use your words, like I can't

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Speaker 1: teach you that by yourself. That's you know what. I'm

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Speaker 1: the only child, and I was I was just like,

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Speaker 1: I hope to have siblings because it was so much

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Speaker 1: I had to figure out by myself on that playground. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you find out it's twins even on their birth you

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Speaker 1: were like this ship is not going to work out.

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Speaker 1: Something's gonna go something. I hope this ship works out,

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Speaker 1: is what I was saying. But like baby girl came

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Speaker 1: right out, Baby boy was reached. You know. Even then

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Speaker 1: after like you don't sleep in the in the hospital,

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Speaker 1: You're just looking at them and then like you fall

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Speaker 1: asleep standing up like a horse. Started getting like all

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Speaker 1: these like ailments. My ankles hurt, my knees hurt. You know,

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Speaker 1: I had sciatica, and my husband's like, we have to

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Speaker 1: put them in their room and you need to fucking sleep.

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Speaker 1: I just was so paranoid. I had to like look

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Speaker 1: in the crib every noise they made to make sure

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Speaker 1: they're gonna be okay. Of course, of course, did you

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Speaker 1: do the first bunch of weeks alone? Did you have

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Speaker 1: a night nurse? Did you have any help? We were

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Speaker 1: alone and I was doing like the adult NG podcast,

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Speaker 1: and I did like a Drew Barrymore movie, and weren't

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Speaker 1: you doing? Um? I think you were doing Always Be

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Speaker 1: My Maybe, which I've also seen, and you were amazing

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Speaker 1: and your character was fully pregnant. It was literally that

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Speaker 1: week that the surrogate was getting transferred with the embryos, right, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was the week where I shot the scene where

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Speaker 1: I had given birth where she was getting her transfer,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, wow, this is crazy. I was

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Speaker 1: like just so wild and thank god weed's legal and

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Speaker 1: bank over and not like I bought it, but I

376
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,320
Speaker 1: was like, it's good to have options. I just got

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00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: a seafood tower and cried it's here. So how did

378
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,760
Speaker 1: you feel when you first laid eyes on them? Was

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Speaker 1: it an immediate love at first sight? Did it feel real?

380
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Speaker 1: Did you feel outside of yourself? It still doesn't feel real.

381
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:22,200
Speaker 1: It's such a weird combination of like, I love you,

382
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Speaker 1: your mind, I don't know you, who are you? You

383
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,080
Speaker 1: picture them when you like are in the cute phase

384
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Speaker 1: with your partner, and then you see them, You're like,

385
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,800
Speaker 1: what the funk? That's not what I thought. But it's

386
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,200
Speaker 1: still so much better, But also what the So it's

387
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 1: still I still feel like no one can do it

388
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Speaker 1: better than me, and I still feel like I have

389
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Speaker 1: no idea what I'm doing, Like all at the same time,

390
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:43,480
Speaker 1: and I don't know how to describe it any other

391
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 1: way was pretty perfect. I know you, but I don't

392
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Speaker 1: know you at all. And I know what I'm doing,

393
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Speaker 1: but I don't know what I'm doing at all, Like

394
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Speaker 1: it's really that is it? It's really what it is? Now?

395
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Speaker 1: How um, how was it taking care of wins? You know, twins,

396
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:05,440
Speaker 1: no matter how old they are, you never really feel

397
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Speaker 1: like you're giving them enough attention because um one, like

398
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,920
Speaker 1: baby girls definitely more outgoing than baby boy, but because

399
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 1: we're always like clapping for her because she's doing a dance,

400
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,880
Speaker 1: like I want to make sure that baby boy knows

401
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:25,120
Speaker 1: that he's also you know, just yes, and so it's

402
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 1: a lot of that. And also you know, she was

403
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 1: sick first and then she gave it to him like

404
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,960
Speaker 1: child fleet. But she likes to be held more than him,

405
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,760
Speaker 1: but he needs to be held now that but he's

406
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 1: the heavier one. So they have very different temperaments. They

407
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,440
Speaker 1: have very different temperaments. Do they play differently? Like do

408
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 1: they are they? You know, I don't know. But what

409
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 1: I is there like a big difference between girl boy

410
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 1: stuff right now? Is she like super into girl like

411
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Speaker 1: a doll and that sort of thing, and he's more

412
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Speaker 1: into trucks? Do you is that existing in her household?

413
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 1: For sure? I mean she's into all this stuff, she's

414
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:06,440
Speaker 1: also into anything he's into. I don't know, there's a

415
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 1: whole god damn room of plastic for her to play with.

416
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 1: She is very aware that are there are people around

417
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,920
Speaker 1: and likes to entertain, which is wild like rolling her

418
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 1: eyes and can't say sentences, but has whole less opinions.

419
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Speaker 1: Did she come out first or second? She came out first.

420
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Speaker 1: So even in daycare, he'll cry when we drop him off,

421
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,760
Speaker 1: but she's like, let's go, motherfucker, these people like us

422
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 1: and we'll like take his hand and like be like shush, shush. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So she's a really good old sister, even though even

424
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 1: by sixteen minutes. But um and and he's just like

425
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:46,720
Speaker 1: a thoughtful, quiet, definitely only child. Is that like you

426
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:50,399
Speaker 1: and your husband? Well, she has the outgoing parts of

427
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,960
Speaker 1: both of us. Chis was very outgoing when he was little.

428
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:58,120
Speaker 1: Um and then sort of become he became like this quiet,

429
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:02,880
Speaker 1: I want to be behind the camera and a photographer. Dude. Um.

430
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 1: You know has had the same friends for thirty years,

431
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, you know, all right, like I

432
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 1: just freaks and Gates man, come on over. You know.

433
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,199
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with twins. I mean we my husband like

434
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 1: always wanted twins and I know you don't know. Yeah,

435
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 1: I was like, no, you're gonna understand that, Like how

436
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,679
Speaker 1: fucking hard that is. I mean, it's a lot of

437
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:29,399
Speaker 1: I think for twins to No one told me that, Um,

438
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 1: I would feel like I'm in a factory. Like sometimes

439
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 1: I feel like that Lucy o ball like chocolate factory,

440
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 1: just like you're just constantly putting out meals, You're constantly

441
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: cleaning up meals, You're constantly cleaning this mess up, putting

442
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,399
Speaker 1: that out. Like it's just because that's how my life feels.

443
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,959
Speaker 1: And I have one three and a half and a baby,

444
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 1: but I can't imagine two at the same age. Um,

445
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:54,239
Speaker 1: do you ever talk about the future? Like are they

446
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 1: going to be in the same school? Are they going

447
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 1: to be in separate schools? Like, how do you feel

448
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,880
Speaker 1: about that twins stuff? You? For me, I would love

449
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 1: for them to be in the same room and the

450
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 1: same school and have each other's back and ship like

451
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 1: that and always have a witness and you can on

452
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,640
Speaker 1: this person your whole fucking life. But I know that's

453
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,959
Speaker 1: not reality. I mean, I feel like they're gonna be

454
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 1: definitely in different schools, although I would love for them

455
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:20,359
Speaker 1: to be in this Oh, gosh, um, okay, did you

456
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 1: go back to work right away when they were born?

457
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 1: Kind of? I don't know why. I thought, I'm gonna

458
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,199
Speaker 1: bring twins home. I won't be doing the road, so

459
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 1: I'll have time to write a book. The fun was

460
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:33,119
Speaker 1: I thinking, Oh my god, I don't know why I

461
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 1: said that. I don't know why. And then I would

462
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 1: beat myself up for taking a nap and not writing

463
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:39,399
Speaker 1: the book. And I'm just like, do I need to

464
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,680
Speaker 1: take the shower right now? And everyone's like, yes, we

465
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:45,400
Speaker 1: can spell you. And so it was such a weird

466
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 1: come to Jesus of like, am I selfish? If I

467
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 1: go off in a room and do this thing? And

468
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:52,359
Speaker 1: then I would hear them cry and I'm like, but

469
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,399
Speaker 1: this is how you hold her, and they're like, go away.

470
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,040
Speaker 1: I don't even remember what your question was. My question

471
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 1: is how has it been like going back to work

472
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 1: work life balance? Do you have that? I don't know

473
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:09,200
Speaker 1: anyone that does, so, No, it's fine. I'm wondering that

474
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 1: you have the secret to that. No, I don't know

475
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,400
Speaker 1: what that is. I try to like make hardlines for myself,

476
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:18,120
Speaker 1: but you know what I would really love to do,

477
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 1: and it's hard, right to pandemic. I would love to

478
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,480
Speaker 1: take a girl's trip word trip on myself, just to

479
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,880
Speaker 1: feel like I got this. But there's still so much

480
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 1: stuff you have to do before you leave. Oh my god,

481
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,639
Speaker 1: he just prepping the family for you to be gone

482
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 1: is almost not worth it sometimes, like it's like no,

483
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 1: it's like just to set up your fucking household to

484
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,360
Speaker 1: run when you're not there because you do so much

485
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 1: ship so to fill in other people on what you do,

486
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 1: Like just this morning, to be able to record this

487
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 1: podcast at eight am. Our morning routine is different than

488
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,400
Speaker 1: what it normally is, and it is a fucking ship

489
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:56,720
Speaker 1: show out there, like and I'm like, everybody just fucking survived.

490
00:26:56,720 --> 00:27:00,199
Speaker 1: And that's one hour. But normally do the mornings, you know.

491
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 1: So my son's screaming, he's so upset. The dad's waking

492
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 1: him up and it's not me. And I did all

493
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 1: the things. I packed the lunch last night, I put

494
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 1: out his breakfast for this morning, fucking last night, SHU,

495
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 1: that wouldn't go bad, Like everything set up ridiculous and

496
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:20,880
Speaker 1: still ridiculous, ridiculous. And that's like imagine a trip. It's

497
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,440
Speaker 1: like I don't even I want one too. I would

498
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,159
Speaker 1: like to sleep in. All I want to do is

499
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: sleep in. That's all I want. Even till seven, even

500
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 1: till seven thirty would be an absolute miracle. Can you

501
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:37,440
Speaker 1: tell me, um, what's something you've discovered about guys as

502
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 1: a father? Do you match each other's strengths and weaknesses?

503
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 1: She's giving me a face you guys can see, she's

504
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:52,199
Speaker 1: giving me a face like face like, what the who? No,

505
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 1: I mean, we're working on it. I think we didn't

506
00:27:56,640 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 1: realize how opposite we were. Well, you come from such

507
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:06,159
Speaker 1: different backgrounds to like, Okay, so he's Dutch, he's Dutch,

508
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: I'm American. Dutch people are way more laid back and

509
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 1: lenient with their kids to sort of wasn't in the

510
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:18,840
Speaker 1: New York Times about how you're a hell you're more helicopter.

511
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: He's much more laid back, which, okay, tell me or

512
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 1: is that a huge source of tension between you guys.

513
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 1: I mean he was right there with me too, but

514
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:31,840
Speaker 1: it wasn't his body that we had a prep to go,

515
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 1: you know, through this surgery or through this thing or

516
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:39,880
Speaker 1: through that you know procedure. Yes, and so you know,

517
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 1: we definitely compliment each other where I'm just like he's

518
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 1: gonna hit her head with that rock. Just watch and

519
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 1: he's like, no, it's no. And then sure enough, I'm like,

520
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:51,480
Speaker 1: see how you stone rocks? And then he's like, let

521
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 1: them run. They'll stop at the edge of the sea wall.

522
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 1: You'll see. And I'm like will I He's like sand

523
00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 1: us soft. I'm like is it? So it also get

524
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: caught in your eye for all of time? So um,

525
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 1: we do complement each other in that way. But you know,

526
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 1: I didn't realize that I would become like this, like

527
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 1: Everyone Loves Raymond episode where I'm getting the kids ready

528
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 1: for daycare and I'm making two breakfasts and two lunches

529
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 1: at the same time, and I finally get to sit

530
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 1: on the couch while I'm doing something. Of course, I'm

531
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 1: giving them kisses and I'm just like, I love you.

532
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,960
Speaker 1: And then he'll bust out with the well, where is

533
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 1: my breakfast? Don't you love me? And I'm like, where

534
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 1: the funk is my breakfast? Where the funk are my waffles?

535
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,200
Speaker 1: So you know what I mean. So I feel like,

536
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,479
Speaker 1: you know, I think we thought we had it all

537
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 1: figured out, especially looking at all our friends who are

538
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 1: fun ups have babies. We're like we're cool, We're not

539
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 1: gonna do it like that. But here we are deep

540
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 1: in quarantine, you know, trying to figure out who we

541
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 1: are as parents together our relationship with them. Also didn't

542
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,280
Speaker 1: even think of all the relationships that spawn in the family.

543
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: The kids are not the same with me as they

544
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 1: are with him, as they are with the both of us.

545
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 1: That's definitely true, and so you know, we have definitely

546
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:12,840
Speaker 1: taken tons of moments to be like, how do we

547
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 1: fix this? There's always a partner who feels like they're

548
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 1: being forgotten, and they're not just that other person isn't

549
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 1: even taking care of themselves. They're just like trying to

550
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 1: get through it. I feel like you and I are

551
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 1: very in the similar boats in our relationships. Oh my god.

552
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 1: Like I'm far more of a helicopter parent and my

553
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 1: husband is far more like laid back and relax But

554
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 1: my husband's also better at discipline than I am. Who

555
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 1: is that in your relationship? I think both. I think

556
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 1: both because he speaks touch to them and I speak

557
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 1: English to them. So you know, so he only speaks

558
00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:00,200
Speaker 1: touch to them. That's fucking amazing, Like it's good. So

559
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 1: that's why there's speech is a bit delayed, But I'm

560
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 1: cool with that. No, it's fine. I have like so

561
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 1: many families who are doing similar things, who have three

562
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 1: and a half year olds, and there it's great. It's

563
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 1: like their speech might be a little bit delayed and

564
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 1: then they're all of a sudden speaking two languages and

565
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: you're like, ha ha, yeah, fuck you. I know. I know.

566
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 1: Seth Meyers the other night was just like, do you

567
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 1: ever feel like they're gonna be talking behind your back?

568
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, do it. Thank god, I don't need to

569
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:31,680
Speaker 1: be a part of everyday of conversation. Figure it out.

570
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 1: What have you found to be your strengths as a mom? Um?

571
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 1: Oh god, to say something nice about myself, yes, come on, Michelle,

572
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 1: you deserve it. I mean, I'm I'm a hustler. I

573
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 1: guess it done, and I make people feel good at

574
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 1: you know that that's my gift in life. And so

575
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 1: I feel like if my kids are talking about me

576
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 1: on a podcast forty years from now, you know, I know,

577
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 1: definitely the're gonna be like my mom loves this ship

578
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 1: out of me, maybe too much? Are you a fun,

579
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 1: playful parent? Like I'm not. I'm like terrible at that.

580
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 1: My husband like like I love I'm a produced oreal mom, right,

581
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: So I love you know, making sure everyone's safe and

582
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: needs are met and like all of that. But when

583
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 1: my son is like, let's play hide and see it,

584
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:37,760
Speaker 1: I'm like I want to blow my brains out. Or

585
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 1: or if he's like I want to make a craft

586
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 1: or something, I'm like, oh fucking fuck. Like I know

587
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 1: that paint is so especially when it's not for me,

588
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 1: but some mothers love it, like they really do. I mean,

589
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:53,160
Speaker 1: where are you at on that? I'm a little bit

590
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 1: of both. I definitely like to produce, Like I love Pinterest,

591
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 1: I love toddler meals. I love figuring out what they

592
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 1: like to eat, and like seeking in the vegetables. I

593
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 1: got that ship down that it is. Then I also like,

594
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 1: you know, trying to figure out how to make them

595
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 1: do big girl and big boy stuff, like isn't that fun?

596
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 1: Look at that hamper? That hamper. So yes, you know

597
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 1: a little bit of both. But um, I also like

598
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:25,480
Speaker 1: when people take over and play with them and they

599
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 1: have like a moment and experience with them. But um,

600
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 1: I've been told by my mom, who was not that person.

601
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 1: My mom like will teach me how to she taught

602
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 1: me how to balance a checkbook and went my butt.

603
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 1: She was not trying to be out here singing Patty

604
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 1: Cake with me, you know, or even her lover. But

605
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,280
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But um, she has told me,

606
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 1: and a few of my friends have told me, they're

607
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 1: just like, you're just hard to follow, you know you.

608
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 1: I could watch you do the alphabit all goddamn day.

609
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 1: I can't do this with you, and I'm like, just

610
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: puttal effort into it, make it your own. So I

611
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 1: am fun, but not all the fun time. Dear kids

612
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 1: think you're funny. I don't know. I think so because

613
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,840
Speaker 1: they laugh at me when I'm trying to be strict

614
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 1: with them. You know, I don't know what it's like

615
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:16,760
Speaker 1: having someone looks like a lion just like yell at you. Yeah,

616
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 1: I'm oh my god, I can't. I can't imagine you

617
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:26,400
Speaker 1: being like really good at being strict. But I'm but

618
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: I'm trying, because I'm out here horrible at it. I

619
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:33,040
Speaker 1: am trying. Yeah, I have to do it with Hazel

620
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:34,919
Speaker 1: more than anyone else because I give her the count

621
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 1: of three. I do the count of three to which

622
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 1: is a great tool. And I never ever thought i'd

623
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 1: be account to three. Mom. Ever, I'm such a fucking hippie.

624
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:47,520
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I don't believe in this stuff,

625
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:50,719
Speaker 1: like absolutely, like we're all just free loving and out here,

626
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:55,399
Speaker 1: you know, forest here for flute here. And then my

627
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:59,840
Speaker 1: son is such a challenger and tester and boundary breaker

628
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 1: and hates authority and rules and I have had to

629
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:07,200
Speaker 1: learn real quick, like he has a stick and he's

630
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 1: about to smash someone in the face with it, and

631
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm about I'm giving you to the count

632
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 1: of three, or I'm taking that stick away, where I'm

633
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 1: taking television away or whatever, like I've become the consequences.

634
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:22,160
Speaker 1: Time ends. It's really just just time fucking out. But

635
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 1: I'm trying. Wow, I never thought i'd be the corner mom.

636
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:30,839
Speaker 1: I'm like, we're going to the corner. It's great. She'll

637
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 1: take her milk and pour it out while looking at me.

638
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,319
Speaker 1: I'm like, are you a psychopath? Oh no, but that's

639
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:39,080
Speaker 1: my hutest psychopath I've ever seen. Yeah, that's my son.

640
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 1: Like sitting on the pool steps and me being like,

641
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 1: if you drink pool water one more time, and he

642
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 1: literally stares down the barrel like into my soul and

643
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:50,880
Speaker 1: takes a huge pail of water while he drinks it.

644
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:54,839
Speaker 1: It's so crazy, that's their job. Like Hazel will put

645
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:58,400
Speaker 1: in bathtime, She'll pour water all over Otis and he's

646
00:35:58,440 --> 00:35:59,959
Speaker 1: just out here trying to play with the red car

647
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:03,800
Speaker 1: Ah and then he starts crying and like, I really

648
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:05,680
Speaker 1: want to take water important on her and be like

649
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 1: did you like it? But I haven't done that yet.

650
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:11,239
Speaker 1: I might because I'm just like I can't keep pulling

651
00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 1: her out of the bathtub because it's so hard. We

652
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 1: just had someone on the podcast who's like, teach them

653
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:21,879
Speaker 1: how it makes someone else feel. I mean, that's what's

654
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 1: so great about her having a twin. I've been trying

655
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 1: this new thing. I'll let you know if it works.

656
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:29,439
Speaker 1: Where when my son is a dick to my four

657
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 1: month old, not a twin, and she starts to make upset,

658
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,720
Speaker 1: I'm like, look at her face. She looks really upset,

659
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 1: Like do you see that? You know, we don't want

660
00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 1: to have our friend or our family look upset. But

661
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 1: it's really fucking hard because they just want attention and

662
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,799
Speaker 1: they don't care if it's good or bad. It's all

663
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 1: the same to them. So the fact that she dumps

664
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 1: water on Otis's head and then the whole world like

665
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 1: gets shooken up in her face like she's like, yes,

666
00:36:57,200 --> 00:37:01,840
Speaker 1: this is fucking awesome. I I know, I mean there's

667
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:06,440
Speaker 1: not enough rose, Like just give me an ivy, you know,

668
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: I completely agree. Can you can you tell me about

669
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:14,920
Speaker 1: like diaper duty with twins, how do you split up

670
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 1: the responsibilities any other thing I'm curious about, how do

671
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:22,319
Speaker 1: you split it up? You don't. I mean again, he's

672
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 1: more laid back, so he'll wait till like a diaper's

673
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 1: falling off. Practically, Oh god, that would fucking kill me.

674
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:35,279
Speaker 1: It it um. You know, stress makes me sick. So

675
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 1: I'm really trying to pick my motherfucking battles because you know,

676
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 1: if he's loading the dishwasher, and I know he's a

677
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 1: good person, then I have to hold onto that he does.

678
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:47,319
Speaker 1: He takes a trash out like I'm trying, you know,

679
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 1: and he is hard, like he hates hoop diapers. He'll

680
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:53,560
Speaker 1: do it, He's done it, he will do it, but

681
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 1: he can't breathe. He starts a gag, and I'm just like,

682
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 1: get me in there, you know, like because for me, again,

683
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 1: I want to give the kids a good experience. I

684
00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:06,319
Speaker 1: don't want them to be like, you know, I don't

685
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 1: like this because they don't like it. You know, I'm

686
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:11,320
Speaker 1: just like, look at you, you had a good as

687
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:14,360
Speaker 1: let's see. Yeah, I'm like those are those veggie muffins

688
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:17,839
Speaker 1: and trying to make it a good experience. You don't

689
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,440
Speaker 1: want them to have your such a great mom, Like

690
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,840
Speaker 1: I can really tell I love that you've even given

691
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:26,040
Speaker 1: thought to like the diapering situation, where it's like, if

692
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 1: I've got good vibes about the ship and pe, then

693
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 1: they're going to have good vibes. Look, it's a big

694
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:35,160
Speaker 1: thing because my mom trying to teach me how to

695
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:38,200
Speaker 1: put a tamp on in and she it was like

696
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:41,319
Speaker 1: she had to walk like a tight rope. It was

697
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:44,320
Speaker 1: like she was that scene of like, um, what is

698
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:47,760
Speaker 1: it called Indiana Indiana Jones where she was like which

699
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:51,239
Speaker 1: cup did Jesus have? I Huh? She's like, God, what

700
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 1: are we gonna do for when that happens? Can you

701
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,320
Speaker 1: tell me what are we gonna do? Well? Probably tamplus

702
00:38:56,320 --> 00:39:02,879
Speaker 1: will be obsolete anyway, You're already even like a cup

703
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 1: in your lunch box. Don't lose them, but um do

704
00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 1: you have any tips from your own journey for moms

705
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:19,279
Speaker 1: out there who are struggling to concede can see Oh yeah,

706
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:25,560
Speaker 1: yeah I do. UM. Research is your best tool. You know,

707
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 1: if you can't get it done in your state or

708
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:29,960
Speaker 1: even your neighborhood, it doesn't mean that you can't get

709
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 1: it done elsewhere. You have options basically. And one thing

710
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 1: my friend Jordan's wife, well, Jordan's wife told me when

711
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,319
Speaker 1: I was down and out a lot, She's like, you're

712
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 1: a crazy bitch and you will get what you want.

713
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:45,759
Speaker 1: That helped a lot. I held on to that and

714
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:50,320
Speaker 1: Jordan told me, you've had bad days, but sometimes it

715
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:54,399
Speaker 1: could be a happy ending. Don't forget that, And so

716
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:59,839
Speaker 1: I remember that always as well. Um. But yeah, I mean,

717
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 1: I'm not a big research person, you know what I mean.

718
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 1: I'm not a Aaron Brockovitch. I'm not like, how dare

719
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:08,719
Speaker 1: you say that, Sarah. I'm gonna go prove you wrong.

720
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 1: I'm not that bitch, you know. You tell me. I'm like, oh,

721
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 1: I'm sad. You mean I can't have kids, you know

722
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like I A lot of us don't

723
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:22,319
Speaker 1: know how to advocate for ourselves right, especially as women

724
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:26,720
Speaker 1: and especially in the healthcare industry. It's like it's really

725
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 1: a lot of work, and it's a lot of being

726
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 1: talked at, and it's a lot of um people not

727
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 1: having the information and being exhausted and overwhelmed and not

728
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 1: even knowing where to go. And so, yes, you have

729
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 1: to have a little bit of Aaron Brockovich in there

730
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 1: to sort of not not let it stop you. Keep going,

731
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 1: keep seeing other specialists, keep asking friends about it, keep

732
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 1: if you And that's the thing, if you talk about it,

733
00:40:55,280 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 1: someone will have information that might yes, who and there

734
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 1: this way, who talked to this specialist, who talked to

735
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 1: this doctor, And it's like this is the ultimate recipe

736
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 1: exchange that needs to happen. You know what I mean?

737
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:14,919
Speaker 1: Fucking cast roles, that's what That's what it is. That's

738
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:19,799
Speaker 1: like what it is. Um. Okay, do you have any

739
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 1: general advice for our parent listeners about parenting right now? Yeah,

740
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:27,839
Speaker 1: don't listen to people who don't know what the funk

741
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 1: they're talking about. You know who loves to tell you

742
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:31,680
Speaker 1: what advice people who don't know what the funk they're

743
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 1: talking about. People are like, if you work less, if

744
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: you lost weight, if you it was always somehow my fault.

745
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 1: And I'm like, do you have a degree on your wall?

746
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 1: You know? No you don't. So that ship, you know,

747
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,439
Speaker 1: it's like, yes, we have to talk to people, but

748
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 1: when you talk to people, they feel like they want

749
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 1: to give you some jankie acid advice or some ship

750
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,919
Speaker 1: and uh that part. Don't listen to people. It's all

751
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:03,280
Speaker 1: like grain of salt, you know, yea love that. Um

752
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:17,839
Speaker 1: finish this sentence. Parenthood is so are as crazy as fun?

753
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 1: That's the Michelle Bouto quote I wanted is crazy as fun.

754
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:29,520
Speaker 1: Put it on a T shirt, Put it on a magnet,

755
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 1: put it on a fucking magnet. Oh my, I hear

756
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 1: baby boy crying at my phone, like what is going on?

757
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:40,640
Speaker 1: And um okay, so we'll have you on again, and

758
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 1: you're gonna tell me about when Otis and Hazel start

759
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 1: speaking like you and they are like they seek and

760
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 1: Dutch and then they're like, this is just fucking me

761
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:56,560
Speaker 1: right right right here. They are actually, oh I thought

762
00:42:56,600 --> 00:43:02,640
Speaker 1: they were. See what are they doing? Hi? Hi you guys?

763
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:09,359
Speaker 1: Hi you see it is hi? Oh my gosh, they

764
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:11,399
Speaker 1: are Oh my gun Is. Look at that blue thing.

765
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 1: That's beautiful. Hi? Hi friends, Hi, Hazel hid at me. Um,

766
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 1: it's lunch shime. You're the best. You're the best. Thank

767
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:37,040
Speaker 1: you so much for this. I hope you guys loved

768
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 1: that episode. I sure did. I want to hang out

769
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 1: with Michelle all the time and her amazing twins, and

770
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:45,319
Speaker 1: I want to hear from you what topics you want

771
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 1: to discuss this season? What guests should we have on

772
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,800
Speaker 1: You can always reach me at Katie's Crib at Shonda

773
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:55,840
Speaker 1: land dot com. Katie's Crib is a production of Shonda

774
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:58,719
Speaker 1: Land Audio in partnership with I heart Radio. For more

775
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:01,480
Speaker 1: podcasts from Shonda Lanadi, visit the I heart Radio app,

776
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:04,240
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

777
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:20,879
Speaker 1: You never know never until you try me right,