WEBVTT - #24 Kendall & Jared 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:04.160 Help. I suck at dating and I heart radio podcast. 0:00:06.080 --> 0:00:08.440 Hey it's help, I second dating. And we got some 0:00:08.440 --> 0:00:14.120 fine guest house here in the studio today. You know 0:00:14.240 --> 0:00:16.080 them as Jared and Kendall. I know them as Kendall 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:19.920 and Jared. But introduce yourselves. Kendall, ladies, first names Kendall 0:00:20.040 --> 0:00:23.400 High Then my name is Jared high Um, and I'm 0:00:23.440 --> 0:00:28.720 chopped liver. I'm we have a hard time getting back 0:00:28.760 --> 0:00:30.600 out of the studio sometimes, so I never one's leaning 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:32.880 in out. And I sat down in the third seat. 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:36.640 It's the best seat though. I wanted that seat, and 0:00:36.640 --> 0:00:40.519 you stole it. You can take it. I smell gasoline 0:00:40.560 --> 0:00:43.239 a little bit. I spread gasoline on myself on the 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:45.080 way here. I was like, I'm gonna fill my car up, 0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:46.920 and then it just like went all over my clothes. 0:00:47.040 --> 0:00:50.120 I thought it was wonderful, perfuming. I rarely like the gasol. 0:00:50.840 --> 0:00:53.000 We actually we're talking about that. Yeah. I was hoping 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:55.040 that people here would like the small gasoline because I 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:57.960 do freak of it. It is a really, really, really 0:00:58.120 --> 0:01:03.040 nice older Jared, we know you from Caitlin season of 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:06.080 the Bachelorette, and uh and Kendall, we know you from 0:01:06.080 --> 0:01:08.959 this most recent with Ari. So it's so nice to 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:10.679 have you guys here. We're excited to hear about your 0:01:10.720 --> 0:01:14.479 experiences on on those fine programs. Uh. Because you know, Dean, 0:01:14.680 --> 0:01:18.080 who normally hosts this show was on the Bachelorette with 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:20.399 Rachel Lindsay. So we have a nice bachelor family. We're 0:01:20.440 --> 0:01:24.440 kind of cultivating here. Uh. But but I want to 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:25.959 get to know you guys beyond what we saw on 0:01:26.000 --> 0:01:28.560 the show. So um, you know, we that's what our 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:31.679 that's where our plan is today really quick, while we 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:34.240 have Becca, while we still have you here, we're talking 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:36.360 on Becca's show, which is Scrubting with Becca Tilly. You 0:01:36.360 --> 0:01:40.559 can listen at an iHeart Radio podcast about day hooking 0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:43.160 up with siblings or cousins and kind of dipping into 0:01:43.160 --> 0:01:46.880 the family when going for a romantic excursion. Just to clarify, 0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:50.280 not cousins, hooking up with cousins, like like a separate 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:52.559 person from a separate family, hooking up with one person 0:01:52.680 --> 0:01:54.520 from a family and then hooking up with another person 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:58.760 from the same thing, not family. That's only in Arkansas, 0:01:58.800 --> 0:02:00.840 and that's only for third cause yeah, I mean, I 0:02:00.880 --> 0:02:03.040 know nothing about Arkansas, but I just wanted to clarify. 0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:06.280 I don't even know if that's Arkansas, but Arkansas people 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:09.840 are gonna be mad. I I could say the same 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:12.200 about Louisiana as well, which is where I'm from. So 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:14.600 please don't yell at me or say anything bad to me. 0:02:14.600 --> 0:02:16.280 And people think of the same thing about Rhode Island, 0:02:16.320 --> 0:02:20.160 so totally totally understandable. Yeah, sometimes cousins have given you. Yeah, 0:02:20.200 --> 0:02:23.160 you never know, right, you can't help me. I'm gonna 0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:28.960 do it. A lot of common like jeans and stuff. Yeah, yeah, 0:02:29.480 --> 0:02:33.560 we're just compatible. It's science. But but where do you 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:35.239 guys stand on that? Like if you if you date 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:39.520 someone and then years down the line you you maybe 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:43.120 developed something with their brother or someone else, Like, is 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:45.359 there any time where that's okay? Because it happened to 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:47.880 me once and it did not end very well. Just 0:02:47.919 --> 0:02:50.120 really quick, you know, I'll give a short version of this, 0:02:50.200 --> 0:02:52.160 But um, I diated youngly when I was in high school. 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:56.480 She was my friends older sister actually, and uh yeah, 0:02:56.480 --> 0:02:58.359 it gets it gets a little bit worse. We had 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:00.240 a we had a nice time. We dated for a 0:03:00.320 --> 0:03:02.680 year and then we broke up and I stayed friends 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:05.480 with her twin sister. We just stayed friends with each other, 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:11.000 and years later, uh, romantic feelings started to rise to 0:03:11.080 --> 0:03:14.239 the surface, and we we hooked up a couple of times. 0:03:14.240 --> 0:03:17.040 How did it end with the previous sister? The It 0:03:17.080 --> 0:03:19.320 didn't badly, It just ended. And then you just stayed 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:21.240 friends with her sister. Stay friends with the sister. That's 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:24.200 so interesting. How did that happen? It just was like, oh, well, 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:25.919 this isn't working out, but your sister is really cool, 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:29.280 so I'll stay friends still. She's pretty were the identical twins, 0:03:29.320 --> 0:03:34.040 fraternal twins. As a twin myself, I actually am friends 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:35.720 with one of the guys that my sister used to date. 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:39.280 Not romantically, yeah, but still friends. Well, just wait a 0:03:39.320 --> 0:03:41.680 couple of years, because eventually it will be romantic. It's 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:45.320 not romantic yet, just give it time. You get really close, 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:47.080 like as a twin, you get really close to, you know, 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:49.240 everyone that's in your sister's life, and so I can 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:51.960 understand that. Yeah, yeah, I felt kind of thing about 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:53.760 staying Rensler, but we had we really did have a 0:03:53.760 --> 0:03:56.480 good friendship, and it's it's something that I missed now 0:03:56.520 --> 0:04:00.240 because she she developed some romantic, really strong and antic 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:02.320 feelings for me and we hooked up, but I didn't 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:05.200 I could not do that. I didn't want to date 0:04:05.400 --> 0:04:08.080 both sisters. I just wanted to hook up with one 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:11.280 and date even I had a line, so I hooked 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:13.200 up with her. She said she wanted to date me. 0:04:13.240 --> 0:04:15.360 I said I can't do that and she said, well goodbye, 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:17.279 and we have not spoken since then. I don't know. 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:19.000 That's so interesting though, because it's such a fine line, 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:21.360 because I understand why people wouldn't want to kind of 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:23.839 step in that. But having said that, how many of 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:25.480 us are single, So like, if you do find a 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:28.720 connection with somebody, is it wrong to not act on it? 0:04:29.120 --> 0:04:31.000 That's the thing. What are your what are your thoughts 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:33.479 about that? Being a twin sister, Like if you found 0:04:33.480 --> 0:04:35.200 a connection with a guy that your sister used to 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:37.520 date and you were like, well, I'm single. It's hard 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:39.560 to find somebody that I really enjoy spending time with. 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:42.359 And here's somebody that I actually really look forward to seeing, 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:44.400 but I feel like I can't date them because they 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:46.800 used to date my sister years ago. Don't you think 0:04:46.839 --> 0:04:49.000 as that like time goes on kind of you know, 0:04:49.440 --> 0:04:52.400 time heals all wounds type thing. I think it would mainly, Um, 0:04:53.200 --> 0:04:55.040 I would probably check in with my sister first. If 0:04:55.040 --> 0:04:57.080 my sister wasn't comfortable with it, I would in no 0:04:57.120 --> 0:04:59.120 way to do it right. But if she was said, oh, 0:04:59.160 --> 0:05:01.520 it's totally fine friends now, like it didn't end in 0:05:01.560 --> 0:05:04.240 a bad way and um, misshoes open to it, then 0:05:04.400 --> 0:05:05.920 I would feel like I had the green light. But 0:05:05.920 --> 0:05:08.560 other than that, is it weird though? Because you're identical, 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:11.680 Like you're identical twins. So like in my head, if 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:13.640 I had an identical twin and be like, so he 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:17.400 likes so I look, but he doesn't like my personality. 0:05:18.480 --> 0:05:22.600 Like he's like, I'm physically attracted her, but like there's 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:24.920 something else, miss thing, So I'm gonna the other twin. 0:05:25.160 --> 0:05:28.200 But we attract different kinds of people. Um, because our 0:05:28.240 --> 0:05:31.600 personalities are so kind of like puzzle pieces, we're opposite, 0:05:31.680 --> 0:05:35.440 we kind of fit together in some way. Um, with guys, 0:05:35.600 --> 0:05:38.320 usually she'll actually being two guys that are more like me, 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:39.600 and I'll be in two guys are more like her 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:43.200 in a weird way because we're used to that balance. Interesting, 0:05:43.240 --> 0:05:46.160 that's really interesting. It makes sense though, I guess it 0:05:46.200 --> 0:05:48.280 makes sense. Yeah, I never really thought it in those terms. 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:49.960 I know, it's it's a weird. It's a weird thing. 0:05:50.000 --> 0:05:52.640 But I find that we feel what the other person 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:55.160 is lacking because we grew up together as like one 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:58.120 in some way, and so you know, and I agree 0:05:58.160 --> 0:06:00.040 with what you said in terms of like go in 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:02.360 to your sister first and kind of not asking for permission, 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:04.840 but just having an adult conversation about Okay, we found 0:06:04.839 --> 0:06:06.640 a connection. Can we see if this words goes like 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:08.279 how do you feel about this? Because like, if you 0:06:08.279 --> 0:06:10.440 get married to this guy that's her, that's her brother 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:14.080 in law, you know, that's forever hopefully. I mean, I've 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:17.040 never I've never dated anybody that my sister has dated, um, 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:19.240 and she hasn't dated anyone that I've dated. So I 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:22.280 can't necessarily say how I would feel because I don't 0:06:22.320 --> 0:06:24.320 know how that would feel. But it would be a 0:06:24.360 --> 0:06:27.640 little weird. Yeah, do you ever have like twin intuition? 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:29.359 Like do you ever just like think and you're like, 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:31.400 I know exactly what she's feeling and thinking right now? 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:35.200 Oh yeah, definitely, that's so cool her and know exactly 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:37.240 what how she's feeling. What if she gets like a 0:06:37.279 --> 0:06:41.000 paper cut, do you feel it? It's kind of like 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:43.719 the Force from Star Wars. You just feel disturbance in 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:45.920 the force. Something's wrong with my sister. Well, one time 0:06:45.920 --> 0:06:48.520 when we were younger, my sister fell and hit her 0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:50.400 head on a table and I started crying. You're in 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:55.440 opposite rooms. Oh, it hasn't happened since then, but I'd 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:58.039 like to think that I feel you know her feelings. Yeah, 0:06:58.120 --> 0:07:04.800 but that's like once is enough. No, seriously, thank you 0:07:04.839 --> 0:07:06.920 so much for hanging out, beck At. Unfortunately, I'm gonna 0:07:06.920 --> 0:07:09.159 have to ask you to leave securities waiting for you outside. 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:13.160 They're escorting me scrubbing it with Becky Tilly. You can 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:15.360 catch that on I Heart Radio. Thank you so much. 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:19.160 Thanks for having me alright, so getting you to know 0:07:19.240 --> 0:07:21.920 you guys. I reached out to you the other day 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:26.520 and I asked, what's your biggest relationship issue? There's too many, 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:31.200 too many to name? Really, Yeah, four four episodes of 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:33.360 Excuse Me, four seasons of The Bachelor, and still single, 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:37.360 so obviously there's something wrong. But um, but you guys, 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:40.120 you did come up with something, you know, really good 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:41.960 stuff that people can really relate to. And I and 0:07:42.120 --> 0:07:43.760 you sent them to me, and I'd like to read 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:46.960 them out loud if you don't mind. Jared revealed to 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:48.920 me that he lets in securities get the best of him, 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:50.600 which doesn't allow him to open up to women, and 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:53.320 he's nervous about finding out that he's a train wreck. Well, 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:56.440 I'm nervous about them finding out he's I'm a train wreck, because, like, 0:07:56.560 --> 0:07:58.600 nobody knows yourself better than you, right, Like I know 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:00.360 every thought that's in my head, I know every action 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:02.240 I take, and so when people are like, you're such 0:08:02.280 --> 0:08:04.920 a good guy, and I'm like, I like, it's hard 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:07.360 to like kind of live up to those expectations. And 0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:10.320 so I think it's difficult for me at times because 0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:11.920 I think I let insecurities get the best of me. 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:13.360 I think what I do really well as I put 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:15.960 on a really good first impression, and so the first 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:17.679 day to the first couple of days go really well, 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:20.320 and then after that I have a very difficult time 0:08:20.320 --> 0:08:22.600 of I hate this expression, but it's the truth. Letting 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:25.000 my walls down to a certain extent, not because there's 0:08:25.040 --> 0:08:27.000 something wrong with them or not because I'm not willing 0:08:27.000 --> 0:08:29.760 to take a chance, but more so I'm nervous about 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:32.680 them finding out that I'm not the guy that they 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:35.240 think I am and that's a really hard thing for 0:08:35.280 --> 0:08:37.920 me to accept. And so there's this great quote that 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:40.880 I love and it's about it deals with kind of 0:08:40.880 --> 0:08:43.360 depression actually, and it talks about like people being depressed 0:08:43.360 --> 0:08:45.000 when they try to become the Wizard of Oz to 0:08:45.040 --> 0:08:47.280 put on this persona of who they think they are, 0:08:47.559 --> 0:08:49.800 when an actuality, they're just the sweaty guy behind the curtain, 0:08:49.800 --> 0:08:52.600 desperately trying to hold everything together because one will slip 0:08:52.600 --> 0:08:55.280 and everything falls apart. So that's sometimes in my own 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:57.120 dating life for the past few I mean for the 0:08:57.120 --> 0:08:59.280 past pretty much like six years i've been single, because 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:01.280 I think I've had every a difficult time of kind 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:05.640 of diving in head first, um, because I I usually 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:07.280 get in my own head and overthink things, and so 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:10.040 with me sometimes I'm like, I don't want them to 0:09:10.120 --> 0:09:13.880 know that I don't have my you know, stuff together. 0:09:14.400 --> 0:09:17.520 And so that's one of the one of my big 0:09:17.520 --> 0:09:19.720 issues with dating, and so I've been called out on it. 0:09:19.760 --> 0:09:21.920 I've had women called me out and say like, you're 0:09:21.920 --> 0:09:23.640 not You're gonna end up alone because you don't let 0:09:23.640 --> 0:09:26.079 anybody in, and I'm like, you're right, You're absolutely right. 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:27.800 Well it's interesting because when you're on the show, I 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:30.800 think people have an expectation of who you are because 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:33.000 only part of you is seen and it is a 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:35.440 dating show, so you're like, well, I this is how 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:37.960 I am, and so I feel like maybe that also 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:39.280 has a part to do with it as well. I 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:41.080 think it does too. But I've also had women now, 0:09:41.120 --> 0:09:43.080 whether they're telling the truth or not, I'm not really sure, 0:09:43.120 --> 0:09:44.840 but tell me, like I have you know, I've never 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:46.400 seen the show. I never I don't know who you are, 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:48.520 and so that's actually very appealing for me. But they've 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:52.080 also you know, I they've also been like you seem 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:54.679 like somebody that's very difficult to really because it's interesting 0:09:54.679 --> 0:09:57.120 because they're like, you're somebody who seems very vulnerable and 0:09:57.200 --> 0:10:01.040 yet the complete like but that's also very shut off 0:10:01.080 --> 0:10:02.959 at the same time. And so I think for me, 0:10:03.000 --> 0:10:04.839 it's like I can be vulnerable about a lot of it, 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:06.920 like a lot of things I love to talk about 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:08.680 other people, but when it comes to me, I don't 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:11.520 like talking about myself, and I think that becomes that's 0:10:12.000 --> 0:10:15.080 it stems from my own insecurities about me, and so 0:10:15.160 --> 0:10:17.319 sometimes like I think, I do you know, I try 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:20.320 the best of I try my best to not let 0:10:20.360 --> 0:10:22.560 those insecurities get the best of me. I try to 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:26.760 stay confident in what I try to do um is live. 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:28.800 I try to live my life kind of like along 0:10:28.840 --> 0:10:31.880 Gal's book You're Not That Great, where I instead of 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:35.079 like building myself up and say this is what I deserve, 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:38.120 I tried to say, listen, other people are having these 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:40.360 same thoughts that you are, Like, other people are insecure. 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:42.960 Other people have doubts about themselves, Like yes, they can 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:45.760 put on facade and confidence is great, but people still 0:10:45.800 --> 0:10:47.400 have insecurities, and so I try to think of it 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:48.600 that way. It's kind of like when you're in a 0:10:48.600 --> 0:10:52.000 school project and they tell you, imagine the entire audience naked, 0:10:52.000 --> 0:10:53.520 like if you have to do a presentation, and the 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:55.439 reason they do that is to make you feel comfortable, 0:10:55.480 --> 0:10:58.199 so you're kind of so they feel embarrassed to type 0:10:58.200 --> 0:10:59.640 thing because you go up there and you're naturally going 0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:01.920 to feel shy and embarrass but if you see and 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:04.240 you picture everybody naked, you're like, oh, that's silly, Like 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:06.080 I can have fun with this. I personally think that 0:11:06.080 --> 0:11:09.520 there's beauty in imperfection. I completely agree, because then you're 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:12.600 more relatable if you're a perfect person, and um, it's 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:16.480 almost like impenetrable like emotionally, emotionally, then I feel like 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:19.600 people don't They don't really want to. They find it 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:22.160 really hard to dive into love for that person. But 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:25.280 the imperfection is the thing that makes you beautiful totally. 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:26.520 But I think I hear from a lot of girls 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:28.920 to like, oh, he's so good looking, or he's so mysterious, 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:31.200 or he's so charming, and he's so like confident. That's 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:33.640 like what they're so attracted to. And here I am 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:36.440 being like, oh, I I like Star Wars? Do you 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:39.040 like Star Wars? Too? And it's like, I don't know 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:41.000 what I'm doing. I don't know. I mean I think 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:42.960 just putting it all out there, you know, just like 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:45.600 being like beautifully broken, like I love that. I like 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:48.080 just I think the one thing that I was trying 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:49.599 to do while I was on the show, or in 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:52.000 just in any relationship in general, is I try to 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:57.080 just like be so purely myself that really they're kind 0:11:57.080 --> 0:11:59.040 of it's like either you take it or you leave it. 0:11:59.080 --> 0:12:01.080 But do you think that scares peop all away? Um? 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:03.960 I mean I hasn't yet I mean sometimes and sometimes 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:05.800 I'm not people's cup of tea. I totally get it. 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:08.320 But um, let me say this about Kendall. We've won 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:11.040 a couple of times. But Kendall, not only strikingly beautiful, 0:12:11.040 --> 0:12:13.760 but you are strikingly intelligent than you and so I 0:12:13.800 --> 0:12:16.640 consider myself a conversationalist, but you are somebody that like 0:12:17.400 --> 0:12:20.280 you are right there, like you are only appreciate that 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:22.720 You're very welcome, You're very intelligent. It's it's something that 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:25.240 it comes out of you, very like it's like a 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:27.520 really good first impression. Well you as well. I mean, 0:12:27.520 --> 0:12:29.040 I think that one thing that we were talking a 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:30.760 little bit earlier, and the one thing that was refreshing 0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:32.760 is that it's so difficult to find people that you 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:36.960 feel like challenged with, you know, and so um, that's 0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:39.000 one thing that I also have trouble with dating, is 0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:40.880 I like to be with someone that I feel like 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:43.120 I'm not talking at I'm talking with. Did you feel 0:12:43.160 --> 0:12:46.520 challenged with Ari? I know that's a deep question, but hey, 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:48.920 I gotta ask no. I mean, of course I felt 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:52.120 like with Ari we were so folcused on just having 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:54.520 fun and making I was kind of I think our 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:57.280 relationship was like the escape from all the crazy serious talks. 0:12:57.360 --> 0:12:58.800 I really don't think we had a lot of really 0:12:58.800 --> 0:13:02.600 serious conversations. Um and in a way, I mean, it 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:05.400 wasn't that I didn't feel I felt challenged emotionally. Definitely, 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:08.520 I felt like I, UM, in relationships, I tend to 0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:11.880 be very UM. I think I just tend to be 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:14.360 a little bit guarded in the sense where I don't 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:17.360 really like to let myself go emotionally and UM, with him, 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:19.719 I was definitely challenging that, oh totally. I think going 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:22.079 into the Bachelor world it forces you to make those 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:24.360 challenges and really open yourself up, because if you don't 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:26.640 open yourself up, you're on that bus ride home night one, 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:29.000 and that's the last place you want to be. And 0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:31.000 so if you don't open up and let yourself kind 0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:33.240 of fall into the process, then you're done. And so 0:13:33.280 --> 0:13:34.920 I think the Bachelor really forces you to do that. 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:38.160 And with me, with Caitlin was actually very intimidating. I'll 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:40.920 never forget my first night. I was almost not certainly 0:13:40.960 --> 0:13:43.520 not scared of Camel that's an overexaggeration, but like she 0:13:43.720 --> 0:13:46.199 is very similar where she is so witty and so 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:49.480 funny and obviously strikingly beautiful, and it's just like everything 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:51.560 that you say, she's got something coming back at you. 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:53.480 And I was like, oh my god, like she's way 0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:55.480 cooler than me. I don't know, like I'm supposed to 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:57.960 be the charming one. I'm going home. And then of course, 0:13:58.000 --> 0:13:59.760 like as time goes on, they just become you know, 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.439 everything becomes normalized and you have conversations blah blah blah 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:05.120 blah blah. But um, but that's cool. It's very interesting 0:14:05.160 --> 0:14:08.320 to hear and Kendall, that actually leads into your answer 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:10.800 for your you know, when your relationship issues, if we 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:12.840 can call it that, that you you're afraid to lose 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:15.360 yourself in a relationship and you do feel guarded and 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:17.880 you find it difficult to balance family and friends with 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:21.280 romantic relationships because you're gonna get really wrapped up with 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:23.560 the other person. Is that something that you've always kind 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:26.040 of had problems with? Um? Yeah, I mean I love people. 0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:29.600 I tend to like give myself so much to relationships because, um, 0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:31.640 I just want to find out everything about the person, 0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:33.800 and I have all these crazy questions and I tend 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:36.440 to just get ripped wrapped up in that world, and um, 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:38.880 I'm extremely close with my family and friends, have a 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:43.280 very awesome support system, and um, their relationships suffer sometimes 0:14:43.320 --> 0:14:47.240 because I just like dive so much into it. You wait, 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:50.720 you your relationships suffers? Are their relationships? Their relationship suffers 0:14:50.720 --> 0:14:53.120 with me? I mean it's okay, so like you're the 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:56.120 type of girl. I'm not judging, but like, are the 0:14:56.160 --> 0:14:58.160 type You're that girl that if you get a boyfriend, 0:14:58.200 --> 0:14:59.520 you are with them all the time and you never 0:14:59.520 --> 0:15:01.480 see your fan family and friends. You know. So what 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:05.080 it is is that, Um, I think I I always 0:15:05.120 --> 0:15:07.280 put other people's feelings kind of above my own in 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:10.680 some sense. Um, And when I am in a relationship, 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:13.520 I feel like, well, first of all, my parents, UM, 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.320 and my friends have never really liked anyone that I've dated. 0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:18.840 There's some people, there's some some of the guys that 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:21.840 they've liked, UM, but I think the guys I really 0:15:21.880 --> 0:15:23.760 get into are the ones that they don't really like 0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:25.560 as much. So I almost feel like it's a challenge 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:28.000 where um, am I choosing them or I choosing my 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:30.040 friends and family or the person in a relationship with 0:15:30.120 --> 0:15:31.560 Why is that? Are they kind of like the rebel 0:15:31.640 --> 0:15:33.360 or the Bad Boy. Do you like the bad boys? Um? 0:15:33.400 --> 0:15:36.000 I mean, I've definitely dated like the quote unquote bad boy, 0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:37.680 but it's not so much that I think I tend. 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:42.960 I tend to date people who are I guess like 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:46.400 that don't have a strong friend group as well interesting, 0:15:46.440 --> 0:15:48.600 so they're kind of loners, you know. I don't want 0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:52.840 to label them as loners. It's more you're saying I'm 0:15:52.840 --> 0:15:55.960 more independent. I mean, Um, I have my family and 0:15:55.960 --> 0:15:59.080 friends are very overwhelming, a very big group. So when 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:01.080 I introduced someone to that world, I think they could 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:03.760 be a little intimidated by that. And then whenever I 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:06.120 hang out in a group with my significant other, I 0:16:06.200 --> 0:16:07.800 kind of just I kind of just leave them alone 0:16:07.800 --> 0:16:09.680 and go with my family and friends and hang out 0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:11.600 with them. And I tend to have my more white 0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:13.600 one on one time totally. So you're like a guy 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:16.000 who's like a one man wolf pack. As they say, 0:16:16.160 --> 0:16:17.800 I mean, I want them to be able to. I mean, 0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:19.640 the problem that I've had with dating is that people 0:16:19.640 --> 0:16:22.760 that I date, they don't necessarily they can't really be 0:16:22.880 --> 0:16:25.280 on their own, you know, Like I want someone that 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:27.000 can be in a group of my friends and family 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:29.640 and not feel intimidated and actually be curious to learn 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:32.160 about them. Totally. I've always said to the type of 0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:34.000 girl that I want is somebody that really is the 0:16:34.040 --> 0:16:35.800 life of the party, Like somebody that can come into 0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:38.720 my circle of friends and family and just fit right 0:16:38.760 --> 0:16:40.880 in and also not only fit in, but somebody that 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:42.880 my family and friends are like, I want to hang 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:45.160 out with them, like even at times being like, yeah, 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:46.160 I want to I want to hang out with your 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:48.200 girlfriend and not you, because that's okay with me because 0:16:48.200 --> 0:16:50.680 that means that they love them and they see why 0:16:50.720 --> 0:16:53.240 I love them as well exactly, So that's certainly I 0:16:53.240 --> 0:16:56.040 can totally, um, you know, agree with you on that aspect, 0:16:56.080 --> 0:16:58.560 because then I feel guilty. I feel guilty that, um, 0:16:58.600 --> 0:17:00.480 who do I give time to? Like I see the 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:02.720 person that I'm dating and they're kind of sitting by themselves, 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:05.720 not really interacting with anybody, and like, do I I 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:07.440 go to cater to that? But at the same time, 0:17:07.440 --> 0:17:09.520 it's like when you're in a relationship with somebody, you 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:11.679 see them a lot. Totally. I remember one of my 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:15.359 former relationships was some conversations you had was that she 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:17.199 had a very difficult time balance in that because her 0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:20.040 family she had one sister they were super close um, 0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:22.639 and then a single mom as well that she was 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:24.640 super close with. And so like here comes a guy, 0:17:25.040 --> 0:17:28.080 but you know, who's kind of taking their sister away 0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:30.200 from them a little bit. And so she was always 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:31.680 She even told me one time, she was like, listen, 0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:33.159 I need to put you on the back burner. I 0:17:33.240 --> 0:17:34.960 need you to be second place right now, because I 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:36.440 need to put my mom and sister for us, because 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:39.040 they spending so much time with you that they just 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:41.480 feel like they don't know who I am anymore. And 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:43.239 plus this was also college. She was going away from 0:17:43.240 --> 0:17:45.399 college spending time with her boyfriends. She didn't like have 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:47.080 a lot of time to spend with her mom and sister. 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:49.480 And so I remember, I'll never forget that conversation because 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:51.679 we just talked about it. And as a guy like that, 0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:55.159 obviously like you know that conversation. I mean, I I 0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:56.800 don't know. I mean, not only it was great, I 0:17:56.800 --> 0:17:58.480 mean not saying it was a bad conversation, just saying 0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:02.200 the idea that it's almost like a challenge between your 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:04.440 love for people. Of course, you know, like I don't, 0:18:04.680 --> 0:18:06.520 I mean, it's it's not a competition. And if it 0:18:07.000 --> 0:18:09.080 if you like, make it a competition then end it's 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:11.320 in your head totally. And I also think like life 0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:13.520 is just about balance. That's I'm a firm believer in balance, 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:15.440 and you have to find balance within your life, your career, 0:18:15.520 --> 0:18:18.040 your love, your family, your friends, whatever your hobbies are. 0:18:18.280 --> 0:18:20.560 Like everything is about balance. And so I totally agree 0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:22.959 in terms of love like balancing. Okay, I love this 0:18:22.960 --> 0:18:24.720 person more than anything. I want to spend the rest 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:26.359 of my life with them. Having said that, I also 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:28.240 love my family and friends and I want to show 0:18:28.280 --> 0:18:30.280 that love by spending time with them. Like one of 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:33.080 my five love languages, this quality time. So like that 0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:35.800 is a big thing for me. Um. So it's it's 0:18:35.800 --> 0:18:37.680 always difficult. It's always gonna be hard. But I think 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:40.600 one aspect of relationships that is kind of being overlooked 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:43.760 is sacrifice. Like people are free, I feel like in 0:18:43.760 --> 0:18:46.439 today's world, because there's somebody's options, especially being you know, 0:18:46.560 --> 0:18:48.919 having a single life in Los Angeles. Holy moly, Like 0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:50.560 it just sucks dating in l A. I will say, 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:52.480 it's horrible, right because there's so many options. The idea 0:18:52.480 --> 0:18:54.600 of dating l A. This is what a day l 0:18:54.680 --> 0:18:56.480 A is. You're at dinner with another person, and then 0:18:56.560 --> 0:18:58.720 the person is not looking at you, they're looking over 0:18:58.760 --> 0:19:01.399 their shoulder at other options because they're looking at to 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:03.399 see if something is better out there, and that is 0:19:03.440 --> 0:19:06.800 Los Angeles dating, Like, it's just there's well, I think 0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:08.560 it's just so there's a lot of sparkly things. You know, 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:11.120 there's so many sparkly things. There's a lot of attractive 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:13.600 people in l A. And it's great. At the same time, 0:19:13.760 --> 0:19:17.359 it's uh, I mean when I was using dating apps, um, 0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:19.960 I feel like it'd be very difficult to put a 0:19:20.000 --> 0:19:23.080 lot of work into one relationship because oh, there's something 0:19:23.119 --> 0:19:24.640 else and it doesn't really matter if there's a little 0:19:24.640 --> 0:19:26.199 bit of trouble here, I can just move on and 0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:28.120 not have to worry about that, of course. And then 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:30.240 like people are making up excuses to break up with people, 0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:32.080 not because they don't want to be with that person, 0:19:32.119 --> 0:19:34.320 but because there are so many options it's almost too 0:19:34.359 --> 0:19:36.159 much choose from. They're like, oh, their second toe is 0:19:36.160 --> 0:19:38.400 bigger than their big toes, so I can't be with them. 0:19:38.400 --> 0:19:40.520 I'm gonna go on you know, my dating app and 0:19:40.520 --> 0:19:42.600 be exposed to thousands of good looking at people. And 0:19:42.720 --> 0:19:44.960 l A is not really a relationship city. I mean, 0:19:45.000 --> 0:19:47.680 I'm just traveling around. I went to Barcelona, and that's 0:19:47.680 --> 0:19:50.439 a relationship city. Like there's so many beautiful couples, like 0:19:50.440 --> 0:19:52.840 amazing things to do as a couple. And in l 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:54.680 A there really I mean, you can go hiking, but 0:19:54.720 --> 0:19:57.360 even hiking is kind of like a singles activity here. Yeah, 0:19:57.400 --> 0:20:00.600 you don't like bowling bowling day, I'm a big bullet. 0:20:00.800 --> 0:20:02.640 I have a bad experience with bowling. If you saw 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:05.560 if you saw my season. Oh, I forgot about that. 0:20:05.600 --> 0:20:10.000 I can't believe I brought that up. What a coincidence. Yeah, 0:20:10.000 --> 0:20:12.080 that was an interesting night. Well, we have a life 0:20:12.119 --> 0:20:14.320 coach on the line actually to help out with all 0:20:14.359 --> 0:20:17.480 these all these questions. This is Shari Heally and she 0:20:17.640 --> 0:20:21.400 is a certified life coach. She's sue you there. Yeah, 0:20:21.400 --> 0:20:25.240 I'm here. H So you're on with with Jared and 0:20:25.359 --> 0:20:28.560 Kendall here, and I understand we sent you in their 0:20:28.680 --> 0:20:34.800 relationship in securities. Yeah, you did excellent. Here. We're excited 0:20:34.840 --> 0:20:37.120 to hear what you have to say. I'm nervous. Yeah, 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:42.520 we need some coaching. Okay, who's the bravest He's going first? 0:20:42.640 --> 0:20:46.720 You know, I find that Kendall's very brave, gonna go 0:20:46.880 --> 0:20:51.440 for it. I'm ready to bring it on. Okay, well, 0:20:51.480 --> 0:20:54.159 here's what came up for me when I read what 0:20:54.200 --> 0:20:56.680 you wrote. Kendall, tell me, what is the thing that's 0:20:56.720 --> 0:20:59.480 most important to you in life? Um? I think the 0:20:59.520 --> 0:21:02.320 most important thing to me is I want people that 0:21:02.920 --> 0:21:05.119 I'm surround with to be happy. I want everyone to 0:21:05.160 --> 0:21:08.000 have a positive experience, Like I don't know, I love 0:21:08.280 --> 0:21:12.240 in general. Right, Okay, what does that give you? When 0:21:12.400 --> 0:21:15.720 you get to be around everyone who's happy, when you 0:21:15.840 --> 0:21:17.480 get to provide that for that, what does it give 0:21:17.560 --> 0:21:20.679 to you? Um? I think it just makes life more enjoyable. 0:21:20.720 --> 0:21:22.840 I mean, I'm happy when other people are happy, and 0:21:22.960 --> 0:21:24.760 I'm not really a drama person. I like to avoid 0:21:24.800 --> 0:21:27.800 that at all costs. So, um, when other people are happy, 0:21:27.840 --> 0:21:29.919 I just feel like it's I mean, I'm living life 0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:31.359 the way I'm supposed to be living it as opposed 0:21:31.359 --> 0:21:34.520 to focusing on I've just I don't know all the 0:21:34.600 --> 0:21:38.399 drama of all the things. Right. So you have a 0:21:38.440 --> 0:21:41.680 strategy with relationships that says you have to make someone 0:21:41.680 --> 0:21:46.000 else happy at all costs. Yeah? Yeah, And where does 0:21:46.040 --> 0:21:49.320 that leave you? Um? I think it just I think 0:21:49.359 --> 0:21:52.240 it just leaves me. Um, I mean, I really don't 0:21:52.320 --> 0:21:55.000 focus a lot on how I'm feeling with things because 0:21:55.000 --> 0:21:57.520 I want to be sensitive to other people and I 0:21:57.560 --> 0:22:00.600 don't want to come across as like selfish or that 0:22:00.600 --> 0:22:03.200 I'm not caring about someone else UM in a relationship, 0:22:03.240 --> 0:22:05.200 because I mean, I've been called on that, but called 0:22:05.200 --> 0:22:10.080 out on that before, right right, So it leaves like 0:22:10.160 --> 0:22:13.760 you said, your strategy is to make others happy because 0:22:14.040 --> 0:22:17.240 you would then be able to be in a more 0:22:17.359 --> 0:22:20.440 enjoyable life. You would be able to relax. It sounds 0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:25.080 I can be exactly, but that's not what's happening, right, No, 0:22:25.440 --> 0:22:27.560 usually ends up being a tug of war battle between 0:22:27.760 --> 0:22:29.919 UM trying to make family and friends happy and then 0:22:29.920 --> 0:22:33.359 also trying to make my significant other happy in your competition, 0:22:34.400 --> 0:22:36.960 right right? And then you have this blueprint, now, this 0:22:37.119 --> 0:22:39.400 idea of relationship that it means you have to give 0:22:39.480 --> 0:22:43.800 up everything you know and fully focused on this one person, 0:22:43.800 --> 0:22:45.720 and then at the end you know you might have 0:22:45.880 --> 0:22:49.320 nothing left. So I no wonder you don't want to 0:22:49.320 --> 0:22:56.800 go into fantastic I think we'd all be single off 0:22:56.840 --> 0:22:59.240 that where to get exactly Yeah, And that's why I 0:22:59.240 --> 0:23:01.440 mean That's why I've had a lot of trouble dating 0:23:01.440 --> 0:23:03.960 because I almost feel like it becomes that it becomes 0:23:03.960 --> 0:23:07.440 a competition, and then by me continuing the relationship, I'm 0:23:07.480 --> 0:23:10.240 choosing the relationship over my family and friends, which isn't 0:23:10.720 --> 0:23:14.000 necessarily a competition. I even want to have no no 0:23:14.320 --> 0:23:16.200 so here, Okay, what I would call you is a 0:23:16.280 --> 0:23:21.440 professional giver, you know, like that's them. I mean, I 0:23:21.440 --> 0:23:23.119 think it's like a double edged sword. I want to 0:23:23.119 --> 0:23:26.919 be a professional giver it right, but it is, it 0:23:27.040 --> 0:23:29.119 is a total double edged sword. And what tricky is 0:23:29.119 --> 0:23:32.600 when you're in a relationship with someone who's masculine, they 0:23:33.040 --> 0:23:36.240 are in their in their highest, in their best right, 0:23:36.400 --> 0:23:39.280 they want to give to you. And so you're getting 0:23:39.280 --> 0:23:43.560 into this like out giving competition. And the thing that 0:23:43.680 --> 0:23:46.280 men look for in relationship is a woman who can 0:23:46.320 --> 0:23:52.520 receive what they want to give. It doesn't really seem 0:23:52.560 --> 0:23:56.800 bounced to me. Yeah, it's it's a dance, right, It's 0:23:56.800 --> 0:24:01.560 never going to be like total. But the ideal relationship 0:24:01.680 --> 0:24:06.680 is one where both partners are giving, Like you're both 0:24:06.720 --> 0:24:10.520 giving tients, right, But the trick for you is to, 0:24:10.640 --> 0:24:12.560 like I would just go with what you're good at 0:24:12.600 --> 0:24:14.840 if you're a professional giver, let's just make you an 0:24:14.840 --> 0:24:17.480 even better giver. And this is like a big one 0:24:17.640 --> 0:24:20.680 for me because I'm same and so many people I 0:24:20.760 --> 0:24:23.000 work with want to change the world and want to 0:24:23.040 --> 0:24:25.760 do great things for others. That you're kind hearted, you know, 0:24:26.560 --> 0:24:28.960 But to take it to the next level, you've got 0:24:28.960 --> 0:24:31.880 to take on this belief that the more you want 0:24:31.920 --> 0:24:34.560 to give, the more you need. Like I always go 0:24:34.600 --> 0:24:39.040 to Oprah, like, right, she didn't build this incredible multimedia 0:24:39.080 --> 0:24:43.520 conglomerate to change the world without any help. She wanted 0:24:43.560 --> 0:24:45.720 to make a giant impact, so she needs a lot 0:24:45.720 --> 0:24:49.119 of support. So the more you want to give happiness 0:24:49.119 --> 0:24:53.000 to others, the more you need to keep all of 0:24:53.040 --> 0:24:56.399 that energy flowing, right, Because if you get stuck and 0:24:56.480 --> 0:24:58.960 you get shut down and you're not getting what you need, 0:24:59.680 --> 0:25:01.440 you know you're going to pull back and then you're 0:25:01.400 --> 0:25:03.600 giving this tag a war in the competition, which just 0:25:03.720 --> 0:25:08.040 has you not living from your heart and not feeling 0:25:08.080 --> 0:25:11.600 like you have what you want to give. I guess 0:25:11.600 --> 0:25:13.320 my question is, like how do I keep you? How 0:25:13.320 --> 0:25:14.760 am I supposed to be aware of that? Like what 0:25:14.800 --> 0:25:17.960 do I do in a situation um to change that? 0:25:18.080 --> 0:25:20.440 Because I naturally feel like, you know, I want to give, 0:25:20.480 --> 0:25:22.200 but in other words, like am I supposed to more 0:25:22.240 --> 0:25:25.840 so like focus on giving to myself? Or yeah, I 0:25:25.840 --> 0:25:27.680 guess it's just difficult to me for me to get 0:25:27.680 --> 0:25:31.239 into that mindset right. Well, if you think about it, 0:25:31.280 --> 0:25:34.000 like you know, everybody always talked about putting the oxygen 0:25:34.040 --> 0:25:36.800 mask on first, you know, if you're in a craft 0:25:37.800 --> 0:25:41.120 I read the pamphlet, Yeah, I've been on Southwest once 0:25:41.200 --> 0:25:45.439 or twist right, So in any situation to get it 0:25:45.600 --> 0:25:48.840 really practical and to have that mindset, you're thinking, if 0:25:48.960 --> 0:25:51.560 I want to be the ultimate giver for this person 0:25:51.600 --> 0:25:54.080 and really make this person happy, then it also depends 0:25:54.080 --> 0:25:57.720 on my happiness, and you're constantly checking in with yourself 0:25:57.720 --> 0:26:01.240 and saying what do I need and what would me happy? 0:26:01.480 --> 0:26:03.879 Because most likely the person that you're with is a 0:26:03.920 --> 0:26:06.120 lot like you. They also want to give to you, 0:26:06.680 --> 0:26:09.200 and if you're not giving them a chance to actually 0:26:09.800 --> 0:26:13.920 experience the joy of making you happy, then you've got 0:26:13.960 --> 0:26:17.800 the super lopsided thing. And I would sometimes call people 0:26:17.800 --> 0:26:21.159 out on that and say it's a little silvish me. 0:26:21.200 --> 0:26:23.159 It's also the communication that I have with people that 0:26:23.200 --> 0:26:25.040 I love, like how do I let them know what 0:26:25.119 --> 0:26:27.480 I want with, you know, in in a way that 0:26:27.480 --> 0:26:30.159 doesn't make me seem because I think I tend tend 0:26:30.200 --> 0:26:31.720 to have it build up. I build up over time, 0:26:31.720 --> 0:26:33.080 and after a while I'm just like, well, I'm going 0:26:33.119 --> 0:26:35.440 to choose this person because I like them, and it's 0:26:35.440 --> 0:26:38.280 not the way I want to communicate, right, right, And 0:26:38.320 --> 0:26:40.560 we do that, we like store up. I mean, it's 0:26:40.560 --> 0:26:43.680 an amazing thing how many like little hurts and little 0:26:43.680 --> 0:26:46.400 resentments we build out and then we explode and then 0:26:46.560 --> 0:26:50.360 you know, the relationship could be over. So it's generous, right, 0:26:50.440 --> 0:26:53.359 It's another giving act to say to somebody before you 0:26:53.440 --> 0:26:56.040 get up set, Hey, you know what it would make 0:26:56.040 --> 0:27:00.240 me so happy if still in the blank. Yeah, you 0:27:00.240 --> 0:27:03.800 know that magical words for the guys. Am I right, Like, 0:27:03.840 --> 0:27:05.719 wouldn't it be so nice that she just told you 0:27:05.760 --> 0:27:08.760 what would make her happy? Yeah? Of course, no, absolutely, 0:27:08.800 --> 0:27:10.719 That's I was reading a study and the number one 0:27:10.760 --> 0:27:14.320 reason why relationships fails lack of communication. And it's so 0:27:14.400 --> 0:27:17.080 true because for some reason we I don't know, I mean, 0:27:17.320 --> 0:27:20.679 as a guy, sometimes I feel very difficult to express like, Okay, 0:27:20.720 --> 0:27:22.840 this is what I like, this is what I don't like, 0:27:22.880 --> 0:27:24.520 this is what makes me happy, this is what makes 0:27:24.520 --> 0:27:27.199 me sad because it's it's it's a balance, right, It's 0:27:27.200 --> 0:27:29.080 a fine line because you want to accept the person 0:27:29.119 --> 0:27:31.760 that you love for all their flaws, because that's who 0:27:31.760 --> 0:27:33.520 they are and that's who you love. Having said that, 0:27:33.560 --> 0:27:38.480 like sometimes that's you know, uh can be over time, 0:27:38.520 --> 0:27:40.480 I don't know how to describe it, like you don't 0:27:40.480 --> 0:27:42.200 want somebody to change, but having said that, you still 0:27:42.200 --> 0:27:43.960 want to vocalize be like, well this is something that 0:27:44.040 --> 0:27:46.200 I don't like, So I don't want you to change, 0:27:46.280 --> 0:27:48.200 but I feel like I should tell you. So it's 0:27:48.240 --> 0:27:51.240 a very fine line I feel, and I agree with 0:27:51.320 --> 0:27:54.679 Kendall where it's it's it's very how do I articulate that? 0:27:54.760 --> 0:27:58.000 How do I tell somebody like, Okay, this is what 0:27:58.040 --> 0:28:00.399 I want and yes, you can put it on in 0:28:00.400 --> 0:28:02.680 the universe, but I think it just takes it takes 0:28:02.680 --> 0:28:04.359 a lot of guts to express what you want. It 0:28:04.400 --> 0:28:06.760 really does. Well. I'm also afraid of hurting people's feelings 0:28:06.760 --> 0:28:09.320 like constantly. Yeah, of course, I don't want to say 0:28:09.359 --> 0:28:11.199 something that would that would lead people to believe that 0:28:11.240 --> 0:28:13.640 I value someone else over them, um, you know, because 0:28:13.640 --> 0:28:15.600 it's not it shouldn't be like that. It's not a competition. 0:28:16.040 --> 0:28:19.240 Um right, Yeah, I think if you lead with what 0:28:19.400 --> 0:28:22.200 is it that you ultimately want? Like I really want 0:28:22.240 --> 0:28:25.000 to feel close to you, or I want to protect 0:28:25.040 --> 0:28:27.480 our relationship, or I don't want to end up in 0:28:27.520 --> 0:28:30.760 a week really resentful. So can I tell you something 0:28:30.800 --> 0:28:33.959 that's really hard for me to share right now? You know, 0:28:34.200 --> 0:28:37.000 being vulnerable and this is what I wanted to share 0:28:37.040 --> 0:28:40.760 with Jared too. Is is like the new superpower. I mean, 0:28:43.800 --> 0:28:50.680 I know it is. I'm Superman. See if you want 0:28:50.720 --> 0:28:53.000 to read all the studies to like Rene Brown, the 0:28:53.000 --> 0:28:56.280 author of Bearing Greatly is the queen of vulnerability. And 0:28:56.320 --> 0:28:59.440 it's really become like a thing that we're realizing that 0:28:59.600 --> 0:29:02.200 it is the gateway to everything that we really want 0:29:02.720 --> 0:29:05.680 to just be real with each other. Like the society 0:29:05.680 --> 0:29:07.880 of the culture we live in right now doesn't want 0:29:08.400 --> 0:29:11.120 the perfect and the polished and all the fakey fake right. 0:29:11.160 --> 0:29:14.960 We want real, want like a human being. And that 0:29:15.080 --> 0:29:19.040 takes this tone of courage. No, I've I've always said 0:29:19.040 --> 0:29:24.320 that vulnerability is a sign of strength, not weakness. So 0:29:24.640 --> 0:29:27.400 you could stare that kindell just saying like this is 0:29:27.400 --> 0:29:29.960 super hard for me and I'm not good at this, 0:29:30.840 --> 0:29:32.800 but I know that it's going to make me a 0:29:32.800 --> 0:29:34.920 better girlfriend. I know that you're going to be with 0:29:34.920 --> 0:29:37.480 a happier woman. And frankly, I think any guy is 0:29:37.520 --> 0:29:39.840 in relationship to do one thing. If he really cares 0:29:39.840 --> 0:29:42.040 about you, he wants to make you happy, and I 0:29:42.080 --> 0:29:47.720 agree with that. Yeah, if you lead with that, then 0:29:47.760 --> 0:29:49.920 I think it will be well received. And I think, 0:29:50.040 --> 0:29:52.400 you know, any relationship that I'm in, of course, like 0:29:52.440 --> 0:29:55.520 my ultimate goal is to make my girlfriend, fiance, wife, 0:29:55.560 --> 0:29:58.240 life partner happy. And so for her to just come 0:29:58.240 --> 0:30:00.280 to me and say, listen, this is what I want, 0:30:00.280 --> 0:30:02.760 this is what means the most to me. Um, yeah, 0:30:02.800 --> 0:30:05.880 I think it would be a really wonderful conversation to have. 0:30:06.160 --> 0:30:07.480 You know what, I think it's funny. I think ours 0:30:07.520 --> 0:30:09.520 relates in some sense, is that, um, we don't we 0:30:09.560 --> 0:30:11.280 want to live up to the expectation that other people 0:30:11.320 --> 0:30:12.880 have of us totally. You know, I want to live 0:30:12.920 --> 0:30:14.480 up to the expectations of my friend and family. You 0:30:14.520 --> 0:30:17.000 want to live up the expectations of you know, people 0:30:17.000 --> 0:30:19.480 that you're dating. Um, so it's just people in my life, 0:30:19.560 --> 0:30:22.280 you know, French family, the people that I value, their 0:30:22.320 --> 0:30:23.920 opinion on I want to be the guy that they 0:30:23.920 --> 0:30:27.080 think I am, you know, and so, and I try 0:30:27.160 --> 0:30:28.920 really hard, but I think it's it's it's a tough 0:30:29.000 --> 0:30:31.880 thing to accept, you know, the idea of maybe you're 0:30:31.920 --> 0:30:35.160 not as as as you know, as wonderful as other 0:30:35.200 --> 0:30:37.480 people think you are, because like nobody knows yourself better 0:30:37.520 --> 0:30:39.360 than you have said that earlier, but it's it's true. 0:30:39.400 --> 0:30:41.600 So like there, that's where insecurities come in, that's where 0:30:41.600 --> 0:30:44.200 doubts come in. I think it almost starts with I 0:30:44.240 --> 0:30:45.920 know this is like seems one of those cliche things, 0:30:45.920 --> 0:30:48.320 but like loving who you are, like loving your in performance, 0:30:48.360 --> 0:30:52.720 embracing those and feeling like hell yeah I would date myself. Yeah, absolutely, 0:30:52.720 --> 0:30:55.920 you have to love your imperfections. Yeah, I want to 0:30:56.080 --> 0:30:58.400 present agree, But I'm not saying that's easy. That's the 0:30:58.440 --> 0:31:01.080 only thing I'm not. Yeah, so scared. If you ever 0:31:01.200 --> 0:31:04.920 had the experience of being in a relationship with someone 0:31:04.960 --> 0:31:07.360 who did share an insecurity and it just made you 0:31:07.400 --> 0:31:10.760 like a door on her even more, Uh yeah, oh 0:31:10.800 --> 0:31:14.000 my god. Yeah, it's just I've of course, I've grown 0:31:14.080 --> 0:31:19.240 to become more attracted not only emotionally but physically as 0:31:19.280 --> 0:31:23.360 well to somebody that can just embrace their imperfections, say 0:31:23.400 --> 0:31:26.040 I love it, and it's like, yeah, I love it too. 0:31:26.160 --> 0:31:33.800 That's sexy. Yeah, So we as women want that from 0:31:33.840 --> 0:31:36.680 you too. I don't think any of us expect to 0:31:36.720 --> 0:31:42.320 have like Hero seven, like that would also make us 0:31:42.400 --> 0:31:45.520 feel like we had to be perfect and all that. Yeah, 0:31:45.600 --> 0:31:49.760 and you were to share some more, you know, and 0:31:49.760 --> 0:31:53.280 and let more of you come out. What that does 0:31:53.360 --> 0:31:55.800 is that gives the woman the thing that she wants 0:31:55.800 --> 0:31:57.920 the most. Right. So a man wants to be able 0:31:57.960 --> 0:32:02.480 to make his partner happy, and a woman who identifies 0:32:02.600 --> 0:32:06.720 feminine right, she wants connection, She wants to know, he 0:32:06.880 --> 0:32:08.800 just wants to get up all in there and like no, 0:32:09.000 --> 0:32:13.920 all things. I also feel like it's I'm wanting to 0:32:13.960 --> 0:32:17.360 see yourself in someone else, and by expressing your imperfections, 0:32:17.360 --> 0:32:19.840 you're able to they're able to connect with you because 0:32:19.840 --> 0:32:21.920 I'm like, oh that's I feel that way too, or 0:32:22.000 --> 0:32:24.200 I have those insecurities too, and then you feel like 0:32:24.200 --> 0:32:26.160 you can relate on that level. Yeah. What I've always 0:32:26.240 --> 0:32:28.560 done is you know, with any girl that I've ever 0:32:28.640 --> 0:32:31.720 dated with, any insecurity that she has, I will reassure her. 0:32:32.200 --> 0:32:34.160 I mean, over and over over again. She's like I 0:32:34.640 --> 0:32:36.640 hate my elbows, and I'm like, I love your elbows, 0:32:36.640 --> 0:32:38.920 and I'll kiss their elbows or you know whatever, right, 0:32:38.960 --> 0:32:41.480 whatever insecurity they have, I want to make sure that like, no, 0:32:41.720 --> 0:32:44.040 you're great, You're wonderful. But what I don't do is 0:32:44.080 --> 0:32:46.520 I don't talk about a lot of my own insecurities. 0:32:46.560 --> 0:32:48.520 And I think that's something that I need to start doing, 0:32:48.800 --> 0:32:51.000 because I do think that there is a relatability factor 0:32:51.040 --> 0:32:53.480 where you're like, well, like I'm insecure about something and 0:32:53.480 --> 0:32:56.520 he reassures me, which is wonderful, But he's also insecure 0:32:56.560 --> 0:32:58.840 about something too, and that makes me feel more comfortable 0:32:58.880 --> 0:33:01.760 around him. And so think, you know, not only myself, 0:33:01.800 --> 0:33:03.920 but a lot of guys in general, because I you know, 0:33:03.960 --> 0:33:05.360 I grew up on the East Coast. I grew up 0:33:05.400 --> 0:33:07.400 like a lot of uh, you know, my my father 0:33:07.480 --> 0:33:09.640 is the most wonderful man I've ever met my entire life. 0:33:09.680 --> 0:33:12.160 But of course, you know, he's very He's a man's man, 0:33:12.280 --> 0:33:14.680 you know, like, you know, he doesn't talk about his 0:33:14.680 --> 0:33:16.840 emotions a lot, and as he gets older, actually starts 0:33:16.840 --> 0:33:18.920 talking a lot more about his emotions and his feelings, 0:33:19.080 --> 0:33:21.600 which is the most endearing and adorable thing I've ever 0:33:21.680 --> 0:33:24.720 seen in my entire life. It really is. Yeah, Like 0:33:24.840 --> 0:33:26.640 I I've taken a lot of lessons from my parents, 0:33:26.680 --> 0:33:28.800 because my parents at a young age, it wasn't always great. 0:33:28.800 --> 0:33:30.680 They got young, like my married. My mom got married 0:33:30.720 --> 0:33:32.280 when she was twenty my dad was twenty seven, so 0:33:32.320 --> 0:33:34.920 she was very young. She had my sister at twenty two, 0:33:35.360 --> 0:33:37.240 so like everything happened so quickly, right, and so you 0:33:37.240 --> 0:33:38.960 get married a young age like, and they had a 0:33:38.960 --> 0:33:40.920 wonderful marriage and very loving, but of course there was 0:33:41.000 --> 0:33:43.640 bad times and sometimes fights and so on and so forth. 0:33:43.680 --> 0:33:46.440 And now I've seen how love changes. That's something that 0:33:46.480 --> 0:33:48.400 I've we talked about a little bit earlier Kendall and 0:33:48.440 --> 0:33:50.480 I about how I do believe that love changes. At 0:33:50.520 --> 0:33:52.360 the beginning, there is this puppy love stage and like 0:33:52.520 --> 0:33:55.040 you're doing laundry with somebody, your dishes and it doesn't matter. 0:33:55.080 --> 0:33:57.200 Everything is so fantastic because you're just with that person. 0:33:57.280 --> 0:34:00.240 It's lust full and it's fantastic. And then like that's 0:34:00.240 --> 0:34:02.560 going to fade over time, and that doesn't mean it's 0:34:02.560 --> 0:34:04.320 bad though. I just think that love changes, Like you're 0:34:04.360 --> 0:34:06.160 gonna go through through some things and there's gonna be 0:34:06.200 --> 0:34:08.520 bad times. In the relationship, and there's gonna be you know, 0:34:08.680 --> 0:34:11.200 hopefully not bad fights, but there's gonna be disagreements, and 0:34:11.239 --> 0:34:13.480 then like there's going to be challenges, whether that be 0:34:13.560 --> 0:34:17.080 external challenges or internal challenges between you and this other partner. 0:34:17.440 --> 0:34:19.239 And so I think if you can get past those 0:34:19.320 --> 0:34:22.400 challenges and those obstacles together as a as a team, 0:34:22.680 --> 0:34:25.520 I think love changes at that point. And I think 0:34:25.560 --> 0:34:27.080 I've seen that in my parents, because now I look 0:34:27.080 --> 0:34:28.640 at my parents and I don't think I've ever seen 0:34:28.680 --> 0:34:31.360 them love each other more than they do right now, 0:34:31.440 --> 0:34:34.600 because they've gone through it, like they've had a marriage 0:34:34.640 --> 0:34:37.239 and they've fought, and then they've loved each other, and 0:34:37.280 --> 0:34:40.000 they've gone through you know, people in their family dying, 0:34:40.000 --> 0:34:42.879 and they've been through like so much stuff together. There's 0:34:42.880 --> 0:34:45.120 so many shifts in the exactly. Well, the one thing is, 0:34:45.160 --> 0:34:47.399 I mean, I've never been in a relationship longer than 0:34:47.440 --> 0:34:50.200 ten months. I mean, I have a bad thing. But 0:34:50.200 --> 0:34:52.160 at the same time, it's hard for me because I've 0:34:52.160 --> 0:34:55.120 never experienced like that next level of where you have 0:34:55.160 --> 0:34:56.960 a whole puppy stage and everything is all happy and 0:34:57.040 --> 0:34:59.520 hunky dory, and then you get to the hard stage 0:34:59.760 --> 0:35:03.040 and I'm not necessarily sure if it's because I'm dating 0:35:03.360 --> 0:35:04.920 the wrong kind of people and I feel like, oh, 0:35:04.920 --> 0:35:06.680 I don't see myself marrying this person, so I don't 0:35:06.680 --> 0:35:09.120 want to waste their time or my time, or I'm 0:35:09.160 --> 0:35:11.879 the kind of person that is afraid to actually take 0:35:12.000 --> 0:35:13.960 the next step, and maybe I should put more effort 0:35:13.960 --> 0:35:16.359 towards something I agree with though, because there is there 0:35:16.440 --> 0:35:18.239 is a line, right there is this bump in a 0:35:18.280 --> 0:35:20.920 relationship where you're like, okay, like it's getting to the 0:35:20.920 --> 0:35:22.840 point where we're out of puppy stage love and now 0:35:22.880 --> 0:35:25.480 like things are getting very very deep and things are 0:35:25.480 --> 0:35:28.000 getting very intense, and like we either get over this 0:35:28.120 --> 0:35:30.680 bump and really pushed past this. And I think like 0:35:30.760 --> 0:35:33.719 that's when like three or four or five year relationships, 0:35:33.760 --> 0:35:38.040 that's how it really happens, or you kind of break 0:35:38.120 --> 0:35:40.239 up and you you start all over again into the 0:35:40.280 --> 0:35:42.440 next puppy love phase and then you know, it's kind 0:35:42.440 --> 0:35:46.040 of like a recycling thing, and so, um, I don't know, 0:35:46.080 --> 0:35:49.200 it's very interesting, it would be amazing. I think it's 0:35:49.200 --> 0:35:52.200 more people lead with at the beginning of a relationship 0:35:52.360 --> 0:35:55.319 or you know, sort of early on what they're really 0:35:55.360 --> 0:35:58.320 looking for, because you have a great person in the 0:35:58.360 --> 0:36:01.440 relationship though, like, you don't scare me. You know, nothing 0:36:01.480 --> 0:36:03.360 you can say or do is going to push me away. 0:36:03.400 --> 0:36:06.160 I really want to know you, or I want to 0:36:06.200 --> 0:36:10.200 go past that initial populve stage, like that's what I'm 0:36:10.239 --> 0:36:13.080 here for, that's what I'm looking for that really could 0:36:13.160 --> 0:36:16.479 open it up and have that person sort of get 0:36:16.520 --> 0:36:22.480 with you on that goal. You don't you know, you 0:36:22.480 --> 0:36:25.279 don't see the person that gets scared easily, Kendall. I 0:36:25.360 --> 0:36:28.480 never get scared. No, if I think if somebody, I mean, 0:36:28.880 --> 0:36:32.279 the thing that scares me is questioning in my mind, 0:36:32.680 --> 0:36:35.000 is this someone that's just not meant I'm not meant 0:36:35.040 --> 0:36:36.520 to be with? Or is this someone I'm not paying 0:36:36.600 --> 0:36:39.400 enough effort in? Yeah, it's it's it's a fine like 0:36:39.400 --> 0:36:42.480 it's hard to tell. It's really difficult to tell. Right. 0:36:42.719 --> 0:36:45.080 What are your thoughts on that, Sherry? But do you know, 0:36:45.239 --> 0:36:48.400 I think it's an interesting thing. You know, there's there's 0:36:48.800 --> 0:36:55.120 uh saying I've studied so many different um sources, you know, 0:36:55.200 --> 0:36:57.720 to try to figure this whole relationship and life thing out. 0:36:58.280 --> 0:37:02.279 And there's an ancient teaching that says, if you're going 0:37:02.360 --> 0:37:05.200 to pursue something if you're going to go for a 0:37:05.280 --> 0:37:08.680 goal of any sort, your likelihood for success should be 0:37:08.719 --> 0:37:11.759 pretty high. Like you should have a sense that this 0:37:11.840 --> 0:37:16.080 person is going to go there with you, or they're willing, 0:37:16.080 --> 0:37:22.359 they're open, they're they're teachable. Right, something is there that's 0:37:22.400 --> 0:37:26.839 giving you an inclination that it is possible, and if not, 0:37:27.920 --> 0:37:30.760 it can be your undoing. You know, like people stay 0:37:30.760 --> 0:37:34.759 in marriages sometimes way to long because they think this 0:37:34.880 --> 0:37:37.400 person is going to change, you know, and then it 0:37:37.520 --> 0:37:41.680 really takes a toll. It's something probably your parents figured 0:37:41.719 --> 0:37:44.239 out dared you know, that they knew that they had 0:37:44.360 --> 0:37:48.120 enough history and foundation and open heartedness to keep going. 0:37:48.800 --> 0:37:51.320 And it's so amazing, Like how your dad has shown 0:37:51.360 --> 0:37:54.000 you too, like a whole new definition of masculine as 0:37:54.080 --> 0:37:58.479 he's gotten older to agree, and I think you get 0:37:58.520 --> 0:38:02.320 to take that on. Like in your relationship. There's there's 0:38:02.320 --> 0:38:04.279 sort of two ways that we can go about things. 0:38:04.320 --> 0:38:07.120 We can go sort of human animal like when we're 0:38:07.160 --> 0:38:09.440 just fight or flight and survival mode that's kind of 0:38:09.480 --> 0:38:12.680 from the amygdala, the reptilian brain. Or we can go 0:38:12.840 --> 0:38:19.840 like full on um heart felt like freedom, human human spirit, 0:38:20.000 --> 0:38:22.080 you could say, like and we we make all our 0:38:22.120 --> 0:38:25.480 decisions from the heart of the prefrontal cortex, right. And 0:38:25.560 --> 0:38:28.839 you sometimes when you get afraid or candle or any 0:38:28.880 --> 0:38:30.839 of us, when we get triggered, we think this person 0:38:30.920 --> 0:38:32.719 is not going to be happy with us, and I 0:38:32.719 --> 0:38:34.920 don't know if we're gonna make it. You could go 0:38:35.000 --> 0:38:38.320 into the fight or flight instinct, right and just hold back, 0:38:38.840 --> 0:38:42.440 which makes more holding back happen versus going you know what, 0:38:43.440 --> 0:38:45.719 I know that we're in a new a new day 0:38:45.760 --> 0:38:47.880 and age right now, and I know my dad's showing 0:38:47.920 --> 0:38:50.600 me more real sense of what it is to be 0:38:50.640 --> 0:38:54.399 a man, and I'm gonna, like go into this. I'm 0:38:54.400 --> 0:38:55.960 going to get closer to her, and I'm going to 0:38:56.080 --> 0:38:59.239 get vulnerable and I'm gonna show her who aam like 0:38:59.360 --> 0:39:01.959 he's just shown me. Yeah, and I agree, not only 0:39:02.000 --> 0:39:04.319 just showing the new sense of him being a man, 0:39:04.400 --> 0:39:10.000 but just him being a human. Um exactly. And so 0:39:10.040 --> 0:39:11.960 I also think, like what we were talking about being 0:39:12.280 --> 0:39:14.120 up front at the beginning of the relationship, I also 0:39:14.160 --> 0:39:18.160 think what a lot of people do is they don't value, um, 0:39:18.320 --> 0:39:21.439 other people's opinions or like, uh, they don't like um 0:39:21.719 --> 0:39:24.800 understand that other people are able to handle the truth, 0:39:25.000 --> 0:39:26.960 Like and that's something we were talked about earlier about 0:39:27.000 --> 0:39:30.120 hurting people's feelings, Like, and I go through the same thing. 0:39:30.160 --> 0:39:32.680 I'm very terrified of hurting someone's feelings. But what I 0:39:32.719 --> 0:39:34.359 need to do is I need to accept the fact that, 0:39:34.400 --> 0:39:36.759 like they could handle that, you know, they will be 0:39:36.800 --> 0:39:41.439 able to handle me telling them how I feel um. 0:39:41.480 --> 0:39:43.960 And so I try to always think about that, to think, like, no, 0:39:44.080 --> 0:39:48.080 they're stronger than I'm like that point, because I am 0:39:48.120 --> 0:39:51.000 always afraid that they won't be able to handle it. 0:39:51.000 --> 0:39:52.919 Although I know that they're a strong person, they can't 0:39:52.920 --> 0:39:55.040 handle it. Almost don't want to put them through the 0:39:55.200 --> 0:39:59.120 having to handle that. No, exactly, I totally agree, But 0:39:59.200 --> 0:40:01.239 you know what would be in amazing, Like my definition 0:40:01.239 --> 0:40:05.320 are my sort of goal for relationship is very simple. 0:40:05.360 --> 0:40:08.080 It's to love and be loved, right. That's why we 0:40:08.200 --> 0:40:11.920 get into relationships at any point in our lives, otherwise 0:40:11.960 --> 0:40:14.799 we'd all be single. And so if you were to 0:40:14.880 --> 0:40:18.680 share something that could be um, something that would hurt them, 0:40:18.840 --> 0:40:21.320 you know, because maybe it feels like you're putting yourself 0:40:21.360 --> 0:40:24.399 first if you share it with a whole lot of love, 0:40:25.200 --> 0:40:27.359 like you hand it to them with your heart and 0:40:27.400 --> 0:40:29.600 you say this is hard for me, It could be 0:40:29.640 --> 0:40:31.879 really hard for you. I love you. I don't want 0:40:31.880 --> 0:40:34.760 to hurt you. You know with all that it's gonna 0:40:34.840 --> 0:40:38.040 land beautifully, and I trust like you guys are in 0:40:38.080 --> 0:40:41.080 this for a reason that it's only going to make 0:40:41.120 --> 0:40:44.520 you two better lovers, right, Yeah, but I don't think 0:40:44.520 --> 0:40:46.360 there's Do you think that there's anything wrong if it 0:40:46.440 --> 0:40:51.040 doesn't land beautifully? This is true. If it doesn't land beautifully, 0:40:51.080 --> 0:40:53.400 then that's evidence, right, that's something for you to go. 0:40:54.760 --> 0:40:56.879 You know. Do we have an opening here to keep 0:40:56.920 --> 0:41:01.040 growing and keep cut getting closer? Or is is this 0:41:01.160 --> 0:41:03.480 some learning? Is this person showing me who they are? 0:41:04.120 --> 0:41:07.080 Because there are some people who, yeah, will be scared 0:41:07.080 --> 0:41:08.920 by you, who won't be able to hold you, who 0:41:08.920 --> 0:41:11.640 may not be interested in making you happy. And that's 0:41:11.640 --> 0:41:16.040 done mean to pay attention to you. M very interesting, yeah, 0:41:16.040 --> 0:41:17.960 because sometimes I think a lot of people focus on 0:41:18.120 --> 0:41:20.080 saying what am I not doing? Right? What am I not? 0:41:20.160 --> 0:41:21.839 You know? What am I missing? Or maybe it's something 0:41:21.840 --> 0:41:23.719 that the other person is missing as well? Well. I 0:41:23.719 --> 0:41:25.640 think it's I think it's two extremes. I think people 0:41:25.920 --> 0:41:28.160 either go one extreme where they go like you just said, 0:41:28.200 --> 0:41:29.799 what am I doing wrong, or they go to the 0:41:29.800 --> 0:41:32.040 complete other extreme and they're like, well, everything that's wrong 0:41:32.040 --> 0:41:34.040 in this relationship is because of them, and I'm perfect, 0:41:34.239 --> 0:41:37.200 And it's usually somewhere in the middle, right, Just like 0:41:37.280 --> 0:41:39.239 you know, there's two sides to every story. The truth 0:41:39.320 --> 0:41:41.520 usually lies in the middle. And I agree with relationships 0:41:41.560 --> 0:41:45.160 like I you know, it's it's a partnership. It's it's sacrifice, 0:41:45.160 --> 0:41:48.440 and it's it's loving, and it's happiness and sadness and 0:41:48.719 --> 0:41:52.560 being able to put work and effort into a relationship. Um, 0:41:52.600 --> 0:41:54.279 and so that's kind of what love is, you know. 0:41:54.360 --> 0:41:59.040 It's just it's hard to even put into words. Yeah, well, 0:41:59.160 --> 0:42:03.359 thank you so much. Sure talk, Yeah, getting real here 0:42:05.560 --> 0:42:07.880 such great stuff. If if people out there want to 0:42:07.880 --> 0:42:09.840 hear more from you or get in touch with you, 0:42:09.880 --> 0:42:13.359 where can we point them? Oh, the my website would 0:42:13.400 --> 0:42:16.520 be the easiest at Suri Healy dot com. And I 0:42:16.560 --> 0:42:19.560 call myself a possibilitarian, So if you just looked up 0:42:20.320 --> 0:42:24.839 possibilitarian and my name's d R I E. Then um, yeah, 0:42:24.880 --> 0:42:27.960 I'm all about just helping people get what they want. 0:42:28.400 --> 0:42:31.320 And when you get what you want, then you usually 0:42:31.560 --> 0:42:34.600 have a really great life, which as a ripple effect 0:42:35.120 --> 0:42:39.560 and helps feathers be the same, so everybody wins. Well, 0:42:39.760 --> 0:42:43.480 thank you so much for coming on show. Absolutely, have 0:42:43.520 --> 0:42:45.239 a great day, guys, you two have a great thank 0:42:47.480 --> 0:42:50.399 you know. Thinking about getting what you want, everyone kind 0:42:50.400 --> 0:42:52.680 of helping each other out to to get what they want. 0:42:52.680 --> 0:42:54.799 It makes me think about this this place I know 0:42:54.920 --> 0:42:59.000 that's so cool. It's called thread up and thrift store stuff. 0:42:59.160 --> 0:43:02.879 YEA so huge fan of thrift store stuff. Drift store 0:43:02.920 --> 0:43:04.920 stuff is really cool and there's so many hidden treasures 0:43:04.920 --> 0:43:06.560 you can find. But what's the worst part about going 0:43:06.560 --> 0:43:08.960 to your thrift store having to sort through bins and 0:43:09.080 --> 0:43:12.840 racks and everything and an organization. Yeah, it's it's sixty 0:43:12.920 --> 0:43:14.799 four hours to find the one shirt that you've been 0:43:14.840 --> 0:43:19.239 looking for exactly exactly Gavenger hunt. Yeah. And while that's 0:43:19.320 --> 0:43:21.440 exciting and adventurous, sometimes you just don't have the time 0:43:21.440 --> 0:43:24.960 where the energy so exhaust has taken all of that out. 0:43:25.160 --> 0:43:28.799 I actually just recently used threat up um and one 0:43:28.800 --> 0:43:30.319 thing that I really liked about it I was able 0:43:30.320 --> 0:43:31.839 to kind of narrow it down. So instead of going 0:43:31.880 --> 0:43:33.520 to a thrift store and there's all this crazy stuff 0:43:33.560 --> 0:43:36.279 going everywhere um, threat up is really good. Because when 0:43:36.320 --> 0:43:38.240 you go online, you can't have more of an organized 0:43:38.280 --> 0:43:39.880 way of looking at it. Like all the dresses are 0:43:39.880 --> 0:43:42.600 in one area, all the shirts are another area, different brands, 0:43:42.680 --> 0:43:45.080 you know, different sizes of different colors, so it really 0:43:45.120 --> 0:43:47.319 just narrows down to what you really want. They've got 0:43:47.360 --> 0:43:49.400 a really like a lot of high end stuff too, 0:43:49.480 --> 0:43:52.879 Like I mean, Kate Spade handbags for thirty dollars, Jay 0:43:52.920 --> 0:43:54.960 Crew jeans for twelve dollars. I bought my wife a 0:43:55.080 --> 0:43:58.000 Theory denim jacket that was I thought it was brand new. 0:43:58.080 --> 0:44:00.440 I mean, like they say, the stuff is, you know, 0:44:00.520 --> 0:44:03.239 it's pre loved, like they say, but it goes through 0:44:03.400 --> 0:44:06.000 a crazy inspection process. So when you get when you 0:44:06.000 --> 0:44:08.080 get the item, it really I love it still tags 0:44:08.120 --> 0:44:10.400 on it like it's a really great condition. That's one 0:44:10.400 --> 0:44:11.840 of the other great things about thread up is that 0:44:12.400 --> 0:44:15.640 it's not you're looking for vintage stuff, but also you 0:44:15.719 --> 0:44:18.000 getting new stuff at a discount of price. Yeah, totally 0:44:18.040 --> 0:44:20.040 already know what I'm getting my sister for Christmas. Kate's paid, 0:44:20.320 --> 0:44:22.920 Kate's paid back. Here we go. Yeah, those things can 0:44:22.920 --> 0:44:25.239 really set you back, but not with thread Up. Baby. Yeah, 0:44:25.280 --> 0:44:27.440 everything's I mean, it's really awesome discount, which is good. 0:44:27.440 --> 0:44:29.239 The reason why I love through stores is because, um, 0:44:29.280 --> 0:44:32.640 I'm pretty cheap, so I love going getting things are 0:44:32.719 --> 0:44:35.320 good quality. And also like if I can spend the 0:44:35.320 --> 0:44:37.240 same amount of money going to like a cheaper store, 0:44:37.719 --> 0:44:39.239 but it's not as good as quality, and it won't 0:44:39.320 --> 0:44:42.279 last as long as something that is cheaper. Just secondhand 0:44:42.440 --> 0:44:45.880 exactly exactly, and you know, recycle, reuse, close the loop. 0:44:45.960 --> 0:44:48.920 It's it's all party, keeping the planet healthy. Thread up 0:44:49.320 --> 0:44:51.880 is offering our listeners from help by secudating extra thirty 0:44:51.880 --> 0:44:53.919 percent off their first order. You just go to thread 0:44:53.960 --> 0:44:56.480 up dot com slash dean d e A N that's 0:44:56.560 --> 0:44:59.160 thread up, and that's t r t h R E 0:44:59.280 --> 0:45:01.960 d u p dot com slash dean. You can get 0:45:01.960 --> 0:45:05.480 an extra thirty percent off already crazy discounts. So I 0:45:05.520 --> 0:45:08.120 gotta check out threat up. Everybody is the best. Check 0:45:08.120 --> 0:45:10.759 it out, all right, you guys. So we got some 0:45:10.840 --> 0:45:12.960 emails here are a little great. The emails all the 0:45:12.960 --> 0:45:15.439 time with their problems and with things that they want 0:45:15.440 --> 0:45:17.560 our advice on. And I was thank you for listening 0:45:17.600 --> 0:45:20.400 to this podcast, by the way, Yeah, thank you if 0:45:20.400 --> 0:45:23.120 you're listening out there, thank you for listening. If you 0:45:23.160 --> 0:45:26.080 can hear our voices, we are full gratitude. Uh So, 0:45:26.239 --> 0:45:27.880 since I've got both you guys here, I was thinking, 0:45:28.200 --> 0:45:30.080 I'll read an email, and I kind of wanted to 0:45:30.080 --> 0:45:34.680 get like Kendall's perspective and then Jared's ideas, like he said, 0:45:34.760 --> 0:45:38.880 she said, kind of a thing. Yeah, so this this 0:45:38.960 --> 0:45:41.600 first one, it's kind of about the bro code and 0:45:41.719 --> 0:45:45.680 I get those juices flowing help. Last weekend, a friend 0:45:45.680 --> 0:45:47.640 of mine invited me to dinner with her boyfriend and 0:45:47.640 --> 0:45:50.080 two of their guy friends. The next day, we had 0:45:50.120 --> 0:45:52.120 all plan on going to a bar crawl together for St. 0:45:52.120 --> 0:45:54.520 Patrick's Day. I was fairly interested in one of the 0:45:54.560 --> 0:45:56.359 guys from dinner the night before, we'll call him Guy 0:45:56.480 --> 0:45:58.919 number one, and was excited to get to know him more. 0:45:59.160 --> 0:46:01.279 The five of us played drinking games in preparation for 0:46:01.320 --> 0:46:03.240 the crawl until the guy I was interested in started 0:46:03.239 --> 0:46:05.640 feeling sick and went home. I ended up hooking up 0:46:05.680 --> 0:46:08.200 with the other guy, Guy number two. Keep in mind 0:46:08.400 --> 0:46:11.640 guys number one into are really good friends. My question is, 0:46:11.760 --> 0:46:14.000 what is the bro code? Am I still interested in 0:46:14.040 --> 0:46:16.080 getting to know Guy number one? Should I squash that 0:46:16.120 --> 0:46:18.520 idea and taking l for the weekend? Was this the 0:46:18.920 --> 0:46:21.040 or was this one time thing? Okay, guy number two 0:46:21.040 --> 0:46:23.520 could look past it even though he's interested. I'm twenty 0:46:23.520 --> 0:46:26.240 four for reference, and that's from anonymous. My first question 0:46:26.320 --> 0:46:28.000 is what's wrong with guy number two? Like you hooked 0:46:28.040 --> 0:46:29.840 up with him? Is there not a connection? Like? Do 0:46:29.880 --> 0:46:32.120 you not want to pursue that? That's my first I 0:46:32.120 --> 0:46:34.239 think she's more interested in guy number one, But how 0:46:34.320 --> 0:46:36.520 is things with guy number two, Like obviously they weren't 0:46:36.560 --> 0:46:38.440 that good if she's still like, yeah, I wonder if 0:46:38.440 --> 0:46:41.160 it's one of the situations that she's so fixated on 0:46:41.200 --> 0:46:43.359 guy number one that she hooks up with guy number 0:46:43.360 --> 0:46:44.880 two and it's still just like no, no, no, no, 0:46:44.920 --> 0:46:46.799 I want guy number one, even though maybe guy number 0:46:46.800 --> 0:46:49.000 two there's like a better connection, but she's just not 0:46:49.080 --> 0:46:53.520 even looking in that your instantaneous attraction, you know, like 0:46:53.600 --> 0:46:57.200 something feels that there's certain energy with someone. UM my opinion, 0:46:57.280 --> 0:46:59.560 just with my friends girl code same thing as guy 0:46:59.600 --> 0:47:05.080 could broke code. UM. I don't Usually what I do is, um, 0:47:05.120 --> 0:47:07.520 if multiple girls are into one guy, we'll kind of 0:47:07.520 --> 0:47:09.640 sit back and see which one he you know, kind 0:47:09.680 --> 0:47:11.480 of a little more drawn to. And then as soon 0:47:11.520 --> 0:47:13.600 as he's drawn to one person will step back, And 0:47:13.880 --> 0:47:17.200 I think there's something to be said about not intermingling that, 0:47:17.719 --> 0:47:20.360 like I I don't know, don't it's about hurting feelings. 0:47:20.360 --> 0:47:23.480 And for me, it's like my girlfriends um the other 0:47:23.560 --> 0:47:25.080 ones last forever. If it's just gonna be like a 0:47:25.080 --> 0:47:27.640 hook up, um, not like true love kind of thing. 0:47:27.680 --> 0:47:29.600 And then I never risked that. And it's so hard 0:47:29.640 --> 0:47:32.520 to judge too, because hook up is such a vague term. 0:47:34.280 --> 0:47:37.040 Did you guys sleep together? Did you just make out? 0:47:37.400 --> 0:47:39.680 Was it a like kind of like a drunken kiss, 0:47:40.120 --> 0:47:41.759 or did it go further than that? Like that's the 0:47:41.800 --> 0:47:43.080 thing about Like when someone was like, oh I hooked 0:47:43.160 --> 0:47:46.560 up with a friend and was like, what does that exactly? 0:47:46.600 --> 0:47:48.759 I had a debate like what is hooked up? Because 0:47:48.800 --> 0:47:51.800 to me, I think hooked up is like I think sex. 0:47:52.000 --> 0:47:55.239 Oh see right there, and there's a communication say sex, 0:47:55.440 --> 0:47:57.719 because like if I if I kissed somebody like, oh 0:47:57.760 --> 0:47:59.399 I made out with them, I wouldn't say I hooked 0:47:59.440 --> 0:48:00.680 up with them, It's oh I made it out with 0:48:00.840 --> 0:48:02.799 I mean I never used that terminology, Like I never 0:48:02.840 --> 0:48:08.920 say hooked up up. I don't know what yes, So 0:48:08.960 --> 0:48:10.799 maybe that's why I'm more naive to what hook up 0:48:10.800 --> 0:48:13.719 actually means. It's not part of my vocabulary. That's the 0:48:13.760 --> 0:48:15.680 tough part exactly because like if I because if I 0:48:15.680 --> 0:48:17.759 said I hooked up with somebody, I feel like that 0:48:17.840 --> 0:48:21.080 automatically people think like automatically it went further than a kiss. 0:48:21.239 --> 0:48:23.080 So if like I wanted people to know, like, no, 0:48:23.200 --> 0:48:26.160 we made out, like we made out, that's very specific, 0:48:26.160 --> 0:48:27.680 like people know exactly what you're talking about. But if 0:48:27.680 --> 0:48:29.520 I say I hooked up with somebody, it leaves room 0:48:29.560 --> 0:48:32.880 for interpretation. And so that's why if I, you know, 0:48:33.120 --> 0:48:38.040 not if yeah, like oh yeah, we hooked up. I 0:48:38.120 --> 0:48:39.799 mean what the one thing I can say about this 0:48:39.840 --> 0:48:41.600 is I feel like it's all about time. I mean 0:48:41.680 --> 0:48:44.759 time kind of heals everything. Um, So I wouldn't ride 0:48:44.760 --> 0:48:47.640 away go for guy number one. I would maybe let 0:48:47.680 --> 0:48:49.640 things kind of fade out with guy number two if 0:48:49.640 --> 0:48:52.279 she really doesn't want to pursue that, and then go back, 0:48:52.440 --> 0:48:54.680 you know, eventually kind of work my way up to 0:48:55.000 --> 0:48:56.840 going on a date with guy number one. And I'm 0:48:56.840 --> 0:48:58.920 assuming to the only way that you're going to that 0:48:59.000 --> 0:49:01.000 she's going to see I they're one of these guys, 0:49:01.120 --> 0:49:02.840 is if she hangs out with one of her friends 0:49:02.880 --> 0:49:05.320 and her boyfriend again. Right, So I mean unless she 0:49:05.360 --> 0:49:07.879 exchanged numbers with one of them, um, which if you did. 0:49:07.920 --> 0:49:10.480 If you exchange numbers with both of them, Guy one 0:49:10.560 --> 0:49:13.359 and guy too, then obviously sit back and see who 0:49:13.400 --> 0:49:15.960 texts you, because I'm sure that, I mean, who knows. 0:49:16.200 --> 0:49:18.320 Sometimes guys don't talk about hook ups, you know, so 0:49:18.760 --> 0:49:21.279 the guy one might not even know. I feel like, 0:49:21.320 --> 0:49:23.400 if they're really close friends and then guy number one 0:49:23.400 --> 0:49:28.200 started seeing the girl then, and I think as if 0:49:28.239 --> 0:49:30.879 if say, like things do escalate with guy number one, 0:49:31.000 --> 0:49:34.040 I think, as the emailer, whoever this is, I think 0:49:34.040 --> 0:49:37.000 you should address that you know fairly early on, because 0:49:37.000 --> 0:49:39.239 it's far better coming from your lips than it is 0:49:39.280 --> 0:49:41.879 her friend, right, excuse me his friend, because it would 0:49:41.920 --> 0:49:43.239 be far worse. Like if I was talking to a 0:49:43.280 --> 0:49:44.359 guy and I was like, oh, I just started seeing 0:49:44.360 --> 0:49:45.920 this girl on a couple of days and he's like, oh, yeah, 0:49:45.920 --> 0:49:47.360 who's that blah blah blah, and he's like, dude, we 0:49:47.440 --> 0:49:49.480 totally hooked up like that night a couple of weeks ago. 0:49:49.800 --> 0:49:52.680 I would kind of be like, oh what. But if 0:49:52.680 --> 0:49:54.000 she told me on the first couple of days, it 0:49:54.000 --> 0:49:55.520 was like, listen, I want you to know. I want 0:49:55.560 --> 0:49:58.280 you to hear it coming from me that this did happen. 0:49:58.360 --> 0:50:00.440 I'd be like, Okay, that's respectable, that's okay. It's not 0:50:00.480 --> 0:50:01.719 like you know, I've hooked up with people in the 0:50:01.719 --> 0:50:03.640 past two we've all been there. But I'm glad that 0:50:03.680 --> 0:50:05.160 you were truthful with me because it makes me trust 0:50:05.239 --> 0:50:07.080 you more, rather than hearing it from a guy and 0:50:07.120 --> 0:50:09.279 being like, well, who else has she hooked up with 0:50:09.320 --> 0:50:11.680 that like I don't know about Yeah, put on her 0:50:11.800 --> 0:50:13.840 terms as opposed to their terms totally. So if my 0:50:13.960 --> 0:50:15.960 advice would be just kind of you know, sit back, 0:50:16.040 --> 0:50:17.360 let it play out. I don't know if you have 0:50:17.400 --> 0:50:20.000 either one of these guys numbers or if you do, 0:50:20.200 --> 0:50:22.760 see who texts you first. If not, you know, definitely 0:50:22.760 --> 0:50:24.920 make pans. Like if I were you and you were 0:50:24.920 --> 0:50:26.799 still interested in guy number one, I would talk to 0:50:26.840 --> 0:50:29.560 your friend and be like, listen, you know I hooked 0:50:29.640 --> 0:50:32.680 up with guy number two, but it just wasn't really there, 0:50:32.719 --> 0:50:34.359 and I'm still kind of interested in guy number one. 0:50:34.360 --> 0:50:36.920 If if he is interested, let me know. Yeah, I 0:50:36.920 --> 0:50:39.239 would just say give it some time, because right off 0:50:39.280 --> 0:50:41.600 the bat going for guy number one after just hooking 0:50:41.680 --> 0:50:43.440 up with guy number two. It could be seem a 0:50:43.440 --> 0:50:45.759 little insensitive totally, So just give us some time and 0:50:45.880 --> 0:50:48.239 if you I would say, if it's only gonna be 0:50:48.239 --> 0:50:50.120 a hook up thing, I wouldn't go for it. But 0:50:50.239 --> 0:50:51.839 if it's going to be something where you actually see 0:50:51.840 --> 0:50:54.520 a serious relationship and see something developing, I would. It's 0:50:54.560 --> 0:50:56.120 I mean, it's worth it, and love is worth it. 0:50:56.120 --> 0:50:58.560 It's messy, it's crazy, um, but in the end, it's 0:50:58.560 --> 0:51:05.240 always worth it. Canda, you're so smart. Oh teen smart too. Thanks. 0:51:05.920 --> 0:51:09.120 We have another one from anonymous, maybe the same anonymous. 0:51:09.239 --> 0:51:12.960 Uh you know a different person? Who is this anonymous person? 0:51:13.000 --> 0:51:15.440 They really get around and really get around. Uh, this 0:51:15.440 --> 0:51:17.920 is about a flirty co worker. The question I have 0:51:18.000 --> 0:51:20.040 to ask all y'all's opinion on so a little a 0:51:20.080 --> 0:51:21.600 little long, so I'll stick to the main things. Hope 0:51:21.600 --> 0:51:23.960 it makes sense. I'm twenty two. I started working at 0:51:23.960 --> 0:51:26.920 a company at the end of October. It's mostly dominated 0:51:26.920 --> 0:51:29.239 by men. A few weeks in, a guy who works 0:51:29.239 --> 0:51:31.239 in a different department than me reach out to me 0:51:31.320 --> 0:51:34.439 via work email. My initial thought, nice small talk, break 0:51:34.480 --> 0:51:37.200 the ice, friendly coworker message. Every couple of days since then, 0:51:37.239 --> 0:51:39.800 the same coworker messages me. One conversation was about the 0:51:39.840 --> 0:51:41.520 kind of oatmeal he made it work for breakfast. The 0:51:41.560 --> 0:51:43.520 next day I had a package of that oatmeal at 0:51:43.560 --> 0:51:46.440 my desk. Lately, the messages have been a little more personal. 0:51:46.760 --> 0:51:49.320 None of the messages are ever inappropriate. But what bothers 0:51:49.360 --> 0:51:51.400 me is that I know he is recently engaged and 0:51:51.400 --> 0:51:53.720 he knows I'm dating someone. If I knew my boyfriend 0:51:53.760 --> 0:51:55.279 was messaging a girl at work these kinds of things, 0:51:55.320 --> 0:51:57.480 it would bother me. So I guess my question is, 0:51:57.480 --> 0:51:59.040 what do you think this guy is doing. Is this 0:51:59.160 --> 0:52:01.640 just friendly work friend ship conversation. Maybe he's looking for 0:52:01.680 --> 0:52:04.920 a couple to double date with. Is he being flirty? Okay, yeah, 0:52:04.960 --> 0:52:09.040 he's being flirty. I mean I was for I saw 0:52:09.040 --> 0:52:10.800 the oatmeal thing, and I was like, this is so sweet. 0:52:10.800 --> 0:52:12.440 He'd be a great husband. And then all of a 0:52:12.480 --> 0:52:15.200 sudden going to him being engaged in like awful husband, 0:52:15.480 --> 0:52:17.680 especially if you I'm sorry, go Kendall, no, no, I 0:52:17.680 --> 0:52:20.120 mean I just for me, it's like this is it's 0:52:20.160 --> 0:52:22.960 not physical cheating, but it's emotional cheating exactly. And the 0:52:23.000 --> 0:52:25.640 thing is like he's definitely like as a guy, you 0:52:25.680 --> 0:52:28.359 don't really do small talk and banter and flirty with 0:52:28.400 --> 0:52:32.080 a girl, especially at a at a work environment, unless 0:52:32.160 --> 0:52:35.359 you are like physically interested or looking for something more 0:52:35.400 --> 0:52:38.480 than just a friendship. I I, if I were you, 0:52:38.719 --> 0:52:42.040 I would ask him to shut these messages off, UM, 0:52:42.320 --> 0:52:46.440 because it's not fair to your boyfriend or his fiancee. UM. 0:52:46.680 --> 0:52:48.200 And so that would be my advice, just to go 0:52:48.280 --> 0:52:50.560 up to him and say, listen, I can't talk like 0:52:50.640 --> 0:52:53.239 this anymore. Like, even if it's just flirty, I can't 0:52:53.239 --> 0:52:55.800 do this. I don't feel right about it. And uh 0:52:56.080 --> 0:52:58.200 and if it, I don't know, do you does she 0:52:58.280 --> 0:53:00.360 show her boyfriend? Well, I almost feel like she's a 0:53:00.440 --> 0:53:02.279 question right there. Well have you? I mean, has she 0:53:02.360 --> 0:53:04.719 brought up her boyfriend in the discussions with him? Because 0:53:04.719 --> 0:53:07.120 I think that is a form of not being completely 0:53:07.160 --> 0:53:10.279 open about it. She says, he knows I'm dating someone, Well, 0:53:10.280 --> 0:53:12.239 he knows. At the same time, this one thing to 0:53:12.320 --> 0:53:15.400 know and one thing to like make it obvious, like, 0:53:15.560 --> 0:53:17.680 I'm in love with my boyfriend. He's amazing. He's the 0:53:17.680 --> 0:53:19.040 person I spend the rest of my life with. I 0:53:19.080 --> 0:53:20.840 never want to speak to any other guy again. Well, 0:53:20.840 --> 0:53:22.960 it's important to conversations like that, because then you know 0:53:23.040 --> 0:53:25.480 they know where you stand. If some people they see 0:53:25.480 --> 0:53:28.279 an opening or see like weakness in the chain, then 0:53:28.320 --> 0:53:30.000 you know, maybe they'll take advantage of that. And if 0:53:30.040 --> 0:53:31.560 you let them know that there is no weakness in 0:53:31.560 --> 0:53:34.960 the chain, then there's no reason to you know. I mean, 0:53:34.960 --> 0:53:37.480 he's shown evidence, he's gone out of his way, he's 0:53:37.480 --> 0:53:39.239 been a major calories for this, Like they didn't work 0:53:39.280 --> 0:53:40.759 in the same department. He had to find it on 0:53:40.800 --> 0:53:44.040 the working email. This guy is a goal exactly exactly. 0:53:44.120 --> 0:53:46.080 I mean, I would stay clear of that. I would 0:53:46.080 --> 0:53:47.719 stay clear to that too, and I would the way 0:53:47.719 --> 0:53:49.759 I would handle the situation is I would talk to 0:53:49.800 --> 0:53:52.280 him directly and say I can't talk to you anymore, 0:53:52.400 --> 0:53:54.680 at least in this fashion. I mean, I would probably 0:53:55.000 --> 0:53:57.879 bring up my boyfriend over and over again, and if 0:53:57.880 --> 0:54:00.719 it still persisted, then I would make a point of like, look, 0:54:00.760 --> 0:54:03.000 I am in a relationship for you. Don't even answer 0:54:03.640 --> 0:54:06.920 ghost him. Ghost It's not about is that technically ghosting? 0:54:08.160 --> 0:54:10.880 I don't think that there's the ghosting if he's engaged. No, 0:54:11.080 --> 0:54:12.440 That's what I'm saying. But I don't know. I don't 0:54:12.480 --> 0:54:14.680 know what the technical terminology of like the definition of 0:54:14.719 --> 0:54:16.760 ghosting is but this is just more of like shutting 0:54:16.760 --> 0:54:19.640 it off, Yes, shutting it off exactly. All right, we 0:54:19.680 --> 0:54:24.719 have consensus there, shut off, sut off. All right. Here's 0:54:24.760 --> 0:54:29.759 Brian finally not anonymous. Brian. I'm thirty eight, almost thirty nine, 0:54:29.760 --> 0:54:32.560 have been divorced for six years. I just joined the harmony. 0:54:32.840 --> 0:54:34.719 My friends that are married, their wives tell me how 0:54:34.800 --> 0:54:36.399 nice of a person I am, and if they were single, 0:54:36.440 --> 0:54:38.920 they would date me. My question is what can I 0:54:38.960 --> 0:54:40.680 do to be more appealing to women. I have a 0:54:40.680 --> 0:54:42.680 good heart, like to make people laugh. I work. I 0:54:42.760 --> 0:54:44.759 just don't know what I'm doing wrong. Thanks you having 0:54:44.800 --> 0:54:48.239 a regular listener. I mean, my opinion is that what 0:54:48.280 --> 0:54:50.239 he's doing wrong is he's thinking that's something that he's 0:54:50.239 --> 0:54:52.879 doing wrong, because it's not necessarily what he's doing wrong. 0:54:52.880 --> 0:54:55.160 It's just maybe he just hasn't met the kind of 0:54:55.200 --> 0:54:57.680 person that he messes with. It's all about timing, it's 0:54:57.680 --> 0:54:59.960 all about you know what they're going through in their life, 0:55:00.000 --> 0:55:01.800 what you're going through in your life, and sometimes it 0:55:01.880 --> 0:55:05.680 just works. Yeah, And I guess I don't know the 0:55:05.680 --> 0:55:07.960 problem is like I don't know what he's doing right now, 0:55:08.120 --> 0:55:11.359 Like he joined Brian you joining harmony, which is awesome. Um. 0:55:11.400 --> 0:55:13.560 I think it takes like we talked about vulnerability and 0:55:13.600 --> 0:55:15.360 sign of strength, Like, I think it does take a 0:55:15.400 --> 0:55:17.400 little bit of a garage to put yourself on a 0:55:17.480 --> 0:55:19.319 dating site, to put yourself out there. So good job. 0:55:19.440 --> 0:55:22.160 I think that's awesome. I've been on many dating sites. 0:55:22.160 --> 0:55:24.200 I've been on Bumble, I've been on Hinges, like I've 0:55:24.239 --> 0:55:28.399 been all over. Um so uh yeah, I think keep 0:55:28.400 --> 0:55:31.239 doing what you're doing, man, like just keeping I know 0:55:31.280 --> 0:55:34.279 it's such a cliche, but keeping yourself. Um, you know, 0:55:34.880 --> 0:55:37.600 what do you think, Candle, I don't know it Like. 0:55:37.719 --> 0:55:40.080 I like that. I like the pattern of him challenging 0:55:40.160 --> 0:55:43.120 himself with doing something like a dating app or dating site. 0:55:43.120 --> 0:55:45.640 It's already difficult to do that. Um. I think the 0:55:45.680 --> 0:55:47.560 best way to find people you know is kind of 0:55:47.960 --> 0:55:50.680 through like being organic though, like maybe joining clubs that 0:55:50.680 --> 0:55:53.600 you sping in common, are going to you know, events, 0:55:53.600 --> 0:55:55.920 are going to certain areas that you love, like museums, 0:55:55.960 --> 0:55:58.400 like start connecting with people that have the same interests 0:55:58.440 --> 0:56:00.880 as you, because then that's where you start real conversation. 0:56:01.120 --> 0:56:03.440 And I think the best, the best relationships start out 0:56:03.440 --> 0:56:06.560 as friendships. This is the most intense that I've ever had. Yeah, yeah, 0:56:06.680 --> 0:56:08.600 I agree. So that's a good idea. Like whatever your 0:56:08.640 --> 0:56:10.880 hobby is, maybe joined I don't know, a book club 0:56:10.880 --> 0:56:13.279 as sporting club like whatever. And then you never know 0:56:13.360 --> 0:56:14.799 who you're going to meet when you're just out there 0:56:14.840 --> 0:56:17.239 and find a connection and see what happens. And it's 0:56:17.239 --> 0:56:19.359 not forcing anything to happen, you know, I'm just making 0:56:19.360 --> 0:56:22.360 it organic. Yeah, just be open to meeting people that 0:56:22.440 --> 0:56:24.840 way exactly. And I agree with you. I think the 0:56:24.840 --> 0:56:27.400 best relationships you start as friendships. My my wife I 0:56:27.480 --> 0:56:29.480 just married six months ago, we were friends for like 0:56:29.640 --> 0:56:34.200 eight years. That's great, definitely. Yeah, it's it's crazy, Um, 0:56:34.680 --> 0:56:36.239 I don't know, she's like, no one knows me better 0:56:36.239 --> 0:56:38.480 than her, and uh, it's it's just great when that 0:56:38.520 --> 0:56:41.240 can happen. I think, what was there any like time 0:56:41.280 --> 0:56:43.800 where like one person was possibly wanting to be in 0:56:43.800 --> 0:56:47.840 a relationship and it just never crossed that line? Were you? Well, 0:56:47.880 --> 0:56:50.839 so we worked together at a movie theater. Uh, and um, 0:56:51.000 --> 0:56:55.080 we're really good friends, really close, and then we um, 0:56:55.160 --> 0:56:58.960 we hooked up one night early on. Uh. No, we've 0:56:58.960 --> 0:57:01.799 been friends for a couple of years and I I 0:57:01.800 --> 0:57:03.400 had feelings for and she had thinks for me, but 0:57:03.440 --> 0:57:05.000 we didn't talk about it. Then when night were hanging 0:57:05.000 --> 0:57:07.400 out really late, and it was like it was like 0:57:07.440 --> 0:57:09.480 out of out of a bad teen comedy. It was 0:57:09.520 --> 0:57:12.719 just like a bad like nothing really went right when 0:57:12.719 --> 0:57:15.040 we were decided to be intimate with each other, and 0:57:15.680 --> 0:57:19.080 we're both kind of embarrassed, and uh. She sent me 0:57:19.160 --> 0:57:21.960 a text the next day saying, hey, like, I still 0:57:22.000 --> 0:57:23.240 I really like you and I would like to hang 0:57:23.240 --> 0:57:25.560 out more. And this this is a long time ago. 0:57:25.600 --> 0:57:27.680 I used to have a sidekick and if you remember 0:57:27.680 --> 0:57:30.760 those phones, those things would not get text messages all 0:57:30.800 --> 0:57:33.320 the time. It was just I never got that text, 0:57:34.080 --> 0:57:36.200 so she thought I wasn't responding to her. I just thought, 0:57:36.240 --> 0:57:38.760 oh my god, this is a nightmare. This is like 0:57:38.800 --> 0:57:41.920 my neighmare. So we we went work next day and 0:57:41.920 --> 0:57:43.680 it's just kind of, well, you know, maybe it's just 0:57:43.920 --> 0:57:46.920 stay friends. I guess I didn't know she felt that way. 0:57:46.960 --> 0:57:49.600 She know I felt that way. Stay friends forever. And 0:57:49.600 --> 0:57:51.120 then we both moved to l A at the same 0:57:51.160 --> 0:57:53.480 time and started hanging out again. And then I was 0:57:53.520 --> 0:57:56.520 like I got to clear the air on something, and 0:57:56.640 --> 0:57:59.360 um yeah, and then that was saying that's straight out 0:57:59.400 --> 0:58:01.560 of a romantic commedy. It finds a way. Honestly, love 0:58:01.600 --> 0:58:03.320 does find a way, it really does. That's you know. 0:58:03.320 --> 0:58:04.720 That's what I want to say to Brian is that 0:58:05.520 --> 0:58:07.920 it will happen for you. You just have to you know, 0:58:07.960 --> 0:58:09.320 it does sound like a cliche, but you just have 0:58:09.360 --> 0:58:11.960 to be yourself. You'll find someone that loves you as 0:58:12.000 --> 0:58:14.520 interested in you, and you have to stay positive exactly 0:58:14.520 --> 0:58:17.520 because there is this I do believe in energy, and 0:58:17.560 --> 0:58:19.800 I do believe that positive vibes that you give off 0:58:20.120 --> 0:58:22.960 people will be more attracted. I've never found within myself 0:58:23.000 --> 0:58:25.960 like if I'm down for some reason, I could never 0:58:26.000 --> 0:58:27.520 find a date. And then all of a sudden, I'm 0:58:27.520 --> 0:58:29.440 just kind of happy in my own life and just 0:58:29.640 --> 0:58:31.480 you know, it just kind of like naturally happens, where 0:58:31.480 --> 0:58:33.160 like women are like, well, what are you doing next week? 0:58:33.200 --> 0:58:34.800 Like we should all hang out, Like I like hanging 0:58:34.800 --> 0:58:37.560 out with you, you know, like this is great. No, 0:58:37.960 --> 0:58:40.040 I mean I think it's infectious, like your energy, it's 0:58:40.560 --> 0:58:42.880 people can feel it, they can tell, and you're more 0:58:42.880 --> 0:58:45.640 attractive when you have that positivity because people want to 0:58:45.640 --> 0:58:48.880 be around positive people. And what I like all your 0:58:48.920 --> 0:58:51.600 friends who all their wives like don't they have any friends? 0:58:51.640 --> 0:58:54.360 They can't like hook it up? Look bright up. He's 0:58:54.400 --> 0:58:58.680 a great guy. Alright, So I think we gotta think 0:58:58.680 --> 0:59:01.480 about Brian on the right path and gonna I really 0:59:01.480 --> 0:59:04.280 like the sign effect. Um So this next segment before 0:59:04.280 --> 0:59:11.920 we before we wrap it up here to come and 0:59:12.400 --> 0:59:15.120 that was nice talking to you. We're gonna do some 0:59:15.240 --> 0:59:17.600 rapid fire questions. I'm just gonna show a topic out 0:59:18.000 --> 0:59:20.160 thinking to each of you. Just first thing comes to mind. 0:59:20.600 --> 0:59:22.000 It's kind of the story of my life. No thinking, 0:59:22.080 --> 0:59:24.560 just do it, yes or no. We're just like just 0:59:24.640 --> 0:59:27.760 like a quick like I'm into it. Yeah, okay if 0:59:27.800 --> 0:59:29.200 you if you have some more to explain, love to 0:59:29.200 --> 0:59:32.360 hear it. But Kendall, start with you sliding into d M. 0:59:32.400 --> 0:59:34.280 So where do you say? I say, I say, yeah, 0:59:34.400 --> 0:59:36.000 go for it, take a risk and you never know 0:59:36.040 --> 0:59:39.000 what kind of connection you'll find. I agree, definitely a 0:59:39.040 --> 0:59:40.600 go for it. But just if you slide into a 0:59:40.640 --> 0:59:42.800 d M, just you know, this start off very easy. 0:59:42.920 --> 0:59:46.280 Don't sending any picture. Yeah it's not got the first message, 0:59:46.320 --> 0:59:48.480 just be like, hey, how's it going, you know, So 0:59:48.600 --> 0:59:51.520 just something to ease into the conversation. But it's okay 0:59:51.520 --> 0:59:54.480 to do. Yes, I say, I doesn't matter how you 0:59:54.480 --> 0:59:56.560 meet them, it matters that you meet them exactly. Love 0:59:56.640 --> 1:00:01.160 that love that your mom's setting you up. My you know, 1:00:01.480 --> 1:00:03.919 my mom's not really we don't have the same taste 1:00:03.960 --> 1:00:06.360 in men. Let's just say that. Yeah, my mom tries 1:00:06.360 --> 1:00:08.400 to set me up with everybody. She's like, I met 1:00:08.440 --> 1:00:10.640 this nurse who's blah blah blah blah blah, and like 1:00:11.000 --> 1:00:13.600 it's just it's just rarely ever works out. I mean, 1:00:13.640 --> 1:00:16.680 who knows. It's my mom though, Like you know, I'm 1:00:16.720 --> 1:00:19.840 gonna say no, Like, yeah, mom, of course, like you 1:00:19.920 --> 1:00:22.800 know what's best? Or what about set ups in general? Though? 1:00:22.840 --> 1:00:25.360 Does anyone setting you up? I really don't like being 1:00:25.360 --> 1:00:27.920 set up with people. I like the organic feel I'm 1:00:28.040 --> 1:00:29.520 you know, I mean, if I like someone, like, I'll 1:00:29.560 --> 1:00:31.400 make a move. I'm the kind of person that does 1:00:31.520 --> 1:00:34.760 make moves. But I like friendships first, you know, set 1:00:34.840 --> 1:00:36.680 up and never like I mean, maybe they do work. 1:00:36.720 --> 1:00:38.560 I just in my own personal experience, they just never 1:00:38.600 --> 1:00:40.760 have worked out where it's like, oh, I know somebody 1:00:40.800 --> 1:00:43.600 who's perfect for you, and I'm they're probably I'm probably 1:00:43.600 --> 1:00:46.520 gonna dating them. Yeah, exactly, what's wrong with them? We 1:00:46.560 --> 1:00:49.280 aren't you. Exactly. Yeah, it's a lot of pressure too. 1:00:49.280 --> 1:00:50.840 I feel like I'm gonna let the friend down if 1:00:50.840 --> 1:00:53.640 I don't like the person to set me up with. Exactly. 1:00:55.200 --> 1:00:56.920 If you are setting somebody up, though, I think it's 1:00:56.960 --> 1:00:59.640 far better to maybe not express that, to be like, hey, 1:00:59.680 --> 1:01:01.960 I have this friend that you're going to absolutely love. Instead, 1:01:02.000 --> 1:01:05.160 why don't you just invite them both into the group setting. 1:01:05.200 --> 1:01:06.920 Don't let them know and be like just try to 1:01:06.960 --> 1:01:08.960 be hitch in the moment, be like, oh yeah, oh 1:01:09.000 --> 1:01:10.919 you like that, so does he. You guys should talk, 1:01:11.120 --> 1:01:13.600 and then you know, I totally agree. Yeah. I don't 1:01:13.600 --> 1:01:15.760 know how often these things happen these days, with like 1:01:15.920 --> 1:01:18.320 social media and everything, but like blind dates, no, I 1:01:18.360 --> 1:01:22.320 researched the heck out of any potential blind date. I've 1:01:22.320 --> 1:01:25.080 actually had someone trying to do that. Someone's mom um 1:01:25.400 --> 1:01:28.200 came up to me. Was one of my mom's mutual friends, 1:01:28.200 --> 1:01:29.680 and she came up to me and she's like, Oh, 1:01:29.720 --> 1:01:31.320 my son would be really great for you and I 1:01:31.360 --> 1:01:33.720 set you guys up, And she's like, I'll just give 1:01:33.760 --> 1:01:36.439 you his number. I look up the number, I find 1:01:36.440 --> 1:01:42.320 the Facebook. Honestly, like social media is a resume. Oh, 1:01:42.360 --> 1:01:44.760 I absolutely agree, even just googling. It's so funny too, 1:01:44.760 --> 1:01:47.520 because remember the days before phones, where it's like you 1:01:47.520 --> 1:01:50.360 would this is a different thing, but like an X 1:01:50.400 --> 1:01:53.120 you drive by their house and and like, now the 1:01:53.160 --> 1:01:55.960 equivalent of that is like going on their social media page. 1:01:56.000 --> 1:01:57.880 And so it's the same thing when you're first meeting someone, 1:01:57.960 --> 1:01:59.760 like you have to know everything about them. You want 1:01:59.760 --> 1:02:01.800 to see what their Instagram looks like, with their Facebook 1:02:01.800 --> 1:02:05.560 looks like, Um, it's impossible to do a blind date. 1:02:05.840 --> 1:02:08.680 If it's there, it's it's so tempting, Like I'm so tempted. 1:02:08.720 --> 1:02:10.320 There's no way I'm not going to research the person. 1:02:10.760 --> 1:02:12.720 There's this girl who I work with, and she was 1:02:12.880 --> 1:02:14.600 She's like, I'm going on a blind date, like a 1:02:14.640 --> 1:02:17.600 real blind date. Yeah, like and she meant she had 1:02:17.640 --> 1:02:19.920 in research and I thought, like, oh, is he actually blind? 1:02:20.000 --> 1:02:23.000 Like does he have like but no, she was. She's like, 1:02:23.000 --> 1:02:24.080 it's taking a lot of work. But I have not 1:02:24.120 --> 1:02:26.680 googled him. I haven't looked at social media. For her. 1:02:26.760 --> 1:02:28.080 It's kind of it must be fun to be, like, 1:02:28.120 --> 1:02:29.960 I wonder where he's gonna look, Like, how do you 1:02:29.960 --> 1:02:31.800 even know? When you walk into the restaurant and you're like, 1:02:31.920 --> 1:02:34.440 or the bar wherever they're meeting up, and you're like, Okay, 1:02:34.520 --> 1:02:36.000 I have no idea what this person looks like, so 1:02:36.040 --> 1:02:38.200 how are you supposed to know? How? How do you know? 1:02:38.240 --> 1:02:39.840 Do you the movie? It's like, I'm wearing a red 1:02:40.200 --> 1:02:46.000 rose and god, very mysterious crossage. I'll be in the 1:02:46.040 --> 1:02:49.360 corner with the glass of wine. Is that what you 1:02:49.400 --> 1:02:51.400 would say on a blond day, I'll be I'll be 1:02:51.440 --> 1:02:53.920 the one in the corner with aggressive wine. I'd probably 1:02:54.960 --> 1:02:59.080 you're only going to see my silhouette, just secrets or something. 1:02:59.480 --> 1:03:01.680 Keep this blade knock twice on the door. I'll know 1:03:01.760 --> 1:03:04.280 it's you. I definitely, I definitely would probably just wear 1:03:04.320 --> 1:03:06.520 something crazy like you won't be able to miss me. 1:03:06.560 --> 1:03:08.280 I All I'd say is you won't miss me. I'm 1:03:08.280 --> 1:03:10.400 the one in the pink too too. You'll never even 1:03:10.480 --> 1:03:11.840 tell that, you can't even don't even tell them to 1:03:11.880 --> 1:03:13.760 say you won't be able to miss me. And then 1:03:13.800 --> 1:03:15.360 they go in and you have something crazy like that's 1:03:15.360 --> 1:03:17.200 obviously the person. Yeah, But what if you walk in 1:03:17.280 --> 1:03:19.440 somebody else is wearing something crazy and you're like, oh no, 1:03:19.680 --> 1:03:21.360 and then you end up dating that person and you 1:03:21.440 --> 1:03:24.640 miss the blind date, love finds a way. All right, 1:03:24.680 --> 1:03:29.240 what about sex on the first date? I don't want 1:03:29.240 --> 1:03:33.200 to answer this one first. Um well, yeah, I'm not 1:03:33.240 --> 1:03:34.880 the person that does that. I have to get like 1:03:34.920 --> 1:03:36.920 I said, like, I like being friends with the person first, 1:03:37.120 --> 1:03:41.240 and for me, I'm I think like once I get 1:03:41.280 --> 1:03:43.720 caught up with that, it's very difficult to avoid. It's 1:03:43.800 --> 1:03:46.280 very difficult to make the relationship all about that. So 1:03:46.480 --> 1:03:48.040 I definitely like to wait, Like I like to be 1:03:48.080 --> 1:03:52.160 friends first, and I like the building anticipation. Yes, it 1:03:52.240 --> 1:03:54.280 makes it more fun. It is more fun, Like obviously 1:03:54.280 --> 1:03:56.360 there's a line we're like, Okay, I can't build it 1:03:56.480 --> 1:03:59.520 up anymore than it is right now. But but definitely, 1:03:59.480 --> 1:04:01.760 I I like kind of pushing off a little bit 1:04:01.760 --> 1:04:03.840 and building up that anticipation. And it's so much better 1:04:03.840 --> 1:04:06.200 when the person knows you too, Like if you know 1:04:06.280 --> 1:04:08.200 who they are and they know who you are, you 1:04:08.240 --> 1:04:10.560 can be more sensitive with each other and nobody each 1:04:10.600 --> 1:04:12.240 other like, and it just makes it so much you know, 1:04:12.360 --> 1:04:14.960 totally sexy, so intimate that like if you only know 1:04:15.040 --> 1:04:17.200 somebody for a few hours, it just I think it 1:04:17.320 --> 1:04:20.720 naturally is not worse, but it's just different, that's all. 1:04:20.760 --> 1:04:22.440 It's different, and if you're looking to be with that 1:04:22.480 --> 1:04:24.280 person for a long time and have a really strong 1:04:24.320 --> 1:04:26.320 relationship going down the line. Not to say that it 1:04:26.320 --> 1:04:29.040 hasn't worked before, but in my opinion, I don't think 1:04:29.720 --> 1:04:33.240 that starts. I don't think it starts it to say, oh, 1:04:33.280 --> 1:04:36.000 I want to have a release, long, serious, long term relationship. Yeah, 1:04:36.000 --> 1:04:38.040 and I agree, And not to say it can't. You 1:04:38.080 --> 1:04:40.160 can't find someone that you're gonna marry by having sex 1:04:40.280 --> 1:04:41.600 on the first day with him. I'm not saying that 1:04:41.640 --> 1:04:43.400 at all, because I'm sure there's people that are going 1:04:43.440 --> 1:04:45.160 to like tweet and me and be like, oh, I'm 1:04:45.240 --> 1:04:46.880 I found my husband. We ended up sleeping on the 1:04:46.880 --> 1:04:49.840 first day. But I do think majority of the time 1:04:50.200 --> 1:04:51.720 it's probably not going to work out. So if you 1:04:51.760 --> 1:04:54.280 play the odds, you know, I would, I would wait, 1:04:54.480 --> 1:04:58.560 do you have a rule like three dates or gosh, 1:04:58.600 --> 1:05:00.959 I would even like wait a month something, a couple 1:05:00.960 --> 1:05:04.280 of months. Like I just feel like the strongest relationships 1:05:04.320 --> 1:05:06.600 have had have been the ones where that wasn't even 1:05:06.600 --> 1:05:08.840 really a factor in the beginning and then afterwards like 1:05:08.840 --> 1:05:11.040 oh there's a new, awesome added bonus where you know 1:05:11.080 --> 1:05:13.440 it's now it's like kind of brings a relationship to 1:05:13.480 --> 1:05:17.080 like a whole new level. Oh definitely. Yeah, it's you know, 1:05:17.240 --> 1:05:18.720 a lot of people, I feel like it's a little 1:05:18.760 --> 1:05:21.360 taboo to talk about. But sex definitely changes the relationship, 1:05:21.520 --> 1:05:23.960 does you know? It's just such an intimate and personal 1:05:24.000 --> 1:05:26.680 experience between two people. How would it not change the 1:05:26.720 --> 1:05:28.640 relationship in some way. I'm not saying it would make 1:05:28.640 --> 1:05:32.800 it worse. Most time it makes it better, but um, 1:05:32.840 --> 1:05:35.800 but you know, um yeah, so I don't know. I 1:05:35.840 --> 1:05:37.480 used to wait when I was dating. I would wait 1:05:37.520 --> 1:05:40.200 a month. And this one was one time this girl 1:05:40.280 --> 1:05:42.720 took me out to barbecue place for lunch and she 1:05:42.840 --> 1:05:45.520 was like, we've been dating for three weeks and you 1:05:45.520 --> 1:05:47.040 haven't tried to have sex with me, and I just 1:05:47.080 --> 1:05:51.960 want to know, are you gay? I was like, no, 1:05:52.400 --> 1:05:54.560 like rip off your clothes as if you're like on 1:05:54.680 --> 1:05:57.760 the NBA getting off the bench pants like I'm ready. 1:05:58.600 --> 1:06:02.000 I was trying to be respectful, but anyway, so that's 1:06:02.000 --> 1:06:04.360 what we're saying. Kiss on the first date though, Oh 1:06:04.520 --> 1:06:07.600 i'd kiss on the first date. I mean I think not. 1:06:07.680 --> 1:06:10.800 I mean, of course, being physical someone doesn't necessarily have 1:06:10.840 --> 1:06:12.720 to be sex, but it's a whole different dimension of 1:06:12.720 --> 1:06:14.800 who the person is. And I think a kiss on 1:06:14.840 --> 1:06:17.640 the first date judge, I mean, depending it's going really 1:06:17.640 --> 1:06:20.960 well and I can actually see another date. Um, I yeah, 1:06:21.120 --> 1:06:22.920 I'd be curious. I want to see if you can 1:06:22.960 --> 1:06:26.080 tell if like that physical connection is there with a kiss. Yeah. 1:06:26.160 --> 1:06:27.760 I try not to kiss on the first date for 1:06:27.760 --> 1:06:32.240 the simple That's why there's I feel like a lot 1:06:32.280 --> 1:06:35.680 of times women always want what they can't have, And 1:06:35.720 --> 1:06:37.640 so I even got a text one time, I want 1:06:37.640 --> 1:06:41.120 on a date with this girl was very attractive, and um, 1:06:41.320 --> 1:06:43.080 we went to dinner and we left and I hug 1:06:43.200 --> 1:06:45.640 to goodbye, and and we were texting the next day 1:06:45.640 --> 1:06:48.480 and she was like, I'm actually shocked because guys always 1:06:48.520 --> 1:06:49.920 trying to kiss me on the first date. And I 1:06:49.960 --> 1:06:52.920 think it was like, I think she became more attracted 1:06:52.960 --> 1:06:54.720 to me for the simple fact that I didn't try anything. 1:06:54.760 --> 1:06:55.880 I was like, I kind of, I mean, I kind 1:06:55.880 --> 1:06:57.640 of like that's a good strategy because you don't expect 1:06:57.640 --> 1:06:59.320 you expect the girl to wait on the first date, 1:06:59.360 --> 1:07:02.000 but I wait on the first date. It's it's a 1:07:02.000 --> 1:07:05.600 little very serio. Yeah, does he like me? I think? 1:07:05.800 --> 1:07:07.840 Does he not like me? I think it just for 1:07:07.880 --> 1:07:10.200 some reason. I think, at least in my experience, most 1:07:10.200 --> 1:07:13.400 of the time, women find that attractive and I could 1:07:13.480 --> 1:07:16.400 use as much help as I could possibly get dating. 1:07:16.520 --> 1:07:18.440 So if it helps at all, I will do it. 1:07:18.520 --> 1:07:20.960 But having said that, I'm certainly not against kissing on 1:07:21.000 --> 1:07:22.400 the first date. Like if it goes great and you 1:07:22.440 --> 1:07:24.400 guys spend like the whole day together and it's so 1:07:24.400 --> 1:07:27.800 wonderful in the moment, is there? Um? Take it? Yeah, 1:07:27.880 --> 1:07:31.240 take the opportunity to Why not about dating someone who's 1:07:31.280 --> 1:07:35.680 a different religion? Oh? I mean, man, actually one of 1:07:35.720 --> 1:07:38.520 the best relationships I've had. We're still friends. Um. He 1:07:38.600 --> 1:07:41.280 was Jewish and I wasn't really raised with religion. Um. 1:07:41.320 --> 1:07:44.680 I would say maybe Christianized celebrate Christmas. Um. But it 1:07:44.760 --> 1:07:46.800 was great because I'd be able to celebrate his holidays. 1:07:46.800 --> 1:07:48.760 He'd be able to celebrate holidays with my family, and 1:07:48.800 --> 1:07:51.040 it was it was kind of fun, you know, experience 1:07:51.080 --> 1:07:53.360 all that totally. Of course, you can date someone of 1:07:53.400 --> 1:07:55.920 the other It's like saying, if you're a Democrat, could 1:07:55.960 --> 1:08:01.280 I date a Republican? Yeah? I will never um, But no, 1:08:01.480 --> 1:08:03.800 of course you can date someone who's the other religion 1:08:03.880 --> 1:08:05.560 you just talk about in your open You're like, this 1:08:05.640 --> 1:08:07.200 is what I believe, and then the person is like, 1:08:07.200 --> 1:08:09.120 well this is what I believe, and you're like, that's great, 1:08:09.200 --> 1:08:11.240 we can move past this. You know, I don't think 1:08:11.360 --> 1:08:13.920 that's so much to relationship, of course. Yeah, I mean 1:08:14.000 --> 1:08:18.080 updated people who are extremely religious, um and um, I 1:08:18.120 --> 1:08:19.880 just found I was just more so curious about it. 1:08:20.000 --> 1:08:21.760 I just want to learn about why, why they're really 1:08:21.800 --> 1:08:24.599 into it. The one thing would say, I'm fine with it. 1:08:24.640 --> 1:08:27.000 But if the other person wants to have kids and 1:08:27.160 --> 1:08:30.200 you know, raise your family in a certain way with religion, um, 1:08:30.240 --> 1:08:32.800 I don't believe I can be as hardcore with that, 1:08:32.920 --> 1:08:34.880 of course, Like it all depends on the individual and 1:08:34.920 --> 1:08:38.880 how hardcore they are with their specific religion. Because if 1:08:38.920 --> 1:08:40.880 it is like, if it comes down to somebody who's 1:08:40.960 --> 1:08:44.200 so religious that they're like, well my kids will only 1:08:44.240 --> 1:08:46.519 believe in this religion and that is it, then of 1:08:46.560 --> 1:08:49.080 course that's a completely different conversation. But if you're just 1:08:49.320 --> 1:08:51.599 you know, somebody's like, yeah, well I'm Jewish, but I'm 1:08:51.640 --> 1:08:54.040 I'm open to dating someone who's Christian. But should I 1:08:54.240 --> 1:08:57.639 of course you shouldn't. Yeah. Of course, at what point 1:08:57.720 --> 1:08:59.920 do you live with someone when do you move in 1:09:00.120 --> 1:09:03.040 with somebody two days, three days, like a couple of 1:09:03.040 --> 1:09:06.320 hours maybe depending on depending on the weather if it's raining. 1:09:08.360 --> 1:09:10.439 I don't mean I have lived with two of my 1:09:10.439 --> 1:09:14.439 previous relationships, um, And I will say that since having 1:09:14.479 --> 1:09:18.000 those relationships, they're amazing. But I would definitely shy away 1:09:18.040 --> 1:09:21.439 from living with somebody until I can feel myself like 1:09:21.520 --> 1:09:23.280 wanting to marry them for now, just because of my 1:09:23.320 --> 1:09:26.160 past experience. And you said your longest relationship was ten months, right, 1:09:26.200 --> 1:09:28.320 I know, I know I loved with two of them. Yeah, 1:09:28.360 --> 1:09:31.200 I was young. And I also was getting kicked out 1:09:31.200 --> 1:09:36.120 of my apartment. Um, um, yeah it was. It was 1:09:36.160 --> 1:09:40.560 because I lived in San Francisco, which is already very expensive. Um, 1:09:40.760 --> 1:09:44.080 Like would share beds with my girlfriends and stuff, like 1:09:44.280 --> 1:09:46.880 to have rooms and it's very expensive. So when it 1:09:46.920 --> 1:09:50.840 came to a point where I was leaving this one apartment, um, 1:09:50.880 --> 1:09:53.360 because the landlord didn't want to continue because there was 1:09:53.400 --> 1:09:55.960 all his drama. I won't get into that. Um. But 1:09:56.120 --> 1:09:58.200 I ended up my boyfriend said, hey, do you want 1:09:58.200 --> 1:10:01.280 to live with me for a while? Yeah, And um, 1:10:01.920 --> 1:10:04.280 I mean the relationship didn't really end that well, so 1:10:04.400 --> 1:10:08.400 maybe it was too soon. Yeah, I mean, if if 1:10:08.400 --> 1:10:09.920 you got to put a number on, I'd probably say 1:10:09.920 --> 1:10:12.719 about a year. I think, yeah, I think you should 1:10:12.760 --> 1:10:15.880 probably be with somebody for a while before you commit 1:10:15.920 --> 1:10:18.240 to living with each other because, like we talked about 1:10:18.280 --> 1:10:21.920 with other areas of relationships, living with somebody is a 1:10:22.280 --> 1:10:24.600 huge part because if you're gonna spend the rest of 1:10:24.640 --> 1:10:26.120 your life with them, you're you're going to live with 1:10:26.160 --> 1:10:28.519 them for the rest of your life. With somebody, have 1:10:28.760 --> 1:10:32.439 I know, um so and with the relationship obviously I 1:10:32.439 --> 1:10:36.240 have friends, but um no, I've never lived with anybody 1:10:36.280 --> 1:10:39.120 that I've dated. Um obviously, Like there's been times where 1:10:39.160 --> 1:10:42.280 like I'll spend you know, you know, three days at 1:10:42.280 --> 1:10:43.840 their place, three or four days out of the week, 1:10:43.920 --> 1:10:45.360 so you know, you live with them half the time, 1:10:45.400 --> 1:10:47.599 but still like that other half to the time, not 1:10:47.640 --> 1:10:49.519 being with them is a huge part because you're able 1:10:49.560 --> 1:10:52.919 to kind of decompress and and almost and miss them. 1:10:52.960 --> 1:10:54.720 You know, if you're living with somebody, you never miss them. 1:10:54.720 --> 1:10:56.760 They're there all the time. And that's the part of 1:10:56.760 --> 1:11:00.400 a relationship, that less factor, that that that you know, 1:11:01.080 --> 1:11:03.000 you know, distance makes the heart grow fonder a little bit. 1:11:03.000 --> 1:11:04.840 And even if you only don't see anybody for a 1:11:04.880 --> 1:11:07.519 couple of days. It's just it's that added little it's 1:11:07.520 --> 1:11:09.120 you know, it's nice to see you, it's really good 1:11:09.120 --> 1:11:11.280 see you instead of like waking up in the morning, 1:11:11.400 --> 1:11:13.599 saying goodbye, coming back at five o'clock in the afternoon 1:11:13.600 --> 1:11:17.040 and seeing them again, like spending all your time with them. So, um, 1:11:17.080 --> 1:11:19.800 I think that you should really, you know, develop your relationship, 1:11:19.880 --> 1:11:23.280 grow those feelings, take your time to um, you know, 1:11:23.360 --> 1:11:25.320 work on each other and make sure that this is 1:11:25.360 --> 1:11:27.920 a really great foundation before you say, all right, let's 1:11:28.000 --> 1:11:30.280 let's do this, let's move in, because it does change 1:11:30.320 --> 1:11:32.759 relationship a lot, really, and you have to be aware 1:11:32.760 --> 1:11:34.559 of that. Like people who think, well, we're gonna move 1:11:34.600 --> 1:11:37.320 in and nothing's going to change, don't have that mindset. No, 1:11:37.400 --> 1:11:40.280 they'll know like they can they know like how you 1:11:40.400 --> 1:11:42.920 organize things, or where you're going at all times the day, 1:11:43.080 --> 1:11:44.920 every moment, even if you're going through your girlfriends, like 1:11:44.920 --> 1:11:46.400 you said, you're gonna be back this time, but you're 1:11:46.439 --> 1:11:48.400 not back till this time. And it just adds a 1:11:48.400 --> 1:11:50.880 lot more complication where if you don't know someone that 1:11:51.000 --> 1:11:53.080 well and you haven't worked through a lot of problems 1:11:53.160 --> 1:11:55.800 or worked through things together, then it's hard to live 1:11:55.840 --> 1:11:58.320 up to the expectation. Of course, even just like stupid stuff, 1:11:58.320 --> 1:12:00.400 whether it be like launder or dishes, Like some people 1:12:00.400 --> 1:12:03.160 are really bad at laundry and like you and then 1:12:03.280 --> 1:12:05.360 like say you're like if I was bad at laundry 1:12:05.360 --> 1:12:07.080 and my girlfriend was like, well, this is my pet peeve. 1:12:07.200 --> 1:12:09.519 You need to make sure they're like washer dryer folded 1:12:09.520 --> 1:12:10.960 in and out by by. I don't want to say 1:12:10.960 --> 1:12:12.960 any clothes in there. It's like, well, I suck at that, 1:12:13.000 --> 1:12:14.880 Like I'll do better. But it's just like those little 1:12:14.920 --> 1:12:18.040 things that add up and so well, it introduces arguments 1:12:18.040 --> 1:12:22.360 early on in the relationship that aren't necessarily exactly right. 1:12:22.360 --> 1:12:24.240 Don't add any more pressure to a relationship than you 1:12:24.280 --> 1:12:32.280 already need exactly. What about ghosting? Oh, don't go to somebody, Okay, 1:12:32.400 --> 1:12:35.760 it's such okay, Well, here's my question. What is the 1:12:36.040 --> 1:12:40.599 like definition of ghosting? Not only definition, but like say 1:12:40.640 --> 1:12:44.280 you never met this person. Oh so it was like 1:12:44.280 --> 1:12:46.360 a dating app. You met, you texted for a while, 1:12:46.800 --> 1:12:48.880 and then you just it kind of like just faded away. 1:12:48.960 --> 1:12:52.000 That's different and my my interpretation for ghosting, I'm not 1:12:52.040 --> 1:12:54.720 sure if I know what this is exactly. But my 1:12:54.800 --> 1:12:57.439 definition would be ghosting someone as you make plans and 1:12:57.479 --> 1:12:59.719 then you don't show up or you cancel last minute, 1:12:59.840 --> 1:13:02.200 or is that ghosting or you just don't call something. Well, 1:13:02.200 --> 1:13:04.240 I think ghosting would be like if you make plans 1:13:04.280 --> 1:13:06.200 and you just don't show up without letting them know, 1:13:06.640 --> 1:13:08.719 that would be ghosting. Right if you tell someone like, hey, 1:13:08.760 --> 1:13:11.360 I'm so sorry, like I can't make tonight, that's not ghosting. 1:13:11.360 --> 1:13:14.759 That's just canceling plans. That's that's what's the Urban Dictionary 1:13:14.840 --> 1:13:17.479 definition of ghosting? Yeah, can you use it a sentence please? 1:13:19.680 --> 1:13:23.000 The definition is the act of suddenly ceasing all communication 1:13:23.120 --> 1:13:25.519 with someone the subject is dating but no longer wishes 1:13:25.600 --> 1:13:27.559 to date. This is den in hopes that the ghosts 1:13:27.640 --> 1:13:29.719 you will just get the hint and leave the subject alone, 1:13:29.760 --> 1:13:31.760 as opposed to the subject simply telling them they're no 1:13:31.800 --> 1:13:34.479 longer interested. So would it be ghosting if somebody like 1:13:34.680 --> 1:13:37.360 it's like you, maybe you met somebody and you guys 1:13:37.360 --> 1:13:38.800 wanted to day and didn't really go that well, and 1:13:38.840 --> 1:13:41.000 then like a week later she texted, like say, I 1:13:41.040 --> 1:13:42.920 text her and I'm like, hey, what's up? And she 1:13:43.000 --> 1:13:50.960 never responds? Is that ghost? But I have I've ghosted before. Yeah, 1:13:51.000 --> 1:13:53.519 I have. I've ghost before. I'm not it's I hate it, 1:13:53.560 --> 1:13:55.800 and I hate myself for saying it, but I've It's 1:13:55.840 --> 1:13:59.160 never been bad, Like I've never like like you know, 1:13:59.520 --> 1:14:01.240 been with somebody and just been like all right, well 1:14:01.240 --> 1:14:03.639 I'm never texting them, you know, back again. But it's 1:14:03.680 --> 1:14:06.439 you know, there's been situations where like, yeah, I blame 1:14:06.439 --> 1:14:09.360 it on the saturation of people, Like especially living in 1:14:09.360 --> 1:14:11.599 a city, there's so many people, so many you know, 1:14:11.880 --> 1:14:15.080 first dates you can go on, and sometimes it's overwhelming 1:14:15.240 --> 1:14:16.559 and you don't want to have to deal with a 1:14:16.560 --> 1:14:19.080 mini breakup. It's a mini breakup, you know, it's exactly 1:14:19.080 --> 1:14:20.320 what it is, and you know it's so sad. Like 1:14:20.360 --> 1:14:22.639 sometimes I'll keep those text messages in my phone because 1:14:22.680 --> 1:14:24.320 like I'm like if somebody texts me and I'm just 1:14:24.320 --> 1:14:25.960 I don't text them back right away. I'm like, all right, 1:14:26.000 --> 1:14:27.559 I'll text the back later. And then all of a sudden, 1:14:27.560 --> 1:14:29.240 like we goes by and you're like, I'll never texting 1:14:29.280 --> 1:14:30.840 them back, and then like all right, well now it's 1:14:30.880 --> 1:14:32.439 kind of awkward if I text back, so like maybe 1:14:32.479 --> 1:14:34.840 I should wait, Like I don't know why my fault. 1:14:34.960 --> 1:14:37.080 My mind would go to this, but then like I scroll, 1:14:37.160 --> 1:14:39.240 like sometimes I'll screw through my text mesages just make 1:14:39.280 --> 1:14:41.120 sure i'm like all caught up, and then I'm like, 1:14:41.120 --> 1:14:42.479 oh my god, I never texted them and I was 1:14:42.560 --> 1:14:45.280 months ago, and like now I can't text because that's 1:14:45.320 --> 1:14:48.360 even much. Times it's like worse to be like, hey, 1:14:48.479 --> 1:14:52.240 I'm so sorry, I'm a jerk and it's not interested. Okay, yeah, 1:14:52.240 --> 1:14:54.120 And that's the thing. It's like it's honestly, a buddy 1:14:54.120 --> 1:14:55.760 of mine actually went through this where one time, but 1:14:55.840 --> 1:14:57.599 he didn't go he did he goes to the girl, 1:14:57.640 --> 1:15:00.160 but he said there was this I won't discus us 1:15:00.200 --> 1:15:02.720 the details of it, but there's something happened. And he 1:15:02.840 --> 1:15:05.519 was like, I can't tell her why I don't like her, 1:15:05.760 --> 1:15:08.759 because she is asking me, and I'm like I don't 1:15:08.760 --> 1:15:10.320 have the heart to tell her because I feel like 1:15:10.320 --> 1:15:12.120 it will scare her for the rest of her life. 1:15:12.400 --> 1:15:14.599 So he's like, I'd rather be the jerk. I'd rather 1:15:14.920 --> 1:15:18.920 have her hate me then me tell you this, and 1:15:19.040 --> 1:15:21.519 like it was just like you know something that he 1:15:21.600 --> 1:15:23.840 just was like, I just did something. I can't get 1:15:23.840 --> 1:15:25.360 over it. I'm never gonna be able to get over it, 1:15:25.600 --> 1:15:27.200 and like it's better if she just hates me and 1:15:27.240 --> 1:15:29.680 moves on, and I'd rather be the jerk rather than me, 1:15:29.840 --> 1:15:32.000 like because apparently like he was like, she was kind 1:15:32.000 --> 1:15:33.320 of like blowing up his phone, but like why aren't 1:15:33.360 --> 1:15:35.639 you talking to me? And he was like, I would 1:15:35.640 --> 1:15:38.439 just say, don't feel it. I mean, honestly, he handles 1:15:38.439 --> 1:15:41.000 that persistent totally, just like you're not my person. I 1:15:41.000 --> 1:15:43.240 think you know something along those lines. I found other 1:15:43.320 --> 1:15:46.320 love elsewhere. I don't even I would just be like, listen, 1:15:46.360 --> 1:15:49.240 it just wasn't there for me. You're you know, I 1:15:49.280 --> 1:15:52.200 don't know what about bread crumbing. This is a new 1:15:52.200 --> 1:15:54.400 concept what I saw that And I was like, I 1:15:54.400 --> 1:15:59.519 mean I like bread pones, not handling great, Yeah, trail 1:15:59.560 --> 1:16:03.120 of bread CRUs So it's when you date someone and 1:16:03.160 --> 1:16:04.840 that person is an old witch and they want to 1:16:04.840 --> 1:16:08.080 cook you and eat you. That's like if I had 1:16:08.080 --> 1:16:11.040 a nickel for every time. Because I understand it, I 1:16:11.360 --> 1:16:13.240 being involved with the help. It's like a dating podcast. 1:16:13.240 --> 1:16:14.920 I've heard it come up a few times. Bread Crumbing 1:16:15.080 --> 1:16:18.400 is like keeping someone kind of on the line like 1:16:18.840 --> 1:16:22.280 every not totally ghosting them, just like appearing every now 1:16:22.320 --> 1:16:25.080 and again, like they'll text you, maybe you don't respond 1:16:25.080 --> 1:16:26.559 a couple of times, and then you text them be 1:16:26.600 --> 1:16:28.680 like oh hey, I saw this cloud that reminded me 1:16:28.760 --> 1:16:32.200 of you or something like that, and just I mean, honestly, 1:16:32.240 --> 1:16:34.880 I think the intention with that, the intention with that 1:16:35.200 --> 1:16:37.280 is to not hurt the person, but in reality you're 1:16:37.280 --> 1:16:39.559 actually stringing them along and hurting them more is giving 1:16:39.600 --> 1:16:41.439 them false hope. And that's where I go back to, 1:16:41.520 --> 1:16:44.400 like everybody judging a situation and being like you're all 1:16:44.560 --> 1:16:47.000 this is horrible or that you know, it's like why 1:16:47.000 --> 1:16:49.200 don't you put yourself in these shoes? Why don't you 1:16:49.240 --> 1:16:51.439 go through what we're going through right now and tell 1:16:51.479 --> 1:16:54.000 me how you would handle it, you know, because there's 1:16:54.040 --> 1:16:56.519 really no good way you can justify everything if it's 1:16:56.560 --> 1:16:59.840 yourself exactly, and you can justify you know. I mean, 1:17:00.000 --> 1:17:02.720 I've never I woke it down that path. Are you 1:17:02.720 --> 1:17:06.280 bread crumbing right now? No? No, no, no crumbs. I 1:17:06.400 --> 1:17:12.360 had crumbs. But I don't know. That's so tough because 1:17:12.400 --> 1:17:14.920 I feel like it's on both people in all honesty, 1:17:15.040 --> 1:17:18.880 Like if somebody's throwing out so many hints and you're 1:17:19.120 --> 1:17:21.280 somewhat getting it, Like if you get the feeling that 1:17:21.320 --> 1:17:24.160 somebody's not into you. Then especially after a while, they're 1:17:24.160 --> 1:17:26.000 they're probably not into you. You know, Well, if you 1:17:26.040 --> 1:17:27.519 like someone, I feel like you want to see the 1:17:27.600 --> 1:17:30.080 more positive side of it. You convinced yourself that, oh, 1:17:30.160 --> 1:17:32.559 maybe this is it. Maybe the person is sick. Maybe, 1:17:32.880 --> 1:17:35.320 so you're convincing yourself of it even though you know 1:17:35.400 --> 1:17:38.160 the truth is that they probably don't like you. And 1:17:38.200 --> 1:17:40.479 so that's the hard part. It's like accepting it on 1:17:40.560 --> 1:17:43.960 both sides. So it's tough, right because one person wants 1:17:44.000 --> 1:17:46.880 to be nice. If one person is more into uh, 1:17:46.920 --> 1:17:49.200 you know, somebody else and they are back, it's just 1:17:49.400 --> 1:17:51.280 it's hard, right because you're like, well, if I completely 1:17:51.320 --> 1:17:53.120 goes them, I'm a jerk, or if I completely tell 1:17:53.160 --> 1:17:54.840 them that I'm not I don't like them, I feel 1:17:55.000 --> 1:17:57.880 I feel like a jerk because I'm just killing them. 1:17:57.920 --> 1:17:59.800 So you know, I'll just send out a lot of 1:18:00.000 --> 1:18:01.960 and so they know, and so the other person gets 1:18:01.960 --> 1:18:04.599 the hints, but sometimes they just they don't accept it. 1:18:05.479 --> 1:18:07.160 I don't know. It's a really it's a gray area 1:18:07.200 --> 1:18:08.760 that really I don't think there's a right answer. If 1:18:08.760 --> 1:18:10.000 you put a shoe with the shoe on the other 1:18:10.000 --> 1:18:12.479 foot and someone does answer your text messages every now 1:18:12.520 --> 1:18:14.639 and then and they are answering it. I'm not sure 1:18:14.680 --> 1:18:17.719 if I would even realize I was being bread crumbing 1:18:17.800 --> 1:18:19.240 or whatever it's called. I don't even think I would 1:18:19.280 --> 1:18:20.840 realize that. I'd be like, oh, we talk every now 1:18:20.920 --> 1:18:22.920 and then, you know, maybe it'll be But I don't 1:18:22.960 --> 1:18:25.080 know if I would be aware. Yeah, but that's fine 1:18:25.080 --> 1:18:27.080 as well as long as you were like you would, 1:18:27.400 --> 1:18:29.439 I'm sending you want to be that invested. If somebody's 1:18:29.439 --> 1:18:31.880 breadcumbing and you're like, they text you back every couple 1:18:31.880 --> 1:18:33.760 of days, and you'd be like, well, it's just kind 1:18:33.760 --> 1:18:35.920 of fluff right now, Like we'll see if anything happens 1:18:35.960 --> 1:18:37.519 from it. But if somebody's like, oh my god, they 1:18:37.560 --> 1:18:40.040 text me back, they definitely love me, Like this is 1:18:40.040 --> 1:18:43.719 definitely gonna all the emojis. Don't send heart emojis, especially 1:18:43.720 --> 1:18:45.639 as a guy. I think maybe I don't. I don't 1:18:45.640 --> 1:18:47.519 want to jumpe the yellow heart. Does the yellow heart 1:18:47.560 --> 1:18:49.800 emoji mean friendship? I had someone semi a yellow heart 1:18:49.800 --> 1:18:53.479 emoji recently. They're different color heart emojis. Yeah, yeah, there's like, oh, 1:18:53.560 --> 1:18:56.360 I think I knew that. Does red mean like that's love. 1:18:56.520 --> 1:18:59.080 But if it's yellow, because I know yellow with flowers 1:18:59.160 --> 1:19:02.559 is friends, well it's say, yeah, orange is passion that one. 1:19:02.800 --> 1:19:04.640 So if you do an orange heart, I've gotten the 1:19:04.680 --> 1:19:07.920 blue heart from friends before. Blue is very friendly, Yeah 1:19:08.120 --> 1:19:11.400 it was green. Green is extremely friendly. Red is romantic. 1:19:11.400 --> 1:19:14.960 Red romantic yea. If you start red, purple, possibly shade, 1:19:15.760 --> 1:19:19.080 there's there's hope it could develop into red. I don't know. 1:19:19.120 --> 1:19:21.080 I think with bread crupping, it's such a gray area. 1:19:21.160 --> 1:19:22.800 I'm not sure if there's a right or a wrong 1:19:22.840 --> 1:19:25.720 answer to that. Yeah, well, let's let's do two more 1:19:25.760 --> 1:19:29.759 and then we'll wrap this up. Sexting sex okay, Honestly, 1:19:29.920 --> 1:19:32.440 I feel like it depends if you're in a committed relationship. 1:19:32.920 --> 1:19:34.519 Oh yeah, you have to. I mean it's fun to 1:19:34.600 --> 1:19:38.160 sex somebody, of course, Like I like, I don't know, 1:19:38.520 --> 1:19:43.200 I don't want to talk about this. I mean it's 1:19:43.000 --> 1:19:47.240 it's it's like being part of being there's nothing wrong 1:19:47.280 --> 1:19:49.320 with it. Yeah, unless the CEE I A r FBI 1:19:49.400 --> 1:19:53.400 is looking at your text messages, they probably are, so like, well, 1:19:53.439 --> 1:19:55.160 isn't there a way you can like hide your incoming 1:19:55.160 --> 1:19:57.680 messages so people can't see what it actually says? I 1:19:57.720 --> 1:20:00.120 don't know, but I highly don't. They really can a. 1:20:00.800 --> 1:20:02.200 I don't have that on my phone now, but I 1:20:02.240 --> 1:20:04.800 feel like I should not that I mean not, I 1:20:04.800 --> 1:20:06.439 mean currently I don't have to worry about that, but 1:20:06.640 --> 1:20:08.680 maybe later on the line if I'm in a relationship. Oh, 1:20:10.320 --> 1:20:15.120 here we go. And now finally, soulmates do they exist? 1:20:16.120 --> 1:20:18.040 What do you guys think? I think you can fall 1:20:18.080 --> 1:20:20.320 in love with more than one person. I agree, yeah, 1:20:20.880 --> 1:20:23.439 you can have multiple soulmates made multiple soulmates. Yeah, of course. 1:20:23.560 --> 1:20:24.800 I think there are people in this world that you 1:20:24.840 --> 1:20:26.519 were very compatible with, and I think there are people 1:20:26.560 --> 1:20:28.760 in this world that you have certain connections with that 1:20:28.800 --> 1:20:31.320 you don't have with other people. Um. And so if 1:20:31.320 --> 1:20:33.360 people want to identify that as a soul mate, sure, 1:20:33.400 --> 1:20:34.920 but I don't think that you can find I don't 1:20:34.920 --> 1:20:37.400 think necessarily you just find that in one person. Um. 1:20:37.439 --> 1:20:39.280 But I think also being aware of that would probably 1:20:39.320 --> 1:20:42.599 make whoever you're with a stronger relationship, because god forbid, 1:20:42.600 --> 1:20:44.880 you're in a relationship with somebody and then you meet 1:20:44.960 --> 1:20:46.360 this other person that you have in a connection with 1:20:46.400 --> 1:20:47.960 as well, and you're like, well what if they're my 1:20:48.000 --> 1:20:50.479 soul mate? To like, well, who is my actual soul mate. 1:20:50.479 --> 1:20:52.719 I'm so confused instead of being like no, I yeah, 1:20:52.760 --> 1:20:54.479 you can have a connection with somebody else while being 1:20:54.560 --> 1:20:56.639 in a relationship with somebody that you're strongly committed with 1:20:57.400 --> 1:20:59.920 interesting tangent. Sure we can talk about whether you're a 1:21:00.000 --> 1:21:03.040 monogamous person or maybe more of am just like one 1:21:03.080 --> 1:21:05.839 on one person because I actually read a study recently 1:21:06.080 --> 1:21:08.439 where are they studied in lizards that there's certain proteins 1:21:08.439 --> 1:21:11.439 that are in the DNA where um, certain lizards will 1:21:11.479 --> 1:21:13.120 have a short form of form of this protein and 1:21:13.120 --> 1:21:15.920 it means they're more monogamous, whereas um, if you have 1:21:15.920 --> 1:21:18.680 a long form this protein, it means that you more 1:21:18.760 --> 1:21:20.720 so would like to have multiple partners. And I think 1:21:20.760 --> 1:21:25.519 that's that's found. It's a biological thing. So you know, 1:21:25.640 --> 1:21:27.160 I don't know. I was recently talking about this and 1:21:27.200 --> 1:21:28.640 I thought it was interesting totally, and I don't think 1:21:28.640 --> 1:21:31.439 there's anything wrong with you know, if you if you're 1:21:31.520 --> 1:21:34.400 into that, totally be into that. But having said that, 1:21:34.560 --> 1:21:36.479 I just think like, as long as you're not hurting 1:21:36.520 --> 1:21:40.160 any it's about honestly and communication totally. So if everybody's 1:21:40.160 --> 1:21:42.160 involved and they're like totally like, we don't mind being 1:21:42.200 --> 1:21:45.240 with other people. Totally kind of like that in some 1:21:45.320 --> 1:21:47.639 sense to way. But if you're you know, if you're 1:21:47.640 --> 1:21:49.479 in a committed relationship, you're like, well, this is one 1:21:49.479 --> 1:21:51.920 on one for me, then of course I think with 1:21:52.040 --> 1:21:55.120 the soul me um yeah, it's just that like intangible 1:21:55.120 --> 1:21:56.840 thing that is very hard to describe that you have 1:21:56.960 --> 1:21:59.720 with somebody. Now, will you only find that once? No? 1:22:00.040 --> 1:22:01.599 So if you break up with somebody and you found 1:22:01.640 --> 1:22:04.400 you think that they're your soul may you might find 1:22:04.400 --> 1:22:07.240 that with somebody else. Um So, I necessarily don't think 1:22:07.240 --> 1:22:09.000 there's only one person out there for you. Having said that, 1:22:09.040 --> 1:22:11.760 I do think there is this certain quality that you know, 1:22:12.080 --> 1:22:13.960 you don't find it everybody, and that's what love and 1:22:14.240 --> 1:22:15.960 if you want to call it your soulmate is, then 1:22:16.080 --> 1:22:18.120 totally go for it. Thanks so much for coming in 1:22:18.160 --> 1:22:20.479 you guys. Thanks for having us some great Yeah. Yeah, 1:22:20.520 --> 1:22:22.040 it's been so much fun, so much if I getting 1:22:22.040 --> 1:22:23.920 to know know you guys. This has been help by second Dating. 1:22:24.520 --> 1:22:27.120 If you have an email you'd like to send, send 1:22:27.160 --> 1:22:29.960 it to help by second Dating at ihart media dot com. 1:22:30.320 --> 1:22:33.640 Special thanks to Shari Heally, the life coach we talked to. 1:22:33.680 --> 1:22:36.120 You can check out her website Shari Heally dot com. 1:22:36.160 --> 1:22:39.200 That's c h E r I E h e a 1:22:39.600 --> 1:22:42.559 l e y dot com. She was so awesome. Uh, 1:22:42.680 --> 1:22:44.880 do you guys have any hit them hit you up 1:22:44.880 --> 1:22:47.280 on Twitter. We don't want to tell people to go 1:22:48.240 --> 1:22:51.080 all the social media. Yeah, um so yeah. On Twitter 1:22:51.120 --> 1:22:53.280 on Haven underscore Jared h A I B O and 1:22:53.360 --> 1:22:55.920 underscore j A R E D. On Instagram, it's just 1:22:56.000 --> 1:22:58.960 at Jared Haven. And my Instagram is at a key 1:22:59.040 --> 1:23:01.880 Kendall a D eight and my Twitter is I think 1:23:02.000 --> 1:23:05.200 just Kendall Patrese at Kendall Patrese. I mostly tweet about 1:23:05.240 --> 1:23:08.559 like Patriots movies and Rob Thomas though, so you know 1:23:08.920 --> 1:23:10.360 it's probably not the best fall, but hey, if you 1:23:10.400 --> 1:23:13.120 like those three things, you're gonna love me. Tweet about 1:23:13.120 --> 1:23:16.439 like bugs and science and uh, you know there's some 1:23:16.479 --> 1:23:18.519 bachelor stuff in there. There we go. Yeah, there's always 1:23:18.520 --> 1:23:20.040 some bachelors. Oh yeah, you gott sneak it in there. 1:23:20.360 --> 1:23:23.120 Uh awesome, Well, thanks so much you guys. Has been 1:23:23.120 --> 1:23:26.360 helping Second Dating and next week we'll suck less or something. 1:23:26.400 --> 1:23:26.760 I don't know,