Speaker 1: Help. I suck at dating and I heart radio podcast.
Speaker 1: Hey it's help, I second dating. And we got some
Speaker 1: fine guest house here in the studio today. You know
Speaker 1: them as Jared and Kendall. I know them as Kendall
Speaker 1: and Jared. But introduce yourselves. Kendall, ladies, first names Kendall
Speaker 1: High Then my name is Jared high Um, and I'm
Speaker 1: chopped liver. I'm we have a hard time getting back
Speaker 1: out of the studio sometimes, so I never one's leaning
Speaker 1: in out. And I sat down in the third seat.
Speaker 1: It's the best seat though. I wanted that seat, and
Speaker 1: you stole it. You can take it. I smell gasoline
Speaker 1: a little bit. I spread gasoline on myself on the
Speaker 1: way here. I was like, I'm gonna fill my car up,
Speaker 1: and then it just like went all over my clothes.
Speaker 1: I thought it was wonderful, perfuming. I rarely like the gasol.
Speaker 1: We actually we're talking about that. Yeah. I was hoping
Speaker 1: that people here would like the small gasoline because I
Speaker 1: do freak of it. It is a really, really, really
Speaker 1: nice older Jared, we know you from Caitlin season of
Speaker 1: the Bachelorette, and uh and Kendall, we know you from
Speaker 1: this most recent with Ari. So it's so nice to
Speaker 1: have you guys here. We're excited to hear about your
Speaker 1: experiences on on those fine programs. Uh. Because you know, Dean,
Speaker 1: who normally hosts this show was on the Bachelorette with
Speaker 1: Rachel Lindsay. So we have a nice bachelor family. We're
Speaker 1: kind of cultivating here. Uh. But but I want to
Speaker 1: get to know you guys beyond what we saw on
Speaker 1: the show. So um, you know, we that's what our
Speaker 1: that's where our plan is today really quick, while we
Speaker 1: have Becca, while we still have you here, we're talking
Speaker 1: on Becca's show, which is Scrubting with Becca Tilly. You
Speaker 1: can listen at an iHeart Radio podcast about day hooking
Speaker 1: up with siblings or cousins and kind of dipping into
Speaker 1: the family when going for a romantic excursion. Just to clarify,
Speaker 1: not cousins, hooking up with cousins, like like a separate
Speaker 1: person from a separate family, hooking up with one person
Speaker 1: from a family and then hooking up with another person
Speaker 1: from the same thing, not family. That's only in Arkansas,
Speaker 1: and that's only for third cause yeah, I mean, I
Speaker 1: know nothing about Arkansas, but I just wanted to clarify.
Speaker 1: I don't even know if that's Arkansas, but Arkansas people
Speaker 1: are gonna be mad. I I could say the same
Speaker 1: about Louisiana as well, which is where I'm from. So
Speaker 1: please don't yell at me or say anything bad to me.
Speaker 1: And people think of the same thing about Rhode Island,
Speaker 1: so totally totally understandable. Yeah, sometimes cousins have given you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you never know, right, you can't help me. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do it. A lot of common like jeans and stuff. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're just compatible. It's science. But but where do you
Speaker 1: guys stand on that? Like if you if you date
Speaker 1: someone and then years down the line you you maybe
Speaker 1: developed something with their brother or someone else, Like, is
Speaker 1: there any time where that's okay? Because it happened to
Speaker 1: me once and it did not end very well. Just
Speaker 1: really quick, you know, I'll give a short version of this,
Speaker 1: But um, I diated youngly when I was in high school.
Speaker 1: She was my friends older sister actually, and uh yeah,
Speaker 1: it gets it gets a little bit worse. We had
Speaker 1: a we had a nice time. We dated for a
Speaker 1: year and then we broke up and I stayed friends
Speaker 1: with her twin sister. We just stayed friends with each other,
Speaker 1: and years later, uh, romantic feelings started to rise to
Speaker 1: the surface, and we we hooked up a couple of times.
Speaker 1: How did it end with the previous sister? The It
Speaker 1: didn't badly, It just ended. And then you just stayed
Speaker 1: friends with her sister. Stay friends with the sister. That's
Speaker 1: so interesting. How did that happen? It just was like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: this isn't working out, but your sister is really cool,
Speaker 1: so I'll stay friends still. She's pretty were the identical twins,
Speaker 1: fraternal twins. As a twin myself, I actually am friends
Speaker 1: with one of the guys that my sister used to date.
Speaker 1: Not romantically, yeah, but still friends. Well, just wait a
Speaker 1: couple of years, because eventually it will be romantic. It's
Speaker 1: not romantic yet, just give it time. You get really close,
Speaker 1: like as a twin, you get really close to, you know,
Speaker 1: everyone that's in your sister's life, and so I can
Speaker 1: understand that. Yeah, yeah, I felt kind of thing about
Speaker 1: staying Rensler, but we had we really did have a
Speaker 1: good friendship, and it's it's something that I missed now
Speaker 1: because she she developed some romantic, really strong and antic
Speaker 1: feelings for me and we hooked up, but I didn't
Speaker 1: I could not do that. I didn't want to date
Speaker 1: both sisters. I just wanted to hook up with one
Speaker 1: and date even I had a line, so I hooked
Speaker 1: up with her. She said she wanted to date me.
Speaker 1: I said I can't do that and she said, well goodbye,
Speaker 1: and we have not spoken since then. I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's so interesting though, because it's such a fine line,
Speaker 1: because I understand why people wouldn't want to kind of
Speaker 1: step in that. But having said that, how many of
Speaker 1: us are single, So like, if you do find a
Speaker 1: connection with somebody, is it wrong to not act on it?
Speaker 1: That's the thing. What are your what are your thoughts
Speaker 1: about that? Being a twin sister, Like if you found
Speaker 1: a connection with a guy that your sister used to
Speaker 1: date and you were like, well, I'm single. It's hard
Speaker 1: to find somebody that I really enjoy spending time with.
Speaker 1: And here's somebody that I actually really look forward to seeing,
Speaker 1: but I feel like I can't date them because they
Speaker 1: used to date my sister years ago. Don't you think
Speaker 1: as that like time goes on kind of you know,
Speaker 1: time heals all wounds type thing. I think it would mainly, Um,
Speaker 1: I would probably check in with my sister first. If
Speaker 1: my sister wasn't comfortable with it, I would in no
Speaker 1: way to do it right. But if she was said, oh,
Speaker 1: it's totally fine friends now, like it didn't end in
Speaker 1: a bad way and um, misshoes open to it, then
Speaker 1: I would feel like I had the green light. But
Speaker 1: other than that, is it weird though? Because you're identical,
Speaker 1: Like you're identical twins. So like in my head, if
Speaker 1: I had an identical twin and be like, so he
Speaker 1: likes so I look, but he doesn't like my personality.
Speaker 1: Like he's like, I'm physically attracted her, but like there's
Speaker 1: something else, miss thing, So I'm gonna the other twin.
Speaker 1: But we attract different kinds of people. Um, because our
Speaker 1: personalities are so kind of like puzzle pieces, we're opposite,
Speaker 1: we kind of fit together in some way. Um, with guys,
Speaker 1: usually she'll actually being two guys that are more like me,
Speaker 1: and I'll be in two guys are more like her
Speaker 1: in a weird way because we're used to that balance. Interesting,
Speaker 1: that's really interesting. It makes sense though, I guess it
Speaker 1: makes sense. Yeah, I never really thought it in those terms.
Speaker 1: I know, it's it's a weird. It's a weird thing.
Speaker 1: But I find that we feel what the other person
Speaker 1: is lacking because we grew up together as like one
Speaker 1: in some way, and so you know, and I agree
Speaker 1: with what you said in terms of like go in
Speaker 1: to your sister first and kind of not asking for permission,
Speaker 1: but just having an adult conversation about Okay, we found
Speaker 1: a connection. Can we see if this words goes like
Speaker 1: how do you feel about this? Because like, if you
Speaker 1: get married to this guy that's her, that's her brother
Speaker 1: in law, you know, that's forever hopefully. I mean, I've
Speaker 1: never I've never dated anybody that my sister has dated, um,
Speaker 1: and she hasn't dated anyone that I've dated. So I
Speaker 1: can't necessarily say how I would feel because I don't
Speaker 1: know how that would feel. But it would be a
Speaker 1: little weird. Yeah, do you ever have like twin intuition?
Speaker 1: Like do you ever just like think and you're like,
Speaker 1: I know exactly what she's feeling and thinking right now?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, definitely, that's so cool her and know exactly
Speaker 1: what how she's feeling. What if she gets like a
Speaker 1: paper cut, do you feel it? It's kind of like
Speaker 1: the Force from Star Wars. You just feel disturbance in
Speaker 1: the force. Something's wrong with my sister. Well, one time
Speaker 1: when we were younger, my sister fell and hit her
Speaker 1: head on a table and I started crying. You're in
Speaker 1: opposite rooms. Oh, it hasn't happened since then, but I'd
Speaker 1: like to think that I feel you know her feelings. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's like once is enough. No, seriously, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for hanging out, beck At. Unfortunately, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have to ask you to leave securities waiting for you outside.
Speaker 1: They're escorting me scrubbing it with Becky Tilly. You can
Speaker 1: catch that on I Heart Radio. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Thanks for having me alright, so getting you to know
Speaker 1: you guys. I reached out to you the other day
Speaker 1: and I asked, what's your biggest relationship issue? There's too many,
Speaker 1: too many to name? Really, Yeah, four four episodes of
Speaker 1: Excuse Me, four seasons of The Bachelor, and still single,
Speaker 1: so obviously there's something wrong. But um, but you guys,
Speaker 1: you did come up with something, you know, really good
Speaker 1: stuff that people can really relate to. And I and
Speaker 1: you sent them to me, and I'd like to read
Speaker 1: them out loud if you don't mind. Jared revealed to
Speaker 1: me that he lets in securities get the best of him,
Speaker 1: which doesn't allow him to open up to women, and
Speaker 1: he's nervous about finding out that he's a train wreck. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm nervous about them finding out he's I'm a train wreck, because, like,
Speaker 1: nobody knows yourself better than you, right, Like I know
Speaker 1: every thought that's in my head, I know every action
Speaker 1: I take, and so when people are like, you're such
Speaker 1: a good guy, and I'm like, I like, it's hard
Speaker 1: to like kind of live up to those expectations. And
Speaker 1: so I think it's difficult for me at times because
Speaker 1: I think I let insecurities get the best of me.
Speaker 1: I think what I do really well as I put
Speaker 1: on a really good first impression, and so the first
Speaker 1: day to the first couple of days go really well,
Speaker 1: and then after that I have a very difficult time
Speaker 1: of I hate this expression, but it's the truth. Letting
Speaker 1: my walls down to a certain extent, not because there's
Speaker 1: something wrong with them or not because I'm not willing
Speaker 1: to take a chance, but more so I'm nervous about
Speaker 1: them finding out that I'm not the guy that they
Speaker 1: think I am and that's a really hard thing for
Speaker 1: me to accept. And so there's this great quote that
Speaker 1: I love and it's about it deals with kind of
Speaker 1: depression actually, and it talks about like people being depressed
Speaker 1: when they try to become the Wizard of Oz to
Speaker 1: put on this persona of who they think they are,
Speaker 1: when an actuality, they're just the sweaty guy behind the curtain,
Speaker 1: desperately trying to hold everything together because one will slip
Speaker 1: and everything falls apart. So that's sometimes in my own
Speaker 1: dating life for the past few I mean for the
Speaker 1: past pretty much like six years i've been single, because
Speaker 1: I think I've had every a difficult time of kind
Speaker 1: of diving in head first, um, because I I usually
Speaker 1: get in my own head and overthink things, and so
Speaker 1: with me sometimes I'm like, I don't want them to
Speaker 1: know that I don't have my you know, stuff together.
Speaker 1: And so that's one of the one of my big
Speaker 1: issues with dating, and so I've been called out on it.
Speaker 1: I've had women called me out and say like, you're
Speaker 1: not You're gonna end up alone because you don't let
Speaker 1: anybody in, and I'm like, you're right, You're absolutely right.
Speaker 1: Well it's interesting because when you're on the show, I
Speaker 1: think people have an expectation of who you are because
Speaker 1: only part of you is seen and it is a
Speaker 1: dating show, so you're like, well, I this is how
Speaker 1: I am, and so I feel like maybe that also
Speaker 1: has a part to do with it as well. I
Speaker 1: think it does too. But I've also had women now,
Speaker 1: whether they're telling the truth or not, I'm not really sure,
Speaker 1: but tell me, like I have you know, I've never
Speaker 1: seen the show. I never I don't know who you are,
Speaker 1: and so that's actually very appealing for me. But they've
Speaker 1: also you know, I they've also been like you seem
Speaker 1: like somebody that's very difficult to really because it's interesting
Speaker 1: because they're like, you're somebody who seems very vulnerable and
Speaker 1: yet the complete like but that's also very shut off
Speaker 1: at the same time. And so I think for me,
Speaker 1: it's like I can be vulnerable about a lot of it,
Speaker 1: like a lot of things I love to talk about
Speaker 1: other people, but when it comes to me, I don't
Speaker 1: like talking about myself, and I think that becomes that's
Speaker 1: it stems from my own insecurities about me, and so
Speaker 1: sometimes like I think, I do you know, I try
Speaker 1: the best of I try my best to not let
Speaker 1: those insecurities get the best of me. I try to
Speaker 1: stay confident in what I try to do um is live.
Speaker 1: I try to live my life kind of like along
Speaker 1: Gal's book You're Not That Great, where I instead of
Speaker 1: like building myself up and say this is what I deserve,
Speaker 1: I tried to say, listen, other people are having these
Speaker 1: same thoughts that you are, Like, other people are insecure.
Speaker 1: Other people have doubts about themselves, Like yes, they can
Speaker 1: put on facade and confidence is great, but people still
Speaker 1: have insecurities, and so I try to think of it
Speaker 1: that way. It's kind of like when you're in a
Speaker 1: school project and they tell you, imagine the entire audience naked,
Speaker 1: like if you have to do a presentation, and the
Speaker 1: reason they do that is to make you feel comfortable,
Speaker 1: so you're kind of so they feel embarrassed to type
Speaker 1: thing because you go up there and you're naturally going
Speaker 1: to feel shy and embarrass but if you see and
Speaker 1: you picture everybody naked, you're like, oh, that's silly, Like
Speaker 1: I can have fun with this. I personally think that
Speaker 1: there's beauty in imperfection. I completely agree, because then you're
Speaker 1: more relatable if you're a perfect person, and um, it's
Speaker 1: almost like impenetrable like emotionally, emotionally, then I feel like
Speaker 1: people don't They don't really want to. They find it
Speaker 1: really hard to dive into love for that person. But
Speaker 1: the imperfection is the thing that makes you beautiful totally.
Speaker 1: But I think I hear from a lot of girls
Speaker 1: to like, oh, he's so good looking, or he's so mysterious,
Speaker 1: or he's so charming, and he's so like confident. That's
Speaker 1: like what they're so attracted to. And here I am
Speaker 1: being like, oh, I I like Star Wars? Do you
Speaker 1: like Star Wars? Too? And it's like, I don't know
Speaker 1: what I'm doing. I don't know. I mean I think
Speaker 1: just putting it all out there, you know, just like
Speaker 1: being like beautifully broken, like I love that. I like
Speaker 1: just I think the one thing that I was trying
Speaker 1: to do while I was on the show, or in
Speaker 1: just in any relationship in general, is I try to
Speaker 1: just like be so purely myself that really they're kind
Speaker 1: of it's like either you take it or you leave it.
Speaker 1: But do you think that scares peop all away? Um?
Speaker 1: I mean I hasn't yet I mean sometimes and sometimes
Speaker 1: I'm not people's cup of tea. I totally get it.
Speaker 1: But um, let me say this about Kendall. We've won
Speaker 1: a couple of times. But Kendall, not only strikingly beautiful,
Speaker 1: but you are strikingly intelligent than you and so I
Speaker 1: consider myself a conversationalist, but you are somebody that like
Speaker 1: you are right there, like you are only appreciate that
Speaker 1: You're very welcome, You're very intelligent. It's it's something that
Speaker 1: it comes out of you, very like it's like a
Speaker 1: really good first impression. Well you as well. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think that one thing that we were talking a
Speaker 1: little bit earlier, and the one thing that was refreshing
Speaker 1: is that it's so difficult to find people that you
Speaker 1: feel like challenged with, you know, and so um, that's
Speaker 1: one thing that I also have trouble with dating, is
Speaker 1: I like to be with someone that I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm not talking at I'm talking with. Did you feel
Speaker 1: challenged with Ari? I know that's a deep question, but hey,
Speaker 1: I gotta ask no. I mean, of course I felt
Speaker 1: like with Ari we were so folcused on just having
Speaker 1: fun and making I was kind of I think our
Speaker 1: relationship was like the escape from all the crazy serious talks.
Speaker 1: I really don't think we had a lot of really
Speaker 1: serious conversations. Um and in a way, I mean, it
Speaker 1: wasn't that I didn't feel I felt challenged emotionally. Definitely,
Speaker 1: I felt like I, UM, in relationships, I tend to
Speaker 1: be very UM. I think I just tend to be
Speaker 1: a little bit guarded in the sense where I don't
Speaker 1: really like to let myself go emotionally and UM, with him,
Speaker 1: I was definitely challenging that, oh totally. I think going
Speaker 1: into the Bachelor world it forces you to make those
Speaker 1: challenges and really open yourself up, because if you don't
Speaker 1: open yourself up, you're on that bus ride home night one,
Speaker 1: and that's the last place you want to be. And
Speaker 1: so if you don't open up and let yourself kind
Speaker 1: of fall into the process, then you're done. And so
Speaker 1: I think the Bachelor really forces you to do that.
Speaker 1: And with me, with Caitlin was actually very intimidating. I'll
Speaker 1: never forget my first night. I was almost not certainly
Speaker 1: not scared of Camel that's an overexaggeration, but like she
Speaker 1: is very similar where she is so witty and so
Speaker 1: funny and obviously strikingly beautiful, and it's just like everything
Speaker 1: that you say, she's got something coming back at you.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my god, like she's way
Speaker 1: cooler than me. I don't know, like I'm supposed to
Speaker 1: be the charming one. I'm going home. And then of course,
Speaker 1: like as time goes on, they just become you know,
Speaker 1: everything becomes normalized and you have conversations blah blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. But um, but that's cool. It's very interesting
Speaker 1: to hear and Kendall, that actually leads into your answer
Speaker 1: for your you know, when your relationship issues, if we
Speaker 1: can call it that, that you you're afraid to lose
Speaker 1: yourself in a relationship and you do feel guarded and
Speaker 1: you find it difficult to balance family and friends with
Speaker 1: romantic relationships because you're gonna get really wrapped up with
Speaker 1: the other person. Is that something that you've always kind
Speaker 1: of had problems with? Um? Yeah, I mean I love people.
Speaker 1: I tend to like give myself so much to relationships because, um,
Speaker 1: I just want to find out everything about the person,
Speaker 1: and I have all these crazy questions and I tend
Speaker 1: to just get ripped wrapped up in that world, and um,
Speaker 1: I'm extremely close with my family and friends, have a
Speaker 1: very awesome support system, and um, their relationships suffer sometimes
Speaker 1: because I just like dive so much into it. You wait,
Speaker 1: you your relationships suffers? Are their relationships? Their relationship suffers
Speaker 1: with me? I mean it's okay, so like you're the
Speaker 1: type of girl. I'm not judging, but like, are the
Speaker 1: type You're that girl that if you get a boyfriend,
Speaker 1: you are with them all the time and you never
Speaker 1: see your fan family and friends. You know. So what
Speaker 1: it is is that, Um, I think I I always
Speaker 1: put other people's feelings kind of above my own in
Speaker 1: some sense. Um, And when I am in a relationship,
Speaker 1: I feel like, well, first of all, my parents, UM,
Speaker 1: and my friends have never really liked anyone that I've dated.
Speaker 1: There's some people, there's some some of the guys that
Speaker 1: they've liked, UM, but I think the guys I really
Speaker 1: get into are the ones that they don't really like
Speaker 1: as much. So I almost feel like it's a challenge
Speaker 1: where um, am I choosing them or I choosing my
Speaker 1: friends and family or the person in a relationship with
Speaker 1: Why is that? Are they kind of like the rebel
Speaker 1: or the Bad Boy. Do you like the bad boys? Um?
Speaker 1: I mean, I've definitely dated like the quote unquote bad boy,
Speaker 1: but it's not so much that I think I tend.
Speaker 1: I tend to date people who are I guess like
Speaker 1: that don't have a strong friend group as well interesting,
Speaker 1: so they're kind of loners, you know. I don't want
Speaker 1: to label them as loners. It's more you're saying I'm
Speaker 1: more independent. I mean, Um, I have my family and
Speaker 1: friends are very overwhelming, a very big group. So when
Speaker 1: I introduced someone to that world, I think they could
Speaker 1: be a little intimidated by that. And then whenever I
Speaker 1: hang out in a group with my significant other, I
Speaker 1: kind of just I kind of just leave them alone
Speaker 1: and go with my family and friends and hang out
Speaker 1: with them. And I tend to have my more white
Speaker 1: one on one time totally. So you're like a guy
Speaker 1: who's like a one man wolf pack. As they say,
Speaker 1: I mean, I want them to be able to. I mean,
Speaker 1: the problem that I've had with dating is that people
Speaker 1: that I date, they don't necessarily they can't really be
Speaker 1: on their own, you know, Like I want someone that
Speaker 1: can be in a group of my friends and family
Speaker 1: and not feel intimidated and actually be curious to learn
Speaker 1: about them. Totally. I've always said to the type of
Speaker 1: girl that I want is somebody that really is the
Speaker 1: life of the party, Like somebody that can come into
Speaker 1: my circle of friends and family and just fit right
Speaker 1: in and also not only fit in, but somebody that
Speaker 1: my family and friends are like, I want to hang
Speaker 1: out with them, like even at times being like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to I want to hang out with your
Speaker 1: girlfriend and not you, because that's okay with me because
Speaker 1: that means that they love them and they see why
Speaker 1: I love them as well exactly, So that's certainly I
Speaker 1: can totally, um, you know, agree with you on that aspect,
Speaker 1: because then I feel guilty. I feel guilty that, um,
Speaker 1: who do I give time to? Like I see the
Speaker 1: person that I'm dating and they're kind of sitting by themselves,
Speaker 1: not really interacting with anybody, and like, do I I
Speaker 1: go to cater to that? But at the same time,
Speaker 1: it's like when you're in a relationship with somebody, you
Speaker 1: see them a lot. Totally. I remember one of my
Speaker 1: former relationships was some conversations you had was that she
Speaker 1: had a very difficult time balance in that because her
Speaker 1: family she had one sister they were super close um,
Speaker 1: and then a single mom as well that she was
Speaker 1: super close with. And so like here comes a guy,
Speaker 1: but you know, who's kind of taking their sister away
Speaker 1: from them a little bit. And so she was always
Speaker 1: She even told me one time, she was like, listen,
Speaker 1: I need to put you on the back burner. I
Speaker 1: need you to be second place right now, because I
Speaker 1: need to put my mom and sister for us, because
Speaker 1: they spending so much time with you that they just
Speaker 1: feel like they don't know who I am anymore. And
Speaker 1: plus this was also college. She was going away from
Speaker 1: college spending time with her boyfriends. She didn't like have
Speaker 1: a lot of time to spend with her mom and sister.
Speaker 1: And so I remember, I'll never forget that conversation because
Speaker 1: we just talked about it. And as a guy like that,
Speaker 1: obviously like you know that conversation. I mean, I I
Speaker 1: don't know. I mean, not only it was great, I
Speaker 1: mean not saying it was a bad conversation, just saying
Speaker 1: the idea that it's almost like a challenge between your
Speaker 1: love for people. Of course, you know, like I don't,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's not a competition. And if it
Speaker 1: if you like, make it a competition then end it's
Speaker 1: in your head totally. And I also think like life
Speaker 1: is just about balance. That's I'm a firm believer in balance,
Speaker 1: and you have to find balance within your life, your career,
Speaker 1: your love, your family, your friends, whatever your hobbies are.
Speaker 1: Like everything is about balance. And so I totally agree
Speaker 1: in terms of love like balancing. Okay, I love this
Speaker 1: person more than anything. I want to spend the rest
Speaker 1: of my life with them. Having said that, I also
Speaker 1: love my family and friends and I want to show
Speaker 1: that love by spending time with them. Like one of
Speaker 1: my five love languages, this quality time. So like that
Speaker 1: is a big thing for me. Um. So it's it's
Speaker 1: always difficult. It's always gonna be hard. But I think
Speaker 1: one aspect of relationships that is kind of being overlooked
Speaker 1: is sacrifice. Like people are free, I feel like in
Speaker 1: today's world, because there's somebody's options, especially being you know,
Speaker 1: having a single life in Los Angeles. Holy moly, Like
Speaker 1: it just sucks dating in l A. I will say,
Speaker 1: it's horrible, right because there's so many options. The idea
Speaker 1: of dating l A. This is what a day l
Speaker 1: A is. You're at dinner with another person, and then
Speaker 1: the person is not looking at you, they're looking over
Speaker 1: their shoulder at other options because they're looking at to
Speaker 1: see if something is better out there, and that is
Speaker 1: Los Angeles dating, Like, it's just there's well, I think
Speaker 1: it's just so there's a lot of sparkly things. You know,
Speaker 1: there's so many sparkly things. There's a lot of attractive
Speaker 1: people in l A. And it's great. At the same time,
Speaker 1: it's uh, I mean when I was using dating apps, um,
Speaker 1: I feel like it'd be very difficult to put a
Speaker 1: lot of work into one relationship because oh, there's something
Speaker 1: else and it doesn't really matter if there's a little
Speaker 1: bit of trouble here, I can just move on and
Speaker 1: not have to worry about that, of course. And then
Speaker 1: like people are making up excuses to break up with people,
Speaker 1: not because they don't want to be with that person,
Speaker 1: but because there are so many options it's almost too
Speaker 1: much choose from. They're like, oh, their second toe is
Speaker 1: bigger than their big toes, so I can't be with them.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go on you know, my dating app and
Speaker 1: be exposed to thousands of good looking at people. And
Speaker 1: l A is not really a relationship city. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm just traveling around. I went to Barcelona, and that's
Speaker 1: a relationship city. Like there's so many beautiful couples, like
Speaker 1: amazing things to do as a couple. And in l
Speaker 1: A there really I mean, you can go hiking, but
Speaker 1: even hiking is kind of like a singles activity here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't like bowling bowling day, I'm a big bullet.
Speaker 1: I have a bad experience with bowling. If you saw
Speaker 1: if you saw my season. Oh, I forgot about that.
Speaker 1: I can't believe I brought that up. What a coincidence. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was an interesting night. Well, we have a life
Speaker 1: coach on the line actually to help out with all
Speaker 1: these all these questions. This is Shari Heally and she
Speaker 1: is a certified life coach. She's sue you there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm here. H So you're on with with Jared and
Speaker 1: Kendall here, and I understand we sent you in their
Speaker 1: relationship in securities. Yeah, you did excellent. Here. We're excited
Speaker 1: to hear what you have to say. I'm nervous. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we need some coaching. Okay, who's the bravest He's going first?
Speaker 1: You know, I find that Kendall's very brave, gonna go
Speaker 1: for it. I'm ready to bring it on. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: here's what came up for me when I read what
Speaker 1: you wrote. Kendall, tell me, what is the thing that's
Speaker 1: most important to you in life? Um? I think the
Speaker 1: most important thing to me is I want people that
Speaker 1: I'm surround with to be happy. I want everyone to
Speaker 1: have a positive experience, Like I don't know, I love
Speaker 1: in general. Right, Okay, what does that give you? When
Speaker 1: you get to be around everyone who's happy, when you
Speaker 1: get to provide that for that, what does it give
Speaker 1: to you? Um? I think it just makes life more enjoyable.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm happy when other people are happy, and
Speaker 1: I'm not really a drama person. I like to avoid
Speaker 1: that at all costs. So, um, when other people are happy,
Speaker 1: I just feel like it's I mean, I'm living life
Speaker 1: the way I'm supposed to be living it as opposed
Speaker 1: to focusing on I've just I don't know all the
Speaker 1: drama of all the things. Right. So you have a
Speaker 1: strategy with relationships that says you have to make someone
Speaker 1: else happy at all costs. Yeah? Yeah, And where does
Speaker 1: that leave you? Um? I think it just I think
Speaker 1: it just leaves me. Um, I mean, I really don't
Speaker 1: focus a lot on how I'm feeling with things because
Speaker 1: I want to be sensitive to other people and I
Speaker 1: don't want to come across as like selfish or that
Speaker 1: I'm not caring about someone else UM in a relationship,
Speaker 1: because I mean, I've been called on that, but called
Speaker 1: out on that before, right right, So it leaves like
Speaker 1: you said, your strategy is to make others happy because
Speaker 1: you would then be able to be in a more
Speaker 1: enjoyable life. You would be able to relax. It sounds
Speaker 1: I can be exactly, but that's not what's happening, right, No,
Speaker 1: usually ends up being a tug of war battle between
Speaker 1: UM trying to make family and friends happy and then
Speaker 1: also trying to make my significant other happy in your competition,
Speaker 1: right right? And then you have this blueprint, now, this
Speaker 1: idea of relationship that it means you have to give
Speaker 1: up everything you know and fully focused on this one person,
Speaker 1: and then at the end you know you might have
Speaker 1: nothing left. So I no wonder you don't want to
Speaker 1: go into fantastic I think we'd all be single off
Speaker 1: that where to get exactly Yeah, And that's why I
Speaker 1: mean That's why I've had a lot of trouble dating
Speaker 1: because I almost feel like it becomes that it becomes
Speaker 1: a competition, and then by me continuing the relationship, I'm
Speaker 1: choosing the relationship over my family and friends, which isn't
Speaker 1: necessarily a competition. I even want to have no no
Speaker 1: so here, Okay, what I would call you is a
Speaker 1: professional giver, you know, like that's them. I mean, I
Speaker 1: think it's like a double edged sword. I want to
Speaker 1: be a professional giver it right, but it is, it
Speaker 1: is a total double edged sword. And what tricky is
Speaker 1: when you're in a relationship with someone who's masculine, they
Speaker 1: are in their in their highest, in their best right,
Speaker 1: they want to give to you. And so you're getting
Speaker 1: into this like out giving competition. And the thing that
Speaker 1: men look for in relationship is a woman who can
Speaker 1: receive what they want to give. It doesn't really seem
Speaker 1: bounced to me. Yeah, it's it's a dance, right, It's
Speaker 1: never going to be like total. But the ideal relationship
Speaker 1: is one where both partners are giving, Like you're both
Speaker 1: giving tients, right, But the trick for you is to,
Speaker 1: like I would just go with what you're good at
Speaker 1: if you're a professional giver, let's just make you an
Speaker 1: even better giver. And this is like a big one
Speaker 1: for me because I'm same and so many people I
Speaker 1: work with want to change the world and want to
Speaker 1: do great things for others. That you're kind hearted, you know,
Speaker 1: But to take it to the next level, you've got
Speaker 1: to take on this belief that the more you want
Speaker 1: to give, the more you need. Like I always go
Speaker 1: to Oprah, like, right, she didn't build this incredible multimedia
Speaker 1: conglomerate to change the world without any help. She wanted
Speaker 1: to make a giant impact, so she needs a lot
Speaker 1: of support. So the more you want to give happiness
Speaker 1: to others, the more you need to keep all of
Speaker 1: that energy flowing, right, Because if you get stuck and
Speaker 1: you get shut down and you're not getting what you need,
Speaker 1: you know you're going to pull back and then you're
Speaker 1: giving this tag a war in the competition, which just
Speaker 1: has you not living from your heart and not feeling
Speaker 1: like you have what you want to give. I guess
Speaker 1: my question is, like how do I keep you? How
Speaker 1: am I supposed to be aware of that? Like what
Speaker 1: do I do in a situation um to change that?
Speaker 1: Because I naturally feel like, you know, I want to give,
Speaker 1: but in other words, like am I supposed to more
Speaker 1: so like focus on giving to myself? Or yeah, I
Speaker 1: guess it's just difficult to me for me to get
Speaker 1: into that mindset right. Well, if you think about it,
Speaker 1: like you know, everybody always talked about putting the oxygen
Speaker 1: mask on first, you know, if you're in a craft
Speaker 1: I read the pamphlet, Yeah, I've been on Southwest once
Speaker 1: or twist right, So in any situation to get it
Speaker 1: really practical and to have that mindset, you're thinking, if
Speaker 1: I want to be the ultimate giver for this person
Speaker 1: and really make this person happy, then it also depends
Speaker 1: on my happiness, and you're constantly checking in with yourself
Speaker 1: and saying what do I need and what would me happy?
Speaker 1: Because most likely the person that you're with is a
Speaker 1: lot like you. They also want to give to you,
Speaker 1: and if you're not giving them a chance to actually
Speaker 1: experience the joy of making you happy, then you've got
Speaker 1: the super lopsided thing. And I would sometimes call people
Speaker 1: out on that and say it's a little silvish me.
Speaker 1: It's also the communication that I have with people that
Speaker 1: I love, like how do I let them know what
Speaker 1: I want with, you know, in in a way that
Speaker 1: doesn't make me seem because I think I tend tend
Speaker 1: to have it build up. I build up over time,
Speaker 1: and after a while I'm just like, well, I'm going
Speaker 1: to choose this person because I like them, and it's
Speaker 1: not the way I want to communicate, right, right, And
Speaker 1: we do that, we like store up. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: an amazing thing how many like little hurts and little
Speaker 1: resentments we build out and then we explode and then
Speaker 1: you know, the relationship could be over. So it's generous, right,
Speaker 1: It's another giving act to say to somebody before you
Speaker 1: get up set, Hey, you know what it would make
Speaker 1: me so happy if still in the blank. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: know that magical words for the guys. Am I right, Like,
Speaker 1: wouldn't it be so nice that she just told you
Speaker 1: what would make her happy? Yeah? Of course, no, absolutely,
Speaker 1: That's I was reading a study and the number one
Speaker 1: reason why relationships fails lack of communication. And it's so
Speaker 1: true because for some reason we I don't know, I mean,
Speaker 1: as a guy, sometimes I feel very difficult to express like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is what I like, this is what I don't like,
Speaker 1: this is what makes me happy, this is what makes
Speaker 1: me sad because it's it's it's a balance, right, It's
Speaker 1: a fine line because you want to accept the person
Speaker 1: that you love for all their flaws, because that's who
Speaker 1: they are and that's who you love. Having said that,
Speaker 1: like sometimes that's you know, uh can be over time,
Speaker 1: I don't know how to describe it, like you don't
Speaker 1: want somebody to change, but having said that, you still
Speaker 1: want to vocalize be like, well this is something that
Speaker 1: I don't like, So I don't want you to change,
Speaker 1: but I feel like I should tell you. So it's
Speaker 1: a very fine line I feel, and I agree with
Speaker 1: Kendall where it's it's it's very how do I articulate that?
Speaker 1: How do I tell somebody like, Okay, this is what
Speaker 1: I want and yes, you can put it on in
Speaker 1: the universe, but I think it just takes it takes
Speaker 1: a lot of guts to express what you want. It
Speaker 1: really does. Well. I'm also afraid of hurting people's feelings
Speaker 1: like constantly. Yeah, of course, I don't want to say
Speaker 1: something that would that would lead people to believe that
Speaker 1: I value someone else over them, um, you know, because
Speaker 1: it's not it shouldn't be like that. It's not a competition.
Speaker 1: Um right, Yeah, I think if you lead with what
Speaker 1: is it that you ultimately want? Like I really want
Speaker 1: to feel close to you, or I want to protect
Speaker 1: our relationship, or I don't want to end up in
Speaker 1: a week really resentful. So can I tell you something
Speaker 1: that's really hard for me to share right now? You know,
Speaker 1: being vulnerable and this is what I wanted to share
Speaker 1: with Jared too. Is is like the new superpower. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know it is. I'm Superman. See if you want
Speaker 1: to read all the studies to like Rene Brown, the
Speaker 1: author of Bearing Greatly is the queen of vulnerability. And
Speaker 1: it's really become like a thing that we're realizing that
Speaker 1: it is the gateway to everything that we really want
Speaker 1: to just be real with each other. Like the society
Speaker 1: of the culture we live in right now doesn't want
Speaker 1: the perfect and the polished and all the fakey fake right.
Speaker 1: We want real, want like a human being. And that
Speaker 1: takes this tone of courage. No, I've I've always said
Speaker 1: that vulnerability is a sign of strength, not weakness. So
Speaker 1: you could stare that kindell just saying like this is
Speaker 1: super hard for me and I'm not good at this,
Speaker 1: but I know that it's going to make me a
Speaker 1: better girlfriend. I know that you're going to be with
Speaker 1: a happier woman. And frankly, I think any guy is
Speaker 1: in relationship to do one thing. If he really cares
Speaker 1: about you, he wants to make you happy, and I
Speaker 1: agree with that. Yeah, if you lead with that, then
Speaker 1: I think it will be well received. And I think,
Speaker 1: you know, any relationship that I'm in, of course, like
Speaker 1: my ultimate goal is to make my girlfriend, fiance, wife,
Speaker 1: life partner happy. And so for her to just come
Speaker 1: to me and say, listen, this is what I want,
Speaker 1: this is what means the most to me. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it would be a really wonderful conversation to have.
Speaker 1: You know what, I think it's funny. I think ours
Speaker 1: relates in some sense, is that, um, we don't we
Speaker 1: want to live up to the expectation that other people
Speaker 1: have of us totally. You know, I want to live
Speaker 1: up to the expectations of my friend and family. You
Speaker 1: want to live up the expectations of you know, people
Speaker 1: that you're dating. Um, so it's just people in my life,
Speaker 1: you know, French family, the people that I value, their
Speaker 1: opinion on I want to be the guy that they
Speaker 1: think I am, you know, and so, and I try
Speaker 1: really hard, but I think it's it's it's a tough
Speaker 1: thing to accept, you know, the idea of maybe you're
Speaker 1: not as as as you know, as wonderful as other
Speaker 1: people think you are, because like nobody knows yourself better
Speaker 1: than you have said that earlier, but it's it's true.
Speaker 1: So like there, that's where insecurities come in, that's where
Speaker 1: doubts come in. I think it almost starts with I
Speaker 1: know this is like seems one of those cliche things,
Speaker 1: but like loving who you are, like loving your in performance,
Speaker 1: embracing those and feeling like hell yeah I would date myself. Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: you have to love your imperfections. Yeah, I want to
Speaker 1: present agree, But I'm not saying that's easy. That's the
Speaker 1: only thing I'm not. Yeah, so scared. If you ever
Speaker 1: had the experience of being in a relationship with someone
Speaker 1: who did share an insecurity and it just made you
Speaker 1: like a door on her even more, Uh yeah, oh
Speaker 1: my god. Yeah, it's just I've of course, I've grown
Speaker 1: to become more attracted not only emotionally but physically as
Speaker 1: well to somebody that can just embrace their imperfections, say
Speaker 1: I love it, and it's like, yeah, I love it too.
Speaker 1: That's sexy. Yeah, So we as women want that from
Speaker 1: you too. I don't think any of us expect to
Speaker 1: have like Hero seven, like that would also make us
Speaker 1: feel like we had to be perfect and all that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you were to share some more, you know, and
Speaker 1: and let more of you come out. What that does
Speaker 1: is that gives the woman the thing that she wants
Speaker 1: the most. Right. So a man wants to be able
Speaker 1: to make his partner happy, and a woman who identifies
Speaker 1: feminine right, she wants connection, She wants to know, he
Speaker 1: just wants to get up all in there and like no,
Speaker 1: all things. I also feel like it's I'm wanting to
Speaker 1: see yourself in someone else, and by expressing your imperfections,
Speaker 1: you're able to they're able to connect with you because
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh that's I feel that way too, or
Speaker 1: I have those insecurities too, and then you feel like
Speaker 1: you can relate on that level. Yeah. What I've always
Speaker 1: done is you know, with any girl that I've ever
Speaker 1: dated with, any insecurity that she has, I will reassure her.
Speaker 1: I mean, over and over over again. She's like I
Speaker 1: hate my elbows, and I'm like, I love your elbows,
Speaker 1: and I'll kiss their elbows or you know whatever, right,
Speaker 1: whatever insecurity they have, I want to make sure that like, no,
Speaker 1: you're great, You're wonderful. But what I don't do is
Speaker 1: I don't talk about a lot of my own insecurities.
Speaker 1: And I think that's something that I need to start doing,
Speaker 1: because I do think that there is a relatability factor
Speaker 1: where you're like, well, like I'm insecure about something and
Speaker 1: he reassures me, which is wonderful, But he's also insecure
Speaker 1: about something too, and that makes me feel more comfortable
Speaker 1: around him. And so think, you know, not only myself,
Speaker 1: but a lot of guys in general, because I you know,
Speaker 1: I grew up on the East Coast. I grew up
Speaker 1: like a lot of uh, you know, my my father
Speaker 1: is the most wonderful man I've ever met my entire life.
Speaker 1: But of course, you know, he's very He's a man's man,
Speaker 1: you know, like, you know, he doesn't talk about his
Speaker 1: emotions a lot, and as he gets older, actually starts
Speaker 1: talking a lot more about his emotions and his feelings,
Speaker 1: which is the most endearing and adorable thing I've ever
Speaker 1: seen in my entire life. It really is. Yeah, Like
Speaker 1: I I've taken a lot of lessons from my parents,
Speaker 1: because my parents at a young age, it wasn't always great.
Speaker 1: They got young, like my married. My mom got married
Speaker 1: when she was twenty my dad was twenty seven, so
Speaker 1: she was very young. She had my sister at twenty two,
Speaker 1: so like everything happened so quickly, right, and so you
Speaker 1: get married a young age like, and they had a
Speaker 1: wonderful marriage and very loving, but of course there was
Speaker 1: bad times and sometimes fights and so on and so forth.
Speaker 1: And now I've seen how love changes. That's something that
Speaker 1: I've we talked about a little bit earlier Kendall and
Speaker 1: I about how I do believe that love changes. At
Speaker 1: the beginning, there is this puppy love stage and like
Speaker 1: you're doing laundry with somebody, your dishes and it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: Everything is so fantastic because you're just with that person.
Speaker 1: It's lust full and it's fantastic. And then like that's
Speaker 1: going to fade over time, and that doesn't mean it's
Speaker 1: bad though. I just think that love changes, Like you're
Speaker 1: gonna go through through some things and there's gonna be
Speaker 1: bad times. In the relationship, and there's gonna be you know,
Speaker 1: hopefully not bad fights, but there's gonna be disagreements, and
Speaker 1: then like there's going to be challenges, whether that be
Speaker 1: external challenges or internal challenges between you and this other partner.
Speaker 1: And so I think if you can get past those
Speaker 1: challenges and those obstacles together as a as a team,
Speaker 1: I think love changes at that point. And I think
Speaker 1: I've seen that in my parents, because now I look
Speaker 1: at my parents and I don't think I've ever seen
Speaker 1: them love each other more than they do right now,
Speaker 1: because they've gone through it, like they've had a marriage
Speaker 1: and they've fought, and then they've loved each other, and
Speaker 1: they've gone through you know, people in their family dying,
Speaker 1: and they've been through like so much stuff together. There's
Speaker 1: so many shifts in the exactly. Well, the one thing is,
Speaker 1: I mean, I've never been in a relationship longer than
Speaker 1: ten months. I mean, I have a bad thing. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, it's hard for me because I've
Speaker 1: never experienced like that next level of where you have
Speaker 1: a whole puppy stage and everything is all happy and
Speaker 1: hunky dory, and then you get to the hard stage
Speaker 1: and I'm not necessarily sure if it's because I'm dating
Speaker 1: the wrong kind of people and I feel like, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't see myself marrying this person, so I don't
Speaker 1: want to waste their time or my time, or I'm
Speaker 1: the kind of person that is afraid to actually take
Speaker 1: the next step, and maybe I should put more effort
Speaker 1: towards something I agree with though, because there is there
Speaker 1: is a line, right there is this bump in a
Speaker 1: relationship where you're like, okay, like it's getting to the
Speaker 1: point where we're out of puppy stage love and now
Speaker 1: like things are getting very very deep and things are
Speaker 1: getting very intense, and like we either get over this
Speaker 1: bump and really pushed past this. And I think like
Speaker 1: that's when like three or four or five year relationships,
Speaker 1: that's how it really happens, or you kind of break
Speaker 1: up and you you start all over again into the
Speaker 1: next puppy love phase and then you know, it's kind
Speaker 1: of like a recycling thing, and so, um, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's very interesting, it would be amazing. I think it's
Speaker 1: more people lead with at the beginning of a relationship
Speaker 1: or you know, sort of early on what they're really
Speaker 1: looking for, because you have a great person in the
Speaker 1: relationship though, like, you don't scare me. You know, nothing
Speaker 1: you can say or do is going to push me away.
Speaker 1: I really want to know you, or I want to
Speaker 1: go past that initial populve stage, like that's what I'm
Speaker 1: here for, that's what I'm looking for that really could
Speaker 1: open it up and have that person sort of get
Speaker 1: with you on that goal. You don't you know, you
Speaker 1: don't see the person that gets scared easily, Kendall. I
Speaker 1: never get scared. No, if I think if somebody, I mean,
Speaker 1: the thing that scares me is questioning in my mind,
Speaker 1: is this someone that's just not meant I'm not meant
Speaker 1: to be with? Or is this someone I'm not paying
Speaker 1: enough effort in? Yeah, it's it's it's a fine like
Speaker 1: it's hard to tell. It's really difficult to tell. Right.
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts on that, Sherry? But do you know,
Speaker 1: I think it's an interesting thing. You know, there's there's
Speaker 1: uh saying I've studied so many different um sources, you know,
Speaker 1: to try to figure this whole relationship and life thing out.
Speaker 1: And there's an ancient teaching that says, if you're going
Speaker 1: to pursue something if you're going to go for a
Speaker 1: goal of any sort, your likelihood for success should be
Speaker 1: pretty high. Like you should have a sense that this
Speaker 1: person is going to go there with you, or they're willing,
Speaker 1: they're open, they're they're teachable. Right, something is there that's
Speaker 1: giving you an inclination that it is possible, and if not,
Speaker 1: it can be your undoing. You know, like people stay
Speaker 1: in marriages sometimes way to long because they think this
Speaker 1: person is going to change, you know, and then it
Speaker 1: really takes a toll. It's something probably your parents figured
Speaker 1: out dared you know, that they knew that they had
Speaker 1: enough history and foundation and open heartedness to keep going.
Speaker 1: And it's so amazing, Like how your dad has shown
Speaker 1: you too, like a whole new definition of masculine as
Speaker 1: he's gotten older to agree, and I think you get
Speaker 1: to take that on. Like in your relationship. There's there's
Speaker 1: sort of two ways that we can go about things.
Speaker 1: We can go sort of human animal like when we're
Speaker 1: just fight or flight and survival mode that's kind of
Speaker 1: from the amygdala, the reptilian brain. Or we can go
Speaker 1: like full on um heart felt like freedom, human human spirit,
Speaker 1: you could say, like and we we make all our
Speaker 1: decisions from the heart of the prefrontal cortex, right. And
Speaker 1: you sometimes when you get afraid or candle or any
Speaker 1: of us, when we get triggered, we think this person
Speaker 1: is not going to be happy with us, and I
Speaker 1: don't know if we're gonna make it. You could go
Speaker 1: into the fight or flight instinct, right and just hold back,
Speaker 1: which makes more holding back happen versus going you know what,
Speaker 1: I know that we're in a new a new day
Speaker 1: and age right now, and I know my dad's showing
Speaker 1: me more real sense of what it is to be
Speaker 1: a man, and I'm gonna, like go into this. I'm
Speaker 1: going to get closer to her, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: get vulnerable and I'm gonna show her who aam like
Speaker 1: he's just shown me. Yeah, and I agree, not only
Speaker 1: just showing the new sense of him being a man,
Speaker 1: but just him being a human. Um exactly. And so
Speaker 1: I also think, like what we were talking about being
Speaker 1: up front at the beginning of the relationship, I also
Speaker 1: think what a lot of people do is they don't value, um,
Speaker 1: other people's opinions or like, uh, they don't like um
Speaker 1: understand that other people are able to handle the truth,
Speaker 1: Like and that's something we were talked about earlier about
Speaker 1: hurting people's feelings, Like, and I go through the same thing.
Speaker 1: I'm very terrified of hurting someone's feelings. But what I
Speaker 1: need to do is I need to accept the fact that,
Speaker 1: like they could handle that, you know, they will be
Speaker 1: able to handle me telling them how I feel um.
Speaker 1: And so I try to always think about that, to think, like, no,
Speaker 1: they're stronger than I'm like that point, because I am
Speaker 1: always afraid that they won't be able to handle it.
Speaker 1: Although I know that they're a strong person, they can't
Speaker 1: handle it. Almost don't want to put them through the
Speaker 1: having to handle that. No, exactly, I totally agree, But
Speaker 1: you know what would be in amazing, Like my definition
Speaker 1: are my sort of goal for relationship is very simple.
Speaker 1: It's to love and be loved, right. That's why we
Speaker 1: get into relationships at any point in our lives, otherwise
Speaker 1: we'd all be single. And so if you were to
Speaker 1: share something that could be um, something that would hurt them,
Speaker 1: you know, because maybe it feels like you're putting yourself
Speaker 1: first if you share it with a whole lot of love,
Speaker 1: like you hand it to them with your heart and
Speaker 1: you say this is hard for me, It could be
Speaker 1: really hard for you. I love you. I don't want
Speaker 1: to hurt you. You know with all that it's gonna
Speaker 1: land beautifully, and I trust like you guys are in
Speaker 1: this for a reason that it's only going to make
Speaker 1: you two better lovers, right, Yeah, but I don't think
Speaker 1: there's Do you think that there's anything wrong if it
Speaker 1: doesn't land beautifully? This is true. If it doesn't land beautifully,
Speaker 1: then that's evidence, right, that's something for you to go.
Speaker 1: You know. Do we have an opening here to keep
Speaker 1: growing and keep cut getting closer? Or is is this
Speaker 1: some learning? Is this person showing me who they are?
Speaker 1: Because there are some people who, yeah, will be scared
Speaker 1: by you, who won't be able to hold you, who
Speaker 1: may not be interested in making you happy. And that's
Speaker 1: done mean to pay attention to you. M very interesting, yeah,
Speaker 1: because sometimes I think a lot of people focus on
Speaker 1: saying what am I not doing? Right? What am I not?
Speaker 1: You know? What am I missing? Or maybe it's something
Speaker 1: that the other person is missing as well? Well. I
Speaker 1: think it's I think it's two extremes. I think people
Speaker 1: either go one extreme where they go like you just said,
Speaker 1: what am I doing wrong, or they go to the
Speaker 1: complete other extreme and they're like, well, everything that's wrong
Speaker 1: in this relationship is because of them, and I'm perfect,
Speaker 1: And it's usually somewhere in the middle, right, Just like
Speaker 1: you know, there's two sides to every story. The truth
Speaker 1: usually lies in the middle. And I agree with relationships
Speaker 1: like I you know, it's it's a partnership. It's it's sacrifice,
Speaker 1: and it's it's loving, and it's happiness and sadness and
Speaker 1: being able to put work and effort into a relationship. Um,
Speaker 1: and so that's kind of what love is, you know.
Speaker 1: It's just it's hard to even put into words. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Sure talk, Yeah, getting real here
Speaker 1: such great stuff. If if people out there want to
Speaker 1: hear more from you or get in touch with you,
Speaker 1: where can we point them? Oh, the my website would
Speaker 1: be the easiest at Suri Healy dot com. And I
Speaker 1: call myself a possibilitarian, So if you just looked up
Speaker 1: possibilitarian and my name's d R I E. Then um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm all about just helping people get what they want.
Speaker 1: And when you get what you want, then you usually
Speaker 1: have a really great life, which as a ripple effect
Speaker 1: and helps feathers be the same, so everybody wins. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming on show. Absolutely, have
Speaker 1: a great day, guys, you two have a great thank
Speaker 1: you know. Thinking about getting what you want, everyone kind
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Speaker 1: it out, all right, you guys. So we got some
Speaker 1: emails here are a little great. The emails all the
Speaker 1: time with their problems and with things that they want
Speaker 1: our advice on. And I was thank you for listening
Speaker 1: to this podcast, by the way, Yeah, thank you if
Speaker 1: you're listening out there, thank you for listening. If you
Speaker 1: can hear our voices, we are full gratitude. Uh So,
Speaker 1: since I've got both you guys here, I was thinking,
Speaker 1: I'll read an email, and I kind of wanted to
Speaker 1: get like Kendall's perspective and then Jared's ideas, like he said,
Speaker 1: she said, kind of a thing. Yeah, so this this
Speaker 1: first one, it's kind of about the bro code and
Speaker 1: I get those juices flowing help. Last weekend, a friend
Speaker 1: of mine invited me to dinner with her boyfriend and
Speaker 1: two of their guy friends. The next day, we had
Speaker 1: all plan on going to a bar crawl together for St.
Speaker 1: Patrick's Day. I was fairly interested in one of the
Speaker 1: guys from dinner the night before, we'll call him Guy
Speaker 1: number one, and was excited to get to know him more.
Speaker 1: The five of us played drinking games in preparation for
Speaker 1: the crawl until the guy I was interested in started
Speaker 1: feeling sick and went home. I ended up hooking up
Speaker 1: with the other guy, Guy number two. Keep in mind
Speaker 1: guys number one into are really good friends. My question is,
Speaker 1: what is the bro code? Am I still interested in
Speaker 1: getting to know Guy number one? Should I squash that
Speaker 1: idea and taking l for the weekend? Was this the
Speaker 1: or was this one time thing? Okay, guy number two
Speaker 1: could look past it even though he's interested. I'm twenty
Speaker 1: four for reference, and that's from anonymous. My first question
Speaker 1: is what's wrong with guy number two? Like you hooked
Speaker 1: up with him? Is there not a connection? Like? Do
Speaker 1: you not want to pursue that? That's my first I
Speaker 1: think she's more interested in guy number one, But how
Speaker 1: is things with guy number two, Like obviously they weren't
Speaker 1: that good if she's still like, yeah, I wonder if
Speaker 1: it's one of the situations that she's so fixated on
Speaker 1: guy number one that she hooks up with guy number
Speaker 1: two and it's still just like no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I want guy number one, even though maybe guy number
Speaker 1: two there's like a better connection, but she's just not
Speaker 1: even looking in that your instantaneous attraction, you know, like
Speaker 1: something feels that there's certain energy with someone. UM my opinion,
Speaker 1: just with my friends girl code same thing as guy
Speaker 1: could broke code. UM. I don't Usually what I do is, um,
Speaker 1: if multiple girls are into one guy, we'll kind of
Speaker 1: sit back and see which one he you know, kind
Speaker 1: of a little more drawn to. And then as soon
Speaker 1: as he's drawn to one person will step back, And
Speaker 1: I think there's something to be said about not intermingling that,
Speaker 1: like I I don't know, don't it's about hurting feelings.
Speaker 1: And for me, it's like my girlfriends um the other
Speaker 1: ones last forever. If it's just gonna be like a
Speaker 1: hook up, um, not like true love kind of thing.
Speaker 1: And then I never risked that. And it's so hard
Speaker 1: to judge too, because hook up is such a vague term.
Speaker 1: Did you guys sleep together? Did you just make out?
Speaker 1: Was it a like kind of like a drunken kiss,
Speaker 1: or did it go further than that? Like that's the
Speaker 1: thing about Like when someone was like, oh I hooked
Speaker 1: up with a friend and was like, what does that exactly?
Speaker 1: I had a debate like what is hooked up? Because
Speaker 1: to me, I think hooked up is like I think sex.
Speaker 1: Oh see right there, and there's a communication say sex,
Speaker 1: because like if I if I kissed somebody like, oh
Speaker 1: I made out with them, I wouldn't say I hooked
Speaker 1: up with them, It's oh I made it out with
Speaker 1: I mean I never used that terminology, Like I never
Speaker 1: say hooked up up. I don't know what yes, So
Speaker 1: maybe that's why I'm more naive to what hook up
Speaker 1: actually means. It's not part of my vocabulary. That's the
Speaker 1: tough part exactly because like if I because if I
Speaker 1: said I hooked up with somebody, I feel like that
Speaker 1: automatically people think like automatically it went further than a kiss.
Speaker 1: So if like I wanted people to know, like, no,
Speaker 1: we made out, like we made out, that's very specific,
Speaker 1: like people know exactly what you're talking about. But if
Speaker 1: I say I hooked up with somebody, it leaves room
Speaker 1: for interpretation. And so that's why if I, you know,
Speaker 1: not if yeah, like oh yeah, we hooked up. I
Speaker 1: mean what the one thing I can say about this
Speaker 1: is I feel like it's all about time. I mean
Speaker 1: time kind of heals everything. Um, So I wouldn't ride
Speaker 1: away go for guy number one. I would maybe let
Speaker 1: things kind of fade out with guy number two if
Speaker 1: she really doesn't want to pursue that, and then go back,
Speaker 1: you know, eventually kind of work my way up to
Speaker 1: going on a date with guy number one. And I'm
Speaker 1: assuming to the only way that you're going to that
Speaker 1: she's going to see I they're one of these guys,
Speaker 1: is if she hangs out with one of her friends
Speaker 1: and her boyfriend again. Right, So I mean unless she
Speaker 1: exchanged numbers with one of them, um, which if you did.
Speaker 1: If you exchange numbers with both of them, Guy one
Speaker 1: and guy too, then obviously sit back and see who
Speaker 1: texts you, because I'm sure that, I mean, who knows.
Speaker 1: Sometimes guys don't talk about hook ups, you know, so
Speaker 1: the guy one might not even know. I feel like,
Speaker 1: if they're really close friends and then guy number one
Speaker 1: started seeing the girl then, and I think as if
Speaker 1: if say, like things do escalate with guy number one,
Speaker 1: I think, as the emailer, whoever this is, I think
Speaker 1: you should address that you know fairly early on, because
Speaker 1: it's far better coming from your lips than it is
Speaker 1: her friend, right, excuse me his friend, because it would
Speaker 1: be far worse. Like if I was talking to a
Speaker 1: guy and I was like, oh, I just started seeing
Speaker 1: this girl on a couple of days and he's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: who's that blah blah blah, and he's like, dude, we
Speaker 1: totally hooked up like that night a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 1: I would kind of be like, oh what. But if
Speaker 1: she told me on the first couple of days, it
Speaker 1: was like, listen, I want you to know. I want
Speaker 1: you to hear it coming from me that this did happen.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, Okay, that's respectable, that's okay. It's not
Speaker 1: like you know, I've hooked up with people in the
Speaker 1: past two we've all been there. But I'm glad that
Speaker 1: you were truthful with me because it makes me trust
Speaker 1: you more, rather than hearing it from a guy and
Speaker 1: being like, well, who else has she hooked up with
Speaker 1: that like I don't know about Yeah, put on her
Speaker 1: terms as opposed to their terms totally. So if my
Speaker 1: advice would be just kind of you know, sit back,
Speaker 1: let it play out. I don't know if you have
Speaker 1: either one of these guys numbers or if you do,
Speaker 1: see who texts you first. If not, you know, definitely
Speaker 1: make pans. Like if I were you and you were
Speaker 1: still interested in guy number one, I would talk to
Speaker 1: your friend and be like, listen, you know I hooked
Speaker 1: up with guy number two, but it just wasn't really there,
Speaker 1: and I'm still kind of interested in guy number one.
Speaker 1: If if he is interested, let me know. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: would just say give it some time, because right off
Speaker 1: the bat going for guy number one after just hooking
Speaker 1: up with guy number two. It could be seem a
Speaker 1: little insensitive totally, So just give us some time and
Speaker 1: if you I would say, if it's only gonna be
Speaker 1: a hook up thing, I wouldn't go for it. But
Speaker 1: if it's going to be something where you actually see
Speaker 1: a serious relationship and see something developing, I would. It's
Speaker 1: I mean, it's worth it, and love is worth it.
Speaker 1: It's messy, it's crazy, um, but in the end, it's
Speaker 1: always worth it. Canda, you're so smart. Oh teen smart too. Thanks.
Speaker 1: We have another one from anonymous, maybe the same anonymous.
Speaker 1: Uh you know a different person? Who is this anonymous person?
Speaker 1: They really get around and really get around. Uh, this
Speaker 1: is about a flirty co worker. The question I have
Speaker 1: to ask all y'all's opinion on so a little a
Speaker 1: little long, so I'll stick to the main things. Hope
Speaker 1: it makes sense. I'm twenty two. I started working at
Speaker 1: a company at the end of October. It's mostly dominated
Speaker 1: by men. A few weeks in, a guy who works
Speaker 1: in a different department than me reach out to me
Speaker 1: via work email. My initial thought, nice small talk, break
Speaker 1: the ice, friendly coworker message. Every couple of days since then,
Speaker 1: the same coworker messages me. One conversation was about the
Speaker 1: kind of oatmeal he made it work for breakfast. The
Speaker 1: next day I had a package of that oatmeal at
Speaker 1: my desk. Lately, the messages have been a little more personal.
Speaker 1: None of the messages are ever inappropriate. But what bothers
Speaker 1: me is that I know he is recently engaged and
Speaker 1: he knows I'm dating someone. If I knew my boyfriend
Speaker 1: was messaging a girl at work these kinds of things,
Speaker 1: it would bother me. So I guess my question is,
Speaker 1: what do you think this guy is doing. Is this
Speaker 1: just friendly work friend ship conversation. Maybe he's looking for
Speaker 1: a couple to double date with. Is he being flirty? Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's being flirty. I mean I was for I saw
Speaker 1: the oatmeal thing, and I was like, this is so sweet.
Speaker 1: He'd be a great husband. And then all of a
Speaker 1: sudden going to him being engaged in like awful husband,
Speaker 1: especially if you I'm sorry, go Kendall, no, no, I
Speaker 1: mean I just for me, it's like this is it's
Speaker 1: not physical cheating, but it's emotional cheating exactly. And the
Speaker 1: thing is like he's definitely like as a guy, you
Speaker 1: don't really do small talk and banter and flirty with
Speaker 1: a girl, especially at a at a work environment, unless
Speaker 1: you are like physically interested or looking for something more
Speaker 1: than just a friendship. I I, if I were you,
Speaker 1: I would ask him to shut these messages off, UM,
Speaker 1: because it's not fair to your boyfriend or his fiancee. UM.
Speaker 1: And so that would be my advice, just to go
Speaker 1: up to him and say, listen, I can't talk like
Speaker 1: this anymore. Like, even if it's just flirty, I can't
Speaker 1: do this. I don't feel right about it. And uh
Speaker 1: and if it, I don't know, do you does she
Speaker 1: show her boyfriend? Well, I almost feel like she's a
Speaker 1: question right there. Well have you? I mean, has she
Speaker 1: brought up her boyfriend in the discussions with him? Because
Speaker 1: I think that is a form of not being completely
Speaker 1: open about it. She says, he knows I'm dating someone, Well,
Speaker 1: he knows. At the same time, this one thing to
Speaker 1: know and one thing to like make it obvious, like,
Speaker 1: I'm in love with my boyfriend. He's amazing. He's the
Speaker 1: person I spend the rest of my life with. I
Speaker 1: never want to speak to any other guy again. Well,
Speaker 1: it's important to conversations like that, because then you know
Speaker 1: they know where you stand. If some people they see
Speaker 1: an opening or see like weakness in the chain, then
Speaker 1: you know, maybe they'll take advantage of that. And if
Speaker 1: you let them know that there is no weakness in
Speaker 1: the chain, then there's no reason to you know. I mean,
Speaker 1: he's shown evidence, he's gone out of his way, he's
Speaker 1: been a major calories for this, Like they didn't work
Speaker 1: in the same department. He had to find it on
Speaker 1: the working email. This guy is a goal exactly exactly.
Speaker 1: I mean, I would stay clear of that. I would
Speaker 1: stay clear to that too, and I would the way
Speaker 1: I would handle the situation is I would talk to
Speaker 1: him directly and say I can't talk to you anymore,
Speaker 1: at least in this fashion. I mean, I would probably
Speaker 1: bring up my boyfriend over and over again, and if
Speaker 1: it still persisted, then I would make a point of like, look,
Speaker 1: I am in a relationship for you. Don't even answer
Speaker 1: ghost him. Ghost It's not about is that technically ghosting?
Speaker 1: I don't think that there's the ghosting if he's engaged. No,
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. But I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: know what the technical terminology of like the definition of
Speaker 1: ghosting is but this is just more of like shutting
Speaker 1: it off, Yes, shutting it off exactly. All right, we
Speaker 1: have consensus there, shut off, sut off. All right. Here's
Speaker 1: Brian finally not anonymous. Brian. I'm thirty eight, almost thirty nine,
Speaker 1: have been divorced for six years. I just joined the harmony.
Speaker 1: My friends that are married, their wives tell me how
Speaker 1: nice of a person I am, and if they were single,
Speaker 1: they would date me. My question is what can I
Speaker 1: do to be more appealing to women. I have a
Speaker 1: good heart, like to make people laugh. I work. I
Speaker 1: just don't know what I'm doing wrong. Thanks you having
Speaker 1: a regular listener. I mean, my opinion is that what
Speaker 1: he's doing wrong is he's thinking that's something that he's
Speaker 1: doing wrong, because it's not necessarily what he's doing wrong.
Speaker 1: It's just maybe he just hasn't met the kind of
Speaker 1: person that he messes with. It's all about timing, it's
Speaker 1: all about you know what they're going through in their life,
Speaker 1: what you're going through in your life, and sometimes it
Speaker 1: just works. Yeah, And I guess I don't know the
Speaker 1: problem is like I don't know what he's doing right now,
Speaker 1: Like he joined Brian you joining harmony, which is awesome. Um.
Speaker 1: I think it takes like we talked about vulnerability and
Speaker 1: sign of strength, Like, I think it does take a
Speaker 1: little bit of a garage to put yourself on a
Speaker 1: dating site, to put yourself out there. So good job.
Speaker 1: I think that's awesome. I've been on many dating sites.
Speaker 1: I've been on Bumble, I've been on Hinges, like I've
Speaker 1: been all over. Um so uh yeah, I think keep
Speaker 1: doing what you're doing, man, like just keeping I know
Speaker 1: it's such a cliche, but keeping yourself. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: what do you think, Candle, I don't know it Like.
Speaker 1: I like that. I like the pattern of him challenging
Speaker 1: himself with doing something like a dating app or dating site.
Speaker 1: It's already difficult to do that. Um. I think the
Speaker 1: best way to find people you know is kind of
Speaker 1: through like being organic though, like maybe joining clubs that
Speaker 1: you sping in common, are going to you know, events,
Speaker 1: are going to certain areas that you love, like museums,
Speaker 1: like start connecting with people that have the same interests
Speaker 1: as you, because then that's where you start real conversation.
Speaker 1: And I think the best, the best relationships start out
Speaker 1: as friendships. This is the most intense that I've ever had. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree. So that's a good idea. Like whatever your
Speaker 1: hobby is, maybe joined I don't know, a book club
Speaker 1: as sporting club like whatever. And then you never know
Speaker 1: who you're going to meet when you're just out there
Speaker 1: and find a connection and see what happens. And it's
Speaker 1: not forcing anything to happen, you know, I'm just making
Speaker 1: it organic. Yeah, just be open to meeting people that
Speaker 1: way exactly. And I agree with you. I think the
Speaker 1: best relationships you start as friendships. My my wife I
Speaker 1: just married six months ago, we were friends for like
Speaker 1: eight years. That's great, definitely. Yeah, it's it's crazy, Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know, she's like, no one knows me better
Speaker 1: than her, and uh, it's it's just great when that
Speaker 1: can happen. I think, what was there any like time
Speaker 1: where like one person was possibly wanting to be in
Speaker 1: a relationship and it just never crossed that line? Were you? Well,
Speaker 1: so we worked together at a movie theater. Uh, and um,
Speaker 1: we're really good friends, really close, and then we um,
Speaker 1: we hooked up one night early on. Uh. No, we've
Speaker 1: been friends for a couple of years and I I
Speaker 1: had feelings for and she had thinks for me, but
Speaker 1: we didn't talk about it. Then when night were hanging
Speaker 1: out really late, and it was like it was like
Speaker 1: out of out of a bad teen comedy. It was
Speaker 1: just like a bad like nothing really went right when
Speaker 1: we were decided to be intimate with each other, and
Speaker 1: we're both kind of embarrassed, and uh. She sent me
Speaker 1: a text the next day saying, hey, like, I still
Speaker 1: I really like you and I would like to hang
Speaker 1: out more. And this this is a long time ago.
Speaker 1: I used to have a sidekick and if you remember
Speaker 1: those phones, those things would not get text messages all
Speaker 1: the time. It was just I never got that text,
Speaker 1: so she thought I wasn't responding to her. I just thought,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this is a nightmare. This is like
Speaker 1: my neighmare. So we we went work next day and
Speaker 1: it's just kind of, well, you know, maybe it's just
Speaker 1: stay friends. I guess I didn't know she felt that way.
Speaker 1: She know I felt that way. Stay friends forever. And
Speaker 1: then we both moved to l A at the same
Speaker 1: time and started hanging out again. And then I was
Speaker 1: like I got to clear the air on something, and
Speaker 1: um yeah, and then that was saying that's straight out
Speaker 1: of a romantic commedy. It finds a way. Honestly, love
Speaker 1: does find a way, it really does. That's you know.
Speaker 1: That's what I want to say to Brian is that
Speaker 1: it will happen for you. You just have to you know,
Speaker 1: it does sound like a cliche, but you just have
Speaker 1: to be yourself. You'll find someone that loves you as
Speaker 1: interested in you, and you have to stay positive exactly
Speaker 1: because there is this I do believe in energy, and
Speaker 1: I do believe that positive vibes that you give off
Speaker 1: people will be more attracted. I've never found within myself
Speaker 1: like if I'm down for some reason, I could never
Speaker 1: find a date. And then all of a sudden, I'm
Speaker 1: just kind of happy in my own life and just
Speaker 1: you know, it just kind of like naturally happens, where
Speaker 1: like women are like, well, what are you doing next week?
Speaker 1: Like we should all hang out, Like I like hanging
Speaker 1: out with you, you know, like this is great. No,
Speaker 1: I mean I think it's infectious, like your energy, it's
Speaker 1: people can feel it, they can tell, and you're more
Speaker 1: attractive when you have that positivity because people want to
Speaker 1: be around positive people. And what I like all your
Speaker 1: friends who all their wives like don't they have any friends?
Speaker 1: They can't like hook it up? Look bright up. He's
Speaker 1: a great guy. Alright, So I think we gotta think
Speaker 1: about Brian on the right path and gonna I really
Speaker 1: like the sign effect. Um So this next segment before
Speaker 1: we before we wrap it up here to come and
Speaker 1: that was nice talking to you. We're gonna do some
Speaker 1: rapid fire questions. I'm just gonna show a topic out
Speaker 1: thinking to each of you. Just first thing comes to mind.
Speaker 1: It's kind of the story of my life. No thinking,
Speaker 1: just do it, yes or no. We're just like just
Speaker 1: like a quick like I'm into it. Yeah, okay if
Speaker 1: you if you have some more to explain, love to
Speaker 1: hear it. But Kendall, start with you sliding into d M.
Speaker 1: So where do you say? I say, I say, yeah,
Speaker 1: go for it, take a risk and you never know
Speaker 1: what kind of connection you'll find. I agree, definitely a
Speaker 1: go for it. But just if you slide into a
Speaker 1: d M, just you know, this start off very easy.
Speaker 1: Don't sending any picture. Yeah it's not got the first message,
Speaker 1: just be like, hey, how's it going, you know, So
Speaker 1: just something to ease into the conversation. But it's okay
Speaker 1: to do. Yes, I say, I doesn't matter how you
Speaker 1: meet them, it matters that you meet them exactly. Love
Speaker 1: that love that your mom's setting you up. My you know,
Speaker 1: my mom's not really we don't have the same taste
Speaker 1: in men. Let's just say that. Yeah, my mom tries
Speaker 1: to set me up with everybody. She's like, I met
Speaker 1: this nurse who's blah blah blah blah blah, and like
Speaker 1: it's just it's just rarely ever works out. I mean,
Speaker 1: who knows. It's my mom though, Like you know, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say no, Like, yeah, mom, of course, like you
Speaker 1: know what's best? Or what about set ups in general? Though?
Speaker 1: Does anyone setting you up? I really don't like being
Speaker 1: set up with people. I like the organic feel I'm
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, if I like someone, like, I'll
Speaker 1: make a move. I'm the kind of person that does
Speaker 1: make moves. But I like friendships first, you know, set
Speaker 1: up and never like I mean, maybe they do work.
Speaker 1: I just in my own personal experience, they just never
Speaker 1: have worked out where it's like, oh, I know somebody
Speaker 1: who's perfect for you, and I'm they're probably I'm probably
Speaker 1: gonna dating them. Yeah, exactly, what's wrong with them? We
Speaker 1: aren't you. Exactly. Yeah, it's a lot of pressure too.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm gonna let the friend down if
Speaker 1: I don't like the person to set me up with. Exactly.
Speaker 1: If you are setting somebody up, though, I think it's
Speaker 1: far better to maybe not express that, to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I have this friend that you're going to absolutely love. Instead,
Speaker 1: why don't you just invite them both into the group setting.
Speaker 1: Don't let them know and be like just try to
Speaker 1: be hitch in the moment, be like, oh yeah, oh
Speaker 1: you like that, so does he. You guys should talk,
Speaker 1: and then you know, I totally agree. Yeah. I don't
Speaker 1: know how often these things happen these days, with like
Speaker 1: social media and everything, but like blind dates, no, I
Speaker 1: researched the heck out of any potential blind date. I've
Speaker 1: actually had someone trying to do that. Someone's mom um
Speaker 1: came up to me. Was one of my mom's mutual friends,
Speaker 1: and she came up to me and she's like, Oh,
Speaker 1: my son would be really great for you and I
Speaker 1: set you guys up, And she's like, I'll just give
Speaker 1: you his number. I look up the number, I find
Speaker 1: the Facebook. Honestly, like social media is a resume. Oh,
Speaker 1: I absolutely agree, even just googling. It's so funny too,
Speaker 1: because remember the days before phones, where it's like you
Speaker 1: would this is a different thing, but like an X
Speaker 1: you drive by their house and and like, now the
Speaker 1: equivalent of that is like going on their social media page.
Speaker 1: And so it's the same thing when you're first meeting someone,
Speaker 1: like you have to know everything about them. You want
Speaker 1: to see what their Instagram looks like, with their Facebook
Speaker 1: looks like, Um, it's impossible to do a blind date.
Speaker 1: If it's there, it's it's so tempting, Like I'm so tempted.
Speaker 1: There's no way I'm not going to research the person.
Speaker 1: There's this girl who I work with, and she was
Speaker 1: She's like, I'm going on a blind date, like a
Speaker 1: real blind date. Yeah, like and she meant she had
Speaker 1: in research and I thought, like, oh, is he actually blind?
Speaker 1: Like does he have like but no, she was. She's like,
Speaker 1: it's taking a lot of work. But I have not
Speaker 1: googled him. I haven't looked at social media. For her.
Speaker 1: It's kind of it must be fun to be, like,
Speaker 1: I wonder where he's gonna look, Like, how do you
Speaker 1: even know? When you walk into the restaurant and you're like,
Speaker 1: or the bar wherever they're meeting up, and you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I have no idea what this person looks like, so
Speaker 1: how are you supposed to know? How? How do you know?
Speaker 1: Do you the movie? It's like, I'm wearing a red
Speaker 1: rose and god, very mysterious crossage. I'll be in the
Speaker 1: corner with the glass of wine. Is that what you
Speaker 1: would say on a blond day, I'll be I'll be
Speaker 1: the one in the corner with aggressive wine. I'd probably
Speaker 1: you're only going to see my silhouette, just secrets or something.
Speaker 1: Keep this blade knock twice on the door. I'll know
Speaker 1: it's you. I definitely, I definitely would probably just wear
Speaker 1: something crazy like you won't be able to miss me.
Speaker 1: I All I'd say is you won't miss me. I'm
Speaker 1: the one in the pink too too. You'll never even
Speaker 1: tell that, you can't even don't even tell them to
Speaker 1: say you won't be able to miss me. And then
Speaker 1: they go in and you have something crazy like that's
Speaker 1: obviously the person. Yeah, But what if you walk in
Speaker 1: somebody else is wearing something crazy and you're like, oh no,
Speaker 1: and then you end up dating that person and you
Speaker 1: miss the blind date, love finds a way. All right,
Speaker 1: what about sex on the first date? I don't want
Speaker 1: to answer this one first. Um well, yeah, I'm not
Speaker 1: the person that does that. I have to get like
Speaker 1: I said, like, I like being friends with the person first,
Speaker 1: and for me, I'm I think like once I get
Speaker 1: caught up with that, it's very difficult to avoid. It's
Speaker 1: very difficult to make the relationship all about that. So
Speaker 1: I definitely like to wait, Like I like to be
Speaker 1: friends first, and I like the building anticipation. Yes, it
Speaker 1: makes it more fun. It is more fun, Like obviously
Speaker 1: there's a line we're like, Okay, I can't build it
Speaker 1: up anymore than it is right now. But but definitely,
Speaker 1: I I like kind of pushing off a little bit
Speaker 1: and building up that anticipation. And it's so much better
Speaker 1: when the person knows you too, Like if you know
Speaker 1: who they are and they know who you are, you
Speaker 1: can be more sensitive with each other and nobody each
Speaker 1: other like, and it just makes it so much you know,
Speaker 1: totally sexy, so intimate that like if you only know
Speaker 1: somebody for a few hours, it just I think it
Speaker 1: naturally is not worse, but it's just different, that's all.
Speaker 1: It's different, and if you're looking to be with that
Speaker 1: person for a long time and have a really strong
Speaker 1: relationship going down the line. Not to say that it
Speaker 1: hasn't worked before, but in my opinion, I don't think
Speaker 1: that starts. I don't think it starts it to say, oh,
Speaker 1: I want to have a release, long, serious, long term relationship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I agree, And not to say it can't. You
Speaker 1: can't find someone that you're gonna marry by having sex
Speaker 1: on the first day with him. I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: at all, because I'm sure there's people that are going
Speaker 1: to like tweet and me and be like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: I found my husband. We ended up sleeping on the
Speaker 1: first day. But I do think majority of the time
Speaker 1: it's probably not going to work out. So if you
Speaker 1: play the odds, you know, I would, I would wait,
Speaker 1: do you have a rule like three dates or gosh,
Speaker 1: I would even like wait a month something, a couple
Speaker 1: of months. Like I just feel like the strongest relationships
Speaker 1: have had have been the ones where that wasn't even
Speaker 1: really a factor in the beginning and then afterwards like
Speaker 1: oh there's a new, awesome added bonus where you know
Speaker 1: it's now it's like kind of brings a relationship to
Speaker 1: like a whole new level. Oh definitely. Yeah, it's you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of people, I feel like it's a little
Speaker 1: taboo to talk about. But sex definitely changes the relationship,
Speaker 1: does you know? It's just such an intimate and personal
Speaker 1: experience between two people. How would it not change the
Speaker 1: relationship in some way. I'm not saying it would make
Speaker 1: it worse. Most time it makes it better, but um,
Speaker 1: but you know, um yeah, so I don't know. I
Speaker 1: used to wait when I was dating. I would wait
Speaker 1: a month. And this one was one time this girl
Speaker 1: took me out to barbecue place for lunch and she
Speaker 1: was like, we've been dating for three weeks and you
Speaker 1: haven't tried to have sex with me, and I just
Speaker 1: want to know, are you gay? I was like, no,
Speaker 1: like rip off your clothes as if you're like on
Speaker 1: the NBA getting off the bench pants like I'm ready.
Speaker 1: I was trying to be respectful, but anyway, so that's
Speaker 1: what we're saying. Kiss on the first date though, Oh
Speaker 1: i'd kiss on the first date. I mean I think not.
Speaker 1: I mean, of course, being physical someone doesn't necessarily have
Speaker 1: to be sex, but it's a whole different dimension of
Speaker 1: who the person is. And I think a kiss on
Speaker 1: the first date judge, I mean, depending it's going really
Speaker 1: well and I can actually see another date. Um, I yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd be curious. I want to see if you can
Speaker 1: tell if like that physical connection is there with a kiss. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I try not to kiss on the first date for
Speaker 1: the simple That's why there's I feel like a lot
Speaker 1: of times women always want what they can't have, And
Speaker 1: so I even got a text one time, I want
Speaker 1: on a date with this girl was very attractive, and um,
Speaker 1: we went to dinner and we left and I hug
Speaker 1: to goodbye, and and we were texting the next day
Speaker 1: and she was like, I'm actually shocked because guys always
Speaker 1: trying to kiss me on the first date. And I
Speaker 1: think it was like, I think she became more attracted
Speaker 1: to me for the simple fact that I didn't try anything.
Speaker 1: I was like, I kind of, I mean, I kind
Speaker 1: of like that's a good strategy because you don't expect
Speaker 1: you expect the girl to wait on the first date,
Speaker 1: but I wait on the first date. It's it's a
Speaker 1: little very serio. Yeah, does he like me? I think?
Speaker 1: Does he not like me? I think it just for
Speaker 1: some reason. I think, at least in my experience, most
Speaker 1: of the time, women find that attractive and I could
Speaker 1: use as much help as I could possibly get dating.
Speaker 1: So if it helps at all, I will do it.
Speaker 1: But having said that, I'm certainly not against kissing on
Speaker 1: the first date. Like if it goes great and you
Speaker 1: guys spend like the whole day together and it's so
Speaker 1: wonderful in the moment, is there? Um? Take it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: take the opportunity to Why not about dating someone who's
Speaker 1: a different religion? Oh? I mean, man, actually one of
Speaker 1: the best relationships I've had. We're still friends. Um. He
Speaker 1: was Jewish and I wasn't really raised with religion. Um.
Speaker 1: I would say maybe Christianized celebrate Christmas. Um. But it
Speaker 1: was great because I'd be able to celebrate his holidays.
Speaker 1: He'd be able to celebrate holidays with my family, and
Speaker 1: it was it was kind of fun, you know, experience
Speaker 1: all that totally. Of course, you can date someone of
Speaker 1: the other It's like saying, if you're a Democrat, could
Speaker 1: I date a Republican? Yeah? I will never um, But no,
Speaker 1: of course you can date someone who's the other religion
Speaker 1: you just talk about in your open You're like, this
Speaker 1: is what I believe, and then the person is like,
Speaker 1: well this is what I believe, and you're like, that's great,
Speaker 1: we can move past this. You know, I don't think
Speaker 1: that's so much to relationship, of course. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: updated people who are extremely religious, um and um, I
Speaker 1: just found I was just more so curious about it.
Speaker 1: I just want to learn about why, why they're really
Speaker 1: into it. The one thing would say, I'm fine with it.
Speaker 1: But if the other person wants to have kids and
Speaker 1: you know, raise your family in a certain way with religion, um,
Speaker 1: I don't believe I can be as hardcore with that,
Speaker 1: of course, Like it all depends on the individual and
Speaker 1: how hardcore they are with their specific religion. Because if
Speaker 1: it is like, if it comes down to somebody who's
Speaker 1: so religious that they're like, well my kids will only
Speaker 1: believe in this religion and that is it, then of
Speaker 1: course that's a completely different conversation. But if you're just
Speaker 1: you know, somebody's like, yeah, well I'm Jewish, but I'm
Speaker 1: I'm open to dating someone who's Christian. But should I
Speaker 1: of course you shouldn't. Yeah. Of course, at what point
Speaker 1: do you live with someone when do you move in
Speaker 1: with somebody two days, three days, like a couple of
Speaker 1: hours maybe depending on depending on the weather if it's raining.
Speaker 1: I don't mean I have lived with two of my
Speaker 1: previous relationships, um, And I will say that since having
Speaker 1: those relationships, they're amazing. But I would definitely shy away
Speaker 1: from living with somebody until I can feel myself like
Speaker 1: wanting to marry them for now, just because of my
Speaker 1: past experience. And you said your longest relationship was ten months, right,
Speaker 1: I know, I know I loved with two of them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was young. And I also was getting kicked out
Speaker 1: of my apartment. Um, um, yeah it was. It was
Speaker 1: because I lived in San Francisco, which is already very expensive. Um,
Speaker 1: Like would share beds with my girlfriends and stuff, like
Speaker 1: to have rooms and it's very expensive. So when it
Speaker 1: came to a point where I was leaving this one apartment, um,
Speaker 1: because the landlord didn't want to continue because there was
Speaker 1: all his drama. I won't get into that. Um. But
Speaker 1: I ended up my boyfriend said, hey, do you want
Speaker 1: to live with me for a while? Yeah, And um,
Speaker 1: I mean the relationship didn't really end that well, so
Speaker 1: maybe it was too soon. Yeah, I mean, if if
Speaker 1: you got to put a number on, I'd probably say
Speaker 1: about a year. I think, yeah, I think you should
Speaker 1: probably be with somebody for a while before you commit
Speaker 1: to living with each other because, like we talked about
Speaker 1: with other areas of relationships, living with somebody is a
Speaker 1: huge part because if you're gonna spend the rest of
Speaker 1: your life with them, you're you're going to live with
Speaker 1: them for the rest of your life. With somebody, have
Speaker 1: I know, um so and with the relationship obviously I
Speaker 1: have friends, but um no, I've never lived with anybody
Speaker 1: that I've dated. Um obviously, Like there's been times where
Speaker 1: like I'll spend you know, you know, three days at
Speaker 1: their place, three or four days out of the week,
Speaker 1: so you know, you live with them half the time,
Speaker 1: but still like that other half to the time, not
Speaker 1: being with them is a huge part because you're able
Speaker 1: to kind of decompress and and almost and miss them.
Speaker 1: You know, if you're living with somebody, you never miss them.
Speaker 1: They're there all the time. And that's the part of
Speaker 1: a relationship, that less factor, that that that you know,
Speaker 1: you know, distance makes the heart grow fonder a little bit.
Speaker 1: And even if you only don't see anybody for a
Speaker 1: couple of days. It's just it's that added little it's
Speaker 1: you know, it's nice to see you, it's really good
Speaker 1: see you instead of like waking up in the morning,
Speaker 1: saying goodbye, coming back at five o'clock in the afternoon
Speaker 1: and seeing them again, like spending all your time with them. So, um,
Speaker 1: I think that you should really, you know, develop your relationship,
Speaker 1: grow those feelings, take your time to um, you know,
Speaker 1: work on each other and make sure that this is
Speaker 1: a really great foundation before you say, all right, let's
Speaker 1: let's do this, let's move in, because it does change
Speaker 1: relationship a lot, really, and you have to be aware
Speaker 1: of that. Like people who think, well, we're gonna move
Speaker 1: in and nothing's going to change, don't have that mindset. No,
Speaker 1: they'll know like they can they know like how you
Speaker 1: organize things, or where you're going at all times the day,
Speaker 1: every moment, even if you're going through your girlfriends, like
Speaker 1: you said, you're gonna be back this time, but you're
Speaker 1: not back till this time. And it just adds a
Speaker 1: lot more complication where if you don't know someone that
Speaker 1: well and you haven't worked through a lot of problems
Speaker 1: or worked through things together, then it's hard to live
Speaker 1: up to the expectation. Of course, even just like stupid stuff,
Speaker 1: whether it be like launder or dishes, Like some people
Speaker 1: are really bad at laundry and like you and then
Speaker 1: like say you're like if I was bad at laundry
Speaker 1: and my girlfriend was like, well, this is my pet peeve.
Speaker 1: You need to make sure they're like washer dryer folded
Speaker 1: in and out by by. I don't want to say
Speaker 1: any clothes in there. It's like, well, I suck at that,
Speaker 1: Like I'll do better. But it's just like those little
Speaker 1: things that add up and so well, it introduces arguments
Speaker 1: early on in the relationship that aren't necessarily exactly right.
Speaker 1: Don't add any more pressure to a relationship than you
Speaker 1: already need exactly. What about ghosting? Oh, don't go to somebody, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's such okay, Well, here's my question. What is the
Speaker 1: like definition of ghosting? Not only definition, but like say
Speaker 1: you never met this person. Oh so it was like
Speaker 1: a dating app. You met, you texted for a while,
Speaker 1: and then you just it kind of like just faded away.
Speaker 1: That's different and my my interpretation for ghosting, I'm not
Speaker 1: sure if I know what this is exactly. But my
Speaker 1: definition would be ghosting someone as you make plans and
Speaker 1: then you don't show up or you cancel last minute,
Speaker 1: or is that ghosting or you just don't call something. Well,
Speaker 1: I think ghosting would be like if you make plans
Speaker 1: and you just don't show up without letting them know,
Speaker 1: that would be ghosting. Right if you tell someone like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, like I can't make tonight, that's not ghosting.
Speaker 1: That's just canceling plans. That's that's what's the Urban Dictionary
Speaker 1: definition of ghosting? Yeah, can you use it a sentence please?
Speaker 1: The definition is the act of suddenly ceasing all communication
Speaker 1: with someone the subject is dating but no longer wishes
Speaker 1: to date. This is den in hopes that the ghosts
Speaker 1: you will just get the hint and leave the subject alone,
Speaker 1: as opposed to the subject simply telling them they're no
Speaker 1: longer interested. So would it be ghosting if somebody like
Speaker 1: it's like you, maybe you met somebody and you guys
Speaker 1: wanted to day and didn't really go that well, and
Speaker 1: then like a week later she texted, like say, I
Speaker 1: text her and I'm like, hey, what's up? And she
Speaker 1: never responds? Is that ghost? But I have I've ghosted before. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have. I've ghost before. I'm not it's I hate it,
Speaker 1: and I hate myself for saying it, but I've It's
Speaker 1: never been bad, Like I've never like like you know,
Speaker 1: been with somebody and just been like all right, well
Speaker 1: I'm never texting them, you know, back again. But it's
Speaker 1: you know, there's been situations where like, yeah, I blame
Speaker 1: it on the saturation of people, Like especially living in
Speaker 1: a city, there's so many people, so many you know,
Speaker 1: first dates you can go on, and sometimes it's overwhelming
Speaker 1: and you don't want to have to deal with a
Speaker 1: mini breakup. It's a mini breakup, you know, it's exactly
Speaker 1: what it is, and you know it's so sad. Like
Speaker 1: sometimes I'll keep those text messages in my phone because
Speaker 1: like I'm like if somebody texts me and I'm just
Speaker 1: I don't text them back right away. I'm like, all right,
Speaker 1: I'll text the back later. And then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: like we goes by and you're like, I'll never texting
Speaker 1: them back, and then like all right, well now it's
Speaker 1: kind of awkward if I text back, so like maybe
Speaker 1: I should wait, Like I don't know why my fault.
Speaker 1: My mind would go to this, but then like I scroll,
Speaker 1: like sometimes I'll screw through my text mesages just make
Speaker 1: sure i'm like all caught up, and then I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I never texted them and I was
Speaker 1: months ago, and like now I can't text because that's
Speaker 1: even much. Times it's like worse to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, I'm a jerk and it's not interested. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: And that's the thing. It's like it's honestly, a buddy
Speaker 1: of mine actually went through this where one time, but
Speaker 1: he didn't go he did he goes to the girl,
Speaker 1: but he said there was this I won't discus us
Speaker 1: the details of it, but there's something happened. And he
Speaker 1: was like, I can't tell her why I don't like her,
Speaker 1: because she is asking me, and I'm like I don't
Speaker 1: have the heart to tell her because I feel like
Speaker 1: it will scare her for the rest of her life.
Speaker 1: So he's like, I'd rather be the jerk. I'd rather
Speaker 1: have her hate me then me tell you this, and
Speaker 1: like it was just like you know something that he
Speaker 1: just was like, I just did something. I can't get
Speaker 1: over it. I'm never gonna be able to get over it,
Speaker 1: and like it's better if she just hates me and
Speaker 1: moves on, and I'd rather be the jerk rather than me,
Speaker 1: like because apparently like he was like, she was kind
Speaker 1: of like blowing up his phone, but like why aren't
Speaker 1: you talking to me? And he was like, I would
Speaker 1: just say, don't feel it. I mean, honestly, he handles
Speaker 1: that persistent totally, just like you're not my person. I
Speaker 1: think you know something along those lines. I found other
Speaker 1: love elsewhere. I don't even I would just be like, listen,
Speaker 1: it just wasn't there for me. You're you know, I
Speaker 1: don't know what about bread crumbing. This is a new
Speaker 1: concept what I saw that And I was like, I
Speaker 1: mean I like bread pones, not handling great, Yeah, trail
Speaker 1: of bread CRUs So it's when you date someone and
Speaker 1: that person is an old witch and they want to
Speaker 1: cook you and eat you. That's like if I had
Speaker 1: a nickel for every time. Because I understand it, I
Speaker 1: being involved with the help. It's like a dating podcast.
Speaker 1: I've heard it come up a few times. Bread Crumbing
Speaker 1: is like keeping someone kind of on the line like
Speaker 1: every not totally ghosting them, just like appearing every now
Speaker 1: and again, like they'll text you, maybe you don't respond
Speaker 1: a couple of times, and then you text them be
Speaker 1: like oh hey, I saw this cloud that reminded me
Speaker 1: of you or something like that, and just I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: I think the intention with that, the intention with that
Speaker 1: is to not hurt the person, but in reality you're
Speaker 1: actually stringing them along and hurting them more is giving
Speaker 1: them false hope. And that's where I go back to,
Speaker 1: like everybody judging a situation and being like you're all
Speaker 1: this is horrible or that you know, it's like why
Speaker 1: don't you put yourself in these shoes? Why don't you
Speaker 1: go through what we're going through right now and tell
Speaker 1: me how you would handle it, you know, because there's
Speaker 1: really no good way you can justify everything if it's
Speaker 1: yourself exactly, and you can justify you know. I mean,
Speaker 1: I've never I woke it down that path. Are you
Speaker 1: bread crumbing right now? No? No, no, no crumbs. I
Speaker 1: had crumbs. But I don't know. That's so tough because
Speaker 1: I feel like it's on both people in all honesty,
Speaker 1: Like if somebody's throwing out so many hints and you're
Speaker 1: somewhat getting it, Like if you get the feeling that
Speaker 1: somebody's not into you. Then especially after a while, they're
Speaker 1: they're probably not into you. You know, Well, if you
Speaker 1: like someone, I feel like you want to see the
Speaker 1: more positive side of it. You convinced yourself that, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe this is it. Maybe the person is sick. Maybe,
Speaker 1: so you're convincing yourself of it even though you know
Speaker 1: the truth is that they probably don't like you. And
Speaker 1: so that's the hard part. It's like accepting it on
Speaker 1: both sides. So it's tough, right because one person wants
Speaker 1: to be nice. If one person is more into uh,
Speaker 1: you know, somebody else and they are back, it's just
Speaker 1: it's hard, right because you're like, well, if I completely
Speaker 1: goes them, I'm a jerk, or if I completely tell
Speaker 1: them that I'm not I don't like them, I feel
Speaker 1: I feel like a jerk because I'm just killing them.
Speaker 1: So you know, I'll just send out a lot of
Speaker 1: and so they know, and so the other person gets
Speaker 1: the hints, but sometimes they just they don't accept it.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's a really it's a gray area
Speaker 1: that really I don't think there's a right answer. If
Speaker 1: you put a shoe with the shoe on the other
Speaker 1: foot and someone does answer your text messages every now
Speaker 1: and then and they are answering it. I'm not sure
Speaker 1: if I would even realize I was being bread crumbing
Speaker 1: or whatever it's called. I don't even think I would
Speaker 1: realize that. I'd be like, oh, we talk every now
Speaker 1: and then, you know, maybe it'll be But I don't
Speaker 1: know if I would be aware. Yeah, but that's fine
Speaker 1: as well as long as you were like you would,
Speaker 1: I'm sending you want to be that invested. If somebody's
Speaker 1: breadcumbing and you're like, they text you back every couple
Speaker 1: of days, and you'd be like, well, it's just kind
Speaker 1: of fluff right now, Like we'll see if anything happens
Speaker 1: from it. But if somebody's like, oh my god, they
Speaker 1: text me back, they definitely love me, Like this is
Speaker 1: definitely gonna all the emojis. Don't send heart emojis, especially
Speaker 1: as a guy. I think maybe I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: want to jumpe the yellow heart. Does the yellow heart
Speaker 1: emoji mean friendship? I had someone semi a yellow heart
Speaker 1: emoji recently. They're different color heart emojis. Yeah, yeah, there's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I think I knew that. Does red mean like that's love.
Speaker 1: But if it's yellow, because I know yellow with flowers
Speaker 1: is friends, well it's say, yeah, orange is passion that one.
Speaker 1: So if you do an orange heart, I've gotten the
Speaker 1: blue heart from friends before. Blue is very friendly, Yeah
Speaker 1: it was green. Green is extremely friendly. Red is romantic.
Speaker 1: Red romantic yea. If you start red, purple, possibly shade,
Speaker 1: there's there's hope it could develop into red. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think with bread crupping, it's such a gray area.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if there's a right or a wrong
Speaker 1: answer to that. Yeah, well, let's let's do two more
Speaker 1: and then we'll wrap this up. Sexting sex okay, Honestly,
Speaker 1: I feel like it depends if you're in a committed relationship.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you have to. I mean it's fun to
Speaker 1: sex somebody, of course, Like I like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about this. I mean it's
Speaker 1: it's it's like being part of being there's nothing wrong
Speaker 1: with it. Yeah, unless the CEE I A r FBI
Speaker 1: is looking at your text messages, they probably are, so like, well,
Speaker 1: isn't there a way you can like hide your incoming
Speaker 1: messages so people can't see what it actually says? I
Speaker 1: don't know, but I highly don't. They really can a.
Speaker 1: I don't have that on my phone now, but I
Speaker 1: feel like I should not that I mean not, I
Speaker 1: mean currently I don't have to worry about that, but
Speaker 1: maybe later on the line if I'm in a relationship. Oh,
Speaker 1: here we go. And now finally, soulmates do they exist?
Speaker 1: What do you guys think? I think you can fall
Speaker 1: in love with more than one person. I agree, yeah,
Speaker 1: you can have multiple soulmates made multiple soulmates. Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1: I think there are people in this world that you
Speaker 1: were very compatible with, and I think there are people
Speaker 1: in this world that you have certain connections with that
Speaker 1: you don't have with other people. Um. And so if
Speaker 1: people want to identify that as a soul mate, sure,
Speaker 1: but I don't think that you can find I don't
Speaker 1: think necessarily you just find that in one person. Um.
Speaker 1: But I think also being aware of that would probably
Speaker 1: make whoever you're with a stronger relationship, because god forbid,
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship with somebody and then you meet
Speaker 1: this other person that you have in a connection with
Speaker 1: as well, and you're like, well what if they're my
Speaker 1: soul mate? To like, well, who is my actual soul mate.
Speaker 1: I'm so confused instead of being like no, I yeah,
Speaker 1: you can have a connection with somebody else while being
Speaker 1: in a relationship with somebody that you're strongly committed with
Speaker 1: interesting tangent. Sure we can talk about whether you're a
Speaker 1: monogamous person or maybe more of am just like one
Speaker 1: on one person because I actually read a study recently
Speaker 1: where are they studied in lizards that there's certain proteins
Speaker 1: that are in the DNA where um, certain lizards will
Speaker 1: have a short form of form of this protein and
Speaker 1: it means they're more monogamous, whereas um, if you have
Speaker 1: a long form this protein, it means that you more
Speaker 1: so would like to have multiple partners. And I think
Speaker 1: that's that's found. It's a biological thing. So you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was recently talking about this and
Speaker 1: I thought it was interesting totally, and I don't think
Speaker 1: there's anything wrong with you know, if you if you're
Speaker 1: into that, totally be into that. But having said that,
Speaker 1: I just think like, as long as you're not hurting
Speaker 1: any it's about honestly and communication totally. So if everybody's
Speaker 1: involved and they're like totally like, we don't mind being
Speaker 1: with other people. Totally kind of like that in some
Speaker 1: sense to way. But if you're you know, if you're
Speaker 1: in a committed relationship, you're like, well, this is one
Speaker 1: on one for me, then of course I think with
Speaker 1: the soul me um yeah, it's just that like intangible
Speaker 1: thing that is very hard to describe that you have
Speaker 1: with somebody. Now, will you only find that once? No?
Speaker 1: So if you break up with somebody and you found
Speaker 1: you think that they're your soul may you might find
Speaker 1: that with somebody else. Um So, I necessarily don't think
Speaker 1: there's only one person out there for you. Having said that,
Speaker 1: I do think there is this certain quality that you know,
Speaker 1: you don't find it everybody, and that's what love and
Speaker 1: if you want to call it your soulmate is, then
Speaker 1: totally go for it. Thanks so much for coming in
Speaker 1: you guys. Thanks for having us some great Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's been so much fun, so much if I getting
Speaker 1: to know know you guys. This has been help by second Dating.
Speaker 1: If you have an email you'd like to send, send
Speaker 1: it to help by second Dating at ihart media dot com.
Speaker 1: Special thanks to Shari Heally, the life coach we talked to.
Speaker 1: You can check out her website Shari Heally dot com.
Speaker 1: That's c h E r I E h e a
Speaker 1: l e y dot com. She was so awesome. Uh,
Speaker 1: do you guys have any hit them hit you up
Speaker 1: on Twitter. We don't want to tell people to go
Speaker 1: all the social media. Yeah, um so yeah. On Twitter
Speaker 1: on Haven underscore Jared h A I B O and
Speaker 1: underscore j A R E D. On Instagram, it's just
Speaker 1: at Jared Haven. And my Instagram is at a key
Speaker 1: Kendall a D eight and my Twitter is I think
Speaker 1: just Kendall Patrese at Kendall Patrese. I mostly tweet about
Speaker 1: like Patriots movies and Rob Thomas though, so you know
Speaker 1: it's probably not the best fall, but hey, if you
Speaker 1: like those three things, you're gonna love me. Tweet about
Speaker 1: like bugs and science and uh, you know there's some
Speaker 1: bachelor stuff in there. There we go. Yeah, there's always
Speaker 1: some bachelors. Oh yeah, you gott sneak it in there.
Speaker 1: Uh awesome, Well, thanks so much you guys. Has been
Speaker 1: helping Second Dating and next week we'll suck less or something.
Speaker 1: I don't know,