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Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID N

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Speaker 1: one edition. I'm your host, Cool Stratton in for Kevin Pollard.

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Speaker 1: Let's get her arm Mischelley. In no particular order other

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Speaker 1: than this is the order. I think it's always sent

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Speaker 1: to me. Say, Hey, the Craigkowski, I'm always first. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna mix it up next time. Craig, what cartoon

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Speaker 1: character do you think you identify with the most? Mm

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Speaker 1: hmmm mm hmm. Discourt, I'll disgust you. No explanation needed,

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Speaker 1: No nine discoost dude doesn't need explanations, right, all right,

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Speaker 1: you should know who's next based on the normal order. Now,

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Speaker 1: please welcome back. James he Ney he need um. You're

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Speaker 1: you get to be invisible for a day. What do

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Speaker 1: you do non pervy stuff? What do you do? Well?

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Speaker 1: First of all, I wouldn't do anything nonper I mean,

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Speaker 1: how would love a good guy? Uh? Well, i'd be

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Speaker 1: and it's nothing for pervy. It's okay, okay, well, uh

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Speaker 1: I would probably I'd go to a bank and i'd

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Speaker 1: wrap it. So not just criminal criminal He's a good boy,

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Speaker 1: but not right. Look over there, it's Chris Alvarado. Chris

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Speaker 1: what's a great or terrible frank you've been involved with

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Speaker 1: in the past. Um, when I was really young, there

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Speaker 1: were these older guys playing football by my house and

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Speaker 1: I had learned the trick where if you take a

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Speaker 1: stick of gum out of out of a wrapper, but

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Speaker 1: then you put the rapper back into the pack, it

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Speaker 1: looks like there's a piece of gum in there. And

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Speaker 1: this old guy was like sweating, and I said, Hey,

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Speaker 1: you want some gum? And he looked at me so seriously, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'd be great. And then he pulled out the juicy

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Speaker 1: croup and open it and there was nothing there. I

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Speaker 1: was I was probably eight years old, And the disappointment

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Speaker 1: and hurt that fell upon that man's face I will

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Speaker 1: never forget. And I'm so sorry I did that to him.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Now you wanted to eat nicotine gum makes

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Speaker 1: it so much more sense. Hey, say hello to Jackie,

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Speaker 1: do Ruthy? Hello, Jackie? What movie is a guilty pleasure

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Speaker 1: of yours that most people probably don't like? What you love?

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Speaker 1: Just like the Twelve Dates of Christmas. There's a lot

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Speaker 1: of bad Christmas movies, and that one is a particularly

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Speaker 1: bad to women. Um. The portrayal of women is so

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Speaker 1: god awful, and yet I go back for more every year.

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Speaker 1: I gotta see this woman. Um, have you know be

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Speaker 1: absolutely upon Yes, I would say that is the guiltiest

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Speaker 1: that's the guiltiest one. Nice. There's like, if you get Peacock,

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Speaker 1: there's like twenty seven thousand Christmas movies on there if

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Speaker 1: you just look movies like, it's incredible amount of like

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Speaker 1: Hallmark Christmas movies. That's a weird plug for Peacock. But

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Speaker 1: there you go. And finally, Joey Greer, Joey, I heard

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Speaker 1: it that you just wrote a new sports jam. Can

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Speaker 1: you give us a taste? Okay, well I can't. I

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Speaker 1: can't give you the whole thing because because right now

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Speaker 1: I'm in negotiations with a couple of networks. That tastes

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Speaker 1: so we're good. Yeah, but it tastes gonna be a mouthful,

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Speaker 1: and it taste canna be the entire plate. Cool, So

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Speaker 1: let's not let's not sunk around here, Okay, Alright, I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna get my ass sued because you want me

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Speaker 1: to like break protocol and preach a contract because you

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Speaker 1: want to taste. I'm a fucking professional, Okay, I got

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Speaker 1: about a twenty figure deal on the table, and you

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Speaker 1: want me to shift on it and then get a

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Speaker 1: and then get a pipe and start breaking my toes.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do that. Cool, Okay. I'm an individual

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Speaker 1: who not only respects my craft, I respect contracts. All right.

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Speaker 1: So that's the sports jam. I can give you a

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Speaker 1: little bit. I can give you a little bit there

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Speaker 1: we got ready? Yep? Come on? What are your feet do?

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Speaker 1: Do they hit a ball? Come on? What are your

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Speaker 1: hands do? Do they grab a bat? Come on? What

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Speaker 1: is your head do? Doesn't hit a ball? Come on?

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Speaker 1: What does your chest do? Does it move like this?

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Speaker 1: And then I'm I'm pretty fucked up? You guys probably

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Speaker 1: probably be a show right here, super pumped all right.

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Speaker 1: All of our scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails,

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Speaker 1: or from our Patreon v I p s. To become

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Speaker 1: a Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content

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Speaker 1: and other perks, just head on over to patreon dot

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Speaker 1: com slash alchemy this. If you'd like to submit a

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Speaker 1: scene suggestion the email, please write to the podcast at

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Speaker 1: your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your

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Speaker 1: name here. From Patreon and v I p. Toby, who wrote,

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Speaker 1: Hey Kevin, I'll tell him you said hello first. I

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Speaker 1: appreciate the shout outs you guys have given to Alchemy

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Speaker 1: that it's been a lot of fun. Those of us

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Speaker 1: involved come from very different backgrounds and need very different lives,

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Speaker 1: but your podcast has brought us all together on a

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Speaker 1: common ground to create friendships that would have otherwise never existed.

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Speaker 1: I want to make it abundantly clear how incredibly thankful

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Speaker 1: I am and we are. My scene suggestion is actually

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Speaker 1: thanks to an alchemite. Can I make that a thing

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Speaker 1: that recently joined the alchemy this discord chat? But this

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Speaker 1: person didn't want the credit, so I'm happy to receive

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Speaker 1: it on their behalf. The scene is Cowboy Dracula. Thanks. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've been prospecting out here for a long time by myself,

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Speaker 1: just out of here. So here's saying you haven't seen

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Speaker 1: a man or being that looks like this, sir, Well,

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Speaker 1: I've seen him man, and I've seen him being before

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Speaker 1: out here and then this disolate piece of land. You've

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Speaker 1: seen a lot of craziest things. He's going to be

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Speaker 1: no help. He's going to be absolutely no help. It's well,

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Speaker 1: let's let's let's give him a chance to speak his pace.

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Speaker 1: I mean we might if we can at least get

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Speaker 1: a sketch of what he saw, calling that he had

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Speaker 1: ears that pointed to the sky, sharp teeth, and those

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Speaker 1: teeth were used to punct your necks or other parts

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Speaker 1: of the body and shunk the blood out, leaving just

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Speaker 1: a hollow husk of a corpse. Okay, and thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you, sir. So we have a fifteen foot person

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Speaker 1: pointing things. Okay, you satisfied with that? Well, look, Jenkers,

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Speaker 1: there's no reason you have to be to be so

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Speaker 1: condescending to the locals here. You know, I was doing

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Speaker 1: a perfect legid good job of being sheriff here before

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Speaker 1: you came in from the big city and decided to

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Speaker 1: stir things up. Do you understand that these cufflings are

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Speaker 1: worth more than your entire everything? Man, those are some

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Speaker 1: good cufflings I've ever seen. They BARKI but for Vlad

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Speaker 1: the kid? All right, well, how do you do shash parrilla? Ah?

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Speaker 1: Let me just pour it into here? We do? Stranger,

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Speaker 1: are you looking for a good time when you cough? Please?

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Speaker 1: It's please cover your mouth? Wait? Is that berculoss is

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Speaker 1: a little bit of blood came up. Worry about. Nothing

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Speaker 1: to worry about. It's not contagious. I reckon, it's very contagious.

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Speaker 1: So what did you say? Your name was young? What

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Speaker 1: was the kid clad? The kid man on the ranch

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Speaker 1: where we have cattle and we do roundups and the

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Speaker 1: rodeos and who everybody? Oh? Sorry, yeah, okay, what's up? Hi? Hi?

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Speaker 1: How you doing? I'm good? Thank you very much. I'm

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Speaker 1: doing quite well actually today feeling good in my body.

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Speaker 1: And I had been sick for a long time, but

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Speaker 1: today I woke up and I felt refreshed for the

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Speaker 1: first time. I usually wake up a little bit tired.

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Speaker 1: Today I woke up and had a zing, had a

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Speaker 1: zing in my body. How are you? I'm great? Thank you. Now,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you know about the string of murderers that sweetie.

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Speaker 1: It's somebody. I'm not sure, but he's good. He's doing good.

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Speaker 1: Am I feeling good? Dude? How are you doing? How

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Speaker 1: are you? How are you? How do you do? This

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Speaker 1: is my wife? Okay, very nice, very nice? Feeling pretty good. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling good. Today. We were both chick is corn

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Speaker 1: dollar today spry as an autumn I and I'll tell

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Speaker 1: you that. So, yeah, we felt good today. It's a

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Speaker 1: good day today. He wants to me one second. Now,

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Speaker 1: I don't know why you keep bringing me to these weirdos. Okay,

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Speaker 1: they're not gonna give me any information. Well, look, you

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Speaker 1: know they are the town gossips. They they see everything,

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Speaker 1: and you know you're gonna have to take in a

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Speaker 1: lot of information. Uh of it will be useless. But

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Speaker 1: the five percent that is gold that you pan for. Okay,

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Speaker 1: the five percent um, So I won't take it so

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Speaker 1: much of your time. I'm with the c I don't worry.

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Speaker 1: We actually have a lot of time today. We're actually

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Speaker 1: newly retired us too. We used to work together. We

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Speaker 1: used to be the pharmacists of the town. And then

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Speaker 1: we said, you know what, we're gonna sell it. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna sell the pharmacy. Somebody bought it for a good

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Speaker 1: amount of money. And now we are all set into

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Speaker 1: the day we die, which I'm not gonna tell you now,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you how much it was. How about

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Speaker 1: maybe maybe uh dollars? Hello, Hello, we think it's gonna

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Speaker 1: last until the absolute day we die. We're pretty sure

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Speaker 1: that's going to be in about ten years and four days.

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Speaker 1: Pretty ten years and four days. Oh yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: there's uh, there's a couple of people here who are

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Speaker 1: psychic to do sciences, and we're Christian christ. But at

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Speaker 1: the end of the day, if you have something you

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Speaker 1: want to bring to the table, I'm gonna eat it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: ain't no reason to not eat that food on the

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Speaker 1: table if it's right there. Because Jesus didn't he ate

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Speaker 1: with the sinners, and he ate with the saints, he

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Speaker 1: ate with prostitutes, and he ate with apostle. So at

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Speaker 1: the end of the day, I'm gonna go and have

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Speaker 1: a median tell me exactly when I'm gonna die. Look,

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Speaker 1: if there's a median out there, if there's any kind

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Speaker 1: of median, we're going to find out what's going on,

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Speaker 1: all right, to catch that Jenkins That five percent they

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Speaker 1: was useful. Hello cowboy, he's okay. If I join you

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Speaker 1: for a game of card gambles. I see you have

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Speaker 1: game going. I joined in here. I'm playing solitaire the

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Speaker 1: weird cowboy who play corner. I guess we could play

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Speaker 1: I don't know what we'd call it. A duelitaire, a

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Speaker 1: duel yes, sit down, partner shot down. I had to

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Speaker 1: hunch o over my head, keep sitting wall tall. You're

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Speaker 1: a tall son of a bitch. How tall are red

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Speaker 1: five on the black six? Red five on the black six?

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Speaker 1: Thank you? I'm playing this game by myself though, Okay,

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Speaker 1: well there I was. I was looking through all my options.

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Speaker 1: I was looking through my options. This game is fucking

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Speaker 1: throwing Danny shock up. All right, why don't you come

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Speaker 1: over here? We'll play a three person game of I

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Speaker 1: don't know, conness, what's a good three players card game?

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Speaker 1: So you're telling me all of these pigs have two

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Speaker 1: holes in their neck and they're all they all blood out,

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Speaker 1: they're all dead. They have no blood in their in

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Speaker 1: their bodies. That correct, And they only had no holes

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Speaker 1: adpe man, they got on a hole in the neck. Man,

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Speaker 1: knee out. We're go on, man. Do you have any

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Speaker 1: tell what to say to you? I understand, I understand.

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Speaker 1: Now do you have about uh? Any idea? Who or what?

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Speaker 1: Do you tell them? What I told you that she'll

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Speaker 1: tell it late and not going to say in a

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Speaker 1: loud to come down to Temple Top. Don't know if

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Speaker 1: the album are or not, but only now look sheriff, sheriff.

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Speaker 1: I think I'm just about done here. Um, how these

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Speaker 1: folks are from New Orleans, I don't I don't know.

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Speaker 1: All right, here's what I don't know how they got

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Speaker 1: here or everybody in your town, I don't know. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's fair. Everyone seems to be describing some kind of

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Speaker 1: dracon you know, and that's that doesn't give me a

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Speaker 1: lot to work with. You know, these people have hyper

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Speaker 1: imaginations that probably probably very low like cues. And I

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Speaker 1: just keep hearing that from everybody. Everybody. Somebody talls somebody things.

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Speaker 1: That doesn't help. Well, it doesn't help me, Agan Jenkins.

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Speaker 1: These are simple people, uh, and they're straightforward with you.

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Speaker 1: So whatever they're saying, do you You've got to weave

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Speaker 1: that into your theory because everything they're saying is true.

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Speaker 1: I need a drink, all right, I'm coming to door.

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Speaker 1: Hold on a second, I just woke up. I just

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Speaker 1: woke up. I'm coming to door now for you. Hello, Oh,

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Speaker 1: sheriff and guy, Hey Glad, it's it's the sheriff. This

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Speaker 1: is Agent Jenkins from the c I A also possibly

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Speaker 1: a time traveler. Uh. We uh, we're just doing a routine, uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, questioning of all the all the townspeople, now,

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Speaker 1: Vlad the kid here is has lived in this town

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Speaker 1: for years, and he's aid he's a productive citizen. I

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Speaker 1: honestly don't know if he's going to be any used

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Speaker 1: to you whatsoever. But there's been a rash of of

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Speaker 1: people murders and pig murders. Uh, plad, have you seen

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Speaker 1: anything unusual? This is terrible. Yes, I have seen very

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Speaker 1: unusual things. Uh. The one thing that I saw was

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Speaker 1: a there was a a pig that was attack in

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Speaker 1: the other pigs like he had turned and now he is, uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, a vampire pig. Baby. Did somebody? Did somebody

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Speaker 1: die recently? Flat in your family? I see it. I

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Speaker 1: see a coffin in there. You can just move your

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Speaker 1: head a little bit. No, just moving, No, that's his side,

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Speaker 1: hustle of mine and make the coffin to sell sometimes

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Speaker 1: sales coffins on the side. It's you know, we've got

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Speaker 1: a hot death right in this town. There's a there's

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Speaker 1: consumption going around and there's a lot of card game violence. Sheriff,

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Speaker 1: Did they have to find your son, No, he's he's

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Speaker 1: he's still hopefully out there somewhere, but probably dead. He

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Speaker 1: happened to see someone like him. But he's a little

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Speaker 1: while now, don't you pay no attention? Dad? Tell you who? Bruce? Bruce, Bruce,

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Speaker 1: my boy, We're gonna questions. You're so pale. What happened?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. My head feels so whoozy. Well, you've

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Speaker 1: got two puncture marks in your neck, just like those pigs.

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Speaker 1: This is not what it looks like. What happened? It's

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Speaker 1: very easy to explain, glad, No need to explain, no

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Speaker 1: need to explain. No, no, all they need to explain,

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Speaker 1: all the need to explain. But sure, I know, glad,

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Speaker 1: you know I've dated just about every thing in this town.

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Speaker 1: But objects. I'm sorry. The left one is the good one.

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Speaker 1: I can tell you the right I just all right,

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Speaker 1: So what do you know about lad? Specifically? Was she

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Speaker 1: got two whiskey? Is one for the lady one for

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Speaker 1: this candlestick? Thank you very much? Oh just one moment,

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Speaker 1: Are you dating this candlestick? Or like? Now? Yeah, all right? Um,

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Speaker 1: you had a question about Blade. Was he aggressive? Was

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Speaker 1: he nice? I mean the girls have in a good way.

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Speaker 1: Let's just say I call them blood the man. Let's

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Speaker 1: just say that very giving, very giving you hand out

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Speaker 1: from underneath, from from between your legs. I got my hand. Well,

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Speaker 1: where's that candlestick going? Listen, I've got cold hands. I've

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Speaker 1: got to warm them up somehow. What better way than

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Speaker 1: with the handle? I'm a right, it doesn't doesn't, Charlene,

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Speaker 1: that's fun. That was fun. And now last time you

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Speaker 1: made me invite you to enter my body. Um, I

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Speaker 1: can't do that again if you want. But honestly, I

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Speaker 1: like a little more do I have? Well, I like

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Speaker 1: a little more um spontaneity. So I'm just gonna go

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Speaker 1: make some t and if you happen to come up,

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Speaker 1: come up at me, just know that it's concentral. I'm

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Speaker 1: consenting right now. Aheaded this was an invitation, then this

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Speaker 1: is officially an invitation. It is, um, well, it is

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Speaker 1: less of an invitation and more of a if you

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Speaker 1: decide yes, you can. It's a green light. It's a pass,

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Speaker 1: but it's not it's not a direct Um. Sometimes I

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Speaker 1: like to be I need to know, do you invite me?

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Speaker 1: Here's the thing, sometimes I want to be pursued. You know,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to always be the one coming down

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Speaker 1: to you. Now, look sheriff. I think the last person

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Speaker 1: I speaking in the town is the there's a cowboy

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Speaker 1: who plays Solitaire by himself. Is that correct? Yep? There

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Speaker 1: they call him Solitaire Joe solitary job. You'll play an

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Speaker 1: as occasionally, but you need at least three other people

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Speaker 1: in two decks. All right, let's head on into the

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Speaker 1: saloon here. Uh, I'll tell you right now. A Shana

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Speaker 1: Ashana goddamn vampire. No where it no where here. That's

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Speaker 1: radiold plan. Discount everything he says, done and done part

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Speaker 1: of me, sir, uh, excuse me. I'm kind of in

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Speaker 1: the middle of a game, understood, If I can just

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Speaker 1: have a moment of your time. I'm here with the sheriff.

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm agent Jenking. You got a nice right there

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Speaker 1: that can go right up top. Yeah, but I don't

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Speaker 1: want to make a move. I can't take moves back

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Speaker 1: and think you gotta put your aces up top. Just

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Speaker 1: a couple of questionss just just one question. What anything

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Speaker 1: suspicious happening lately in the town that you've noticed. I

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Speaker 1: understand you keep to yourself, but maybe you've got eyes.

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Speaker 1: I haven't heard anything suspicious. Maybe it's a cho pacabra.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know who could want Why

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Speaker 1: are you getting nervous, Salter, Joe, I'm not nervous. I

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Speaker 1: just I just couldn't believe they almost missed Nick. So there,

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Speaker 1: just put it up top. So you're sweating profusely. And

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Speaker 1: I gotta tell you I'm trained at the CIA. I

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Speaker 1: understand by language. What is the CIA again, it's the

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Speaker 1: California Institute of Arresting. That sounds oh church it now?

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Speaker 1: This is uh your picture two up? There go the two.

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Speaker 1: Now listen, Joe, I gotta ask you a couple question.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you can stand outside with new Man's blood all

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Speaker 1: over me, ma'am? How's that consumption at? It's just to

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Speaker 1: sit down? Oh my gosh, Oh you want to go,

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Speaker 1: so you ought to take me. I'm gonna go upstairs

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Speaker 1: with my lady friend. I'll just wash your I'll watch

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Speaker 1: your cards, make sure no what's talking all right? And

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Speaker 1: then I'll go outside and talk to you guys tonight after.

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Speaker 1: So it's salt Joe all along. You know, I have

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Speaker 1: to say, I feel very targeted here. You know you

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Speaker 1: should leave your preconceived notions about people from ball Dick

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Speaker 1: States at the door before you accuse them age And look, look, uh,

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Speaker 1: I've learned a lot spending time in this town this week.

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Speaker 1: And you're right. I owe you an apology, and we

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Speaker 1: at the California Institute of Arresting are aiming to do

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Speaker 1: better in the future. You're right, you were my number

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Speaker 1: one suspect and and and I'm sorry about that. Now now,

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Speaker 1: did you want to come into my hotel room for

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Speaker 1: a drink? Are you inviting me in? Yeah? Of course

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Speaker 1: I I I invite you, glad to come on into

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Speaker 1: my hotel room for a drink. This is going to

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Speaker 1: be at night in the Hallwood. See two is from Eric.

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Speaker 1: You wrote, Hi, my name is Eric, and I've been

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Speaker 1: listening and laughing since the very beginning. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: send some love Joey Greer's way and say that his

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00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 1: sketch album good Night is hilarious and everybody should check

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Speaker 1: it out. That is true. Already check out a good Night.

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00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,119
Speaker 1: I've been sending it around and now Oslo is in

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Speaker 1: the top five cities listening on Spotify, although only five

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Speaker 1: people are listening. But hey, it's hey, I'll take it.

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Speaker 1: See see a suggestion Two guys sharing a toothbrush from Norway. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry you're gonna Are you using an hour. What

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Speaker 1: do you a hello? Oh, holy shit, Mark, wake up?

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Speaker 1: Wake up? Oh god, you were you sleep cleaning? Huh

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Speaker 1: you were sleep cleaning? Dude? Oh my god, this is

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Speaker 1: this isn't my toothbrush. No, no, it's our toothbrush, our toothbrush. Mark.

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Speaker 1: Come on, buddy, every time you wake up from one

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Speaker 1: of these sleep cleaning I gotta remind it's like the

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Speaker 1: first stage withoutam standard remember that? But your gums are

347
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Speaker 1: turning purple and black? Do you remember fifty one stage?

348
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:03,680
Speaker 1: Withoutim saying? No? I don't remember that movie? Literally that

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Speaker 1: to you. So it's with him and Um, Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I want to say Dustin Hoffman. That's not her name.

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Speaker 1: What is her name? It's um damn, what the hell

352
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 1: is her name? I forgot to or it'll be you slut.

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Speaker 1: I hear you're seeing two mouths right now? Yeah, what

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Speaker 1: of it? I'm just saying, you know, like your bristles

355
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Speaker 1: get around and we all know it. There's a reason

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Speaker 1: that seven out of ten doct dentists recommend you. You've

357
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,640
Speaker 1: been everywhere. You're getting around and the reputation is out there.

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Speaker 1: I'm just telling you now as a friend. Look, Phillips

359
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Speaker 1: you're not much of a friend if you're throwing these

360
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Speaker 1: accusations my way. Okay, I like to have a good time.

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Speaker 1: I like to party. I like I like to party. Okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we understand that. But you know what, your bristles are

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Speaker 1: getting super worn down. You're gonna wear out so much

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Speaker 1: earlier than the rest of it. It just means that

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Speaker 1: I'm having a good life. I'm having a good time.

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Speaker 1: If your bristles are intact, you're boring. Okay, wow, okay, alright,

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Speaker 1: I know how it is. Yeah, so I don't have

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Speaker 1: super special bristles that can get to the hard to

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Speaker 1: reach areas like you do. I get that. I see

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Speaker 1: why that's attractive for all those mouths. Okay, but I

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Speaker 1: mean the best I can. I have a dentist phone

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Speaker 1: number on me and I was given free and I'm

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Speaker 1: just grateful for any mouth that will use me. You know,

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Speaker 1: speaking of which, Mark, it's not that big a deal, dude,

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Speaker 1: It's still I've ever wanted to use the same tooth

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Speaker 1: brushes you. Okay, so this one here, I'm unwrapping it now,

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00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 1: this one's mine. We are from this point forward using

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Speaker 1: two separate toothbrushes. Please for God's sakes, could you just

379
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:43,440
Speaker 1: keep yours somewhere? I can't get to it when I'm asleep. Hey, Mark,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'll do everything i can, but this is

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Speaker 1: really unnerving for me. And we've been sharing everything, you know,

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00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:55,680
Speaker 1: one pair of socks. This isn't normal. These are things

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00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,359
Speaker 1: that I'm not supposed to be doing. These things. I

384
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,880
Speaker 1: feel like I'm talking to two different more. When you're asleep,

385
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 1: you're all about this, but then when you're awake, you're

386
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,680
Speaker 1: not Mark. What's going on exactly? When I'm asleep, I'm

387
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,920
Speaker 1: a different person. Okay, So I need you to keep

388
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 1: your clothes, your toothbrush, anything that we might share when

389
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:18,720
Speaker 1: I'm awake, everything, everything, Mark, I'm going to have to

390
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 1: ask you to move out. This is this is our apartment.

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00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to ask you to move out. It's

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00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 1: I have to live alone. Can you really pay half?

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00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:33,240
Speaker 1: I don't. I haven't really budged it out, but I'm

394
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,639
Speaker 1: sure that I can if I cut back on cable.

395
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 1: And now, Mark, you do live alone and you're not

396
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Speaker 1: getting any better. You keep but then why are my

397
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 1: gums turning purple and black? What's wrong with me? There's

398
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:54,240
Speaker 1: no roommate. There's no roommate that who's toothbrush? And by sharing,

399
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Speaker 1: I don't know how to answer that for you. I

400
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:02,719
Speaker 1: can just tell you my falling out. I don't know.

401
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 1: Have you tried switching toothbrush toothbrushes? Have you tried switching

402
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 1: toothbrushes toothbrushes? That's weird to say. Do you ever get

403
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 1: a feeling that, like your toothbrush is a little slut.

404
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:20,919
Speaker 1: You just don't want to use it anymore because it's

405
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,399
Speaker 1: like a nasty little slut. It's so weird that you

406
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 1: brought that up, because yes, right, like, I'm looking at

407
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,959
Speaker 1: this thing and I can barely fucking recognize it. I'm like,

408
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 1: this is listen, there's like having fun and like doing

409
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 1: your thing, but then there's like you're a slot. I mean,

410
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,560
Speaker 1: I'm using an oral b and the word oral is

411
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 1: like right in there. I'm sorry, let me just drop

412
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Speaker 1: this out. We have to cheese. Dacorates is right to cheese, yes,

413
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 1: thank you. One of them is soft cheese, the other

414
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 1: one's hard cheese. I'm getting the hard cheese. Yeah. You

415
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 1: should see a piece of hard cheese run on the

416
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 1: rim right there. Mind the soft cheese Dacris. Yes, it's right, okay,

417
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 1: And I needed especially big straw to suck up all

418
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:06,159
Speaker 1: that cheese. Of course, of course, let me see if

419
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:10,840
Speaker 1: we don't have any seven eleven slushy straws in the back. Phillips,

420
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 1: what happened to you? You look different? Really? You think

421
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 1: I look different? You don't look so good? Phillips. Yeah, okay,

422
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,400
Speaker 1: Well you know what. It turns out that or will

423
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,480
Speaker 1: Be gave something to my owner, and now I contracted it.

424
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 1: So like the you know, his mouth is purple and blue,

425
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 1: and like I, my bristles are falling out, and I

426
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 1: don't know how much time I have. Oh my god,

427
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry to hear that. I mean, when I

428
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,760
Speaker 1: had that issue, I just I just put in a

429
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 1: new a new head, you know. But you don't have

430
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:50,120
Speaker 1: that option. Do you know? I'm not electronic and fancy

431
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 1: like you. I get it. I'm basic. It's okay, it

432
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:58,880
Speaker 1: is okay, listen, listen. You know you know people use

433
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 1: toothbrushes to carde brushes for other purposes than just brushing teeth.

434
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 1: How about in jail? How about in jail? Okay? But

435
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:14,800
Speaker 1: I don't really want to be shived as my last act, Mark,

436
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,880
Speaker 1: that therapist is trying to break us up. We can't

437
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 1: have that. Okay, we can't go to the therapist anymore.

438
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 1: You understand? Okay? But I and I hear you. But

439
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:27,880
Speaker 1: what makes me doing to order multiple meals at a restaurant?

440
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,720
Speaker 1: Is it always a thing? Where do you gonna stop

441
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 1: talking about us? Do you understand? Okay? We got about

442
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:42,920
Speaker 1: forty people living in this house working to overthrow I. Um,

443
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,439
Speaker 1: I can I've never seen a therapist before. Is it?

444
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 1: Could I lay down? Or do do I have to

445
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 1: sit up? Should I lay down? You can do whatever

446
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: it feels comfortable. Okay, I'm just gonna lay down. Um

447
00:27:55,880 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 1: my boyfriend Mark, Mark, he's acting. He's just been acting

448
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,359
Speaker 1: so weird, and I've been feeling so disconnected. And then

449
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 1: he shot himself in the face. He shot himself in

450
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:10,439
Speaker 1: the face, and he lived, and I now have to

451
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 1: stay with him, like he has such issues obviously, you

452
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:15,360
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like he shot himself in the face,

453
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: and so I would think that would take him out

454
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,400
Speaker 1: of the picture for me, But now I feel so

455
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 1: much more trapped, Like I can't leave this guy. He

456
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:24,359
Speaker 1: just shot himself in the face. I can't leave him now.

457
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:29,400
Speaker 1: He's pretty common. Actually, it's called the case. It's called

458
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 1: the Case of the Fight Club, and it's like it's

459
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:37,959
Speaker 1: been documented, you know, it happens. Yeah, I've seen that.

460
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 1: I've seen that documentary. Actually, yeah, people in it. I mean,

461
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 1: are there people for real? I mean it seems weird.

462
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 1: It seems weird, like that the v t V in

463
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 1: the hair? Why are you still here? I tyler? Why

464
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 1: are you still here with me? I really gotten ree

465
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 1: you all the other people here. You just shot my

466
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 1: ear off. Mark. Okay, you shot my ear off, but

467
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 1: it was supposed to get rid of you. But then,

468
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 1: why the fun would you think shooting yourself in the

469
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:14,240
Speaker 1: head would kill me? That's so crazy you are, Mark.

470
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 1: That's a crazy word. That's what you need me. Okay,

471
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 1: put this two push in your mouth. Let it poke

472
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 1: out the side. Pull over? Uh, ma'am. Have you had

473
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 1: any cheese tonight? Yeah? How about your friend there? I

474
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 1: had so much? She has soft cheese. I had heard cheese.

475
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 1: That's why I'm driving. Ok I'm gonna what's your name?

476
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 1: What's your name? It's not it's not important. Let's go

477
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:55,320
Speaker 1: out of the car. Does but are you saying okay, no,

478
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just I'm just kind of wow. I

479
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,240
Speaker 1: gotta make you two are making me blush. And that's melt.

480
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 1: That smell is sucking incredible. I had limburger, I had um.

481
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 1: Look you YouTube seems really nice. Okay, do we need

482
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 1: to name tin cheese as while we walk backwards? I

483
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 1: think you got a name my phone number? You got it, officer.

484
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 1: I know it's weird. I don't have a license. I'm

485
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:36,480
Speaker 1: a toothbrush. But I have to get to the prison.

486
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 1: I have to get there. Oh, you're going there. Step

487
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 1: out of the car. You're going there. You're going to prison.

488
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 1: I can roll out, Okay, roll out. Look at these

489
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: filthy asked bristles. You belong in prison. Get him here,

490
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 1: get in the back of the car. Here we go. Uh,

491
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 1: I'm driving to the prison. Um, Joni, did you did

492
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 1: you arrest a toothbrush? What's up? Dude? Did you arrest

493
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 1: a toothbrush? I had a big gas workout I love

494
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:15,160
Speaker 1: in the gym here at the priest. Did you arrest

495
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 1: a toothbrush? I had a weird day, that's what you mean? Damn?

496
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 1: Is this your game? Smell like cheese? Jon dude, I

497
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 1: just need gay electro lights are like, are you on

498
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 1: cheese right now? Kind of question? Is that? Man? Answer me?

499
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 1: Are you on cheese right now? I have a little cheez,

500
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 1: a little cheese. C I a up our ask right now?

501
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:43,040
Speaker 1: And you're gonna come in here risking a good damn

502
00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 1: toothbrust and fucking being on cheese. We're gonna do. Okay,

503
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 1: what do you want to do? I'm not well right now? No,

504
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 1: ship you not well? We got Mark on the street

505
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 1: telling everybody about what our plants are. Now you better

506
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: shape up or ship out. Okay, I'll ship shape. Oh,

507
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 1: cheap up, good, cheap up, I'll shape up. Don't make me,

508
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 1: I will make me. You understand, I do, I do. Okay,

509
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 1: I'm walking away. I felt better already. I'm gonna stand here.

510
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna move. I actually feel good. I felt good.

511
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 1: I'm gonna use this time now that we have all

512
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 1: this time here to tell you. I do think you're

513
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 1: real on the ground. Yeah okay, yeah, black frank black.

514
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:44,200
Speaker 1: If we're going to take that again, the vocals are

515
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 1: just getting really distorted. It kind of because I'm doing

516
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 1: the instruments too. Yeah, I think it might be. You know,

517
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 1: we can plug your instruments in and we can do

518
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 1: whatever you want to do, but you don't. You don't

519
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 1: have to do all that. So I'm want to record

520
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 1: an instrument track first and then my vocals sick it. Okay,

521
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 1: we can do that, Okay, alright, I'm already to go.

522
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 1: I am rolling, and whenever you're ready, no no, no,

523
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 1: no no no no no, and then you can just

524
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 1: loop that. Okay. For one second, I think he's cheese

525
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 1: out of his brain in there. I think he's sucking

526
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: cheese out of his mind in there. He definitely is.

527
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 1: But he's a brilliant, brilliantist. I can't tell him no,

528
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 1: you know, should we just wrap it for the day

529
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 1: and see if you can come back with less cheese

530
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 1: on the mind? You can try it ultimately, like you know,

531
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 1: it's his studio time. He may say, Man, I'm supposed

532
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:44,720
Speaker 1: to drop off this cheese shop of ches. Get the

533
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,200
Speaker 1: out of here. We don't want no cheese. Let him

534
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:52,720
Speaker 1: into my let him someone show him into my room,

535
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:57,240
Speaker 1: fucking arc. Don't shove me. I'm a producer. Yeah, you produce.

536
00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 1: You probably produced ass bitch us your trees, and that's

537
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 1: our second scene, the h one behind the music of

538
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 1: the Fixies. It's pretty fantastic. Final scene threes from Patreon Alcmaniacs.

539
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 1: I really don't know how y'll do it. Every episode

540
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 1: gets funnier and funnier. Thank you for existing. My scene

541
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:34,880
Speaker 1: suggestion is Norma Desmond finds out about TikTok Norma, Norma,

542
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 1: you look amazing today. Oh my god, I dressed up.

543
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 1: I woke up early because I went to bed early

544
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 1: less night. Oh. I've never seen you wearing a dress before.

545
00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 1: It's like, hello, there's her body. But I'm not the

546
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 1: Norma Desmonds you saw before. I'm a brand new kind

547
00:34:55,200 --> 00:35:00,759
Speaker 1: of Norma Desmond. You're Sima. I just whatever normatizement you

548
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,359
Speaker 1: remember from the past. This is the brand new. If

549
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:08,720
Speaker 1: you had a sitcom and be called new norm that's good.

550
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 1: I have a laugh track and it'd be popping off.

551
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 1: You're amazing. You recognizable, but you're incredible. You're even better before. Oh,

552
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 1: I think that's my phone. I don't know what's weird

553
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 1: being hello, normal. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm a

554
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:29,320
Speaker 1: living nurse. Normal. That that's your that's your heart rate monitor.

555
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 1: Oh so sorry. Normal doesn't need a heart rate monitor. No,

556
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 1: normal you do? Normal? You do? Okay, so why do

557
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 1: why don't we? Why don't we have our guests come

558
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,120
Speaker 1: back tomorrow? Maybe you'reett a little excited. Why don't you

559
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 1: just have Why don't you just wheel this thing with us?

560
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,359
Speaker 1: We'll go for a walk outside. Are you her new

561
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 1: Are you her new social media manager? Yes? I am. Yes,

562
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 1: I'm very good with all of the social So if

563
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 1: you needed help as well, I could. Also it's a

564
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 1: small fee. I I don't give a about that. I'm

565
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:04,080
Speaker 1: a nurse. I take care of your lives. Listen. I Um,

566
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 1: she can't be exciting. Some people said I take care

567
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:10,120
Speaker 1: of human lives too. In terms of self esteem confidence, Um,

568
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:23,840
Speaker 1: feeling like you have friends when you might not normal? Okay, Norma,

569
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:29,759
Speaker 1: all right, I'm back. I'm back and I'm better than ever. Okay. Um,

570
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 1: so you see what I'm saying here? Okay, I mean

571
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 1: I saw alator save her life. I didn't see you

572
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:38,359
Speaker 1: save her life. You know, I use but like that's

573
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:41,840
Speaker 1: a machine, right, and like sell our cell phones. I

574
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:44,239
Speaker 1: just feel like we're kind of the same. And this

575
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 1: is not about me or you. This is about Norma

576
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 1: looking amazing, new normal looking. If I feel this good,

577
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,839
Speaker 1: I want to I want to be back in the spotlight.

578
00:36:54,480 --> 00:37:00,960
Speaker 1: I want to be to the light. No, come to me,

579
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:05,120
Speaker 1: to me. Are you ready for your close up of

580
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 1: heaven normal? Dude? This is the wildest TikTok. Can't believe

581
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 1: it hasn't gotten band or fly yet. It's just like

582
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:19,320
Speaker 1: I think it's this woman just getting defibulated like over

583
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 1: and over again. Dude. It's like n s f L. Dude,

584
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 1: it's been nuts. Yeah, I'm just trying to work here, sick.

585
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 1: What's your hand? I'll follow you. You can follow me back.

586
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:36,800
Speaker 1: I'm not on TikTok. I'm in my forties. Oh my god,

587
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 1: you're not on TikTok. What are you still on Instagram?

588
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:43,600
Speaker 1: You old fuck dude? Get on TikTok right now. I

589
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:48,040
Speaker 1: think I have an Instagram. I barely use it. Think dude,

590
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 1: you better man. It's all about the follows. Right now.

591
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 1: I got about three d fifty thousand followers. My TikTok's

592
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 1: get over seven million views. Look, I'm just trying to

593
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 1: secure this crime scene. I hear you're talking about TikTok. Bro. Oh,

594
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 1: I wasn't. This guy was if you could take him

595
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:09,600
Speaker 1: off my hands. TikTok, what are you fifty? All the

596
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:14,920
Speaker 1: kids now are on bling black day, bling blinging suck students.

597
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:17,080
Speaker 1: Bling blank is the future, man, We're all bling blank.

598
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 1: You know no way du blom bling is used by

599
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 1: the Spanish government to spy on those dude, that's what

600
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 1: do you mean? It's too late to capitalize on TikTok

601
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 1: being a thing and my song having TikTok on the

602
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:32,760
Speaker 1: clock and see the sunlight? What do you mean bling?

603
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:36,440
Speaker 1: I don't have a song. Hold, I'm gonna say I

604
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 1: love that song personal, thank you, thank you so much.

605
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:43,760
Speaker 1: I like my more serious talk TikTok, TikTok to the clock,

606
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 1: you see the sun and then we see the sunlight. Yeah,

607
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 1: you show me that we could capitalize on that, but

608
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:54,880
Speaker 1: that time is coming gone. We're not moving to bling bling.

609
00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:56,880
Speaker 1: I don't have a song that has bling blang, and

610
00:38:56,920 --> 00:39:02,120
Speaker 1: I'm like coming serious. Fuck, I'm gonna have to talk

611
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:05,439
Speaker 1: to a bunch of people in Nashville, no problem. Listen. Also,

612
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:08,719
Speaker 1: really quick, you did you did throwout You threw out

613
00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:11,359
Speaker 1: an idea a while ago. You see norma. You were

614
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 1: saying the new norm But we were thinking, let's bring

615
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,240
Speaker 1: her over to blink blank. Let's go with the new norma.

616
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 1: That just feels better, right, the new norma. I'm so sorry. Um,

617
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,600
Speaker 1: did I have a good idea or did you? I'm

618
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:28,560
Speaker 1: just I'm I'm piggyback. This is you know, I'm saying yes?

619
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:31,799
Speaker 1: And all right, Frank Black, you want to do another

620
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 1: tike of the bling blank song? Absolutely, let's go. Can

621
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 1: I do the instruments first? Again? Thank you so much?

622
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 1: All right, whenever you're ready, all right and ban and

623
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:59,760
Speaker 1: loop it. Luke, Um, Look, you don't have good ideas? Okay, okay,

624
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:04,439
Speaker 1: Cash Show has good ideas. Okay, okay, okay, okay, Yeah

625
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 1: we collaborate. So what's up? Luke? I don't normally bring

626
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 1: every single board member of c A into what is

627
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 1: everybody here? What's up? What's the good news? Well, we

628
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 1: wanted to shame you one of the time. Yeah, usually

629
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 1: our policy can't do it in private, but we can

630
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:25,160
Speaker 1: do it publicly. What's the issue. You don't have good

631
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:28,240
Speaker 1: ideas because you're a dumb dumb We lost seven million

632
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:31,640
Speaker 1: dollars on one blank blank video. That's not true. That's

633
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:33,480
Speaker 1: I mean, that's yeah, but you gotta lose money to

634
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:36,640
Speaker 1: make money. Guys, you're cio. You gotta spend money to

635
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 1: make money, not lose money to make What did I say,

636
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 1: lose money to make money? Lucy, Lucy. I think that

637
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,600
Speaker 1: man with the beeping machine is I think he's trying

638
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:56,640
Speaker 1: to kill me. I think he's an undertaker. Will I'll

639
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:59,760
Speaker 1: go to tiktokok, to Bing bank, I'll go to wherever

640
00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:02,240
Speaker 1: you want. But I need this machine that came peeping

641
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,360
Speaker 1: to get out of my way. I need you to

642
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 1: get me out of here. I mean, yeah, we can.

643
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 1: We can post it on all of your socials that

644
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 1: that's how you feel, and it can almost be like

645
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 1: a news alert. Yeah we can do that. You got

646
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 1: to get me out of this room and away from that.

647
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 1: Let me take um. Let me hype up like a little.

648
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 1: Let me just see how short I can make the

649
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 1: sentence explaining what you just said to me. Well, do

650
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 1: it before that guy gets back, because that guy is

651
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 1: trying to Everybody check this out. We're in Times Square.

652
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:34,880
Speaker 1: Look at the big screen. There's gonna be a new

653
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:39,200
Speaker 1: a new post from the New Norma. Everybody check this out.

654
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:42,600
Speaker 1: This is gonna be here. It's actually called the New Norm.

655
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:45,400
Speaker 1: That doesn't make sense because her name is Norma. It

656
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,160
Speaker 1: just seems like that would be the better idea. So

657
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 1: here's here, she goes, I mean that makes sense for

658
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 1: like Norm McDonald or something exactly. So sure, so you're wrong,

659
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 1: but look, here's here's the I think the Normal was

660
00:41:57,200 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 1: already a sitcom. Yeah, so they went with New Norm.

661
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 1: It's normal because that's her name. There's no why would

662
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 1: I be wrong? That was like my idea was right,

663
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:08,319
Speaker 1: it would be like the New Norm. I'm sorry, So

664
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:11,600
Speaker 1: you don't have any get your gun tickets. No, we're

665
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 1: just we're just outside here, standby line. I'm just trying

666
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:24,640
Speaker 1: to find the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. I get me

667
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:26,960
Speaker 1: out of this room. I got to get away from

668
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:31,239
Speaker 1: this for Shane. Help me, so Bunny help me. But look,

669
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:37,800
Speaker 1: this horse is fucking a real man. I mean you crazy?

670
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:43,240
Speaker 1: Just on YouTube? Is that? Thanks everybody for being here. Um,

671
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 1: thank you to the sound engineers that that are gonna

672
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 1: eq this track. Um, we all know Norma. She's right

673
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:52,960
Speaker 1: here next to me. She has pledged. Hey man, you

674
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:56,879
Speaker 1: know what man done? Dude? All right, wait, wait hear

675
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,440
Speaker 1: this out. Here's this out it's really good. My best

676
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:04,359
Speaker 1: idea it normal wants to live in infamy. She's gonna

677
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:08,080
Speaker 1: unpleas her heart monitor and that'll be the soundtrack to

678
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 1: her death song. Hear me out now, studio producer, we're

679
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:18,239
Speaker 1: going to lay down the instrumental. Do you know? That's not?

680
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:19,759
Speaker 1: Of course? I know his name? How how long have

681
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 1: you worked with him? You know his name? What's his name?

682
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 1: I refer to him by his title to show respect.

683
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:27,840
Speaker 1: What's his name? So we're gonna land on this the

684
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:30,160
Speaker 1: track person that Okay, I just say his name, just

685
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 1: just say his name. He's worked. I don't want this attention. No, no, no,

686
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:40,280
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I'm the studio producer.

687
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:43,479
Speaker 1: It's fine, it's fine. You have a name. I know you, dude,

688
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:46,319
Speaker 1: Look at me, Look at me. I know you. You

689
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:48,799
Speaker 1: know I see his name, just to see his name,

690
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 1: do you know? I know? Wait? Wait a second, did

691
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:56,800
Speaker 1: you say this is going on infamy? Yes? The new platform? Yeah,

692
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:58,759
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see it. Then, man, that info

693
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 1: me is popping, Thank you, thank what's his name? Wait? Wait? Wait, wait,

694
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 1: wait a second, are you trying to tell me that

695
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:07,279
Speaker 1: there's a new platform, because I wrote a really bad

696
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 1: song called Bling Bling to capitalize on the Bling Blang popular.

697
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 1: We moved back. Okay, you know her, right? Do you

698
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:18,359
Speaker 1: think time here? At this point? Just say your name.

699
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,680
Speaker 1: She's a superstar. Guys. Only name I need to know

700
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:23,960
Speaker 1: is Norma and she's right here next to me, and

701
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:28,000
Speaker 1: she's gonna, what's your name? Dude? I know my name, Dude,

702
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,640
Speaker 1: I don't know this young man. I think trying to

703
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 1: just pull the goddamn plug, Norma, and you get all

704
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:36,480
Speaker 1: the likes you want. You want the lights, you want

705
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: to be relevant again. That's Dr Luke, that's Kesha. You're

706
00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 1: Norma Desmond the Silent Film. Start from Sunset Bulevard. Come

707
00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:51,040
Speaker 1: to the light, Norma, come to the lights. Oh shit,

708
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:57,799
Speaker 1: fucking I'll go to the light. Hello, Norma. Take a

709
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,959
Speaker 1: look around all the past take ox stars are here,

710
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:05,360
Speaker 1: Glad the kids over there, everybody you've ever heard of.

711
00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:08,560
Speaker 1: I've never heard of Lad the kid. Alright, you're going

712
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 1: back down, and that's ship there. Thank each of our alchemists.

713
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 1: If you know their names. Chris uh, let's see what

714
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 1: they're up to. Chris Overorado. Thanks. By the way, it

715
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:27,879
Speaker 1: sounds like somebody is in a subway station. That's me

716
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 1: that I just had the ruck right now mine. I

717
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 1: just that was so much fun. Thanks to everybody. Oh

718
00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:40,919
Speaker 1: quick shout out to a de Burke illustration who keeps

719
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 1: pumping out these great illustrations of us. He's making these

720
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:47,480
Speaker 1: like cards, cards, like basically by a deck of those cards.

721
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 1: They're so great, David, David Burt Jr. We appreciate you,

722
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:53,239
Speaker 1: big shout out to you. That's a across Larado. Love

723
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 1: you guys. Sweet James teeny ah. Yeah. I check out

724
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:02,840
Speaker 1: bear supply at b S Comedy, Twitch dot tv, slash

725
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 1: BS Comedy Wednesday, eight pm. Sweet Jae, Uh, you know

726
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:11,560
Speaker 1: I'm at Jackie Ruthie on all this stuff. Thanks for

727
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 1: having me. Uh And if you have the chance, I

728
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 1: will plug an old show that I love that not

729
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 1: enough people have seen. Uh. Just watch Felicity, That's what.

730
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:25,320
Speaker 1: There's no need for me to plug it. But I

731
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:29,480
Speaker 1: mean I'm in many episodes of Felstening, yes, as a

732
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:34,320
Speaker 1: as as as an extra. Okay, but hold on, I

733
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:38,160
Speaker 1: had an audition and I have there's the there's the

734
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:40,640
Speaker 1: Morning After Pill episode. I'm a big part of that.

735
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 1: I'm like waiting in line with all the people I

736
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:44,719
Speaker 1: danced at one point in audition to break against It's

737
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:47,240
Speaker 1: a whole thing. We'll talk offline. We'll talk offline. Felicity.

738
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 1: Everybody see wow, something we never knew that. Chris Kaski,

739
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:59,320
Speaker 1: She's google Kaikowski, see what happens. Definitely watch the Felicity

740
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:02,719
Speaker 1: episodes or Chris changes his hair because those those are

741
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 1: really solid, and then when he changes his hair, it

742
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 1: really goes off the rails. That's right. Take the Craig

743
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 1: Atkowsky challenge. Go google them. See what happens. Joey gram

744
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:19,920
Speaker 1: you know it. God bless Jim Chum on Instagram. February eighteen,

745
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 1: at five pm. I'm doing a show for Dynasty Typewriter.

746
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:28,920
Speaker 1: It's an unauthorized prefight show for Logan Paul versus of Mayweather.

747
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:31,520
Speaker 1: So come check that out if you want to start,

748
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,759
Speaker 1: you know, know where to place your bets because we

749
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:37,640
Speaker 1: got some experts talking. We do yet I can't remember.

750
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:46,399
Speaker 1: Oh we I got done real fast. I have at

751
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 1: Cold Stratton on Twitter, at Stratton Cole on Instagram. Uh,

752
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 1: you go to s Sketchwest dot com. Check out our

753
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:54,840
Speaker 1: past archival videos and our big benefit that we just

754
00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:58,840
Speaker 1: did it's pretty amazing. Uh. Let's thank our amazing engineering

755
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:03,239
Speaker 1: producer Doug Bay and the fine folks at I Heart

756
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:09,319
Speaker 1: Media dot com. Fulpum, please write to us at your

757
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:11,360
Speaker 1: name here and I'll give you this dot com. That's

758
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:17,000
Speaker 1: your name here at Alchemy this dot com. Until next time,

759
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:18,960
Speaker 1: welcome