1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: All right, time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if 2 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, on sex, on dating, work, parenting, 3 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:11,000 Speaker 1: and more, please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve Harvey 4 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:13,560 Speaker 1: f M. All you have to do is click submit 5 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter and we'll get it. We could be reading 6 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,279 Speaker 1: your letter live on the air, just like we're gonna 7 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:24,079 Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now today and tell 8 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:27,240 Speaker 1: me welcome up, hold on, take let's go baby. Here 9 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:30,640 Speaker 1: it is Strawberry Letter. All right. Subject, My husband is 10 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:35,320 Speaker 1: raising my boyfriend's son. Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm just going 11 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,560 Speaker 1: to jump right in and get to it. I'm married 12 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,920 Speaker 1: and he's married. We both have families. I have three 13 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,320 Speaker 1: kids and he has four kids. One of my kids 14 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,200 Speaker 1: is his. Our affair has been going on for eleven 15 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 1: years and now we have a two year old son. 16 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,920 Speaker 1: He left me when I told him that I was pregnant. 17 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,519 Speaker 1: We both agreed for me to terminate the pregnancy, but 18 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,560 Speaker 1: he refused to give me the money. So I changed 19 00:00:56,640 --> 00:01:00,360 Speaker 1: my mind because deep down I wanted another child. I 20 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:04,040 Speaker 1: know it's his son because but he questioned it. I 21 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,600 Speaker 1: did a sibling test to confirm that my husband could 22 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,160 Speaker 1: not be the father. The two year old looks just 23 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 1: like his real daddy and his real daddy's other kids. 24 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 1: I'm writing this letter because my conscience is eating me alive. 25 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:20,160 Speaker 1: Every time that I look at my son, I know 26 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,880 Speaker 1: that I am living a lie that could destroy my 27 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 1: son's life and two families. His daddy acts like he 28 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,720 Speaker 1: does not exist, and that makes me so angry, and 29 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 1: I want to come clean and get it off my chest. 30 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 1: We both were in this affair, and we both made 31 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:38,640 Speaker 1: this child. I am ready to tell my husband and 32 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 1: his wife about our affair and my son. It has 33 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:45,640 Speaker 1: taken me two years to come to terms with what 34 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,720 Speaker 1: might happen when I tell the truth. Am I wrong 35 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 1: for wanting to put an end to these lies? To 36 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 1: the lies? Should I let my husband raise another man's child? 37 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,640 Speaker 1: I've been a nervous wreck. Please help me figure this out. 38 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 1: What you asked? Should you let your husband raise another 39 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 1: man's child? But isn't that what you've been doing for 40 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,639 Speaker 1: the last couple of years. Your husband has been raising 41 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,720 Speaker 1: another man's child. The lies are endless here. You've been 42 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,639 Speaker 1: with this man for eleven years. Eleven years you've been 43 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 1: having an affair on your husband and this man on 44 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:27,639 Speaker 1: his wife. He got mad when you got pregnant, refused 45 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:30,080 Speaker 1: to give you the money to terminate it, and deep 46 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 1: down inside you wanted another child anyway, so that's what 47 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:36,560 Speaker 1: you did. And and I mean you just kept the 48 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:41,239 Speaker 1: lie going and going and going and going. You say, 49 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 1: he questions the fact that it is his son. You 50 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:47,480 Speaker 1: did a sibling test to confirm that your husband is 51 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 1: not the father. I think you're you're wanting to come 52 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:55,359 Speaker 1: clean for all the wrong and most selfish of reasons. Here, 53 00:02:55,800 --> 00:03:00,320 Speaker 1: you will be destroying everything. You will be destroying your marriage, 54 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,520 Speaker 1: his marriage, your kids lives. I mean not destroying their lives, 55 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,919 Speaker 1: but I mean, you know, once they find out this 56 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 1: is a lie, this is this is so many lives 57 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,399 Speaker 1: are involved in all of this. And just because you're 58 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,800 Speaker 1: mad at your baby daddy, I mean, really, do you 59 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:20,360 Speaker 1: realize what you have done with all of this because 60 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:25,359 Speaker 1: you're mad at him, this eleven year affair, everything, I mean, 61 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 1: this is just so wrong on every level. You know, 62 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,919 Speaker 1: I don't know how you're gonna come clean and tell 63 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,840 Speaker 1: your husband this, and and he stayed there and forgive 64 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 1: you in all of those things. What do you want 65 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 1: to happen? You just want to end the lies to 66 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 1: get some relief for yourself, but you're going to destroy 67 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 1: all these other people's lives. You're not wrong for wanting 68 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 1: to put an end to the lies, but you know who. 69 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,000 Speaker 1: No one should want to have to live with these 70 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 1: kinds of lies. But doing this, you're going to destroy 71 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 1: so many people, and including your your your your son 72 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:05,040 Speaker 1: once he finds out that the man he thinks is 73 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 1: his dad isn't really his dad. I mean, the lies 74 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,120 Speaker 1: are endless here. You've told one lie after another after 75 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: another after another. Uh this you say, please help you 76 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,120 Speaker 1: figure this out. This is a hard one to figure out, 77 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,960 Speaker 1: and I bet you have been a nervous wreck. But 78 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: you you did this, I mean for eleven years now, 79 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:29,520 Speaker 1: for eleven years. I I just feel sorry for your kids, 80 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:33,360 Speaker 1: your husband, uh, the wife, and this two year old 81 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,680 Speaker 1: son that you have with this man, Steve. I have 82 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,839 Speaker 1: a problem here because yesterday I let Tommy do the 83 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:43,320 Speaker 1: letter and Junior begging me, uncle, uncle, can I do 84 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 1: a letter now? Junior? This one I think might be 85 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 1: a little heavy for you. Yeah, yeah, this is heavy 86 00:04:54,279 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 1: for everybody. I wouldn't have done this day, Julie, don't 87 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: think I'm sitting over here like this is not the one. 88 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:14,600 Speaker 1: All right, let's go all right, man, oh man, this 89 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,719 Speaker 1: is a very difficult letter. Yeah, I don't have any 90 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,840 Speaker 1: jokes for this, so let me just get to it 91 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,720 Speaker 1: because I'm let me jump right into it. Is how 92 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,440 Speaker 1: she started, best start of a letter I've ever had, 93 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:31,159 Speaker 1: though I want him this lady to know I really 94 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: respect her. Just coming clear, let me just jump right 95 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:39,000 Speaker 1: into it. I'm married, he married. We both got families. 96 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 1: I got three kids, he got folk. One of my 97 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,880 Speaker 1: kids is his. I'll beat you. Fair, been going on 98 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,240 Speaker 1: for eleven years, and now you got two year old. 99 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:51,440 Speaker 1: So then after you told him he was pregnant, he 100 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:55,320 Speaker 1: left you. See, this is where you start to find 101 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 1: out how stank a dude really is not only stank 102 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 1: for the eleven year a fair. But now let me 103 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,200 Speaker 1: explain to you what you was having an affair with. 104 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 1: You was having a fair with a man who, once 105 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: you told him you was pregnant, he left you. You 106 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,920 Speaker 1: have a two year old son. He left when you 107 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:19,840 Speaker 1: told him he was pregnant, and then both of you 108 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 1: agreed to terminate the pregnancy, but he refused to give 109 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:28,799 Speaker 1: me the money. How does that work. We both agreed 110 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:32,480 Speaker 1: to terminate the pregnancy, and then he refused to give 111 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,799 Speaker 1: me the money. Well, hold on, Steve, hold it right there. Okay, 112 00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:38,800 Speaker 1: we gotta take a break right here. Wow, because this 113 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,280 Speaker 1: woman is married, she's dating a man is married. They 114 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:47,120 Speaker 1: got kids. They both have families. She got three kids, 115 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 1: he got full and one of her kids is he 116 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: is the fabin going on eleven years. They got a 117 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:58,120 Speaker 1: two year old son. As soon as she told his 118 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:01,719 Speaker 1: married dude who is she's married too, that she was pregnant, 119 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: he left her. But before he left, they both agreed 120 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,760 Speaker 1: to terminate the pregnancy, and then he refused to give 121 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,880 Speaker 1: me the money. This dude trifling on a lot of levels. 122 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 1: You do know you are too, But this dude's trifling. 123 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 1: This goes to a whole another level. So I changed 124 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 1: my mind because deep down I wanted another child. I 125 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,800 Speaker 1: know it's his son, but he questions it. Then I 126 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: did a sibling test to confirm that my husband could 127 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 1: not be the father. I don't know what that means. 128 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:38,120 Speaker 1: Sibling test. I don't know what that is yet. Yeah, sibling, 129 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:43,360 Speaker 1: I've you all look just like his real daddy and 130 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 1: his real daddy's other kids. Now you're writing this letter 131 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:52,400 Speaker 1: because you say your conscience is eating you alive. Every 132 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 1: time I look at my son, I know that I'm 133 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: living a lie and that that could destroy my son's 134 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 1: life and too, amilies, Then you mad because his daddy 135 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 1: act like he does not exist, and that makes me 136 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 1: so angry. The reason he don't act like he don't 137 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:15,800 Speaker 1: exist is because he questioned it any beginning, whether it 138 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: was his or not. Then he refused to pay the 139 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:23,760 Speaker 1: money for the terminate the pregnancy, and then he left 140 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:28,240 Speaker 1: you when he was pregnant. Why are you angry now? 141 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:33,520 Speaker 1: He trifled? Everything he's done is trifling, and all of 142 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 1: a sudden you want him to be what righteous? Here's 143 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:40,280 Speaker 1: your problem. The man act like he don't exist, and 144 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 1: that makes you angry, and I want to come clean 145 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:47,599 Speaker 1: and get it off my chest. We both were in 146 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:51,959 Speaker 1: this affair, and we both made this child. I am 147 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,839 Speaker 1: here we go. Listen to this. I am ready to 148 00:08:55,000 --> 00:09:00,320 Speaker 1: tell my husband and his wife about our fair. Well, 149 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,360 Speaker 1: listen to me, lady. You might not be able to 150 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 1: tell both people. This could end very ugly after you 151 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:12,520 Speaker 1: make the announcement to one. See if you go over 152 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:15,719 Speaker 1: there and tell his wife, she could do something to you. 153 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 1: And if you're going there and tell your husband, he 154 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 1: might do something to you. So you're in a tough spot. Yeah, 155 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,640 Speaker 1: it's taking you two years to come to terms with 156 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 1: what might happen when I tell the truth? Am I 157 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 1: wrong for wanting to put it into the lies? Should 158 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: I let my husband raise another man's child? I've been 159 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:44,559 Speaker 1: a nervous wreck. Please help me figure this out. Hell, 160 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: you need this letter. Boy. We have so many problems 161 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:54,040 Speaker 1: here because if you go and tell your husband, this 162 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:59,079 Speaker 1: could end your family. If you tell his wife, it 163 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:04,760 Speaker 1: could end their family, and then your son is still 164 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:10,400 Speaker 1: left with a father who wants nothing to do with him. Damn. 165 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:16,079 Speaker 1: So now if this man wants nothing to do with 166 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:20,480 Speaker 1: him and you destroy your family, who has a man 167 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:26,400 Speaker 1: who's raising this boy in it and the real daddy 168 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 1: don't want to have nothing to do with it. But 169 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:34,720 Speaker 1: then the ugliness that you got this man raising another 170 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:40,839 Speaker 1: man's childlife. That's the quandry you are in. Because I 171 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 1: want you to go for the son's sake, be quiet 172 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,760 Speaker 1: so he can have a father in his life. But 173 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 1: then I feel bad because wow, this dude is footing 174 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,679 Speaker 1: the bill thinking he got something that ain't really his. 175 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:59,000 Speaker 1: That boy belongs to you and another man. And don't 176 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:02,000 Speaker 1: you think the reason she wants to tell him is 177 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,599 Speaker 1: so wrong too, just because he doesn't want to be 178 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:09,199 Speaker 1: a part of the kid's life. It's all anger. But 179 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:13,480 Speaker 1: she also I truly believe that this woman is torn 180 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:17,200 Speaker 1: up on the inside. I bet she is. I truly 181 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:21,679 Speaker 1: believe that. And it is a horrible thing to know 182 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:25,520 Speaker 1: that this is not this man's boy, and you got 183 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,760 Speaker 1: this man raising him with that lie. But if you 184 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:32,199 Speaker 1: love the man so much, you was with another man 185 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 1: for eleven eleven years. So I'm trying to figure out 186 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:41,280 Speaker 1: how you so concerned with the fact that he raising 187 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,960 Speaker 1: this boy that's not his when you was passing out 188 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 1: your cookie that he thought was his. So you got 189 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:52,199 Speaker 1: a problem, ma'am. Just really ain't a joke letter right here. 190 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 1: You have a real situation. I think that because it's 191 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:03,079 Speaker 1: such a long deceit, this man should take care of 192 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,800 Speaker 1: his kids, but he don't want to. And then he 193 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:08,400 Speaker 1: has a father that thinks he is the father and 194 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 1: he's taking care of him. So I hate to ruin 195 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:13,199 Speaker 1: the boy's life and he end up with no daddy 196 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:18,760 Speaker 1: at all. So you may have to carry us some 197 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:24,360 Speaker 1: tu play Wow yeah yeah, because that man comes around 198 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 1: and goes, I want to take care of my son, 199 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,679 Speaker 1: but as long as he had denial, man, I think 200 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:31,680 Speaker 1: you should lead. Leave his dirty ass over there, all right. 201 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,559 Speaker 1: You can post your comments on today's Strawberry Letter at 202 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:37,920 Speaker 1: Steve Harvey at FM, on Instagram and Facebook, and don't 203 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,679 Speaker 1: forget to check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand