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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever

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Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to

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Speaker 1: have you here back for another episode as we, of

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Speaker 1: course break down the psychology of our twenties. I just

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Speaker 1: want to jump in early to this episode and thank

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Speaker 1: you all for the love that you have shown my

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Speaker 1: relatively new podcast, Mantra. I know I've been talking about

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Speaker 1: it a lot recently, but if you didn't know, I

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Speaker 1: actually have another podcast. It's called Mantra, and every Monday,

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Speaker 1: I give you an affirmation, a powerful phrase or statement

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Speaker 1: to carry you through the week, and we explore the philosophy,

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Speaker 1: the spirituality, the psychology behind what makes that phrase work.

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Speaker 1: For example, recent mantras that I've covered include I know

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Speaker 1: that love won't pass me, I release the need to

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Speaker 1: do it all, I cultivate peace within. It's one mantra

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Speaker 1: every Monday to help anchor you in the present, to

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Speaker 1: help I guess just ground you and give you some

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Speaker 1: kind of clarity in your life. So if you haven't

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Speaker 1: checked that out, and if you love the psychology of

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Speaker 1: your twenties, I'll leave a link in the description because

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Speaker 1: I think you would really really enjoy it. With that

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Speaker 1: in mind, let's get into this episode, a bit of

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Speaker 1: a controversial episode, an episode where I am sure people

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Speaker 1: will not agree with me on some of my takes,

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Speaker 1: but I'm very much looking forward to the discussion. And

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Speaker 1: you guys know, I'm very much looking forward to being

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Speaker 1: proven wrong or just hearing what other people's perspectives are.

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Speaker 1: We're talking about age gap relationships. I recently saw this

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Speaker 1: BuzzFeed article, and I know BuzzFeed is such a relic

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Speaker 1: of the past, but I saw this article speaking about

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Speaker 1: famous Hollywood couples known for having a significant age gap,

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Speaker 1: Beyonce and Jay Z, Leonardo DiCaprio, and literally everyone he's

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Speaker 1: ever dated. Some of these people were even born decades apart,

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Speaker 1: you know, Chris Jenner, Corey Gamble, George Clooney, a Mile Clooney.

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Speaker 1: And that article didn't really surprise me. The comments, though,

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Speaker 1: were I don't want to say shocking, but really psychologically

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Speaker 1: sociologically interesting. How split down the middle. People were about

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Speaker 1: these kinds of relationships, and it got me thinking, with

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Speaker 1: something so sensationalized as age gap relationships that are spoken

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Speaker 1: about and dissected so often in the media, how do

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Speaker 1: they actually work? How can people, even decades apart, be

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Speaker 1: a t'reacted to each other and form long lasting, successful

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Speaker 1: relationships when you would assume that their mindsets and their

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Speaker 1: mental age would be so very different. Is there a

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Speaker 1: special secret number that makes age gap relationships appropriate and not?

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Speaker 1: Where is the line between when we understand them and

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Speaker 1: when they start to feel a little bit maybe uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: I really wanted to know what are the dynamics that

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Speaker 1: make these relationships work. Why do we have an implicit

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Speaker 1: societal judgment about these relationships? Is that judgment fair? And

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Speaker 1: that's really what we're going to explore today, not just

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Speaker 1: the public opinion about age gap relationships, but the psychology

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Speaker 1: about it. And there is a lot to this topic.

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Speaker 1: It's not just as simple as an age difference. We

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Speaker 1: really need to talk about individual needs, dating preferences, maturity expectations,

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Speaker 1: sidal pressures, developmental psychology. I think the reason that people

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Speaker 1: have varying and different opinions on these kinds of relationships

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Speaker 1: is that it's often against the story that we have

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Speaker 1: been told about our lives and romantic love, the story

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Speaker 1: that says you meet someone around your age, maybe in college,

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Speaker 1: maybe through friends or at your first real job. You date,

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Speaker 1: you get serious, you get engaged, you get married, probably

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Speaker 1: around the same time that all your friends are doing it.

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Speaker 1: You might buy your first home, you know, you might

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Speaker 1: have children, you grow old together. You're hitting all these

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Speaker 1: predictable major milestones at the same time. When an age

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Speaker 1: gap is introduced, basically, it gets kind of confusing. When

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Speaker 1: do you choose to have kids? What if that person

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Speaker 1: already has kids? Can you actually be with someone who

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Speaker 1: is much older than you or is it going to,

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Speaker 1: you know, intrinsically automatically set up a power imbalance. There's

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Speaker 1: all these whispers of trophy partners or sugar daddies or

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Speaker 1: hidden agendas on many pulation. Is that assessment fair? So

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Speaker 1: we're going to explore the why behind the attraction. We're

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Speaker 1: going to explore the stereotypes. We're going to talk about

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Speaker 1: not just romantic age gap relationships but platonic ones as well,

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Speaker 1: and we're also going to unpack can these relationships work,

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Speaker 1: what are the unique dynamics and challenges that they are

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Speaker 1: going to face, and how can we maybe confront our

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Speaker 1: own biases and rethink what an age gap relationship really means,

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Speaker 1: not just for the two people in it, but for

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Speaker 1: society in general. So there is a lot to discuss.

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Speaker 1: I know, I always say this, there is a lot

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Speaker 1: of psychology that you may not have expected. So without

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Speaker 1: further ado, let's get into the psychology of age gap relationships.

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Speaker 1: So before we go any further, I need to make

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Speaker 1: a really serious but important distinction, one that is absolutely

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Speaker 1: critical to this entire conversation. When we talk about age

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Speaker 1: gap relationships on this podcast, we are exclusively talking about

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Speaker 1: relationships between consenting adults. This is a non negotiable point.

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Speaker 1: The very idea of an age gap is deeply problematic

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Speaker 1: and frankly dangerous when it is applied to relationships involving

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Speaker 1: miners or younger people. In those situations, we're not talking

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Speaker 1: about a discussion, We're not talking about a debate. There

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Speaker 1: is no rout or wrong answer. It's wrong. It's exploitation,

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Speaker 1: its abuse, it's illegal. The power and balance, the developmental

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Speaker 1: differences and the capacity for true consent are fundamentally absent

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Speaker 1: when one person is a child, even if they're mature

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Speaker 1: for their age, even if they've graduated high school, whatever

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Speaker 1: it is. Also, we are not at all about supporting

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Speaker 1: relationships where grooming has taken place and someone has waited

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Speaker 1: till someone is freshly eighteen or nineteen to start a

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Speaker 1: serious relationship but I was, you know, secretly attracted to

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Speaker 1: them for much longer. Still not okay. Just because it

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Speaker 1: may be legal doesn't mean that it's right. I think

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Speaker 1: when we are young, an acceptable age gap is going

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Speaker 1: to be smaller than between someone who is saying in

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Speaker 1: their late twenties or thirties or forties, because of the

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Speaker 1: amount of growth that you're going through. It is so rapid.

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Speaker 1: You know, the difference between nineteen and twenty five and

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Speaker 1: thirty five, like, those are much bigger jumps in terms

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Speaker 1: of understanding and experiences and mental maturity compared to the

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Speaker 1: jump between twenty seven, thirty seven, forty seven or fifty seven.

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Speaker 1: And that is something that we really need to acknowledge

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Speaker 1: if anyone is trying to justify a relationship that started

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Speaker 1: when someone was sixteen or seventeen or eighteen or even nineteen,

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Speaker 1: and the other person was much older or in a

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Speaker 1: position of developmental power. Doesn't have a place here. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: it's just creepy. We're not going to be accepting rebuttals

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Speaker 1: on that fact. But with that vital point really established,

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Speaker 1: let's talk about consenting age gap relationships, starting at the

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Speaker 1: very beginning, why they occur in the first place, and

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Speaker 1: breaking down the attraction itself. So generally, when psychologists talk

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Speaker 1: about age gap relationships, they are referring to a romantic

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Speaker 1: partnership where there's an age difference of seven years or

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Speaker 1: more between partners. Now, of course, I think five or

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Speaker 1: six years can even feel particularly significant depending on your

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Speaker 1: life stage, especially when you're in your early twenties. You know,

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Speaker 1: five years can mean the difference between still being at

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Speaker 1: university and having a mortgage. But seven to ten years

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Speaker 1: is often the threshold used in the research. So that's

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Speaker 1: going to be our starting point today. Let's begin with

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Speaker 1: the question why is it that people are drawn to

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Speaker 1: someone who is significantly older or significantly younger. We really

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Speaker 1: cannot talk about this without mentioning evolutionary psychology, of course,

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Speaker 1: so David Buss, he's one of the leading voices in

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Speaker 1: this field. He has spent decades studying mate preferences across cultures,

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Speaker 1: including those with an age gap, and interestingly, what he

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Speaker 1: has found in studies spanning more than thirty countries is

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Speaker 1: actually pretty consistent. Heterosexual men, on average tend to prefer

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Speaker 1: younger women, typically women in their mid twenties, regardless of

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Speaker 1: their own age, whereas women, on the other hand, tend

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Speaker 1: to prefer slightly older men, often by about three to

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Speaker 1: five years, sometimes more. I just want to say a

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Speaker 1: lot of this research, if not all, of it, is

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Speaker 1: very heteronormative. I really did search for articles on lesbian

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Speaker 1: or queer couples or gay men, and there is basically nothing.

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Speaker 1: So if you're in the market for a cool PhD

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Speaker 1: or research project, this is a good place to start.

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Speaker 1: But for now, the research we have mainly focuses on

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Speaker 1: straight men and women, and this pattern appears to be

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Speaker 1: pretty consistent. According to an evolutionary model, men would be

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Speaker 1: drawn to signals of fertility and youth, which would often

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Speaker 1: indicate reproductive viability. The idea is that men just want

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Speaker 1: to have offspring. Who are they going to have the

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Speaker 1: best chances with someone who was younger. That's the theory.

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Speaker 1: Women conversely, are theorized to really look for signals of

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Speaker 1: stability resources and the ability to protect and provide traits

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Speaker 1: that often accumulate with age and experience. So this is

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Speaker 1: all part of something we call sexual selection theory, and

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Speaker 1: it explains why these preferences might show up in large

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Speaker 1: population studies based on parts of our biology as humans

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Speaker 1: and parts of our animal nature. Now, of course, there

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Speaker 1: are nuances to this. Scientists are going deeper, and what

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Speaker 1: they found is it's not just that women like older,

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Speaker 1: men like younger. When you dig deeper, it's that women

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Speaker 1: who are before forty so younger women tend to prefer

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Speaker 1: a larger age gap, But as women get older, they

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Speaker 1: actually prefer someone their own age or someone even younger.

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Speaker 1: So maybe the data that we're collecting is only looking

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Speaker 1: at a certain group of women, or the preferences of

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Speaker 1: older women are kind of getting suppressed by certain data sets. Men,

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Speaker 1: on the other hand, do typically like the same age

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Speaker 1: from the age of twenty to the age of sixty.

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Speaker 1: But again, just because the data has a median, just

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Speaker 1: because the data has a trend, doesn't necessarily mean that

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Speaker 1: it represents every single person. You cannot take one study,

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Speaker 1: one data set and say, look, there we go. Men

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Speaker 1: like younger, women like older That is the truth of

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Speaker 1: the universe. What's even more fascinating is a recent study

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Speaker 1: from actually started this year January twenty twenty five that

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Speaker 1: looked at over six thousand blind dates and it found

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Speaker 1: that whilst women report wanting older partners in surveys, actually

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Speaker 1: in blind date scenarios they are just as attracted to

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Speaker 1: younger partners as men were. And this suggests that there

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Speaker 1: might be a difference between what we think we prefer

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Speaker 1: and what actually sparks attraction and real life interactions. So

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Speaker 1: if you're only basing your data on self reporting, so

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Speaker 1: if you're only basing it on asking someone, do you

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Speaker 1: like older men? Do you like younger men? Do you

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Speaker 1: like older women? Do you like younger women? People are

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Speaker 1: going to say something different to what they might reflect

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Speaker 1: in a real life scenario. And here's where the critics

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Speaker 1: of this evolutionary theory would jump in and make them

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Speaker 1: very valid points. We are not just animals. This perspective

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Speaker 1: is overly deterministic. It's two for focused on biology, not

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Speaker 1: enough on culture, not enough on the complexities of human

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Speaker 1: beings and individual choice and rational preferences it might actually

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Speaker 1: come down to the qualities of the individual rather than

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Speaker 1: this primal urge, because I think a lot of us

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Speaker 1: can't relate to that. You know, I personally cannot relate

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Speaker 1: to this very simplistic biological idea that I should like

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Speaker 1: older men because that's what would be best for having offspring.

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Speaker 1: Like I think it really does reduce people to just

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Speaker 1: wanting to I don't know, drive to have children, and

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Speaker 1: if you don't want children, like, how do you fit

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Speaker 1: into this model? And if you know you can't have children,

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Speaker 1: how do you fit into this model? Like that, you

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Speaker 1: can see that it's very it's one dimensional. It doesn't

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Speaker 1: fit everyone. Let's talk about this quality based theory behind

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Speaker 1: age gap relationships. So basically, the second theory goes to

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Speaker 1: say that the reason that age gap relationships are more

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Speaker 1: prevalent amongst certain people, or the reason people choose them,

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Speaker 1: is actually because it's not just what age reflects, it's

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Speaker 1: what experience reflects. If you're the younger partner, the draw

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Speaker 1: to an older individual might come from a personal desire

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Speaker 1: for factors like maturity, stability, and guidance. That's what you

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Speaker 1: want in a partner, and that's something you may have

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Speaker 1: been struggling to find in a twenty one year old

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Speaker 1: or a twenty seven year old. It's not that if

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Speaker 1: a twenty seven year old or a twenty one year

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Speaker 1: old came along and had all of those factors, you

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Speaker 1: would say, no, it's just that it's hard to find them.

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Speaker 1: So now imagine meeting someone, say ten or fifteen years older.

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Speaker 1: They've already navigated a significant chunk of that early adult chaos.

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Speaker 1: They might be firmly established in their career. They might

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Speaker 1: have their own home, a clear sense of who they are,

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Speaker 1: a clear sense of what they want, a lot of wisdom.

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Speaker 1: If that's something that you always have desired in a partner,

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Speaker 1: you can see why this would be incredibly appealing. They

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Speaker 1: also might introduce you to new things, new ideas, better restaurants,

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Speaker 1: a sense of quiet comfort that feels, you know, very

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Speaker 1: far away from dating in your twenties, where it's situationships

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Speaker 1: and one night stands. It's a personal preference. Age is

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Speaker 1: just a number, I guess, That's what I'm trying to say.

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Speaker 1: But the experiences in the mindset that come from age

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Speaker 1: is what appeals to you. Based on a dating preference

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Speaker 1: that could actually be met by someone your own age.

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Speaker 1: Let's flip the script. What might an older partner find

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Speaker 1: attractive in someone younger? You know what, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: admit my prejudices here and say that I used to

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Speaker 1: think that the only reason that an older man or

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Speaker 1: well mainly an older man or dating younger woman is

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Speaker 1: just because she was hot and because she may have

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Speaker 1: been easy to manipulate. That is really what I used

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Speaker 1: to believe. But having discussions with my friends, like I've

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Speaker 1: come to realize that it's more complex, and I'm glad

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Speaker 1: that they kind of called me out on what was

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Speaker 1: a very I think old school bias for someone who

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Speaker 1: is older. It's not just that a younger person might be,

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Speaker 1: you know, more youthful, and that they find that more attractive.

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Speaker 1: It often has to do with energy. This is what

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Speaker 1: people have explained to me. Energy, a fresh perspective, unbridled

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Speaker 1: enthusiasm for life. If you're an older partner, the attraction

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Speaker 1: to someone younger may stem from that real desire for vitality.

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Speaker 1: Maybe as you get into your thirties and your forties,

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Speaker 1: life can feel very routine, and someone who's in their

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Speaker 1: twenties brings a sense of adventure and excitement and spontaneity.

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Speaker 1: They might challenge you. There's also a sense of validation

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Speaker 1: feeling desired and attractive to someone who represents youth and beauty.

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Speaker 1: That can be a really powerful boost to self esteem,

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Speaker 1: as one ages. I just watched Materialists the other day,

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Speaker 1: gonna say it's a terrible movie. Really didn't like it,

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Speaker 1: but one thing did stand out, and it was when

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Speaker 1: Dakota Johnson is talking to that bride who is getting married,

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Speaker 1: and she says, you want to marry him because he

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Speaker 1: may you feel valuable. Really, that's why we want to

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Speaker 1: be with anyone. They make us feel valuable for whatever reason.

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Speaker 1: And if you're an older person, the same interaction is

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Speaker 1: at play here. They make you feel valuable, even in

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Speaker 1: a very ageous society. Who would tell you that the

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Speaker 1: older you get, the less worth you have. If we

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Speaker 1: really think about this through a lens of social exchange theory,

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Speaker 1: this might help us understand it from a more cost

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Speaker 1: benefit perspective. Social exchange theory basically says that any relationship

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Speaker 1: can be seen as an exchange where both parties seek

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Speaker 1: to maximize rewards and minimize costs. Obviously, this might be

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Speaker 1: unconscious when you're in love and you know, desperately devoted

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Speaker 1: and loyal and desiring of someone. But in any age

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Speaker 1: gap relationship, there is an exchange youth and beauty vitality

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Speaker 1: on one side for stability, wisdom, and resources, the same

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Speaker 1: way that any other couple has an exchange of their own.

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Speaker 1: An age gap relationship exchange might just be a little

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Speaker 1: bit more obvious in those certain areas, and it might

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Speaker 1: sound mathematical, but it's simply acknowledging that different life stages

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Speaker 1: offer different currencies, the same way that different perspectives often

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Speaker 1: different different currencies. And a relationship might feel balanced despite

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Speaker 1: an age gap if both partners perceive themselves as getting

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Speaker 1: something valuable and deeply needed from the other. It's really

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Speaker 1: about finding completeness that might be missing from the relationships

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Speaker 1: that you may be having with your peers. And again,

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Speaker 1: it does sometimes just come down to mental age, and

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Speaker 1: it comes down to your mindset whether you want someone

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Speaker 1: who was younger or older based on how you see yourself.

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Speaker 1: So I want to talk about something else, a little

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Speaker 1: bit of a little bit of a sidebar, if you will.

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about platonic friendships with an age gap,

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Speaker 1: because I think a discuss if this fits well into

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Speaker 1: the social exchange theory. Right, we cannot just see age

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Speaker 1: gap relationships only through a romantic lens. Having non romantic

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Speaker 1: bonds that are intergenerational is incredibly powerful. It's something that

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Speaker 1: I personally think that we need to have more of.

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Speaker 1: One of my most amazing, greatest friends, someone I really

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Speaker 1: treasure as a friend whose name is Emma. She's in

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Speaker 1: her fifties, and we met at a ceramics class and

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Speaker 1: she was amazing, and we just kept doing courses with

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Speaker 1: each other, and she comes to parties of mine, she

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Speaker 1: comes to book events, she brings me honey from her bumblebees,

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Speaker 1: and we talk about everything, and I trust her opinions

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Speaker 1: so much on what's happening in my life. And I

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Speaker 1: remember last year when I was going through a tough time,

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Speaker 1: she just gave me the most beautiful advice. And it

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Speaker 1: was advice that I don't think I could have gotten

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Speaker 1: from a friend around my age, because they hadn't lived

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Speaker 1: through it the way that she had lived through it.

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Speaker 1: And if we can see that there is this beautiful

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Speaker 1: exchange between peop like me and Emma, we can see

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Speaker 1: how that might translate in a romantic sense as well.

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Speaker 1: But from a platonic sense, these relationships are so valuable.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it's like an older colleague who's like become a mentor,

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Speaker 1: or your elderly neighbor that like retells stories of when

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Speaker 1: they were younger, or younger family member, or a cousin

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Speaker 1: or a sibling's friend who like keeps you in and

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Speaker 1: on all the goths and all like the trends and

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Speaker 1: whatever like. They bring about such a different perspective that

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Speaker 1: we are missing. And in a world where I think

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Speaker 1: we are increasingly burrowing into our bubbles and we are

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Speaker 1: increasingly only seeking out opinions that maybe match our own,

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Speaker 1: or experiences that match our own, having people who are

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Speaker 1: different to us, not just in terms of like race

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Speaker 1: or religion or ethnicity or beliefs, but age as well

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Speaker 1: is actually really really valuable, and they can bring you

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Speaker 1: so many new ideas and they can challenge your assumptions.

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Speaker 1: So actually I went looking for research to confirm this,

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Speaker 1: and it wasn't that hard to find. There was a

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Speaker 1: study done in twenty sixteen from the Stanford Center of

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Speaker 1: Longevity that found that intergenerational relationships are incredibly important for

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Speaker 1: life satisfaction, for learning and provide a really deep sense

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Speaker 1: of companionship. It's really good for us in our twenties,

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Speaker 1: but it's also good for the older generation. A twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty two study of over five thousand people who were

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Speaker 1: over sixty found that the ones who had close friends

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Speaker 1: under the age of fifty and under the age of

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Speaker 1: forty even actually felt younger, and they were more likely

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Speaker 1: to be physically active. They were more like to be

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Speaker 1: socially active as well. And you know what, this is

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Speaker 1: a less fun statistic, but I think it's worth mentioning.

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Speaker 1: Nearly one third of seniors said that it had been

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Speaker 1: at least five years since they'd made a new friend,

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Speaker 1: five years since they had a new person in their

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Speaker 1: life who was interested in them and who cared about

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Speaker 1: them and who could talk to them. And I think

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Speaker 1: our generation is also equally struggling with loneliness. And it's like,

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Speaker 1: here is this solution that is right in front of us.

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Speaker 1: If we can get over the stereotypes of what we

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Speaker 1: think is expected from us socially, and if we can

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Speaker 1: get over this idea that it's weird to have older

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Speaker 1: friends or it's weird to be friends with people who

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Speaker 1: are younger than you absolutely not. What these platonic bonds

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Speaker 1: I think really highlight is that we all have this

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Speaker 1: core human desire for companionship that transcends age. When you

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Speaker 1: find someone, regardless of their birth year, with whom you

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Speaker 1: share values, intellectual curiosity, genuine mutual respect, a very powerful

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Speaker 1: relationship can bloom platonic or non platonic. This is your reminder.

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Speaker 1: Talk to older people. Make friends with the people who

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Speaker 1: are ten twenty forty years older than you. They will

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Speaker 1: teach you so much valuable stuff. And it's not just

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Speaker 1: about what they can teach you. They're also like, you

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Speaker 1: could just have a friend, like a regular older friend

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Speaker 1: who you hang out with and who you get drinks

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Speaker 1: with and who you get coffee with. And I think

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Speaker 1: that's amazing. We all need more friends. Now that I've

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Speaker 1: taken that, I think very necessary detour, but very weird

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Speaker 1: d to her, we are going to circle back to

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Speaker 1: romantic relationships, particularly the unique challenges they might face and

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Speaker 1: when an age gap relationship should be called into question.

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Speaker 1: So stay with us. We'll be right back after this shortbreak. So,

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Speaker 1: once that initial spark is there, what are the unique

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Speaker 1: dynamics in challenges that an age gap couple may face,

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Speaker 1: especially as they navigate, you know, the very different waters

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Speaker 1: of their respective life stages, because I think whilst love

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Speaker 1: may be blind, life stages certainly are not, and pretending

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Speaker 1: that they don't exist is frankly not very helpful and

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Speaker 1: will end up getting in the way. Firstly, the really

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Speaker 1: critical issue that I think a lot of people in

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Speaker 1: age gap relationships will encounter is social perception and stigma.

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Speaker 1: Research and social psychology consistently shows that age gap relationships,

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Speaker 1: particularly those where the woman is significantly older than the man,

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Speaker 1: or where the gap is very large, face a lot

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Speaker 1: of external judgment and scrutiny. Whether that is fair or

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Speaker 1: not is something we're going to debate in a second.

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Speaker 1: But you know, friends might be wary, family might disapprove,

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Speaker 1: even strangers make assumptions, give you a bit of the

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Speaker 1: side eye. This external pressure can be incredibly draining on

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Speaker 1: the relationship. It requires the couple to be very secure

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Speaker 1: in their bond and to really develop strategies for dealing

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Speaker 1: with this judgment, and it can definitely kind of foster

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Speaker 1: a sense of us against the world that can either

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Speaker 1: strengthen the bond or isolate the couple or isolate an

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Speaker 1: individual within the couple from leaving sometimes, and this stigma

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Speaker 1: is often massively amplified and distorted by media representation. Think

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Speaker 1: about how age gap relationships are usually portrayed on screen,

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Speaker 1: in tabloids, in mainstream news. They tend to fall into

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Speaker 1: a few stereotypical categories, right the sugar daddy, the cougar,

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Speaker 1: the gold digger, the manipulator. Even someone assuming that a

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Speaker 1: younger woman has daddy issues. On the point of younger

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Speaker 1: women with daddy issues actually liking older men, I actually

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Speaker 1: want to tell you the research completely refutes this IDEA

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Speaker 1: twenty sixteen study found that seventy four percent of women

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Speaker 1: in age gap relationships with older men were securely attached,

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Speaker 1: which is actually above the general population average of around

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Speaker 1: fifty to sixty five percent. So again, we are obviously

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Speaker 1: getting some things wrong here, and those media portrayals they

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Speaker 1: do matter. It doesn't just you know, reflect public opinion.

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Speaker 1: It really shapes public opinion and means that someone in

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Speaker 1: a very healthy age gap relationship might feel that there

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Speaker 1: are implicit biases about who they are with. So another

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Speaker 1: of the most frequently sided challenge in any age gap

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Speaker 1: relationship is, of course, differing life stages. If you are

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Speaker 1: in your twenties, you are right smack in the middle

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Speaker 1: of what psychologists call emerging adulthood. This is a very unique,

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Speaker 1: very important developmental period from around eighteen to twenty nine

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Speaker 1: that has five unique features to it. Identity, exploration, instability,

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Speaker 1: self focus, feeling in between, and the sense of multiple possibilities.

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Speaker 1: Even if you think you are old for your age,

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Speaker 1: these five things are undoubtedly happening to you in some

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Speaker 1: form during this period of em of emerging adulthood. Now

432
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,639
Speaker 1: imagine you're going through that and your partner is like

433
00:26:56,840 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 1: way past their twenties. They've often already navigated a significant

434
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,359
Speaker 1: chunk of that early adult chaos, and they have a

435
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,640
Speaker 1: clear sense of who they are and what they want.

436
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 1: This can create very natural, but often subtle divergences in

437
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:15,439
Speaker 1: daily life and daily priorities and social needs. Starting with

438
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 1: social needs, you know, your idea of a good time

439
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 1: might differ, Your social circles might differ. You know, for you,

440
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,120
Speaker 1: if you're in your early twenties mid twenties, like, your

441
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:27,680
Speaker 1: ideal Friday night might be a noisy pub or going

442
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:31,159
Speaker 1: out for drinks or doing something out and about, whilst

443
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,679
Speaker 1: your partner maybe finding that it's a quiet dinner with

444
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 1: longtime friends or their children or their family, and so

445
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 1: merging these or maintaining separate social lives really does require

446
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:48,240
Speaker 1: conscious effort to find like an authentic shared ground between

447
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 1: the younger one and the older one. If you are

448
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 1: someone younger dating someone older, you do have to consider

449
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 1: whether you are going to feel like you're missing out.

450
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,879
Speaker 1: Do you want to be having the fun, young, free,

451
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:08,119
Speaker 1: careless experiences that everyone else is having, particularly when it

452
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 1: comes to dating, partying, traveling. Is that something that your

453
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,120
Speaker 1: current partner can provide you access to do they want

454
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 1: to do it with you? Or maybe it's just not

455
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 1: your thing at all and that's fine, But is there

456
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:25,159
Speaker 1: anything you really want to do that maybe would be

457
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 1: better with a partner your own age or no. Again,

458
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 1: it's a personal preference, like there is no right answer,

459
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,160
Speaker 1: there's no judgment, but it is something to consider. Are

460
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 1: there things that you are going to miss out on

461
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 1: because of this relationship dynamic that may actually foster long

462
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 1: term resentment. It's a thing that comes up in any relationship,

463
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 1: the idea that someone else is making you closed doors

464
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 1: for them or say no for them when you really

465
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 1: want to say yes. You just have to consider that

466
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 1: career trajectories are another thing that's probably going to vary.

467
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 1: You might be intensely focused on getting internships, climbing the

468
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,680
Speaker 1: career ladder, building your professional identity, just not even knowing

469
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 1: what you want, and your partner could be very settled

470
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 1: in their career and this often leads to different priorities

471
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 1: and also financial stresses. For example, you know, you might

472
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 1: be saving to travel, they might be saving for a

473
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 1: house or for their kid's college tuition. You know, these

474
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 1: are significant differences and they really do demand open discussion

475
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 1: around financial goals and lifestyle expectations, just to ensure that

476
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: you are both on the same page. It's also about

477
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 1: being safe about financial reliance. This is a conversation people

478
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 1: don't want to have, but please, please, please make sure

479
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 1: you have your own savings account, make sure that you

480
00:29:53,360 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 1: are investing in your own financial literacy. A person, regardless

481
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 1: of what age they are, is not a financial plan.

482
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 1: Even if they can provide for you, you should still

483
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 1: feel like if everything went to shit and you broke up,

484
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:16,320
Speaker 1: or someone cheated or something worse happened, you could provide

485
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 1: for yourself. You know. Coerce of control through money and

486
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:25,760
Speaker 1: finances is also a very real problem, and it's often

487
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:29,360
Speaker 1: exaggerated when there is an earning imbalance. So please just

488
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:33,640
Speaker 1: be smart. Please just don't completely rely on them, even

489
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 1: if they want you to. I always say, like the

490
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 1: person you marry, the person you start dating, is not

491
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 1: the person you break up with, and not the person

492
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 1: you divorce. So even if they're a great person right

493
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 1: now and they're amazing and beautiful and wonderful and you

494
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 1: never think that they could do anything like that, still

495
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,080
Speaker 1: just make sure it's in the back of your mind.

496
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 1: Make sure that you're still saying financially literate. And now

497
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 1: we get to perhaps the biggest hurdle, the biggest life

498
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 1: decision that may be different, which is around family and

499
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 1: children and also the timeline around those things. If you're

500
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 1: a younger partner and you deeply want children and the

501
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 1: older partner has grown children and doesn't want any more,

502
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 1: or it's just like past their reproductive years, this can

503
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: create a real fundamental incompatibility. Conversely, you know, if the

504
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 1: older partner really wants kids, doesn't have kids yet and

505
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 1: wants them soon, and you're still kind of enjoying your

506
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 1: free younger days, that can also be difficult. Then there

507
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 1: may even be an existing family dynamic that requires a

508
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 1: lot of adjustment and understanding, like are you ready to

509
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:42,840
Speaker 1: be a step parent if you still feel like a

510
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 1: child yourself? Are you ready to invest in a completely

511
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:50,719
Speaker 1: different kind of relationship? You know, because you may be

512
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 1: able to walk away from a relationship a romantic one,

513
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:55,680
Speaker 1: but I don't think you can walk away from children

514
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 1: once they've come to trust you, once you are a

515
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 1: member of their family. It's like that famous quote from Clueless,

516
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 1: the movie. You know, you don't break up. You don't

517
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 1: divorce children, you divorce the adult. So it is something

518
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 1: to really, like, actually consider. These conversations need to happen early,

519
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 1: and they have to happen with brutal honesty, like honestly

520
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 1: brutal honesty. You cannot expect someone to change their mind

521
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 1: around this. They might change their mind, you cannot expect

522
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 1: them to. I read this really amazing writing piece from

523
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:38,479
Speaker 1: a relationship coach and relationship expert, and she said one

524
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 1: of the biggest reasons that she sees marriages fall apart

525
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 1: is because one person wants kids, one person doesn't, and

526
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 1: they both think that the other person is going to

527
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:49,479
Speaker 1: change their mind. You don't have to know for sure,

528
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 1: but if you do know, make sure you make that

529
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 1: clear that that is what you want, because again it's

530
00:32:57,080 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 1: all about resentment. Is a decision you made with the

531
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 1: other person in mind, not yourself in mind, going to

532
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 1: make you resent them later on? Or can you take

533
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 1: ownership of that decision as being yours. This asymmetry in

534
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 1: life stages, it really does seem to be the biggest

535
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 1: hurdle if you're in an age gap relationship. A very

536
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 1: notable study in twenty eighteen looked at the longitudinal data

537
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 1: from thousands of Australian households and thousands of Australian marriages,

538
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 1: and they found that whilst initial marital satisfaction might be

539
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 1: higher for both men and women with younger spouses, that

540
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,720
Speaker 1: satisfaction does tend to decline more rapidly over time for

541
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 1: couples with larger age gaps, and one of the speculations

542
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 1: for this decline is precisely these different life stages and goals.

543
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 1: For example, they suggest that couples of similar ages they

544
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 1: might be better able to understand each other. They might

545
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:06,000
Speaker 1: be able to better understand the developmental and personal chapter

546
00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 1: that their spouse is in because they are also in it.

547
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 1: The idea is that the bigger the age gap, the

548
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:17,759
Speaker 1: more likely the relationship will struggle with these phase of

549
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 1: life related challenges. And this study really emphasizes you know,

550
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 1: age isn't just a number we've kept. We've said that

551
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 1: so many times. It's a reflection of potentially divergent pathways

552
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:36,319
Speaker 1: and different priorities, and that might be the hurdle, that

553
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:40,319
Speaker 1: might be the thing that undoes these relationships more than

554
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:43,880
Speaker 1: any other factor. We need to also return to this

555
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:48,440
Speaker 1: issue of power dynamics because it is a hot topic

556
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:52,359
Speaker 1: for a reason. We tend to automatically assume that the

557
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:56,320
Speaker 1: older partner will hold more power due to life experience

558
00:34:56,440 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 1: and financial stability or more extensive social capital. And in

559
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 1: some cases, like yes, this can be true. If one

560
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 1: partner is significantly more wealthy or established has more autonomy,

561
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 1: they can kind of skew the balance in the relationship.

562
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,040
Speaker 1: But it's not a given. You know, a younger person,

563
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:18,880
Speaker 1: a twenty five year old with a strong sense of

564
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:23,080
Speaker 1: self and clear boundaries and a great career and fierce independence,

565
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:26,799
Speaker 1: you know, it can be just as powerful and influential.

566
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 1: Power isn't solely derived from age or income. But I

567
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 1: do think that we need to protect ourselves against any

568
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:41,480
Speaker 1: kind of imbalance when power should be held by both

569
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:45,719
Speaker 1: people equally in different forms. We want the ratio of

570
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 1: our contributions to the outcomes of the relationship to be

571
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 1: equal to our partners. This is a classic theory. It's

572
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 1: called equity theory, and essentially it says that we are

573
00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,799
Speaker 1: motivated to maintain fairness in our relationship. And if one

574
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 1: partner consistently feels like someone is making more of this decisions,

575
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:11,359
Speaker 1: someone is not taking accountability, someone is not giving as

576
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:16,040
Speaker 1: much as they are receiving, that can create a particular imbalance.

577
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 1: It also comes down to resources, emotional labor, financial contributions,

578
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:22,960
Speaker 1: Who gets to plan the dates, who picks the movies,

579
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 1: who gets to make the life decisions? When it is

580
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 1: not fifty to fifty, dissatisfaction is almost always guaranteed for

581
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 1: age gap relationships. I do think that achieving equity might

582
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 1: require more explicit discussions because it may be that the

583
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 1: older person does feel like they are more worthy of

584
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 1: making decisions or can make decisions because they may be

585
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 1: in a better elevated position. Do both partners feel heard

586
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 1: do they feel like their needs being met? Do they

587
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:55,520
Speaker 1: feel respected? Do they feel valued for who they are

588
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 1: and what they bring to the table. That is something

589
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:02,839
Speaker 1: that needs to constantly be calibrated in any relationship. This

590
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 1: also leads me to talk about something called the teacher's

591
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 1: student dynamic, and it's often the initial hook for the

592
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:16,800
Speaker 1: younger partner and why younger people find themselves with older people.

593
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 1: They want their wisdom, they want their card demeanor, they

594
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:25,759
Speaker 1: want their mentorship, They enjoy sharing experiences. The dynamic can

595
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 1: become problematic quickly if the younger partner becomes overly dependent

596
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:36,080
Speaker 1: on the teacher or is constantly seeking approval or direction

597
00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:39,919
Speaker 1: to the point that it stifles their own growth and independence.

598
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:46,319
Speaker 1: If the older partner becomes overly controlling, maternalistic, paternalistic, or

599
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 1: dismissive of the younger partner's opinions just because of their age,

600
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 1: it transforms from a healthy mentorship into an unhealthy student

601
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 1: teacher power imbalance. It's not supportive. It turns an equal

602
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:03,919
Speaker 1: partnership into a hierarchy. A healthy age gap relationship really

603
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:07,640
Speaker 1: flourishes when the teacher's student role is fluid and reversible.

604
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 1: The younger person is learning the older person is learning

605
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:15,240
Speaker 1: and they are growing together. I think this really brings

606
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,400
Speaker 1: me to discussing the main factor that it's going to

607
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:22,000
Speaker 1: determine whether an age gap relationship is unhealthy or healthy,

608
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 1: whether it is going to work or not work, and

609
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 1: that is whether the partners just assume things about each

610
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: other rather than learning from each other. Do they just

611
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 1: assume what the other person is going to do? Do

612
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:43,600
Speaker 1: they just assume the dynamic? Do they just assume that

613
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:45,759
Speaker 1: someone is going to guide them or someone is going

614
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 1: to follow along? Do they just assume that one of

615
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:50,439
Speaker 1: them is the provider, one of them is the giver,

616
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 1: one of them is the receiver. Do they just assume

617
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 1: the future? You know, what might be an assumed next

618
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:00,839
Speaker 1: step for someone in their their mid twenties, you know,

619
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 1: like saving to go traveling for six months might be

620
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:07,480
Speaker 1: completely different to what is assumed for someone who is older,

621
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:10,160
Speaker 1: who might be saving for retirement. I don't know what

622
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,359
Speaker 1: older people say for saving for a house, saving for

623
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 1: something different. If they want different things, and this is

624
00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 1: not discussed, and either person is trying to force the

625
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,600
Speaker 1: other person to be on their path when they're not ready,

626
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:30,279
Speaker 1: it's insurmountable. It's never going to work. Both of them

627
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:32,399
Speaker 1: are going to be unhappy. And that is really when

628
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:40,000
Speaker 1: we see that very dangerous power dynamic take control. Okay,

629
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,640
Speaker 1: I feel like I've been quite doom and gloom for

630
00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:47,279
Speaker 1: this last part. And the thing is is that there

631
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 1: are many very successful age gap relationships, even if people

632
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:54,239
Speaker 1: don't understand them from the outside. On the inside, they

633
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:57,720
Speaker 1: don't just survive like they really thrive. And these people

634
00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 1: are soulmates and they love each other. Why do they work?

635
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 1: What makes a good age gap relationship versus a bad

636
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:09,399
Speaker 1: age gap relationship. We've talked about the bad, Let's talk

637
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:13,840
Speaker 1: about the good. The most crucial factor, the most important

638
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 1: factor in any relationship, but especially age gap ones, are

639
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:25,359
Speaker 1: shared values, genuine interests, and an undeniable sense of emotional compatibility.

640
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 1: We get so fixated on the age number that we

641
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 1: forget to ask the most fundamental question. Do they laugh

642
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:41,879
Speaker 1: at the same jokes? Do they have similar ideas about loyalty, kindness, compassion?

643
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:47,240
Speaker 1: Do they both agree on what truly constitutes a good life?

644
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:50,840
Speaker 1: Do they enjoy doing similar things? One of my favorite

645
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 1: studies of all time that was published in twenty twenty

646
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 1: two looked at these huge data sets that came from couples,

647
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:02,960
Speaker 1: and they consistently found that overall, relationship satisfaction is linked

648
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 1: far less to things like age, race, and education level,

649
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:12,840
Speaker 1: and far more to things like personality, compatibility and shared experiences.

650
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:16,920
Speaker 1: And one of the biggest factors that will prove whether

651
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 1: a relationship will be successful or a couple will be

652
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:26,759
Speaker 1: successful is this thing called perceived partner responsiveness. Do they

653
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 1: get you, do they truly care about your feelings? Do

654
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 1: they engage with you? And there's an exercise to identify

655
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 1: whether a relationship has this. It's a really simple exercise.

656
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:42,319
Speaker 1: You point out the window and you say, oh, look,

657
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 1: there's a bird, and you see what your partner does.

658
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 1: There's three options. They ignore you completely, they say something

659
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:54,440
Speaker 1: passive like oh that's nice. Cool, but they don't really look,

660
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:57,880
Speaker 1: they don't really engage, or they have an active response.

661
00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 1: They get up and they say, oh, my god, where

662
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 1: is it kind of bird? Oh, let me see, Oh

663
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 1: maybe we should do this, Maybe we should do that.

664
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 1: What a beautiful bird? What noise is it making? What

665
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 1: does it look like? They care about what you're seeing,

666
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:12,960
Speaker 1: They care about your life, They care about life through

667
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:15,920
Speaker 1: your eyes. I did this with my partner recently and

668
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:20,919
Speaker 1: he immediately he didn't ask let me see, he didn't.

669
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 1: He wasn't like, oh, what does it look like? He goes, well,

670
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 1: now I need to build a bird house. Now we

671
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:26,560
Speaker 1: have to build a bird house, like if there are

672
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:30,080
Speaker 1: birds outside, well, and if you like the birds, you

673
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 1: know we need that. And I was like it just

674
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:35,120
Speaker 1: made me swoon because I was like, wow, it really

675
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:38,480
Speaker 1: shows that you are interested in this simply because I

676
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:41,520
Speaker 1: am interested in it. Try this with your partner at

677
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 1: your own risk. But you know, there is no formula

678
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 1: for what makes a relationship work. And what doesn't you know?

679
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:49,080
Speaker 1: A twenty five year old and a forty five year

680
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 1: old can be in love for the same reason that

681
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 1: a twenty five year old and twenty five year old

682
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 1: are in love. It may have absolutely nothing to do

683
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:59,480
Speaker 1: with their birth year. The attraction in many cases is

684
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 1: based on finding another human who you connect with, who

685
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 1: you click with, who is responsive to you, irrespective of

686
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:09,879
Speaker 1: when they were born. And those are the couples that

687
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:13,959
Speaker 1: succeed regardless of age and as long as they really

688
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:17,400
Speaker 1: have respect. That's like the secret to any relationship. Okay,

689
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 1: we're going to take a short break. But when we return,

690
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 1: we have some listener questions and dilemmas, including a dilemma

691
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:25,720
Speaker 1: from a listener about her sister who is dating someone

692
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:30,879
Speaker 1: thirty years her senior, Questions around how to handle being

693
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:33,880
Speaker 1: a stepdad, and what to do when your parent is

694
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:38,040
Speaker 1: dating someone your age. So all of that and more

695
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 1: after this short break. So as you guys know, every

696
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 1: episode we have started doing listener questions where I go

697
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:51,400
Speaker 1: on Instagram, I tell you what topics we're going to

698
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:54,840
Speaker 1: be discussing, and I say, shoot, shoot for the stars.

699
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:55,840
Speaker 1: What do you guys want to know? What do you

700
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 1: want to hear about? What dilemmas do you have so

701
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,920
Speaker 1: that I can answer them in the episodisode instead of

702
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 1: waiting till the episode comes out to kind of answer

703
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:07,040
Speaker 1: your questions. This episode, we got a lot of dilemmas,

704
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 1: a lot of diylemmas from listeners who are dealing with

705
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 1: some prickly age gap situations. This first story comes from

706
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 1: I'm not going to say her name, but someone whose

707
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:21,400
Speaker 1: sister is dating someone thirty years her senior. Hi, Gemma,

708
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:24,040
Speaker 1: I'm having a little bit of an issue with something

709
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:27,359
Speaker 1: going on in my life right now. My sister, who

710
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:30,600
Speaker 1: is two years older than me is currently dating someone

711
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:36,160
Speaker 1: who is fifty seven. She is twenty seven, and for

712
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:39,319
Speaker 1: whatever reason, I know I shouldn't, but I find this

713
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 1: situation very icky. She wants to bring him to an

714
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:47,400
Speaker 1: upcoming birthday party that I'm holding, and I'm really not

715
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:50,440
Speaker 1: comfortable with that. I know that they are serious and

716
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 1: that they have been together for some time now, but

717
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 1: I'm unsure about his intentions with her, and I feel

718
00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,560
Speaker 1: like I should say something, or I sh should show

719
00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 1: in some way my disapproval for this relationship. On the

720
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:06,440
Speaker 1: other hand, I really want to be supportive and I

721
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 1: love her and we are very close. This person has

722
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:12,960
Speaker 1: put a real buffer between me and her, and it's

723
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:17,600
Speaker 1: making me deeply uncomfortable. What should I do? This is

724
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:21,360
Speaker 1: a really hard situation. Let me tell you honestly what

725
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:23,719
Speaker 1: I would be doing, and then what I think my

726
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 1: higher self would want me to do, and maybe what

727
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:29,279
Speaker 1: you should do. If my sister came to me and

728
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:31,360
Speaker 1: said that she was dating someone in her fifties, I

729
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 1: would immediately feel really uncomfortable about it. It would just

730
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:37,480
Speaker 1: be a knee joke reaction. I probably wouldn't be happy

731
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 1: about it. I probably would tell her and we would

732
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:42,239
Speaker 1: probably have a huge fight and it would be very uncomfortable.

733
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:46,040
Speaker 1: That's what I would do if I wasn't in my

734
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:50,440
Speaker 1: right mind and wasn't thinking properly as a more rational perspective.

735
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,839
Speaker 1: I think what you need to say is I think

736
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:55,240
Speaker 1: you really need to ask yourself some questions. Is she happy?

737
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:59,319
Speaker 1: Do I trust in her ability to handle situations like

738
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:01,359
Speaker 1: this on her own? Do I trust her judgment about

739
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:06,440
Speaker 1: these situations? Is she being safe financially you know? Is

740
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:10,239
Speaker 1: she being safe in terms of life decisions? Is she

741
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:12,719
Speaker 1: making decisions that you think she genuinely wants to make

742
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:16,400
Speaker 1: or is it being guided by this man? Does she

743
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 1: want kids? Is that a discussion that you think that

744
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:21,839
Speaker 1: they are having. This is just all questions to ask

745
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:23,880
Speaker 1: yourself to make you feel more at ease with the

746
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:28,439
Speaker 1: fact that she is a grown woman. Nothing you say

747
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:33,640
Speaker 1: or do will probably force them to break up. If anything,

748
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 1: it's an age old It's an age old tale that

749
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 1: you tell someone you don't like their boyfriend, and you're

750
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:42,120
Speaker 1: the one who's going to get cut out of their life. So,

751
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:45,280
Speaker 1: if you are genuinely worried about her and her safety

752
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:50,200
Speaker 1: or her wellbeing, or that she's making a mistake. Staying

753
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 1: close to her and being able to monitor that as

754
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:55,480
Speaker 1: someone who is on her good side is probably better.

755
00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:59,440
Speaker 1: You know, it's going to be worse if you isolate

756
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:03,319
Speaker 1: her by saying that you don't approve when maybe at

757
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:06,160
Speaker 1: this point nothing is actually wrong. Maybe they really do

758
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 1: just have a great relationship and you just yet to

759
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:12,520
Speaker 1: understand it. Maybe you will come around to it, maybe

760
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:15,319
Speaker 1: you'll see it in a different light later on. You've

761
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:17,719
Speaker 1: also got to remember like it's her life and she

762
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:22,239
Speaker 1: has to make some of those mistakes herself. As much

763
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 1: as we love our siblings, and we love our friends,

764
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 1: and we love the people we love, we cannot control

765
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 1: their lives for them. Maybe this is just something that

766
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 1: she has to experience. Maybe it will turn out really

767
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:35,600
Speaker 1: really well. You don't know. I would say, my higher

768
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 1: self would say, ignore the instinct to get angry and

769
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 1: to say something, and just observe and wait to see

770
00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 1: if there is really a reason that you need to

771
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:48,080
Speaker 1: step in and good luck. Our second question of the day,

772
00:47:48,280 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 1: how do you deal with dating someone who already has kids.

773
00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:53,880
Speaker 1: I'm not ready to be a step parent, but I

774
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:55,879
Speaker 1: feel like I'll have to be because I love this

775
00:47:55,920 --> 00:48:00,920
Speaker 1: person so much. That is a crazy dilemma and something

776
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:05,239
Speaker 1: that I've personally never encountered. I've never been a step parent,

777
00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:08,680
Speaker 1: I've never been a parent. What I really think that

778
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,919
Speaker 1: you should be doing is having as many open conversations

779
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 1: with your partner as possible. Firstly, you need to get

780
00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:18,480
Speaker 1: clear on whether they see a really serious future with you,

781
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 1: because if they don't, there's no point worrying about investing

782
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 1: in their family if they have no plan to make

783
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:30,760
Speaker 1: you part of that family. You also need to really

784
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:34,440
Speaker 1: ask yourself, am I prepared for my life to fully

785
00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:36,920
Speaker 1: change once you are a parent, even if you are

786
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 1: a step parent. That is a huge responsibility. Take some

787
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:43,960
Speaker 1: time to really think about whether you are ready for

788
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:47,920
Speaker 1: that life chapter, because it is it will be the

789
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:50,440
Speaker 1: end of some things that you can do and of

790
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 1: a life that you may have thought you were going

791
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:55,640
Speaker 1: to have. Be really serious with yourself around whether which

792
00:48:55,680 --> 00:48:59,799
Speaker 1: life you want more and which life and whether you

793
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:02,839
Speaker 1: think this new life is one that you are ready for.

794
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:05,040
Speaker 1: It's a lot of responsibility. You need to have really

795
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:08,560
Speaker 1: open discussions around what your role in their life is

796
00:49:08,600 --> 00:49:12,440
Speaker 1: going to be, is going to be, what their relationship

797
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:15,440
Speaker 1: with their ex partner is like, what your relationship with

798
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:17,719
Speaker 1: their ex partner will be like what your relationship with

799
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 1: their kids will be like, Custody arrangements, time apart, whether

800
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:24,960
Speaker 1: your plans for the future lineup. If you want to

801
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:26,640
Speaker 1: go travel like you're gonna have to go travel with

802
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:30,040
Speaker 1: the kids like you, the more information the better. I

803
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 1: also think that you know if you're going to walk away,

804
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 1: now's the time before you have met them. Best of luck.

805
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:40,839
Speaker 1: I think that's really really tough. I know you made

806
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:43,439
Speaker 1: the right decision, though, and I'm sure that the fact

807
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:45,439
Speaker 1: that you're already thinking about it means that you're going

808
00:49:45,480 --> 00:49:48,719
Speaker 1: to be an amazing step parent if that's what you

809
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 1: choose to do, or you're going to make the right

810
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:54,440
Speaker 1: choice for you and be an amazing person without this

811
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:57,480
Speaker 1: person as well, even if it's a hard choice. All right,

812
00:49:57,520 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 1: Our third question for the day help. My dad is

813
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:06,480
Speaker 1: dating a woman who is my age technically one year

814
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 1: older than me, but still she's twenty six. What do

815
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:13,440
Speaker 1: I say? I can get the discomfort here. As much

816
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:16,880
Speaker 1: as I have been pro age gap relationships, of course

817
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:22,360
Speaker 1: healthy age gap relationships, this does feel kind of uncomfortable.

818
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:24,959
Speaker 1: I think I would give you the same advice as

819
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 1: I gave the first person, which is until it becomes

820
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:32,120
Speaker 1: a problem, don't express an opinion, but definitely have strong

821
00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 1: boundaries around when you see her, if she's invited to

822
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:40,120
Speaker 1: family events, what you guys talk about. Really be really

823
00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 1: clear that she is not your friend. She is your

824
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:50,280
Speaker 1: father's girlfriend until the relationship has been proven to be stable,

825
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 1: until you can really see the direction that it's going in. Again,

826
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:57,480
Speaker 1: you know, it's kind of hard because it's none of

827
00:50:57,520 --> 00:50:59,440
Speaker 1: your business, but it is also a whole lot of

828
00:50:59,520 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 1: your business. So I think just like, hopefully you have

829
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 1: siblings who you can talk to this about, be welcoming,

830
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 1: but she doesn't have to be your friend. You don't

831
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:12,960
Speaker 1: really have to invest in their relationship emotionally until it's

832
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 1: proven that it's gone beyond a point. And just be

833
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:17,319
Speaker 1: really clear around like, what you will and won't talk

834
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 1: about with this person is what your father expects from

835
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:25,279
Speaker 1: you in terms of, yeah, being around this person, and

836
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:27,400
Speaker 1: if he's expecting too much, just be like, hey, I

837
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:29,680
Speaker 1: find this weird, and if you can't see the fact

838
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:31,759
Speaker 1: that this is weird, you're going to have to deal

839
00:51:31,800 --> 00:51:34,080
Speaker 1: with that. But I need to protect my piece against

840
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:37,920
Speaker 1: the weirdness of this and yeah, hopefully we can have mature,

841
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:40,880
Speaker 1: out up discussions about it, but yeah, I can. Gosh,

842
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:42,920
Speaker 1: wishing you guys all a lot of luck. There's a

843
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:45,080
Speaker 1: lot of complicated relationships out there. This is what this

844
00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:47,480
Speaker 1: episode is really teaching me. But I know you can

845
00:51:47,480 --> 00:51:51,080
Speaker 1: handle it, and I get your discomfort. But the relationship

846
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 1: might not be forever, just it might not stand the

847
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:56,560
Speaker 1: test of time. Go see a therapist about the more

848
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 1: complex Freudian parts of that. And my god, I just

849
00:51:59,719 --> 00:52:02,120
Speaker 1: why is my only advice good luck? I really feel

850
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:04,480
Speaker 1: like that's all I can say. Good luck. I'm ready

851
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:06,879
Speaker 1: for our final question. I actually got this quite a lot.

852
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:10,359
Speaker 1: Which is Is it true that women are more emotionally

853
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:14,600
Speaker 1: mature than men and develop faster, hence why they are

854
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:19,000
Speaker 1: attracted to older partners compared to someone their own age.

855
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:22,920
Speaker 1: So this is a myth such I don't even know

856
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 1: if it's a myth. This is just an idea that

857
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:27,880
Speaker 1: has been circling around for a while. It is true

858
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:34,680
Speaker 1: that girls often mature faster than boys at a younger age,

859
00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:41,640
Speaker 1: so basically, when we are teenagers, when we're children, girls

860
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:45,920
Speaker 1: their brains will develop faster, they will gain better working memory,

861
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:52,320
Speaker 1: greater emotional regulation, better cognitive skills earlier compared to boys.

862
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:54,880
Speaker 1: There is a debate whether that is because of social

863
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:59,440
Speaker 1: conditioning or because of just biological blueprint that's just how

864
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:02,480
Speaker 1: women spraying works. Or is it that their learning environment

865
00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:04,080
Speaker 1: is making it so that they pick up on these

866
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:09,960
Speaker 1: skills faster because more is expected of them compared to boys. However,

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00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:13,560
Speaker 1: as we get older, around the age of eighteen to

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00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:21,200
Speaker 1: twenty two, the gap definitely starts to become smaller. It

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00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:24,920
Speaker 1: definitely starts to become narrower, so that men and women

870
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:30,160
Speaker 1: have a very similar intellectual capacity, a very similar level

871
00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:34,160
Speaker 1: of emotional maturity, or their brains have a similar capacity

872
00:53:34,239 --> 00:53:38,359
Speaker 1: for emotional maturity, similar levels of working memory are et cetera,

873
00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:44,840
Speaker 1: et cetera. So I don't know whether this is entirely true.

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00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:50,120
Speaker 1: One study did find that men don't reach peak mental

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00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:54,600
Speaker 1: maturity until forty three, whilst women typically mature around thirty two.

876
00:53:55,120 --> 00:53:57,799
Speaker 1: But I think there needs to be more research. I

877
00:53:57,840 --> 00:53:59,680
Speaker 1: do think that what it really comes down is personal

878
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 1: preser diferences and to maybe the condition preferences of women

879
00:54:05,520 --> 00:54:09,640
Speaker 1: to get serious quicker, especially since there's a real stigma

880
00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:14,520
Speaker 1: around being single. The perceived pressure on women to have

881
00:54:14,640 --> 00:54:18,399
Speaker 1: children younger because of the biological clock factor. But yeah,

882
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:20,439
Speaker 1: it's a very complex question. I would say right now,

883
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:24,839
Speaker 1: it's definitely based on it's an individual thing rather than

884
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:27,879
Speaker 1: a generalized thing that we can say women are more

885
00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:32,600
Speaker 1: mature than men. We can prove this using these scientific

886
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:36,520
Speaker 1: and statistical models. Therefore, that's why women day older. But

887
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:39,600
Speaker 1: it's a very very interesting question. I hope you guys

888
00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:44,280
Speaker 1: really enjoyed this episode. It's definitely complex, it's layered. Again,

889
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:47,880
Speaker 1: I really welcome disagreement if you have a different perspective

890
00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:49,640
Speaker 1: on this. I really don't have all the answers, so

891
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:53,839
Speaker 1: leave a comment below your experience in age gap relationships,

892
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:57,480
Speaker 1: the experiences of friends of yours, something an argument, or

893
00:54:57,560 --> 00:54:59,440
Speaker 1: an element of this you didn't think we cover, just

894
00:54:59,440 --> 00:55:03,520
Speaker 1: so that we can keep the discussion going on down there.

895
00:55:03,640 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 1: I just hope this episode gave you some food for thoughts,

896
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:12,200
Speaker 1: some insights, perhaps a gentle nudge towards rethinking any stereotypes

897
00:55:12,239 --> 00:55:15,560
Speaker 1: that you may have, because I definitely had them. But

898
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:18,040
Speaker 1: as always, make sure that you leave a five star

899
00:55:18,080 --> 00:55:20,560
Speaker 1: review that you are following us wherever you are listening

900
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:24,680
Speaker 1: on Apple podcasts on Spotify. It really does help new

901
00:55:24,719 --> 00:55:27,399
Speaker 1: people find us, and that is such a gift, such

902
00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:30,239
Speaker 1: a blessing to have new listeners wherever they are in

903
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:33,359
Speaker 1: the world and whatever content they choose to engage with.

904
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 1: Just having more members of the community is always brilliant.

905
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:39,280
Speaker 1: Make sure that you are following me on Instagram at

906
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:43,319
Speaker 1: that Psychology podcast if you want to contribute to our

907
00:55:43,560 --> 00:55:47,480
Speaker 1: listener questions. These ones were juicy, so if you've got

908
00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:50,279
Speaker 1: another question on this episode or another episode that's coming up,

909
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:54,000
Speaker 1: that's the best place to deliver it. But until next time,

910
00:55:54,160 --> 00:55:57,600
Speaker 1: stay safe, be kind, be gentle with yourself, and we

911
00:55:57,640 --> 00:55:59,359
Speaker 1: will talk very very soon.