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Speaker 1: This is John, this is them Okay Storytime podcast hosts,

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Speaker 1: and we have some.

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Speaker 2: Good story is coming up for you.

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Speaker 3: That's right.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we have a little morsel of a

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Speaker 1: two minute outbreak from the sponsors keeping the show delicious.

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Speaker 3: My husband let his family move into my house and

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Speaker 3: now they walk all over me.

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Speaker 2: Get him out of there.

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Speaker 4: This has been bothering.

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Speaker 3: Me since twenty twenty four, and I am seeking out

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Speaker 3: if I twenty eight female, am going crazy or am

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Speaker 3: the ale that my husband and his family are accusing

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Speaker 3: me of being? Twenty twenty four was a major bed year.

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Speaker 3: My husband thirty nine call him John, convinced my sister

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Speaker 3: in law thirty three, her husband thirty seven call him George,

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Speaker 3: and my mother in law sixty five to move into

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Speaker 3: my house from New York to Texas when they were

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Speaker 3: expecting a newborn, to be closer to family and help

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Speaker 3: them save money for house. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 3: from Intripella, and if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay Storytime suburn it.

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Speaker 2: I'm Sophia, I'm Carly.

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Speaker 5: No.

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Speaker 4: We're here to give good.

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Speaker 3: Advice goofy, but we don't have all the answers. We

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Speaker 3: only know what we'd do, so let us know what

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Speaker 3: you would do.

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Speaker 4: In the comments.

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Speaker 3: We agreed on certain conditions. Their cat I'm highly allergic,

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Speaker 3: would stay in a gated area. They'd take the spaces

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Speaker 3: to guest rooms, masterroom, upstairs, game, living room, and they'd

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Speaker 3: pay twenty five hundred monthly rent. Utilities included, far less

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Speaker 3: than their six thousand dollars apartment in New York. This

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Speaker 3: arrangement was decided despite me paying the mortgage and utilities

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Speaker 3: entirely on my own. I grew up with my house,

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Speaker 3: my rules mentality, so I set basic expectations. Keep thous clean,

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Speaker 3: respect the furniture I had just purchased new pieces, and

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Speaker 3: don't disturb my workplace. I work from home in the

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Speaker 3: living room. John left two months after they moved in

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Speaker 3: due to a job six hours away, and I was

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Speaker 3: left alone to manage the household. When my sister in law,

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Speaker 3: super pregnant at the time, and George first moved in,

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Speaker 3: I told them basic expectations about maintaining the house and

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Speaker 3: of property damage. I noticed George was making a mess

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Speaker 3: and my sister in law was cleaning after him while

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Speaker 3: she was pregnant and hurting. This bothered me, so I

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Speaker 3: called him out on how he shouldn't make.

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Speaker 4: His wife do all this.

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Speaker 3: I specifically called him out when he was laying on

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Speaker 3: the couch and told her to fetch the massage device

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Speaker 3: in the room when my sister in law felt super uncomfortable.

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Speaker 3: My sister in law was still working from home and

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Speaker 3: her husband recently quit his job. He does day trading instead,

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Speaker 3: but not making much money, and then plays games like

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Speaker 3: counter striking chess on his computer. George complained about no

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Speaker 3: ethernet port upstairs. Then he opened the window and put

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Speaker 3: out a long ethernet cable to the master room that

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Speaker 3: was located downstairs. Upon the electrician's arrival to install the

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Speaker 3: ethernet that he's paying for, they made loud noises and

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Speaker 3: disturbed my sister in law and my work. Sister in

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Speaker 3: law was furious about it. The electrician informed me that

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Speaker 3: my attic has hornets, so I had to pause my

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Speaker 3: work and called for an emergency pest control. Once that

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Speaker 3: was dealt with, the electrician showed me a picture that

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Speaker 3: the attic was missing a big chunk of insulation, so

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Speaker 3: I had to deal with the home builder to refill.

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Speaker 3: Since I was still in warranty. While I was working

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Speaker 3: in the living room. Around ten thirty am, I had

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Speaker 3: my meeting call. George comes down and makes a lot

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Speaker 3: of disturbance and noise while cooking in the kitchen. I

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Speaker 3: kindly asked him.

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Speaker 4: If he would refrain from cooking.

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Speaker 3: When I'm on a call and it only takes thirty minutes.

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Speaker 3: It didn't happen as much, but his action relapsed over time.

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Speaker 3: I didn't notice, but he created a big grease stain

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Speaker 3: on the kitchen cabinet because he constantly cooked bacon on

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Speaker 3: high heat. I told both my sister in law and

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Speaker 3: him to be careful next time. I was highly upset

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Speaker 3: since we just got this house three months ago. While

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Speaker 3: they were using the tesla, I noticed they'd already ruined

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Speaker 3: the car with a curb brash. I didn't tell my

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Speaker 3: husband because I know he'll be pissed, but I had

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Speaker 3: to cover four hundred dollars out of pocket to get

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Speaker 3: it fixed. I also made it appoint meant to do

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Speaker 3: a PPF wrap cover to prevent any further damage. That

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Speaker 3: cost me three thousand dollars out of pocket. Additionally, the

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Speaker 3: car developed significant tar damage, costing another four inch to fix.

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Speaker 3: George just said, okay. I never offered a pay. I've

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Speaker 3: noticed he constantly uses the Tesla and kept using the

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Speaker 3: toll way that I paid for and racking up the

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Speaker 3: toll I complained to my husband about it, and now

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Speaker 3: I'm annoyed with George not respecting the house in the

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Speaker 3: car we just bought. I also told him that I

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Speaker 3: don't like how her husband is not treating her right

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Speaker 3: while she's pregnant. This is all less than one month

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Speaker 3: after moving in, my mother in law moved into the

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Speaker 3: guest room to help out with the upcoming baby. I

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Speaker 3: noticed she was cleaning up George's mess and tiptoeing around

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Speaker 3: him not to disturb him while he was day trading

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Speaker 3: or screaming his lungs out when he lost his counter

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Speaker 3: strike game. I was not okay that my mother in

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Speaker 3: law was cleaning up George's mess all the time when

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Speaker 3: she's there as a guest to relax until the baby comes,

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Speaker 3: not do house chores. The cat pede on my couch

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Speaker 3: and George didn't clean it properly. He just dabbed it

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Speaker 3: with a paper towel and called it a day. I

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Speaker 3: was in the middle of a work meaning and didn't

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Speaker 3: have time to explain how to clean it properly, so

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Speaker 3: I handed him the Bissel machine and told them to

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Speaker 3: follow the instructions instead of reading them. He made this

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Speaker 3: situation worse. After my call, I checked his work and

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Speaker 3: the couch was still dirty. This wasted one to two

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Speaker 3: hours of my worktime. Four days later, the cat pete

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Speaker 3: on the couch again. This time my mother in law

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Speaker 3: sat on it while in another work meaning. She informed

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Speaker 3: me and I paused my call to tell George to

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Speaker 3: clean it immediately since it was a bioazard. He ignored me,

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Speaker 3: saying you'd do it later, even though he was just

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Speaker 3: day trading for fun. And then you say no, you say,

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, you're in my house.

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Speaker 4: Clean it right now.

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Speaker 3: You are living in my house. Clean it now or

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Speaker 3: get out. I do feel like, op, you need to

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Speaker 3: be a little bit stricter with this.

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Speaker 4: They are terrible.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, lay down the.

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Speaker 3: Law ten minutes past and mother in law to clean

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Speaker 3: part of it herself. I confronted him again, but he

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Speaker 3: still refused to act. Mother in law went upstairs to

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Speaker 3: explain the urgency and I overheard George rudely ask her

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Speaker 3: to clean it instead. His tone infuriated me. I went upstairs,

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Speaker 3: yelled at him and told him not to disrespect mother

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Speaker 3: in law or expect her to handle his responsibilities. I

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Speaker 3: broke down and told my husband what had happened. Instead

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Speaker 3: of supporting me, he said my reaction was childish and

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Speaker 3: asked me to apologize to George. I acknowledged that yelling

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Speaker 3: wasn't ideal, but I'd given George multiple chances, and his

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Speaker 3: dismissive attitude, especially towards mother in law, was unacceptable. I'm

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Speaker 3: upset that my husband's sided with his family instead of

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Speaker 3: understanding my frustration. Why is my work treated as less

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Speaker 3: important while George's hobbies are prioritized. Eventually I apologized to

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Speaker 3: George just to keep the peace, even though I still

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Speaker 3: feel he was in the wrong. He never apologized back

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Speaker 3: to mother in law or acknowledged his behavior. The whole

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Speaker 3: situation left me feeling dismissed and disrespected in my own home.

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Speaker 3: Over time, George continued pushing boundaries. He kept his day

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Speaker 3: trading set up in the upstairs living room and would

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Speaker 3: scream at his games well into the night. My sister

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Speaker 3: in law gave birth an early June, and the house

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Speaker 3: became even more chaotic. I tried to be understanding about

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Speaker 3: the baby crying, but George's behavior didn't change. He still

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Speaker 3: expected everyone else to clean up after him and do

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Speaker 3: things for him while he sat at his computer. The

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Speaker 3: cat continued to be a problem. Despite the agreement that

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Speaker 3: it would stay in a gated area, it kept getting

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Speaker 3: out and wandering around the house. My allergies were getting worse.

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Speaker 3: I found cat hair on my furniture. Not to keep

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Speaker 3: taking allergy medication just to.

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Speaker 4: Be comfortable in my own home.

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Speaker 3: I brought this up multiple times, but no, nothing changed.

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Speaker 3: I was also dealing with work stress. I had been

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Speaker 3: laid off from my previous job and was doing interviews

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Speaker 3: while trying to maintain the household. The constant interruptions from

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Speaker 3: George's cooking, gaming, and general loudness made it incredibly difficult

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Speaker 3: to focus during important calls. I felt like I couldn't

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Speaker 3: even work effectively in my own home. My husband was

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Speaker 3: still six hours away for work and would only visit occasionally.

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Speaker 3: Every time I tried to talk to him about the issues,

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Speaker 3: he would minimize my concerns or tell me I was

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Speaker 3: being too sensitive. Nope, so at that point, we're kicking

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Speaker 3: them out, we're divorcing your husband.

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Speaker 5: It's so hard because for so much of it it

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Speaker 5: was like, well, you don't want to kick because of

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Speaker 5: the baby and everything, and it's like she says, being great.

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Speaker 3: Mister low can say. I'd be like, hey, girl, if

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Speaker 3: you want to stay, your husband's a piece of poop,

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Speaker 3: a lazy little but you can stay.

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Speaker 4: Your husband's gone. My husband's gone. I am on the lease.

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Speaker 3: I paid the mortgage, have a girly pop house. He

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Speaker 3: kept saying his family was just trying to save money

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Speaker 3: and that I should be more accommodating. But I was

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Speaker 3: the one paying all the bills, dealing with all the

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Speaker 3: problems and getting no support. George's family came to visit.

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Speaker 3: I halted some of my interview prep and tore them

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Speaker 3: around Austin. My husband came around the end of July

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Speaker 3: to visit, but then I got an emergency message from

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Speaker 3: my family that my grandpa was in the hospital and

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Speaker 3: that was critical. I booked my flight back to California

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Speaker 3: when I had the biggest tech opportunity I needed to prep.

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Speaker 3: I was in and out of the hospital for two weeks,

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Speaker 3: dealing with fifteen interviews. I didn't have a space or

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Speaker 3: room to interview anywhere, and my immediate family.

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Speaker 4: Does not know I was laid off.

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Speaker 3: At that point, I'm literally saying, hey, husband, I got

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Speaker 3: laid off because of your family.

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Speaker 5: Right, can you keep it back here please and do something?

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Speaker 3: Where was he again?

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Speaker 4: I don't know?

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Speaker 3: He has like a job six hours away. Within the

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Speaker 3: second week, my family and I witnessed his last breath

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Speaker 3: in the hospital.

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Speaker 6: Ugh.

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Speaker 3: My family and I hurried to fa figure out last

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Speaker 3: minute funeral arrangements. I paid out twenty thousand dollars of

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Speaker 3: the ninety thousand for the funeral. After the funeral, more

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Speaker 3: family drama unraveled. I was able to get a job offered,

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Speaker 3: but it was much lower income than I had had

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Speaker 3: in the past, but it was better than nothing. I

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Speaker 3: flew back and had one week break to recover. I

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Speaker 3: was in a super depressed state and overwhelmed with a

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Speaker 3: lot of things. I didn't want to be bothered and

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Speaker 3: just wanted to recover in my bedroom for a bit.

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Speaker 3: Between the funeral costs, the car repairs, helping my husband

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Speaker 3: with his house emergency, and continuing to pay all the

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Speaker 3: household bills while my in laws lived there, my savings

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Speaker 3: were depleting rapidly. I was more stressed financially about taking

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Speaker 3: a big chunk of my savings, so I ended up

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Speaker 3: signing up for the energy program, where the energy provider

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Speaker 3: controls the thermostat for rebates. It saves about one hundred

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Speaker 3: dollars per month. My in laws were complaining about the

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Speaker 3: temperature of the house to my husband. My husband messaged

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Speaker 3: me at the time, but I was so so depressed

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Speaker 3: that I didn't respond to anyone or leave my room.

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Speaker 4: For two to three days.

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Speaker 3: Then my husband blew up on me on the phone

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00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,240
Speaker 3: and I explained I'm not controlling the thermostat. He said,

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Speaker 3: the baby is sweating and I should cancel the rebate immediately,

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Speaker 3: but I said that it will take time and I

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Speaker 3: have to wait until the next business day. My husband

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00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:24,079
Speaker 3: calls me materialistic and unwilling to prioritize family comfort.

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Speaker 5: Beyond I will say beyond family comfort, Yeah, babies being

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Speaker 5: too hot, Yeah, past really bad.

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Speaker 4: Yes, I agree with that.

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Speaker 3: But he so maybe they should just get out, yeah,

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Speaker 3: or maybe pay?

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Speaker 4: Maybe you pay.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I think my husband and I agree to a

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00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,839
Speaker 3: divorce at this point, and I just stopped caring because

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00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,880
Speaker 3: I'm really in deep depression and rock bottom. I didn't

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Speaker 3: even feel safe within my own home. My husband finally

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00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,720
Speaker 3: suggested that he'll take over and cover the electricity bill.

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00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,920
Speaker 3: This only lasted two months. We talked it out and

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Speaker 3: I cried a lot because of how I felt through

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00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,360
Speaker 3: all this year, and I felt how unfair it was

246
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,680
Speaker 3: my husband it was gaslighting me that I was the

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00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,520
Speaker 3: problem and the fault, and did not take accountability that

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00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,760
Speaker 3: his emotional response by blowing this out of proportion caused

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Speaker 3: all this problem in the first place. Out of frustration,

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Speaker 3: I told them I gave up my dreams to support

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Speaker 3: his dream.

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Speaker 4: I thought.

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Speaker 3: We initially agreed to move to Seattle soon, but I

254
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:22,280
Speaker 3: got stuck living in Texas, which I was super unhappy about.

255
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,480
Speaker 3: He was super dismissive that I was selfish and I

256
00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:29,520
Speaker 3: never sacrificed anything. Yes, I'm dumb for taking him back.

257
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,120
Speaker 3: I originally planned to give away my Lexus to my

258
00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:35,360
Speaker 3: siblings to use for college. They needed a reliable car.

259
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,199
Speaker 3: My brother had been asking before we bought the Tesla.

260
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,520
Speaker 3: I told my husband that I wanted to give my

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00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,760
Speaker 3: Lexus away, but I couldn't since the Tesla is his car.

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00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,040
Speaker 3: My sister in law and George had three months to

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Speaker 3: look for a car. They barely looked until the last

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00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:53,760
Speaker 3: two weeks. Eventually, I shipped the Lexus and I used

265
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,600
Speaker 3: the Tesla as my daily drive to work. My sister

266
00:12:56,640 --> 00:13:00,000
Speaker 3: in law and George got a brand new Tesla Model three.

267
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,360
Speaker 3: They bought a brand new Tesla Model three and they

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Speaker 3: can't freaking rent out an apartment.

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Speaker 4: Heye yyyye.

270
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:12,040
Speaker 3: I've noticed they barely drive their car and are extra careful,

271
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Speaker 3: but literally do not give a crap about our Tesla.

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00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,840
Speaker 3: This double standard bothered me immensely. They treated their own

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Speaker 3: property with care, but had no respect for mine. At

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00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,840
Speaker 3: this timeline, my husband had a house problem back in

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00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,079
Speaker 3: Dallas and didn't have the savings to fix the water damage.

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Speaker 3: I gave them ten thousand dollars because that is an

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00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:34,360
Speaker 3: emergency fund that I allocated for Meanwhile, I was still

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00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:38,160
Speaker 3: paying the full mortgage and utilities while only receiving twenty

279
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:41,880
Speaker 3: five hundred dollars from my in laws. Within a month,

280
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,079
Speaker 3: I started focusing on myself and improving my mental health.

281
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,440
Speaker 3: I went to work overtime, I started going to the

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00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:51,200
Speaker 3: gym every day, leaving me Saturday to run errands, and

283
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,840
Speaker 3: Sunday as my only rest day. My mother in law

284
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,240
Speaker 3: was not living with us, so the whole month with

285
00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,240
Speaker 3: my sister in law and George, it was normal. It

286
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,880
Speaker 3: was going well, and my relationship with my husband was better.

287
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,640
Speaker 3: My mother in law came back again, staying with us

288
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,800
Speaker 3: to help out watching the baby since my sister in

289
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,640
Speaker 3: law is returning to work in October. And when I

290
00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:14,400
Speaker 3: started my new job, I told everyone that the company

291
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,840
Speaker 3: I worked for is very private and secret of I

292
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,280
Speaker 3: worked from home on Monday and Friday. The living room

293
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,000
Speaker 3: is actually off limits since they're not allowed to see

294
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:26,400
Speaker 3: my monitor screens or hear me when I'm discussing in meetings. Nice,

295
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:29,480
Speaker 3: go kay, Sorry, you actually can't come in because you'll

296
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:30,920
Speaker 3: get arrested super tops.

297
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:31,760
Speaker 4: Sorry.

298
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,440
Speaker 3: The company I worked for monitors everything on my work laptop.

299
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,040
Speaker 3: I got slapped on the wrist the first week when

300
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,560
Speaker 3: my manager noticed someone was in the background. I told

301
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,040
Speaker 3: the same scenario to my mother in law. She acknowledged,

302
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,320
Speaker 3: but the following week she went to the living room

303
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:48,000
Speaker 3: with the baby. My husband came down to visit the

304
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,560
Speaker 3: family and me again for the short holiday weekend out

305
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,800
Speaker 3: of nowhere. My mother in law said she doesn't feel

306
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:57,240
Speaker 3: respected in the house and blame me for being disrespectful.

307
00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,800
Speaker 3: My sister in law and George were like, what the

308
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,920
Speaker 3: his mother in law talking about my husband did not

309
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:07,000
Speaker 3: listen and said, I was being selfish. Divorce this man.

310
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,600
Speaker 3: You know, we're so back and forth with this divorce.

311
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,080
Speaker 4: This stinky man.

312
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:15,800
Speaker 3: He stinks stinky. My mother in law mentioned about the

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00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,640
Speaker 3: living room, and I've been telling everyone the reason it's

314
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,800
Speaker 3: off limits. While I was working, my husband blew up

315
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:24,720
Speaker 3: that I was being a witch and a dictator. I

316
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,560
Speaker 3: was so fed up and tired having this conversation again,

317
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,360
Speaker 3: and I blurted out, do you want a divorce then,

318
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,560
Speaker 3: in front of his family, Yes, I want you to

319
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,320
Speaker 3: have a divorce. Have a divorce.

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00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,400
Speaker 5: I want these people to get out of your house.

321
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,880
Speaker 5: Get the house, get out of leave the house for

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00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:41,360
Speaker 5: the husband.

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00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,200
Speaker 3: Get yeah, get out of there, Get out of there.

324
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:47,280
Speaker 3: He packed up, left the house and drove back down.

325
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,640
Speaker 3: When I was discussing with my mother in law and

326
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,560
Speaker 3: sister in law and George, there was a whole misunderstanding.

327
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,200
Speaker 3: It was hours of conversation. My mother in law was

328
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:59,560
Speaker 3: telling me how come I don't spend time with a family. Hello,

329
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,120
Speaker 3: I just got back from being laid off, witnessing a

330
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,800
Speaker 3: passing right in front of me, and I'm heads down

331
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:09,440
Speaker 3: working and don't have time. She keeps invalidating my responses

332
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,880
Speaker 3: my sister in law, and I explained to my mother

333
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:14,200
Speaker 3: in law, I am an introvert and I stay in

334
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:17,040
Speaker 3: the room to recover. She said she feels better spending

335
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:21,520
Speaker 3: time with family. I'm super exhausted from this conversation. What

336
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,040
Speaker 3: pisses me off is when she says this is John's house.

337
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,640
Speaker 3: I explained to the family, it's not because I paid

338
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:31,000
Speaker 3: for this with my own money and he never contributed

339
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:34,320
Speaker 3: to anything since day one. Take them out, them out.

340
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,000
Speaker 4: Here, get I'm out of here.

341
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,960
Speaker 3: Dude, Come on, why are we still doing this. Let's

342
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,400
Speaker 3: not dil dally. I had paid the down payment, I

343
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,560
Speaker 3: paid the mortgage every month, I pay all the utilities.

344
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:47,479
Speaker 3: I pay for repairs and maintenance. My husband hasn't contributed

345
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:51,320
Speaker 3: a single dollar to this house. Yet somehow's family felt

346
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:54,960
Speaker 3: entitled to dictate how I should run it and make

347
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,840
Speaker 3: me feel like a guest in my own home. They

348
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,320
Speaker 3: tried to lecture me like this is family and it's

349
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,280
Speaker 3: wrong to implement rules, and I told them I put

350
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:07,439
Speaker 3: rules because y'all are ruining my property. I worked super

351
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,280
Speaker 3: hard for it. My in law started gaslighting me that

352
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:12,960
Speaker 3: I never told them the rules about my new job

353
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,040
Speaker 3: and the space's off limits when I'm working. I had

354
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,480
Speaker 3: told them multiple times, but they acted like I never

355
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:21,520
Speaker 3: said anything. At this point, I was ganged up about

356
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,520
Speaker 3: the car. I had the plan since the beginning before

357
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,600
Speaker 3: my in law's moved to give it away. George starts

358
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:31,239
Speaker 3: invalidating my family's upbringing and dissing them and me in

359
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 3: front of my face. George is super privileged. He grew

360
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,719
Speaker 3: up with his parents paying for everything. George brought up

361
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,560
Speaker 3: the cat pee incident and I was being a crybaby

362
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,360
Speaker 3: and being rude. I explained to my sister in law

363
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,200
Speaker 3: what happened, and she agreed that he shouldn't have asked

364
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,080
Speaker 3: mother in law to do it. I was surprised that

365
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,119
Speaker 3: my mother in law ganged up and defended George that

366
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:53,800
Speaker 3: his stock exchange was more.

367
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:54,840
Speaker 4: Important than my job.

368
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:58,760
Speaker 3: Oh my god, his not job is more important.

369
00:17:58,400 --> 00:17:59,040
Speaker 4: Than her job.

370
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, video games is more important than her job.

371
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:06,760
Speaker 3: This was the final straw. My actual career, which was

372
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,359
Speaker 3: paying for the roof over their heads, was considered less

373
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:14,560
Speaker 3: important than George playing with stocks for fun. I feel

374
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,920
Speaker 3: like my efforts to accommodate my in laws have been

375
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:21,520
Speaker 3: dismissed and my sacrifices have gone unrecognized. My husband has

376
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:25,440
Speaker 3: consistently prioritized his family's needs over mine, leaving me feel

377
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:30,280
Speaker 3: unsupported and disrespected in my own home. The repeated conflicts

378
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:33,040
Speaker 3: and lack of accountability from my in laws and husband

379
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,280
Speaker 3: have taken a toll on my mental health.

380
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,359
Speaker 5: I just need you to get these people out of

381
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:40,480
Speaker 5: Get out of your house. This is that they're not listening.

382
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,040
Speaker 5: They're being so disrespectful.

383
00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:42,840
Speaker 3: Exorcism.

384
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:47,520
Speaker 5: They're like weirdly sometimes agreeing yeah, and completely changing their.

385
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,600
Speaker 4: Minds, so strange. Get them out.

386
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:50,480
Speaker 3: Divorce yours.

387
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,560
Speaker 4: Whatever he is sucks. There's a little bit left.

388
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,199
Speaker 3: The in law's moved out of the house to a

389
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,800
Speaker 3: new house they bought a block from my house. Apparently

390
00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:01,159
Speaker 3: they had over one hundred thousand dollars day deposit sitting

391
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:04,080
Speaker 3: there already. Well, I was panicking on my end and

392
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:07,879
Speaker 3: dealing with my husband's debt. I'm becoming resentful and would

393
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,720
Speaker 3: just like to get a divorce and get it over.

394
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:12,800
Speaker 3: Do you think this relationship is salvagable at this point.

395
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,919
Speaker 3: Oh Am, I wasting effort and energy trying to convince

396
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,360
Speaker 3: my husband to make him understand my POV and what's

397
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,240
Speaker 3: unfair yep, I tried couples therapy in the past, but

398
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:26,199
Speaker 3: he does not like that idea and unwilling to participate THENDPEM.

399
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,359
Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

400
00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:30,359
Speaker 3: to the next one.

401
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:33,879
Speaker 5: My husband and I have been married six months and

402
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,560
Speaker 5: I already want out.

403
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:37,200
Speaker 2: Dang, that was quick.

404
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:41,479
Speaker 5: I'm seriously struggling with my marriage and my relationship with

405
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,800
Speaker 5: my husband. We've been together for four years at this

406
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:49,119
Speaker 5: point and married for about six months. We rushed getting

407
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:52,040
Speaker 5: engaged and married because I had found out I was

408
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:53,399
Speaker 5: pregnant last October.

409
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:54,840
Speaker 3: By the way, this.

410
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:58,240
Speaker 5: Comes from Dynamite Tricks and if you want usubmit your

411
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,080
Speaker 5: own stories, go to the r slash oak storytime subreddit.

412
00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:04,120
Speaker 5: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and we're here to give good

413
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,119
Speaker 5: advice goofully, But we don't have all the answers. We

414
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 5: only know what we would do, so us know what

415
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,199
Speaker 5: you would do in the comments. There was a lot

416
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:14,520
Speaker 5: of pressure from my family to get engaged and married

417
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,760
Speaker 5: before the baby was born, and Unfortunately we caved to

418
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:22,400
Speaker 5: that pressure. We had talked about marriage and getting engaged.

419
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:26,280
Speaker 5: Before that point. We had a pretty solid relationship, I

420
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,520
Speaker 5: would say, prior to the pregnancy and baby being born.

421
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:33,639
Speaker 5: I'm realizing now we never had any of the hard conversation.

422
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:34,600
Speaker 4: We would fight.

423
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,959
Speaker 5: Here and there, but we never sat down and figured

424
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,880
Speaker 5: out a lot of the important stuff like finances, future goals,

425
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,760
Speaker 5: things like that. A lot of that I had thought

426
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,320
Speaker 5: we would figure out as we went, because yeah, it

427
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,760
Speaker 5: was a few years at that point, but he was

428
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,480
Speaker 5: never the type of person to have that kind of conversation.

429
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 5: I would get one word answers here and there when.

430
00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:55,040
Speaker 3: I brought it up.

431
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,239
Speaker 5: I thought we would sit down and talk about it

432
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,880
Speaker 5: and figure it all out once we got engaged. Part

433
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,520
Speaker 5: of me talked myself into thinking that was a normal

434
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,880
Speaker 5: thing to do. I am now learning it's not. Don't

435
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,119
Speaker 5: get me wrong. We knew or we both stood on

436
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:13,399
Speaker 5: kids and on the next five years, but past that,

437
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 5: I can't remember major conversations where I actually got a

438
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:18,040
Speaker 5: lot of input.

439
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 3: I think that should have been my first red flag.

440
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:25,840
Speaker 5: I've taken care of everything pretty much our entire relationship.

441
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,199
Speaker 5: I was the one who took out a mortgage to

442
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,399
Speaker 5: buy our house. I used my entire savings for the

443
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:35,159
Speaker 5: down payment. I paid and managed all of our shared

444
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:39,240
Speaker 5: expenses and bills. I was the primary one to cook meals,

445
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,959
Speaker 5: grocery shop and meal plan or prep. I was the

446
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,919
Speaker 5: one who basically paid for and put on my credit

447
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 5: cards all of our furniture for the house. I was

448
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:53,280
Speaker 5: the one to handle anything with our dogs, like vet visits,

449
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:57,200
Speaker 5: getting them scheduled, grooming, kennel arrangements. When we went on trips,

450
00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:01,959
Speaker 5: I scheduled, managed, paid for it all. I was the

451
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 5: one who maintained cleaning and organizing her home. I was

452
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 5: the one who decorated for all the holidays, tried to

453
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 5: make sure we had gifts for everyone for Christmas, Birthdays,

454
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 5: wrapped all the gifts, and so on. His main responsibilities

455
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 5: were garbage and laundry. That's primarily it. He covered takeout

456
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 5: and dinners here and there. My entire pregnancy was tough,

457
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 5: really tough. I didn't know what to expect, but I

458
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 5: was very sick during my first trimester and had some

459
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,639
Speaker 5: bleeding here and there that really scared me. I was

460
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 5: considered high risk because of some ongoing health issues and

461
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,719
Speaker 5: Things got harder again during my third trimester, when I

462
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 5: became sick all over again and started having early labor

463
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 5: symptoms that wouldn't stop. In the end, I had to

464
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:51,320
Speaker 5: have an emergency sea section because of the baby's side, preclampsia,

465
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,560
Speaker 5: and those same healthcare. On top of all of that,

466
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 5: I was trying to plan a wedding, My job's busy

467
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 5: season was picking up more than ever, and there were

468
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 5: house problems I was dealing with on my own. It

469
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:09,040
Speaker 5: was just a lot happening all at once. I was constantly.

470
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:09,880
Speaker 3: Stressed and exhausted.

471
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 5: All I really wanted was some comfort and to feel

472
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:17,600
Speaker 5: cared for, especially after years taking care of him and

473
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 5: everything else for us. But that comfort never really came.

474
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 5: The house got messier and messier. When I couldn't clean,

475
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,879
Speaker 5: the dishes would pile up in the sink unless I

476
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 5: did them. I had to remind him to take out

477
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 5: the garbage or swap the laundry.

478
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 3: You shouldn't be having to parent, you know, your husband,

479
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,320
Speaker 3: when you're about to be parents.

480
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, Oh my goodness.

481
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 5: If I asked for something simple like a blanket while

482
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 5: I was laying on the couch or a glass of water,

483
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 5: I was met with a huge sigh and a frustrated

484
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 5: sounding yeah. Fine, he claims that never happened. These are

485
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 5: just a few examples, but the point is I wanted

486
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,440
Speaker 5: to feel taken care of because my life didn't slow

487
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,800
Speaker 5: down when things got hard, and I felt like I

488
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:02,359
Speaker 5: was doing everything.

489
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 2: You are.

490
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,400
Speaker 3: If he's not cooking for you, well, you are pregnant,

491
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 3: and every time you don't cook, you guys are out

492
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,400
Speaker 3: and you're not taking care. Yeah, and he's not taking

493
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,040
Speaker 3: care of you. Learn how to freaking cook, dude.

494
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 5: The issues just built up. It really made me see

495
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:21,440
Speaker 5: him differently. We started couples counseling before the baby was born,

496
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,920
Speaker 5: and it felt like he didn't want to be there.

497
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:28,919
Speaker 5: He would barely participate, and then afterward he would be

498
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 5: silent on the drive home because he didn't like what

499
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:35,160
Speaker 5: I had to say or what I thought or brought up.

500
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 5: Fast forward to when my baby boy was born. He

501
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,440
Speaker 5: was helpful in the hospital and for the first week home,

502
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 5: but after that it was in immediate downhill fall to

503
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 5: me doing everything. Yeah, come on, yes, I know mom's

504
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 5: take on most of the responsibilities when baby is born,

505
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 5: but it felt like one hundred percent me and zero

506
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 5: percent him. I believe you. I don't know.

507
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,439
Speaker 3: He's like trying to like be like yeah, I know,

508
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,840
Speaker 3: you know, people probably say, no, this is beyond in

509
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 3: the wrong.

510
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 5: He's not doing anything anything. I was still cooking, cleaning,

511
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 5: grocery shopping, ordering the takeout, changing most of the diapers,

512
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 5: up all night with the baby, doing all nighttime feedings

513
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,879
Speaker 5: and changes, and working here and there during my maternity

514
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,639
Speaker 5: leave because I worked for my family and had to

515
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,200
Speaker 5: take care of things while I was out. I still

516
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 5: took care of all the shared expenses. I took on

517
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,440
Speaker 5: getting things we needed for the baby, like formula and diapers.

518
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 5: I was combo feeding the baby and trying to make

519
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:38,439
Speaker 5: breastfeeding work, but I wasn't producing enough milk, so I

520
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 5: had to do both. I definitely slipped on taking care

521
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 5: of myself because they're hoo much to do. He would

522
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 5: get home from work and just sit right on the

523
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:49,959
Speaker 5: couch and not ask if I needed anything or to

524
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:50,959
Speaker 5: take care of the baby.

525
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,639
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is over. I mean, like you're paying for things.

526
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 4: He's not helping.

527
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 3: Like maybe he's contributing some finances, but like he would

528
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 3: still be doing that if you guys divorce, if.

529
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 5: He doesn't want to be doing the things physically. He

530
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:06,400
Speaker 5: at least needs to be paying somebody to do them, yes,

531
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:06,960
Speaker 5: so that.

532
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 3: It takes it off of your workload.

533
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 5: Absolutely, some days he wouldn't even come look at him.

534
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:14,880
Speaker 5: He barely did anything once he got home with him,

535
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,679
Speaker 5: and it seemed like a hassle. Any time I asked

536
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,680
Speaker 5: for anything, even just to hold him so I could

537
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,879
Speaker 5: go to the bathroom, I would come back and the

538
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,080
Speaker 5: baby would be in the swing. Some of the time,

539
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 5: I would go out with my mom to get our

540
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 5: nails done or walk around Target for an hour once

541
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,880
Speaker 5: every two weeks for a little break, and he would

542
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 5: be asking when I was coming home, or making it

543
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,120
Speaker 5: seem that I had been gone for so long. I've

544
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 5: spoken about all of my feelings, which is really hard

545
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:44,920
Speaker 5: for me to do. A prior off a relationship made

546
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 5: me feel.

547
00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 4: Like I couldn't.

548
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 5: Every time I speak up about my feelings or how

549
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,360
Speaker 5: I'm frustrated or upset with the imbalance, it turns into

550
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,359
Speaker 5: an argument or the conversation is turned back on me,

551
00:26:56,080 --> 00:27:00,880
Speaker 5: like I'm the one doing things wrong, which is incredibly frustrating. Currently,

552
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 5: I'm back to work and I bring my baby with me.

553
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 5: And work and watch him at the same time. I

554
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 5: am extremely lucky to be able to do that. It's

555
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:12,680
Speaker 5: not easy, but I make it work. I'm still responsible

556
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:17,199
Speaker 5: for everyone and everything. I'm still the only parent that

557
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 5: gets up in the middle of the night with my son.

558
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,640
Speaker 5: The icing on the cake was the other night when

559
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 5: I was in tears in the closet because none of

560
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 5: my clothes fit me. Right after having the baby. It's

561
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,879
Speaker 5: been a huge struggle for me. We were supposed to

562
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,160
Speaker 5: go out, we had a babysitter, and it was supposed

563
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 5: to be a fun night. I got really upset that

564
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 5: nothing fit or I didn't know how to dress my

565
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 5: new body. I felt very vulnerable. He came in and

566
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:42,959
Speaker 5: hugged me and was trying to comfort me.

567
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 3: Then a minute later, as I'm.

568
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,920
Speaker 5: In tears, he turns it back to himself. He says

569
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 5: something's wrong with him and then tries to initiate spicy things.

570
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,359
Speaker 5: I stopped him because I clearly was not in the

571
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 5: mood and he got upset with me. He couldn't even

572
00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,240
Speaker 5: be there fully in a super vulnerable moment for me,

573
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 5: I just don't know if I can see myself in

574
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 5: this relationship for the rest of my life.

575
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,640
Speaker 3: Then don't stay in it. Get out of there, get

576
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 3: out of it.

577
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:08,640
Speaker 4: Yeah.

578
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 5: I can't keep being the only one doing everything all

579
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:11,920
Speaker 5: the time.

580
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 3: I am not the only adult. Yeah, I mean, Op,

581
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 3: You've talked to him about it, and he just doesn't

582
00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:20,720
Speaker 3: know how to listen. He's a little baby man. He

583
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 3: goes la la la la, lad man.

584
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 4: I can't hear you.

585
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 5: You to take care of him more than your sounds

586
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 5: of it.

587
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:28,160
Speaker 3: I just worry about my son.

588
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:31,200
Speaker 5: I don't want a divorce parent life for him, being

589
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,359
Speaker 5: split between us both. I wanted a happy, loving home

590
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,160
Speaker 5: where both of his parents were present. Twenty four to seven.

591
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 5: I think I'm making this post for advice. What would

592
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 5: you do in my scenario? Would you stay or leave?

593
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 6: Leave?

594
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 3: You don't deserve willing.

595
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 5: To even after therapy. Yeah, and you've voiced your concerns.

596
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 4: That's it, That's all you can do.

597
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 3: We have a comment.

598
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 5: I understand you wanting a happy home, but I don't

599
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 5: think your husband is capable of providing that.

600
00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 3: He is a weak man.

601
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:01,320
Speaker 5: He might not know how to be a good husband

602
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 5: and father, but he isn't even trying. I don't think

603
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 5: this is the life he wants. If he wanted it,

604
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 5: he would move heaven and earth for you and his son.

605
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 5: Your son deserves a happy, safe home. You can provide

606
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 5: that for him. Maybe there's a wonderful man out there

607
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 5: who will be a great step dad. Your family can

608
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 5: step in as well to be good role models.

609
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 4: And that is the end of that story.

610
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam.

611
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:28,720
Speaker 3: We'll get back to the stories, but here's three minutes

612
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 3: of ads from our sponsors. My siblings took over the

613
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 3: family business after I've spent years making it successful.

614
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 2: All of my hard work.

615
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 3: My dad, sixty five Mail, is a heavy diesel mechanic

616
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,720
Speaker 3: and has run a small workshop his whole life. I

617
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:46,880
Speaker 3: twenty nine Mail, have always been interested in his work

618
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 3: since I was a kid and would always help him

619
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 3: out on the weekends. I went to university and studied

620
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 3: mechanical engineering and commerce, but struggle dropped out and traveled

621
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 3: the world for a year. By the way, this comes

622
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:00,360
Speaker 3: from Physical Antelope one se and if you want to

623
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime,

624
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 3: separate it. I'm Sofia and I'm an If we're here

625
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 3: to give good advice, goofy and we.

626
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 4: Don't have all the answers.

627
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 3: We only know what we'd do, so.

628
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 4: Let us know what you would do in the comments.

629
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 3: OHP says My siblings, thirty six male and thirty two female,

630
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 3: are both in investment banking and are successful in their careers.

631
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:24,320
Speaker 3: Since I was twenty three, I have worked with my

632
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 3: dad as a mechanic and slowly taken over the workshop.

633
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 3: When I started, he had two part time mechanics.

634
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:31,640
Speaker 4: And one car.

635
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 3: In twenty seventeen, I have brought in several new strategies,

636
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 3: such as focusing on commercial verticals only and off our servicings,

637
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 3: and we have grown to thirty five employees and fifteen cars.

638
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 3: We went from two hundred and fifty thousand in revenue

639
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 3: to just shy of seven million this financial year. My

640
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 3: dad only works in the workshop, while I'm more of

641
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 3: a twenty eighty workshop to office split. Thevid has meant

642
00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 3: our business has grown tremendously in the last few years.

643
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 3: A few weeks ago, at my dad's sixty fifth birthday dinner,

644
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 3: he talked about the numbers of the business and everyone

645
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 3: was shocked. No one in the family has ever visited

646
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 3: our workshop or asked about it. Since then, he has

647
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 3: been thinking about the succession plan. After my siblings started

648
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 3: asking about it, he proposed the following idea to me.

649
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 3: I get forty percent of the business and they get

650
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 3: thirty and thirty. My sister would get a manager position

651
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 3: as she is looking to leave the IB world to

652
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 3: start a family, and my brother would get the same

653
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 3: as well if he wants it. I noted everything he said,

654
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 3: and just as for some time to think, I started

655
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 3: proposing some of the most insane ideas without any context

656
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 3: of the business. I'm seriously annoyed. My dad has run

657
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 3: this for thirty two years, but only since I joined

658
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 3: did we expand. I admit I use my dad's network,

659
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 3: reputation skill and initial workshop to get a head start,

660
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 3: but it was my idea to expand, get a bigger

661
00:31:57,320 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 3: workshop and implement risky ideas. I don't think my siblings,

662
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 3: who have never even asked about the business should get cushy,

663
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,920
Speaker 3: high paying jobs for doing nothing. If we wanted a

664
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 3: two hundred thousand dollars a year manager, I would get

665
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 3: one with industry experience. I have spoken to him briefly,

666
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 3: but he was shocked by my reaction and said it

667
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 3: was his dream to have all his siblings work in

668
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 3: the business, but my brother and sister have never even

669
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 3: picked up a spanner before in their lives. I've been

670
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 3: hanging around since I was twelve. He said it would

671
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 3: be mine. I don't want to have to answer to

672
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 3: a board of my siblings, who, I get the vibe

673
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 3: think they are smarter than me just because they finished university.

674
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 4: I built this.

675
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 3: Business with just my dad and want to keep building

676
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 3: it with them without my siblings. I can see it

677
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 3: from their point of view, as this is a family

678
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 3: business my dad started and my dad wants to make

679
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 3: an effort to include them, but I feel they only

680
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 3: want to be included because we are now successful. I

681
00:32:57,080 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 3: am being accused of being greedy and entitled by my family.

682
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 3: I think this is ridiculous, and the business is mine

683
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 3: after spending the last six years building it. I would

684
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 3: love some outside perspective on this situation. And there is

685
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 3: an up day, which we'll get into in a moment.

686
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 4: But what do you think, Angie.

687
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 6: I think we gotta talk to Dad. Yeah, and we

688
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 6: gotta be like, hey, business talk right now. This isn't

689
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 6: family talk, because I think that's important to say.

690
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 2: You have to diperentiate this business talk. I think that

691
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 2: I have just contributed more.

692
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 6: Just explain your situation. Just tell him what you think,

693
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 6: come up with this solution, give him all the wise

694
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:42,239
Speaker 6: and just don't even just ask for like what do

695
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 6: I or like I want more? Just like say I

696
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 6: think this would be fair because this and this and

697
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 6: this like come up with a number yourself agreed.

698
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 3: I just wanted to give a quick update. Thank you

699
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 3: for the amazing advice and for linking the plumber story.

700
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 3: Reading that really scared me and it basically happened to me.

701
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 3: Some quick points. I can't really sell my shares or

702
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 3: this business. We are a service business where we get

703
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 3: paid for the work we have done. We have assets,

704
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:12,360
Speaker 3: but they're used, dirty utes and tools worth hundreds of

705
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,680
Speaker 3: thousands new, but nothing on the second hand market. We

706
00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:18,360
Speaker 3: had a family business lawyer meeting last night and I

707
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:21,839
Speaker 3: don't know what's happening. My sister and brother had been

708
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,480
Speaker 3: lobbying my dad about the direction and strategy of the

709
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 3: company before this for weeks. They feel it would be

710
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 3: in better hands with my sister being CEOs, my brother

711
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:39,719
Speaker 3: being CFO, and me as COO or glorified operations manager. Unfortunately,

712
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:43,640
Speaker 3: my dad agrees with them. During the session, I felt

713
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,880
Speaker 3: incredibly patronized. They laid out this five year plan and

714
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 3: how the company would grow to be this huge entity.

715
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,680
Speaker 3: We would own equal amounts in They didn't talk to

716
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 3: anyone in the actual business about this plan or even

717
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 3: our customers. They wanted to make things standard, but the

718
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 3: reason our customers love us is because we are flexible

719
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 3: and accommodating. I asked a few questions to see how

720
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 3: set my dad was in this plan and realized he

721
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:10,120
Speaker 3: was really excited. I tried to argue the current business

722
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,920
Speaker 3: was fifty to fifty between my dad and me, therefore

723
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 3: it should be split sixty six, seventeen, seventy and seventeen.

724
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 3: There are huge salaries, would be better off hiring mechanics

725
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:24,960
Speaker 3: to grow. I was told everyone's replaceable by my sister.

726
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,520
Speaker 3: This crushed me because I don't think that's true. I

727
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:32,319
Speaker 3: secured our biggest ten customers only in the last fifteen months.

728
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 3: Because I have this reputation as the mechanic who went

729
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 3: to UNI and worked on the tools.

730
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:37,400
Speaker 2: I know.

731
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:40,400
Speaker 3: I leveraged this in the bidding process over other companies.

732
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:44,360
Speaker 3: This isn't like a public company. Everything in the industry

733
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,319
Speaker 3: is relationships, I've been reading the art of the war

734
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 3: this last month, and I've decided I'm not going to

735
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,759
Speaker 3: voice any more concerns. I'm going to go along with

736
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 3: the plan, let my emotions melow out, and wait until

737
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:56,800
Speaker 3: i can think.

738
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 4: Of some options.

739
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,239
Speaker 3: Oh Pe on his siblings jobs and if they way

740
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 3: their respective fields or not. Opie says, yes exactly. They

741
00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 3: choose to work in a corporate job and they hate it.

742
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 3: I feel they see this as an opportunity to make

743
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 3: the same money and work for themselves. We have a

744
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:14,399
Speaker 3: system and culture in place that will get ruined by

745
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 3: bringing into people. I also feel they aren't entitled to

746
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:21,000
Speaker 3: the business. I built it up with the understanding it

747
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:24,400
Speaker 3: would be mine. Commoner one says, your dad is being ridiculous.

748
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 3: Suggest you sell the business and split it. However, he

749
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:29,920
Speaker 3: chooses it's his business, even if you helped expand it.

750
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 3: But make it clear that you're not comfortable working in

751
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 3: that situation. Consider whether you want to continue building your

752
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,840
Speaker 3: father's assets. You're not being greedy at all. He's offering

753
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 3: you ten percent of his business in consideration for the

754
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,319
Speaker 3: work you've done to date, plus an equal share with

755
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:48,799
Speaker 3: your siblings After that. That's not crazy unfair to you,

756
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 3: but the work situation he's proposing is ridiculous. You shouldn't

757
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:56,160
Speaker 3: stay in a dysfunctional situation just to keep everybody happy.

758
00:36:56,800 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 3: Opie says, I understand you're saying it's his business, but honestly,

759
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 3: I don't feel he owns one hundred percent of the

760
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:05,520
Speaker 3: current company. I think it would be split fifty to

761
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 3: fifty between him and me at the moment.

762
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 4: Opie.

763
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 3: On his siblings relationship with their father and success in business,

764
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 3: Opie says, I am open to them having a percentage

765
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:16,920
Speaker 3: or a payout from my dad's half of the business.

766
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:19,600
Speaker 3: My dad and I are super close, but my dad

767
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 3: and siblings aren't. I worked with him even while I

768
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,200
Speaker 3: was at UNI, but they got normal jobs that paid

769
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:28,239
Speaker 3: less money. He has tried bonding with them, but he

770
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:31,240
Speaker 3: thinks the world of them. I know they are smart

771
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:34,439
Speaker 3: and successful, but they haven't achieved what they expected in life.

772
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,839
Speaker 3: I have tried talking to my sister and brother individually,

773
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,600
Speaker 3: but they dismiss me, and it's really hard not to

774
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:42,719
Speaker 3: be seen as the little brother who drop it out

775
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 3: of UNI to traml the world. You know, common or

776
00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 3: two says not the a hole can you talk to

777
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:52,480
Speaker 3: your dad about a purchase price, maybe fifty percent to

778
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:54,800
Speaker 3: you and twenty five percent to each of her siblings,

779
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:55,959
Speaker 3: and get your.

780
00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 4: Dad to agree that you buy them out.

781
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 3: That way, Dad gets to feel like he's giving something,

782
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,360
Speaker 3: they feel like they got something, and you get to

783
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 3: own the company yourself. It still sucks for you, but

784
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 3: it might work out better than trying to work with

785
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:12,359
Speaker 3: them in your company. Op says, I have tried, but

786
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 3: my dad is really excited.

787
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 4: About them joining the team.

788
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 3: I joked about them starting on the floor with the

789
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:21,800
Speaker 3: apprentices and he laughed. They aren't the type to get dirty.

790
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 3: My dad sees we hired a few operation people and

791
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:27,839
Speaker 3: a couple of finance people in the last year, and

792
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:31,319
Speaker 3: he doesn't understand why they can't join the office. I've

793
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:34,680
Speaker 3: tried to explain the bookkeepers and I've been people get

794
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,919
Speaker 3: paid sixty five thousand and do what I tell them,

795
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,840
Speaker 3: and there is an update folks ten days later.

796
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, I hope we better start getting solutions.

797
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I need a riot.

798
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,359
Speaker 3: It's just a p having to be like, hey, this

799
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 3: is ridiculous, and no one listening to him.

800
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:54,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, because you just know that you know all the business,

801
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:57,640
Speaker 6: and they're going to ask questions like you know that

802
00:38:57,719 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 6: they're going to ask you questions. They're not going to

803
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,319
Speaker 6: understand how things are run. And they're gonna be coming

804
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 6: to you for all of these things and all of

805
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:07,759
Speaker 6: this help when you were at a lower position from them.

806
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:11,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is that's ridiculous. Yeah, it's so ridiculous. Yeah,

807
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 2: and also being paid more. Yeah.

808
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:16,920
Speaker 3: Ten days later, my sister and brother came to the

809
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,359
Speaker 3: workshop to get on boarded. Last week, they both wore

810
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 3: paste polos to a mechanic shop and refused to shake

811
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:27,000
Speaker 3: anyone's hands because our hands were covered in Greece. My

812
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:30,040
Speaker 3: dad was so excited to show them around, and let's

813
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 3: just say none of the dudes were too impressed. I

814
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 3: went to my mom and dads after to talk. I

815
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:40,319
Speaker 3: expressed some thoughts about and feelings, but they were so dismissive.

816
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,320
Speaker 3: I tried to pitch some of the ideas in the comments,

817
00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:46,200
Speaker 3: like a slower start to joining the business, but they

818
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:49,359
Speaker 3: just felt everything would work out. I just lost it

819
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 3: and told my dad he was a bad mechanic and

820
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,080
Speaker 3: I would never hire him. He's sloppy and inefficient. I

821
00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 3: asked him why he's never on the road. Why he

822
00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:59,919
Speaker 3: only works on ad hoc random issues and never does

823
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:03,520
Speaker 3: routine repairs or servicing on our biggest clients. He's slow,

824
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,480
Speaker 3: he doesn't know how to use the latest tools and technology.

825
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:08,800
Speaker 3: He doesn't even know how to update the iPad checklist

826
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,279
Speaker 3: forums that I created at the end of servicing, and

827
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 3: he sometimes misses check I partner the first year apprentices

828
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 3: with him because he doesn't clean up the tools properly

829
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,799
Speaker 3: after himself. He doesn't wipe them down or place them

830
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 3: back in. They're allocated spots for the next person. They

831
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:24,759
Speaker 3: have to do it for him.

832
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:25,640
Speaker 4: I don't know.

833
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:28,439
Speaker 3: I don't want to work in a family business. I've

834
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 3: always felt like the black sheep of the family. My

835
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:34,840
Speaker 3: older siblings were close, but I felt excluded. They constantly

836
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,240
Speaker 3: lectured me about how I should go back and finish

837
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:41,839
Speaker 3: my degree rather than waste my life in the workshop

838
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:45,360
Speaker 3: of a passed away job. And now after they have

839
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,359
Speaker 3: seen the success of this job, they want to come

840
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:51,960
Speaker 3: in OPI is on a roll. I'll save Reddit from

841
00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:54,360
Speaker 3: all the points. But a lot of resentment in issues

842
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 3: came up. Yeah, we can tell, ope, we can tell.

843
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is a very dang dude.

844
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 3: After that talk, I knew what I needed to do.

845
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:07,200
Speaker 3: I went to one of our biggest clients and my mentor,

846
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:11,040
Speaker 3: the CEO fifty five mail of a logistics company, and

847
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 3: told them the story. He offered me a two hundred

848
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:18,320
Speaker 3: and fifty thousand dollars loan over three years to start

849
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 3: my own shop.

850
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a big loan.

851
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:20,920
Speaker 4: Take it and go.

852
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:22,800
Speaker 2: Man, Wow, dude, I worry.

853
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 6: I worry for their relationship because even if Op is

854
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 6: not close with his siblings, he can't say a relationship

855
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:34,440
Speaker 6: with his dad exactly, and he was close to his dad.

856
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 6: So it's like, I feel like there could have been

857
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:38,680
Speaker 6: a better way to do that.

858
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:39,879
Speaker 2: I get it if like.

859
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:41,840
Speaker 4: All this presentment, which is what people are saying.

860
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:44,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, which like I totally get that, But I feel

861
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:47,480
Speaker 6: like you could still snap in a calm tone, you

862
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 6: know what I mean.

863
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:51,600
Speaker 3: I mean, ideally you would have expressed your points he declines,

864
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:53,759
Speaker 3: and then you go to the other person and say, hey,

865
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:55,920
Speaker 3: this is what's happening, and then you get the job. Sure,

866
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:59,120
Speaker 3: ideally you would have said it respectfully, said okay, if

867
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 3: you're not going to do that, and I can't stay here,

868
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:04,319
Speaker 3: and that's that. But it is hard when you're you know,

869
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 3: you have this close relationship with the dad and he's

870
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 3: just not listening.

871
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:08,840
Speaker 2: Got all the emotions, I get it.

872
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, there's a little bit left though. I signed

873
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,160
Speaker 3: the lease at our old workshop and spent all of

874
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:16,959
Speaker 3: my savings on four cheap utes and close to forty

875
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:20,240
Speaker 3: five kN tools. I've already confirmed with our eight biggest

876
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 3: customers to move to my new workshop, which is close

877
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 3: to sixty five percent of our total revenue. I have

878
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:28,439
Speaker 3: confirmed with seven of our best mechanics that they will

879
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:29,320
Speaker 3: move to my shop.

880
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 4: Little coup Detta here, and.

881
00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 3: I'll welcome any of the other boys once the news breaks.

882
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 3: I just copied our presemployment contracts off a template so

883
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 3: there is no conflict. I know this is going to

884
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 3: blow up the family and will decimate the old business.

885
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 3: I did try talking to my sister about the changes,

886
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 3: but she just treated me as the little kid that

887
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 3: got lucky. My dad was delusional and too excited to

888
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:54,360
Speaker 3: see all his kids working in the same business. To me,

889
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 3: it was never about money or greed. During my time,

890
00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 3: my title was boss's son. I just loved leading a

891
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,760
Speaker 3: team of solid boys working outside fixing stuff that broke

892
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 3: with my pops. I know the culture and business I

893
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,080
Speaker 3: built are gone, so I don't feel I'm destroying anything,

894
00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:16,320
Speaker 3: but I still feel guilty. Yeah, I mean your family

895
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:18,400
Speaker 3: relationship will never be the same.

896
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 4: But as long as you know that, I guess that's that.

897
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:25,879
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, song, as you're prepared, and then that's all

898
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:26,520
Speaker 6: you can do.

899
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

900
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:29,759
Speaker 2: to the next one.

901
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 6: My brother wanted to cause drama at our father's funeral,

902
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 6: so I uninvited him.

903
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:37,920
Speaker 3: You're bringing down the vibes.

904
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 6: I have three younger siblings, two brothers, Andrew and Ben,

905
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 6: and one sister, Claire. When we were younger, my father

906
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:50,480
Speaker 6: discovered Ben was homosexual. He was enraged and probably would

907
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 6: have disowned Ben on the spot if it was not

908
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 6: for the intervention of our mother.

909
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from it politics, Emma.

910
00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:59,200
Speaker 6: They will help, and if you want to submit your

911
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,880
Speaker 6: own stories, go to thelash Okay storytime, supparate it. And

912
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 6: I'm Angie, I'm Sophia. We're here to give good advice. Goofily,

913
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:06,960
Speaker 6: but we don't have all the answers. We're just gonna

914
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 6: guess what we would do in this situation. But let

915
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 6: us know what he would do in the comments, so

916
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:15,280
Speaker 6: Opie says. Dad and Ben never reconciled. A siblings stayed close,

917
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 6: but eventually Ben could not take his attitude anymore and

918
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:22,560
Speaker 6: moved out. Claire followed, but for career reasons, Andrew and

919
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:26,239
Speaker 6: I stayed in our hometown. Dad passed away of the

920
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:29,960
Speaker 6: vid complications a few days ago. As the eldest son

921
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 6: of the family, it became my responsibility to prepare the funeral.

922
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 6: He was a prominent member of the local community, so

923
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:39,879
Speaker 6: attendance will be high. Now we come to the main issue.

924
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,640
Speaker 6: Ben wanted to give eulogy and sent me a draft

925
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:47,279
Speaker 6: of his speech. Unsurprisingly, the contents were not flattering, and

926
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,239
Speaker 6: I rejected him on the spot. Got really angry and

927
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 6: told me that this was his best chance to expose

928
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,799
Speaker 6: Dad's hypocrisy, especially since he had the image of a

929
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 6: good family man. He wanted everyone to know how much

930
00:44:58,320 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 6: he suffered at the hands of our father.

931
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 2: Now. I love Ben unconditionally.

932
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:04,840
Speaker 6: He is my younger brother and there are not a

933
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:06,720
Speaker 6: lot of things that I would not do for him.

934
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:08,719
Speaker 2: However, this is one of them.

935
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:11,680
Speaker 6: It is simply not appropriate to speak ill of the

936
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 6: passed away people at their own funeral, which is supposed

937
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:17,760
Speaker 6: to be a celebration of their life. For all his ugly,

938
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:21,120
Speaker 6: hideous flaws, Dad was a complicated person, and focusing the

939
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:24,120
Speaker 6: entire funeral on his relationship with one person is too much.

940
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 6: There is also the fact that letting him do such

941
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 6: a eulogy will probably cause a massive fallout in the community.

942
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 6: Ben will not have to deal with the consequences because

943
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 6: he lives in another state, but Andrew and I will

944
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 6: be left picking up the pieces. Claire is on Ben's

945
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,799
Speaker 6: side for this one, while Andrew is on mine. I

946
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 6: want to stress that I am not trying to cover

947
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 6: for my father or what he did to Ben, but

948
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:46,719
Speaker 6: there is a time.

949
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 2: And place for such things, and a funeral is not it.

950
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:52,400
Speaker 6: Ben eventually backed down, but his husband has tipped me

951
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 6: off that Ben is still preparing to cause trouble. I really,

952
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 6: really do not want to do this, but it seems

953
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 6: to me that uninviting my brother from the funeral is

954
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:01,320
Speaker 6: the only choice.

955
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:04,719
Speaker 2: Would I be the a hole if I did so?

956
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 6: And for those asking why I would even want to

957
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:10,839
Speaker 6: honor such a horrible man in the first place, it's complicated.

958
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 6: Dad was a great father until the incident which happened

959
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 6: when I was in college. It's not easy being torn

960
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:17,759
Speaker 6: between two people you love. And even though I can

961
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:19,759
Speaker 6: say I did not hesitate to choose Ben, Dad was

962
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 6: still the person that I grew up admiring and loving.

963
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:24,799
Speaker 6: I'm still sorting out my own feelings and trying to

964
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:27,760
Speaker 6: reconcile the loving father that raised me and my siblings

965
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 6: with the man who threw away everything for his petty prejudices.

966
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:35,000
Speaker 6: And there's more info there, But to go back to

967
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:39,359
Speaker 6: that question, would Ope be the a hole if he uninvited?

968
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:43,320
Speaker 3: I think I wonder if there's I think have a

969
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:45,879
Speaker 3: conversation with Ben and say like, hey, I think it's

970
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:49,040
Speaker 3: awful what Dad did to you. I don't support him.

971
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:51,719
Speaker 3: You know that I always supported you, or at least

972
00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:56,279
Speaker 3: I would hope that's true, OPI. But I hope it

973
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 3: doesn't come to you having to come out. I think

974
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,839
Speaker 3: maybe having a convererce saying like do you even want

975
00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 3: to go?

976
00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 2: Yeah?

977
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 3: Like who genuinely, what is it?

978
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 4: How does it help you?

979
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:09,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, to expose him to the town of people you

980
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:12,880
Speaker 3: probably don't even care about. Yeah, you know, like we

981
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:15,799
Speaker 3: probably don't even like them, right, do you even want

982
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 3: to go.

983
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:21,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, and if you do, you know, I would hope.

984
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 3: That you you don't speak like you don't have you

985
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:26,920
Speaker 3: don't do the elogy.

986
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

987
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:30,879
Speaker 3: I don't think you necessarily have a right to ban

988
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:35,720
Speaker 3: him from his own father's funeral, right, but I would

989
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 3: hope that you have a good enough relationship to have

990
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:39,480
Speaker 3: an honest adult conversation with him.

991
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:40,239
Speaker 2: Yeah.

992
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 6: For those asking about the fallout, it has to do

993
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 6: with the town's local politics, That's all I'm willing to say.

994
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:49,759
Speaker 6: Going to do a last few clarifications here because people

995
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:52,520
Speaker 6: are making a lot of assumptions. No, we did not

996
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:54,600
Speaker 6: cover it up. All four of us siblings have been

997
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:56,879
Speaker 6: clear to our friends and family why we moved out

998
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:58,960
Speaker 6: of the family house, and my mother has also made

999
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:01,360
Speaker 6: it clear why she and my late father were estranged,

1000
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:03,719
Speaker 6: even if we did not go out of our way

1001
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:07,680
Speaker 6: to air the family's dirty laundry. Ben has also made

1002
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:09,600
Speaker 6: it clear that he does not resent any of us

1003
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:11,960
Speaker 6: besides our father, and us falling out would just be

1004
00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:15,040
Speaker 6: what our dad would have wanted. I might have understated

1005
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:18,279
Speaker 6: a bit when I referred to the eulogy draft as unflattering.

1006
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:22,200
Speaker 6: It was vulgar, vile, and definitely not appropriate for a funeral.

1007
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:24,480
Speaker 6: Even if I had agreed with Ben's plan, there was

1008
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:27,000
Speaker 6: no chance I would have approved the draft. The eulogy

1009
00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:29,360
Speaker 6: would have reflected badly on him and not my father.

1010
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:31,759
Speaker 6: That's a great point. I'm not going to ask men

1011
00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:33,880
Speaker 6: to keep the past a secret. He is free to

1012
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 6: tell anyone he likes on Facebook, the local obituary, etc.

1013
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:41,399
Speaker 6: I just think that the funeral is not the appropriate time,

1014
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:43,640
Speaker 6: and especially not through a eulogy.

1015
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:46,840
Speaker 2: And yeah, verdicts from the comments are, oh, it is ale,

1016
00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:47,440
Speaker 2: But I.

1017
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:48,960
Speaker 4: Also understand where they're coming from.

1018
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:50,919
Speaker 3: I don't think that you have a right to ban

1019
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:54,040
Speaker 3: your brother from his dad's funeral, but I do think

1020
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 3: I understand where you're coming I agree with you that

1021
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,920
Speaker 3: he should not give that eulogy. Yeah, but also, is

1022
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:02,200
Speaker 3: there any way that we can have an adult conversation.

1023
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:03,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's the same thoughts.

1024
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 6: I at least try a conversation before going to that.

1025
00:49:06,239 --> 00:49:08,839
Speaker 6: I think that should be like a flast sort. Yeah,

1026
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:12,120
Speaker 6: there are some more comments here. Crystal Queen three thousand says, firstly,

1027
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:13,280
Speaker 6: I'm sorry for your loss.

1028
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:14,719
Speaker 2: I'm going against.

1029
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:17,680
Speaker 6: The grain here, though, You're the ahole denying bedenclosure. To

1030
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:20,520
Speaker 6: keep up appearances in the community is cruel. You and

1031
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 6: others experienced your father in a very different way than

1032
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:25,600
Speaker 6: he did. Do I think he should read a eulogy. No,

1033
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:28,760
Speaker 6: but he shouldn't be uninvited. He may cause a scene,

1034
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 6: he might not. I guarantee he's going to show up

1035
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:33,960
Speaker 6: with or without your permission. He'll be responsible for how

1036
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:37,280
Speaker 6: he behaves. And there is an update from a week later. Hello,

1037
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 6: it has been one of the longest weeks of my life,

1038
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:42,040
Speaker 6: but the funeral has finally concluded.

1039
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:44,800
Speaker 2: Okay. First of all, it would.

1040
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:46,840
Speaker 6: Have been a mistake to rescind the invitation to my brother,

1041
00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 6: and thank you to the people who pointed out that

1042
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:50,319
Speaker 6: I had no way of keeping him out of the

1043
00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:53,480
Speaker 6: church without asking security to throw him out. That would

1044
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:56,600
Speaker 6: probably have been almost as bad, if not worse, than

1045
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:58,640
Speaker 6: the eulogy. I had to deal with a lot of

1046
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:02,719
Speaker 6: people during the funeral, and many of them unpleasant but influential,

1047
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 6: and really was not in the right state of mind

1048
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:07,920
Speaker 6: to make decisions. It was also wrong with me to

1049
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:10,200
Speaker 6: try to deny ben closure, though I do have to

1050
00:50:10,239 --> 00:50:12,799
Speaker 6: say that the comments accusing me of being complicit in

1051
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:16,040
Speaker 6: or not having done enough to stop it, we're out

1052
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:18,880
Speaker 6: of line. A singular post where I'm actively trying to

1053
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:21,600
Speaker 6: limit personal information is not a fair basis from which

1054
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:25,320
Speaker 6: to extrapolate our family relationships. And it seems to me

1055
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 6: that many of the commenters have their own emotional baggage

1056
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:30,879
Speaker 6: that they are trying to project onto my relationships. Yeah,

1057
00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:32,719
Speaker 6: he didn't even give us all that, Like, we know

1058
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 6: what it's generally about, but we don't even know exactly

1059
00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:37,080
Speaker 6: what happened, So no, you can't.

1060
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:40,200
Speaker 2: These commuters are silly if they're saying he did something wrong.

1061
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:42,600
Speaker 6: Met up with my brother and his husband a few

1062
00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:44,320
Speaker 6: days after he gave me the eulogy.

1063
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:45,160
Speaker 2: Thank you to.

1064
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 6: Those who suggested I ask about his motivations and provided

1065
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 6: alternative perspectives. We had a surprisingly brief talk. In short,

1066
00:50:53,480 --> 00:50:56,880
Speaker 6: Ben did not want us his immediate family to linize

1067
00:50:56,920 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 6: our father. He agreed that Ben would come, but we

1068
00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:01,719
Speaker 6: would leave the eulogy to dad's friends and we would

1069
00:51:01,719 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 6: hold a private wake for his immediately his immediate family only.

1070
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:09,120
Speaker 6: The funeral was mostly uneventful. A few questions were asked

1071
00:51:09,120 --> 00:51:11,239
Speaker 6: by the priest and my father's friends why none of

1072
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 6: his children or his wife.

1073
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:13,320
Speaker 2: Were giving eulogies.

1074
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:15,440
Speaker 6: But I just explained that we were leaving it for

1075
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:17,799
Speaker 6: the wake. At the wake, we all got to say

1076
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:18,160
Speaker 6: what we.

1077
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:21,040
Speaker 2: Wanted to say. I think this is perfect. Yeah, I

1078
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:21,719
Speaker 2: think so too.

1079
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:23,960
Speaker 4: I'm so happy that you talked to Ben.

1080
00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 6: This.

1081
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:26,520
Speaker 4: You know what this made me think?

1082
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 3: I've been rewatching or I've actually just finished rewatching TETLASSA.

1083
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 3: And there's a moment where one of the characters, I

1084
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:34,080
Speaker 3: won't spoil it too much, but I'm one of the

1085
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:43,160
Speaker 3: characters No loses their father and damn okay, she Rebecca

1086
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:46,400
Speaker 3: loses her dad, uh huh, who she has always hated

1087
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:50,799
Speaker 3: because of something that he did, and she doesn't want

1088
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:52,279
Speaker 3: to give a eulogy. She's like, I don't I have

1089
00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:54,839
Speaker 3: nothing good to say about him, right, And she gets

1090
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:56,920
Speaker 3: up there and she's like, I don't know what I'm

1091
00:51:56,920 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 3: supposed to say, and then she ends up just singing

1092
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:01,799
Speaker 3: this song that she knows her mom loves, oh wow

1093
00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:04,120
Speaker 3: and plays every morning. Oh And that's like the whole thing.

1094
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:06,319
Speaker 3: That's her whole eulogy. She just sings this song that

1095
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:08,359
Speaker 3: she knows her mom loves and it has nothing to

1096
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 3: do with her father because she didn't have a good

1097
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:14,080
Speaker 3: relationship with them. Yeah, and then she has this realization that,

1098
00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:17,239
Speaker 3: you know, there were moments that she forgot about that

1099
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 3: we're good with her dad and she has this very

1100
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 3: complicated relationship with them. But I think the point is

1101
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:25,840
Speaker 3: that if you don't have anything good to say about

1102
00:52:25,880 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 3: your parents or a person that's passing away and you

1103
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:29,920
Speaker 3: have to be at the funeral.

1104
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:33,319
Speaker 4: Don't say it. There's no one is making you say that.

1105
00:52:33,719 --> 00:52:36,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm really appreciative of the family being like,

1106
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:37,919
Speaker 3: we won't say anything either word.

1107
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:38,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally.

1108
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:40,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, there's different ways to go about it, and I

1109
00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:42,279
Speaker 6: think they went about it in a good way.

1110
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:42,800
Speaker 4: Five times.

1111
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:45,720
Speaker 6: There's a tiny bit warm thanks whoever suggested the after

1112
00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:48,319
Speaker 6: funeral party, we went to our childhood home and had

1113
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 6: a great time Due to the VID we hadn't We

1114
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:53,080
Speaker 6: really hadn't had the chance to meet up much, and

1115
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:55,359
Speaker 6: this was the first time we'd had in a long

1116
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:58,399
Speaker 6: time to catch up. After the funeral, we published an

1117
00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:01,239
Speaker 6: obituary with sections for each part of the family. It

1118
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:04,520
Speaker 6: was tactically worded and choosing the right words was a pain,

1119
00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:07,920
Speaker 6: but Ben had fun with his section and there are

1120
00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:12,000
Speaker 6: some final comments. Individual AD ninety two thirteen says congratulations

1121
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 6: on your willingness and ability to compromise and your deaf

1122
00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 6: diplomatic skills. Let me add not the a hole, of course,

1123
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:22,760
Speaker 6: and Opie says, thank you, But most of the praise

1124
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:24,280
Speaker 6: should go to my brother's husband.

1125
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 2: I cannot thank that man enough for everything he has done.

1126
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:30,360
Speaker 6: I figure that by the time we met, my brother

1127
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:32,760
Speaker 6: was already ready to drop the issue, and I'm glad

1128
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 6: we found a solution where everyone could be satisfied. A

1129
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:38,279
Speaker 6: deleted comment says, it's great that you were able to

1130
00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:41,160
Speaker 6: pull this together as a family to deal with the situation.

1131
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:44,600
Speaker 6: Opie says, it's great, isn't it. I'm really lucky to

1132
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:47,279
Speaker 6: be surrounded by wonderful people. Take the issue of my

1133
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:50,520
Speaker 6: father's inheritance, for example. I have heard horror stories of

1134
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 6: families torn apart by fighting over scraps. And even though

1135
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:56,799
Speaker 6: I loved my siblings, money can change people, and I

1136
00:53:56,880 --> 00:54:00,399
Speaker 6: really was not looking forward to executing the will. Thanks more,

1137
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:03,480
Speaker 6: my father left the majority of his assets in generations,

1138
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:06,760
Speaker 6: skipping trusts, so I thought that Ben would be upset

1139
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:07,279
Speaker 6: for sure.

1140
00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 2: We settled it on the day of the funeral. God,

1141
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:11,880
Speaker 2: I'm so lucky. And that's the end of that.

1142
00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:14,239
Speaker 1: Story John here og host.

1143
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:15,960
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick

1144
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:16,840
Speaker 2: three minute break.

1145
00:54:16,640 --> 00:54:19,719
Speaker 1: From hous form our sponsors. I refused to let my

1146
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:22,440
Speaker 1: ex's step son in my house, and now I'm the

1147
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:23,200
Speaker 1: awful one.

1148
00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:26,719
Speaker 6: Oh here we go, harm me awful one.

1149
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:30,600
Speaker 1: Our custody arrangement is for each of us to pick

1150
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:33,760
Speaker 1: the kids up on our day during our two hour

1151
00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:37,080
Speaker 1: pickup window. He arrived at the house and I already

1152
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:39,600
Speaker 1: had the boys ready. I saw his car pull into

1153
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:41,880
Speaker 1: the driveway on my camera, so the boys were already

1154
00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:44,440
Speaker 1: half way to the door when my ex knocked. I

1155
00:54:44,520 --> 00:54:46,960
Speaker 1: opened the door and he was holding the hand of

1156
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:49,799
Speaker 1: a four year old. He asked to come in and

1157
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:52,440
Speaker 1: said his fiance son needed to use the bathroom.

1158
00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:53,399
Speaker 4: By the way.

1159
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:55,759
Speaker 1: This comes from user Bonus West fifty thirty one, and

1160
00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:57,239
Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1161
00:54:57,280 --> 00:54:59,560
Speaker 1: the r slash okay story. I'm subbered it, I'm Dakota,

1162
00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:03,120
Speaker 1: I'm I'm Riley, and we're going to give you good advice, Googly,

1163
00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:05,520
Speaker 1: But we don't have all the answer. We only know

1164
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:07,280
Speaker 1: what we would do, So if you would do something different,

1165
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:09,720
Speaker 1: let us know in the comments. As oh P says,

1166
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:13,160
Speaker 1: I told him I didn't want him to come inside

1167
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:16,720
Speaker 1: because I don't feel comfortable with him in my house. Bruh,

1168
00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:19,920
Speaker 1: it's a four year old who needs to use the toilet.

1169
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:21,160
Speaker 2: It's a little guy.

1170
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 1: This child has a history of snooping through my things.

1171
00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:27,680
Speaker 1: He asked me to take his future steps onto the bathroom,

1172
00:55:27,680 --> 00:55:30,200
Speaker 1: and I said I was uncomfortable with the situation. He

1173
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:32,880
Speaker 1: said his steps une needed to pee. I suggested the

1174
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:35,360
Speaker 1: McDonald's up the road. He said my bathroom would be

1175
00:55:35,360 --> 00:55:39,120
Speaker 1: way clean of the McDonald's facts though he can take

1176
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:40,800
Speaker 1: his own steps onto the bathroom.

1177
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:41,680
Speaker 7: Yeah.

1178
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:44,080
Speaker 1: At this point, my eleven year old started pestering his

1179
00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:44,879
Speaker 1: dad to stop so.

1180
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:45,399
Speaker 4: They could leave.

1181
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:48,640
Speaker 1: My ex said, your brother needs to use the bathroom.

1182
00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:51,719
Speaker 1: My son said, I'll take him. My ex said, no,

1183
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 1: your mother would rather he pee in his pants. We'll

1184
00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:57,000
Speaker 1: go and hopefully we'll get to the McDonald's in time.

1185
00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:01,160
Speaker 1: My ex and the boys left message me afterwards, saying

1186
00:56:01,200 --> 00:56:03,120
Speaker 1: I was cruel to a child to punish him and

1187
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:05,359
Speaker 1: that it wasn't okay. He said, I made us both

1188
00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 1: look bad in front of our kids and should be

1189
00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:10,040
Speaker 1: embarrassed by my actions. I've been fighting with him for

1190
00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:12,640
Speaker 1: so long that my perspective is screwed up. Was I

1191
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:16,120
Speaker 1: in the wrong and there are some comments I would

1192
00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:21,520
Speaker 1: say like maybe, but where was the There should have

1193
00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:23,560
Speaker 1: just been the insistence of like, yeah, you take him

1194
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:25,800
Speaker 1: to the bathroom. I'm not gonna take him to the bathroom.

1195
00:56:25,840 --> 00:56:28,760
Speaker 1: You take him in the bathroom, and I'll observe. I'll

1196
00:56:28,760 --> 00:56:32,080
Speaker 1: make sure you stay where you are designated to be,

1197
00:56:32,760 --> 00:56:33,279
Speaker 1: which is.

1198
00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:34,920
Speaker 3: Just the bathroom.

1199
00:56:35,160 --> 00:56:38,480
Speaker 1: Comments Number one, not the ale he wanted to snoop

1200
00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 1: This was obvious after he rejected your son's offer to

1201
00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 1: take the kid to the bathroom. Sneaky, isn't he, Opie says,

1202
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:48,799
Speaker 1: always has been. He's an indeligent man. Was that sarcasm?

1203
00:56:48,880 --> 00:56:53,000
Speaker 1: Because this guy sounds not that smart. Hm, he got

1204
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:55,200
Speaker 1: put in a corner by an eleven year old. If

1205
00:56:55,239 --> 00:56:57,160
Speaker 1: the kid needed to pee, the X could have stopped

1206
00:56:57,200 --> 00:56:59,720
Speaker 1: prior to arriving at his exes. He knows the relationship

1207
00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:03,279
Speaker 1: is good. Lord, he has a two hour window my

1208
00:57:03,520 --> 00:57:07,680
Speaker 1: X and I six pm. The end. Comments come in.

1209
00:57:07,760 --> 00:57:10,319
Speaker 1: Number two says, Okay, so I like to ask my

1210
00:57:10,520 --> 00:57:12,280
Speaker 1: husband these scenarios and get.

1211
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:12,840
Speaker 4: His two cents.

1212
00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:15,440
Speaker 1: He seems to think, because you have stated you've had

1213
00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:18,600
Speaker 1: multiple problems with the X, that this was more about control.

1214
00:57:18,960 --> 00:57:21,520
Speaker 1: He wanted you to do. What he said was the

1215
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:24,200
Speaker 1: boy hurting and crying because he had to go. If not,

1216
00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 1: my spouse thinks it was a power play by your ex.

1217
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:28,640
Speaker 1: If it were me, I would have asked my son

1218
00:57:28,680 --> 00:57:30,160
Speaker 1: to take him and told the X to go wait

1219
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:35,280
Speaker 1: in his car. But if this hydroponic system just likes

1220
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 1: to boss you around, then not. The ale op says

1221
00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:41,080
Speaker 1: he was holding my ex's hand and kind of looking around.

1222
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:43,800
Speaker 1: He didn't say anything. And there's an update.

1223
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:46,880
Speaker 2: I bet he didn't even need to go to the bathroom. Oh,

1224
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:48,720
Speaker 2: I bet he'd already peat in his pants.

1225
00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 1: I did talk to my lawyer about what happened. He said,

1226
00:57:53,320 --> 00:57:55,440
Speaker 1: we can address it at the hearing we already have

1227
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:58,560
Speaker 1: scheduled about the movie situation. I thought that was that,

1228
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:00,480
Speaker 1: But of course it was my turn to pick up

1229
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:03,240
Speaker 1: the kids today. When I arrived at my ex's place,

1230
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:05,760
Speaker 1: he opened the door very wide and invited me in.

1231
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:08,960
Speaker 1: I was suspicious and said no, thank you.

1232
00:58:09,640 --> 00:58:09,760
Speaker 5: Uh.

1233
00:58:09,960 --> 00:58:12,560
Speaker 1: He kept insisting I come in so we could show

1234
00:58:12,600 --> 00:58:15,160
Speaker 1: the kids we were civil, but I had a bad feeling.

1235
00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:17,440
Speaker 1: I said I would just wait in the car. For

1236
00:58:17,480 --> 00:58:19,640
Speaker 1: the boys to come out. I got in my car,

1237
00:58:19,760 --> 00:58:21,680
Speaker 1: texted my older son that I was there, and a

1238
00:58:21,720 --> 00:58:24,600
Speaker 1: short while later he texted me back saying his dad

1239
00:58:24,640 --> 00:58:27,640
Speaker 1: said they couldn't leave unless I got them. I went

1240
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:30,240
Speaker 1: back to the door and knocked again again. My ex

1241
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:33,800
Speaker 1: invited me inside. I said I didn't want to come in,

1242
00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:37,360
Speaker 1: and that was when my boys showed up. My ex's

1243
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:42,280
Speaker 1: fiance was right behind them, telling them to come back upstairs.

1244
00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:45,600
Speaker 1: They ran to me and we left. I don't know

1245
00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:48,040
Speaker 1: what his game is, but I'm not falling for it,

1246
00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:50,880
Speaker 1: whatever it is. And there's a second update. What a

1247
00:58:50,920 --> 00:58:52,760
Speaker 1: couple of freakin' weirdos.

1248
00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:55,000
Speaker 2: Weirdo alert, weirdo alert.

1249
00:58:55,760 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, guarantee the kids don't like your fiance now, dumb

1250
00:58:59,200 --> 00:59:03,440
Speaker 1: dumb X husband. We just concluded our hearing and it

1251
00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:06,680
Speaker 1: went okay, all things considered. The judge said that neither

1252
00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:09,200
Speaker 1: of us needs the other's permission to take the children

1253
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:13,280
Speaker 1: to age appropriate experiences like movies. He told my ex

1254
00:59:13,400 --> 00:59:16,000
Speaker 1: not to tell me I can't take the kids to

1255
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:18,520
Speaker 1: do certain things just because he wants to do them.

1256
00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:21,040
Speaker 1: But if he wants to do them, he can, but

1257
00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 1: so can I. That was a win. The judge was

1258
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:26,560
Speaker 1: annoyed that there was another drop off issue. He was

1259
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:29,400
Speaker 1: especially annoyed because the reason he gave my ex a

1260
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:32,040
Speaker 1: two hour window for drop offs was that my ex

1261
00:59:32,080 --> 00:59:35,120
Speaker 1: set he needed flexibility since he's a caretaker for his

1262
00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:39,040
Speaker 1: fiancee's children. If he's taking them with him to drop offs,

1263
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:42,080
Speaker 1: why does he need two hours. The judge told him

1264
00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 1: not to take his fiance's children to my house and

1265
00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:46,960
Speaker 1: not to ask to come inside my house. He told

1266
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:48,959
Speaker 1: me not to go. He told me not to ask

1267
00:59:49,040 --> 00:59:51,800
Speaker 1: to go inside his house either. He also told me

1268
00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:53,960
Speaker 1: not to rush my ex and to be patient and

1269
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:56,680
Speaker 1: allow the children time to come to the door. I

1270
00:59:57,000 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 1: wasn't rushing him, but I didn't say that to the judge.

1271
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:03,480
Speaker 1: I just agreed. My ex also dropped the bombshell that

1272
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:06,120
Speaker 1: the week of the wedding, he needs me to pick

1273
01:00:06,160 --> 01:00:08,080
Speaker 1: the kids up from the resort where the wedding is

1274
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:10,880
Speaker 1: instead of his house, because they're going on their honeymoon

1275
01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:12,959
Speaker 1: straight from the resort and not returning home.

1276
01:00:13,320 --> 01:00:17,720
Speaker 6: M He wants her to go see them right after

1277
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:20,880
Speaker 6: they got married and rub it in her face that

1278
01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:21,960
Speaker 6: he's getting remarried.

1279
01:00:22,360 --> 01:00:25,360
Speaker 1: I'm very uncomfortable with this, and my lawyer said that's

1280
01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:28,280
Speaker 1: too much of a burden to put on me. Boom bang.

1281
01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:31,760
Speaker 1: The judge disagreed with my lawyer and said we all

1282
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:35,680
Speaker 1: have to be flexible. Sometimes I'm stuck doing that. I

1283
01:00:35,800 --> 01:00:38,640
Speaker 1: feel like he intentionally started fights about the previous two

1284
01:00:38,720 --> 01:00:41,040
Speaker 1: issues he knew he would lose on, so the judge

1285
01:00:41,040 --> 01:00:42,920
Speaker 1: would side with him on the final issue to make

1286
01:00:42,960 --> 01:00:47,200
Speaker 1: things fare. Maybe I'm just paranoid. So two wins and

1287
01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:50,240
Speaker 1: one loss. Hopefully they'll be too happy about being married

1288
01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:52,680
Speaker 1: to pull any more stunts. And there's a third update,

1289
01:00:52,840 --> 01:00:54,760
Speaker 1: probably about the stunts that were pulled.

1290
01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:57,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

1291
01:00:57,640 --> 01:01:01,360
Speaker 1: Updating with three. Well, I thought I would update everyone

1292
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,400
Speaker 1: on what happened when I picked my kids up from

1293
01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:06,280
Speaker 1: my ex husband's wedding. First of all, I got there

1294
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:09,080
Speaker 1: at eight twenty. As soon as I arrived, I texted

1295
01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:10,959
Speaker 1: my ex and my older son that I was there.

1296
01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:14,200
Speaker 1: Then I walked into the lobby. I checked my phone

1297
01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:17,960
Speaker 1: and had no response from either. I waited until eight forty,

1298
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:20,360
Speaker 1: and then I walked to the front desk. I said

1299
01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:22,320
Speaker 1: I was there to pick up my children and asked

1300
01:01:22,400 --> 01:01:24,480
Speaker 1: if maybe my ex had left a message at the

1301
01:01:24,560 --> 01:01:28,000
Speaker 1: desk for me, they knew nothing. I called my older

1302
01:01:28,040 --> 01:01:31,120
Speaker 1: son and he didn't answer. I called my ex and

1303
01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:34,120
Speaker 1: he didn't answer. At this point, my anxiety was bad

1304
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:37,640
Speaker 1: and I felt sick. At nine, I called my lawyer

1305
01:01:37,840 --> 01:01:40,480
Speaker 1: and his receptionist said he would call me back. I

1306
01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:43,760
Speaker 1: kept calling my older son and he didn't answer. This

1307
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:46,640
Speaker 1: was unusual for him. I was scared something had happened.

1308
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:49,040
Speaker 1: I asked the front desk which room they were in,

1309
01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:51,880
Speaker 1: and they couldn't tell me, which I understood. At nine

1310
01:01:51,840 --> 01:01:54,560
Speaker 1: to twenty, I called the police. It took them a

1311
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:56,960
Speaker 1: while to get there. When they arrived, it was past

1312
01:01:57,160 --> 01:02:00,800
Speaker 1: ten the pickup window. I was panicking. All I could

1313
01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:02,320
Speaker 1: think was that my ex was going to tell the

1314
01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:05,160
Speaker 1: judge I was late. When the police arrived, they asked

1315
01:02:05,200 --> 01:02:07,600
Speaker 1: the front desk for my ex's room number. They told

1316
01:02:07,600 --> 01:02:09,760
Speaker 1: the police he had checked out.

1317
01:02:10,160 --> 01:02:10,720
Speaker 4: Uh.

1318
01:02:11,080 --> 01:02:14,320
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to think. They asked the front

1319
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:16,600
Speaker 1: desk if they had kids with them when they left,

1320
01:02:16,600 --> 01:02:19,160
Speaker 1: and they said no. They said my kids were actually

1321
01:02:19,160 --> 01:02:22,160
Speaker 1: booked in a suite with her kids and his parents,

1322
01:02:22,560 --> 01:02:25,880
Speaker 1: and they had paid for late checkout. The officers told

1323
01:02:25,920 --> 01:02:28,040
Speaker 1: me to wait downstairs and went to the room. They

1324
01:02:28,040 --> 01:02:31,000
Speaker 1: came back with my kids and their stuff, and we left.

1325
01:02:31,480 --> 01:02:33,920
Speaker 1: My oldest said his grandfather took his phone away and

1326
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:36,720
Speaker 1: they stayed up late and had no alarm set. Both

1327
01:02:36,760 --> 01:02:39,680
Speaker 1: boys said their grandparents were furious when the cops showed up.

1328
01:02:40,160 --> 01:02:43,320
Speaker 1: My lawyer eventually caught me back and we scheduled another

1329
01:02:43,480 --> 01:02:45,720
Speaker 1: custody hearing for after the honeymoon.

1330
01:02:46,040 --> 01:02:50,760
Speaker 7: Oh my gosh, Well, hopefully the judge will see that

1331
01:02:50,800 --> 01:02:53,960
Speaker 7: this is bonkers and that there's some sort of you know,

1332
01:02:54,840 --> 01:02:57,040
Speaker 7: insane not even just miscommunication.

1333
01:02:57,160 --> 01:02:59,480
Speaker 2: It's like it's like intentional miscommunication.

1334
01:02:59,640 --> 01:03:03,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you're just why why you're turning your children

1335
01:03:03,880 --> 01:03:08,760
Speaker 1: into a vehicle to give your ex anxiety?

1336
01:03:09,080 --> 01:03:09,320
Speaker 2: Right?

1337
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:13,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, I think you're just it's the lawyers, the

1338
01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:15,680
Speaker 1: lawyers and the judges, and that's all you can really

1339
01:03:15,720 --> 01:03:20,480
Speaker 1: do and document and be like, hey, I'm I'm this

1340
01:03:20,520 --> 01:03:21,240
Speaker 1: isn't working.

1341
01:03:21,560 --> 01:03:25,080
Speaker 2: I'm really excited to see what happens at this next hearing.

1342
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:28,640
Speaker 1: So at the hearing, my ex tried to put everything

1343
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:31,439
Speaker 1: on me. He said, he told me the kids would

1344
01:03:31,480 --> 01:03:34,360
Speaker 1: be with his parents, he didn't, and then I staged

1345
01:03:34,440 --> 01:03:37,400
Speaker 1: the whole thing to make him look bad. He also said,

1346
01:03:37,600 --> 01:03:41,600
Speaker 1: me calling the police traumatized the kids. I showed the

1347
01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:45,600
Speaker 1: judge all of our communication. The judge even interviewed my kids,

1348
01:03:45,800 --> 01:03:47,880
Speaker 1: who said even they didn't know they would be with

1349
01:03:47,920 --> 01:03:51,400
Speaker 1: their grandparents until the prior evening, by which point my

1350
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:54,120
Speaker 1: oldest phone had already been confiscated.

1351
01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:57,320
Speaker 6: Huh, the one that she was trying to communicate with exactly.

1352
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:01,880
Speaker 1: The judge gave me Prime Verry custody with visitation and

1353
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:04,680
Speaker 1: said all pickups and drop offs will now be at

1354
01:04:04,760 --> 01:04:08,760
Speaker 1: neutral locations with a thirty minute window. He was done.

1355
01:04:09,240 --> 01:04:10,680
Speaker 3: He was pissed.

1356
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:17,200
Speaker 1: Yes, go judge, go judge, Go judge. Goudge, Go judge,

1357
01:04:17,240 --> 01:04:18,040
Speaker 1: Go judge.

1358
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:19,480
Speaker 2: Gooooo.

1359
01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:25,360
Speaker 1: My ex has filed to have our case transferred to

1360
01:04:25,440 --> 01:04:28,919
Speaker 1: another judge because this one is clearly biased against him.

1361
01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:31,440
Speaker 1: In the meantime, though the boys and I are happy

1362
01:04:31,520 --> 01:04:35,280
Speaker 1: and doing well. They're both getting great grades so far

1363
01:04:35,320 --> 01:04:37,720
Speaker 1: this year. And that is the end of that story.

1364
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:43,760
Speaker 6: Wow Okay, well, yeah, we got a great, satisfying ending.

1365
01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:47,200
Speaker 2: Justice was served, justice dispensed.