WEBVTT - BONUS: Ask Abuelita!

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, everyone, It's Liliana from Date my Abuelita First. Now

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<v Speaker 1>with all my new NATO's, Natas and nitas on the show,

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<v Speaker 1>I am really touched at how they all put their

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<v Speaker 1>trust in me. Thank you for doing so. Awelita is

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<v Speaker 1>here to help you find love. Now. I may have

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of experience, but let's see how my experience

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<v Speaker 1>holds up when listeners right in with their dating questions.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my goodness, and I have to give advice on

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<v Speaker 1>the spot. I can do that to our listeners. If

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<v Speaker 1>you've ever wanted advice directly from an abuelita like me,

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<v Speaker 1>well now it's your chance. Dm us with your dating

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<v Speaker 1>questions at Date my Abuelita First on Instagram and I

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<v Speaker 1>will select a few questions to answer. Now let's get

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<v Speaker 1>the advice trained Roland. Are we ready for the first question?

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<v Speaker 1>Here we go. Hey, Wellita, I'm a queer Polly. They

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<v Speaker 1>them prince and non binary Prince. And even though I

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<v Speaker 1>have lots of love for my friends and my lovers

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<v Speaker 1>and chosen family, I haven't told my birth family that

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<v Speaker 1>I am Polly. My birth family and I are super

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<v Speaker 1>close and unfortunate that for the most part, they are

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<v Speaker 1>very accepting of my gender and queerness. They know a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of my friends, and they often hear me talk

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<v Speaker 1>about my friends' love lives and multiple partners, hookups, etc.

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<v Speaker 1>And often makes night jokes about how my generation can

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<v Speaker 1>make up their mind about anything and that's why everyone

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<v Speaker 1>is Polly, and how it's too easy when you have

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<v Speaker 1>endless choices of dating apps in your pocket. Well, I

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<v Speaker 1>want my parents to know I'm Polly too, but I'm

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<v Speaker 1>worried they will feel like it's yet another non normative

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<v Speaker 1>aspect of my identity that they have to deal with

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<v Speaker 1>and explain to our extended family. If I were your

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<v Speaker 1>child or your niette, how would you want me to

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<v Speaker 1>bring this out to you? If you already had some

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<v Speaker 1>preconceived judgments about Polly people, Thank you, Awelita. Let's start

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<v Speaker 1>at the end. I personally do not have any preconceived

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<v Speaker 1>judgments about anyone. The more you live, the more you know,

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<v Speaker 1>the more you encounter beautiful human beings. How can you now,

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<v Speaker 1>Let's go to the very beginning. You're very close to

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<v Speaker 1>your family. They accept you for who you are, and

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<v Speaker 1>you are very lucky in that regard that they make

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<v Speaker 1>snight comments about your friends and the uncertainty of what

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<v Speaker 1>kind of life you are all leading. Well, it's time

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<v Speaker 1>to make a little clarification. How about a sit down.

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<v Speaker 1>How about just going all the way with the absolute truth,

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<v Speaker 1>with an open heart and mind. They love you, They

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<v Speaker 1>have accepted you so far, and there's no question in

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<v Speaker 1>my mind that this is who you are are. And

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<v Speaker 1>because they love you, they will continue to accept you.

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<v Speaker 1>Do not hide anything, share with those that are there

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<v Speaker 1>to back you up every time. They are not going

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<v Speaker 1>to make any more comments. You know where the comments

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<v Speaker 1>come from. They come from our own ignorance because we

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<v Speaker 1>just don't know much, We don't accept much because the

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<v Speaker 1>world is changing so fast around us. I am opening

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<v Speaker 1>my mind, my heart, and my world to the polyamorous

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<v Speaker 1>relationship that these beautiful human beings have, and we all

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<v Speaker 1>must do the same. So sit down with your parents,

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<v Speaker 1>sit down with your family, Be as honest as you can, do,

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<v Speaker 1>not hide at all, and if anything changes, well this

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<v Speaker 1>time to make other adult decisions. From then on. Here

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<v Speaker 1>we go with another one. I cheated on my partner once, seriously,

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<v Speaker 1>just once, and it was a big mistake, and I

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<v Speaker 1>was upfront and honest about what had happened. After telling

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<v Speaker 1>my partner and doing a lot of work to rebuild

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<v Speaker 1>our relationship, both internally respectively and as a couple. Our

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<v Speaker 1>relationships seemed like it was on the right track, but

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<v Speaker 1>I've noticed the trust we shared has not been the same.

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<v Speaker 1>The relationship feels more one sided than ever before, like they,

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<v Speaker 1>in small ways want me to prove my love for them.

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<v Speaker 1>Even in subtle ways. They definitely have a lot more

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<v Speaker 1>of the power in the relationship, which they are aware of,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's something we work on together in couple's therapy.

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<v Speaker 1>Ever since the cheating, they track my location, question a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of the things I do and where I go.

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<v Speaker 1>Even if I'm just hanging out with friends. They'll sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>blow up my phone and accuse me of being in

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<v Speaker 1>other places. Most of the time things are okay, but

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like sometimes they get super activated, and in

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<v Speaker 1>those moments it feels like they will never truly trust

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<v Speaker 1>me again. I made a mistake, but come on, will

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<v Speaker 1>they ever truly trust me again? Is there anything I

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<v Speaker 1>can do to regain more trust? Or do we need

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<v Speaker 1>to be having a much bigger conversation about if we

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<v Speaker 1>should continue pursuing the relationship. Well, at the very top,

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<v Speaker 1>I love your honesty. I love the fact that you

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<v Speaker 1>came up front and told it like it is. It

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<v Speaker 1>happened once, it was a mistake and you wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>move on. But however, how the relationship developed afterwards, it

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<v Speaker 1>has more to do with other issues than the fact

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<v Speaker 1>that you cheat it. There were other things going on.

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<v Speaker 1>But is it so much easier to put the blame

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<v Speaker 1>on an action or a reaction than to talk about

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<v Speaker 1>the general issues that are going on. What would I do?

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<v Speaker 1>I would truly move on. Once the trust is gone,

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<v Speaker 1>once it's broken, once the questions start piling up, once

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<v Speaker 1>the phone starts blowing up, there is nothing there enjoy

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<v Speaker 1>in your mind and in your heart the time that

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<v Speaker 1>you had together. Even therapy is not working. But at

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<v Speaker 1>this point it is truly the time to move on.

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<v Speaker 1>You can remain friends, you can remember the good times

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<v Speaker 1>and love that person for those memories and those times.

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<v Speaker 1>But no trust, no honesty, no love, and too many questions.

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<v Speaker 1>There's one answer, move on. When MISA artists don't forget

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<v Speaker 1>to listen to date my I will wit that first

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<v Speaker 1>on Thursdays. And while you're listening, don't forget to click

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<v Speaker 1>that subscribe button. Come on, do it? Now find us

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<v Speaker 1>on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever it is

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<v Speaker 1>that you listen to your favorite shows like Date My Awilita,

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<v Speaker 1>First Love, You, Miss Mitos Miasmas, and if you have

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<v Speaker 1>a burning question that is keeping you guessing, well don't

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<v Speaker 1>guess anymore. You know that Awelita has your back all

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<v Speaker 1>the way dm us at Date My Awilita First on

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<v Speaker 1>Instagram and we'll work on getting this answered for you.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm a real, real Awilita and I've got all the

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<v Speaker 1>advice in the world. You all