Speaker 1: Hello, everyone, It's Liliana from Date my Abuelita First. Now
Speaker 1: with all my new NATO's, Natas and nitas on the show,
Speaker 1: I am really touched at how they all put their
Speaker 1: trust in me. Thank you for doing so. Awelita is
Speaker 1: here to help you find love. Now. I may have
Speaker 1: a lot of experience, but let's see how my experience
Speaker 1: holds up when listeners right in with their dating questions.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, and I have to give advice on
Speaker 1: the spot. I can do that to our listeners. If
Speaker 1: you've ever wanted advice directly from an abuelita like me,
Speaker 1: well now it's your chance. Dm us with your dating
Speaker 1: questions at Date my Abuelita First on Instagram and I
Speaker 1: will select a few questions to answer. Now let's get
Speaker 1: the advice trained Roland. Are we ready for the first question?
Speaker 1: Here we go. Hey, Wellita, I'm a queer Polly. They
Speaker 1: them prince and non binary Prince. And even though I
Speaker 1: have lots of love for my friends and my lovers
Speaker 1: and chosen family, I haven't told my birth family that
Speaker 1: I am Polly. My birth family and I are super
Speaker 1: close and unfortunate that for the most part, they are
Speaker 1: very accepting of my gender and queerness. They know a
Speaker 1: lot of my friends, and they often hear me talk
Speaker 1: about my friends' love lives and multiple partners, hookups, etc.
Speaker 1: And often makes night jokes about how my generation can
Speaker 1: make up their mind about anything and that's why everyone
Speaker 1: is Polly, and how it's too easy when you have
Speaker 1: endless choices of dating apps in your pocket. Well, I
Speaker 1: want my parents to know I'm Polly too, but I'm
Speaker 1: worried they will feel like it's yet another non normative
Speaker 1: aspect of my identity that they have to deal with
Speaker 1: and explain to our extended family. If I were your
Speaker 1: child or your niette, how would you want me to
Speaker 1: bring this out to you? If you already had some
Speaker 1: preconceived judgments about Polly people, Thank you, Awelita. Let's start
Speaker 1: at the end. I personally do not have any preconceived
Speaker 1: judgments about anyone. The more you live, the more you know,
Speaker 1: the more you encounter beautiful human beings. How can you now,
Speaker 1: Let's go to the very beginning. You're very close to
Speaker 1: your family. They accept you for who you are, and
Speaker 1: you are very lucky in that regard that they make
Speaker 1: snight comments about your friends and the uncertainty of what
Speaker 1: kind of life you are all leading. Well, it's time
Speaker 1: to make a little clarification. How about a sit down.
Speaker 1: How about just going all the way with the absolute truth,
Speaker 1: with an open heart and mind. They love you, They
Speaker 1: have accepted you so far, and there's no question in
Speaker 1: my mind that this is who you are are. And
Speaker 1: because they love you, they will continue to accept you.
Speaker 1: Do not hide anything, share with those that are there
Speaker 1: to back you up every time. They are not going
Speaker 1: to make any more comments. You know where the comments
Speaker 1: come from. They come from our own ignorance because we
Speaker 1: just don't know much, We don't accept much because the
Speaker 1: world is changing so fast around us. I am opening
Speaker 1: my mind, my heart, and my world to the polyamorous
Speaker 1: relationship that these beautiful human beings have, and we all
Speaker 1: must do the same. So sit down with your parents,
Speaker 1: sit down with your family, Be as honest as you can, do,
Speaker 1: not hide at all, and if anything changes, well this
Speaker 1: time to make other adult decisions. From then on. Here
Speaker 1: we go with another one. I cheated on my partner once, seriously,
Speaker 1: just once, and it was a big mistake, and I
Speaker 1: was upfront and honest about what had happened. After telling
Speaker 1: my partner and doing a lot of work to rebuild
Speaker 1: our relationship, both internally respectively and as a couple. Our
Speaker 1: relationships seemed like it was on the right track, but
Speaker 1: I've noticed the trust we shared has not been the same.
Speaker 1: The relationship feels more one sided than ever before, like they,
Speaker 1: in small ways want me to prove my love for them.
Speaker 1: Even in subtle ways. They definitely have a lot more
Speaker 1: of the power in the relationship, which they are aware of,
Speaker 1: and it's something we work on together in couple's therapy.
Speaker 1: Ever since the cheating, they track my location, question a
Speaker 1: lot of the things I do and where I go.
Speaker 1: Even if I'm just hanging out with friends. They'll sometimes
Speaker 1: blow up my phone and accuse me of being in
Speaker 1: other places. Most of the time things are okay, but
Speaker 1: I feel like sometimes they get super activated, and in
Speaker 1: those moments it feels like they will never truly trust
Speaker 1: me again. I made a mistake, but come on, will
Speaker 1: they ever truly trust me again? Is there anything I
Speaker 1: can do to regain more trust? Or do we need
Speaker 1: to be having a much bigger conversation about if we
Speaker 1: should continue pursuing the relationship. Well, at the very top,
Speaker 1: I love your honesty. I love the fact that you
Speaker 1: came up front and told it like it is. It
Speaker 1: happened once, it was a mistake and you wanted to
Speaker 1: move on. But however, how the relationship developed afterwards, it
Speaker 1: has more to do with other issues than the fact
Speaker 1: that you cheat it. There were other things going on.
Speaker 1: But is it so much easier to put the blame
Speaker 1: on an action or a reaction than to talk about
Speaker 1: the general issues that are going on. What would I do?
Speaker 1: I would truly move on. Once the trust is gone,
Speaker 1: once it's broken, once the questions start piling up, once
Speaker 1: the phone starts blowing up, there is nothing there enjoy
Speaker 1: in your mind and in your heart the time that
Speaker 1: you had together. Even therapy is not working. But at
Speaker 1: this point it is truly the time to move on.
Speaker 1: You can remain friends, you can remember the good times
Speaker 1: and love that person for those memories and those times.
Speaker 1: But no trust, no honesty, no love, and too many questions.
Speaker 1: There's one answer, move on. When MISA artists don't forget
Speaker 1: to listen to date my I will wit that first
Speaker 1: on Thursdays. And while you're listening, don't forget to click
Speaker 1: that subscribe button. Come on, do it? Now find us
Speaker 1: on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever it is
Speaker 1: that you listen to your favorite shows like Date My Awilita,
Speaker 1: First Love, You, Miss Mitos Miasmas, and if you have
Speaker 1: a burning question that is keeping you guessing, well don't
Speaker 1: guess anymore. You know that Awelita has your back all
Speaker 1: the way dm us at Date My Awilita First on
Speaker 1: Instagram and we'll work on getting this answered for you.
Speaker 1: I'm a real, real Awilita and I've got all the
Speaker 1: advice in the world. You all