WEBVTT - MisSex

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<v Speaker 1>Misspelling with Tori spelling an iHeartRadio podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, so, as everyone knows, I just recently ended my

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<v Speaker 2>eighteen year marriage, so knew me. It's my second chapter.

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<v Speaker 2>So I thought it'd be fun to have someone who's

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<v Speaker 2>renowned in this field, the intimacy expert herself, doctor Viviana

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<v Speaker 2>Cole's on today to tell me. Will I ever find

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<v Speaker 2>intimacy again? Does that mean I have to have a relationship?

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<v Speaker 2>Do I have to get married again? Do I have

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<v Speaker 2>to find love? Can I just be me? I just

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<v Speaker 2>want to find me? Hi, doctor V.

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, Tori, how are you doing. It's so good to

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<v Speaker 1>meet you.

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<v Speaker 2>It's so nice to meet you. Oh my gosh, you

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<v Speaker 2>are beautiful.

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<v Speaker 1>You know it's the lighting.

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<v Speaker 2>I know, it's just the ring light.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, thanksving on. I'm really excited to be a guest.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you well for this session, doctor v I'm your patient. Tea.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh I love that great. Okay, I'm putting the hat on.

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<v Speaker 1>That's good, all right, perfect.

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<v Speaker 2>So I just recently ended an eighteen year marriage together

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<v Speaker 2>almost twenty years, which is a huge chunk the big

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<v Speaker 2>party of life, like a huge part of my life.

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<v Speaker 2>Like it's hard for me to even remember anything before that?

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<v Speaker 2>Is that normal?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, well, I'm going to be celebrating seventeen years married,

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<v Speaker 3>so I kind of I kind of understand what you mean.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's you.

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<v Speaker 3>Grow so much as a human and as an individual,

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<v Speaker 3>but then you also are kind of melding with that

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<v Speaker 3>other person, So it's hard to imagine life before then.

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<v Speaker 3>And again that's just kind of the way that our

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<v Speaker 3>memories were.

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<v Speaker 1>But especially when you.

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<v Speaker 3>Have such a full life, it's hard to even like

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<v Speaker 3>extract that person from those memories.

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<v Speaker 2>It's true, doctor Vee. You have two kids with.

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<v Speaker 1>Two kids fifteen and twelve.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, wow, and a boy and a girl who's older.

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<v Speaker 1>The girl thankfully and I because she has helped our

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<v Speaker 1>younger son be like really calm compared to other boys.

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<v Speaker 2>That's interesting. I have five kids, and two of mine,

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<v Speaker 2>the fifteen year old girl and the eleven he's about

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<v Speaker 2>to turn twelve year old boy, are super close. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>like that came out of nowhere, and she gives him advice.

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<v Speaker 2>I get all my advice from my fifteen year old.

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<v Speaker 1>What have things been like?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, how long has it been since you're like officially

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<v Speaker 3>called equits between the two of you?

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<v Speaker 2>Good question, almost a year okay past June.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, an anniversary, and I'm sure that that brings up,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, a lot of feelings for you, you know, anytime.

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<v Speaker 2>The anniversary really no.

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<v Speaker 1>No, really, no feelings.

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<v Speaker 2>The feelings came up when it was our own anniversary,

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<v Speaker 2>which was just recently in May.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so not in June. Sorry, but I thought you

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<v Speaker 1>were saying that it's busy.

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<v Speaker 2>Was like our were separating the official okay, and how

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<v Speaker 2>are you dealing with those feelings?

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<v Speaker 1>What are you doing with all of that?

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<v Speaker 2>It's it's freeing, May I be honest. I'm just kidding.

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<v Speaker 1>I love that.

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<v Speaker 2>I know no other way. I feel like it was

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<v Speaker 2>over a long time ago. I didn't know how to

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<v Speaker 2>get out of it. I feel like he felt the

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<v Speaker 2>same way. It was codependent. We stayed for me personally.

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<v Speaker 2>I can't on his behalf. I stayed predominantly for the

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<v Speaker 2>kids and well he fixed you know, the light bulbs

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<v Speaker 2>and the screws and things around the house. So just kidding,

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<v Speaker 2>not really.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, so everyone knows I'm not your therapist in real life.

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<v Speaker 3>So there's a lot that I don't know. And so

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<v Speaker 3>if I ask certain questions and people are going to

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<v Speaker 3>be like, how does she not know that? It's because

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not really her therapist. But for today's episode, I

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<v Speaker 3>love that you're kind of bringing us in because all

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<v Speaker 3>of this is so real.

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<v Speaker 1>And what you said just now that.

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<v Speaker 3>Things were over before for me, it was it was

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<v Speaker 3>over a way before for him, And you know, I

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<v Speaker 3>stayed for the kids. And I'm sure that there were

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<v Speaker 3>parts of whatever was going on that you.

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<v Speaker 1>Thought, can this be remedied? Can we work through this?

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<v Speaker 1>Is it possible?

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<v Speaker 3>And then inevitably it sounds like you got to a

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<v Speaker 3>place where you said life is going to be better

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<v Speaker 3>for everyone involved if we're not in a romantic relationship together.

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<v Speaker 1>Is that right?

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<v Speaker 2>I got to a point a couple times in the

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<v Speaker 2>relationship later on where I thought like, maybe it's better

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<v Speaker 2>to just stay and maybe my next lifetime I'll yeah

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<v Speaker 2>find true love or happiness.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, like taking a back seat just because that might

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<v Speaker 3>be that could be what's best for the family, or

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<v Speaker 3>to not rock the book.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I can put my needs in the backseat, no problem, right.

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like, maybe this lifetime I was just

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<v Speaker 2>meant to be a mom and a workhorse, and that's

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<v Speaker 2>what's given to me. And if that's it. Then I

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<v Speaker 2>am going to do the noble thing and just stay.

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<v Speaker 3>There are so many people out there feeling that right now.

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<v Speaker 3>So how did you make that change and that switch

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<v Speaker 3>to like, no, I need to be the main character

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<v Speaker 3>in my own life. I need in order for me

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<v Speaker 3>to be a better mom. I need to be there

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<v Speaker 3>for myself.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean you're an author as well, so you under stand.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean you have a degree. But in my own brain,

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<v Speaker 2>I have written memoirs and in one of them, I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, write your own happy ending, and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>I can give the best advice to people, But why

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<v Speaker 2>am I not taking it? Like I'm supposed to be

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<v Speaker 2>the main character? Like I always joke in the horror film,

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<v Speaker 2>I'd be the main character. Well, what about your own

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<v Speaker 2>fucking life? Bitch? Sorry? Sorry? Can I curse in front

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<v Speaker 2>of you? Doctor?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, you may, I'm my my churs. Doctor, you can go.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm learning to say not sorry, not sorry.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay. So, yeah, you decided to write your own story

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<v Speaker 1>and I didn't. Actually you didn't. Okay. Wait, so we're

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<v Speaker 1>all over the place, so you knew.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome to my life.

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<v Speaker 1>You were telling everyone, Hey, you need to make the

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<v Speaker 1>best out of this life.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, then you can rewrite it.

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<v Speaker 3>I couldn't do that or you what happened was the

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<v Speaker 3>choice made for you.

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<v Speaker 2>It well, you know when someone like cracks a window

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<v Speaker 2>and then you just smash through the whole fucking glass.

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<v Speaker 2>So that's what happened to me. And my soon to

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<v Speaker 2>be ex husband is sober now and we're super proud

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<v Speaker 2>of him, and he's put a lot of hard work

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<v Speaker 2>into it. Almost a year. But it was and he's

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<v Speaker 2>talked about this so I can talk about it. It

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<v Speaker 2>was that one last final like blowout, like drunken blowout, screaming, ranting,

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<v Speaker 2>and he said, I want a divorce. I'd heard that

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<v Speaker 2>so many times and I just went, okay, okay. At

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<v Speaker 2>this point, when he gets like this, I know him well,

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<v Speaker 2>like just let him, like, just keep quiet. He'll eventually

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<v Speaker 2>go to bed. We didn't sleep in the same room.

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<v Speaker 2>I know we'll get to that for like three or

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<v Speaker 2>four years. And then he went and posted on Instagram

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<v Speaker 2>that we were separating. It was like that crafted like oh,

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<v Speaker 2>like publicist, like please respect our privacy, and he put

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<v Speaker 2>that on Instagram and when I saw it, I remember

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<v Speaker 2>like kind of chuckling a little bit, like and it

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<v Speaker 2>couldn't help. But it was like a nervous laughter. A

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<v Speaker 2>fifteen year old was with me and she goes, Mom,

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<v Speaker 2>that's not funny. I was like, no, I'm sorry, it's

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<v Speaker 2>not funny. And I was ashamed that it just came

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<v Speaker 2>out spontaneously, and she's like, he needs to take that down.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, well, it's true, she goes, but that's not

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<v Speaker 2>the public story to know right now. We need to

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<v Speaker 2>deal with this privately. He can't put it for the

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<v Speaker 2>world to know before working it through with his family.

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<v Speaker 2>So she got him to take it down. But as

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<v Speaker 2>we know, as social media, once it goes up, even

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<v Speaker 2>if one, two three people see it, they screenshot. It

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<v Speaker 2>was all over the press and the next day I

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<v Speaker 2>still wasn't mad that it went up. I was really

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<v Speaker 2>felt bad that my kids saw it and that they

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<v Speaker 2>were upset that he put that out there. But to me,

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, this is my out. It was so freeing.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, the whole world knows. The whole world knows.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a sham that you know. Will they divorced? Will

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<v Speaker 2>they not? Are they happy? Are they not together? They've

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<v Speaker 2>been saying that our whole relationship, even when we were happy.

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<v Speaker 2>So I was like, okay, I'm out now, and that

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<v Speaker 2>was it.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow okay, So you almost saw that as an opportunity, correct,

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<v Speaker 1>and it was something that he did so he couldn't

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<v Speaker 1>technically like use it against you. No, Wow okay. And

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<v Speaker 1>that's been almost a year.

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<v Speaker 2>You said, Yeah, is that weak of me that that's

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<v Speaker 2>the only way I could try to find my happiness?

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<v Speaker 3>I think it shows a lot of strength that you

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<v Speaker 3>kept trying for as long as you did because of

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<v Speaker 3>all of the different external pressures and of course the

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<v Speaker 3>internal pressures as a mom. You know, for some people

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<v Speaker 3>they can they can keep trying forever. But it doesn't

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<v Speaker 3>sound like you were getting anything or enough of anything

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<v Speaker 3>to really say things could be better. So you know what,

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<v Speaker 3>there's there's no judgment, there's no like right way to

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<v Speaker 3>do this. It sounds like you're in a better place now.

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<v Speaker 1>Is maybe how's your pa? Sure?

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<v Speaker 2>No, definitely. You know it's hard and there's ups and downs,

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<v Speaker 2>and there's five kids involved and we're trying to navigate

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<v Speaker 2>it as best we can and co parent. My husband,

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<v Speaker 2>my husband, my soon to be ex husband has a

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<v Speaker 2>living girlfriend, so he went right into another relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you surprised. Now.

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<v Speaker 2>I do wish for him though, because I love him

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<v Speaker 2>and care about him very much. He he got married

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<v Speaker 2>I'm his second wife when he was twenty six years old,

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<v Speaker 2>and he went from that relationship to me and now

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<v Speaker 2>to his current girlfriend. So I mean miscellaneous stuff in between,

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<v Speaker 2>but relationship, and I feel for him that I'm like, gosh,

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<v Speaker 2>I wish he would just take time. And I hate

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<v Speaker 2>this because and tells me take time for yourself. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't mean it that way. I mean date, like, see

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<v Speaker 2>what it's like to be out there, find what you want.

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<v Speaker 3>I think there are a lot of like serial monogamous,

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<v Speaker 3>serial relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>REI well, yeah, I think there's a lot of people

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<v Speaker 1>who just kind of fit into that.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I am. Yeah, I've never dated. I always

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<v Speaker 2>go from one relationship to another.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, dating stinks, so I mean the worst. I feel

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<v Speaker 1>so badly for people who would love to be in

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<v Speaker 1>a relationship, but the way in the platforms that are

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<v Speaker 1>out there to meet people make it so unattractive, and

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<v Speaker 1>then with people just.

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<v Speaker 3>Being lying and they're betraying, and there's so many stories

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<v Speaker 3>of hardship out there. Like I don't blame people for

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<v Speaker 3>just kind of taking a step back often and saying Okay,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm just going to be single for a while. But

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<v Speaker 3>it's not usually because they want to be it's because

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<v Speaker 3>they kind of don't have anything to really help them

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<v Speaker 3>to do that. I actually started like doing some very

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<v Speaker 3>small boutique matchmaking for people, and so I hear a

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<v Speaker 3>lot of.

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<v Speaker 1>Awful stories from the people who are coming to work

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<v Speaker 1>with me. And it's true, dating stinks, and you know,

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<v Speaker 1>but being in a bad marriage is a million times worse.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but I'm fifty one, Like.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you do you feel fifty one?

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<v Speaker 2>Nope? Yeah, not at all.

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<v Speaker 1>So you haven't started dating yet or have you?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to plead the fifth on that.

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<v Speaker 3>Wow, Okay, Well, what I would suggest for someone, just

0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:44.760
<v Speaker 3>based off of little that you've told me, I feel

0:12:44.800 --> 0:12:48.200
<v Speaker 3>like what I would suggest is that you're very open

0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:51.400
<v Speaker 3>about what you want your life to look like and

0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:55.439
<v Speaker 3>what it actually does look like with any potential dates

0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:58.400
<v Speaker 3>or partners, just because you don't want them to be

0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:02.000
<v Speaker 3>googling you and seeing one version of you which is

0:13:02.080 --> 0:13:05.160
<v Speaker 3>out there, and then they meet you and they're trying

0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.120
<v Speaker 3>to get to know you and it doesn't align.

0:13:07.200 --> 0:13:09.120
<v Speaker 1>I would love for them for you to give them

0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:11.839
<v Speaker 1>kind of a template of like, hey, this is what

0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:13.760
<v Speaker 1>my life typically looks like, this is what I do

0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:16.720
<v Speaker 1>on a regular basis, this is what I'm into, versus

0:13:16.720 --> 0:13:19.040
<v Speaker 1>them doing what everybody does. And it's like you get

0:13:19.040 --> 0:13:22.520
<v Speaker 1>somebody's name and you oh, okay, and they were married

0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:24.320
<v Speaker 1>to this person did it and they put this whole

0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:27.760
<v Speaker 1>puzzle piece together. And who you are now versus who

0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:28.560
<v Speaker 1>you were when you were.

0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:32.880
<v Speaker 3>Single before you're soon to be ex are very different people.

0:13:33.640 --> 0:13:38.360
<v Speaker 2>Ish. I feel like if you were a potential suitor,

0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:40.959
<v Speaker 2>there's part of me that's really old fashioned, part of

0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:44.000
<v Speaker 2>me that's like super like uber modern. So a potential

0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:47.960
<v Speaker 2>suitor if they googled me or listen to me or

0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:50.760
<v Speaker 2>listen to my podcast like they would, I feel like

0:13:50.960 --> 0:13:54.400
<v Speaker 2>pretty much you get what you get. I spent so

0:13:54.520 --> 0:13:58.880
<v Speaker 2>many years like trying to be a certain like cookie

0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:03.400
<v Speaker 2>cutter mold and trying to be someone that everyone liked.

0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:07.199
<v Speaker 2>I want it to be liked so badly, But the

0:14:07.240 --> 0:14:10.839
<v Speaker 2>reality is I feel like people like me, the real me.

0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:13.319
<v Speaker 2>And also I played a character that was like a

0:14:13.360 --> 0:14:16.200
<v Speaker 2>goodie two shoes, like the Virgin on nine O two

0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:19.840
<v Speaker 2>one zero, like they meld it together. But I like

0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:33.640
<v Speaker 2>had to be that and that's hard. Can I ask

0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:38.600
<v Speaker 2>you a question, of course, why do some women go

0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:41.480
<v Speaker 2>for red flags and why do we call it a

0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:42.240
<v Speaker 2>red flag?

0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:46.760
<v Speaker 3>I think we we call it red flags because it's

0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:48.040
<v Speaker 3>kind of like the whole swimming thing.

0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:52.240
<v Speaker 1>I hear you shouldn't be out there, like run away,

0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:53.000
<v Speaker 1>run away.

0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:55.400
<v Speaker 2>Stay away, but like where.

0:14:57.360 --> 0:15:00.280
<v Speaker 1>Like if you're out in the ocean with the sharks.

0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:02.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't do that. I lay on the chaise lounge

0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:03.840
<v Speaker 2>and have them bring me drinks.

0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:07.400
<v Speaker 1>And you're very good to do that. But I think

0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:10.680
<v Speaker 1>a lot of people the reason that they go for

0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:14.280
<v Speaker 1>that is because they can confuse it based off of

0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:17.760
<v Speaker 1>whatever they saw at home or their early experiences with dating.

0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:23.040
<v Speaker 1>They can confuse passion for red flags or red flags

0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:26.120
<v Speaker 1>for passion. A lot of times people will grow up

0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:27.480
<v Speaker 1>thinking jealousy is.

0:15:27.400 --> 0:15:30.120
<v Speaker 3>A sign that you really love someone, or if they're

0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:32.360
<v Speaker 3>possessive and they don't want to share you with anyone else,

0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:34.600
<v Speaker 3>it's because they just want you offer themselves and they

0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:36.000
<v Speaker 3>just care about you so much.

0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:38.880
<v Speaker 1>It's so messed up in the real world.

0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:42.800
<v Speaker 3>Like being able to have independence and freedom allows for

0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:46.280
<v Speaker 3>growth and allow us for that ability to be introspective

0:15:46.400 --> 0:15:48.680
<v Speaker 3>and learn who you are as an individual, and that

0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:51.360
<v Speaker 3>only enhances for the long term. Right, Like, if you

0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:53.800
<v Speaker 3>want to be in a short May December romance that

0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:56.560
<v Speaker 3>you wanted to just be y'all hold up in a hotel.

0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:58.440
<v Speaker 1>Room, no problem, Yeah, go for it.

0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:00.720
<v Speaker 3>But if you want something more long, you need to

0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:02.480
<v Speaker 3>be able to breathe, You need to be able to grow,

0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:04.880
<v Speaker 3>you need to be able to outgrow yourself sometimes.

0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:07.960
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, don't go for the red flags. And if

0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:10.880
<v Speaker 1>you spot them, be curious about them and ask all

0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:12.280
<v Speaker 1>of the questions.

0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:17.000
<v Speaker 2>Well, one, what if I'm the red flag? Two? Could

0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:19.800
<v Speaker 2>we redefine what we know is a red flag? Why

0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:22.040
<v Speaker 2>can't there be a green flag? I love green?

0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:29.360
<v Speaker 1>Well, green flags are good. Yeah, right, you can go go. Okay, Well, Tori,

0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:31.160
<v Speaker 1>wait a minute, why do you say maybe you're the

0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:31.680
<v Speaker 1>red flag?

0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:37.320
<v Speaker 2>M ooh, I don't know. Well you said that there's

0:16:37.360 --> 0:16:39.280
<v Speaker 2>a lot of baggage that comes with me.

0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:43.440
<v Speaker 1>Okay, name three things that you would consider baggage.

0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:48.480
<v Speaker 2>Can they have heartbeats and be breathing? Of course, all

0:16:48.480 --> 0:16:52.320
<v Speaker 2>my animals, I mean, they're like designer baggage, and they're

0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:56.240
<v Speaker 2>beautiful and they're special and I love them and just

0:16:56.240 --> 0:17:02.640
<v Speaker 2>a really messy, chaotic life. No main red flag. This

0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:08.080
<v Speaker 2>is what always gets me in trouble. Like people, it's

0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:10.280
<v Speaker 2>a lot to sign up for being with me, Like

0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:15.639
<v Speaker 2>when we go out people recognize me. It's like it's

0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:19.119
<v Speaker 2>I have to I can't act. I can't be free

0:17:19.320 --> 0:17:22.520
<v Speaker 2>and live my life always the way I want to

0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:25.720
<v Speaker 2>because I have to be mindful. And this is ingrained

0:17:25.760 --> 0:17:29.080
<v Speaker 2>in me since I became famous at sixteen. I am

0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:32.960
<v Speaker 2>literally like out in public, people like, oh, it's so beautiful.

0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:34.800
<v Speaker 2>We looked at that view. I'm like, no, I'm looking

0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:37.000
<v Speaker 2>over there. I think someone's taking a picture. Oh no,

0:17:37.080 --> 0:17:41.080
<v Speaker 2>I hear the shutter. Oh be careful, like stand over here,

0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:48.640
<v Speaker 2>Like I'm constantly controlling what I can't control. But I understand.

0:17:48.720 --> 0:17:51.959
<v Speaker 2>But if I don't control it, it's even worse.

0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:53.600
<v Speaker 1>And what's happening?

0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:55.880
<v Speaker 3>What's what's the worst that can happen if you try

0:17:55.920 --> 0:17:58.160
<v Speaker 3>to not control those situations?

0:17:58.320 --> 0:18:01.640
<v Speaker 2>Ay, Google worst picture of Tory spelling, Like they want

0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:05.080
<v Speaker 2>to post the nastiest photos. So I'm like, but it's

0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:06.280
<v Speaker 2>out that's.

0:18:06.160 --> 0:18:08.920
<v Speaker 1>Just assume that those pictures are out there. Your top

0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:12.080
<v Speaker 1>five worst pictures are like actively out there.

0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:16.000
<v Speaker 3>Don't google them people, but they're out there, So what

0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:19.760
<v Speaker 3>could be what could really be? I mean, if that,

0:18:19.920 --> 0:18:22.160
<v Speaker 3>for you is what you're concerned about, and the other

0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:26.040
<v Speaker 3>the alternative is that you are looking at the view,

0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:28.480
<v Speaker 3>or you're looking at your at your you know, your

0:18:28.560 --> 0:18:31.800
<v Speaker 3>date space, or you're actually having a conversation over something.

0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:36.679
<v Speaker 3>It seems like that could outweigh. I mean, the pros

0:18:36.680 --> 0:18:40.240
<v Speaker 3>could outweigh the cons when it comes to that. But

0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:42.280
<v Speaker 3>but you mentioned that was baggage, so I get it.

0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:47.040
<v Speaker 3>You're saying like this is a problem. The other parts

0:18:47.080 --> 0:18:49.400
<v Speaker 3>of it. You know, again, these are all things that.

0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:52.080
<v Speaker 2>Like they would mark me heavy when it went through,

0:18:52.480 --> 0:18:56.280
<v Speaker 2>like at the airport, heavy baggage.

0:18:55.800 --> 0:18:59.440
<v Speaker 1>Heavy baggage. So that's the other piece.

0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:03.480
<v Speaker 3>Everybody has some level of baggage, some weight of baggage.

0:19:03.680 --> 0:19:05.240
<v Speaker 3>What are you doing to work through it? Because that's

0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:07.800
<v Speaker 3>the only other thing that we can ask besides not

0:19:07.840 --> 0:19:11.000
<v Speaker 3>having baggage, and who doesn't at fifty one? Right, But

0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:13.199
<v Speaker 3>then on top of that, what are you doing to

0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:13.760
<v Speaker 3>work through it?

0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:17.679
<v Speaker 2>Well, I mean it is what it is. People can google,

0:19:17.720 --> 0:19:21.000
<v Speaker 2>they know what they know. I'm fifty one. I could

0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:24.160
<v Speaker 2>cut down the animals. That was a way of self

0:19:24.640 --> 0:19:30.000
<v Speaker 2>soothing through the marriage was taking on more chaos.

0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:32.200
<v Speaker 1>Like you want to love something, you want to save something.

0:19:32.960 --> 0:19:36.239
<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, doctor V. That's my biggest problem in

0:19:36.280 --> 0:19:39.920
<v Speaker 2>life is I want to save them? Well I can't.

0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:45.359
<v Speaker 3>When you're dealing with grown adult men who don't want saving,

0:19:45.920 --> 0:19:48.080
<v Speaker 3>then they're just going to see that as a liability.

0:19:48.080 --> 0:19:49.280
<v Speaker 1>They're not going to see that as a.

0:19:49.240 --> 0:19:55.720
<v Speaker 3>Strength, and unfortunately for them, they're missing out on someone.

0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:58.320
<v Speaker 2>That has ability like tax evasion or like a liability,

0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:01.560
<v Speaker 2>my ability.

0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:05.240
<v Speaker 3>Like something they want to avoid. But you know, it's

0:20:05.320 --> 0:20:07.280
<v Speaker 3>part of your makeup to want to be a nurture

0:20:07.320 --> 0:20:10.240
<v Speaker 3>and to want to save again. That might be something

0:20:10.280 --> 0:20:12.480
<v Speaker 3>to work on, is letting go of you don't need

0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:14.880
<v Speaker 3>to save everyone. Maybe the person that needs saving right

0:20:14.920 --> 0:20:18.080
<v Speaker 3>now at this time of life is you and the

0:20:18.080 --> 0:20:21.280
<v Speaker 3>people around you who love you want you to give

0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:24.000
<v Speaker 3>yourself that attention and to hold yourself and to be

0:20:24.040 --> 0:20:26.080
<v Speaker 3>there for yourself because they want to see you happy

0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:29.640
<v Speaker 3>ultimately and to thrive beyond all of this.

0:20:32.600 --> 0:20:34.520
<v Speaker 2>Okay, can we move on to intimacy.

0:20:34.880 --> 0:20:38.200
<v Speaker 1>Let's do it, but not the intimacy view, but let's

0:20:38.240 --> 0:20:39.360
<v Speaker 1>talk about it.

0:20:40.880 --> 0:20:47.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm like cool, let's skirt around it. Can you tell

0:20:47.200 --> 0:20:52.240
<v Speaker 2>me the difference between Actually, we've talked about love, we've

0:20:52.280 --> 0:20:56.720
<v Speaker 2>talked about passion. Where does infatuation stand with all this?

0:20:58.400 --> 0:21:04.000
<v Speaker 2>So there's something called new really relationship energy and honeymoon period.

0:21:05.160 --> 0:21:09.200
<v Speaker 3>That honeymoon period, but even more like short term than that,

0:21:09.480 --> 0:21:14.440
<v Speaker 3>is this thing where every part of your body and

0:21:14.600 --> 0:21:18.440
<v Speaker 3>all of the chemicals and all that are just going

0:21:18.520 --> 0:21:24.399
<v Speaker 3>towards your partnership, especially sexually, and that does tend to

0:21:24.440 --> 0:21:29.199
<v Speaker 3>go away. Passion tends to dive in brain that just

0:21:29.240 --> 0:21:32.320
<v Speaker 3>doesn't experience it to that same extent, And a lot

0:21:32.320 --> 0:21:34.840
<v Speaker 3>of people really struggle with that transition, so they'll either

0:21:34.880 --> 0:21:37.159
<v Speaker 3>break up at that point or they'll go into something

0:21:37.200 --> 0:21:39.439
<v Speaker 3>that is like really dissatisfying.

0:21:40.760 --> 0:21:45.000
<v Speaker 1>But infatuation, I think what it does is it helps you.

0:21:45.000 --> 0:21:47.760
<v Speaker 3>To focus in a world where it's really hard to

0:21:47.760 --> 0:21:51.320
<v Speaker 3>focus on one person. It's really hard to give one

0:21:51.320 --> 0:21:53.720
<v Speaker 3>person a lot of attention. It's almost like a little

0:21:53.720 --> 0:21:56.879
<v Speaker 3>bit of like imprinting, right, Like when you first get

0:21:57.240 --> 0:22:00.960
<v Speaker 3>your newest member of the family and four legged one

0:22:01.080 --> 0:22:03.320
<v Speaker 3>and you're just like, oh my gosh, and we need

0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:03.879
<v Speaker 3>you know.

0:22:03.760 --> 0:22:07.320
<v Speaker 1>All the focuses are what are little rovers needs? Right?

0:22:07.920 --> 0:22:10.080
<v Speaker 1>Did they have this did they have? How are they

0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:12.439
<v Speaker 1>doing with the other dogs? And they like stand out.

0:22:12.280 --> 0:22:14.760
<v Speaker 3>There like they've got that magnifying glass and they've got

0:22:14.760 --> 0:22:18.520
<v Speaker 3>the spotlight on them. That doesn't always last, right, And

0:22:18.600 --> 0:22:21.080
<v Speaker 3>not that you stop caring, but you stop caring to

0:22:21.119 --> 0:22:25.720
<v Speaker 3>that degree. So I'm a big fan of just accepting

0:22:25.760 --> 0:22:28.600
<v Speaker 3>that new relationship energy is there as a gift to

0:22:28.680 --> 0:22:31.520
<v Speaker 3>give you kind of blinders to that one person. But

0:22:31.760 --> 0:22:34.679
<v Speaker 3>I'm not a fan of what most happens to most people,

0:22:34.720 --> 0:22:38.040
<v Speaker 3>which is that as that new relationship energy starts to

0:22:38.080 --> 0:22:41.120
<v Speaker 3>fade away, they don't get ready for the next phase.

0:22:41.280 --> 0:22:45.240
<v Speaker 3>They don't prepare themselves for that more long term lasting

0:22:45.359 --> 0:22:47.760
<v Speaker 3>commitment connection and of course intimacy.

0:22:48.440 --> 0:22:51.919
<v Speaker 2>Do you feel like then it would be better to

0:22:52.000 --> 0:22:57.240
<v Speaker 2>connect with someone emotionally mentally and the bonus is that

0:22:57.280 --> 0:23:00.720
<v Speaker 2>you're physically attracted to them, because that part might fade away,

0:23:00.760 --> 0:23:01.679
<v Speaker 2>but the other won't.

0:23:02.400 --> 0:23:05.240
<v Speaker 3>So I wish that it was as easy as saying,

0:23:05.720 --> 0:23:08.320
<v Speaker 3>connect with somebody emotionally, the physical will come.

0:23:09.000 --> 0:23:10.440
<v Speaker 1>That's not usually the case.

0:23:10.520 --> 0:23:12.479
<v Speaker 3>We have to be working on both of them in

0:23:12.520 --> 0:23:16.439
<v Speaker 3>tandem and know that you're probably going to end up

0:23:16.440 --> 0:23:19.440
<v Speaker 3>being with somebody who feels the opposite of you. Most

0:23:19.480 --> 0:23:23.639
<v Speaker 3>people have one personic relationship where they need the emotions

0:23:23.680 --> 0:23:26.040
<v Speaker 3>to be there in order to want the physical, and

0:23:26.080 --> 0:23:29.400
<v Speaker 3>then they're with someone who needs the physical in order

0:23:29.440 --> 0:23:32.400
<v Speaker 3>for the emotions to show up. So just know that

0:23:32.400 --> 0:23:36.000
<v Speaker 3>that's probably the case and accept it, and I just

0:23:36.119 --> 0:23:38.119
<v Speaker 3>know that to be fact, and you'll be in a

0:23:38.200 --> 0:23:38.920
<v Speaker 3>much better place.

0:23:39.560 --> 0:23:41.240
<v Speaker 2>That's like opposite attract.

0:23:42.760 --> 0:23:44.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't know that it's opposites attract.

0:23:44.600 --> 0:23:48.440
<v Speaker 2>It's more like neat opposite needs attract.

0:23:48.400 --> 0:23:53.520
<v Speaker 1>Opposite needs tend to attract. Yeah, opposite needs to tend

0:23:53.520 --> 0:23:54.040
<v Speaker 1>to attract.

0:23:54.040 --> 0:23:57.400
<v Speaker 3>But the problem is it can feel very almost like

0:23:57.720 --> 0:23:59.920
<v Speaker 3>a lot of people feel very judgmental, or they feel

0:24:00.119 --> 0:24:01.880
<v Speaker 3>sour towards the other person if.

0:24:01.760 --> 0:24:04.360
<v Speaker 1>They think differently. You know, I don't know if you've

0:24:04.400 --> 0:24:07.040
<v Speaker 1>ever experienced us with friends or even with partners, where

0:24:07.600 --> 0:24:11.600
<v Speaker 1>somebody who seems to always want the physical, we tend

0:24:11.640 --> 0:24:16.040
<v Speaker 1>to like we tend to kind of knock them aside

0:24:16.440 --> 0:24:19.480
<v Speaker 1>or knock them down by telling them like, oh that

0:24:19.520 --> 0:24:22.800
<v Speaker 1>you're so juvenile, like you know, gosh, you're all about sex,

0:24:22.880 --> 0:24:26.040
<v Speaker 1>Like what's really important is what's happening between us on

0:24:26.119 --> 0:24:29.600
<v Speaker 1>the inside. But to them, that is not the truth

0:24:29.720 --> 0:24:30.120
<v Speaker 1>to them.

0:24:30.240 --> 0:24:33.960
<v Speaker 3>Their truth is I need the physical and it gives me,

0:24:34.119 --> 0:24:35.919
<v Speaker 3>It makes me bond it to you, it makes me

0:24:36.040 --> 0:24:39.840
<v Speaker 3>you know. It's like the four intimacy styles my book, bonding, release, giving,

0:24:39.840 --> 0:24:40.520
<v Speaker 3>and responsive.

0:24:40.880 --> 0:24:44.440
<v Speaker 2>Those bonding people sorry through it again, bonding.

0:24:44.280 --> 0:24:51.040
<v Speaker 1>Bonding, release, being and responsive. And people who are bonding,

0:24:51.280 --> 0:24:55.359
<v Speaker 1>what they need from a relationship, from an intimate relationship

0:24:55.400 --> 0:24:59.760
<v Speaker 1>is they need to experience physical interaction in order to

0:24:59.760 --> 0:25:04.280
<v Speaker 1>feel the bonding that comes from it. And so for them,

0:25:04.640 --> 0:25:07.240
<v Speaker 1>not having sex or having sex very rarely means they

0:25:07.240 --> 0:25:11.200
<v Speaker 1>feel disconnected emotionally from their partner, so it's super important

0:25:11.200 --> 0:25:14.760
<v Speaker 1>to them. And then with release, people who are predominantly

0:25:14.800 --> 0:25:17.320
<v Speaker 1>released will feel like, oh my gosh, I need sex

0:25:17.359 --> 0:25:19.640
<v Speaker 1>because I need that release of tension. I need that pleasure.

0:25:19.680 --> 0:25:21.520
<v Speaker 1>I want that experience through my body.

0:25:21.560 --> 0:25:24.200
<v Speaker 3>I want like it's how I can get through tough

0:25:24.240 --> 0:25:26.920
<v Speaker 3>times in my life. And then to attribute it to

0:25:26.960 --> 0:25:29.199
<v Speaker 3>their partner, it's like, oh, thank you for giving me that.

0:25:29.760 --> 0:25:33.880
<v Speaker 1>Now giving they need that, They need.

0:25:33.720 --> 0:25:36.480
<v Speaker 3>To be able to give pleasure and have their partner

0:25:36.520 --> 0:25:40.119
<v Speaker 3>associate them with that pleasure. It's almost like a badge

0:25:40.119 --> 0:25:43.280
<v Speaker 3>of honor. It feels, oh, I can just do this for.

0:25:43.280 --> 0:25:46.160
<v Speaker 1>You all day. They feel so at ease and at

0:25:46.160 --> 0:25:49.720
<v Speaker 1>home with giving pleasure now responsives, they tend to be

0:25:49.800 --> 0:25:56.760
<v Speaker 1>the ones that are least least liked, but they're probably

0:25:56.800 --> 0:26:01.800
<v Speaker 1>the most out there responsive. They tend to not think

0:26:01.800 --> 0:26:05.199
<v Speaker 1>about sex on a regular basis. It's usually just in

0:26:05.280 --> 0:26:08.640
<v Speaker 1>response to their partner saying they'd like it. They enjoy it,

0:26:08.760 --> 0:26:09.640
<v Speaker 1>they're up for it.

0:26:10.160 --> 0:26:11.920
<v Speaker 3>While they're having it, they're having a good time, and

0:26:11.920 --> 0:26:14.159
<v Speaker 3>they're probably thinking, gosh, we should do that more often.

0:26:14.600 --> 0:26:16.919
<v Speaker 3>But as soon as the sexual experience is over, they

0:26:17.000 --> 0:26:20.520
<v Speaker 3>kind of reset to not thinking about sex. And so

0:26:20.600 --> 0:26:23.240
<v Speaker 3>a lot of them can be misconstrued as not having

0:26:23.400 --> 0:26:25.960
<v Speaker 3>desire and having low desire, but that's not true.

0:26:26.080 --> 0:26:30.080
<v Speaker 1>They just don't have at present all the time. And yeah,

0:26:30.080 --> 0:26:31.680
<v Speaker 1>it's great. You can take the quiz online.

0:26:32.119 --> 0:26:35.920
<v Speaker 3>It's four intimacy styles quidz dot com and it'll tell

0:26:35.920 --> 0:26:38.479
<v Speaker 3>you what percentage of each And my hope is that

0:26:38.520 --> 0:26:41.440
<v Speaker 3>to round out your intimacy style, you experience about twenty

0:26:41.480 --> 0:26:43.560
<v Speaker 3>five percent of each as often as possible.

0:26:44.040 --> 0:26:54.960
<v Speaker 2>Ooh amazing, I can't wait to take it. One last

0:26:55.040 --> 0:26:59.119
<v Speaker 2>question and maybe this isn't the case. I feel like

0:26:59.640 --> 0:27:05.399
<v Speaker 2>in life life Females are conditioned to think if a

0:27:05.480 --> 0:27:09.040
<v Speaker 2>man responds to them sexually, and it should be like,

0:27:09.560 --> 0:27:11.320
<v Speaker 2>WHI isn't he want to make out with me? Why

0:27:11.359 --> 0:27:12.840
<v Speaker 2>isn't you want to kiss me? Why does he want

0:27:12.840 --> 0:27:16.359
<v Speaker 2>to have sex with me all the time? Or it.

0:27:17.200 --> 0:27:19.040
<v Speaker 2>We're conditioned to feel like, oh, he doesn't want me.

0:27:20.040 --> 0:27:23.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm not desirable, He's not attracted to me. Why is

0:27:23.800 --> 0:27:24.800
<v Speaker 2>that tory?

0:27:24.880 --> 0:27:28.000
<v Speaker 3>That is exactly what I'm teaching a masterclass on on

0:27:28.119 --> 0:27:29.840
<v Speaker 3>June tenth at twelve thirty.

0:27:29.920 --> 0:27:32.720
<v Speaker 1>It's online spree. You've got to check it out.

0:27:33.440 --> 0:27:37.000
<v Speaker 3>A lot of people think that that is only something

0:27:37.040 --> 0:27:40.240
<v Speaker 3>that women experience, that if their partners aren't showing interest

0:27:40.359 --> 0:27:43.199
<v Speaker 3>in them, it's like, what's wrong with my partner? A

0:27:43.240 --> 0:27:47.080
<v Speaker 3>lot of men they need that in long term relationships.

0:27:47.080 --> 0:27:49.920
<v Speaker 3>If they're in a a monogamous relationship, they also need

0:27:49.960 --> 0:27:52.800
<v Speaker 3>that attention from their partners. But like you said, women

0:27:52.800 --> 0:27:55.919
<v Speaker 3>aren't socialized to give that. We're socialized to receive it.

0:27:56.160 --> 0:27:57.640
<v Speaker 3>We're socialized to pursue it.

0:27:58.200 --> 0:28:00.720
<v Speaker 1>And you're right, a lot of people take it very

0:28:00.800 --> 0:28:04.480
<v Speaker 1>personally when their partners aren't showing that they're sexually interested.

0:28:04.920 --> 0:28:08.200
<v Speaker 1>I call that pillow talk. Outside of the bedroom.

0:28:08.320 --> 0:28:10.840
<v Speaker 3>I want everyone to be showing their partner that they're

0:28:10.880 --> 0:28:13.280
<v Speaker 3>sexually interested in them. Of course, it has to be

0:28:13.359 --> 0:28:16.600
<v Speaker 3>appropriate for the setting, but it needs to happen or

0:28:16.640 --> 0:28:18.880
<v Speaker 3>else it can feel like you're an on and off

0:28:18.920 --> 0:28:20.200
<v Speaker 3>switch when it comes to sex.

0:28:20.600 --> 0:28:22.720
<v Speaker 1>Or I can feel like your partners, you know, come

0:28:22.720 --> 0:28:24.040
<v Speaker 1>ons are coming out of nowhere.

0:28:24.359 --> 0:28:26.000
<v Speaker 3>Or I can feel like you're going from cold to

0:28:26.040 --> 0:28:28.199
<v Speaker 3>hot and that's just not sexy me.

0:28:28.359 --> 0:28:32.040
<v Speaker 2>Is that weird that I'd prefer to be connected mentally

0:28:32.480 --> 0:28:36.959
<v Speaker 2>and stimulated that way as opposed to not prefer but

0:28:37.560 --> 0:28:42.320
<v Speaker 2>like that would be my ideal rather than physically. Like

0:28:42.680 --> 0:28:45.640
<v Speaker 2>I feel like that's great, we should connect my partner

0:28:45.640 --> 0:28:50.320
<v Speaker 2>and I physically, But that's not my top priority, never was,

0:28:50.480 --> 0:28:54.280
<v Speaker 2>except I always grew up thinking, you know, female is sexy.

0:28:54.400 --> 0:28:55.960
<v Speaker 2>Men are supposed to you know, we're supposed to be

0:28:56.040 --> 0:28:59.400
<v Speaker 2>like giggly and gurly and like show off for assets

0:28:59.400 --> 0:29:02.040
<v Speaker 2>and they want to yes, So it's.

0:29:01.880 --> 0:29:03.280
<v Speaker 1>Not weird at all.

0:29:03.440 --> 0:29:05.720
<v Speaker 3>It's actually you know, like I said, there are just

0:29:05.800 --> 0:29:07.720
<v Speaker 3>as many people who feel the way that you do

0:29:07.800 --> 0:29:10.480
<v Speaker 3>as there are that need the physical to get there.

0:29:11.600 --> 0:29:12.960
<v Speaker 1>But what's more important.

0:29:13.000 --> 0:29:16.920
<v Speaker 3>I think having been seeing clients for the best twenty

0:29:16.960 --> 0:29:20.200
<v Speaker 3>years plus is to know and to be aware of

0:29:20.240 --> 0:29:22.880
<v Speaker 3>the fact that if you're not showing your partner that

0:29:22.880 --> 0:29:27.760
<v Speaker 3>you're sexually interested in, then then something's missing and it

0:29:27.800 --> 0:29:31.080
<v Speaker 3>can't just happen through sex. You cannot just show someone

0:29:31.080 --> 0:29:34.800
<v Speaker 3>that you think they're sexually interested or interesting through sex.

0:29:34.920 --> 0:29:36.800
<v Speaker 3>Like that's just not going to be for a long

0:29:36.920 --> 0:29:40.120
<v Speaker 3>term committed relationship. It's just not going to work out well.

0:29:41.080 --> 0:29:43.680
<v Speaker 3>But the emotional side that you're talking about, there are

0:29:43.680 --> 0:29:46.400
<v Speaker 3>ways to do that every single day as well. Speaking

0:29:46.440 --> 0:29:49.560
<v Speaker 3>each other's love language, showing interest in you and what's

0:29:49.560 --> 0:29:52.960
<v Speaker 3>going on with you. That's important too. It's just that

0:29:53.000 --> 0:29:56.120
<v Speaker 3>there are lots there's lots of information about that online

0:29:56.200 --> 0:29:58.920
<v Speaker 3>and out there. I'm trying to answer the question that

0:29:58.960 --> 0:30:01.200
<v Speaker 3>most of my clients have is like, I know my

0:30:01.280 --> 0:30:02.840
<v Speaker 3>love language, but what about sex?

0:30:02.840 --> 0:30:03.680
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, I got you.

0:30:04.360 --> 0:30:08.680
<v Speaker 2>Do you believe truly that monogamy is natural?

0:30:09.760 --> 0:30:11.760
<v Speaker 1>I do not. I do not.

0:30:12.080 --> 0:30:16.120
<v Speaker 3>I think it's incredibly difficult and if and I feel

0:30:16.120 --> 0:30:18.440
<v Speaker 3>like in our world it just gets more and more challenging.

0:30:18.800 --> 0:30:20.800
<v Speaker 3>And that's why I think it's so important to honor

0:30:20.960 --> 0:30:26.640
<v Speaker 3>different ways that people experience love and connection and all

0:30:26.720 --> 0:30:32.560
<v Speaker 3>of that, but we're still typically in an area of

0:30:32.640 --> 0:30:35.640
<v Speaker 3>the world that believes in monogamy as being, you know,

0:30:35.800 --> 0:30:39.680
<v Speaker 3>the most the way to do relationships. And if you

0:30:40.120 --> 0:30:42.800
<v Speaker 3>subscribe to that, and if you want that, then there

0:30:42.840 --> 0:30:44.720
<v Speaker 3>are certain things that you're going to have to do

0:30:44.800 --> 0:30:48.440
<v Speaker 3>differently and with more passion and more diligence, like the

0:30:48.480 --> 0:30:52.479
<v Speaker 3>pillow talk, like learning your intimacy styles, like doing the work.

0:30:52.840 --> 0:30:54.240
<v Speaker 1>If you're going to stay together.

0:30:54.360 --> 0:30:56.560
<v Speaker 2>Can the pillows be satin? Because I don't want to

0:30:56.680 --> 0:31:01.200
<v Speaker 2>increase this in my face in the hair definitely frizzes

0:31:01.240 --> 0:31:01.600
<v Speaker 2>it out.

0:31:02.520 --> 0:31:02.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:31:02.760 --> 0:31:06.240
<v Speaker 2>I feel like in I don't know, twenty years, thirty years,

0:31:06.280 --> 0:31:08.800
<v Speaker 2>like monogamy is going to be an archaic word that

0:31:08.840 --> 0:31:14.040
<v Speaker 2>we're like, oh, yeah, I think that's something cute. I've dated.

0:31:14.760 --> 0:31:16.720
<v Speaker 3>But a lot of people, and I see them in

0:31:16.720 --> 0:31:19.239
<v Speaker 3>my office a lot too, they don't know how to

0:31:19.320 --> 0:31:22.360
<v Speaker 3>have those conversations. And I would suggest that you do

0:31:22.400 --> 0:31:24.720
<v Speaker 3>it with a professional and that you ask because you

0:31:24.760 --> 0:31:26.920
<v Speaker 3>don't know what you don't know, and it can be

0:31:27.040 --> 0:31:30.280
<v Speaker 3>very hurtful if you don't kind of do it the

0:31:30.400 --> 0:31:33.880
<v Speaker 3>right way versus just being like, let's try it.

0:31:33.880 --> 0:31:36.680
<v Speaker 1>It's like with anal sex you can't just try anal sex.

0:31:36.720 --> 0:31:38.520
<v Speaker 1>You have to prepare your body in order for it

0:31:38.560 --> 0:31:38.800
<v Speaker 1>to go.

0:31:38.840 --> 0:31:42.840
<v Speaker 2>Well, you have to go. And you just opened up

0:31:42.840 --> 0:31:44.720
<v Speaker 2>a whole can of worms. Because I could talk about

0:31:44.760 --> 0:31:54.480
<v Speaker 2>that all day. So everyone, check out doctor V's Masterclass June.

0:31:54.240 --> 0:31:57.440
<v Speaker 3>Tenth at twelve thirty Central and you can sign up

0:31:57.520 --> 0:31:59.600
<v Speaker 3>for free. It's a live online class.

0:31:59.640 --> 0:32:03.240
<v Speaker 1>I'll be there at pillow talkmasterclass dot com.

0:32:03.280 --> 0:32:05.800
<v Speaker 2>You are amazing. I could talk to you all day,

0:32:06.280 --> 0:32:11.480
<v Speaker 2>uh so, and one day can we have that that

0:32:11.960 --> 0:32:12.920
<v Speaker 2>anal conversation?

0:32:13.760 --> 0:32:17.360
<v Speaker 3>Absolutely, Tori, we can have that anal conversation whenever you want.

0:32:19.240 --> 0:32:19.280
<v Speaker 1>H