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Speaker 1: It's hard for me to describe what a healing journey

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Speaker 1: looks like because that's different for every person. But the

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Speaker 1: question to ask yourself is are you ready for change?

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Speaker 1: And if you are ready for change, you are ready

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Speaker 1: for therapy. I think we oftentimes think about therapy as

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Speaker 1: being associated with a problem, but therapy is actually associated

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Speaker 1: with change and healing, and there doesn't even have to

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Speaker 1: be a problem present. Like, if you're in a space

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Speaker 1: in life where you're just ready for things to change

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Speaker 1: and you're ready for yourself to grow, then you're ready

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Speaker 1: for therapy and you don't even have to know what

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Speaker 1: that change is because part of therapy is the discovery process.

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Speaker 2: So are you.

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Speaker 1: Ready for change? That's the question you have to ask yourself,

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Speaker 1: and if the answer is yes, then you're ready for therapy.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Family Therapy. I'm your host, Elliott Connie.

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Speaker 1: What's been better in your life since you listened to

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Speaker 1: the previous episode. I pose this question because I want

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Speaker 1: you to make the same shift that I want the

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Speaker 1: family that I'm working with during this season to make,

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Speaker 1: and that is to focus on your progress and evidence

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Speaker 1: of change more so than you focus on problems. Last week,

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Speaker 1: we introduced you to Jay, Freddy, and David. We learned

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Speaker 1: a little bit about their backgrounds and some of their

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Speaker 1: best hopes from therapy. You'll notice I'll ask that question

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Speaker 1: quite often as we continue in the sessions again because

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Speaker 1: I want the family to focus more on their outcomes

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Speaker 1: more than their problems. You'll also notice that every family

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Speaker 1: member has a different goal for therapy, and it's important

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Speaker 1: I ask about their goals often to make sure we

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Speaker 1: are working collectively towards accomplishing them. Right before we started

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Speaker 1: the sessions, Jay and David decided to separate. They continue

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Speaker 1: to live together, which pose some significant challenges for both

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Speaker 1: Jay and David. So over the next few weeks, I

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Speaker 1: was able to spend some time with each of them

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Speaker 1: individually in order to gain more insight into their current

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Speaker 1: circumstances and what they are both thinking about as they

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Speaker 1: go through this very challenging time. My conversation with Jay

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Speaker 1: revolves around her aspirations for personal growth and self improvement,

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Speaker 1: particularly in terms of physical fitness, emotional wellbeing, and parenting.

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Speaker 1: She expresses to me a desire to reclaim aspects of

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Speaker 1: a former self that was more adventurous and active, while

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Speaker 1: also acknowledging the challenges of balancing personal needs with family responsibilities.

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Speaker 1: If you woke up tomorrow and that old Jay was

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Speaker 1: back with all of those traits, confident, you know the

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Speaker 1: best version of yourself. And I know it's harder now

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Speaker 1: because you know the life is different, kids, and you

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Speaker 1: know all those things. But like, if somehow that Jaya

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Speaker 1: just became present again, how would you notice it? If

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Speaker 1: it just kind of happened overnight and you woke up

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Speaker 1: tomorrow and all of a sudden you were like that Jay,

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Speaker 1: how would you notice it?

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Speaker 3: I think she would be excited about the day ahead

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Speaker 3: of her. I think that she would be motivated to

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Speaker 3: get started on her day.

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Speaker 1: What time would it be that you would wake up?

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Speaker 3: I'm five thirty, five thirty, And.

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Speaker 1: Are you alone at five thirty in the morning or

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Speaker 1: somebody in the bed with you?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 3: No, someone's in bed with me.

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Speaker 1: So when you woke up at five thirty in the morning,

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Speaker 1: it would be the first indicator that I'm the version

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Speaker 1: of the Jay that's excited about the day.

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Speaker 3: I probably would get up and work out.

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Speaker 1: Are you serious?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: How unusual would that be, j for you to wake

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Speaker 1: up and think I got a lot going on today.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot happening, But I'm the kind of Jam

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Speaker 1: going to work out today.

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Speaker 3: I haven't worked out at five thirty in a long time,

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Speaker 3: so it would be pretty strange.

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Speaker 1: What would you do that would really fit with I'm

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Speaker 1: that version of Jam? Because this is what Jama does.

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Speaker 1: She gets up at five thirty in the morning and

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Speaker 1: she works out, maybe at you know, a ten hour

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Speaker 1: Marithon workout session, or maybe just a quick ten minute

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Speaker 1: work whatever it is. But what would you do that

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Speaker 1: would really fit with? This is who James.

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Speaker 3: It would probably be like a forty five minute workout.

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Speaker 3: I would spend about fifteen minutes on cardio and the

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Speaker 3: rest lifting weights.

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Speaker 1: Where would you do this?

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Speaker 3: I would do it after Jim, do.

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Speaker 1: You have a gym membership?

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Speaker 3: I just canceled it.

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Speaker 1: So if you woke up tomorrow, where would you do

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Speaker 1: this workout?

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Speaker 3: I guess my basement, but I don't have anything like that,

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Speaker 3: But if I had it, that's where.

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Speaker 2: I would do.

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Speaker 1: Where is David at this time?

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Speaker 3: He's downstairs? Oh you mean in real in real life

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Speaker 3: or in this.

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Speaker 1: In this yeah?

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Speaker 3: Like oh yeah, I mean.

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Speaker 2: Mhm.

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Speaker 3: I mean if this was like to happen tomorrow, he

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Speaker 3: would be here. But if this was happening in this

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Speaker 3: imaginary scenario, he would not be here.

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Speaker 1: Okay, why would he not be here in this.

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Speaker 3: Scenario because we would be separated.

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Speaker 1: Do you think the old jam would want to separate

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Speaker 1: from David?

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Speaker 2: Yes? Okay?

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Speaker 1: What makes and I'm not questioning, I'm not saying you

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Speaker 1: should or shouldn't when I asked what I'm about to

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Speaker 1: ask you, But how come the old Jade has such

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Speaker 1: clarity about that?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: What makes the old Jade really confident that? Like, yeah, elliot,

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Speaker 1: if I were this version of me and I was motivated,

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Speaker 1: I would separate.

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Speaker 3: She didn't have children, but now.

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Speaker 1: She does because you're you're still this Jay. But the

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Speaker 1: old Ja personality is just back, right, So how would

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Speaker 1: the old Ja, being present in your current situation handle

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Speaker 1: the relationship?

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Speaker 3: She really she would separate?

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Speaker 1: And how do you know? How do you know that?

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Speaker 1: You answer that, and like there's like a confidence and

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Speaker 1: like a like a clarity in the way you answer that.

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Speaker 2: How do you know that?

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Speaker 3: Because that's what both James want?

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Speaker 2: Gotcha?

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Speaker 1: Gotcha?

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Speaker 2: Okay?

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Speaker 1: And when you finished this forty five minute workout, what

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Speaker 1: difference would that make to you.

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Speaker 3: It feels great, feels it feels good. It feels like

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Speaker 3: I'm in control of my body. I'm doing the things

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Speaker 3: that I know are helpful for me to be healthy,

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Speaker 3: to be active, to be able to you know, keep

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Speaker 3: up with my children. And it looks I feel like

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Speaker 3: I look good. You know, I feel like I'm looking good.

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Speaker 3: I feel good.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, do you enjoy that?

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Speaker 2: Yes? Okay?

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Speaker 1: David would be present tomorrow, right if this, if this

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Speaker 1: were to actually happens tomorrow, David would be present.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Speaker 1: When he first looks at you, how would he know, like,

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Speaker 1: I'm looking at the confident, feel good, looks good, like

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Speaker 1: before you even said anything. What would he see that

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Speaker 1: would tell him that's like the real change? I mean,

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Speaker 1: who knows. Maybe we're going to be together forever, maybe

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Speaker 1: we're not going to be together for another minute. But

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Speaker 1: I'm looking at her and like there's a there's a

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Speaker 1: difference in who she is. How would he notice that?

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Speaker 3: I guess you would notice the confidence, the eagerness to

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Speaker 3: make it happen. And he would see that I look

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Speaker 3: like my old self because I would remind him of

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Speaker 3: how I used to be.

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Speaker 1: How would he see it? You use words like confidence.

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Speaker 1: What would he see that would be like, that's j

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Speaker 1: when she's confident, like she.

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Speaker 2: There.

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Speaker 1: It is like, how would he see? What would he

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Speaker 1: what would he actually see that would tell him, Oh

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Speaker 1: my gosh, that's her at her absolute, you know, bestness?

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Speaker 1: How would he see that?

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Speaker 3: And it's like a hard question.

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Speaker 1: I know, and I'm sorry to ask you hard questions,

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Speaker 1: but oh.

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Speaker 3: You should ask hard questions. I'm just trying to find

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Speaker 3: the answer for that.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for that, by the way, thank you for working.

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Speaker 3: Sure. I guess you would see that. I'm like happy,

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Speaker 3: I don't know, I'm not sure.

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Speaker 1: How do you how do you do happy? Like when

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Speaker 1: you're happy five thirty in the morning, you just did

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Speaker 1: this forty five minute workout, and then he sees you,

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Speaker 1: David sees you. How do you do happy? What does

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Speaker 1: Jay look like when she's happy?

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Speaker 3: He's talkative and making jokes, and I guess not seeming

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Speaker 3: so distracted. I don't know if that's the word, but

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Speaker 3: I think a lot of times when I interact with

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Speaker 3: him now, I seem distracted. I feel like I seem

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Speaker 3: like I have a lot of heaviness on me. So

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Speaker 3: I think if I just came from my forty five

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Speaker 3: minute workout after waking up at five thirty morning. Typically

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Speaker 3: I'm like, you know, excited, I'm happy, I'm ready, getting

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Speaker 3: ready for the day. I'm like, let's go. You know,

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Speaker 3: I don't think he sees that that much these days.

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Speaker 1: What difference would it make to you to be happy

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Speaker 1: even in David's presence, whether we want to be together

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Speaker 1: or not, Like, what difference would it make to you

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Speaker 1: to be happy regardless of the David situation or not?

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Speaker 1: Does that make sense?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that makes sense. It would make a huge difference.

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Speaker 3: But honestly, sometimes I don't know how to do that right.

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Speaker 1: But on this day, if it just showed up, you

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Speaker 1: woke up at five point thirty, you got a forty

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Speaker 1: five minute workout in, and you feel good and you

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Speaker 1: look good, and your confidence is back, and you're happy,

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Speaker 1: and you said, like, I'd be talkative and I'd be joking.

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Speaker 1: What differen would make to you to be those things

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Speaker 1: even in that environment?

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Speaker 3: I mean, I think it would make a great difference.

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Speaker 3: It would make a positive difference. I just don't know

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Speaker 3: how to do it. I mean I probably know how

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Speaker 3: to do it. I just I guess have gotten into

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Speaker 3: a place where I've chosen not do it.

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Speaker 2: Maybe that's good, gotcha?

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Speaker 1: How would David respond? Like, what would what do you

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Speaker 1: think he would say once he saw that happiness and

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Speaker 1: confidence within you, he would.

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Speaker 3: Probably joke around two. But I don't think he would

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Speaker 3: pay me much attention.

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Speaker 1: When he sees you. And where would he see what

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Speaker 1: he see you? Like in the kitchen would he come

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Speaker 1: down to? Where would he where would he see you?

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Speaker 3: Likely in the kitchen or in the living room cleaning up?

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Speaker 1: And and he might make a joke about it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: what difference do you imagine it would make for him

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Speaker 1: to notice it in that exact moment? Like, what difference

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Speaker 1: would it make to him to notice it? Do you think.

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Speaker 3: It would probably motivate him and he'll probably want to

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Speaker 3: work out with me the next time.

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Speaker 1: Have you guys ever done that before?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we kind of in our early stages of our relationship.

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Speaker 3: We used to work out a lot. In this recent

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Speaker 3: gym membership that I had. When I started working out,

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Speaker 3: he wanted to come with me, which was fine, I guess.

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Speaker 1: And how would he express to you that you're motivating

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Speaker 1: him and he would like to join you at some

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Speaker 1: point in the future.

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Speaker 3: How would he express that, Oh, he would just ask

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Speaker 3: if he could join me, if he could join me

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Speaker 3: at the gym?

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Speaker 1: How would you respond? That's for Yeah, what difference would

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Speaker 1: that make to you to have him join you in

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Speaker 1: the workout?

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Speaker 3: To be honest, I really wouldn't want him to.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna push you a bit. Then what would the

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Speaker 1: real JAD say if he asked you?

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Speaker 3: She would probably let him, to be honest, because even

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Speaker 3: that it would want to see him benefit from working

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Speaker 3: out too.

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Speaker 1: Wow. Wow, how come where do you get that from?

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Speaker 3: Oh? I mean I like to see I like to

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Speaker 3: see people happy. I like to help people, and I

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Speaker 3: like a lot of women, tend to put my feelings

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Speaker 3: in the back burner and say, if it's for the

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Speaker 3: greater good, plus, you could go ahead and do it,

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Speaker 3: even if that's not what I want.

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Speaker 1: I want to throw something out you and see what

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Speaker 1: you think about this. This doesn't feel like you're putting

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Speaker 1: your feelings in the back burner. You said I like

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Speaker 1: to see people happy, So this feels like I would

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Speaker 1: let him work out with me to attend to the

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Speaker 1: fact that I like to see people happy.

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Speaker 2: Is that right? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: But the greater feeling is that I wouldn't want him

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Speaker 3: to be there. I would want to do it on

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Speaker 3: my own.

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Speaker 1: Would you be pleased to catch yourself saying that, you

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Speaker 1: know what, David, I appreciate you want to join me,

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Speaker 1: but I want to I want to do this for

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Speaker 1: my own for a while. Would you be pleased to

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Speaker 1: hear yourself.

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Speaker 3: Say that I would?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And would that feel like the real jail maybe a

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Speaker 1: new version of her? Perhaps? What does what does that

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Speaker 1: feel like?

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Speaker 2: The real Jailer?

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Speaker 3: That feels like the jayl I want to be, but

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Speaker 3: I don't know that I'm a version of me so

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Speaker 3: far has necessarily been that, But.

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Speaker 1: That is the Jay that you want to be. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: what different food to make for you to be able

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Speaker 1: to be that?

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Speaker 2: Jake?

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Speaker 1: Like, just totally, I'd like to do this on my own.

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Speaker 1: I want I want this to be mine for a bit.

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Speaker 3: I would think that'd be awesome. I think that you

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Speaker 3: have to create spaces for yourself and you have to

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Speaker 3: allow yourself to be in that space the way that

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Speaker 3: you want to be in that space. And that's not

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Speaker 3: something that I tend to do often. So I would

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Speaker 3: be excited about making that decision, even though I feel

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Speaker 3: like part of me would be like, oh my god,

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Speaker 3: I heard his feelings. But more importantly, I think it

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Speaker 3: would be that this is what you want and you

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Speaker 3: were able to express that and stay committed to it,

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Speaker 3: So I think that would be more important.

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Speaker 1: How do you imagine he'd respond to you saying that, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I appreciate it. Maybe one day, but for now,

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Speaker 1: I just want to keep this for me.

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Speaker 3: He would not like it. He wouldn't say that he

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Speaker 3: didn't like it, but I know he wouldn't.

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Speaker 1: And how would this new Jay deal with him not

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Speaker 1: liking it? But stick to it?

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Speaker 3: She would do just that. She would say, you know, hey,

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Speaker 3: I know you want to go, and you know, maybe

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Speaker 3: we could figure out a time in the future, but

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Speaker 3: right now, this is for me.

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Speaker 1: One of your children would notice this shifting mom first,

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Speaker 1: my oldest.

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Speaker 2: What would he.

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Speaker 1: Notice that would tell him something is different about my mother.

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Speaker 3: I think you would notice the same things that David would.

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Speaker 3: I probably was seeing a little less stressed, a little

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Speaker 3: bit more more lighthearted, a little bit more excited, and

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Speaker 3: he would he would want to go to the gym too,

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Speaker 3: What are you really The membership that I had was

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Speaker 3: they had a kid's room, and he's been asking to

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Speaker 3: go back, but this costs a little bit too much,

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Speaker 3: right now?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, of course you know that makes sense. And what

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Speaker 1: difference do you think this kind of new version that

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Speaker 1: would make in life?

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Speaker 3: She would have more energy and she would be less

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Speaker 3: stressed out.

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Speaker 1: And how would that impact Hopefully.

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Speaker 3: That would result in having more patience and more playfulness.

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Speaker 3: I do play with him, but I think, you know,

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Speaker 3: I could probably be better at that.

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Speaker 1: How would the version of Jade that you want to

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Speaker 1: be show that you're enjoying this time with him? You know,

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Speaker 1: if you guys are playing with Pokemon or tag or

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Speaker 1: whatever you're doing with this like new version of James,

325
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Speaker 1: show that you were really enjoying this time.

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Speaker 3: She would not be distracted, so she she would just

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Speaker 3: be very present and allow herself to enjoy the moment.

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Speaker 2: M hmm.

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Speaker 1: And would this be like a big surprise to it

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Speaker 1: or a little surprise, you know what I mean? Would

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Speaker 1: this be like a big change or a small chaine?

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Speaker 3: I feel like I, for the most part, he likes

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Speaker 3: to play a lot, So I mean, for the most part,

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Speaker 3: I try to be, you know, very present with him,

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Speaker 3: and and but I don't I can't say that I

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Speaker 3: play with him as much as he would like me too.

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Speaker 3: So I think this new version would probably be more

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Speaker 3: willing to play more often. So yeah, that would be

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Speaker 3: a shift for him.

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Speaker 1: How would respond to them?

341
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Speaker 3: He would love it? Would he would love it, and

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Speaker 3: I would be tired.

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Speaker 1: He would be tired when he would love it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And what difference would it make for you to know

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Speaker 1: that you were being more true to yourself and making happy?

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Speaker 1: What difference does that make to you?

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Speaker 3: It would make a huge difference. I want I want

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Speaker 3: to be the best version of myself, and I also

349
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Speaker 3: want him to be happy, so it would make a

350
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Speaker 3: huge difference. I think he's happy now, but I'm sure

351
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Speaker 3: that more playtime with his mom would definitely be something

352
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Speaker 3: he would enjoy. And I just I wouldn't just say playtime,

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Speaker 3: I think more dedicated time where I'm just very present

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Speaker 3: with him and not distracted. I think he would certainly

355
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Speaker 3: love that.

356
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Speaker 1: What else would you notice that would let you know

357
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Speaker 1: you're being the gage that you've always wanted to be,

358
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Speaker 1: like the best version of you, version of me?

359
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:12,080
Speaker 3: Uh, I don't know. I need to think about what

360
00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:21,320
Speaker 3: that looks like, Okay, because there's I mean, there's things

361
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,600
Speaker 3: that I feel like are coming to mind, but I

362
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,840
Speaker 3: don't know that those are the best versions of me.

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Speaker 1: Can you give me an example?

364
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,000
Speaker 3: So initially I was gonna say I would probably change

365
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Speaker 3: my job, but I don't know that the best version

366
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Speaker 3: of me requires me to change my job.

367
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Speaker 1: I love that you said that. I'll tell you why

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00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:48,000
Speaker 1: in a minute.

369
00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:50,160
Speaker 3: Part of me, yeah, part of me wants to say, yeah,

370
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:53,080
Speaker 3: I changed my job. I do something more exciting, more interesting.

371
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,600
Speaker 3: But at the same time, I don't know that that

372
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,280
Speaker 3: is what I necessarily need right now, or that I

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Speaker 3: even need it to be my best version?

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00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,800
Speaker 1: So can can I point out something to you?

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Speaker 2: M h.

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00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:09,879
Speaker 1: And by the way, I want to I thank you

377
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 1: so much for working so hard to answer my questions.

378
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 1: I know that they weren't always easy and it required

379
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,679
Speaker 1: you to you know, do some do some thinking. The

380
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:22,440
Speaker 1: thing that stood out to me the most as you

381
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:29,920
Speaker 1: as you talked is how important it is that you

382
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:34,639
Speaker 1: get back to being the real Ja in this newer version.

383
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:37,400
Speaker 1: Does that make sense, like that the the old Jay

384
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:41,320
Speaker 1: come back as the new you. This is actually not

385
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:46,400
Speaker 1: about your relationship, not about your job. It's about the real,

386
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:51,600
Speaker 1: authentic j figuring out how to be present in this moment, right,

387
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,399
Speaker 1: And the more you talked about that, Jaya, and the

388
00:20:54,480 --> 00:21:00,919
Speaker 1: more like intrigued I be king. And the cool thing

389
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:05,199
Speaker 1: about like real deep happiness is it's not circumstantial, so

390
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,919
Speaker 1: like it doesn't require you to change your job or

391
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:13,719
Speaker 1: your relationship. It's something that like resides within you. And

392
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 1: I would love to help you get that back so

393
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:18,920
Speaker 1: that it's not impacted by whether or not you love

394
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:20,280
Speaker 1: your job or not, or whether or not you're going

395
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,240
Speaker 1: to stay in your relationship or not, or whether or

396
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 1: not your kids are running up the walls playing or

397
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 1: any of those things. It's it's just kind of centered

398
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 1: and balanced within you. And I want to help you

399
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:37,240
Speaker 1: more than anything kind of rediscover that. So can I

400
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:38,960
Speaker 1: can I ask you to do something? Would that be

401
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:45,320
Speaker 1: all right? There's a funny thing about change, Okay, I

402
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:48,240
Speaker 1: don't want you to change too much too fast, Like

403
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 1: I don't want you to wake up tomorrow and go,

404
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,800
Speaker 1: you know what, screw that job. I'm quitting that job,

405
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,639
Speaker 1: and that screw this dude. I'm leaving this dude. Like

406
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,040
Speaker 1: if you change too much too fast, it's almost like

407
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:58,080
Speaker 1: not real, you know.

408
00:21:58,680 --> 00:21:59,160
Speaker 3: Yeah.

409
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,800
Speaker 1: An example on a scale of zero to ten, ten

410
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:06,359
Speaker 1: being you're that version of j of the time, which,

411
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 1: by the way, no one is anything one time and

412
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 1: zero is the exact opposite. Where would you say you

413
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:13,800
Speaker 1: are on that scale?

414
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 3: Maybe a three four?

415
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,000
Speaker 1: Okay, here's what I would like you to do. I

416
00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:25,920
Speaker 1: want you, as you say, three to four, I want

417
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 1: you to go through your your days. I want you

418
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:32,200
Speaker 1: to wake up tomorrow, go through your days and notice

419
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,520
Speaker 1: all of the clues that you're no longer a three

420
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 1: to four. You're now like a solid four and maybe

421
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:44,399
Speaker 1: a five, right, And I want you to do little

422
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 1: things that give you an idea like, huh, I don't

423
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,959
Speaker 1: think I'm a three to four anymore. I've moved up

424
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,159
Speaker 1: on a scale just a bit. I want you to,

425
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,800
Speaker 1: like work out in the morning, or I want you

426
00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,439
Speaker 1: to say things like, you know what, I want to

427
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 1: work out by myself, David, Like I enjoy you, You're fine,

428
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 1: but I'm going to work out by myself because this

429
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 1: needs to be about me. I want you to catch

430
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:13,120
Speaker 1: yourself playing with your children and just be a little

431
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 1: bit more present in the ways you were describing. I

432
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:19,479
Speaker 1: just want you to pay more and deeper attention to

433
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:23,560
Speaker 1: all of the clues that you're moving closer towards being

434
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:27,960
Speaker 1: that jam. The thing I found most wonderful about talking

435
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 1: to you is there were moments where you had this

436
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 1: really bright smile as you talked about who Jay really is.

437
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:39,720
Speaker 1: And if you had me guess, I think you're distracted

438
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 1: by the difficult circumstances of life, and I would like

439
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,680
Speaker 1: you to kind of reshift back focus. I want you

440
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 1: to pay really close attention to all of the clues

441
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 1: that you're moving a little bit up that scale. Is

442
00:23:51,760 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 1: that okay, I will try excellent. There's a part of

443
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 1: us that we fall in love with, and it's usually

444
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 1: that younger self, when you were exciting and interested in

445
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 1: cool things. And when I say younger, I don't necessarily

446
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,199
Speaker 1: mean age related. I mean from a responsibility standpoint, like

447
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 1: you didn't have kids, you didn't have a job, you

448
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 1: didn't have mortgage. You could just be the truest and

449
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:26,480
Speaker 1: most authentic form of yourself. And then as life unfolds

450
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 1: and life gets more serious and you get more responsibilities

451
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 1: and you get a spouse and you have children, you

452
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,920
Speaker 1: have to pay taxes, and you get a home, you

453
00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 1: lose sight of those things that you used to do

454
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 1: that you enjoyed. You lose sight of that part of

455
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,680
Speaker 1: you that you used to tap into to really love

456
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,959
Speaker 1: and enjoy life. You spend so much of your time

457
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,880
Speaker 1: paying bills and working and being an adult. In our

458
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,719
Speaker 1: current society, we refer to this as adulting. Very often

459
00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 1: that you lose a sense of who you really are.

460
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 1: And for this therapy with Jay, which is also common

461
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:07,439
Speaker 1: with so many people, the journey of healing is often

462
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:11,840
Speaker 1: associated with the rediscovering of your old self. That's exactly

463
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,680
Speaker 1: the journey that Jay is going to go on here.

464
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 1: David has a strong desire for consistency, but not just consistency,

465
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:39,919
Speaker 1: the kind of consistency that's going to reignite that inner

466
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,959
Speaker 1: beast in him that allowed him to climb to the

467
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:47,639
Speaker 1: very very top of the athletic world. He wants to

468
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:52,200
Speaker 1: take initiative in his relationship and his finances to reclaim

469
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:53,880
Speaker 1: that old David.

470
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:54,920
Speaker 2: Now.

471
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,040
Speaker 1: I intend to help David shift his mindset and find

472
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 1: solace and support within the grief that's coupled with his armor.

473
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 1: You mentioned your mom, and your mom like has you

474
00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 1: and you go, you know, become successful, And I think

475
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:16,640
Speaker 1: I heard you say your sister was of attorneys that right, Yeah.

476
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 2: My sister's an attorney.

477
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 1: Now, yeah, okay, how special.

478
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 2: Was your mom?

479
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 1: My mom?

480
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,920
Speaker 2: She's I don't see my mother go through a lot

481
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 2: with my dad. Strong, smart, you know, it stayed on

482
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 2: her boys, like that's my girl right there. She passed

483
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:44,200
Speaker 2: away last year. Oh man, Yeah, yeah, so my mom's

484
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,280
Speaker 2: My mom's was very special. She and just seeing that

485
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 2: smile on her face, you know, And then I didn't

486
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 2: want to let her down when I went to the

487
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,679
Speaker 2: next level and stuff like that. And I always made

488
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 2: sure my mom's was good because she sacrificed a lot

489
00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 2: for us, you know, to keep a roof over our head,

490
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,640
Speaker 2: food on the table, and close on our back. So

491
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:06,120
Speaker 2: like she that was the thing. Like everything I was doing,

492
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 2: I was like, Yo, this for you, Mom, this for you,

493
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 2: because she was one of my biggest heroes, Like you

494
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,480
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, And she just kept pushing me,

495
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:13,080
Speaker 2: pushing me.

496
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:17,359
Speaker 1: How responsible is your mother for that fire you had

497
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 1: in you to become successful.

498
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 2: I don't seen my moms go through with my dad,

499
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 2: like physical abuse, mental abuse, busting her butt. Dad ain't

500
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 2: really helping out. Like I said, Yo, my dad, I

501
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 2: love him. I respect some of the things he did.

502
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 2: I understand more now. Didn't really get it then, but

503
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 2: my mom's held us down. Like when people talk about

504
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:50,399
Speaker 2: how they mother, like, my mother really really made it work.

505
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 2: I respect my moms for that. And that's why when

506
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 2: I got to the league and all that stuff, I

507
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,200
Speaker 2: was just telling like, man, you good. Don't worry about nothing.

508
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 2: You good, like for realm.

509
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:06,639
Speaker 1: So, if you woke up tomorrow and that fire, like

510
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:10,959
Speaker 1: something happened overnight while you were asleep, and that fire

511
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 1: became like that fire again, like this raging inferno inside

512
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,280
Speaker 1: of you when you woke up the next day, how

513
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:23,840
Speaker 1: would you know that that fire was back. What's the

514
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:26,359
Speaker 1: first clue you would have that would tell you that

515
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:27,200
Speaker 1: fire is back?

516
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:33,439
Speaker 2: Probably a mind shift or the way I'm approachingself. So

517
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 2: this is the thing when I say the fire right,

518
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:39,200
Speaker 2: because it'd be day like the staling. It's like, you know,

519
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 2: you turn on the pilot on the stove right right

520
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 2: after water start boiling or after it's done. It cut

521
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,719
Speaker 2: off right right, so you don't need it no more. Okay,

522
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 2: some days is like that. A lot of days is not.

523
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 2: So the consistency of the days being like that, then

524
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 2: I know, like i'd be like all right today, today, right.

525
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 2: But it's just been a lot of stuff, a lot

526
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 2: of stuff that I got to get over, Like you

527
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. I got to get it out

528
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 2: of my system because like I've been through a lot.

529
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 2: I've been through a lot, and I lost a lot

530
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 2: of good people. Like one thing that bothers me to

531
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 2: this day is losing my sister to this day, like

532
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 2: yesterday it was a birthday, rough day. Can't look at pictures,

533
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 2: can't look at pictures.

534
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 1: You know, David, when did you lose your sister?

535
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 2: Twenty seventeen, never forget the phone call my home. Jame

536
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 2: the office in her office, studying her and her friends

537
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 2: called me. It was like, Dave, I seen him pulling

538
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:42,360
Speaker 2: the body out of your sister. So I was like,

539
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 2: what Jay came out? She was like. I was like, Yo,

540
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 2: something happens to shit. I gotta get over there. She

541
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 2: was like, you gotta get calm down, calm down, Let's

542
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 2: go see what happened. It'd be nothing. And then when

543
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,760
Speaker 2: I found out what it was, and it was like

544
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 2: deja vu because I had to call my brothers and

545
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 2: sisters about my dad. Because anybody called me first and

546
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 2: I was by myself. Then I had to call my

547
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 2: brother and sister about my sister. So I was like, yo,

548
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,719
Speaker 2: and that was my girl. We three years apart, we

549
00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 2: did everything together, like you know what I'm saying, Like

550
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 2: she wrote me because you know, she had to go

551
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 2: to she went to jail for a couple of years

552
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:23,360
Speaker 2: and all that stuff, and she wrote me and it

553
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 2: was like, yo, I'm wanting. Don't matter what nobody saying,

554
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:29,440
Speaker 2: I'm your number one fan, I'm your biggest fan. I

555
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 2: still got that letter to this day. So losing her,

556
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 2: like it ripped me apart, Like for real, I miss

557
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 2: worked for like a month, like almost a month. Month

558
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 2: is some change. Yeah, like that was that was rough.

559
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 2: That was rough how she passed. And that's the crazy thing, right,

560
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 2: So I always go see her on my day off, right,

561
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 2: I'll go see it because she she was a w

562
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 2: emput because you guy, Betty right live byself, function on anything.

563
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 2: And I was like, yo, I ain't see I said,

564
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:11,080
Speaker 2: I ain't see my sister on a couple of days.

565
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna go see her tomorrow because I was

566
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 2: off the next day. And they said when I talked

567
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:23,280
Speaker 2: to the neighbors, they said that they didn't. They heard

568
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 2: her one day and then they didn't hear her. They

569
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 2: didn't hear her. It was like a Monday here because

570
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 2: I worked Monday. I worked Tuesday. Wednesday, they did the

571
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 2: wellness check and that's when they found her on the

572
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 2: side of by a bed. So they came to her

573
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 2: that she had a diabetic shot. She went too a

574
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 2: diabetic shot and she must have felled. And she was

575
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 2: sitting there on the on the by the side of

576
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 2: her bed for like a day and some change or

577
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 2: something like that or maybe two days. Wow.

578
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 1: How and you guys are very close?

579
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, like because I go my daughters, she'll watch

580
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 2: my because you know, I was the first one to

581
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 2: have a kid. So she loved my daughters. And you know,

582
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 2: I was like every operation she had. I was with

583
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,920
Speaker 2: her on a carrier out of the house, helped her move.

584
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 2: I even live with her for like a little bit.

585
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 2: Like look were brothers and sisters. Did we fight and

586
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 2: stuff argue? Yeah, but we wouldn't go without speaking, you know,

587
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 2: like we was close close, like even when Jalb's demployed.

588
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:37,520
Speaker 2: One time it was New Year's my daughter with her

589
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 2: mother and then her cousin over there and they do

590
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 2: their dame crab lads and all that. This. My daughter

591
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 2: was still up here, my brother having some bodas house

592
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 2: with the fellas though, but I was just in that move.

593
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 2: I didn't want to go nowhere. So she called me

594
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 2: and she was like, this our last New Year together. Yeah,

595
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 2: it was turning twenty and sixteen. Because I got the

596
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 2: picture and she was like, what you doing. I said,

597
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 2: non in the house for work. She's like, you know

598
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 2: how some media is he? Yeah, I'm about to come

599
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:06,880
Speaker 2: over there. She took a cab over there. I paid

600
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:08,959
Speaker 2: for the cab and then I jumped in the car.

601
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 2: She was like, come on, let's go to the poles. Yeah.

602
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 2: So then we drove to my brother house and then

603
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 2: that was that. Yeah, like so we used to hang

604
00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 2: out together. I'll just go over our house and just

605
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 2: hang out with her, and you know, she'll rift with

606
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:25,440
Speaker 2: my sister, she'll rift with my little brother sometimes, my

607
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:29,560
Speaker 2: moms or whatever. I was like the the medium in

608
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:32,720
Speaker 2: between that, like, oh, come on, send you fucking like, nah,

609
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 2: it ain't right. You know what I'm saying, Yeah, you're

610
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 2: coming over for Thansgiving, Like what you mean? All right?

611
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:40,720
Speaker 2: But stuff like you know. Then when she's sick and down,

612
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 2: like I go over there pick up a medicine. You know,

613
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 2: when she had another lady cut off, I went up

614
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 2: to the hospital. We don't fought together, like we don't

615
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 2: cry together. And then when my father passed, she was like,

616
00:33:58,040 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 2: she was like, yo, you're good. I said, yeah, I'm good.

617
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:01,480
Speaker 2: I'm good. She said, you sure you don't look good?

618
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 2: I said, nah. Daddy always told me to make sure

619
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 2: y'all good because I was the oldest boy. And then

620
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:08,760
Speaker 2: she told me, she said, we're gonna make sure you good.

621
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 2: So like she was the person i'd go to and

622
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:15,880
Speaker 2: talk to, like about whatever, and she wasn't biased, like

623
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 2: she'll tell me if I'm wrong, Like she'll tell me that,

624
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 2: like you know what I'm saying, Like she'll say that, Yeah.

625
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 1: How do you think on a day when you woke

626
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:30,320
Speaker 1: up and you that fire was burning, if your sister

627
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 1: could see you, how do you think she feels out

628
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 1: seeing her brother like at his best again? You know

629
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:38,000
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like, how do you think that would

630
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 1: impact her to see her brother at his best?

631
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:43,719
Speaker 2: She'll be smiling ear the ear. She'll probably say something

632
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:46,359
Speaker 2: she said, oh, you're back on your shit. There you go.

633
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 2: That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, Like because she used

634
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 2: to say that all the time, like she could see it,

635
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:54,359
Speaker 2: like or if I walk in her house, she said,

636
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 2: she was like, little bro, you got a globe going on,

637
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 2: going on? Okay, all right, all right, all right, keep

638
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 2: it up. You're gonna get it.

639
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,400
Speaker 1: What difference does that make to you? When you know

640
00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 1: she can see it?

641
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:13,239
Speaker 2: It's a validation, like you know what I'm saying. It's

642
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 2: like cause like I ain't gonna be, I ain't gonna be.

643
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:22,239
Speaker 2: It's like when you play sports and you don't went

644
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 2: to the highest level, and when you performing on doing something,

645
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 2: the validation you get back from it, it just keeps

646
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,839
Speaker 2: you pushing a little bit. Every athlete I don't care,

647
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 2: Like you listen to them and they tell you that

648
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:37,879
Speaker 2: like that validation that you're getting back from it when

649
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,759
Speaker 2: you don't really get that validation no more. Like it's

650
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,919
Speaker 2: kind of hard and it could be on youtuo though,

651
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,880
Speaker 2: but it's kind of hard, Like you know what I'm saying,

652
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 2: And uh, I think I think that's what it is.

653
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 2: It's like yo, she was like, like I know I'm

654
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 2: doing Like I'm like, yeah, I'm doing my thing. But

655
00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 2: then when she recognized it because she can see it,

656
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 2: she could smell it, and she's seen me smile on

657
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:04,920
Speaker 2: my face and stuff like that, and she'll know if

658
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,800
Speaker 2: something is bothering me too, because she had asked or

659
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,000
Speaker 2: I'll call him like yo, what you're doing? And like

660
00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 2: now I'm gonna come through. I gotta talk to you

661
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 2: real quick, all right, So I'll just go over there

662
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 2: and we'll just talk like hours.

663
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 1: What let's say, wake up tomorrow and that fire is back,

664
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:28,320
Speaker 1: like I was saying, And if your sister was watching you,

665
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 1: what would she see you do that would make her say,

666
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:35,439
Speaker 1: that's my brother on his ship, Like that's what what's

667
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,440
Speaker 1: the first thing she would see that would tell her

668
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 1: that's that's the.

669
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:42,680
Speaker 2: Guy I know, probably be you know, the way I'm

670
00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:49,360
Speaker 2: handling a certain situation or like you know, something like

671
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:51,440
Speaker 2: if it's something with the job and she see me

672
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 2: and she was watching me, see me in action and stuff,

673
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:57,640
Speaker 2: because she doesn't seen that before, she could tell. She'll

674
00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:00,839
Speaker 2: be able to tell that way, you know, interacting with

675
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:03,839
Speaker 2: my kids or something like you know, like I don't

676
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 2: never like on them, but she she had a good

677
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 2: eye on seeing certain stuff and I think that's what

678
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,440
Speaker 2: it'll be like seeing me move in a certain way

679
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:17,840
Speaker 2: or the way I'm walking or something like that, or

680
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:21,480
Speaker 2: hearing me in a conversation, like she'd be like, oh, okay,

681
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:25,240
Speaker 2: that's what I don't seen that before. Oh yeah, he honest,

682
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:28,840
Speaker 2: it's back. I think that's what it is.

683
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, would you would you be pleased to have it back?

684
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 2: Absolutely, like I said Elliott, Like absolutely, Like it's been

685
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:45,880
Speaker 2: it's been a rough few years. Like my sister, best friend,

686
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:50,760
Speaker 2: I've been hit by a truck be quiet, Yeah, acrossing

687
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:55,600
Speaker 2: the street, s u V. Like, by the grace of

688
00:37:55,640 --> 00:38:01,360
Speaker 2: God though, you know, walked away from it, I mean stitches,

689
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,919
Speaker 2: broken eye socket though. But I was home, Like after

690
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 2: I left the hospital, I was home, like in a

691
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:12,440
Speaker 2: few hours, you know. Uh, daughter moving to Florida at

692
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 2: the spirit a moment, she was up here, but it

693
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:20,719
Speaker 2: wasn't working out. I knew my daughter needed to be

694
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:24,680
Speaker 2: with her mother as a man and a father. As

695
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:27,719
Speaker 2: much as it hurt me, I knew she needed to

696
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 2: be with a mom. Like it's not working like I

697
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 2: could see it so and I you know, I don't

698
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 2: know if you have kids or not or whatever, but

699
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 2: when you can't put a band aid on it, and

700
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 2: she's crying and it's nothing that you can like fix.

701
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 2: Like it was. I couldn't put a band aid on me.

702
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 2: She used to hurt me. So I'm like, listen, you

703
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:53,600
Speaker 2: don't got to make the choice. That's what fathers do.

704
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:55,839
Speaker 2: I make the choice. You know what I'm saying, You're

705
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 2: gonna be up here. It's a time and I'm gonna

706
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 2: come see you and come here for the summer and

707
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 2: blah blah blah. You know. So, but that took him

708
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 2: because I'm a good father. Might not be the best

709
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:10,520
Speaker 2: boyfriend or her husband or whatever, but not yet, but

710
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:14,240
Speaker 2: I'm a good father, Like I love my kids unconditionally

711
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 2: and I'll do anything for my children no matter what.

712
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:25,399
Speaker 2: But that that really played a real thing on my heart. Yeah, Jay,

713
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:27,320
Speaker 2: Like she's been there through a lot of this stuff,

714
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 2: and I think that's one of the things that's taken

715
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:32,799
Speaker 2: the toll. Because the meter was at a hundred and

716
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:36,440
Speaker 2: now it was just like heat going down, heat going down.

717
00:39:36,719 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 2: He going down and creep back up and then it's

718
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,279
Speaker 2: going down. Then it's going down. Because I'm like, yo,

719
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:43,360
Speaker 2: which way do I turn?

720
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:48,279
Speaker 1: How would j notice that David was like, you know

721
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,880
Speaker 1: that fire is back and he's at his absolute best.

722
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 2: Because I met Jalen in thirteen and when I first

723
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:58,240
Speaker 2: started working got into the furniture game. Like, she doesn't

724
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:02,799
Speaker 2: seem like I don't like she doesn't see it. She

725
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:06,879
Speaker 2: doesn't see me like all right, now, there's other things

726
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 2: that overall that She might be like, yo, he need

727
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:14,280
Speaker 2: to have fire on this and that, but she doesn't

728
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,880
Speaker 2: see me in the mix. You know, in the years

729
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 2: we've been together. It would have to be as not

730
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:24,240
Speaker 2: more as a day. It would have to be something

731
00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 2: that's consistent. She need to see some consistency out of

732
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,880
Speaker 2: some of the stuff, right, And one thing she say

733
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 2: all the time, she's like, oh, Dave is very consistent

734
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 2: and he's well knowledged when it comes to you know,

735
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 2: working and stuff like that. But I need him she

736
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 2: said this before. She said, I need him take that

737
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:47,439
Speaker 2: and bring it in the house. I need him take

738
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 2: that and put it in a relationship. I need him

739
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:53,759
Speaker 2: to take that and put it into the finances. That's

740
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 2: what I need. I need him to take that and

741
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 2: put it into me. That's what she.

742
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:01,799
Speaker 1: Would She know you were doing that if you took

743
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:04,920
Speaker 1: that and put it in the house, in the relationship

744
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:07,880
Speaker 1: and the finances into her. How would she know you

745
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:10,640
Speaker 1: were doing what would be a clue to her me

746
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:17,240
Speaker 1: taking initiative on something bright. Let's just say a savings

747
00:41:18,239 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: for both of us.

748
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 2: Let's say I do it for a month straight, and

749
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 2: I'm like, listen, this is the savings account that I

750
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:25,799
Speaker 2: wanted to do with both of us. This is where

751
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 2: I'm at right now. This is for a whole month.

752
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:30,439
Speaker 2: I did this, and it's set up on auto pay,

753
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:33,319
Speaker 2: So every week this is being taken out of my

754
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,280
Speaker 2: check and it's going to here. This is our joint

755
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 2: savings account for emergencies or whatever, something like that. Simple

756
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,839
Speaker 2: like that. And she was like, oh, all.

757
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 1: Right, David, if you were to say that, like I said,

758
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 1: up a joint savings account auto page going over here.

759
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 1: If you were to say that and then do it

760
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:54,360
Speaker 1: for a month and do it consistently, would she experienced

761
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 1: that is like a big surprise or a little surprise,

762
00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 1: A big surprise, big surprise. What what difference would that

763
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 1: make to her for you to be doing that and

764
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 1: be consistent with it and be following through that. Look,

765
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:07,279
Speaker 1: what difference would that make to her?

766
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,399
Speaker 2: That would be a big difference. That make a big

767
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 2: difference to her that I think that'll make her feel like, Okay,

768
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:15,239
Speaker 2: he's really thinking about the long game and not the

769
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:22,800
Speaker 2: short game. He's putting a bigger effort on our finances.

770
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:26,400
Speaker 2: You know, everything is just separate now, Like you know

771
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:29,759
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, and that's what it is. I mean, look,

772
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,280
Speaker 2: I admitted it before and a whole bunch of times,

773
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 2: like I just never been in no relationship like that

774
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 2: that anything joint or whatever the case may be. You know,

775
00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:44,200
Speaker 2: like I take care of what I need to take

776
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:45,759
Speaker 2: care and make sure the house is good, and I

777
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 2: say it and just keep it moving like that. But

778
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:52,280
Speaker 2: she doesn't operate that way. And now that we have kids,

779
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:55,920
Speaker 2: it's a no no. So I think that'll be a

780
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 2: big step that'll be part of a lot of other

781
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:03,240
Speaker 2: things that'll be a good step moving in the right direction.

782
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:07,600
Speaker 1: And if your sister were watching you and she sees

783
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 1: you bringing that into the house, into the relationship, into

784
00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:15,239
Speaker 1: the finances, what do you think your sister would think

785
00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:18,640
Speaker 1: of her brother she's watching down seeing you move.

786
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:21,680
Speaker 2: Like that, she'll probably smile. And she was like, this

787
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:23,799
Speaker 2: is exactly what she said. She said, that's what's up.

788
00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:26,240
Speaker 2: That's what's up, she said, because a lot of guys

789
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 2: don't do that. You know, a lot of guys don't

790
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 2: do that. Right. She'll probably be like, all right, that's

791
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:35,439
Speaker 2: a good step. She'll probably say how she feel about that,

792
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,279
Speaker 2: and then her slip moth and like, yo, you still

793
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:41,520
Speaker 2: got access to it, right, you know, something will left? Now,

794
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:43,319
Speaker 2: go get your money. You don't want me to go

795
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 2: talk to them, But yeah, that's my sister.

796
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:47,080
Speaker 3: Yeah.

797
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 1: What do you think that would do to your mom

798
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:52,880
Speaker 1: as she watches you, knowing that David's treating his partner

799
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:55,640
Speaker 1: the way a woman should be treated.

800
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 2: One thing about my mother like she loves you, Like

801
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,080
Speaker 2: I said she at jail in twenty thirteen, my mother

802
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 2: health was stronger than so she loves day. Right. Yeah,

803
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 2: But one thing my mother knows is is she always

804
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 2: say I'm a gentleman. The way I treat my partner,

805
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:19,000
Speaker 2: my girlfriends or whatever, it was already different and a

806
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 2: little better than what how she was treated. I never

807
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:29,439
Speaker 2: seen a man take care of my mother the way

808
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 2: she needed to be taken care of.

809
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 1: What would it do to you to still be able

810
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 1: to make your mom and an older sister, proud of

811
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,840
Speaker 1: you even though they're not here, Like you know what

812
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 1: I mean, Like, well, what would it do to you

813
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:45,440
Speaker 1: to know that they're not here, but they're still watching

814
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:47,759
Speaker 1: and you can still make them proud of you? How

815
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:50,360
Speaker 1: do you think that would that fire you had? I

816
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:51,839
Speaker 1: think it will impact me a lot.

817
00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:55,760
Speaker 2: I think, you know, I think they are definitely super

818
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 2: proud of me. I think they are watching down and

819
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 2: you know, I'll see that I'm hurting, see that I'm

820
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:06,799
Speaker 2: going through some things. See I had some challenges in

821
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 2: my way. But you know, I think they are saying,

822
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:15,799
Speaker 2: like they just keep pushing, don't give up. You know

823
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:18,440
Speaker 2: you can do it. That's what my mother used to say.

824
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:23,280
Speaker 2: I really think if they see we get through these

825
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:27,759
Speaker 2: things and know everything is gonna be okay, that'll really

826
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:29,759
Speaker 2: make them proud. I don't even make my dad proud too,

827
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:32,719
Speaker 2: because one thing my father's always tell me, he was like,

828
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 2: God give his hardest battles to a strongest soldiers. And

829
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 2: I used to I used to whom printed out that

830
00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:44,400
Speaker 2: prayer for me one time, and I got it somewhere

831
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 2: in my stuff and I used to have it hanging

832
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 2: up in my dorm room. My apartment, you know, And

833
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 2: I used to always read it it should be that

834
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:54,080
Speaker 2: and it's your bads prayer. I used to read it

835
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 2: every day every day that I just stopped. For some reason,

836
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:58,920
Speaker 2: I just stopped doing that. I told this to the

837
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:00,880
Speaker 2: day one time. I was like this one, I'm just

838
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:04,080
Speaker 2: going through it. And I said because I was missing

839
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:08,320
Speaker 2: my dad at the time, and this was my sister

840
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:11,160
Speaker 2: was so alive and I haven't been to my father's

841
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 2: site and I was missing my dad. And I finally

842
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:15,799
Speaker 2: went up there and I told her. I was like, yo,

843
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:18,839
Speaker 2: I admitted it. I was like, yo, maybe I ain't

844
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 2: want to his strongest soldiers. And she was like, no,

845
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 2: don't say that. Look what you don't been throughing kept going,

846
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 2: you know, got up, you know she military, you know,

847
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:29,799
Speaker 2: dust your boots off, and you got up and you

848
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 2: kept on truck. But I was like, yo, it's been

849
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 2: a lot of times. I just wanted to throw the

850
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:37,839
Speaker 2: towel and like, man, I can't take this anymore, Like

851
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 2: it's a lot of weed on my shoulders. Like I

852
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 2: don't know.

853
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:45,240
Speaker 1: I ask you one more question when you were playing sports,

854
00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:48,560
Speaker 1: because you talked about like this just saw these obstacles

855
00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:53,640
Speaker 1: when you were playing athletics. Literally, on every play there

856
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:58,160
Speaker 1: was an obstacle between you and your objective. How did

857
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:01,920
Speaker 1: you overcome those obstacles to achieve you're objective? Literally on

858
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:02,520
Speaker 1: every play?

859
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:08,719
Speaker 2: My preparation for the obstacle, right, Yeah, I think I

860
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:12,759
Speaker 2: was just I think my coaches and myself prepare me

861
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:15,640
Speaker 2: to the best I could get prepared and then make

862
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:19,279
Speaker 2: an adjustments on the fly. I just felt like the

863
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 2: person that was in front of me, I don't think

864
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:25,840
Speaker 2: he's better than me. I think I'm gonna dominate him.

865
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 2: And trusting my team. I think that's what helped me

866
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 2: be successful on the football field.

867
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,080
Speaker 1: And you said said something man, I literally smiled when

868
00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:41,240
Speaker 1: you said it. You said, I knew I would dominate him.

869
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:43,520
Speaker 2: Better than him.

870
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:47,880
Speaker 1: M So I talked to a guy who is a

871
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:51,279
Speaker 1: defensive lineman, really really successful, and I asked him a

872
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:54,759
Speaker 1: similar question and he told me and he was. He

873
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:56,960
Speaker 1: was defensive linman and he rushed the pastor a lot

874
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 1: in college and in the NFL. And I asked him

875
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:04,120
Speaker 1: a similar question. How did you accomplish your objective when

876
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:07,399
Speaker 1: there was another guy whose job it was to stop you?

877
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 1: He said, I didn't focus on the obstacle. I focused

878
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,200
Speaker 1: on my objective and I was accused by that. I said,

879
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:16,759
Speaker 1: what do you mean? He said, Well, for example, he said,

880
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:18,799
Speaker 1: one of the things we would study in our preparation

881
00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:24,120
Speaker 1: is how far back the quarterback drops back. So when

882
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:27,799
Speaker 1: I'm rushing the passer, I'm trying to get to that point.

883
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:31,359
Speaker 1: And he said, I don't even think about the offensive line.

884
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:34,319
Speaker 1: I'm only trying to get to the point where I

885
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:38,040
Speaker 1: know that quarterback is going to be yep. And I

886
00:48:38,160 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 1: was like, whoa, I mean, that's crazy, the ability to

887
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:45,759
Speaker 1: convince himself that he was better than the obstacle and

888
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 1: only focus on the outcome, which is I need to

889
00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:51,520
Speaker 1: get to that spot yep. Then you just said a

890
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 1: very similar thing, and I can't help but have two thoughts,

891
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:57,480
Speaker 1: and I really want to share these things with you.

892
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:01,120
Speaker 1: The first one is, David, what would happen if you

893
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:05,200
Speaker 1: treated every life obstacle like that. I am better than

894
00:49:05,239 --> 00:49:12,080
Speaker 1: this obstacle, and I'm going to dominate it, right, and

895
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:15,080
Speaker 1: I'm going to prepare for it. I'm gonna absolutely prepare

896
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:21,400
Speaker 1: to dominate this obstacle, no matter what the obstacle is. Now,

897
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:25,319
Speaker 1: you have a history of being able to dominate physical obstacles.

898
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:29,560
Speaker 1: And you did it so well that you literally got

899
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:34,160
Speaker 1: paid to dominate physical obstacles. And part of how you

900
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 1: did it was you you developed the mindset that told

901
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:43,000
Speaker 1: you I'm better than this obstacle. What if you took

902
00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:47,960
Speaker 1: that mindset into every obstacle you ever face in life?

903
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:49,279
Speaker 1: What would happen?

904
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:54,799
Speaker 2: Mean? It'd be insane. Bro.

905
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 1: I need you to take that that amazing attitude and

906
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:04,320
Speaker 1: mine set you have and have always had, and apply

907
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:07,400
Speaker 1: it into every aspect of life. Things with Jay, things

908
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:11,839
Speaker 1: with you like that's what has made you successful, and

909
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:15,240
Speaker 1: I need to remember that that's who you are. Obstacles

910
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 1: are irrelevant when you were prepared and you remind yourself

911
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 1: I can dominate this obstacle. That immediately makes the obstacle irrelevant.

912
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:24,840
Speaker 1: Does that make sense?

913
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:28,319
Speaker 2: Yeah? Absolutely, do make sense? Yeap.

914
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 1: The second thing I want to share with you, and

915
00:50:30,719 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: it's almost emotional for me to say that was the

916
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 1: point you were talking where it was almost hard for

917
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:37,959
Speaker 1: me to compose myself. But I have a family member

918
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 1: that I lost in twenty seventeen the same year. And

919
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:45,719
Speaker 1: this family member it was my uncle and he was

920
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:49,200
Speaker 1: his name was Jeffrey. He was literally most important person

921
00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:50,759
Speaker 1: that came into my life. He was the person that

922
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:54,720
Speaker 1: gave me validation. I was in Denmark giving a lecture

923
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 1: when I got the worst call of my life, and

924
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:01,799
Speaker 1: I remember thinking, like ten thousand miles away and all

925
00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 1: I want is a hug, like I feel so alone

926
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:09,040
Speaker 1: and I just got this horrible news, and the way

927
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:13,200
Speaker 1: I can describe it, I wasn't prepared to live on

928
00:51:13,239 --> 00:51:16,120
Speaker 1: this earth without my uncle and his validation. He was

929
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:18,799
Speaker 1: the only person that made me feel that way, and

930
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 1: I started I really spent a lot of time thinking

931
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:24,920
Speaker 1: about how am I gonna do this? And I literally,

932
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:28,120
Speaker 1: to this day live my life knowing that Jeffrey is

933
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:35,160
Speaker 1: watching me. And I do things knowing that Jeffrey is

934
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 1: watching me. And it's gonna sound crazy, but I still

935
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:42,480
Speaker 1: experience that sense of validation because I know he's watching me,

936
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:45,839
Speaker 1: and I know he's proud of his nephew. And as

937
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:48,640
Speaker 1: you talked about your mom, who's clearly important to you,

938
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:52,239
Speaker 1: and your big sister, who is clearly important to you,

939
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:55,919
Speaker 1: I wonder if, like I wonder if there's like there's

940
00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:59,640
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with David necessarily, except I wonder if David

941
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 1: has for out that they're still watching him. Yeah, like

942
00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:04,560
Speaker 1: they're still they're still paying attention to him.

943
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:05,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

944
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:10,040
Speaker 1: And if David reminded himself every day, my goal is

945
00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 1: still to honor these two amazing women. My goal is

946
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:18,400
Speaker 1: still to make these two amazing women proud of me,

947
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:23,120
Speaker 1: and as a consequence, I'm still gonna get validation from them.

948
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:26,480
Speaker 1: What would happen if you reminded yourself every day that

949
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 1: these two amazing women are still paying attention.

950
00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:34,440
Speaker 2: I think if I start saying that, like if I

951
00:52:34,480 --> 00:52:38,319
Speaker 2: wake up in the morning and just like, okay, trying

952
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:41,840
Speaker 2: to get things going. You know, Mom, Dad, I know

953
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:45,799
Speaker 2: y'are watching, and I'm just gonna continue to keep making

954
00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:48,680
Speaker 2: y'all pride. Right. I know y'all got me. I know

955
00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:53,000
Speaker 2: y'all smiling down because I said that. When I got

956
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 2: hit by that truck, I said, my sister rapt her

957
00:52:57,080 --> 00:53:01,319
Speaker 2: horns around me and said, Dave's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt, bro,

958
00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:04,360
Speaker 2: but you gonna you're gonna get up. When I finally

959
00:53:04,360 --> 00:53:07,880
Speaker 2: went back to work, an older lady at work, she's like, Davy,

960
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:10,279
Speaker 2: you all right? I was like yeah, she was like

961
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:12,239
Speaker 2: God was with you. That was that angel, I said

962
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:14,480
Speaker 2: that was my sister. And I told her. She was like, oh,

963
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:16,520
Speaker 2: she was like yoah, bro, she was like, that was

964
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 2: your sister. That's exactly what she said.

965
00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:21,960
Speaker 1: Okay, look, we're about at a time, but can you

966
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:23,560
Speaker 1: please do three things for me?

967
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:24,440
Speaker 2: Is that?

968
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:28,839
Speaker 1: Number one, I want you to remember that obstacles are

969
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:33,279
Speaker 1: irrelevant and you have a history of overcoming obstacles with

970
00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 1: preparation and reminding yourself that you can dominate the obstacle

971
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:38,440
Speaker 1: because you're better than the obstacle.

972
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:39,520
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm.

973
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:43,200
Speaker 1: Number Two, I want you to remember that your sister

974
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:46,200
Speaker 1: and your mother are not just with you when you're

975
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:49,680
Speaker 1: being hit by a truck, there with you every second

976
00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:52,160
Speaker 1: of every day, and I don't ever want you to

977
00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:55,279
Speaker 1: forget that they are paying attention. And the third thing

978
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:56,680
Speaker 1: I want you to do is I want you to

979
00:53:56,800 --> 00:54:00,759
Speaker 1: notice the difference doing those first two things makes in

980
00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:02,880
Speaker 1: your life and in your relationships.

981
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:06,600
Speaker 2: Can you do that? Yeah?

982
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:09,799
Speaker 1: And then I would love to see you, you know,

983
00:54:09,840 --> 00:54:11,400
Speaker 1: in a week or whenever we're going to meet again

984
00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:13,360
Speaker 1: and hear what you notice.

985
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:14,440
Speaker 2: Okay?

986
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:15,839
Speaker 1: Is that all right?

987
00:54:15,880 --> 00:54:18,319
Speaker 2: Bro? Yeah? That's all right. Absolutely.

988
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:24,359
Speaker 1: Oftentimes we get hit with things in life, obstacles, traumas,

989
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:29,799
Speaker 1: triggers that cause our lives to go in different directions,

990
00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:32,239
Speaker 1: and we might feel on top of the world and

991
00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:34,879
Speaker 1: we might feel like our very best self, and then

992
00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:38,759
Speaker 1: you get hit with a pattern of grief, loss, sadness, depression,

993
00:54:39,239 --> 00:54:42,440
Speaker 1: and then that becomes the new normal. And part of

994
00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:45,320
Speaker 1: what therapy needs to do is to rekindle that fire

995
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:49,640
Speaker 1: and reignite that passion that brings you back to who

996
00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 1: you were before the loss, before the grief, before the trauma,

997
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 1: before the angst, before the triggers. That's what this journey

998
00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:01,640
Speaker 1: is about. That's what what life is about. Like, no

999
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:04,759
Speaker 1: one goes through life without getting hit with that type

1000
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 1: of information. So this is actually a skill that all

1001
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:10,680
Speaker 1: of us need. David needs it and that's what this

1002
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:14,040
Speaker 1: session became about, but everyone needs it because if you

1003
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:16,160
Speaker 1: live long enough, you're going to have a trauma, you're

1004
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:18,120
Speaker 1: going to have a tragedy, You're going to have something

1005
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:20,879
Speaker 1: that you have to recover from. And that's really the

1006
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:24,680
Speaker 1: mindset of life that I want you to apply is

1007
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 1: life is not about how do I live a life

1008
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:32,920
Speaker 1: devoid of pain, trauma, and tragedy. The real successful mindset

1009
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:37,800
Speaker 1: of life is learning how to apply that thinking to everything.

1010
00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:40,920
Speaker 1: It's learning how to accept. I'm going to get hit

1011
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:45,839
Speaker 1: with obstacles and struggles and difficulties, but my job is

1012
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:49,400
Speaker 1: to keep moving forward and understand that I can still

1013
00:55:49,400 --> 00:56:00,360
Speaker 1: be the person I was before the difficulty. Life is

1014
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:03,480
Speaker 1: what you notice, and that's exactly why I ask my

1015
00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:07,240
Speaker 1: clients so frequently in session to pay attention to signs

1016
00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:12,560
Speaker 1: of progress, success and evidence of change in every single day.

1017
00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:16,640
Speaker 1: There are brilliant things that happen and there are horrible

1018
00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:21,800
Speaker 1: things that happen. Most of us we pay an over

1019
00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:26,120
Speaker 1: amount of attention on the things that go wrong, and

1020
00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:31,320
Speaker 1: then we're like, nothing is going well, and that's actually

1021
00:56:31,360 --> 00:56:33,600
Speaker 1: not true. It's just the things that went well you

1022
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:38,279
Speaker 1: didn't notice or give weight to. So part of effective

1023
00:56:38,320 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 1: therapy is to help people shift what they pay attention to.

1024
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:43,680
Speaker 1: I mean, probably the most important life lesson you could

1025
00:56:43,680 --> 00:56:47,799
Speaker 1: ever learn is no one's life is perfect. So if

1026
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:51,920
Speaker 1: that's true, that means the happy people have a tendency

1027
00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 1: to notice happy things and give weight to them, and

1028
00:56:55,200 --> 00:56:58,759
Speaker 1: unhappy people have a tendency to notice unhappy things and

1029
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:02,000
Speaker 1: they don't notice the good things. So the most powerful

1030
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:05,280
Speaker 1: thing I can say to somebody is will you notice

1031
00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 1: evidence of progress. Will you notice signs of goodness? Will

1032
00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 1: you notice things happening in a way that you're pleased with?

1033
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:16,439
Speaker 1: Because if you can shift what you notice, then you

1034
00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:20,600
Speaker 1: can shift the experience of your life very quickly, quickly, quickly.

1035
00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:24,640
Speaker 1: This is not just a podcast that I want you

1036
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:27,960
Speaker 1: to consume and be entertained by. I actually want you

1037
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:31,280
Speaker 1: to be inspired. I want you to be impacted by this.

1038
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:34,920
Speaker 1: And in fact, we can't help but be impacted by

1039
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:37,640
Speaker 1: the content we consume. So what I would like for

1040
00:57:37,680 --> 00:57:40,480
Speaker 1: you to do is come on this healing journey with us.

1041
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:45,320
Speaker 1: Come on this journey of change rediscovery with us. And

1042
00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:47,680
Speaker 1: the way to do that is to just pay attention

1043
00:57:48,240 --> 00:57:50,640
Speaker 1: to the things going on in your life as a

1044
00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:54,640
Speaker 1: consequence of listening to this podcast. Pay attention to things

1045
00:57:54,640 --> 00:57:57,680
Speaker 1: in your life shifting in a more desirable way. Pay

1046
00:57:57,720 --> 00:58:01,600
Speaker 1: attention to your desirable outcome become your reality. Pay attention

1047
00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:05,480
Speaker 1: to evidence of your success, your resilience, and your strength.

1048
00:58:05,680 --> 00:58:08,680
Speaker 1: And let us know in the comments what you're noticing

1049
00:58:08,720 --> 00:58:11,080
Speaker 1: in your life as a result of listening to this

1050
00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:14,320
Speaker 1: podcast and as a result of paying attention to these things.

1051
00:58:16,560 --> 00:58:19,360
Speaker 1: I would love to hear from you about your healing journey,

1052
00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:22,960
Speaker 1: your family and your feedback, leave a review, send a DM,

1053
00:58:23,040 --> 00:58:25,840
Speaker 1: connect with me on socials at Elliott's Speaks, and you

1054
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:28,120
Speaker 1: can also send me a text message to nine seven

1055
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:32,240
Speaker 1: two four two six two six four zero. Family Therapy

1056
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:35,800
Speaker 1: is a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Podcast

1057
00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 1: Network special thanks to our assistant Glendale Sepe. It's produced

1058
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:43,240
Speaker 1: by Jack Queis Thomas and the executive producer Dolly S.

1059
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:43,600
Speaker 2: Fisher.

1060
00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:48,440
Speaker 1: The content presented on the Family Therapy podcast serves solely

1061
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:51,320
Speaker 1: for educational and informational purposes. It should not be considered

1062
00:58:51,360 --> 00:58:54,080
Speaker 1: a replacement for personalized medical or mental health guidance and

1063
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:57,520
Speaker 1: does not constitute a provider patient relationship. It is advisable

1064
00:58:57,520 --> 00:59:00,120
Speaker 1: to consult with your healthcare provider or health team for

1065
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:02,160
Speaker 1: any specific concerns or questions you may have.