1 00:00:04,795 --> 00:00:20,755 Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. It 2 00:00:20,835 --> 00:00:24,595 Speaker 1: isn't that Marjorie Taylor Greene does not know that Ukraine 3 00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:30,075 Speaker 1: is in Europe. Maybe she does, Maybe she doesn't. Stupid, 4 00:00:30,475 --> 00:00:35,395 Speaker 1: a Russian asset, both whatever, we're paying for a war, 5 00:00:35,675 --> 00:00:38,915 Speaker 1: a proxy war with Russia. When I've never seen Putin 6 00:00:39,355 --> 00:00:43,075 Speaker 1: actually show in any detail his plans to invade Europe. 7 00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:45,835 Speaker 1: No one has shown me that, So I don't believe 8 00:00:45,875 --> 00:00:48,635 Speaker 1: the lies that I'm being told about this. That was 9 00:00:48,755 --> 00:00:52,555 Speaker 1: fourteen seconds in which Barney Rubble's body double crystallize the 10 00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:56,875 Speaker 1: international plank of the Keep America Stupid Party? Does she 11 00:00:57,515 --> 00:01:01,315 Speaker 1: not know Ukraine is in Europe? Irrelevant? She and the 12 00:01:01,355 --> 00:01:05,515 Speaker 1: Republicans want America to not know that Ukraine is in Europe. 13 00:01:05,635 --> 00:01:08,875 Speaker 1: Does she not know that nobody, not Putin, not Biden, 14 00:01:08,995 --> 00:01:14,235 Speaker 1: not anybody would ever show her Putin's plans? Irrelevant? She 15 00:01:14,435 --> 00:01:17,915 Speaker 1: and the Republicans want America to believe that getting to 16 00:01:17,915 --> 00:01:21,315 Speaker 1: see Putin's plans is like ordering from grub hub, so 17 00:01:21,355 --> 00:01:24,475 Speaker 1: that when the Biden administration saw the invasion coming before 18 00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:28,755 Speaker 1: even Zelenski did, anybody could have done that. Does she 19 00:01:29,355 --> 00:01:31,835 Speaker 1: not know that Putin has said he is intent on 20 00:01:31,955 --> 00:01:35,475 Speaker 1: rebuilding the Soviet Union, and that eventually, if allowed to, 21 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:38,875 Speaker 1: he will attack Poland and wherever else we will let him, 22 00:01:38,955 --> 00:01:43,075 Speaker 1: and that he wants to destroy NATO irrelevant. She and 23 00:01:43,115 --> 00:01:46,035 Speaker 1: the Republicans want America to view these things and these 24 00:01:46,075 --> 00:01:50,675 Speaker 1: places as meaningless events in what she called faraway lands, 25 00:01:51,595 --> 00:01:57,475 Speaker 1: while the real threat is Mexicans, Mexicans who leave bombs 26 00:01:57,515 --> 00:01:59,955 Speaker 1: at the border that turn out to be bags of 27 00:02:00,075 --> 00:02:04,875 Speaker 1: sand tied up in duct tape. The goal of the 28 00:02:04,915 --> 00:02:07,675 Speaker 1: Marjorie Taylor Greens of this country and the people who 29 00:02:07,755 --> 00:02:11,675 Speaker 1: feed them their lines is not MAGA but massa. Make 30 00:02:11,795 --> 00:02:15,395 Speaker 1: America stupid again. Convince them the threat is not something 31 00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:18,915 Speaker 1: that takes three long sentences that they have to struggle 32 00:02:18,995 --> 00:02:21,515 Speaker 1: to try to understand, but something they can just point 33 00:02:21,555 --> 00:02:31,755 Speaker 1: at it grunt Mexicans, drugs, balmum. Second Amendment also slightly 34 00:02:31,795 --> 00:02:36,755 Speaker 1: more complicated but really visceral issues like quote, Christianity under 35 00:02:36,795 --> 00:02:40,875 Speaker 1: attack in Ukraine. Tucker Carlson, who on Wednesday, as we know, 36 00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:44,315 Speaker 1: platformed a retired US military colonel who lied and said 37 00:02:44,355 --> 00:02:47,635 Speaker 1: the war was not started by Russia, came back and 38 00:02:47,675 --> 00:02:51,595 Speaker 1: announced that President Zelenski had begun to close Christian churches 39 00:02:51,635 --> 00:02:55,715 Speaker 1: in Ukraine and was arresting priests and nuns, and using 40 00:02:55,755 --> 00:02:59,835 Speaker 1: that Martin short Jiminy Glick voice of his asked why 41 00:02:59,835 --> 00:03:02,875 Speaker 1: aren't Christian leaders in the United States not saying anything 42 00:03:02,915 --> 00:03:07,235 Speaker 1: about this, and then interviewing a blonde woman who had 43 00:03:07,275 --> 00:03:10,435 Speaker 1: no control over her own eyebrows, whom he describes as 44 00:03:10,435 --> 00:03:12,355 Speaker 1: a reporter. But she works for Ben Shapiro, so no, 45 00:03:12,435 --> 00:03:15,155 Speaker 1: she's not a reporter, and honestly, she needs to recuse 46 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:19,555 Speaker 1: herself and focus on the important thing here, these eyebrow spasms. 47 00:03:19,635 --> 00:03:23,595 Speaker 1: And of course the answer to that question why is 48 00:03:23,635 --> 00:03:27,435 Speaker 1: contained in the details Carlson deliberately left out, namely that 49 00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:32,155 Speaker 1: the quote Christians unquote are members of the Russian Orthodox Church, 50 00:03:32,635 --> 00:03:35,875 Speaker 1: which long ago reached the pinnacle of where American evangelical 51 00:03:35,955 --> 00:03:38,875 Speaker 1: churches are heading, which is to drop all that annoying 52 00:03:39,075 --> 00:03:43,675 Speaker 1: spiritual and moral leadership and cutting straight to political indoctrination 53 00:03:43,995 --> 00:03:47,515 Speaker 1: on behalf of the regime. It's the leaders of the 54 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:51,355 Speaker 1: Russian Orthodox Church who endorsed Putin's attack on Ukraine in 55 00:03:51,395 --> 00:03:54,955 Speaker 1: the first place. Even many of them in Ukraine did this, 56 00:03:55,315 --> 00:03:57,875 Speaker 1: and they rationalized it in large part because of the 57 00:03:57,915 --> 00:04:01,835 Speaker 1: fact that Ukraine holds pride parades and Pride nights and 58 00:04:01,915 --> 00:04:06,395 Speaker 1: Pride Days, and the Russian Orthodox churches ferociously homophobic, and 59 00:04:06,475 --> 00:04:08,995 Speaker 1: it is actively trying to subvert the Ukrainian government, and 60 00:04:09,075 --> 00:04:14,875 Speaker 1: Zelenski has been amazingly restrained towards it. That's too complicated 61 00:04:14,915 --> 00:04:19,195 Speaker 1: for Massa, and that in turn leads to the realization 62 00:04:19,555 --> 00:04:22,955 Speaker 1: that whatever becomes of the Dominion one billion, six hundred 63 00:04:22,995 --> 00:04:26,635 Speaker 1: million dollar defamation suit against Fox or the Smart Mattock 64 00:04:26,715 --> 00:04:29,795 Speaker 1: two billion, seven hundred million dollar defamation suit against Fox, 65 00:04:30,075 --> 00:04:35,635 Speaker 1: there is no oversight or control at Fox quote news unquote, 66 00:04:35,995 --> 00:04:40,115 Speaker 1: and talent there and producers and propaganda managers and executives 67 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:44,435 Speaker 1: and anybody named Murdoch have not been chastened at all 68 00:04:45,235 --> 00:04:48,955 Speaker 1: by the humiliation that actually dented Fox's reputation among the right, 69 00:04:49,395 --> 00:04:52,155 Speaker 1: and the damage awards that actually could bankrupt that company 70 00:04:52,355 --> 00:04:57,715 Speaker 1: and perhaps the entire Murdoch empire. Yesterday, the rotting carcass 71 00:04:57,715 --> 00:05:02,635 Speaker 1: of former business broadcaster Maria Bartaromo interviewed Rand Paul's Tupay 72 00:05:03,315 --> 00:05:07,075 Speaker 1: as it sat perch perilously at top Grand Paul. The 73 00:05:07,195 --> 00:05:11,515 Speaker 1: concept here was about Anthony Fauci. This is Barteromo sued 74 00:05:11,635 --> 00:05:15,075 Speaker 1: by name in the smart matic suit and humiliated by 75 00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:17,315 Speaker 1: a Steve Bannon offer to put her into the Senate 76 00:05:17,355 --> 00:05:19,675 Speaker 1: from New York in the dominion suit. And she has 77 00:05:19,755 --> 00:05:24,235 Speaker 1: learned nothing. She is squirting lies all over the place. 78 00:05:24,515 --> 00:05:28,075 Speaker 1: She said, quote there were also these lies around the 79 00:05:28,075 --> 00:05:32,275 Speaker 1: emergency authorization. They needed the emergency authorization to get the 80 00:05:32,355 --> 00:05:37,515 Speaker 1: vaccines down everybody's throats. You may have taken it wrong, madam, 81 00:05:37,955 --> 00:05:40,715 Speaker 1: to get the vaccines down everybody's throats, but in order 82 00:05:40,755 --> 00:05:42,275 Speaker 1: to do that, they had to prove that there was 83 00:05:42,315 --> 00:05:45,035 Speaker 1: nothing else on the market that could actually treat COVID 84 00:05:45,515 --> 00:05:51,515 Speaker 1: when we all know ivermectin hydroxy chlora queen were effective, 85 00:05:51,955 --> 00:05:56,675 Speaker 1: weren't they. This is March twenty twenty three, and this 86 00:05:56,795 --> 00:06:00,155 Speaker 1: idiot is still playing this game with the lives of 87 00:06:00,155 --> 00:06:05,355 Speaker 1: her own viewers. And frankly, we had better do something 88 00:06:05,395 --> 00:06:10,675 Speaker 1: about Fox now this year, something decisive, because we are 89 00:06:10,715 --> 00:06:13,955 Speaker 1: now at the tertiary stage of the self fulfilling Fox 90 00:06:13,995 --> 00:06:19,035 Speaker 1: feedback loop. Kevin McCarthy hands Tucker Carlson January sixth video 91 00:06:19,115 --> 00:06:24,995 Speaker 1: that shows literally nothing of interest, so little they had 92 00:06:24,995 --> 00:06:28,915 Speaker 1: to reshow the same clip three nights, and they make 93 00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:31,435 Speaker 1: it sound like it's forty four thousand hours of the 94 00:06:31,515 --> 00:06:35,835 Speaker 1: Zapruder film, and now that having been accomplished, the House 95 00:06:35,875 --> 00:06:39,555 Speaker 1: turns around and uses the Carlson video and his bogus 96 00:06:39,555 --> 00:06:43,435 Speaker 1: claims as its rationale for appointing a new January sixth 97 00:06:43,475 --> 00:06:46,635 Speaker 1: committee to investigate the last January sixth committee and to 98 00:06:46,755 --> 00:06:49,995 Speaker 1: try to gaslight the country into believing that January sixth 99 00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:55,835 Speaker 1: was just sightseers and hooligans and Nancy Pelosi security failures. 100 00:06:55,835 --> 00:07:01,835 Speaker 1: And the chairman of this will be Barry fricking louder Milk. 101 00:07:02,715 --> 00:07:07,875 Speaker 1: Barry louder Milk last scene leading an unauthorized tour of 102 00:07:07,955 --> 00:07:13,155 Speaker 1: people through the rarely visited underground passages and security areas 103 00:07:13,195 --> 00:07:18,275 Speaker 1: of the Capitol on January fifth. Thus we have this 104 00:07:18,475 --> 00:07:23,115 Speaker 1: disinformation machine, this cable house of Tokyo roses pushed into 105 00:07:23,195 --> 00:07:27,035 Speaker 1: overdrive on COVID on Ukraine on January sixth, and we 106 00:07:27,075 --> 00:07:31,235 Speaker 1: have no effective means of shutting it down because somebody 107 00:07:31,355 --> 00:07:35,115 Speaker 1: in a Senate polling office somewhere said Chuck schumerch should 108 00:07:35,195 --> 00:07:40,355 Speaker 1: complain about Fox whenever possible, but he cannot possibly actually 109 00:07:40,555 --> 00:07:44,995 Speaker 1: convene a Senate investigation committee asking the questions you and 110 00:07:45,075 --> 00:07:48,195 Speaker 1: I would ask like if the obvious goal of Fox 111 00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:51,955 Speaker 1: and Murdoch and Carlson on all these other scums is 112 00:07:51,995 --> 00:07:55,515 Speaker 1: to destroy this nation and its form of government. Who 113 00:07:55,995 --> 00:08:02,395 Speaker 1: is benefiting financially? And are their foreign interests involved? And 114 00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:05,755 Speaker 1: even if there are no foreign interests involved, at least 115 00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:10,035 Speaker 1: at least Chuck Schumer, there'd be something to put on 116 00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:15,715 Speaker 1: TV to counter program the new Barry louder Milk Subcommittee 117 00:08:15,835 --> 00:08:38,235 Speaker 1: to clear Barry louder Milk. This is Sports Center. Wait, 118 00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:45,995 Speaker 1: check that not anymore. This is Countdown with Keith Alberman 119 00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:49,395 Speaker 1: in Sports slight format change in this episode, as I 120 00:08:49,435 --> 00:08:51,595 Speaker 1: continued to plow through what turns out to be a 121 00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:55,955 Speaker 1: stomach bug, I know, t Am. I sorry, Okay, I've 122 00:08:55,955 --> 00:08:58,315 Speaker 1: been saying this since the year two thousand and nine, 123 00:08:58,715 --> 00:09:01,155 Speaker 1: and now it's time to actually do something about it. 124 00:09:01,755 --> 00:09:08,235 Speaker 1: Stop the World Baseball Classic before or it kills again. Yesterday, 125 00:09:08,675 --> 00:09:11,835 Speaker 1: the relief pitcher closer Edwin Diaz, whom the New York 126 00:09:11,875 --> 00:09:14,155 Speaker 1: Mets re signed last winter for five years and one 127 00:09:14,195 --> 00:09:17,555 Speaker 1: hundred and two million dollars, underwent surgery to repair his 128 00:09:17,635 --> 00:09:21,555 Speaker 1: right fateller tendon, which he fully tore. That is what 129 00:09:21,715 --> 00:09:25,555 Speaker 1: keeps your kneecap in place. If Diaz is lucky, he 130 00:09:25,595 --> 00:09:28,635 Speaker 1: will be ready to pitch in November, which coincidentally is 131 00:09:28,675 --> 00:09:32,595 Speaker 1: when the World Baseball Classic should be played. If at all. 132 00:09:33,835 --> 00:09:35,995 Speaker 1: They're not saying this because why would you, but there 133 00:09:36,115 --> 00:09:38,675 Speaker 1: is no guarantee Diaz won, in fact, ever pitch again. 134 00:09:38,875 --> 00:09:43,075 Speaker 1: That tendon in the right knee basically anchors a right 135 00:09:43,075 --> 00:09:46,035 Speaker 1: handed pitcher like Diaz as he focuses all of his 136 00:09:46,195 --> 00:09:48,915 Speaker 1: energy and strength and as he starts to go into 137 00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:50,835 Speaker 1: his wind up to throw a pitch, if it is 138 00:09:50,875 --> 00:09:54,035 Speaker 1: not perfect or at least sound, his pitches could lose 139 00:09:54,075 --> 00:09:56,675 Speaker 1: their speed, or he could lose control of where it's going. 140 00:09:56,955 --> 00:10:00,075 Speaker 1: When that happens, he can't get anybody out. It's bad 141 00:10:00,235 --> 00:10:05,075 Speaker 1: either way. And Diaz suffered this injury while celeb with 142 00:10:05,155 --> 00:10:09,035 Speaker 1: his teammates in a preliminary round victory in this World 143 00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:12,675 Speaker 1: Baseball Classic. Not in the title game, not in the 144 00:10:12,715 --> 00:10:17,915 Speaker 1: penultimate game, not in the quarterfinal, the last preliminary game 145 00:10:17,995 --> 00:10:21,395 Speaker 1: of the preliminary round. Oh and not his team, the 146 00:10:21,395 --> 00:10:24,315 Speaker 1: New York Mets, winning the World Series or the National 147 00:10:24,355 --> 00:10:27,195 Speaker 1: League Playoffs or the earlier rounds of the playoffs, or 148 00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:33,275 Speaker 1: clinching their division. The World Baseball Classic The World Baseball 149 00:10:33,315 --> 00:10:36,195 Speaker 1: Classic was created in two thousand and nine by Major 150 00:10:36,275 --> 00:10:39,755 Speaker 1: League Baseball so it could charge higher prices to televise 151 00:10:39,915 --> 00:10:44,555 Speaker 1: meaningless March preseason baseball and to sell replica baseball uniforms 152 00:10:44,555 --> 00:10:48,595 Speaker 1: and caps with Puerto Rico and Mexico and Japan and 153 00:10:48,755 --> 00:10:52,955 Speaker 1: Israel and the United States written on them. Baseball saw 154 00:10:53,075 --> 00:10:57,115 Speaker 1: international sports events like the Olympics, like soccer's World Cup, 155 00:10:57,155 --> 00:10:59,915 Speaker 1: and said we should do one of them, and poof, 156 00:10:59,955 --> 00:11:06,035 Speaker 1: there it was. National teams were assembled, hand picked whoever 157 00:11:06,035 --> 00:11:08,635 Speaker 1: would show up. This isn't soccer. There's no competition to 158 00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:11,395 Speaker 1: make the team, and most of them play all of 159 00:11:11,435 --> 00:11:13,675 Speaker 1: their games through the entirety of the tournament in the 160 00:11:13,795 --> 00:11:16,475 Speaker 1: United States. There's a couple of games in other countries. 161 00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:19,475 Speaker 1: There were some this year in Japan, but the quarterfinals, 162 00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:23,675 Speaker 1: the semis, the championship are in Miami. And as enthusiastic 163 00:11:23,675 --> 00:11:26,955 Speaker 1: as American fans of say Dominican heritage or Mexican or 164 00:11:26,995 --> 00:11:30,515 Speaker 1: Japanese have understandably become about this, most of the teams 165 00:11:30,595 --> 00:11:33,435 Speaker 1: on the fringes of this tournament, like Italy and Great Britain, 166 00:11:33,835 --> 00:11:37,755 Speaker 1: feature players who've never actually been to Italy or Great Britain. 167 00:11:38,315 --> 00:11:40,955 Speaker 1: There were thirty eight players on this year's Great Britain team, 168 00:11:40,955 --> 00:11:42,715 Speaker 1: and six of them were born in that country, and 169 00:11:42,715 --> 00:11:44,715 Speaker 1: then one of the letters fell off the uniforms of 170 00:11:44,715 --> 00:11:47,875 Speaker 1: one of those players during one of their games. They 171 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:52,275 Speaker 1: were not the favorites. This is not to diminish the 172 00:11:52,355 --> 00:11:55,275 Speaker 1: pride these players can have in representing the nations of 173 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:59,795 Speaker 1: their ancestors, although a little perspective would be nice. National 174 00:11:59,835 --> 00:12:03,475 Speaker 1: League Most Valuable Player Freddie Freeman is from Orange County, California. 175 00:12:03,675 --> 00:12:06,795 Speaker 1: His folks were from Canada. He was, in fact, honoring 176 00:12:07,115 --> 00:12:09,915 Speaker 1: his late mother, who died when he was ten, by 177 00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:13,995 Speaker 1: playing four Canada when he suffered a slight hamstring injury 178 00:12:14,155 --> 00:12:16,995 Speaker 1: his actual team, the Los Angeles Dodgers. They think he 179 00:12:17,035 --> 00:12:18,795 Speaker 1: will be ready to play an opening day, but it's 180 00:12:18,835 --> 00:12:22,355 Speaker 1: a hamstring, so who knows. Could be two weeks, could 181 00:12:22,355 --> 00:12:24,995 Speaker 1: be two years. But thank goodness, he was able to 182 00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:27,995 Speaker 1: honor his parents by getting injured in a meaningless exhibition game, 183 00:12:28,075 --> 00:12:30,995 Speaker 1: and thank goodness, Edwin Diaz was able to celebrate playing 184 00:12:30,995 --> 00:12:34,635 Speaker 1: for Puerto Rico and maybe never pitching again. Even though 185 00:12:34,675 --> 00:12:37,075 Speaker 1: baseball went through a crisis in twenty ten when a 186 00:12:37,075 --> 00:12:40,515 Speaker 1: player named Kendry's morales of the Angels broke his leg 187 00:12:41,235 --> 00:12:45,675 Speaker 1: and ruined his career by jumping up and down after 188 00:12:45,715 --> 00:12:48,315 Speaker 1: an early season game was decided on a walk off 189 00:12:48,755 --> 00:12:51,595 Speaker 1: and teams and players were warned never to let that 190 00:12:51,675 --> 00:12:57,355 Speaker 1: happen again. Oh sorry, we forgot Baseball's owners and players 191 00:12:57,355 --> 00:13:00,195 Speaker 1: and the TV propaganda network that Baseball owns. It makes 192 00:13:00,235 --> 00:13:04,555 Speaker 1: Fox quote news unquote look objective bent themselves into pretzel 193 00:13:04,715 --> 00:13:08,355 Speaker 1: shapes yesterday insisting the Diaz injury was just a freak accident. 194 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:11,395 Speaker 1: It was a freak accident, could have happened anytime, And 195 00:13:11,435 --> 00:13:14,835 Speaker 1: how dare you criticize the World Baseball Classic and these 196 00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:18,595 Speaker 1: guys heritages. It's a freak accident, could have happened anywhere, 197 00:13:18,955 --> 00:13:20,915 Speaker 1: which assumes that in any year in which they did 198 00:13:20,955 --> 00:13:23,195 Speaker 1: not play the World Baseball Classic, that perhaps the best 199 00:13:23,195 --> 00:13:26,315 Speaker 1: relief pitcher in the game would be, you know, jumping 200 00:13:26,355 --> 00:13:28,995 Speaker 1: up and down uncontrollably in a crowd of ten or 201 00:13:29,035 --> 00:13:31,795 Speaker 1: twenty of his teammates also jumping up and down uncontrollably, 202 00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,795 Speaker 1: and somebody steps on his knee or knocks him to 203 00:13:34,795 --> 00:13:38,515 Speaker 1: the ground, and his career is over. On March fifteenth, 204 00:13:38,595 --> 00:13:42,035 Speaker 1: after the Mets beat the Washington Nationals in a game 205 00:13:42,035 --> 00:13:44,475 Speaker 1: in which Edwin Diaz would have pitched the fourth inning 206 00:13:44,515 --> 00:13:46,555 Speaker 1: to tune up, and by the time of the celebration 207 00:13:46,595 --> 00:13:49,635 Speaker 1: that wouldn't happen anyway, he would be in civilian clothes 208 00:13:49,875 --> 00:13:53,595 Speaker 1: on the way back to the hotel, or the idea 209 00:13:53,595 --> 00:13:55,075 Speaker 1: that he could have done this by jumping up and 210 00:13:55,075 --> 00:13:57,475 Speaker 1: down with ten or twenty of his Mets teammates in 211 00:13:58,395 --> 00:14:06,235 Speaker 1: the shower at dinner on a nearby trampoline. The hypocrisy 212 00:14:06,275 --> 00:14:08,515 Speaker 1: of Major League Baseball is, of course, that most of 213 00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,555 Speaker 1: the teams do whatever they can to keep their most 214 00:14:11,595 --> 00:14:15,155 Speaker 1: fragile players, the pitchers, mostly from appearing in the World 215 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:19,475 Speaker 1: Baseball Classic, for fear of more conventional injuries. The pitching 216 00:14:19,555 --> 00:14:22,515 Speaker 1: staff of the American team is in fact made up 217 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:25,475 Speaker 1: mostly of third level pitchers, because you can't run the 218 00:14:25,555 --> 00:14:30,435 Speaker 1: risk of injuring the star pitchers arms their knees. Well, 219 00:14:30,475 --> 00:14:35,315 Speaker 1: apparently that's a different story, since they first did this 220 00:14:35,395 --> 00:14:38,035 Speaker 1: in two thousand and nine, played these exhibition games that 221 00:14:38,155 --> 00:14:40,755 Speaker 1: interfere with the real team's preparations for the season ahead 222 00:14:40,795 --> 00:14:44,355 Speaker 1: and risk a devastating injury like Befell. Poor Diaz. I 223 00:14:44,435 --> 00:14:47,155 Speaker 1: have thought that my opinions on the World Baseball Classic A, 224 00:14:48,275 --> 00:14:50,315 Speaker 1: how do you get to call something you just invented 225 00:14:50,315 --> 00:14:54,995 Speaker 1: a classic? And B it's not a classic, it's a 226 00:14:55,075 --> 00:14:58,035 Speaker 1: career ending injury waiting to happen. Oh, it just happened. 227 00:14:58,915 --> 00:15:01,435 Speaker 1: I always thought my opinions would remain on the fringes 228 00:15:01,475 --> 00:15:05,075 Speaker 1: because sports fans are now taught from the womb to 229 00:15:05,235 --> 00:15:07,515 Speaker 1: make sure that as soon as they have any money, 230 00:15:07,555 --> 00:15:11,275 Speaker 1: they must buy the uniform of their favorite player, and 231 00:15:11,355 --> 00:15:14,515 Speaker 1: if his team wears twelve different uniforms in one season, 232 00:15:14,715 --> 00:15:17,715 Speaker 1: they need to buy all twelve uniforms of their favorite player, 233 00:15:17,995 --> 00:15:21,035 Speaker 1: and if he plays in the WBC, that would make thirteen. 234 00:15:22,915 --> 00:15:25,355 Speaker 1: But I've never understood how the obvious way to silence 235 00:15:25,355 --> 00:15:28,195 Speaker 1: the whiney old timers like me had not been used. 236 00:15:28,235 --> 00:15:31,915 Speaker 1: Play the damn thing after the major league season, not 237 00:15:32,035 --> 00:15:36,995 Speaker 1: before after, when an injured player at least has the 238 00:15:37,075 --> 00:15:41,595 Speaker 1: chance of recovering for the next actual baseball season. Of course, 239 00:15:41,635 --> 00:15:43,755 Speaker 1: I know the answer to that. Baseball will not play 240 00:15:43,755 --> 00:15:47,355 Speaker 1: the World Baseball Classic in November or December, because that's 241 00:15:47,395 --> 00:15:50,195 Speaker 1: football season and the pressure would be on to play 242 00:15:50,275 --> 00:15:53,595 Speaker 1: the championship somewhere other than here in the US, where 243 00:15:53,595 --> 00:15:57,595 Speaker 1: it would be warm in November or December. As it is, 244 00:15:57,675 --> 00:16:01,795 Speaker 1: barely anybody watches these games on TV. Here ratings have 245 00:16:01,875 --> 00:16:04,675 Speaker 1: been dropping since the first tournament in two thousand and nine, 246 00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:07,675 Speaker 1: and even the United States versus Canada the other night 247 00:16:08,355 --> 00:16:13,315 Speaker 1: had just seven twenty one thousand viewers, and bluntly, any 248 00:16:13,355 --> 00:16:15,995 Speaker 1: audience that I can approach in three weeks of this 249 00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:20,835 Speaker 1: podcast or less is kind of sad. One can only 250 00:16:20,875 --> 00:16:23,195 Speaker 1: imagine how bad the TV ratings would be in December, 251 00:16:23,475 --> 00:16:26,315 Speaker 1: and that, of course, is what counts that in making 252 00:16:26,315 --> 00:16:28,795 Speaker 1: sure a player who may have ended his career by 253 00:16:28,875 --> 00:16:30,875 Speaker 1: jumping up and down after winning the game that's only 254 00:16:30,995 --> 00:16:34,275 Speaker 1: four games away from the championship, making sure he was 255 00:16:34,275 --> 00:16:39,395 Speaker 1: wearing his uniform while he did it? Did I mention 256 00:16:39,435 --> 00:16:57,875 Speaker 1: you can buy those uniforms on the baseball website? Still ahead, 257 00:16:57,875 --> 00:17:00,595 Speaker 1: It was the greatest scoop of my professional career. And 258 00:17:00,635 --> 00:17:04,475 Speaker 1: then the cameraman told us he forgot to roll videotape. 259 00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:07,595 Speaker 1: Plus the Thurber version of that, a short story called 260 00:17:07,715 --> 00:17:10,915 Speaker 1: nine Needles coming up first time for the daily roundup 261 00:17:10,915 --> 00:17:13,555 Speaker 1: of the miscreants, morons and Dunning Kruger effects specimens who 262 00:17:13,555 --> 00:17:18,875 Speaker 1: constitute today's worst persons in the world the bronze. Kelly 263 00:17:18,915 --> 00:17:22,155 Speaker 1: Ann con job, it'll be kind of amazing if she 264 00:17:22,195 --> 00:17:25,715 Speaker 1: ever appears on Fox Quote News again after a spectacular 265 00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:28,555 Speaker 1: two for yesterday, first admitting the kind of thing that 266 00:17:28,595 --> 00:17:31,955 Speaker 1: gets you banished from Fox and from Trump World forever 267 00:17:32,035 --> 00:17:36,515 Speaker 1: and ever. In a debate about the GOP's desperate, flailing, 268 00:17:36,635 --> 00:17:39,275 Speaker 1: eternal effort to make the Trumps look less like the 269 00:17:39,315 --> 00:17:44,395 Speaker 1: horrors they are by pinning something somewhere sometime on somebody 270 00:17:44,475 --> 00:17:48,595 Speaker 1: named Biden, commentator Juan Williams brought up Jared Kushner and 271 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:51,355 Speaker 1: the two billion dollars he got from the Saudis while 272 00:17:51,355 --> 00:17:54,675 Speaker 1: his father in law led the American Junta. Kelly Ann 273 00:17:54,715 --> 00:17:58,075 Speaker 1: Conway replied, quote, Jared, of course is the only person 274 00:17:58,115 --> 00:18:00,795 Speaker 1: I think who has benefited in the billions with a 275 00:18:00,915 --> 00:18:05,595 Speaker 1: bee from the Trump presidency. That's for sure. Oh that's okay, 276 00:18:05,595 --> 00:18:08,675 Speaker 1: then if it's just the one family member who palmed 277 00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:13,275 Speaker 1: two billion dollars during the wife's father's reign of terror. 278 00:18:14,235 --> 00:18:19,595 Speaker 1: But then Conway went on with Hannity and announced last night, quote, 279 00:18:19,595 --> 00:18:22,275 Speaker 1: people should know the news today because the White House 280 00:18:22,355 --> 00:18:25,595 Speaker 1: is not going to tell them. Sean, it was revealed 281 00:18:26,275 --> 00:18:30,875 Speaker 1: that China is sending body armor and other weapons of 282 00:18:30,955 --> 00:18:37,715 Speaker 1: war to China. All the presses hot damn. Kelly Ann 283 00:18:37,795 --> 00:18:41,755 Speaker 1: has new alternative facts China sending body armor to China. 284 00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:45,235 Speaker 1: To the Chinese know about this call chairman me out 285 00:18:48,955 --> 00:18:52,275 Speaker 1: the runner up and it was close. Politico profiling Mary 286 00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:55,355 Speaker 1: Anne Williamson's twenty twenty four presidential campaign and wondering if 287 00:18:55,355 --> 00:18:58,315 Speaker 1: she would repeat her problems with the abuse of her 288 00:18:58,315 --> 00:19:00,995 Speaker 1: own staff that was seen during her twenty twenty campaign. 289 00:19:01,235 --> 00:19:02,915 Speaker 1: And oh, by the way, which is mentioned in a 290 00:19:02,995 --> 00:19:07,435 Speaker 1: People magazine profile from nineteen ninety two. Let me just 291 00:19:07,475 --> 00:19:10,675 Speaker 1: read this because I still can't believe I reddit quote. 292 00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:15,555 Speaker 1: Campaigns often use NDAs it's non disclosure agreements to protect 293 00:19:15,595 --> 00:19:19,715 Speaker 1: proprietary information from spilling out into the public, but former 294 00:19:19,795 --> 00:19:22,795 Speaker 1: aids say Williamson's use of NDAs went beyond just her 295 00:19:22,835 --> 00:19:27,195 Speaker 1: full time campaign staff. Those aids said that Williamson's personal 296 00:19:27,235 --> 00:19:33,795 Speaker 1: assistant traveled with NDA's readily available and would ask taxi 297 00:19:33,915 --> 00:19:38,435 Speaker 1: drivers and other service industry workers to sign them if 298 00:19:38,475 --> 00:19:42,595 Speaker 1: Williamson lost her temper in front of them. Williamson denied 299 00:19:42,635 --> 00:19:46,075 Speaker 1: this charge. Two However, two former staffers said they witnessed 300 00:19:46,115 --> 00:19:50,195 Speaker 1: this happen on separate occasions after Williamson started berating staff 301 00:19:50,275 --> 00:19:53,715 Speaker 1: in cabs to and from fundraising and media events in 302 00:19:53,795 --> 00:19:57,195 Speaker 1: New York. You know, I have to say, I've only 303 00:19:57,235 --> 00:19:59,595 Speaker 1: signed one of these in my life. But I always 304 00:19:59,595 --> 00:20:02,435 Speaker 1: thought you'd trying to get the person to sign the 305 00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:07,555 Speaker 1: non disclosure agreement before four the bad thing happened, not 306 00:20:07,955 --> 00:20:10,515 Speaker 1: after it happened. We tried to get that cabby to 307 00:20:10,555 --> 00:20:14,675 Speaker 1: sign an NDA. What happened? He said, No, dum, what 308 00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:17,995 Speaker 1: do we do now? Do you think that's bad? She 309 00:20:18,075 --> 00:20:22,555 Speaker 1: asked me out Once another bullet dodged by Ko but 310 00:20:22,675 --> 00:20:24,635 Speaker 1: our winner. And again, this is the only thing that 311 00:20:24,675 --> 00:20:28,875 Speaker 1: could beat that Ron De Santis. Mister, if it ain't woke, 312 00:20:29,035 --> 00:20:32,035 Speaker 1: don't fix it. He was profiled by The Daily Beast, 313 00:20:32,035 --> 00:20:35,155 Speaker 1: and let me just read this quote. Enshrined in De 314 00:20:35,315 --> 00:20:39,275 Speaker 1: santis lore is an episode from four years ago. During 315 00:20:39,275 --> 00:20:42,035 Speaker 1: a private plane trip from Tallahassee to Washington, d C. 316 00:20:42,235 --> 00:20:46,155 Speaker 1: In March of twenty nineteen, DeSantis enjoyed a chocolate pudding 317 00:20:46,235 --> 00:20:51,195 Speaker 1: dessert by eating it with three of his fingers. According 318 00:20:51,235 --> 00:20:54,915 Speaker 1: to two sources familiar with the incident, unquote, he ate 319 00:20:54,995 --> 00:20:57,755 Speaker 1: his own fingers. Oh no, I get it by eating 320 00:20:57,835 --> 00:21:02,035 Speaker 1: it and using three fingers to scoop the pudding into 321 00:21:02,075 --> 00:21:05,275 Speaker 1: his pie hole. Would be President of the United States. 322 00:21:05,315 --> 00:21:07,795 Speaker 1: He can putting with his bare hands on a private 323 00:21:07,875 --> 00:21:13,435 Speaker 1: jet class all the way. Ron No, it's three fingers 324 00:21:13,435 --> 00:21:31,475 Speaker 1: of Scotch pal descantist today's worst person. And this is 325 00:21:31,515 --> 00:21:38,475 Speaker 1: countdown with Keith Olberman. Now for my favorite topic, me 326 00:21:38,675 --> 00:21:40,875 Speaker 1: and some more things I promised not to tell. And 327 00:21:40,915 --> 00:21:44,475 Speaker 1: I can hear him saying it's still Keith. Who was 328 00:21:44,635 --> 00:21:49,835 Speaker 1: Carden Gillenwater thirty years ago? And more? I used to 329 00:21:49,835 --> 00:21:53,755 Speaker 1: get phone calls from a viewer named Harry Harry Ornest. 330 00:21:54,435 --> 00:21:57,075 Speaker 1: Harry had once been a training camp stickboy for the 331 00:21:57,155 --> 00:22:00,275 Speaker 1: long forgotten National Hockey League franchise, the New York Americans. 332 00:22:00,795 --> 00:22:04,555 Speaker 1: He later became a linesman in the National Hockey League. 333 00:22:04,555 --> 00:22:07,035 Speaker 1: He stepped in as the owner of the nearly bankrupt St. 334 00:22:07,035 --> 00:22:10,315 Speaker 1: Louis Blues. He owned the minor league baseball team in Vancouver, 335 00:22:10,395 --> 00:22:13,395 Speaker 1: and most notably the Toronto Argonauts of the Canadian Football 336 00:22:13,475 --> 00:22:18,275 Speaker 1: League until he sold them to Wayne Gretzky and Gretzky's boss, 337 00:22:18,315 --> 00:22:20,515 Speaker 1: the owner of the La Kings, Bruce McNall, and the 338 00:22:20,595 --> 00:22:24,395 Speaker 1: late John candy, and Harry was one of those guys 339 00:22:24,395 --> 00:22:29,035 Speaker 1: who knew everything going on with everyone in one sport. 340 00:22:29,795 --> 00:22:33,395 Speaker 1: And Harry was a fan of my sports guests, so 341 00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:36,555 Speaker 1: he would call me at KCBS in Los Angeles and 342 00:22:36,675 --> 00:22:40,195 Speaker 1: later at ESPN, and he would say, I am once 343 00:22:40,235 --> 00:22:43,595 Speaker 1: again your source, Keith, for a story about Bruce McNall, 344 00:22:44,315 --> 00:22:48,635 Speaker 1: you always misspronounced McNall McNall. But I will only give 345 00:22:48,635 --> 00:22:50,955 Speaker 1: you this story if you can tell me. And then 346 00:22:50,955 --> 00:22:55,115 Speaker 1: he'd asked me a baseball trivia question, Keith, who was 347 00:22:55,235 --> 00:23:00,595 Speaker 1: Carden gillen Water. This is pre internet. No chance I 348 00:23:00,635 --> 00:23:04,915 Speaker 1: could look cardon gillan Water up in a book and 349 00:23:04,995 --> 00:23:07,435 Speaker 1: have Harry not hear me doing so over the phone, 350 00:23:07,635 --> 00:23:09,355 Speaker 1: So I would have to give him my best answer. 351 00:23:09,355 --> 00:23:12,995 Speaker 1: And usually I got these right, cardon Gillenwater, and it 352 00:23:13,115 --> 00:23:16,115 Speaker 1: stuck in my head from somewhere who knows when was 353 00:23:16,155 --> 00:23:20,915 Speaker 1: an obscure outfielder from the nineteen forties Boston Braves mostly, 354 00:23:21,875 --> 00:23:24,635 Speaker 1: And one day April twentieth, nineteen ninety one, in fact, 355 00:23:24,715 --> 00:23:28,275 Speaker 1: when I got the trivier answer right, Harry said, would 356 00:23:28,275 --> 00:23:30,995 Speaker 1: you happen to be going to the Los Angeles King's 357 00:23:31,035 --> 00:23:34,115 Speaker 1: playoff game? Tonight, and I said, a matter of fact, 358 00:23:34,195 --> 00:23:37,395 Speaker 1: I was, And Harry said, excellent, my friend. If you 359 00:23:37,475 --> 00:23:40,315 Speaker 1: watch mister McNall's private box, you will see he will 360 00:23:40,355 --> 00:23:46,155 Speaker 1: have a visitor. I'm mister Rahib rocket Ismail from Notre 361 00:23:46,235 --> 00:23:50,195 Speaker 1: Dame University. He went on to say, mister mcnalls just 362 00:23:50,275 --> 00:23:54,115 Speaker 1: signed mister Ismail to a contract with the Toronto Argonauts, 363 00:23:54,155 --> 00:23:58,195 Speaker 1: formerly owned by your source. And he said, I'm led 364 00:23:58,235 --> 00:24:00,475 Speaker 1: to believe it is for four years and twenty six 365 00:24:00,595 --> 00:24:03,115 Speaker 1: million dollars. I am also led to believe a little 366 00:24:03,115 --> 00:24:05,595 Speaker 1: over half of it is guaranteed. I'm led to believe 367 00:24:05,635 --> 00:24:08,955 Speaker 1: mister mcnal will be announcing it tomorrow, just before the 368 00:24:09,035 --> 00:24:12,995 Speaker 1: National Football League conducts its college draft. He's really going 369 00:24:13,035 --> 00:24:16,235 Speaker 1: to piss them all off, isn't he. It would make 370 00:24:16,355 --> 00:24:22,595 Speaker 1: Cardon gillen Water shamed. Also, he would remind me, mister 371 00:24:22,675 --> 00:24:24,835 Speaker 1: McNall has yet to pay me what he owes me 372 00:24:24,915 --> 00:24:30,035 Speaker 1: for when I sold him the Toronto Argonauts. Rocket Ismail 373 00:24:30,155 --> 00:24:32,595 Speaker 1: was not the best player available in the nineteen ninety 374 00:24:32,595 --> 00:24:35,355 Speaker 1: one National Football League Draft, which was to start the 375 00:24:35,595 --> 00:24:38,835 Speaker 1: next morning, bright end early in New York, but he 376 00:24:38,995 --> 00:24:42,155 Speaker 1: was the most exciting, A dynamic receiver and kick returner 377 00:24:42,355 --> 00:24:44,915 Speaker 1: from Notre Dame, and while it was not certain that 378 00:24:44,955 --> 00:24:47,955 Speaker 1: he would be chosen first overall by the Dallas Cowboys, 379 00:24:47,995 --> 00:24:52,435 Speaker 1: it was likely surely possible, and instead he had signed 380 00:24:52,435 --> 00:24:57,875 Speaker 1: with Toronto of the Canadian League. It seemed very, very unlikely, 381 00:24:58,075 --> 00:25:01,115 Speaker 1: and on the other hand, Harry Ornest had never been 382 00:25:01,155 --> 00:25:06,475 Speaker 1: wrong once with one of these story tips. So my producer, 383 00:25:06,555 --> 00:25:08,915 Speaker 1: Ron Grownick, and I went to the Los Angeles Forum 384 00:25:09,035 --> 00:25:11,795 Speaker 1: we were going anyway as fans to the hockey playoff game, 385 00:25:12,235 --> 00:25:15,315 Speaker 1: and he asked our assignment desk at KCBS to send 386 00:25:15,395 --> 00:25:17,155 Speaker 1: us a camera crew because we were going to at 387 00:25:17,195 --> 00:25:20,835 Speaker 1: least get video of rocket Ismail at the forum or 388 00:25:20,955 --> 00:25:23,915 Speaker 1: leaving the forum or something. It was some kind of story. 389 00:25:24,915 --> 00:25:27,595 Speaker 1: And sure enough, from our seats we could easily see 390 00:25:27,675 --> 00:25:31,235 Speaker 1: into Bruce McNall's private box, and there, without a doubt, 391 00:25:31,595 --> 00:25:35,395 Speaker 1: totally unrecognized by any of the LA Hockey fans, was 392 00:25:35,435 --> 00:25:39,435 Speaker 1: this Notre Dame football player rocket Ismail. He and McNall 393 00:25:39,515 --> 00:25:41,755 Speaker 1: and the other executives seemed to be having a great time, 394 00:25:41,795 --> 00:25:44,475 Speaker 1: and there was a lot of backslapping and beer drinking 395 00:25:44,475 --> 00:25:47,755 Speaker 1: and whatnot. And I said to Ron, good God, We're 396 00:25:47,835 --> 00:25:50,915 Speaker 1: going to break a huge story here, but they won't 397 00:25:50,955 --> 00:25:53,315 Speaker 1: let us bring the cameraman in here to shoot video 398 00:25:53,315 --> 00:25:55,755 Speaker 1: of Ismail and McNall's box. We're gonna have to stake 399 00:25:55,795 --> 00:25:57,875 Speaker 1: him out. We're gonna have to get him after the 400 00:25:57,915 --> 00:26:03,955 Speaker 1: game ends, out in the parking lot somewhere. Ron smiled knowingly. 401 00:26:04,835 --> 00:26:08,875 Speaker 1: Ron had once been an usher at the Great Western Forum, 402 00:26:09,875 --> 00:26:12,435 Speaker 1: And I said, you know, I know all the secret 403 00:26:12,475 --> 00:26:14,515 Speaker 1: ways out of here, he said to me, And I 404 00:26:14,555 --> 00:26:17,195 Speaker 1: know all the limo drivers, And the limo drivers never 405 00:26:17,275 --> 00:26:19,155 Speaker 1: changed last time I was here. I said, hi to 406 00:26:19,155 --> 00:26:20,955 Speaker 1: half a dozen of them, let me go find out 407 00:26:20,995 --> 00:26:24,795 Speaker 1: which one is waiting for them. Within fifteen minutes, Ron 408 00:26:24,915 --> 00:26:28,075 Speaker 1: was back, Got it? You used to say that a lot. 409 00:26:28,515 --> 00:26:30,995 Speaker 1: He found a limo driver who was sent to take 410 00:26:31,075 --> 00:26:33,675 Speaker 1: rocket smail back to the hotel, and he found out 411 00:26:33,755 --> 00:26:36,915 Speaker 1: which side door out of about a thousand of them 412 00:26:36,915 --> 00:26:39,435 Speaker 1: in this old arena, the driver had been told to 413 00:26:39,515 --> 00:26:43,195 Speaker 1: wait next to. I would have been back sooner, Ron said, 414 00:26:43,195 --> 00:26:46,075 Speaker 1: but he wanted to show me pictures of his new baby. 415 00:26:46,395 --> 00:26:49,155 Speaker 1: So now we used my cell phone. Not a lot 416 00:26:49,195 --> 00:26:51,115 Speaker 1: of cell phones in use in nineteen ninety one, not 417 00:26:51,155 --> 00:26:53,755 Speaker 1: even in La to check on the camera crew, and 418 00:26:53,755 --> 00:26:55,555 Speaker 1: we were told the cameraman would meet us in the 419 00:26:55,555 --> 00:26:57,755 Speaker 1: parking lot at such and such an hour, and we 420 00:26:57,835 --> 00:27:00,355 Speaker 1: told the assignment desk to have him park near this 421 00:27:00,435 --> 00:27:03,875 Speaker 1: one side exit that we'd been told Smail was going 422 00:27:03,915 --> 00:27:06,595 Speaker 1: to use when the game was over. And then we waited, 423 00:27:07,115 --> 00:27:09,595 Speaker 1: and with the King's losing three to two to Edmonton 424 00:27:09,675 --> 00:27:12,035 Speaker 1: early in the third period, just as we were planning 425 00:27:12,075 --> 00:27:13,675 Speaker 1: to go out and meet up with the camera guy, 426 00:27:13,955 --> 00:27:17,115 Speaker 1: the King's tied the game up. And that's screwed up everything, 427 00:27:18,035 --> 00:27:21,155 Speaker 1: because now the game might go into overtime and end suddenly, 428 00:27:21,195 --> 00:27:23,435 Speaker 1: and it might end in five minutes, and it might 429 00:27:23,555 --> 00:27:25,595 Speaker 1: end in five hours, and we might get caught in 430 00:27:25,635 --> 00:27:29,115 Speaker 1: the crowd exiting the arena, and we might miss rocket Ismail, 431 00:27:29,355 --> 00:27:33,355 Speaker 1: or he might leave early, or who knows. And then 432 00:27:33,395 --> 00:27:36,475 Speaker 1: as the overtime period began, I looked up at Bruce 433 00:27:36,555 --> 00:27:39,795 Speaker 1: McNall's private box for like the three hundredth time that night, 434 00:27:40,035 --> 00:27:44,475 Speaker 1: and I saw it. I saw rocket Ismail yawning. Let's 435 00:27:44,475 --> 00:27:47,475 Speaker 1: get out of here, I said to Ron. We left, 436 00:27:47,675 --> 00:27:50,235 Speaker 1: We rendezvoused with the cameraman, and we rehearsed what we 437 00:27:50,315 --> 00:27:55,635 Speaker 1: planned to do pure obnoxious TV ambushing. We would hide 438 00:27:56,195 --> 00:28:00,595 Speaker 1: across the street from the side exit. The windows around 439 00:28:00,595 --> 00:28:02,515 Speaker 1: the door of that side exit would give us enough 440 00:28:02,515 --> 00:28:05,435 Speaker 1: time to see him coming, and as soon as the 441 00:28:05,475 --> 00:28:08,755 Speaker 1: door opened, I would step forward towards him. The cameraman 442 00:28:08,795 --> 00:28:11,555 Speaker 1: would turn on his light and press play and record 443 00:28:11,595 --> 00:28:14,755 Speaker 1: on his video deck, and I would essentially block rocket 444 00:28:14,835 --> 00:28:18,075 Speaker 1: Ismail if I could, from getting into his limo, and 445 00:28:18,155 --> 00:28:21,955 Speaker 1: I'd just start firing questions at him. The cameraman should 446 00:28:22,075 --> 00:28:25,195 Speaker 1: never stop rolling, keep rolling, I said, who knows what 447 00:28:25,355 --> 00:28:29,715 Speaker 1: we'll get and how well it all worked. Within minutes 448 00:28:29,795 --> 00:28:32,595 Speaker 1: of the start of the second overtime period, we saw 449 00:28:32,755 --> 00:28:36,075 Speaker 1: Smail and a Los Angeles King's executive named Roy Malauker 450 00:28:36,835 --> 00:28:40,115 Speaker 1: bound up the steps toward the side exit onto the street, 451 00:28:40,595 --> 00:28:43,475 Speaker 1: and I waited until they were obscured behind the door. 452 00:28:43,795 --> 00:28:47,235 Speaker 1: I shouted to the cameraman roll. The cameraman threw on 453 00:28:47,275 --> 00:28:49,475 Speaker 1: his light. We took a few steps from the parking 454 00:28:49,515 --> 00:28:53,555 Speaker 1: lot across the street onto the sidewalk. Rocket Keith Alderman 455 00:28:53,595 --> 00:28:55,835 Speaker 1: from Channel two Action News, have you signed with the 456 00:28:55,875 --> 00:28:59,795 Speaker 1: Toronto Argonauts? He said nothing, but he looked like I 457 00:28:59,875 --> 00:29:02,715 Speaker 1: had just stolen his wallet. We understand you're getting twenty 458 00:29:02,755 --> 00:29:05,115 Speaker 1: six million for four years, about a half of it aranteed? 459 00:29:05,275 --> 00:29:09,115 Speaker 1: Is that correct? He now looked like he was an 460 00:29:09,275 --> 00:29:12,955 Speaker 1: escaping prisoner who had just been identified Rocket. Why did 461 00:29:13,035 --> 00:29:16,555 Speaker 1: you sign with the CFL before the NFL Draft? Again, 462 00:29:16,595 --> 00:29:19,915 Speaker 1: he said nothing. He did not need to. The look 463 00:29:19,955 --> 00:29:23,235 Speaker 1: on his face confirmed everything I was asking him, Rocket, 464 00:29:23,235 --> 00:29:24,995 Speaker 1: Did you not want to play for the Dallas Cowboys? 465 00:29:25,715 --> 00:29:29,835 Speaker 1: Still silence. It suddenly dawned on me that this guy 466 00:29:29,915 --> 00:29:32,515 Speaker 1: might have finished second in the voting for college football's 467 00:29:32,515 --> 00:29:34,875 Speaker 1: Player of the Year award in the Heisman Trophy, but 468 00:29:34,995 --> 00:29:38,075 Speaker 1: he was having a lot of trouble getting around me 469 00:29:38,395 --> 00:29:41,635 Speaker 1: and my thirty two year old, unathletic, six foot three 470 00:29:41,675 --> 00:29:45,515 Speaker 1: and a half blubbery frame. Did Bruce mcdall give you 471 00:29:45,515 --> 00:29:48,115 Speaker 1: a part of the franchise? Rocket? At which point I 472 00:29:48,195 --> 00:29:51,515 Speaker 1: was finally gently and easily moved aside by somebody with 473 00:29:51,595 --> 00:29:55,715 Speaker 1: him Rocket. Ismail slipped into the limo, where pound my cameraman, 474 00:29:56,435 --> 00:30:00,795 Speaker 1: showing great perspicacity, dropped to his knees and pointed the camera. 475 00:30:00,955 --> 00:30:04,915 Speaker 1: Inside the limo, we could see Ismail thoroughly shaken getting 476 00:30:04,955 --> 00:30:07,875 Speaker 1: next to the King's executive Roy Malicker. I shouted in 477 00:30:07,915 --> 00:30:12,635 Speaker 1: one last perfect question to malicker Roy, is that a 478 00:30:12,715 --> 00:30:16,435 Speaker 1: rocket in your pocket? Are you just glad to see us? 479 00:30:16,635 --> 00:30:19,075 Speaker 1: At which point, as if on cue, the limo door 480 00:30:19,155 --> 00:30:21,395 Speaker 1: slammed and the driver pealed out of there with a 481 00:30:21,515 --> 00:30:27,475 Speaker 1: huge screeching sound. The cameraman now turned off his life 482 00:30:27,635 --> 00:30:29,915 Speaker 1: I light and my producer Ron and I started jumping 483 00:30:29,955 --> 00:30:31,915 Speaker 1: up and down in the parking lot. We had not 484 00:30:31,995 --> 00:30:34,715 Speaker 1: only gotten a terrific scoop and the video would be 485 00:30:34,755 --> 00:30:38,035 Speaker 1: on every CBS station in the country within hours, but 486 00:30:38,115 --> 00:30:40,795 Speaker 1: we had done it with an interview in which the 487 00:30:40,835 --> 00:30:44,995 Speaker 1: interviewee did not say a word, yet still gave away 488 00:30:44,995 --> 00:30:48,035 Speaker 1: the whole story just with facial expressions and body language. 489 00:30:49,035 --> 00:30:51,235 Speaker 1: Ron and I repeated these elements to each other and 490 00:30:51,355 --> 00:30:54,635 Speaker 1: high fived and celebrated until the cameraman suddenly said, hold on, 491 00:30:55,155 --> 00:30:58,515 Speaker 1: I may have forgotten to roll tape. I looked at 492 00:30:58,595 --> 00:31:01,275 Speaker 1: him and smiling. I said that it was fun to 493 00:31:01,435 --> 00:31:04,515 Speaker 1: play with us like that, but he just shortened our 494 00:31:04,555 --> 00:31:09,315 Speaker 1: lives by a year, and I didn't say play. I'm sorry, man, 495 00:31:09,755 --> 00:31:14,075 Speaker 1: I'm not joking. Yeah, I forgot to roll. I'm sorry, man, 496 00:31:14,355 --> 00:31:18,155 Speaker 1: too bad. You ask great questions. Rocket in your pocket 497 00:31:18,755 --> 00:31:25,915 Speaker 1: and looks on his face, damn sorry, Ron and I 498 00:31:25,995 --> 00:31:29,795 Speaker 1: made him double check and triple check and quadruple check, 499 00:31:30,275 --> 00:31:33,075 Speaker 1: and when there was no more doubt he had never 500 00:31:33,195 --> 00:31:38,235 Speaker 1: hit play and record. We stood forlorn, like a couple 501 00:31:38,235 --> 00:31:40,675 Speaker 1: of guys who had just seen the winning lottery ticket 502 00:31:40,755 --> 00:31:43,315 Speaker 1: blown out of their hands into the sewer or something. 503 00:31:44,355 --> 00:31:47,555 Speaker 1: The cameraman packed up and left, and as Ron and 504 00:31:47,595 --> 00:31:51,275 Speaker 1: I stood there silently, I wondered how it could possibly 505 00:31:51,315 --> 00:31:58,235 Speaker 1: get worse, which is when it started to rain. My 506 00:31:58,355 --> 00:32:00,955 Speaker 1: great scoop the interview in which the interview he said 507 00:32:00,995 --> 00:32:04,875 Speaker 1: nothing that through the National Football League draft into utter 508 00:32:04,995 --> 00:32:10,355 Speaker 1: chaos was now worthless. Bruce McNall, of course, would announce 509 00:32:10,435 --> 00:32:14,515 Speaker 1: the signing of rocket Ismail by his Toronto Argonauts. I 510 00:32:14,555 --> 00:32:17,675 Speaker 1: would be able to phone into the CBS Sports office 511 00:32:17,675 --> 00:32:20,875 Speaker 1: in New York and give them a warning about the signing. 512 00:32:22,035 --> 00:32:25,355 Speaker 1: Their overnight guy said thanks and hung up on me, 513 00:32:26,315 --> 00:32:28,835 Speaker 1: and I would phone into our all news radio station 514 00:32:28,915 --> 00:32:32,555 Speaker 1: KNX and I would do a live report from the 515 00:32:32,635 --> 00:32:36,835 Speaker 1: parking lot outside the LA Forum about rocket Ismail at 516 00:32:36,835 --> 00:32:40,595 Speaker 1: twelve fifteen on Sunday morning, as if anybody was listening, 517 00:32:41,355 --> 00:32:44,115 Speaker 1: and as if anybody who was listening could have possibly 518 00:32:44,395 --> 00:32:51,195 Speaker 1: cared about Canadian football. For weeks thereafter, Ron Grellnick and 519 00:32:51,235 --> 00:32:54,515 Speaker 1: I would be in conversation about something else when one 520 00:32:54,515 --> 00:32:57,955 Speaker 1: of us would pause and say, can you believe you 521 00:32:58,035 --> 00:33:02,155 Speaker 1: forgot to roll? The frequency of this dropped with time 522 00:33:03,115 --> 00:33:08,475 Speaker 1: to once a month, then once a year. At last, 523 00:33:08,515 --> 00:33:12,275 Speaker 1: saw Ron in twenty twenty one. He and I told 524 00:33:12,355 --> 00:33:16,075 Speaker 1: his wife the story, after which involuntarily the way a 525 00:33:16,155 --> 00:33:19,035 Speaker 1: casualty of a long forgotten battle will describe the shock 526 00:33:19,075 --> 00:33:22,915 Speaker 1: of his injury half a century earlier, Ron said, can 527 00:33:22,955 --> 00:33:27,595 Speaker 1: you believe you forgot to roll? And I know, I 528 00:33:27,675 --> 00:33:30,555 Speaker 1: know in my heart that whether I live another week 529 00:33:30,635 --> 00:33:33,595 Speaker 1: or another forty years, one of the last things I 530 00:33:33,595 --> 00:33:35,635 Speaker 1: will say to myself on this earth will take me 531 00:33:35,675 --> 00:33:38,235 Speaker 1: back to that damp Saturday night in nineteen ninety one 532 00:33:38,915 --> 00:33:44,435 Speaker 1: when I am bushed rocket ismail, but my cameraman ambushed me. 533 00:33:45,795 --> 00:34:05,715 Speaker 1: Can you believe he forgot to roll? Still a head 534 00:34:05,755 --> 00:34:09,395 Speaker 1: on Countdown Fridays with thurber and a double header two 535 00:34:09,475 --> 00:34:13,795 Speaker 1: of the great sagas of man versus life man versus 536 00:34:13,835 --> 00:34:16,275 Speaker 1: transportation in the fable of the Mouse who went to 537 00:34:16,315 --> 00:34:19,715 Speaker 1: the Country, and man versus clutter and the attempt to 538 00:34:19,755 --> 00:34:24,835 Speaker 1: cover it up nine needles. First, in each edition of Countdown, 539 00:34:24,875 --> 00:34:27,075 Speaker 1: we feature a dog in need. You can help. Every 540 00:34:27,115 --> 00:34:33,435 Speaker 1: dog has its day. Archie in Poplar Bluff, Missouri. How 541 00:34:33,475 --> 00:34:35,715 Speaker 1: do you shoot a dog? How do you shoot a 542 00:34:35,755 --> 00:34:38,555 Speaker 1: dog in the leg? How do you shoot a puppy 543 00:34:38,715 --> 00:34:42,195 Speaker 1: in the leg? Saving Saint Louis Pets has the details 544 00:34:42,195 --> 00:34:44,515 Speaker 1: of this little guy with the sad eyes. They pulled 545 00:34:44,555 --> 00:34:47,395 Speaker 1: him out of a rural animal control pound in Missouri 546 00:34:47,395 --> 00:34:50,795 Speaker 1: where he was suffering and beginning to get septic. They 547 00:34:50,875 --> 00:34:53,155 Speaker 1: think they can save the leg, but it's not certain. 548 00:34:53,715 --> 00:34:55,755 Speaker 1: It will take a little money, not all that much. 549 00:34:56,275 --> 00:34:58,635 Speaker 1: What they need is your donation. Look for Archie at 550 00:34:58,715 --> 00:35:02,315 Speaker 1: Cuddley dot com or look for Archie in my Twitter feeds, 551 00:35:02,315 --> 00:35:05,795 Speaker 1: and your retweets can help him as well. I thank you, 552 00:35:06,835 --> 00:35:26,555 Speaker 1: and Archie thanks you. She's a number one story on 553 00:35:26,595 --> 00:35:29,035 Speaker 1: the Countdown and it's Fridays with Thurber and a lot 554 00:35:29,075 --> 00:35:33,435 Speaker 1: of his work details the fundamental clash between people, husband 555 00:35:33,515 --> 00:35:38,035 Speaker 1: and wife, he and various relatives, a guy in a 556 00:35:38,115 --> 00:35:42,235 Speaker 1: bed and a seal, two animals representing any two humans 557 00:35:42,235 --> 00:35:45,955 Speaker 1: in conflict. But some of the most magical writing is 558 00:35:45,995 --> 00:35:50,795 Speaker 1: the stuff that is just about one person alone against life. 559 00:35:51,755 --> 00:35:55,155 Speaker 1: One of his stories ends with a great grandmother struggling 560 00:35:55,155 --> 00:35:58,315 Speaker 1: with a butter churn and screaming into the void, why 561 00:35:58,355 --> 00:36:01,715 Speaker 1: doesn't somebody take this goddamn thing away from me? A 562 00:36:01,795 --> 00:36:03,435 Speaker 1: line which I think could be the start of a 563 00:36:03,555 --> 00:36:08,435 Speaker 1: national anthem where such a story is Nine Needles. This 564 00:36:08,475 --> 00:36:11,075 Speaker 1: week's selection, as you will see, it is a little 565 00:36:11,195 --> 00:36:13,755 Speaker 1: short for our usual time frames here, so I'll give 566 00:36:13,755 --> 00:36:17,395 Speaker 1: you a bonus another man versus life story afterwards, in 567 00:36:17,435 --> 00:36:20,155 Speaker 1: the form of one of Thurber's fables for our time, 568 00:36:20,355 --> 00:36:24,155 Speaker 1: the mouse who went to the country. But first, it's 569 00:36:24,235 --> 00:36:27,435 Speaker 1: unlikely this event has ever happened to you, but the 570 00:36:27,555 --> 00:36:34,995 Speaker 1: anxiety that should be immediately familiar. Nine Needles by James Thurber. 571 00:36:36,555 --> 00:36:39,635 Speaker 1: One of the more spectacular minor happenings of the past 572 00:36:39,675 --> 00:36:42,675 Speaker 1: few years, which I am sorry that I missed, took 573 00:36:42,675 --> 00:36:45,235 Speaker 1: place in the Columbus, Ohio home of some friends of 574 00:36:45,235 --> 00:36:49,115 Speaker 1: a friend of mine. It seems that a mister Albatross, 575 00:36:49,915 --> 00:36:52,475 Speaker 1: while looking for something in his medicine cabinet one morning, 576 00:36:52,715 --> 00:36:55,795 Speaker 1: discovered a bottle of a kind of patent medicine which 577 00:36:55,835 --> 00:36:58,435 Speaker 1: his wife had been taking for a stomach element. Now, 578 00:36:58,475 --> 00:37:02,875 Speaker 1: mister Albatross is one of those apprehensive men who are 579 00:37:02,955 --> 00:37:07,235 Speaker 1: afraid of patent medicines and of almost everything else. Some 580 00:37:07,475 --> 00:37:10,315 Speaker 1: weeks before he had encountered a paragraph in a consumer's 581 00:37:10,355 --> 00:37:14,115 Speaker 1: research bulletin which announced that this particular medicine was bad 582 00:37:14,155 --> 00:37:17,195 Speaker 1: for you. He had thereupon ordered his wife to throw 583 00:37:17,235 --> 00:37:19,355 Speaker 1: out what was left of her supply of the stuff 584 00:37:19,555 --> 00:37:23,675 Speaker 1: and never buy anymore, she had promised. And here now 585 00:37:24,195 --> 00:37:28,355 Speaker 1: was another bottle of the perilous liquid. Mister Albatross, A 586 00:37:28,435 --> 00:37:31,835 Speaker 1: man given to quick rages, shouted the conclusion of the 587 00:37:31,835 --> 00:37:35,155 Speaker 1: story at my friend. I threw the bottle out the 588 00:37:35,195 --> 00:37:41,355 Speaker 1: bathroom window, and the medicine chest after it. It seems 589 00:37:41,395 --> 00:37:44,035 Speaker 1: to me that must have been a spectacle worth going 590 00:37:44,115 --> 00:37:48,755 Speaker 1: a long way to see. I am sure that many 591 00:37:48,795 --> 00:37:51,755 Speaker 1: a husband has wanted to wrench the family medicine cabinet 592 00:37:51,795 --> 00:37:54,235 Speaker 1: off the wall and throw it out the window, if 593 00:37:54,275 --> 00:37:57,195 Speaker 1: only because the average medicine cabinet is so filled with 594 00:37:57,275 --> 00:38:02,835 Speaker 1: mysterious bottles and unidentifiable objects of all kinds that it 595 00:38:02,955 --> 00:38:06,315 Speaker 1: is a source of constant b alderment and exasperation to 596 00:38:06,395 --> 00:38:10,755 Speaker 1: the American male. Surely, the British medicine cabinet and the 597 00:38:10,795 --> 00:38:14,595 Speaker 1: French medicine cabinet. All the other medicine cabinets must be 598 00:38:14,675 --> 00:38:18,035 Speaker 1: simpler and better ordered than ours. It may be that 599 00:38:18,115 --> 00:38:22,915 Speaker 1: the American habit of saving everything and never throwing anything away, 600 00:38:23,435 --> 00:38:27,595 Speaker 1: even empty bottles, causes the domestic medicine cabinet to become 601 00:38:27,635 --> 00:38:30,755 Speaker 1: as cluttered in its small way as the American attic 602 00:38:30,875 --> 00:38:35,475 Speaker 1: becomes cluttered in its major way. I have encountered few 603 00:38:35,555 --> 00:38:38,675 Speaker 1: medicine cabinets in this country which were not packed jammed 604 00:38:38,715 --> 00:38:42,155 Speaker 1: with something between a hundred and fifty and two hundred 605 00:38:42,315 --> 00:38:47,275 Speaker 1: different items, from dental floss to boracic acid, from razor 606 00:38:47,355 --> 00:38:52,795 Speaker 1: blades to sodium perborate, from adhesive tape to coconut oil. 607 00:38:53,915 --> 00:38:57,035 Speaker 1: Even the neatest wife will put off clearing out the 608 00:38:57,075 --> 00:38:59,715 Speaker 1: medicine cabinet on the ground that she has something else 609 00:38:59,715 --> 00:39:02,035 Speaker 1: to do that is more important at that moment, or 610 00:39:02,115 --> 00:39:05,355 Speaker 1: more diverting. It was in the arment of such a 611 00:39:05,395 --> 00:39:08,875 Speaker 1: wife and her husband that I became enormously involved with 612 00:39:08,955 --> 00:39:12,915 Speaker 1: a medicine cabinet. One morning, not long ago, I had 613 00:39:12,955 --> 00:39:15,475 Speaker 1: spent the weekend with this couple. They live on East 614 00:39:15,515 --> 00:39:19,875 Speaker 1: tenth Street near Fifth Avenue. Such a weekend as left 615 00:39:19,875 --> 00:39:23,675 Speaker 1: me reluctant to rise up on Monday morning with bright 616 00:39:23,795 --> 00:39:27,355 Speaker 1: and shining face and go to work. They got up 617 00:39:27,355 --> 00:39:30,955 Speaker 1: and went to work, but I didn't. I didn't get 618 00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:35,275 Speaker 1: up until about two to thirty in the afternoon. I 619 00:39:35,315 --> 00:39:37,995 Speaker 1: had my face all lathered for shaving, and the washbowl 620 00:39:37,995 --> 00:39:41,195 Speaker 1: was full of hot water, when suddenly I cut myself 621 00:39:41,235 --> 00:39:44,595 Speaker 1: with the razor. I cut my ear. Very few men 622 00:39:44,675 --> 00:39:48,275 Speaker 1: cut their ears with razors, but I do, possibly because 623 00:39:48,275 --> 00:39:51,515 Speaker 1: I was taught the old Spencerian free risk movements by 624 00:39:51,515 --> 00:39:55,635 Speaker 1: my writing teacher in the grammar grades. The ear bleeds 625 00:39:55,795 --> 00:39:59,555 Speaker 1: rather profusely when cut with a razor, and is difficult 626 00:39:59,595 --> 00:40:03,155 Speaker 1: to get at. More angry than hurt, I jerked open 627 00:40:03,195 --> 00:40:04,955 Speaker 1: the door of the medicine cabinet to see I could 628 00:40:04,995 --> 00:40:08,395 Speaker 1: find a stiptic pencil, and outfell from the top shelf 629 00:40:08,915 --> 00:40:15,315 Speaker 1: a little black paper packet containing nine needles. It seems 630 00:40:15,355 --> 00:40:17,875 Speaker 1: that his wife kept a little paper packet containing nine 631 00:40:17,915 --> 00:40:21,235 Speaker 1: needles on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet. The 632 00:40:21,315 --> 00:40:24,075 Speaker 1: packet fell into the soapy water of the washbowl, where 633 00:40:24,075 --> 00:40:28,355 Speaker 1: the paper rapidly disintegrated, leaving nine needles at large in 634 00:40:28,435 --> 00:40:34,035 Speaker 1: the bowl. I was, naturally enough, not in the best condition, 635 00:40:34,515 --> 00:40:39,155 Speaker 1: either physical or mental to recover nine needles from a washbowl. 636 00:40:40,075 --> 00:40:42,395 Speaker 1: No gentleman who has lather on his face and whose 637 00:40:42,395 --> 00:40:45,115 Speaker 1: ear is bleeding is in the best condition for anything, 638 00:40:45,395 --> 00:40:48,955 Speaker 1: even something involving the handling of nine large blunt objects. 639 00:40:51,195 --> 00:40:53,675 Speaker 1: It did not seem wise to me to pull the 640 00:40:53,755 --> 00:40:56,115 Speaker 1: plug out of the washbowl and let the needles go 641 00:40:56,235 --> 00:40:59,395 Speaker 1: down the drain. I had visions of clogging up the 642 00:40:59,395 --> 00:41:02,595 Speaker 1: plumbing system of the house, and also a vague fear 643 00:41:02,675 --> 00:41:08,475 Speaker 1: of causing short circuits somehow or other. I know very 644 00:41:08,475 --> 00:41:11,035 Speaker 1: little about electricity, and I don't want to have it 645 00:41:11,115 --> 00:41:15,595 Speaker 1: explained to me. Finally, I groped very gently around the bowl, 646 00:41:15,595 --> 00:41:17,955 Speaker 1: and eventually had four of the needles in the palm 647 00:41:17,955 --> 00:41:21,075 Speaker 1: of one hand and three in the palm of the other. 648 00:41:21,955 --> 00:41:26,275 Speaker 1: Two I couldn't find. If I had thought quickly and clearly, 649 00:41:26,875 --> 00:41:30,475 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have done that. A lathered man whose ear 650 00:41:30,595 --> 00:41:32,675 Speaker 1: is bleeding and who has four wet needles in one 651 00:41:32,675 --> 00:41:34,355 Speaker 1: hand and three in the other may be said to 652 00:41:34,395 --> 00:41:39,315 Speaker 1: have reached the lowest known point of human efficiency. There 653 00:41:39,475 --> 00:41:43,995 Speaker 1: is nothing he can do but stand there. I tried 654 00:41:44,035 --> 00:41:46,475 Speaker 1: transferring the needles in my left hand to the palm 655 00:41:46,475 --> 00:41:48,195 Speaker 1: of my right hand, but I couldn't get them off 656 00:41:48,195 --> 00:41:53,955 Speaker 1: my left hand. Wet needles cling to you. In the end, 657 00:41:54,555 --> 00:41:58,035 Speaker 1: I wiped the needles off onto a bath towel which 658 00:41:58,075 --> 00:42:00,715 Speaker 1: was hanging on a rod above the bath tub. It 659 00:42:00,795 --> 00:42:02,795 Speaker 1: was the only towel that I could find. I had 660 00:42:02,835 --> 00:42:06,115 Speaker 1: to dry my hands afterward on the bath matt Then 661 00:42:06,155 --> 00:42:10,155 Speaker 1: I tried to find the needles in the towel. Hunting 662 00:42:10,195 --> 00:42:12,515 Speaker 1: for seven needles in a bath towel is the most 663 00:42:12,515 --> 00:42:15,795 Speaker 1: tedious occupation I have ever engaged in. I could find 664 00:42:15,835 --> 00:42:18,355 Speaker 1: only five of them with the two that had been 665 00:42:18,395 --> 00:42:21,155 Speaker 1: left in the bowl. That meant there were four needles 666 00:42:21,235 --> 00:42:25,475 Speaker 1: in all, missing, two in the washbowl and two others 667 00:42:25,555 --> 00:42:29,235 Speaker 1: lurking in the towel or lying in the bathtub under 668 00:42:29,235 --> 00:42:33,035 Speaker 1: the towel. Frightful thoughts came to me of what might 669 00:42:33,115 --> 00:42:35,835 Speaker 1: happen to anyone who used that towel or washed his 670 00:42:35,915 --> 00:42:38,475 Speaker 1: face in the bowl, or got into the tub if 671 00:42:38,475 --> 00:42:44,995 Speaker 1: I didn't find the missing needles. Well, I didn't find them. 672 00:42:45,115 --> 00:42:47,355 Speaker 1: I sat down on the edge of the tub to think, 673 00:42:47,395 --> 00:42:49,355 Speaker 1: and I decided finally that the only thing to do 674 00:42:49,475 --> 00:42:52,075 Speaker 1: was to wrap up the towel in a newspaper and 675 00:42:52,155 --> 00:42:55,675 Speaker 1: take it away with me. I also decided to leave 676 00:42:55,715 --> 00:42:58,195 Speaker 1: a note for my friends, explaining as clearly as I 677 00:42:58,235 --> 00:43:01,035 Speaker 1: could that I was afraid there were two needles in 678 00:43:01,075 --> 00:43:03,955 Speaker 1: the bathtub and two needles in the washbowl, and that 679 00:43:04,035 --> 00:43:09,635 Speaker 1: they be careful. I looked everywhere in the apartment, but 680 00:43:09,715 --> 00:43:12,635 Speaker 1: I could not find a pencil or a pen or 681 00:43:12,675 --> 00:43:15,835 Speaker 1: a typewriter. I could find pieces of paper, but nothing 682 00:43:15,835 --> 00:43:18,995 Speaker 1: with which to write on them. I don't know what 683 00:43:19,115 --> 00:43:22,235 Speaker 1: gave me the idea. A movie I had seen, perhaps, 684 00:43:22,395 --> 00:43:24,875 Speaker 1: or a story I had read, but I suddenly thought 685 00:43:24,915 --> 00:43:29,315 Speaker 1: of writing a message with lipstick. The wife might have 686 00:43:29,355 --> 00:43:32,075 Speaker 1: an extra lipstick lying around, and if so, I concluded 687 00:43:32,235 --> 00:43:36,475 Speaker 1: it would be in the medicine cabinet. I went back 688 00:43:36,475 --> 00:43:39,035 Speaker 1: to the medicine cabinet began poking around in it for 689 00:43:39,235 --> 00:43:42,355 Speaker 1: a lipstick. I saw what I thought looked like the 690 00:43:42,395 --> 00:43:44,635 Speaker 1: metal tip of one, and I got two fingers around 691 00:43:44,635 --> 00:43:46,915 Speaker 1: it began to pull gently. It was under a lot 692 00:43:46,955 --> 00:43:51,715 Speaker 1: of things. Every object in the medicine cabinet began to slide. 693 00:43:52,315 --> 00:43:55,235 Speaker 1: Bottles broke in the washbowl and on the floor, red 694 00:43:55,315 --> 00:44:00,435 Speaker 1: brown and white liquids, spurted nail files, scissors, razor blades 695 00:44:00,435 --> 00:44:05,275 Speaker 1: and miscellaneous objects sang and clattered and tinkled. I was 696 00:44:05,355 --> 00:44:12,715 Speaker 1: covered with perfume, peroxide, and called cream. It took me 697 00:44:12,755 --> 00:44:15,995 Speaker 1: half an hour to get all the debris all together 698 00:44:16,035 --> 00:44:19,555 Speaker 1: in the middle of the bathroom floor. I made no 699 00:44:19,595 --> 00:44:23,035 Speaker 1: attempt to put anything back in the medicine cabinet. I 700 00:44:23,115 --> 00:44:25,595 Speaker 1: knew it would take a steadier hand than mine and 701 00:44:25,675 --> 00:44:31,435 Speaker 1: a less shattered spirit. Before I went away, only partly 702 00:44:31,515 --> 00:44:35,355 Speaker 1: shaved and abandoned the shambles. I left a note saying 703 00:44:35,355 --> 00:44:37,315 Speaker 1: that I was afraid there were needles in the bathtub 704 00:44:37,355 --> 00:44:39,595 Speaker 1: and the washbowl, and that I had taken their towel, 705 00:44:39,875 --> 00:44:41,715 Speaker 1: and that I would call up and tell them everything. 706 00:44:41,835 --> 00:44:43,795 Speaker 1: I wrote it in I had dined with the end 707 00:44:43,835 --> 00:44:48,355 Speaker 1: of a toothbrush. I have not yet called up. I 708 00:44:48,355 --> 00:44:51,555 Speaker 1: am sorry to say I have neither found the courage 709 00:44:51,875 --> 00:44:54,875 Speaker 1: nor thought up the words to explain what happened. I 710 00:44:54,955 --> 00:44:58,595 Speaker 1: suppose my friends believe that I deliberately smashed up their 711 00:44:58,635 --> 00:45:03,035 Speaker 1: bathroom and stole their towel. I don't know for sure, 712 00:45:03,835 --> 00:45:09,995 Speaker 1: because they have yet called me up. Either. Nine Needles 713 00:45:09,995 --> 00:45:16,395 Speaker 1: by James Thurber, and as I suggested in a broad 714 00:45:16,435 --> 00:45:21,355 Speaker 1: sense on the same subject, from his Fables for Our 715 00:45:21,435 --> 00:45:25,515 Speaker 1: Time and famous poems illustrated The Mouse who Went to 716 00:45:25,555 --> 00:45:32,435 Speaker 1: the Country by James Thurber. Once upon a Sunday there 717 00:45:32,515 --> 00:45:34,995 Speaker 1: was a city mouse who went to visit a country mouse. 718 00:45:35,435 --> 00:45:37,515 Speaker 1: He hit away on a train the country mouse had 719 00:45:37,555 --> 00:45:40,115 Speaker 1: told him to take, only to find that on Sundays 720 00:45:40,355 --> 00:45:44,115 Speaker 1: it did not stop at Beddington. Hence the city mouse 721 00:45:44,195 --> 00:45:46,835 Speaker 1: could not get off at Beddington and catch a bus 722 00:45:46,875 --> 00:45:49,715 Speaker 1: for Cybert's Junction, where he was to be met by 723 00:45:49,715 --> 00:45:52,795 Speaker 1: the country mouse. The city mouse, in fact, was carried 724 00:45:52,795 --> 00:45:55,395 Speaker 1: on to Middleburgh, where he waited three hours for a 725 00:45:55,435 --> 00:45:58,475 Speaker 1: train to take him back. When he got back to Beddington, 726 00:45:58,675 --> 00:46:01,515 Speaker 1: he found out that the last bus for Siebert's Junction 727 00:46:01,915 --> 00:46:04,755 Speaker 1: had just left, so he ran, and he ran, and 728 00:46:04,835 --> 00:46:07,995 Speaker 1: he ran, and he finally caught the bus and crept aboard, 729 00:46:08,035 --> 00:46:09,555 Speaker 1: only to find that it was not the bus for 730 00:46:09,555 --> 00:46:12,435 Speaker 1: Seabirds Junction at all, but was going in the opposite 731 00:46:12,435 --> 00:46:17,515 Speaker 1: direction through Pell's Hollow and Grum to a place called Wimberbee. 732 00:46:18,155 --> 00:46:20,435 Speaker 1: When the bus finally stopped, the city mouse got out 733 00:46:20,435 --> 00:46:22,635 Speaker 1: into a heavy rain and found that there were no 734 00:46:22,675 --> 00:46:27,675 Speaker 1: more buses that night going anywhere. To the hell with 735 00:46:27,755 --> 00:46:30,195 Speaker 1: it said the city mouse, and he walked back to 736 00:46:30,235 --> 00:46:36,195 Speaker 1: the city moral stay where you are, you're sitting pretty. 737 00:46:37,635 --> 00:46:40,875 Speaker 1: The Mouse who Went to the Country by James Thurber. 738 00:46:54,275 --> 00:46:56,275 Speaker 1: I've done all the damage I can do here, much 739 00:46:56,275 --> 00:46:59,075 Speaker 1: of it to myself. Thank you for listening. Here are 740 00:46:59,115 --> 00:47:01,275 Speaker 1: the credits. Most of the music was arranged, produced, and 741 00:47:01,355 --> 00:47:04,195 Speaker 1: performed by Brian Ray and John Philip Channel. You're Wire 742 00:47:04,235 --> 00:47:07,675 Speaker 1: the count musical directors. All orchestration and keyboards by John 743 00:47:07,675 --> 00:47:11,275 Speaker 1: Philip Channel. Guitars, bass and drums by Brian Ray. Produced 744 00:47:11,275 --> 00:47:14,515 Speaker 1: by t Ko Brothers. Our Beethoven. Selections have been arranged 745 00:47:14,515 --> 00:47:17,995 Speaker 1: and performed by No Horns Allowed. The sports music is 746 00:47:18,035 --> 00:47:20,555 Speaker 1: the Alderman theme from ESPN Too. It was written by 747 00:47:20,555 --> 00:47:24,475 Speaker 1: Mitch Warren Davis courtesy of ESPN Inc. Musical comments from 748 00:47:24,555 --> 00:47:28,075 Speaker 1: Nancy Faust. The best baseball stadium organist ever. Our announcer 749 00:47:28,115 --> 00:47:30,875 Speaker 1: today was my friend Kenny Maine, and everything else is 750 00:47:30,875 --> 00:47:33,395 Speaker 1: pretty much my fault. So let's countdown for this, the 751 00:47:33,435 --> 00:47:36,315 Speaker 1: eight hundred and first day since Donald Trump's first attempted 752 00:47:36,395 --> 00:47:39,555 Speaker 1: coup against the democratically elected government at the United States. 753 00:47:39,915 --> 00:47:43,395 Speaker 1: Arrest him now while we still can. The next scheduled 754 00:47:43,395 --> 00:47:46,115 Speaker 1: countdown is Monday, hoping for a full new episode after 755 00:47:46,115 --> 00:47:49,475 Speaker 1: this non COVID bug. Thank you for bearing with me today. 756 00:47:49,995 --> 00:47:51,755 Speaker 1: This is about the best I can do under the 757 00:47:51,795 --> 00:47:55,675 Speaker 1: circumstances till Monday, I hope. I'm Keith Alderman. Good morning, 758 00:47:55,675 --> 00:48:15,915 Speaker 1: good afternoon, goodnight, and good luck. Countdown with Keith Alerman 759 00:48:16,075 --> 00:48:20,515 Speaker 1: is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, 760 00:48:20,715 --> 00:48:24,715 Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get 761 00:48:24,755 --> 00:48:25,635 Speaker 1: your podcasts.