WEBVTT - Taylor Armstrong's Nightmare To Fairy Tale 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.680 Some listeners may find this content disturbing. This episode discusses 0:00:03.720 --> 0:00:07.240 domestic abuse as well as suicide. Please proceed with caution. 0:00:07.760 --> 0:00:20.960 This is Taylor Armstrong in her own words. 0:00:26.400 --> 0:00:29.319 Hi guys, it's celebrity mentor Jennifer Fessler back with you 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:33.280 on ID Part two today. I am so honored because 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:35.720 we have so many amazing people come and show their 0:00:35.760 --> 0:00:38.600 journey to finding love in their chapter two and my 0:00:38.640 --> 0:00:42.120 guest today really went through the fire to find her 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:45.760 second love. She is resilient, she's an advocate, and she's inspiring. 0:00:46.200 --> 0:00:49.360 She's the author of Hiding from Reality, my story of love, 0:00:49.440 --> 0:00:51.839 loss and finding the courage. You know here from the 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:55.440 Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Orange County. Her name 0:00:55.640 --> 0:00:57.840 some of you may know the name and know the 0:00:57.840 --> 0:01:01.480 woman is Taylor Armstrong. We were so excited to have 0:01:01.520 --> 0:01:03.480 you here, and I was like, oh my god, I 0:01:03.520 --> 0:01:05.920 love Taylor. We got to know each other, I guess 0:01:05.920 --> 0:01:09.039 a couple of years ago, right, We met in Orange County, Yes, 0:01:09.319 --> 0:01:13.360 And I just remember maybe I just started being on Housewives, 0:01:13.360 --> 0:01:18.240 and you were so warm and lovely and friendly, and 0:01:18.319 --> 0:01:20.600 so I was very excited that you're coming on. 0:01:21.319 --> 0:01:23.320 We had drinks at the Monarch Beach Hotel. 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:26.880 Yes, with Tamra and Emily. Emily, Yes, one of my 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:27.680 friends was in town. 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:29.360 Yes, y, Yeah, it was really neat. 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:33.720 She's too sweet to go on New Jersey. I'm worried locas. 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:34.919 Looka's talking. 0:01:34.959 --> 0:01:37.440 Well, yeah, New Jersey is a scary place to be. 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:41.600 Well, I'm a friend of a housewife and listen, here's 0:01:41.760 --> 0:01:43.880 just like the truth of it. Like I've I've been 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:46.600 a fan of everything Housewives since the inception, and I've 0:01:47.480 --> 0:01:51.560 known you through the TV and you know, obviously I 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:54.040 have followed you and some of the stuff that you've 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:57.080 been through and it is not easy and or you know, 0:01:57.080 --> 0:01:59.360 I'm not going to speak for you, but I think 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:01.520 it is so ad and I think it sounds like, 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:04.120 especially right now, you're really sharing your story and that 0:02:04.160 --> 0:02:07.000 can't be so easy to do, or maybe for you 0:02:07.040 --> 0:02:08.840 it is easy to do. I don't know, but you 0:02:08.919 --> 0:02:11.799 know you have been through it, my friend, I have. 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:13.040 Been through a lot, that's sure. 0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:16.000 Unfortunately, a lot of other people have approached me and 0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:18.560 shared their stories with me over the years, and the 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:21.560 numbers are vast. I think, actually the numbers are so 0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:24.880 much more vast than the reported numbers just because of 0:02:24.919 --> 0:02:27.120 the shame and the stigma and everything that goes along 0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:28.440 with with domestic abuse. 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:28.840 Yeah. 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:32.200 So but I am approached daily by people telling me 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:33.840 their stories and it's heart wrenching. 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.680 It was just so I don't know, it's just like 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:38.120 a viewer. 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:42.200 It was really overwhelming, and it was like when you 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:44.520 were you know, quote unquote out it. I don't know 0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:46.359 what we're we refer to it as now and I 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:49.760 don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but just to 0:02:50.240 --> 0:02:52.600 know that you were doing this show and everything that 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:55.600 comes along with that, and then dealing with what you 0:02:55.600 --> 0:02:58.639 were dealing with. So but okay, so I do part 0:02:58.639 --> 0:03:00.480 two we kind of listen to was like to start 0:03:00.520 --> 0:03:02.679 with part one. Yeah, so, can you tell me a 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:06.040 little bit about how you met your first husband, Russell, 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:10.280 what that was like, and what your marriage was like, 0:03:10.560 --> 0:03:13.280 maybe even at the beginning, give us a little bit 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:13.880 of background. 0:03:13.960 --> 0:03:17.920 Absolutely, And I do tell my story frequently. I do 0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:20.320 a lot of public speaking, So I'm an open book. 0:03:20.360 --> 0:03:22.919 Anything you want to talk about. I love sharing it 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:25.520 mainly because it is helping all those other people that 0:03:25.560 --> 0:03:27.160 are out there that may not realize that they're in 0:03:27.160 --> 0:03:30.239 a domestic violent situation or that they're seeing some red flags, 0:03:30.240 --> 0:03:31.560 but they're questioning themselves. 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:34.240 So to go back to my initial. 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:38.840 Relationship, we met in a restaurant in Beverly Hills at 0:03:38.840 --> 0:03:44.040 the Four Seasons actually, and it started off great. It 0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:46.680 was very much fireworks in the beginning as a blind 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:48.840 dat are you just We actually were both waiting on 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:50.520 a table. I was waiting on a friend. He was 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:52.480 with a group, and we're both waiting on tables and 0:03:52.520 --> 0:03:55.280 just started talking. Okay, so but yeah, I mean, it 0:03:55.320 --> 0:03:57.360 was just it was very much fireworks in the beginning, 0:03:58.360 --> 0:04:00.760 but there were red flags literally from from the beginning. 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:03.800 For the first day of state. Please do tell our 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:04.720 very first day. 0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:07.680 Yes, he took me to a restaurant where I was 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:11.920 a regular and so I knew everybody that worked there, obviously, 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:17.040 and it was Valentine's Day and I ordered and then 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:19.560 he said, did you sleep with that waiter? 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:23.520 And I thought, what I mean, I slept with anybody there? 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:26.000 And he said, well, I could tell by the way 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:28.520 you were looking at him when you ordered, And I thought, 0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:30.240 what are you talking about? 0:04:30.600 --> 0:04:32.560 But I mean, so those little red flags. 0:04:32.560 --> 0:04:35.719 When I do public speaking, especially at universities, I try 0:04:35.760 --> 0:04:38.960 to talk to young people about this, you know those 0:04:39.040 --> 0:04:41.159 when you start to think that was kind of weird. 0:04:41.240 --> 0:04:43.480 Well, it was weird, and then I just let it 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:44.320 keep going. 0:04:44.320 --> 0:04:46.720 And I thought, oh, he must just like me a lot, 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:49.880 because I would talk myself into because I liked him 0:04:49.880 --> 0:04:52.000 so much, you know that. I just thought, Oh, it's 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:53.719 because he likes me so much, he doesn't want me 0:04:53.760 --> 0:04:56.200 to talk to other guys. And then it just builds. 0:04:56.240 --> 0:04:59.440 The jealousy builds, the control builds over time, you know. 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:03.160 And I had a textile company at the time in downtown, LA, 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:06.640 and he started saying, I don't want you to work. 0:05:06.960 --> 0:05:09.279 You shouldn't have to work. I'll take care of you. 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:12.240 And it felt very night in Shining Armor. At first, 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:14.960 you know, I thought he said, downtown's dangerous. I don't 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:18.280 want you going down there, and so I gave up 0:05:18.279 --> 0:05:21.719 my company. And so that night in Shining Armor effect 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:24.400 all of a sudden, now I gave up my own 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:25.760 financial capabilities. 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:28.279 Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm sorry. 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:32.800 Okay, So just because it's like overwhelming, like just even 0:05:32.839 --> 0:05:35.920 the fact that he on your first date, how old were. 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:41.080 You, Oh my gosh, let's see thirty four. Okay, it 0:05:41.120 --> 0:05:42.000 just seems like a lot. 0:05:42.120 --> 0:05:44.200 So what was it about him though when you first 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:45.640 met him that you found so appealing. 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:52.040 An interesting attribute of abusers is they can be very madic, charismatic, 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:54.760 you know, life of the party. And I think that's 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:56.560 why when the abuse all started to come out, a 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:59.440 lot of people were like, what he like? He would 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:02.640 never be, never do that, Like, he's this charismatic guy, 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:03.960 and it's so common. 0:06:03.960 --> 0:06:05.279 I hear it, it is so common. 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:08.080 I interviewed someone in the past who was married to 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:11.160 the Wolf of Wall Street. My name is Nadine, and 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:13.360 she has we're not gonna we don't need to get 0:06:13.360 --> 0:06:16.080 into that now, but she has such a similar story 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:19.279 about how charismatic. I made a movie about him. Right, 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:24.159 he was right, and in the end it was I 0:06:24.240 --> 0:06:24.680 wasn't good. 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:28.520 Go on. So you met him, he was charismatic, verytive. 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:31.359 Yes, he had that knight and shining armor kind of 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:33.960 feel to the whole thing, like being wanting to take 0:06:34.000 --> 0:06:36.279 care of me and all of that, which felt great. 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:39.680 And I grew up without a father, so the whole 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:42.240 I could get myself into a position where having a 0:06:42.279 --> 0:06:44.359 man say he wants to take care of me is 0:06:44.400 --> 0:06:45.480 like extra love. 0:06:45.520 --> 0:06:47.200 Bombing for me, yeah, love bombing. 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:50.400 So yeah, just because that's something I missed in my childhood. 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:54.440 And so that as we went forward, you know, it 0:06:54.480 --> 0:06:56.400 was I want you to sell your company, and then 0:06:56.880 --> 0:06:59.120 you should be a mom because you have so much 0:06:59.160 --> 0:07:01.200 love to give. Be a shame for you not to 0:07:01.200 --> 0:07:02.599 be a mom. Did you want to be a mom? 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:04.440 I was kind of on the fence. I thought, I 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:06.920 I'll either be a business person or I'll be a mom. 0:07:06.960 --> 0:07:08.760 I wasn't going to try to do both. And so 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:11.040 then I had now had let go of my company, 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:12.680 so I thought, okay. 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:14.600 You know, then the mom role feels great. 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:16.560 I can be a stay at home mom and really 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:19.880 be devoted to that role in my life. And so, 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:22.679 of course biggest blessing in my life my daughter, Kennedy. 0:07:23.520 --> 0:07:27.040 But then that was really another form of control because 0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:30.600 now he's taken away my financial capabilities and now I 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:34.480 have his child. So the walls, even though I was 0:07:34.520 --> 0:07:39.240 so overjoyed having Kennedy, the walls were closing in, you know, 0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:41.920 with the amount of control he had over my life. 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:46.560 And shortly after that, you know, the jealousy was continuing, 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:50.320 and then there would be some of the just like 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:53.880 criticisms like your hair is too long, your hair's too short, 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:56.480 your dress is too long, your dress is too short. 0:07:56.560 --> 0:07:59.800 You know, there was never a right length of a dress, 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:00.840 length of the hair. 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:02.480 You know, I'm just using those as I've met before. 0:08:03.040 --> 0:08:05.000 You get what I'm saying. You laugh too much, you 0:08:05.040 --> 0:08:08.880 don't laugh enough. You talk to people at my business 0:08:08.880 --> 0:08:12.119 dinners too much. Then the next time I would talk less, 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:13.920 and then he would say, oh, you didn't talk to 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:15.680 anyone because you're stuck up and you think you're too 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:19.680 good for everyone. So it was just constantly like managing 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:22.160 it with something and managing it. And you know, I said, 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:26.680 when I watched season one of Housewives, I was I 0:08:26.760 --> 0:08:29.960 literally was watching me thinking who is that person? Because 0:08:30.000 --> 0:08:33.800 I had become such a shell of myself, being afraid 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:37.600 to have my big personality or you know, laugh too much, 0:08:37.640 --> 0:08:41.520 and so I really was watching me thinking, I don't 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:43.880 even know who I am. And one of my very 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:46.000 long time friends called me and he said, I don't 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:47.760 know who that girl is on that show, but it's 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:49.800 not you. During when it was happening, yeah, when it 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:51.839 was fair it was yeah, And he just said, I 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:53.360 don't know what's going on in your life, but that 0:08:53.480 --> 0:08:55.000 is nothing like your personality. 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:56.600 So I was just sitting here with you and getting 0:08:56.640 --> 0:08:59.320 to know you. And I also as a viewer, I 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:02.920 feel the egaisact same way, exact same way. Like it 0:09:03.000 --> 0:09:07.800 wasn't you didn't being honest, you didn't seem like a 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:10.280 real person like you just it was all It felt 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:13.679 like it was all just show and putting up, you know, 0:09:14.400 --> 0:09:17.439 painting this picture in a way. Yes, And I want 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:19.520 to talk about you starting the show, but I just 0:09:19.559 --> 0:09:21.480 have to ask you this. It's so funny if you 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:24.040 felt like this. So because my daughter has said this 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:27.199 to me and it freaked me out, I don't think 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:28.880 she feels like this anymore, but that she sort of 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:32.160 likes She's like, I kind of like guys that are jealous. 0:09:32.600 --> 0:09:35.120 I kind of feel like, you know, I don't know, 0:09:35.120 --> 0:09:36.760 I want them to be a little jealous, like it 0:09:36.800 --> 0:09:38.840 shows me like that they really like me. 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:39.440 Yep. 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:43.920 Now, I mean there are degrees of everything. But did 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:45.520 you feel like that at first? Like I like that 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:46.439 he's a little. 0:09:46.760 --> 0:09:49.439 Yeah, absolutely, I don't like it's because he's so crazy 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:52.360 about me, you know, and that comes from my lack 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:55.280 of self esteem and lack of yah of self confidence 0:09:55.320 --> 0:09:57.880 to be like, oh, someone likes me enough that they care. 0:09:58.040 --> 0:09:59.679 That was my daughter too. She didn't. 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:02.640 It's not about her, but she she want her boyfriend 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:04.439 so badly in high school. Didn't hapen even through college, 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:06.760 and she felt like that she wanted a boy to 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:10.199 care about her that much. And it's so that is 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:14.840 just so skewed and scary, right, Like, you know, we 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:16.880 all have a little bit of the jealousy thing, but. 0:10:17.320 --> 0:10:19.800 Yeah, I mean there's a normal level of jealousy if 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:23.040 you have an overly flirtatious partner. I don't have a 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:25.480 flirtatious bone in my body. It's just not who I am. 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:27.840 I don't blame anyone that does. I just just not 0:10:27.920 --> 0:10:29.959 part of my personality. But I also don't have a 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:32.120 jealous bone in my body. So for me, the whole 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:34.840 thing is like unfathomable because I'm just I'm not jealous 0:10:34.840 --> 0:10:38.240 and I'm not flirtatious. So all of his accusations were 0:10:38.280 --> 0:10:41.480 completely unfounded. And the things that he like, thinking I'm 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:43.679 flirting with a waiter would it was just like I 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:45.560 just looked at him in order. There was nothing more 0:10:45.600 --> 0:10:47.320 to it. And so it was a little things like 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:51.199 that in the beginning that I certainly should have recognized, 0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:52.880 but I didn't want to. So that's what we do. 0:10:52.920 --> 0:10:55.320 We run right by all the red flags when we 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:57.240 want to stay with the person that we're with. And 0:10:57.280 --> 0:11:00.400 then then the things that really started to happen being with 0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:03.000 him that started getting really weird as far as the 0:11:03.040 --> 0:11:07.560 jealousy goes, is the he started recording me. And so 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:10.120 the first time I found a tape recording device, I 0:11:10.200 --> 0:11:13.959 was at my desk in the house and my printer 0:11:14.080 --> 0:11:16.760 had stopped working. So I crawled under my desk to 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:19.400 unplug it and replug it. And I was backing out 0:11:19.720 --> 0:11:21.960 from underneath the desk and I looked up and I 0:11:22.000 --> 0:11:24.959 saw this recorder, a little small recording device like you 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:28.520 would use in college in a class, and it was 0:11:28.640 --> 0:11:33.600 hanging my picture hooks underneath my desk. And took me 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:35.120 a minute because I just thought, you know, it was 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:37.480 so out of place that I couldn't put my finger 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:39.840 on what it was. And so I grabbed it and 0:11:39.880 --> 0:11:42.120 I started listening to it, and it was me, and 0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:43.280 he had been recording me. 0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:46.800 It was just before after the show. This was before 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:47.240 the show. 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:58.560 Halloween is around the corner and your favorite podcaster are 0:11:58.679 --> 0:12:02.120 serving up episodes that are It's so good, It's actually scary. 0:12:02.440 --> 0:12:05.079 Sex and the City meets Severance when Adam Scott joins 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:08.480 Kristin Davis to discuss the haunting relationship between Big and 0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:10.800 Natasha on Are You a Charlotte? 0:12:11.000 --> 0:12:11.760 And nine one one? 0:12:11.760 --> 0:12:14.240 What's Your Emergency? The new episode of Call It What 0:12:14.320 --> 0:12:16.719 It Is? Of course nine to one one Nashville co 0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:21.200 star Kimberly Williams Paisley joins Jessica Kapshaw and Camilla Leddington 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:24.800 to talk about her health scare, her superstar hubby Brad Paisley, 0:12:25.040 --> 0:12:27.000 and her memories on the set of Father of the 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:30.880 Bride with the legendary Diane Keaton. Oscar winner Bree Larsen 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:33.760 is a work in progress, Sophia Bush finds out why, 0:12:33.920 --> 0:12:37.280 and Walt's right over to daniel With because Danielle Fischel 0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:40.000 has fellow Dancing with the Stars contestant Dylan Effron on 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:43.240 to talk about the ballroom, the leaderboard and more. Listen 0:12:43.280 --> 0:12:46.440 now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:47.439 get your podcast. 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:56.520 Okay, so you already know he's I mean, I don't 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:58.000 know what you want to like really acknowledge for your 0:12:58.080 --> 0:12:59.719 you want it's really acknowledged for yourself at this time. 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:01.800 But oviously knew he was off. 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:05.679 So the question that I had, and I think probably 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:08.280 you get all the time now, is what was that 0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:11.160 like deciding to go on reality TV? The fact that 0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:14.360 he even like gave the go ahead for it is 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:17.200 feel so shocking to me. The fact that you were 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:21.360 not too scared of or maybe you were and you 0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:23.160 thought it would be helpful. Tell us like, how you 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:25.440 got how did you get there? 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:25.920 Right? 0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:26.800 Right? Well? 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:30.360 When I decided to go on the show, and this 0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:32.840 is me in retrospect, I certainly wasn't aware of it 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:34.800 at the time. You know, as we talked about he 0:13:34.880 --> 0:13:37.839 was very charismatic, and he was very narcissistic, and he 0:13:37.920 --> 0:13:41.079 thought everyone loved him, and so he definitely saw the 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:45.160 show as an opportunity for him and from a business perspective, 0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:47.520 but it's also he just thought the world would fall 0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:49.599 in love with him. And needless to say, it was 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:52.040 quite evident even in season one that people could tell 0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:55.400 there was something off there. But so he was thrilled 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:58.240 for me to go on the show. I, as I 0:13:58.280 --> 0:14:01.040 was saying in retrospect. Wonder if if I thought, because 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:03.400 there's a good version, there was a good version of him, 0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:06.080 like all abusers, I would say, and if I could 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:09.120 keep him being the good person, the good version all 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:12.880 the time. Well, he was good in public because he 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:15.160 wanted to be the life of the party and be charismatic. 0:14:15.280 --> 0:14:17.319 So if you put a camera in our house, now 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:21.280 you're in public again, right, So abuse doesn't happen as 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:23.840 often in the restaurant or the mall. You know, it 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:25.840 happens once you get behind closed doors. 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:28.600 So Taylor, you think it was like it was almost 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:30.560 like it made you feel safe to think that you 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:32.760 guys were going to be on camera. 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:36.000 Yeah, and at the same time, he's not going to 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:38.280 hit me and take a risk that I'm going to 0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:41.320 have a bruise, you know, on camera. You know, he 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:43.720 could easily have me just cover it up if it. 0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:44.640 Was just going to be at home. 0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:48.840 Or how long did the abuse start after you guys 0:14:48.840 --> 0:14:49.440 got married? 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:50.920 The physical abuse? 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:56.000 Yeah, so I was it was November and I had 0:14:56.080 --> 0:14:59.200 gave birth to Kennedy in February, So let's see November 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:02.080 this in virginn So I was would have been five months. 0:15:01.880 --> 0:15:03.360 Pregnant six months pregnant. 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:04.920 I was I was a little bit more pregnant than that, 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:07.920 so it might be late November. And that was the 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:10.400 first time that he ever choked me. We were getting 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:13.840 ready to go to a charity event. Feel pregnant, mm hmm. 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:15.800 Yeah. 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:20.280 And then obviously it just obviously it kept going. But 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:23.720 it was how long after you had Kennedy before you 0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:24.400 got on the show. 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:31.120 So I had Kennedy in February and we celebrated her 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:34.840 fourth birthday in season one, so and that was let's see, 0:15:34.840 --> 0:15:36.640 we got she was born in two thousand and six. 0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:40.120 Okay, so we went on Housewives twenty ten she was four. 0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:44.560 And it's just like, I can't even imagine how much 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:49.920 had be I'd be swirling through your head and just 0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:53.720 knowing that he was he could he was abusive, and 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:57.680 you now have cameras in your house, and how much 0:15:57.720 --> 0:15:59.600 you had to deal with cover up. I mean when 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:03.480 the cameras went down, because I think for me they 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:05.280 would go down. I don't know what the situation was 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:08.360 back then, but you know they didn't maybe record on 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:10.920 the weekends or what that was like. 0:16:11.040 --> 0:16:14.120 It must have been just idious. Yeah. 0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:17.280 Well, and you, of all people know the show is 0:16:17.560 --> 0:16:21.000 very anxiety inducing to begin with, having your friends fighting, 0:16:21.080 --> 0:16:23.400 you fighting, and you know, you don't know what you're 0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:25.520 what's going to pop up, you know, and what's going 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:27.400 to spark something right, And. 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:29.640 So I always had a little. 0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:34.280 I guess in is a terrible word, but of like 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:37.560 Kyle getting ready getting to go home to her beautiful 0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:40.040 family life after a tough day of filming or a 0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:41.560 tough night of fighting with. 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:43.840 That's a horrible word. I would feel the same way. 0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:46.840 Yeah, and you know, Lisa and you know, so they 0:16:47.040 --> 0:16:49.480 could go through the anxiety of the filming and then 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:52.760 go home to have support, and for me, I would 0:16:52.760 --> 0:16:55.680 go through the anxiety of filming to what was actually 0:16:55.760 --> 0:16:59.000 scarier anxiety going home, not knowing what was going to 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:01.840 happen next, and you know, and then you start replaying 0:17:01.880 --> 0:17:04.359 the tapes all the time of the words that they say. 0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:06.040 And for me, the. 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:10.359 Physical abuse obviously is horrible, but the verbal abuse. Sometimes 0:17:10.840 --> 0:17:12.760 women will say to me, well, I don't know. I 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:14.560 mean he yells at me and calls me names. I 0:17:14.560 --> 0:17:17.919 don't know if I'm being abused. And my response is, 0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:21.000 if you have to question yourself whether you're being abused 0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:23.639 or not, you are, and it's not okay for somebody 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:26.800 to scream at you. Don't call you names, but those parts, 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:31.000 those tapes that you replay. So I would be in 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:35.879 Kennedy's playroom, coloring with her, playing dolls, whatever, but I 0:17:35.960 --> 0:17:39.399 wasn't really there because my mind was on what's going 0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:42.879 to happen tonight, or what happened last night, or what's 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:45.600 going to set him off today? Or what all the 0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:48.719 horrible things he said to me a week ago? You know, 0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:52.920 it really robbed me of the years with Kennedy, of 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:56.360 always just being on edge and fight or flight all 0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:56.840 the time. 0:17:58.480 --> 0:17:59.480 Did you have anyone like it? 0:17:59.600 --> 0:18:03.280 Just the whole stories is not I know, unfortunately the 0:18:03.359 --> 0:18:07.280 story of abuse is not so uncommon, but the story 0:18:07.280 --> 0:18:10.560 of somebody being on reality TV and having to deal 0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:12.920 with not only the pressures of that but the potential 0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:17.359 of being exposed and then it's just it is seems 0:18:17.400 --> 0:18:19.040 just so overwhelming, Tod. Do you have anyone that you 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:23.119 a friend or somebody that you could trust during that 0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:24.520 time that knew what was going on? 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:28.160 Yeah, it definitely was, as you said, anxiety provoke ans. 0:18:28.200 --> 0:18:30.600 When when I wrote my book it's called Hiding from 0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:33.439 Reality because That's what I was trying to do, is 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:37.199 hide my reality, of course from reality TV. So my 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:41.840 assistant at the time, she lived in my house and 0:18:42.520 --> 0:18:45.000 she actually had known hers since she was born. Her 0:18:45.000 --> 0:18:48.560 mom was my cheerleading coach, and so she was there 0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:51.520 and knew, but she was afraid of him also, so 0:18:51.960 --> 0:18:54.119 even though she could be a support system for me, 0:18:54.200 --> 0:18:55.879 she wasn't going to jump in the middle of it. 0:18:56.000 --> 0:19:00.240 She's young, very young, yeah, yeah, early twenties. But she 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:02.280 did she talk to her. Yeah, I could tell it 0:19:02.359 --> 0:19:05.080 to her. Yeah, she was great. He's still Oh yeah, 0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:07.080