Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with De Nungler and Dared
Speaker 1: Haven and I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome back to
Speaker 1: an all new episode of Help I Suck a Dating
Speaker 1: Caller Edition. Olivia is back because she's gonna give way
Speaker 1: better advice than myself. Then we have our callers calling
Speaker 1: into the podcast. Our first one is here. His name
Speaker 1: is Walker. Walker. How you doing, buddy, I'm good, I'm good.
Speaker 1: How are you doing well? So what's going on? Yes,
Speaker 1: So I I recently, Um, you know, I started seeing
Speaker 1: this girl and uh, you know, everything's great. She's like awesome,
Speaker 1: like really awesome, except a couple of weeks and she
Speaker 1: she tells me that she's got this this best friend
Speaker 1: who likes her, and uh she you know, she like
Speaker 1: swears that there's no feelings for him or anything. Um,
Speaker 1: but he always wants to call and face time and
Speaker 1: and uh you know, even when I'm with her, and
Speaker 1: he wants to hang out with her, and so sometimes
Speaker 1: I'm like hanging out with her and the dude who's
Speaker 1: got a crush on her. Uh you know, I told
Speaker 1: her was disrespectful and like we live like an hour
Speaker 1: away from each other, so I'm not trying to drive
Speaker 1: an hour to go and find go and hang out
Speaker 1: with some guy who's like trying to like be with her.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Am I being unreasonable? She? She says,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm being insecure and that you know, I
Speaker 1: just need to to get over it. But he, I
Speaker 1: don't know. He feels shady to me. Yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: shady to me too, my friend. UM, so my question is,
Speaker 1: does she know that he has a crush on her?
Speaker 1: Like that's confirmed? This guy is definitely into her. I
Speaker 1: mean not, I mean, he hasn't come out and directly
Speaker 1: said it, but it's like it just feels like something
Speaker 1: like you don't do that if you aren't into someone, right,
Speaker 1: Like I don't. I don't face time with with all
Speaker 1: these random people who yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's it just feels it's like it's intimate and it
Speaker 1: feels like he wants to be intimate with her and
Speaker 1: we're trying to start something and I'm enjoying it. But
Speaker 1: it just feels like I don't know. She says, I'm
Speaker 1: being I'm being crazy, and I think I'm just I
Speaker 1: don't want to say she has to choose one or
Speaker 1: the other, but it just feels like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it feels it feels weird to me. I'm curious, like
Speaker 1: when they talk, how long do they talk? And like
Speaker 1: what do they talk about? I mean they talk about,
Speaker 1: you know, just just stuff that you you normally talk
Speaker 1: about with like your boyfriend or girlfriend. It's like, you know,
Speaker 1: even stuff like this' innocuous, like how is your day
Speaker 1: and like tell me about it? Oh, you know, like
Speaker 1: tell me more? And you know really like do they
Speaker 1: talk every day? Every day? There? It? Yeah, that's a lot.
Speaker 1: I mean, so how long are they like best friends? Though?
Speaker 1: My question to you is maybe there is nothing there
Speaker 1: and maybe they are just best friends. Because if they're
Speaker 1: all if you're hanging out together, is this guy like
Speaker 1: throwing you shade? Or is he coming off as like
Speaker 1: just like a best friend? Because here's the thing. I
Speaker 1: I'm usually not down for like very close friends with
Speaker 1: with the other sex if you are attracted to them,
Speaker 1: because it usually leads to problems. But having said that,
Speaker 1: if the person is like your sister, then I don't know,
Speaker 1: then that's fine. Like I have a friend that's one
Speaker 1: of my best friends and she's a girl, and like
Speaker 1: it was total like brother sister relationship to the point where,
Speaker 1: like I remember Ashley being weird, not being weird about it,
Speaker 1: but before meeting her, I was like, how are you
Speaker 1: guys like so close and you guys don't date or
Speaker 1: anything like that. I'm like, no, you have to. You
Speaker 1: have to hang out with us and experience what our
Speaker 1: relationship is. And then she did and she's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: you guys are siblings, and I was like, yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 1: So that's my question. But if this, I mean, if
Speaker 1: if it's clear to day that this guy likes her
Speaker 1: AND's like crushing on her, then yeah, that's a red flag.
Speaker 1: You need to talk to your your significant other and say, listen,
Speaker 1: it's clear that this guy likes you. He's up to
Speaker 1: no good. I know you're friends with him, but like,
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling comfortable with this scenario, especially if they
Speaker 1: hang out without you. My piece of advice would potentially
Speaker 1: it seems like if you talk to her about this,
Speaker 1: you're bringing up more of like the romantic thing, like
Speaker 1: he likes you, are you sure you don't like him?
Speaker 1: Like maybe the way I would do it would be
Speaker 1: rephrasing it as I'm having a great time getting to
Speaker 1: know you, but the fact that you're on the phone
Speaker 1: like every day with this person and like bringing this
Speaker 1: person around outside of just the fact that you think
Speaker 1: they like each other, but more of just how their conversation.
Speaker 1: Like the way that she's just bringing people around. It's
Speaker 1: frustrating for me in like the beginning of a relationship
Speaker 1: or whatever. Like she's obviously getting defensive about like the
Speaker 1: romantic you know, calling you crazy or insecure, whatever. But
Speaker 1: you could just say, like I don't want to date
Speaker 1: someone that is on the phone face timing with someone
Speaker 1: every day. That's like not me, you know, like it's
Speaker 1: I don't talk to anyone any every day on the
Speaker 1: phone ever mm hm. So I don't know, that might
Speaker 1: be a way to like avoid the kind of tension
Speaker 1: that comes obviously from that defensiveness and just pin it
Speaker 1: more on like this is what I need out of someone.
Speaker 1: I want someone to be present with me, you know,
Speaker 1: when they're with me. We live an hour away, so
Speaker 1: like when we're together, I want to make sure that no,
Speaker 1: you're not on the phone with other people, that you're
Speaker 1: you're with me, You have a loane time, make it
Speaker 1: more about what you need. Mm hm. That's my advice. No,
Speaker 1: that's good advice. Yeah, I'll definitely and I'm fine with
Speaker 1: them being friends. It's just like, if I'm going to
Speaker 1: take the time to come come over, I don't want
Speaker 1: to have to share you then introduce it as that,
Speaker 1: Like I like you so much, we live our parts,
Speaker 1: so when we do spend time together, it's really important
Speaker 1: to me to have like alone one on one time
Speaker 1: uninterrupted with not face times and stuff and relation share Like,
Speaker 1: I'm enjoying getting to know you, but this is something
Speaker 1: that's like proving to be difficult for me in terms
Speaker 1: of just the are togetherness. You know, when I do
Speaker 1: take the time to drive an hour, you take the
Speaker 1: time to drive an hour. Yeah, I don't know how
Speaker 1: you feel about that, Jared, No, I would agree. I mean,
Speaker 1: just make it about yourself. Make it about you, guys,
Speaker 1: and not so much the other person, because I think
Speaker 1: that will come awf a lot better. Yeah, because if
Speaker 1: you do make it about the other person, it becomes accusatory,
Speaker 1: where if you make it about yourself, you're just talking
Speaker 1: about your own emotions and feelings. So Walker, thank you
Speaker 1: so much, man, I hope that helps. Good luck with everything.
Speaker 1: Thank you, appreciate it. Our next caller, Uh, we're dealing
Speaker 1: up on the line is Ashlyn Ashley. You're there, Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm here, Hey Ashly, welcome to the podcast. Hi, how
Speaker 1: are you good? I made it? I did it, well done?
Speaker 1: So how can we help you? What's going on? So?
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk to you guys about my boyfriend. Okay, Um,
Speaker 1: my boyfriend and I are in our late twenties and
Speaker 1: we've been dating for almost einer Um, am I wrong
Speaker 1: to be frustrated that we always pay separate and he
Speaker 1: never offers to pay for me. I really, well, let
Speaker 1: me just plain. I really don't know if things will
Speaker 1: change one times better job, but um, I've always wanted
Speaker 1: the guy who won to treat me at times and
Speaker 1: pay for me. Curious, like when you started dating? Was
Speaker 1: it that way still like early on? Was? No, it
Speaker 1: wasn't like that early on. But you know, he's been
Speaker 1: having a hard time it worked, and you know, so
Speaker 1: I know that he's been having a problems finding a
Speaker 1: job that pays him more and everything. Well, I guess
Speaker 1: so your biggest concern is that he might not be
Speaker 1: able to provide exactly. Yes, And and actually I've I've
Speaker 1: actually hinted it at it before and brought it up,
Speaker 1: and so I know that, Um, I understand how how
Speaker 1: he understands how I feel that this is going way
Speaker 1: back to like when we were in school. Um, and
Speaker 1: I know that he was trying to find a better
Speaker 1: paying job so he can be able to provide for
Speaker 1: our family one day. But um, and after that he
Speaker 1: offered to pay for a few times for me a
Speaker 1: few times, but I didn't let it because I knew
Speaker 1: the struggle that of his situation was that he was
Speaker 1: then already so um. The thing is what I'm wondering
Speaker 1: is because he'll spend money on himself all the time,
Speaker 1: but when it comes to like I tend to have
Speaker 1: the meal for me, he asked for us to pay separately,
Speaker 1: And of course I say yet because since I because
Speaker 1: I think that's what he wants me to do, is
Speaker 1: to pay separately since it's like a low amount. But
Speaker 1: I just really wish that we could take turns pain
Speaker 1: because it's really so unromantic and unlike a date. In fact,
Speaker 1: I'm embarrassed after that to act like a couple when
Speaker 1: we pay separately, because we're kind of separate everything else
Speaker 1: in a relationship is fine, but this continues to just
Speaker 1: be the most massive turn off for me. And that's
Speaker 1: what I'm helping Olivia. What are your thoughts. That's tough,
Speaker 1: and that's something that would bother me too. Um. It
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be every time, but I do think
Speaker 1: that there's something if we're talking about relationships where like
Speaker 1: you continue to feel like you're dating and like you
Speaker 1: never forget the romance of it. To me, something romantic,
Speaker 1: even if it's just you know, once or twice, like
Speaker 1: every like cover it be like I got this girl.
Speaker 1: You know. That's something that to me feels romantic. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's putting effort into it. Yeah, and it doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be all the time. It's just like that extra
Speaker 1: bit of like let me take care of you, which
Speaker 1: you know I'm in many ways, I'm like an independent woman,
Speaker 1: but there are those little things that's like I want
Speaker 1: to be taken care of. I wanna of course, so
Speaker 1: that would bother me too, and I'm thinking of what
Speaker 1: I would do about it. Sared, do you have thoughts
Speaker 1: from the male perspective? Yeah, I mean, of course, the
Speaker 1: biggest thing you do is just talk to him and
Speaker 1: try to present it in a delicate manner because I
Speaker 1: know guys, because I am a guy, and uh, you know,
Speaker 1: we can get pretty insecure about finances and um, so
Speaker 1: if you come at it in a manner of, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: I want you to either start making more money or
Speaker 1: paying for things for me and stop spending on you again,
Speaker 1: I think that's going to really come off that well,
Speaker 1: and it just might start an argument. But if you
Speaker 1: talk about your emotions like Olivia has stayed in the
Speaker 1: past with a previous call, or where you talk about
Speaker 1: how it makes you feel and about how you want
Speaker 1: to feel, uh, you know, sometimes like hey, listen, I
Speaker 1: want to kind of relive our initial spark and and um,
Speaker 1: you know, have some romance time, and you know, I'd
Speaker 1: like for you to take me out on a date.
Speaker 1: And I would hope that would you know, click in
Speaker 1: his mind that hey, taking you on a date includes
Speaker 1: paying for the date. O, my god, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: What I've always learned in life is that men and
Speaker 1: like people can't read minds right. Like you could let
Speaker 1: something annoy you that your partner doesn't even see or realize,
Speaker 1: and you're you're churning on it, and they're just like
Speaker 1: living life, right, But if it's something that you continue
Speaker 1: like stewing on, and it's like you have to bring
Speaker 1: it up, and there are ways to do that, Like
Speaker 1: do I think you should say I need you to
Speaker 1: make more money and like make it into like a
Speaker 1: bigger issue versus like kind of easing into that. Like
Speaker 1: I think it's a great thing to say to a partner.
Speaker 1: I love our relationship, but like you know, I want
Speaker 1: to make sure it's still spicy. I want to make
Speaker 1: sure that we never forget the romance of it. So
Speaker 1: I would love it if I don't know, once or
Speaker 1: twice a month or something, we went on a nice
Speaker 1: date or even just like you covered one of my
Speaker 1: dinners as like a a romantic move and then you know,
Speaker 1: as you go, if that improves, then there could be
Speaker 1: more conversations about like further finances. But I always recommend
Speaker 1: not to like dive right into a serious topic versus
Speaker 1: kind of let's see if it can improve, you know, naturally,
Speaker 1: just by stating my needs as a as a part
Speaker 1: now you know definitely will do that because what I
Speaker 1: didn't do is what you guys said with the famed
Speaker 1: I kind of still silly now because I never actually
Speaker 1: came out and said I want, I need you to
Speaker 1: pay for it, So that is no really good advice.
Speaker 1: And definitely thank you so much. Of course, people are
Speaker 1: not mine readers, never forget that people are not Thanks Ashlyn,
Speaker 1: thanks for calling the podcast. Thank you so much. Fine,
Speaker 1: All right, Our next caller is Luke. Hey, guys, how
Speaker 1: are you good? Hey? Good? So my ex girlfriend uh
Speaker 1: dumped me after about ten months of dating recently. Um, thanks,
Speaker 1: but she wanted to remain friends. Yeah girls, okay, Um
Speaker 1: about after a month she um, she got upset and
Speaker 1: feels like I now don't want to be friends with
Speaker 1: her and that I want space. But really, in reality,
Speaker 1: all I've done is kind of put up boundaries, which
Speaker 1: I think is healthy so I can move on. Told her,
Speaker 1: you know, don't text me. I removed her from my
Speaker 1: social media for my friends app um. And somehow she
Speaker 1: has a problem with all this and that I'm now
Speaker 1: being selfish. And to top it all off, she knows
Speaker 1: I'm going out next Thursday and wants to know what
Speaker 1: I'm doing, who I'm going out with all this stuff,
Speaker 1: and I told her, look, I'm not comfortable sharing all
Speaker 1: this stuff with you, and now she's upset, she's crying
Speaker 1: and all that and feels like I don't want to
Speaker 1: be friends, which is not really true. Also, she said
Speaker 1: that I have to tell her if I go on
Speaker 1: a date with someone now, so we can stop being friends.
Speaker 1: I think she's a little controlling. I don't really feel
Speaker 1: good about this. Yeah, why are you? Do you really
Speaker 1: even want to be friends with her? Why are you? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I honestly no. I mean I was just being nice.
Speaker 1: I thought like she just wanted to maybe have a
Speaker 1: real friendship after dating for for for them, you know,
Speaker 1: the amount of time we did. I think she's a
Speaker 1: little controlling if she's wanting all this stuff, and you
Speaker 1: know I don't. I don't like it. So I was
Speaker 1: wondering what you guys think I should do. I mean,
Speaker 1: was she being nice when she broke up with you?
Speaker 1: Like she was just being truthful and that's okay, And
Speaker 1: I think it's time for you to be truthful, saying listen,
Speaker 1: I wanted to be in a relationship with you. It
Speaker 1: didn't work out. I still have feelings for you, but
Speaker 1: this is unhealthy for both of us to try to
Speaker 1: be friends. I think it's best if we're putting boundaries up,
Speaker 1: and we're not friends anymore. She seems pretty toxic for you,
Speaker 1: if I'm being honest. Yeah, babe, I think you dodged respectfully.
Speaker 1: You dodged a bullet number one, number two. Um. She
Speaker 1: chose to end the relationship and therefore does not get
Speaker 1: to dictate how she once said relationship you know, moving
Speaker 1: forward to be like you know I would. I've broken
Speaker 1: up with people, and the first thing I say is
Speaker 1: if you need time space, great, I'll give it to you, Like,
Speaker 1: let me know if you ever want to be friends,
Speaker 1: because I adore you. Like. She has no right to
Speaker 1: dictate how your relationship looks moving forward, um, or what
Speaker 1: you do with your life like this whole needs to
Speaker 1: know when you're dating thing is crazy, toxic, insane? Yeah, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm feel good about it. I'll be honest
Speaker 1: with you. I mean, I don't need to check in whatever. Nope,
Speaker 1: your relationship is over. Your romantic relationship is over. So
Speaker 1: your duty eat in romantic sense, to keep her posted
Speaker 1: and know what you're like. That doesn't exist anymore. And
Speaker 1: that was her decision. Um, And so now you have
Speaker 1: to ask yourself, why do I even want to be
Speaker 1: friends with this person, and too if I do, am
Speaker 1: I willing to like? And you should go out on
Speaker 1: a limb and be like, these are my boundaries. I'm not,
Speaker 1: I am not I I'm not required to tell you
Speaker 1: about any days I'm going on. You know, like, damn,
Speaker 1: this is what's going to happen if if we are
Speaker 1: going to be friends somehow, like these are the things
Speaker 1: that are not going to happen from you moving forward. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: question one, do you need this person in your way?
Speaker 1: I don't know that's a good question to ask. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think I do. I mean, she really hurt
Speaker 1: me when she broke up with me, and and now
Speaker 1: it's like she's she wants me to like latch on
Speaker 1: or like giving character dangles just to kind of keep
Speaker 1: me in arm's reach. And that's not fair. That's no,
Speaker 1: it's not fair for me. You have to do what's
Speaker 1: best for you to move forward, and like to seriously
Speaker 1: move forward. And I have excess that I am friends with,
Speaker 1: but it took time, like we didn't talk right away,
Speaker 1: like we did what we had to do to be
Speaker 1: able to speak eventually as friends. And even then we're
Speaker 1: not like, hey, what are you doing every day? We'll
Speaker 1: just you know, occasionally check in whatever. Like it seems
Speaker 1: like she wants to be in your life completely, which
Speaker 1: is not realistic at all for your healing, not even
Speaker 1: about her at all. You do what you need to
Speaker 1: do to heal, that's it. Mm hmm Yeah, well, Luke, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I couldn't agree more. I mean, like I
Speaker 1: said earlier, I just I think a good question that
Speaker 1: Olivia posed is do you think you need this person
Speaker 1: in your life? And uh so, best of luck. That's
Speaker 1: not easy, especially if you date someone and have to
Speaker 1: cut them off. But man, I've been in relationships where
Speaker 1: it's just like that constant where it's over, but it's
Speaker 1: not over, and you guys are still talking, and then
Speaker 1: you'll meet up and then you'll hook up and it's
Speaker 1: like awkward, and then it like continues and it just
Speaker 1: makes a breakup far worse and longer, exactly, and it's
Speaker 1: just worse for both of you. So unfortunately, as sad
Speaker 1: as it is, I think it's quite unhealthy for her
Speaker 1: to keep checking up on you, especially she's the one
Speaker 1: who broke up with you. It sounds like she wants
Speaker 1: her cake, and uh she wants to eat it too.
Speaker 1: How does that saying go? She wants her cake and
Speaker 1: eat it too. She wants to have her cake and
Speaker 1: eat it too. Thank you very much, so, Luke, That's
Speaker 1: what I think. But best of luck, buddy. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for calling the podcast. I hope that helped.
Speaker 1: I really do. Yeah, I know it definitely does. Thank
Speaker 1: you guys. Thanks all right, Well that's gonna do it
Speaker 1: for this week's episode of the caller edition of Help
Speaker 1: by Suck At Dating. Olivia, You've been a pleasure. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for joining us. Of course, happy and
Speaker 1: everybody listening. Make sure you guys tune in. Next week.
Speaker 1: Dean and myself will be back here for another episode
Speaker 1: of help by Suck a Dating, and hopefully we'll all
Speaker 1: just suck a little less. Follow Help by Suck At
Speaker 1: Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: podcast