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Speaker 1: Thirteen days of Halloween is a production of I heart radio,

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Speaker 1: Blumhouse television and grim and mild from Aaron mankey headphones recommended.

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Speaker 1: Listener discretion advised. Good morning, my friend. I trust your

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Speaker 1: rest was adequate. Ever, I'm complaining. You have no idea

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Speaker 1: how intuvenating that is to someone in my position. Ah

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Speaker 1: MM HMMM, AH, fresh air. You know, there are weeks

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Speaker 1: to time when I forget to step out into the

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Speaker 1: world and just breathe it in. Welcome to Hawthorn manners

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Speaker 1: garden of forking paths. Many architects leave the landscaping of

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Speaker 1: their structures to the very end, an afterthought, or in

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Speaker 1: some cases leave it to someone else to design entirely,

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Speaker 1: but not all architect he planned his garden quite intricately.

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Speaker 1: The paths are of particular interest to many of our guests.

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Speaker 1: You see right here, the path forks. which path would

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Speaker 1: you like to take? The left or the right? A

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Speaker 1: dealer's choice. We'll take the left. There's a particular plant

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Speaker 1: I'm dying to show you. You see, this path, by design,

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Speaker 1: forks in numerous places and the wanderer is faced with

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Speaker 1: a simple choice, left or right. It becomes in a sense,

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Speaker 1: a sort of labyrinth of choices, and one that can

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Speaker 1: reveal much about the wanderer to herself, should she choose

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Speaker 1: to pay close attention. You, for instance, chose to abstain

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Speaker 1: because you are an enigma. Ah, these flowers, with the

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Speaker 1: indigo pedals and delicate curvature, our Achan item Vel Piston,

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Speaker 1: bred by statesman timothy pickering. Timothy himself had quite a

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Speaker 1: garden in which she would while away the hours amongst

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Speaker 1: his plants. The singular thorn in his heart it was

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Speaker 1: a small family of red foxes whom he could not

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Speaker 1: quite exile and who continually burrowed in his flower beds,

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Speaker 1: and so he did want. Any self respecting gardener would

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Speaker 1: attempted to poison them with a particularly toxic strain of

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Speaker 1: Wolf Spain that he'd grown. Unfortunately, he only ended up

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Speaker 1: poisoning the family dog. His grandson never forgave him this

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Speaker 1: cruelty and grew up to become quite a famous naturalist,

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Speaker 1: who gave this plant its name, Fox Spain, as a

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Speaker 1: dig against the old man. At any rate, don't eat

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Speaker 1: that plant. Oh and look who we have here at

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Speaker 1: the architects Gazebo. Now be gentle with her. She has

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Speaker 1: a marvelous sort of anxiety about meeting New People, but

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Speaker 1: you are quite easy to get along with. This my

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Speaker 1: friend is Annie. Annie. This is my friend. He is

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Speaker 1: quite the conversational list why don't I leave you to it?

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Speaker 1: I should tend the roses. Here have a cupcake. They're

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Speaker 1: my special recipe. That's all I had to do make upcakes,

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Speaker 1: plain vanilla with vanilla icing, one box of mixed plus eggs,

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Speaker 1: oil and water. The instructions look simple enough, but I

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Speaker 1: always managed to complicate things. I was new and down

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Speaker 1: trying to make friends. You know, what better way to

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Speaker 1: make friends than with cupcakes? It was a book club

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Speaker 1: or something like that. They're being very kind into me.

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Speaker 1: There was even a prompt, an icebreaker, to get to

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Speaker 1: know each other. Fun Facts come with a fun fact.

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Speaker 1: My Life Wasn't fun, it wasn't interesting. I was even

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Speaker 1: lacking on the facts. I was panicking, lipping the pure

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Speaker 1: white batter with far too much Gusto, my shoulder aching.

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Speaker 1: Fun Fact. I've never been in love. I don't think

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Speaker 1: I've ever been loved either. Oh No, that wasn't fun

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Speaker 1: at all. My head pounded with stress. My hands shook

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Speaker 1: as I grabbed a bottle of pain of leavers. I

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Speaker 1: swallowed too and tried to focus. I'm fine, it's going

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Speaker 1: to be fine, I assured myself. I needed to add

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Speaker 1: the oil. Or did I do that already? The eggs? Maybe?

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Speaker 1: Maybe it was the eggs. Fun Fact I had to

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Speaker 1: sleep the lights on, or fear overwhelms me? No, still

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Speaker 1: not right. They were coming to my place, my small

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Speaker 1: and personal apartment. I wish I hadn't volunteered. The throbbing

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Speaker 1: in my head crescendowed like an ice pick and a

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Speaker 1: blender stuck on. Sure, how long had I been whipping

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Speaker 1: this batter for? I stopped stirring and lost myself in

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Speaker 1: this thought. As I stared at the bowl of vanilla

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Speaker 1: white mixture, I watched a single drop of Red Appear

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Speaker 1: in its center. I stared at it, the Bright Crimson

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Speaker 1: dot in the see of pure white batter. It was blood,

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Speaker 1: my blood. I didn't have another mix, I had no

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Speaker 1: fun facts, I had nothing else to offer. I only

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Speaker 1: had cupcakes. Without really considering it, I continued stirring. The

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Speaker 1: red mixed with the white, turning it a pleasing pinkish

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Speaker 1: maybe blood baked out. Maybe the sugar would mask it.

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Speaker 1: No one had to know. cupcakes died with blood were

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Speaker 1: still cupcakes, right, they weren't ruined. We couldn't just throw

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Speaker 1: them out like there were nothing. Right. Another drop of red.

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Speaker 1: I stirred again. The batter became a darker shade of pink,

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Speaker 1: more interesting than the white. I thought, surely this was

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Speaker 1: an improvement. That's when I realized I was crying. Tears

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Speaker 1: were splashing into the batter now too. Fun Fact. I

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Speaker 1: sleep with a knife under my pillow. No, no, no no,

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Speaker 1: there had to be something more. Blood dribbled from my face.

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Speaker 1: I mixed it slowly, watching the swirls blend until they disappeared,

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Speaker 1: creating an angry seat of smooth crimson. I could be normal,

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Speaker 1: I told myself. No one would notice. My hands shook

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Speaker 1: as I poured the batter into the cupcake pan. I

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Speaker 1: had no choice. I had to give them something. I

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Speaker 1: put the Pan in the oven fifty degrees. I stared

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Speaker 1: ahead as the timer counted down. Add a little heat,

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Speaker 1: a little fire and look at the transformation. Maybe it

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Speaker 1: was fine, I thought, maybe I was fine. Fun Fact

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Speaker 1: I I there was nothing fun about me. I decided

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Speaker 1: to make something up, something no one would question. Because

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Speaker 1: it was too stupid. Surely I could make something up, mh,

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Speaker 1: but nothing came to mind. It was as if all

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Speaker 1: fun had burned from my brain. My breath was loud

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Speaker 1: in my tiny kitchen. I imagine the pain my parents

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Speaker 1: went through, the doubt, the terrible and speakable truth that

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Speaker 1: they never wanted me, a ticking time bomb set to

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Speaker 1: go off and ruin their lives. I pulled the cupcakes

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Speaker 1: from the oven. I glanced at the clock. Anytime now

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Speaker 1: they'd be here. I popped out the cupcakes onto my

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Speaker 1: cutting board. For a moment I stared at them, their

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Speaker 1: red color, sickening, detached. I grabbed a knife and covered

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Speaker 1: them with white vanilla icing, masking their bloody dome. They

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Speaker 1: looked delicious, but they hid a dark secret. They were

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Speaker 1: perfect fun fact. Mm Hm, I couldn't think of one,

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Speaker 1: but I had cupcakes. That had to count for something.

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Speaker 1: The guests arrived, kind and false. They complimented my apartment.

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Speaker 1: They giggled and chatted. I interacted with them, but it

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Speaker 1: was all superficial. I was an alien in my own skin.

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Speaker 1: I hesitated, thinking perhaps I shouldn't offer them my treats,

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Speaker 1: that my blood and tears weren't theirs to be eaten.

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Speaker 1: But as I faked my way at normality, besieged with

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Speaker 1: concern that I was failing, they found the cupcakes. They

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Speaker 1: moaned in delight and showered me with praise. My stomach turned,

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Speaker 1: but I smiled. Then they started sharing their fun facts.

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Speaker 1: They took turns, one person addressing the group at a time,

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Speaker 1: like a twelve step program for fun people with facts.

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Speaker 1: I text when it was my turn, I hesitated. One

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Speaker 1: of the women took pity on me and asked what

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Speaker 1: flavor these cupcakes? They're delicious. I stared into her for

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Speaker 1: a moment, then looked around the room at the happy

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Speaker 1: people content with my confections. I thought about the Red Dot,

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Speaker 1: my blood, my essence, and then welcomed guests. On a

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Speaker 1: perfect white canvas. I was the red dot. I turned

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Speaker 1: back to the woman and said Red Velvet. They all

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Speaker 1: wanted the recipe. I muttered something about it just being

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Speaker 1: from the box and they all laughed about how I

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Speaker 1: must have a secret ingredient. I didn't mean for things

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Speaker 1: to get so out of hand. It started small at first.

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Speaker 1: People requested my special Red Velvet cupcakes for events. Then

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Speaker 1: local businesses started paying me for them. They were prominently

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Speaker 1: displayed behind glass cases, a top, lacy white doilies, Red Velvet,

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Speaker 1: handwritten and delicate cursive on the label. I couldn't stop

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Speaker 1: making them. More and more cupcakes, more white stained with red,

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Speaker 1: more blood and tears, my sacrament and offering unknowingly demanded,

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Speaker 1: unknowingly consumed. At first, I pricked my fingers until they

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Speaker 1: pulsed with pain, until I could barely hold a spoon

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Speaker 1: to stir the batter, until my blood flowed sluggishly. I

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Speaker 1: cried endless tears and until I was sure no more

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Speaker 1: would come. But they always did. More and more of

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Speaker 1: my essence poured into sweet delights, devoured for someone else's

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Speaker 1: fleeting enjoyment. Never enough. Still it rattled in my brain.

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Speaker 1: Fun Fact. I had none to give, but this I

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Speaker 1: could give. One day, a woman from the fun fact

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Speaker 1: party approached me about starting a business. She had the

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Speaker 1: money and savvy, I had the product. I never said yes,

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Speaker 1: but I also never said No. At a certain point

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Speaker 1: it was easier to submit to the ritual of it all.

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Speaker 1: It distracted me from what I was missing. I named

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Speaker 1: the shop. Red Velvet, endless trays of cupcakes and lines

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Speaker 1: of people waiting for them with their money, their eyes

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Speaker 1: gleaming with desire, unaware of what made them so desirable.

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Speaker 1: Years passed and demand grew. I wasted away, shrunken and desiccated.

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Speaker 1: I poured myself into the batter like another ingredient, nothing

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Speaker 1: more than eggs or butter to be whipped together, exposed

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Speaker 1: to heat, covered with icing and devoured. Lifetimes I aged,

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Speaker 1: lifetimes I gave away. I became a Husk of a

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Speaker 1: woman with no more blood and tears to give. Withered

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Speaker 1: skin and bulging veins. Customers grew alarmed by my startling decline.

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Speaker 1: They feared disease in their food. They were being served

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Speaker 1: by a walking corpse. One night, my business part her

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Speaker 1: found me alone in the kitchen, punched over a mixing bowl,

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Speaker 1: as though I was being slowly absorbed by batter. She

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Speaker 1: watched as blood trickled from my sinewy palms and tears

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Speaker 1: leaked from my swollen eyes. I don't know how long

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Speaker 1: she stood there. Horrified by the sight. She didn't make

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Speaker 1: her presence known until she screamed. I caught her eyes

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Speaker 1: in mine. I gets, how that she saw a single

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Speaker 1: red dot soiling the velvet perfection I smiled and said

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Speaker 1: fun fact, and she is lovely, is she not? Fun Fact,

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Speaker 1: she begged a cake for our housekeeper's birthday last month.

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Speaker 1: It was never touched. I will leave you to wander

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Speaker 1: the gardens, if you like, and to perhaps learn about

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Speaker 1: yourself in the meanderings. But two warnings. Whereas all paths

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Speaker 1: will eventually lead you back to the manner, I suggest

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Speaker 1: that you do not stray from them, particularly in the

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Speaker 1: more remote portions of the garden. We have lost guests

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Speaker 1: before who did not heed this warning, and I admit

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Speaker 1: that I am growing quite fond of you. In second

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Speaker 1: no matter how alluring, how intoxicating the scent, no matter

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Speaker 1: how shiny and lovely they seem, do not eat fruit

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Speaker 1: from this garden. You almost assuredly not agree with you.

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Speaker 1: It agrees with no. Well, my friend, I must be

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Speaker 1: off to see to the others and to continue my

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Speaker 1: search for the door. Perhaps we will meet again tomorrow

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Speaker 1: for so much more, to tell you that you, my

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Speaker 1: dear friend. Partying is such sweet sorrow. Thirteen days of

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Speaker 1: Halloween was created by Matt Frederick and Alex Williams and

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Speaker 1: executive produced by Aaron Manky, starring Keegan, Michael Key as

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Speaker 1: the caretaker. Today's story was written by Annie Reese, performed

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Speaker 1: by Andrea Lang and directed by Alex Williams, with editing

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Speaker 1: and sound designed by Trevor Young. Only ten days remain.

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Speaker 1: Tomorrow another story. Despite the panic, I open the front

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Speaker 1: doors as slowly as I couldn't tiptote in. I thought

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Speaker 1: maybe they were just napping and I didn't want to

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Speaker 1: wait them. Well, I could clearly see that they weren't

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Speaker 1: on the coach and that I had a creak to

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Speaker 1: my left. That's how quickly called out to my wife began.

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Speaker 1: No reply, so I turned to the sound. Thirteen days

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Speaker 1: of Halloween is a production of I heart radio, Blumhouse

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Speaker 1: television and Grimm and mild from Aaron Mankey. For more

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Speaker 1: podcasts from my heart radio, visit the I heart radio APP,

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Speaker 1: apple podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,

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Speaker 1: and learn more about thirteen days of Halloween at Grimm

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Speaker 1: and mild dot com.