WEBVTT - Stop Being Scared! 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.159 Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio 0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:24.400 in the Black Effects. 0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:17.040 And just like that, we're back on the air. 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:20.319 Welcome back to yet another Canfully Reckless episode with your 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:23.239 girl Jess Hilarious. I'm gonna be fixing mess today. We're 0:00:23.239 --> 0:00:25.520 gonna jump straight in. We got a voice memo. Y'all know, 0:00:25.960 --> 0:00:28.120 I love these, I love these. I love these real 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:30.920 quick before we jump straight in. Listen, y'all know, y'all 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:33.159 girl got that third spot on Breakfast Club. Right, it's 0:00:33.200 --> 0:00:36.680 not official, it's not official. It's actually an unofficial offer, 0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:39.120 but it ain't official yet. But I'm claiming it and 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:41.960 I'm speaking it into existence because you're supposed to speak 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:44.839 of things as though they were and I got that 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:47.320 from the good Lord upstairs and from that good Bible. 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:48.080 You know what I'm saying. 0:00:48.280 --> 0:00:51.360 So yeah, I need for y'all to go spam whoever 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:54.040 comments y'all feel like, y'all need to go spam Charlemagne 0:00:54.400 --> 0:01:00.680 fucking be Et, fucking Breakfast Club, DJ Envy spam everybody. 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:03.160 Y'all need to spam. I don't give a fuck viacom 0:01:03.280 --> 0:01:07.720 VH one. I heart spam everybody shit because that's my 0:01:07.840 --> 0:01:10.640 third spot right there. Okay, that's my third spot. Now 0:01:10.640 --> 0:01:14.080 we're gonna get it pop in here we go. First person, Hey. 0:01:13.959 --> 0:01:18.080 Jess, So there's a situation with this guy that in 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:22.080 my delusional mind I kind of want to get with him, 0:01:22.120 --> 0:01:25.920 but my realistic mind wants to just work with him 0:01:26.120 --> 0:01:30.440 because he is a successful up and coming artist. It's 0:01:30.480 --> 0:01:34.400 funny enough he was on Wilden Out he recent me. 0:01:35.160 --> 0:01:37.200 But yeah, I've been listening to him for years and 0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:40.400 for some reason. Actually, I know exactly why I caught 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:42.800 a crush on him, because when my grandma died from 0:01:42.920 --> 0:01:46.880 cancer in January, I was listening to his music on 0:01:46.920 --> 0:01:49.800 the road trip home and it just it gave me 0:01:49.840 --> 0:01:52.840 all the vibes I needed, and so like I just 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:56.320 really started liking him. It was like he comforted me. 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:58.520 His music confident me, and uplifted me when I needed 0:01:58.520 --> 0:02:01.040 it the most. And I started to see him in 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:04.760 a new light, especially like once I started watching interviews, 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:08.160 and I think that's when I like caught feelings or whatever, 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:13.440 just like like if I watch your interviews, I learn 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:15.320 more about you. If I listen to your podcasts and 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:18.200 watch your show, like I feel like I'm best friends 0:02:18.200 --> 0:02:21.799 with you in London and Prince and I feel like 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:26.160 I'm I'm a consciousance with Rome because he's a little mean, 0:02:26.720 --> 0:02:29.280 but I love all of you guys, and so I'm 0:02:29.320 --> 0:02:32.600 just that type of person. So I get like, I 0:02:32.680 --> 0:02:36.080 understand the concept of a parasocial relationship and like I 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:39.799 like someone they don't really know me, or they they 0:02:40.160 --> 0:02:43.400 don't know me like that, and I understand boundaries, right, 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:47.600 But like with him, it's a little different because this artist, 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:50.239 like he interacted with me. I found out that he 0:02:50.360 --> 0:02:52.040 liked to read, so I sent him my book and 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:54.640 he was like thank you. And you know, at the show, 0:02:54.680 --> 0:02:56.919 he was pointing at me because he was there's only 0:02:56.919 --> 0:03:00.480 white people voiced basically at the show, and he said 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:02.720 he's saying something about black women and pointed at me. 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:06.360 So like, I'm not being delusional like he was. Actually 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:08.120 I was the only one he could have been pointing 0:03:08.120 --> 0:03:12.959 at basically. So we had that moment. And then when 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:16.280 I comment sometimes he'll like he likes a lot of comments, 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:21.040 but like he will actually respond to mine, and he 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:24.240 interacts with his fans in general. But you know, he 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:26.920 made me feel really special, and so I guess my 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:30.919 problem is I want to network with him and stay 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:35.160 top of mind without being annoying and without being thirsty 0:03:35.640 --> 0:03:40.280 and honestly like I, like I said, like I had 0:03:40.280 --> 0:03:42.120 this huge crush on him, and I'm like, I don't 0:03:42.120 --> 0:03:46.400 want to like ruin things by just falling all over 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:49.880 myself and not knowing how to move. So I guess 0:03:49.880 --> 0:03:53.160 my question would be, like, how do I build the 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:58.120 raport naturally without like overthinking it? And I know that 0:03:58.120 --> 0:04:02.240 you'd understand because not only are you a successful woman 0:04:02.280 --> 0:04:05.040 who was highly sought after, I'm sure you have your 0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:08.360 fair share of interactions with fans of the opposite sex, right, 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:11.920 but you know what it's like to deal with a 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:16.240 guy who has clout and hos and like shit to do. 0:04:16.760 --> 0:04:19.080 And you just strike me as like you're that bitch, 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:21.520 like you know how to move in any situation and 0:04:21.920 --> 0:04:24.719 you just have like this energy, you know, And it's like, 0:04:24.760 --> 0:04:26.839 I'm still building up my bad bitch energy. 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:28.040 I'm still very much like. 0:04:29.720 --> 0:04:33.480 You know, trying to find myself I guess, and my 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:37.200 confidence and my feminine power or whatever. 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:41.400 Yeah, so Jess, please fix my mess. 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:46.240 Thank you for your time, and that I hope to 0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:49.640 you hear from you soon. Oh and so the last 0:04:49.680 --> 0:04:51.640 part of the situation too, I WoT to mention so 0:04:51.760 --> 0:04:55.400 like it's like he was replying to my dms a 0:04:55.440 --> 0:04:58.880 lot more at first, and then it's like it kind 0:04:58.880 --> 0:05:01.479 of became like it was like my like I would 0:05:01.560 --> 0:05:03.919 DM him a few times or like reply to his story, 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:06.080 like over the course of a few days, and then 0:05:06.160 --> 0:05:08.880 he would reply with like a few words or like 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:12.479 an emoji, you know, just like it's just been like 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:15.760 that for the past few weeks. And I'm like falling 0:05:15.800 --> 0:05:17.360 back now because I'm like, bro, I don't want to 0:05:17.520 --> 0:05:20.320 be annoying. And I literally told him, like listen, like 0:05:20.360 --> 0:05:21.960 the music is my life and you're one of my 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:26.120 influences and I want to connect with you and impress you. 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:28.000 And I just felt like radical honesty was the best 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:28.440 way to go. 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:30.960 So I just admitted that. But I was like, yeah, 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:33.800 I didn't mean to be annoying, so like I unsent 0:05:33.880 --> 0:05:35.200 some stuff. I'm sorry if that's weird. 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:37.600 And then so he hasn't really said much since then, 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:42.240 and I feel like embarrassed, Like I just like I said, 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:43.520 I just don't want to do too much. 0:05:44.680 --> 0:05:46.680 Hold up, hold up, I noticed shit getting good, but 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:48.920 listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:50.440 If you love me, you'll listen. 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:54.600 Okay, baby girl, I just want to say thank you 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:57.320 so much for writing me. And I did listen to 0:05:57.360 --> 0:05:59.080 your first message, but I didn't put it in here 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:00.839 because that was the person knowing that was to me, 0:06:00.960 --> 0:06:02.000 and I won't. 0:06:01.920 --> 0:06:03.479 Let you know. I love you too. 0:06:03.839 --> 0:06:06.479 And Prince in London and Rome, I'm sure will be 0:06:06.520 --> 0:06:08.640 happy as hell to even hear that you even spoke 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:11.360 their names, because these people they crazy, girl. They feel 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:13.760 like don't nobody know them or remember them because we 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:16.039 only did one season of Reckless I said, shit, that 0:06:16.080 --> 0:06:18.160 touched a lot of people. You don't know, motherfucker. That's 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:21.400 why Reckless Discussions Season two is coming back. 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:25.159 I just had to let y'all know that. Clap up, 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:25.640 clap but up. 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:29.760 Season two. Reckless Discussions is coming back, motherfucker. All right anyway, 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:34.159 so let me tell you this also. I know you 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.760 said you're still trying to find your bad bitch energy. 0:06:37.040 --> 0:06:39.000 We're gonna move out of that. You know why, I 0:06:39.040 --> 0:06:41.320 don't consider myself a bad bitch because you know what, 0:06:41.440 --> 0:06:45.760 when we really define what a bad bitch is, it's 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:49.719 actually very harmful to the culture. And I don't want 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:53.280 to be of that definition anymore. You know what I mean, 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:55.320 And I'm growing into who I am as well. I'm 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:59.279 a thirty one year old black goddess and I'm a 0:06:59.520 --> 0:07:03.720 very power woman. I am very motivated. I am ambitious 0:07:04.160 --> 0:07:07.680 the amount of tenacity that I have for my loungevity. 0:07:07.960 --> 0:07:10.080 You know, I know I'm going TI a lot. I'm 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:12.640 gonna going TI here with the words, but I mean 0:07:12.680 --> 0:07:14.720 everything I say. We're gonna move out of that bad 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:17.040 bitch energy because we don't need to do that. I'm 0:07:17.080 --> 0:07:20.120 gonna say to you, you're still trying to find your 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:25.240 goddess energy. What a goddess is, by definition, a woman 0:07:25.280 --> 0:07:30.080 who is adored especially for her beauty and brains. That 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:34.800 is equivalent to what people think a bad bitch is. 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:36.880 That's what a bad bitch supposed to be. But the 0:07:36.920 --> 0:07:41.120 fact that the word bad and the word bitch total 0:07:41.160 --> 0:07:44.800 opposite of everything I just said to you, of everything 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:49.000 a goddess really and truly is, you don't want to 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:51.000 be that. So let's move out of that space. Let's 0:07:51.080 --> 0:07:54.600 move out of that space, beautiful black woman. Now, I 0:07:54.680 --> 0:07:58.280 know who you talking bad. I know, I know, I know, 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:00.640 I know I know who you're talking about out, and 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:07.200 yes he is. He's extremely talented. He's a newer member 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:10.360 on wild'n Out. He's been there for like the past 0:08:10.480 --> 0:08:13.680 two or three seasons. I'm gonna say too, but yes, 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:15.360 I do know what you're talking about. And music is 0:08:15.360 --> 0:08:17.680 also his life as well. He's actually really cool with me. 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:20.400 And I like him too. He's cool. I mean, I 0:08:20.440 --> 0:08:21.800 don't like him like you like him, but I like 0:08:21.880 --> 0:08:22.160 him too. 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:27.480 You know, he's definitely a strong influence on music and instruments. 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:30.360 If I think if I'm talking about the right person, 0:08:30.520 --> 0:08:34.280 I think you're talking about the Hispanic fella. Yeah, and 0:08:34.559 --> 0:08:36.760 he plays an instrument. Or am I putting too much 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:38.440 health here? I don't know, girl, I don't know. I 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:41.720 don't know, but yeah, he is fine or whatever. What 0:08:41.800 --> 0:08:44.320 I want you to do is stop being scared. I 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:47.400 want you to find that confidence. Find that confidence. I 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:49.400 guess that was that bad bitch energy he was talking about. 0:08:49.600 --> 0:08:52.480 Now find that confidence, okay, because trust me, it's some 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:54.280 bad bitches out here who ain't got confidence. 0:08:54.320 --> 0:08:57.560 Their confidence is shit. That's why they are bad bitches. 0:08:57.960 --> 0:09:00.960 Uh huh. They conform as low as they can go. 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:04.760 They conform to the lowest vibrations to be accepted by men. 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:08.320 And that's where you have, bad bitch. No, no, you're 0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:11.679 not confident. That's why you unsent messages and all that shit. 0:09:11.760 --> 0:09:14.840 That's why you got scared. When he minimized what he 0:09:15.000 --> 0:09:19.360 was saying, his responses went from you know, lengthy to 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:21.440 a couple of words and an emoji here and there. 0:09:21.960 --> 0:09:23.480 That does not mean he does not like you. 0:09:23.760 --> 0:09:27.360 That does not mean that he ain't paying attention to you, 0:09:27.520 --> 0:09:30.600 or he can really just look at you the way 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:33.520 he's looking at every other woman in his DM. You 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:35.760 know why, because he's also a guy on the come up. 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:39.040 So if that comes a lot of women cloud chasers, 0:09:40.960 --> 0:09:43.760 comes a lot of those bad bitches you was talking about. 0:09:44.120 --> 0:09:46.120 Uh huh, the comes a lot of you know, ig 0:09:46.320 --> 0:09:49.520 models and girls who just looking for either some dick, 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:50.760 some cloud or some money. 0:09:51.280 --> 0:09:51.560 You know. 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:54.680 And it's probably so many of them in his DM 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:58.280 he hasn't really had time to decipher, or he probably 0:09:58.520 --> 0:10:02.440 don't want to decipher because there's been a bad stigma 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:06.280 put on dms. A lot of love can be found 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:07.800 in DMS, just like it can be a lot of 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:11.319 love found in person. It can be money found in 0:10:11.400 --> 0:10:13.520 dms like it can be a lot of money found 0:10:13.600 --> 0:10:14.160 on the streets. 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:17.040 You know what I'm saying, dms are not a bad thing. 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:18.160 Look at it like this. 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:21.800 Social media ain't nothing but a dating app. That's how 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:23.920 motherfuckers link up, That's how motherfuckers go. 0:10:24.000 --> 0:10:26.040 You know what I'm saying. It ain't safe, but what 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:27.240 dating app is safe? 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:30.080 In fact, you're safe for meeting the motherfucker on Instagram 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:33.240 than you are on Christian mingle fuck because people can 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:36.480 disguise who they are. You understand what I'm saying. So 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:40.800 I'm not saying that you should give up on trying 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:42.679 to talk to him, but I think you should really 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:46.040 know what you want first, because you said you like him, 0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:50.160 but you also business wise, you would like to connect 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:51.640 with him on a business level as well. 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:53.520 You have to figure out. 0:10:53.360 --> 0:10:56.079 Which one is more important to you, though, because if 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:59.640 I were him reading your DMS, I wouldn't know whether 0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:02.480 you like me or whether you wanted to do business. 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:07.480 Because you're very beautiful and he's handsome, you could be 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:09.720 a person that's just trying to use business to get 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:10.400 close to him. 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:12.160 You got to think from both ends of. 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:14.760 The spectrum, you know, got to think from his perspective 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:17.520 and then also from yours as well. I don't think 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:22.320 you should have undersent anything, because now that is your nervousness, 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:25.560 your anxiety, and your pride also getting it away because 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:26.600 you don't want to seem thirsty. 0:11:26.640 --> 0:11:30.320 You don't want to see girl, what the hellever? It 0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:33.400 don't matter. Women can be thirsty just like man. 0:11:33.400 --> 0:11:35.280 Girl, I've been thirsty a few times in my day, 0:11:35.280 --> 0:11:38.000 and I'm even still thirsty right now for somebody I 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:41.160 ain't never gonna have. But shit, it don't matter, girl, 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:43.680 lorenz Tatus who I've been thirsty after ever since I 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:47.480 was like fourteen years old. But whatever, he's married, and 0:11:47.520 --> 0:11:50.320 I will never ever show my thirst to this marriage. Man. 0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:51.760 That's just disrespectful as fuck. 0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:55.120 But I'm just saying, like, that's somebody who I've always 0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:56.840 had a crush on, and shit like that. You seem 0:11:56.880 --> 0:11:58.360 like you have a crush on this guy. And I 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:00.439 don't doubt at all that he was talking of you. 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:03.240 I don't doubt at all for one second that he 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:05.240 pointed at you and that audience. 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:06.439 I don't think you're delusional. 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:09.920 Stop giving me disclaimers, Stop putting out so many disclaimers. 0:12:09.960 --> 0:12:11.680 If you felt like that man was looking at you. 0:12:11.920 --> 0:12:13.200 He was fucking looking at you. 0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:16.480 If you like that nigga jumping that goddamn DM, if 0:12:16.520 --> 0:12:18.600 he say two the goddamn words back to. 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:20.520 You, you still bet not unsind shit. 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:24.800 Let him know, look I like you, and then if 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:28.040 it ever comes to a point where he ain't showing you, 0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:30.360 you move on to the goddamn next. It's okay for 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:32.440 you to like somebody and them not like you back 0:12:32.480 --> 0:12:35.360 the way that you like them. That's the world. That's 0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:41.280 not rejection. That's literally life. It's life, and it's okay. 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:45.160 It's okay. It's okay for you to be pressed. It's 0:12:45.240 --> 0:12:47.400 okay for you to be I'm talking to a guy 0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:51.120 right now, right and he told me something that was 0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:54.240 so cute. I'd never heard a man say this shit ever. 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:58.080 He had called me, blew my fucking phone up, and 0:12:59.080 --> 0:12:59.839 I couldn't answer. 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:02.000 I was doing something. So when I finally called. 0:13:01.840 --> 0:13:05.920 Him back, I said, damn, your pressed ass called me 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:09.760 four times in a row. He said, yeah, so what 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:12.320 I'm pressed? You dang right, I'm pressed. I'm pressed because 0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:14.760 I'm gonna make you mine. If I ain't pressed, I'm 0:13:14.760 --> 0:13:17.800 a fuck around and lose you. I like that if 0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:20.400 I ain't pressed, I'm a fuck around and lose my spot. 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:25.440 I'm like, damn, that shit made my goddamn vagina so moist. 0:13:25.559 --> 0:13:30.240 I was like, oh my god, like really late, you 0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:30.480 know what. 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:33.079 I'm saying, because I'm so sick of these stigmas and 0:13:33.160 --> 0:13:37.200 these these these prideful ass people acting like they can't 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:39.880 express how they really fucking feel. He said, shit, I 0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:41.280 guess you can call me or I'm gonna be a 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:44.200 pressed nigga because I want you girl, and to stop 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:46.040 playing with me what she was doing. 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:46.760 I like that. 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:49.880 Shit, No, that's not toxic. That's really a man letting 0:13:49.920 --> 0:13:52.320 me know how to fuck he feel, and he don't 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:54.080 give a fuck with nobody else feel. 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:56.320 He likes me, he wants me. 0:13:57.679 --> 0:13:57.800 Now. 0:13:57.800 --> 0:13:59.920 I don't know if this is the guy for me 0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:03.240 or whatever, but I know I like that. That's different. 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:07.079 Nobody has ever said that to me before. Nobody has 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:11.280 ever you know what I mean. And it's something so simple. Now, 0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:14.200 he didn't buy me no bag. He didn't say oh girl, yeah, 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:15.800 let me take you out the dinner and alledge. I 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:19.640 mean he already did that. But it's like the small 0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:22.840 things that matters, you know, because he's not trying to 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:26.840 fit in with the society and what is accepted and 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:29.480 what is not accepted, you know, and what is frowned 0:14:29.560 --> 0:14:32.440 upon or what the other niggas ain't gonna like or 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:34.760 what niggas don't usually do and all of that. That's 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:38.240 why it ain't no real relationships. It's hardly any real 0:14:38.320 --> 0:14:42.840 relationships that we see because everybody got pride and everybody 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:46.240 ain't pressed, and everybody don't you know. And I ain't 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:48.440 trying to look like no clown and I ain't trying 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:49.680 to that's the men talking. 0:14:49.760 --> 0:14:50.280 I ain't trying. 0:14:50.320 --> 0:14:52.040 I ain't no clan, I ain't chasing no bitch, and 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:56.840 no the only thing I chase is money and then women. 0:14:57.160 --> 0:14:59.080 I don't need a nigga for shit, and I don't 0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:02.320 want cut it the fuck out, got it the fuck out. 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:06.880 Everybody wants to be loved everybody. I don't care what 0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:10.440 nobody say. Everybody wants that person. I don't give a 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:15.400 fuck everybody. But my advice to you is just that 0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:20.440 don't unsend no messages. Re send that guy that goddamn message, 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:22.920 let him know you like him, because he probably didn't 0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:26.120 even fucking see it and then also imagine how many 0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:29.720 goddamn dms he getting and he just getting tired of 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:32.320 looking at him. So but he don't want to be rude, 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:36.320 so he responds, and he probably responds just like, you know, 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:39.360 just just so he won't leave nobody on sin or red, 0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:41.320 just you know, out of generosity. 0:15:42.200 --> 0:15:45.600 But I think a clothes mouth don't get fed. 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:50.040 And even sometimes rejection, even if you do get rejected, 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:52.400 say you hit him up and you be honest with him, 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:53.960 and you just say, I'm not really looking for anything 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:56.880 right now. Or he may have a fucking girlfriend, or 0:15:56.880 --> 0:15:59.040 the nigga may be gay. Girl, you up, you all 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:01.800 in your head, psyching yourself out. You don't even know, 0:16:02.480 --> 0:16:04.400 you don't even know. Or he might just like you, 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:06.920 he might start talking to you. 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:07.640 You never know. 0:16:08.160 --> 0:16:10.880 But don't be scared, because I'd rather say I tried 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:12.600 and failed than to say I was too scared to 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:13.200 try it all. 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:17.560 Boom. I love you. Check back in with me, girl. 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:20.760 If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and 0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:22.080 then we'll be right back. 0:16:23.560 --> 0:16:24.160 Moving on. 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:28.000 Hey, Jess, I do not need you to fix my mess, 0:16:28.040 --> 0:16:29.240 because I don't have one. 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:32.720 My life is amazing. But I just wanted to. 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:35.440 Drop this for you and all the beautiful young women 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:39.160 that I hear talking on your show that you know 0:16:39.720 --> 0:16:42.800 you want a health that you have advice for. I'm 0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:46.040 fifty two and I didn't get all the way up 0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:48.000 to this big age. But all picking up a few 0:16:48.040 --> 0:16:51.040 things and life and love is not meant to be 0:16:51.080 --> 0:16:55.000 a struggle. We have glamorized this sense of struggle love 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:58.640 where you forgive him and taken back from cheating and 0:16:58.680 --> 0:17:01.120 taking back from the outside baby, and all of this 0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:04.439 is be engaged for five years why he won't marry me? 0:17:04.840 --> 0:17:07.040 Then you win and you get him, and you have 0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:09.520 to keep fighting and keep doing And no, that's not 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:10.560 what real love is. 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:12.880 And you don't have to do that. 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:15.879 When a man wants you, he wants you, and you 0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:20.360 don't have to lower yourself to just be competing all 0:17:20.400 --> 0:17:24.199 the time for him. So basically what I'm saying is 0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:27.920 we have this thing about where relationships are work, yes, 0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:30.560 but they're not the hardest work ever. 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:31.720 They're not like. 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:34.480 Working in a coal mine where you get all dirty 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:35.840 and you might die. 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:36.960 Of black lung disease. 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:40.439 It's like working out where it's good for you and 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:43.360 it makes you stronger and it makes you a better person. 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:45.600 That's the type of work that. 0:17:45.600 --> 0:17:48.720 Real relationships, real love should be. So I just want 0:17:48.800 --> 0:17:53.040 to encourage you young women. Don't settle for anything. Don't 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:55.479 just settle for the mess. And I don't mean like 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:59.679 having these high ass, ridiculous ass standards about how much 0:17:59.760 --> 0:18:01.960 money he's got a maid, what kind of mansion, what 0:18:02.080 --> 0:18:02.679 kind of may. 0:18:02.600 --> 0:18:03.760 Bok and all this stuff. 0:18:04.119 --> 0:18:07.760 No standards about what kind of quality man you want, 0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:09.879 loves God, loves. 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:12.160 His mom, takes care of his kids, has. 0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:14.760 A sense of purpose, wants to be a good man, 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:19.199 a father, a husband. That's what you want, okay. And 0:18:19.280 --> 0:18:21.920 I'm giving you this because I wish somebody had given 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:24.800 it to me and I hadn't wasted so much time. 0:18:25.760 --> 0:18:30.200 But if you are wondering if a man cares about you, 0:18:30.600 --> 0:18:35.480 he doesn't. Any man that cares about you lets you know, 0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:38.800 and it is obvious to you and the world. There 0:18:38.880 --> 0:18:42.800 are no mixed messages. The message is he don't like 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:47.000 you like that. So, like Maya Angelo often quoted, when 0:18:47.000 --> 0:18:50.200 people show you who they are, believe them. Stop wasting 0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:51.160 your time trying to. 0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:53.560 Make people better than they even. 0:18:53.320 --> 0:18:56.840 Want to be. I love you young ladies. God bless 0:18:56.880 --> 0:19:00.280 you and may you find you're happy. Oh and I 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:02.520 meant to say this. I don't mind telling you I'm 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:07.040 fifty two because I don't look it. So Also, I 0:19:07.240 --> 0:19:10.639 just got married last year. I got my degree in 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:13.560 twenty ten when I was thirty nine going on forty, 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:16.320 and at the end of this year I will be 0:19:16.359 --> 0:19:19.680 going back for a master's in data analytics. 0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:22.560 And also, as of Saturday. 0:19:22.400 --> 0:19:27.159 I just crossed Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated through my 0:19:27.359 --> 0:19:30.879 local alumni chapter. And I'm saying all that to say 0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:35.440 this as well. Stop setting timelines and acting like thirty 0:19:35.680 --> 0:19:38.520 thirty five forty is the end of your life. As 0:19:38.600 --> 0:19:40.560 long as you have breath in your body, you can 0:19:40.640 --> 0:19:43.320 keep going and accomplish whatever you want. 0:19:43.560 --> 0:19:45.280 So sisters, never give up. 0:19:45.800 --> 0:19:49.680 Ever you can be, have and do whatever you see 0:19:49.720 --> 0:19:50.639 it for yourself. 0:19:51.040 --> 0:19:52.439