Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 1: Chris Harrison coming to you from the home office in Austin,
Speaker 1: Texas today. Well, like many of these days, we're going
Speaker 1: to talk love. We're talking love with an amazing author,
Speaker 1: Lindsey Jill Roth. She's dropping a book called Romances and Practicalities. Look,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of books about dating and love, but
Speaker 1: this one really struck me because this is you know again,
Speaker 1: I usually don't read right off of the press release,
Speaker 1: but I'm going to with this because this is really
Speaker 1: the hook got me. The synopsis of Romances and Practicalities
Speaker 1: that drops January twenty eighth. Pop psychology of Malcolm Gladwell
Speaker 1: and the humor of Kerrie Bradshaw come on right there.
Speaker 1: That got me. I'm a huge Malcolm Gladwell fan. I
Speaker 1: like the way his brain thinks. In reading what Lindsay
Speaker 1: had to say, it is a lot of her personal
Speaker 1: journey to love, but with the psychology and the introspection
Speaker 1: of Malcolm Gladwell, who so brilliantly always articulates life in
Speaker 1: a very interesting way. So when I saw this, I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I have to dive in with Lindsay about her book
Speaker 1: and weaving her own story through a maze of two
Speaker 1: hundred and fifty questions of how to find love or
Speaker 1: if you already are in love, how to make it better,
Speaker 1: how to make that intimacy and the communication even more
Speaker 1: intentional and more intense. And so it is a great
Speaker 1: honor to have author and TV producer Lindsey jill Roth
Speaker 1: on the show today. Joining me now is Lindsay Jill Roth, author,
Speaker 1: and I'm was just in the intro. I was just
Speaker 1: saying how intrigued I am by this book because of
Speaker 1: what I did obviously for twenty years in love and romance,
Speaker 1: but then also being single and finding romance again in
Speaker 1: my life not so recently, and having he'd been in
Speaker 1: the dating scene. I get I related so much to
Speaker 1: what you were saying in the book. It makes so
Speaker 1: much sense to me that you think you're getting to
Speaker 1: know somebody, you think you're making a connection, but we're not,
Speaker 1: and some of us are really bad at this, And
Speaker 1: so I love where this book is going.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's easy to mistake connection for connection.
Speaker 2: It's easy to mistake sex and intimacy for romance. And
Speaker 2: I think unless you are really open and honest and communicative,
Speaker 2: cutive with someone. Yeah, you don't really get to know someone.
Speaker 1: Where are you today? Where am I talking to you from?
Speaker 2: So I'm kind of giving away a bit of the
Speaker 2: book here, but it's dark for me and light for you.
Speaker 2: I've London, England.
Speaker 1: Okay, yes, because you know part of the book is
Speaker 1: and I don't know if this is a spoiler, but
Speaker 1: the impetus was this as you fell in love with
Speaker 1: this charming Englishman but things didn't work out, So it's
Speaker 1: not the fairy tale ending that led to the book.
Speaker 2: Well, you know, it's funny. You have to read the
Speaker 2: book and it is beat read meets this book that
Speaker 2: everyone who is embarking on finding healthy love meets. So
Speaker 2: it's a great story meets a tool for how to
Speaker 2: communicate to find healthy love. So spoiler alert, it did
Speaker 2: end up working out with the brit You know, we
Speaker 2: met in New York. We had a transatlantic, very up
Speaker 2: and down love story, which makes for some great fodder
Speaker 2: throughout the book. And you know, it made for a
Speaker 2: great romance, It made for a great story, it made
Speaker 2: for communication, and it made us better partners. I like
Speaker 2: to say, you know, I met this man after feeling
Speaker 2: like I dated all of New York. No one was
Speaker 2: flying me around the world to meet people, or putting
Speaker 2: me in a room with twenty four other women.
Speaker 1: No hot air balloons, weird group dates.
Speaker 2: No No. I was left to my own devices, and
Speaker 2: I was sifting through these men, and I realized there
Speaker 2: was no tool to help me get through what I
Speaker 2: really really needed. And I needed to understand myself better.
Speaker 2: I needed to learn how to communicate better, and I
Speaker 2: needed to not be afraid. So when I was dating
Speaker 2: this very charming englishman who I liked for more than
Speaker 2: just his accent, he was very shortly sent back to
Speaker 2: London after we met, and we really had to double
Speaker 2: down on how we got to know each other. You know,
Speaker 2: we only had two of our five senses, right. We
Speaker 2: couldn't smell each other, we couldn't touch each other, and
Speaker 2: you know, we really had to communicate. So I created
Speaker 2: a tool to help people be comfortable in finding love
Speaker 2: and finding healthy love and thinking of a way to
Speaker 2: open up pathways to partnership. You know, the thesis of this
Speaker 2: book is that communication is sexy, and if you want romance,
Speaker 2: start with some practicality.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Lindsey. I mean, there's so many places I want
Speaker 1: to jump in, and for every time I said, well,
Speaker 1: I just first of all, I can't. It's how healthy
Speaker 1: you are of your self realization. And I think that
Speaker 1: is one of the biggest stumbling blocks for most people
Speaker 1: is you looked in the mirror and you found fault
Speaker 1: in the mirror in yourself. You weren't going, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: as you said, sifting. That's a very interesting word. I
Speaker 1: was sifting through all these men. And this can go
Speaker 1: for men or women, by the way, but we all
Speaker 1: do this right in our dating life and it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's not right, she's not right, he didn't fit check
Speaker 1: off the boxes in this Very rarely are we looking
Speaker 1: in the mirror like you just said. And that is
Speaker 1: a tough thing to do. It's easier said than done.
Speaker 1: So kudos to you for saying, you know what, I'm
Speaker 1: not doing something. I need to fix this if I
Speaker 1: want to go deeper.
Speaker 2: Well, I was going down a slippery slope. I was.
Speaker 2: I was becoming less and less myself because I wasn't
Speaker 2: finding the partnership I thought it would. So I this
Speaker 2: was born out of fear. This was not me at
Speaker 2: the top of the mountain saying I've created something. This
Speaker 2: is I'm afraid and I'm unsure of myself and I
Speaker 2: need to get back to who I am and I
Speaker 2: like who I am, and how can I be the
Speaker 2: best partner as me? And you know, what does the
Speaker 2: mean now? Really need? Right? Not what's on a piece
Speaker 2: of paper that might be on my list, you know,
Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, you know.
Speaker 1: Right, we all have the boxes.
Speaker 2: We do have boxes, and some boxes are okay, but
Speaker 2: actually figure out what those boxes are. If you want
Speaker 2: someone spiritual, dig into what spiritual means just saying someone's spiritual? Right,
Speaker 2: what does that mean to you? Put it into action words? Right?
Speaker 1: And the way you've described And I mentioned this and
Speaker 1: this is I don't often read, you know, off a
Speaker 1: press release because I'm like, okay, let's go deeper. But
Speaker 1: there was a line. So whoever wrote this, maybe it
Speaker 1: was you, Okay, So this is brilliant, Okay, So I
Speaker 1: love this. The whole synopsis of the book starts off
Speaker 1: with with the pop psychology of Malcolm Gladwell and the
Speaker 1: humor of Carrie Bradshaw Romances and Practicalities, which of course
Speaker 1: is the book combines these, you know, the kind of
Speaker 1: the psychology and the romance of it all. Okay, maybe
Speaker 1: it's because I'm a geek and I love Malcolm Gladwell
Speaker 1: and I am obsessed with his podcast and everything he does.
Speaker 1: But also Lauren got me more obsessed with Carrie Bradshaw
Speaker 1: and watching Sex in the City. Obviously I was aware
Speaker 1: of it, it's one of the biggest shows ever, but
Speaker 1: I never really dove into Carrie Bradshaw, and so I
Speaker 1: find those two very interesting because my theory on Carrie
Speaker 1: Bradshaw for watching is she is not really healthy and
Speaker 1: she's not very good at this at all, and she's
Speaker 1: not doing what you're doing, which is self help and
Speaker 1: self realization of her shortcomings.
Speaker 2: Well, when you keep putting yourself in to the same
Speaker 2: situation over and over and over with different people, something
Speaker 2: has to give, right and when you legitimately it's.
Speaker 1: The definition of insanity. And we'll just keep doing it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, and you're you're you know, look, you found Lauren, right,
Speaker 2: and you seem to have a great partnership with her.
Speaker 2: And if if a long term partner is what you want,
Speaker 2: you have to get married. You don't have to tie
Speaker 2: the knup. But finding that person, if that's what you want,
Speaker 2: it can be incredible, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I will say kudos to Lauren who is
Speaker 1: a far better communicator than I am. And I thought
Speaker 1: I was good, and you know, considering, and I hate
Speaker 1: to say this publicly, but considering what I did for
Speaker 1: twenty years, you think I would be a much better
Speaker 1: communicator because of all that I watched and the mistakes
Speaker 1: that were made. But Lauren actually opened my eyes to
Speaker 1: being so much more intentional. And I feel like that
Speaker 1: is this book. It is not just communicating. We can
Speaker 1: all talk, we can all laugh, we can all do that,
Speaker 1: but it's your questions. These two hundred and fifty questions
Speaker 1: that we throughout this book, they are intentional communication, which
Speaker 1: is very different.
Speaker 2: It's also about being or finding someone who you are
Speaker 2: comfortable speaking about anything and everything with, so right. It's
Speaker 2: not about getting an answer right, because then someone else
Speaker 2: is wrong. Right. It's also about you know, if you
Speaker 2: bring something up at the beginning of a relationship, it's
Speaker 2: a lot easier to bring that up again and to
Speaker 2: revisit something than it is to be three four years
Speaker 2: in and think, God, we've never talked.
Speaker 1: About this right. Oh, by the way, I slept with
Speaker 1: you know, Hey.
Speaker 2: Can I tell you something? I don't know how to
Speaker 2: bring this up. There shouldn't be that moment. There should
Speaker 2: be a hey, this feels a little awkward, you know,
Speaker 2: but I know we're comfortable with each other, you know.
Speaker 2: And you can see that when you first start seeing someone,
Speaker 2: if you don't have to run their texts by friends,
Speaker 2: if you can be one hundred percent yourself, you know,
Speaker 2: when you're communicating with this person, that's indication. You know.
Speaker 2: If you bring up these questions and you say, I
Speaker 2: read this great book, blame it on me. I read
Speaker 2: this great book, and I want to ask you some questions.
Speaker 2: If the person you're with is a little hesitant and
Speaker 2: doesn't want to go there with you, maybe that's an
Speaker 2: indication of something. But if someone's willing to jump in
Speaker 2: and say, you know, I'm not the best communicator, but
Speaker 2: I'll try.
Speaker 1: And that's the thing is I think you're going to
Speaker 1: find for those listening, probably one or the other is
Speaker 1: a better communicator. It's very rare that you're going to
Speaker 1: just have two great communicators in a relationship. It's wonderful
Speaker 1: if you have that, but usually one has to beget
Speaker 1: the other and you have to help and teach. And
Speaker 1: I will give Lauren a lot of credit. I think
Speaker 1: there are things that I've done for Lauren, but I
Speaker 1: definitely one thing she did for me was definitely help
Speaker 1: me with communication. And so if that is the case,
Speaker 1: as you have found, how can the person that's read
Speaker 1: your book, the person that is the communicator, or how
Speaker 1: can they be of assistance and trying to bridge that
Speaker 1: gap with someone who's maybe a little tentative and a
Speaker 1: little stand offish with being open with our feelings so.
Speaker 2: You can start light. I mean, the person you're asking
Speaker 2: these questions too, doesn't actually have to know that they're
Speaker 2: being r and pied if you will, right, So the
Speaker 2: first chapter.
Speaker 1: Doesn't have to be an interrogation.
Speaker 2: No, no, it doesn't, and it can be done in
Speaker 2: various stages. So, for example, the first chapter in the
Speaker 2: book is about animals and pets. And I purposely did
Speaker 2: this because talking to someone about animals or pets is
Speaker 2: a gateway into how this person takes care of others.
Speaker 2: Are they afraid? Did they have pets when they were
Speaker 2: growing up? So you can learn a little bit about
Speaker 2: their childhood. So this innocuous question about oh do you
Speaker 2: like dogs? Are you a cat person? Oh? God, I
Speaker 2: hate cats? Is like, oh, okay, let's dig into that, right,
Speaker 2: And it's so harmless, but it really if you listen
Speaker 2: to their answer, it's such an.
Speaker 1: Indication lead you into children their thoughts about having living
Speaker 1: things in their life and taking care of them. For sure,
Speaker 1: it's a good medical right.
Speaker 2: Do you have pet insurance? Do you? Or do you
Speaker 2: believe you know in treating you know, giving your pet
Speaker 2: antidepressants if they're a little anxious. I mean, it opens
Speaker 2: up so many, so many doors, you know. And then
Speaker 2: there's sort of the hey, I read this book, or hey,
Speaker 2: I just thought it'd be fun if we ask some
Speaker 2: questions of each other, you know, we have a glass
Speaker 2: of wine or some ice cream, and look, I have
Speaker 2: to tell you, Chris, I hear this all the time.
Speaker 2: People get three four questions in and they're having sex
Speaker 2: on the floor. Because communication can be super intimate, and
Speaker 2: especially for women. Let's use a heterosexual relationship just in
Speaker 2: this case. So I'm I'm feeling really comfortable because I'm
Speaker 2: communicating with the man that I really care about. He's
Speaker 2: making me feel safe because I'm listening to his answers
Speaker 2: and he's listening to mine. Times in with a question,
Speaker 2: and suddenly the intimacy kind of overwhelms the situation. And
Speaker 2: I really I hear about this more often than not
Speaker 2: of like WHOA, what just happened? I get texts like
Speaker 2: wow that worked. Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, I think communication is incredibly intimate. I e incredibly sexy.
Speaker 1: I think there that is an unbelievable direct correlation. And
Speaker 1: that is something I saw often on the show, those
Speaker 1: that communicated and really got each other and hit on
Speaker 1: that level. Just that's you could see the sparks fly
Speaker 1: when you say people have that instant chemistry. A lot
Speaker 1: of times that's what that is.
Speaker 2: It is, and they feel open enough to start communicating
Speaker 2: right and to you know, part of this book is
Speaker 2: showing people what you can talk about when you're getting
Speaker 2: to know someone. It's okay to go there. And some
Speaker 2: people don't always know. You know, Should I ask about
Speaker 2: your childhood or how you argue, or who you feel
Speaker 2: comfortable speaking with, or what your hobbies and rituals are,
Speaker 2: what do you like to do? That's great, but then
Speaker 2: you can get deeper. And it's okay to go deeper
Speaker 2: because it only gets you closer to people.
Speaker 1: Two things. Number one, what are the mistakes? The biggest mistakes?
Speaker 1: And you were committing them yourself? For those that you know,
Speaker 1: I think I'm a pretty intelligent guy. I'm a caring guy.
Speaker 1: I like to listen, I like to talk, whatever. So
Speaker 1: let's take the average person, like you or like myself,
Speaker 1: what are the what's the biggest mistake we're making thinking
Speaker 1: we're good communicators, but we're not.
Speaker 2: So I think a lot of people make the mistake
Speaker 2: I certainly did. Of you know, the term deal breaker
Speaker 2: of saying well this is a deal breaker for me, Yeah, right,
Speaker 2: and but not actually understanding actually is it a deal
Speaker 2: breaker for me? And if so, why? Right? So I
Speaker 2: don't mean like, do you want to have kids or
Speaker 2: do you not want to have kids, because that's actually
Speaker 2: a pretty concrete thing. But you know, I had a
Speaker 2: a I wrestled with a lot of questions about my
Speaker 2: religion when I was dating my now husband, And you know,
Speaker 2: I like to say we're different religions, but I really
Speaker 2: started to understand more about my faith and what I
Speaker 2: cared about because I was with someone who is the
Speaker 2: opposite religion, and I feel really lucky for that because
Speaker 2: I really dug into what was important to me about
Speaker 2: the rituals that I would ask us to do together
Speaker 2: versus not. But I find a lot of people take
Speaker 2: trivial things that they're holding on too for whatever block
Speaker 2: they are, and they hold on to that when they
Speaker 2: don't realize actually does that really matter? And so I
Speaker 2: think these questions they bring you back to you. So
Speaker 2: they're not like what do you think is the hottest
Speaker 2: part of my body? Or what what do you like
Speaker 2: when I do to you sexually? Which is a great question,
Speaker 2: but they start with I answers. So if I understand
Speaker 2: this about myself, I can be a better partner to you.
Speaker 1: Okay, you know, I think there's probably levels to this.
Speaker 1: As you said, don't start off date one with all
Speaker 1: of these questions. These are things that need to come
Speaker 1: out over time. Correct.
Speaker 2: Yes, and no, I think you can feel the pace,
Speaker 2: you know. It's everyone goes at their own pace and
Speaker 2: is in a different situation. So like after your first marriage,
Speaker 2: did you reflect on if you were going to get
Speaker 2: married again sort of what was important to you the
Speaker 2: second time around?
Speaker 1: Yeah? For sure, I mean and at first I thought,
Speaker 1: you know, I had the knee jerk reaction of number one.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be the guy that immediately fall
Speaker 1: you know, gets right back into relationship. And I haven't
Speaker 1: dealt with this seventeen years of baggage, and I have
Speaker 1: two beautiful kids and I'm trying to be a dad.
Speaker 1: I mainly just was like self restraint of don't be
Speaker 1: that person that just rebounds right into a relationship. But
Speaker 1: then initially my I wouldn't say it was a deal breaker,
Speaker 1: but I was like, I don't know if I'll ever
Speaker 1: get married again. And I'm okay if I don't get
Speaker 1: married again. And Lauren and I talked about that, and
Speaker 1: the beautiful thing about Lauren is that she kind of
Speaker 1: felt the same way because she had been married before,
Speaker 1: and so again we had those talks that if we
Speaker 1: didn't get married, it wasn't the biggest thing in the world.
Speaker 1: And I'm actually the one that felt like the relationship
Speaker 1: progressed to the point where I wanted to take it there.
Speaker 1: So it got there naturally. And I think maybe your point,
Speaker 1: and it struck me earlier when you say, oh, this
Speaker 1: is just a deal breaker, I am not getting married again.
Speaker 1: Dive deeper into that. What did that mean really and
Speaker 1: was that really a deal breaker? And it turns out
Speaker 1: it was not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, or like when people say she needs to be
Speaker 2: shorter than me, or he has to be tall, right.
Speaker 1: And they must be Jewish or Catholic or that's a
Speaker 1: big one. I hear a lot about religion.
Speaker 2: I've heard they can't come from the family of divorced parents.
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, well there's there's seventy five percent of the population.
Speaker 2: But why does that mean they have unresolved stuff? Maybe
Speaker 2: they're more evolved because of it, but you need to
Speaker 2: ask them about it. Don't rule them out because of
Speaker 2: something they couldn't control.
Speaker 1: You know what I find interesting and I'd love to
Speaker 1: get your take on it is the you know, when
Speaker 1: you start putting those those boxes up of like they
Speaker 1: must be taller, or they must be Jewish, or they
Speaker 1: must be and again some of those I get it,
Speaker 1: some of those boxes belong. But man, when you consider
Speaker 1: the swath of population you're cutting out, it's hard enough
Speaker 1: to find the one. But if you're saying, Okay, they
Speaker 1: can't come from a divorce family, well there's fifty to
Speaker 1: sixty percent of the population. Can't be this can't be
Speaker 1: this well, net, where are you going to find this
Speaker 1: four percent that you've left in the world that you're
Speaker 1: going to go try and find. You're just not So
Speaker 1: you got to do a deeper dive. And that's what this,
Speaker 1: you know, one of the things you talk about. You
Speaker 1: got to do a deeper dive of what does this
Speaker 1: stuff really mean?
Speaker 2: You know? And people ask me write a book your
Speaker 2: TV producer, right, the first question, just like me, The
Speaker 2: first thing you talk about when you create a show
Speaker 2: or you're you're fixing something is who's the audience? Who
Speaker 2: are we appealing to here? Right? So not every show,
Speaker 2: not every book can appeal to every single person. But
Speaker 2: what I love about this is that if you're single,
Speaker 2: you know, you can flip through this read the story.
Speaker 2: The story is great, right, I mean, it is such
Speaker 2: a fun, great story. I happened to live it. It
Speaker 2: was not always fun living it, but it's a great read,
Speaker 2: you know, and then learn from it. Learn from all
Speaker 2: the other people. You know. I interviewed more than one
Speaker 2: hundred people for this book, right, So learn from their
Speaker 2: stories and then dig in a single person and think, gosh,
Speaker 2: I've never thought of that before. Wow. My parents used
Speaker 2: to freak me out when they argued, maybe that's why
Speaker 2: I have trouble, you know, bringing up something that's uncomfortable
Speaker 2: to me. That's so normal, right, So that's that. And
Speaker 2: then you know, certainly when you're on the cusp of
Speaker 2: something pivotal, you should be asking these questions. And then
Speaker 2: just today, so you know, the book's not out yet,
Speaker 2: but I'm it's press is starting to read it and
Speaker 2: people are interviewing me, which I'm so grateful for. And
Speaker 2: I got an email from someone who just wrote a
Speaker 2: story on me and the book, and she said, look,
Speaker 2: I just have to tell you question number twenty five
Speaker 2: blew my husband and me away. She was like, we
Speaker 2: had this issue that we weren't talking about. You know,
Speaker 2: he heard my sister complaining about her marriage to me,
Speaker 2: and he was horrified that we speak to each other
Speaker 2: like that. And we had to have a real sit
Speaker 2: down about how much do we share with our family
Speaker 2: with our friends. And he was supremely pro so he
Speaker 2: was really uncomfortable with that, and it was festering in him.
Speaker 2: She said, and without being this question in your book,
Speaker 2: I would have never sort of had the courage to say, Okay,
Speaker 2: we've been married for five years. We have two kids.
Speaker 2: Let's sit down and talk about this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and guys, just know, if they're sisters involved, there
Speaker 1: are no secrets, right, just Lauren has you know, between
Speaker 1: her mom and her sister, there there's nothing that I
Speaker 1: assume they don't know about me or our life. So
Speaker 1: just get over it, guys, that's just sister's trump all.
Speaker 1: That's it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think that's safe to say. I
Speaker 2: have a question for you, actually, Chris and I've always
Speaker 2: wondered this. I've never produced a dating show. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Maybe you and I can come up with something great
Speaker 2: for the future. But you know, for the couples that
Speaker 2: have made it, and that doesn't mean everyone's walking down
Speaker 2: the aisle, but for the couples that have made it,
Speaker 2: you've been a part of their journey. Is there a
Speaker 2: signal significantly more amount of communication that goes into them
Speaker 2: becoming a success than with others? And clearly, Lee, you
Speaker 2: have to cut this out of the podcast.
Speaker 1: If it's a no, no, it's no for sure. And
Speaker 1: that's that's what made me kind of when I started thinking,
Speaker 1: you know, going over you know, getting ready for this interview.
Speaker 1: Obviously I relate everything back to like my days on
Speaker 1: the show and about love and romance, and for sure, fine,
Speaker 1: you know, the whole show from my producer standpoint, is
Speaker 1: trying to create chemistry and trying to find those connections,
Speaker 1: and you do that through you know, all our questions
Speaker 1: were nonverbal, you know, they weren't written tests. It was
Speaker 1: let's put you in an extreme situation. She's afraid of heights.
Speaker 1: How are you going to comfort her and react in
Speaker 1: this situation? So basically we were asking questions without asking questions,
Speaker 1: we were doing the same thing, which is that's how
Speaker 1: I love the correlation between the book and the show.
Speaker 1: We would do those things. Putting someone on a group
Speaker 1: date with someone who you hate, are you going to
Speaker 1: start a fight? Are you going to make it all
Speaker 1: about yourself and this other guy instead of making it
Speaker 1: all about you? You know that's you know, I had
Speaker 1: a lot of bachelorettes would walk in the room and
Speaker 1: say how about me? Like, you guys haven't said anything
Speaker 1: to me all night. You've been fighting with yourselves. So yeah,
Speaker 1: it's there is an unbelievable correlation between what your theories
Speaker 1: are on these questions and what we were doing for
Speaker 1: so many years. I just didn't think about it maybe
Speaker 1: as technical now as your book.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, in a perfect world, right, someone's going
Speaker 2: to be in a hot air balloon with a glass
Speaker 2: of wine and the most beautiful meal in front of them,
Speaker 2: and they're going to look into the eyes of the
Speaker 2: other person and say, what pivotal relationship in your life
Speaker 2: do you want to emulate?
Speaker 1: Yeah, but what if you're in that hot air balloon
Speaker 1: and the person you're with lost a parent in a
Speaker 1: hot air balloon accident. You know, like that's then they.
Speaker 2: Really have to focus on their answer right now.
Speaker 1: But now that that whole date, everything takes on so
Speaker 1: much more meaning. But you're right asking though, that that
Speaker 1: big question that really dives in is huge. And you know,
Speaker 1: to your point, a lot of the conversations you see
Speaker 1: are so superficial of like what kind of food do
Speaker 1: you like? You know, where's your favorite Italian place in
Speaker 1: la It's like, okay, and those aren't horrible questions, but
Speaker 1: that's not going to get us anywhere.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have to start somewhere, and if you're comfortable
Speaker 2: enough going deeper, then that's certainly indication, right.
Speaker 1: But if you can't go deeper, if it doesn't go
Speaker 1: beyond that. And if you run out of things to
Speaker 1: talk about, and you should never really run out of
Speaker 1: any questions. I mean there's there's a million. I mean,
Speaker 1: you have two hundred and fifty just in your one
Speaker 1: just in books, just two hundred and fifty.
Speaker 2: People people thought I was crazy initially when I was
Speaker 2: sort of describing the book and then think, how many
Speaker 2: questions are you going to say, you know, fifty and
Speaker 2: I well, it's two hundred fifty questions And they were like, oh.
Speaker 1: I bet. Publishers were like, should we break this up
Speaker 1: into ten books?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Right, talk about a franchise.
Speaker 1: And so, but that is an interesting thought of you
Speaker 1: decided to put all two hundred and fifty and this
Speaker 1: story because it all kind of encapsulated throughout with your story.
Speaker 2: It's a journey, and look, I am not interesting enough
Speaker 2: to carry this whole journey, right. So that's why there
Speaker 2: are a couple stories throughout, many different couples. I interviewed
Speaker 2: many who did the questionnaire, celebrities, subject matter experts. You know,
Speaker 2: I created this great system and it's been validated by
Speaker 2: all these respected people. Psychologists, social psychologists, sex therapists. You know,
Speaker 2: they're all behind it because it does work.
Speaker 1: Lindsay, in one sentence, you just told me you're not
Speaker 1: a reality show contestant. You produced television, and that is
Speaker 1: I know I'm not interesting enough to carry this.
Speaker 2: I'm not, but I really can tell a good story.
Speaker 1: Most reality contestants are like, no, I am so interesting.
Speaker 1: People want to know what I'm going to eat for breakfast.
Speaker 1: There were so many they were contestants. They would come
Speaker 1: on the show and they don't realize that the show
Speaker 1: is what's giving you this glow and this fame and
Speaker 1: all this, and they would leave the show and assume
Speaker 1: that people just really cared so much about them their
Speaker 1: everyday life. I'm going to do a you know, like
Speaker 1: the Kardashians ruined everything for everybody. I'm going to do
Speaker 1: a Kardashian type show where cameras just follow me around
Speaker 1: and I'm like, Okay, what's what's the catch, What's what
Speaker 1: are you producing? It's like, oh, nothing, They just I
Speaker 1: think people just want to know what I'm doing. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, sweetheart, good luck with that.
Speaker 2: Wasn't that so funny? People must they do this with
Speaker 2: me too? They come up to me all the time.
Speaker 2: I got the best idea for yes, and you hear
Speaker 2: it and you're like.
Speaker 1: And and where's the television? Yeah?
Speaker 2: So what are people watching?
Speaker 1: You know, my family, my brother and I are so wacky.
Speaker 1: Man following us around. You should follow us when we
Speaker 1: go to a football game. It's crazy. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's yeah. You're just describing Instagram and TikTok to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent. And you know what, there's a
Speaker 2: place for that, and there's a place for anything. And
Speaker 2: you know, I love I'm like you. I heard you
Speaker 2: say recently, you know you were doing some some prep
Speaker 2: for this interview. I was as well, and I just
Speaker 2: I heard you say so many times that you love love.
Speaker 1: I do.
Speaker 2: I love love. I love dating shows. I love watching people.
Speaker 2: I love watching their eyes and that moment where you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's there. I love meeting someone on the street and
Speaker 2: they tell me they're single. My husband wants to like
Speaker 2: pull me away at that very moment because he's like,
Speaker 2: oh god, because I want to set them up if
Speaker 2: that's what they want, because it's beautiful and healthy love.
Speaker 2: Have you watched the Adam Brodie Kristen Bell.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I swear I was just getting when
Speaker 1: we got into the religious part, I was like, nobody
Speaker 1: wants this is the new Kristen Bell Show. It's on
Speaker 1: Netflix and I can't recommend it enough.
Speaker 2: If you want to see a hot rabbi and Kristen Bell,
Speaker 2: it's like your dream past, you know. And people, so
Speaker 2: it's all over Instagram. Obviously. It's a great show and people.
Speaker 1: Are a lot. It's just such a simple rom com.
Speaker 1: I love that it's like, Okay, let's not think too hard.
Speaker 1: It's so finally and it doesn't have to be so
Speaker 1: serious and so like I feel like everything I watch
Speaker 1: now is so intense and like negative and dark intense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so that's why this show celebrates people communicate
Speaker 2: and people who are figuring out their lives together. And
Speaker 2: I love that there's this sort of healthy love movement
Speaker 2: going on. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Well, what I love is they they literally talk about
Speaker 1: what you probably went through is you know, spoiler alert.
Speaker 1: He's Jewish, he's a rabbi, she's not, and they're they're
Speaker 1: dealing with that and trying to overcome that and having conversations.
Speaker 1: And I'll be honest, sometimes they can unicate well about it.
Speaker 1: Sometimes they don't, and that's that's real life, which is
Speaker 1: what I like about watching the show.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and there's there are moments in it too where
Speaker 2: you have to think about is this the right relationship
Speaker 2: for me? But is it also the right relationship for him?
Speaker 2: And if I bring this to his life, is that
Speaker 2: going to be okay for him? And is this going
Speaker 2: to be okay for me too? It's like, is there's
Speaker 2: a greater good here too? It's a it's a it's
Speaker 2: a bit the stereotype, but it's it's a it's a
Speaker 2: great show with a great cast, and you start, you know,
Speaker 2: you reflect and actually one of the things that I
Speaker 2: love to bring it back to my book of course.
Speaker 1: Let's do It. Romances and Practicalities comes out January twenty eighth.
Speaker 1: Find it where you find all great books.
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly, just go on the on your computer or
Speaker 2: your phone. People read it and they love to talk
Speaker 2: about themselves. It opens something up in people, and I
Speaker 2: love that because, again, like you, I'm happy to step
Speaker 2: in talk about it and then step back and let
Speaker 2: the magic happen. Yeah, and it happens differently for everyone,
Speaker 2: but it happens, and it's incredible.
Speaker 1: And when you see it work. And when I say
Speaker 1: I love love, I mean that was when people said
Speaker 1: I did a good job on the Bachelorts. I did care.
Speaker 1: I cared about these people. I wanted it to work. Yes,
Speaker 1: I wanted ratings. And I know we were making television
Speaker 1: and we were good at that too. But I really
Speaker 1: loved seeing these people get married and now going to
Speaker 1: weddings and seeing children being born, and you're like, this works.
Speaker 1: This really is a beautiful thing when it works, and
Speaker 1: it's hard and it's a it's not always perfect. And
Speaker 1: I have always relished that too, of watching the awkward
Speaker 1: and seeing the crash and burn we all do.
Speaker 2: Awkward is not bad though, actually it has awkward. No,
Speaker 2: but we've just gotten into like a life of thinking
Speaker 2: awkward is bad.
Speaker 1: Well, because Instagram and social media, there is no awkward. Typically,
Speaker 1: it's just perfect, right, that's right, you pick the right filter,
Speaker 1: no blemishes, you know, No, it's everything's perfect and glossy
Speaker 1: and it's in sixteen seventeen second clips. But that's not
Speaker 1: life at all. Life is messy.
Speaker 2: Life is awkward, and overcoming awkward leaves leads to awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so you know, I one thing about and
Speaker 1: I don't want to promote this show, but one thing
Speaker 1: about the show that and I hear this more and more,
Speaker 1: and maybe it's from the show as everyone talks about
Speaker 1: the ick, right, Oh, I got the ick. This thing
Speaker 1: gave me the ick. I just you know, you kind
Speaker 1: of go back to these deal breakers, and that, to me,
Speaker 1: is a very dangerous mindfield to be walking through of
Speaker 1: somebody did something awkward, or somebody did something we're like, ooh,
Speaker 1: I don't know. You kind of have to get over
Speaker 1: yourself a little bit.
Speaker 2: I feel like the ick says so much more about
Speaker 2: you than it does the other person. You know, whatever
Speaker 2: weird thing they did that gave you the ick, it's like,
Speaker 2: hold on, why did this totally shut me off? Why
Speaker 2: did this give me the eck? So that's jump on you.
Speaker 1: Versus a lot of it, you know, I think a
Speaker 1: lot of it in a lot of things, in relationships
Speaker 1: and communication and conversations. Again, a lot of it. That's
Speaker 1: why I started this off by saying, Wow, you being
Speaker 1: so self reflective was such a healthy thing because most
Speaker 1: of us don't. Most of us, it's so much easier
Speaker 1: to look outward than inward. It's easy to be it's
Speaker 1: so easy to judge, and to be judged is really difficult.
Speaker 1: That's what makes our business so hard because you're constantly
Speaker 1: just being judged.
Speaker 2: Totally.
Speaker 1: Okay, if you have is there a section in the
Speaker 1: book and I'm going to ask you to pick a child?
Speaker 1: But let's be honest. I have two children, and I
Speaker 1: have a favor from time to time, So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: ask you to pick a child. Is there a section
Speaker 1: I want to ask you for one question that's impossible,
Speaker 1: but is there a section of questions that you think? This?
Speaker 1: To me is my favorite child? If you can get
Speaker 1: to this stage, this is kind of that Malcolm Gladwell
Speaker 1: tipping point.
Speaker 2: That's such a good question. No one's asked me that yet,
Speaker 2: so thank you for making me a little bit. As
Speaker 2: you can see, I'm trying to think of my answer.
Speaker 2: As I replied to.
Speaker 1: Your question, Well, you know, I love Malcolm glad Well,
Speaker 1: so I love that side of it.
Speaker 2: So for me, I would say my favorite questions were
Speaker 2: the it's the religion section because for us they were
Speaker 2: the hardest. They were what we saved for last. They
Speaker 2: were the ones that I didn't handle perfectly. They were
Speaker 2: the ones that if I could redo, I would do
Speaker 2: a little bit better, but I struggled there and they
Speaker 2: were very hard for me. So writing that chapter, you know,
Speaker 2: I brought in a rabbi, I brought in a priest,
Speaker 2: I brought in religious leaders to talk about what this
Speaker 2: means for different people, because I know it's hard, and
Speaker 2: I know that that's something that comes from our childhood, right,
Speaker 2: how we feel about religion or spirituality. And you know,
Speaker 2: part of this book is trying to celebrate people for
Speaker 2: who they are, which where you come from does determine
Speaker 2: where you are, but you know, learning about boundaries and
Speaker 2: answering questions about religion. You know, just because you grew
Speaker 2: up Kosher, for example, you know a lot of people
Speaker 2: just say, oh, with someone else who's Jewish will be kosher, right,
Speaker 2: And it's like, hold on, why it's okay if you're
Speaker 2: doing that ritual because your family, But please understand why
Speaker 2: that's what I ask.
Speaker 1: Understand why that's It's fascinating, you know what hits you
Speaker 1: the most, and that makes sense. And I bet it
Speaker 1: was honestly tough to even watch the show Nobody wants
Speaker 1: this because it sounds like it was loosely based on
Speaker 1: your life.
Speaker 2: It was so it was so fun, it was so interesting,
Speaker 2: and this is just eye candy meets.
Speaker 1: Real life right see for us. And that's why I
Speaker 1: think picking your favorite child is the operative word for that,
Speaker 1: because anybody that reads your book is going to find
Speaker 1: a different favorite child. Like Lauren and I when we
Speaker 1: started communicating and all that, she comes from a family
Speaker 1: of lawyers.
Speaker 2: Why Lauren, Oh, I feel you girl?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean dad, her dad was a great lawyer
Speaker 1: before he passed away. Her mom, her brother's a fantastic lawyer.
Speaker 1: They argue, they argue, and they they get after it
Speaker 1: and by the way, you better bring facts and you
Speaker 1: better be good at it. But I didn't come from
Speaker 1: a family that that did that, and I it was
Speaker 1: harsh for me, and it took me aback and I
Speaker 1: had to realize, this is their love language. This is
Speaker 1: how they speak love. And if you can hang and
Speaker 1: you can contend in this arena, that's how you earn
Speaker 1: their respect and you kind of, you know, mix it
Speaker 1: up a little bit. But for me, that felt like
Speaker 1: there was vitriol in the air and it was mean
Speaker 1: and contentious, and I was taking it the wrong way.
Speaker 1: And so I had to communicate that and it was
Speaker 1: hard for me, and so that would have been my
Speaker 1: favorite child in your book. Having that conversation was important
Speaker 1: for us well.
Speaker 2: And sometimes it takes another person to help you understand
Speaker 2: your family, right, So Lauren could have easily said, do
Speaker 2: you right, That's how we communicate, That's how it is,
Speaker 2: that's what I grew up with. But it sounds to
Speaker 2: me like she was able to self reflect and understand. Gosh,
Speaker 2: that is. That can be tough for someone who's and
Speaker 2: you were grown up. It's not like you were a
Speaker 2: child when you were coming into this relationship.
Speaker 1: Oil is interesting, but I had to go back to
Speaker 1: my childhood and Lauren and I had that conversation to
Speaker 1: your point of being self reflective. Why didn't my family
Speaker 1: discuss that way? Why weren't we you know, were we
Speaker 1: just good Southern folk where we got you know, bless
Speaker 1: your heart, bread sit under the rug and go on,
Speaker 1: and we don't you know, don't talk about your feelings.
Speaker 1: You swallow them, you know. And my family wasn't necessarily
Speaker 1: like that. But those are the things you have to
Speaker 1: question of Why didn't we talk like that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, there are so many people that I
Speaker 2: spoke to who had very you know, young people who
Speaker 2: had very old fashion views on sex and masturbation and
Speaker 2: monogamy non monogamy, and some of them went to Catholic school.
Speaker 2: Some of their families never talked to them about it,
Speaker 2: and you know, it was they had to figure something out,
Speaker 2: you know, in these relationships.
Speaker 1: Because most of the time, we just start having sex, right,
Speaker 1: That's why you know you're in a relationship. You start
Speaker 1: having sex, and sometimes it's good, it's sometimes it's great.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you just kind of keep going and if something's
Speaker 1: wrong and you're not saying something that's huge, you could
Speaker 1: get out of a great relationship. And if you had
Speaker 1: just asked a question or two, you could have broached
Speaker 1: that object.
Speaker 2: There's a great story in the book about this woman
Speaker 2: who met someone and their chemistry was incredible, right, they
Speaker 2: did talk about stuff, and then they went to have
Speaker 2: sex and it was horrendous, and she thought, I have
Speaker 2: to end this relationship. I can't be with someone I
Speaker 2: can't have sex with. And she spoke to this man
Speaker 2: and she sort of made the decision, I'm going to
Speaker 2: go for it, and he was receptive to learning about
Speaker 2: how to have better sex with her. Based. You know,
Speaker 2: he was with someone for many years. That's what he
Speaker 2: thought sex was, and they were together for more than
Speaker 2: a decade because they had the conversation about it.
Speaker 1: Let's start the conversation.
Speaker 2: And it is scary to bring up something like that.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 1: It is. Yeah, there are things that are easier than
Speaker 1: others and stuff that's in the bedroom and sex because again,
Speaker 1: we've we've made it so taboo, we've made it so
Speaker 1: off limits that You're right, it's scary.
Speaker 2: Do you You and Lauren have various check ins with
Speaker 2: each other, do check in about certain things.
Speaker 1: Again, Lauren is such a great communicator, one of the
Speaker 1: many reasons why I love her. We it's impossible not
Speaker 1: to check in.
Speaker 2: That's amazing. She set up a great structure.
Speaker 1: She really has. We are constantly communicating. We constantly talk
Speaker 1: to the point where you know, she knows that, like
Speaker 1: I know, women have a lot more words to get
Speaker 1: out during the day. I know you might be done,
Speaker 1: so she'll let me go to sleep. But yeah, no,
Speaker 1: we That's one thing that's definitely different from my first
Speaker 1: marriage was just I'm such a better communicator, and I
Speaker 1: really thought I was. Honestly, I thought I was a
Speaker 1: very caring, attentive, communicative guy, especially for a guy. You know,
Speaker 1: men were not the smartest animals in the world. But
Speaker 1: I thought I was above average and good and I
Speaker 1: was decent at it, but not compared to what I
Speaker 1: needed to be. And that's why I think, you know,
Speaker 1: your book is so imperative for people to die into
Speaker 1: for their relationship. I think it's invaluable.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I mean, look by the way, I think
Speaker 2: you're being a little hard on yourself. I think you know,
Speaker 2: for the first relationship that you were in, you needed
Speaker 2: to be a different kind of communicator for it to succeed.
Speaker 2: But actually you have to find the right mode of
Speaker 2: communication for you in the partnership that you're in. Right,
Speaker 2: so there should be a great base level. But but
Speaker 2: don't try to be something that you're not anything.
Speaker 1: Well, and we were children, you know, you're you know,
Speaker 1: getting together in your teens and getting married in your
Speaker 1: early twenties. I mean, our frontal lobes weren't even formed yet.
Speaker 1: So we have to give ourselves some grace, yes.
Speaker 2: And that's part of this is giving yourself grace.
Speaker 1: Lindsay, I could go on for days on this. I
Speaker 1: love this and I think eventually we need to work together.
Speaker 2: I mean, I just all the ideas, Chris, all the ideas.
Speaker 2: I did watch you, I watched you host, I watched you,
Speaker 2: you know, live this life. And I think what you've
Speaker 2: experienced is is so great. And I because you've seen
Speaker 2: so much love. I I'm just so grateful that you're
Speaker 2: willing to explore this kind of love with me. That's,
Speaker 2: you know, not being alone on a beach on an island,
Speaker 2: but creating that same passion through communication. So I'm so
Speaker 2: grateful to you for reading this book and enjoying it.
Speaker 1: It's it's really my pleasure. And yeah, for most of
Speaker 1: us that can't just jet off to Bora Bora and
Speaker 1: solve all our problems. We have to live in the
Speaker 1: real world with children and jobs and parents and things,
Speaker 1: and we have to you know, we have to do
Speaker 1: the work. And that's that's part of it, and so
Speaker 1: this but this book makes it fun.
Speaker 2: The work is fun.
Speaker 1: The work is fun. It's and by the way, as
Speaker 1: you said, most times you dive into some of these
Speaker 1: conversations and it gets really intimate and you you'll, trust me,
Speaker 1: You'll you'll reap the rewards. Lindsey thank you, Thank you
Speaker 1: so much. I appreciate it. The book Romances and Practicalities
Speaker 1: drops January twenty fifth. Wherever books are found, and where
Speaker 1: can we find you? To find you on socials. To
Speaker 1: find the book on socials.
Speaker 2: Find me on social at Lindsay Jill Roth on all socials.
Speaker 2: You can go to my website, you can go to Amazon,
Speaker 2: you can google my name with Chris Harrison now and
Speaker 2: you know we're linked forever.
Speaker 1: So we are well. And I'm glad that you mentioned
Speaker 1: before we came on. You and I were chatting and
Speaker 1: you and I had taught worked when I was on
Speaker 1: Larry King Live. One of the great highlights of my
Speaker 1: career was making it on with Larry King, one of
Speaker 1: the great interviewers. And you worked side by side with
Speaker 1: him for years.
Speaker 2: And you had a great interview with him. He's such
Speaker 2: a curious man, or he was, and you guys really
Speaker 2: had a wonderful conversation that day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love people that just dive in, like you said,
Speaker 1: you know, he was a good, good impetus and maybe
Speaker 1: foreshadowing for your book because he was so good at
Speaker 1: just I'm just diving in. I'm going to ask the question.
Speaker 2: Look, he said to me once, and I do mention
Speaker 2: this at the back of the book. He said, you know, Lindsay,
Speaker 2: I didn't date women, I married them, and that always
Speaker 2: stuck with me.
Speaker 1: Interesting. Yeah, yeah, is up.
Speaker 2: There, please ask some questions. I don't know how I'm
Speaker 2: married since he's been up there now, but I hope
Speaker 2: he's asking some questions. Well.
Speaker 1: I hope when we make that transition, we get the
Speaker 1: wisdom to start asking the right questions. Lindsey Jill Roth,
Speaker 1: thank you for your time. Congratulations on the book, look
Speaker 1: forward to it dropping on January twenty fifth, and thanks
Speaker 1: for being on the Most Dramatic podcast Ever. Thanks Chris,
Speaker 1: thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the Most
Speaker 1: Dramatic Pod Ever, and make sure to write us a
Speaker 1: review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you
Speaker 1: next time.