1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 2 00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:10,400 Speaker 1: Chris Harrison coming to you from the home office in Austin, 3 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:14,520 Speaker 1: Texas today. Well, like many of these days, we're going 4 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:17,960 Speaker 1: to talk love. We're talking love with an amazing author, 5 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:24,520 Speaker 1: Lindsey Jill Roth. She's dropping a book called Romances and Practicalities. Look, 6 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 1: there's a lot of books about dating and love, but 7 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: this one really struck me because this is you know again, 8 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:34,120 Speaker 1: I usually don't read right off of the press release, 9 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 1: but I'm going to with this because this is really 10 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 1: the hook got me. The synopsis of Romances and Practicalities 11 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:45,960 Speaker 1: that drops January twenty eighth. Pop psychology of Malcolm Gladwell 12 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:49,680 Speaker 1: and the humor of Kerrie Bradshaw come on right there. 13 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 1: That got me. I'm a huge Malcolm Gladwell fan. I 14 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 1: like the way his brain thinks. In reading what Lindsay 15 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 1: had to say, it is a lot of her personal 16 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:06,000 Speaker 1: journey to love, but with the psychology and the introspection 17 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:11,080 Speaker 1: of Malcolm Gladwell, who so brilliantly always articulates life in 18 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 1: a very interesting way. So when I saw this, I'm like, Okay, 19 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 1: I have to dive in with Lindsay about her book 20 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 1: and weaving her own story through a maze of two 21 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,440 Speaker 1: hundred and fifty questions of how to find love or 22 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:27,400 Speaker 1: if you already are in love, how to make it better, 23 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:30,759 Speaker 1: how to make that intimacy and the communication even more 24 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 1: intentional and more intense. And so it is a great 25 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 1: honor to have author and TV producer Lindsey jill Roth 26 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 1: on the show today. Joining me now is Lindsay Jill Roth, author, 27 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 1: and I'm was just in the intro. I was just 28 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,320 Speaker 1: saying how intrigued I am by this book because of 29 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,120 Speaker 1: what I did obviously for twenty years in love and romance, 30 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:58,280 Speaker 1: but then also being single and finding romance again in 31 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 1: my life not so recently, and having he'd been in 32 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,800 Speaker 1: the dating scene. I get I related so much to 33 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: what you were saying in the book. It makes so 34 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,080 Speaker 1: much sense to me that you think you're getting to 35 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 1: know somebody, you think you're making a connection, but we're not, 36 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,520 Speaker 1: and some of us are really bad at this, And 37 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 1: so I love where this book is going. 38 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:21,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's easy to mistake connection for connection. 39 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 2: It's easy to mistake sex and intimacy for romance. And 40 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:31,200 Speaker 2: I think unless you are really open and honest and communicative, 41 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:36,639 Speaker 2: cutive with someone. Yeah, you don't really get to know someone. 42 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 1: Where are you today? Where am I talking to you from? 43 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,960 Speaker 2: So I'm kind of giving away a bit of the 44 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,800 Speaker 2: book here, but it's dark for me and light for you. 45 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,280 Speaker 2: I've London, England. 46 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 1: Okay, yes, because you know part of the book is 47 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 1: and I don't know if this is a spoiler, but 48 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:53,360 Speaker 1: the impetus was this as you fell in love with 49 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:58,239 Speaker 1: this charming Englishman but things didn't work out, So it's 50 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 1: not the fairy tale ending that led to the book. 51 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 2: Well, you know, it's funny. You have to read the 52 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 2: book and it is beat read meets this book that 53 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 2: everyone who is embarking on finding healthy love meets. So 54 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,760 Speaker 2: it's a great story meets a tool for how to 55 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:21,640 Speaker 2: communicate to find healthy love. So spoiler alert, it did 56 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 2: end up working out with the brit You know, we 57 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 2: met in New York. We had a transatlantic, very up 58 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 2: and down love story, which makes for some great fodder 59 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,600 Speaker 2: throughout the book. And you know, it made for a 60 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 2: great romance, It made for a great story, it made 61 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:43,760 Speaker 2: for communication, and it made us better partners. I like 62 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 2: to say, you know, I met this man after feeling 63 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,120 Speaker 2: like I dated all of New York. No one was 64 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 2: flying me around the world to meet people, or putting 65 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,040 Speaker 2: me in a room with twenty four other women. 66 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,000 Speaker 1: No hot air balloons, weird group dates. 67 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 2: No No. I was left to my own devices, and 68 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:05,080 Speaker 2: I was sifting through these men, and I realized there 69 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,680 Speaker 2: was no tool to help me get through what I 70 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:11,120 Speaker 2: really really needed. And I needed to understand myself better. 71 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 2: I needed to learn how to communicate better, and I 72 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 2: needed to not be afraid. So when I was dating 73 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:20,520 Speaker 2: this very charming englishman who I liked for more than 74 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:25,520 Speaker 2: just his accent, he was very shortly sent back to 75 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 2: London after we met, and we really had to double 76 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 2: down on how we got to know each other. You know, 77 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,960 Speaker 2: we only had two of our five senses, right. We 78 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:38,400 Speaker 2: couldn't smell each other, we couldn't touch each other, and 79 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,920 Speaker 2: you know, we really had to communicate. So I created 80 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:47,039 Speaker 2: a tool to help people be comfortable in finding love 81 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:51,200 Speaker 2: and finding healthy love and thinking of a way to 82 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:56,880 Speaker 2: open up pathways to partnership. You know, the thesis of this 83 00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 2: book is that communication is sexy, and if you want romance, 84 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:02,920 Speaker 2: start with some practicality. 85 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, Lindsey. I mean, there's so many places I want 86 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,920 Speaker 1: to jump in, and for every time I said, well, 87 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:12,600 Speaker 1: I just first of all, I can't. It's how healthy 88 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: you are of your self realization. And I think that 89 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 1: is one of the biggest stumbling blocks for most people 90 00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:22,080 Speaker 1: is you looked in the mirror and you found fault 91 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,800 Speaker 1: in the mirror in yourself. You weren't going, oh my gosh, 92 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,159 Speaker 1: as you said, sifting. That's a very interesting word. I 93 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,000 Speaker 1: was sifting through all these men. And this can go 94 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,920 Speaker 1: for men or women, by the way, but we all 95 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 1: do this right in our dating life and it's like, oh, 96 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 1: he's not right, she's not right, he didn't fit check 97 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 1: off the boxes in this Very rarely are we looking 98 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,680 Speaker 1: in the mirror like you just said. And that is 99 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,919 Speaker 1: a tough thing to do. It's easier said than done. 100 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,520 Speaker 1: So kudos to you for saying, you know what, I'm 101 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 1: not doing something. I need to fix this if I 102 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:51,040 Speaker 1: want to go deeper. 103 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:54,160 Speaker 2: Well, I was going down a slippery slope. I was. 104 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,799 Speaker 2: I was becoming less and less myself because I wasn't 105 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,960 Speaker 2: finding the partnership I thought it would. So I this 106 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 2: was born out of fear. This was not me at 107 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,440 Speaker 2: the top of the mountain saying I've created something. This 108 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,839 Speaker 2: is I'm afraid and I'm unsure of myself and I 109 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,839 Speaker 2: need to get back to who I am and I 110 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,800 Speaker 2: like who I am, and how can I be the 111 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 2: best partner as me? And you know, what does the 112 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:22,720 Speaker 2: mean now? Really need? Right? Not what's on a piece 113 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:26,000 Speaker 2: of paper that might be on my list, you know, 114 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:27,840 Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, you know. 115 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 1: Right, we all have the boxes. 116 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:35,279 Speaker 2: We do have boxes, and some boxes are okay, but 117 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,920 Speaker 2: actually figure out what those boxes are. If you want 118 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:44,400 Speaker 2: someone spiritual, dig into what spiritual means just saying someone's spiritual? Right, 119 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 2: what does that mean to you? Put it into action words? Right? 120 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 1: And the way you've described And I mentioned this and 121 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,599 Speaker 1: this is I don't often read, you know, off a 122 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,800 Speaker 1: press release because I'm like, okay, let's go deeper. But 123 00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:59,120 Speaker 1: there was a line. So whoever wrote this, maybe it 124 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:03,840 Speaker 1: was you, Okay, So this is brilliant, Okay, So I 125 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:07,120 Speaker 1: love this. The whole synopsis of the book starts off 126 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: with with the pop psychology of Malcolm Gladwell and the 127 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 1: humor of Carrie Bradshaw Romances and Practicalities, which of course 128 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 1: is the book combines these, you know, the kind of 129 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 1: the psychology and the romance of it all. Okay, maybe 130 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 1: it's because I'm a geek and I love Malcolm Gladwell 131 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,920 Speaker 1: and I am obsessed with his podcast and everything he does. 132 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,160 Speaker 1: But also Lauren got me more obsessed with Carrie Bradshaw 133 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,679 Speaker 1: and watching Sex in the City. Obviously I was aware 134 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 1: of it, it's one of the biggest shows ever, but 135 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,640 Speaker 1: I never really dove into Carrie Bradshaw, and so I 136 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:44,960 Speaker 1: find those two very interesting because my theory on Carrie 137 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 1: Bradshaw for watching is she is not really healthy and 138 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 1: she's not very good at this at all, and she's 139 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 1: not doing what you're doing, which is self help and 140 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:57,240 Speaker 1: self realization of her shortcomings. 141 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,679 Speaker 2: Well, when you keep putting yourself in to the same 142 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:04,280 Speaker 2: situation over and over and over with different people, something 143 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:08,200 Speaker 2: has to give, right and when you legitimately it's. 144 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,440 Speaker 1: The definition of insanity. And we'll just keep doing it. 145 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:15,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, right, and you're you're you know, look, you found Lauren, right, 146 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:19,320 Speaker 2: and you seem to have a great partnership with her. 147 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 2: And if if a long term partner is what you want, 148 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,559 Speaker 2: you have to get married. You don't have to tie 149 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 2: the knup. But finding that person, if that's what you want, 150 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 2: it can be incredible, right. 151 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:34,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I will say kudos to Lauren who is 152 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 1: a far better communicator than I am. And I thought 153 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,600 Speaker 1: I was good, and you know, considering, and I hate 154 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,840 Speaker 1: to say this publicly, but considering what I did for 155 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,280 Speaker 1: twenty years, you think I would be a much better 156 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:49,079 Speaker 1: communicator because of all that I watched and the mistakes 157 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,720 Speaker 1: that were made. But Lauren actually opened my eyes to 158 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 1: being so much more intentional. And I feel like that 159 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: is this book. It is not just communicating. We can 160 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,840 Speaker 1: all talk, we can all laugh, we can all do that, 161 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: but it's your questions. These two hundred and fifty questions 162 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:09,560 Speaker 1: that we throughout this book, they are intentional communication, which 163 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,360 Speaker 1: is very different. 164 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 2: It's also about being or finding someone who you are 165 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 2: comfortable speaking about anything and everything with, so right. It's 166 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:20,920 Speaker 2: not about getting an answer right, because then someone else 167 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 2: is wrong. Right. It's also about you know, if you 168 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 2: bring something up at the beginning of a relationship, it's 169 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:29,880 Speaker 2: a lot easier to bring that up again and to 170 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:33,400 Speaker 2: revisit something than it is to be three four years 171 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 2: in and think, God, we've never talked. 172 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:40,839 Speaker 1: About this right. Oh, by the way, I slept with 173 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:42,120 Speaker 1: you know, Hey. 174 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:43,959 Speaker 2: Can I tell you something? I don't know how to 175 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,880 Speaker 2: bring this up. There shouldn't be that moment. There should 176 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 2: be a hey, this feels a little awkward, you know, 177 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,320 Speaker 2: but I know we're comfortable with each other, you know. 178 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:54,760 Speaker 2: And you can see that when you first start seeing someone, 179 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 2: if you don't have to run their texts by friends, 180 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,439 Speaker 2: if you can be one hundred percent yourself, you know, 181 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:03,840 Speaker 2: when you're communicating with this person, that's indication. You know. 182 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,880 Speaker 2: If you bring up these questions and you say, I 183 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,679 Speaker 2: read this great book, blame it on me. I read 184 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,200 Speaker 2: this great book, and I want to ask you some questions. 185 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:15,280 Speaker 2: If the person you're with is a little hesitant and 186 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,040 Speaker 2: doesn't want to go there with you, maybe that's an 187 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 2: indication of something. But if someone's willing to jump in 188 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:23,320 Speaker 2: and say, you know, I'm not the best communicator, but 189 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 2: I'll try. 190 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,280 Speaker 1: And that's the thing is I think you're going to 191 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:31,079 Speaker 1: find for those listening, probably one or the other is 192 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,160 Speaker 1: a better communicator. It's very rare that you're going to 193 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 1: just have two great communicators in a relationship. It's wonderful 194 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,760 Speaker 1: if you have that, but usually one has to beget 195 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,560 Speaker 1: the other and you have to help and teach. And 196 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,520 Speaker 1: I will give Lauren a lot of credit. I think 197 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 1: there are things that I've done for Lauren, but I 198 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,840 Speaker 1: definitely one thing she did for me was definitely help 199 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:53,800 Speaker 1: me with communication. And so if that is the case, 200 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 1: as you have found, how can the person that's read 201 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 1: your book, the person that is the communicator, or how 202 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,640 Speaker 1: can they be of assistance and trying to bridge that 203 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,200 Speaker 1: gap with someone who's maybe a little tentative and a 204 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,520 Speaker 1: little stand offish with being open with our feelings so. 205 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:12,040 Speaker 2: You can start light. I mean, the person you're asking 206 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 2: these questions too, doesn't actually have to know that they're 207 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,480 Speaker 2: being r and pied if you will, right, So the 208 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 2: first chapter. 209 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:20,439 Speaker 1: Doesn't have to be an interrogation. 210 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:24,320 Speaker 2: No, no, it doesn't, and it can be done in 211 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 2: various stages. So, for example, the first chapter in the 212 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:31,000 Speaker 2: book is about animals and pets. And I purposely did 213 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:35,280 Speaker 2: this because talking to someone about animals or pets is 214 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:40,600 Speaker 2: a gateway into how this person takes care of others. 215 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,920 Speaker 2: Are they afraid? Did they have pets when they were 216 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:45,640 Speaker 2: growing up? So you can learn a little bit about 217 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,760 Speaker 2: their childhood. So this innocuous question about oh do you 218 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,360 Speaker 2: like dogs? Are you a cat person? Oh? God, I 219 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:55,319 Speaker 2: hate cats? Is like, oh, okay, let's dig into that, right, 220 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 2: And it's so harmless, but it really if you listen 221 00:11:58,160 --> 00:11:59,320 Speaker 2: to their answer, it's such an. 222 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:03,319 Speaker 1: Indication lead you into children their thoughts about having living 223 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,560 Speaker 1: things in their life and taking care of them. For sure, 224 00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:07,520 Speaker 1: it's a good medical right. 225 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:10,240 Speaker 2: Do you have pet insurance? Do you? Or do you 226 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:14,160 Speaker 2: believe you know in treating you know, giving your pet 227 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:17,480 Speaker 2: antidepressants if they're a little anxious. I mean, it opens 228 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 2: up so many, so many doors, you know. And then 229 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 2: there's sort of the hey, I read this book, or hey, 230 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 2: I just thought it'd be fun if we ask some 231 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,240 Speaker 2: questions of each other, you know, we have a glass 232 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:31,760 Speaker 2: of wine or some ice cream, and look, I have 233 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,240 Speaker 2: to tell you, Chris, I hear this all the time. 234 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:37,960 Speaker 2: People get three four questions in and they're having sex 235 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:44,120 Speaker 2: on the floor. Because communication can be super intimate, and 236 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,960 Speaker 2: especially for women. Let's use a heterosexual relationship just in 237 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:52,240 Speaker 2: this case. So I'm I'm feeling really comfortable because I'm 238 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:55,440 Speaker 2: communicating with the man that I really care about. He's 239 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 2: making me feel safe because I'm listening to his answers 240 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 2: and he's listening to mine. Times in with a question, 241 00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:05,800 Speaker 2: and suddenly the intimacy kind of overwhelms the situation. And 242 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:08,080 Speaker 2: I really I hear about this more often than not 243 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:11,840 Speaker 2: of like WHOA, what just happened? I get texts like 244 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 2: wow that worked. Yeah. 245 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 1: No, I think communication is incredibly intimate. I e incredibly sexy. 246 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:23,959 Speaker 1: I think there that is an unbelievable direct correlation. And 247 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,000 Speaker 1: that is something I saw often on the show, those 248 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,960 Speaker 1: that communicated and really got each other and hit on 249 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,600 Speaker 1: that level. Just that's you could see the sparks fly 250 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 1: when you say people have that instant chemistry. A lot 251 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 1: of times that's what that is. 252 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:42,160 Speaker 2: It is, and they feel open enough to start communicating 253 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:46,160 Speaker 2: right and to you know, part of this book is 254 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:51,720 Speaker 2: showing people what you can talk about when you're getting 255 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 2: to know someone. It's okay to go there. And some 256 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:59,040 Speaker 2: people don't always know. You know, Should I ask about 257 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 2: your childhood or how you argue, or who you feel 258 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 2: comfortable speaking with, or what your hobbies and rituals are, 259 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 2: what do you like to do? That's great, but then 260 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,600 Speaker 2: you can get deeper. And it's okay to go deeper 261 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,560 Speaker 2: because it only gets you closer to people. 262 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 1: Two things. Number one, what are the mistakes? The biggest mistakes? 263 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,560 Speaker 1: And you were committing them yourself? For those that you know, 264 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,480 Speaker 1: I think I'm a pretty intelligent guy. I'm a caring guy. 265 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 1: I like to listen, I like to talk, whatever. So 266 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,840 Speaker 1: let's take the average person, like you or like myself, 267 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 1: what are the what's the biggest mistake we're making thinking 268 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: we're good communicators, but we're not. 269 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,360 Speaker 2: So I think a lot of people make the mistake 270 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 2: I certainly did. Of you know, the term deal breaker 271 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 2: of saying well this is a deal breaker for me, Yeah, right, 272 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:52,800 Speaker 2: and but not actually understanding actually is it a deal 273 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:58,440 Speaker 2: breaker for me? And if so, why? Right? So I 274 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 2: don't mean like, do you want to have kids or 275 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,680 Speaker 2: do you not want to have kids, because that's actually 276 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:07,120 Speaker 2: a pretty concrete thing. But you know, I had a 277 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:11,560 Speaker 2: a I wrestled with a lot of questions about my 278 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 2: religion when I was dating my now husband, And you know, 279 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 2: I like to say we're different religions, but I really 280 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:22,000 Speaker 2: started to understand more about my faith and what I 281 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:25,160 Speaker 2: cared about because I was with someone who is the 282 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 2: opposite religion, and I feel really lucky for that because 283 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 2: I really dug into what was important to me about 284 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 2: the rituals that I would ask us to do together 285 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,640 Speaker 2: versus not. But I find a lot of people take 286 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,560 Speaker 2: trivial things that they're holding on too for whatever block 287 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,280 Speaker 2: they are, and they hold on to that when they 288 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 2: don't realize actually does that really matter? And so I 289 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:52,040 Speaker 2: think these questions they bring you back to you. So 290 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 2: they're not like what do you think is the hottest 291 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:59,160 Speaker 2: part of my body? Or what what do you like 292 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,680 Speaker 2: when I do to you sexually? Which is a great question, 293 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:07,320 Speaker 2: but they start with I answers. So if I understand 294 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,880 Speaker 2: this about myself, I can be a better partner to you. 295 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:26,920 Speaker 1: Okay, you know, I think there's probably levels to this. 296 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:31,600 Speaker 1: As you said, don't start off date one with all 297 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 1: of these questions. These are things that need to come 298 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 1: out over time. Correct. 299 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,400 Speaker 2: Yes, and no, I think you can feel the pace, 300 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 2: you know. It's everyone goes at their own pace and 301 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 2: is in a different situation. So like after your first marriage, 302 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,120 Speaker 2: did you reflect on if you were going to get 303 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 2: married again sort of what was important to you the 304 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:52,360 Speaker 2: second time around? 305 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 1: Yeah? For sure, I mean and at first I thought, 306 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 1: you know, I had the knee jerk reaction of number one. 307 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to be the guy that immediately fall 308 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 1: you know, gets right back into relationship. And I haven't 309 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,920 Speaker 1: dealt with this seventeen years of baggage, and I have 310 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:07,879 Speaker 1: two beautiful kids and I'm trying to be a dad. 311 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,919 Speaker 1: I mainly just was like self restraint of don't be 312 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,439 Speaker 1: that person that just rebounds right into a relationship. But 313 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,520 Speaker 1: then initially my I wouldn't say it was a deal breaker, 314 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:19,840 Speaker 1: but I was like, I don't know if I'll ever 315 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,240 Speaker 1: get married again. And I'm okay if I don't get 316 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,520 Speaker 1: married again. And Lauren and I talked about that, and 317 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:29,359 Speaker 1: the beautiful thing about Lauren is that she kind of 318 00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:32,240 Speaker 1: felt the same way because she had been married before, 319 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:35,119 Speaker 1: and so again we had those talks that if we 320 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,359 Speaker 1: didn't get married, it wasn't the biggest thing in the world. 321 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,720 Speaker 1: And I'm actually the one that felt like the relationship 322 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,640 Speaker 1: progressed to the point where I wanted to take it there. 323 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,680 Speaker 1: So it got there naturally. And I think maybe your point, 324 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,240 Speaker 1: and it struck me earlier when you say, oh, this 325 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 1: is just a deal breaker, I am not getting married again. 326 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 1: Dive deeper into that. What did that mean really and 327 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 1: was that really a deal breaker? And it turns out 328 00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:58,399 Speaker 1: it was not. 329 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, or like when people say she needs to be 330 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:05,200 Speaker 2: shorter than me, or he has to be tall, right. 331 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:09,359 Speaker 1: And they must be Jewish or Catholic or that's a 332 00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 1: big one. I hear a lot about religion. 333 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 2: I've heard they can't come from the family of divorced parents. 334 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,919 Speaker 1: Oh gosh, well there's there's seventy five percent of the population. 335 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:25,280 Speaker 2: But why does that mean they have unresolved stuff? Maybe 336 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,000 Speaker 2: they're more evolved because of it, but you need to 337 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,399 Speaker 2: ask them about it. Don't rule them out because of 338 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,800 Speaker 2: something they couldn't control. 339 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,359 Speaker 1: You know what I find interesting and I'd love to 340 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:38,440 Speaker 1: get your take on it is the you know, when 341 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,399 Speaker 1: you start putting those those boxes up of like they 342 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,840 Speaker 1: must be taller, or they must be Jewish, or they 343 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,000 Speaker 1: must be and again some of those I get it, 344 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 1: some of those boxes belong. But man, when you consider 345 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:54,040 Speaker 1: the swath of population you're cutting out, it's hard enough 346 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,040 Speaker 1: to find the one. But if you're saying, Okay, they 347 00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,320 Speaker 1: can't come from a divorce family, well there's fifty to 348 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:02,040 Speaker 1: sixty percent of the population. Can't be this can't be 349 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,359 Speaker 1: this well, net, where are you going to find this 350 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,760 Speaker 1: four percent that you've left in the world that you're 351 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,959 Speaker 1: going to go try and find. You're just not So 352 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,960 Speaker 1: you got to do a deeper dive. And that's what this, 353 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,520 Speaker 1: you know, one of the things you talk about. You 354 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,639 Speaker 1: got to do a deeper dive of what does this 355 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:16,480 Speaker 1: stuff really mean? 356 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,720 Speaker 2: You know? And people ask me write a book your 357 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,560 Speaker 2: TV producer, right, the first question, just like me, The 358 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,760 Speaker 2: first thing you talk about when you create a show 359 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:29,320 Speaker 2: or you're you're fixing something is who's the audience? Who 360 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 2: are we appealing to here? Right? So not every show, 361 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 2: not every book can appeal to every single person. But 362 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,680 Speaker 2: what I love about this is that if you're single, 363 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,800 Speaker 2: you know, you can flip through this read the story. 364 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,240 Speaker 2: The story is great, right, I mean, it is such 365 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 2: a fun, great story. I happened to live it. It 366 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,359 Speaker 2: was not always fun living it, but it's a great read, 367 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 2: you know, and then learn from it. Learn from all 368 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,760 Speaker 2: the other people. You know. I interviewed more than one 369 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,920 Speaker 2: hundred people for this book, right, So learn from their 370 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,320 Speaker 2: stories and then dig in a single person and think, gosh, 371 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:05,200 Speaker 2: I've never thought of that before. Wow. My parents used 372 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,040 Speaker 2: to freak me out when they argued, maybe that's why 373 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:11,880 Speaker 2: I have trouble, you know, bringing up something that's uncomfortable 374 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:15,119 Speaker 2: to me. That's so normal, right, So that's that. And 375 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,159 Speaker 2: then you know, certainly when you're on the cusp of 376 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:20,560 Speaker 2: something pivotal, you should be asking these questions. And then 377 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,800 Speaker 2: just today, so you know, the book's not out yet, 378 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:26,680 Speaker 2: but I'm it's press is starting to read it and 379 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,199 Speaker 2: people are interviewing me, which I'm so grateful for. And 380 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,800 Speaker 2: I got an email from someone who just wrote a 381 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,840 Speaker 2: story on me and the book, and she said, look, 382 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:37,320 Speaker 2: I just have to tell you question number twenty five 383 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:41,240 Speaker 2: blew my husband and me away. She was like, we 384 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 2: had this issue that we weren't talking about. You know, 385 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,879 Speaker 2: he heard my sister complaining about her marriage to me, 386 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,800 Speaker 2: and he was horrified that we speak to each other 387 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,880 Speaker 2: like that. And we had to have a real sit 388 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:57,200 Speaker 2: down about how much do we share with our family 389 00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,919 Speaker 2: with our friends. And he was supremely pro so he 390 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 2: was really uncomfortable with that, and it was festering in him. 391 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 2: She said, and without being this question in your book, 392 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,880 Speaker 2: I would have never sort of had the courage to say, Okay, 393 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,600 Speaker 2: we've been married for five years. We have two kids. 394 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,680 Speaker 2: Let's sit down and talk about this. 395 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:18,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, and guys, just know, if they're sisters involved, there 396 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:24,560 Speaker 1: are no secrets, right, just Lauren has you know, between 397 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,560 Speaker 1: her mom and her sister, there there's nothing that I 398 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:31,000 Speaker 1: assume they don't know about me or our life. So 399 00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,480 Speaker 1: just get over it, guys, that's just sister's trump all. 400 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:34,040 Speaker 1: That's it. 401 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,439 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think that's safe to say. I 402 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,760 Speaker 2: have a question for you, actually, Chris and I've always 403 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,399 Speaker 2: wondered this. I've never produced a dating show. I don't know. 404 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,639 Speaker 2: Maybe you and I can come up with something great 405 00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 2: for the future. But you know, for the couples that 406 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,920 Speaker 2: have made it, and that doesn't mean everyone's walking down 407 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 2: the aisle, but for the couples that have made it, 408 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:59,439 Speaker 2: you've been a part of their journey. Is there a 409 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:05,320 Speaker 2: signal significantly more amount of communication that goes into them 410 00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:08,679 Speaker 2: becoming a success than with others? And clearly, Lee, you 411 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,280 Speaker 2: have to cut this out of the podcast. 412 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 1: If it's a no, no, it's no for sure. And 413 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,720 Speaker 1: that's that's what made me kind of when I started thinking, 414 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 1: you know, going over you know, getting ready for this interview. 415 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:21,159 Speaker 1: Obviously I relate everything back to like my days on 416 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 1: the show and about love and romance, and for sure, fine, 417 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:28,280 Speaker 1: you know, the whole show from my producer standpoint, is 418 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,679 Speaker 1: trying to create chemistry and trying to find those connections, 419 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:36,119 Speaker 1: and you do that through you know, all our questions 420 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,919 Speaker 1: were nonverbal, you know, they weren't written tests. It was 421 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:46,080 Speaker 1: let's put you in an extreme situation. She's afraid of heights. 422 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,119 Speaker 1: How are you going to comfort her and react in 423 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:53,400 Speaker 1: this situation? So basically we were asking questions without asking questions, 424 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,680 Speaker 1: we were doing the same thing, which is that's how 425 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,000 Speaker 1: I love the correlation between the book and the show. 426 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 1: We would do those things. Putting someone on a group 427 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:05,320 Speaker 1: date with someone who you hate, are you going to 428 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,040 Speaker 1: start a fight? Are you going to make it all 429 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,439 Speaker 1: about yourself and this other guy instead of making it 430 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:12,680 Speaker 1: all about you? You know that's you know, I had 431 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 1: a lot of bachelorettes would walk in the room and 432 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,800 Speaker 1: say how about me? Like, you guys haven't said anything 433 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,639 Speaker 1: to me all night. You've been fighting with yourselves. So yeah, 434 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:26,840 Speaker 1: it's there is an unbelievable correlation between what your theories 435 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:28,959 Speaker 1: are on these questions and what we were doing for 436 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,400 Speaker 1: so many years. I just didn't think about it maybe 437 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:33,479 Speaker 1: as technical now as your book. 438 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, in a perfect world, right, someone's going 439 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,960 Speaker 2: to be in a hot air balloon with a glass 440 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,960 Speaker 2: of wine and the most beautiful meal in front of them, 441 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,080 Speaker 2: and they're going to look into the eyes of the 442 00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:50,199 Speaker 2: other person and say, what pivotal relationship in your life 443 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:51,920 Speaker 2: do you want to emulate? 444 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, but what if you're in that hot air balloon 445 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:59,679 Speaker 1: and the person you're with lost a parent in a 446 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,720 Speaker 1: hot air balloon accident. You know, like that's then they. 447 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,399 Speaker 2: Really have to focus on their answer right now. 448 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:09,240 Speaker 1: But now that that whole date, everything takes on so 449 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,200 Speaker 1: much more meaning. But you're right asking though, that that 450 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:17,720 Speaker 1: big question that really dives in is huge. And you know, 451 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,480 Speaker 1: to your point, a lot of the conversations you see 452 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,639 Speaker 1: are so superficial of like what kind of food do 453 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,960 Speaker 1: you like? You know, where's your favorite Italian place in 454 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:29,800 Speaker 1: la It's like, okay, and those aren't horrible questions, but 455 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:31,880 Speaker 1: that's not going to get us anywhere. 456 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, you have to start somewhere, and if you're comfortable 457 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:39,400 Speaker 2: enough going deeper, then that's certainly indication, right. 458 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 1: But if you can't go deeper, if it doesn't go 459 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,399 Speaker 1: beyond that. And if you run out of things to 460 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,320 Speaker 1: talk about, and you should never really run out of 461 00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:48,720 Speaker 1: any questions. I mean there's there's a million. I mean, 462 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:50,440 Speaker 1: you have two hundred and fifty just in your one 463 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,440 Speaker 1: just in books, just two hundred and fifty. 464 00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:54,760 Speaker 2: People people thought I was crazy initially when I was 465 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,880 Speaker 2: sort of describing the book and then think, how many 466 00:24:57,960 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 2: questions are you going to say, you know, fifty and 467 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:04,120 Speaker 2: I well, it's two hundred fifty questions And they were like, oh. 468 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 1: I bet. Publishers were like, should we break this up 469 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:07,719 Speaker 1: into ten books? 470 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 2: Yeah? Right, talk about a franchise. 471 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,639 Speaker 1: And so, but that is an interesting thought of you 472 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,800 Speaker 1: decided to put all two hundred and fifty and this 473 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 1: story because it all kind of encapsulated throughout with your story. 474 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,879 Speaker 2: It's a journey, and look, I am not interesting enough 475 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:29,200 Speaker 2: to carry this whole journey, right. So that's why there 476 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 2: are a couple stories throughout, many different couples. I interviewed 477 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:36,960 Speaker 2: many who did the questionnaire, celebrities, subject matter experts. You know, 478 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:40,280 Speaker 2: I created this great system and it's been validated by 479 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:46,479 Speaker 2: all these respected people. Psychologists, social psychologists, sex therapists. You know, 480 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,639 Speaker 2: they're all behind it because it does work. 481 00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:52,240 Speaker 1: Lindsay, in one sentence, you just told me you're not 482 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:56,359 Speaker 1: a reality show contestant. You produced television, and that is 483 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,959 Speaker 1: I know I'm not interesting enough to carry this. 484 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,600 Speaker 2: I'm not, but I really can tell a good story. 485 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:06,160 Speaker 1: Most reality contestants are like, no, I am so interesting. 486 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,400 Speaker 1: People want to know what I'm going to eat for breakfast. 487 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,639 Speaker 1: There were so many they were contestants. They would come 488 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,280 Speaker 1: on the show and they don't realize that the show 489 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,359 Speaker 1: is what's giving you this glow and this fame and 490 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 1: all this, and they would leave the show and assume 491 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,600 Speaker 1: that people just really cared so much about them their 492 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:26,639 Speaker 1: everyday life. I'm going to do a you know, like 493 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,119 Speaker 1: the Kardashians ruined everything for everybody. I'm going to do 494 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:32,240 Speaker 1: a Kardashian type show where cameras just follow me around 495 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,560 Speaker 1: and I'm like, Okay, what's what's the catch, What's what 496 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 1: are you producing? It's like, oh, nothing, They just I 497 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,280 Speaker 1: think people just want to know what I'm doing. And 498 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,760 Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, sweetheart, good luck with that. 499 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,000 Speaker 2: Wasn't that so funny? People must they do this with 500 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:46,480 Speaker 2: me too? They come up to me all the time. 501 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:49,520 Speaker 2: I got the best idea for yes, and you hear 502 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:50,200 Speaker 2: it and you're like. 503 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:54,240 Speaker 1: And and where's the television? Yeah? 504 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:56,919 Speaker 2: So what are people watching? 505 00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,640 Speaker 1: You know, my family, my brother and I are so wacky. 506 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,879 Speaker 1: Man following us around. You should follow us when we 507 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,240 Speaker 1: go to a football game. It's crazy. And I'm like, 508 00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:07,639 Speaker 1: that's yeah. You're just describing Instagram and TikTok to me. 509 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:10,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent. And you know what, there's a 510 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 2: place for that, and there's a place for anything. And 511 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,719 Speaker 2: you know, I love I'm like you. I heard you 512 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,560 Speaker 2: say recently, you know you were doing some some prep 513 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,800 Speaker 2: for this interview. I was as well, and I just 514 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,240 Speaker 2: I heard you say so many times that you love love. 515 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:25,040 Speaker 1: I do. 516 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:31,399 Speaker 2: I love love. I love dating shows. I love watching people. 517 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,520 Speaker 2: I love watching their eyes and that moment where you're like, oh, 518 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:38,719 Speaker 2: it's there. I love meeting someone on the street and 519 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:40,800 Speaker 2: they tell me they're single. My husband wants to like 520 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,679 Speaker 2: pull me away at that very moment because he's like, 521 00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,440 Speaker 2: oh god, because I want to set them up if 522 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:50,560 Speaker 2: that's what they want, because it's beautiful and healthy love. 523 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:54,000 Speaker 2: Have you watched the Adam Brodie Kristen Bell. 524 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I swear I was just getting when 525 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,359 Speaker 1: we got into the religious part, I was like, nobody 526 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,840 Speaker 1: wants this is the new Kristen Bell Show. It's on 527 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,120 Speaker 1: Netflix and I can't recommend it enough. 528 00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:06,120 Speaker 2: If you want to see a hot rabbi and Kristen Bell, 529 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:10,199 Speaker 2: it's like your dream past, you know. And people, so 530 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,440 Speaker 2: it's all over Instagram. Obviously. It's a great show and people. 531 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,800 Speaker 1: Are a lot. It's just such a simple rom com. 532 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,080 Speaker 1: I love that it's like, Okay, let's not think too hard. 533 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,040 Speaker 1: It's so finally and it doesn't have to be so 534 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,359 Speaker 1: serious and so like I feel like everything I watch 535 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 1: now is so intense and like negative and dark intense. 536 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:33,919 Speaker 2: Yeah, And so that's why this show celebrates people communicate 537 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,480 Speaker 2: and people who are figuring out their lives together. And 538 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:41,280 Speaker 2: I love that there's this sort of healthy love movement 539 00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:43,360 Speaker 2: going on. Do you know what I mean? 540 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:47,440 Speaker 1: Well, what I love is they they literally talk about 541 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 1: what you probably went through is you know, spoiler alert. 542 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,280 Speaker 1: He's Jewish, he's a rabbi, she's not, and they're they're 543 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:57,880 Speaker 1: dealing with that and trying to overcome that and having conversations. 544 00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,959 Speaker 1: And I'll be honest, sometimes they can unicate well about it. 545 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,560 Speaker 1: Sometimes they don't, and that's that's real life, which is 546 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 1: what I like about watching the show. 547 00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:08,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, and there's there are moments in it too where 548 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,240 Speaker 2: you have to think about is this the right relationship 549 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:15,120 Speaker 2: for me? But is it also the right relationship for him? 550 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,440 Speaker 2: And if I bring this to his life, is that 551 00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:20,480 Speaker 2: going to be okay for him? And is this going 552 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:22,240 Speaker 2: to be okay for me too? It's like, is there's 553 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:25,400 Speaker 2: a greater good here too? It's a it's a it's 554 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:29,200 Speaker 2: a bit the stereotype, but it's it's a it's a 555 00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,560 Speaker 2: great show with a great cast, and you start, you know, 556 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,479 Speaker 2: you reflect and actually one of the things that I 557 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:38,560 Speaker 2: love to bring it back to my book of course. 558 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:42,600 Speaker 1: Let's do It. Romances and Practicalities comes out January twenty eighth. 559 00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 1: Find it where you find all great books. 560 00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:47,480 Speaker 2: Yes, exactly, just go on the on your computer or 561 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:52,600 Speaker 2: your phone. People read it and they love to talk 562 00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:59,160 Speaker 2: about themselves. It opens something up in people, and I 563 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,480 Speaker 2: love that because, again, like you, I'm happy to step 564 00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:06,520 Speaker 2: in talk about it and then step back and let 565 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 2: the magic happen. Yeah, and it happens differently for everyone, 566 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,920 Speaker 2: but it happens, and it's incredible. 567 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,400 Speaker 1: And when you see it work. And when I say 568 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,760 Speaker 1: I love love, I mean that was when people said 569 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:23,800 Speaker 1: I did a good job on the Bachelorts. I did care. 570 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,280 Speaker 1: I cared about these people. I wanted it to work. Yes, 571 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,720 Speaker 1: I wanted ratings. And I know we were making television 572 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:30,800 Speaker 1: and we were good at that too. But I really 573 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:34,360 Speaker 1: loved seeing these people get married and now going to 574 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:38,680 Speaker 1: weddings and seeing children being born, and you're like, this works. 575 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:42,080 Speaker 1: This really is a beautiful thing when it works, and 576 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:46,000 Speaker 1: it's hard and it's a it's not always perfect. And 577 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,960 Speaker 1: I have always relished that too, of watching the awkward 578 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:52,320 Speaker 1: and seeing the crash and burn we all do. 579 00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:56,000 Speaker 2: Awkward is not bad though, actually it has awkward. No, 580 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:59,720 Speaker 2: but we've just gotten into like a life of thinking 581 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:01,640 Speaker 2: awkward is bad. 582 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:05,560 Speaker 1: Well, because Instagram and social media, there is no awkward. Typically, 583 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:08,719 Speaker 1: it's just perfect, right, that's right, you pick the right filter, 584 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:14,040 Speaker 1: no blemishes, you know, No, it's everything's perfect and glossy 585 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:16,520 Speaker 1: and it's in sixteen seventeen second clips. But that's not 586 00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:18,560 Speaker 1: life at all. Life is messy. 587 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:22,960 Speaker 2: Life is awkward, and overcoming awkward leaves leads to awesome. 588 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:27,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, and so you know, I one thing about and 589 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,960 Speaker 1: I don't want to promote this show, but one thing 590 00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 1: about the show that and I hear this more and more, 591 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:34,880 Speaker 1: and maybe it's from the show as everyone talks about 592 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,080 Speaker 1: the ick, right, Oh, I got the ick. This thing 593 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:39,400 Speaker 1: gave me the ick. I just you know, you kind 594 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,200 Speaker 1: of go back to these deal breakers, and that, to me, 595 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:47,120 Speaker 1: is a very dangerous mindfield to be walking through of 596 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,680 Speaker 1: somebody did something awkward, or somebody did something we're like, ooh, 597 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:53,640 Speaker 1: I don't know. You kind of have to get over 598 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:54,640 Speaker 1: yourself a little bit. 599 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,120 Speaker 2: I feel like the ick says so much more about 600 00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,360 Speaker 2: you than it does the other person. You know, whatever 601 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:01,800 Speaker 2: weird thing they did that gave you the ick, it's like, 602 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:07,200 Speaker 2: hold on, why did this totally shut me off? Why 603 00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:10,320 Speaker 2: did this give me the eck? So that's jump on you. 604 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,760 Speaker 1: Versus a lot of it, you know, I think a 605 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:14,680 Speaker 1: lot of it in a lot of things, in relationships 606 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:18,040 Speaker 1: and communication and conversations. Again, a lot of it. That's 607 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:21,120 Speaker 1: why I started this off by saying, Wow, you being 608 00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:24,000 Speaker 1: so self reflective was such a healthy thing because most 609 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,640 Speaker 1: of us don't. Most of us, it's so much easier 610 00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:29,960 Speaker 1: to look outward than inward. It's easy to be it's 611 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:33,200 Speaker 1: so easy to judge, and to be judged is really difficult. 612 00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:36,200 Speaker 1: That's what makes our business so hard because you're constantly 613 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:37,080 Speaker 1: just being judged. 614 00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:37,600 Speaker 2: Totally. 615 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,760 Speaker 1: Okay, if you have is there a section in the 616 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:53,800 Speaker 1: book and I'm going to ask you to pick a child? 617 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,120 Speaker 1: But let's be honest. I have two children, and I 618 00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:58,320 Speaker 1: have a favor from time to time, So I'm gonna 619 00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:01,200 Speaker 1: ask you to pick a child. Is there a section 620 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,680 Speaker 1: I want to ask you for one question that's impossible, 621 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:08,840 Speaker 1: but is there a section of questions that you think? This? 622 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,640 Speaker 1: To me is my favorite child? If you can get 623 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:16,600 Speaker 1: to this stage, this is kind of that Malcolm Gladwell 624 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:17,240 Speaker 1: tipping point. 625 00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:21,800 Speaker 2: That's such a good question. No one's asked me that yet, 626 00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:25,120 Speaker 2: so thank you for making me a little bit. As 627 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:26,680 Speaker 2: you can see, I'm trying to think of my answer. 628 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:27,760 Speaker 2: As I replied to. 629 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,600 Speaker 1: Your question, Well, you know, I love Malcolm glad Well, 630 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:31,840 Speaker 1: so I love that side of it. 631 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:36,880 Speaker 2: So for me, I would say my favorite questions were 632 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:42,160 Speaker 2: the it's the religion section because for us they were 633 00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,120 Speaker 2: the hardest. They were what we saved for last. They 634 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:48,440 Speaker 2: were the ones that I didn't handle perfectly. They were 635 00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:51,120 Speaker 2: the ones that if I could redo, I would do 636 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:56,040 Speaker 2: a little bit better, but I struggled there and they 637 00:33:56,080 --> 00:34:00,240 Speaker 2: were very hard for me. So writing that chapter, you know, 638 00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:03,480 Speaker 2: I brought in a rabbi, I brought in a priest, 639 00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:07,840 Speaker 2: I brought in religious leaders to talk about what this 640 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:11,879 Speaker 2: means for different people, because I know it's hard, and 641 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,960 Speaker 2: I know that that's something that comes from our childhood, right, 642 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:20,239 Speaker 2: how we feel about religion or spirituality. And you know, 643 00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,960 Speaker 2: part of this book is trying to celebrate people for 644 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:27,360 Speaker 2: who they are, which where you come from does determine 645 00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:31,600 Speaker 2: where you are, but you know, learning about boundaries and 646 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:35,400 Speaker 2: answering questions about religion. You know, just because you grew 647 00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:38,920 Speaker 2: up Kosher, for example, you know a lot of people 648 00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:42,239 Speaker 2: just say, oh, with someone else who's Jewish will be kosher, right, 649 00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:45,399 Speaker 2: And it's like, hold on, why it's okay if you're 650 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:49,560 Speaker 2: doing that ritual because your family, But please understand why 651 00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:50,399 Speaker 2: that's what I ask. 652 00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:55,560 Speaker 1: Understand why that's It's fascinating, you know what hits you 653 00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:59,279 Speaker 1: the most, and that makes sense. And I bet it 654 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:02,399 Speaker 1: was honestly tough to even watch the show Nobody wants 655 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:05,040 Speaker 1: this because it sounds like it was loosely based on 656 00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:05,520 Speaker 1: your life. 657 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:10,080 Speaker 2: It was so it was so fun, it was so interesting, 658 00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:13,000 Speaker 2: and this is just eye candy meets. 659 00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:16,239 Speaker 1: Real life right see for us. And that's why I 660 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:21,040 Speaker 1: think picking your favorite child is the operative word for that, 661 00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:23,520 Speaker 1: because anybody that reads your book is going to find 662 00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:26,239 Speaker 1: a different favorite child. Like Lauren and I when we 663 00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,400 Speaker 1: started communicating and all that, she comes from a family 664 00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:30,000 Speaker 1: of lawyers. 665 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,760 Speaker 2: Why Lauren, Oh, I feel you girl? 666 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:36,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean dad, her dad was a great lawyer 667 00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:39,480 Speaker 1: before he passed away. Her mom, her brother's a fantastic lawyer. 668 00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:43,080 Speaker 1: They argue, they argue, and they they get after it 669 00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:44,800 Speaker 1: and by the way, you better bring facts and you 670 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,799 Speaker 1: better be good at it. But I didn't come from 671 00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:51,200 Speaker 1: a family that that did that, and I it was 672 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:53,839 Speaker 1: harsh for me, and it took me aback and I 673 00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:56,560 Speaker 1: had to realize, this is their love language. This is 674 00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,480 Speaker 1: how they speak love. And if you can hang and 675 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:02,399 Speaker 1: you can contend in this arena, that's how you earn 676 00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,040 Speaker 1: their respect and you kind of, you know, mix it 677 00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:08,440 Speaker 1: up a little bit. But for me, that felt like 678 00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:10,560 Speaker 1: there was vitriol in the air and it was mean 679 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,560 Speaker 1: and contentious, and I was taking it the wrong way. 680 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:15,680 Speaker 1: And so I had to communicate that and it was 681 00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:17,160 Speaker 1: hard for me, and so that would have been my 682 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:20,960 Speaker 1: favorite child in your book. Having that conversation was important 683 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:21,960 Speaker 1: for us well. 684 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:26,080 Speaker 2: And sometimes it takes another person to help you understand 685 00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:28,719 Speaker 2: your family, right, So Lauren could have easily said, do 686 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,719 Speaker 2: you right, That's how we communicate, That's how it is, 687 00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:33,560 Speaker 2: that's what I grew up with. But it sounds to 688 00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:37,320 Speaker 2: me like she was able to self reflect and understand. Gosh, 689 00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:40,319 Speaker 2: that is. That can be tough for someone who's and 690 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:41,719 Speaker 2: you were grown up. It's not like you were a 691 00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:43,360 Speaker 2: child when you were coming into this relationship. 692 00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:45,239 Speaker 1: Oil is interesting, but I had to go back to 693 00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:48,400 Speaker 1: my childhood and Lauren and I had that conversation to 694 00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:51,840 Speaker 1: your point of being self reflective. Why didn't my family 695 00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,520 Speaker 1: discuss that way? Why weren't we you know, were we 696 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:59,400 Speaker 1: just good Southern folk where we got you know, bless 697 00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,719 Speaker 1: your heart, bread sit under the rug and go on, 698 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:04,040 Speaker 1: and we don't you know, don't talk about your feelings. 699 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:07,160 Speaker 1: You swallow them, you know. And my family wasn't necessarily 700 00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,360 Speaker 1: like that. But those are the things you have to 701 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:12,680 Speaker 1: question of Why didn't we talk like that? 702 00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:14,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, there are so many people that I 703 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:18,439 Speaker 2: spoke to who had very you know, young people who 704 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:24,359 Speaker 2: had very old fashion views on sex and masturbation and 705 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:29,320 Speaker 2: monogamy non monogamy, and some of them went to Catholic school. 706 00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,600 Speaker 2: Some of their families never talked to them about it, 707 00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:36,200 Speaker 2: and you know, it was they had to figure something out, 708 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:39,280 Speaker 2: you know, in these relationships. 709 00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:41,160 Speaker 1: Because most of the time, we just start having sex, right, 710 00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:43,120 Speaker 1: That's why you know you're in a relationship. You start 711 00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,359 Speaker 1: having sex, and sometimes it's good, it's sometimes it's great. 712 00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:48,960 Speaker 1: Sometimes you just kind of keep going and if something's 713 00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:54,000 Speaker 1: wrong and you're not saying something that's huge, you could 714 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:57,239 Speaker 1: get out of a great relationship. And if you had 715 00:37:57,280 --> 00:37:59,720 Speaker 1: just asked a question or two, you could have broached 716 00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:00,400 Speaker 1: that object. 717 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,560 Speaker 2: There's a great story in the book about this woman 718 00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:08,279 Speaker 2: who met someone and their chemistry was incredible, right, they 719 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,120 Speaker 2: did talk about stuff, and then they went to have 720 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:15,600 Speaker 2: sex and it was horrendous, and she thought, I have 721 00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,920 Speaker 2: to end this relationship. I can't be with someone I 722 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:22,480 Speaker 2: can't have sex with. And she spoke to this man 723 00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:25,279 Speaker 2: and she sort of made the decision, I'm going to 724 00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:30,000 Speaker 2: go for it, and he was receptive to learning about 725 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:33,560 Speaker 2: how to have better sex with her. Based. You know, 726 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:35,680 Speaker 2: he was with someone for many years. That's what he 727 00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,200 Speaker 2: thought sex was, and they were together for more than 728 00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:41,319 Speaker 2: a decade because they had the conversation about it. 729 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,160 Speaker 1: Let's start the conversation. 730 00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:45,560 Speaker 2: And it is scary to bring up something like that. 731 00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:45,920 Speaker 2: It is. 732 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:48,640 Speaker 1: It is. Yeah, there are things that are easier than 733 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,520 Speaker 1: others and stuff that's in the bedroom and sex because again, 734 00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:55,279 Speaker 1: we've we've made it so taboo, we've made it so 735 00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,640 Speaker 1: off limits that You're right, it's scary. 736 00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,960 Speaker 2: Do you You and Lauren have various check ins with 737 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,040 Speaker 2: each other, do check in about certain things. 738 00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:08,560 Speaker 1: Again, Lauren is such a great communicator, one of the 739 00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:12,239 Speaker 1: many reasons why I love her. We it's impossible not 740 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:12,759 Speaker 1: to check in. 741 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:16,400 Speaker 2: That's amazing. She set up a great structure. 742 00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:19,600 Speaker 1: She really has. We are constantly communicating. We constantly talk 743 00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:22,319 Speaker 1: to the point where you know, she knows that, like 744 00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:24,759 Speaker 1: I know, women have a lot more words to get 745 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,800 Speaker 1: out during the day. I know you might be done, 746 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:30,600 Speaker 1: so she'll let me go to sleep. But yeah, no, 747 00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:34,040 Speaker 1: we That's one thing that's definitely different from my first 748 00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:37,840 Speaker 1: marriage was just I'm such a better communicator, and I 749 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:40,560 Speaker 1: really thought I was. Honestly, I thought I was a 750 00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:46,400 Speaker 1: very caring, attentive, communicative guy, especially for a guy. You know, 751 00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:49,239 Speaker 1: men were not the smartest animals in the world. But 752 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,759 Speaker 1: I thought I was above average and good and I 753 00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:53,880 Speaker 1: was decent at it, but not compared to what I 754 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,799 Speaker 1: needed to be. And that's why I think, you know, 755 00:39:56,840 --> 00:40:00,440 Speaker 1: your book is so imperative for people to die into 756 00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:02,560 Speaker 1: for their relationship. I think it's invaluable. 757 00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:04,920 Speaker 2: Thank you. I mean, look by the way, I think 758 00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:07,680 Speaker 2: you're being a little hard on yourself. I think you know, 759 00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:10,840 Speaker 2: for the first relationship that you were in, you needed 760 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,560 Speaker 2: to be a different kind of communicator for it to succeed. 761 00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:15,960 Speaker 2: But actually you have to find the right mode of 762 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:20,520 Speaker 2: communication for you in the partnership that you're in. Right, 763 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,480 Speaker 2: so there should be a great base level. But but 764 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,200 Speaker 2: don't try to be something that you're not anything. 765 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:28,120 Speaker 1: Well, and we were children, you know, you're you know, 766 00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,359 Speaker 1: getting together in your teens and getting married in your 767 00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:33,759 Speaker 1: early twenties. I mean, our frontal lobes weren't even formed yet. 768 00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:37,760 Speaker 1: So we have to give ourselves some grace, yes. 769 00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,160 Speaker 2: And that's part of this is giving yourself grace. 770 00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:42,319 Speaker 1: Lindsay, I could go on for days on this. I 771 00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:44,880 Speaker 1: love this and I think eventually we need to work together. 772 00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,800 Speaker 2: I mean, I just all the ideas, Chris, all the ideas. 773 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:52,080 Speaker 2: I did watch you, I watched you host, I watched you, 774 00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:54,359 Speaker 2: you know, live this life. And I think what you've 775 00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,959 Speaker 2: experienced is is so great. And I because you've seen 776 00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:02,040 Speaker 2: so much love. I I'm just so grateful that you're 777 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:05,360 Speaker 2: willing to explore this kind of love with me. That's, 778 00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:09,080 Speaker 2: you know, not being alone on a beach on an island, 779 00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:14,480 Speaker 2: but creating that same passion through communication. So I'm so 780 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:18,600 Speaker 2: grateful to you for reading this book and enjoying it. 781 00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,279 Speaker 1: It's it's really my pleasure. And yeah, for most of 782 00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:22,360 Speaker 1: us that can't just jet off to Bora Bora and 783 00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:25,120 Speaker 1: solve all our problems. We have to live in the 784 00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:28,120 Speaker 1: real world with children and jobs and parents and things, 785 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:29,719 Speaker 1: and we have to you know, we have to do 786 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:31,560 Speaker 1: the work. And that's that's part of it, and so 787 00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:33,560 Speaker 1: this but this book makes it fun. 788 00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:34,920 Speaker 2: The work is fun. 789 00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:36,880 Speaker 1: The work is fun. It's and by the way, as 790 00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:39,120 Speaker 1: you said, most times you dive into some of these 791 00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:43,719 Speaker 1: conversations and it gets really intimate and you you'll, trust me, 792 00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:49,440 Speaker 1: You'll you'll reap the rewards. Lindsey thank you, Thank you 793 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,960 Speaker 1: so much. I appreciate it. The book Romances and Practicalities 794 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:56,960 Speaker 1: drops January twenty fifth. Wherever books are found, and where 795 00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:59,640 Speaker 1: can we find you? To find you on socials. To 796 00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:01,440 Speaker 1: find the book on socials. 797 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:05,719 Speaker 2: Find me on social at Lindsay Jill Roth on all socials. 798 00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:07,840 Speaker 2: You can go to my website, you can go to Amazon, 799 00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:10,680 Speaker 2: you can google my name with Chris Harrison now and 800 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,160 Speaker 2: you know we're linked forever. 801 00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:14,960 Speaker 1: So we are well. And I'm glad that you mentioned 802 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:16,839 Speaker 1: before we came on. You and I were chatting and 803 00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,440 Speaker 1: you and I had taught worked when I was on 804 00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:22,840 Speaker 1: Larry King Live. One of the great highlights of my 805 00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:25,279 Speaker 1: career was making it on with Larry King, one of 806 00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:27,320 Speaker 1: the great interviewers. And you worked side by side with 807 00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:28,400 Speaker 1: him for years. 808 00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:30,560 Speaker 2: And you had a great interview with him. He's such 809 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:34,239 Speaker 2: a curious man, or he was, and you guys really 810 00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:35,839 Speaker 2: had a wonderful conversation that day. 811 00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:38,439 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love people that just dive in, like you said, 812 00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:40,640 Speaker 1: you know, he was a good, good impetus and maybe 813 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:42,839 Speaker 1: foreshadowing for your book because he was so good at 814 00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:45,520 Speaker 1: just I'm just diving in. I'm going to ask the question. 815 00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,479 Speaker 2: Look, he said to me once, and I do mention 816 00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:51,080 Speaker 2: this at the back of the book. He said, you know, Lindsay, 817 00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:56,720 Speaker 2: I didn't date women, I married them, and that always 818 00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:57,360 Speaker 2: stuck with me. 819 00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:01,279 Speaker 1: Interesting. Yeah, yeah, is up. 820 00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:04,600 Speaker 2: There, please ask some questions. I don't know how I'm 821 00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:06,640 Speaker 2: married since he's been up there now, but I hope 822 00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:08,640 Speaker 2: he's asking some questions. Well. 823 00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:10,719 Speaker 1: I hope when we make that transition, we get the 824 00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:14,879 Speaker 1: wisdom to start asking the right questions. Lindsey Jill Roth, 825 00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:18,239 Speaker 1: thank you for your time. Congratulations on the book, look 826 00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,439 Speaker 1: forward to it dropping on January twenty fifth, and thanks 827 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:23,480 Speaker 1: for being on the Most Dramatic podcast Ever. Thanks Chris, 828 00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,440 Speaker 1: thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the Most 829 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,040 Speaker 1: Dramatic Pod Ever, and make sure to write us a 830 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:31,719 Speaker 1: review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you 831 00:43:31,719 --> 00:43:32,160 Speaker 1: next time.