WEBVTT - Sucky Daters Tipline!

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<v Speaker 1>Hell I Suck at Dating with Dean Angler and Dared

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<v Speaker 1>Haven and I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to the

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<v Speaker 1>caller edition of Help I Suck at Dating. I'm Jared Haven.

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<v Speaker 1>Dean Angler is not here today because he's still on

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<v Speaker 1>I think a cruise in the galapacoss that's a fun

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<v Speaker 1>word to say. With his fiance Caitlin Miller Keys, that's

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<v Speaker 1>gonna be fun to say for a while. His filance

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<v Speaker 1>and uh, you know, they just have like no WiFi

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<v Speaker 1>and the audio is terrible. So I'm gonna do the

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<v Speaker 1>callers this week. I'm very excited about it. I think

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<v Speaker 1>Ashley is gonna come in here for a second if

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<v Speaker 1>she has some time to help me out with some

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<v Speaker 1>of our callers. Our first caller this evening this day

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<v Speaker 1>is Christie Christie. Are you there? Hey? Yeah, how are you?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm good, Christie? How are you? Welcome to the podcast? Hi?

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you? I mean I'm doing okay? Yeah. I guess

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<v Speaker 1>if you're calling into this podcast, you're probably not doing

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<v Speaker 1>that well. So at least in the dating sphere, what

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<v Speaker 1>can we do for you? Yes? So? Um So it's

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<v Speaker 1>one of those questions I feel like probably everybody has

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<v Speaker 1>or goes through at some point when you're dating. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>Because like I've been seeing this guy for a month

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<v Speaker 1>and a half now, and like I'm super into him

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<v Speaker 1>and like I believe that he's like really into me too,

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<v Speaker 1>but we haven't had that talk yet about being exclusive

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<v Speaker 1>or not, like and I'm at that point where I'm like, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>like I'm ready to settle down like I would I

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<v Speaker 1>would love to be exclusive with this guy. But like

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<v Speaker 1>I just found out the other day that he matched

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<v Speaker 1>with my friend on hinge and that like really bummed

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<v Speaker 1>me out because it's like, you know, is he still

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<v Speaker 1>super active on the apps or like the fact that

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<v Speaker 1>he's active at all, Like I don't know, maybe he's

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<v Speaker 1>not asn'to me as I am to him. And like again,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just I'm like ready for a relationship. I've been

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<v Speaker 1>like you know, casually dating for a while now, but

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<v Speaker 1>it's like, uh, and I don't know, he's great, So

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<v Speaker 1>like what do you think I should do? Like is

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<v Speaker 1>it too early a month and a happen to have

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<v Speaker 1>that talk? Hell no, oh my god, no a month

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<v Speaker 1>and a half in how many dates have you guys

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<v Speaker 1>going on? Um? Well, like in person, we've probably seen

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<v Speaker 1>each other like two to three times or even like

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<v Speaker 1>four times a week now, like once it got started,

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<v Speaker 1>and like we talk all the time, you know, So

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<v Speaker 1>you're telling me that, you say you on the low side,

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<v Speaker 1>you guys have seen each other four times a week.

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<v Speaker 1>You've been dating for a month and a half, which

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<v Speaker 1>is six weeks, and if my math is correct, that

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<v Speaker 1>would be twenty four times that you guys have seen

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<v Speaker 1>each other, which means it is so not early to

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<v Speaker 1>talk exclusivity. So my wife is here, she's gonna help

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<v Speaker 1>me answer some of these questions. So this is Christie.

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<v Speaker 1>Christie has been seeing a guy for a month and

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<v Speaker 1>a half and she wants to have the exclusivity talk.

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<v Speaker 1>She thinks is it too early? Apparently he's still on

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<v Speaker 1>dating apps and just friended, just like matched with her friend. Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>six weeks is definitely not too early. I would say

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<v Speaker 1>you can honestly have the exclusivity talk after like six

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<v Speaker 1>inch day. I don't think it's really at all. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's him beyond dating apps. He may not

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<v Speaker 1>actually be actively using them. He just matched with her

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<v Speaker 1>friend on a dating app, so he's active. Well that's well,

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<v Speaker 1>then I think you just have to call that action out. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>call him out, call that out, and then see how

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<v Speaker 1>your responds and then you can play the exclusivity talk

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<v Speaker 1>from there. Yeah. I hope your friend's name is Becky,

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<v Speaker 1>so you could be excuse me, but who is Becky

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<v Speaker 1>with the good hair Sharon's glory? I mean that's great advice. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I just call him out, and I guess it'll really

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<v Speaker 1>tell me his character. And yeah, I mean this guy

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<v Speaker 1>you've been dating for a month a half, so it's

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<v Speaker 1>not like you're losing a relationship of four years, Like

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<v Speaker 1>how much you really like him? Does you really like him? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>But also if if he's showcasing these red flags, he's

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<v Speaker 1>definitely not someone that you want to be with if

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<v Speaker 1>he's not willing to start settling down with you or

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<v Speaker 1>be an exclusive relationship with you. Wow. Yeah, so you're

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<v Speaker 1>saying it's a red flag, like a big in how

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<v Speaker 1>do we feel about that? Yeah? Big red flag, like

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<v Speaker 1>you know the size of the flags that they bring

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<v Speaker 1>on before an NFL game where it's like the hundred

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<v Speaker 1>people are holding in they run across the field and

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<v Speaker 1>it's during the national anthem. It's like that size red Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>Well I could just put a little devil's advocate here

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<v Speaker 1>for a second. What if he met she just matched

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<v Speaker 1>with him, and he was on it like a month ago,

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<v Speaker 1>and this is just a recent match because she just

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<v Speaker 1>came across his profile. Maybe she should message him. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you should. Maybe that's what that There you go, that's

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<v Speaker 1>how you do this. See just have her say hi

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<v Speaker 1>and see what he says back. If you still talk class,

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<v Speaker 1>if he's still down to message somebody on a dating app,

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<v Speaker 1>then he may not be into it enough to be exclusive. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>but then you'll know his true intentions and that will

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<v Speaker 1>make you feel good. Clarity, that's what we need here. Yeah, yeah, great,

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<v Speaker 1>I love it. I'm going to see if my friend

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<v Speaker 1>will message him and then call him out and just

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<v Speaker 1>have it, have that conversation. I love this. Can you

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<v Speaker 1>please call back. I want to hear what happened when

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<v Speaker 1>you message him. Yes, I will let you know if

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<v Speaker 1>the big red flag is a big red flag or

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<v Speaker 1>maybe maybe you know sounds good? Thank you? Hold that by,

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you all right. Next up on the podcast is Bobby. Bobby,

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<v Speaker 1>how you doing Buddy? I'm good, How are you doing well?

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for calling in the podcast. How can we help UM, so,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know, probably something you've heard before, but I've

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<v Speaker 1>been sort of hooking up with someone and it's just

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<v Speaker 1>like friends with benefits. But now I guess I'm catching

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<v Speaker 1>feelings and I don't. It's been going on for like

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<v Speaker 1>four months. We like cook up every weekend, and we

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<v Speaker 1>agreed we're just doing you know, we're just friends with

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<v Speaker 1>benefits and that's it. But now I'm feeling things and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm wondering if this if there's potential or because it

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<v Speaker 1>started off this way, there's none. And I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>what are some signs you're getting from her like anything.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, she's willing to hook up with you every

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<v Speaker 1>week so from my perspective, I think she's she's attracted

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<v Speaker 1>to you, so there's a good foundation there. You guys

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<v Speaker 1>seem to be friendly enough to hang out every weekend.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not feeling bad for you. I'm feeling like this

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<v Speaker 1>could be something. Yeah, yeah, it's like delicate. I don't wanna.

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<v Speaker 1>I guess if we can't be more than I don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to mess up what we have and she seems

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<v Speaker 1>to be you know, we have a good time. We laugh.

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<v Speaker 1>It seems like after we're like done sometimes she stays

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<v Speaker 1>like gradually more and more, she like hang out a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit after for longer and and like we were

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<v Speaker 1>watching we watched TV for second. She was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I gotta go. And I was like, oh, you can

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<v Speaker 1>like chill and hang out and watch TV. Marcis no,

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<v Speaker 1>no, no no, I gotta go. So I don't I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know if she had to go or if she was like, no,

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<v Speaker 1>no TV watching or something. Um, I think that you

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<v Speaker 1>should just make your intentions clear because listen, it's only

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<v Speaker 1>gonna get worse if you're starting to develop feelings in you.

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<v Speaker 1>Guys are hanging up more and hooking up more, and

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<v Speaker 1>she's staying longer. I feel like those feelings are only

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<v Speaker 1>gonna grow. So I feel like the best thing for

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<v Speaker 1>you would be to make it known to this person

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<v Speaker 1>that you don't want to just hook up anymore, you

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<v Speaker 1>really want to start a relationship. This has happened before

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<v Speaker 1>with me, uh in my personal life where before marriage,

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<v Speaker 1>like we had similar situations and it always happens this way.

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<v Speaker 1>You start off and you have that conversation, oh, we're

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<v Speaker 1>just gonna hook up. You know, we don't see each

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<v Speaker 1>other in a relationship, but we really attracted to each other.

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<v Speaker 1>With both single, I both want to have fun and

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<v Speaker 1>it always leads to one person developing feelings, and it

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<v Speaker 1>seems like that's happening to you, Bobby. So my biggest

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<v Speaker 1>advice would be to let them know exactly how you

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<v Speaker 1>feel and that you just don't want to hook up anymore,

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<v Speaker 1>that you actually want to start a relationship. That would

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<v Speaker 1>be the biggest piece of advice because this person can't

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<v Speaker 1>read your mind. So, like you said, you don't want

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<v Speaker 1>to ruin a good thing, but at the same time,

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<v Speaker 1>it's only gonna get harder and harder. So I feel

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<v Speaker 1>like the biggest thing for you would be to let

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<v Speaker 1>it know now before it gets even worse for you.

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<v Speaker 1>But how do you feel, Jared, do you think that

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<v Speaker 1>I think that there's like a thing I think that

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<v Speaker 1>he has no there could be a ministry if she's

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<v Speaker 1>hanging out and it's not like you know, wham bam,

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<v Speaker 1>thank you ma'am, and you know absolutely it could potentially

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<v Speaker 1>turn into something. But you have to make that know

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<v Speaker 1>and she can't read your mind, and you know it's

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<v Speaker 1>it's only going to get Your feelings are only going

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<v Speaker 1>to grow, alright. Our last caller is Ethan, one of

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<v Speaker 1>my favorite names. Ethan. Hey, Ethan, how you doing good? Good? Good?

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<v Speaker 1>How are you good? Thanks for joining us on the

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<v Speaker 1>podcast of one of my favorite names ever. And uh,

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<v Speaker 1>definitely a contender if we have a second kid, A

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<v Speaker 1>big contender for her name, all right, I mean for me? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you guys, So what can what can we do for

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<v Speaker 1>you body? What's up? Well? You know, I'm hoping you

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<v Speaker 1>guys can help me out. A girl I've been talking

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<v Speaker 1>to for a couple of weeks texted me the other

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<v Speaker 1>day to say that she isn't a good person to

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<v Speaker 1>date because she's boring and that I can find someone

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<v Speaker 1>better than her. Um, you know, I told her that

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think she's boring, that I want to pursue

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<v Speaker 1>things with her, and you know, then as we like

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<v Speaker 1>talk about it a little bit, she tells me that

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<v Speaker 1>her her last ex cheated on her and she thinks

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<v Speaker 1>that he cheated because she was boring. Um, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I thought everything was going good right before this. But

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I'm not sure what to do because like

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<v Speaker 1>if she truly thinks she's a boring person and she's

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<v Speaker 1>pushing me away, like that sucks. But like you know.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I just don't know if it's an

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<v Speaker 1>excuse her, if she's doing this because of her her

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<v Speaker 1>past and doesn't want to get hurt again. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>So I guess I guess that's where I'm at all Right,

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<v Speaker 1>even I'm gonna do something that they did to Miranda

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<v Speaker 1>in one sex in the City episode and she appreciated it,

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<v Speaker 1>even though it's hard to hear. My personal take is

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<v Speaker 1>she's just not that into you, dared. Um, Yeah, I

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<v Speaker 1>mean that definitely could be it. Um. Yeah, I would

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<v Speaker 1>say I would try to make her feel that she's

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<v Speaker 1>not boring at all and reassure her. But if she

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<v Speaker 1>continues to go down this road of you're too good

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<v Speaker 1>for me or I'm too boring, you can find someone better,

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<v Speaker 1>then yeah, she either has some things that she has

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<v Speaker 1>to deal with her on our own with commitment or relationships,

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<v Speaker 1>or she's just not that into you, both of which

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<v Speaker 1>you probably shouldn't pursue a relationship with this person as

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<v Speaker 1>of right now. Um, But if you like her, of course,

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<v Speaker 1>try to assure and say, hey, listen, no, I really

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<v Speaker 1>like being with you, I want to be with you. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't find you boring. At all. We have such

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<v Speaker 1>great conversation and really reassure her in the multitude of ways.

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<v Speaker 1>But if if it gets to a point of exhaustion,

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<v Speaker 1>when you're like, I mean, there's only so many ways

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<v Speaker 1>I can reassure her that she's not boring, then of

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<v Speaker 1>course it comes to a boiling point where you have

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<v Speaker 1>to figure out if you actually want to pursue a

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<v Speaker 1>relationship with this person, even though it's clear that maybe

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<v Speaker 1>she has something going on. Did you find this out?

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<v Speaker 1>Did she start this conversation by you asking her out again? No? No, no, no,

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<v Speaker 1>it was like we were hanging out already. Uh, in

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<v Speaker 1>the middle. It was kind of like in the middle

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<v Speaker 1>of a date, sort of out of the blue. Yeah,

0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:53.760
<v Speaker 1>well no, I mean she texted me about it initially

0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:55.800
<v Speaker 1>when we were like just exchanging text and then I

0:11:55.840 --> 0:11:57.760
<v Speaker 1>like called her to follow up on it, you know,

0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.800
<v Speaker 1>to get more details, because I was like, whoa, you know,

0:12:00.840 --> 0:12:03.439
<v Speaker 1>I was really surprised. I feeling like it came out

0:12:03.440 --> 0:12:07.560
<v Speaker 1>of like left field there, it wasn't. I don't know. Yeah,

0:12:07.880 --> 0:12:10.200
<v Speaker 1>you know, if if like her ex like resurfaced or

0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:13.880
<v Speaker 1>something and and like made her feel bad about it,

0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:18.000
<v Speaker 1>or she found something from him, and and like it

0:12:18.160 --> 0:12:20.920
<v Speaker 1>reminded her that he thought she was you know, that

0:12:20.920 --> 0:12:23.280
<v Speaker 1>he cheated on her and all that. So I don't know,

0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:26.400
<v Speaker 1>it's tough because it's not that I necessarily don't believe

0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:29.160
<v Speaker 1>this person. I do believe someone when they think that, like, oh,

0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:30.719
<v Speaker 1>you're too good for me. But at the same time,

0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:32.760
<v Speaker 1>when you're in a relationship, don't you want somebody that

0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:36.280
<v Speaker 1>you strive to be with. You know it's you don't

0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:38.960
<v Speaker 1>You don't want to sit on a relationship. So if

0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:41.959
<v Speaker 1>you find someone who you truly think, hey, listen, I

0:12:42.360 --> 0:12:44.480
<v Speaker 1>think you are quote unquote too good for me, then

0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:49.040
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna say, oh, well, I'm I want to pursue you. Then,

0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:51.560
<v Speaker 1>because this is a relationship I want to be with

0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:53.080
<v Speaker 1>because I want to be with someone who can really

0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:57.040
<v Speaker 1>challenge me and who quote unquote I do think is

0:12:57.040 --> 0:12:58.679
<v Speaker 1>better than me. Like I think Ashley is better than

0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:03.640
<v Speaker 1>me cents, But I still married her. Yeah, I mean,

0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:06.000
<v Speaker 1>I guess that's the thing. Like until she told me

0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:08.640
<v Speaker 1>she thought she was boring us, she was really great

0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:10.640
<v Speaker 1>and I wanted to pursue her. And she made me

0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:15.760
<v Speaker 1>excited to you know, to be with her. Um and

0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:17.280
<v Speaker 1>and too and and I felt like it was going

0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:18.880
<v Speaker 1>to make me a better person in the process, and

0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:21.520
<v Speaker 1>so I don't know. I was worried it was an

0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.520
<v Speaker 1>excuse and it kind of sounds like that's where people

0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:27.240
<v Speaker 1>are leaning. But I'll give it a try and see

0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:30.400
<v Speaker 1>if I can turn it around. Still, Yeah, I've give

0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:31.959
<v Speaker 1>it a try, and if it gets too much, then

0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:34.440
<v Speaker 1>of course that's when you can start saying, hey, listen,

0:13:35.080 --> 0:13:38.200
<v Speaker 1>you know I tried to let you know exactly how

0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:40.920
<v Speaker 1>I feel and reassure you, but it's obviously not working,

0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:44.120
<v Speaker 1>and so there's obviously something more going on here. But Ethan,

0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:45.800
<v Speaker 1>thank you so much for calling the podcast, but he

0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:48.920
<v Speaker 1>really appreciate it. Yeah, thanks, guys, have a great day.

0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:51.720
<v Speaker 1>Thanks you too, and now we'll do it. For this

0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:54.360
<v Speaker 1>week's episode, call her episode of help I Suck a Dating.

0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:57.240
<v Speaker 1>We do love your calls. Please call us. You can

0:13:57.320 --> 0:14:00.800
<v Speaker 1>email us at I Suck a Data at IHR media

0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:03.360
<v Speaker 1>dot com, or you can d m us on Instagram

0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.120
<v Speaker 1>if you ever want to call in if you have questions,

0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:07.679
<v Speaker 1>we'd love to hear from you. We always love hearing

0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:09.679
<v Speaker 1>from you. We really appreciate it because of course follow

0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:12.920
<v Speaker 1>on Instagram all that good stuff, uh make sure you

0:14:13.040 --> 0:14:16.080
<v Speaker 1>listened to this past week's episode with Dean and Kaylin,

0:14:16.400 --> 0:14:19.320
<v Speaker 1>because it was pretty awesome hearing Kaylin's side of the

0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:23.760
<v Speaker 1>story from the engagement that Dean finally proposed, and Kaylin

0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:27.800
<v Speaker 1>even gives a little um taste of some of the

0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:30.560
<v Speaker 1>things that she has planned when she proposes to Dean

0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:33.360
<v Speaker 1>and a timetable for that. So make sure you listen

0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:35.720
<v Speaker 1>to this past week's episode and make sure you tune

0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:37.440
<v Speaker 1>in next week where hopefully we all suck just a

0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:40.240
<v Speaker 1>little less. Follow hell by Suck at Dating on I

0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:42.800
<v Speaker 1>Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast