Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with Dean Angler and Dared
Speaker 1: Haven and I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to the
Speaker 1: caller edition of Help I Suck at Dating. I'm Jared Haven.
Speaker 1: Dean Angler is not here today because he's still on
Speaker 1: I think a cruise in the galapacoss that's a fun
Speaker 1: word to say. With his fiance Caitlin Miller Keys, that's
Speaker 1: gonna be fun to say for a while. His filance
Speaker 1: and uh, you know, they just have like no WiFi
Speaker 1: and the audio is terrible. So I'm gonna do the
Speaker 1: callers this week. I'm very excited about it. I think
Speaker 1: Ashley is gonna come in here for a second if
Speaker 1: she has some time to help me out with some
Speaker 1: of our callers. Our first caller this evening this day
Speaker 1: is Christie Christie. Are you there? Hey? Yeah, how are you?
Speaker 1: I'm good, Christie? How are you? Welcome to the podcast? Hi?
Speaker 1: Thank you? I mean I'm doing okay? Yeah. I guess
Speaker 1: if you're calling into this podcast, you're probably not doing
Speaker 1: that well. So at least in the dating sphere, what
Speaker 1: can we do for you? Yes? So? Um So it's
Speaker 1: one of those questions I feel like probably everybody has
Speaker 1: or goes through at some point when you're dating. Um,
Speaker 1: Because like I've been seeing this guy for a month
Speaker 1: and a half now, and like I'm super into him
Speaker 1: and like I believe that he's like really into me too,
Speaker 1: but we haven't had that talk yet about being exclusive
Speaker 1: or not, like and I'm at that point where I'm like, yes,
Speaker 1: like I'm ready to settle down like I would I
Speaker 1: would love to be exclusive with this guy. But like
Speaker 1: I just found out the other day that he matched
Speaker 1: with my friend on hinge and that like really bummed
Speaker 1: me out because it's like, you know, is he still
Speaker 1: super active on the apps or like the fact that
Speaker 1: he's active at all, Like I don't know, maybe he's
Speaker 1: not asn'to me as I am to him. And like again,
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm like ready for a relationship. I've been
Speaker 1: like you know, casually dating for a while now, but
Speaker 1: it's like, uh, and I don't know, he's great, So
Speaker 1: like what do you think I should do? Like is
Speaker 1: it too early a month and a happen to have
Speaker 1: that talk? Hell no, oh my god, no a month
Speaker 1: and a half in how many dates have you guys
Speaker 1: going on? Um? Well, like in person, we've probably seen
Speaker 1: each other like two to three times or even like
Speaker 1: four times a week now, like once it got started,
Speaker 1: and like we talk all the time, you know, So
Speaker 1: you're telling me that, you say you on the low side,
Speaker 1: you guys have seen each other four times a week.
Speaker 1: You've been dating for a month and a half, which
Speaker 1: is six weeks, and if my math is correct, that
Speaker 1: would be twenty four times that you guys have seen
Speaker 1: each other, which means it is so not early to
Speaker 1: talk exclusivity. So my wife is here, she's gonna help
Speaker 1: me answer some of these questions. So this is Christie.
Speaker 1: Christie has been seeing a guy for a month and
Speaker 1: a half and she wants to have the exclusivity talk.
Speaker 1: She thinks is it too early? Apparently he's still on
Speaker 1: dating apps and just friended, just like matched with her friend. Oh,
Speaker 1: six weeks is definitely not too early. I would say
Speaker 1: you can honestly have the exclusivity talk after like six
Speaker 1: inch day. I don't think it's really at all. No,
Speaker 1: I think it's him beyond dating apps. He may not
Speaker 1: actually be actively using them. He just matched with her
Speaker 1: friend on a dating app, so he's active. Well that's well,
Speaker 1: then I think you just have to call that action out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: call him out, call that out, and then see how
Speaker 1: your responds and then you can play the exclusivity talk
Speaker 1: from there. Yeah. I hope your friend's name is Becky,
Speaker 1: so you could be excuse me, but who is Becky
Speaker 1: with the good hair Sharon's glory? I mean that's great advice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just call him out, and I guess it'll really
Speaker 1: tell me his character. And yeah, I mean this guy
Speaker 1: you've been dating for a month a half, so it's
Speaker 1: not like you're losing a relationship of four years, Like
Speaker 1: how much you really like him? Does you really like him? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But also if if he's showcasing these red flags, he's
Speaker 1: definitely not someone that you want to be with if
Speaker 1: he's not willing to start settling down with you or
Speaker 1: be an exclusive relationship with you. Wow. Yeah, so you're
Speaker 1: saying it's a red flag, like a big in how
Speaker 1: do we feel about that? Yeah? Big red flag, like
Speaker 1: you know the size of the flags that they bring
Speaker 1: on before an NFL game where it's like the hundred
Speaker 1: people are holding in they run across the field and
Speaker 1: it's during the national anthem. It's like that size red Okay,
Speaker 1: Well I could just put a little devil's advocate here
Speaker 1: for a second. What if he met she just matched
Speaker 1: with him, and he was on it like a month ago,
Speaker 1: and this is just a recent match because she just
Speaker 1: came across his profile. Maybe she should message him. Maybe
Speaker 1: you should. Maybe that's what that There you go, that's
Speaker 1: how you do this. See just have her say hi
Speaker 1: and see what he says back. If you still talk class,
Speaker 1: if he's still down to message somebody on a dating app,
Speaker 1: then he may not be into it enough to be exclusive. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but then you'll know his true intentions and that will
Speaker 1: make you feel good. Clarity, that's what we need here. Yeah, yeah, great,
Speaker 1: I love it. I'm going to see if my friend
Speaker 1: will message him and then call him out and just
Speaker 1: have it, have that conversation. I love this. Can you
Speaker 1: please call back. I want to hear what happened when
Speaker 1: you message him. Yes, I will let you know if
Speaker 1: the big red flag is a big red flag or
Speaker 1: maybe maybe you know sounds good? Thank you? Hold that by,
Speaker 1: Thank you all right. Next up on the podcast is Bobby. Bobby,
Speaker 1: how you doing Buddy? I'm good, How are you doing well?
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling in the podcast. How can we help UM, so,
Speaker 1: I don't know, probably something you've heard before, but I've
Speaker 1: been sort of hooking up with someone and it's just
Speaker 1: like friends with benefits. But now I guess I'm catching
Speaker 1: feelings and I don't. It's been going on for like
Speaker 1: four months. We like cook up every weekend, and we
Speaker 1: agreed we're just doing you know, we're just friends with
Speaker 1: benefits and that's it. But now I'm feeling things and
Speaker 1: I'm wondering if this if there's potential or because it
Speaker 1: started off this way, there's none. And I don't know
Speaker 1: what are some signs you're getting from her like anything.
Speaker 1: I mean, she's willing to hook up with you every
Speaker 1: week so from my perspective, I think she's she's attracted
Speaker 1: to you, so there's a good foundation there. You guys
Speaker 1: seem to be friendly enough to hang out every weekend.
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling bad for you. I'm feeling like this
Speaker 1: could be something. Yeah, yeah, it's like delicate. I don't wanna.
Speaker 1: I guess if we can't be more than I don't
Speaker 1: want to mess up what we have and she seems
Speaker 1: to be you know, we have a good time. We laugh.
Speaker 1: It seems like after we're like done sometimes she stays
Speaker 1: like gradually more and more, she like hang out a
Speaker 1: little bit after for longer and and like we were
Speaker 1: watching we watched TV for second. She was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I gotta go. And I was like, oh, you can
Speaker 1: like chill and hang out and watch TV. Marcis no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, I gotta go. So I don't I don't
Speaker 1: know if she had to go or if she was like, no,
Speaker 1: no TV watching or something. Um, I think that you
Speaker 1: should just make your intentions clear because listen, it's only
Speaker 1: gonna get worse if you're starting to develop feelings in you.
Speaker 1: Guys are hanging up more and hooking up more, and
Speaker 1: she's staying longer. I feel like those feelings are only
Speaker 1: gonna grow. So I feel like the best thing for
Speaker 1: you would be to make it known to this person
Speaker 1: that you don't want to just hook up anymore, you
Speaker 1: really want to start a relationship. This has happened before
Speaker 1: with me, uh in my personal life where before marriage,
Speaker 1: like we had similar situations and it always happens this way.
Speaker 1: You start off and you have that conversation, oh, we're
Speaker 1: just gonna hook up. You know, we don't see each
Speaker 1: other in a relationship, but we really attracted to each other.
Speaker 1: With both single, I both want to have fun and
Speaker 1: it always leads to one person developing feelings, and it
Speaker 1: seems like that's happening to you, Bobby. So my biggest
Speaker 1: advice would be to let them know exactly how you
Speaker 1: feel and that you just don't want to hook up anymore,
Speaker 1: that you actually want to start a relationship. That would
Speaker 1: be the biggest piece of advice because this person can't
Speaker 1: read your mind. So, like you said, you don't want
Speaker 1: to ruin a good thing, but at the same time,
Speaker 1: it's only gonna get harder and harder. So I feel
Speaker 1: like the biggest thing for you would be to let
Speaker 1: it know now before it gets even worse for you.
Speaker 1: But how do you feel, Jared, do you think that
Speaker 1: I think that there's like a thing I think that
Speaker 1: he has no there could be a ministry if she's
Speaker 1: hanging out and it's not like you know, wham bam,
Speaker 1: thank you ma'am, and you know absolutely it could potentially
Speaker 1: turn into something. But you have to make that know
Speaker 1: and she can't read your mind, and you know it's
Speaker 1: it's only going to get Your feelings are only going
Speaker 1: to grow, alright. Our last caller is Ethan, one of
Speaker 1: my favorite names. Ethan. Hey, Ethan, how you doing good? Good? Good?
Speaker 1: How are you good? Thanks for joining us on the
Speaker 1: podcast of one of my favorite names ever. And uh,
Speaker 1: definitely a contender if we have a second kid, A
Speaker 1: big contender for her name, all right, I mean for me? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you guys, So what can what can we do for
Speaker 1: you body? What's up? Well? You know, I'm hoping you
Speaker 1: guys can help me out. A girl I've been talking
Speaker 1: to for a couple of weeks texted me the other
Speaker 1: day to say that she isn't a good person to
Speaker 1: date because she's boring and that I can find someone
Speaker 1: better than her. Um, you know, I told her that
Speaker 1: I don't think she's boring, that I want to pursue
Speaker 1: things with her, and you know, then as we like
Speaker 1: talk about it a little bit, she tells me that
Speaker 1: her her last ex cheated on her and she thinks
Speaker 1: that he cheated because she was boring. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: I thought everything was going good right before this. But
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not sure what to do because like
Speaker 1: if she truly thinks she's a boring person and she's
Speaker 1: pushing me away, like that sucks. But like you know.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just don't know if it's an
Speaker 1: excuse her, if she's doing this because of her her
Speaker 1: past and doesn't want to get hurt again. You know,
Speaker 1: So I guess I guess that's where I'm at all Right,
Speaker 1: even I'm gonna do something that they did to Miranda
Speaker 1: in one sex in the City episode and she appreciated it,
Speaker 1: even though it's hard to hear. My personal take is
Speaker 1: she's just not that into you, dared. Um, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean that definitely could be it. Um. Yeah, I would
Speaker 1: say I would try to make her feel that she's
Speaker 1: not boring at all and reassure her. But if she
Speaker 1: continues to go down this road of you're too good
Speaker 1: for me or I'm too boring, you can find someone better,
Speaker 1: then yeah, she either has some things that she has
Speaker 1: to deal with her on our own with commitment or relationships,
Speaker 1: or she's just not that into you, both of which
Speaker 1: you probably shouldn't pursue a relationship with this person as
Speaker 1: of right now. Um, But if you like her, of course,
Speaker 1: try to assure and say, hey, listen, no, I really
Speaker 1: like being with you, I want to be with you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't find you boring. At all. We have such
Speaker 1: great conversation and really reassure her in the multitude of ways.
Speaker 1: But if if it gets to a point of exhaustion,
Speaker 1: when you're like, I mean, there's only so many ways
Speaker 1: I can reassure her that she's not boring, then of
Speaker 1: course it comes to a boiling point where you have
Speaker 1: to figure out if you actually want to pursue a
Speaker 1: relationship with this person, even though it's clear that maybe
Speaker 1: she has something going on. Did you find this out?
Speaker 1: Did she start this conversation by you asking her out again? No? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: it was like we were hanging out already. Uh, in
Speaker 1: the middle. It was kind of like in the middle
Speaker 1: of a date, sort of out of the blue. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well no, I mean she texted me about it initially
Speaker 1: when we were like just exchanging text and then I
Speaker 1: like called her to follow up on it, you know,
Speaker 1: to get more details, because I was like, whoa, you know,
Speaker 1: I was really surprised. I feeling like it came out
Speaker 1: of like left field there, it wasn't. I don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, if if like her ex like resurfaced or
Speaker 1: something and and like made her feel bad about it,
Speaker 1: or she found something from him, and and like it
Speaker 1: reminded her that he thought she was you know, that
Speaker 1: he cheated on her and all that. So I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's tough because it's not that I necessarily don't believe
Speaker 1: this person. I do believe someone when they think that, like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're too good for me. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: when you're in a relationship, don't you want somebody that
Speaker 1: you strive to be with. You know it's you don't
Speaker 1: You don't want to sit on a relationship. So if
Speaker 1: you find someone who you truly think, hey, listen, I
Speaker 1: think you are quote unquote too good for me, then
Speaker 1: you're gonna say, oh, well, I'm I want to pursue you. Then,
Speaker 1: because this is a relationship I want to be with
Speaker 1: because I want to be with someone who can really
Speaker 1: challenge me and who quote unquote I do think is
Speaker 1: better than me. Like I think Ashley is better than
Speaker 1: me cents, But I still married her. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess that's the thing. Like until she told me
Speaker 1: she thought she was boring us, she was really great
Speaker 1: and I wanted to pursue her. And she made me
Speaker 1: excited to you know, to be with her. Um and
Speaker 1: and too and and I felt like it was going
Speaker 1: to make me a better person in the process, and
Speaker 1: so I don't know. I was worried it was an
Speaker 1: excuse and it kind of sounds like that's where people
Speaker 1: are leaning. But I'll give it a try and see
Speaker 1: if I can turn it around. Still, Yeah, I've give
Speaker 1: it a try, and if it gets too much, then
Speaker 1: of course that's when you can start saying, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: you know I tried to let you know exactly how
Speaker 1: I feel and reassure you, but it's obviously not working,
Speaker 1: and so there's obviously something more going on here. But Ethan,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for calling the podcast, but he
Speaker 1: really appreciate it. Yeah, thanks, guys, have a great day.
Speaker 1: Thanks you too, and now we'll do it. For this
Speaker 1: week's episode, call her episode of help I Suck a Dating.
Speaker 1: We do love your calls. Please call us. You can
Speaker 1: email us at I Suck a Data at IHR media
Speaker 1: dot com, or you can d m us on Instagram
Speaker 1: if you ever want to call in if you have questions,
Speaker 1: we'd love to hear from you. We always love hearing
Speaker 1: from you. We really appreciate it because of course follow
Speaker 1: on Instagram all that good stuff, uh make sure you
Speaker 1: listened to this past week's episode with Dean and Kaylin,
Speaker 1: because it was pretty awesome hearing Kaylin's side of the
Speaker 1: story from the engagement that Dean finally proposed, and Kaylin
Speaker 1: even gives a little um taste of some of the
Speaker 1: things that she has planned when she proposes to Dean
Speaker 1: and a timetable for that. So make sure you listen
Speaker 1: to this past week's episode and make sure you tune
Speaker 1: in next week where hopefully we all suck just a
Speaker 1: little less. Follow hell by Suck at Dating on I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast