WEBVTT - The Playbook

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<v Speaker 1>This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the

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<v Speaker 1>home office in Austin, Texas. Every week at the end

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<v Speaker 1>of the week, we're going to open up the playbook.

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<v Speaker 1>Laura and I are going to sit down and we're

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<v Speaker 1>going to discuss something. It could be a rant, it

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<v Speaker 1>could be something positive, it could be just something that's

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<v Speaker 1>on our mind that we want to get out there.

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<v Speaker 1>And so today we're opening up the playbook and we're

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<v Speaker 1>talking about I love you. I love you, Pepe, I

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<v Speaker 1>love you, I love you Man, I love this, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>falling in love with you.

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<v Speaker 2>I love this topic of I love you, because here's

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<v Speaker 2>really what we've had written down. It's very much from

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<v Speaker 2>the show. What is the difference between I love you,

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<v Speaker 2>I am falling in love with you, and I am

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<v Speaker 2>in love with you. This was a major qualm that

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<v Speaker 2>I had with Bachelor Bachelor at Bachelormaraieah for years of

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<v Speaker 2>covering the show. And actually when I first had like,

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<v Speaker 2>I had an issue with the phrase I am falling

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<v Speaker 2>in love with you because it's not something I've ever said. No,

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<v Speaker 2>it's not something I think is normal to say, and

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<v Speaker 2>if you people out there say it and they think

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<v Speaker 2>it's that, there's an important reason why please tell me.

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<v Speaker 2>But what I wanted to ask you, and I've got

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<v Speaker 2>to refer to you as as a bit older than

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<v Speaker 2>me on this one.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you wiser, more experienced?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Did you all come up with that? Or is this

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<v Speaker 2>something that is normal in our society before The Bachelor,

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<v Speaker 2>the phrase I am falling in love with you? Or

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<v Speaker 2>was it something the Bachelor like got into the zeitgeist.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's something that we unfortunately put into the zeitgeist.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it was a mechanism that we needed to

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<v Speaker 1>show that this relationship was progressing and it's something that

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<v Speaker 1>happens inside your head and inside your heart and you

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<v Speaker 1>can feel it as a couple, but you got to

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<v Speaker 1>articulate that so the audience knows, and so it's it

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<v Speaker 1>was a mechanism that we put in place, and it

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't on purpose. We didn't think, oh, we're going to

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<v Speaker 1>say this and therefore it will become a thing. But

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<v Speaker 1>it really, I think did become a thing of you know,

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<v Speaker 1>The Bachelor.

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<v Speaker 2>How you couldn't have the leads say I love you,

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<v Speaker 2>because then it would be like, well, he's picking that

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<v Speaker 2>you're in the fantasy.

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<v Speaker 1>But if you also needed something, you needed a caret

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<v Speaker 1>to dangle not only to the audience but also to

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<v Speaker 1>the woman of like, hey, buddy, why am I here

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<v Speaker 1>holding on when you're dating four other women?

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<v Speaker 2>Right? Show me that I that you care.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you, I'm falling

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<v Speaker 1>for you, I'm really falling for you.

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<v Speaker 2>It is.

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<v Speaker 1>Again in the real world. I one hundred percent agree.

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<v Speaker 1>You're either in love with someone or you're not. Exactly

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<v Speaker 1>you're not. Just don't say anything.

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<v Speaker 2>This is why it makes no sense to me, because

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<v Speaker 2>if you're saying I'm falling in love with you or

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<v Speaker 2>I'm maybe I'll give a little bit more grace to

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<v Speaker 2>I'm falling for you, like to me, that more so

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<v Speaker 2>says I'm really developing feelings for you. But if you're

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<v Speaker 2>saying I'm falling in love with you, doesn't that mean

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<v Speaker 2>I'm in love with you?

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<v Speaker 1>It does? It does?

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<v Speaker 2>It just means it means if you're falling, you're hitting

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<v Speaker 2>the ground. Man, you're in the air. Ye.

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<v Speaker 1>Gravity is undefeated, and it's never the fall. By the way,

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<v Speaker 1>it's always the landing that'll get you. And I agree,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm falling in love with you is a really chicken

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<v Speaker 1>shit way of saying I love you, I'm in love

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<v Speaker 1>with you.

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<v Speaker 2>I agree, I'm too afraid to tell you. I want

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<v Speaker 2>to see how you're going to.

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<v Speaker 1>React, or I want to keep my options open.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, I want to keep well. Definitely in the case

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<v Speaker 2>of the show, I want to keep my options open.

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<v Speaker 2>Or I want to see how you'll react so I

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<v Speaker 2>can sort of back away without getting hurt. I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>put myself out there too much. I'm interested in this

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<v Speaker 2>if people have heard I'm falling in love with you

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<v Speaker 2>in real dating situations. A. I'm interested in if the

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<v Speaker 2>show truly affected the dialogue of dating that's out there

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<v Speaker 2>and it's become a thing. And B how do you

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<v Speaker 2>feel about it? Are you okay with it? Have you

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<v Speaker 2>heard it from someone? Do you think it it is toxic?

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<v Speaker 2>Or not to say it? I now I'm trying to

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<v Speaker 2>think if I disagree with my own self, what do

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<v Speaker 2>you think of I'm falling for you me? Yeah, like,

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<v Speaker 2>would you could you hear that from someone? Do you

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<v Speaker 2>think it's just as bad as I'm falling in love.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not as bad. I'll say one is a and

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<v Speaker 1>then the other one's probably in the C level of

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<v Speaker 1>I'm falling in love with you is again, I think

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<v Speaker 1>it's just cowardice and kind of chicken shit, I'm crazy

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<v Speaker 1>in the heat of the moment or something, or in

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<v Speaker 1>a letter like I'm crazy about you, I'm really crazy

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<v Speaker 1>about you, or yeah, falling for you, yeah, Like. I

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<v Speaker 1>think that can be it can be endearing, it can

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<v Speaker 1>be sweet.

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<v Speaker 2>Because also if someone said I love you too soon,

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<v Speaker 2>you think they're crazy. That's a red flag. So I

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<v Speaker 2>would rather hear I'm falling for you, or I really

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<v Speaker 2>like you, or I'm really into you.

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<v Speaker 1>I think there's a pretty wide gap between I'm crazy

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<v Speaker 1>about you, I'm really falling for you. I think what

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<v Speaker 1>it is I'm falling in love with you.

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<v Speaker 2>If you're using the L word, then you're using the

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<v Speaker 2>L word.

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<v Speaker 1>That's all they're hearing. By the way, the only the

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<v Speaker 1>only word in that sentence that your partner is hearing

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<v Speaker 1>is the L word. If you said to me early on, Chris,

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<v Speaker 1>i am really falling in love with you, you mean he like,

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<v Speaker 1>all I've just heard is she's in love with.

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<v Speaker 2>Me, and you sound unhinged.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we wouldn't be sitting here. It's too early. But

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<v Speaker 1>and if we had gotten to the point when I

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<v Speaker 1>did say first I love you, If I had just

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<v Speaker 1>said that day, that morning, I'm I think I'm falling

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<v Speaker 1>in love with you.

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<v Speaker 2>If you had said that to me, I would have

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<v Speaker 2>laughed at you. I would have been like, this guy

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<v Speaker 2>is drinking his own kool aid. He's taking his job

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<v Speaker 2>way too seriously. It's way too real. What's he going

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<v Speaker 2>to do next? Hand me a rose apps, a freaking Really.

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<v Speaker 1>What if I had said, I really think we are

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<v Speaker 1>here for the right reasons, and I think I'm falling

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<v Speaker 1>in love with.

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<v Speaker 2>You, I would have said, am I on the show?

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<v Speaker 2>And I don't know is this?

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<v Speaker 1>Would you show up with me while we were still

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<v Speaker 1>on the road on that trip or would would we

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<v Speaker 1>have broken up then? Or would you have waited till

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<v Speaker 1>we got home?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, because any knows, Chris said I love you for

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<v Speaker 2>the first time when we were on a trip in Mexico. Okay. Oh,

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<v Speaker 2>if in that moment you'd said, I'm I'm here for

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<v Speaker 2>the right.

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<v Speaker 1>If I had just said, hey, babe, I really think

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<v Speaker 1>we are both here for the right reasons, and I

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<v Speaker 1>think I'm falling in love with you. You would have laughed,

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<v Speaker 1>you just would you.

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<v Speaker 2>I would have laughed. I mean I would have known

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<v Speaker 2>you weren't serious. But if you really were serious, like say,

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<v Speaker 2>we don'tly had a couple of dates and you said that,

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<v Speaker 2>I definitely would have ended it. I would have thought,

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<v Speaker 2>this is some Hollywood ahole who's just you know, getting

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<v Speaker 2>high on his own supply.

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<v Speaker 1>Using terrible lines from his own show.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I think he does know the difference between

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<v Speaker 2>real and reality TV. Yeah, and by the way, if

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<v Speaker 2>you'd I don't know if this had happened, if I'd

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<v Speaker 2>said some of that stuff. Did you ever date anyone

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<v Speaker 2>who obviously when you got divorced and you started dating,

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<v Speaker 2>you were famous at that time, you were the host

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<v Speaker 2>of The Bachelor. Did women ever like use the lines

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<v Speaker 2>of the show on you or sort of almost seem

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<v Speaker 2>like they were acting out the fantasy of being on

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<v Speaker 2>the show when dating you? And was it scary? No?

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<v Speaker 1>But I always wondered if they were wondering that. I

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<v Speaker 1>always wondered if we would do something normal like go

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<v Speaker 1>to dinner, Heaven forbid, and I always wondered, are they

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<v Speaker 1>thinking why didn't he like pick me up in a

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<v Speaker 1>jet and we didn't fly to Fiji or San Francisco

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<v Speaker 1>or do something in a hot air balloon. So I

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<v Speaker 1>did always wonder in the back of their mind, are

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<v Speaker 1>they thinking really dinner?

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<v Speaker 2>It attracted me to you that you were normal in

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<v Speaker 2>the beginning, Like if you'd started all that stuff from

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<v Speaker 2>the beginning, I would have found it insincere. Yeah, you

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<v Speaker 2>did it later, would I, like.

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<v Speaker 1>Laura and I do. This isn't just a podcast, this

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<v Speaker 1>is really my life. I got a text message as

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<v Speaker 1>you were out of town last night and you said,

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<v Speaker 1>f Mary kill. Oh.

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<v Speaker 2>I like that game. It's the game Shagmry kill and

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<v Speaker 2>you have to pick like you could say shag Mary

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<v Speaker 2>kill George Clooney and Matt.

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<v Speaker 1>Damon, but you said f Mary kill. The past, the present,

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<v Speaker 1>the future.

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<v Speaker 2>Sometimes I like to pose deep questions over text. I

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<v Speaker 2>mostly do it when I'm at an airport alone, thinking

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<v Speaker 2>way too much.

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<v Speaker 1>Shagg Mary kill. I love you, I'm falling in love

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<v Speaker 1>with you. I'm falling for you kill.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm falling in love with you, shag I'm falling for

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<v Speaker 2>you Mary. I love you. Right, that's the only answer

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<v Speaker 2>that is the correct answer. So you came up with

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<v Speaker 2>this for the show. Do you remember which season you

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<v Speaker 2>all started using it?

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<v Speaker 1>It was early on. It was very I mean, because

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<v Speaker 1>we just needed you had to articulate that to the audience.

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<v Speaker 1>It just made sense.

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<v Speaker 2>Did a lead ever want to say I love you

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<v Speaker 2>and you said you can't say that, but you can

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<v Speaker 2>say I'm falling in love with you?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh? For sure?

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<v Speaker 2>Do you remember instances?

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<v Speaker 1>Many? There were many that wanted to say Probably Trista

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<v Speaker 1>was the first one back with Tristan. Ryan would easily

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<v Speaker 1>have said I love you to Ryan early on because

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<v Speaker 1>that was a slam dunk. And I think of some

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<v Speaker 1>others Jojo and Jordan probably, and there's many others I'm

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<v Speaker 1>forgetting that would have probably said that.

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<v Speaker 2>Ben Higgins infamously said I love you too more than

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<v Speaker 2>one person.

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<v Speaker 1>I wish I'd gotten to Ben after that. Uh huh,

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<v Speaker 1>But yeah, Ben, have.

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<v Speaker 2>You seen the show man if I'm falling in love

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<v Speaker 2>with you?

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<v Speaker 1>We ran that back a couple of times, where we

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<v Speaker 1>did it a couple more times, and I think they

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<v Speaker 1>took it on. We're like, oh, he said I love

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<v Speaker 1>you to more than one person.

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<v Speaker 2>Did you have to go back and say, Ben, you

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<v Speaker 2>got to say I love you more than one person

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<v Speaker 2>now because you've said it to someone.

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<v Speaker 1>No, we didn't know that was on him. Yeah, it

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<v Speaker 1>was really on Ben. He'll admit it. He was actually

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<v Speaker 1>and I love you Ben. He was really dumb enough

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<v Speaker 1>to do that and know it was going to be

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<v Speaker 1>on television. But when he did it, he's like, I'm screwed.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so screwed.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, that you sound just like Ben right now.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like Ben does something and he goes, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>why did I do that? It's kind of his emo.

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<v Speaker 1>He's that guy who's like steps in a pile of dog,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what. And was like, oh, man, But somehow

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<v Speaker 1>he is so lovable because he's so honest about it.

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<v Speaker 1>You can't help but like him even more because he

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<v Speaker 1>just he does. He comes about it so honestly, and

0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:18.840
<v Speaker 1>he didn't mean to do that. It just it was

0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:21.040
<v Speaker 1>in his heart and he just said it. And as

0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:23.280
<v Speaker 1>soon as we heard it, we were like, oh God,

0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:26.640
<v Speaker 1>do you realize what just ask me? Yeah, but there

0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:28.800
<v Speaker 1>have been others and yeah, what we would try to

0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:32.559
<v Speaker 1>encourage them to do is say something glowing, you know,

0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:35.439
<v Speaker 1>And a lot of times again was the woman needed

0:10:35.440 --> 0:10:37.240
<v Speaker 1>to hear something or the man. It depends if it

0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:39.160
<v Speaker 1>was the bachelor bachelrette, they need to hear something to

0:10:39.240 --> 0:10:42.280
<v Speaker 1>keep them holding on as well, because it sucks when

0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:43.280
<v Speaker 1>you're one of twenty five.

0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:45.720
<v Speaker 2>Well, here's what I do think is a good takeaway

0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:47.960
<v Speaker 2>from the show about it all, And let's say everybody

0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:51.240
<v Speaker 2>put this in your playbook for real. You do have to.

0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:53.800
<v Speaker 2>There's a fine line. You don't want to have to

0:10:53.840 --> 0:10:56.959
<v Speaker 2>do it too much, but you have to tell people,

0:10:57.280 --> 0:11:00.240
<v Speaker 2>even early on in a relationship, I'm into you. That

0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:02.559
<v Speaker 2>was a huge part of the reason I fell for you.

0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:06.280
<v Speaker 2>I'll never forget after our very first date, you know,

0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:08.120
<v Speaker 2>it's our first date. We met for a drink. It

0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:11.000
<v Speaker 2>wasn't a he's picking me up situation. It was we're

0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:12.520
<v Speaker 2>two adults meaning for a drink, We're going to see

0:11:12.559 --> 0:11:17.120
<v Speaker 2>what happens. But just the simple fact that when I

0:11:17.160 --> 0:11:20.240
<v Speaker 2>got home, I had a text from you that said, hey,

0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:23.160
<v Speaker 2>wanted to make sure you got home. Okay. I had

0:11:23.160 --> 0:11:25.080
<v Speaker 2>a great time tonight. When can I see you again?

0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:29.800
<v Speaker 2>I remember thinking how refreshing this is a man who

0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:32.320
<v Speaker 2>just clearly is communicating how he feels. He's not playing

0:11:32.360 --> 0:11:34.400
<v Speaker 2>games with me. It's not in a way of it's

0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:37.240
<v Speaker 2>too much or it's weird, but he's just being clear

0:11:37.360 --> 0:11:39.520
<v Speaker 2>and assuring me and telling me this is how I

0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:42.000
<v Speaker 2>felt about tonight, and I'm confident enough to say that

0:11:42.040 --> 0:11:45.360
<v Speaker 2>without wondering how you're feeling. That was when I thought, Okay,

0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:46.600
<v Speaker 2>I like this guy.

0:11:46.559 --> 0:11:48.160
<v Speaker 1>And you don't have to worry about if they're on

0:11:48.160 --> 0:11:50.920
<v Speaker 1>the same page, because if they're not, they're not, and

0:11:51.000 --> 0:11:53.040
<v Speaker 1>you playing a game is not going to put them

0:11:53.040 --> 0:11:53.280
<v Speaker 1>on the.

0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:56.080
<v Speaker 2>Right No, true put yourself out there in the beginning

0:11:56.120 --> 0:11:58.400
<v Speaker 2>so you don't waste your own time. It's freeing. It's

0:11:58.440 --> 0:11:58.960
<v Speaker 2>not scary.

0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:01.840
<v Speaker 1>It's freeing because if you're both just playing a game,

0:12:02.200 --> 0:12:03.800
<v Speaker 1>it's going to come out at some point. Better it

0:12:03.840 --> 0:12:07.720
<v Speaker 1>comes out early than later. Hey, thanks for opening up

0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:12.280
<v Speaker 1>the playbook with me. I love you, and I think

0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:15.120
<v Speaker 1>we've done away with I'm falling in love with you,

0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:17.120
<v Speaker 1>or at least I hope we have, and I hope

0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:20.000
<v Speaker 1>you've enjoyed today. Tune in next week because we will

0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:23.240
<v Speaker 1>open up the playbook again. Until then, I'll talk to

0:12:23.280 --> 0:12:25.080
<v Speaker 1>you next time because we have a lot more to

0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:28.120
<v Speaker 1>talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at

0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:30.720
<v Speaker 1>the most dramatic pod ever, and make sure to write

0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:33.440
<v Speaker 1>us a review and leave us five stars. I'll talk

0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:34.120
<v Speaker 1>to you next time.