Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 1: Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the
Speaker 1: home office in Austin, Texas. Every week at the end
Speaker 1: of the week, we're going to open up the playbook.
Speaker 1: Laura and I are going to sit down and we're
Speaker 1: going to discuss something. It could be a rant, it
Speaker 1: could be something positive, it could be just something that's
Speaker 1: on our mind that we want to get out there.
Speaker 1: And so today we're opening up the playbook and we're
Speaker 1: talking about I love you. I love you, Pepe, I
Speaker 1: love you, I love you Man, I love this, I'm
Speaker 1: falling in love with you.
Speaker 2: I love this topic of I love you, because here's
Speaker 2: really what we've had written down. It's very much from
Speaker 2: the show. What is the difference between I love you,
Speaker 2: I am falling in love with you, and I am
Speaker 2: in love with you. This was a major qualm that
Speaker 2: I had with Bachelor Bachelor at Bachelormaraieah for years of
Speaker 2: covering the show. And actually when I first had like,
Speaker 2: I had an issue with the phrase I am falling
Speaker 2: in love with you because it's not something I've ever said. No,
Speaker 2: it's not something I think is normal to say, and
Speaker 2: if you people out there say it and they think
Speaker 2: it's that, there's an important reason why please tell me.
Speaker 2: But what I wanted to ask you, and I've got
Speaker 2: to refer to you as as a bit older than
Speaker 2: me on this one.
Speaker 1: Did you wiser, more experienced?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2: Did you all come up with that? Or is this
Speaker 2: something that is normal in our society before The Bachelor,
Speaker 2: the phrase I am falling in love with you? Or
Speaker 2: was it something the Bachelor like got into the zeitgeist.
Speaker 1: I think it's something that we unfortunately put into the zeitgeist.
Speaker 1: I think it was a mechanism that we needed to
Speaker 1: show that this relationship was progressing and it's something that
Speaker 1: happens inside your head and inside your heart and you
Speaker 1: can feel it as a couple, but you got to
Speaker 1: articulate that so the audience knows, and so it's it
Speaker 1: was a mechanism that we put in place, and it
Speaker 1: wasn't on purpose. We didn't think, oh, we're going to
Speaker 1: say this and therefore it will become a thing. But
Speaker 1: it really, I think did become a thing of you know,
Speaker 1: The Bachelor.
Speaker 2: How you couldn't have the leads say I love you,
Speaker 2: because then it would be like, well, he's picking that
Speaker 2: you're in the fantasy.
Speaker 1: But if you also needed something, you needed a caret
Speaker 1: to dangle not only to the audience but also to
Speaker 1: the woman of like, hey, buddy, why am I here
Speaker 1: holding on when you're dating four other women?
Speaker 2: Right? Show me that I that you care.
Speaker 1: I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you, I'm falling
Speaker 1: for you, I'm really falling for you.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 1: Again in the real world. I one hundred percent agree.
Speaker 1: You're either in love with someone or you're not. Exactly
Speaker 1: you're not. Just don't say anything.
Speaker 2: This is why it makes no sense to me, because
Speaker 2: if you're saying I'm falling in love with you or
Speaker 2: I'm maybe I'll give a little bit more grace to
Speaker 2: I'm falling for you, like to me, that more so
Speaker 2: says I'm really developing feelings for you. But if you're
Speaker 2: saying I'm falling in love with you, doesn't that mean
Speaker 2: I'm in love with you?
Speaker 1: It does? It does?
Speaker 2: It just means it means if you're falling, you're hitting
Speaker 2: the ground. Man, you're in the air. Ye.
Speaker 1: Gravity is undefeated, and it's never the fall. By the way,
Speaker 1: it's always the landing that'll get you. And I agree,
Speaker 1: I'm falling in love with you is a really chicken
Speaker 1: shit way of saying I love you, I'm in love
Speaker 1: with you.
Speaker 2: I agree, I'm too afraid to tell you. I want
Speaker 2: to see how you're going to.
Speaker 1: React, or I want to keep my options open.
Speaker 2: Yes, I want to keep well. Definitely in the case
Speaker 2: of the show, I want to keep my options open.
Speaker 2: Or I want to see how you'll react so I
Speaker 2: can sort of back away without getting hurt. I didn't
Speaker 2: put myself out there too much. I'm interested in this
Speaker 2: if people have heard I'm falling in love with you
Speaker 2: in real dating situations. A. I'm interested in if the
Speaker 2: show truly affected the dialogue of dating that's out there
Speaker 2: and it's become a thing. And B how do you
Speaker 2: feel about it? Are you okay with it? Have you
Speaker 2: heard it from someone? Do you think it it is toxic?
Speaker 2: Or not to say it? I now I'm trying to
Speaker 2: think if I disagree with my own self, what do
Speaker 2: you think of I'm falling for you me? Yeah, like,
Speaker 2: would you could you hear that from someone? Do you
Speaker 2: think it's just as bad as I'm falling in love.
Speaker 1: It's not as bad. I'll say one is a and
Speaker 1: then the other one's probably in the C level of
Speaker 1: I'm falling in love with you is again, I think
Speaker 1: it's just cowardice and kind of chicken shit, I'm crazy
Speaker 1: in the heat of the moment or something, or in
Speaker 1: a letter like I'm crazy about you, I'm really crazy
Speaker 1: about you, or yeah, falling for you, yeah, Like. I
Speaker 1: think that can be it can be endearing, it can
Speaker 1: be sweet.
Speaker 2: Because also if someone said I love you too soon,
Speaker 2: you think they're crazy. That's a red flag. So I
Speaker 2: would rather hear I'm falling for you, or I really
Speaker 2: like you, or I'm really into you.
Speaker 1: I think there's a pretty wide gap between I'm crazy
Speaker 1: about you, I'm really falling for you. I think what
Speaker 1: it is I'm falling in love with you.
Speaker 2: If you're using the L word, then you're using the
Speaker 2: L word.
Speaker 1: That's all they're hearing. By the way, the only the
Speaker 1: only word in that sentence that your partner is hearing
Speaker 1: is the L word. If you said to me early on, Chris,
Speaker 1: i am really falling in love with you, you mean he like,
Speaker 1: all I've just heard is she's in love with.
Speaker 2: Me, and you sound unhinged.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we wouldn't be sitting here. It's too early. But
Speaker 1: and if we had gotten to the point when I
Speaker 1: did say first I love you, If I had just
Speaker 1: said that day, that morning, I'm I think I'm falling
Speaker 1: in love with you.
Speaker 2: If you had said that to me, I would have
Speaker 2: laughed at you. I would have been like, this guy
Speaker 2: is drinking his own kool aid. He's taking his job
Speaker 2: way too seriously. It's way too real. What's he going
Speaker 2: to do next? Hand me a rose apps, a freaking Really.
Speaker 1: What if I had said, I really think we are
Speaker 1: here for the right reasons, and I think I'm falling
Speaker 1: in love with.
Speaker 2: You, I would have said, am I on the show?
Speaker 2: And I don't know is this?
Speaker 1: Would you show up with me while we were still
Speaker 1: on the road on that trip or would would we
Speaker 1: have broken up then? Or would you have waited till
Speaker 1: we got home?
Speaker 2: Oh, because any knows, Chris said I love you for
Speaker 2: the first time when we were on a trip in Mexico. Okay. Oh,
Speaker 2: if in that moment you'd said, I'm I'm here for
Speaker 2: the right.
Speaker 1: If I had just said, hey, babe, I really think
Speaker 1: we are both here for the right reasons, and I
Speaker 1: think I'm falling in love with you. You would have laughed,
Speaker 1: you just would you.
Speaker 2: I would have laughed. I mean I would have known
Speaker 2: you weren't serious. But if you really were serious, like say,
Speaker 2: we don'tly had a couple of dates and you said that,
Speaker 2: I definitely would have ended it. I would have thought,
Speaker 2: this is some Hollywood ahole who's just you know, getting
Speaker 2: high on his own supply.
Speaker 1: Using terrible lines from his own show.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think he does know the difference between
Speaker 2: real and reality TV. Yeah, and by the way, if
Speaker 2: you'd I don't know if this had happened, if I'd
Speaker 2: said some of that stuff. Did you ever date anyone
Speaker 2: who obviously when you got divorced and you started dating,
Speaker 2: you were famous at that time, you were the host
Speaker 2: of The Bachelor. Did women ever like use the lines
Speaker 2: of the show on you or sort of almost seem
Speaker 2: like they were acting out the fantasy of being on
Speaker 2: the show when dating you? And was it scary? No?
Speaker 1: But I always wondered if they were wondering that. I
Speaker 1: always wondered if we would do something normal like go
Speaker 1: to dinner, Heaven forbid, and I always wondered, are they
Speaker 1: thinking why didn't he like pick me up in a
Speaker 1: jet and we didn't fly to Fiji or San Francisco
Speaker 1: or do something in a hot air balloon. So I
Speaker 1: did always wonder in the back of their mind, are
Speaker 1: they thinking really dinner?
Speaker 2: It attracted me to you that you were normal in
Speaker 2: the beginning, Like if you'd started all that stuff from
Speaker 2: the beginning, I would have found it insincere. Yeah, you
Speaker 2: did it later, would I, like.
Speaker 1: Laura and I do. This isn't just a podcast, this
Speaker 1: is really my life. I got a text message as
Speaker 1: you were out of town last night and you said,
Speaker 1: f Mary kill. Oh.
Speaker 2: I like that game. It's the game Shagmry kill and
Speaker 2: you have to pick like you could say shag Mary
Speaker 2: kill George Clooney and Matt.
Speaker 1: Damon, but you said f Mary kill. The past, the present,
Speaker 1: the future.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I like to pose deep questions over text. I
Speaker 2: mostly do it when I'm at an airport alone, thinking
Speaker 2: way too much.
Speaker 1: Shagg Mary kill. I love you, I'm falling in love
Speaker 1: with you. I'm falling for you kill.
Speaker 2: I'm falling in love with you, shag I'm falling for
Speaker 2: you Mary. I love you. Right, that's the only answer
Speaker 2: that is the correct answer. So you came up with
Speaker 2: this for the show. Do you remember which season you
Speaker 2: all started using it?
Speaker 1: It was early on. It was very I mean, because
Speaker 1: we just needed you had to articulate that to the audience.
Speaker 1: It just made sense.
Speaker 2: Did a lead ever want to say I love you
Speaker 2: and you said you can't say that, but you can
Speaker 2: say I'm falling in love with you?
Speaker 1: Oh? For sure?
Speaker 2: Do you remember instances?
Speaker 1: Many? There were many that wanted to say Probably Trista
Speaker 1: was the first one back with Tristan. Ryan would easily
Speaker 1: have said I love you to Ryan early on because
Speaker 1: that was a slam dunk. And I think of some
Speaker 1: others Jojo and Jordan probably, and there's many others I'm
Speaker 1: forgetting that would have probably said that.
Speaker 2: Ben Higgins infamously said I love you too more than
Speaker 2: one person.
Speaker 1: I wish I'd gotten to Ben after that. Uh huh,
Speaker 1: But yeah, Ben, have.
Speaker 2: You seen the show man if I'm falling in love
Speaker 2: with you?
Speaker 1: We ran that back a couple of times, where we
Speaker 1: did it a couple more times, and I think they
Speaker 1: took it on. We're like, oh, he said I love
Speaker 1: you to more than one person.
Speaker 2: Did you have to go back and say, Ben, you
Speaker 2: got to say I love you more than one person
Speaker 2: now because you've said it to someone.
Speaker 1: No, we didn't know that was on him. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was really on Ben. He'll admit it. He was actually
Speaker 1: and I love you Ben. He was really dumb enough
Speaker 1: to do that and know it was going to be
Speaker 1: on television. But when he did it, he's like, I'm screwed.
Speaker 1: I'm so screwed.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, that you sound just like Ben right now.
Speaker 2: I feel like Ben does something and he goes, oh,
Speaker 2: why did I do that? It's kind of his emo.
Speaker 1: He's that guy who's like steps in a pile of dog,
Speaker 1: you know what. And was like, oh, man, But somehow
Speaker 1: he is so lovable because he's so honest about it.
Speaker 1: You can't help but like him even more because he
Speaker 1: just he does. He comes about it so honestly, and
Speaker 1: he didn't mean to do that. It just it was
Speaker 1: in his heart and he just said it. And as
Speaker 1: soon as we heard it, we were like, oh God,
Speaker 1: do you realize what just ask me? Yeah, but there
Speaker 1: have been others and yeah, what we would try to
Speaker 1: encourage them to do is say something glowing, you know,
Speaker 1: And a lot of times again was the woman needed
Speaker 1: to hear something or the man. It depends if it
Speaker 1: was the bachelor bachelrette, they need to hear something to
Speaker 1: keep them holding on as well, because it sucks when
Speaker 1: you're one of twenty five.
Speaker 2: Well, here's what I do think is a good takeaway
Speaker 2: from the show about it all, And let's say everybody
Speaker 2: put this in your playbook for real. You do have to.
Speaker 2: There's a fine line. You don't want to have to
Speaker 2: do it too much, but you have to tell people,
Speaker 2: even early on in a relationship, I'm into you. That
Speaker 2: was a huge part of the reason I fell for you.
Speaker 2: I'll never forget after our very first date, you know,
Speaker 2: it's our first date. We met for a drink. It
Speaker 2: wasn't a he's picking me up situation. It was we're
Speaker 2: two adults meaning for a drink, We're going to see
Speaker 2: what happens. But just the simple fact that when I
Speaker 2: got home, I had a text from you that said, hey,
Speaker 2: wanted to make sure you got home. Okay. I had
Speaker 2: a great time tonight. When can I see you again?
Speaker 2: I remember thinking how refreshing this is a man who
Speaker 2: just clearly is communicating how he feels. He's not playing
Speaker 2: games with me. It's not in a way of it's
Speaker 2: too much or it's weird, but he's just being clear
Speaker 2: and assuring me and telling me this is how I
Speaker 2: felt about tonight, and I'm confident enough to say that
Speaker 2: without wondering how you're feeling. That was when I thought, Okay,
Speaker 2: I like this guy.
Speaker 1: And you don't have to worry about if they're on
Speaker 1: the same page, because if they're not, they're not, and
Speaker 1: you playing a game is not going to put them
Speaker 1: on the.
Speaker 2: Right No, true put yourself out there in the beginning
Speaker 2: so you don't waste your own time. It's freeing. It's
Speaker 2: not scary.
Speaker 1: It's freeing because if you're both just playing a game,
Speaker 1: it's going to come out at some point. Better it
Speaker 1: comes out early than later. Hey, thanks for opening up
Speaker 1: the playbook with me. I love you, and I think
Speaker 1: we've done away with I'm falling in love with you,
Speaker 1: or at least I hope we have, and I hope
Speaker 1: you've enjoyed today. Tune in next week because we will
Speaker 1: open up the playbook again. Until then, I'll talk to
Speaker 1: you next time because we have a lot more to
Speaker 1: talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at
Speaker 1: the most dramatic pod ever, and make sure to write
Speaker 1: us a review and leave us five stars. I'll talk
Speaker 1: to you next time.