Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, what's up man? What's your name?
Speaker 2: I guess I'll use the name Josh.
Speaker 1: Josh, I like it. What's what's going on with you, Josh?
Speaker 2: Uh? Not much due just hanging out watching my kids.
Speaker 2: My wife is still asleep. I just got off work
Speaker 2: a couple hours ago.
Speaker 1: So what is it that made you want to call
Speaker 1: into my Gecko show today? Uh?
Speaker 2: Yeah? So I So, basically, my dad hasn't been a
Speaker 2: part of my life ever since I was a baby.
Speaker 2: I think like the first time I saw him I
Speaker 2: was twelve, and then the second time was when I
Speaker 2: was seventeen, and then I had no contact with him
Speaker 2: up until I was about eighteen or nineteen, so like
Speaker 2: a year after and then he went completely dark. I
Speaker 2: like to lead of this Facebook, I can't find him anywhere.
Speaker 2: Me and my wife ended up having a baby, and
Speaker 2: there was no way for me to tell him that
Speaker 2: he was a grandfather. So after about like five years
Speaker 2: and twenty four now, I found him on Facebook and
Speaker 2: Adam added him as a friend and he added me
Speaker 2: back and everything, and I just don't really know where
Speaker 2: to go or what to say.
Speaker 1: And did you did you message him or did he
Speaker 1: message you?
Speaker 2: So I like kind of like stalked his Facebook a
Speaker 2: little bit. I canna lie, I like looked through all
Speaker 2: of his photos and everything, and I guess he did
Speaker 2: the same because he liked a photo of me and
Speaker 2: my son. So I sent him a message basically saying like, oh,
Speaker 2: you know, I guess you got to it before I
Speaker 2: could tell you, like, surprise, your grandfather sent this long
Speaker 2: message to him, maybe an hour ago. He hasn't responded
Speaker 2: together or anything, but yeah.
Speaker 1: Wow, interesting. What How how long was it that you
Speaker 1: said that he yet you'd seen him five years?
Speaker 2: Yeah, since I've talked to him. Yeah, I haven't seen
Speaker 2: him in like I don't even know how long.
Speaker 1: Was there like a reason why you didn't was Yeah?
Speaker 1: Was there like a reason why you didn't talk to him?
Speaker 2: Well? My mom always painted him as like this horrible person,
Speaker 2: and there was like some stuff that I remember from
Speaker 2: my past, like maybe when I was like a little
Speaker 2: bit older than my son, like three years old, of
Speaker 2: him like like breaking into the trailer that we lived
Speaker 2: in and like hitting her and stuff and the cops
Speaker 2: being cold. So like I have some bad memories. All
Speaker 2: the memories that I have of him are that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I know like even I've made mistakes as a father,
Speaker 2: maybe not to that extent, but I know that people change,
Speaker 2: and I just don't feel like it's right for me
Speaker 2: to not at least like reach out to him, try
Speaker 2: to get his side of the story. Now that I'm
Speaker 2: an adult and I have like a fool, I feel
Speaker 2: like I have not a full grasp of life, but
Speaker 2: maybe a better understanding.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, yeah, that curiosity makes sense for you to
Speaker 1: want to follow for sure. All right, how do you Yeah,
Speaker 1: how do you feel about following that curiosity?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 2: I don't know because I told my mom about it
Speaker 2: yesterday and she was pretty like like, oh, I don't,
Speaker 2: Like that's a waste of time. I don't know why
Speaker 2: you would do that, Like that's that's stupid. You know,
Speaker 2: you shouldn't do that. You shouldn't reach out to him.
Speaker 2: You know, he wasn't there. What makes you think he's
Speaker 2: going to be there now? Like type of thing, like
Speaker 2: kind of like the whole, the whole thing that she's
Speaker 2: been telling me my entire life about him, Like he's
Speaker 2: not worth talking to, he's not worth even like wasting
Speaker 2: your breath on mm.
Speaker 1: Hmmm are you but you're not really you're not. It
Speaker 1: doesn't sound like going into this with any kind of expectations.
Speaker 2: No, No, I don't have any expectations. I mean, I
Speaker 2: guess I have like a little bit of hope to
Speaker 2: like maybe build a relationship with him, or I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't really, I don't know, dude. I don't know
Speaker 2: what I want. I don't know what I want out
Speaker 2: of this ship, dude. I'm just I guess I'm just curious, right.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, what do you what if the interaction went perfectly,
Speaker 1: how would it go?
Speaker 2: I guess he would just respond, and I don't. That's
Speaker 2: that's a pretty hard question.
Speaker 1: That's good though, That's actually that's good. I feel I
Speaker 1: feel like it's good that you can't answer that, because
Speaker 1: that means you have no expectations, right, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I don't even really expect him to respond.
Speaker 2: I don't even expect him to read it. I didn't
Speaker 2: even like ghek. I didn't even expect him to add
Speaker 2: me back on Facebook. I was surprised when he added
Speaker 2: me on Facebook because I like searched.
Speaker 3: I just got like this.
Speaker 2: I don't know what happened, Like I just got like
Speaker 2: the spark in me I was like, you know what,
Speaker 2: I'm just going to look his name off on Facebook
Speaker 2: because I've white paged his name, done all that, like
Speaker 2: try to find his phone number and stuff, but couldn't.
Speaker 2: So I was like, you know, I'm just gonna look
Speaker 2: him up on Facebook this one time. And then I
Speaker 2: came across.
Speaker 1: How are things going with your family?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 2: They're good. I mean, money's tight like always, but that's
Speaker 2: about to be fixed. My wife is going she just
Speaker 2: did like a four month like celerated course for pharmacy
Speaker 2: tech cool, and she's doing her extern shit in October.
Speaker 2: So it's a month of like no pay forty hours
Speaker 2: a week. Whoa and yeah, so then after that then
Speaker 2: she can get a job and then financial wise it
Speaker 2: will be good. But I mean, honestly, with the way
Speaker 2: the world is right now, it's kind of scary to
Speaker 2: be raising kids.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel that I understand that. Uh yeah, bro,
Speaker 1: I was thinking about that shit in terms of like
Speaker 1: by the time like my kids are like adults, because
Speaker 1: I don't have kids, but I want to at some point,
Speaker 1: but like I feel like by the time that they
Speaker 1: are adults, you know that we're gonna live in a
Speaker 1: the generational gap between worlds gets like more exponential, I think,
Speaker 1: between generations and shit. So I get, I get, I
Speaker 1: get freaked out about that, you know, But I don't know.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I don't know, man. Sometimes like I'll walk around
Speaker 1: in New York and I'll see like fucking kids playing
Speaker 1: at a playground or something, and I'm like, all right,
Speaker 1: we'll we'll, we'll figure this out somehow, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, dude, kids are definitely are definitely not easy.
Speaker 2: And then I think the same thing, like whenever my
Speaker 2: kids are my age, like how how's.
Speaker 3: The world going to be?
Speaker 2: But I mean maybe my parents thought the same way.
Speaker 2: Maybe that's just part of being an adult, you see
Speaker 2: how shitty things can really get.
Speaker 1: Well, it's funny, man. I mean imagine like trying to
Speaker 1: explain what web three is to like an eighty three
Speaker 1: year old.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean, I don't even know what
Speaker 2: web three is.
Speaker 1: Dude, exact, I don't. I don't even know what web
Speaker 1: three is. But there's some fucking thirteen year old who's
Speaker 1: like making a billion dollars off of it, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Like we're all going to be doing
Speaker 1: you know, whatever, the show, whatever, the ship that like
Speaker 1: our kids are gonna be like making their living off
Speaker 1: of or doing what their life is gonna be as
Speaker 1: beyond us as it is, you know. Yeah, it's gonna
Speaker 1: it's gonna be it's gonna be beyond us for sure.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Definitely a little spooky. But I guess that's good. I
Speaker 1: guess that's what I guess that's what you want. You
Speaker 1: want the next generation to and to create things that
Speaker 1: you don't understand.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but.
Speaker 2: It's also yeah, one second of momophone also like.
Speaker 1: You sorry, I'll let you. I'll let you finish your piece.
Speaker 1: But if you've got to attend to your kid, we can.
Speaker 1: It's that's okay.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I definitely I want to talk to you.
Speaker 2: I listened to you like I I load trucks. Hold
Speaker 2: on one second, I load trucks, uh for ups in
Speaker 2: the middle of the night. I go to work at
Speaker 2: like two am, and I load trucks for like six
Speaker 2: hours straight. And I've listened. I've almost listened to every
Speaker 2: single one of your podcasts podcasts since you started. And
Speaker 2: I've and I've like I've literally only started listening like
Speaker 2: maybe two or three or four months ago.
Speaker 1: Oh cool, fuck yeah, fuck yeah, bro, thanks for that's
Speaker 1: that makes me happy here in this uh you know,
Speaker 1: a new a new person coming in listening to the
Speaker 1: whole thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So it's a while that I'm like on the
Speaker 2: phone with you because usually like you're just in my
Speaker 2: headphones and I'm listening to you talking to people, and
Speaker 2: now you're talking to me, and it's just like crazy.
Speaker 4: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Well, what's your kid doing right now? She seems to
Speaker 1: want your attention?
Speaker 2: My I'm sitting in a wagon with a truck and
Speaker 2: my daughter's standing up trying to grab the truck from him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what's your what's your wife doing?
Speaker 2: She worked, she's sleeping.
Speaker 1: M Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to have it for the future.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the How old are you? You're like twenty
Speaker 2: you're like twenty six, right.
Speaker 1: Twenty seven?
Speaker 2: Yeah, twenty seven? Man, how's that? How's that?
Speaker 1: How how's being? How's being? Twenty seven?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Do you feel any different?
Speaker 1: You're what? You're twenty four?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well you're more of a You're you're way more of
Speaker 1: an adult than I am. You know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, you're honestly lucky that you don't have kids,
Speaker 2: because the craziest thing happened my wife woke me up
Speaker 2: at midnight last night, right midnight, she woke me up, dead,
Speaker 2: dead asleep. I'm like, what, what, what's going on? She
Speaker 2: brings me out of the living room. My son's spilt
Speaker 2: but so like my I built a desktop recently, like
Speaker 2: a little budget build and like maybe two months ago,
Speaker 2: and my son spilt lemonade through the top all over
Speaker 2: the CPU cooler in the graphics card nord. Oh no,
Speaker 2: And my wife didn't know how to open the computer
Speaker 2: and try to like get it out, so it end
Speaker 2: up dry. It's dried now, so it's all like goofy
Speaker 2: and I I'm lost.
Speaker 1: Oh no, yeah, do you do you still think it
Speaker 1: was worth it?
Speaker 2: Kids?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, one hundred percent. They change your life, dude.
Speaker 2: Like I feel like I went from like I don't know, dude,
Speaker 2: I went from being like a little kid or like
Speaker 2: having this different perspective on life to like having these
Speaker 2: little humans that I have to like work and provide
Speaker 2: for like no matter what, like I no matter what,
Speaker 2: I have to work and I have to provide for them.
Speaker 2: And that kind of gives you like a like a
Speaker 2: purpose in life totally, Like like whenever I think like, oh,
Speaker 2: you know, what the fuck am I doing going to
Speaker 2: work every day doing the same thing at a job
Speaker 2: that I don't really like, you know, like, oh, I'm
Speaker 2: doing it for them at the end of the day.
Speaker 2: So I always have that to hold on too.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure it gives you a strong sense
Speaker 1: of purpose. Yeah, let's see, how does being twenty seven feel.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm I feel I actually still feel
Speaker 1: like I'm sixteen.
Speaker 2: I still feel like you're sixteen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely. Well, yeah, I feel like I'm well not sixteen.
Speaker 1: I probably feel like I'm like twenty one.
Speaker 2: I feel that.
Speaker 1: Dude, how old do you feel?
Speaker 2: Honestly, I still feel like I can't whenever I say
Speaker 2: twenty four, I feel disgusting.
Speaker 1: Really, twenty four is so yeah, I mean I think,
Speaker 1: I mean, I think both of us are still pretty young.
Speaker 1: Although I get worried since I get worried about like what,
Speaker 1: uh my life is going to be like when I'm
Speaker 1: in like my thirties and forties and fifties like that.
Speaker 1: I think that scares me, you know, because like I
Speaker 1: don't I can't know it.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: But then I see people, But then I talk to people,
Speaker 1: and I see people who are that old and they're
Speaker 1: not freaking out. They're they're living life, they're still doing stuff,
Speaker 1: They're still here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like it just I feel like life
Speaker 2: just goes on, like you just get older. I don't
Speaker 2: feel like you're your feelings really, I mean like, yeah,
Speaker 2: your feelings change, maybe you change as a person, but
Speaker 2: like that kid inside of you is still there. I
Speaker 2: feel like that that really never goes away. Like You're
Speaker 2: gonna never feel like old, like you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: maybe whenever you're sixty, shit, you still might feel twenty one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I hope.
Speaker 4: So.
Speaker 1: I think, uh, I think it's like a bit of
Speaker 1: a it's a bit of a choice. I think is
Speaker 1: as to kind of like a mindset you want to have,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, sometimes sometimes I lose that battle though.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel old. Sometimes I feel like, uh like,
Speaker 1: uh yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm Sometimes I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm twenty one in this very moment as I'm
Speaker 1: talking to you, I feel like I'm I feel like
Speaker 1: young with Sometimes i feel like I'm like seventy four
Speaker 1: and I'm like I'm Sometimes i feel like I'm mister
Speaker 1: me seeks, you know. I mean, yeah, like I'm like
Speaker 1: oh fuck we I you know I have I'm ready to.
Speaker 1: I'm ready to. You know we did it right.
Speaker 2: But if you feel I mean, if you feel like
Speaker 2: you're seventy four out, how would you know what? How
Speaker 2: would you know what that feels like? What would it
Speaker 2: just be like? More of like a what do you
Speaker 2: feel in that time that you feel like you're seventy four?
Speaker 2: Is like worn down? Tired?
Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes sometimes I feel like that. Yeah, but that's
Speaker 1: why imagine I feel seventy four to be. But also yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean age is even like a man made thing.
Speaker 1: I mean, you just kind of exist and then you die.
Speaker 1: There's nothing I could really, I mean there's a few
Speaker 1: things I guess theoretically that I could. I can't think
Speaker 1: of any major things that I can do now that
Speaker 1: I can't do when I'm like sixty, maybe like go
Speaker 1: to Maybe it's just about how you're how you're perceived
Speaker 1: differently and whatnot. But like, I don't know most of
Speaker 1: the ship that I think I would want to do,
Speaker 1: I could I could just keep doing, you know, it's
Speaker 1: just about whether or not you want to give up.
Speaker 1: But as you get older, I think you just get
Speaker 1: you get a little bit more tired if you if
Speaker 1: you let it, if you let that happen, though, but
Speaker 1: I think it's important to not let that happen, and
Speaker 1: you know, maintain vitality just mentally, just mentally feeling like
Speaker 1: you know, but you're you're uh because you have kids,
Speaker 1: You're so deeply in life every day, is what I imagine.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you feel that way, but like
Speaker 1: you don't, because like I feel like you correct me
Speaker 1: if I'm wrong, But it seems like you don't have
Speaker 1: time to wax poetic about how it might feel when
Speaker 1: you're this and the other, because you know, you got
Speaker 1: ship to do, you got people to feed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, Like I don't. I don't know how it
Speaker 2: feels to not to not have kids because I don't
Speaker 2: really remember what that feels like, even though it's only
Speaker 2: been two years. But like I feel like, dude, the
Speaker 2: days and like the weeks, even the months just go
Speaker 2: by so fast, really, and like, yeah, dude, like like
Speaker 2: I blink my eyes. I can't even I don't even
Speaker 2: know how it's almost the end of twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2: I feel like I still remember January of twenty twenty
Speaker 2: five like it was yesterday. Right, like like I blink
Speaker 2: my eyes, like my like whenever my son was born, Dude,
Speaker 2: I swear that wasn't two years ago. That like completely
Speaker 2: blows my mind that that was two years. It's like
Speaker 2: you blink your eyes and time just goes by, dude.
Speaker 2: And I feel like it's hard to try to like
Speaker 2: hold on to like memories or like cherish like the
Speaker 2: little moments with them, or like cherish moments with my
Speaker 2: wife because it's so just so like involved in life
Speaker 2: and like work and this like trying to provide and
Speaker 2: like survival mode just like you know, how how are
Speaker 2: we going to do this? This is how we're going
Speaker 2: to do it. And it's like that every single day,
Speaker 2: just you know, so it's hard to hold on to that.
Speaker 2: And I feel like that's what makes time go by fast,
Speaker 2: because you're so preoccupied with everything else that's going on
Speaker 2: around you, all everything else that you have to deal with.
Speaker 2: Mm hm hm hmm.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: That makes a lot of sense, not saying that not
Speaker 2: having kids would make life any easier.
Speaker 1: No, No, I know you, but I know you mean though,
Speaker 1: like when you are like when you get into like
Speaker 1: a strong routine, time goes by very fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: anytime when every day is the same and yeah, whenevery
Speaker 1: days the same time flows by fast. But if yeah,
Speaker 1: if you find a way to break through your routine,
Speaker 1: like you kind of remember ship a little bit more.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I actually I actually told CHATCHYTP about this because
Speaker 2: I've heard in one of your podcasts from maybe a
Speaker 2: couple of years ago that you were using you tried
Speaker 2: to using chat GTP as a therapist.
Speaker 1: So I was like, yeah, I try.
Speaker 2: And and it actually gave me like a pretty cool
Speaker 2: like uh little like tip, I guess you could say.
Speaker 2: It was like I was just telling it how like
Speaker 2: I find it hard to remember times, you know, of
Speaker 2: like good moments with my kids, like like yeah I
Speaker 2: remember them being born, the first steps like stuff like that,
Speaker 2: but like something that I did to make them laugh,
Speaker 2: like you know, like little little moments to hold on to.
Speaker 1: And uh.
Speaker 2: It was basically just saying to remember this conversation, the
Speaker 2: conversation that I had with it, and to think back
Speaker 2: to that whenever one of those moments are happening, like
Speaker 2: whenever I do something that makes them laugh either, like
Speaker 2: maybe this conversation will make you think back and then
Speaker 2: you'll try to hold onto that memory and share shit
Speaker 2: so then you don't just you know, get it mixed
Speaker 2: up with all the other ship that's going on and
Speaker 2: just end up forgetting it.
Speaker 1: M M, yeah, I I think, Yeah, make a note
Speaker 1: of shit is important, Like journaling. Writing shit down makes
Speaker 1: you feel like your life actually existed in some way,
Speaker 1: ship or form, right, M.
Speaker 2: I've actually I've actually I did that. Whenever I was
Speaker 2: a kid, I had a journal, but I really never
Speaker 2: stuck with it.
Speaker 1: What did you think about it? Would you think about
Speaker 1: getting back into it? You know, not even like not
Speaker 1: even as like a daily practice, but just like, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, whenever you can. It does make life feel
Speaker 1: more real.
Speaker 2: Really? Oh yeah for sure, Yeah, dude, I've I've never
Speaker 2: done that in my adult life. I haven't tried that.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Do you just like write about like how your day
Speaker 2: one or how you're like?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I used to write every I used to.
Speaker 1: I mean I journal all the time a lot. I
Speaker 1: used to, like I used to meticulously journal everything I did,
Speaker 1: like and long. I would like every like everything I did,
Speaker 1: where I went to eat that day, you know, or
Speaker 1: like who I talked to. Yeah, I used to matic
Speaker 1: like when I was in college. I was meticulously journaling.
Speaker 1: Now I do it sometimes, but I lost it along
Speaker 1: the way. And I do feel like when I stopped
Speaker 1: doing that is when time started going faster, because everything
Speaker 1: felt like it was just another like thing on the
Speaker 1: road to whatever the main thing is. But then you
Speaker 1: realize that it's all the main thing. And so but
Speaker 1: the more you write down, the more you know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that shit just goes into your memory, and then you
Speaker 1: look back and you can like, actually, you can like
Speaker 1: read your life a little bit. You know, you could
Speaker 1: be like, hey, I talk to my kid about especially
Speaker 1: because you have like young kids, you know, like they're
Speaker 1: saying shit. Maybe they they want to you want to
Speaker 1: remember when they're asking you about it later, or do
Speaker 1: and ship you want to remember, you know, And it
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be a huge chore. You know, just
Speaker 1: bullets I think is good sometimes, you know, yeah, sorry,
Speaker 1: go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 2: Oh no, I was just gonna say, whenever I think
Speaker 2: of journaling, I think of writing these big, huge paragraphs.
Speaker 1: No, no use a bullet Is that what you got
Speaker 1: time for?
Speaker 2: That's interesting. I'll have to give that a shot.
Speaker 1: You say, you said your name is Josh or that
Speaker 1: was your I know it was a fake name.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a fake name. I wish, I wish I
Speaker 2: could use my real name.
Speaker 1: I want you, but I'm not going that's that's okay,
Speaker 1: that's okay. Why do you wish you could use your
Speaker 1: real name?
Speaker 2: I don't know, because it just feels it feels more
Speaker 2: like like I don't I don't know. That's a good question.
Speaker 2: It feel more like, uh, like I'm not just hiding
Speaker 2: behind a like a mask and I'll just talk to
Speaker 2: a random per something that gave you fake name.
Speaker 1: No, I don't w Well, we are both talking to
Speaker 1: a random person that we don't know. There's no hiding
Speaker 1: behind that.
Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, but for me, for me, it feels
Speaker 2: like in a way, I know, I don't I have
Speaker 2: no idea who you are, but I know your your
Speaker 2: persona online you anyway, I feel like I know you,
Speaker 2: but in reality I don't.
Speaker 1: You've well, yeah, I mean it's as if it's as
Speaker 1: if we have It is a little bit as if
Speaker 1: we have spent five hundred hours together.
Speaker 2: Yeah, several several hours.
Speaker 1: Yeah, which is enough time to get to know someone
Speaker 1: in a sense. Right, It's kind of weird.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's gotta be weird for you. I I couldn't
Speaker 2: even imagine like having a large following and then people
Speaker 2: talking to me that I've never met before, like like
Speaker 2: they know me.
Speaker 1: But I but I. But it's here's a weird thing.
Speaker 1: I almost I know I know you via what you
Speaker 1: know about me, and I know you via what I
Speaker 1: know about you from the past twenty minutes. So we
Speaker 1: can combine that those two I can combine those two
Speaker 1: informations enough for us to have this conversation. I know
Speaker 1: this is getting kind of meta, but.
Speaker 2: You know, I.
Speaker 1: Cool. Man, Well I'm well listen, but here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Regardless of what I uh, I appreciate you sharing your story,
Speaker 1: regardless of what happens with you know, your dad on Facebook.
Speaker 1: I'm really happy to hear that uh uh you know
Speaker 1: you're a great fucking dad and that you're enjoying raising
Speaker 1: a family and the things things seem like they're they're
Speaker 1: going well for you, man, So you know, congratulations on
Speaker 1: you know, we had that guy uh trip, We had
Speaker 1: our boy Trip talking on the podcast like a week
Speaker 1: or so ago about you know, breaking breaking the cycle
Speaker 1: and trying to be a good dad. So, you know,
Speaker 1: glad to hear another one out there doing that ship.
Speaker 1: You know, it's a noble thing to do. So I
Speaker 1: appreciate you doing that and sharing your story about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks man, I appreciate you giving me a call
Speaker 2: out of probably the hundreds of texts that you've gotten,
Speaker 2: this the first. I think it's well, this would be
Speaker 2: the second time that I've tried to call you.
Speaker 1: Now I've only got I've gotten about how many texts
Speaker 1: do I have?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: And I got about uh, I got about ten?
Speaker 2: Oh about ten? Ship. That's still that's still I still
Speaker 2: feel lucky.
Speaker 1: Chris Man. Is there anything else gonna say with the
Speaker 1: people of the computer before we go? Uh?
Speaker 2: Well, you know a couple of years you said some
Speaker 2: a couple of years ago that you hate when people
Speaker 2: or you wish that people wouldn't give advice.
Speaker 1: So, oh, I do forget forget forget You know how
Speaker 1: you just said that you listened to every episode of
Speaker 1: the podcast forget anything I ever said in any of
Speaker 1: those just forget it all. I didn't. I I was
Speaker 1: I was drunk the whole time. That's not true. But
Speaker 1: go ahead to say whatever, say whatever you want, man,
Speaker 1: go ahead.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I was just gonna say, uh, I love
Speaker 2: you guys, and I hope everybody's doing well. I know
Speaker 2: it's hard time, so we can all get through it.
Speaker 1: Yoh, thank you Josh. I appreciate you man. You have
Speaker 1: a good one.
Speaker 2: Yeah you too.
Speaker 1: Bye, Josh, all right bye. I love you, Gek, love
Speaker 1: you to you, buddy. Good guy like Josh. He's a
Speaker 1: nice man. He's a sweet boy, taking care of his family,
Speaker 1: living his life. Hmmm, I'm inspired by that. I'm inspired
Speaker 1: by that. He's got a good he's got a good
Speaker 1: head on his shoulders, doing a good thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, it's funny because he was asking me how it
Speaker 1: felt like to be twenty seven, and I'm like, dude, bro,
Speaker 1: you have like I feel like when you have two kids,
Speaker 1: you're like a real ass adult. I feel that's why
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm sixteen. You know, I'm in a
Speaker 1: precarious situation where like if I fell asleep right now,
Speaker 1: you know, nobody, nobody relies on me to uh exist
Speaker 1: and not die. You know that has this pros and cons.
Speaker 1: I think you know, but he seems like you got
Speaker 1: a lot of purpose from having people to rely on
Speaker 1: him to not die. I think it's nice. It's a
Speaker 1: noble thing to have people in your life who need
Speaker 1: you to not die. I think that's very noble. Hello,
Speaker 1: hi there, Oh my god, what's up?
Speaker 4: Are you kidding?
Speaker 1: Nothing? There is no kidding, There is only uh seriousness.
Speaker 1: What is your name?
Speaker 4: Oh my god, my name is Lida.
Speaker 1: I'm at work right now, Yo, Lida, you're at work?
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you able to interrupt your workday to
Speaker 1: have this conversation right now?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, great, great? Could you do me a favorite?
Speaker 1: Could you take me off of like speakerphone or headset
Speaker 1: or whatever?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, you're off, you're speaker. Now.
Speaker 1: Where are do you work?
Speaker 4: I work at a hotel. I am a housekeeper?
Speaker 1: Oh okay, are you off toilets?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Are you cleaning people? Are you cleaning ship off of toilets?
Speaker 1: Right now?
Speaker 4: Thankfully, I'm actually done with that. My work just do
Speaker 4: was like a summer like barbecue. So yeah, it was
Speaker 4: really good. But like I'm allowed to throw up because
Speaker 4: I just ate too much food.
Speaker 1: What did you eat? Would you have to eat?
Speaker 4: Okay, let's see. I ate two cookies, I ate three cupcakes.
Speaker 4: I had a hamburger. I ate a hot dog. I
Speaker 4: ate some pizza salad, pizza salad, hold up pasta salad,
Speaker 4: my bad pizza salad sounds really good, though, somebody should.
Speaker 1: Come up with that's a that's a lot. Do you
Speaker 1: feel Are you okay? Do you need medical atte? Do
Speaker 1: you feel okay right now? Mentally and physically after getting that?
Speaker 4: No? But my mom is a nurse, so I will
Speaker 4: be okay.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's not I don't. That's uh. It's helpful that
Speaker 1: your mom's a nurse, but I don't. Does it guarantee
Speaker 1: that you'll be okay forever?
Speaker 4: Yes, it does. I'll probably live forever because of her.
Speaker 1: And you know what, I respect your confidence in that answer.
Speaker 4: Nobody else has agreed with me on that.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I may have talked about this
Speaker 1: on the podcast once. I had a kind of embarrassing
Speaker 1: moment when I went to Tijuana a few months ago.
Speaker 1: I I'm a serial clogger. I'm known amongst the community
Speaker 1: as a serial clogger of toilets.
Speaker 3: And oh my.
Speaker 4: God, I remember that episode you talked to that one
Speaker 4: guy who was like, I clogged too many toilets, so
Speaker 4: I can't live anywhere.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like that too. That's why I can't have roommates.
Speaker 1: I clogged too many toilets. I was. I was at
Speaker 1: this hotel and I had like, uh, I clogged the toilet,
Speaker 1: and I had to I went down to the front
Speaker 1: desk and I had to be like tns esta and
Speaker 1: then do the like toilet plunger motion, like I'm plunging
Speaker 1: a toilet. And then they were like then they were
Speaker 1: like one second and then and then they came up
Speaker 1: to my room and they were about to go in.
Speaker 1: They were about to go in, and uh unclogged the toilet,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I took, I took this toilet
Speaker 1: plunger and I and I unclogged the toilet.
Speaker 4: That's how I feel when I talk to my coworkers,
Speaker 4: because they yeah, anyway, wait, okay, I'm nervous.
Speaker 1: There's nothing. There's nothing nothing, nothing has happened. There's no
Speaker 1: this is there's nothing to be nervous about. I I
Speaker 1: we can uh yeah, there's you're not being like you
Speaker 1: don't try to be please, don't. You don't have to
Speaker 1: try to be anything. You don't have to try to
Speaker 1: be anyone. You don't have to care about this in
Speaker 1: any way, shape or form.
Speaker 4: I don't care about anything.
Speaker 1: Good good good.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, okay, let's there's a few things. Well, let me
Speaker 1: ask you this, was there a particular thing that you
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about today.
Speaker 4: Let's see see, Unlike everybody else, I've thought about this
Speaker 4: like a bajillion times.
Speaker 3: M hm, but hmmm.
Speaker 4: Let's see. Okay, I just graduated from from high school.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, And.
Speaker 4: Let's see I just got actually, I just got accepted
Speaker 4: into cosmetology school.
Speaker 1: Very nice.
Speaker 4: And let's see, my brother got out of prison and
Speaker 4: he's coming to live with us.
Speaker 1: Oh are you are you excited about that?
Speaker 4: No? But you know, here's the thing. I have two
Speaker 4: I have three brothers. One of them passed away, and
Speaker 4: so now I'm having to be like extra thankful for
Speaker 4: my other brother. So I'm kind of trying to not
Speaker 4: be mad, but like, I'm in the middle of going
Speaker 4: to school, and it's kind of crazy that, you know,
Speaker 4: he's coming to live with us. I haven't seen him
Speaker 4: in years, in the middle of me going back to
Speaker 4: like cosmetology school, and so I'm just like, but.
Speaker 1: You know, okay, why uh if you want, I mean,
Speaker 1: if you want to talk about it, why uh you
Speaker 1: would you had a very quick reaction when you said no,
Speaker 1: why no to being excited about him coming home.
Speaker 4: Well, as a housekeeper, I am very particular about how
Speaker 4: I keep my living area, specifically like my bathroom, and
Speaker 4: so I don't think I really have to elaborate too
Speaker 4: much on that.
Speaker 1: Okay, do you guys do you guys share? Do you
Speaker 1: guys share a living space?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Do you live in the same room?
Speaker 4: No, I have my own room, but we're gonna have
Speaker 4: to share like a bathroom, okay kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: Are you excited to see him?
Speaker 4: I'm excited to see him. I am. I am. He's
Speaker 4: just a huge dick wad is how I would describe him?
Speaker 1: Is he older or younger?
Speaker 4: He's older, he's in his Uh all my brothers are
Speaker 4: in their thirties. I was quite the not planned sing
Speaker 4: so all I have every single one of my brothers
Speaker 4: are getting up there. So just fine.
Speaker 1: You talked about and I'm sorry to hear about your
Speaker 1: brother that passed away. You were talking about how okay,
Speaker 1: because you have this is how many brothers? And is
Speaker 1: he the last remaining brother? Is there another brother?
Speaker 4: So I have another brother that is on my dad's side. Okay,
Speaker 4: but he I don't talk to him. He's like bald
Speaker 4: and stuff, and he.
Speaker 1: Has a kid, and the you don't talk to him
Speaker 1: because he's bald.
Speaker 4: Partly he gets it from dad.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, that's fair. Sometimes sometimes you just don't
Speaker 1: want to talk to bald people. I get that, and
Speaker 1: I understand, yeah exactly.
Speaker 4: And he's and he has a kid and stuff, and
Speaker 4: so it's just like, yeah, hey, you're my you're my
Speaker 4: brother man.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, I get it. Yeah, yeah, sure, you're eighteen.
Speaker 1: When you think of like a brother, you're like, you
Speaker 1: think of like a boy. You're like, you think of
Speaker 1: like a Dexter's laboratory kind of a boy. But your
Speaker 1: brother is a your brother is a bald, old man
Speaker 1: with a child's and so you're like, I don't even
Speaker 1: you're like a You're like a tertiary. You're like, I
Speaker 1: need to invent a new word beyond brother, uncle cousin.
Speaker 1: I need I need a new word to describe how
Speaker 1: I feel about you. Yeah, that's how That's exactly what
Speaker 1: it is. Okay, I get you. I get you. So
Speaker 1: then so then let me so let me ask you this.
Speaker 1: Uh the you're saying that you want to use this
Speaker 1: opportunity to foster a better relationship with the brother that
Speaker 1: is coming to live with you. Do you do you
Speaker 1: feel that way? Oh?
Speaker 4: Let's see, I do feel that way. Let me think
Speaker 4: I do feel that way?
Speaker 1: Really hey, real quick, real quick? Can you I don't
Speaker 1: know if you did something to your phone, but if
Speaker 1: you could just hold it right up to your ear,
Speaker 1: that would be great.
Speaker 4: Sorry, sorry I had to take off my hoodie because
Speaker 4: we're not allowed to wear at work. But anyway, Yeah,
Speaker 4: so he's coming down, and then my dog Actually he
Speaker 4: doesn't like people. He only likes me and my mom.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. So that's wait wait wait wait wait wait wait,
Speaker 1: but but before you start talk about your dog, do
Speaker 1: you are you trying to use this as like a
Speaker 1: way to like, are you looking forward to like building
Speaker 1: a relationship back with your brother?
Speaker 4: I kind of am. Here's the thing, he's just kind
Speaker 4: of a jerk, you know, he's just kind of a jerk,
Speaker 4: And that's like the main thing. But other than that,
Speaker 4: I guess I am. That's me excited. I haven't seen
Speaker 4: him in a long time.
Speaker 3: Mm hm.
Speaker 1: When when was the last time you saw him?
Speaker 4: I saw him? Let's see, done, like three years.
Speaker 1: Three years?
Speaker 4: Do you? Yeah, like three years, because.
Speaker 1: Did you visit him at all in prison?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 4: So the thing is he was there. He's all the
Speaker 4: way in Wyoming. I live in Oregon. Ohkay'm find you
Speaker 4: for Renica. Okay, it's okay. Sorry, my coworker had some
Speaker 4: drama for me. But anyway, we haven't visited him because
Speaker 4: he kind of like, I mean, we call him and stuff,
Speaker 4: but he kind of like he's too far away. Even
Speaker 4: when we go down to visit our family in the summer,
Speaker 4: he's just like way from where it's accessible to us.
Speaker 4: That makes sense.
Speaker 1: Do you ever write letters to him or anything like that.
Speaker 4: I did not write letters to him. I don't write
Speaker 4: letters to him, but we do talk, and you know,
Speaker 4: I tell him, like you know, brother and sister stuff.
Speaker 4: I guess like I tell him what's going on, but
Speaker 4: nothing like I don't know. He's just like we're not
Speaker 4: as we're not as close as I was with my
Speaker 4: other brother. We were much closer when that passed away.
Speaker 4: We were much closer. He's uh, it was like very cool,
Speaker 4: very cool fellow.
Speaker 1: M They're nothing you like, do you alright? Do you
Speaker 1: is it possible? Do you think that your brother has
Speaker 1: like changed at all and praise Like, do you think
Speaker 1: he'll have he'll re emerge a different guy.
Speaker 4: And that's what my mom keeps telling me. My mom
Speaker 4: thinks that he has because you know, we talked to
Speaker 4: him on the phone and stuff, and he seems a
Speaker 4: lot more normal than he was. I mean, I can
Speaker 4: say this, I think Yeah, I think so he was
Speaker 4: like addicted to mess and stuff. So he was just
Speaker 4: kind of like not who I remember him being when
Speaker 4: I was younger and stuff like that. Yeah, so it
Speaker 4: was just kind of like a struggle to I guess,
Speaker 4: relate to him and have a good relationship the way
Speaker 4: we did before. Yeah, if that makes.
Speaker 1: Sense, Yeah, that makes sense. Is he is he clean now?
Speaker 4: He's clean now just because I think it partially is
Speaker 4: mostly because he can't access it anymore.
Speaker 1: But that's a that's a solid way to stop doing anything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it is, it is.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 4: It is. But I mean, I I I sympathize with
Speaker 4: him and whatnot. Ah, but it's just kind of hard
Speaker 4: to because he was.
Speaker 3: Very rude.
Speaker 4: But otherwise what is left to be done in here?
Speaker 1: Well, listen, what's your name again?
Speaker 4: I've heard everything, but wipe it down. Sorry, my name
Speaker 4: is Lena.
Speaker 1: Lena, Lena. I'm gonna let you get back to work,
Speaker 1: but uh, you know, I appreciate you sharing your your story,
Speaker 1: and I hope that uh things go well with you
Speaker 1: and and your and your.
Speaker 4: Thank you than your brother. Thank you. I appreciate that.
Speaker 4: I appreciate that. And uh yeah, I've been listening to
Speaker 4: middle school so this is awesome. I couldn't even believe it.
Speaker 1: Rock and roll. Man, Well, thank you very much for listening.
Speaker 1: Good luck, and I'll see you. I'll see you around
Speaker 1: the universe.
Speaker 4: Thank you so much, Thank you so much. I'll talk
Speaker 4: to you later maybe probably bye bye bye.
Speaker 3: No fucking way that works, bro.
Speaker 1: What's up?
Speaker 3: Man?
Speaker 1: What's your name?
Speaker 3: What's up? My name?
Speaker 1: Has life?
Speaker 3: Personally? In my life, a lot is going great, but
Speaker 3: then like in the world, it seems like everything kind
Speaker 3: of stucks.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, uh a lot. Don't you what that everything
Speaker 1: in the world sucks?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I have a lot of thoughts on this,
Speaker 1: and I get into fights with people about it sometimes
Speaker 1: about whether the world sucks because well because and I
Speaker 1: don't know, I hate uh, part of me wants to
Speaker 1: shut up, but I'm the one who has a fucking podcast.
Speaker 1: But this is large part of me that and you
Speaker 1: know what, fuck it is. The world's for as long
Speaker 1: as we've been around. You can point to, you know,
Speaker 1: terrible things, Yeah, you can point you can for as
Speaker 1: long as we've been around, you can point to dictatorships,
Speaker 1: and you can point to, uh, genocides and atrocities and
Speaker 1: horrible things and so and so we're just dealing with
Speaker 1: We're we're we're the human beings alive at this very
Speaker 1: moment dealing with the horrible things going on in the
Speaker 1: world at this very moment. But we it's not. It's
Speaker 1: all and it's all new to us, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, it's all new to us. But like, uh,
Speaker 1: I mean, fuck man, we you know we had that,
Speaker 1: there was the there's been if you if you want
Speaker 1: to go and take a look, there's been horrible There's
Speaker 1: been a horrible thing yet, if you want to go
Speaker 1: take a look, there's been horrible things happening forever. And
Speaker 1: I don't and I say that sometimes when people think
Speaker 1: I'm being dismissive, I swear in my life I'm not.
Speaker 1: It's just no, it's not.
Speaker 3: It's not dismissive to say that like war is always
Speaker 3: a thing, because then if that also means if war
Speaker 3: is also always happening, that also has to mean that
Speaker 3: good thing are always happening as well simultaneously.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's always been ship in the world. There's always
Speaker 3: been bad stuff, there's always been for but there's always
Speaker 3: been super cool as always been.
Speaker 1: I I I, and I don't say it to be dismissive.
Speaker 1: I say it to be hopeful because I think people
Speaker 1: have this uh, because we're you know, every every hundred
Speaker 1: years there's new people. And I think people have this
Speaker 1: uh feeling that like everything we're going through is like unprecedented,
Speaker 1: And I and I have I have that feeling a
Speaker 1: lot of times. And it's scary, and I mean, it's
Speaker 1: certainly unprecedented for us because we've never well sorry hold on,
Speaker 1: let me let me finish talking real quick.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, okay, sorry.
Speaker 1: It's unprecedented for us because we're the people that uh
Speaker 1: have you know, we're the first people going through it
Speaker 1: as are we We're the it's the first time for
Speaker 1: us going through it, right yeah. Yeah, But I mean
Speaker 1: and also America, it didn't feel like uh, we always
Speaker 1: felt like uh because we're like in power right now
Speaker 1: at this point in the world, and so we always
Speaker 1: felt like we were the like, oh, we're gonna be fine.
Speaker 1: Nothing bad is ever gonna happen to us in America.
Speaker 1: We're stable, you know, and uh, you know, everything is transient.
Speaker 1: So yeah, we're kind of dealing with our own insecurity
Speaker 1: in that sense. But I think it's kind And again
Speaker 1: the reason I said people think I've gotten enough fights
Speaker 1: with friends because when you know, I say things like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, there's always throughout all of history been places
Speaker 1: you can point and things you could point at, and
Speaker 1: to go like, oh, that's so horrible, and they think
Speaker 1: I'm saying it to be like, oh, it's not that bad.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's I mean that it's all that bad.
Speaker 1: I'm saying it to me, like, you know, uh, this
Speaker 1: fear that we have of like the world is such
Speaker 1: a horrible place and everything is so unprecedented and whatever whatever,
Speaker 1: Like I don't I don't think that that fear is helpful.
Speaker 1: And I think a more helpful attitude is like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: the universe has always had problems, We'll always have problems,
Speaker 1: and we've always move, We've always been able to just
Speaker 1: as a species, uh, get through them. And that doesn't
Speaker 1: mean we should let our guard down. And that doesn't
Speaker 1: mean we shouldn't be cognizant of things, but it does.
Speaker 1: It means it's like, hey, listen, you we're not the
Speaker 1: every hundred years, there's a new people. We're not the
Speaker 1: first group of people ever to deal with hard and
Speaker 1: precedented things. Everything that's ever motherfucking happened in in the
Speaker 1: universe is unprecedented. It's always happening for the first.
Speaker 3: The first time we've it's just the first time we've
Speaker 3: experienced it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, So that's that's all I have
Speaker 1: to say.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, yeah.
Speaker 3: It's great. It's but like I want to go live
Speaker 3: my life. Man, I want to it. It's I I
Speaker 3: guess what. I I can see why people think that's
Speaker 3: a dismissive take, because I want to I want to
Speaker 3: counter that take slightly, like I'm not I want to
Speaker 3: dismiss it, but I feel.
Speaker 1: Like, because.
Speaker 3: We pee, I want to live, like I want to
Speaker 3: do stuff like I used to be really really depressed
Speaker 3: like I used to.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 3: I mean not to get like super into it or anything,
Speaker 3: but I gotten I've gotten tree close to crossing over
Speaker 3: the Rainbow Bridge a few times by my own hand,
Speaker 3: and like I wouldn't want to say him over that
Speaker 3: period of my life, but it's definitely I'm never going
Speaker 3: to get that far again. And I'm at a point
Speaker 3: in my life. I just moved into my apartment with
Speaker 3: someone that I considered to love my life and he
Speaker 3: considers that as well, and we're trying to move to
Speaker 3: Germany together because he's German, and it just you know,
Speaker 3: it works out, and you know, I'm really excited, Like
Speaker 3: I'm going to go over there to first thing to
Speaker 3: study German German culture and then study music, and it's
Speaker 3: just I'm really really excited to live and I want
Speaker 3: to do all this stuff. But all these unprecedented times,
Speaker 3: it seems like every day there's a headline that comes up,
Speaker 3: like my partner's trans too. And I'm not gonna get
Speaker 3: too much more into that because of what people like,
Speaker 3: what the culture has shifted to today, what the government
Speaker 3: has shifted to today, I'm scared and I don't want
Speaker 3: my life to be cut short because of that. That's
Speaker 3: why I feel like people would say that's dismissive, because yeah, sure,
Speaker 3: fascist governments have existed before, but the people died in
Speaker 3: them and I don't want to die and I don't
Speaker 3: want anybody to die, so like, and I know you
Speaker 3: weren't saying, oh, we shouldn't do anything about it. I
Speaker 3: know you are, but like, what do we do about it?
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to pretend like I have an answer for that
Speaker 1: of what we do. Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, that's a whole people, that's a degree.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not going to pretend like I have an
Speaker 1: answer of what we do about it. And I'm only
Speaker 1: speaking to uh, I'm just speaking to like this sense
Speaker 1: of like on dread of like uh, you know, feeling
Speaker 1: feeling like things are unprecedented. That's all I'm speaking. I
Speaker 1: don't have a I don't have a I don't. I'm
Speaker 1: not pretending like I have a solution for, you know,
Speaker 1: the state of the world. I I wouldn't even it's
Speaker 1: so deeply beyond me and even I Also, if people,
Speaker 1: you know, think I'm being dismissive, that's that's okay. This
Speaker 1: is just how I feel when I when I get
Speaker 1: anxious about the world.
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely definitely a lot to be anxious about, that's
Speaker 3: for sure.
Speaker 4: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: So what do you so, what do you want to
Speaker 1: do that you like, you want to leave you want
Speaker 1: to go move to Germany?
Speaker 3: Yeah, so, I mean so that's that's the like decision
Speaker 3: that I've got. It decided for a multitude of reasons,
Speaker 3: and the government actually being a pretty small part of
Speaker 3: that decision. Most of it is simply because my partner
Speaker 3: is part German, he lived there during the summers when
Speaker 3: he's a kid, and it just works out really well.
Speaker 3: I've always been interested in German culture, and because I
Speaker 3: was also his plan and we we reconnected. We went
Speaker 3: to high school together, but we lost contact after a
Speaker 3: few years and then reconnected kind of recently, is like
Speaker 3: ten months ago now, and a few months ago moved
Speaker 3: in together. So it's just I want to go to
Speaker 3: Germany with him because he's the love of my life
Speaker 3: and it's so great and I love him so much.
Speaker 1: And so why are you so, why are you saying
Speaker 1: that you you don't feel like you can live your life?
Speaker 3: Well speak like not It's not that I can't in
Speaker 3: long story short, but the people running the systems of
Speaker 3: our like world the airport. Government might not let that
Speaker 3: happen because of stupid culture war issues like uh trans
Speaker 3: quote unquote ideology and uh like race war ship people
Speaker 3: just stop realizing that the war is not left or right,
Speaker 3: but it's up and down.
Speaker 1: Sure, yeah, I I I agree with that, but so
Speaker 1: and I I agree with that and empathize that that's
Speaker 1: a terrifying thing. But I want to get down to
Speaker 1: why you feel like you can't like do the things
Speaker 1: that you want to do.
Speaker 3: Like, I guess, what do you what do you mean?
Speaker 3: Then I'm strug going to understand that.
Speaker 1: You said you said I want to live my life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess in a way, I'm kind of let
Speaker 3: the pressure of that whole government not let me live
Speaker 3: my life already. I like, personally, I've kind of gotten
Speaker 3: myself into this weird bubble of just not seeing one
Speaker 3: just going to work and going home. But that's more
Speaker 3: of like a personal like I guess my personal well
Speaker 3: it is personal issue, but not necessarily related to the government.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, So so why do you feel like you
Speaker 1: can't live your life? And also I guess what does
Speaker 1: it even what does it mean for you to live
Speaker 1: your life?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 3: Well, so I'm a I'm a musician. I might have
Speaker 3: mentioned earlier. I'm playing on studying studying music in Germany.
Speaker 3: And that's just kind of how that's what that is
Speaker 3: my life, That's how I live my life. I've been
Speaker 3: playing drums since I was too my dad taught me how.
Speaker 3: It's just that's how I live. And for for a
Speaker 3: good while, I had this band in the local scene
Speaker 3: and I did a lot of shows. Sorry, it's gonna
Speaker 3: get uh, it's you opened up a can of worm,
Speaker 3: just gonna get a little dark here. I had a
Speaker 3: I had a band and we played a bunch of
Speaker 3: shows around the scene. And this one time we did
Speaker 3: a show at a park, uh in middle of the city,
Speaker 3: and we were we were doing it and this park
Speaker 3: has like some like dangerous architecture, and kid freaking died
Speaker 3: climbing it. And it kind of like climbing it because
Speaker 3: you're not stills a climate. It's like all fenced off
Speaker 3: one hundred feet up in the air or actually fifty,
Speaker 3: but still this kid went top defense like a lot
Speaker 3: of kids, do you know what I mean? Did people
Speaker 3: go into the show and he like literally fell off
Speaker 3: and died at that show. That I was playing and
Speaker 3: it was a it was a quote, yeah I wat show.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you've heard that term before. It
Speaker 3: was like yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. So ever since that,
Speaker 3: I kind of.
Speaker 1: It kind of just like.
Speaker 3: Made me go back to how it was before I
Speaker 3: did all that band stuff, because that was like I
Speaker 3: started to do the band stuff after I like finished
Speaker 3: a program to deal with my personal issues, like I
Speaker 3: got addiction issues, I got trauma issues from middle school
Speaker 3: middle school bullying. It was like intense, tense uh stemming
Speaker 3: you know, into addiction issues.
Speaker 1: So then.
Speaker 3: Where am I?
Speaker 4: Where am I?
Speaker 3: Like I train of thoughts?
Speaker 1: Sorry, So that's that's that's okay. Well, I mean listen, man, look,
Speaker 1: let's you want to bring it back to I guess
Speaker 1: what we were initially talking about.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, sure, sure.
Speaker 1: I mean just the just the concept of like living
Speaker 1: your life right, Yeah, you have you have okay? So
Speaker 1: I mean you have this uh uh partner that you're
Speaker 1: very in love with, and you want to go within
Speaker 1: to Germany. And where do you live now? Uh?
Speaker 3: In the city. I I don't care people people know me.
Speaker 3: I live in Seattle.
Speaker 1: You live in Seattle, Okay, and you want to move
Speaker 1: to where in Germany.
Speaker 3: Well, it's it's gonna be a few different places. It's
Speaker 3: going to start with Munich because there's like this program
Speaker 3: that I'm going to be doing for German language, but
Speaker 3: Munich to be determined.
Speaker 1: Brother, I don't know you very well, but you sound
Speaker 1: like you're living your life pretty well. You know, you're
Speaker 1: in you're in a you're in a relationship, you're about
Speaker 1: to go learn fucking Germany. You you sound like you're
Speaker 1: doing again. I don't know you very well, but you
Speaker 1: you sound like you're living your life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I am. I definitely am. Don't get
Speaker 3: your wrong. Especially this is because, uh, you know, I
Speaker 3: moved out of my parents' house to go to my
Speaker 3: partner's apartment and that was only like the second time
Speaker 3: I lived by myself after her going to Florida. But
Speaker 3: that's a whole lot of dan worms mm hmm. But like,
Speaker 3: so yeah, in essence, I am, I'm just not like
Speaker 3: doing as much as I was, so I I.
Speaker 1: I don't know, that's I guess those are my I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess back to talking about just general world events.
Speaker 1: I mean I kind of think.
Speaker 3: That's just the whole thing.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't have I don't have a solution for it.
Speaker 1: But uh, I mean living your life the best way
Speaker 1: you want to live it is uh, you know, with it,
Speaker 1: but living your life the best way you want to
Speaker 1: live it within the confines you have to live it
Speaker 1: is uh. One of many good answers, one one of
Speaker 1: many potential good answers. AH to facing this weird a
Speaker 1: dread that I think our generation is looking forward to
Speaker 1: the world with.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's I don't know when it comes to
Speaker 3: my life objectively, like with even with me not feeling
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm living it like objectively, like when I
Speaker 3: really looked at it, I do, like I love I
Speaker 3: love my life right now. I love working, coming home
Speaker 3: to my partner and just you know, living Most of
Speaker 3: the time we cooked cooked dinner by ourselves because it's
Speaker 3: just expensive to eat. But it kind of made me
Speaker 3: realize that I like cooking again. So that's fine. Been
Speaker 3: surviving off of me so soon because it's so easy.
Speaker 3: But yeah, but I guess other than that, Uh, first,
Speaker 3: all the personal slide stuff aside, I I don't know
Speaker 3: what else there.
Speaker 1: Talk about, ship, what we tald, what we talked about
Speaker 1: A lot.
Speaker 3: We did Yeah, that's true. I text, you know, a
Speaker 3: text I told you, like I worked for the you
Speaker 3: your company rentals.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Do you do you feel do you feel
Speaker 1: there's any well, I mean, do you feel I guess
Speaker 1: on on all the subjects that we've covered, and I
Speaker 1: want to I genuinely want you, genuinely want to know.
Speaker 1: Do you feel satisfied with our conversation about them? Is
Speaker 1: there anything else you want to bring up? Or you know,
Speaker 1: because we're talking about some big stuff and you know,
Speaker 1: I know you seem you feel, you seem passionate about it,
Speaker 1: and so I want to, you know, make sure we
Speaker 1: get all the angles if that you wanted to get.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, no, I I do feel good talking about it.
Speaker 3: I guess I'm still just a little I wasn't expecting
Speaker 3: to talk to you right now anyways, but.
Speaker 2: No, it does feel good to.
Speaker 3: Kind of get it all out there in a in
Speaker 3: a way I kind of haven't really put it all
Speaker 3: out there like anybody else for a good while now,
Speaker 3: like like the way I did, Like I've you know,
Speaker 3: gone into bits and pieces of it, but just you know,
Speaker 3: saying everything that I've been thinking about, because this is
Speaker 3: pretty much what I've actually been thinking about, like this
Speaker 3: exact conversation and all stuff we're talking about has kind
Speaker 3: of just been the stuff I've been thinking about this
Speaker 3: past three weeks, like weirdly on repeat, and I don't
Speaker 3: know why what specifically, just like well, so starting off with, uh, personally,
Speaker 3: how everything's going good in my life, but then it
Speaker 3: seems like, you know, my government is trying to attack
Speaker 3: me and everybody I love. Yeah, I've been thinking about
Speaker 3: that a lot. But then also just the you know,
Speaker 3: personal aspect of it being like, Okay, so why am
Speaker 3: I not doing anything right now?
Speaker 1: Although like, uh, why are you not do you? But
Speaker 1: you're doing a lot? What do you what do you
Speaker 1: like you're not doing?
Speaker 3: Just like that's the thing like going to shows, Like
Speaker 3: I haven't I've been really doing much with my music lately,
Speaker 3: is what I'm trying to say. Like I haven't been
Speaker 3: going to many shows at all, really haven't been going
Speaker 3: practicing guitar. I haven't been recording much, like and that's
Speaker 3: kind of like for the longest time, the thing that
Speaker 3: just has been the biggest part of me, Like that's
Speaker 3: like that was my thing, that was the thing I
Speaker 3: am good at, Like without that I don't know. Mm hmm,
Speaker 3: I was kind of serious identity crisis, crisis if that
Speaker 3: music wasn't the thing.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Let me say, let me say this, let
Speaker 1: me let me you know, let me let me say this,
Speaker 1: and uh, people might take issue with this, and but
Speaker 1: it's I don't know, It's it's how I'm feeling in
Speaker 1: the moment that I'm thinking about this right now and
Speaker 1: I'm talking to you. Is that uh, like, listen, you
Speaker 1: have things you want to do. You you you want
Speaker 1: to learn German, and you wanna foster this relationship you
Speaker 1: have with your partner, and you wanna play shows, and
Speaker 1: you wanna do all these things and and and I'm
Speaker 1: sure that you as a lot, as a lot of people,
Speaker 1: as most people, I don't know about most people, but
Speaker 1: as a lot of people, uh, in fucking America and
Speaker 1: in the world, are get get stuck in like dread
Speaker 1: dread loops, like very existential loops because you see ship
Speaker 1: that's going on in America and in the world, and
Speaker 1: it fucking freaks you out. Yeah, because it's freaky, because
Speaker 1: it because it's freaky stuff. And the thing I wanted
Speaker 1: to say that is, uh, you know that I guess
Speaker 1: I feel is like, look, the best one of the
Speaker 1: best forms of resistance is like, it's important to be
Speaker 1: aware of these things, and it's important to fight against
Speaker 1: these things, but it's really really deeply important to go
Speaker 1: you know what. Yes, yes, yes, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: fucked up things happening, and powerful people are are doing
Speaker 1: bad things in the world. But I'm not I draw
Speaker 1: the fucking line at my sanity. And that's how I'm
Speaker 1: gonna resist. Is is if I because I go on Reddit.
Speaker 1: If I go on Reddit every day, and every day
Speaker 1: I go on Reddit, Reddit is like curated this thing
Speaker 1: where if Reddit bro, like you, yeah, I don't have
Speaker 1: to tell you, right, I go every day. Reddit has
Speaker 1: curated bro, they're getting you know what, fuck it. I'm
Speaker 1: not being I'm not gonna be apologetic about this. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be passionate about this. They're really I really feel
Speaker 1: this way. Reddit, Twitter, Instagram, all these things, they they
Speaker 1: have curated for us a fucking daily thing where we
Speaker 1: can go and every day we have the opportunity to
Speaker 1: just spiral in a fucking loop of all this shit.
Speaker 1: And I'm telling and I'm telling you, like, if you
Speaker 1: really want to fight back for brother, for you. The
Speaker 1: best way I think you can fight back, I really
Speaker 1: mean this is to go you know what you can.
Speaker 1: You can manipulate the universe and you can go after people,
Speaker 1: and you can do all this fucked up and you
Speaker 1: can kill people. You can do all this fucked up shit.
Speaker 1: But I'm drawing the line at my own sanity. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna put the phone down. I'm gonna go to the
Speaker 1: fucking DIY music show, and I I Am going to
Speaker 1: uh in a form of existential spite, try to enjoy
Speaker 1: my life, you know, as opposed to And I'm I
Speaker 1: and I know what every and I know what you're
Speaker 1: all fucking doing because I go on Reddit and I see, like, dude,
Speaker 1: you go on read it and like you look at
Speaker 1: like every day there's a new Trump thing to get
Speaker 1: upset about, and you and I look at the comments
Speaker 1: and instagra, I and you look at the comments, and
Speaker 1: the comments are filled with people being like you know,
Speaker 1: like commenting being pissed off. It's filled with people who
Speaker 1: are it's it's filled it's filled with people who are
Speaker 1: like you know, letting it like take up their brain,
Speaker 1: like your like bro, like you're you have a finite
Speaker 1: amount of time to exist and to do the things
Speaker 1: you want to do, and you gotta protect it really carefully.
Speaker 1: You gotta protect it, You gotta you gotta protect it
Speaker 1: as carefully as you can. And I know that there's
Speaker 1: certain things that are going on in the world that
Speaker 1: are just unavoidable, but you have to put up a
Speaker 1: little bit of effort to protect your attention and what
Speaker 1: you spiral about as much as you can. And the
Speaker 1: best form of resistance that you got again is the
Speaker 1: ability to go, I as the ability to look at
Speaker 1: that Instagram post and go, I know that someone's making
Speaker 1: fucking money off of me getting pissed off right now,
Speaker 1: and I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna fucking go
Speaker 1: play my guitar or go study German.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: That's the that's, in my opinion, the best resistance that
Speaker 1: you can do. Because when you're when you're spiraling, it's
Speaker 1: like people are the the most engaging emotions are are
Speaker 1: are fear and anger and all the companies and all
Speaker 1: these So when you're stopping on the Instagram post and
Speaker 1: you're you're letting your existential dread about the state of
Speaker 1: the world stop you from living your life. You're you're
Speaker 1: like you're you're really letting them win. And I really
Speaker 1: don't think you should do that. And people can, you know, ah,
Speaker 1: say that it's like ignorant, but that that's and And
Speaker 1: I don't think that what I'm saying is the whole
Speaker 1: piece of the pie. I really don't. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to pretend like what I'm saying is the whole piece
Speaker 1: of the pie. But I think it's an important piece
Speaker 1: of the pie.
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you Jack. I think
Speaker 3: you know, I think I really needed to hear that
Speaker 3: really badly.
Speaker 1: Like I.
Speaker 3: Knew it subconsciously. It's like kind of people know that,
Speaker 3: like they can like know things be where they know
Speaker 3: it cautiously. But it's I appreciate you kind of talent
Speaker 3: me the way you did the work. I don't know,
Speaker 3: it just it made sense.
Speaker 1: Good good, I'm glad. I'm glad. And and by the way, man,
Speaker 1: you have a nice life, you know you really you do,
Speaker 1: Like yeah, you like like you have. You were excited
Speaker 1: about the future, you got You're gonna go on this trip.
Speaker 1: You have this person that you clearly love in your life.
Speaker 1: You have these hobbies that you cleue love in your life,
Speaker 1: like just don't like please please, like obviously it's hard,
Speaker 1: like things are scary, things are happening. I understand that,
Speaker 1: but just don't don't let it take you out of
Speaker 1: your life for too long, just like understand a nice life.
Speaker 3: I've spent way too much time in like that way
Speaker 3: but really dark head space to have her go back there?
Speaker 3: So good good fuck that?
Speaker 1: What is your name again?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 3: Actually you know I said my real name beginning of
Speaker 3: a podcast, but I'm realizing now you could like change
Speaker 3: it up. I'd be I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Sure, I can, I can. I can get rid of it,
Speaker 1: just like I know.
Speaker 3: I know live stream internet isn't permanent.
Speaker 1: But on this you're your name. Get rid of your name.
Speaker 3: Well, do a coffee. I'm in front of a coffee shop.
Speaker 1: You can call me coffee, perfect coffee. Is there anything
Speaker 1: else you want to say to the people of the
Speaker 1: computer before we go?
Speaker 3: Keep your head up, keep going even though life my
Speaker 3: fucking suck outside my scene like that, I guess, don't
Speaker 3: like make it interrupt your personal life for inject your
Speaker 3: personal life as I sort.
Speaker 1: Of have se Yeah, thank you do you have a
Speaker 1: good rest of your life.
Speaker 3: Thank you, you as wells blesses.
Speaker 1: Thank you, But he's not really an expert.