WEBVTT - “I FOUND MY DISTANT DAD”

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, Hello, what's up man? What's your name?

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<v Speaker 2>I guess I'll use the name Josh.

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<v Speaker 1>Josh, I like it. What's what's going on with you, Josh?

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<v Speaker 2>Uh? Not much due just hanging out watching my kids.

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<v Speaker 2>My wife is still asleep. I just got off work

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<v Speaker 2>a couple hours ago.

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<v Speaker 1>So what is it that made you want to call

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<v Speaker 1>into my Gecko show today? Uh?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? So I So, basically, my dad hasn't been a

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<v Speaker 2>part of my life ever since I was a baby.

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<v Speaker 2>I think like the first time I saw him I

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<v Speaker 2>was twelve, and then the second time was when I

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<v Speaker 2>was seventeen, and then I had no contact with him

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<v Speaker 2>up until I was about eighteen or nineteen, so like

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<v Speaker 2>a year after and then he went completely dark. I

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<v Speaker 2>like to lead of this Facebook, I can't find him anywhere.

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<v Speaker 2>Me and my wife ended up having a baby, and

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<v Speaker 2>there was no way for me to tell him that

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<v Speaker 2>he was a grandfather. So after about like five years

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<v Speaker 2>and twenty four now, I found him on Facebook and

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<v Speaker 2>Adam added him as a friend and he added me

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<v Speaker 2>back and everything, and I just don't really know where

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<v Speaker 2>to go or what to say.

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<v Speaker 1>And did you did you message him or did he

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<v Speaker 1>message you?

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<v Speaker 2>So I like kind of like stalked his Facebook a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit. I canna lie, I like looked through all

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<v Speaker 2>of his photos and everything, and I guess he did

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<v Speaker 2>the same because he liked a photo of me and

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<v Speaker 2>my son. So I sent him a message basically saying like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I guess you got to it before I

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<v Speaker 2>could tell you, like, surprise, your grandfather sent this long

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<v Speaker 2>message to him, maybe an hour ago. He hasn't responded

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<v Speaker 2>together or anything, but yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow, interesting. What How how long was it that you

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<v Speaker 1>said that he yet you'd seen him five years?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, since I've talked to him. Yeah, I haven't seen

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<v Speaker 2>him in like I don't even know how long.

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<v Speaker 1>Was there like a reason why you didn't was Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Was there like a reason why you didn't talk to him?

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<v Speaker 2>Well? My mom always painted him as like this horrible person,

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<v Speaker 2>and there was like some stuff that I remember from

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<v Speaker 2>my past, like maybe when I was like a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit older than my son, like three years old, of

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<v Speaker 2>him like like breaking into the trailer that we lived

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<v Speaker 2>in and like hitting her and stuff and the cops

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<v Speaker 2>being cold. So like I have some bad memories. All

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<v Speaker 2>the memories that I have of him are that. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>but I know like even I've made mistakes as a father,

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<v Speaker 2>maybe not to that extent, but I know that people change,

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<v Speaker 2>and I just don't feel like it's right for me

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<v Speaker 2>to not at least like reach out to him, try

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<v Speaker 2>to get his side of the story. Now that I'm

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<v Speaker 2>an adult and I have like a fool, I feel

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<v Speaker 2>like I have not a full grasp of life, but

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<v Speaker 2>maybe a better understanding.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well, yeah, that curiosity makes sense for you to

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<v Speaker 1>want to follow for sure. All right, how do you Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>how do you feel about following that curiosity?

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<v Speaker 3>Well?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know because I told my mom about it

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<v Speaker 2>yesterday and she was pretty like like, oh, I don't,

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<v Speaker 2>Like that's a waste of time. I don't know why

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<v Speaker 2>you would do that, Like that's that's stupid. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>you shouldn't do that. You shouldn't reach out to him.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, he wasn't there. What makes you think he's

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<v Speaker 2>going to be there now? Like type of thing, like

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<v Speaker 2>kind of like the whole, the whole thing that she's

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<v Speaker 2>been telling me my entire life about him, Like he's

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<v Speaker 2>not worth talking to, he's not worth even like wasting

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<v Speaker 2>your breath on mm.

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<v Speaker 1>Hmmm are you but you're not really you're not. It

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't sound like going into this with any kind of expectations.

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<v Speaker 2>No, No, I don't have any expectations. I mean, I

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<v Speaker 2>guess I have like a little bit of hope to

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<v Speaker 2>like maybe build a relationship with him, or I don't.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't really, I don't know, dude. I don't know

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<v Speaker 2>what I want. I don't know what I want out

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<v Speaker 2>of this ship, dude. I'm just I guess I'm just curious, right.

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<v Speaker 1>Right, Yeah, what do you what if the interaction went perfectly,

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<v Speaker 1>how would it go?

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<v Speaker 2>I guess he would just respond, and I don't. That's

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<v Speaker 2>that's a pretty hard question.

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<v Speaker 1>That's good though, That's actually that's good. I feel I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like it's good that you can't answer that, because

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<v Speaker 1>that means you have no expectations, right, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean I don't even really expect him to respond.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't even expect him to read it. I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>even like ghek. I didn't even expect him to add

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<v Speaker 2>me back on Facebook. I was surprised when he added

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<v Speaker 2>me on Facebook because I like searched.

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<v Speaker 3>I just got like this.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know what happened, Like I just got like

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<v Speaker 2>the spark in me I was like, you know what,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just going to look his name off on Facebook

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<v Speaker 2>because I've white paged his name, done all that, like

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<v Speaker 2>try to find his phone number and stuff, but couldn't.

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<v Speaker 2>So I was like, you know, I'm just gonna look

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<v Speaker 2>him up on Facebook this one time. And then I

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<v Speaker 2>came across.

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<v Speaker 1>How are things going with your family?

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<v Speaker 4>Uh?

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<v Speaker 2>They're good. I mean, money's tight like always, but that's

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<v Speaker 2>about to be fixed. My wife is going she just

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<v Speaker 2>did like a four month like celerated course for pharmacy

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<v Speaker 2>tech cool, and she's doing her extern shit in October.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's a month of like no pay forty hours

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<v Speaker 2>a week. Whoa and yeah, so then after that then

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<v Speaker 2>she can get a job and then financial wise it

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<v Speaker 2>will be good. But I mean, honestly, with the way

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<v Speaker 2>the world is right now, it's kind of scary to

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<v Speaker 2>be raising kids.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I feel that I understand that. Uh yeah, bro,

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<v Speaker 1>I was thinking about that shit in terms of like

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<v Speaker 1>by the time like my kids are like adults, because

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<v Speaker 1>I don't have kids, but I want to at some point,

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<v Speaker 1>but like I feel like by the time that they

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<v Speaker 1>are adults, you know that we're gonna live in a

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<v Speaker 1>the generational gap between worlds gets like more exponential, I think,

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<v Speaker 1>between generations and shit. So I get, I get, I

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<v Speaker 1>get freaked out about that, you know, But I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes I don't know, man. Sometimes like I'll walk around

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<v Speaker 1>in New York and I'll see like fucking kids playing

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<v Speaker 1>at a playground or something, and I'm like, all right,

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<v Speaker 1>we'll we'll, we'll figure this out somehow, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, dude, kids are definitely are definitely not easy.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I think the same thing, like whenever my

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<v Speaker 2>kids are my age, like how how's.

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<v Speaker 3>The world going to be?

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<v Speaker 2>But I mean maybe my parents thought the same way.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe that's just part of being an adult, you see

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<v Speaker 2>how shitty things can really get.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, it's funny, man. I mean imagine like trying to

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<v Speaker 1>explain what web three is to like an eighty three

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<v Speaker 1>year old.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what I mean, I don't even know what

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<v Speaker 2>web three is.

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<v Speaker 1>Dude, exact, I don't. I don't even know what web

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<v Speaker 1>three is. But there's some fucking thirteen year old who's

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<v Speaker 1>like making a billion dollars off of it, you know

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<v Speaker 1>what I mean. Like we're all going to be doing

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<v Speaker 1>you know, whatever, the show, whatever, the ship that like

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<v Speaker 1>our kids are gonna be like making their living off

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<v Speaker 1>of or doing what their life is gonna be as

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<v Speaker 1>beyond us as it is, you know. Yeah, it's gonna

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<v Speaker 1>it's gonna be it's gonna be beyond us for sure.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Definitely a little spooky. But I guess that's good. I

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<v Speaker 1>guess that's what I guess that's what you want. You

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<v Speaker 1>want the next generation to and to create things that

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<v Speaker 1>you don't understand.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, but.

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<v Speaker 2>It's also yeah, one second of momophone also like.

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<v Speaker 1>You sorry, I'll let you. I'll let you finish your piece.

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<v Speaker 1>But if you've got to attend to your kid, we can.

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<v Speaker 1>It's that's okay.

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<v Speaker 2>No, no, no, I definitely I want to talk to you.

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<v Speaker 2>I listened to you like I I load trucks. Hold

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<v Speaker 2>on one second, I load trucks, uh for ups in

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<v Speaker 2>the middle of the night. I go to work at

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<v Speaker 2>like two am, and I load trucks for like six

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<v Speaker 2>hours straight. And I've listened. I've almost listened to every

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<v Speaker 2>single one of your podcasts podcasts since you started. And

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<v Speaker 2>I've and I've like I've literally only started listening like

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<v Speaker 2>maybe two or three or four months ago.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh cool, fuck yeah, fuck yeah, bro, thanks for that's

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<v Speaker 1>that makes me happy here in this uh you know,

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<v Speaker 1>a new a new person coming in listening to the

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<v Speaker 1>whole thing.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So it's a while that I'm like on the

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<v Speaker 2>phone with you because usually like you're just in my

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<v Speaker 2>headphones and I'm listening to you talking to people, and

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<v Speaker 2>now you're talking to me, and it's just like crazy.

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<v Speaker 4>Mm hmm.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, what's your kid doing right now? She seems to

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<v Speaker 1>want your attention?

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<v Speaker 2>My I'm sitting in a wagon with a truck and

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<v Speaker 2>my daughter's standing up trying to grab the truck from him.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, what's your what's your wife doing?

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<v Speaker 2>She worked, she's sleeping.

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<v Speaker 1>M Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to have it for the future.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's the How old are you? You're like twenty

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<v Speaker 2>you're like twenty six, right.

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<v Speaker 1>Twenty seven?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, twenty seven? Man, how's that? How's that?

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<v Speaker 1>How how's being? How's being? Twenty seven?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Do you feel any different?

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<v Speaker 1>You're what? You're twenty four?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Well you're more of a You're you're way more of

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<v Speaker 1>an adult than I am. You know.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, dude, you're honestly lucky that you don't have kids,

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<v Speaker 2>because the craziest thing happened my wife woke me up

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<v Speaker 2>at midnight last night, right midnight, she woke me up, dead,

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<v Speaker 2>dead asleep. I'm like, what, what, what's going on? She

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<v Speaker 2>brings me out of the living room. My son's spilt

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<v Speaker 2>but so like my I built a desktop recently, like

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<v Speaker 2>a little budget build and like maybe two months ago,

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<v Speaker 2>and my son spilt lemonade through the top all over

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<v Speaker 2>the CPU cooler in the graphics card nord. Oh no,

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<v Speaker 2>And my wife didn't know how to open the computer

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<v Speaker 2>and try to like get it out, so it end

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<v Speaker 2>up dry. It's dried now, so it's all like goofy

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<v Speaker 2>and I I'm lost.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh no, yeah, do you do you still think it

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<v Speaker 1>was worth it?

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<v Speaker 2>Kids?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, man, one hundred percent. They change your life, dude.

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<v Speaker 2>Like I feel like I went from like I don't know, dude,

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<v Speaker 2>I went from being like a little kid or like

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<v Speaker 2>having this different perspective on life to like having these

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<v Speaker 2>little humans that I have to like work and provide

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<v Speaker 2>for like no matter what, like I no matter what,

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<v Speaker 2>I have to work and I have to provide for them.

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<v Speaker 2>And that kind of gives you like a like a

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<v Speaker 2>purpose in life totally, Like like whenever I think like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, what the fuck am I doing going to

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<v Speaker 2>work every day doing the same thing at a job

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<v Speaker 2>that I don't really like, you know, like, oh, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>doing it for them at the end of the day.

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<v Speaker 2>So I always have that to hold on too.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure it gives you a strong sense

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<v Speaker 1>of purpose. Yeah, let's see, how does being twenty seven feel.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like I'm I feel I actually still feel

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<v Speaker 1>like I'm sixteen.

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<v Speaker 2>I still feel like you're sixteen.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, definitely. Well, yeah, I feel like I'm well not sixteen.

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<v Speaker 1>I probably feel like I'm like twenty one.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel that.

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<v Speaker 1>Dude, how old do you feel?

0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:28.640
<v Speaker 2>Honestly, I still feel like I can't whenever I say

0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:30.080
<v Speaker 2>twenty four, I feel disgusting.

0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:32.920
<v Speaker 1>Really, twenty four is so yeah, I mean I think,

0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:37.720
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I think both of us are still pretty young.

0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:40.440
<v Speaker 1>Although I get worried since I get worried about like what,

0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:43.360
<v Speaker 1>uh my life is going to be like when I'm

0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:45.839
<v Speaker 1>in like my thirties and forties and fifties like that.

0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:48.439
<v Speaker 1>I think that scares me, you know, because like I

0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:49.680
<v Speaker 1>don't I can't know it.

0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:51.360
<v Speaker 3>Right.

0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:53.960
<v Speaker 1>But then I see people, But then I talk to people,

0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:55.559
<v Speaker 1>and I see people who are that old and they're

0:13:55.600 --> 0:13:58.679
<v Speaker 1>not freaking out. They're they're living life, they're still doing stuff,

0:13:58.679 --> 0:13:59.280
<v Speaker 1>They're still here.

0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:03.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I feel like it just I feel like life

0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:05.360
<v Speaker 2>just goes on, like you just get older. I don't

0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:08.920
<v Speaker 2>feel like you're your feelings really, I mean like, yeah,

0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:11.960
<v Speaker 2>your feelings change, maybe you change as a person, but

0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:14.080
<v Speaker 2>like that kid inside of you is still there. I

0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:16.440
<v Speaker 2>feel like that that really never goes away. Like You're

0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:20.160
<v Speaker 2>gonna never feel like old, like you know what I mean,

0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:24.760
<v Speaker 2>maybe whenever you're sixty, shit, you still might feel twenty one.

0:14:26.640 --> 0:14:27.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I hope.

0:14:27.320 --> 0:14:27.400
<v Speaker 4>So.

0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:29.720
<v Speaker 1>I think, uh, I think it's like a bit of

0:14:29.720 --> 0:14:31.440
<v Speaker 1>a it's a bit of a choice. I think is

0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:34.120
<v Speaker 1>as to kind of like a mindset you want to have,

0:14:35.080 --> 0:14:40.000
<v Speaker 1>you know. Yeah, sometimes sometimes I lose that battle though.

0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:44.600
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes I feel old. Sometimes I feel like, uh like,

0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:49.520
<v Speaker 1>uh yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm Sometimes I feel

0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:51.880
<v Speaker 1>like I'm twenty one in this very moment as I'm

0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:53.760
<v Speaker 1>talking to you, I feel like I'm I feel like

0:14:53.800 --> 0:14:55.760
<v Speaker 1>young with Sometimes i feel like I'm like seventy four

0:14:55.960 --> 0:14:59.160
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like I'm Sometimes i feel like I'm mister

0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:02.920
<v Speaker 1>me seeks, you know. I mean, yeah, like I'm like

0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:05.720
<v Speaker 1>oh fuck we I you know I have I'm ready to.

0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:10.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm ready to. You know we did it right.

0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:13.440
<v Speaker 2>But if you feel I mean, if you feel like

0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:16.800
<v Speaker 2>you're seventy four out, how would you know what? How

0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:19.920
<v Speaker 2>would you know what that feels like? What would it

0:15:19.960 --> 0:15:21.960
<v Speaker 2>just be like? More of like a what do you

0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:24.320
<v Speaker 2>feel in that time that you feel like you're seventy four?

0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:26.080
<v Speaker 2>Is like worn down? Tired?

0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:31.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, sometimes sometimes I feel like that. Yeah, but that's

0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:33.920
<v Speaker 1>why imagine I feel seventy four to be. But also yeah,

0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:37.440
<v Speaker 1>I mean age is even like a man made thing.

0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:40.560
<v Speaker 1>I mean, you just kind of exist and then you die.

0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:42.920
<v Speaker 1>There's nothing I could really, I mean there's a few

0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:47.640
<v Speaker 1>things I guess theoretically that I could. I can't think

0:15:47.680 --> 0:15:54.600
<v Speaker 1>of any major things that I can do now that

0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:58.360
<v Speaker 1>I can't do when I'm like sixty, maybe like go

0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:01.760
<v Speaker 1>to Maybe it's just about how you're how you're perceived

0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:05.440
<v Speaker 1>differently and whatnot. But like, I don't know most of

0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:06.920
<v Speaker 1>the ship that I think I would want to do,

0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:10.440
<v Speaker 1>I could I could just keep doing, you know, it's

0:16:10.480 --> 0:16:11.840
<v Speaker 1>just about whether or not you want to give up.

0:16:12.040 --> 0:16:13.400
<v Speaker 1>But as you get older, I think you just get

0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:16.800
<v Speaker 1>you get a little bit more tired if you if

0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:18.640
<v Speaker 1>you let it, if you let that happen, though, but

0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:20.880
<v Speaker 1>I think it's important to not let that happen, and

0:16:20.960 --> 0:16:25.200
<v Speaker 1>you know, maintain vitality just mentally, just mentally feeling like

0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:31.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, but you're you're uh because you have kids,

0:16:32.000 --> 0:16:37.240
<v Speaker 1>You're so deeply in life every day, is what I imagine.

0:16:37.360 --> 0:16:40.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if you feel that way, but like

0:16:40.160 --> 0:16:42.240
<v Speaker 1>you don't, because like I feel like you correct me

0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:43.360
<v Speaker 1>if I'm wrong, But it seems like you don't have

0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:47.280
<v Speaker 1>time to wax poetic about how it might feel when

0:16:47.280 --> 0:16:48.800
<v Speaker 1>you're this and the other, because you know, you got

0:16:48.800 --> 0:16:50.240
<v Speaker 1>ship to do, you got people to feed.

0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:54.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, dude, Like I don't. I don't know how it

0:16:54.720 --> 0:16:58.440
<v Speaker 2>feels to not to not have kids because I don't

0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:01.000
<v Speaker 2>really remember what that feels like, even though it's only

0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:06.720
<v Speaker 2>been two years. But like I feel like, dude, the

0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:10.240
<v Speaker 2>days and like the weeks, even the months just go

0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:14.600
<v Speaker 2>by so fast, really, and like, yeah, dude, like like

0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:17.280
<v Speaker 2>I blink my eyes. I can't even I don't even

0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:19.400
<v Speaker 2>know how it's almost the end of twenty twenty five.

0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:23.680
<v Speaker 2>I feel like I still remember January of twenty twenty

0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:27.639
<v Speaker 2>five like it was yesterday. Right, like like I blink

0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:32.119
<v Speaker 2>my eyes, like my like whenever my son was born, Dude,

0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:36.120
<v Speaker 2>I swear that wasn't two years ago. That like completely

0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:38.399
<v Speaker 2>blows my mind that that was two years. It's like

0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:42.879
<v Speaker 2>you blink your eyes and time just goes by, dude.

0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:46.000
<v Speaker 2>And I feel like it's hard to try to like

0:17:46.080 --> 0:17:50.439
<v Speaker 2>hold on to like memories or like cherish like the

0:17:50.480 --> 0:17:53.879
<v Speaker 2>little moments with them, or like cherish moments with my

0:17:53.920 --> 0:17:58.760
<v Speaker 2>wife because it's so just so like involved in life

0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:02.720
<v Speaker 2>and like work and this like trying to provide and

0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:06.439
<v Speaker 2>like survival mode just like you know, how how are

0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:08.399
<v Speaker 2>we going to do this? This is how we're going

0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:11.440
<v Speaker 2>to do it. And it's like that every single day,

0:18:11.680 --> 0:18:14.480
<v Speaker 2>just you know, so it's hard to hold on to that.

0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:16.919
<v Speaker 2>And I feel like that's what makes time go by fast,

0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:21.959
<v Speaker 2>because you're so preoccupied with everything else that's going on

0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:25.080
<v Speaker 2>around you, all everything else that you have to deal with.

0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:27.480
<v Speaker 2>Mm hm hm hmm.

0:18:28.760 --> 0:18:29.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:18:29.040 --> 0:18:34.160
<v Speaker 2>That makes a lot of sense, not saying that not

0:18:34.240 --> 0:18:36.639
<v Speaker 2>having kids would make life any easier.

0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:38.800
<v Speaker 1>No, No, I know you, but I know you mean though,

0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:41.199
<v Speaker 1>like when you are like when you get into like

0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:48.120
<v Speaker 1>a strong routine, time goes by very fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

0:18:48.160 --> 0:18:51.200
<v Speaker 1>anytime when every day is the same and yeah, whenevery

0:18:51.240 --> 0:18:54.360
<v Speaker 1>days the same time flows by fast. But if yeah,

0:18:54.359 --> 0:18:56.040
<v Speaker 1>if you find a way to break through your routine,

0:18:56.040 --> 0:18:57.600
<v Speaker 1>like you kind of remember ship a little bit more.

0:18:59.400 --> 0:19:05.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I actually I actually told CHATCHYTP about this because

0:19:05.520 --> 0:19:08.399
<v Speaker 2>I've heard in one of your podcasts from maybe a

0:19:08.400 --> 0:19:11.200
<v Speaker 2>couple of years ago that you were using you tried

0:19:11.200 --> 0:19:13.080
<v Speaker 2>to using chat GTP as a therapist.

0:19:13.119 --> 0:19:15.639
<v Speaker 1>So I was like, yeah, I try.

0:19:15.760 --> 0:19:18.639
<v Speaker 2>And and it actually gave me like a pretty cool

0:19:18.720 --> 0:19:24.600
<v Speaker 2>like uh little like tip, I guess you could say.

0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:27.200
<v Speaker 2>It was like I was just telling it how like

0:19:27.280 --> 0:19:30.800
<v Speaker 2>I find it hard to remember times, you know, of

0:19:30.840 --> 0:19:34.480
<v Speaker 2>like good moments with my kids, like like yeah I

0:19:34.480 --> 0:19:37.119
<v Speaker 2>remember them being born, the first steps like stuff like that,

0:19:37.160 --> 0:19:39.160
<v Speaker 2>but like something that I did to make them laugh,

0:19:39.440 --> 0:19:42.119
<v Speaker 2>like you know, like little little moments to hold on to.

0:19:43.040 --> 0:19:43.680
<v Speaker 1>And uh.

0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:47.720
<v Speaker 2>It was basically just saying to remember this conversation, the

0:19:47.760 --> 0:19:51.720
<v Speaker 2>conversation that I had with it, and to think back

0:19:51.760 --> 0:19:54.840
<v Speaker 2>to that whenever one of those moments are happening, like

0:19:54.880 --> 0:19:58.480
<v Speaker 2>whenever I do something that makes them laugh either, like

0:19:58.520 --> 0:20:01.000
<v Speaker 2>maybe this conversation will make you think back and then

0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:04.080
<v Speaker 2>you'll try to hold onto that memory and share shit

0:20:04.760 --> 0:20:07.399
<v Speaker 2>so then you don't just you know, get it mixed

0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:09.240
<v Speaker 2>up with all the other ship that's going on and

0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:10.480
<v Speaker 2>just end up forgetting it.

0:20:11.200 --> 0:20:19.080
<v Speaker 1>M M, yeah, I I think, Yeah, make a note

0:20:19.119 --> 0:20:23.520
<v Speaker 1>of shit is important, Like journaling. Writing shit down makes

0:20:23.560 --> 0:20:25.600
<v Speaker 1>you feel like your life actually existed in some way,

0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:30.480
<v Speaker 1>ship or form, right, M.

0:20:31.240 --> 0:20:33.840
<v Speaker 2>I've actually I've actually I did that. Whenever I was

0:20:33.880 --> 0:20:35.800
<v Speaker 2>a kid, I had a journal, but I really never

0:20:35.880 --> 0:20:36.640
<v Speaker 2>stuck with it.

0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:39.520
<v Speaker 1>What did you think about it? Would you think about

0:20:39.760 --> 0:20:43.159
<v Speaker 1>getting back into it? You know, not even like not

0:20:43.160 --> 0:20:45.359
<v Speaker 1>even as like a daily practice, but just like, uh,

0:20:45.600 --> 0:20:48.359
<v Speaker 1>you know, whenever you can. It does make life feel

0:20:48.400 --> 0:20:49.040
<v Speaker 1>more real.

0:20:50.320 --> 0:20:54.640
<v Speaker 2>Really? Oh yeah for sure, Yeah, dude, I've I've never

0:20:54.680 --> 0:20:57.240
<v Speaker 2>done that in my adult life. I haven't tried that.

0:20:58.080 --> 0:20:58.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:20:58.760 --> 0:21:01.160
<v Speaker 2>Do you just like write about like how your day

0:21:01.200 --> 0:21:02.320
<v Speaker 2>one or how you're like?

0:21:02.640 --> 0:21:04.919
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I used to write every I used to.

0:21:05.080 --> 0:21:06.639
<v Speaker 1>I mean I journal all the time a lot. I

0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:11.159
<v Speaker 1>used to, like I used to meticulously journal everything I did,

0:21:13.119 --> 0:21:15.040
<v Speaker 1>like and long. I would like every like everything I did,

0:21:15.200 --> 0:21:18.879
<v Speaker 1>where I went to eat that day, you know, or

0:21:19.000 --> 0:21:20.720
<v Speaker 1>like who I talked to. Yeah, I used to matic

0:21:21.040 --> 0:21:23.600
<v Speaker 1>like when I was in college. I was meticulously journaling.

0:21:23.840 --> 0:21:26.280
<v Speaker 1>Now I do it sometimes, but I lost it along

0:21:26.280 --> 0:21:27.880
<v Speaker 1>the way. And I do feel like when I stopped

0:21:27.880 --> 0:21:31.439
<v Speaker 1>doing that is when time started going faster, because everything

0:21:31.440 --> 0:21:36.639
<v Speaker 1>felt like it was just another like thing on the

0:21:36.720 --> 0:21:39.280
<v Speaker 1>road to whatever the main thing is. But then you

0:21:39.320 --> 0:21:41.159
<v Speaker 1>realize that it's all the main thing. And so but

0:21:41.200 --> 0:21:44.560
<v Speaker 1>the more you write down, the more you know, Yeah,

0:21:44.600 --> 0:21:46.159
<v Speaker 1>that shit just goes into your memory, and then you

0:21:46.200 --> 0:21:47.600
<v Speaker 1>look back and you can like, actually, you can like

0:21:47.640 --> 0:21:50.080
<v Speaker 1>read your life a little bit. You know, you could

0:21:50.119 --> 0:21:52.240
<v Speaker 1>be like, hey, I talk to my kid about especially

0:21:52.280 --> 0:21:53.960
<v Speaker 1>because you have like young kids, you know, like they're

0:21:54.320 --> 0:21:56.879
<v Speaker 1>saying shit. Maybe they they want to you want to

0:21:56.920 --> 0:21:59.840
<v Speaker 1>remember when they're asking you about it later, or do

0:22:00.080 --> 0:22:02.600
<v Speaker 1>and ship you want to remember, you know, And it

0:22:02.640 --> 0:22:04.240
<v Speaker 1>doesn't have to be a huge chore. You know, just

0:22:04.280 --> 0:22:11.359
<v Speaker 1>bullets I think is good sometimes, you know, yeah, sorry,

0:22:11.359 --> 0:22:11.960
<v Speaker 1>go ahead, go ahead.

0:22:12.880 --> 0:22:14.840
<v Speaker 2>Oh no, I was just gonna say, whenever I think

0:22:14.880 --> 0:22:19.080
<v Speaker 2>of journaling, I think of writing these big, huge paragraphs.

0:22:19.440 --> 0:22:21.800
<v Speaker 1>No, no use a bullet Is that what you got

0:22:21.840 --> 0:22:22.159
<v Speaker 1>time for?

0:22:28.040 --> 0:22:30.480
<v Speaker 2>That's interesting. I'll have to give that a shot.

0:22:31.920 --> 0:22:34.119
<v Speaker 1>You say, you said your name is Josh or that

0:22:34.200 --> 0:22:35.280
<v Speaker 1>was your I know it was a fake name.

0:22:36.280 --> 0:22:38.879
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's a fake name. I wish, I wish I

0:22:38.880 --> 0:22:39.880
<v Speaker 2>could use my real name.

0:22:39.960 --> 0:22:42.639
<v Speaker 1>I want you, but I'm not going that's that's okay,

0:22:42.800 --> 0:22:44.640
<v Speaker 1>that's okay. Why do you wish you could use your

0:22:44.640 --> 0:22:45.120
<v Speaker 1>real name?

0:22:46.240 --> 0:22:48.400
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, because it just feels it feels more

0:22:48.520 --> 0:22:53.399
<v Speaker 2>like like I don't I don't know. That's a good question.

0:22:54.240 --> 0:22:56.800
<v Speaker 2>It feel more like, uh, like I'm not just hiding

0:22:56.840 --> 0:22:59.359
<v Speaker 2>behind a like a mask and I'll just talk to

0:22:59.400 --> 0:23:01.240
<v Speaker 2>a random per something that gave you fake name.

0:23:01.920 --> 0:23:05.520
<v Speaker 1>No, I don't w Well, we are both talking to

0:23:05.640 --> 0:23:08.000
<v Speaker 1>a random person that we don't know. There's no hiding

0:23:08.040 --> 0:23:08.479
<v Speaker 1>behind that.

0:23:11.119 --> 0:23:14.439
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, yeah, but for me, for me, it feels

0:23:14.440 --> 0:23:16.560
<v Speaker 2>like in a way, I know, I don't I have

0:23:16.880 --> 0:23:20.080
<v Speaker 2>no idea who you are, but I know your your

0:23:20.119 --> 0:23:23.879
<v Speaker 2>persona online you anyway, I feel like I know you,

0:23:24.160 --> 0:23:25.639
<v Speaker 2>but in reality I don't.

0:23:26.240 --> 0:23:31.560
<v Speaker 1>You've well, yeah, I mean it's as if it's as

0:23:31.600 --> 0:23:33.760
<v Speaker 1>if we have It is a little bit as if

0:23:33.800 --> 0:23:38.000
<v Speaker 1>we have spent five hundred hours together.

0:23:39.359 --> 0:23:41.879
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, several several hours.

0:23:41.520 --> 0:23:43.760
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, which is enough time to get to know someone

0:23:43.920 --> 0:23:48.399
<v Speaker 1>in a sense. Right, It's kind of weird.

0:23:52.000 --> 0:23:54.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's gotta be weird for you. I I couldn't

0:23:54.520 --> 0:23:58.359
<v Speaker 2>even imagine like having a large following and then people

0:23:58.440 --> 0:24:03.320
<v Speaker 2>talking to me that I've never met before, like like

0:24:03.440 --> 0:24:04.040
<v Speaker 2>they know me.

0:24:05.280 --> 0:24:07.200
<v Speaker 1>But I but I. But it's here's a weird thing.

0:24:07.240 --> 0:24:11.720
<v Speaker 1>I almost I know I know you via what you

0:24:11.760 --> 0:24:15.960
<v Speaker 1>know about me, and I know you via what I

0:24:16.000 --> 0:24:19.800
<v Speaker 1>know about you from the past twenty minutes. So we

0:24:19.840 --> 0:24:22.360
<v Speaker 1>can combine that those two I can combine those two

0:24:22.359 --> 0:24:26.399
<v Speaker 1>informations enough for us to have this conversation. I know

0:24:26.480 --> 0:24:27.760
<v Speaker 1>this is getting kind of meta, but.

0:24:29.440 --> 0:24:30.240
<v Speaker 2>You know, I.

0:24:35.560 --> 0:24:37.439
<v Speaker 1>Cool. Man, Well I'm well listen, but here's the thing.

0:24:37.440 --> 0:24:41.040
<v Speaker 1>Regardless of what I uh, I appreciate you sharing your story,

0:24:41.040 --> 0:24:44.960
<v Speaker 1>regardless of what happens with you know, your dad on Facebook.

0:24:45.000 --> 0:24:47.879
<v Speaker 1>I'm really happy to hear that uh uh you know

0:24:47.920 --> 0:24:51.320
<v Speaker 1>you're a great fucking dad and that you're enjoying raising

0:24:51.359 --> 0:24:53.680
<v Speaker 1>a family and the things things seem like they're they're

0:24:53.680 --> 0:24:56.159
<v Speaker 1>going well for you, man, So you know, congratulations on

0:24:57.600 --> 0:25:02.439
<v Speaker 1>you know, we had that guy uh trip, We had

0:25:02.440 --> 0:25:07.240
<v Speaker 1>our boy Trip talking on the podcast like a week

0:25:07.359 --> 0:25:10.560
<v Speaker 1>or so ago about you know, breaking breaking the cycle

0:25:10.880 --> 0:25:12.480
<v Speaker 1>and trying to be a good dad. So, you know,

0:25:12.560 --> 0:25:15.320
<v Speaker 1>glad to hear another one out there doing that ship.

0:25:15.359 --> 0:25:16.560
<v Speaker 1>You know, it's a noble thing to do. So I

0:25:16.600 --> 0:25:18.560
<v Speaker 1>appreciate you doing that and sharing your story about it.

0:25:20.320 --> 0:25:24.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, thanks man, I appreciate you giving me a call

0:25:24.359 --> 0:25:27.520
<v Speaker 2>out of probably the hundreds of texts that you've gotten,

0:25:28.080 --> 0:25:30.359
<v Speaker 2>this the first. I think it's well, this would be

0:25:30.359 --> 0:25:31.960
<v Speaker 2>the second time that I've tried to call you.

0:25:32.560 --> 0:25:36.600
<v Speaker 1>Now I've only got I've gotten about how many texts

0:25:36.600 --> 0:25:36.879
<v Speaker 1>do I have?

0:25:37.000 --> 0:25:37.080
<v Speaker 3>Right?

0:25:37.080 --> 0:25:40.360
<v Speaker 1>And I got about uh, I got about ten?

0:25:42.080 --> 0:25:48.040
<v Speaker 2>Oh about ten? Ship. That's still that's still I still

0:25:48.040 --> 0:25:48.919
<v Speaker 2>feel lucky.

0:25:50.800 --> 0:25:52.200
<v Speaker 1>Chris Man. Is there anything else gonna say with the

0:25:52.200 --> 0:25:56.240
<v Speaker 1>people of the computer before we go? Uh?

0:25:56.280 --> 0:25:59.560
<v Speaker 2>Well, you know a couple of years you said some

0:25:59.680 --> 0:26:01.520
<v Speaker 2>a couple of years ago that you hate when people

0:26:01.760 --> 0:26:03.560
<v Speaker 2>or you wish that people wouldn't give advice.

0:26:04.400 --> 0:26:07.880
<v Speaker 1>So, oh, I do forget forget forget You know how

0:26:07.920 --> 0:26:09.840
<v Speaker 1>you just said that you listened to every episode of

0:26:09.840 --> 0:26:13.840
<v Speaker 1>the podcast forget anything I ever said in any of

0:26:13.880 --> 0:26:17.560
<v Speaker 1>those just forget it all. I didn't. I I was

0:26:17.840 --> 0:26:22.119
<v Speaker 1>I was drunk the whole time. That's not true. But

0:26:22.640 --> 0:26:24.239
<v Speaker 1>go ahead to say whatever, say whatever you want, man,

0:26:24.280 --> 0:26:24.639
<v Speaker 1>go ahead.

0:26:25.560 --> 0:26:27.800
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, I was just gonna say, uh, I love

0:26:27.840 --> 0:26:31.119
<v Speaker 2>you guys, and I hope everybody's doing well. I know

0:26:31.160 --> 0:26:33.120
<v Speaker 2>it's hard time, so we can all get through it.

0:26:34.640 --> 0:26:36.359
<v Speaker 1>Yoh, thank you Josh. I appreciate you man. You have

0:26:36.400 --> 0:26:37.320
<v Speaker 1>a good one.

0:26:37.440 --> 0:26:38.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah you too.

0:26:39.480 --> 0:26:43.000
<v Speaker 1>Bye, Josh, all right bye. I love you, Gek, love

0:26:43.040 --> 0:26:46.080
<v Speaker 1>you to you, buddy. Good guy like Josh. He's a

0:26:46.160 --> 0:26:49.399
<v Speaker 1>nice man. He's a sweet boy, taking care of his family,

0:26:49.560 --> 0:26:55.680
<v Speaker 1>living his life. Hmmm, I'm inspired by that. I'm inspired

0:26:55.680 --> 0:26:58.520
<v Speaker 1>by that. He's got a good he's got a good

0:26:58.520 --> 0:27:01.040
<v Speaker 1>head on his shoulders, doing a good thing.

0:27:02.320 --> 0:27:02.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:27:02.640 --> 0:27:04.159
<v Speaker 1>Well, it's funny because he was asking me how it

0:27:04.200 --> 0:27:06.040
<v Speaker 1>felt like to be twenty seven, and I'm like, dude, bro,

0:27:06.160 --> 0:27:07.760
<v Speaker 1>you have like I feel like when you have two kids,

0:27:08.480 --> 0:27:10.440
<v Speaker 1>you're like a real ass adult. I feel that's why

0:27:10.440 --> 0:27:14.119
<v Speaker 1>I feel like I'm sixteen. You know, I'm in a

0:27:14.119 --> 0:27:16.600
<v Speaker 1>precarious situation where like if I fell asleep right now,

0:27:17.640 --> 0:27:22.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, nobody, nobody relies on me to uh exist

0:27:22.720 --> 0:27:28.240
<v Speaker 1>and not die. You know that has this pros and cons.

0:27:28.280 --> 0:27:30.440
<v Speaker 1>I think you know, but he seems like you got

0:27:30.440 --> 0:27:32.159
<v Speaker 1>a lot of purpose from having people to rely on

0:27:32.240 --> 0:27:34.199
<v Speaker 1>him to not die. I think it's nice. It's a

0:27:34.240 --> 0:27:36.480
<v Speaker 1>noble thing to have people in your life who need

0:27:36.520 --> 0:27:45.760
<v Speaker 1>you to not die. I think that's very noble. Hello,

0:27:46.520 --> 0:27:50.840
<v Speaker 1>hi there, Oh my god, what's up?

0:27:50.920 --> 0:27:51.560
<v Speaker 4>Are you kidding?

0:27:52.600 --> 0:27:56.960
<v Speaker 1>Nothing? There is no kidding, There is only uh seriousness.

0:27:57.000 --> 0:27:57.760
<v Speaker 1>What is your name?

0:27:59.040 --> 0:28:01.399
<v Speaker 4>Oh my god, my name is Lida.

0:28:01.680 --> 0:28:04.359
<v Speaker 1>I'm at work right now, Yo, Lida, you're at work?

0:28:04.400 --> 0:28:08.760
<v Speaker 1>Are you? Are you able to interrupt your workday to

0:28:08.840 --> 0:28:10.359
<v Speaker 1>have this conversation right now?

0:28:11.600 --> 0:28:13.480
<v Speaker 4>Oh?

0:28:13.720 --> 0:28:16.720
<v Speaker 1>Okay, okay, great, great? Could you do me a favorite?

0:28:16.720 --> 0:28:18.879
<v Speaker 1>Could you take me off of like speakerphone or headset

0:28:18.960 --> 0:28:19.320
<v Speaker 1>or whatever?

0:28:21.000 --> 0:28:21.280
<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

0:28:21.359 --> 0:28:23.960
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, you're off, you're speaker. Now.

0:28:24.760 --> 0:28:26.040
<v Speaker 1>Where are do you work?

0:28:27.760 --> 0:28:30.520
<v Speaker 4>I work at a hotel. I am a housekeeper?

0:28:31.240 --> 0:28:33.880
<v Speaker 1>Oh okay, are you off toilets?

0:28:34.080 --> 0:28:34.439
<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

0:28:34.920 --> 0:28:39.080
<v Speaker 1>Are you cleaning people? Are you cleaning ship off of toilets?

0:28:39.120 --> 0:28:39.520
<v Speaker 1>Right now?

0:28:41.280 --> 0:28:44.080
<v Speaker 4>Thankfully, I'm actually done with that. My work just do

0:28:44.320 --> 0:28:50.040
<v Speaker 4>was like a summer like barbecue. So yeah, it was

0:28:50.120 --> 0:28:52.800
<v Speaker 4>really good. But like I'm allowed to throw up because

0:28:52.800 --> 0:28:53.880
<v Speaker 4>I just ate too much food.

0:28:55.280 --> 0:28:58.000
<v Speaker 1>What did you eat? Would you have to eat?

0:28:58.280 --> 0:29:04.320
<v Speaker 4>Okay, let's see. I ate two cookies, I ate three cupcakes.

0:29:05.120 --> 0:29:07.720
<v Speaker 4>I had a hamburger. I ate a hot dog. I

0:29:07.840 --> 0:29:12.240
<v Speaker 4>ate some pizza salad, pizza salad, hold up pasta salad,

0:29:12.560 --> 0:29:16.200
<v Speaker 4>my bad pizza salad sounds really good, though, somebody should.

0:29:15.920 --> 0:29:18.760
<v Speaker 1>Come up with that's a that's a lot. Do you

0:29:18.800 --> 0:29:21.560
<v Speaker 1>feel Are you okay? Do you need medical atte? Do

0:29:21.560 --> 0:29:25.760
<v Speaker 1>you feel okay right now? Mentally and physically after getting that?

0:29:27.320 --> 0:29:30.960
<v Speaker 4>No? But my mom is a nurse, so I will

0:29:30.960 --> 0:29:32.040
<v Speaker 4>be okay.

0:29:32.840 --> 0:29:37.760
<v Speaker 1>Okay, that's not I don't. That's uh. It's helpful that

0:29:37.760 --> 0:29:40.080
<v Speaker 1>your mom's a nurse, but I don't. Does it guarantee

0:29:40.160 --> 0:29:41.360
<v Speaker 1>that you'll be okay forever?

0:29:43.360 --> 0:29:47.600
<v Speaker 4>Yes, it does. I'll probably live forever because of her.

0:29:48.120 --> 0:29:52.680
<v Speaker 1>And you know what, I respect your confidence in that answer.

0:29:54.160 --> 0:29:56.720
<v Speaker 4>Nobody else has agreed with me on that.

0:29:57.000 --> 0:29:58.880
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if I may have talked about this

0:29:58.920 --> 0:30:01.320
<v Speaker 1>on the podcast once. I had a kind of embarrassing

0:30:01.360 --> 0:30:04.240
<v Speaker 1>moment when I went to Tijuana a few months ago.

0:30:04.280 --> 0:30:08.240
<v Speaker 1>I I'm a serial clogger. I'm known amongst the community

0:30:09.080 --> 0:30:11.800
<v Speaker 1>as a serial clogger of toilets.

0:30:12.720 --> 0:30:14.080
<v Speaker 3>And oh my.

0:30:14.000 --> 0:30:16.640
<v Speaker 4>God, I remember that episode you talked to that one

0:30:16.680 --> 0:30:19.960
<v Speaker 4>guy who was like, I clogged too many toilets, so

0:30:20.000 --> 0:30:21.120
<v Speaker 4>I can't live anywhere.

0:30:21.400 --> 0:30:23.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I'm like that too. That's why I can't have roommates.

0:30:23.920 --> 0:30:26.120
<v Speaker 1>I clogged too many toilets. I was. I was at

0:30:26.120 --> 0:30:30.160
<v Speaker 1>this hotel and I had like, uh, I clogged the toilet,

0:30:30.240 --> 0:30:32.880
<v Speaker 1>and I had to I went down to the front

0:30:32.920 --> 0:30:37.760
<v Speaker 1>desk and I had to be like tns esta and

0:30:37.800 --> 0:30:42.280
<v Speaker 1>then do the like toilet plunger motion, like I'm plunging

0:30:42.320 --> 0:30:45.600
<v Speaker 1>a toilet. And then they were like then they were

0:30:45.640 --> 0:30:47.479
<v Speaker 1>like one second and then and then they came up

0:30:47.480 --> 0:30:49.000
<v Speaker 1>to my room and they were about to go in.

0:30:49.120 --> 0:30:54.680
<v Speaker 1>They were about to go in, and uh unclogged the toilet,

0:30:54.720 --> 0:30:59.080
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, I took, I took this toilet

0:30:59.120 --> 0:31:01.680
<v Speaker 1>plunger and I and I unclogged the toilet.

0:31:01.760 --> 0:31:04.040
<v Speaker 4>That's how I feel when I talk to my coworkers,

0:31:05.080 --> 0:31:11.240
<v Speaker 4>because they yeah, anyway, wait, okay, I'm nervous.

0:31:12.080 --> 0:31:14.800
<v Speaker 1>There's nothing. There's nothing nothing, nothing has happened. There's no

0:31:15.720 --> 0:31:18.640
<v Speaker 1>this is there's nothing to be nervous about. I I

0:31:18.840 --> 0:31:22.760
<v Speaker 1>we can uh yeah, there's you're not being like you

0:31:23.200 --> 0:31:25.240
<v Speaker 1>don't try to be please, don't. You don't have to

0:31:25.240 --> 0:31:27.400
<v Speaker 1>try to be anything. You don't have to try to

0:31:27.400 --> 0:31:31.719
<v Speaker 1>be anyone. You don't have to care about this in

0:31:31.760 --> 0:31:33.480
<v Speaker 1>any way, shape or form.

0:31:34.400 --> 0:31:35.440
<v Speaker 4>I don't care about anything.

0:31:35.720 --> 0:31:38.040
<v Speaker 1>Good good good.

0:31:38.120 --> 0:31:38.320
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:31:38.800 --> 0:31:43.480
<v Speaker 1>Well, okay, let's there's a few things. Well, let me

0:31:43.520 --> 0:31:45.560
<v Speaker 1>ask you this, was there a particular thing that you

0:31:45.600 --> 0:31:46.880
<v Speaker 1>wanted to talk about today.

0:31:48.480 --> 0:31:51.920
<v Speaker 4>Let's see see, Unlike everybody else, I've thought about this

0:31:52.480 --> 0:31:53.800
<v Speaker 4>like a bajillion times.

0:31:53.960 --> 0:31:56.880
<v Speaker 3>M hm, but hmmm.

0:31:57.520 --> 0:32:04.440
<v Speaker 4>Let's see. Okay, I just graduated from from high school.

0:32:07.800 --> 0:32:09.480
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, okay, And.

0:32:11.280 --> 0:32:14.080
<v Speaker 4>Let's see I just got actually, I just got accepted

0:32:14.120 --> 0:32:15.720
<v Speaker 4>into cosmetology school.

0:32:16.400 --> 0:32:16.920
<v Speaker 1>Very nice.

0:32:17.160 --> 0:32:21.440
<v Speaker 4>And let's see, my brother got out of prison and

0:32:21.480 --> 0:32:23.000
<v Speaker 4>he's coming to live with us.

0:32:23.280 --> 0:32:27.040
<v Speaker 1>Oh are you are you excited about that?

0:32:28.560 --> 0:32:32.960
<v Speaker 4>No? But you know, here's the thing. I have two

0:32:33.120 --> 0:32:37.600
<v Speaker 4>I have three brothers. One of them passed away, and

0:32:37.680 --> 0:32:41.880
<v Speaker 4>so now I'm having to be like extra thankful for

0:32:42.000 --> 0:32:45.120
<v Speaker 4>my other brother. So I'm kind of trying to not

0:32:45.160 --> 0:32:49.920
<v Speaker 4>be mad, but like, I'm in the middle of going

0:32:49.920 --> 0:32:55.280
<v Speaker 4>to school, and it's kind of crazy that, you know,

0:32:55.560 --> 0:32:57.600
<v Speaker 4>he's coming to live with us. I haven't seen him

0:32:57.600 --> 0:33:01.000
<v Speaker 4>in years, in the middle of me going back to

0:33:01.120 --> 0:33:06.120
<v Speaker 4>like cosmetology school, and so I'm just like, but.

0:33:07.720 --> 0:33:11.960
<v Speaker 1>You know, okay, why uh if you want, I mean,

0:33:12.000 --> 0:33:16.680
<v Speaker 1>if you want to talk about it, why uh you

0:33:16.720 --> 0:33:19.040
<v Speaker 1>would you had a very quick reaction when you said no,

0:33:19.400 --> 0:33:22.960
<v Speaker 1>why no to being excited about him coming home.

0:33:24.400 --> 0:33:29.280
<v Speaker 4>Well, as a housekeeper, I am very particular about how

0:33:29.280 --> 0:33:35.959
<v Speaker 4>I keep my living area, specifically like my bathroom, and

0:33:36.000 --> 0:33:40.080
<v Speaker 4>so I don't think I really have to elaborate too

0:33:40.120 --> 0:33:40.720
<v Speaker 4>much on that.

0:33:41.560 --> 0:33:45.240
<v Speaker 1>Okay, do you guys do you guys share? Do you

0:33:45.280 --> 0:33:46.560
<v Speaker 1>guys share a living space?

0:33:46.600 --> 0:33:46.680
<v Speaker 2>Like?

0:33:46.720 --> 0:33:47.800
<v Speaker 1>Do you live in the same room?

0:33:49.440 --> 0:33:51.640
<v Speaker 4>No, I have my own room, but we're gonna have

0:33:51.640 --> 0:33:55.120
<v Speaker 4>to share like a bathroom, okay kind of stuff.

0:33:56.040 --> 0:33:58.280
<v Speaker 1>Are you excited to see him?

0:33:58.920 --> 0:34:01.480
<v Speaker 4>I'm excited to see him. I am. I am. He's

0:34:01.560 --> 0:34:07.440
<v Speaker 4>just a huge dick wad is how I would describe him?

0:34:07.680 --> 0:34:08.840
<v Speaker 1>Is he older or younger?

0:34:10.239 --> 0:34:13.279
<v Speaker 4>He's older, he's in his Uh all my brothers are

0:34:13.280 --> 0:34:19.920
<v Speaker 4>in their thirties. I was quite the not planned sing

0:34:20.719 --> 0:34:24.400
<v Speaker 4>so all I have every single one of my brothers

0:34:24.440 --> 0:34:28.840
<v Speaker 4>are getting up there. So just fine.

0:34:29.520 --> 0:34:31.960
<v Speaker 1>You talked about and I'm sorry to hear about your

0:34:32.200 --> 0:34:39.200
<v Speaker 1>brother that passed away. You were talking about how okay,

0:34:39.239 --> 0:34:43.759
<v Speaker 1>because you have this is how many brothers? And is

0:34:43.800 --> 0:34:45.880
<v Speaker 1>he the last remaining brother? Is there another brother?

0:34:47.080 --> 0:34:53.360
<v Speaker 4>So I have another brother that is on my dad's side. Okay,

0:34:53.400 --> 0:34:57.160
<v Speaker 4>but he I don't talk to him. He's like bald

0:34:57.239 --> 0:34:58.640
<v Speaker 4>and stuff, and he.

0:34:58.600 --> 0:35:01.520
<v Speaker 1>Has a kid, and the you don't talk to him

0:35:01.560 --> 0:35:02.400
<v Speaker 1>because he's bald.

0:35:03.920 --> 0:35:06.879
<v Speaker 4>Partly he gets it from dad.

0:35:07.719 --> 0:35:11.120
<v Speaker 1>Okay, all right, that's fair. Sometimes sometimes you just don't

0:35:11.120 --> 0:35:12.880
<v Speaker 1>want to talk to bald people. I get that, and

0:35:12.880 --> 0:35:14.800
<v Speaker 1>I understand, yeah exactly.

0:35:14.840 --> 0:35:17.239
<v Speaker 4>And he's and he has a kid and stuff, and

0:35:17.280 --> 0:35:20.560
<v Speaker 4>so it's just like, yeah, hey, you're my you're my

0:35:20.719 --> 0:35:22.040
<v Speaker 4>brother man.

0:35:23.760 --> 0:35:26.840
<v Speaker 1>Okay, all right, I get it. Yeah, yeah, sure, you're eighteen.

0:35:27.120 --> 0:35:30.160
<v Speaker 1>When you think of like a brother, you're like, you

0:35:30.200 --> 0:35:32.239
<v Speaker 1>think of like a boy. You're like, you think of

0:35:32.280 --> 0:35:36.520
<v Speaker 1>like a Dexter's laboratory kind of a boy. But your

0:35:36.560 --> 0:35:41.359
<v Speaker 1>brother is a your brother is a bald, old man

0:35:41.440 --> 0:35:44.120
<v Speaker 1>with a child's and so you're like, I don't even

0:35:44.320 --> 0:35:49.239
<v Speaker 1>you're like a You're like a tertiary. You're like, I

0:35:49.280 --> 0:35:54.560
<v Speaker 1>need to invent a new word beyond brother, uncle cousin.

0:35:54.640 --> 0:35:58.040
<v Speaker 1>I need I need a new word to describe how

0:35:58.120 --> 0:36:01.120
<v Speaker 1>I feel about you. Yeah, that's how That's exactly what

0:36:01.160 --> 0:36:04.480
<v Speaker 1>it is. Okay, I get you. I get you. So

0:36:04.560 --> 0:36:06.719
<v Speaker 1>then so then let me so let me ask you this.

0:36:06.960 --> 0:36:12.120
<v Speaker 1>Uh the you're saying that you want to use this

0:36:12.200 --> 0:36:14.880
<v Speaker 1>opportunity to foster a better relationship with the brother that

0:36:15.080 --> 0:36:17.400
<v Speaker 1>is coming to live with you. Do you do you

0:36:17.400 --> 0:36:19.920
<v Speaker 1>feel that way? Oh?

0:36:21.280 --> 0:36:24.359
<v Speaker 4>Let's see, I do feel that way. Let me think

0:36:24.520 --> 0:36:25.600
<v Speaker 4>I do feel that way?

0:36:25.840 --> 0:36:27.640
<v Speaker 1>Really hey, real quick, real quick? Can you I don't

0:36:27.680 --> 0:36:29.080
<v Speaker 1>know if you did something to your phone, but if

0:36:29.080 --> 0:36:30.440
<v Speaker 1>you could just hold it right up to your ear,

0:36:30.480 --> 0:36:31.080
<v Speaker 1>that would be great.

0:36:32.320 --> 0:36:34.440
<v Speaker 4>Sorry, sorry I had to take off my hoodie because

0:36:34.719 --> 0:36:42.359
<v Speaker 4>we're not allowed to wear at work. But anyway, Yeah,

0:36:42.520 --> 0:36:46.480
<v Speaker 4>so he's coming down, and then my dog Actually he

0:36:47.719 --> 0:36:51.319
<v Speaker 4>doesn't like people. He only likes me and my mom.

0:36:52.120 --> 0:36:55.920
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm. So that's wait wait wait wait wait wait wait,

0:36:56.480 --> 0:36:58.279
<v Speaker 1>but but before you start talk about your dog, do

0:36:58.360 --> 0:37:01.520
<v Speaker 1>you are you trying to use this as like a

0:37:01.760 --> 0:37:04.800
<v Speaker 1>way to like, are you looking forward to like building

0:37:04.800 --> 0:37:06.160
<v Speaker 1>a relationship back with your brother?

0:37:10.280 --> 0:37:12.560
<v Speaker 4>I kind of am. Here's the thing, he's just kind

0:37:12.600 --> 0:37:16.200
<v Speaker 4>of a jerk, you know, he's just kind of a jerk,

0:37:16.640 --> 0:37:20.759
<v Speaker 4>And that's like the main thing. But other than that,

0:37:21.480 --> 0:37:26.680
<v Speaker 4>I guess I am. That's me excited. I haven't seen

0:37:26.760 --> 0:37:27.480
<v Speaker 4>him in a long time.

0:37:28.280 --> 0:37:28.600
<v Speaker 3>Mm hm.

0:37:30.640 --> 0:37:32.239
<v Speaker 1>When when was the last time you saw him?

0:37:33.840 --> 0:37:38.920
<v Speaker 4>I saw him? Let's see, done, like three years.

0:37:42.640 --> 0:37:43.200
<v Speaker 1>Three years?

0:37:43.360 --> 0:37:45.520
<v Speaker 4>Do you? Yeah, like three years, because.

0:37:47.160 --> 0:37:49.680
<v Speaker 1>Did you visit him at all in prison?

0:37:51.560 --> 0:37:51.600
<v Speaker 3>No?

0:37:52.040 --> 0:37:56.400
<v Speaker 4>So the thing is he was there. He's all the

0:37:56.440 --> 0:38:01.320
<v Speaker 4>way in Wyoming. I live in Oregon. Ohkay'm find you

0:38:01.400 --> 0:38:07.400
<v Speaker 4>for Renica. Okay, it's okay. Sorry, my coworker had some

0:38:07.800 --> 0:38:14.360
<v Speaker 4>drama for me. But anyway, we haven't visited him because

0:38:15.360 --> 0:38:18.480
<v Speaker 4>he kind of like, I mean, we call him and stuff,

0:38:18.560 --> 0:38:22.080
<v Speaker 4>but he kind of like he's too far away. Even

0:38:22.120 --> 0:38:24.200
<v Speaker 4>when we go down to visit our family in the summer,

0:38:24.320 --> 0:38:30.239
<v Speaker 4>he's just like way from where it's accessible to us.

0:38:31.040 --> 0:38:31.640
<v Speaker 4>That makes sense.

0:38:31.920 --> 0:38:33.759
<v Speaker 1>Do you ever write letters to him or anything like that.

0:38:35.600 --> 0:38:40.399
<v Speaker 4>I did not write letters to him. I don't write

0:38:40.480 --> 0:38:43.600
<v Speaker 4>letters to him, but we do talk, and you know,

0:38:43.760 --> 0:38:47.840
<v Speaker 4>I tell him, like you know, brother and sister stuff.

0:38:47.880 --> 0:38:49.759
<v Speaker 4>I guess like I tell him what's going on, but

0:38:51.320 --> 0:38:55.680
<v Speaker 4>nothing like I don't know. He's just like we're not

0:38:55.760 --> 0:38:57.480
<v Speaker 4>as we're not as close as I was with my

0:38:57.600 --> 0:39:02.919
<v Speaker 4>other brother. We were much closer when that passed away.

0:39:04.440 --> 0:39:09.160
<v Speaker 4>We were much closer. He's uh, it was like very cool,

0:39:09.520 --> 0:39:10.320
<v Speaker 4>very cool fellow.

0:39:11.400 --> 0:39:17.320
<v Speaker 1>M They're nothing you like, do you alright? Do you

0:39:17.680 --> 0:39:21.960
<v Speaker 1>is it possible? Do you think that your brother has

0:39:22.040 --> 0:39:24.279
<v Speaker 1>like changed at all and praise Like, do you think

0:39:24.320 --> 0:39:28.120
<v Speaker 1>he'll have he'll re emerge a different guy.

0:39:29.680 --> 0:39:31.960
<v Speaker 4>And that's what my mom keeps telling me. My mom

0:39:32.080 --> 0:39:37.000
<v Speaker 4>thinks that he has because you know, we talked to

0:39:37.080 --> 0:39:38.840
<v Speaker 4>him on the phone and stuff, and he seems a

0:39:38.880 --> 0:39:42.880
<v Speaker 4>lot more normal than he was. I mean, I can

0:39:42.960 --> 0:39:45.480
<v Speaker 4>say this, I think Yeah, I think so he was

0:39:45.560 --> 0:39:51.120
<v Speaker 4>like addicted to mess and stuff. So he was just

0:39:51.239 --> 0:39:55.759
<v Speaker 4>kind of like not who I remember him being when

0:39:55.800 --> 0:40:00.279
<v Speaker 4>I was younger and stuff like that. Yeah, so it

0:40:00.440 --> 0:40:04.400
<v Speaker 4>was just kind of like a struggle to I guess,

0:40:04.960 --> 0:40:10.920
<v Speaker 4>relate to him and have a good relationship the way

0:40:10.960 --> 0:40:13.640
<v Speaker 4>we did before. Yeah, if that makes.

0:40:13.440 --> 0:40:16.000
<v Speaker 1>Sense, Yeah, that makes sense. Is he is he clean now?

0:40:17.440 --> 0:40:21.800
<v Speaker 4>He's clean now just because I think it partially is

0:40:22.040 --> 0:40:25.080
<v Speaker 4>mostly because he can't access it anymore.

0:40:25.840 --> 0:40:31.160
<v Speaker 1>But that's a that's a solid way to stop doing anything. Yeah,

0:40:31.360 --> 0:40:32.160
<v Speaker 1>it is, it is.

0:40:32.239 --> 0:40:32.480
<v Speaker 2>It is.

0:40:32.560 --> 0:40:37.840
<v Speaker 4>It is. But I mean, I I I sympathize with

0:40:37.960 --> 0:40:43.640
<v Speaker 4>him and whatnot. Ah, but it's just kind of hard

0:40:43.680 --> 0:40:45.279
<v Speaker 4>to because he was.

0:40:46.760 --> 0:40:47.280
<v Speaker 3>Very rude.

0:40:48.480 --> 0:40:55.440
<v Speaker 4>But otherwise what is left to be done in here?

0:40:56.680 --> 0:40:57.879
<v Speaker 1>Well, listen, what's your name again?

0:40:57.960 --> 0:41:00.759
<v Speaker 4>I've heard everything, but wipe it down. Sorry, my name

0:41:00.840 --> 0:41:01.440
<v Speaker 4>is Lena.

0:41:01.680 --> 0:41:03.520
<v Speaker 1>Lena, Lena. I'm gonna let you get back to work,

0:41:03.760 --> 0:41:09.440
<v Speaker 1>but uh, you know, I appreciate you sharing your your story,

0:41:09.680 --> 0:41:12.279
<v Speaker 1>and I hope that uh things go well with you

0:41:12.480 --> 0:41:13.479
<v Speaker 1>and and your and your.

0:41:13.440 --> 0:41:17.000
<v Speaker 4>Thank you than your brother. Thank you. I appreciate that.

0:41:17.160 --> 0:41:19.960
<v Speaker 4>I appreciate that. And uh yeah, I've been listening to

0:41:20.800 --> 0:41:25.880
<v Speaker 4>middle school so this is awesome. I couldn't even believe it.

0:41:26.800 --> 0:41:28.840
<v Speaker 1>Rock and roll. Man, Well, thank you very much for listening.

0:41:29.560 --> 0:41:31.799
<v Speaker 1>Good luck, and I'll see you. I'll see you around

0:41:31.800 --> 0:41:32.320
<v Speaker 1>the universe.

0:41:33.280 --> 0:41:35.440
<v Speaker 4>Thank you so much, Thank you so much. I'll talk

0:41:35.480 --> 0:41:38.319
<v Speaker 4>to you later maybe probably bye bye bye.

0:41:42.520 --> 0:41:44.400
<v Speaker 3>No fucking way that works, bro.

0:41:45.239 --> 0:41:45.640
<v Speaker 1>What's up?

0:41:45.680 --> 0:41:45.799
<v Speaker 3>Man?

0:41:45.840 --> 0:41:46.359
<v Speaker 1>What's your name?

0:41:47.360 --> 0:41:49.080
<v Speaker 3>What's up? My name?

0:41:49.800 --> 0:41:50.319
<v Speaker 1>Has life?

0:41:51.480 --> 0:41:54.080
<v Speaker 3>Personally? In my life, a lot is going great, but

0:41:54.160 --> 0:41:57.000
<v Speaker 3>then like in the world, it seems like everything kind

0:41:57.040 --> 0:41:57.480
<v Speaker 3>of stucks.

0:41:59.080 --> 0:42:04.360
<v Speaker 1>Yes, yeah, uh a lot. Don't you what that everything

0:42:04.360 --> 0:42:05.120
<v Speaker 1>in the world sucks?

0:42:06.160 --> 0:42:06.399
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:42:06.600 --> 0:42:10.279
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean I have a lot of thoughts on this,

0:42:10.760 --> 0:42:14.400
<v Speaker 1>and I get into fights with people about it sometimes

0:42:14.719 --> 0:42:20.600
<v Speaker 1>about whether the world sucks because well because and I

0:42:20.680 --> 0:42:24.160
<v Speaker 1>don't know, I hate uh, part of me wants to

0:42:24.239 --> 0:42:26.840
<v Speaker 1>shut up, but I'm the one who has a fucking podcast.

0:42:27.040 --> 0:42:30.759
<v Speaker 1>But this is large part of me that and you

0:42:30.800 --> 0:42:35.080
<v Speaker 1>know what, fuck it is. The world's for as long

0:42:36.040 --> 0:42:42.600
<v Speaker 1>as we've been around. You can point to, you know,

0:42:43.040 --> 0:42:46.719
<v Speaker 1>terrible things, Yeah, you can point you can for as

0:42:46.760 --> 0:42:48.960
<v Speaker 1>long as we've been around, you can point to dictatorships,

0:42:49.000 --> 0:42:56.320
<v Speaker 1>and you can point to, uh, genocides and atrocities and

0:42:56.800 --> 0:43:03.400
<v Speaker 1>horrible things and so and so we're just dealing with

0:43:04.760 --> 0:43:08.400
<v Speaker 1>We're we're we're the human beings alive at this very

0:43:08.520 --> 0:43:12.759
<v Speaker 1>moment dealing with the horrible things going on in the

0:43:12.880 --> 0:43:17.920
<v Speaker 1>world at this very moment. But we it's not. It's

0:43:17.960 --> 0:43:20.080
<v Speaker 1>all and it's all new to us, you know what

0:43:20.160 --> 0:43:22.719
<v Speaker 1>I mean, it's all new to us. But like, uh,

0:43:23.600 --> 0:43:25.680
<v Speaker 1>I mean, fuck man, we you know we had that,

0:43:25.920 --> 0:43:29.399
<v Speaker 1>there was the there's been if you if you want

0:43:29.440 --> 0:43:32.640
<v Speaker 1>to go and take a look, there's been horrible There's

0:43:32.680 --> 0:43:36.239
<v Speaker 1>been a horrible thing yet, if you want to go

0:43:36.280 --> 0:43:41.239
<v Speaker 1>take a look, there's been horrible things happening forever. And

0:43:41.360 --> 0:43:43.279
<v Speaker 1>I don't and I say that sometimes when people think

0:43:43.280 --> 0:43:45.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm being dismissive, I swear in my life I'm not.

0:43:45.760 --> 0:43:48.520
<v Speaker 1>It's just no, it's not.

0:43:48.880 --> 0:43:52.200
<v Speaker 3>It's not dismissive to say that like war is always

0:43:52.680 --> 0:43:56.640
<v Speaker 3>a thing, because then if that also means if war

0:43:56.719 --> 0:43:59.360
<v Speaker 3>is also always happening, that also has to mean that

0:43:59.480 --> 0:44:02.800
<v Speaker 3>good thing are always happening as well simultaneously.

0:44:03.440 --> 0:44:03.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:44:03.960 --> 0:44:07.479
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, there's always been ship in the world. There's always

0:44:07.520 --> 0:44:10.120
<v Speaker 3>been bad stuff, there's always been for but there's always

0:44:10.200 --> 0:44:12.799
<v Speaker 3>been super cool as always been.

0:44:12.800 --> 0:44:17.400
<v Speaker 1>I I I, and I don't say it to be dismissive.

0:44:17.400 --> 0:44:19.560
<v Speaker 1>I say it to be hopeful because I think people

0:44:19.719 --> 0:44:24.120
<v Speaker 1>have this uh, because we're you know, every every hundred

0:44:24.200 --> 0:44:28.120
<v Speaker 1>years there's new people. And I think people have this

0:44:28.480 --> 0:44:33.720
<v Speaker 1>uh feeling that like everything we're going through is like unprecedented,

0:44:34.160 --> 0:44:36.719
<v Speaker 1>And I and I have I have that feeling a

0:44:36.760 --> 0:44:39.719
<v Speaker 1>lot of times. And it's scary, and I mean, it's

0:44:39.800 --> 0:44:45.200
<v Speaker 1>certainly unprecedented for us because we've never well sorry hold on,

0:44:45.320 --> 0:44:46.919
<v Speaker 1>let me let me finish talking real quick.

0:44:46.960 --> 0:44:48.120
<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah, okay, sorry.

0:44:49.400 --> 0:44:54.520
<v Speaker 1>It's unprecedented for us because we're the people that uh

0:44:55.320 --> 0:44:58.160
<v Speaker 1>have you know, we're the first people going through it

0:44:58.640 --> 0:45:01.040
<v Speaker 1>as are we We're the it's the first time for

0:45:01.200 --> 0:45:05.239
<v Speaker 1>us going through it, right yeah. Yeah, But I mean

0:45:06.040 --> 0:45:10.880
<v Speaker 1>and also America, it didn't feel like uh, we always

0:45:10.920 --> 0:45:14.520
<v Speaker 1>felt like uh because we're like in power right now

0:45:14.600 --> 0:45:17.680
<v Speaker 1>at this point in the world, and so we always

0:45:17.680 --> 0:45:21.160
<v Speaker 1>felt like we were the like, oh, we're gonna be fine.

0:45:21.239 --> 0:45:23.440
<v Speaker 1>Nothing bad is ever gonna happen to us in America.

0:45:23.680 --> 0:45:29.680
<v Speaker 1>We're stable, you know, and uh, you know, everything is transient.

0:45:31.400 --> 0:45:35.319
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, we're kind of dealing with our own insecurity

0:45:36.320 --> 0:45:40.320
<v Speaker 1>in that sense. But I think it's kind And again

0:45:40.480 --> 0:45:44.200
<v Speaker 1>the reason I said people think I've gotten enough fights

0:45:44.239 --> 0:45:47.440
<v Speaker 1>with friends because when you know, I say things like, well, yeah,

0:45:47.560 --> 0:45:51.240
<v Speaker 1>you know, there's always throughout all of history been places

0:45:51.280 --> 0:45:52.840
<v Speaker 1>you can point and things you could point at, and

0:45:53.080 --> 0:45:57.080
<v Speaker 1>to go like, oh, that's so horrible, and they think

0:45:57.120 --> 0:45:59.359
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying it to be like, oh, it's not that bad.

0:45:59.400 --> 0:46:00.839
<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying it's I mean that it's all that bad.

0:46:00.840 --> 0:46:04.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying it to me, like, you know, uh, this

0:46:04.520 --> 0:46:08.399
<v Speaker 1>fear that we have of like the world is such

0:46:08.400 --> 0:46:13.120
<v Speaker 1>a horrible place and everything is so unprecedented and whatever whatever,

0:46:13.280 --> 0:46:18.360
<v Speaker 1>Like I don't I don't think that that fear is helpful.

0:46:19.040 --> 0:46:22.919
<v Speaker 1>And I think a more helpful attitude is like, well, yeah,

0:46:23.360 --> 0:46:27.520
<v Speaker 1>the universe has always had problems, We'll always have problems,

0:46:27.840 --> 0:46:33.400
<v Speaker 1>and we've always move, We've always been able to just

0:46:33.520 --> 0:46:39.960
<v Speaker 1>as a species, uh, get through them. And that doesn't

0:46:39.960 --> 0:46:41.600
<v Speaker 1>mean we should let our guard down. And that doesn't

0:46:41.600 --> 0:46:46.279
<v Speaker 1>mean we shouldn't be cognizant of things, but it does.

0:46:47.360 --> 0:46:51.440
<v Speaker 1>It means it's like, hey, listen, you we're not the

0:46:51.600 --> 0:46:53.680
<v Speaker 1>every hundred years, there's a new people. We're not the

0:46:53.920 --> 0:46:59.880
<v Speaker 1>first group of people ever to deal with hard and

0:47:00.120 --> 0:47:04.759
<v Speaker 1>precedented things. Everything that's ever motherfucking happened in in the

0:47:04.920 --> 0:47:07.760
<v Speaker 1>universe is unprecedented. It's always happening for the first.

0:47:08.480 --> 0:47:11.319
<v Speaker 3>The first time we've it's just the first time we've

0:47:11.440 --> 0:47:12.080
<v Speaker 3>experienced it.

0:47:12.520 --> 0:47:15.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, So that's that's all I have

0:47:16.040 --> 0:47:16.359
<v Speaker 1>to say.

0:47:16.520 --> 0:47:18.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, of course, yeah.

0:47:18.800 --> 0:47:21.879
<v Speaker 3>It's great. It's but like I want to go live

0:47:21.960 --> 0:47:29.400
<v Speaker 3>my life. Man, I want to it. It's I I

0:47:29.480 --> 0:47:34.520
<v Speaker 3>guess what. I I can see why people think that's

0:47:34.560 --> 0:47:36.279
<v Speaker 3>a dismissive take, because I want to I want to

0:47:36.320 --> 0:47:39.400
<v Speaker 3>counter that take slightly, like I'm not I want to

0:47:39.440 --> 0:47:40.640
<v Speaker 3>dismiss it, but I feel.

0:47:40.400 --> 0:47:46.120
<v Speaker 1>Like, because.

0:47:47.120 --> 0:47:49.440
<v Speaker 3>We pee, I want to live, like I want to

0:47:49.480 --> 0:47:52.960
<v Speaker 3>do stuff like I used to be really really depressed

0:47:53.080 --> 0:47:53.640
<v Speaker 3>like I used to.

0:47:55.160 --> 0:47:55.279
<v Speaker 4>Uh.

0:47:55.440 --> 0:47:57.640
<v Speaker 3>I mean not to get like super into it or anything,

0:47:57.719 --> 0:48:01.359
<v Speaker 3>but I gotten I've gotten tree close to crossing over

0:48:01.440 --> 0:48:04.279
<v Speaker 3>the Rainbow Bridge a few times by my own hand,

0:48:04.960 --> 0:48:08.080
<v Speaker 3>and like I wouldn't want to say him over that

0:48:08.160 --> 0:48:11.440
<v Speaker 3>period of my life, but it's definitely I'm never going

0:48:11.520 --> 0:48:13.560
<v Speaker 3>to get that far again. And I'm at a point

0:48:13.560 --> 0:48:16.800
<v Speaker 3>in my life. I just moved into my apartment with

0:48:17.160 --> 0:48:20.480
<v Speaker 3>someone that I considered to love my life and he

0:48:20.640 --> 0:48:24.200
<v Speaker 3>considers that as well, and we're trying to move to

0:48:24.320 --> 0:48:29.080
<v Speaker 3>Germany together because he's German, and it just you know,

0:48:29.239 --> 0:48:31.960
<v Speaker 3>it works out, and you know, I'm really excited, Like

0:48:32.040 --> 0:48:34.400
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to go over there to first thing to

0:48:34.480 --> 0:48:38.200
<v Speaker 3>study German German culture and then study music, and it's

0:48:38.239 --> 0:48:40.399
<v Speaker 3>just I'm really really excited to live and I want

0:48:40.440 --> 0:48:44.880
<v Speaker 3>to do all this stuff. But all these unprecedented times,

0:48:46.600 --> 0:48:49.440
<v Speaker 3>it seems like every day there's a headline that comes up,

0:48:49.480 --> 0:48:54.200
<v Speaker 3>like my partner's trans too. And I'm not gonna get

0:48:54.360 --> 0:49:01.840
<v Speaker 3>too much more into that because of what people like,

0:49:02.040 --> 0:49:04.440
<v Speaker 3>what the culture has shifted to today, what the government

0:49:04.480 --> 0:49:09.200
<v Speaker 3>has shifted to today, I'm scared and I don't want

0:49:09.880 --> 0:49:12.600
<v Speaker 3>my life to be cut short because of that. That's

0:49:12.640 --> 0:49:17.200
<v Speaker 3>why I feel like people would say that's dismissive, because yeah, sure,

0:49:18.160 --> 0:49:22.400
<v Speaker 3>fascist governments have existed before, but the people died in

0:49:22.480 --> 0:49:26.480
<v Speaker 3>them and I don't want to die and I don't

0:49:26.480 --> 0:49:31.520
<v Speaker 3>want anybody to die, so like, and I know you

0:49:31.600 --> 0:49:35.080
<v Speaker 3>weren't saying, oh, we shouldn't do anything about it. I

0:49:35.200 --> 0:49:38.800
<v Speaker 3>know you are, but like, what do we do about it?

0:49:39.040 --> 0:49:39.719
<v Speaker 3>You know what I'm saying.

0:49:40.600 --> 0:49:42.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I'm not

0:49:42.239 --> 0:49:43.719
<v Speaker 1>going to pretend like I have an answer for that

0:49:44.160 --> 0:49:45.319
<v Speaker 1>of what we do. Yeah.

0:49:45.440 --> 0:49:48.880
<v Speaker 3>No, that's a whole people, that's a degree.

0:49:50.400 --> 0:49:51.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I'm not going to pretend like I have an

0:49:51.960 --> 0:49:55.959
<v Speaker 1>answer of what we do about it. And I'm only

0:49:56.040 --> 0:50:00.959
<v Speaker 1>speaking to uh, I'm just speaking to like this sense

0:50:01.040 --> 0:50:07.480
<v Speaker 1>of like on dread of like uh, you know, feeling

0:50:07.600 --> 0:50:10.960
<v Speaker 1>feeling like things are unprecedented. That's all I'm speaking. I

0:50:10.960 --> 0:50:12.719
<v Speaker 1>don't have a I don't have a I don't. I'm

0:50:12.760 --> 0:50:15.960
<v Speaker 1>not pretending like I have a solution for, you know,

0:50:16.480 --> 0:50:19.399
<v Speaker 1>the state of the world. I I wouldn't even it's

0:50:19.520 --> 0:50:22.719
<v Speaker 1>so deeply beyond me and even I Also, if people,

0:50:22.840 --> 0:50:25.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, think I'm being dismissive, that's that's okay. This

0:50:25.760 --> 0:50:28.399
<v Speaker 1>is just how I feel when I when I get

0:50:29.200 --> 0:50:30.399
<v Speaker 1>anxious about the world.

0:50:31.680 --> 0:50:34.560
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, definitely definitely a lot to be anxious about, that's

0:50:34.600 --> 0:50:34.959
<v Speaker 3>for sure.

0:50:35.600 --> 0:50:36.040
<v Speaker 4>Mm hmm.

0:50:37.400 --> 0:50:38.560
<v Speaker 1>So what do you so, what do you want to

0:50:38.600 --> 0:50:43.480
<v Speaker 1>do that you like, you want to leave you want

0:50:43.520 --> 0:50:44.480
<v Speaker 1>to go move to Germany?

0:50:45.440 --> 0:50:49.040
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so, I mean so that's that's the like decision

0:50:49.120 --> 0:50:51.960
<v Speaker 3>that I've got. It decided for a multitude of reasons,

0:50:52.560 --> 0:50:55.440
<v Speaker 3>and the government actually being a pretty small part of

0:50:55.520 --> 0:50:59.880
<v Speaker 3>that decision. Most of it is simply because my partner

0:51:00.120 --> 0:51:04.600
<v Speaker 3>is part German, he lived there during the summers when

0:51:04.640 --> 0:51:06.920
<v Speaker 3>he's a kid, and it just works out really well.

0:51:06.920 --> 0:51:11.440
<v Speaker 3>I've always been interested in German culture, and because I

0:51:11.560 --> 0:51:15.359
<v Speaker 3>was also his plan and we we reconnected. We went

0:51:15.360 --> 0:51:19.400
<v Speaker 3>to high school together, but we lost contact after a

0:51:19.480 --> 0:51:22.360
<v Speaker 3>few years and then reconnected kind of recently, is like

0:51:24.120 --> 0:51:27.759
<v Speaker 3>ten months ago now, and a few months ago moved

0:51:27.760 --> 0:51:30.200
<v Speaker 3>in together. So it's just I want to go to

0:51:30.320 --> 0:51:33.239
<v Speaker 3>Germany with him because he's the love of my life

0:51:33.520 --> 0:51:36.239
<v Speaker 3>and it's so great and I love him so much.

0:51:36.480 --> 0:51:40.800
<v Speaker 1>And so why are you so, why are you saying

0:51:40.880 --> 0:51:42.640
<v Speaker 1>that you you don't feel like you can live your life?

0:51:44.280 --> 0:51:50.560
<v Speaker 3>Well speak like not It's not that I can't in

0:51:50.719 --> 0:51:57.320
<v Speaker 3>long story short, but the people running the systems of

0:51:57.400 --> 0:52:02.080
<v Speaker 3>our like world the airport. Government might not let that

0:52:02.239 --> 0:52:07.360
<v Speaker 3>happen because of stupid culture war issues like uh trans

0:52:07.560 --> 0:52:13.759
<v Speaker 3>quote unquote ideology and uh like race war ship people

0:52:14.640 --> 0:52:19.359
<v Speaker 3>just stop realizing that the war is not left or right,

0:52:19.600 --> 0:52:20.719
<v Speaker 3>but it's up and down.

0:52:22.080 --> 0:52:27.480
<v Speaker 1>Sure, yeah, I I I agree with that, but so

0:52:27.760 --> 0:52:29.799
<v Speaker 1>and I I agree with that and empathize that that's

0:52:31.120 --> 0:52:34.680
<v Speaker 1>a terrifying thing. But I want to get down to

0:52:34.840 --> 0:52:39.160
<v Speaker 1>why you feel like you can't like do the things

0:52:39.239 --> 0:52:39.840
<v Speaker 1>that you want to do.

0:52:46.120 --> 0:52:48.239
<v Speaker 3>Like, I guess, what do you what do you mean?

0:52:48.280 --> 0:52:49.960
<v Speaker 3>Then I'm strug going to understand that.

0:52:50.400 --> 0:52:52.160
<v Speaker 1>You said you said I want to live my life.

0:52:54.239 --> 0:52:59.799
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I guess in a way, I'm kind of let

0:52:59.920 --> 0:53:04.359
<v Speaker 3>the pressure of that whole government not let me live

0:53:04.440 --> 0:53:10.479
<v Speaker 3>my life already. I like, personally, I've kind of gotten

0:53:10.560 --> 0:53:14.040
<v Speaker 3>myself into this weird bubble of just not seeing one

0:53:14.239 --> 0:53:17.080
<v Speaker 3>just going to work and going home. But that's more

0:53:17.120 --> 0:53:20.200
<v Speaker 3>of like a personal like I guess my personal well

0:53:20.320 --> 0:53:25.600
<v Speaker 3>it is personal issue, but not necessarily related to the government.

0:53:26.280 --> 0:53:32.040
<v Speaker 1>Okay, okay, So so why do you feel like you

0:53:32.520 --> 0:53:35.080
<v Speaker 1>can't live your life? And also I guess what does

0:53:35.120 --> 0:53:36.400
<v Speaker 1>it even what does it mean for you to live

0:53:36.400 --> 0:53:36.759
<v Speaker 1>your life?

0:53:38.239 --> 0:53:38.359
<v Speaker 4>Well?

0:53:40.000 --> 0:53:42.719
<v Speaker 3>Well, so I'm a I'm a musician. I might have

0:53:42.880 --> 0:53:46.560
<v Speaker 3>mentioned earlier. I'm playing on studying studying music in Germany.

0:53:47.560 --> 0:53:49.320
<v Speaker 3>And that's just kind of how that's what that is

0:53:49.400 --> 0:53:51.640
<v Speaker 3>my life, That's how I live my life. I've been

0:53:51.680 --> 0:53:56.040
<v Speaker 3>playing drums since I was too my dad taught me how.

0:53:56.160 --> 0:54:05.920
<v Speaker 3>It's just that's how I live. And for for a

0:54:06.000 --> 0:54:08.840
<v Speaker 3>good while, I had this band in the local scene

0:54:09.120 --> 0:54:13.080
<v Speaker 3>and I did a lot of shows. Sorry, it's gonna

0:54:13.080 --> 0:54:15.080
<v Speaker 3>get uh, it's you opened up a can of worm,

0:54:15.200 --> 0:54:19.400
<v Speaker 3>just gonna get a little dark here. I had a

0:54:19.719 --> 0:54:21.600
<v Speaker 3>I had a band and we played a bunch of

0:54:21.680 --> 0:54:27.000
<v Speaker 3>shows around the scene. And this one time we did

0:54:27.040 --> 0:54:31.400
<v Speaker 3>a show at a park, uh in middle of the city,

0:54:32.760 --> 0:54:37.680
<v Speaker 3>and we were we were doing it and this park

0:54:37.760 --> 0:54:44.279
<v Speaker 3>has like some like dangerous architecture, and kid freaking died

0:54:45.680 --> 0:54:51.200
<v Speaker 3>climbing it. And it kind of like climbing it because

0:54:51.239 --> 0:54:53.160
<v Speaker 3>you're not stills a climate. It's like all fenced off

0:54:53.760 --> 0:54:56.000
<v Speaker 3>one hundred feet up in the air or actually fifty,

0:54:56.120 --> 0:55:01.120
<v Speaker 3>but still this kid went top defense like a lot

0:55:01.200 --> 0:55:04.200
<v Speaker 3>of kids, do you know what I mean? Did people

0:55:04.280 --> 0:55:07.759
<v Speaker 3>go into the show and he like literally fell off

0:55:08.040 --> 0:55:11.040
<v Speaker 3>and died at that show. That I was playing and

0:55:11.160 --> 0:55:12.960
<v Speaker 3>it was a it was a quote, yeah I wat show.

0:55:12.960 --> 0:55:14.320
<v Speaker 3>I don't know if you've heard that term before. It

0:55:14.480 --> 0:55:20.279
<v Speaker 3>was like yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. So ever since that,

0:55:20.480 --> 0:55:20.960
<v Speaker 3>I kind of.

0:55:23.400 --> 0:55:24.279
<v Speaker 1>It kind of just like.

0:55:26.440 --> 0:55:28.800
<v Speaker 3>Made me go back to how it was before I

0:55:28.960 --> 0:55:31.800
<v Speaker 3>did all that band stuff, because that was like I

0:55:31.920 --> 0:55:39.520
<v Speaker 3>started to do the band stuff after I like finished

0:55:39.920 --> 0:55:43.440
<v Speaker 3>a program to deal with my personal issues, like I

0:55:43.520 --> 0:55:48.480
<v Speaker 3>got addiction issues, I got trauma issues from middle school

0:55:49.560 --> 0:55:56.480
<v Speaker 3>middle school bullying. It was like intense, tense uh stemming

0:55:56.640 --> 0:55:58.280
<v Speaker 3>you know, into addiction issues.

0:55:58.400 --> 0:55:58.840
<v Speaker 1>So then.

0:56:03.320 --> 0:56:03.840
<v Speaker 3>Where am I?

0:56:04.960 --> 0:56:05.400
<v Speaker 4>Where am I?

0:56:05.960 --> 0:56:08.799
<v Speaker 3>Like I train of thoughts?

0:56:08.800 --> 0:56:11.359
<v Speaker 1>Sorry, So that's that's that's okay. Well, I mean listen, man, look,

0:56:11.400 --> 0:56:13.239
<v Speaker 1>let's you want to bring it back to I guess

0:56:13.280 --> 0:56:14.680
<v Speaker 1>what we were initially talking about.

0:56:15.680 --> 0:56:17.360
<v Speaker 3>Yeah yeah, sure, sure.

0:56:17.520 --> 0:56:21.560
<v Speaker 1>I mean just the just the concept of like living

0:56:21.600 --> 0:56:25.440
<v Speaker 1>your life right, Yeah, you have you have okay? So

0:56:25.640 --> 0:56:29.279
<v Speaker 1>I mean you have this uh uh partner that you're

0:56:29.800 --> 0:56:31.879
<v Speaker 1>very in love with, and you want to go within

0:56:31.960 --> 0:56:35.440
<v Speaker 1>to Germany. And where do you live now? Uh?

0:56:36.000 --> 0:56:39.239
<v Speaker 3>In the city. I I don't care people people know me.

0:56:39.400 --> 0:56:40.240
<v Speaker 3>I live in Seattle.

0:56:40.560 --> 0:56:43.399
<v Speaker 1>You live in Seattle, Okay, and you want to move

0:56:43.520 --> 0:56:44.640
<v Speaker 1>to where in Germany.

0:56:46.960 --> 0:56:49.319
<v Speaker 3>Well, it's it's gonna be a few different places. It's

0:56:49.440 --> 0:56:51.880
<v Speaker 3>going to start with Munich because there's like this program

0:56:51.960 --> 0:56:54.920
<v Speaker 3>that I'm going to be doing for German language, but

0:56:55.760 --> 0:56:58.520
<v Speaker 3>Munich to be determined.

0:57:00.520 --> 0:57:02.120
<v Speaker 1>Brother, I don't know you very well, but you sound

0:57:02.160 --> 0:57:05.160
<v Speaker 1>like you're living your life pretty well. You know, you're

0:57:05.320 --> 0:57:07.520
<v Speaker 1>in you're in a you're in a relationship, you're about

0:57:07.560 --> 0:57:09.799
<v Speaker 1>to go learn fucking Germany. You you sound like you're

0:57:09.840 --> 0:57:11.800
<v Speaker 1>doing again. I don't know you very well, but you

0:57:11.880 --> 0:57:12.959
<v Speaker 1>you sound like you're living your life.

0:57:14.160 --> 0:57:16.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean I am. I definitely am. Don't get

0:57:16.800 --> 0:57:21.760
<v Speaker 3>your wrong. Especially this is because, uh, you know, I

0:57:21.880 --> 0:57:26.680
<v Speaker 3>moved out of my parents' house to go to my

0:57:26.800 --> 0:57:30.640
<v Speaker 3>partner's apartment and that was only like the second time

0:57:30.840 --> 0:57:34.400
<v Speaker 3>I lived by myself after her going to Florida. But

0:57:34.480 --> 0:57:41.640
<v Speaker 3>that's a whole lot of dan worms mm hmm. But like,

0:57:42.600 --> 0:57:45.360
<v Speaker 3>so yeah, in essence, I am, I'm just not like

0:57:46.280 --> 0:57:55.680
<v Speaker 3>doing as much as I was, so I I.

0:57:57.840 --> 0:58:00.400
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, that's I guess those are my I mean,

0:58:00.480 --> 0:58:02.920
<v Speaker 1>I guess back to talking about just general world events.

0:58:03.040 --> 0:58:05.320
<v Speaker 1>I mean I kind of think.

0:58:07.720 --> 0:58:08.600
<v Speaker 3>That's just the whole thing.

0:58:08.920 --> 0:58:11.200
<v Speaker 1>Well, I don't have I don't have a solution for it.

0:58:11.360 --> 0:58:15.920
<v Speaker 1>But uh, I mean living your life the best way

0:58:15.960 --> 0:58:18.400
<v Speaker 1>you want to live it is uh, you know, with it,

0:58:18.440 --> 0:58:19.920
<v Speaker 1>but living your life the best way you want to

0:58:19.920 --> 0:58:21.800
<v Speaker 1>live it within the confines you have to live it

0:58:22.760 --> 0:58:26.800
<v Speaker 1>is uh. One of many good answers, one one of

0:58:27.000 --> 0:58:40.680
<v Speaker 1>many potential good answers. AH to facing this weird a

0:58:40.920 --> 0:58:44.920
<v Speaker 1>dread that I think our generation is looking forward to

0:58:45.040 --> 0:58:45.600
<v Speaker 1>the world with.

0:58:47.680 --> 0:58:54.720
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, it's I don't know when it comes to

0:58:54.840 --> 0:58:58.800
<v Speaker 3>my life objectively, like with even with me not feeling

0:58:58.880 --> 0:59:04.240
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, I'm living it like objectively, like when I

0:59:04.320 --> 0:59:07.760
<v Speaker 3>really looked at it, I do, like I love I

0:59:07.880 --> 0:59:10.760
<v Speaker 3>love my life right now. I love working, coming home

0:59:11.000 --> 0:59:17.440
<v Speaker 3>to my partner and just you know, living Most of

0:59:17.440 --> 0:59:20.360
<v Speaker 3>the time we cooked cooked dinner by ourselves because it's

0:59:20.880 --> 0:59:24.040
<v Speaker 3>just expensive to eat. But it kind of made me

0:59:24.160 --> 0:59:27.360
<v Speaker 3>realize that I like cooking again. So that's fine. Been

0:59:27.440 --> 0:59:30.160
<v Speaker 3>surviving off of me so soon because it's so easy.

0:59:32.240 --> 0:59:40.760
<v Speaker 3>But yeah, but I guess other than that, Uh, first,

0:59:40.920 --> 0:59:46.600
<v Speaker 3>all the personal slide stuff aside, I I don't know

0:59:46.680 --> 0:59:47.640
<v Speaker 3>what else there.

0:59:47.720 --> 0:59:50.959
<v Speaker 1>Talk about, ship, what we tald, what we talked about

0:59:50.960 --> 0:59:51.360
<v Speaker 1>A lot.

0:59:52.400 --> 0:59:56.680
<v Speaker 3>We did Yeah, that's true. I text, you know, a

0:59:56.800 --> 0:59:59.800
<v Speaker 3>text I told you, like I worked for the you

1:00:00.040 --> 1:00:00.960
<v Speaker 3>your company rentals.

1:00:01.680 --> 1:00:05.520
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm. Do you do you feel do you feel

1:00:05.560 --> 1:00:09.640
<v Speaker 1>there's any well, I mean, do you feel I guess

1:00:09.720 --> 1:00:12.360
<v Speaker 1>on on all the subjects that we've covered, and I

1:00:12.440 --> 1:00:14.920
<v Speaker 1>want to I genuinely want you, genuinely want to know.

1:00:15.000 --> 1:00:19.120
<v Speaker 1>Do you feel satisfied with our conversation about them? Is

1:00:19.160 --> 1:00:22.200
<v Speaker 1>there anything else you want to bring up? Or you know,

1:00:22.480 --> 1:00:26.600
<v Speaker 1>because we're talking about some big stuff and you know,

1:00:26.680 --> 1:00:30.800
<v Speaker 1>I know you seem you feel, you seem passionate about it,

1:00:30.880 --> 1:00:33.200
<v Speaker 1>and so I want to, you know, make sure we

1:00:33.280 --> 1:00:35.160
<v Speaker 1>get all the angles if that you wanted to get.

1:00:36.560 --> 1:00:36.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

1:00:38.640 --> 1:00:41.760
<v Speaker 3>No, no, I I do feel good talking about it.

1:00:41.880 --> 1:00:45.800
<v Speaker 3>I guess I'm still just a little I wasn't expecting

1:00:45.840 --> 1:00:47.480
<v Speaker 3>to talk to you right now anyways, but.

1:00:50.400 --> 1:00:52.000
<v Speaker 2>No, it does feel good to.

1:00:52.040 --> 1:00:53.680
<v Speaker 3>Kind of get it all out there in a in

1:00:53.720 --> 1:00:57.880
<v Speaker 3>a way I kind of haven't really put it all

1:00:58.120 --> 1:01:02.880
<v Speaker 3>out there like anybody else for a good while now,

1:01:03.040 --> 1:01:05.440
<v Speaker 3>like like the way I did, Like I've you know,

1:01:05.600 --> 1:01:08.120
<v Speaker 3>gone into bits and pieces of it, but just you know,

1:01:08.320 --> 1:01:11.600
<v Speaker 3>saying everything that I've been thinking about, because this is

1:01:11.640 --> 1:01:14.480
<v Speaker 3>pretty much what I've actually been thinking about, like this

1:01:14.680 --> 1:01:18.480
<v Speaker 3>exact conversation and all stuff we're talking about has kind

1:01:18.520 --> 1:01:20.200
<v Speaker 3>of just been the stuff I've been thinking about this

1:01:20.400 --> 1:01:25.000
<v Speaker 3>past three weeks, like weirdly on repeat, and I don't

1:01:25.040 --> 1:01:34.360
<v Speaker 3>know why what specifically, just like well, so starting off with, uh, personally,

1:01:34.440 --> 1:01:37.160
<v Speaker 3>how everything's going good in my life, but then it

1:01:37.240 --> 1:01:42.600
<v Speaker 3>seems like, you know, my government is trying to attack

1:01:42.720 --> 1:01:46.760
<v Speaker 3>me and everybody I love. Yeah, I've been thinking about

1:01:46.760 --> 1:01:52.800
<v Speaker 3>that a lot. But then also just the you know,

1:01:53.000 --> 1:01:58.680
<v Speaker 3>personal aspect of it being like, Okay, so why am

1:01:58.720 --> 1:01:59.920
<v Speaker 3>I not doing anything right now?

1:02:00.040 --> 1:02:03.920
<v Speaker 1>Although like, uh, why are you not do you? But

1:02:04.000 --> 1:02:05.880
<v Speaker 1>you're doing a lot? What do you what do you

1:02:06.080 --> 1:02:06.640
<v Speaker 1>like you're not doing?

1:02:08.200 --> 1:02:10.280
<v Speaker 3>Just like that's the thing like going to shows, Like

1:02:10.320 --> 1:02:13.640
<v Speaker 3>I haven't I've been really doing much with my music lately,

1:02:13.880 --> 1:02:16.040
<v Speaker 3>is what I'm trying to say. Like I haven't been

1:02:16.080 --> 1:02:19.560
<v Speaker 3>going to many shows at all, really haven't been going

1:02:20.560 --> 1:02:23.920
<v Speaker 3>practicing guitar. I haven't been recording much, like and that's

1:02:24.000 --> 1:02:26.040
<v Speaker 3>kind of like for the longest time, the thing that

1:02:26.480 --> 1:02:30.800
<v Speaker 3>just has been the biggest part of me, Like that's

1:02:30.960 --> 1:02:33.280
<v Speaker 3>like that was my thing, that was the thing I

1:02:34.800 --> 1:02:38.880
<v Speaker 3>am good at, Like without that I don't know. Mm hmm,

1:02:39.440 --> 1:02:43.160
<v Speaker 3>I was kind of serious identity crisis, crisis if that

1:02:43.600 --> 1:02:44.440
<v Speaker 3>music wasn't the thing.

1:02:45.400 --> 1:02:51.480
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm. Let me say, let me say this, let

1:02:51.480 --> 1:02:53.480
<v Speaker 1>me let me you know, let me let me say this,

1:02:53.800 --> 1:02:57.560
<v Speaker 1>and uh, people might take issue with this, and but

1:02:58.040 --> 1:03:00.840
<v Speaker 1>it's I don't know, It's it's how I'm feeling in

1:03:00.920 --> 1:03:04.520
<v Speaker 1>the moment that I'm thinking about this right now and

1:03:04.680 --> 1:03:10.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm talking to you. Is that uh, like, listen, you

1:03:10.720 --> 1:03:12.880
<v Speaker 1>have things you want to do. You you you want

1:03:12.880 --> 1:03:16.080
<v Speaker 1>to learn German, and you wanna foster this relationship you

1:03:16.200 --> 1:03:19.600
<v Speaker 1>have with your partner, and you wanna play shows, and

1:03:19.680 --> 1:03:22.960
<v Speaker 1>you wanna do all these things and and and I'm

1:03:23.160 --> 1:03:29.520
<v Speaker 1>sure that you as a lot, as a lot of people,

1:03:29.560 --> 1:03:31.760
<v Speaker 1>as most people, I don't know about most people, but

1:03:32.320 --> 1:03:36.080
<v Speaker 1>as a lot of people, uh, in fucking America and

1:03:36.240 --> 1:03:40.800
<v Speaker 1>in the world, are get get stuck in like dread

1:03:41.000 --> 1:03:45.400
<v Speaker 1>dread loops, like very existential loops because you see ship

1:03:45.480 --> 1:03:47.480
<v Speaker 1>that's going on in America and in the world, and

1:03:47.600 --> 1:03:53.360
<v Speaker 1>it fucking freaks you out. Yeah, because it's freaky, because

1:03:53.400 --> 1:03:57.400
<v Speaker 1>it because it's freaky stuff. And the thing I wanted

1:03:57.440 --> 1:04:01.680
<v Speaker 1>to say that is, uh, you know that I guess

1:04:01.720 --> 1:04:07.080
<v Speaker 1>I feel is like, look, the best one of the

1:04:07.240 --> 1:04:12.120
<v Speaker 1>best forms of resistance is like, it's important to be

1:04:12.200 --> 1:04:16.360
<v Speaker 1>aware of these things, and it's important to fight against

1:04:16.440 --> 1:04:21.480
<v Speaker 1>these things, but it's really really deeply important to go

1:04:22.360 --> 1:04:25.920
<v Speaker 1>you know what. Yes, yes, yes, there's a lot of

1:04:26.040 --> 1:04:29.439
<v Speaker 1>fucked up things happening, and powerful people are are doing

1:04:29.520 --> 1:04:33.040
<v Speaker 1>bad things in the world. But I'm not I draw

1:04:33.280 --> 1:04:40.080
<v Speaker 1>the fucking line at my sanity. And that's how I'm

1:04:40.160 --> 1:04:44.160
<v Speaker 1>gonna resist. Is is if I because I go on Reddit.

1:04:44.360 --> 1:04:47.000
<v Speaker 1>If I go on Reddit every day, and every day

1:04:47.000 --> 1:04:49.760
<v Speaker 1>I go on Reddit, Reddit is like curated this thing

1:04:50.680 --> 1:04:54.480
<v Speaker 1>where if Reddit bro, like you, yeah, I don't have

1:04:54.520 --> 1:04:56.840
<v Speaker 1>to tell you, right, I go every day. Reddit has

1:04:57.000 --> 1:04:59.560
<v Speaker 1>curated bro, they're getting you know what, fuck it. I'm

1:04:59.600 --> 1:05:01.280
<v Speaker 1>not being I'm not gonna be apologetic about this. I'm

1:05:01.280 --> 1:05:03.240
<v Speaker 1>gonna be passionate about this. They're really I really feel

1:05:03.280 --> 1:05:08.160
<v Speaker 1>this way. Reddit, Twitter, Instagram, all these things, they they

1:05:08.320 --> 1:05:16.520
<v Speaker 1>have curated for us a fucking daily thing where we

1:05:16.680 --> 1:05:21.200
<v Speaker 1>can go and every day we have the opportunity to

1:05:21.440 --> 1:05:25.680
<v Speaker 1>just spiral in a fucking loop of all this shit.

1:05:26.120 --> 1:05:29.360
<v Speaker 1>And I'm telling and I'm telling you, like, if you

1:05:29.520 --> 1:05:32.760
<v Speaker 1>really want to fight back for brother, for you. The

1:05:32.840 --> 1:05:35.160
<v Speaker 1>best way I think you can fight back, I really

1:05:35.320 --> 1:05:38.680
<v Speaker 1>mean this is to go you know what you can.

1:05:39.880 --> 1:05:43.720
<v Speaker 1>You can manipulate the universe and you can go after people,

1:05:43.840 --> 1:05:45.280
<v Speaker 1>and you can do all this fucked up and you

1:05:45.320 --> 1:05:47.240
<v Speaker 1>can kill people. You can do all this fucked up shit.

1:05:47.720 --> 1:05:53.600
<v Speaker 1>But I'm drawing the line at my own sanity. I'm

1:05:53.640 --> 1:05:57.120
<v Speaker 1>gonna put the phone down. I'm gonna go to the

1:05:57.240 --> 1:06:00.800
<v Speaker 1>fucking DIY music show, and I I Am going to

1:06:02.000 --> 1:06:06.960
<v Speaker 1>uh in a form of existential spite, try to enjoy

1:06:07.160 --> 1:06:11.120
<v Speaker 1>my life, you know, as opposed to And I'm I

1:06:11.240 --> 1:06:13.200
<v Speaker 1>and I know what every and I know what you're

1:06:13.200 --> 1:06:16.160
<v Speaker 1>all fucking doing because I go on Reddit and I see, like, dude,

1:06:16.200 --> 1:06:17.680
<v Speaker 1>you go on read it and like you look at

1:06:17.800 --> 1:06:20.560
<v Speaker 1>like every day there's a new Trump thing to get

1:06:21.080 --> 1:06:24.280
<v Speaker 1>upset about, and you and I look at the comments

1:06:25.840 --> 1:06:27.840
<v Speaker 1>and instagra, I and you look at the comments, and

1:06:28.200 --> 1:06:32.240
<v Speaker 1>the comments are filled with people being like you know,

1:06:34.160 --> 1:06:37.440
<v Speaker 1>like commenting being pissed off. It's filled with people who

1:06:37.520 --> 1:06:42.080
<v Speaker 1>are it's it's filled it's filled with people who are

1:06:42.240 --> 1:06:49.440
<v Speaker 1>like you know, letting it like take up their brain,

1:06:49.600 --> 1:06:52.280
<v Speaker 1>like your like bro, like you're you have a finite

1:06:52.320 --> 1:06:56.040
<v Speaker 1>amount of time to exist and to do the things

1:06:56.120 --> 1:07:00.440
<v Speaker 1>you want to do, and you gotta protect it really carefully.

1:07:00.560 --> 1:07:03.640
<v Speaker 1>You gotta protect it, You gotta you gotta protect it

1:07:04.120 --> 1:07:06.200
<v Speaker 1>as carefully as you can. And I know that there's

1:07:06.240 --> 1:07:08.160
<v Speaker 1>certain things that are going on in the world that

1:07:08.240 --> 1:07:11.360
<v Speaker 1>are just unavoidable, but you have to put up a

1:07:11.440 --> 1:07:16.200
<v Speaker 1>little bit of effort to protect your attention and what

1:07:16.400 --> 1:07:19.160
<v Speaker 1>you spiral about as much as you can. And the

1:07:19.320 --> 1:07:22.080
<v Speaker 1>best form of resistance that you got again is the

1:07:22.120 --> 1:07:24.680
<v Speaker 1>ability to go, I as the ability to look at

1:07:24.720 --> 1:07:28.280
<v Speaker 1>that Instagram post and go, I know that someone's making

1:07:28.360 --> 1:07:31.120
<v Speaker 1>fucking money off of me getting pissed off right now,

1:07:31.440 --> 1:07:35.040
<v Speaker 1>and I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna fucking go

1:07:35.360 --> 1:07:37.920
<v Speaker 1>play my guitar or go study German.

1:07:38.160 --> 1:07:38.320
<v Speaker 4>You know.

1:07:38.760 --> 1:07:42.680
<v Speaker 1>That's the that's, in my opinion, the best resistance that

1:07:42.760 --> 1:07:44.960
<v Speaker 1>you can do. Because when you're when you're spiraling, it's

1:07:45.000 --> 1:07:51.680
<v Speaker 1>like people are the the most engaging emotions are are

1:07:51.880 --> 1:07:54.600
<v Speaker 1>are fear and anger and all the companies and all

1:07:54.640 --> 1:07:57.960
<v Speaker 1>these So when you're stopping on the Instagram post and

1:07:58.080 --> 1:08:02.120
<v Speaker 1>you're you're letting your existential dread about the state of

1:08:02.160 --> 1:08:05.240
<v Speaker 1>the world stop you from living your life. You're you're

1:08:05.360 --> 1:08:09.160
<v Speaker 1>like you're you're really letting them win. And I really

1:08:09.200 --> 1:08:13.320
<v Speaker 1>don't think you should do that. And people can, you know, ah,

1:08:14.640 --> 1:08:20.080
<v Speaker 1>say that it's like ignorant, but that that's and And

1:08:20.160 --> 1:08:21.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't think that what I'm saying is the whole

1:08:22.000 --> 1:08:23.720
<v Speaker 1>piece of the pie. I really don't. I'm not going

1:08:23.760 --> 1:08:25.160
<v Speaker 1>to pretend like what I'm saying is the whole piece

1:08:25.200 --> 1:08:26.720
<v Speaker 1>of the pie. But I think it's an important piece

1:08:26.760 --> 1:08:27.160
<v Speaker 1>of the pie.

1:08:27.640 --> 1:08:32.639
<v Speaker 3>So yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you Jack. I think

1:08:34.360 --> 1:08:36.519
<v Speaker 3>you know, I think I really needed to hear that

1:08:37.760 --> 1:08:38.479
<v Speaker 3>really badly.

1:08:39.000 --> 1:08:41.160
<v Speaker 1>Like I.

1:08:43.560 --> 1:08:47.080
<v Speaker 3>Knew it subconsciously. It's like kind of people know that,

1:08:47.960 --> 1:08:50.800
<v Speaker 3>like they can like know things be where they know

1:08:50.880 --> 1:08:55.479
<v Speaker 3>it cautiously. But it's I appreciate you kind of talent

1:08:56.040 --> 1:09:00.560
<v Speaker 3>me the way you did the work. I don't know,

1:09:00.760 --> 1:09:01.679
<v Speaker 3>it just it made sense.

1:09:02.960 --> 1:09:06.240
<v Speaker 1>Good good, I'm glad. I'm glad. And and by the way, man,

1:09:06.280 --> 1:09:08.479
<v Speaker 1>you have a nice life, you know you really you do,

1:09:08.760 --> 1:09:11.839
<v Speaker 1>Like yeah, you like like you have. You were excited

1:09:11.840 --> 1:09:14.320
<v Speaker 1>about the future, you got You're gonna go on this trip.

1:09:14.400 --> 1:09:16.679
<v Speaker 1>You have this person that you clearly love in your life.

1:09:16.760 --> 1:09:18.880
<v Speaker 1>You have these hobbies that you cleue love in your life,

1:09:19.000 --> 1:09:24.200
<v Speaker 1>like just don't like please please, like obviously it's hard,

1:09:24.360 --> 1:09:27.320
<v Speaker 1>like things are scary, things are happening. I understand that,

1:09:27.439 --> 1:09:30.120
<v Speaker 1>but just don't don't let it take you out of

1:09:30.160 --> 1:09:34.040
<v Speaker 1>your life for too long, just like understand a nice life.

1:09:34.880 --> 1:09:39.599
<v Speaker 3>I've spent way too much time in like that way

1:09:39.920 --> 1:09:42.360
<v Speaker 3>but really dark head space to have her go back there?

1:09:42.479 --> 1:09:44.120
<v Speaker 3>So good good fuck that?

1:09:45.360 --> 1:09:46.280
<v Speaker 1>What is your name again?

1:09:47.479 --> 1:09:47.599
<v Speaker 2>Uh?

1:09:48.280 --> 1:09:50.360
<v Speaker 3>Actually you know I said my real name beginning of

1:09:50.360 --> 1:09:54.200
<v Speaker 3>a podcast, but I'm realizing now you could like change

1:09:54.200 --> 1:09:55.680
<v Speaker 3>it up. I'd be I appreciate it.

1:09:56.920 --> 1:09:59.000
<v Speaker 1>Sure, I can, I can. I can get rid of it,

1:10:00.360 --> 1:10:01.560
<v Speaker 1>just like I know.

1:10:02.160 --> 1:10:04.320
<v Speaker 3>I know live stream internet isn't permanent.

1:10:04.080 --> 1:10:07.479
<v Speaker 1>But on this you're your name. Get rid of your name.

1:10:10.160 --> 1:10:13.599
<v Speaker 3>Well, do a coffee. I'm in front of a coffee shop.

1:10:13.680 --> 1:10:17.439
<v Speaker 1>You can call me coffee, perfect coffee. Is there anything

1:10:17.439 --> 1:10:18.479
<v Speaker 1>else you want to say to the people of the

1:10:18.520 --> 1:10:19.320
<v Speaker 1>computer before we go?

1:10:23.600 --> 1:10:28.880
<v Speaker 3>Keep your head up, keep going even though life my

1:10:29.280 --> 1:10:33.960
<v Speaker 3>fucking suck outside my scene like that, I guess, don't

1:10:34.200 --> 1:10:38.920
<v Speaker 3>like make it interrupt your personal life for inject your

1:10:38.960 --> 1:10:41.280
<v Speaker 3>personal life as I sort.

1:10:41.040 --> 1:10:45.000
<v Speaker 1>Of have se Yeah, thank you do you have a

1:10:45.040 --> 1:10:45.880
<v Speaker 1>good rest of your life.

1:10:46.800 --> 1:10:52.440
<v Speaker 3>Thank you, you as wells blesses.

1:10:53.520 --> 1:11:02.440
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, But he's not really an expert.