1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,960 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one 2 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:05,440 Speaker 1: health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every 3 00:00:05,519 --> 00:00:08,399 Speaker 1: one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, 4 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:12,960 Speaker 1: and grow. Now, today's episode is a bit of a rewind. 5 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:17,720 Speaker 1: I had an amazing conversation with the incredible Whitney coming. 6 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,320 Speaker 1: She interviewed me. If you don't know a phenomenal comedian, 7 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,079 Speaker 1: I know so many of you must be a fan. 8 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 1: And the way she interviewed me was so smart. She 9 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:29,800 Speaker 1: actually asked me questions from my book Think like a 10 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:34,240 Speaker 1: Monk from the Purpose chapter and broke it down incredibly well. 11 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:37,760 Speaker 1: So if you want to hear a full on, entertaining, enlightening, 12 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,839 Speaker 1: and phenomenal conversation with the one and only Whitney Commings, 13 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 1: this episode is for you. What I love about this 14 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:47,680 Speaker 1: episode is how open I get, how reflective I get, 15 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:50,440 Speaker 1: and hopefully you get to learn a bit more about 16 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 1: my journey, especially if you love the book Think Like 17 00:00:53,120 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 1: a Monk. I know you're gonna love this episode. Jay Jatty, 18 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,480 Speaker 1: finally you're here. I'm sorry having to be it. Thank you, Renny, 19 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,360 Speaker 1: I'm grateful to be it. The thing I really want 20 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,760 Speaker 1: to start with to frame this conversation with you is 21 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,480 Speaker 1: that so much of what you talk about is about 22 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:19,680 Speaker 1: compassion and kindness and service. And on this podcast, all 23 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: of you that know me know that I am in 24 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:24,880 Speaker 1: recovery for codependence. And a big part of codependence is 25 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 1: you give too much of yourself. You become a doormat, 26 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:30,840 Speaker 1: You have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. You martyr yourself 27 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,679 Speaker 1: for people you know. In codependence, we do the three 28 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 1: ms martyr, micromanage, and mother. We rescue people, we self deprive. 29 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:43,480 Speaker 1: We give too much. Right, Codependence breeds resentment, perfectionism. We're 30 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,200 Speaker 1: the people that cook a full meal for our whole family, 31 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 1: but don't eat anything, and at the end we're eating 32 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: scraps over the kitchen sink. Right, So we are too 33 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,440 Speaker 1: nice sometimes. And so as I was reading your book, 34 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:57,760 Speaker 1: I found myself going, I hope in this conversation we 35 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 1: can sort of talk about how to tell when you're 36 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,800 Speaker 1: compassion and love and forgiveness and kindness, which you talk 37 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 1: about so elegantly in your book, how we can develop 38 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:11,880 Speaker 1: the skill to delineate when it's codependence and when it's 39 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 1: thinking like a monk. I love that I'm totally with 40 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,639 Speaker 1: you on that and That's such an important point because 41 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,919 Speaker 1: I think that's the difference that I think a lot 42 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: of these words now have become buzzwords, yes, and they 43 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 1: fly around. And because of that, we have a really 44 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:32,480 Speaker 1: beginner's understanding of these deep essential qualities and values, and 45 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 1: so we practice them at beginner's level. And at that level, 46 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:38,240 Speaker 1: they're still based on wanting validation. They're still based on 47 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: wanting to fit in. They're still based on wanting to 48 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,840 Speaker 1: be a part of being dependent or being codependent. They're 49 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:50,240 Speaker 1: not coming from a place of internal purification and greatness. 50 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: So I'm totally with you on that, and I'm motives. 51 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,920 Speaker 1: It's really about motives like if you find yourself and 52 00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 1: if someone were to ask me, like you know, because 53 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:58,959 Speaker 1: I love that you talk about service in this book. 54 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,440 Speaker 1: It's such a big part of I think what is 55 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:03,679 Speaker 1: going to fix everything that's broken in our society is 56 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,120 Speaker 1: to be able to give. And I think people don't 57 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,960 Speaker 1: understand that giving is actually selfish. You know. I feel 58 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,799 Speaker 1: like I'm saying this in a way that's grosser, which 59 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,080 Speaker 1: is why my book probably wasn't the number one best 60 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 1: seller and his was because I say, I sound like 61 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,720 Speaker 1: a psychopath, which is like when you give to others, 62 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:25,640 Speaker 1: it's selfish. You benefit when you give it, like everybody wins. Absolutely, 63 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:29,000 Speaker 1: It's like forgiveness. We forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, 64 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,680 Speaker 1: but because we deserve peace. Forgiveness is selfish, absolutely, But 65 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 1: the intention with which we give defines how deeply we 66 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: feel it. So let's let's take, for example, two people 67 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 1: who want to give in charity this year. One person 68 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,920 Speaker 1: wants to give it because they really believe that the 69 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:46,400 Speaker 1: kids deserve more food and better shelter and better support. 70 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 1: The other person gives because they think it will be 71 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: a good pr story or they think that it would 72 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 1: look good for them to give it. Correct, there you go. 73 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 1: So you've got two people. Let's say they both give 74 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 1: a million dollars each. Yeah, it's obvious who's going to 75 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,800 Speaker 1: feel more joy. Now bear in mind the kids benefit 76 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:04,240 Speaker 1: of the money either way. But the person giving only 77 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 1: receives joy when they did it with the intention of 78 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 1: actually serving. Yes, And that's the missing link around giving, 79 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 1: because giving isn't just the act of time money, it's 80 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:17,720 Speaker 1: the act of energy, presence, and intention and also just 81 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,520 Speaker 1: taking your mind off yourself. I mean, in twelve step programs. 82 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 1: The reason we do service, like honestly is to take 83 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 1: the focus off yourself because the more we and it's tricky, 84 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 1: and I find myself struggling with the balance of this 85 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,000 Speaker 1: like self help, self love and self self self so 86 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:36,599 Speaker 1: self so self and when it becomes selfish and when 87 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,960 Speaker 1: it's selfless and you know, my brain, I just get 88 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,960 Speaker 1: so turned around in self care, ality is thinking about 89 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,640 Speaker 1: myself and take care of myself and myself and it's 90 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:45,919 Speaker 1: just me, me, me, me me ultimately. Yeah, and when 91 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,720 Speaker 1: does self care become selfish? And you do a really 92 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 1: good job I think for anyone that is confused laying 93 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: it out in a way that it's not like and 94 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,159 Speaker 1: also for people that non Hollywood people, the people that 95 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,719 Speaker 1: are buying your book, that we're actually you know, talking 96 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,200 Speaker 1: to you and not amongst like who they are, Like, 97 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,800 Speaker 1: I have three jobs. All I do is ser Yeah, yeah, 98 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,480 Speaker 1: I have four kids. Exactly, I actually need to do 99 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,520 Speaker 1: less service. I actually need to be less compassionate and 100 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 1: take care of myself like finding that balance. Yeah, absolutely, 101 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 1: And that's what I loved about the Monk Path that 102 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 1: I chose, that the morning was all about the self. Yeah, 103 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 1: and then rest of the day was about service, and 104 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 1: that gives you a really good blueprint around how that 105 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,479 Speaker 1: works in the sense of if you've not done something 106 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,479 Speaker 1: for yourself every day, yeah, if you've not taken your 107 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,520 Speaker 1: time to invest in yourself every day. And that isn't 108 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,640 Speaker 1: just a you know it's it comes so much from 109 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:37,600 Speaker 1: understanding yourself, and understanding yourself comes from the place of 110 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,839 Speaker 1: knowing yourself and getting to know yourself. And most of 111 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,360 Speaker 1: us spend so much time codependency trying to get to 112 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:45,359 Speaker 1: know someone else and what their needs, anticipate their needs, 113 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 1: and then shape shift so that I can be what 114 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 1: I think you want totally evolve, Yeah, evolve and transmorph 115 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,320 Speaker 1: into this person that will be the best for them. 116 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 1: But what about if you did that for yourself to 117 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 1: start with? And so most of us don't even know 118 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,360 Speaker 1: what we want to eat for dinner on a given day, 119 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 1: or like what our favorite movies are. We struggle, We 120 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,400 Speaker 1: sit there for like hours trying to figure out what 121 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:09,359 Speaker 1: to watch because we haven't really got to know ourselves. 122 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,560 Speaker 1: And so to me, getting to know yourself is very basic. 123 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:13,919 Speaker 1: After you eat me, I'll ask yourself, did I enjoy that? 124 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:15,920 Speaker 1: What did I like about it? Did I feel great 125 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,320 Speaker 1: twenty four hours after reading it? After watching a movie? 126 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,400 Speaker 1: What did I like about it? Why did I enjoy it? 127 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,640 Speaker 1: Those basic questions will give you a month's deeper understanding 128 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,159 Speaker 1: of yourself. God, it's so important, Jay, I can't believe 129 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: like it took me so long. I just turned thirty eight. 130 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:33,120 Speaker 1: You're September six. I am September four. I know and 131 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:38,160 Speaker 1: many other Virgo season because I can't believe how much 132 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,159 Speaker 1: of my life I have spent doing things that I 133 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,200 Speaker 1: didn't even really want to do, and then I didn't. 134 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:44,040 Speaker 1: I didn't even know. Someone would ask me to go 135 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,760 Speaker 1: for a hike and I'd be like sure. Like I 136 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 1: just thought friendships felt obligatory. I just felt they kind 137 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,160 Speaker 1: of felt like work. I just felt like you kind 138 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,720 Speaker 1: of had to agree with things that you didn't want 139 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:54,040 Speaker 1: to agree with. I just felt like you kind of 140 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,640 Speaker 1: had to laugh at jokes that weren't funny. Like I 141 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 1: just thought that's what friendship was like, I didn't know, Like, 142 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: and reading this book, it really made me stop and 143 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:01,880 Speaker 1: go like, Okay, I just hang out with that person. 144 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,480 Speaker 1: Did it film me up? Do I feel depleted by 145 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,560 Speaker 1: that person when they text me? Do I get a 146 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,040 Speaker 1: pit in my stomach? Am I excited to respond? Or 147 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,280 Speaker 1: do I? Can? I just respond whenever I want? Because 148 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 1: I had all these friendships that were like, oh god, 149 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,160 Speaker 1: she text me, I need to text your back. Girls, 150 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 1: She'll be mad that we're all about keeping score, and 151 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 1: then we're all about recreating my childhood circumstance of a 152 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:23,840 Speaker 1: borderline personality narcissist mother and you, and I think so 153 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,480 Speaker 1: few of us just stop and go. Did I enjoy 154 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,640 Speaker 1: that meal? Yeah? Do I even like these movies? Do 155 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 1: I even like this person that I'm hanging out with 156 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,880 Speaker 1: every day? Yeah? And it all comes from confirmation bias, 157 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 1: So we have this safety mechanism of it's more comfortable 158 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 1: for the mind to feel we agree than create a 159 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:47,000 Speaker 1: moment of conflict. So the mind will continuously confirm and 160 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:50,240 Speaker 1: surround ourselves with people that confirm our biases, or we 161 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:53,559 Speaker 1: confirm theirs for the feeding of comfort, so we feel 162 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 1: better when it's like you tell me you like that 163 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 1: blood orange energy drink, so for me to feel like 164 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,480 Speaker 1: you fit in and we're gonna get along and we're 165 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,240 Speaker 1: gonna have a friendship for a long time. Yeah, I 166 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,640 Speaker 1: would feel like if I confirm that bias, I've not 167 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 1: tried it before. Then I would feel like I fit 168 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 1: in with you. And that's kind of how we were 169 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:12,600 Speaker 1: trained is wired to kind of for harmony. Correct, we're 170 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 1: wired for harmony, but we look to harmonize over the 171 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 1: wrong thing. We harmon and then what happens. This is 172 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 1: an our case. But then you say you like this, 173 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: and I'm like great, and then I liked And now 174 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,239 Speaker 1: you just made a friend that you don't want. Yeah, totally. 175 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 1: And now every time I come here, you give me 176 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 1: this drink. Yes, it's sort of like it's dishonest. And 177 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:31,680 Speaker 1: I think that that served us really well in tribal 178 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 1: times when we needed safety from the tribes before alarm 179 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:38,000 Speaker 1: systems and locks on doors because we needed safety from everyone, right, 180 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:42,200 Speaker 1: But now these are these like obsolete tools that are 181 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: frankly liabilities. Like to me, I see an epidemic of 182 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:49,160 Speaker 1: just being too nice. Creating harmony with toxic people does 183 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: not benefit you, no, and over dishonest things, I think 184 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,679 Speaker 1: that's really important that you can connect. And also when 185 00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: you're looking at a thing or an object or a 186 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 1: like or a dislike to connect, it's it's pretty shallow 187 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 1: ground to connect on because you may change your mind 188 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 1: about that drink tomorrow, and now we're talking about drinks. 189 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: But you may change your mind on a hobby. You 190 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,080 Speaker 1: may change your mind on an interest, you may change 191 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:13,559 Speaker 1: your mind on an activity. But usually people stay pretty 192 00:09:13,559 --> 00:09:16,680 Speaker 1: grounded to values and qualities. And that's kind of this 193 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 1: confirmation bias has just created so many issues because we 194 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,359 Speaker 1: also go around and look for people who confirm our biases. 195 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,720 Speaker 1: So then we get into this bubble and this cloud 196 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:30,280 Speaker 1: of thinking that we can't break. You're making me realize something. 197 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,199 Speaker 1: I think that is just we all can look at 198 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,720 Speaker 1: we are we love black and white thinking, because humans 199 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,480 Speaker 1: love can we want an answer even if it's the 200 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,800 Speaker 1: wrong answer. Yeah, we just want true so that we 201 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,880 Speaker 1: have some samblets of control. And I'm in this new 202 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:46,200 Speaker 1: relationship and I find myself wanting to it's not a relationship. 203 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 1: What am I saying? Black and white thinking? It's somewhere 204 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 1: in between. We're not dating, if we're not together. I 205 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:54,000 Speaker 1: want so badly to feel safe. My inner child needs 206 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,400 Speaker 1: an answer so bad that I'm like, do you like 207 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 1: to travel or do you not like to travel? And 208 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,560 Speaker 1: He'll be like, well, it depends on where I'm traveling 209 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 1: and I'm like, well, what's the you know, and so 210 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 1: do you cheat or do you not cheat? And he's like, well, 211 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,160 Speaker 1: it's different with me. None of these answers are going 212 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 1: to apply to me because this is a new situation. 213 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:13,600 Speaker 1: But it's made me realize how anxious, you know, preoccupied, 214 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,400 Speaker 1: and how much I perseverate and how much my inner 215 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:20,000 Speaker 1: child panics, which she doesn't have an answer yes. And 216 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,200 Speaker 1: I think if we just acknowledge, like you talk about 217 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,199 Speaker 1: in this book and are being so elegant about enough, 218 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:29,280 Speaker 1: we just acknowledge our need for the polarity, we can 219 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,720 Speaker 1: then release it. It's just like even the awareness of 220 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,839 Speaker 1: knowing totally. And we're all so much more proportions and 221 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:38,360 Speaker 1: percentages in different scenarios than we are one or the other. 222 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:39,959 Speaker 1: And it's the same thing I say to people when 223 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,840 Speaker 1: they're like, oh, yeah, you know, I don't know if 224 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:44,800 Speaker 1: my intention is completely pure or if it's material or spiritual. 225 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,719 Speaker 1: I'm like, we're both all of it. Like it's all 226 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 1: of it, like me, dude, Like we all are like you, 227 00:10:48,679 --> 00:10:51,080 Speaker 1: just you're always trying to move in the right direction. 228 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,400 Speaker 1: The problem is we're addicted to a right decision right 229 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:55,959 Speaker 1: and that's the problem that we're just trying to move 230 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,240 Speaker 1: into the right direction. We're just moving closer to that. 231 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,200 Speaker 1: And as long as you're moving closer in the right 232 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: direction with someone, with yourself, with whatever it is that 233 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,679 Speaker 1: you're learning, don't give so much emphasis to the decision 234 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 1: that the direct onset, you know, the destination, all of 235 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,320 Speaker 1: that kind of you're so right about what you just 236 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,000 Speaker 1: said about the child and so many of us not 237 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,840 Speaker 1: having had clarity as young people about where we stood 238 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: with our parents or where we stood with our partners, 239 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,800 Speaker 1: and now we demand what we did or didn't get 240 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:29,199 Speaker 1: from our parents in our relationships. It's the unfinished business. Yes, 241 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,439 Speaker 1: you know. It's sort of like it took me so 242 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,679 Speaker 1: long to stop recreating my childhood circumstances because I think 243 00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:39,080 Speaker 1: we have this subconscious pull obviously to recreate the neurochemical 244 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:42,360 Speaker 1: cocktail that's comfortable for us. It's like when you see 245 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,440 Speaker 1: someone in a crazy relationship, You're like, how do they 246 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,040 Speaker 1: deal with that? All day? They're in a cocoon. They 247 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,720 Speaker 1: are so comfortable doing it, that is all they know. 248 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,199 Speaker 1: It's like the devil, you know, And I find myself 249 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:56,839 Speaker 1: recreating my childhood circumstances and yes, trying to basically just 250 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,560 Speaker 1: heal that wound. Heal that wound. Who's gonna heal it? 251 00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:01,559 Speaker 1: Who's going to fix it? And it's there, no one 252 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:04,040 Speaker 1: now have to do it. Yeah, there's a beautiful statement 253 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: that you reminded me of by a monk named tick Natan. 254 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:11,679 Speaker 1: He's incredible, and he said that we choose familiar pain 255 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 1: over unfamiliar pain every time, we just repeat it because 256 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,480 Speaker 1: that familiar pain gives us a feeling of safety, of 257 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:22,640 Speaker 1: security of like I know what pain I'm going to feel, 258 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:26,360 Speaker 1: and I'd rather keep repeating it than maybe venture out 259 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:29,600 Speaker 1: into this new land of unfamiliar pain, which I don't 260 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: know what it feels like. It's comfortable. Yeah, it's like 261 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 1: that pair of heels that always gives you a blister. 262 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,280 Speaker 1: I got the bandaid, Like it's amazing. How And I 263 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,840 Speaker 1: think that I'm glad that we're talking about this because 264 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,839 Speaker 1: we are so adaptable, Like there's so many people that 265 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,439 Speaker 1: reach out to me though, like is it too late 266 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:44,760 Speaker 1: for me to change? Is it too late for me 267 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:46,360 Speaker 1: to go to alan on meetings? Is it too late 268 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,080 Speaker 1: for me to stop being jealous and possessive and a 269 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 1: love addict or sex adict or whatever. And I'm like, dude, 270 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 1: we think about how quickly you adjusted to those sandals 271 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 1: that are giving you blisters. You were like just put 272 00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 1: in a band aid and I'm just going to take 273 00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,360 Speaker 1: them off after an hour at the wedding, Like we 274 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 1: actually can't adjust so quickly. That's a great analogy. I'm 275 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,920 Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna share that now from now and I 276 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,719 Speaker 1: love that one. I'm gonna be like, yeah, Writty and 277 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 1: me and we're like, yeah, this is that's a brilliant analogy. 278 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,240 Speaker 1: I love it. You're gonna talk about blisters. I'm going 279 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 1: to do about blisters and heels and when I wear heels, 280 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:21,360 Speaker 1: you'll really fit in an Okay, there's a Vedic personality 281 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 1: test in your book. Will you tell me about it? 282 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,360 Speaker 1: So when I lived as a monk and we studied 283 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:29,320 Speaker 1: the Vedas, I came across this incredible concept named dharma, 284 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:32,480 Speaker 1: and dharma is very difficult to translate into English, but 285 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,840 Speaker 1: when you do it, the closest things are eternal purpose 286 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:41,080 Speaker 1: and inherent nature or your natural inclination, and those are 287 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:45,800 Speaker 1: things It's almost like, well, what is your natural, most effortless, 288 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,280 Speaker 1: flow filled state that you can live by that you 289 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 1: feel fulfilled in right. And so when you break that down, 290 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,120 Speaker 1: you get dharma basically equates to an equation which is 291 00:13:56,160 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 1: passion plus strengths plus compassion. What is at the center 292 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,720 Speaker 1: of all of that that is dharma. And so the 293 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 1: personality test that I give is to help you, and 294 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:10,280 Speaker 1: I've loved so first of all, there is no personality 295 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,160 Speaker 1: test or astrological chat that's going to give you the 296 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,640 Speaker 1: answer that you need. But they're good indicators. And seeing 297 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 1: you're trying to say astrology is not a science. I 298 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,840 Speaker 1: mean it is a science, last but I'm not sure 299 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,600 Speaker 1: how many people can do it properly. But this personality 300 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 1: test was put in there to help people get closer 301 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,360 Speaker 1: to the answer. And that's what I think all of 302 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 1: these tools do. It's just about moving you in the 303 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,360 Speaker 1: right direction. But you're making me realize, like I want 304 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:33,960 Speaker 1: to do a couple of these. Yeah, let's do it. 305 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 1: Has anyone done this? Has anyone given you the vadic 306 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: personality test? I've don't know my own, but publicly, oh no, no, 307 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,400 Speaker 1: no, no no, no, oh great, Oh let's do it? Oh great, 308 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,800 Speaker 1: oh great? Yeah, I love that this. I just love 309 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 1: this book because it's like it's real tools. I'm sorry, 310 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 1: there's a lot of like by a crystal water bottle 311 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,360 Speaker 1: and your life will get better, Like what are you 312 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 1: talking about? Use charcoal toothpaste and you'll find your soulmate. 313 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: Like this is actual, like how to rewire your brain, 314 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 1: how to get to know yourself better with actual tools 315 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,920 Speaker 1: instead of just like and quotes that are always attributed 316 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,800 Speaker 1: to Oscar Wild even though he didn't say half that 317 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,080 Speaker 1: and we know it. Okay, you're going to answer these 318 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 1: questions as who you believe you are at the core, 319 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,880 Speaker 1: beyond what friends, family, or society have made you. Choose 320 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,200 Speaker 1: which of the following sounds And I want you guys 321 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 1: to follow along and take this quiz with us. Like it. 322 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,800 Speaker 1: Which of the following sounds most like what you're about? 323 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:23,520 Speaker 1: Values and wisdom, integrity and perfection, work hard, play hard, 324 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 1: or stability and balance. Yeah, so a very important question. 325 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 1: I'm going to add a caveat to help everyone out 326 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,280 Speaker 1: as well, seeing as this is the first time everyone's 327 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 1: doing it public age. Everyone's follow along, get your pen 328 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 1: and paper. Is you're not trying to answer it as 329 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,200 Speaker 1: what your job's made you. You're not trying to answer 330 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,720 Speaker 1: as what you've become because of something like sometimes we 331 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,240 Speaker 1: become something because we had to become it to be 332 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,440 Speaker 1: more successful. You want to answer it at your core, 333 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,520 Speaker 1: and the closer you get, and that's hard. I get that, 334 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,000 Speaker 1: that's that's not easy to do. But the more you 335 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,920 Speaker 1: keep asking yourself the course, sometimes they say to this, 336 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,720 Speaker 1: like the first thing you think of is you. That's 337 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,800 Speaker 1: actually not true. It's it's actually you need more stillness, 338 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:59,120 Speaker 1: silence and solitude in space to actually slow down a 339 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 1: bit and go, well, what am I really? And it's 340 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,960 Speaker 1: also not your ideal self. So that's the other mistakes 341 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,200 Speaker 1: he extremes. Again, we oscillate between our society self and 342 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,800 Speaker 1: ideal self. So then people answer it's like, oh, yeah, 343 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,240 Speaker 1: that's the one I want to be. So it's not 344 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:15,240 Speaker 1: that either. As I'm looking at this WHOA, I was like, well, 345 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 1: this is what my dad would have wanted. My dad 346 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,920 Speaker 1: would have wanted work hard, play hard. And I was 347 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,760 Speaker 1: going to pick work hard, play hard. It should be 348 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:30,360 Speaker 1: work hard, cry hard. But I think i'm values in wisdom. Yeah, 349 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 1: and so I am too. Oh this is a good one. 350 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:36,160 Speaker 1: What role do you play in your friend's circle and family? Hey, 351 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,880 Speaker 1: I'm comfortable dealing with conflict and helping people find middle ground. 352 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,720 Speaker 1: My role as the mediator B I make sure everything 353 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,119 Speaker 1: and everyone is taken care of. My role as the protector. 354 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 1: I feel like that might be me. I helped my 355 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 1: family understand work at the hustle and the value of 356 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:54,720 Speaker 1: having resources. My role is material support. I think I'm 357 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,280 Speaker 1: that now. Hit my venmo D. I focus on nurturing 358 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,960 Speaker 1: and wanting a healthy and con tent family. My role 359 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 1: as emotional. So I'll give it again another another side 360 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 1: note for everyone who's watching and listening, you probably do 361 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,520 Speaker 1: all four of these. I was going to say, I'm 362 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 1: so glad we're doing this together because I've picked five 363 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:12,959 Speaker 1: different ones and now that you're here, yeah, we can 364 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,879 Speaker 1: talk about it. That's my point. So you're going to 365 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,720 Speaker 1: feel and especially when you read these, you're always going 366 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,679 Speaker 1: to feel like you're everything. And the reason for that 367 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 1: is we've never really spent the time to think about 368 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: who we really are. And also I shape shift and 369 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 1: I'm different basically, no, I'm worth and who people want 370 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 1: me to be? Correct, And so you want to pull 371 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,520 Speaker 1: back again and go, I am all four? But in 372 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,880 Speaker 1: which order? Am I? Right? So you want to break 373 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:36,399 Speaker 1: you down and be like, well, which one do I 374 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,199 Speaker 1: prioritize the first? So I'll give an example. It's almost 375 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 1: like if you were put into a situation where you 376 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:42,920 Speaker 1: had to make a choice, which one do you say? 377 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 1: This is the first thing I think about, right, this 378 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,680 Speaker 1: is the first thing I think about when it comes 379 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,160 Speaker 1: to my family. So if you heard if someone called 380 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,000 Speaker 1: you up and said, I want to tell you something 381 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,640 Speaker 1: about your family, which is the first thing that you 382 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 1: think of that comes to your mind? The mediate? Would 383 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,680 Speaker 1: you protect you, material support or emotional? Correct? Like, which 384 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,680 Speaker 1: one do you feel drawn to play as a role 385 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,360 Speaker 1: first and first? Correct? First and most? Because you are 386 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:09,000 Speaker 1: all of them, we all are, I think protector, right' 387 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:12,240 Speaker 1: I'm like vicious about that. I'm the mediator. Really, yeah, 388 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,120 Speaker 1: I'm the mediator. I have been since I was a kid, 389 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:18,040 Speaker 1: Like Switzerland, you're neutral? That it like, yeah, kind of. No, 390 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,840 Speaker 1: I wouldn't say I'm neutral. I would say that I'm yeah. 391 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:24,040 Speaker 1: Maybe I guess that's a definition of judgment. Yeah, the 392 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,000 Speaker 1: one they can see all sides. I try to. Yeah, 393 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,879 Speaker 1: I've always been that way, and that really annoys my 394 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,119 Speaker 1: family because people in my family would be like, why 395 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:31,680 Speaker 1: don't you see it from my side more than you 396 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:35,320 Speaker 1: see it from there. A nightmare. I'm terrible, monk, terrible, 397 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,520 Speaker 1: terrible to have a monk in the families. No way 398 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 1: you can ever be communicate me. Yeah, there's no way 399 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,159 Speaker 1: you can win and fight with the mom. What is 400 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:47,480 Speaker 1: the most important to you in a partner? Number A literacy, 401 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:51,960 Speaker 1: A honest and smart, be strong, presence in power, see 402 00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:56,120 Speaker 1: fun and dynamic, d reliable and respectful, all of the above. No, 403 00:18:56,200 --> 00:19:02,000 Speaker 1: that's not good credit. Yeah, let's not neither of them again? 404 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:05,240 Speaker 1: You want all four? Yeah, it's better again. And therefore, 405 00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 1: a lot of relationships come down into two areas where 406 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:12,040 Speaker 1: we get to the polygamy part of Jay's philosopy. That's 407 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:17,720 Speaker 1: that's chapter didn't make the book, But that's important because 408 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,879 Speaker 1: the two sides of that are in a relationship, you 409 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 1: have priorities and preferences. Right, there are things that you 410 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,920 Speaker 1: will prioritize that you really want in someone, and then 411 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,919 Speaker 1: they have to be preferences where you're like, that's a bonus. 412 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,520 Speaker 1: I like that, but it's not all going to be there. Nice. Yeah, 413 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 1: it would be nice, exactly what mean it's not essential? 414 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:39,160 Speaker 1: I wanted to say a honest and smart, and that 415 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 1: is super important to me. But strong presence and power. 416 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:46,000 Speaker 1: I'm embarrassed to admit it, and I'm ashamed, but I 417 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:49,760 Speaker 1: do lose attraction to people if they're not powerful like 418 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,120 Speaker 1: I like to feel. You shouldn't be ashamed of that. Yeah, 419 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:56,399 Speaker 1: you shouldn't embarrassed about that. A tool, Okay, tall, All 420 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,520 Speaker 1: I care about is tall, I'm sure sure, But you should. 421 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,400 Speaker 1: I need I do need someone who feels powerful, who 422 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,919 Speaker 1: I feel protected by. That's looking for a father, but 423 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:09,720 Speaker 1: that's yeah, I get it. But you definitely shouldn't feel 424 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:12,120 Speaker 1: embarrassed about it. And I think that's partly what it is, 425 00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:14,000 Speaker 1: is that when we do these activities, we kind of 426 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,600 Speaker 1: look for the one that makes us feel the most 427 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,800 Speaker 1: comfortable and happy rather than the one that's actually true. 428 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,160 Speaker 1: And that's why we attract the wrong people into our life. 429 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,520 Speaker 1: And that's why we spend ten years with someone and 430 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,640 Speaker 1: we're not sure they're the right person, but because they 431 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,720 Speaker 1: looked good on paper. And just be honest with it. 432 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:32,000 Speaker 1: As I'm taking the quiz, I'm trying to impress Jay 433 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,480 Speaker 1: with a good answer instead of saying the truth, and 434 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:39,800 Speaker 1: the truth impresses me more. The imps people like you 435 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 1: so much more. Well, like, when you're trying to get 436 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,119 Speaker 1: validation from people, the irony is trying to get it, 437 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 1: and being anctuous is what's repellent. Yeah, so just being 438 00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:49,520 Speaker 1: honest is what makes people like you at all. Take 439 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,120 Speaker 1: me so longer realize that, and all of these ideas 440 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,919 Speaker 1: have implanted in our minds. This is a good question 441 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,520 Speaker 1: that I struggled with, answering what do you watch most 442 00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:01,240 Speaker 1: often on TV? A documentaries, biographies, and human observations, the entertainment, politics, 443 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 1: current affairs see comedy, sport, drama, motivational stories, d soap operas, 444 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,400 Speaker 1: reality TV, family gossip, daytime shows. And I'm curious if 445 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,800 Speaker 1: the motive matters, because I definitely watched documentaries. Biography is 446 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,679 Speaker 1: the most, but it's because I'm insecure about my intelligence. 447 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,240 Speaker 1: It's embarrassing to admit, but I watched TV as a 448 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,520 Speaker 1: way to try to get smarter, to try to get information, 449 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 1: to try to be interesting, and to try because my 450 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,040 Speaker 1: biggest fear in life is being boring in a conversation, 451 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,159 Speaker 1: or not knowing something that someone else knows, and or 452 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,120 Speaker 1: like having the fomo and a group where everyone's seen 453 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:32,880 Speaker 1: something and I haven't. So it's like, if everyone's watching 454 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:34,240 Speaker 1: a documentary, I'm like, I have to watch it so 455 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,720 Speaker 1: that I'm not left out. So does it matter that 456 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:41,160 Speaker 1: that's why I want pick a? No, because it's mixed again. 457 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,080 Speaker 1: So what I heard in there is there's a lot 458 00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:44,919 Speaker 1: of values and wisdom there, Like you want to have 459 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,960 Speaker 1: more knowledge, you want to have more insight. Now the 460 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,000 Speaker 1: reason you want to have it isn't perfect, but that's 461 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 1: not bad. It's still a great It's better to be 462 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,240 Speaker 1: informed than uninformed. Yeah, so you're winning already. But I 463 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,000 Speaker 1: think all of us have to move in our values. 464 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,439 Speaker 1: So I've given it. This is gonna sum it up 465 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:03,439 Speaker 1: really beautifully. The Bugga geeta. There's three intentions behind everything, 466 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,400 Speaker 1: and they're either the mode of ignorance, the motive passion, 467 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,800 Speaker 1: or the mode of goodness. So there are these three 468 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:13,199 Speaker 1: modes that any action, any habit, any intention can be 469 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,960 Speaker 1: done in. So the mode of ignorance is when you 470 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,240 Speaker 1: do things out of fear or anxiety. The mode of 471 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,520 Speaker 1: passion is when you do things for desire or result, 472 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:24,840 Speaker 1: and the mode of goodness is when you do things 473 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:28,000 Speaker 1: from love or compassion or curiosity. Like that, they're kind 474 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:32,080 Speaker 1: of like love or thirst, and so in that most 475 00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:35,680 Speaker 1: of us, including me, our state of being is very 476 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 1: mode of ignorance. We do most of what we do 477 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,239 Speaker 1: out of fear and anxiety. And the problem with that 478 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:41,800 Speaker 1: is is that when you do something out of fear 479 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:45,440 Speaker 1: and anxiety, it doesn't suddenly transform into love and compassion 480 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:49,240 Speaker 1: or joy or meaning or purpose. It stays that way 481 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,560 Speaker 1: and continues to perpetuate that cycle of needing to get 482 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,679 Speaker 1: more of that fear and anxiety. So that's something that 483 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,119 Speaker 1: we can push an upgrade from. So next time you 484 00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,080 Speaker 1: want to do something and you're watching a documentary, be like, 485 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,679 Speaker 1: all right, right now, I'm starting this by doing it 486 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,880 Speaker 1: because I'm scared of not looking smart or not being conversationalist. 487 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,560 Speaker 1: But actually, you know what, this time, I'm going to 488 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,680 Speaker 1: intentionally change my intention to be because I'm going to 489 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,840 Speaker 1: do it's I just love being informed and I want 490 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,639 Speaker 1: to be informed. I can share this and you literally 491 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:17,639 Speaker 1: do that intentionally, and you will see how your experience changes. 492 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,960 Speaker 1: It's that metaphysical, like literally sitting there and just literally 493 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:26,359 Speaker 1: walking yourself through it and changing your mindset around something 494 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,720 Speaker 1: can change your experience of it. As soon as you 495 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,879 Speaker 1: feel guilty or judge yourself or criticize yourself. You actually 496 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,680 Speaker 1: start losing energy to that, and that's the same energy 497 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:36,960 Speaker 1: that's going to help you get out of that. And 498 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,760 Speaker 1: so as monks, it was almost like you would laugh 499 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,520 Speaker 1: when you'd catch yourself letting the monkey mind go lose. 500 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:44,879 Speaker 1: And so in the beginning the book, as we've got 501 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,280 Speaker 1: the monkey mind in the monk mind, the monk might 502 00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:50,240 Speaker 1: almost laughs when it notices the monkey and goes, okay, 503 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,120 Speaker 1: I saw you, I see you, I see you my fear, 504 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:54,280 Speaker 1: I see ego, I see what you're trying to do there. 505 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 1: And it's that kind of like fun, playful spotting. It's 506 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,160 Speaker 1: almost like you just saw your dog running around out side. 507 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:01,240 Speaker 1: You're like, I can stay mad at you. Yeah, that's 508 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,959 Speaker 1: silly good exactly. I love that. And that's something we 509 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:08,280 Speaker 1: do in STEP programs, is you befriend your character defects 510 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:11,040 Speaker 1: because they are trying to protect you. They're trying to 511 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,000 Speaker 1: help you. It's like when your dog goes out and 512 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,320 Speaker 1: barks at the mailman and you're like, you know, it's 513 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,080 Speaker 1: not a threat, but the dog is just trying to 514 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,919 Speaker 1: protect you, you know. And so the chance that the 515 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,200 Speaker 1: dog's right when it isn't the mailman, Like yes, because 516 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 1: sometimes those those tools worked really well and there were 517 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,920 Speaker 1: real threats back in the day and those tools weapons 518 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:30,560 Speaker 1: were very necessary, but they just third now obsolete. Like 519 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: the war is over right, as we say in program, 520 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:36,080 Speaker 1: the war is over. You lost? Like just I love that, 521 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:40,399 Speaker 1: Like just sort of having levity around the your negative 522 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,080 Speaker 1: inner monologue or your negative thoughts, like you don't have 523 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:44,560 Speaker 1: to take them seriously. They don't have to. It's like 524 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,080 Speaker 1: watching Star Wars or say it's it's it's just a 525 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:49,680 Speaker 1: it's just a science fiction movie. I'm not good enough. 526 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,920 Speaker 1: He doesn't like me. I suck. I'm gonna be alone forever, 527 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 1: like you they those don't have to be true. It's like, oh, 528 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,520 Speaker 1: those are just crazy thoughts and they're silly and yeah, 529 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,879 Speaker 1: I love that and yeah. And what we do in 530 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:01,879 Speaker 1: you know program is if you have a character defect, 531 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:04,359 Speaker 1: sometimes you name them, like your selfishness has your name, 532 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:06,400 Speaker 1: and you're like, hey, Bill, like what are you doing 533 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:07,960 Speaker 1: here today? Oh you want to come say hi, like 534 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,399 Speaker 1: I don't need you today. I'm good. You know, you 535 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,480 Speaker 1: can sit back on the bench like don't need you 536 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,120 Speaker 1: in the game today. Yeah. I love that. I love that. Yeah, 537 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:19,320 Speaker 1: and trust programs amazing. It's so well designed from a 538 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,159 Speaker 1: human psychology point of view. And it's just that naming 539 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,719 Speaker 1: peep voices in your head is brilliant. Yes, it's so 540 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,280 Speaker 1: important making them characters, because then otherwise you think they you. 541 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:31,120 Speaker 1: That's the point, that's the whole point of it. Yeah. 542 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,320 Speaker 1: What causes you the most pain A feeling like I 543 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,800 Speaker 1: don't live up to my own expectations, be the state 544 00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:38,879 Speaker 1: of the world, see, a sense of rejection, d feeling 545 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:42,239 Speaker 1: disconnected from friends and family. Yeah, that's a big one. 546 00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,560 Speaker 1: Repeat the first one again. Feeling like I don't live 547 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:48,880 Speaker 1: up to my own expectations. Yeah, is that the first one? Yes? Yeah, yes, 548 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,440 Speaker 1: that can be here as you think. Yeah, that's definitely one. 549 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:55,360 Speaker 1: What causes you the most pain? This is a tricky one. 550 00:25:55,720 --> 00:26:01,200 Speaker 1: Being rejected by men I don't even like um. Yeah 551 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,000 Speaker 1: that one. Feeling like I don't live up to my 552 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:07,719 Speaker 1: own expectations. Yeah, that's definitely my lie. But but my 553 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:12,680 Speaker 1: own expectations are outrageous, They're ridiculous. But that's why we 554 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:16,440 Speaker 1: shouldn't feel that. Yeah, and by the way, I've achieved 555 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:20,080 Speaker 1: most of them against all us I should just be 556 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:23,359 Speaker 1: like thinking I'm awesome, you should and instead I'm like, 557 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,040 Speaker 1: I achieved that impossible thing, but I was wearing the 558 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,680 Speaker 1: wrong shirt. Yeah, and I had sweatstains. You gave a 559 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,800 Speaker 1: terrible speech, yes, yeah, gave a terrible speech. You get 560 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,159 Speaker 1: or I'll go like, like you killed with that speech, 561 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:35,880 Speaker 1: and then I'll be like, oh god, how much attention 562 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:39,639 Speaker 1: do you need? How desperate? Like oh yeah, we do that, 563 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:44,480 Speaker 1: but constantly it's just it's just so roasting myself, roasting yourself. 564 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,719 Speaker 1: You've just reminded me of one of my favorite stories 565 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:48,560 Speaker 1: that that actually I didn't put in the book. It's 566 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,000 Speaker 1: it's a story told by the Buddha. Feeling you'll get 567 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,760 Speaker 1: another offer for a book, feeling you'll have a sequel here. 568 00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:56,280 Speaker 1: It's a it's a story that the Buddhy used to tell. 569 00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:59,680 Speaker 1: And in this story, it's like this person comes across 570 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,399 Speaker 1: a river and it's a fast flowing river, and the 571 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,560 Speaker 1: person wants to get across to get to their destination. 572 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:06,840 Speaker 1: And so they're looking at and going, okay, well what 573 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:08,200 Speaker 1: do I do? What do I do? What do I do? 574 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,760 Speaker 1: And they start noticing that there's some bamboo sticks around, 575 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 1: they can find some rope. They can find some things 576 00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:15,440 Speaker 1: to make a little raft. So they start gathering all 577 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,480 Speaker 1: of this stuff, laying it on top of each other, 578 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:19,880 Speaker 1: trying to tie it all up together, and they finally 579 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,160 Speaker 1: create this raft. And then they create a little oar 580 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:24,680 Speaker 1: with a stick, and then they go onto the water 581 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,760 Speaker 1: and they get to the other side. And when they 582 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,439 Speaker 1: get to the other side, they go this person says, oh, wow, 583 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:33,480 Speaker 1: this raft literally saved my life, Like this raft is amazing. 584 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:36,320 Speaker 1: Without this raft, I would never have crossed this river. 585 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,400 Speaker 1: And so what they do is they strapped the raft 586 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:40,360 Speaker 1: to their back because they're like, I have to take 587 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,760 Speaker 1: this raft with me because it's so important to me. 588 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,199 Speaker 1: And so they start walking, start walking, start walking, and 589 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:47,800 Speaker 1: now as they walk away, they now come through one 590 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:49,600 Speaker 1: of the most wooded lands in the world. So all 591 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:51,880 Speaker 1: these trees are in front of them, and they start 592 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,080 Speaker 1: trying to get through, and they realize that they can't 593 00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:56,440 Speaker 1: get through because this raft is strapped to their back 594 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,960 Speaker 1: and they're trying to let maneuver and swish through. And 595 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,879 Speaker 1: then they come to realize and the person realizes that 596 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,639 Speaker 1: actually this raft that got them here is not going 597 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,800 Speaker 1: to help them go through this and they have to 598 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,879 Speaker 1: let go of the raft. They have to let go 599 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:10,960 Speaker 1: of the thing that actually saved them in the past 600 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,239 Speaker 1: or help them get through the past because it's no 601 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,439 Speaker 1: longer relevant today. And the Buddha obviously goes on to 602 00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:21,000 Speaker 1: tell us that that's our habits, that's how our mindsets, 603 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,600 Speaker 1: that's even our skills and our strengths. We may have 604 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:27,080 Speaker 1: had something that saved us five years ago, ten years ago, 605 00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:30,000 Speaker 1: but don't hold on to it because you think it's 606 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,320 Speaker 1: still useful, because actually it could make your life a 607 00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,159 Speaker 1: living hell. Like trying to get a raft through the 608 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,600 Speaker 1: wooded land would actually be a lot harder. But what 609 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:38,520 Speaker 1: if there's another river, Then you'll build another, Then you 610 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,680 Speaker 1: build another raft. That's the point you're building that bridge. 611 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,360 Speaker 1: You'll figure out again because you know you've done it 612 00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:44,160 Speaker 1: before so that you can always go back to. But 613 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,959 Speaker 1: sometimes you have to leave behind the tools or at 614 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,000 Speaker 1: least put them back in the tool kit for now 615 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:52,720 Speaker 1: and learn another tool or learn another approach. And I 616 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,400 Speaker 1: think that's what twelve step is, That's what this is. 617 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,320 Speaker 1: That's what everything we're discussing is just us going, oh, well, 618 00:28:58,320 --> 00:28:59,920 Speaker 1: there may be a tool that I haven't yet going 619 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:01,640 Speaker 1: my tool books that's going to help me, which is 620 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:03,080 Speaker 1: why we say one day at a time, because we 621 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,360 Speaker 1: go not yesterday, not tomorrow. What about just now? Yeah? Right, 622 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,200 Speaker 1: you know, so stop trying to solve problems or anticipate 623 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:12,160 Speaker 1: problems from five days from now, and you can't stay 624 00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:14,400 Speaker 1: clean on the shower you took yesterday. What is your 625 00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:17,320 Speaker 1: favorite way of working? Ay, alone but with mentors and guides. 626 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,280 Speaker 1: B in a team as a leader. CE independently but 627 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:26,120 Speaker 1: with a strong network. D in a team as a member. See, 628 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,640 Speaker 1: I have this constitutional need to be special, and I'm like, 629 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:30,760 Speaker 1: none of these apply to me because I'm so special, 630 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:34,880 Speaker 1: which is me. I'd said that, which it's important. It's 631 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,280 Speaker 1: a big part of the addictive personality to go. No 632 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:38,880 Speaker 1: one understands me, no one knows the kind of pain 633 00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,280 Speaker 1: I'm in. I'm so unique, no one will ever get me, 634 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,040 Speaker 1: which is why I need to do this addictive behavior. 635 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,440 Speaker 1: And I'm different. So I had I'm having a little 636 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,800 Speaker 1: bit of that's good. I'm having a little bit of 637 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,240 Speaker 1: it come up right now. I would say, well, because 638 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:52,760 Speaker 1: I'm like, I do this weird job where I do 639 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,040 Speaker 1: stand up and it's so I would say it would 640 00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:56,960 Speaker 1: be independently but with a strong network because I do 641 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,360 Speaker 1: what I do independently, but I couldn't do without the 642 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,560 Speaker 1: fans in the Yeah. So yeah, it's this This question 643 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:04,959 Speaker 1: is all about the energy that you thrive in. So 644 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,920 Speaker 1: a lot of people, for example, feel the pressure today 645 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,800 Speaker 1: to be leaders or entrepreneurs or CEOs because almost like 646 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,880 Speaker 1: there's this influx of like excitement in the industry today 647 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,560 Speaker 1: of seeing more people be founders, and now everyone thinks 648 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:19,520 Speaker 1: they have to be a founder, or everyone thinks they 649 00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:21,480 Speaker 1: have to be a YouTuber because that's the cool thing. 650 00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:23,920 Speaker 1: And so so it's like everyone wants to be the 651 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:28,000 Speaker 1: front of house. Interesting when actually a lot of us 652 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,480 Speaker 1: thrive being Steven Spielberg, right, or a lot of us 653 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:32,560 Speaker 1: thrive being the person behind the camera. A lot of 654 00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:35,200 Speaker 1: us thrive being the two wonderful people that we have 655 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:38,040 Speaker 1: it today or recording like there's that's what we call it. 656 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 1: That's what my therapist always says. She's like, be a 657 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,840 Speaker 1: worker bee. You don't always you have my matchbox with bees. 658 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,760 Speaker 1: You don't always have to be the face or the 659 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:48,760 Speaker 1: hero of our correct sometimes you're not the best qualified. 660 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:53,280 Speaker 1: Everyone is sort of the queen Bee of there. There's 661 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:56,840 Speaker 1: everyone's a what did you say, everyone's the singer. Yeah, 662 00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,800 Speaker 1: just the band looks different. You know, that's interesting, like 663 00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:02,080 Speaker 1: like my producer is a singer. Like everyone's a singer. 664 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,600 Speaker 1: There's no background, it's just a different dynamic. Yeah. And 665 00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:08,520 Speaker 1: I definitely see total value in that mindset, and then 666 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,320 Speaker 1: you see it the way that people can apply it 667 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:13,560 Speaker 1: to their life. So there's this great conversation between Steve 668 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,280 Speaker 1: Wasniac and Steve Jobs, and they acted out in the 669 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:19,200 Speaker 1: movie that they made, and so Steve Wasniak and I'm 670 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,120 Speaker 1: a big Steve Jobs fan and it's if you haven't 671 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,760 Speaker 1: read Walter Isaacson's book on him, it's amazing. And so 672 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,200 Speaker 1: Steve Wasnieks looking at Steve Jobs and having an argument, 673 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,080 Speaker 1: and he says to Steve Jobs, guess, well, what do 674 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,560 Speaker 1: you even do? And imagine looking at Steve Jobs and 675 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,280 Speaker 1: going what do you even do? And and Steve Wozniac goes, 676 00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,560 Speaker 1: you're not an engineer, you're not a coder, you're not 677 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,640 Speaker 1: an artist, you're not a marketer or whatever. He says. 678 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:40,960 Speaker 1: He says, what do you even do? And Steve Jobs says, 679 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 1: musicians played their instruments. I played the orchestra. Yeah, And 680 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:49,000 Speaker 1: it's that understanding of the unique strength of like there 681 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:51,440 Speaker 1: may be the best violin player, or there may be 682 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 1: the best string quartet there, but his role was not 683 00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:55,840 Speaker 1: being good at any of those. He doesn't have to 684 00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,440 Speaker 1: play the violin or the viola or the whatever it is. 685 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:00,520 Speaker 1: He knows how to bring it together. And I think 686 00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,160 Speaker 1: that's what we get confused by sometimes, is that we 687 00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,320 Speaker 1: see the people on the front cover of magazines or 688 00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:07,240 Speaker 1: the front of the show, and we think that's who 689 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:10,400 Speaker 1: I need to be to be happy or successful. It 690 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,360 Speaker 1: takes fifty people to make them a person, and you know, 691 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,320 Speaker 1: and it took me. You know, I made a movie. 692 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,240 Speaker 1: I kept thinking, I'm directing a movie. I'm directing a movie. 693 00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:20,000 Speaker 1: I'm starring in the movie. And you think I'm the 694 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:22,840 Speaker 1: most important person here. I have all this pressure. I mean, 695 00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,120 Speaker 1: the most important person on a movie set is the 696 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:28,840 Speaker 1: sound engineer, someone who they will never know his or 697 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:32,320 Speaker 1: her name. Necessarily, they are the most important person on 698 00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:34,080 Speaker 1: a movie. You don't realize until you get in posts. 699 00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:39,120 Speaker 1: You know, costume most important. So you know, I think 700 00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:41,880 Speaker 1: that we are. I'm so glad you brought that up, 701 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,520 Speaker 1: because we are in such like a me moment. I'm 702 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:49,080 Speaker 1: just everyone can. It's becoming more democratic, the fame and 703 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,320 Speaker 1: wealth and rising to fame, and yet everything's a team 704 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:53,760 Speaker 1: and you have to be able to play well with 705 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:56,959 Speaker 1: others and respect other people's com Yeah, and actually, as talent, 706 00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,560 Speaker 1: you will respect your team more because you realize the 707 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,840 Speaker 1: value they bring when you know your verdic personality type 708 00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:05,600 Speaker 1: in your dam By the way, we're seeing sorry more 709 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:10,120 Speaker 1: and more the people who don't understand that are getting canceled. Yeah, 710 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,160 Speaker 1: it's like it's the jig is up, you know what 711 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:15,080 Speaker 1: I mean. Like the people who are now there's that 712 00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:19,280 Speaker 1: human resources department really get Yeah. Yeah, I'm the top 713 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:21,880 Speaker 1: one again. You're alone, but with mentors and guides. Correct. 714 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,120 Speaker 1: I function best when I have a lot of space, 715 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,360 Speaker 1: when I have a lot of stillness, when I'm alone, 716 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,920 Speaker 1: when I'm working with myself, and I can tap into 717 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:32,000 Speaker 1: like people who've really excelled in their fields. And by 718 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:33,520 Speaker 1: the way, for a long period of time, that was 719 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:37,320 Speaker 1: just books, Like I grew up reading biographies and autobiographies 720 00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:39,719 Speaker 1: because that's all I had access to growing up. So 721 00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,120 Speaker 1: I loved reading about m Okay and Malcolm X and 722 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,840 Speaker 1: Steve Jobs, and I devide Beckham the first autobiographer. I 723 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:47,760 Speaker 1: read and it was just yeah, and it's just you know, 724 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,480 Speaker 1: I was. I was drawn towards real life stories because 725 00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:54,040 Speaker 1: I couldn't ask them myself. How would your ideal self 726 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:58,640 Speaker 1: spend spare time ay, reading, in deep discussion and reflecting, 727 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:03,240 Speaker 1: be learning about issues, and are attending political events? See, 728 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:07,080 Speaker 1: there's no such thing as spare time networking, connecting working, 729 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,920 Speaker 1: that's mine. D enjoying time with family and friends, mine 730 00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:12,880 Speaker 1: would be there's no such thing as spare time networking, 731 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:15,160 Speaker 1: connecting working, that's mine. I have shame around it, but 732 00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,680 Speaker 1: it's the truth. But there's no shame in it. Yes, yeah, 733 00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:19,759 Speaker 1: there's no shame in it. It's fine, Okay, it's who 734 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:21,600 Speaker 1: you are. You're right, You're right. The idea is to 735 00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,719 Speaker 1: get to know your authentic self, not judge, and then 736 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,880 Speaker 1: decide whether you want to and I can actually address 737 00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:31,160 Speaker 1: it correct. Yeah. Then otherwise, what we do is we 738 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:35,680 Speaker 1: make our intentional and ideal self feel like who we are. Right, 739 00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,279 Speaker 1: So what we do is we go, Okay, that's the 740 00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:41,640 Speaker 1: one I feel embarrassed about being. So I'm actually just 741 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:43,680 Speaker 1: going to say I'm my ideal self in my heart 742 00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:46,040 Speaker 1: because that's what I'm really trying to be. So I'll 743 00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:47,520 Speaker 1: give an example of what I mean by that. There's 744 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:50,000 Speaker 1: a there's a really good study that I shared in 745 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,319 Speaker 1: the book about the Good Samaritans. So the Good Samaritans 746 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,360 Speaker 1: obviously trained to be good people and do good in 747 00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,759 Speaker 1: the world and be kind to people. They're told that 748 00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:59,880 Speaker 1: they have to give a speech on being a good Samaritan, 749 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,680 Speaker 1: and they have to go from their classroom in Building 750 00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:07,000 Speaker 1: A to the exam room in Building B where they 751 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:08,680 Speaker 1: will be tested, and I have to give this speech. 752 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,160 Speaker 1: But they're told literally like fifteen minutes before they have 753 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,040 Speaker 1: to do it, so they're all stressing out. So they're 754 00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:14,839 Speaker 1: stressing out, the stressing out, the stressing out. They run 755 00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,200 Speaker 1: down the building. They're trying to run across to their 756 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,359 Speaker 1: exam room because they're told, you've got fifteen minutes you've 757 00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:21,560 Speaker 1: got to give this speech. They're practicing on the way 758 00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,440 Speaker 1: and someone with a really hurt leg is lying on 759 00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:27,200 Speaker 1: the floor. The decoy it's not real, and there's someone 760 00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:28,640 Speaker 1: with the hurt leg lying on the floor. And they 761 00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:32,400 Speaker 1: found that over fifty percent of the Good Samaritans ignored 762 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,040 Speaker 1: the person who is in pain on the floor to 763 00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,160 Speaker 1: go and give a speech. About being a good Samaritan. 764 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:39,960 Speaker 1: So they didn't actually do the act of being a 765 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:44,480 Speaker 1: good Samaritan. And that's what happens when our intention of 766 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:46,880 Speaker 1: being a higher self doesn't match with the action of 767 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:49,800 Speaker 1: being a higher self. And so when you're addressing you say, actually, 768 00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,960 Speaker 1: you know what, I should have stopped and taking care 769 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,120 Speaker 1: of that person and help them up and you know, 770 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,319 Speaker 1: been better to them, and okay, well then I can 771 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:58,200 Speaker 1: change to become that. But if you just ignore it 772 00:35:58,200 --> 00:35:59,960 Speaker 1: and go, oh, yeah, but I know what the value is, 773 00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:01,799 Speaker 1: I know what the higher values. Does that make sense? Yes, 774 00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:04,439 Speaker 1: that's total sense. No, I was just my comedian brain 775 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,439 Speaker 1: kicked in going and I was just like, how good 776 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:11,080 Speaker 1: of an actor was the Oh you're like they were 777 00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:17,080 Speaker 1: a terrible actor. Yeah. True. That is a really good point. 778 00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:18,840 Speaker 1: I think I think you should make sure that you 779 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:22,400 Speaker 1: go into these studies and make sure they picked good actors. 780 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:28,120 Speaker 1: If the costume was terrible, I have to I'll come 781 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:32,840 Speaker 1: back later and do this weird. That is brilliant. That brilliant. 782 00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,640 Speaker 1: I love that. That is brilliant. I never thought of 783 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:38,640 Speaker 1: that all along. It was the bad acts. Hard to 784 00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:41,719 Speaker 1: pretend it was the bad act when you're really in pain. 785 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:48,719 Speaker 1: You're just kind of quiet and there and the ketch up. Yeah. 786 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:53,440 Speaker 1: How would you describe yourself in three words? He idealistic, introverted, insightful, 787 00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:59,759 Speaker 1: be driven, dedicated, determined, see passionate, motivated, friendly, decaring, loving, loyal. Yeah, 788 00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:03,560 Speaker 1: I have to be honest. I want to be passionate, motivated, 789 00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:06,120 Speaker 1: and friendly, and I think I am those things. But 790 00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:08,840 Speaker 1: if I'm going to be honest, I'm be driven dedicated 791 00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:12,759 Speaker 1: into terms. I wake up like me too. Got gotta 792 00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,960 Speaker 1: achieve something, gotta do it. I'm with you on that. 793 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:19,000 Speaker 1: Gotta be passionate, motivated and friendly and caring and loving 794 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,480 Speaker 1: and loyal. It's like you know, so, I think it's 795 00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,000 Speaker 1: See in what type of environment do you work best? 796 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:27,600 Speaker 1: A remote, still, silent natural, be a meeting room or 797 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:31,279 Speaker 1: gathering place, see anywhere and everywhere, d a specific a 798 00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,000 Speaker 1: space specific to my type of work, home, office, laboratory. 799 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,439 Speaker 1: I think I work best in a meeting or gathering space. 800 00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,200 Speaker 1: I do need to be accountable. I need and I 801 00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:40,480 Speaker 1: need to be a little bit competitive. If I'm gonna 802 00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:43,359 Speaker 1: be honest, I need to see other people working, even 803 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,239 Speaker 1: if it's a if they're not even working, even if 804 00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:48,399 Speaker 1: they're secretly on Facebook and I pretend they're working and 805 00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:50,799 Speaker 1: I think I'm falling behind, and it motivates me. Ye 806 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:52,920 Speaker 1: see the reason why what you just did and this 807 00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:54,360 Speaker 1: is what I'm hoping everyone's going to do when they 808 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,960 Speaker 1: read this spot is it's so important to know that 809 00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:59,600 Speaker 1: because now you actually have a pattern that you can repeat. 810 00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:02,399 Speaker 1: And it's not true. And so most of us wake 811 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,480 Speaker 1: up in the morning and we go, I'm not motivated 812 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,120 Speaker 1: to work today, I don't like what I'm going to 813 00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:09,040 Speaker 1: do today. I'm not happy to do whatever it is. 814 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:12,080 Speaker 1: And it's like, well, have you created the right environments? 815 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,320 Speaker 1: Have you put yourself in the right space, set yourself 816 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:16,440 Speaker 1: up to have you exactly? That's all it is. And 817 00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:18,000 Speaker 1: the only way you'll know that is if you answer 818 00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:20,440 Speaker 1: that question and have the reflection you didn't go, Okay, Well, 819 00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:22,400 Speaker 1: if I go to a gathering place today, or if 820 00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:23,959 Speaker 1: I go to this place and I'm around other people, 821 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:25,840 Speaker 1: let me see how I do. And then you'll go 822 00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:27,200 Speaker 1: and you'll test it out and then you'll like, Okay, 823 00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:28,960 Speaker 1: that didn't work, let me try the other one. Right, 824 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:32,000 Speaker 1: And so if you're unsure, it's just about trying all 825 00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,440 Speaker 1: of these options rather than just leaving it up and 826 00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:37,399 Speaker 1: also just in just surrendering to something not working going. 827 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,080 Speaker 1: I guess this is the way it's always going to be, 828 00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:41,520 Speaker 1: exactly like, that's it easy, that's that one. How do 829 00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:44,880 Speaker 1: you prepare for a vacation? Oh no, hey by picking 830 00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:48,359 Speaker 1: my reading material, be, having a focused plan of key 831 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:51,160 Speaker 1: sites to visit. See with a list of the best bars, clubs, 832 00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:54,080 Speaker 1: and restaurants. D with an easy going attitude. B for me, 833 00:38:55,080 --> 00:39:01,560 Speaker 1: I mean we're both virgo September four in sex. Yeah, 834 00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:04,520 Speaker 1: having a focused plan of key sites to visit. Yeah. 835 00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:07,120 Speaker 1: I don't always have to do it, though. I am 836 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,799 Speaker 1: a person that I'll preplan, pre plan, pre plan, which 837 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:13,360 Speaker 1: I really encourage everyone to do this because I'm realizing 838 00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:16,120 Speaker 1: that I need something to look forward to with planning things, 839 00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:19,000 Speaker 1: to me is almost as good as doing them. Yeah yeah, ye, 840 00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,160 Speaker 1: just having it in the calendar. So I'm that person 841 00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:23,000 Speaker 1: that and I drive my wife crazy. I'm like, I 842 00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:24,880 Speaker 1: need a schedule for the day to know what we 843 00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:27,160 Speaker 1: want to achieve to do. The fact that your wife 844 00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:30,440 Speaker 1: has the one man that makes a schedule and doesn't 845 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:33,840 Speaker 1: appreciate it and I will have words. I'm like, I 846 00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:35,279 Speaker 1: want to schedule and even if we don't get to 847 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:37,200 Speaker 1: all of it, I'm okay with that, but I want 848 00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:38,880 Speaker 1: to know that we made a plan and that we 849 00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,560 Speaker 1: were trying to get to all of it. We need it. 850 00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:43,080 Speaker 1: I want to know what what I'm going to experience it. 851 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:46,200 Speaker 1: But see, here is where we stop thinking people don't 852 00:39:46,239 --> 00:39:50,080 Speaker 1: care about us in the sense of because our answer 853 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:53,480 Speaker 1: is be we think that if someone cares about me, 854 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,719 Speaker 1: then they will make a plan. But what we don't 855 00:39:56,800 --> 00:40:01,000 Speaker 1: realize is that that's not how they so for them, 856 00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:04,560 Speaker 1: how they feel loved and show love is easy going 857 00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:08,359 Speaker 1: number D letter D. And that's where it gets so 858 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:11,719 Speaker 1: fragmented in relationships because we so I would be like 859 00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:13,880 Speaker 1: that with my wife, would be like, well, you you 860 00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:16,560 Speaker 1: obviously don't love me enough because you're not organized about 861 00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:17,920 Speaker 1: the schedule of the day, and she was just but 862 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,279 Speaker 1: I just don't think like that. My parents never. My 863 00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:22,000 Speaker 1: parents always did all the planning and we just went 864 00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:23,719 Speaker 1: along with what they did. And where was my parents 865 00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:26,120 Speaker 1: wanted me to plan and get involved. And so it's 866 00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:28,919 Speaker 1: so interesting how we start looking at these things as 867 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:33,560 Speaker 1: gaps in our relationship and that's not necessarily true. How 868 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,439 Speaker 1: do you feel if you make a mistake. I feel 869 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,880 Speaker 1: guilty and ashamed. Yes, B, I have to tell everyone, 870 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,719 Speaker 1: see I want to hide it. D I reach out 871 00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:46,359 Speaker 1: to someone supportive. I feel guilty and ashamed. I feel 872 00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,400 Speaker 1: guilty and ashamed first, and then I probably do D, 873 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:51,920 Speaker 1: which is reach out to someone that can kind of 874 00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:54,359 Speaker 1: give me some context on it. I kin reaching out 875 00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:56,360 Speaker 1: to someone who I think holds me to hire standards 876 00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,400 Speaker 1: and we'll be able to speak about it with me 877 00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:01,040 Speaker 1: without judging me, because I need to not judge myself. 878 00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:02,960 Speaker 1: And sometimes I feel like we need someone else in 879 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:04,840 Speaker 1: our life who doesn't judge us for a mistake, and 880 00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:06,839 Speaker 1: we go, oh, okay, I don't have to judge when 881 00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:08,920 Speaker 1: I realize you didn't even make one. Yeah, that's it 882 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,680 Speaker 1: might just be your perfection totally. My therapist always says, 883 00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:14,640 Speaker 1: she's like, I have good news and bad news. Nobody cares, 884 00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:19,080 Speaker 1: like this huge mistake you think everyone's obsessing about, like 885 00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:21,799 Speaker 1: you're not trending. Yeah cares. Yeah. I love that one. 886 00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:25,200 Speaker 1: And I think it's so important that people have different 887 00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:28,279 Speaker 1: people they call for different things because the mistake we 888 00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:32,879 Speaker 1: make again again, The opposite is that we tell one 889 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:37,919 Speaker 1: person everything ye or we tell everyone everything, and both 890 00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,200 Speaker 1: of those don't work because that one person gets completely 891 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,879 Speaker 1: drained and distance from us because they can't deal with 892 00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:46,280 Speaker 1: that level of overwhelm. And then when you tell everyone everything, 893 00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:48,040 Speaker 1: we all know what that goes like. So it's so 894 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:49,719 Speaker 1: much more important to be like, Okay, when I have 895 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:51,279 Speaker 1: a career challenge, this is the person I go to. 896 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:52,799 Speaker 1: When I have this, I go to this And you 897 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,560 Speaker 1: may say, well, how do I start. It's important to 898 00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:57,120 Speaker 1: start building those relationships with people in your life that 899 00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,720 Speaker 1: have different skills that they provide you and you provide 900 00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:02,640 Speaker 1: something back to them too. And also, don't go to 901 00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:05,279 Speaker 1: the problem for the solution. And I think I tend 902 00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:09,719 Speaker 1: to conflate that with I need to be honest and authentic. 903 00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:12,880 Speaker 1: So sometimes we conflate over sharing with I'm gonna be 904 00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:14,640 Speaker 1: authentic and I'm gonna set a boundary and I'm gonna 905 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:16,080 Speaker 1: tell them how I feel and I'm gonna be honest. 906 00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:19,680 Speaker 1: That's not always healthy communication. Agreed, we say restrain a 907 00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,400 Speaker 1: pen and tongue, like you like, if you're my problem, 908 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:24,120 Speaker 1: I'm not going to come to you and expect you 909 00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:25,759 Speaker 1: to have the solution. You know, So I have a 910 00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:27,640 Speaker 1: problem with my family, I might go to my friends 911 00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:30,000 Speaker 1: or my program or my you know, Jay Chetty book 912 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:31,800 Speaker 1: or whatever it is, or my podcast to get a solution, 913 00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:34,000 Speaker 1: and then I'll bring that solution to the relationship. And 914 00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,239 Speaker 1: the solution might be to say nothing, yeah, and to 915 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:39,120 Speaker 1: have just dealt with to forgive, or to turn it over, 916 00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:42,280 Speaker 1: or to go for a run or take a nap, 917 00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:45,840 Speaker 1: or you know, join us twelve step program or something. 918 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:48,600 Speaker 1: Chances are the person you have a conflict can't solve 919 00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:51,919 Speaker 1: the conflict for you, well said, because that's their issue 920 00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,000 Speaker 1: in the first time. Yeah, you solve the conflict with them, 921 00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:56,000 Speaker 1: but they're not going to solve it for you. One 922 00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,560 Speaker 1: of my favorite tools in the relationships chapter is something 923 00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:00,200 Speaker 1: that we had to do a lot as monks, where 924 00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:02,640 Speaker 1: you're very careful about the words you use because you 925 00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:06,040 Speaker 1: realize how much power each word has. And so there's 926 00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,520 Speaker 1: a great study by Harvard which you can type in 927 00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,840 Speaker 1: on Google. It's called the List of emotions, and I 928 00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:14,120 Speaker 1: often refer to as emotional vocabulary. So all of us 929 00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:17,040 Speaker 1: have a very limited emotional vocabulary. We literally use five 930 00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:20,680 Speaker 1: words okay, good, bad, fine, Right, So it's like, how's 931 00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:23,160 Speaker 1: your weak going, Okay, how's your David good? And so 932 00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:26,800 Speaker 1: this list of emotions by Harvard goes through each keyword 933 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:29,600 Speaker 1: that we say most often and breaks it down into 934 00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:32,440 Speaker 1: like seven other words that actually define what it means. 935 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:35,319 Speaker 1: So when you say you're sad, are you actually offended? 936 00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:37,719 Speaker 1: Are you irritated? Are you upset? And it gives you 937 00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,960 Speaker 1: all of these synonyms, but it's helping you diagnose and 938 00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,840 Speaker 1: articulate how you actually feel. So when you do approach someone, 939 00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:46,600 Speaker 1: you're actually coming from a place of giving them clarity. 940 00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:49,040 Speaker 1: Because half the time you diagnose yourself wrong. It's like 941 00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:50,680 Speaker 1: you see a little rash and you try and diagnose 942 00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:52,640 Speaker 1: yourself on Google and you've got it all yeah, and 943 00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:54,200 Speaker 1: you get it all wrong. So it's the same thing. 944 00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:58,160 Speaker 1: So it's so important to use words where you've got 945 00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:00,560 Speaker 1: really close to what you actually feel. That's the only 946 00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:03,080 Speaker 1: way someone can active. And it's not the other person's 947 00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:06,880 Speaker 1: job to cipher it. It's your job to be clear. 948 00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:09,040 Speaker 1: It's your job to say it right. It's not their 949 00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:10,960 Speaker 1: job to be psychic and figure it out. And you're 950 00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,960 Speaker 1: an adult, it's your responsibility to use the right words. 951 00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:16,200 Speaker 1: And you're in a conflict, and the positive words too, 952 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:19,320 Speaker 1: like it's it's defining also like, for example, when someone 953 00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:21,880 Speaker 1: says I love you, they might mean I want to 954 00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:23,880 Speaker 1: spend the night with you. And someone says I love you, 955 00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:25,439 Speaker 1: and they're like, I want to spend my life with you. 956 00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:28,040 Speaker 1: Those are two very different. And so when you hear 957 00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:31,680 Speaker 1: the word love, you're projecting your belief of the definition 958 00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:34,080 Speaker 1: of the word love onto that person saying it, and 959 00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,560 Speaker 1: you go, I love you too, And you've just have 960 00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:38,839 Speaker 1: not agreed on the definition of that, correct, And you've 961 00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:41,799 Speaker 1: just projected your definition on what you said and they said, 962 00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:44,040 Speaker 1: and you said that it met in your head, yes, 963 00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,520 Speaker 1: because your word definition was off. And I know that 964 00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:48,520 Speaker 1: sounds crazy, because when someone says I love You're not 965 00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:50,640 Speaker 1: gonna be like, well, let's define what you mean. And 966 00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:52,759 Speaker 1: did a whole bit on I love you and what 967 00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:54,760 Speaker 1: it means, Oh, I love it. I have to agree 968 00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:56,960 Speaker 1: on a common definition of love. And I think my 969 00:44:57,080 --> 00:45:00,239 Speaker 1: definition of love is being willing to die for someone 970 00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:04,040 Speaker 1: that you yourself want to kill. I think that sort 971 00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:06,480 Speaker 1: it was, But it's also a lot of times I 972 00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:08,759 Speaker 1: love you means shut up, like I love you, I 973 00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:11,360 Speaker 1: love you, I mean. We use it to manipulate, we 974 00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,560 Speaker 1: use it to tell someone to come down I love you, baby, 975 00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:16,000 Speaker 1: I love you, Okay, I love you like. We use 976 00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:18,840 Speaker 1: it a lot, it's thrown around a lot. Yeah, you 977 00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:22,600 Speaker 1: know you have totally desert if you can find it, 978 00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:24,480 Speaker 1: good luck. Um. What do you do when you have 979 00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:27,000 Speaker 1: to make a big decision? Ay, I reflect privately. B. 980 00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:29,840 Speaker 1: I ask my mentors and guide see, I weigh the 981 00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:31,800 Speaker 1: pros and cons D I talk to family and friends. 982 00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:35,719 Speaker 1: I'm really bad at making big decisions. I get very overwhelmed. 983 00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:38,520 Speaker 1: But I usually think, if it's not a hell, yes, 984 00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:41,040 Speaker 1: it's a no. Like it's the answers usually no. For 985 00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:45,520 Speaker 1: any decision. For me, it's usually no. But it also 986 00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:48,359 Speaker 1: depends on who. If it's an authority figure I have 987 00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:52,440 Speaker 1: to tell, I'll sort of get scared that they're going 988 00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:53,840 Speaker 1: to be mad at me, and I've to sort of 989 00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:56,760 Speaker 1: worked through that. And then I'll ask mentors and guides, 990 00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:58,480 Speaker 1: what do you think I should do? I'll outsource the 991 00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:02,440 Speaker 1: decision to someone that's not because I get too emotional. Interesting, 992 00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:06,120 Speaker 1: I go private minds. The first one I reflect privately, Yeah, 993 00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:08,719 Speaker 1: I need to. Like I found that getting away from 994 00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:13,839 Speaker 1: noise and everyone's opinions and expectations and messages, because then 995 00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:16,040 Speaker 1: that starts messing with how I feel, and now what 996 00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:18,319 Speaker 1: I feel is made up of everyone else's feelings, yes, 997 00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:20,799 Speaker 1: and I don't like that. And then you've recruited a 998 00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,600 Speaker 1: bunch of people and now they're invested in you executing 999 00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:26,239 Speaker 1: what their advice correct, and so I don't enjoy that 1000 00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:27,879 Speaker 1: at all. And so I'm like, I want to take 1001 00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:30,960 Speaker 1: all my own responsibility, but that requires me to get 1002 00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:33,759 Speaker 1: away and make my mind up about something, and then 1003 00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:35,560 Speaker 1: I come back with my version, and then I'll check 1004 00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:37,359 Speaker 1: in with mentors and guys, because sometimes when you ask 1005 00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:39,239 Speaker 1: too many people and they give you their advice, you're like, oh, 1006 00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:41,200 Speaker 1: I don't want to not take their advice. Yeah yeah, 1007 00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,839 Speaker 1: and then like I want message him again because I'm 1008 00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:46,279 Speaker 1: taking their advice. I can like judge me, Guys, I 1009 00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:48,319 Speaker 1: spent an hour of your time and I'm not even 1010 00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:50,719 Speaker 1: taking too And that's my worst nightmare. I was like, No, 1011 00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:54,680 Speaker 1: definitely not that interesting, okay. Last one which best describes 1012 00:46:54,719 --> 00:46:56,960 Speaker 1: your daily routine. A it changes moment to moment. BE 1013 00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,239 Speaker 1: it's very focused and organized to see I follow the 1014 00:46:59,239 --> 00:47:04,319 Speaker 1: best opportunity that comes up. D It's simple and scheduled. Oh, 1015 00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:08,640 Speaker 1: I mean you're a D you're a simple and scheduled 1016 00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:13,919 Speaker 1: that's the healthiest I would say. I'm gonna be honest, 1017 00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:15,560 Speaker 1: I wish it was simple and scheduled, but I do 1018 00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:17,800 Speaker 1: think it changes moment to moment because I'm so easily 1019 00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:19,719 Speaker 1: distracted and I can never figure out how to use 1020 00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:22,600 Speaker 1: drop box, So I spend I think my day's schedule 1021 00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:24,040 Speaker 1: and then I spend half of it trying to download 1022 00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:26,400 Speaker 1: a video. Yeah, and then I'm like I need to 1023 00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:29,799 Speaker 1: fire everyone. Yeah. I think it's it changes moment to moment, 1024 00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:33,279 Speaker 1: and I would like to work on that. Because I'm delusional. 1025 00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:37,040 Speaker 1: I tell myself it's simple and scheduled, but it's not. Yeah, 1026 00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:38,759 Speaker 1: that's great, so you accept and then you go, okay, 1027 00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,480 Speaker 1: this one I want, let's pave away, rather than being like, 1028 00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,239 Speaker 1: oh yeah, it simple and scheduled. Like you know, like 1029 00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:46,080 Speaker 1: people tell themselves things to try to convince themselves, Like 1030 00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:49,080 Speaker 1: when people look, I'm not crazy, and you're like, that's 1031 00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:52,279 Speaker 1: literally what a crazy person says to try to prove 1032 00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:54,919 Speaker 1: to themselves that they're not crazy. And you just made 1033 00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:57,319 Speaker 1: me realize that. I say things about myself like well, 1034 00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,080 Speaker 1: I'm just so organized and like I run a tight 1035 00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:02,839 Speaker 1: ship and it's like, I say that, but it's not 1036 00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:07,080 Speaker 1: necessarily true. It's called in Steve Jobs's book, Walter Risingson 1037 00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:10,560 Speaker 1: called it reality distortion field, and so you have the 1038 00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:13,960 Speaker 1: ability to distort reality based on how you want to 1039 00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:16,040 Speaker 1: see it, and so you can get as extreme as 1040 00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:19,359 Speaker 1: when it's said that when Steve Jobs denied having a child, 1041 00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:22,719 Speaker 1: for example, it was referred to as that in the book. 1042 00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:25,279 Speaker 1: At least, that's how far it can go, where if 1043 00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:29,000 Speaker 1: you want to remove something out of your memory or life, 1044 00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:31,120 Speaker 1: then you just block it out. I do it with 1045 00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:33,040 Speaker 1: money too. Oh. I think we all do that, Like, 1046 00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:35,160 Speaker 1: we all have it to some degree, we all practice 1047 00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,160 Speaker 1: it all the time. And I think having people who 1048 00:48:37,239 --> 00:48:39,800 Speaker 1: can catch you on those blind spots, or doing activities 1049 00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:41,960 Speaker 1: and exercises that make you aware of those blind spots 1050 00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:44,160 Speaker 1: as useful. It's like people who are like, I hate drama, 1051 00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:47,080 Speaker 1: and you're like, you love drama. Oh my god, you're 1052 00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:50,040 Speaker 1: obsessed with drama. You love it. Well. Attachment and a version. 1053 00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:51,719 Speaker 1: In the Bugga Gita, it says the two sides of 1054 00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,320 Speaker 1: the same coin. So when you say I love something 1055 00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:57,640 Speaker 1: or I hate something, it's the same level of attachment. 1056 00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:00,160 Speaker 1: So in the sense of like we were always train 1057 00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:03,040 Speaker 1: as monks that like being a monk, and a lot 1058 00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:04,600 Speaker 1: of people get it wrong. And obviously there are female 1059 00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:06,000 Speaker 1: monks too, but a lot of people think, oh, if 1060 00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:07,360 Speaker 1: you're monks, then maybe you just don't want to be 1061 00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:09,400 Speaker 1: with women or you don't like women. Actually, that cannot 1062 00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:12,160 Speaker 1: be a reason for being a monk. You can't dislike 1063 00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:15,640 Speaker 1: women to be a monk. Like hate or lust are 1064 00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,640 Speaker 1: almost two sides of the same coin. Where it's still 1065 00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:20,600 Speaker 1: that you're still completely wrapped up in it because that's 1066 00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:22,960 Speaker 1: still all you think about. Don't forget that because I 1067 00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:24,600 Speaker 1: want to come back to that. But we should finish 1068 00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:26,680 Speaker 1: what Let's see what did I win? What do I 1069 00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:28,400 Speaker 1: win for being? So? I don't know. We need to 1070 00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:31,239 Speaker 1: count answer key to tell your answers. Now, the most 1071 00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:34,360 Speaker 1: selected letter reflects your runner. Yeah, I think I was 1072 00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,400 Speaker 1: a maker. So you can be a guide, a leader, creator, 1073 00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:38,080 Speaker 1: and a maker. Can you just tell me what those 1074 00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:40,719 Speaker 1: mean real quick? Yeah. So, a guide is someone that 1075 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:45,880 Speaker 1: is who absolutely loves dealing in thought ideas, thinkers, ideats, 1076 00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:48,880 Speaker 1: people who are always like basically on a very intellectual 1077 00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:52,360 Speaker 1: and mental level, leaders of people who are always considering others, 1078 00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:55,439 Speaker 1: wanting to protect wanting to provide a good president would 1079 00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:58,000 Speaker 1: be a leader. In terms of a personality trait, they 1080 00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:01,240 Speaker 1: have the ability to think beyond themselves. Creators a people 1081 00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,880 Speaker 1: who just want to build grow make great entrepreneurs. Makers 1082 00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:08,320 Speaker 1: are talented people, artists, people who perform, people who also 1083 00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:10,279 Speaker 1: work great with their hands. They may even do arts 1084 00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:13,560 Speaker 1: and crafts. People who are fantastic at invention. So those 1085 00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:15,439 Speaker 1: are very quick versions of what they are, and there's 1086 00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,560 Speaker 1: deep ones in the book. Do you love this? I 1087 00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:19,280 Speaker 1: think you should. I think this is something you should 1088 00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:21,520 Speaker 1: do like every like a couple months. Do you know 1089 00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:23,799 Speaker 1: what I mean? Too? See how you evolve? That's the 1090 00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:25,640 Speaker 1: other thing, because it's like I think I'm big on 1091 00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:28,640 Speaker 1: growing and changing and like changing your mind and changing 1092 00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:30,560 Speaker 1: your opinions. And you know, I think there's this like 1093 00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:32,759 Speaker 1: thing now where people like I'm this type of person. 1094 00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:35,960 Speaker 1: It's like, why would you want to stay that way? 1095 00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:37,920 Speaker 1: You know? Why would you want to get new information 1096 00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:41,520 Speaker 1: and keep your former opinion. It's actually exhausting to try 1097 00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:45,800 Speaker 1: and stay the same because you just constantly like trying 1098 00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:48,560 Speaker 1: to hold on to something that's trying to change. What 1099 00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:51,520 Speaker 1: are you going to do? What's next? I have to 1100 00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:54,880 Speaker 1: let you go. You have nine one hundred other podcasts today. No, 1101 00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:59,719 Speaker 1: easily easily the hardest person to schedule easy, well, no 1102 00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:01,520 Speaker 1: being like no, no, I don't mean that. I just 1103 00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:04,879 Speaker 1: mean you're you're the man. No, No, A good thing. No, 1104 00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:07,239 Speaker 1: I this was so much fun. First of all, we're 1105 00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:10,200 Speaker 1: friends now. Yeah, I've been looking forward to this because 1106 00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:13,239 Speaker 1: I'm a huge fan and Admira and I watch you 1107 00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:14,640 Speaker 1: all the time and thank you hilarious. And when I 1108 00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:17,040 Speaker 1: saw that you liked my work, I was like what 1109 00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:19,040 Speaker 1: I was so like when it comes to like like 1110 00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,759 Speaker 1: I was, I just never imagined that you would even 1111 00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:24,520 Speaker 1: care what I did, And so then I was just like, oh, 1112 00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:27,560 Speaker 1: this is so cool. And the way this conversation is 1113 00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:30,359 Speaker 1: going has shown me exactly why, Like, I really love 1114 00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:33,520 Speaker 1: how you went about this, and it excites me so 1115 00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:36,680 Speaker 1: much that I got to share what I do in 1116 00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:40,000 Speaker 1: a way that hopefully connection resonates with everyone you connect 1117 00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:42,640 Speaker 1: and resonate with, and more importantly, that we've built a 1118 00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:45,239 Speaker 1: relationship through it. So when I saw you were looking 1119 00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:47,320 Speaker 1: at my work and stuff, because I've been listening everyone 1120 00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,799 Speaker 1: and your friends with everyone else that I've followed in 1121 00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:51,439 Speaker 1: Love and Ell and I was just like no way 1122 00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:53,680 Speaker 1: like and so anyway, I was very uh, I was 1123 00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:55,520 Speaker 1: very humbled and taking them back when you took an 1124 00:51:55,520 --> 00:52:00,160 Speaker 1: interest in conspired to bring us together, and my all 1125 00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:02,560 Speaker 1: was to be able to maybe do something. This was 1126 00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:06,320 Speaker 1: the most unique interview style and doing that that was genius. 1127 00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:08,520 Speaker 1: And I'm glad because I literally I don't think I 1128 00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:12,799 Speaker 1: said anything in his interview that said anywhere else. I'm 1129 00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:16,040 Speaker 1: so glad. Yeah, I think, like among anything else, you 1130 00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:20,080 Speaker 1: want to end these very awkwardly perfect don't write elephants, 1131 00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:27,000 Speaker 1: don't write dolphins. Great. Thank you so much for listening 1132 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:29,840 Speaker 1: to that episode. Make sure you tag me on Instagram 1133 00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:31,759 Speaker 1: when you share it and pass it along to a 1134 00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:34,600 Speaker 1: friend who's a Whitney Cummings fan or a fan of 1135 00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:37,960 Speaker 1: learning about themselves. Thank you so much for being here 1136 00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,960 Speaker 1: again today, and I'll see you again for another episode 1137 00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:42,240 Speaker 1: of On Purpose.