1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:04,640 Speaker 1: Hey, Betrayal fans, I have exciting news to share. Season 2 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:07,440 Speaker 1: three of Betrayal is now a docu series on Hulu. 3 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,720 Speaker 1: It's the gripping story of Stacy Tyler and the doctor 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,840 Speaker 1: who betrayed them. See the voices You've come to know 5 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,520 Speaker 1: in Betrayal Under his Eye, streaming now on Hulu. 6 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 2: It was just my daughter and me, the TV and 7 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:26,600 Speaker 2: the laundry, and I just remember being on the ground, 8 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:31,400 Speaker 2: totally hyperventilating, having the only panic attack I've ever had 9 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:35,440 Speaker 2: in my life. If this could be true, and I 10 00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:41,520 Speaker 2: could have no idea, how on earth would I ever 11 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 2: know who the monsters were. 12 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 1: I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about 13 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:05,600 Speaker 1: the people we trust the most and the deceptions that 14 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 1: change everything. Today, we have a story about family, about 15 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:16,560 Speaker 1: what it means to love someone and to lose them, 16 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:20,520 Speaker 1: not to death, but to something much harder to talk about. 17 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 2: In some ways, it feels harder to grieve for a 18 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:26,760 Speaker 2: person who isn't dead. 19 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:31,880 Speaker 1: That's doctor Jill Stoddard. She's a clinical psychologist, a mother, 20 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 1: a woman with a close knit family and what she 21 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,640 Speaker 1: always thought was a safe, ordinary childhood. 22 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:45,039 Speaker 2: So I grew up in a suburb of Boston, stereotypical, 23 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 2: middle class, waspy kind of upbringing. Mom was always home 24 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,520 Speaker 2: when we got home from school, and even though Dad 25 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 2: worked hard, he was always home by six o'clock for dinner, 26 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 2: so it felt like a very normal, intact family. 27 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 1: Jill was the oldest. Then came her brother John, who 28 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 1: was two years younger, and then when Jill was seven, 29 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:07,880 Speaker 1: her youngest brother was born. 30 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 2: When my little brother was born, my mom would always say, well, 31 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,639 Speaker 2: we can't very well name you Jill, John and Bob. 32 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,240 Speaker 3: It just doesn't sound good. 33 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:22,080 Speaker 2: And so she named him jim And then all of 34 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 2: our you know, holiday cards, everything from that point on, 35 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 2: whenever my parents signed it, it was their first names 36 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 2: and the three jas. 37 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:34,519 Speaker 1: From the time he was a baby, Jimmy stood out 38 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:36,200 Speaker 1: in the best way. 39 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:41,880 Speaker 2: We were all very average looking brunettes, brown hair, brown eyes, 40 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:46,560 Speaker 2: and he had this bright orange hair and bright blue 41 00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:52,440 Speaker 2: eyes and freckles, and you know, he was so just 42 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:53,959 Speaker 2: stunning looking and adorable. 43 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 3: I feel like he kind of always had a little 44 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:56,359 Speaker 3: bit of drool on. 45 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:59,640 Speaker 2: His face for some reason when he was little, and 46 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:03,520 Speaker 2: people would stop us on the street to comment on 47 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,720 Speaker 2: his hair and how cute he was. 48 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 1: Jill adored her little brother. He wasn't just a cute baby, 49 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:12,800 Speaker 1: he was a happy baby. 50 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 2: He was just this like very lovable, goofy, funny little guy. 51 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 2: And one of his favorite things that he would do 52 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 2: on command is we would say happy face, and he 53 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,120 Speaker 2: would make this like very big, bright, smiley happy face, 54 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 2: and though we'd say mad face, and then he'd make 55 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:36,120 Speaker 2: this very mad face and it just cracked us up. 56 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 1: As he got older, Jimmy clearly looked up to Jill 57 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: and John. They would lovingly tease him, and he played 58 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:44,520 Speaker 1: along too. 59 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 2: We would yell the word servant, like servant, and then 60 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 2: you would hear bitter better, bitter better, bitter better, bitter better, 61 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 2: and he would just come running and you'd say, go 62 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 2: make me some chocolate milk, and he would like happily 63 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,119 Speaker 2: go run and make chocolate milk. 64 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 3: Because he he was like just happy to be included. 65 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:04,080 Speaker 2: You know. 66 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: When the family got a camcorder, the kids' film skits 67 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 1: and commercials. 68 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 2: One of the skits we would do was mister Rogers, 69 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,440 Speaker 2: and he would play mister mcpheey and ring the doorbell 70 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 2: and say speedy delivery, speedy delivery, and was just like 71 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 2: always up for anything. 72 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,880 Speaker 1: Having Jimmy intew made everything more fun. Besides his red hair, 73 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: Jimmy's most defining feature was his laugh. Not only was 74 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 1: he hilarious, but he laughed really easily, and that just 75 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,680 Speaker 1: always felt so good that even if you're not a 76 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 1: person that everyone thinks of as being really funny, when 77 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,720 Speaker 1: you were with him, you felt really funny. Despite their 78 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:53,720 Speaker 1: seven year age difference, Jill loved his company. I don't 79 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 1: ever remember there being a time where I was like, 80 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:59,680 Speaker 1: you're annoying, get away from me. I think even as 81 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,560 Speaker 1: we both got older, he was still my baby brother, 82 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:07,160 Speaker 1: and we were very, very close, and he was always 83 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:12,120 Speaker 1: just sweet and fun and funny. And I'm sure that 84 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:15,000 Speaker 1: there were probably times that, you know, I closed my 85 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,640 Speaker 1: door and was like, get away from me, But those 86 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:22,440 Speaker 1: moments aren't the ones she remembers. When Jill thinks back 87 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 1: on her childhood, there's Jimmy in the frame every time, 88 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:30,920 Speaker 1: with his messy red hair and his huge smile. Because 89 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,360 Speaker 1: Jimmy was the baby, Jill says, he got away with 90 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:34,799 Speaker 1: a lot. 91 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,680 Speaker 2: Our parents were a fair amount more permissive with him, 92 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,960 Speaker 2: which I think is pretty typical of their children. Maybe 93 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,840 Speaker 2: because you're tired by the time you have a third 94 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 2: child coming along, you're older, kind of like been there, 95 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,200 Speaker 2: done that, You're like less worried, less anxious. 96 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 1: As Jimmy got older, he got in. 97 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,800 Speaker 2: Trouble more often than we did. And a lot of 98 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:59,200 Speaker 2: the things he got in trouble for were not things 99 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:03,039 Speaker 2: that my middle brother and I weren't also doing. He 100 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 2: just got caught more frequently than we did. Their mom 101 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,839 Speaker 2: had a hypothesis about why Jimmy always seemed to get 102 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:13,600 Speaker 2: in trouble at school. The teacher's writing on the chalkboard 103 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,599 Speaker 2: and all the little kids in class are chit chatting, 104 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:18,280 Speaker 2: and she turns around to see who the culprit is, 105 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:22,080 Speaker 2: and you're looking at a sea of brown and blonde heads. 106 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:25,279 Speaker 2: You know, your eyes are naturally drawn to the bright, 107 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 2: orange haired kid. 108 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 1: There was some sense in it, but it didn't explain 109 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,560 Speaker 1: why Jimmy was falling behind in school. 110 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 2: At some point, my mom told me that she had 111 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,160 Speaker 2: all three of us IQ tested. She never told us 112 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,920 Speaker 2: the results or the scores, but she did tell us 113 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 2: that Jimmy had the highest IQ, which is not surprising, 114 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:52,279 Speaker 2: like he was very naturally intelligent, but he probably did 115 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,119 Speaker 2: the worst in school, which I would guess is probably 116 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 2: because he had untreated ADHD until he was in high school, 117 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:02,040 Speaker 2: and then by then, you know, I think when you 118 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:05,560 Speaker 2: have a history of like kind of always doing the 119 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 2: wrong thing because you have untreated ADHD, you sort of 120 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 2: stopped trying to do the right thing. 121 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 1: By high school, Jimmy developed a pattern of making excuses. 122 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,520 Speaker 1: It was hard to tell what was just Jimmy being 123 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 1: Jimmy and what was cause for concern. But Jill was 124 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:28,120 Speaker 1: hardly around for those years because she left for college 125 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 1: when Jimmy was eleven. She studied psychology because she wanted 126 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,559 Speaker 1: to know how people tick. She called her parents every 127 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 1: week and they would give her updates about Jimmy. She 128 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:42,160 Speaker 1: remembers one story in particular that gave her pause. 129 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:46,239 Speaker 2: He got in a fight with a classmate in high school. 130 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:50,520 Speaker 2: I don't remember why, and we like smashed a tennis racket. 131 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 2: I think he might have physically assaulted the kid, because 132 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,240 Speaker 2: I remember my dad saying that the family was threatening 133 00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:01,120 Speaker 2: to sue. So it was more than just angry outburst 134 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 2: that ruined a tennis racket. And so that kind of 135 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:08,120 Speaker 2: thing was like the start of us seeing there's something 136 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 2: going on with him at the time, Jill was focused 137 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:16,640 Speaker 2: on getting her master's degree, and despite being a troublemaker 138 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 2: in high school, Jimmy ended up getting accepted to the 139 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 2: same college as his two older siblings. I think I 140 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,000 Speaker 2: thought of it at the time as like, I'm not 141 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:29,200 Speaker 2: his mom, I'm his sister, Like it's not my job 142 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:33,240 Speaker 2: to figure out how to get him in line. When 143 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:36,400 Speaker 2: Jill was accepted into a PhD program, it meant she 144 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 2: would need to move back to Boston, so she packed 145 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 2: up to move across the country. On the way, she 146 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 2: planned to stop at her parents' house for the night. 147 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,680 Speaker 2: I had driven cross country with my boyfriend at the time, 148 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,720 Speaker 2: and we ended up arriving one day ahead of schedule. 149 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 2: And we arrived at night to my parents' house, and 150 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,640 Speaker 2: my parents must have been out of town for some reason, 151 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 2: and Jimmy was having party and I walked into the 152 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:05,360 Speaker 2: kitchen and there was cocaine on the table. You know, 153 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 2: there's a rolled up dollar bill. 154 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:11,839 Speaker 1: She'd never seen cocaine in real life. Jimmy told her 155 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 1: to relax. He was twenty at the time. It's not 156 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,720 Speaker 1: like he was a child. But to me, no matter 157 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 1: how old we got, he was always my baby brother 158 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 1: and so it just felt very shocking. As Jill started 159 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 1: her PhD program, Jimmy was in college. 160 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:36,280 Speaker 2: This was a time where I was working twelve hours 161 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,920 Speaker 2: a day, seven days a week. There was always some 162 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,960 Speaker 2: thirty five page paper due. But as busy as she was, 163 00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 2: she wouldn't miss Jimmy's college graduation. When the time came, 164 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,920 Speaker 2: she bought a plane ticket and traveled a few states north. 165 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 2: I have no time and no money, but this was 166 00:09:57,679 --> 00:10:00,439 Speaker 2: a really big deal that he was graduating, and so 167 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 2: my entire family flew out and got up early and 168 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,280 Speaker 2: were sitting in the auditorium waiting for him to cross 169 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:12,080 Speaker 2: the stage. They're reading the names alphabetically, and they go 170 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:16,880 Speaker 2: right past where he should have been, and we waited 171 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 2: and were very confused, and he never walked across the stage. 172 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,240 Speaker 2: The family got in their rental car and drove to 173 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:27,679 Speaker 2: Jimmy's apartment concerned, so we knocked on the door. He 174 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,880 Speaker 2: answered the door, looking very sleepy. All the lights were off, 175 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 2: and he started ranting about his stupid, effing roommate who 176 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 2: must have turned off his alarm. And we were so upset. 177 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,880 Speaker 2: We spent all this time and money and effort to 178 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,760 Speaker 2: get out to this big event, and like he couldn't 179 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 2: even be responsible enough to show up to the graduation. 180 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:52,880 Speaker 2: You know, it turned into a fight and we decided 181 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:56,000 Speaker 2: to go home early. It just felt like it was 182 00:10:56,040 --> 00:11:00,240 Speaker 2: an escalation of irresponsibility and unreliability. 183 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:05,679 Speaker 1: Their family wondered if Jimmy actually graduated at all. Her 184 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,640 Speaker 1: parents asked him directly, and he said, no, no, I 185 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:12,079 Speaker 1: definitely graduated, and they had no way of proving it. 186 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,000 Speaker 3: They're paying for. 187 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 2: His school, but they don't have access to his school records, 188 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,600 Speaker 2: so there was nothing they could really do to confirm 189 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,559 Speaker 2: whether this was the truth. And I think ultimately they 190 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,680 Speaker 2: just opted to believe them. 191 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:29,880 Speaker 1: But Jill still had her suspicions about what really happened 192 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:34,520 Speaker 1: that weekend. It was years later and we were having 193 00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 1: fun and having drinks and I asked him, I said, 194 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 1: tell me the truth, like what was the real story? 195 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,199 Speaker 1: Did you graduate? And he was like, well, don't tell 196 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:46,920 Speaker 1: mom and dad, But no, I didn't graduate. So the 197 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:51,480 Speaker 1: whole thing was actually premeditated, and the lie about the 198 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:52,600 Speaker 1: alarm clock. 199 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:57,360 Speaker 2: And his ire that how dare we leave him when 200 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:02,080 Speaker 2: this wasn't his fault? It was an act all along. 201 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:07,800 Speaker 2: He knew that he wasn't graduating. That conversation made Jilsey 202 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:12,040 Speaker 2: her brother a little differently. Before this moment, she knew 203 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,960 Speaker 2: he could be irresponsible, but she didn't know he had 204 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,480 Speaker 2: the capacity to lie like this. I had a pretty 205 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:23,880 Speaker 2: complicated emotional reaction to that. I was really angry. It 206 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,000 Speaker 2: was sort of like, how dare you? Like, how can 207 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:27,640 Speaker 2: you do. 208 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,200 Speaker 3: This to us? You know? 209 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:32,640 Speaker 2: I think the anger was the thing that was covering 210 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:38,360 Speaker 2: the harder emotion, which was like fear, fear of who 211 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,960 Speaker 2: her brother really was and what he was capable of. 212 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:48,360 Speaker 2: So after his fake graduation from college, I remember him 213 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,360 Speaker 2: kind of like job jumping a fair amount because he 214 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,080 Speaker 2: always had a terrible boss, you know, that kind of thing. 215 00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:56,960 Speaker 2: And that was kind of the extent that my middle 216 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,400 Speaker 2: brother and I knew. 217 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,679 Speaker 1: Became an arborist, a tree expert, and he started his 218 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 1: own landscaping business. 219 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:10,040 Speaker 2: He ended up moving back to New England and lived 220 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:14,319 Speaker 2: in the same town as my middle brother and his family, 221 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 2: and so they started to see more of him and 222 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 2: to see some behaviors that were concerning. He was going 223 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,760 Speaker 2: to go out and get his truck washed, and he'd 224 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:30,559 Speaker 2: be gone for hours and then he would come back 225 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,120 Speaker 2: and his truck wouldn't be washed, but he would never 226 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,720 Speaker 2: explain where he was or what he was doing. 227 00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 1: Every year, there'd be one good visit with Jimmy and 228 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:46,080 Speaker 1: one visit where Jimmy was clearly up to something. 229 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 2: Despite the irresponsibility and the frustration, I still adored him 230 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:57,640 Speaker 2: and we were still very cloth like. I was frustrated 231 00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:01,840 Speaker 2: by his behavior, but pretty quick to forgive him. And 232 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,600 Speaker 2: partly that's because he's my baby brother, and he wasn't 233 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:09,959 Speaker 2: always like that, and that cute, little, sweet and enthusiastic 234 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,960 Speaker 2: and happy little boy like he was still that in 235 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 2: so many ways. I even remember, while I was in 236 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,920 Speaker 2: graduate school having a conversation with one of my friends 237 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,400 Speaker 2: that classic question of like, if you were going to 238 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 2: be stranded on a desert island with five people, who 239 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,520 Speaker 2: would be on your island? 240 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,160 Speaker 3: And he was at the top of my list. 241 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 1: Jimmy was there when Jill got married in Vegas. It 242 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 1: was an intimate wedding, a house party, but the next 243 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 1: morning Jimmy was taking someone to the airport and he 244 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,960 Speaker 1: disappeared for hours, and when he finally came back, he 245 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 1: was like sweaty and anxious and claimed it was because 246 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,600 Speaker 1: he was lost I just remember my brother, my sister 247 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,680 Speaker 1: in law, my husband, and I all being like, something 248 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,640 Speaker 1: is going on here, no idea what it is, but 249 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:20,880 Speaker 1: it's got to be drugs. Right after years of Jimmy's 250 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:25,080 Speaker 1: strange behavior, Jill and her other brother, John assumed that 251 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,680 Speaker 1: he must be secretly using drugs. It was the only 252 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:34,760 Speaker 1: logical explanation. By twenty thirteen, Jill had achieved some big 253 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 1: life milestones. 254 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:39,960 Speaker 2: I was working as a professor in a graduate school 255 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 2: for psychology. My daughter had just turned one, and I 256 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 2: was working on my very first book. 257 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 1: One day, she was home alone with her infant daughter. 258 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:57,680 Speaker 2: I was in my family room TV on, daughters playing 259 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:02,320 Speaker 2: on the floor, and I was folding laundry, and I 260 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:06,440 Speaker 2: got a text message from John that said he was 261 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,640 Speaker 2: on his way to go bail Jimmy out of jail. 262 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,800 Speaker 2: And of course we're speculating back and forth, what do 263 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,160 Speaker 2: you think this is. It's got to be drugs because 264 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 2: this was on the heels of some of this bizarre, 265 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:22,440 Speaker 2: suspicious behavior. So we thought, okay, this is our confirmation 266 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,600 Speaker 2: he's using drugs. I was like, all right, just keep 267 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:29,160 Speaker 2: me posted, and so he started texting me with updates 268 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 2: as he got them. I don't remember what all the 269 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,320 Speaker 2: texts said, but I do remember the one that came 270 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:42,400 Speaker 2: through that said, it's a class felony. A felony either 271 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:46,360 Speaker 2: he has like a large amount or he was distributing 272 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:47,120 Speaker 2: or selling. 273 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,840 Speaker 1: But then Jill got the text that changed her life. 274 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 1: The police had confiscated Jimmy's computer and they'd found photos 275 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,280 Speaker 1: of underage girls. 276 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:06,320 Speaker 2: What made it a felony was that the children in 277 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:12,040 Speaker 2: the images were clearly under the age of twelve, they 278 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:17,199 Speaker 2: were pre pubescent. And I remember like falling to the 279 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:21,400 Speaker 2: ground having the only panic attack I've ever had in 280 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,199 Speaker 2: my life. My husband wasn't home, and it was just 281 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,919 Speaker 2: my daughter and me, the TV and the laundry, and 282 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:33,360 Speaker 2: I just remember being on the ground, totally hyperventilating. Oh 283 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,600 Speaker 2: this to this day, so it's been twelve years. I 284 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:44,399 Speaker 2: just remember feeling so panicked that if this could be 285 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 2: true about my brother, and I could have no idea 286 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,919 Speaker 2: how on earth was I ever going to keep my 287 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,480 Speaker 2: daughter safe, How on earth would I ever know. 288 00:17:59,040 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 3: Who the monster. 289 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:08,640 Speaker 1: Jimmy insisted that he'd been framed, just. 290 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,880 Speaker 2: Like he told us, he graduated and his alarm didn't 291 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:15,119 Speaker 2: go off. We didn't believe anything he was saying. Jill 292 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,119 Speaker 2: formed an alliance with her sister in law, John's wife, 293 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,399 Speaker 2: and so she and I we would get on the 294 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,760 Speaker 2: phone for hours and hours and hours and talk about 295 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,679 Speaker 2: all of the sat nauseum because we were on the 296 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:30,199 Speaker 2: same page and we were both new moms. All we 297 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:33,080 Speaker 2: cared about was making sure that our kids were safe. 298 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 2: Nothing else mattered. So my sister in law ended up 299 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:43,160 Speaker 2: actually going to the courthouse to get access to whatever 300 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,440 Speaker 2: records were public, and so she was able to see 301 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:50,600 Speaker 2: what the arrest was for. It listed the file names 302 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,960 Speaker 2: of the content that they found on his computer. 303 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,159 Speaker 1: It wasn't a lot of information, but it was enough. 304 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:03,080 Speaker 1: These were photos girls as young as six. Jimmy had 305 00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:06,879 Speaker 1: photoshopped himself into some of the images. But when it 306 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,639 Speaker 1: came to his sentencing. 307 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:13,240 Speaker 2: The consequences were not significant. I think he maybe spent 308 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:18,040 Speaker 2: a couple weeks incarcerated and then he was on the 309 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,160 Speaker 2: sex offender registry. 310 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,280 Speaker 1: To Jill, it seemed like a slap on the wrist, 311 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,360 Speaker 1: but the inner personal cost was immeasurable. 312 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:32,720 Speaker 2: Because after Jimmy's arrest, our family kind of fell apart. 313 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,520 Speaker 1: A stark divide formed in the family. Jill, her husband 314 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: and her sister in law wanted to cut Jimmy out 315 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:46,399 Speaker 1: of their lives, but her parents weren't on the same page, 316 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,200 Speaker 1: and I remember them saying things like, well, I mean, 317 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:55,520 Speaker 1: isn't it not as bad because it's only pictures. They 318 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 1: wanted to find a way to explain it, a way 319 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:02,520 Speaker 1: that wasn't as horrib horrific as what the reality was 320 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:08,800 Speaker 1: a lot of just mental gymnastics and denial. And what 321 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:12,320 Speaker 1: resulted from that, I think it was pretty clear to 322 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:20,320 Speaker 1: Jimmy that he could fairly successfully manipulate my parents. He 323 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:24,600 Speaker 1: told them that his addiction to Adderall is what caused 324 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:28,240 Speaker 1: him to do this, and I had several conversations with them, 325 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,800 Speaker 1: you know, as a clinical psychologist. 326 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:32,639 Speaker 3: Saying. 327 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,359 Speaker 2: Being high on adderall very likely led him to feel 328 00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:40,119 Speaker 2: disinhibited so that he was more likely to engage in 329 00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:44,280 Speaker 2: these behaviors, but the drug itself did not cause him 330 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,000 Speaker 2: to be attracted to little girls. 331 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,000 Speaker 1: Jill and her sister in law drew a firm boundary 332 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,960 Speaker 1: that they would not interact with Jimmy. They both had 333 00:20:54,040 --> 00:21:00,400 Speaker 1: young daughters to protect, and in response, Jimmy lashed out, 334 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,600 Speaker 1: and so he sent me and my sister in law 335 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:08,040 Speaker 1: very nasty messages. He told me I should go kill myself, 336 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:13,679 Speaker 1: cruel lashing out emails the likes of which we had 337 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 1: never seen. We had not seen this side of him. 338 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,800 Speaker 1: That year, their parents invited Jimmy to the family reunion 339 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,200 Speaker 1: and we were like, what, No, there were going to 340 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,200 Speaker 1: be children there. 341 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:26,720 Speaker 3: He can't be there. 342 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:30,760 Speaker 2: And I remember saying finally, like, I will tell everyone 343 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,040 Speaker 2: I am not allowing him to be around children without 344 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,600 Speaker 2: the parents knowing. My parents didn't want anyone to know. 345 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,199 Speaker 2: They wanted to keep this a secret, so I think 346 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 2: they ultimately just told him he couldn't come. Jill didn't 347 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,199 Speaker 2: talk to her little brother for four years. That was 348 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 2: until their mom got sick, when it became clear that 349 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:50,200 Speaker 2: she was near. 350 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:50,919 Speaker 1: The end of her life. 351 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,760 Speaker 2: Of course, my little brother also wanted to say goodbye 352 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,719 Speaker 2: to his dying mother, and we were all there together, 353 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,520 Speaker 2: and so my dad asked our permission based only to 354 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:05,480 Speaker 2: let him come. Honestly, it was a hard decision, but 355 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,320 Speaker 2: it wasn't you know. It was like, of course, he 356 00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:10,480 Speaker 2: has the right to see his mom and say goodbye 357 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,760 Speaker 2: to his mom, and there were no children present for 358 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,919 Speaker 2: any of that, so we let him come. 359 00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,000 Speaker 3: And this was the first time we saw. 360 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 1: Him, when Jimmy walked in the door, he looked like 361 00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:26,480 Speaker 1: his old self. He seemed clear eye and genuine. 362 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:29,800 Speaker 2: He assured us that he was clean. His behavior was 363 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,960 Speaker 2: quite different. He apologized for the mean emails that he 364 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:36,400 Speaker 2: sent to my sister in law and me. He apologized 365 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 2: for the terrible way that he had treated all of us. 366 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:45,960 Speaker 2: He was very sincere, and we believed him. We believed 367 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:50,439 Speaker 2: that even if he still had this sexual proclivity, he 368 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:51,679 Speaker 2: wasn't acting on it. 369 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:57,080 Speaker 1: After that, Jill and Jimmy were on speaking terms again. 370 00:22:58,119 --> 00:22:59,480 Speaker 3: We agreed to try to. 371 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,879 Speaker 2: Repair the rupture in our relationship, but of course with 372 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:08,600 Speaker 2: like gigantic boundaries that he would not be ever unsupervised 373 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,880 Speaker 2: around kids or anything like that. And that lasted for 374 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:17,920 Speaker 2: a year. Exactly one year. It was their grandmother's ninety 375 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:23,520 Speaker 2: ninth birthday party. He was there and it became instantly 376 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 2: obvious that something was wrong. He's acting super cagey, he's 377 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:31,760 Speaker 2: being weird. He's sleeping a lot, he's being very aggressive 378 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:34,720 Speaker 2: and hostile. You got in a fight with someone in 379 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,879 Speaker 2: a bar. I mean, just kind of back to a 380 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:41,480 Speaker 2: lot of the old stuff. And I remember leaving the weekend, 381 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,119 Speaker 2: and my sister in law and I talking and just saying, 382 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 2: like the other shoe's going to drop, We're. 383 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,840 Speaker 3: Just waiting for the call. The call's going to come. 384 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:55,560 Speaker 2: And then sure enough, shortly after that, we got the call. 385 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,640 Speaker 2: A few months earlier, the police had received another tip 386 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:06,600 Speaker 2: about Jimmy. They executed a search warrant at his house. 387 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:12,400 Speaker 2: They confiscated his computers. They also found several thumb drives 388 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,640 Speaker 2: in various pockets of his clothing. 389 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,399 Speaker 1: He wasn't home during the search. His roommate called to 390 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,960 Speaker 1: tell him that the police were looking for him, but 391 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:24,600 Speaker 1: Jimmy was nowhere to be found, so the police tracked 392 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,560 Speaker 1: his cell phone to try and make the arrest. 393 00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:30,800 Speaker 2: When they finally found him, he had climbed up a 394 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:34,520 Speaker 2: very high tree. He was a tree guy in arborist, 395 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,800 Speaker 2: so he had equipment to climb trees, and the police 396 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:42,639 Speaker 2: all came and he was demanding a letter that he 397 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,800 Speaker 2: would not be held responsible for what they found, and 398 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,480 Speaker 2: if they didn't give him that letter, that he was 399 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:53,040 Speaker 2: going to jump and kill himself. They ultimately talk him 400 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,200 Speaker 2: down out of the tree and they arrest him. 401 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:02,720 Speaker 1: This time the FBI was involved. Jimmy insisted again that 402 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,880 Speaker 1: he had been framed. Jill knew it was a lie, 403 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:09,600 Speaker 1: but she didn't have the FBI report. She didn't know 404 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:14,240 Speaker 1: exactly what he'd done, and she was determined to find out. 405 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,439 Speaker 2: We had a close family friend that was friends with 406 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,960 Speaker 2: my middle brother since like third grade, and he's a 407 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:25,960 Speaker 2: private investigator. Actually, this family friend was able to get 408 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:31,040 Speaker 2: access to this very detailed FBI report. He emailed it 409 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:35,399 Speaker 2: to me, and my husband begged me not to read it. 410 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:38,560 Speaker 3: He begged me what. 411 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:42,480 Speaker 1: Was in this report would determine the future of her family. 412 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,760 Speaker 1: The four years that she'd been estranged from Jimmy tore 413 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:51,199 Speaker 1: her family apart. They'd just gone back to speaking terms. 414 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:54,320 Speaker 1: If Jill was going to put her father through that again, 415 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,840 Speaker 1: she needed to see it with her own eyes. So 416 00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,640 Speaker 1: she opened the FBI report. 417 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:01,560 Speaker 3: And I knew I shouldn't. 418 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:06,480 Speaker 2: I knew, I knew it was the worst idea, and 419 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:10,840 Speaker 2: I couldn't not read it. I mean, we had just 420 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:19,240 Speaker 2: been sitting in so much uncertainty and bewilderment that it 421 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:24,640 Speaker 2: felt intolerable. I was just compelled, like I. 422 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:30,000 Speaker 3: Just had to know. And of course he was right. 423 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:48,200 Speaker 2: It was the worst thing I could have done. 424 00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,040 Speaker 1: Jill was in the car with her husband when she 425 00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:00,159 Speaker 1: received a copy of the FBI report on Jimmy, and 426 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:04,919 Speaker 1: despite her husband's please, she read it. The report started 427 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 1: by describing not pictures, but videos and objects found in 428 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:10,439 Speaker 1: Jimmy's house. 429 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:12,120 Speaker 3: It was sickening. 430 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 2: The detail in this report will be burned on my 431 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:23,119 Speaker 2: brain forever. There were things happening in these videos that 432 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 2: I couldn't have even imagined in my worst nightmare. 433 00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,119 Speaker 1: Jimmy had clearly escalated. 434 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 3: He was not. 435 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:37,400 Speaker 2: Only downloading material, he was also uploading material. 436 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,680 Speaker 1: In his home. The police seized a child sized sex 437 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,840 Speaker 1: doll and multiple pairs of children's underwear. 438 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:51,800 Speaker 2: That was really the moment I was like, oh my god, 439 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:53,600 Speaker 2: he's a monster. 440 00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:57,879 Speaker 1: Jill spoke to him one last time, and on that 441 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:02,600 Speaker 1: phone call, he wasn't remorseful. He was defiant. 442 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,160 Speaker 2: He said to me, well, at least I'm not part 443 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:09,439 Speaker 2: of a ring or anything. She's often wondered if he 444 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,760 Speaker 2: was telling on himself in that moment, and it was 445 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,400 Speaker 2: like what a little kid would do. You know, it's 446 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,159 Speaker 2: got chocolate all over the face. Did you eat a 447 00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:17,720 Speaker 2: cookieat No. 448 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:21,480 Speaker 1: It's important to note that in crimes like this, her 449 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:25,480 Speaker 1: perpetrators are seeking to consume se sam. There's often a 450 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:29,480 Speaker 1: limit to how much someone can download before they're required 451 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,240 Speaker 1: to create and upload their own content. 452 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:39,479 Speaker 2: Knowing the depths of what these perpetrators are capable of 453 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:43,400 Speaker 2: doing really sent me into a spiral as a mom. 454 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:49,880 Speaker 2: A switch flipped in Jill's reality. After the first arrest, 455 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:55,440 Speaker 2: I could still see both sides of him, like he 456 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:59,240 Speaker 2: was still my little baby brother who I always loved 457 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:04,800 Speaker 2: and was very cleo to, who had this sickness, this 458 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 2: horrible proclivity. I even had some compassion for him because 459 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 2: I recognized that he wouldn't want this or wouldn't choose this. 460 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:21,160 Speaker 2: But I think after the second time, my capacity for 461 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:27,680 Speaker 2: compassion largely disappeared. Once I read that report, all I could. 462 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:28,400 Speaker 3: Think about. 463 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:34,959 Speaker 2: Was what happened to those little girls and when he 464 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:39,160 Speaker 2: got caught the second time, the girls in those images 465 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:46,000 Speaker 2: were the exact same age as my daughter, and that's 466 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:47,120 Speaker 2: all I could think about. 467 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,080 Speaker 3: That's all I could think about, was like if he 468 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:51,240 Speaker 3: had had access to. 469 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:56,640 Speaker 2: Her, that was really the point of no return for me. 470 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,640 Speaker 1: This time. It wasn't a slap on the wrist for 471 00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:06,080 Speaker 1: Jimmy because he'd been trading videos and the FBI got involved. 472 00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:11,240 Speaker 2: He was charged with a federal crime because they have 473 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:14,560 Speaker 2: these federal minimums. The penalty for this is ten years, 474 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:18,080 Speaker 2: so he was ultimately sentenced to ten years in a 475 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:24,400 Speaker 2: federal correctional facility. She'd seen the darkest parts of humanity 476 00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:28,920 Speaker 2: in her own brother, and so after this happened, all 477 00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:34,520 Speaker 2: of us were just how, why, what possibly could have 478 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:38,640 Speaker 2: caused this? How could the same family, you know, raise 479 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,080 Speaker 2: my middle brother and me to be who we are, 480 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:49,880 Speaker 2: but also have this person be a pedophile. It just 481 00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,240 Speaker 2: did not make any sense. 482 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:57,400 Speaker 1: She began obsessively researching and studying perpetrators like her brother. 483 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:02,680 Speaker 2: If I could just understand this enough, then I would 484 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:08,280 Speaker 2: have the tools to protect my children. As an anxiety expert, 485 00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:13,920 Speaker 2: what I know about what fuels anxiety is uncertainty, a 486 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:17,840 Speaker 2: lack of perceived control, and a high sense of responsibility. 487 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:23,200 Speaker 2: And those three things were so present for me as. 488 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:24,840 Speaker 3: A mom when this happened. 489 00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 1: She learned how perpetrators often groomed the parents first and 490 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:31,120 Speaker 1: how they select their targets. 491 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:38,200 Speaker 2: Perpetrators groom children by connecting with little kids over things 492 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:43,880 Speaker 2: that they like. They test them by sharing secret you know, 493 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,600 Speaker 2: saying to a kid, telling them or doing something that 494 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,560 Speaker 2: their parents wouldn't approve of, and saying this will be 495 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,360 Speaker 2: our secret. To then see did the kid tell the 496 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,480 Speaker 2: parents it was a secret, and if not, that might 497 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:54,600 Speaker 2: make them a good victim. 498 00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:58,560 Speaker 1: But no matter how much she learned, the anxiety didn't 499 00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:02,120 Speaker 1: go away. All the research in the world didn't give 500 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:05,880 Speaker 1: her an answer about how or why her own little 501 00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:10,560 Speaker 1: brother became this person. She's had to accept that her 502 00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,720 Speaker 1: brother's actions have fundamentally changed her. 503 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:17,440 Speaker 3: I think it's made me hard. 504 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:22,800 Speaker 2: And I was not that way before this. Ooh, that 505 00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:27,040 Speaker 2: just got me choked up. It was just the most 506 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:34,400 Speaker 2: painful experience of letting yourself love someone so deeply. 507 00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,880 Speaker 3: And to have that backfire. 508 00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:44,080 Speaker 1: What hurts the most is thinking back to the happy 509 00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:46,000 Speaker 1: little boy she loved so much. 510 00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:51,719 Speaker 2: It feels impossible that those people are the same person. 511 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:59,080 Speaker 2: It just feels impossible that human body is still walking 512 00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:04,040 Speaker 2: around on the earth. But I lost my brother that 513 00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:06,240 Speaker 2: I knew years years ago. 514 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:10,240 Speaker 1: There's a word for this kind of experience. It's called 515 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:12,080 Speaker 1: disenfranchised grief. 516 00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:17,440 Speaker 2: And so I feel like I have never really been 517 00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:20,720 Speaker 2: able to properly grieve any of this because I don't 518 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:24,520 Speaker 2: feel like I'm allowed to feel grief for someone who's 519 00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:25,160 Speaker 2: a pedophile. 520 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:31,600 Speaker 1: Jimmy's now out of prison. Jill isn't in touch with 521 00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:34,920 Speaker 1: him and doesn't plan to be. Just knowing he's out 522 00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:37,880 Speaker 1: there brings all these emotions to the surface once again. 523 00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:42,400 Speaker 1: But Jill is committed to finding meaning in the wreckage. Today, 524 00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:46,000 Speaker 1: she writes and speaks publicly about her story, including the 525 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:50,160 Speaker 1: darkest parts. Jill co hosts a podcast of her own 526 00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:54,360 Speaker 1: psychologists Off the Clock. It's a place where clinicians talk 527 00:33:54,400 --> 00:34:00,400 Speaker 1: about real life grief, shame, and what actually helpslogy. 528 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,480 Speaker 3: There's a concept of post traumatic growth. 529 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:06,600 Speaker 2: Some people experience trauma and they kind of rebound back 530 00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:10,520 Speaker 2: to baselines. Some never really rebound, and some actually end 531 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,919 Speaker 2: up doing better than they were at baseline. 532 00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:14,640 Speaker 4: I don't know. 533 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:17,799 Speaker 2: Exactly where I fall on that spectrum, but I do 534 00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:22,520 Speaker 2: think there has been sort of examples of growth or 535 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:24,799 Speaker 2: good or purpose through this. 536 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:28,840 Speaker 1: We end all of our weekly episodes with the same question, 537 00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:31,160 Speaker 1: why do you want to share your story? 538 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:35,640 Speaker 2: I think as much as this feels scary and uncomfortable, 539 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:38,839 Speaker 2: we have to be willing to say the hard thing. 540 00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:42,920 Speaker 2: Treating this like a dirty little secret, like this is 541 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:48,520 Speaker 2: not my crime, this is not my family's crime, Like 542 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:52,120 Speaker 2: none of us did anything wrong. He Jimmy is the 543 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:53,920 Speaker 2: only one who did anything wrong. 544 00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:56,920 Speaker 3: And keeping it a secret is just protecting him, and 545 00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:58,239 Speaker 3: he doesn't deserve. 546 00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:06,239 Speaker 2: Protection, deserve protection, And so I just feel compelled to 547 00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:09,839 Speaker 2: start having more of these honest conversations, even if they're 548 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:16,480 Speaker 2: not popular. Like sunlight is the best disinfectant, and I 549 00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:17,800 Speaker 2: have to be part of the sunlight. 550 00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:25,960 Speaker 1: On the next episode of Betrayal Weekly, I get. 551 00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:30,000 Speaker 4: A call and it's a detective, he said, Jack oln 552 00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:36,080 Speaker 4: We got an anonymous call from a gentleman stating that 553 00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:39,319 Speaker 4: you were being scammed and they felt sorry for you. 554 00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:46,160 Speaker 4: My head exploded, thinking, oh my god, Oh my god, 555 00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:49,399 Speaker 4: Oh my god, oh my god. 556 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,360 Speaker 1: Before we end the episode, I have some exciting news. 557 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:57,279 Speaker 1: Betrayal will be doing our first ever live show as 558 00:35:57,360 --> 00:36:00,920 Speaker 1: part of the Virgin Voyages True Crime Crew OZ. We'll 559 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:04,680 Speaker 1: be answering listener questions and discussing them live on stage 560 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:08,120 Speaker 1: with Stacy and Tyler from Betrayal season three, as well 561 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,840 Speaker 1: as Caroline from season four. So if you have a 562 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:14,240 Speaker 1: question for us, please email us at Betrayalpod at gmail 563 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:18,279 Speaker 1: dot com with the subject line listener question and if 564 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,640 Speaker 1: you want to join us on the Caribbean cruise, there 565 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:24,880 Speaker 1: are still spots available. Search virgin voyages dot com slash 566 00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:30,200 Speaker 1: true crime. If you would like to reach out to 567 00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:33,120 Speaker 1: the Betrayal team or want to tell us your Betrayal story, 568 00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:37,280 Speaker 1: email us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com, That's Betrayal 569 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:41,640 Speaker 1: Pod at gmail dot com, or follow us on Instagram 570 00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:45,160 Speaker 1: at Betrayal Pod. You can also connect with me on 571 00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:49,759 Speaker 1: Instagram at It's Andrea Gunning. To access our newsletter, view 572 00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:53,480 Speaker 1: additional content, and connect with the Betrayal community, join our 573 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:57,319 Speaker 1: substack at Betrayal dot substack dot com. We're grateful for 574 00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:00,520 Speaker 1: your support. One way to show support is by subscribing 575 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,279 Speaker 1: to our show on Apple Podcasts and don't forget to 576 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:06,439 Speaker 1: rate and review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. 577 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:10,520 Speaker 1: A big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal 578 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,120 Speaker 1: is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass 579 00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:16,800 Speaker 1: Entertainment Group and partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is 580 00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:20,520 Speaker 1: executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted and 581 00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:24,840 Speaker 1: produced by me Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Monique Leboard. 582 00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:29,880 Speaker 1: Also produced by Ben Fetterman, Associate producers are Caitlin Golden, 583 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:34,960 Speaker 1: Olivia Hewitt, and Kristin Melcurie. Casting support from Curry Richmond. 584 00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:39,440 Speaker 1: Our iHeart team is Ali Perry and Jessica Krincheck. Audio 585 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:43,600 Speaker 1: editing and mixing by Matt Delvechio. Additional audio editing by 586 00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:49,080 Speaker 1: Tanner Robbins. Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bains. Music library 587 00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:53,480 Speaker 1: provided by mybe Music and For more podcasts from iHeart, 588 00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:57,040 Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get 589 00:37:57,040 --> 00:38:02,120 Speaker 1: your podcasts