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Speaker 1: This is Kelly Henderson and you are listening to the

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Speaker 1: Velvet's Edge podcast. My guest today is wife of country

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Speaker 1: music superstar Dirk S. Bentley. She's also one of my

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Speaker 1: dearest friends, Cassidy Bentley. I texted cast this week because

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Speaker 1: I needed some advice personally, and I just decided to

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Speaker 1: record it because it dawned on me that many women

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Speaker 1: probably face these same issues when dealing with young girls

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Speaker 1: and the pressure of beauty that we all face. As

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Speaker 1: I've talked about many times on this podcast, I'm in

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Speaker 1: a relationship with a man with two daughters, and of

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Speaker 1: course there's been a learning curve on how to navigate

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Speaker 1: many things in those relationships. But one of the main

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Speaker 1: things that's been hitting me hard recently is seeing them

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Speaker 1: notice all of the beauty rituals that I have. I'm,

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Speaker 1: of course, also in the beauty business, so these are

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Speaker 1: not necessarily things I've ever thought about before as negative

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Speaker 1: or being about influence. Yet the more I'm around these

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Speaker 1: beautiful little girls, I find myself not wanting them to

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Speaker 1: notice things like my hair extensions or just other things

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Speaker 1: that I do to myself to feel more beautiful. Ultimately,

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Speaker 1: I want them to look in the mirror and just

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Speaker 1: know they are beautiful for who they are. So it's

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Speaker 1: of course made me really start to question a lot

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Speaker 1: of things about myself. Cass has openly talked about these

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Speaker 1: struggles that she's had and also faced, and I wanted

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Speaker 1: to get her advice on how to handle the balance

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Speaker 1: of a glam life and an inner beauty life. This

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Speaker 1: podcast was completely unedited, just friend of friend, and it

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Speaker 1: truly helped me so much, so I hope it helps

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Speaker 1: you guys to here's our conversation. Okay, so this whole

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Speaker 1: thing happened, cause I'll just tell you the story about

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Speaker 1: what happened and why you popped into my head with

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Speaker 1: this whole thing. But so we we were at my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend's house and I was watching a movie with him

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Speaker 1: and his new daughters, and like we were just kind

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Speaker 1: of cuddled on the couch and you know, I do

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Speaker 1: their hair all the time, obviously because that's what I

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Speaker 1: do for a living. So but that's kind of their

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Speaker 1: new thing with me is they're like, oh, can we

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Speaker 1: raise your hair? Like, can we you know, play with

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Speaker 1: your hair because they just think it's spun. And so

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Speaker 1: the older ones started to mess with my hair, and

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Speaker 1: she puts her hand in my head and she's like,

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Speaker 1: what is that? Because I have hair extensions, and really

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking about her. I mean, she's eight. She's probably like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, she's an alien. I knew it, you know,

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Speaker 1: like this is so weird, and I just I didn't

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Speaker 1: even kind of froze. I was like, um, it's hair extensions.

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Speaker 1: And she's like, well, what are they? Why do you

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Speaker 1: have them? What do they do? And I literally did

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Speaker 1: not know how to answer, and so and it kind

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Speaker 1: of made me sad too, because I was thinking to myself,

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Speaker 1: what am I going to tell her? Like I have

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Speaker 1: these because they make my hair thicker and because they

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Speaker 1: make me feel better about myself when I want her

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Speaker 1: to just look in the mirror and feel so beautiful

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Speaker 1: exactly the way she is, you know, totally heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking,

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Speaker 1: you honestly was. I felt so backed into a corner too,

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Speaker 1: because I've never experienced that, and I was like, ah,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to even tell her, you know, I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to answer, right, So it made me feel

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Speaker 1: like you you encounter these moments where it's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is kind of important, it's and I I have

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Speaker 1: like moments like that with my girls too, where I'm

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Speaker 1: like kind of stunned in the moment, realizing, like how

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Speaker 1: I answered this question is important, you know. Um Like

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Speaker 1: I remember when um Edvy was like she was little,

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Speaker 1: like she was like we were to pool somewhere, probably

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Speaker 1: on the road, swimming, and I remember like she was

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Speaker 1: in the bathroom and Uman, she couldn't have been like

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Speaker 1: she was like seven. I think my legs are fat,

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Speaker 1: you know. And she looks at me and I'm like

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Speaker 1: and it was one of those moments where I just

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Speaker 1: like froze in my mind because of course I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, you know, her body image and her

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Speaker 1: and then but at the same time, like I had

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Speaker 1: to really like stop and read the moment, you know,

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Speaker 1: and she I was like, she's testing me right now.

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Speaker 1: You know, she's throwing out this word that to see

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Speaker 1: what I say and what my reaction is, you know,

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Speaker 1: and if I overreact and oh, no, what are you

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Speaker 1: talking about? No, you're not you know, It's like but

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Speaker 1: you know, it's it's just so difficult. And I honestly

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Speaker 1: don't even remember what but I think I said, like, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't I don't see I don't see that, you know,

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Speaker 1: And I just actually kind of brushed it off. I

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Speaker 1: didn't go there with her because I didn't feel I

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Speaker 1: felt like it was a little bit of a test

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Speaker 1: and she maybe heard that word it was kind of

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Speaker 1: applying it to herself rather than like really struggling with

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Speaker 1: her body, which like a tiny little girl. Um. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean I definitely have those moments. And I mean

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Speaker 1: from the very beginning, like when I found out I

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Speaker 1: was going to have girls. Just knowing that I was

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Speaker 1: going to have daughters was a trigger for me, you know,

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Speaker 1: because I feel like I've always known, um, like I've

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Speaker 1: always dreaded the this moment where they turn on themselves,

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Speaker 1: you know, this this period in their life. Like I

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Speaker 1: remember reading this book called it's an old book called

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Speaker 1: Reviving Ophelia, and it's about what happens to like adolescent girls.

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Speaker 1: And I mean I didn't even have daughters. Don't know

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Speaker 1: why I was reading us, just interested in psychology or whatever,

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Speaker 1: probably for myself, but like that something happens when girls

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Speaker 1: you see them on the playground and they're running wild

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Speaker 1: and they're dirty, and you know they're just like they're

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Speaker 1: fully like authentic selves and that something happens where they

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Speaker 1: go from being like the subject of their own life

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Speaker 1: to being the object of like cultures, games, and then

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Speaker 1: there's this loss of that like freedom and authenticity. I mean,

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Speaker 1: there doesn't have to be, but it does happen, you know.

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Speaker 1: And I think part of that is just developmental, do

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, yes, you have to do

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Speaker 1: do that is part of growing up, is understanding how

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Speaker 1: you are perceived in the world. But I mean that

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Speaker 1: book was like old, so now I'm imagining like social

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Speaker 1: media and things like that that I'm thinking that happens

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Speaker 1: a lot earlier. It might, you know, well, I mean

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Speaker 1: think about I mean Evy was seven and the story

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Speaker 1: you're describing and the fact that she even knew the

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Speaker 1: word fat. I think that's what I've started to even

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Speaker 1: think about, is what what are we teaching them at

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Speaker 1: such a young age or how is this even on

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Speaker 1: their radar? You know? And I don't even I don't

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Speaker 1: want to participate in that, right, But yeah, like we

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Speaker 1: all are because of course culture. Right. So yeah, I

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Speaker 1: also felt like, you know, like thinking about teaching them

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Speaker 1: to love themselves and to like accept themselves. Like one

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Speaker 1: of the biggest obstacles is like my own conditioning, my

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Speaker 1: own since that, like I've you know, kind of felt

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Speaker 1: like I was I've been like poisoned a little bit,

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Speaker 1: you know, in that I'm just this idea of like

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Speaker 1: beauty and just generally never being having to be better,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, or not being quite good

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Speaker 1: enough for it's just a vague do you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about? That security that we all have exactly,

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Speaker 1: And so it's like I have that poisoning and so

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Speaker 1: and you know, this is the world we live in

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Speaker 1: where people are, this is how we look, and these

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Speaker 1: are the beauty rituals we all participate, and there is

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Speaker 1: this conditioning that's happening to them every single day from

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Speaker 1: like no one more than the people they're intimate with. Like, um,

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Speaker 1: So for me, I've been trying to like balance that out,

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Speaker 1: Like even though I know I'm kind of poisoned, I

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Speaker 1: also fight against that. There's a different voice in my head,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And I examine it and

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Speaker 1: I mean I I so with the girls, I try

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Speaker 1: and talk to them about it, and I will say,

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Speaker 1: like the world is going to try and make you

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Speaker 1: feel like you're not enough, that you have to look

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Speaker 1: this way or that way, and you have to protect

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Speaker 1: yourself and like I'll even say, like you gotta get

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Speaker 1: your boxinges on. You know, that doesn't mean that you

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Speaker 1: can't wear how fun with makeup? You know, there's there's

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Speaker 1: the energy that you approach things with, you know, like

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Speaker 1: you're you're in. You have fun with beauty, right, it's

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Speaker 1: my business. You enjoy it. And I think there's a

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Speaker 1: the energy, like I think there's so much with kids

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Speaker 1: to the energy like we approach these things with. You know,

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Speaker 1: if you have the energy that, like without your hair extensions,

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Speaker 1: you just feel like complete ship, do you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean? And I don't think that's true. Well I know,

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Speaker 1: but I've gotten kind of attached to them, to be honest. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's I know. I know. It's like it's sort of

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Speaker 1: like we were. I mean, I don't have eyelash extensions

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Speaker 1: right now because of annavirus, and you and I have

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Speaker 1: talked about the last extensions before, but like you start

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Speaker 1: to feel naked without them once you've had them, and

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Speaker 1: so then it's like and that was another thing they

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Speaker 1: noticed about me, is like they said to their dad

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Speaker 1: when we first started, you know, integrating our lives together.

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Speaker 1: They were like, she's so pretty, she has the longest lashes, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I know, I know. I think. I think it's like

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Speaker 1: you have to just own your choices, and like, I

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Speaker 1: honestly feel like so much of this is about like

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Speaker 1: making sure we're in alignment with ourselves, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, and that you feel good and are on

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Speaker 1: your path and you're feeling whole, and like they will

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Speaker 1: sense that whether you have eyelash extensions on or not. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like it's it. I think

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Speaker 1: it has more to do with that then, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: just making sure you're living true to yourself. They will

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Speaker 1: see that well, and it's interesting, like maybe you need

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Speaker 1: to let your like extensions go for a little bit.

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Speaker 1: Like Okay, I'll give you another personal example. Okay, this

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Speaker 1: is something a bridge I haven't crossed. Okay, I have implants, right,

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Speaker 1: you know. I mean that's a pretty hardcore like body image,

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Speaker 1: and I mean I've come on the cusp of talking

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Speaker 1: to them about it because Jordan, who's like tiny, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's like, am I gonna, you know, have boobs like

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Speaker 1: you and a girl? I feel like when we come

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Speaker 1: to it I just want to be really open with them.

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Speaker 1: You know, we have a super open dialogue, and I

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Speaker 1: maybe that's the best we can do, you know, it's

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Speaker 1: just to tell them like, yeah, I do feel I

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Speaker 1: did this and this is why. But I still have

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Speaker 1: ambivalence about it. You know, I do feel better. I

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Speaker 1: like the way I look when you know, I wear

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Speaker 1: these lashes, but they're expensive, and that part I don't like,

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Speaker 1: and just calling these questions like to the surface, do

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And like the questions, and

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Speaker 1: like the struggle of it that like live in the

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Speaker 1: light rather than just you know, I think discussion around

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Speaker 1: all this stuff is important because I think when the

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Speaker 1: time comes with the implants, I'll be able to be

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Speaker 1: honest and be like, I have really mixed feelings about it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I want to say, even to your own battle maybe

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Speaker 1: because that's sort of what I think. What it's really

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Speaker 1: if I'm being really honest, what it's made me do

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Speaker 1: is start to ask myself why I'm doing these things,

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Speaker 1: you know. It's really Yeah, like it's become such a

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Speaker 1: motorized thing that I do. Like I go to the gym,

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Speaker 1: I get eyelash extensions, I go to the yours stylist,

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Speaker 1: I go get my bowtox. You know, it's just like

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Speaker 1: all of these things. And truthfully, this pandemic has been

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Speaker 1: one of the major wake up calls for me for

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Speaker 1: that because one, financially, I've been like, wow, I have

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Speaker 1: a lot more money because I'm not doing these things

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Speaker 1: right now, you know, it's so expensive like you said,

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Speaker 1: But also like and I looked terrible. I missed my bowtox.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie, but like I let the last

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Speaker 1: extensions go for now. And a lot of what I

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Speaker 1: feel is like either being on TV or like putting

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Speaker 1: myself out there on Instagram. It is this pressure that

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Speaker 1: it's like you're comparing yourself to everyone else and you

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Speaker 1: want to look the best you possibly can, but why,

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Speaker 1: like what what's not healed inside of me? That's like

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Speaker 1: not able to look at myself through a different lens

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Speaker 1: maybe and be like, but you're beautiful the other way too,

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Speaker 1: you know, Like it's just making it start to ask

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Speaker 1: myself these questions, I guess, and there's like a lot

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Speaker 1: of freedom in that, you know, in that Instagram like well,

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Speaker 1: like that's theme you're playing, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: That is this like the sport of it, you know,

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Speaker 1: like the same the like the way you're saying the pandemic.

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Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people feel this way

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Speaker 1: of like like giving people space and freedom from there

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Speaker 1: just like like they're just like knee jerk behaviors and

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Speaker 1: like habits and patterns. Like yeah, I think are the

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Speaker 1: kids offer us that same fresh lens, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean? And it's like there could be an opportunity

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Speaker 1: for there there's there is a freedom and being like,

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Speaker 1: oh maybe I should rethink that looking through it their eyes,

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Speaker 1: that you never do it again. But you're able to

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Speaker 1: like detach like even a little bit from it, which

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Speaker 1: is like healing for us, you know, right, Like it

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Speaker 1: doesn't yeah, it doesn't make or break you as much

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Speaker 1: when you start to take a step back from it.

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Speaker 1: But I thought about you too, because I mean, obviously

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Speaker 1: you're married to Dirks, and so you have to go

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Speaker 1: to these events that are on TV, like award shows,

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Speaker 1: You're on the red carpets all the time, and like

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Speaker 1: that's the same kind of pressure that we talked about

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Speaker 1: like on Instagram and all that stuff, And so how

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Speaker 1: do you balance that, Like how because obviously when you're

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Speaker 1: in the public eye in any sort of way having

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Speaker 1: your picture taken. You want to look your best, So

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Speaker 1: how do you balance that with like then going home

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Speaker 1: to your children and being a mom? Right well, I

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Speaker 1: feel like for me, if you know how you've been

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Speaker 1: with me on like a lot of those things and

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Speaker 1: you know those things are like really hard for me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I think part of that is like, um, just

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Speaker 1: in that world and dirts and like the glam thing,

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Speaker 1: I've never really felt like it's that same feeling, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like I'm just do you not

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Speaker 1: feel like yourself? Fully, I hopefully with self? And I

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Speaker 1: just feel like, oh, that's just just I don't don't

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Speaker 1: look good, I don't look down. I don't know how

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Speaker 1: to pose, I don't know how to like. I just

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Speaker 1: and so it's sort of a a little bit of

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Speaker 1: like a I mean, I hate to say this, because

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Speaker 1: they work it was different, you know, it ends up

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Speaker 1: being like kind of and so for me, it's almost

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Speaker 1: more like my challenge is to show the girls this

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Speaker 1: can be fun, like be empowered and like get dressed

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Speaker 1: up every once in a while and go like go

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Speaker 1: to a fancy time, don't be hard on yourself and

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Speaker 1: don't like, so then that's been my challenge. So it's

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Speaker 1: kind of the reverse of the way because it is

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Speaker 1: hard for me to like see myself in a not

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Speaker 1: a positive way. But it's just, you know how it is.

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Speaker 1: It's just a lot of pressure, a lot of pressure

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Speaker 1: in those circumstances. Um, I would hope and wish for

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Speaker 1: them that they could like have more fun with it

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Speaker 1: than I have. Yeah, you know, well, especially if it

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Speaker 1: takes away it's like it's not the every day you

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Speaker 1: just have like a normal life, and then it's like

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Speaker 1: and then you go do this fun activity. That's a

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Speaker 1: good way to look at it. I haven't thought about it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Like it's like the idea of Um. Another person who's

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Speaker 1: like in terms of like the kids and stuff, who

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Speaker 1: has been like and honestly just in life that I

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Speaker 1: love is this person called doctor Shafali. Her that's her

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Speaker 1: first name, and her last name is like she never

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Speaker 1: really uses it, but she wrote called The Conscious Parents

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Speaker 1: and it's really good. But she also does other stuff

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Speaker 1: just about life. But it's like you play with these things,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, you know, you're entering in culture,

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Speaker 1: you know, like these like the award shows or the

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Speaker 1: glam or the Instagram, but you're like aware of your

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Speaker 1: separation from it, you know what I mean, So you're

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Speaker 1: not like so enslaved to it, if that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: It's like just completely being able to separate yourself from it.

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Speaker 1: We're not going to like and what are we gonna do?

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Speaker 1: Like stop doing beauty stuff? And I not for me

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Speaker 1: is aging forties. And I have like one of the

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Speaker 1: moments sort of like with heavy but like this is recent.

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Speaker 1: Was I probably told you this because it was in

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Speaker 1: some ways it was really funny. Um, but Jordan's started

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Speaker 1: crying in the car and she wouldn't tell me why,

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Speaker 1: and she finally I was like begging her to tell

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Speaker 1: me what is wrong, and she told me this is

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Speaker 1: because I look, I'm I look old and getting old.

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Speaker 1: It was like the ego, you know what, I'm doing

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Speaker 1: quite a bit to try not to have someone say

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Speaker 1: that to me. Is when I know she's been completely truthful.

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Speaker 1: They don't have a filter. But like here I am

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Speaker 1: in this moment where it's like how am I going

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Speaker 1: to react to this idea of old old? Um? I well,

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Speaker 1: I was like okay, you know, I said, all right,

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Speaker 1: like what like what specifically is like is it about me?

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Speaker 1: Like that's making you feel like I were cold? And

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Speaker 1: she's like your face it's just like bomb after bomb,

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Speaker 1: and I think I was like, you know, I am,

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Speaker 1: I'm getting older, like okay, I just didn't. I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to be like offend it or show it, you know,

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Speaker 1: I mean how much did you think about it the

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Speaker 1: days following after though, just like I would have been

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Speaker 1: in and I really feel like they're helping me, like

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Speaker 1: and I think, honestly all this stuff like it does

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Speaker 1: in some ways weird ways, it gets easier, like as

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Speaker 1: I get older, I'm just you know, I feel I mean, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's scary and you're like and I'm not like not

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Speaker 1: gonna but you know it's like yeah I am. I

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Speaker 1: guess I am, and I'm it's that yeah, like I

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Speaker 1: think I got is a huge role from you right now.

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Speaker 1: That's how I embrace that um and how they witness

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Speaker 1: that well, it's sort of like you said, you know,

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Speaker 1: you can't just stop these beauty routines. And I'll tell

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Speaker 1: you the truth like when I was when I first

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Speaker 1: I reached out to you about just even like I

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Speaker 1: need help with this, Like I literally in my head

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Speaker 1: was like, I have to stop botox. I need to

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Speaker 1: get rid of the lashes. I gotta get rid of

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Speaker 1: the extensions, like I go so black and white with it,

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Speaker 1: and okay, but this is how I do life. I'm

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Speaker 1: very like wait, what, No, I gotta stop. And then

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Speaker 1: I'm like wait, but then I'll feel bad like I

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Speaker 1: need to either like you know, ease into it like

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Speaker 1: you're saying, or just like kind of embrace and maybe

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Speaker 1: be honest about some of the things and then some

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Speaker 1: of them, be honest about how I feel really looking

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Speaker 1: for you, like like what you said, like, yeah, what

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Speaker 1: are you actually questioning and going I don't actually really

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Speaker 1: need to do this. I'm just this feature yeah, and

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Speaker 1: that may not be everything You're like, No, I really

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Speaker 1: love this and just that like little shifts. Oh my god. Well,

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Speaker 1: when I got botox after three months of isolation, I

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00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,840
Speaker 1: felt better, like I truly I just felt like I

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Speaker 1: was looking tired and say like I can't say that

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Speaker 1: it didn't make me just feel a little bit better

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Speaker 1: about waking up every morning. And I know, you know,

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Speaker 1: that's just one of the things I'm not ready to

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Speaker 1: let go up lately, and that's like why millions and

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Speaker 1: millions of people do it? And I don't think this

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Speaker 1: is about right or wrong. I really don't, But I

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Speaker 1: think it's about constantly just re like reflecting this with

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Speaker 1: the kids, help us do I'm like, why am I

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Speaker 1: doing this? You know? One am I getting out of this?

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Speaker 1: Is this good for me? Do I really need this?

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Speaker 1: All of these? And that's what I mean when I'm

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Speaker 1: like trying to bring up the questions with my kids

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Speaker 1: so they like learn that muscle, you know, right of

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Speaker 1: asking the questions of having like the critical voice when

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Speaker 1: culture and everything's saying or even their mom is saying,

376
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Speaker 1: you gotta do this, you gotta do this, you need

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Speaker 1: to do this, you know. Like I think I mentioned

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Speaker 1: like one of my like personal triggers from like growing up,

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Speaker 1: like I have really thick, dark hair, you know, like

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Speaker 1: I've like quite a bit of hair, Like this is

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Speaker 1: like I grew up before laser which life changing, you know. Um,

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Speaker 1: but like you know, unibrow, like like I am entering

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Speaker 1: you know, like almost twelve year old with like the

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Speaker 1: exact same hair that I have, which now I'm actually

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Speaker 1: like thankful for, you know, um, but like people making

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Speaker 1: comments to her and like I, you know, dealing with

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Speaker 1: like waxing or tweezing or you know what I mean, right,

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Speaker 1: and it's and and also having to like do something

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Speaker 1: painful two you know. I mean, I myself going, I

390
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 1: think you should just wax. You know, she getting comments, comments,

391
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Speaker 1: heard her feelings, but I'm putting I'm pushing her in

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Speaker 1: that direction. And I love her Uni Loan, and she's

393
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Speaker 1: all like pumping her fist like you know she's and

394
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,359
Speaker 1: but I did push it, and I don't know whether

395
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,919
Speaker 1: and we did it, you know. And and then and

396
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:33,879
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm pushing her in this yeah beauty, this

397
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:38,560
Speaker 1: direction of like cultural beauty, norms beauty is paining wanting

398
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,679
Speaker 1: her to fight against them. So it's like a completely

399
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:46,440
Speaker 1: there is so much hypocrisy, yeah, all of it. But

400
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,199
Speaker 1: when it's interesting that that was something that is a

401
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 1: trigger for you from your childhood too, and so it's like,

402
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Speaker 1: I mean, in some ways it's making you face that

403
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Speaker 1: again too. But I wonder if there's other things that

404
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, that's not a big y' all because

405
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Speaker 1: it wasn't something that you struggled with, you know, like

406
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 1: I'm asked, I'm having asked myself that stuff too, and

407
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 1: like my boyfriend is so natural and he of course

408
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 1: is so protective of his little girls in that capacity,

409
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:17,159
Speaker 1: and so like it's like and I know your boyfriend

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00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 1: you and that beautiful so beautiful, yeah, like that and

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00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 1: that complete in that like embodiment of just like they don't, yes, exactly,

412
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Speaker 1: but I think what the way that like the other

413
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Speaker 1: component of this is like what you said, like the

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Speaker 1: male figure in their life, how do they talk about women?

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Speaker 1: How do they like? What are their expectations, what do

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Speaker 1: they witness? You know what I mean in terms of, well,

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00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 1: that's what beauty of course, but like he likes me

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Speaker 1: and tight jeans, you know, like do you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying? Like it's interesting to put I've asked him

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Speaker 1: this too lately because it's like he would probably ablaze say,

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00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 1: you know, he likes he likes me natural too, but

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00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,919
Speaker 1: like actually I think he likes me natural better. But

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00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,919
Speaker 1: like when I'm done up, of course, he's like, you're beautiful,

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00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:11,160
Speaker 1: and you know the clothes I'm wearing are sometimes tight

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Speaker 1: or something, and so I'm like you have to think

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00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:16,679
Speaker 1: about like what you think about me is like what

427
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,199
Speaker 1: someone's going to think about your daughters one day and like,

428
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 1: what do you like? Those messages are extremely important? And

429
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,679
Speaker 1: he literally said the other day he's like, He's like

430
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,360
Speaker 1: it is interesting because I just think of it totally differently,

431
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,200
Speaker 1: Like I think you as one thing and them is another,

432
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 1: you know, And I'm like, yeah, but dude, what, how

433
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 1: do you think my dad thinks about me? Like, it's

434
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 1: just it's just an interesting thing to think about. You know.

435
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 1: I'm sure Dirk's loves you on the red carpet all

436
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 1: done up and all this stuff, but he wants his

437
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:50,919
Speaker 1: little girls just running around wild and free, right, Yeah, exactly. Well,

438
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:54,359
Speaker 1: I mean I think the same as uh, your boyfriend.

439
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:59,479
Speaker 1: Yeah looks Also, I mean I feel lucky that he doesn't, like,

440
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: there's not I don't feel that pressure, right. I think

441
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 1: I would grumble at my house if I felt that pressure,

442
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:11,919
Speaker 1: like to have my nails done all the time or

443
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:16,360
Speaker 1: something like Yeah. I mean it's just yeah, like there

444
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 1: is like a freedom here and hopefully the girls feel that,

445
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:26,199
Speaker 1: but I mean I don't. I Like, one of my

446
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,639
Speaker 1: big fears is like the social media thing, you know,

447
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 1: because I don't participated in very much and they're already

448
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 1: like watching all this TikTok stuff. You know, I'm literally

449
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 1: struggling a world where they're like making like clay gnomes

450
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,159
Speaker 1: and are so pumped about it. And then on the

451
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:45,720
Speaker 1: other hand, they're like like completely enamored with TikTok and

452
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 1: I don't even know what they're watching. But I think

453
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 1: there's a lot of adults sort of yeah, like dances

454
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 1: and the way. I mean even my son knows like

455
00:25:54,720 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 1: duck Face would just go just all of it, and

456
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,080
Speaker 1: none of us grew up that way. So I think

457
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:09,160
Speaker 1: it's such a hard thing to navigate because I mean,

458
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 1: I as an adult, really struggle sometimes with the comparison

459
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: and like needing to get the likes and all of

460
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:20,280
Speaker 1: these things. And I'm thirty seven years old. It's like

461
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 1: a fully developed brain, just like you're, you know, like

462
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 1: I just think it could. It worries me a lot,

463
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 1: and I'm not trying to be like that person because

464
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,960
Speaker 1: I know there's like positive to it as well, but

465
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 1: I'm the same, like it's part of why I don't

466
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:45,359
Speaker 1: do it, because it's like it makes me feel weird

467
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 1: and vaguely bad sometimes, you know, in my experiences with it.

468
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:53,679
Speaker 1: But for their little brains, you know, I don't know.

469
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 1: I just don't the likes I mean I have. We

470
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,680
Speaker 1: just saw every show that's one of her friends Instagram.

471
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 1: I mean again, they're only like eleven. It looked like curated.

472
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:12,680
Speaker 1: It was almost like professional looking, and yeah, liked, like

473
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 1: why does everything have to be so perfect? Um? But this,

474
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:22,159
Speaker 1: that's this is the world we live in. So I

475
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:27,040
Speaker 1: guess we just have to like give them just as

476
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 1: long as they have the tools to like challenge challenge

477
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 1: even if they're participating in it. You know, do you

478
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 1: even just what this is actually bullshit? Yes, I was

479
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,040
Speaker 1: gonna say, even that conversation of why does everything have

480
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 1: to be so perfect? Like we know that's not real life.

481
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 1: Until my parents, I will say, um, from a pretty

482
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 1: early age always taught me like the comparing the insides

483
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 1: and outsides. So although I still do it, I'll catch

484
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 1: myself quicker maybe than some other people and go, I

485
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 1: know that's not really true for them, you know, Like

486
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,879
Speaker 1: it's like I can go deep into it for a

487
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 1: while and then I can kind of talk myself out

488
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 1: of it. Like we know reality, their reality probably looks

489
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,400
Speaker 1: a lot like my reality, and we just all make

490
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 1: it look a certain way. On social media rightly for

491
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:21,160
Speaker 1: body image and beauty and all of it. Completely. It's

492
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:28,440
Speaker 1: like those conversations like with the girls helped develop that

493
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:33,920
Speaker 1: inner conversation, you know, in that inner dialogue for later. Yea,

494
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:37,359
Speaker 1: I loved what you said about the critical voice versus

495
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 1: like the real voice and knowing starting to decipher between

496
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 1: that within your own brain. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like even

497
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,480
Speaker 1: like with the hair, like the shaving of the legs

498
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: and waxing, it's like, well, why is the hair so

499
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 1: bad on women? Like it's not a big deal on men.

500
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 1: I mean, we had that conversation and I'm like, it's bullshit.

501
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:05,720
Speaker 1: I probably said that guys like bullshit. Alert That doesn't mean,

502
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 1: like you have, you're going to go around and like

503
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 1: never do your eyebrows like you most likely are, but

504
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 1: let's not like, let's at least examine it, you know. Um,

505
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: and I have like a cousin who is more like

506
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:24,840
Speaker 1: I mean, she's like actually like creative, beautiful actress, but

507
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 1: she's a girl, but she never shaved her arms, and

508
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 1: I love that, you know. I like to point to

509
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 1: that and be like she you know, she's a lot

510
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 1: younger than me, but's like, look, she's making a different choice,

511
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 1: like she made a choice for her. I think there's

512
00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 1: more examples of that in culture and kind of hoping that,

513
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:49,840
Speaker 1: like maybe they're entering a time where there's more individuality

514
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 1: and range. Are you feeling that, like being in this world,

515
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 1: like I do feel, honestly in with all of us

516
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: kind of going through this elective whatever this is together,

517
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 1: it's made everybody have to stop, and so I don't

518
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:10,160
Speaker 1: really know yet what's going to completely stick, but I

519
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 1: do feel that there's been some shifts, and I know

520
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 1: my mindset and a lot of my friends mindsets just

521
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:20,600
Speaker 1: about what's actually important, what like moving forward we actually

522
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 1: want to take with us and what we want to

523
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 1: leave behind. And I think some of those messages are

524
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 1: part of that. Yeah, yeah, for sure saying change it

525
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 1: changes so much slower, Yeah, but you can, like you

526
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 1: can kind of you get glimpses of it, you know,

527
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:42,880
Speaker 1: I think so. I mean, and even with all of

528
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 1: the just equality for everyone, like those conversations happening, they're

529
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 1: happening on such a bigger scale than I think they

530
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 1: ever have, and so I don't know, I definitely know

531
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 1: that that we've had to have those conversations too. And

532
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 1: like that's great to me to start talking about that

533
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 1: at such a young age. With kids, you know that

534
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 1: it's just a part of their natural life versus what

535
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 1: we grew up with. So yeah, for sure. Do you

536
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:12,240
Speaker 1: have any other like resources that you go to when

537
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,840
Speaker 1: you're I don't know, trying to figure out how to

538
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 1: navigate all this stuff? I would just say that book

539
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 1: I mentioned, which is kind of old but reviving Ophelia,

540
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: but the newer like Teenage Girl Bible UM is called

541
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 1: Untangled UM and it's like seven Transitions into Adulthood and

542
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 1: she's amazing. Her name is Lisa Damore d A m

543
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 1: O you are And then I link like Dr Sinfali

544
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 1: has been like the big the conscious parents UM. I

545
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 1: mean she really just is like this philosophy your kids

546
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 1: are here to like grow you up, and if you

547
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:55,719
Speaker 1: use that as your guide like anything that comes up

548
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 1: with the kids, like what is this about me? You

549
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 1: know that I'm looking to heal and it's it's really

550
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 1: it's a total like paradigm shift, UM and it's amazing.

551
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 1: So she's been really UM had a huge effect on

552
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 1: the way I approached parenting, or try to put that

553
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 1: one try to try to try to write on your

554
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 1: good days. Doing the best we can here. Yeah, I

555
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 1: think we all are. Oh well, this is very helpful

556
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 1: to me. Thank you for talking to me about it.

557
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 1: Missing you and love you. I love you too. Let's

558
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:45,200
Speaker 1: talk soon, okay, Okay, hanging there, Okay, bye,