WEBVTT - Complaining is boring

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is that complaining is boring. Instead of focusing your

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<v Speaker 1>conversations on hassles, be alert to the delights all around

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<v Speaker 1>you and share stories about that instead. I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>what it is about human nature, but a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>get togethers feature a lot of complaining. I guess everyone

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<v Speaker 1>has had some travel woe, which then provides an excuse

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<v Speaker 1>for other people to share theirs. Everyone's had some problem

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<v Speaker 1>with their home renovations, or with buying a used car,

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<v Speaker 1>or filing their taxes or something, And yes, the world

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<v Speaker 1>is far from perfect. I remember when I was with

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<v Speaker 1>a group of folks and everyone was going on and

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<v Speaker 1>on about how busy they were, and I kept thinking, Hmm,

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<v Speaker 1>is this really constructive for building relationships? Like, Hey, your

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<v Speaker 1>life sounds terrible, We should be friends. I think it's

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<v Speaker 1>generally better in life to focus on either the positive

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<v Speaker 1>or on constructive things we are doing about whatever we

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<v Speaker 1>are dealing with. Like, yes, it has not been fun

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<v Speaker 1>that my WiFi has been out for a week, but

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<v Speaker 1>I've been spending some fun time in Starbucks. In the

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<v Speaker 1>library with my teenager. Oh, we are waiting for it

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<v Speaker 1>to get fixed. Or yes, our flight was delayed to Arubab. Wow,

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<v Speaker 1>the beaches there are amazing. Have you ever had a

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<v Speaker 1>rum punch on the beach? If others are complaining, we

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<v Speaker 1>can try to redirect that too, like wow, getting home

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<v Speaker 1>from Thanksgiving sounds like it was rough, But was it

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<v Speaker 1>good to catch up with your grandmother. Life is what

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<v Speaker 1>we make of it. And when we hype on the

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<v Speaker 1>neck and retell those stories, those are the ones that

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<v Speaker 1>become more stark. They become our memories of an experience.

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<v Speaker 1>Why do that to ourselves? The world can be frustrating,

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<v Speaker 1>but there are a lot of delights. I am writing

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<v Speaker 1>this at a time of year when there are still

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<v Speaker 1>some gorgeously colorful leaves outside my window. I can look

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<v Speaker 1>at all the brown leaves on the ground, or I

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<v Speaker 1>can choose to look at the few that are still

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<v Speaker 1>cheerful and read. Lots of people lately have enjoyed the

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<v Speaker 1>poet Ross Guay's book of short essays, The Book of Delights.

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<v Speaker 1>He wrote about a delight he encountered every day for

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<v Speaker 1>a year, A beautiful flower growing from the crack between

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<v Speaker 1>the curb and the street, strange sayings that have an

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<v Speaker 1>interesting history, a lavender Infinity scarf. He chronicled his delight

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<v Speaker 1>in unusual things in ordinary wares, and he described some

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<v Speaker 1>bittersweet delights too. Rosque recounts noticing more delights as a

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<v Speaker 1>result of writing about delights. He comments that he developed

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<v Speaker 1>delight radar for his delight muscle as a result of

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<v Speaker 1>acknowledging a delight every day, and he found his delight

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<v Speaker 1>grew when he shared it. So here's an idea. When

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<v Speaker 1>you find yourself starting to complain as a way to

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<v Speaker 1>build bonds, why not try to build a bond over

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<v Speaker 1>a delight. Instead, start tracking delights that might be worth sharing.

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<v Speaker 1>Most people would be as interested to know about a

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<v Speaker 1>new coffee shop that makes really good muffins as they

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<v Speaker 1>would be about the fact that the utility company is

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<v Speaker 1>still doing construction on your street after they said they'd

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<v Speaker 1>be done two days ago. They'd like to know that

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<v Speaker 1>you are having a really positive experience with your kid's

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<v Speaker 1>third grade teacher as much as they would like to

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<v Speaker 1>know that the bus keeps coming three minutes past the

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<v Speaker 1>time the schedule says. Usually, when we are chatting with

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<v Speaker 1>people we are trying to relax and build connections. While

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<v Speaker 1>complaining can sometimes do this because everyone has experienced frustrations, Ultimately,

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<v Speaker 1>complaining is kind of boring. We are much more engaged

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<v Speaker 1>and joyful when we focus on delight instead. What has

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<v Speaker 1>delighted you lately? You can tell me at Laura at

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<v Speaker 1>Laura vandercam dot com. In the meantime, this is Laura.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of

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<v Speaker 1>our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've

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<v Speaker 1>got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at

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<v Speaker 1>Laura at Laura VANDERCAMDT. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia.

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<v Speaker 1>For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app,

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<v Speaker 1>Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.