1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:09,520 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning, 2 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:16,720 Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's 3 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: tip is that complaining is boring. Instead of focusing your 4 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 1: conversations on hassles, be alert to the delights all around 5 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:33,159 Speaker 1: you and share stories about that instead. I don't know 6 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,080 Speaker 1: what it is about human nature, but a lot of 7 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:40,839 Speaker 1: get togethers feature a lot of complaining. I guess everyone 8 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:44,599 Speaker 1: has had some travel woe, which then provides an excuse 9 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:49,040 Speaker 1: for other people to share theirs. Everyone's had some problem 10 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 1: with their home renovations, or with buying a used car, 11 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 1: or filing their taxes or something, And yes, the world 12 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:01,080 Speaker 1: is far from perfect. I remember when I was with 13 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,000 Speaker 1: a group of folks and everyone was going on and 14 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:08,080 Speaker 1: on about how busy they were, and I kept thinking, Hmm, 15 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:13,319 Speaker 1: is this really constructive for building relationships? Like, Hey, your 16 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 1: life sounds terrible, We should be friends. I think it's 17 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 1: generally better in life to focus on either the positive 18 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 1: or on constructive things we are doing about whatever we 19 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,960 Speaker 1: are dealing with. Like, yes, it has not been fun 20 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:30,640 Speaker 1: that my WiFi has been out for a week, but 21 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,440 Speaker 1: I've been spending some fun time in Starbucks. In the 22 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,039 Speaker 1: library with my teenager. Oh, we are waiting for it 23 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 1: to get fixed. Or yes, our flight was delayed to Arubab. Wow, 24 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 1: the beaches there are amazing. Have you ever had a 25 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:46,959 Speaker 1: rum punch on the beach? If others are complaining, we 26 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 1: can try to redirect that too, like wow, getting home 27 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 1: from Thanksgiving sounds like it was rough, But was it 28 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:57,400 Speaker 1: good to catch up with your grandmother. Life is what 29 00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:59,760 Speaker 1: we make of it. And when we hype on the 30 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:04,720 Speaker 1: neck and retell those stories, those are the ones that 31 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:09,359 Speaker 1: become more stark. They become our memories of an experience. 32 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:14,959 Speaker 1: Why do that to ourselves? The world can be frustrating, 33 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,919 Speaker 1: but there are a lot of delights. I am writing 34 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,840 Speaker 1: this at a time of year when there are still 35 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 1: some gorgeously colorful leaves outside my window. I can look 36 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 1: at all the brown leaves on the ground, or I 37 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 1: can choose to look at the few that are still 38 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 1: cheerful and read. Lots of people lately have enjoyed the 39 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 1: poet Ross Guay's book of short essays, The Book of Delights. 40 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:43,920 Speaker 1: He wrote about a delight he encountered every day for 41 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:48,239 Speaker 1: a year, A beautiful flower growing from the crack between 42 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,880 Speaker 1: the curb and the street, strange sayings that have an 43 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:57,840 Speaker 1: interesting history, a lavender Infinity scarf. He chronicled his delight 44 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 1: in unusual things in ordinary wares, and he described some 45 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 1: bittersweet delights too. Rosque recounts noticing more delights as a 46 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:11,320 Speaker 1: result of writing about delights. He comments that he developed 47 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 1: delight radar for his delight muscle as a result of 48 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:20,480 Speaker 1: acknowledging a delight every day, and he found his delight 49 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:24,959 Speaker 1: grew when he shared it. So here's an idea. When 50 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 1: you find yourself starting to complain as a way to 51 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:31,760 Speaker 1: build bonds, why not try to build a bond over 52 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:36,840 Speaker 1: a delight. Instead, start tracking delights that might be worth sharing. 53 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:41,160 Speaker 1: Most people would be as interested to know about a 54 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 1: new coffee shop that makes really good muffins as they 55 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 1: would be about the fact that the utility company is 56 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:51,240 Speaker 1: still doing construction on your street after they said they'd 57 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 1: be done two days ago. They'd like to know that 58 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:57,880 Speaker 1: you are having a really positive experience with your kid's 59 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 1: third grade teacher as much as they would like to 60 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: know that the bus keeps coming three minutes past the 61 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 1: time the schedule says. Usually, when we are chatting with 62 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 1: people we are trying to relax and build connections. While 63 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:18,920 Speaker 1: complaining can sometimes do this because everyone has experienced frustrations, Ultimately, 64 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:24,160 Speaker 1: complaining is kind of boring. We are much more engaged 65 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 1: and joyful when we focus on delight instead. What has 66 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:33,680 Speaker 1: delighted you lately? You can tell me at Laura at 67 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:39,039 Speaker 1: Laura vandercam dot com. In the meantime, this is Laura. 68 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:44,320 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of 69 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've 70 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 1: got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at 71 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 1: Laura at Laura VANDERCAMDT. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. 72 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app, 73 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.