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Speaker 1: One of the biggest things that kind of breaks my

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Speaker 1: heart with you is you've accomplished so much in everything

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Speaker 1: you've touched. Transactionally, it has turned to gold all the

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Speaker 1: way down to the gold jacket. But like the fig tree,

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Speaker 1: you still haven't found yourself. And finding yourself takes the heart.

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Speaker 2: The mind replaces what the heart can't delete.

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Speaker 3: Hello, It's time for the grown man in you to

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Speaker 3: grow up.

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Speaker 2: All my life grinding all my life? Sacrifice hustle Peatic Price,

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Speaker 2: wanta Slice? Got the diys to swap all my life?

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Speaker 2: I grinding all my life, All my life, grinding all.

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Speaker 3: My life sacrifice, Hustle, Platic Price, want to Slice? Got

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Speaker 3: the brother dis to.

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Speaker 4: Swap all my life?

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Speaker 2: I be grinding all my life.

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Speaker 4: Hello, Welcome to another episode of Club Sha Shay. I

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Speaker 4: am your host, Shannon Sharp. I'm also the propriud of

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Speaker 4: Club Shapeshey stopping about the conversation on the drink Today

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Speaker 4: is a revered voice in popular media and academics oracles.

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Speaker 4: She's dedicated it to two decades to transforming live. A

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Speaker 4: renowned life coach, a spiritual mentor psychology expert, a community activist,

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Speaker 4: a motivational speaker, a culture change maker, influential brand ambassador,

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Speaker 4: a producer, an author, and a host. Here she is,

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Speaker 4: Ladies and gentlemen, doctor Seyanne Bryant.

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Speaker 3: No, that was good.

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Speaker 2: I did we do you justice?

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Speaker 4: Good?

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Speaker 2: I thank you well, thank you so much. Appreciate you

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Speaker 2: for stopping Boy Club. Sha. It's an honor. It's an

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Speaker 2: honor to have you here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's an honor to be here. You know.

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Speaker 1: I watch your show obviously, thank you. I think you

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Speaker 1: are a genius of what I just told you off

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Speaker 1: camera right at how you you know, pose your questions.

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Speaker 3: It ain't messy, but it's creative, thank you. It's work

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Speaker 3: play and I like you.

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Speaker 1: So I'm excited to be here and be able to

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Speaker 1: provide my expertise.

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Speaker 3: To your viewers.

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Speaker 2: But you're good today, you good face.

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Speaker 3: I am so good.

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Speaker 1: My book launch today, literally today that we're filming at least.

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Speaker 3: Yes, my book Mental Detais launch today. I got a

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Speaker 3: double book deal.

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Speaker 1: Shout out to fifty cent Curtis Jackson for taking the

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Speaker 1: lead on that with Random How, which is the biggest

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Speaker 1: publishing company in the world. Wow, if they believed in

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Speaker 1: me and he took the lead and they said, well

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Speaker 1: we believe in her too.

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Speaker 3: We love her. And so here I am with two

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Speaker 3: book deals.

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Speaker 1: My first book launches today and then my second book,

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Speaker 1: March Is in twenty twenty six launches.

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Speaker 3: So I'm excited. I'm a happy camper.

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Speaker 4: You'd like to to the great congratulations two book deal

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Speaker 4: Mental Detox just launched and another book coming in twenty

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Speaker 4: twenty six.

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Speaker 2: Congratulations with all your success.

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Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you. And I'm not a drinker. But

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Speaker 3: this is so.

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Speaker 2: I talked about. It's about to get good in here.

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Speaker 2: It's about to get good.

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Speaker 3: My chance ain't even burn good.

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Speaker 1: No, you know dark brings you sure you want this

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Speaker 1: interview off of this dog don't ma, don't make you

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Speaker 1: go crazy?

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Speaker 3: Okay, let me say we were gonna be tamed.

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Speaker 2: Were gonna be tamed. We're gonna be tamed. The first

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Speaker 2: the first.

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Speaker 3: Album, No you Ain't gonna tell me what to do?

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Speaker 4: Okay, okay by Bad Boy Bad Let's go back. Let's

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Speaker 4: start where it began. You're a native Los Angeles I

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Speaker 4: am As a kid? What was what was doctor? What

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Speaker 4: were you like as a child?

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Speaker 3: It was like, Yeah, I was always feisty and strong,

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Speaker 3: always an overthinker, a processor.

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Speaker 1: I was naturally an analyst. I've always been the leader

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Speaker 1: amongst my friend group who are also leaders. You know,

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Speaker 1: I don't have followers in my group. Everybody's leads.

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Speaker 3: Everybody everyone leads.

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Speaker 1: I love that we're all strong and we all are

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Speaker 1: so solid and vertical within ourselves that we don't need followers.

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Speaker 1: We slid with the leadership. I was a product of

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Speaker 1: teenage parents. My parents were sixteen when they have me.

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Speaker 1: They were high school sweethearts, and they planned me, and

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Speaker 1: so I was the product of yeah, of a of

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Speaker 1: a oopsie. They said, hey, walking home from school one day.

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Speaker 1: A true story. My father brides about it all the time.

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Speaker 1: He says, baby, you were made from love. And he says,

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Speaker 1: they were walking home and they planned me, and they

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Speaker 1: can only afford a motel, and they went and paid

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Speaker 1: for a motel, and they conceived me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I was born conceived in a motel, y'all in

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Speaker 3: a motel. And then you know, and then here I go.

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Speaker 1: And so my grandparents stepped in and raised me because

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Speaker 1: my parents are obviously teenage parents that didn't understand that,

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Speaker 1: you know, you have to raise a child after the

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Speaker 1: first child.

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Speaker 4: Cause they were they were they were basically kids themselves

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Speaker 4: trying to raise a kid. Nobody had there's really no

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Speaker 4: guide to how to you know, be a parent. I

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Speaker 4: mean everybody think they had to figure it out. But

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Speaker 4: at sixteen, yeah, we're kids trying to figure out our life.

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Speaker 4: And now we brought another life into the mix.

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Speaker 3: There you go.

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Speaker 2: And so I mean.

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Speaker 4: It's like you're growing up beside like your parents are

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Speaker 4: like twenty, you're four or five year old and you're like,

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Speaker 4: is that your sister?

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Speaker 2: That's your brother?

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Speaker 3: So we grew up together. I grew up together. And

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Speaker 3: what was that like? It was actually no, it was amazing.

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Speaker 1: My father he ended up being one of the biggest

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Speaker 1: gangster and dope dealers in the South Bay area and

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Speaker 1: you know, moving way to the East coast Ohio, being

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Speaker 1: one of from Youngstown. And I could tell it now

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Speaker 1: because it's no longer going on, but he transitioned from

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Speaker 1: being one of the biggest dope dealers into being one

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Speaker 1: of the biggest entrepreneurs and a long sherman here in

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Speaker 1: Los Angeles, which is working for the port for twenty years.

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Speaker 1: And I got to see him go from from the

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Speaker 1: hood to the hills. Wow, And it was really beautiful

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Speaker 1: seeing that I mean Shannon. We would come home days

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Speaker 1: when he was in his gangs to era and I

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Speaker 1: couldn't have a key to the house. I couldn't be

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Speaker 1: there alone, and he would have to go in the

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Speaker 1: house with a pistol first and check everything to make

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Speaker 1: sure we can go in. I had the password to

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Speaker 1: the safe that was in the garage and so that

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Speaker 1: if anybody came in, give him everything, you know, don't

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Speaker 1: let them hold you hostage or doing that. So I

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Speaker 1: grew up a product of a street guide, a strip

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Speaker 1: gangster who didn't play about me, who if I made

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Speaker 1: a phone call, he was going to air it out.

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Speaker 3: And that was a luxury for me.

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Speaker 1: And so I was on Sway's radio one time and

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Speaker 1: he said, you know, Doc, you talk about your upbringing

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Speaker 1: and your father and being the little girl from the

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Speaker 1: inner city as though it was like an honor. You

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Speaker 1: don't talk about it in a way that's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I came from the hood and it was all this adversity.

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Speaker 1: It was adversity. But I'm a proud little girl from

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Speaker 1: the hood. And I'm a proud product of a father

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Speaker 1: who was a street daddy. I'm a proud product of

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Speaker 1: a mother who you know, also was in the streets

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Speaker 1: with them. And if it wasn't for me being a

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Speaker 1: product of them, I wouldn't know how to create the

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Speaker 1: piece and the tools that I have now to provide

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Speaker 1: to my clients, to your viewers, to everyone else who

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Speaker 1: follows me, because I wouldn't have had to bear crawl

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Speaker 1: to understand how to get out this thing called the

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Speaker 1: inner city. And I always say it wasn't me knowing

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Speaker 1: where I was going, It was me knowing that I

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Speaker 1: had to get the hell out of there right And

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Speaker 1: oftentimes I think of all ages people get stuck in, Well,

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Speaker 1: I don't know where I'm going, what's my purpose?

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Speaker 3: All you really need to know, Shannon, is that.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to be here.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be here. And that day that

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Speaker 1: I realized that I put my track shoes on. Even

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Speaker 1: though people see heels every day now and my track

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Speaker 1: shoes is still on, I'm never taking them off. And

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Speaker 1: I ran as far as I could. I ran into

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Speaker 1: six degrees, three doctorates, a master's degree, a house at

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Speaker 1: nineteen my first home, a daycare at nineteen, three retail

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Speaker 1: stores on Meryll's. Was a professional student, but I was

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Speaker 1: a professional study for a long time and entrepreneur. But

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Speaker 1: I really want people to know, and I know we're

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Speaker 1: early on the interview, but I want people to know

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Speaker 1: who are watching that you do not have to know

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Speaker 1: where you are going. You just have to know you

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Speaker 1: want to get the hell up out of whatever you're in,

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Speaker 1: whether it's a relationship, a circumstances and environment.

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Speaker 3: Just go.

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Speaker 1: And when you start to trust God, he does something

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Speaker 1: really special, which is ordering your steps.

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Speaker 3: And as he orders your steps, and you stay vertical.

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Speaker 1: On who you are and you lean on him and

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Speaker 1: all your understanding, you nest in that word and you

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Speaker 1: call him out on his principles that are in the

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Speaker 1: Bible that he promises you. I'm telling you God shows

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Speaker 1: up and he shows out, and he does give you

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Speaker 1: back the time that the locus and the caken worms

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Speaker 1: took from you.

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Speaker 3: He really does give that back to you.

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Speaker 1: So I want folks watching this to know that, Listen,

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Speaker 1: I was just a little girl in the hood, and

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Speaker 1: I promise you there was nothing around me, and I

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Speaker 1: have to put the people down around me. There was

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Speaker 1: nothing in my environment that I looked at and said

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Speaker 1: I want to be. There was everything in my environment

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Speaker 1: that said hell no, hell no, and help no.

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Speaker 3: And those hell knows got me to all my yesess.

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Speaker 1: So I just want people to know that early on,

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Speaker 1: because people look at me or use and they're like,

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Speaker 1: you know, they're way over there. I'm not way over

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Speaker 1: there for people. I'm still touchable. I'm still that little

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Speaker 1: girl in the hood. I just happen to grow up

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Speaker 1: and make different decisions now, but I'm still her and

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Speaker 1: I never ever will not claim her. I never will

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Speaker 1: not allow her to show up in a conversation and

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Speaker 1: not allow her to be in her abandonment sometimes, and

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Speaker 1: I will always make sure she knows.

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Speaker 3: You can feel that way as a little girl the

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Speaker 3: woman in me, I have your back, and I'll knock

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Speaker 3: everything off the table for you every time. That's what

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Speaker 3: self love is.

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Speaker 1: And I want people, men and women to know that,

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Speaker 1: especially within our community, because it's important that they see

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Speaker 1: our wounds, not just the heal doctor Bryant, because that's

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Speaker 1: not where it started.

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Speaker 4: So you made a conscious decision that I'm not going

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Speaker 4: to be a product of my environment, and I'm not

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Speaker 4: going to be my circumstances in which I'm currently in.

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Speaker 4: You made that decision at a very very young age

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Speaker 4: that you know what, Yes, this is my environment. I

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Speaker 4: don't really see anybody that I'll smile to be like,

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Speaker 4: So let me get the hell out of here and

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Speaker 4: find some people that I do aspire to be.

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Speaker 2: There.

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Speaker 1: You go, And I'm the oldest of sat oh so,

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Speaker 1: and I'm the first grandchild. So there was nobody ahead

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Speaker 1: of me, Shannon to say this is the blueprint. It

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Speaker 1: was just folks around me to show me what not

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Speaker 1: to do. And I say this about a lot of

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Speaker 1: folks who are are PC's pastor kids, right, or they

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Speaker 1: got parents who've been married thirty forty years, right, and

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Speaker 1: the marriage is rocking and rolling. Oftentimes those kids are

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Speaker 1: robbed of seeing all of the fake perfection and not

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Speaker 1: seeing what not to do. So they usually come out

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Speaker 1: that household and they're extremely rebellious and they end up

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Speaker 1: doing the total opposite of what their parents did. And

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Speaker 1: I say this, you know, because I love Cam, me

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Speaker 1: and Kim. We are great friends. Cam has thanked me

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Speaker 1: for a lot of the impact positive impact I've had

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Speaker 1: on here doation, Cam Newton, Cam Newton, Cam Newton cleared

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Speaker 1: it up, Cam Newton. But I say, and I want

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Speaker 1: to say, Cam is a perfect example of what I

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Speaker 1: just describe.

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Speaker 3: He is a pastor's child. His parents are still married.

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Speaker 1: He comes from good stock, and we're not saying that

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Speaker 1: Cam in good stock, but his decisions are not good stock.

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Speaker 3: So just want to show people the examp of what

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Speaker 3: I'm referring to.

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Speaker 1: Then you get a little girl like me from the

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Speaker 1: inner city and parents are teenage parents. We got a

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Speaker 1: lot of trauma and different drug dealing and drug addiction

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Speaker 1: and things going.

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Speaker 3: On, and trauma in the house.

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Speaker 1: And I was had the luxury of seeing what not

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Speaker 1: to do, and I just knew if I did the opposite,

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Speaker 1: it had to be better than that.

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Speaker 3: And it ended up being way better than that.

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Speaker 4: Now it makes sense to me why your dad was

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Speaker 4: so and that you're the oldest. You're the older, huge girl,

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Speaker 4: You're the older Hugh was daddy's girl.

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Speaker 3: Daddy's girl.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it makes perfect sense now because you adore I'm

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Speaker 4: just listening to you talking in the first ten minutes.

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Speaker 2: Your dad is your world. He you adore it.

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Speaker 4: I adore him, and and and we're gonna get into

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Speaker 4: this because it I mean, it's I mean, all these

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Speaker 4: advanced degrees that you have.

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Speaker 2: Were you a good were you you were good in school.

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Speaker 3: I was good in school, but I was I was

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Speaker 3: very very you got me.

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Speaker 2: There you go.

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Speaker 3: You was very good in school, but I was just like, Wow,

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Speaker 3: you're not gonna talk to me anyway. You're not gonna

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Speaker 3: disrespect me. And one my parents did.

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Speaker 1: And I say my parents are my mother and father,

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Speaker 1: Kim and Darren, and my grandparents Marian Bailey, because all

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Speaker 1: four of them was the village that raised me.

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Speaker 3: One thing, not one.

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Speaker 1: Of the many things they did amazing, was they raised

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Speaker 1: a little girl with a lot of self love and

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Speaker 1: a hell of a backbone. I'm very vertical and so

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Speaker 1: I stand very strong on respecting on boundaries. That wasn't

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Speaker 1: something I was lacking. But when those boundaries were crossed,

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Speaker 1: when it came to you know, k through tel academia

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Speaker 1: was amazing. But I was one that I got kicked

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Speaker 1: out of La Unified School district and I had to

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Speaker 1: go what'd you do? District permit to Long Beach Unified

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Speaker 1: School District. I mean, I was just not going to

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Speaker 1: tolerate no bs and so if that meant that I

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Speaker 1: had to strong arm or use muscle, whether it be

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Speaker 1: verbally or physical, then I was going to make sure

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Speaker 1: that they understood that this is a tree you don't

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Speaker 1: bark up and.

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Speaker 4: Look at like this, because normally when we came up,

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Speaker 4: women like that had this complation like this, and what

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Speaker 4: we did.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not I'm not going to entertain this.

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Speaker 3: Listen.

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Speaker 1: I think I brought the entertainment and product shit that

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Speaker 1: camera us and I edited just the way I wanted

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Speaker 1: to be edited. Yes, but also you have to remember

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Speaker 1: that I was a little girl who had the privileged

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Speaker 1: privilege of being able to make one phone call.

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Speaker 3: You.

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Speaker 1: So but I I had that muscle too, and I

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Speaker 1: got to give my father and my family props because

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Speaker 1: we were the family that would you know, they would

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Speaker 1: pull up and they would be very very protective over me.

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Speaker 1: My father has done many things that has protected me.

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Speaker 1: He's ran into clubs, He's done a lot of things

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Speaker 1: on behalf of me. Alongside my grandmother, my mother. There

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Speaker 1: we are, they're a very protective family. Wells my father

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Speaker 1: passed away two years that's okay, So so being that

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Speaker 1: I might because to your point, he used to be like,

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Speaker 1: ain't nobody coming around? And he used to say and

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Speaker 1: he gave me a ring when I was a teenager.

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Speaker 1: Funny you said that, and it was his. It was

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Speaker 1: like his pinky ring, which is a big ring with

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Speaker 1: a lot of diamonds, and say to put this on

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Speaker 1: your finger.

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Speaker 3: Into a man gives your ring, I'll take it off. Well,

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Speaker 3: I've had two rings. But he also wasn't too fond

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Speaker 3: of me being married, because would say, baby, you know,

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Speaker 3: successful woman don't have to get married like daddy know.

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Speaker 1: I want to be a mother and a wife, right,

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Speaker 1: So it's gonna happen on my watch.

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Speaker 3: You'll watch everybody watch.

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Speaker 4: You mentioned that you teenage parents and your father sold drugs,

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Speaker 4: and I think your mom became addicted to drugs.

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Speaker 1: My mom was addicted to the drug that my father

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Speaker 1: sold at the same time.

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Speaker 2: How did that work?

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Speaker 3: How did it work? You mean for them or for me?

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Speaker 3: The little drug?

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Speaker 4: Something like, if I'm selling and now the person that

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Speaker 4: I care about that I can see the child with

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna do everything I can not to let her

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Speaker 4: get a hold of it. And I definitely don't want

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Speaker 4: to see my baby see this, see or Mammy in

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Speaker 4: this condition. And knowing I'm the supply, I'm part of

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Speaker 4: the reason why.

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Speaker 3: Well, I love that you said that. You're so on point.

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Speaker 1: He went and put out a flute on the street

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Speaker 1: and said, if anyone sells to her.

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Speaker 3: Then got to deal with me.

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Speaker 1: And after he's seen that, he couldn't control or take

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Speaker 1: everybody out right. At some point, from what he told me,

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Speaker 1: he had to put his hands up and he had

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Speaker 1: to just let you know, life take its form. And

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Speaker 1: the beautiful thing is that at some point before he

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Speaker 1: passed away, thank god, my mother ended up being she

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Speaker 1: got some health conditions that handicapped her well. She couldn't

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Speaker 1: pick her arms up and she couldn't even move her walk,

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Speaker 1: and it was in her addiction. And I remember her

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Speaker 1: calling me saying, baby, I can't lift my hands, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, huh. And so we spent years of having

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Speaker 1: her go to different specialists and seeing what they can

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Speaker 1: do and follow me. My good friend doctor A Romo

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Speaker 1: arsenal arsenal Romo, he said she needs surgery or this

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Speaker 1: is she has a degenerated dis disease, ever going to

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Speaker 1: get better? So anyway, she had surgery. And when I

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Speaker 1: tell you that, God, God keeps his promises and he

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Speaker 1: does hear your prayers. And the funny thing is, Shannon,

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Speaker 1: all my life I prayed for her to be off drugs,

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Speaker 1: to be off drugs, to be off drugs. When I

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Speaker 1: finally told God, you know what, I no longer can

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Speaker 1: pray that because it's starting to consume me.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna let you have her now.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna pay bills and I'm a feeder, so I'm

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Speaker 1: always take care of my mother.

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Speaker 3: But as far as her trajectory of her life, I

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Speaker 3: got a hands off. Hands off.

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Speaker 1: That's when her health condition came upon her and he

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Speaker 1: broke her down to where she couldn't even move. And

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Speaker 1: after her surgery, she came home and it was just

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Speaker 1: her and I and she had a bag that she

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Speaker 1: had used the bathroom inn she.

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Speaker 3: Couldn't get up. I mean nothing.

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Speaker 1: Was a eight hour surgery and they removed all of

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Speaker 1: her discs and it was just so intense. She ain't

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Speaker 1: touched a drug every since then. She is now the

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Speaker 1: vice president of my company. She has her own health

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Speaker 1: care company where she helps people who are disabled like herself.

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Speaker 1: That is her company, her business that she started. She

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Speaker 1: cooks and cleans and runs my entire household. I bought

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Speaker 1: the house. She makes it a home. And so when

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Speaker 1: I tell you again that God would give you back

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Speaker 1: the time that the locus and the cake and worms took,

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Speaker 1: I am not playing. But the key to him doing

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Speaker 1: that is your obedience to him. And you know, the

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Speaker 1: Bible says it's better to be obedient than sacrificed. And

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Speaker 1: I was obedient to his word, and I never wavered

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Speaker 1: in well doing, even with the adversity that was going

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Speaker 1: on with my mom being on that when I turned

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Speaker 1: him her over to him, God showed me the power

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Speaker 1: of surrender. And from that day my mom has been sober.

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Speaker 1: She has been the best mother that me and my

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Speaker 1: brother can ever ask for. She does everything she's never

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Speaker 1: done as a child, and to this day it is I.

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Speaker 3: Still look at her sometimes the crossroom like.

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Speaker 1: She is really like a way sober and a mom

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Speaker 1: and it's natural and she's doing this and we're here,

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Speaker 1: and you know.

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Speaker 3: That's something that when someone was an addiction for twenty

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Speaker 3: twenty five years having to break you don't break it.

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Speaker 1: They usually die at the hands of that substance. So

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Speaker 1: just always wanting to give God that glory. But again,

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Speaker 1: I want people to know that God's promises are always

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Speaker 1: sitting right there, available for you. And I'm telling you

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Speaker 1: what breaks that promise open is our obedience and our

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Speaker 1: trust and our faith in Him. That's all we need.

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Speaker 1: He don't ask for much, and faith isn't something that

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Speaker 1: we know. Faith is an action word. Belief is an

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Speaker 1: action word. It is keeping your commitment to God, doing

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Speaker 1: what you said you would do, even when you don't

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Speaker 1: feel like it. Also saying God, and this is my

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Speaker 1: affirmation to this day. I said, God, I don't know

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Speaker 1: what's going on, but I know that i't to trust you.

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Speaker 1: As long as I can trust you, I can nest

443
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,600
Speaker 1: in you. Then I know that I'm good. And so

444
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,480
Speaker 1: I show up to whatever gps.

445
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,040
Speaker 3: God gives me. And I say, but I showed up.

446
00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:47,520
Speaker 1: And when I tell you, he always does everything in

447
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,960
Speaker 1: the perfect position and in the perfect in the perfect alignment,

448
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:52,800
Speaker 1: when you just show up.

449
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,400
Speaker 3: See, people think they got to know everything.

450
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,800
Speaker 1: If I know everything, or if I don't know everything

451
00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:58,080
Speaker 1: I should say, then I can't show up.

452
00:18:58,119 --> 00:18:59,679
Speaker 3: I don't know how to do it. But what does

453
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:00,600
Speaker 3: God say that I am?

454
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:05,240
Speaker 4: But if you know everything that's not faith known, you're

455
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,200
Speaker 4: going to take this leap and know that everything's gonna

456
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:07,560
Speaker 4: be okay.

457
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 3: And faith is.

458
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,119
Speaker 1: A spirit thing, it's not an ego thing. Faith is

459
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,760
Speaker 1: I know, like I know, like I know, it's not

460
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:18,040
Speaker 1: I think. And it's also you saying that I understand

461
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,840
Speaker 1: that if God is closer than my breath, then he

462
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:23,960
Speaker 1: can't be outside of me. So that's why he says

463
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,720
Speaker 1: I never leave you or for sake you, because he can't.

464
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,640
Speaker 1: And I want to wrap on this. He also says,

465
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,760
Speaker 1: if you make your bed in hell, there I am.

466
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:32,840
Speaker 1: That means that God allows you to have your free

467
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,120
Speaker 1: will because he loves you. But if your free will

468
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,359
Speaker 1: happens to be in hell, he's not gonna stop you.

469
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:39,399
Speaker 1: But here being there with you, which means all you

470
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:43,119
Speaker 1: gotta do is it's happened because he's there, ask and

471
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:44,080
Speaker 1: then here shift you.

472
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,120
Speaker 3: But how many of us are not willing to shift.

473
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,439
Speaker 1: Because we get so stuck in the dysfunction that we

474
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:53,479
Speaker 1: know the dysfunctional relationships The dfunctional part of ourself that

475
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,000
Speaker 1: we know that the shift becomes so scary that the

476
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:59,000
Speaker 1: better is something that is uncertain, So we don't go

477
00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:01,040
Speaker 1: to the better. We stay with what we know. And

478
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 1: God says, well, I'll stay with you. But the Bible says,

479
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,120
Speaker 1: what reports will you believe? Will you believe the reports

480
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,439
Speaker 1: of your dysfunction, your trauma? You're not good enough, you're

481
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:11,280
Speaker 1: not qualified that you are the things you've been through,

482
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,159
Speaker 1: you are the things that you see in your environment.

483
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,719
Speaker 1: Or will you believe the reports that I told you

484
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,919
Speaker 1: that I'm the big dog, I'm the alphabel omega, I'm

485
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,000
Speaker 1: omnipresent that I know the plans I have for you

486
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,240
Speaker 1: when I formed you in the belly, and then plans

487
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,840
Speaker 1: were to prosper you, give you a good life, not

488
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,760
Speaker 1: to harm you. So whenever you are in harm, you're

489
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,760
Speaker 1: not in what my plans. So how do you know

490
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,679
Speaker 1: when you're not in God's alignment? Is when it's you

491
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,760
Speaker 1: in harm, when it's not prosperous, Because he also says,

492
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 1: think only on these thoughts that are prosperous, positive, and praiseworthy.

493
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,440
Speaker 3: The reason why he tells you that is because as

494
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,760
Speaker 3: a man thinking, Come on, baby, so He's telling you

495
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:44,399
Speaker 3: what to think.

496
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,480
Speaker 1: So when you think on those thoughts, hold on. So

497
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,720
Speaker 1: are you so the man that says he is and

498
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:51,679
Speaker 1: the man that says he is not?

499
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 3: Or what both? Right? So?

500
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,560
Speaker 1: God said, what reports will you believe? And I love

501
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 1: you so much I'll let you believe them. And even

502
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,840
Speaker 1: if you believe yourself in Hell, I'm gonna ride with

503
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,679
Speaker 1: you in there. There ain't listen, there ain't a human

504
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 1: back or ride like that. And this is why I

505
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:08,880
Speaker 1: tell people I'm not here to be liked. I got

506
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,600
Speaker 1: a purpose, and my obedience is to God, not to y'all.

507
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 1: Because as long as I'm obedient to God, were riding

508
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,040
Speaker 1: in his will. But the moment that I fall, pray

509
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 1: to dogma or being obedient to your thoughts or.

510
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,640
Speaker 3: What you think or what you need. Now I'm in

511
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:24,320
Speaker 3: your will.

512
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 1: And the only thing that had Peter, who was walking

513
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 1: on water to Jesus depart and fall was because he

514
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:35,480
Speaker 1: took his eyes off the wheel and really quick.

515
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 3: I gotta say this, because Peter called Jesus out. How

516
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:41,080
Speaker 3: many of us call God out. I'm asking for this.

517
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:43,960
Speaker 1: If it's really you, God, show up, Peter said, Jesus.

518
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 1: If it's you and you real call on me to

519
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 1: walk on this water. Jesus said, I'm that dude.

520
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 3: What's up? Peter got all his office boat walked on water,

521
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,400
Speaker 3: and Jesus said, all you got to do is keep

522
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,560
Speaker 3: your eyes on me, because I'm the one you called.

523
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 3: I'm the one that's blessing you.

524
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 2: You look down.

525
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 3: He looked down, But you know why he looked down,

526
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:09,679
Speaker 3: because a storm came a storm. How many of us

527
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 3: have been in storms that have us lose our faith,

528
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,120
Speaker 3: lose our walk, lose our goal, lose our focus most

529
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 3: of the time.

530
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:18,920
Speaker 4: You know why, because most of the time, that's the

531
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,760
Speaker 4: only time we really call on God is when we're

532
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:24,120
Speaker 4: in trouble. But when we're prosperous, we're sending to the top.

533
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 4: We don't need it. We need it. When ah damn,

534
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 4: I lost my job, I lost desk, I didn't get

535
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,119
Speaker 4: this promotion, things happened in my life.

536
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:34,200
Speaker 2: I'll call on him now.

537
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,199
Speaker 4: But when things was going good, you thought it was

538
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,600
Speaker 4: all you. You didn't know he was right there with

539
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,800
Speaker 4: you the whole while. He'd been riding he well, you

540
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 4: was riding shotgun. He was driving, But you didn't realize that.

541
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:48,040
Speaker 1: And when you called on him like Peter called on

542
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 1: Jesus when the storm came again. Why did you take

543
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 1: your eyes off of who already saved you from the

544
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 1: last storm and the last storm in the last storm.

545
00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 1: This is why I say the only person I have

546
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:01,600
Speaker 1: to focus on is my God. The only person I'm

547
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 1: obedient to is my God. It don't matter who don't

548
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 1: like me. No one has to like me. I'm vertical

549
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 1: in the God that's in me. Nothing else has to

550
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 1: make sense for me because I'm not here for it

551
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 1: to make sense.

552
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 3: I'm here to do what trust him in all my

553
00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:17,760
Speaker 3: ways and acknowledge him.

554
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 4: First, congratulations on your mom being sober. So let me

555
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 4: ask you this, sir. Now y'all know your favorite up,

556
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 4: but I'm also a last minute shopper. I'm talking about

557
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,680
Speaker 4: a guy that's spraying through them all on Christmas Eve

558
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 4: like it's the fourth quarter. We're down by six and

559
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:33,120
Speaker 4: we gotta have it. Shelves, empty, ideas, gone, stressed through

560
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:35,439
Speaker 4: the roof. But this year I've learned my lesson. I

561
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 4: found the last minute life saver or frames every year,

562
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 4: that one person that I struggle to shop for for me,

563
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,200
Speaker 4: it's my brother. He's got everything, and if he doesn't

564
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 4: already own it, he'll just go by it before I

565
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,359
Speaker 4: can get it rapt shipped to it. But this year

566
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,560
Speaker 4: he's getting or a framed because it feels personal, it

567
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,560
Speaker 4: feels thoughtful, and it ain't something he can beat me too.

568
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,639
Speaker 4: Here's where I is clutched. First off, all I gotta

569
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,119
Speaker 4: do is download the Oor app, connect the frame to

570
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 4: Wi Fi and boom. I can upload unlimited photos and videos.

571
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 4: And the best part, I can preload everything before it

572
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 4: even ships. So when my brother opens that box, he's

573
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:13,040
Speaker 4: already got a whole highlight reel of family memories waiting

574
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:13,679
Speaker 4: on him.

575
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 2: And let me tell you or it doesn't skim.

576
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 4: It comes in a premium gift box, no price tag,

577
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:22,040
Speaker 4: and it looks like it's planned out weeks ago. You

578
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 4: can't wrap togetherness, but you can frame it for a

579
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 4: limited time. Save on the perfect gift by visiting or

580
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 4: frames dot com to get thirty five dollars off or

581
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 4: best selling carbon Matt Frames name number one by Wycutter

582
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 4: by using promo code Shay Shape at checkout That's or

583
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,439
Speaker 4: Frames dot Com promo code Shay shap. This deal is

584
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 4: exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast, So order

585
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,879
Speaker 4: yours now to get it in time for the holidays.

586
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:49,200
Speaker 4: Support the show by mentioning Club Shaysha at checkout terms

587
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:49,879
Speaker 4: and conditions.

588
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 2: Wow, you say you're the oldest of seven. Correct? Your

589
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,680
Speaker 2: dad has six kids with five different women.

590
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,439
Speaker 3: Oh, you don't did your homework baby?

591
00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:00,880
Speaker 4: With that being said, and we know how you view

592
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,960
Speaker 4: your dad when you found out that you had other siblings.

593
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:06,919
Speaker 2: How did that make you feel?

594
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:07,880
Speaker 3: And I love that.

595
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 1: So when my father went to have my first little sister, okay, Ginger,

596
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,680
Speaker 1: I said, And I was only ten, and I said, Dad,

597
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,359
Speaker 1: why would you have another child?

598
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,880
Speaker 3: And I said, it better not be a girl. Oh

599
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 3: oh yeah, And he said, well, baby, it's a girl.

600
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 2: It's a girl.

601
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 1: And things happen right because I'm ten. And I said, well,

602
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 1: I don't like her. I'm not happy.

603
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:36,640
Speaker 2: You ain't even matter yet, and I won't.

604
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:37,200
Speaker 3: Be her sister.

605
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:40,120
Speaker 1: At ten years old, my little sister Ginger came out

606
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:45,480
Speaker 1: to love and worship the ground I walk on. And

607
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 1: it took me and this is something that I just

608
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:50,439
Speaker 1: have to be transparent. It took me until I was

609
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 1: early twenties to have a sit down with my sister Ginger,

610
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:57,840
Speaker 1: who is my baby now and say I'm sorry I

611
00:25:58,480 --> 00:25:59,359
Speaker 1: didn't accept you.

612
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,360
Speaker 3: It had none to do with you, but I love

613
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,199
Speaker 3: you. You're my sister. I rock with you. You minds and so

614
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 3: from my father it was an issue. But what saved

615
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,080
Speaker 3: him and me was he kept having kids.

616
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 1: So what I realized was, you know, anyone can replace

617
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,040
Speaker 1: the baby. You just got to have another baby. But

618
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 1: guess what person can never be replaced. You can never

619
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 1: have another first born.

620
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:25,440
Speaker 2: Nope.

621
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 1: Ever, So when God told me, listen, I pulled you

622
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,400
Speaker 1: in the firstborn order, So you really got to worry

623
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 1: about being replaced. Whoever's next got to worry about being replaced.

624
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 1: I said, you know what, I'm good with that. And

625
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 1: my father and I not that he doesn't love all

626
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 1: of his kids. They know he does, but they also

627
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 1: know I grew up with him. I grew up in

628
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 1: his gainst the era. I grew up in this dope

629
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:50,760
Speaker 1: dealing era. I watched him transition from you know, being

630
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,679
Speaker 1: bull head in the streets to being Darren, the family

631
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,440
Speaker 1: working man. And he always tells me no one else

632
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 1: got that opportunity. You know, I wouldness him, you know,

633
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,880
Speaker 1: and shocked. I witnessed him just so much and it's

634
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,920
Speaker 1: like I had the opportunity to see in the transition

635
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,239
Speaker 1: that they didn't get and not that you know, they

636
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 1: were robbed because it was tough times. It actually probably

637
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,040
Speaker 1: had a luxury of not seeing it. But it gave

638
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 1: me a different unph in me that we all have.

639
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,640
Speaker 1: But that makes me the most like my father. And yeah,

640
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,520
Speaker 1: we have a special bond. We really adore each other

641
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,399
Speaker 1: and he dotes on me. He would tell me, you

642
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 1: the Kobe Bryant, You're the Michael Jordan of the women.

643
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 1: And you know, to all the fathers out there, that

644
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 1: is so important. Yes, you have daughters. You know, a

645
00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 1: woman is where her daddy makes her straight uppecially when

646
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 1: it comes to men, and she can easily be manipulated

647
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,959
Speaker 1: if you're a man who doesn't input the things in

648
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:48,360
Speaker 1: her that allow her to see red flags. My father

649
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 1: would have real want on one conversations with me. He

650
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 1: talked to me like his baby. But he also would say,

651
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,440
Speaker 1: you know, do X, Y and Z and it would

652
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 1: be a name, And I like that because he talked

653
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: to me straight up. And he would explain to me that,

654
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,400
Speaker 1: you know, men use money to run power like this,

655
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,439
Speaker 1: or men may say these things that mean this. And

656
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 1: so I had this open relationship where I was I

657
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,920
Speaker 1: had the playbook, and I can come to him and say, Dad,

658
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,399
Speaker 1: you know this is what's happening in my relationship. What

659
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:18,159
Speaker 1: does this mean? Even if it was sexual? Now it

660
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:19,880
Speaker 1: was sexual. He loved jack and coke. He said, baby,

661
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 1: let me get my jack and my coke.

662
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 3: Before we have that conversation. But he was very open

663
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:25,679
Speaker 3: to those conversations.

664
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 1: But I want men to know that that a woman

665
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 1: is what her daddy makes her, and so it is

666
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:33,200
Speaker 1: your responsibility to build that woman up so that when

667
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,440
Speaker 1: she's out there, she has a realistic expectation of a man,

668
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:39,160
Speaker 1: not a fairy tale ideology. Because I ended up to

669
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 1: you what you said earlier about you know, you're never

670
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 1: going to have a man. I ended up with a

671
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 1: fairy tale ideology that I had to work through and

672
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:49,840
Speaker 1: process an unpack because I expected men to be this

673
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:51,959
Speaker 1: fairy tale that my father was. He was this night

674
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 1: shining armor. You call him, he's there. He bought me

675
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 1: my first car. We're in Vegas and you know he

676
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 1: was a drug guy.

677
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 3: So we're in Vegas and I'm sixteen.

678
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 1: He's given me thousand thousd to gamble, to spend, and

679
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,080
Speaker 1: that was reality for that type of guy. But my

680
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 1: dad also told me if a man looks like me,

681
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,120
Speaker 1: smells like me, or acts like me, run right, do

682
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 1: not bring him home, and do not date him. So

683
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 1: he never glamorized being a womanizer. He never glamorized having

684
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 1: six by five women. He told me, this is what

685
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 1: Daddy did. But I don't want this for you. And

686
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 1: there's too many men who do those things. And because

687
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 1: they are too ego centric, right versus caring about their daughters,

688
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,920
Speaker 1: that they would glamorize their behavior so their daughters won't

689
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 1: look at them in a certain way. But you are

690
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 1: tearing her up because now she thinks that the right

691
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 1: chosen person looks and acts like you, So when she

692
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:42,360
Speaker 1: brings you home, that's show problem. But my father told

693
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: me from the beginning it's a hard note. And when

694
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:46,840
Speaker 1: I did attempt today, because I really never dated street guys,

695
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 1: probably because he raised me like that, I dated more

696
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 1: like athletes when I was a college athlete or some

697
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 1: of that sort, or just a really good story.

698
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 2: Dextor, I'm just go ahead, I'm living.

699
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 1: I'm just yeah, I told y'all I'm massy, buddy crafty.

700
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 3: I don't joe dad.

701
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 1: But when I when I first tried to date my

702
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 1: first little street guy, my dad didn't even He said,

703
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 1: let me see a picture. He said, what do you do?

704
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 1: I said, he does real estate? He said, just like

705
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 1: he said that, don't do real estate.

706
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 3: I said, he don't, he don't, he don't. And my

707
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 3: dad called me every day.

708
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 1: I'm not lying for seven days to tell me to

709
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 1: get rid of that man, because one of them gonna

710
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 1: end up dead or in jail.

711
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,640
Speaker 3: So guess what you got rid of him? The right

712
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 3: thing to do?

713
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, you said, your dad said that if he ever

714
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 4: got married, the wife would become before the kids.

715
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 3: Is the He said the opposite, The kids come first.

716
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:39,479
Speaker 3: And I disagreed with him.

717
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, absolutely, I disagree.

718
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 1: He had literally almost a two hour debate. Me and

719
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 1: my father would debate a lot. We have almost identical personalities,

720
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 1: and he would never tuk us tell to anybody. I'm

721
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 1: like the only person he talk and say, Baby, listen,

722
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:54,120
Speaker 1: if we got to agree to disagree, then that's fine.

723
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:55,520
Speaker 1: Or Daddy's not trying to say nothing that's going to

724
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 1: upset you.

725
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:56,280
Speaker 2: Baby.

726
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 1: We're saying the same thing, we say, because he's just

727
00:30:59,080 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 1: trying to be daddy.

728
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 3: Hurt me, but anybody else it would have been, you know,

729
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:04,880
Speaker 3: just it, so move on, move on.

730
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 4: War.

731
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 1: But we had a long conversation, he told me, because

732
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:09,560
Speaker 1: I had a fiance at the time who actually had

733
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:14,080
Speaker 1: two beautiful girls, and he was putting me before his daughters,

734
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 1: and that's the right hierarchy, yes, And my father said

735
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 1: he can do that in your household, but the woman

736
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 1: in my house would never come ever before my kids.

737
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,240
Speaker 1: And I said, Daddy, I don't agree, and i'm your daughter.

738
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 1: I don't agree in that hierarchy. He said, you don't

739
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 1: have to agree with what I do in my household,

740
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 1: but when y'all come here, a woman would never come

741
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 1: before my girls ever. And so you know, but again,

742
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: that's also a man who has six kids by five

743
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 1: different women. And I love my father, as y'all can see,

744
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 1: but I'm also a realist. A man who can pro

745
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 1: create with multiple women and not make a family with

746
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 1: none of them or only one of them, that says

747
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 1: a lot about his lack of respect for women in general.

748
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 3: So I would have never expected my.

749
00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 1: Father to say that he respects a woman who he's

750
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:03,440
Speaker 1: romantic with so much that she would come before his

751
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 1: kids because obviously the respect level for a woman was

752
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 1: limited from the jump in order for you to be

753
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 1: able to do things in that nature.

754
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 3: And that's for any man include.

755
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 4: Mind, you think that's what you think about a respect thing?

756
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 4: A man that he lacks respect for women. If he

757
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 4: lays down and have kids with multiple women, he doesn't

758
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 4: respect them, if that whits.

759
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,760
Speaker 1: Yes, And in addition to that, he doesn't respect himself.

760
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:27,240
Speaker 1: And I also think that he lacks self love. Any

761
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 1: man who will lay with the woman unprotected. Right, let's

762
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 1: not just talk about obviously procreating that can happen. We're

763
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 1: talking about health wise diseases that can happen.

764
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:38,600
Speaker 2: He lacks what if you protected himself?

765
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 1: It to be better if he protect if. Now this

766
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 1: is my thing, I do agree. I think that it's

767
00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 1: not about what we do, it's how we do it. Okay,

768
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 1: So if a man wants to be a man who

769
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 1: was very honest and transparent about Look, I'm just trying

770
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 1: to be intimate. I'm in my intimacy. I'm just trying

771
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:54,920
Speaker 1: to have sex and have a good time. But we're

772
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 1: gonna do what say we're gonna get tested and use protection,

773
00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 1: and no one's getting pregnant. And I'm telling you out

774
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 1: in the front, there is nothing wrong with a transparent

775
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 1: man who women are signing up to, or a transparent

776
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 1: woman that men are.

777
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 3: Going to sign up to be in alignment with. Okay,

778
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 3: nothing at all. I'm talking about a man who is

779
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 3: sleeping with the woman and the woman who's sleeping with

780
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 3: the man, and both are unprotected.

781
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 1: It ain't just the man's accountablity, So the woman is

782
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:21,800
Speaker 1: accountable as well. And now you have multiple families and

783
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 1: multiple homes that are broken. We have an issue here

784
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 1: that is a bad decision making crisis in our community.

785
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 1: And it's also people who are living in this very

786
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,920
Speaker 1: present world of they're so used to dysfunction and it's

787
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:38,320
Speaker 1: become a pathology within our community that that is the

788
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:40,719
Speaker 1: norm in their baseline of what they do, and so

789
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 1: doing anything outside of that is not just only unknown,

790
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 1: but it's not even a norm that they know how

791
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 1: to create.

792
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:48,200
Speaker 3: That's the part that makes it sad to me.

793
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 2: You hold hell your father in such high regard. How

794
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,600
Speaker 2: was it? How were you able to shift?

795
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:58,880
Speaker 4: And says, you know what, I love my dad, But

796
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,480
Speaker 4: I don't love him up to have a partner like

797
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 4: my dad.

798
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 3: Love that. My dad is a hell of a father.

799
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:08,400
Speaker 1: He is not a good man to his women. My

800
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 1: dad is a womanizer, but he is a hell of

801
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:14,959
Speaker 1: a father. I truly believe that the womanizer in him

802
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 1: and him being able to take his ego out of

803
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 1: it when it comes to his relationship with his kids

804
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:25,919
Speaker 1: and not glamorize his bad behavior is what made him

805
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 1: such an amazing father, because he's able to say, I

806
00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 1: know what I do to women, so let me teach

807
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 1: you what it looks like so you don't run.

808
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:37,200
Speaker 3: Into the same type of Joka. And my father never.

809
00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 1: Put himself on a pedestal about the decisions that he

810
00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:44,480
Speaker 1: was making. When I got with my ex fiance, who

811
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 1: had two beautiful girls right by two different women, my

812
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:48,840
Speaker 1: father said, who took great care of me. I was

813
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 1: a kept woman. The man was a great guy. My

814
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 1: father said, let me explain something to you, baby. When

815
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 1: we got engaged, he said, you told me since you

816
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 1: can even speak, that you never want a man who

817
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 1: has multiple kids with multiple women. That you never want

818
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 1: a man who is a man like that is, he said,

819
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 1: what makes that man different because it's two and not five.

820
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 1: And I said, you know what you're onto something you're

821
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,840
Speaker 1: onto something, You're right. It doesn't make a difference. He

822
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 1: still is a man who has multiple kids by multiple women.

823
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,719
Speaker 1: But even in that, my father didn't say, well, it's

824
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 1: okay because I got multiple kids. You know some guys

825
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 1: like that could be a good men. He said, you

826
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 1: told me, as my daughter, you didn't want that. So,

827
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 1: even as a father who was doing the same thing,

828
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:29,919
Speaker 1: if I have to put myself in a bad light

829
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,759
Speaker 1: for you to have what's right, then the so be it.

830
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 3: That is what parenting is about, Shannon. Parenting is about

831
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:40,319
Speaker 3: I remove myself from this for the betterment of you.

832
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,800
Speaker 3: That is what love is not. If I tell you, Shannon,

833
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,280
Speaker 3: don't get a woman who's of age like me, who's

834
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 3: a doctor who don't want a man with kids, don't

835
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:50,200
Speaker 3: you know, don't get a woman like me. I don't

836
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:51,480
Speaker 3: want to tell you that, because if I tell you that,

837
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,200
Speaker 3: then what it makes me look bad? No, if I

838
00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 3: love you, that means I use anything I have to

839
00:35:57,239 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 3: help you get in a better position and do what's

840
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:00,959
Speaker 3: best for you. That's what parenting is about.

841
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 4: It's funny that you say that. Why can women have

842
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 4: choices but men can't. Women can say I want I

843
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:08,560
Speaker 4: don't want a man to have kids, I want this,

844
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:10,400
Speaker 4: I want that, I want I want a man that

845
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 4: makes six seven figures.

846
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 2: I want him to be educated.

847
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 4: I wanted to be god fear and I wanted to

848
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 4: be able to be world travel But a man can't say, well,

849
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,480
Speaker 4: I want a woman that's five fot seven. I want

850
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,319
Speaker 4: a woman that has long natural hair. I wanted to

851
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 4: be of this complexion. I wanted to be shaped like this.

852
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,280
Speaker 4: Why can't men say what we want but women can say.

853
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 1: Well, they add one more thing, because I feel like

854
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:30,279
Speaker 1: we're deflecting for one more thing.

855
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:33,359
Speaker 3: Okay, we want her to be this race, we want

856
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 3: her to be this type. Let's keep it real. Let's

857
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:38,680
Speaker 3: Be're not gonna deflect from nothing. There's men who there's

858
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 3: black men who only date non black women. Okay, we

859
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 3: don't have to say white women. Just say no, I'm black.

860
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:44,479
Speaker 3: Because there is black men.

861
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:46,839
Speaker 1: Who only date Latina women but not white women. There

862
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 1: are white men who only have a thing for black women.

863
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with a preference. I don't think a

864
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 1: man saying I am only attracted to or I have

865
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 1: only been attracted to this type of woman means that

866
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:05,360
Speaker 1: he doesn't love or respect these other kind of women. Now,

867
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:09,399
Speaker 1: on the flip side, a man who says I am

868
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 1: turned off and do not like Black women, so I

869
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 1: date non black women, he has mommy issues.

870
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 3: He has an identity crisis.

871
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:21,760
Speaker 1: Because you came from the woman you're saying you dislike,

872
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:24,839
Speaker 1: So now we have a deeper rooted issue. I'm not

873
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 1: saying that a brother who only dates outside a black

874
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:31,840
Speaker 1: woman cannot also have mommy issues, but if that's just

875
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:35,839
Speaker 1: his preference, then that's different than saying I don't date

876
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:39,360
Speaker 1: because my experience was bad. I don't date because I

877
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: don't like the way black women show up. I don't

878
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:43,760
Speaker 1: date because I don't like the way black women are strong,

879
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:44,719
Speaker 1: or they talk too much.

880
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:48,240
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying those things ain't true of us.

881
00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:50,840
Speaker 3: But what I'm saying is everyone has the right to

882
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 3: have their preference.

883
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:53,919
Speaker 1: But I do believe that people need to look deep

884
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 1: down and say, why is that your preference? Take inventory

885
00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 1: on that. I know my preference of a man with

886
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:02,280
Speaker 1: no care is because growing up as a little girl,

887
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 1: I had to share my father with six other siblings

888
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 1: and I'm not sharing another man in my life. And

889
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 1: I'm also not going to put my children in a

890
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,239
Speaker 1: position to have to share their father with anybody else

891
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 1: at all. And I'm gonna go even deeper when my

892
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 1: father passed away, which I'm happy my dad did it

893
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 1: so perfect right his life insurance when split up amongst

894
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:30,920
Speaker 1: his babies. Now, I love that because I love my babies.

895
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:33,000
Speaker 1: I'm the oldest of seven. Those are all my babies, okay,

896
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 1: And if he would have gave it all to me,

897
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 1: I would have split it with everybody anyway.

898
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,040
Speaker 3: But I'm happy he did it on his own. But

899
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:41,440
Speaker 3: my point in saying that is when a man or

900
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 3: a woman gets with somebody who has other offsprings and kids,

901
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 3: you have to not only think about the relationship presently,

902
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 3: but also in the exit strategy. So my kids do

903
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:54,720
Speaker 3: have to split things.

904
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 1: My kids are being born into a deficit because guess what,

905
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 1: you won't be able to be every day with my

906
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:02,840
Speaker 1: child if you are going to be a father to

907
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 1: those children. And when Christmas comes, our holidays come, our

908
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 1: school comes, our God forbid, something happens to your other children,

909
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:11,800
Speaker 1: like an emergency. What if our kids have an emergency

910
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 1: at the same time, Who do you choose?

911
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:16,839
Speaker 3: What happens? Do I show up as a single mother

912
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 3: in that moment because dad has to be here? How

913
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 3: do I explain that to our babies? And why do

914
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:22,080
Speaker 3: I have to?

915
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 1: And I won't have to if I choose a man

916
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:27,000
Speaker 1: who I know can be present, because being present is

917
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:30,839
Speaker 1: being in my house, in our house, in our children's home,

918
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:33,479
Speaker 1: taking them to school, waking up in the morning, them

919
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:35,879
Speaker 1: seeing you with the good morning our son, being able

920
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,879
Speaker 1: to watch how you process your emotions as a man.

921
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 1: Watch how you interact with me as a man. Watch

922
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 1: how you sit with your legs like that. Watch how

923
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: when the game is on you sit and watch you

924
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:49,880
Speaker 1: in a certain step. Watch how you yell at the

925
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:51,919
Speaker 1: TV the way you do what you do. I yell

926
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:54,000
Speaker 1: at the TV when I watch football, and I am

927
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 1: a football head because my grandfather and my father were

928
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:59,720
Speaker 1: football men, so we would sit and watch football NonStop,

929
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 1: calling pick six all day. I mean, I am calling

930
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,360
Speaker 1: a flag on the place PI, Come on, rap, that's me.

931
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,880
Speaker 3: Other women don't watch it like that, because how do

932
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 3: I learn it? By watching the men in my house?

933
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 3: By being the only girl for so long.

934
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 2: Kids are very observant.

935
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:16,719
Speaker 1: So my thing is, and I'll wrap on this, is

936
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:21,720
Speaker 1: it's not that people with kids multiple folks are doomed.

937
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 3: It's a different way that they have to parent.

938
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:28,319
Speaker 1: And whether you parent perfectly, not perfectly, but you parent

939
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,680
Speaker 1: at your best or not, those kids are still going

940
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 1: to be in a deficit. And I want to say

941
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 1: this part too, because a present parent can also present trauma.

942
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:40,600
Speaker 1: So I don't want to make it seem like because

943
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 1: if you're in the household, you not present trauma, because

944
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 1: it's also sometimes a parent or a couple that decides

945
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:55,240
Speaker 1: not being together will create a more peaceful, healthy environment

946
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 1: for the kids and us is the better decision. So

947
00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:00,360
Speaker 1: I'm not condoning or advocating for people to stay together

948
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:04,759
Speaker 1: in traumat out dysfunctional, abusive relationships where they're creating now

949
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,319
Speaker 1: not just a broken home, but a broken family, because

950
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 1: there are two different things, right, I'm saying.

951
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:11,319
Speaker 3: You gotta do what's best.

952
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 1: But if you make decisions at the very beginning that

953
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:19,800
Speaker 1: are good, then you are able to date better, marry better,

954
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 1: parent better, and you do get kids even if they

955
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,440
Speaker 1: choose to detour off. Like the Bible says, who have

956
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:28,359
Speaker 1: the tools to be better. And that's all that I'm

957
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:30,879
Speaker 1: pushing for our community. I'm not pushing that people who

958
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:32,800
Speaker 1: are baby mamas or baby dady is to beat themselves

959
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:34,359
Speaker 1: up and say they're doing that's not what it is.

960
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 1: But what I am saying, damn is now today, make

961
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:40,799
Speaker 1: a better decision, do something different, show your kids that

962
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 1: there's a different way to do it.

963
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 3: And you know, let's teach.

964
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:46,919
Speaker 1: Folks to get out there and figure out the sense

965
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,480
Speaker 1: of self so our divorce rate isn't so high. And

966
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 1: let's figure out, Shannon, how we can do more than

967
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 1: just make good love and have a drink together, Like,

968
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 1: how can we can't have better conversations together. We don't

969
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:02,359
Speaker 1: have to be romantic to have good intellecture, emotionally intelligent conversations.

970
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 1: We don't have to have gender wars because we don't

971
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:05,600
Speaker 1: agree on a topic.

972
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 4: You believe men and you believe men and women can

973
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:10,440
Speaker 4: have a friendship.

974
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 2: Steve Harvey said he ain't got no women friend and

975
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 2: he shouldn't. But you married so a man so like

976
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:18,400
Speaker 2: you and not mad.

977
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 3: Give me on this conversation.

978
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 2: Shit I've just said. So you believe men and women

979
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 2: can have a true.

980
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,799
Speaker 4: Platonic a a let's meet here, let's go get a dream,

981
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:28,839
Speaker 4: let's go get about to eat. And it stays that

982
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:30,760
Speaker 4: because a lot of people's like, oh, he's just waiting

983
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 4: for his opportunity. He just waiting for you at a

984
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:36,239
Speaker 4: moment of weakness and something went wrong with in your

985
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:38,800
Speaker 4: other relationship and he got that big shoulder for you

986
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:39,319
Speaker 4: to cry on.

987
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:40,880
Speaker 2: And next thing, you know, whila.

988
00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 3: I had a best friend of twenty four years.

989
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 1: He was there through both engagements, he was gonna be

990
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:51,239
Speaker 1: on both weddings, and as soon as that second engagement

991
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 1: was off, he said, have you found someone new?

992
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:56,080
Speaker 2: I do it, I do it.

993
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:58,719
Speaker 1: Hold on, Shannon, I said no. We were friends since

994
00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 1: we were fourteen. I said, no, I haven't. He said, well,

995
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 1: why don't we try it? I said, I know you

996
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 1: too well. Listen to this, So I could never be

997
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:10,319
Speaker 1: in a relationship with you. He had no kids, he

998
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 1: does well attorney all those things right here, right here, Okay,

999
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:23,560
Speaker 1: So I said, we can probably be homely, lover friends

1000
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:25,279
Speaker 1: and be intimate because I've known you for so long,

1001
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,799
Speaker 1: so I feel very safe with being intimate with you.

1002
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 1: And he says, if I can't have you in every

1003
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 1: way and marry you, I won't touch your body. So

1004
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 1: I said, okay, well let's try this dating thing. We

1005
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 1: tried the dating thing exactly what I told him was right.

1006
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 3: Sex was the fire. The relationship. Mm hmm, what was wrong?

1007
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 1: Everything that he did in all his all of his

1008
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:56,719
Speaker 1: previous relationships, he started to do in because people are

1009
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,760
Speaker 1: This is another thing people don't change.

1010
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:01,240
Speaker 3: We shift.

1011
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:04,400
Speaker 1: We learn how to manage the things in us that

1012
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 1: we don't like or that we learn don't serve us.

1013
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 1: So if line never serve nobody, that person is still

1014
00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: a liar who has to manage the behavior of not lying.

1015
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 1: No different than an addic. A person who was addicted

1016
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:25,880
Speaker 1: to porn is managing no longer looking at porn management

1017
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:27,760
Speaker 1: could look like this. They won't go on the environment

1018
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:29,759
Speaker 1: of maybe a strip club. They will not go in

1019
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:33,080
Speaker 1: an environment where there's a porn on television. Same thing

1020
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:35,360
Speaker 1: for alcoholics, right, They try their best to not go

1021
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,239
Speaker 1: around it as much as possible. There's a lot of

1022
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:41,600
Speaker 1: willpower that that takes a lot of managing. You don't

1023
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:44,479
Speaker 1: wake up in the next day or go through six

1024
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:46,279
Speaker 1: months or a year of therapy, shann and you are

1025
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:49,640
Speaker 1: no longer built the way you are biologically, you no

1026
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:51,759
Speaker 1: longer think the way you think. You no longer have

1027
00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 1: the appetite that you used to have. Do we grow

1028
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 1: out of some things naturally, yes? But evolving and growing

1029
00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:00,319
Speaker 1: out of something is very different than saying, now I'm

1030
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 1: with you, I want to stop smoking cigarettes. Now that

1031
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:05,320
Speaker 1: I'm with you, I no longer want to watch porn.

1032
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:09,040
Speaker 1: You're managing yourself, so there's only a matter of time

1033
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:11,880
Speaker 1: before who you don't like about me shows up in

1034
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:15,279
Speaker 1: this relationship. So I always ask people this, Instead of

1035
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 1: finding people that you have to change for or that

1036
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 1: you want to change for, you find somebody who's conducive

1037
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:24,279
Speaker 1: to the shit you got going on. Meaning if you're

1038
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:28,000
Speaker 1: in your dysfunctional era, I'm serious, you find someone who

1039
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:32,239
Speaker 1: your dysfunction does not create dysfunction in them.

1040
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:36,200
Speaker 3: Your dysfunction may be something that they need and they

1041
00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:38,840
Speaker 3: can feed in a healthy way, because that happens often.

1042
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 1: For example, people who have anxious attachment. Those are the

1043
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 1: people who are just always want to be up under

1044
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:45,319
Speaker 1: you and all you want to attach if you want

1045
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:46,200
Speaker 1: to that, right, would you do it?

1046
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 2: Now?

1047
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,440
Speaker 3: Watch this? Now, I'm an abandoned little girl who's grown

1048
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 3: up to you to abandoned women. I have worked through

1049
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 3: a lot of my stuff.

1050
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:58,160
Speaker 1: But that anxious attachment person would drive somebody who is

1051
00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:02,560
Speaker 1: in avoidant or even secure attachment crazy.

1052
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 3: That is system overload, way too much for them. Me.

1053
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 3: I love me a clinging man. So if my man

1054
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:11,520
Speaker 3: hold on, I'm not saying he's sitting at home not

1055
00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 3: doing then I'm playing video game. I'm saying he's traveling,

1056
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 3: he's doing work, he's doing this thing.

1057
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:17,879
Speaker 1: But maybe in between work, in between sessions, in between lunch,

1058
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 1: he wants to FaceTime me or text me or baby,

1059
00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:21,200
Speaker 1: I miss you. And when he's done with work, he

1060
00:46:21,239 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 1: wants to get right back home to mama. I love

1061
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:25,760
Speaker 1: me and man like that. He wants to fly me outright.

1062
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 1: Oh hell yes, so you you You.

1063
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:33,200
Speaker 4: Got a therapist says that you talk, he told mister Johnson.

1064
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,399
Speaker 4: So how does it that missus Johnson feel that you're

1065
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 4: not meeting so forth and so on, And then you

1066
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:42,320
Speaker 4: get out of that session. You got like five text messages,

1067
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:43,880
Speaker 4: three miss called okay.

1068
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 1: So see, see, now you're going to obsessive. I didn't

1069
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,279
Speaker 1: say that the person will crash out.

1070
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 3: That's different.

1071
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:53,800
Speaker 1: That's somebody who's having an anxiety attack because you're not available.

1072
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:55,200
Speaker 3: That's more of codependency.

1073
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:55,640
Speaker 2: Okay.

1074
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:59,799
Speaker 1: I'm saying somebody who has an attachment style where they

1075
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 1: love being plugged into their partner. They want to plug,

1076
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 1: they want to see you want to see your woman's

1077
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:07,839
Speaker 1: face before me and you do this interview. So when

1078
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:09,399
Speaker 1: I walked in, you might have been saying, okay, baby,

1079
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 1: hey doctor Brian just walked in.

1080
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 3: I'll call you right back. And then you hang up,

1081
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:15,279
Speaker 3: and I'm like, hey, Shannon, Yes, that is what's healthy for.

1082
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:16,040
Speaker 2: Me, okay.

1083
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:19,960
Speaker 1: But for many other people, that attachment style may not

1084
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:23,040
Speaker 1: work for them. They may say I'm too needy or

1085
00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 1: that person's too need. So what I try to teach

1086
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:30,640
Speaker 1: people is stop finding someone who was avoidant, right, and

1087
00:47:30,680 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 1: I want someone who's going to be attached. And now

1088
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,879
Speaker 1: I'm telling you all day, Shannon, like you don't call

1089
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:37,719
Speaker 1: me enough, Like are you not into me? You know

1090
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 1: you're not slapping my ass every time I walk by.

1091
00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 1: You know, it's like you need your space downstairs in

1092
00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:43,520
Speaker 1: the man cave for an hour when you get home

1093
00:47:43,560 --> 00:47:45,560
Speaker 1: to the brief. But to me, that makes me feel

1094
00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:49,040
Speaker 1: a little detached from you, right, Versus finding a man

1095
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:51,520
Speaker 1: who says shit, you are my man ca I can't

1096
00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:52,920
Speaker 1: Daddy can't.

1097
00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:55,520
Speaker 3: Come on, baby, now we talking while you're at a mama,

1098
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:59,200
Speaker 3: bring me that good shame, sha, bring that good shade dark.

1099
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:01,640
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. That's what I mean by

1100
00:48:01,719 --> 00:48:05,640
Speaker 3: us finding what's conducive to us, not finding the person

1101
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:08,040
Speaker 3: who needs us to change and be something else, because

1102
00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:11,879
Speaker 3: that's also a deeper rooted issue. If I'm always attracting

1103
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:14,480
Speaker 3: and choosing people who want me to change, that is

1104
00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 3: an identity crisis issue. That is a lack of self love.

1105
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:21,480
Speaker 3: Something in me doesn't like myself. So I'm calibrating you,

1106
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:22,040
Speaker 3: who is.

1107
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 1: Pointing out for me what I don't like that I

1108
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:26,920
Speaker 1: need to change, and I'm making you my motivating factor

1109
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:29,400
Speaker 1: to change. When if I don't like that about myself,

1110
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 1: shouldn't that be an inside job. Shouldn't I sit with

1111
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:33,919
Speaker 1: me first and say these are the things I don't

1112
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 1: like about me. Let me lose the weight, let me

1113
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:40,360
Speaker 1: have better self care, let me tail down on my

1114
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:42,400
Speaker 1: smart mouth. Whatever it is I feel I need to do.

1115
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:44,880
Speaker 3: Why do I need to choose you to tell me

1116
00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:47,400
Speaker 3: I need to change and me be motivated by you?

1117
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:49,440
Speaker 3: That's codependency. That's unhealthy.

1118
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:54,680
Speaker 1: So people listen, get a sense of self, and then

1119
00:48:54,719 --> 00:48:58,000
Speaker 1: find somebody who's conducive to who you are. Because no

1120
00:48:58,040 --> 00:48:59,879
Speaker 1: one's ever gonna be perfect. We all gonna be broken.

1121
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:01,360
Speaker 1: We meet whoever we meet, and there's no such thing

1122
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 1: as a fully healed person. So all this wait till

1123
00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:05,600
Speaker 1: you're heal to find somebody're gonna be waiting forever. And

1124
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 1: what happens is while you are trying to isolate to heal,

1125
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:11,880
Speaker 1: you are also unlearning how to socialize.

1126
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:15,400
Speaker 3: You are also debditing your chemistry muscle. So when you

1127
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:17,319
Speaker 3: go back out the house six months, five years, I

1128
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 3: have a long y'all trying to isolate.

1129
00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:21,759
Speaker 1: Then you're going, I'm socially awkward. How come I can't

1130
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 1: connect with people? How come there's no chemistry with anybody? Well,

1131
00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:28,640
Speaker 1: you ain't used it, so you can dated there you go.

1132
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:33,600
Speaker 1: So it's about having healthy distractions. I'm gonna heal for

1133
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:36,080
Speaker 1: two hours a day and meditate and take stuff inventory

1134
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:39,040
Speaker 1: and do my therapy. But then Monday, Wednesday, Friday, at

1135
00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 1: seven o'clock, I have to get out and socialize. I

1136
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:42,960
Speaker 1: have to get out and meet people who are celebrating me.

1137
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:44,360
Speaker 1: I have to get out and create a circle of

1138
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:46,480
Speaker 1: wealth who are pouring into me. So I have a

1139
00:49:46,480 --> 00:49:49,560
Speaker 1: balance of healing and also a norm that's gonna allow

1140
00:49:49,640 --> 00:49:52,400
Speaker 1: me to be me and be around people and socialize

1141
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:55,319
Speaker 1: and meet someone who I can possibly be conducive with,

1142
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 1: who I don't have to look forward to be my

1143
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:00,279
Speaker 1: motivator to change and be a better me. Being better

1144
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:02,400
Speaker 1: comes from the inside a woman to never make a

1145
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:04,480
Speaker 1: man a better man. Y'all gonna change and you want to,

1146
00:50:04,680 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 1: as you see in my father's words, gonna be a

1147
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:09,840
Speaker 1: nigga a woman, I is gonna be a womanizer.

1148
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 3: A woman will become a.

1149
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 1: Product of your environment. Off seting cardib is a perfect example.

1150
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 1: Cardi b came into it. She had no kids, she

1151
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 1: was in her career. She's going diamond and Platina with

1152
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:23,919
Speaker 1: her records. No kids, Offset had how many by how many?

1153
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 2: And bring you had a couple.

1154
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:27,880
Speaker 3: So who became a product of whose environment?

1155
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:34,840
Speaker 1: Cardi now has two by two. My theory proven right again.

1156
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:37,840
Speaker 1: She has two by two. So she's a product of

1157
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 1: his environment. I'm just saying what it is because a

1158
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:45,560
Speaker 1: man who's gonna marry is a man who's gonna want

1159
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:49,239
Speaker 1: marry he's looking for marriage. But a man who's just

1160
00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:52,120
Speaker 1: looking for ass is what he's looking for. It don't

1161
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:55,760
Speaker 1: matter if he runs to doctor Bryant. People in general,

1162
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:59,319
Speaker 1: especially women, have to be stop being so arrogant to

1163
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 1: think that anything we got to a walk to a

1164
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,279
Speaker 1: dwalk to anything can take a man and make him

1165
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 1: what he's not. We ain't building, we ain't never made, y'all,

1166
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:10,560
Speaker 1: and we would never change y'all. Only thing we can

1167
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:13,200
Speaker 1: do is choose, y'all and say, if this man never

1168
00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 1: changes this right here, I will love everything.

1169
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:19,000
Speaker 3: About this man exactly how he is. But we don't

1170
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:19,359
Speaker 3: do that.

1171
00:51:19,719 --> 00:51:23,920
Speaker 1: I do now, but most women don't. We go I

1172
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 1: like twenty five thirty five percent. I think, I think

1173
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:28,760
Speaker 1: that's that's sixty five percent.

1174
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 3: Once he meets me, makes love to me, and see

1175
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 3: I can cook, and I can clean, and I can

1176
00:51:32,719 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 3: do these other things, and my knees is good and

1177
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:36,800
Speaker 3: I do cook. Yeah, but the man cleans.

1178
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:37,600
Speaker 2: I don't agree.

1179
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:40,239
Speaker 1: I'll cook it for you, but but don't you read me.

1180
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:42,400
Speaker 1: But I'll cook it. I'll cook it for my man

1181
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:49,280
Speaker 1: red me. But all that, guess what, that ain't gonna

1182
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:50,480
Speaker 1: change who you are.

1183
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:52,759
Speaker 3: That's not going to change the type of man you are.

1184
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,279
Speaker 4: I don't even want to go out no more. Lose

1185
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:57,319
Speaker 4: my number, hole boy, don't they will call me again.

1186
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 4: I'm happy here.

1187
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:00,839
Speaker 3: There you go.

1188
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 4: Let me ask you this, because it seemed like like

1189
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:07,160
Speaker 4: in today's time, Doc, when I was coming up.

1190
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,560
Speaker 3: And with this is so good. I don't even drink.

1191
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:11,239
Speaker 2: This is so good, thank you.

1192
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:13,880
Speaker 3: She wouldn't have to come up with a with a

1193
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:17,000
Speaker 3: shake something this is good.

1194
00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:21,480
Speaker 4: When I was coming up, it was it like the

1195
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:24,719
Speaker 4: ladies wanted you to call them and you just couldn't call.

1196
00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 4: Like now, if you call, if you talk to the

1197
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:28,200
Speaker 4: person once a week.

1198
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:32,879
Speaker 3: They're cool Tuesday, okay, the mother one. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah,

1199
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 3: don't call me once a week. Call me all Listen,

1200
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:39,200
Speaker 3: I said, love me at least love me like this.

1201
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:44,879
Speaker 3: Do not love me like that, literally and figuratively love

1202
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:48,320
Speaker 3: me like this. You got to love me up.

1203
00:52:48,200 --> 00:52:50,360
Speaker 2: Close, doc on demon.

1204
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:59,840
Speaker 3: Time, Demon time, love me up close.

1205
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:01,919
Speaker 1: But you know what I wanted you to finish your question,

1206
00:53:01,960 --> 00:53:08,320
Speaker 1: because healthy people know how to love Okay.

1207
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:10,600
Speaker 3: Healthy people don't have to love you at a distance.

1208
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:15,280
Speaker 1: Okay, because a distance means that I'm putting barriers.

1209
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 3: In front of them.

1210
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 2: Yes, yes.

1211
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,719
Speaker 1: So, if I am not afraid of love, then why

1212
00:53:19,719 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 1: am I not loving all the way like this?

1213
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:23,600
Speaker 3: Why am I not loving like this? Whym my not

1214
00:53:23,680 --> 00:53:24,359
Speaker 3: loving like this?

1215
00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:28,839
Speaker 1: Why is it that I'm putting stipulations or barriers or

1216
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:30,759
Speaker 1: limitations on how I love you?

1217
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:34,520
Speaker 3: I was made from love. My parents love the shit

1218
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:37,280
Speaker 3: out of me. My mom still treats me like I'm four.

1219
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:38,600
Speaker 3: My dad still open my.

1220
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:41,160
Speaker 1: Door at the age of thirty eight when he would

1221
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:41,880
Speaker 1: take me to dinner.

1222
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:44,160
Speaker 3: So I am a love bug.

1223
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:46,400
Speaker 1: So I don't need you to love me from a

1224
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:50,520
Speaker 1: distance because you are starving me of the love that

1225
00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:53,680
Speaker 1: we could both be having if you didn't have issues

1226
00:53:53,719 --> 00:53:57,040
Speaker 1: with love. Because when you think of love, Shannon, you

1227
00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:58,440
Speaker 1: think of love as limitations.

1228
00:53:59,280 --> 00:53:59,680
Speaker 2: No, it's.

1229
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:01,719
Speaker 4: So.

1230
00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:04,879
Speaker 3: Then Why is there a number amount on how many

1231
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:07,400
Speaker 3: calls or texas I can give or get from you

1232
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 3: a day? Why is it that you know too much time?

1233
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:13,600
Speaker 1: Is too much time to be spent If we really

1234
00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 1: love and like each other, how come I can't just

1235
00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:18,360
Speaker 1: miss you while I'm in your presence? How come I

1236
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:21,239
Speaker 1: can't just had made love to you, laid up under you.

1237
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:23,600
Speaker 3: And want to lean over and still smell you again?

1238
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:26,960
Speaker 1: What is wrong with that? How come I can't make

1239
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:29,239
Speaker 1: love to you? Been with you for four days straight?

1240
00:54:29,239 --> 00:54:32,480
Speaker 1: We done made love full five times already, and then say.

1241
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:36,560
Speaker 3: Daddy, I miss you. Really, that's not obsessive. That's healthy

1242
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:40,239
Speaker 3: love that happened in today's time. That's how I love shit.

1243
00:54:40,600 --> 00:54:41,600
Speaker 3: It's healthy love.

1244
00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:44,120
Speaker 1: And that's why I can't just be giving my love

1245
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:47,799
Speaker 1: to anybody, because not because you have that.

1246
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:51,400
Speaker 3: Kind of pot gallon. There's people who are pints.

1247
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:54,680
Speaker 1: Gallons have to be careful of pints and pints have

1248
00:54:54,719 --> 00:54:57,400
Speaker 1: to be careful. No one's better, it's just different bandwidth, right,

1249
00:54:57,719 --> 00:54:58,560
Speaker 1: My love is this?

1250
00:54:59,120 --> 00:55:01,480
Speaker 3: So if a pint everything they happened to me, how

1251
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 3: much is left?

1252
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:03,319
Speaker 2: You still got room?

1253
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:07,160
Speaker 3: If I pour everything into them system overload, they cannot

1254
00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:09,640
Speaker 3: facilitate me. This is why I said, we have to

1255
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:13,239
Speaker 3: find conduciveness. We have to find people who are what

1256
00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:18,880
Speaker 3: bandwidth capacity driven? We gotta stop looking at this.

1257
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:21,000
Speaker 1: Dude got a contract for one hundred million dollars, so

1258
00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:22,680
Speaker 1: that contract coped these bills.

1259
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:25,959
Speaker 3: But then after you get these kids and you see.

1260
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:27,960
Speaker 1: That the trainer that you've been training with, who possibly

1261
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:29,920
Speaker 1: can't pay all the bills, has a bandwidth I'm not

1262
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:31,480
Speaker 1: saying be with the trainer. What I'm saying is you

1263
00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:34,720
Speaker 1: got to find the in between or it's conducive for you, okay,

1264
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:37,840
Speaker 1: because people are too driven in things that don't sustain

1265
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:40,480
Speaker 1: them and then they end up making decisions that have

1266
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:42,959
Speaker 1: them doing time because they didn't take their time.

1267
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 2: That's a problem, is it in the relationship? Now?

1268
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:50,000
Speaker 4: Do we have two unrealistic expectations? Because I think the

1269
00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:52,400
Speaker 4: thing is that and what I like. I'm a firm believer.

1270
00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:54,840
Speaker 4: And the lady told me, say, Shannon, You're never gonna

1271
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:57,520
Speaker 4: find someone that has everything. You're not gonna find someone

1272
00:55:57,560 --> 00:55:59,759
Speaker 4: that can cook. They have the job they do your

1273
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:01,759
Speaker 4: egg y and Z because she hadn't. If she has

1274
00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:03,960
Speaker 4: a job, how do you expect her to be at

1275
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:06,719
Speaker 4: your becking call? And then you're gonna get tired If

1276
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:08,479
Speaker 4: she's at your becking call all the time, you're gonna

1277
00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:10,839
Speaker 4: get tired of her being being at your becking call.

1278
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:13,880
Speaker 4: So you're not gonna find someone that has everything. Just

1279
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:16,799
Speaker 4: find someone that has enough of the qualities that you

1280
00:56:16,880 --> 00:56:19,400
Speaker 4: want that a few of the ones that she don't

1281
00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:21,960
Speaker 4: you can survive perfect.

1282
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:25,440
Speaker 1: And I say this, what are your non negotiables? Right,

1283
00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:29,560
Speaker 1: my not negotiables is a man with children. That's pretty

1284
00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:31,719
Speaker 1: much it. Yeah right, I mean, of course we can

1285
00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:34,560
Speaker 1: to be abusive. Those the common sense Yeah, common sense.

1286
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 3: Okay, no kids. So as long as he has no kids,

1287
00:56:38,239 --> 00:56:39,240
Speaker 3: I go down the list.

1288
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:42,600
Speaker 1: He's kind, he's loving. You know, he has that attachment style.

1289
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:44,879
Speaker 1: I like he wants to put get his suit case

1290
00:56:44,920 --> 00:56:46,640
Speaker 1: and live up in me. I love it, you know,

1291
00:56:46,960 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 1: that type of thing. And he loves on me. He's faithful.

1292
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:52,880
Speaker 1: I like transparency. I don't like honesty. So he's transparent.

1293
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 1: And so what people need to do with.

1294
00:56:56,120 --> 00:56:58,839
Speaker 4: Sayencies tell you is something that you'd even ask.

1295
00:56:58,960 --> 00:57:03,799
Speaker 3: It's forthcoming. Honesty is yeah, I asked the question and

1296
00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:06,880
Speaker 3: then you answer me. Forthcoming is bay. Let me tell

1297
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:09,520
Speaker 3: you what happened to me today, baby. I was driving home.

1298
00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:11,120
Speaker 3: I got an email from my ex and I had.

1299
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:13,920
Speaker 1: Talked to her in ten years, really babe, yes, And

1300
00:57:14,000 --> 00:57:15,520
Speaker 1: the email said, boom boom, she's in town.

1301
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:16,280
Speaker 3: She wants to go to lunch.

1302
00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:18,480
Speaker 1: I said, would you say, babe, I told her I'm

1303
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:21,000
Speaker 1: married that she didn't see that on social media.

1304
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:24,240
Speaker 3: I got a wife or I didn't respond at all? Baby, Okay,

1305
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:25,760
Speaker 3: and guess what we resume our day.

1306
00:57:25,960 --> 00:57:30,040
Speaker 1: Okay, because the fact that you're transparent, you are now

1307
00:57:30,080 --> 00:57:33,960
Speaker 1: depositing into our trust bank. But when I have to

1308
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:35,800
Speaker 1: ask you, bab and say you didn't respond to the

1309
00:57:35,840 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 1: email out on you did everything right, but I happened

1310
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:40,080
Speaker 1: to run through and I said, baby, you didn't tell

1311
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:42,040
Speaker 1: me such and such emails you and you go, oh, babe,

1312
00:57:42,080 --> 00:57:43,360
Speaker 1: you know I won't eve think of it.

1313
00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:46,560
Speaker 3: But let's say you did everything right, you really didn't

1314
00:57:46,560 --> 00:57:47,120
Speaker 3: pay it no more.

1315
00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 1: Now it's not about you doing anything right, it's about

1316
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:54,880
Speaker 1: what why didn't you tell me? Most people say that

1317
00:57:55,320 --> 00:57:57,680
Speaker 1: now you are starting a little bit of cracks and

1318
00:57:57,720 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 1: crevices in our trust foundation.

1319
00:57:59,560 --> 00:58:01,360
Speaker 3: When you ain't did nothing wrong.

1320
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:03,240
Speaker 1: So now of course I'm not going to leave you

1321
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:05,240
Speaker 1: for that, But now we got to work through me

1322
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:07,200
Speaker 1: trying to say, baby, next time, could you tell me?

1323
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:10,080
Speaker 1: But when you can just be forthcoming if you know

1324
00:58:10,120 --> 00:58:12,520
Speaker 1: you have nothing going on, Transparency is the way to

1325
00:58:12,520 --> 00:58:14,840
Speaker 1: build the best trust his baby, Look, this is what

1326
00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:16,320
Speaker 1: it is, and let me go.

1327
00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:20,920
Speaker 3: It's gonna be very unapologetic opinion. Before my player is

1328
00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:23,240
Speaker 3: out there for the men who's trying to play for

1329
00:58:23,280 --> 00:58:26,240
Speaker 3: the woman who's trying to go dig. Even as a

1330
00:58:26,280 --> 00:58:30,280
Speaker 3: player who got a little bit of game. Transparency would

1331
00:58:30,280 --> 00:58:31,160
Speaker 3: be what you want to do.

1332
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:36,919
Speaker 1: Because when you tell a woman everything that's really going on,

1333
00:58:38,200 --> 00:58:40,680
Speaker 1: she trusted you, hold on trust, Kris?

1334
00:58:40,720 --> 00:58:41,920
Speaker 3: What security?

1335
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:45,960
Speaker 2: What do woman want security? And you give an opportunity

1336
00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 2: to make a choice because if you deny that.

1337
00:58:49,480 --> 00:58:53,000
Speaker 3: So how many women are dealing with the married man

1338
00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:54,400
Speaker 3: who they know is married?

1339
00:58:55,840 --> 00:58:59,280
Speaker 1: And that married man has no problem with the side

1340
00:58:59,360 --> 00:59:00,600
Speaker 1: chick because.

1341
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:03,640
Speaker 3: She knows and in her or rabbit ass mine she

1342
00:59:03,760 --> 00:59:06,479
Speaker 3: says what said.

1343
00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:09,560
Speaker 2: Eventually he gonna leave her and be with me.

1344
00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:13,360
Speaker 3: And guess what. He a good man, Savannah, because he's

1345
00:59:13,440 --> 00:59:16,000
Speaker 3: honest with me. He told me he was married. I

1346
00:59:16,040 --> 00:59:18,920
Speaker 3: could trust him. But see, Savannah's man was married in

1347
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:22,120
Speaker 3: that movie too. That's the problem.

1348
00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:25,880
Speaker 1: And the wife don't know about you, and even if

1349
00:59:25,920 --> 00:59:29,520
Speaker 1: she does, he's a womanizer. So a womanizer's gonna do

1350
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:33,480
Speaker 1: what womanize, right, So when a person shows you who they.

1351
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:37,240
Speaker 3: Are, my dad used to always say, believe them, don't wrap.

1352
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,360
Speaker 1: Them with your fairy tale ideology of what you want

1353
00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:41,880
Speaker 1: them to be and then gaslight them when you see

1354
00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:46,240
Speaker 1: that's not who they are. So transparency is the foundation,

1355
00:59:46,880 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 1: whether you are trying to move in a good character,

1356
00:59:49,680 --> 00:59:53,000
Speaker 1: which I couldone good character, or even if you're not.

1357
00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 1: It's about the transparency piece. We all want to know that,

1358
00:59:56,240 --> 00:59:58,160
Speaker 1: whether I like you or not, Shannon, I can trust you.

1359
00:59:58,440 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 1: I'll hire you if I could trust you.

1360
00:59:59,800 --> 01:00:01,400
Speaker 3: Yes, But I'm not going to.

1361
01:00:01,440 --> 01:00:03,320
Speaker 1: Hire this snake who does a better job than you,

1362
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 1: but I can't trust him.

1363
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:05,600
Speaker 3: It's transparency.

1364
01:00:05,720 --> 01:00:09,480
Speaker 4: Do we have two unrealistic expectations of what a relationship

1365
01:00:09,520 --> 01:00:09,920
Speaker 4: should be?

1366
01:00:10,280 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 3: You mean on the man and women's perspective? I think so.

1367
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 1: I think the perfection thing is one, definitely, and I

1368
01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:17,880
Speaker 1: think that's both men and women. I think men want

1369
01:00:17,920 --> 01:00:19,920
Speaker 1: this perfect woman who does all those things you named

1370
01:00:20,480 --> 01:00:22,880
Speaker 1: in today's society. What woman is not working? I mean,

1371
01:00:22,920 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 1: you do have some woman that I was a kept woman.

1372
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:28,680
Speaker 3: But to your point, I cooked, I cleaned, he had

1373
01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:29,920
Speaker 3: in house. I never denied him.

1374
01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:31,960
Speaker 1: All I did was work out and run on the

1375
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:34,680
Speaker 1: present of naacp here in Los Angeles, and I ran

1376
01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:35,960
Speaker 1: that and ran my foundation.

1377
01:00:36,360 --> 01:00:38,000
Speaker 3: But I didn't work. He didn't want me to work.

1378
01:00:38,120 --> 01:00:40,080
Speaker 1: But I also was a woman who was okay with

1379
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:43,000
Speaker 1: not working and just fully submitting to him.

1380
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:44,760
Speaker 3: I was okay in that position?

1381
01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:47,160
Speaker 2: Would you be okay now in that position?

1382
01:00:48,120 --> 01:00:53,040
Speaker 1: So I believe that I would be okay in that position.

1383
01:00:54,880 --> 01:00:58,960
Speaker 1: If my husband said, baby, you know, once you have

1384
01:00:59,160 --> 01:01:02,040
Speaker 1: our kids, I want you home with them, and I

1385
01:01:02,080 --> 01:01:05,760
Speaker 1: don't really want you actively traveling the way you do

1386
01:01:05,840 --> 01:01:10,520
Speaker 1: for your career. And he was open to me still

1387
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:12,360
Speaker 1: creating and producing all the shows that I produced, where

1388
01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:14,439
Speaker 1: I don't have to be so hands on, right having

1389
01:01:14,440 --> 01:01:16,400
Speaker 1: my doctor Brian Institute, which I have therapists that work

1390
01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:19,400
Speaker 1: for me that see clients. If he understood that what

1391
01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:21,800
Speaker 1: I built, which is bigger than me, it's about healing

1392
01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:26,160
Speaker 1: our community, is something I can still have and allowed

1393
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:29,720
Speaker 1: to operate and heal folks. Yes, But if he said

1394
01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:31,920
Speaker 1: you got the shut up, shut down from the shop,

1395
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:34,440
Speaker 1: when I would say, what does it make sense? Because

1396
01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:37,440
Speaker 1: this contributes to our economic household, and it contributes to

1397
01:01:37,480 --> 01:01:39,680
Speaker 1: our legacy, and these are things that I can leave

1398
01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:43,800
Speaker 1: behind to our children and also that you, as my husband,

1399
01:01:44,040 --> 01:01:46,520
Speaker 1: will fully benefit from because this is not mine.

1400
01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:50,240
Speaker 3: I built this and it's ours and so let's take

1401
01:01:50,280 --> 01:01:51,320
Speaker 3: it and build it together.

1402
01:01:51,680 --> 01:01:56,680
Speaker 1: And I don't mind hiring an office manager, a second assistant,

1403
01:01:56,840 --> 01:01:57,680
Speaker 1: a another CEO.

1404
01:01:57,720 --> 01:02:00,240
Speaker 3: I could hire a full five more. People want to

1405
01:02:00,240 --> 01:02:02,520
Speaker 3: make sure what I built can sustain sustainable.

1406
01:02:02,640 --> 01:02:04,600
Speaker 1: But what I will say is I am one hundred

1407
01:02:04,600 --> 01:02:08,520
Speaker 1: percent open to dialing down and be more available and

1408
01:02:08,640 --> 01:02:12,040
Speaker 1: convenient and accessible to him. Absolutely, because I've done it

1409
01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:13,520
Speaker 1: before and I love that position.

1410
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:16,400
Speaker 4: Yes, you mentioned the shows that you produce, You co

1411
01:02:16,440 --> 01:02:21,240
Speaker 4: produce MTV, Team Mom, Family Reunion, You're going to Basketball Wives.

1412
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:22,240
Speaker 2: What is it about?

1413
01:02:22,600 --> 01:02:25,280
Speaker 4: I remember I had a conversation with a guy, this

1414
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:29,560
Speaker 4: had to be Doctor Bryan, probably in two thousand and

1415
01:02:29,600 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 4: this was the time kind of like MTV The Real

1416
01:02:32,440 --> 01:02:35,440
Speaker 4: World was just starting to come on Survivor, and he

1417
01:02:35,480 --> 01:02:39,520
Speaker 4: said that, he said, that is television moving forward. I said,

1418
01:02:39,520 --> 01:02:42,160
Speaker 4: what do you mean? He said, reality television is going

1419
01:02:42,240 --> 01:02:42,920
Speaker 4: to be the wave.

1420
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:45,840
Speaker 2: He said. I said why. He said, because it's cheap.

1421
01:02:46,520 --> 01:02:49,360
Speaker 4: He said, instead of paying somebody on two hundred three

1422
01:02:49,400 --> 01:02:52,880
Speaker 4: hundred thousand episode and you shoot twenty twenty five episodes,

1423
01:02:53,120 --> 01:02:55,840
Speaker 4: you can pay somebody five thousand. Because everybody wants that

1424
01:02:55,880 --> 01:02:58,960
Speaker 4: fifteen minutes, and everybody feels they'll be able to take

1425
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:02,439
Speaker 4: that fifteen minutes and transition into something bigger and low

1426
01:03:02,480 --> 01:03:05,960
Speaker 4: and behold. But I think if really television is don't

1427
01:03:05,960 --> 01:03:08,680
Speaker 4: a disservice too somewhat because they got people, they they

1428
01:03:08,760 --> 01:03:12,200
Speaker 4: got people thinking like coup o, bro, it's not like that.

1429
01:03:12,400 --> 01:03:13,240
Speaker 2: It's not like that.

1430
01:03:13,520 --> 01:03:17,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, And people can't transit many most people cannot transition

1431
01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:21,840
Speaker 1: out of reality TV to anything else because they've exposed

1432
01:03:22,160 --> 01:03:24,200
Speaker 1: the parts of them that most people don't want to

1433
01:03:24,240 --> 01:03:26,640
Speaker 1: hire or don't want to represent them company their company.

1434
01:03:26,920 --> 01:03:30,840
Speaker 1: So for me, uh, you know, with Teen Mom and

1435
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:34,040
Speaker 1: Family Reunion going on that show, I developed it and

1436
01:03:34,080 --> 01:03:36,800
Speaker 1: I co produced it. I was an on camera life coach, right,

1437
01:03:36,880 --> 01:03:39,840
Speaker 1: so my reality was my real life position.

1438
01:03:40,160 --> 01:03:41,720
Speaker 3: So I loved it. I was in my purpose.

1439
01:03:41,920 --> 01:03:44,280
Speaker 1: I love I love those those teen moms and dads

1440
01:03:44,280 --> 01:03:46,240
Speaker 1: and families that were on there. We build great relationships

1441
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:49,320
Speaker 1: and I was able to really really transition their lives.

1442
01:03:49,400 --> 01:03:51,760
Speaker 1: It was it was beautiful and for people to sit

1443
01:03:51,840 --> 01:03:54,120
Speaker 1: on TV Basketball Wives. I also went on there as

1444
01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:59,040
Speaker 1: the psychology expert, and it just took a different toll

1445
01:03:59,240 --> 01:04:02,760
Speaker 1: because those group of women were not in a position

1446
01:04:03,200 --> 01:04:06,400
Speaker 1: of wanting healing, which I believe the network knew that

1447
01:04:06,440 --> 01:04:08,680
Speaker 1: and we it's all it's business. I get it's entertainment.

1448
01:04:09,360 --> 01:04:11,640
Speaker 1: They were more in the position of saying, well, this

1449
01:04:11,680 --> 01:04:13,920
Speaker 1: is our norm what we've been doing reality TV.

1450
01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:15,840
Speaker 3: We turn it up right. So at some.

1451
01:04:15,880 --> 01:04:19,120
Speaker 1: Point I understood that that wasn't the show for me

1452
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:20,960
Speaker 1: because I wouldn't be able to use my expertise on

1453
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:21,320
Speaker 1: that show.

1454
01:04:21,480 --> 01:04:23,520
Speaker 3: I would have to use you know, check a bitch

1455
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:25,280
Speaker 3: on that show. It's just the truth.

1456
01:04:25,440 --> 01:04:28,360
Speaker 1: And so I said, let me just remove myself before

1457
01:04:28,440 --> 01:04:30,040
Speaker 1: I ruined.

1458
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:33,000
Speaker 3: Myself and somebody on the show. But reality TV, I

1459
01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:36,920
Speaker 3: think it was good for its era. You know, I

1460
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:39,480
Speaker 3: think that it still plays a role in entertainment.

1461
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:42,760
Speaker 1: But a lot of people are stuck in that and

1462
01:04:42,800 --> 01:04:44,680
Speaker 1: so what they're doing is they got to create certain

1463
01:04:44,680 --> 01:04:47,680
Speaker 1: timelines to stay on it right. And I feel like

1464
01:04:47,720 --> 01:04:50,360
Speaker 1: their life at the beginning is the real life. And

1465
01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:52,760
Speaker 1: then after they're on there for so many years, the

1466
01:04:52,880 --> 01:04:55,200
Speaker 1: question is how much of it is real now because

1467
01:04:55,240 --> 01:04:57,880
Speaker 1: now you have to create sustainability for you to have

1468
01:04:57,960 --> 01:05:01,320
Speaker 1: a story. One of my friends are on reality TV,

1469
01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:04,360
Speaker 1: and you know, so for the sake of them, I

1470
01:05:04,400 --> 01:05:06,480
Speaker 1: hope it stays and they keep getting their bag and

1471
01:05:06,520 --> 01:05:07,520
Speaker 1: they keep doing their thing.

1472
01:05:07,800 --> 01:05:08,360
Speaker 3: Uh.

1473
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:10,880
Speaker 1: But for me, if I'm producing it, you know, I

1474
01:05:10,920 --> 01:05:12,520
Speaker 1: wouldn't mind doing it if it's a show where I

1475
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:14,760
Speaker 1: can provide healing like Eana van Zante.

1476
01:05:14,840 --> 01:05:15,439
Speaker 3: Fix my life.

1477
01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:18,200
Speaker 1: That's reality that I love, right, you know, so shout

1478
01:05:18,200 --> 01:05:20,720
Speaker 1: out to her. That's that's my first coach and still

1479
01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:23,680
Speaker 1: someone who I go to for wise counsel. But shows

1480
01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:25,280
Speaker 1: like that I think are good. But I also think

1481
01:05:25,320 --> 01:05:27,120
Speaker 1: some people, Shannon want to be entertained. I don't think

1482
01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:29,960
Speaker 1: we have a right to tell somebody what they need

1483
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:32,320
Speaker 1: to watch to be entertained. People love it, they do,

1484
01:05:32,440 --> 01:05:34,320
Speaker 1: they do, you know. And and for some folks like

1485
01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:36,400
Speaker 1: myself who don't have drama in my real life, thank

1486
01:05:36,440 --> 01:05:38,000
Speaker 1: god I don't watch.

1487
01:05:38,040 --> 01:05:40,280
Speaker 4: Why do we like drama? Why do we Why do

1488
01:05:40,360 --> 01:05:43,720
Speaker 4: we like the car crash? Why do we like why

1489
01:05:43,800 --> 01:05:44,440
Speaker 4: do we why?

1490
01:05:44,560 --> 01:05:44,800
Speaker 2: What?

1491
01:05:44,800 --> 01:05:47,760
Speaker 4: What is our obsession with seeing someone else crash out

1492
01:05:47,840 --> 01:05:49,160
Speaker 4: or seeing someone misbehave?

1493
01:05:49,440 --> 01:05:52,560
Speaker 2: What? When do we have we always been visvoyuristic?

1494
01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:54,200
Speaker 3: Well, it's relatable to some people.

1495
01:05:54,520 --> 01:05:57,040
Speaker 1: It also validates that they are not alone in their

1496
01:05:57,080 --> 01:05:57,560
Speaker 1: crash out.

1497
01:05:58,120 --> 01:05:58,960
Speaker 3: Perfect example.

1498
01:06:00,000 --> 01:06:03,840
Speaker 1: Before too we became Tooby. Now when tub was hood movies.

1499
01:06:05,240 --> 01:06:07,400
Speaker 1: I don't watch movies, but when I did watch a movie,

1500
01:06:07,560 --> 01:06:10,280
Speaker 1: it was mess Society, Boys in the Hood or a

1501
01:06:10,320 --> 01:06:12,840
Speaker 1: Good Hood to Be Hood movie. Why do you think

1502
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:15,600
Speaker 1: I like that? It was home from me. It was

1503
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:19,080
Speaker 1: childhood for me. I related to that. I grew up

1504
01:06:19,080 --> 01:06:21,160
Speaker 1: in that. I didn't want to recreate that. But every

1505
01:06:21,160 --> 01:06:23,040
Speaker 1: time I watch it, I'd be like a little kid

1506
01:06:23,080 --> 01:06:26,320
Speaker 1: in bed in my pajamas right eating, having my drink,

1507
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:29,560
Speaker 1: my wine, and I'm just loving watching this gang to

1508
01:06:29,640 --> 01:06:32,680
Speaker 1: type of love story that I was a product of

1509
01:06:32,720 --> 01:06:36,440
Speaker 1: at one point. And so people watch what they relate

1510
01:06:36,480 --> 01:06:38,520
Speaker 1: to remember that. And we live in a world, especially

1511
01:06:38,560 --> 01:06:41,720
Speaker 1: within our community, where you do have the broken homes,

1512
01:06:41,760 --> 01:06:43,800
Speaker 1: you do have the dysfunction. But I do want to

1513
01:06:43,840 --> 01:06:47,440
Speaker 1: give us our props real quick, because there are so

1514
01:06:47,640 --> 01:06:51,200
Speaker 1: many people in general, but especially black folks who are

1515
01:06:51,440 --> 01:06:54,600
Speaker 1: understanding that faith without works is dead. Who have the

1516
01:06:54,640 --> 01:06:56,200
Speaker 1: faith and the principles. You know, most of us grew

1517
01:06:56,280 --> 01:06:57,840
Speaker 1: up in the church home, and we're black. We know God,

1518
01:06:57,880 --> 01:06:59,240
Speaker 1: we know principles, we know the Bible.

1519
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:02,800
Speaker 3: But they're coming to therapy. They're making therapy a lifestyle.

1520
01:07:03,000 --> 01:07:06,280
Speaker 1: They're understanding that mental health is real, that mental health

1521
01:07:06,360 --> 01:07:09,400
Speaker 1: will make or it has been breaking us. And so

1522
01:07:09,480 --> 01:07:11,560
Speaker 1: I want to give our community the props of saying that,

1523
01:07:11,600 --> 01:07:15,400
Speaker 1: you know, listen, super proud of us for showing up

1524
01:07:15,480 --> 01:07:19,240
Speaker 1: and making mental health a conversation and making therapy a

1525
01:07:19,320 --> 01:07:24,440
Speaker 1: conversation on many podcasts, on many talk shows. Eighty percent

1526
01:07:24,480 --> 01:07:29,520
Speaker 1: of my clients are celebrities, are athletes, NFL players, baseball players,

1527
01:07:29,600 --> 01:07:35,160
Speaker 1: and a good ninety ish are black and black men

1528
01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:38,640
Speaker 1: at the highest rate of any of my clients that

1529
01:07:38,760 --> 01:07:42,760
Speaker 1: she my a listeners and my athletes have experienced suicide

1530
01:07:42,760 --> 01:07:47,680
Speaker 1: attempt or suicide ideation and never told anyone, and they're

1531
01:07:47,720 --> 01:07:50,160
Speaker 1: just blessed and happy that they didn't act on it

1532
01:07:50,240 --> 01:07:50,840
Speaker 1: or follow through.

1533
01:07:51,600 --> 01:07:52,760
Speaker 2: That wasn't always the case.

1534
01:07:53,200 --> 01:07:54,520
Speaker 3: It was not always a case.

1535
01:07:54,640 --> 01:07:56,680
Speaker 4: We grew up I'm mold enough and grew up in

1536
01:07:56,680 --> 01:07:58,520
Speaker 4: an environment where you weren't allowed to cry if you're

1537
01:07:58,520 --> 01:08:01,040
Speaker 4: a man, because that was the side of week. When

1538
01:08:01,080 --> 01:08:04,400
Speaker 4: did you think this shift happened where black men were

1539
01:08:04,440 --> 01:08:07,400
Speaker 4: comfortable coming to sit down and talk to a doctor

1540
01:08:07,400 --> 01:08:10,680
Speaker 4: brad or they were willing to go see counseling. This

1541
01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:13,439
Speaker 4: is what I'm thinking, this is what I'm feeling. I'm

1542
01:08:13,440 --> 01:08:18,160
Speaker 4: not okay, and I'm big enough, I'm mad enough. I

1543
01:08:18,200 --> 01:08:21,920
Speaker 4: love that I'm not prideful enough to say, Doc, I

1544
01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:24,080
Speaker 4: need to talk to somebody because I got these thoughts

1545
01:08:24,120 --> 01:08:26,559
Speaker 4: going on inside, and I don't know how much longer

1546
01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:28,320
Speaker 4: I can bite them.

1547
01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:33,880
Speaker 1: So as much as most people hate social media, I

1548
01:08:33,920 --> 01:08:36,960
Speaker 1: believe that that is one of the positive impact social

1549
01:08:36,960 --> 01:08:40,439
Speaker 1: media has had is folks being able to see other

1550
01:08:40,439 --> 01:08:42,600
Speaker 1: folks that look like them, black men being able to

1551
01:08:42,600 --> 01:08:45,080
Speaker 1: see other black men, black boys, seeing black men on

1552
01:08:45,120 --> 01:08:49,240
Speaker 1: social media that look like them, expressing themselves having mental

1553
01:08:49,280 --> 01:08:52,960
Speaker 1: health breakdowns on social media, showing the results of therapy,

1554
01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:56,920
Speaker 1: the results of not getting therapy. We've had black folks

1555
01:08:56,920 --> 01:09:00,920
Speaker 1: on social media come in suicide. We've had clips of that.

1556
01:09:01,360 --> 01:09:05,559
Speaker 1: I think social media the power of the positive power

1557
01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:08,559
Speaker 1: that it does have is the witnessing of other people

1558
01:09:09,200 --> 01:09:12,960
Speaker 1: having the same crash out or mental health crisis as we,

1559
01:09:13,160 --> 01:09:16,160
Speaker 1: as a viewer are having, and normalizing it for us

1560
01:09:16,160 --> 01:09:18,559
Speaker 1: so we don't feel alone, and then seeing what they

1561
01:09:18,600 --> 01:09:21,000
Speaker 1: did to cure it or to help it, and saying,

1562
01:09:21,040 --> 01:09:23,559
Speaker 1: you know what, I want that help too. I think

1563
01:09:23,600 --> 01:09:27,879
Speaker 1: when you don't have the vision of what is possible

1564
01:09:27,920 --> 01:09:33,240
Speaker 1: for you, But the Bible said we perish, we perish, right.

1565
01:09:33,520 --> 01:09:35,760
Speaker 1: The Bible says that it says people without a vision

1566
01:09:35,760 --> 01:09:38,240
Speaker 1: do what perish? Wow, And it says hope defer does

1567
01:09:38,280 --> 01:09:40,200
Speaker 1: what makes the heart sick. So when you lose hope,

1568
01:09:40,240 --> 01:09:42,800
Speaker 1: we have a sick heart, which make what sick people,

1569
01:09:42,880 --> 01:09:45,720
Speaker 1: whether it's physically or mentally. But one thing you said

1570
01:09:45,720 --> 01:09:47,439
Speaker 1: that I love is you said them come into session

1571
01:09:47,479 --> 01:09:49,840
Speaker 1: and being like, okay, Doc, you know I'm broken or

1572
01:09:49,880 --> 01:09:51,240
Speaker 1: I have these thoughts and I feel this way.

1573
01:09:51,960 --> 01:09:53,360
Speaker 3: Y'all don't come to session like that.

1574
01:09:53,400 --> 01:09:55,479
Speaker 2: By the way, it takes a while to get it.

1575
01:09:55,560 --> 01:09:56,880
Speaker 3: Y'all work my ass.

1576
01:09:56,960 --> 01:10:00,160
Speaker 1: Okay, it don't be like that, especially black men. You

1577
01:10:00,200 --> 01:10:03,880
Speaker 1: come in session, and I love this about y'all. Listen,

1578
01:10:03,960 --> 01:10:06,760
Speaker 1: I have a soft spar for my black I love y'all. Boy,

1579
01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:07,960
Speaker 1: y'all come to session.

1580
01:10:08,439 --> 01:10:09,920
Speaker 2: I don't even really want to be here. I don't

1581
01:10:09,920 --> 01:10:11,439
Speaker 2: even know why I'm here, but I'm here.

1582
01:10:12,200 --> 01:10:13,960
Speaker 3: But my wife made the appointment.

1583
01:10:14,200 --> 01:10:17,320
Speaker 1: Or y'all sit in session, and I love this part.

1584
01:10:17,479 --> 01:10:20,439
Speaker 1: You're waiting for me to create a safe space. Why

1585
01:10:20,520 --> 01:10:24,880
Speaker 1: do I love that? Because I am not.

1586
01:10:26,840 --> 01:10:31,320
Speaker 3: I am not entitled to hear.

1587
01:10:31,160 --> 01:10:34,759
Speaker 1: Your issues just because I have a title. You should

1588
01:10:34,760 --> 01:10:37,160
Speaker 1: make me work to create a safe space for you

1589
01:10:37,479 --> 01:10:40,680
Speaker 1: so that you know you can trust me. However, you

1590
01:10:40,720 --> 01:10:43,519
Speaker 1: should do that as well in your relationships before you

1591
01:10:43,600 --> 01:10:45,920
Speaker 1: putting your penis in a woman, you should make sure

1592
01:10:45,920 --> 01:10:50,120
Speaker 1: that that body, that space, that body, and that space

1593
01:10:50,479 --> 01:10:54,719
Speaker 1: is safe so that your trauma and your issues would

1594
01:10:54,840 --> 01:10:59,439
Speaker 1: become buried in your codependency on in sex, and you

1595
01:10:59,479 --> 01:11:01,640
Speaker 1: would be able to gain a sense of self and

1596
01:11:01,680 --> 01:11:04,679
Speaker 1: not a sense of your codependency where all it does

1597
01:11:04,760 --> 01:11:08,000
Speaker 1: is trigger and inflame your traumas and your existing.

1598
01:11:07,640 --> 01:11:09,439
Speaker 3: Self hate and issues.

1599
01:11:10,280 --> 01:11:13,880
Speaker 1: And then we would have better men, not for women,

1600
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:16,600
Speaker 1: but for their self. And the suicide rate is the

1601
01:11:16,680 --> 01:11:19,680
Speaker 1: highest in black men. Really, do you know what the

1602
01:11:19,760 --> 01:11:20,760
Speaker 1: root of suicide is?

1603
01:11:20,920 --> 01:11:23,160
Speaker 3: It's self hate. It's identity crisis.

1604
01:11:23,680 --> 01:11:26,719
Speaker 1: You have to hate yourself so much and the identity

1605
01:11:26,760 --> 01:11:29,960
Speaker 1: that you tell yourself you have to want to kill

1606
01:11:30,640 --> 01:11:31,559
Speaker 1: the biggest part of you.

1607
01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:34,360
Speaker 3: That is an identity crisis.

1608
01:11:34,600 --> 01:11:37,639
Speaker 4: But then you don't realize, Okay, I'm hurting so bad

1609
01:11:38,280 --> 01:11:41,599
Speaker 4: and if I do this, I'm no longer hurting. But

1610
01:11:41,680 --> 01:11:44,559
Speaker 4: you miss the most important part. The people that you

1611
01:11:44,720 --> 01:11:48,679
Speaker 4: leave behind that gotta hurt forever, because now they question,

1612
01:11:49,400 --> 01:11:50,280
Speaker 4: where do we go wrong?

1613
01:11:50,320 --> 01:11:52,559
Speaker 2: What do we do wrong? Did we what signs did

1614
01:11:52,560 --> 01:11:53,280
Speaker 2: we miss?

1615
01:11:53,720 --> 01:11:56,120
Speaker 1: And you know what's funny, the people that you want

1616
01:11:56,160 --> 01:11:58,400
Speaker 1: them to think about that's gonna hurt the most when

1617
01:11:58,400 --> 01:12:01,720
Speaker 1: they gone are the people that got them in the

1618
01:12:01,760 --> 01:12:02,280
Speaker 1: pain that.

1619
01:12:02,280 --> 01:12:03,080
Speaker 3: Hurts them the most.

1620
01:12:03,200 --> 01:12:06,160
Speaker 1: Wow, So you think they give a care about leaving you.

1621
01:12:06,360 --> 01:12:08,320
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. I've had a boy sit

1622
01:12:08,360 --> 01:12:13,519
Speaker 1: on my phone and tell me that he was going

1623
01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:17,799
Speaker 1: to kill himself in the kitchen time. It so perfectly

1624
01:12:17,840 --> 01:12:19,920
Speaker 1: so that his father could walk in and see him,

1625
01:12:21,320 --> 01:12:25,000
Speaker 1: because he wanted his father to feel the pain that

1626
01:12:25,120 --> 01:12:29,080
Speaker 1: he projected onto him that he was not aware of.

1627
01:12:29,720 --> 01:12:32,760
Speaker 1: You think that little boy cared about his father being

1628
01:12:32,760 --> 01:12:34,519
Speaker 1: in pain for the rest of his life when the

1629
01:12:34,600 --> 01:12:41,360
Speaker 1: whole intention was killing myself. Is the measurement of the

1630
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:46,080
Speaker 1: pain that you have projected onto me. They ain't a dress,

1631
01:12:46,520 --> 01:12:49,519
Speaker 1: You ain't said nothing about it. You going about your

1632
01:12:49,640 --> 01:12:55,200
Speaker 1: daily life, dating, working, doing whatever you're doing, and I

1633
01:12:55,280 --> 01:12:59,639
Speaker 1: am bleeding to death in front of you, in front

1634
01:12:59,640 --> 01:13:03,080
Speaker 1: of you. I had to sit on the phone with

1635
01:13:03,120 --> 01:13:08,000
Speaker 1: that boy for hours and hours. He's now doing well.

1636
01:13:08,240 --> 01:13:11,080
Speaker 1: Suicideal ideations are gone. Him and his father have the

1637
01:13:11,080 --> 01:13:14,720
Speaker 1: most amazing relationship. And his father always says, I am

1638
01:13:14,720 --> 01:13:17,400
Speaker 1: forever ever and debt it to you. I'm like, no,

1639
01:13:17,439 --> 01:13:21,120
Speaker 1: you're not right, But I said that to say. That's

1640
01:13:21,160 --> 01:13:23,960
Speaker 1: not how a person who was in excruciating pain to

1641
01:13:23,960 --> 01:13:27,240
Speaker 1: the point where they want to kill themselves as at.

1642
01:13:27,280 --> 01:13:30,880
Speaker 3: They're not thinking like that. But also it's an accountability

1643
01:13:30,880 --> 01:13:33,160
Speaker 3: piece to the people who are around them.

1644
01:13:33,439 --> 01:13:35,320
Speaker 1: It's not good enough, Shannon, for me to ask you,

1645
01:13:35,400 --> 01:13:37,719
Speaker 1: baby you okay, let me tell you something.

1646
01:13:37,760 --> 01:13:39,880
Speaker 3: I have two brothers, both younger.

1647
01:13:41,040 --> 01:13:43,280
Speaker 1: If I ask our baby brother his name is Shane,

1648
01:13:43,280 --> 01:13:45,639
Speaker 1: he's a baby of all of us. If I call

1649
01:13:45,680 --> 01:13:47,920
Speaker 1: his phone, forget If i'll call his phone and he

1650
01:13:47,960 --> 01:13:50,960
Speaker 1: don't answer too many times, you can ask my best

1651
01:13:50,960 --> 01:13:53,760
Speaker 1: friend and assistant, who's in here, Shannon, I'll pull up

1652
01:13:54,080 --> 01:13:56,920
Speaker 1: and lay on that lay on that horn, knock on

1653
01:13:57,000 --> 01:14:01,240
Speaker 1: that door, come in the house, because oh what is up?

1654
01:14:02,160 --> 01:14:02,960
Speaker 3: What is going on?

1655
01:14:04,200 --> 01:14:07,439
Speaker 1: And there has been times where that was needed and

1656
01:14:07,479 --> 01:14:11,000
Speaker 1: he didn't want to say what was going on. He

1657
01:14:11,160 --> 01:14:14,840
Speaker 1: was raised to be that man that you said that

1658
01:14:14,920 --> 01:14:17,920
Speaker 1: if a bill is short, he's not gonna ask. If

1659
01:14:18,120 --> 01:14:20,320
Speaker 1: he's feeling some type of way, he's not gonna speak.

1660
01:14:20,320 --> 01:14:21,920
Speaker 1: But when he walks in the house, I can tell

1661
01:14:22,040 --> 01:14:24,519
Speaker 1: when it moves off because I pay enough attention to

1662
01:14:24,600 --> 01:14:27,559
Speaker 1: that boy, because I love him, and as folks who

1663
01:14:27,680 --> 01:14:30,519
Speaker 1: love are folks, we have to pay more attention than

1664
01:14:30,600 --> 01:14:32,080
Speaker 1: just Shannon said he was good.

1665
01:14:32,400 --> 01:14:33,720
Speaker 2: We caught up in our own set. We ain't got

1666
01:14:33,720 --> 01:14:34,640
Speaker 2: tired to be thinking about all it.

1667
01:14:34,640 --> 01:14:37,559
Speaker 1: But if I noticed you weren't good, That's the only

1668
01:14:37,560 --> 01:14:39,800
Speaker 1: reason why I asked you and you said you was

1669
01:14:40,080 --> 01:14:41,360
Speaker 1: Why did I take that as okay?

1670
01:14:41,640 --> 01:14:42,640
Speaker 3: Why didn't I say, no, you're not?

1671
01:14:43,000 --> 01:14:46,160
Speaker 2: Could you ask that question for a reason or.

1672
01:14:46,760 --> 01:14:50,439
Speaker 3: You got some people ask it for the okay, which

1673
01:14:50,479 --> 01:14:52,639
Speaker 3: is an ego centric approach, just to.

1674
01:14:52,560 --> 01:14:55,760
Speaker 2: Say he said it was okay. I done my part,

1675
01:14:56,120 --> 01:14:56,759
Speaker 2: So ask.

1676
01:14:56,680 --> 01:14:59,439
Speaker 1: Me when you really care. Don't ask me how I'm doing.

1677
01:14:59,439 --> 01:15:01,800
Speaker 1: If you really don't, don't care. Because if I'm not

1678
01:15:02,080 --> 01:15:04,439
Speaker 1: doing well and I told you I wasn't, and all

1679
01:15:04,479 --> 01:15:06,559
Speaker 1: you was asking to say you did your part? How

1680
01:15:06,680 --> 01:15:09,360
Speaker 1: was you going to provide resources? How were you going

1681
01:15:09,439 --> 01:15:12,120
Speaker 1: to be someone who can help me with this impairment?

1682
01:15:12,479 --> 01:15:14,439
Speaker 1: So what I want to say, honestly to everyone within

1683
01:15:14,479 --> 01:15:16,120
Speaker 1: our community, this is just real.

1684
01:15:16,560 --> 01:15:18,519
Speaker 3: The whole what's up? Dog? You good? Needs to be

1685
01:15:18,560 --> 01:15:20,320
Speaker 3: a real But are you good?

1686
01:15:21,320 --> 01:15:21,479
Speaker 4: Well?

1687
01:15:21,520 --> 01:15:24,840
Speaker 3: I asked you that because I know you're not, So

1688
01:15:25,520 --> 01:15:28,680
Speaker 3: what's up? And I need to be pressing you like

1689
01:15:28,720 --> 01:15:30,160
Speaker 3: I pressure when I want to go have a drink,

1690
01:15:30,560 --> 01:15:32,360
Speaker 3: like I press you when I want to go hang out,

1691
01:15:32,560 --> 01:15:34,200
Speaker 3: like I press you when I want to turn up,

1692
01:15:34,640 --> 01:15:36,880
Speaker 3: like I pressure when I want to be outside, like

1693
01:15:36,920 --> 01:15:38,360
Speaker 3: I press you when I want to watch the game.

1694
01:15:38,400 --> 01:15:40,160
Speaker 3: I should be pressing you when I know something that's

1695
01:15:40,160 --> 01:15:42,400
Speaker 3: not right with you, because that's what real friendship is,

1696
01:15:42,439 --> 01:15:45,000
Speaker 3: that is what real love is. And I don't care

1697
01:15:45,040 --> 01:15:45,800
Speaker 3: if you get mad.

1698
01:15:46,120 --> 01:15:48,439
Speaker 1: I'm in your business and I want to know why,

1699
01:15:48,640 --> 01:15:51,360
Speaker 1: especially with black men, especially with black men, we need

1700
01:15:51,400 --> 01:15:55,560
Speaker 1: to because y'all would get fussy and get emotionally uncomfortable.

1701
01:15:55,920 --> 01:15:57,639
Speaker 3: And why are you bugging me while.

1702
01:15:57,560 --> 01:16:00,000
Speaker 1: You want to talk about Because I'm because I'm bugging you,

1703
01:16:00,040 --> 01:16:03,120
Speaker 1: and until we talk, you tell me something. I'm not

1704
01:16:03,200 --> 01:16:05,240
Speaker 1: going away because I love you. I've had to tell

1705
01:16:05,240 --> 01:16:09,160
Speaker 1: clients who being mad at me in session. Listen, I'm

1706
01:16:09,160 --> 01:16:12,640
Speaker 1: doing my job. You can't get rid of me, so

1707
01:16:12,680 --> 01:16:14,680
Speaker 1: you can get as mad as you want. I'm not

1708
01:16:14,720 --> 01:16:15,439
Speaker 1: going nowhere.

1709
01:16:15,640 --> 01:16:17,680
Speaker 3: Do you know how that shifted the whole trajectory in

1710
01:16:17,800 --> 01:16:20,760
Speaker 3: that man's whole attitude When I said, well, I'm not

1711
01:16:20,800 --> 01:16:23,160
Speaker 3: going nowhere so you can get mad. We still got

1712
01:16:23,200 --> 01:16:25,680
Speaker 3: thirty minutes. I'm not going nowhere, and I'll be here

1713
01:16:25,720 --> 01:16:27,680
Speaker 3: next week too. I'm not going nowhere. I've had men

1714
01:16:27,760 --> 01:16:30,720
Speaker 3: break down and just cry by me saying I'm not

1715
01:16:30,800 --> 01:16:33,880
Speaker 3: going nowhere. So we can unpack this and we can

1716
01:16:33,920 --> 01:16:36,880
Speaker 3: do this tug award. But I'm in your pain with you.

1717
01:16:37,560 --> 01:16:38,599
Speaker 2: What about this situation?

1718
01:16:38,800 --> 01:16:41,160
Speaker 4: And I think, and I've heard this, and this happens

1719
01:16:41,200 --> 01:16:44,839
Speaker 4: a lot, is that sometimes when we reveal our deepest

1720
01:16:45,360 --> 01:16:49,280
Speaker 4: and themost thoughts to our partner, they turn around and

1721
01:16:49,280 --> 01:16:50,680
Speaker 4: flip it when they get mad and throw it up

1722
01:16:50,720 --> 01:16:51,200
Speaker 4: in our face.

1723
01:16:51,680 --> 01:16:53,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, that happens often.

1724
01:16:53,080 --> 01:16:55,920
Speaker 4: So now I don't feel this is a safe space.

1725
01:16:56,240 --> 01:16:59,000
Speaker 4: So I've got to go to someone that doesn't have

1726
01:16:59,040 --> 01:17:00,559
Speaker 4: a dog in a fight. I know they're not going

1727
01:17:00,600 --> 01:17:02,920
Speaker 4: to throw this up in my face because they're like, well,

1728
01:17:02,960 --> 01:17:05,200
Speaker 4: you know, you can talk to me about anything, but

1729
01:17:05,240 --> 01:17:07,479
Speaker 4: I can't because the moment you get mad at me,

1730
01:17:07,479 --> 01:17:09,439
Speaker 4: you're gonna throw this up in my face and say, see,

1731
01:17:09,520 --> 01:17:11,320
Speaker 4: your grandma didn't do this, so your mom didn't do that.

1732
01:17:11,400 --> 01:17:13,160
Speaker 2: You got blah blah blah, And I mean, really try

1733
01:17:13,200 --> 01:17:13,479
Speaker 2: to hear that.

1734
01:17:13,520 --> 01:17:15,280
Speaker 3: But why are you the only one going to someone

1735
01:17:15,320 --> 01:17:15,639
Speaker 3: to talk?

1736
01:17:15,720 --> 01:17:17,519
Speaker 1: Why are they not going to someone so that they

1737
01:17:17,520 --> 01:17:20,240
Speaker 1: can learn the proper too, so facilitate a healthy relationship.

1738
01:17:20,600 --> 01:17:22,040
Speaker 3: Y'all both died to be in someone's office.

1739
01:17:22,080 --> 01:17:22,639
Speaker 2: But they're perfect.

1740
01:17:22,640 --> 01:17:27,240
Speaker 1: So but anyway, But but that's a bit of narcissism,

1741
01:17:27,400 --> 01:17:30,519
Speaker 1: is what you're describing. Because if I'm perfect, but you

1742
01:17:30,560 --> 01:17:32,679
Speaker 1: don't have a safe space with me, and I throw

1743
01:17:32,720 --> 01:17:35,120
Speaker 1: everything you say back in your face, because that's just ego.

1744
01:17:35,160 --> 01:17:37,320
Speaker 1: If I'm throwing something back in your face, I'm intentionally

1745
01:17:37,320 --> 01:17:40,439
Speaker 1: trying to hurt you. And that's also a competitive nature

1746
01:17:41,000 --> 01:17:42,880
Speaker 1: because anytime I'm trying to chip away at you so

1747
01:17:42,960 --> 01:17:46,599
Speaker 1: I can feel more superior to you, that's a narcissistic behavior.

1748
01:17:46,880 --> 01:17:49,960
Speaker 3: So what are we doing here now?

1749
01:17:50,439 --> 01:17:53,479
Speaker 1: Again, I said narcissistic behavior. So you can have traits

1750
01:17:53,840 --> 01:17:56,120
Speaker 1: and not be diagnosed. You can have the behavior and

1751
01:17:56,200 --> 01:17:58,760
Speaker 1: not be diagnosed. Okay, y'all, So yes, but we have

1752
01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:03,320
Speaker 1: to be aware of that. And I think as women

1753
01:18:03,360 --> 01:18:07,200
Speaker 1: in general, especially Black women, we do got to do

1754
01:18:07,240 --> 01:18:10,040
Speaker 1: a better job of holding space for y'all. We do

1755
01:18:10,120 --> 01:18:12,479
Speaker 1: got to do a better job of having a safe.

1756
01:18:12,280 --> 01:18:16,120
Speaker 3: Space for y'all. And when we do get upset, knowing

1757
01:18:16,200 --> 01:18:19,920
Speaker 3: how to have knowing how to have a fair fight

1758
01:18:21,120 --> 01:18:23,840
Speaker 3: I can easy say you ain't shit for not telling

1759
01:18:23,920 --> 01:18:27,320
Speaker 3: me about that email, But do I have to say

1760
01:18:27,800 --> 01:18:30,840
Speaker 3: that's why your mama left you exactly because you probably

1761
01:18:30,880 --> 01:18:34,800
Speaker 3: was a lion asked when you was a teenager too,

1762
01:18:34,920 --> 01:18:38,439
Speaker 3: That's why she abandoned you because she didn't want to

1763
01:18:38,439 --> 01:18:42,080
Speaker 3: be around you either. So those are things that we

1764
01:18:42,320 --> 01:18:45,479
Speaker 3: have to be aware of because that's venom. Yes, and

1765
01:18:45,520 --> 01:18:47,920
Speaker 3: if I'm venom at you, that means venom is ware

1766
01:18:48,200 --> 01:18:48,479
Speaker 3: in me.

1767
01:18:49,840 --> 01:18:50,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1768
01:18:50,240 --> 01:18:53,000
Speaker 1: So, now my trauma has just entered into the relationship,

1769
01:18:53,720 --> 01:18:56,679
Speaker 1: not the woman you probably chose, which was the healthy

1770
01:18:56,760 --> 01:18:59,920
Speaker 1: me that showed up, my representative, which is still me.

1771
01:19:00,120 --> 01:19:01,760
Speaker 3: Was it healthy me? I didn't tell you it was

1772
01:19:01,800 --> 01:19:03,840
Speaker 3: a nothing else to do when we first start dating.

1773
01:19:04,800 --> 01:19:09,360
Speaker 1: But now that you have entered into my vulnerability, which

1774
01:19:09,680 --> 01:19:12,880
Speaker 1: encompasses all of who I am, you are getting who

1775
01:19:13,120 --> 01:19:15,639
Speaker 1: all of who I am? So you're not just getting

1776
01:19:15,680 --> 01:19:16,360
Speaker 1: the baby talk to me?

1777
01:19:16,400 --> 01:19:19,360
Speaker 3: Are you okay? Why are you hungry? Well? What happened?

1778
01:19:19,400 --> 01:19:21,360
Speaker 1: Oh that's okay, Just next time the email comes to

1779
01:19:21,560 --> 01:19:22,880
Speaker 1: just tell me, can you commit to that?

1780
01:19:22,920 --> 01:19:25,120
Speaker 3: Yeo? Okay, baby? Were good. Now you're getting the trigger

1781
01:19:25,200 --> 01:19:28,440
Speaker 3: little girl in me who's abandoned.

1782
01:19:28,760 --> 01:19:31,720
Speaker 1: So now she's the one that's having an argument with you,

1783
01:19:32,640 --> 01:19:35,760
Speaker 1: and she is going to emasculate you.

1784
01:19:35,840 --> 01:19:38,680
Speaker 3: She is going to dismantle you. Why because she.

1785
01:19:39,000 --> 01:19:44,280
Speaker 1: Was dismantled as a little girl. And misery and healthy

1786
01:19:44,439 --> 01:19:47,120
Speaker 1: both love company. So when I'm in my healthy, I'm

1787
01:19:47,120 --> 01:19:50,000
Speaker 1: gonna pull you in. But when I'm in my dysfunction,

1788
01:19:50,600 --> 01:19:52,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pull you in. So this is why I

1789
01:19:52,840 --> 01:19:54,840
Speaker 1: say you have to have people who are hybrids, high

1790
01:19:54,880 --> 01:19:56,120
Speaker 1: functioning and low functioning.

1791
01:19:56,200 --> 01:19:57,639
Speaker 3: We have to both be both.

1792
01:19:58,120 --> 01:20:00,880
Speaker 1: Because when I'm in my low function, what do I

1793
01:20:00,880 --> 01:20:03,800
Speaker 1: need you to be in your high function? I need

1794
01:20:03,840 --> 01:20:06,120
Speaker 1: you to say, Baby, that's that little girl on you

1795
01:20:06,120 --> 01:20:08,479
Speaker 1: who's broken, And I know you don't mean what you

1796
01:20:08,760 --> 01:20:11,360
Speaker 1: what you're saying, and I love you and I'm gonna

1797
01:20:11,360 --> 01:20:13,360
Speaker 1: have grace for you right now, but I'm gonna ask

1798
01:20:13,439 --> 01:20:14,200
Speaker 1: you not to talk to.

1799
01:20:14,160 --> 01:20:16,959
Speaker 3: Me like that because you're crossing my boundary.

1800
01:20:17,520 --> 01:20:19,479
Speaker 1: And I'm working very hard to make sure the little

1801
01:20:19,479 --> 01:20:22,320
Speaker 1: boy and me don't get in the ring with her,

1802
01:20:22,560 --> 01:20:24,960
Speaker 1: because then we go on trauma bond and I don't

1803
01:20:25,000 --> 01:20:26,040
Speaker 1: know if we can come.

1804
01:20:25,840 --> 01:20:26,960
Speaker 3: Back from them blows.

1805
01:20:27,120 --> 01:20:30,880
Speaker 1: Yes, you have to stay in that position, and then

1806
01:20:31,520 --> 01:20:34,360
Speaker 1: when you go low I have to be able to

1807
01:20:34,400 --> 01:20:37,559
Speaker 1: be aware of my man and say he's in that space.

1808
01:20:37,760 --> 01:20:40,040
Speaker 2: Normally, when they go low, I go to hell.

1809
01:20:42,960 --> 01:20:47,120
Speaker 1: Both of us because let me tell you, And then

1810
01:20:47,479 --> 01:20:49,200
Speaker 1: then I remind them how bad I get. I say

1811
01:20:49,320 --> 01:20:51,479
Speaker 1: yes because God said, if you make your bed in hell,

1812
01:20:51,520 --> 01:20:52,599
Speaker 1: he there, I said.

1813
01:20:52,360 --> 01:20:56,320
Speaker 3: But the God, we're going, Yeah, we're going. Yeah, yeah,

1814
01:20:56,320 --> 01:20:58,080
Speaker 3: we gotta work on that.

1815
01:20:58,640 --> 01:21:01,600
Speaker 4: I'm getting better. I ain't got to fight even like

1816
01:21:01,640 --> 01:21:03,040
Speaker 4: I used to have. I'm getting old of my doc.

1817
01:21:03,120 --> 01:21:03,800
Speaker 4: I'm getting wise.

1818
01:21:03,960 --> 01:21:06,880
Speaker 1: The problem is I still got the fight and the

1819
01:21:06,920 --> 01:21:08,000
Speaker 1: grit and the strategy.

1820
01:21:08,080 --> 01:21:09,200
Speaker 3: So I'm managing all that.

1821
01:21:10,280 --> 01:21:12,559
Speaker 2: Is there a difference between a therapist and a life coach?

1822
01:21:12,680 --> 01:21:13,080
Speaker 3: There is.

1823
01:21:13,560 --> 01:21:15,599
Speaker 1: So I started off as a marriage, family and child

1824
01:21:15,680 --> 01:21:19,599
Speaker 1: therapist right where I was working for a nonprofit under

1825
01:21:19,640 --> 01:21:22,360
Speaker 1: a license and diagnosing and doing progress notes and building

1826
01:21:22,400 --> 01:21:26,880
Speaker 1: insurance and dealing with court ordered families from DCFS, the

1827
01:21:26,920 --> 01:21:30,720
Speaker 1: Department of Child and Family Services, And so that was

1828
01:21:31,760 --> 01:21:34,599
Speaker 1: where a therapist diagnosed, we do progress knows, we build insurance.

1829
01:21:34,760 --> 01:21:40,400
Speaker 1: A life coach is somebody who still provides resources in

1830
01:21:40,520 --> 01:21:44,280
Speaker 1: tools right, similar to a therapist, but we don't diagnose,

1831
01:21:44,800 --> 01:21:47,080
Speaker 1: we do not build insurance and we obviously don't need

1832
01:21:47,080 --> 01:21:50,320
Speaker 1: progress notes two totally different things. Also, a life coach

1833
01:21:51,080 --> 01:21:54,680
Speaker 1: isn't treating clients. A life coach is seeing clients. If

1834
01:21:54,680 --> 01:21:58,000
Speaker 1: there as a therapist, I was treating clients right, not

1835
01:21:58,120 --> 01:22:02,439
Speaker 1: just seeing them. My modality is a hybrid modality because

1836
01:22:02,479 --> 01:22:06,080
Speaker 1: I started off as a therapist and my approach was cognitive,

1837
01:22:06,080 --> 01:22:11,759
Speaker 1: behavioral therapy and psychodynamic and because that's my foundation, I

1838
01:22:11,920 --> 01:22:13,960
Speaker 1: use a lot of those tools still in my life

1839
01:22:13,960 --> 01:22:17,880
Speaker 1: coaching and to blend it altogether. They're both needed and

1840
01:22:17,880 --> 01:22:19,759
Speaker 1: that's why my hybrid approach is the most effective. Because

1841
01:22:19,800 --> 01:22:21,599
Speaker 1: therapy is like, tell me more to talk about your

1842
01:22:21,760 --> 01:22:25,920
Speaker 1: childhood wounds and these are why you do what you do.

1843
01:22:26,240 --> 01:22:27,960
Speaker 1: This is why you think the way you think. Right,

1844
01:22:28,000 --> 01:22:29,559
Speaker 1: your three part houses, how you think, how you feel,

1845
01:22:29,560 --> 01:22:31,160
Speaker 1: and how you behave This is why your three part

1846
01:22:31,160 --> 01:22:36,000
Speaker 1: houses disaligned. Then we get you aligned. Coaching says all right, Shannon,

1847
01:22:36,360 --> 01:22:38,720
Speaker 1: Now that we got you somewhat together, where do you

1848
01:22:38,720 --> 01:22:39,280
Speaker 1: want to go with this?

1849
01:22:40,120 --> 01:22:40,760
Speaker 3: What do you want to be?

1850
01:22:41,080 --> 01:22:44,400
Speaker 1: You see coaching If the person doesn't have a therapeutic

1851
01:22:44,520 --> 01:22:48,800
Speaker 1: background like me, doesn't know how to penetrate the trauma right,

1852
01:22:48,880 --> 01:22:51,360
Speaker 1: and therapists are not coaches. They're just trying to help

1853
01:22:51,400 --> 01:22:53,240
Speaker 1: you process through your stuff, but they're not going to

1854
01:22:53,320 --> 01:22:54,439
Speaker 1: get you to where you want to be.

1855
01:22:54,680 --> 01:22:56,839
Speaker 3: When you take both of them, which is me the hybrid,

1856
01:22:57,160 --> 01:22:59,559
Speaker 3: I'm going we're gonna talk about the stuff, and then

1857
01:22:59,600 --> 01:23:00,960
Speaker 3: we're gonna ge you to where you want to be

1858
01:23:01,000 --> 01:23:03,240
Speaker 3: so your stuff does not come in and sabotage you

1859
01:23:03,560 --> 01:23:07,080
Speaker 3: once you get there, Because one without the other really

1860
01:23:07,320 --> 01:23:10,599
Speaker 3: is a deficit to the client. It just really is.

1861
01:23:11,680 --> 01:23:14,120
Speaker 4: Did you get this kind of bitchery all before you came,

1862
01:23:14,320 --> 01:23:17,439
Speaker 4: before you became viral and you became an Internet sensation.

1863
01:23:17,760 --> 01:23:20,680
Speaker 4: Did people dislike you then as much as they do

1864
01:23:20,720 --> 01:23:22,960
Speaker 4: seem to dislike you now? Because every time I turn

1865
01:23:23,040 --> 01:23:26,160
Speaker 4: around and somebody got something to say about.

1866
01:23:25,920 --> 01:23:27,439
Speaker 3: You, you know what I say about that?

1867
01:23:27,880 --> 01:23:28,560
Speaker 2: What you say about that?

1868
01:23:28,600 --> 01:23:30,680
Speaker 3: Though, because you know, the Internet lit your ass up

1869
01:23:30,680 --> 01:23:31,479
Speaker 3: too many times.

1870
01:23:33,439 --> 01:23:34,800
Speaker 2: I ain't even more the Internet, nobody I.

1871
01:23:34,880 --> 01:23:38,880
Speaker 3: Have you ducking y'all, don't watch it ain't to go

1872
01:23:38,920 --> 01:23:42,040
Speaker 3: to hell. So leave him alone. You just leave alone.

1873
01:23:42,160 --> 01:23:44,080
Speaker 1: I always say this, when everybody likes you, you're on

1874
01:23:44,120 --> 01:23:46,160
Speaker 1: your way. When they start to hate you, you made it.

1875
01:23:47,360 --> 01:23:49,559
Speaker 1: That's how I put it. But to answer your question,

1876
01:23:49,920 --> 01:23:53,519
Speaker 1: people have always loved me, but not always loved the

1877
01:23:53,600 --> 01:23:57,200
Speaker 1: truth that I speak. I've always been a truth speaker

1878
01:23:57,360 --> 01:23:59,600
Speaker 1: before I was even in my field, and I just

1879
01:23:59,720 --> 01:24:03,120
Speaker 1: learned now that I don't give the truth outside of sessions,

1880
01:24:04,040 --> 01:24:08,280
Speaker 1: stage interviews, or my speaking events. If my friends don't ask,

1881
01:24:08,479 --> 01:24:11,720
Speaker 1: I don't give. It works better for the friendship and

1882
01:24:11,760 --> 01:24:14,800
Speaker 1: it saves me the headache. But I've always been a

1883
01:24:14,840 --> 01:24:18,439
Speaker 1: person who rocks the boat. I'm here to interrupt, you know,

1884
01:24:18,800 --> 01:24:23,360
Speaker 1: generational pathologies. I'm here to interrupt dysfunctional pathologies. And as

1885
01:24:23,400 --> 01:24:27,599
Speaker 1: a disruptor, people are going to have an issue. And

1886
01:24:27,720 --> 01:24:32,080
Speaker 1: usually the hit dog is what barks, and so I'm

1887
01:24:32,200 --> 01:24:33,840
Speaker 1: used to that and I'm okay with it. And my

1888
01:24:33,920 --> 01:24:36,519
Speaker 1: intent is to hit the dogs that need a bark.

1889
01:24:36,960 --> 01:24:39,040
Speaker 1: And so as long as they bark, and I'm doing

1890
01:24:39,040 --> 01:24:41,800
Speaker 1: my job. And I always say, you know, my sheep

1891
01:24:41,840 --> 01:24:45,160
Speaker 1: will know my voice, even the wolf who's in sheep clothing,

1892
01:24:45,600 --> 01:24:48,640
Speaker 1: because that wolf is where in my hurd.

1893
01:24:48,760 --> 01:24:50,040
Speaker 3: And so either way my thing.

1894
01:24:50,080 --> 01:24:52,120
Speaker 1: As long as you get something and you do something

1895
01:24:52,120 --> 01:24:54,479
Speaker 1: with it, then I've done my job, because I'm obedient

1896
01:24:54,479 --> 01:24:55,519
Speaker 1: to who God, not people.

1897
01:24:56,479 --> 01:24:59,080
Speaker 4: Tama passed the lord and said influencers need to hold

1898
01:24:59,080 --> 01:25:02,559
Speaker 4: a degree in the topics in which they discuss to

1899
01:25:02,720 --> 01:25:07,759
Speaker 4: reduce misinformation. Do you think as American America should adopt

1900
01:25:07,760 --> 01:25:08,320
Speaker 4: that policy.

1901
01:25:08,800 --> 01:25:09,200
Speaker 2: I don't.

1902
01:25:09,240 --> 01:25:12,360
Speaker 4: Personally, I don't because I think sometimes experience is the

1903
01:25:12,360 --> 01:25:12,920
Speaker 4: best teacher.

1904
01:25:13,400 --> 01:25:13,840
Speaker 3: I agree.

1905
01:25:13,880 --> 01:25:16,519
Speaker 1: I don't think anyone should need a degree of accolade

1906
01:25:16,560 --> 01:25:18,920
Speaker 1: or credential to give any type of expertise.

1907
01:25:18,960 --> 01:25:20,880
Speaker 3: No, right, because I agree with you. I always want.

1908
01:25:20,880 --> 01:25:23,519
Speaker 1: The first thing I say when I talk is when

1909
01:25:23,560 --> 01:25:25,200
Speaker 1: I went and spoke to the Stellers, you know, shout

1910
01:25:25,200 --> 01:25:27,400
Speaker 1: out to my Sellar family. I said, listen, my accolades,

1911
01:25:27,439 --> 01:25:29,599
Speaker 1: these six degrees, they don't qualify me to speak to you.

1912
01:25:30,200 --> 01:25:32,960
Speaker 1: It's my experience, it's my pain, it's my abandonment, it's

1913
01:25:33,000 --> 01:25:36,400
Speaker 1: my trauma. That's going to make me relatable to you. Yes, nothing,

1914
01:25:36,720 --> 01:25:40,240
Speaker 1: nothing I read in the book, none of these plaques

1915
01:25:40,240 --> 01:25:41,639
Speaker 1: and degrees that are in my office on the wall

1916
01:25:41,760 --> 01:25:43,320
Speaker 1: is going to be what makes me relatable to you.

1917
01:25:44,000 --> 01:25:44,880
Speaker 3: And so I agree with you.

1918
01:25:44,920 --> 01:25:49,639
Speaker 1: And I also think that it's not just a person

1919
01:25:49,680 --> 01:25:52,479
Speaker 1: who has had experience, it's a person who has gained

1920
01:25:52,479 --> 01:25:55,479
Speaker 1: wisdom from that experience. Because I always say, you know,

1921
01:25:56,200 --> 01:25:59,040
Speaker 1: when folks say, how can you give advice or wisdom

1922
01:25:59,080 --> 01:26:01,160
Speaker 1: to folks you've never been married? John Mother, Well, because

1923
01:26:01,160 --> 01:26:02,800
Speaker 1: one I don't teach people how to be married, I

1924
01:26:02,800 --> 01:26:04,200
Speaker 1: teach him how to get out of their own way.

1925
01:26:04,320 --> 01:26:06,639
Speaker 1: So I'm teaching you how to process through your stuff

1926
01:26:06,640 --> 01:26:08,840
Speaker 1: so you can be a better, healthier, happier man. And

1927
01:26:08,920 --> 01:26:12,360
Speaker 1: heard you the same, happy people make for happy relationships.

1928
01:26:12,680 --> 01:26:16,240
Speaker 1: Trauma out dysfunctional people make for trauma out dysfunctional relationships.

1929
01:26:16,840 --> 01:26:19,479
Speaker 3: However, I don't want to hear from.

1930
01:26:19,320 --> 01:26:21,200
Speaker 1: A married couple that have been married fifteen years and

1931
01:26:21,320 --> 01:26:24,600
Speaker 1: miserable thirteen How y'all did it, because you're giving me

1932
01:26:24,600 --> 01:26:27,200
Speaker 1: your blueprint to your failed marriage. So it's not just

1933
01:26:27,280 --> 01:26:30,400
Speaker 1: about experience, it's about the wisdom. Because if you look

1934
01:26:30,439 --> 01:26:35,000
Speaker 1: at really quick the Moses journey, he freed the Egyptians

1935
01:26:35,000 --> 01:26:38,880
Speaker 1: from Israelite, right from Israelite and what happened the Israelites

1936
01:26:38,880 --> 01:26:41,000
Speaker 1: from Egypt right across the Red Sea.

1937
01:26:41,720 --> 01:26:42,400
Speaker 3: He gets there.

1938
01:26:42,840 --> 01:26:45,960
Speaker 1: You know he's disobedient, the people are so God makes

1939
01:26:46,000 --> 01:26:49,080
Speaker 1: him do what spend forty years in the wilderness, he

1940
01:26:49,120 --> 01:26:54,519
Speaker 1: gets out the wilderness. No, Moses was the leader, he

1941
01:26:54,600 --> 01:26:57,559
Speaker 1: was supposed to be the expert. He didn't freed everybody, right,

1942
01:26:58,720 --> 01:26:59,880
Speaker 1: he didn't free these Egyptians.

1943
01:27:00,120 --> 01:27:01,480
Speaker 3: So now.

1944
01:27:03,080 --> 01:27:05,479
Speaker 1: He gets to the Promised Land. So God tells him,

1945
01:27:05,520 --> 01:27:07,479
Speaker 1: I'm going to bring you to the Promised Land. Remember

1946
01:27:07,560 --> 01:27:10,000
Speaker 1: God's promises never return void.

1947
01:27:10,280 --> 01:27:11,040
Speaker 3: So he brings him.

1948
01:27:10,960 --> 01:27:13,360
Speaker 1: To the Promised Land that means a promised land right here,

1949
01:27:13,680 --> 01:27:16,719
Speaker 1: right here, and he tells Moses, talk to the rock,

1950
01:27:17,320 --> 01:27:22,479
Speaker 1: water come out. Well, Moses, being so experienced but not wise,

1951
01:27:22,920 --> 01:27:26,599
Speaker 1: he hits the rock water still comes out. Why because

1952
01:27:26,600 --> 01:27:30,040
Speaker 1: God does what keeps his promises. But guess who made

1953
01:27:30,040 --> 01:27:32,320
Speaker 1: it to the Promised Land. But not in the Promised land?

1954
01:27:32,720 --> 01:27:34,800
Speaker 1: Moldes because he was what disobedient?

1955
01:27:34,920 --> 01:27:40,720
Speaker 3: But let me go further. Everybody that Moses led, everybody that.

1956
01:27:41,000 --> 01:27:44,519
Speaker 1: Was under Moses' wise counsel that wasn't wise, it was

1957
01:27:44,560 --> 01:27:47,479
Speaker 1: just experience. Also didn't make it into the Promised Land.

1958
01:27:48,160 --> 01:27:50,360
Speaker 1: Only Joshua and Caleb made into the Promised Land.

1959
01:27:51,240 --> 01:27:53,360
Speaker 3: So what am I saying? Y'all? You got to be

1960
01:27:53,360 --> 01:27:56,360
Speaker 3: careful who has your ear? You got to be careful.

1961
01:27:56,120 --> 01:27:58,800
Speaker 1: About this person has experience because they've been married for

1962
01:27:58,840 --> 01:28:00,880
Speaker 1: twenty years. That makes you think they have experience, But

1963
01:28:00,920 --> 01:28:03,920
Speaker 1: do they have wisdom? Because the Bible says to seek

1964
01:28:03,960 --> 01:28:05,080
Speaker 1: wise counsel, not.

1965
01:28:04,960 --> 01:28:06,480
Speaker 3: To seek experience.

1966
01:28:07,720 --> 01:28:09,959
Speaker 1: So you got to make sure you're doing your due diligence,

1967
01:28:10,200 --> 01:28:13,519
Speaker 1: because like Moses, you don't want to end up being

1968
01:28:13,560 --> 01:28:15,640
Speaker 1: his follower who does.

1969
01:28:15,560 --> 01:28:21,040
Speaker 3: All of this work. He could have left you in slavery,

1970
01:28:19,479 --> 01:28:23,160
Speaker 3: but for that you could have stayed and captive.

1971
01:28:23,479 --> 01:28:27,320
Speaker 1: You still didn't get to the Promised Land because it

1972
01:28:27,400 --> 01:28:31,360
Speaker 1: takes one decision to change the entire trajectory of your life.

1973
01:28:31,880 --> 01:28:35,360
Speaker 1: And that one decision to follow Moses got them where

1974
01:28:35,920 --> 01:28:40,400
Speaker 1: forty years of wilderness, and then we're back in bondage

1975
01:28:40,439 --> 01:28:41,800
Speaker 1: because they never made to the Promised Land.

1976
01:28:42,120 --> 01:28:42,439
Speaker 2: Wow.

1977
01:28:42,479 --> 01:28:45,000
Speaker 3: And so again it's not to deem Moses. We know

1978
01:28:45,040 --> 01:28:47,720
Speaker 3: Moses was doing God's job. He just was disobedient.

1979
01:28:47,720 --> 01:28:47,880
Speaker 2: Though.

1980
01:28:48,600 --> 01:28:50,360
Speaker 1: I just want folks to really be careful to your

1981
01:28:50,400 --> 01:28:52,799
Speaker 1: point of who they're listening to and do your due diligence.

1982
01:28:52,800 --> 01:28:55,080
Speaker 1: Don't look at someone and say, well, because this man

1983
01:28:55,320 --> 01:28:58,360
Speaker 1: you know has three kids by three different women, there's

1984
01:28:58,360 --> 01:29:00,800
Speaker 1: nothing I can learn from him. Let us see if

1985
01:29:01,040 --> 01:29:03,280
Speaker 1: what he's doing now is breathing the results that you want.

1986
01:29:03,880 --> 01:29:06,080
Speaker 1: Let's not look at a woman who doesn't have kids

1987
01:29:06,160 --> 01:29:08,879
Speaker 1: or a man who doesn't have a certain career.

1988
01:29:09,160 --> 01:29:12,439
Speaker 3: Phil Jackson, how many years of basketball he played?

1989
01:29:13,400 --> 01:29:17,519
Speaker 4: He playing, he was on the next team. But Bill

1990
01:29:17,560 --> 01:29:19,639
Speaker 4: Belichick is better. He didn't play football.

1991
01:29:19,960 --> 01:29:21,880
Speaker 3: But Phil also didn't do nothing Kobe and the people

1992
01:29:21,920 --> 01:29:23,080
Speaker 3: he coached did No.

1993
01:29:23,080 --> 01:29:24,640
Speaker 2: No, he didn't play at that He didn't play at

1994
01:29:24,680 --> 01:29:25,120
Speaker 2: that level.

1995
01:29:25,160 --> 01:29:27,519
Speaker 1: But was he is he one of the best coaches? Yes,

1996
01:29:27,680 --> 01:29:31,679
Speaker 1: arguably Okay, And you can go with Bill Belichick same thing. Yes,

1997
01:29:31,920 --> 01:29:34,200
Speaker 1: oh ge, the Hall of Fame coach in my.

1998
01:29:34,160 --> 01:29:37,439
Speaker 3: Opinion, didn't coach Sabing. Okay.

1999
01:29:37,560 --> 01:29:40,920
Speaker 1: So my point is those people are folks who are

2000
01:29:40,920 --> 01:29:43,719
Speaker 1: wise canceled because they're taking you to the promised land

2001
01:29:43,800 --> 01:29:46,960
Speaker 1: right and allowing you to enter. So we got to

2002
01:29:46,960 --> 01:29:49,360
Speaker 1: be careful with that. And so again I'm teaching people

2003
01:29:50,000 --> 01:29:51,120
Speaker 1: results that I have.

2004
01:29:51,600 --> 01:29:53,720
Speaker 3: If I don't have the results, I don't teach on

2005
01:29:53,760 --> 01:29:55,760
Speaker 3: it because I don't know about it.

2006
01:29:55,880 --> 01:29:59,160
Speaker 1: And if I have had the experience but it didn't

2007
01:29:59,200 --> 01:30:01,599
Speaker 1: get me, wisdo them or a good result?

2008
01:30:01,880 --> 01:30:03,479
Speaker 3: I'm not going to talk to you about it.

2009
01:30:03,880 --> 01:30:06,080
Speaker 1: I have a wise counsel for that, wow, because I'm

2010
01:30:06,080 --> 01:30:07,360
Speaker 1: not gonna know at all. But I do want to

2011
01:30:07,360 --> 01:30:08,639
Speaker 1: give you what I do know works.

2012
01:30:09,120 --> 01:30:10,599
Speaker 3: You're very fair you.

2013
01:30:10,520 --> 01:30:14,320
Speaker 4: Do a lot for the Black community women. Black women

2014
01:30:14,360 --> 01:30:18,320
Speaker 4: are some of, if not the most educated, but seem

2015
01:30:18,400 --> 01:30:21,960
Speaker 4: to be losing in the job market at an alarming rate.

2016
01:30:23,160 --> 01:30:24,080
Speaker 2: Why do you think that is?

2017
01:30:24,520 --> 01:30:26,120
Speaker 3: Why do I think Black women are losing in the

2018
01:30:26,200 --> 01:30:27,479
Speaker 3: job market, but they're the.

2019
01:30:27,479 --> 01:30:30,000
Speaker 1: Highest We are the highest educated folks out here. You

2020
01:30:30,040 --> 01:30:31,639
Speaker 1: said that, part O, can I want to make sure.

2021
01:30:33,280 --> 01:30:37,720
Speaker 1: I want to make sure I think that so I

2022
01:30:37,760 --> 01:30:40,439
Speaker 1: think that what's happening is more Black women and studies

2023
01:30:40,439 --> 01:30:42,440
Speaker 1: have shown this are turning to entrepreneurship.

2024
01:30:42,800 --> 01:30:44,200
Speaker 3: So it's not that we're losing.

2025
01:30:43,880 --> 01:30:46,519
Speaker 1: In the black in the work in the workforce, it's

2026
01:30:46,560 --> 01:30:49,320
Speaker 1: that we are not really applying in the workforce. A

2027
01:30:49,320 --> 01:30:51,479
Speaker 1: lot of us are going into and studies have shown

2028
01:30:51,479 --> 01:30:54,519
Speaker 1: that a lot of women have gone to law school,

2029
01:30:54,520 --> 01:30:55,400
Speaker 1: which means they're having their.

2030
01:30:55,320 --> 01:30:57,120
Speaker 3: Own law firms, so not being hired by anybody.

2031
01:30:57,160 --> 01:30:58,800
Speaker 1: They are going back to get their doctorate, meaning they're

2032
01:30:58,840 --> 01:31:00,960
Speaker 1: going in private practice, sohere they hired by unless they're

2033
01:31:00,960 --> 01:31:02,439
Speaker 1: working for a hospital. And a lot of women are

2034
01:31:02,439 --> 01:31:05,120
Speaker 1: starting their own entrepreneurship and doing their own thing. A

2035
01:31:05,160 --> 01:31:07,160
Speaker 1: lot of Black women, let me say, are starting their

2036
01:31:07,160 --> 01:31:09,439
Speaker 1: own businesses. And what I love about that most is

2037
01:31:09,960 --> 01:31:13,640
Speaker 1: these businesses are businesses that are actually they're able to

2038
01:31:13,720 --> 01:31:16,960
Speaker 1: capitalize off of them, and they're successful businesses. And I

2039
01:31:17,080 --> 01:31:20,800
Speaker 1: believe the reason for that is there is or has

2040
01:31:20,840 --> 01:31:23,400
Speaker 1: been for a while, a sisterhood that black women have

2041
01:31:23,479 --> 01:31:24,360
Speaker 1: been able to build.

2042
01:31:25,080 --> 01:31:28,479
Speaker 3: There's no longer this barrier or.

2043
01:31:28,479 --> 01:31:30,760
Speaker 1: Angry black women between black women, Like we have a

2044
01:31:30,840 --> 01:31:33,840
Speaker 1: village over here. We supporting each other, We are rocking

2045
01:31:33,880 --> 01:31:38,559
Speaker 1: with each other. And the issue is us trying to

2046
01:31:39,240 --> 01:31:42,439
Speaker 1: blend with y'all. And it's not y'all fault. It's just

2047
01:31:42,600 --> 01:31:45,000
Speaker 1: so that we don't have this barrier of this gender war.

2048
01:31:45,439 --> 01:31:47,439
Speaker 1: And it's not us against y'all. It's more of how

2049
01:31:47,439 --> 01:31:50,080
Speaker 1: do we blend and support each other even if we're

2050
01:31:50,120 --> 01:31:53,400
Speaker 1: not pro creating or marrying or creating a family. How

2051
01:31:53,400 --> 01:31:55,760
Speaker 1: do we support each other just as community folks, just

2052
01:31:55,800 --> 01:31:57,439
Speaker 1: as a black woman to a black man and what

2053
01:31:57,479 --> 01:31:59,680
Speaker 1: does that look like? And again, this has nothing to

2054
01:31:59,680 --> 01:32:02,400
Speaker 1: do with where the black men dates a non black woman.

2055
01:32:02,479 --> 01:32:04,280
Speaker 1: I'm saying as a black man, I don't care who

2056
01:32:04,280 --> 01:32:08,400
Speaker 1: your date, you can still support a black woman because

2057
01:32:08,439 --> 01:32:10,599
Speaker 1: you believe in that. Because if you're a black man,

2058
01:32:10,720 --> 01:32:13,280
Speaker 1: there is a one chance that if you have a daughter.

2059
01:32:14,400 --> 01:32:17,320
Speaker 3: She's black. I don't care what a mammy is, which

2060
01:32:17,360 --> 01:32:18,599
Speaker 3: means you do have.

2061
01:32:19,560 --> 01:32:24,360
Speaker 1: A responsibility to support us because in return, you're supporting

2062
01:32:24,400 --> 01:32:25,959
Speaker 1: her right, and that's important.

2063
01:32:27,160 --> 01:32:27,960
Speaker 2: Doc. What is the.

2064
01:32:29,479 --> 01:32:32,960
Speaker 4: How do I want to phrase this a relationship? Because

2065
01:32:33,640 --> 01:32:35,880
Speaker 4: you get into a relationship Today is Tuesday. We get

2066
01:32:35,880 --> 01:32:39,439
Speaker 4: in a relationship on Tuesday and Wednesday that person is

2067
01:32:39,479 --> 01:32:41,800
Speaker 4: a different person. Thursday, that person is a different person.

2068
01:32:41,840 --> 01:32:45,760
Speaker 4: Because the greatest a key to survival is adaptability. How

2069
01:32:45,760 --> 01:32:49,960
Speaker 4: do you evolve every day as that person evolve without

2070
01:32:50,000 --> 01:32:50,839
Speaker 4: losing yourself?

2071
01:32:51,160 --> 01:32:51,800
Speaker 3: I love that.

2072
01:32:52,720 --> 01:32:57,360
Speaker 1: It's impossible, right. I think the Bible says cleave one person,

2073
01:32:57,520 --> 01:32:58,120
Speaker 1: one person.

2074
01:32:59,080 --> 01:32:59,799
Speaker 3: This is cleaving.

2075
01:33:01,560 --> 01:33:05,400
Speaker 1: Do you think that as we don't lose ourself, we

2076
01:33:05,520 --> 01:33:08,600
Speaker 1: are going to not cleave? So when we bump up

2077
01:33:08,640 --> 01:33:12,120
Speaker 1: against each other, there has to be some movement, which

2078
01:33:12,120 --> 01:33:13,360
Speaker 1: is a bit of a loss of a sulf doesn't

2079
01:33:13,400 --> 01:33:15,920
Speaker 1: mean you become out in person before we can intertwine

2080
01:33:15,920 --> 01:33:18,040
Speaker 1: and cleave. That means you have to be willing to

2081
01:33:18,080 --> 01:33:19,720
Speaker 1: lose some pieces of you. And this is the thing.

2082
01:33:20,439 --> 01:33:22,439
Speaker 3: When you're single. Don't you want to evolve?

2083
01:33:22,880 --> 01:33:23,160
Speaker 2: Yes?

2084
01:33:23,880 --> 01:33:25,760
Speaker 3: Don't you want to prune? Or do you want to

2085
01:33:25,760 --> 01:33:26,920
Speaker 3: be a fig tree.

2086
01:33:27,320 --> 01:33:29,080
Speaker 1: You know, the fig tree in the Bible got cursed

2087
01:33:29,080 --> 01:33:30,719
Speaker 1: because it didn't produce anything.

2088
01:33:31,240 --> 01:33:33,919
Speaker 3: God said, you're never be blessed because you weren't fruitful multiplied.

2089
01:33:34,120 --> 01:33:36,920
Speaker 2: That's why people don't like figsh But on the.

2090
01:33:36,840 --> 01:33:38,519
Speaker 1: Flip side, you know, the fig tree is actually the

2091
01:33:38,520 --> 01:33:39,519
Speaker 1: most fruitful tree ever.

2092
01:33:40,280 --> 01:33:41,160
Speaker 3: It grows you're around.

2093
01:33:41,400 --> 01:33:44,879
Speaker 1: But let me say this, when you are by yourself,

2094
01:33:44,880 --> 01:33:47,800
Speaker 1: you want to evolve, yes, which means parts of you die.

2095
01:33:48,520 --> 01:33:51,360
Speaker 1: So why get in a relationship? And I love this

2096
01:33:51,439 --> 01:33:56,000
Speaker 1: question for black men and black women, especially black men.

2097
01:33:56,280 --> 01:33:59,680
Speaker 1: Evolution is about parts of you dying. So why is

2098
01:33:59,680 --> 01:34:02,080
Speaker 1: it that y'all okay with doing it when you're by yourself?

2099
01:34:02,600 --> 01:34:04,160
Speaker 1: Why is it that when you get with a.

2100
01:34:04,120 --> 01:34:08,960
Speaker 3: Woman and that is a necessity, it's she's either trying

2101
01:34:09,000 --> 01:34:11,439
Speaker 3: to mother you, trying to change you, or you're not

2102
01:34:11,880 --> 01:34:12,760
Speaker 3: willing to do it.

2103
01:34:12,960 --> 01:34:16,200
Speaker 1: That makes no sense at all, because you have to evolve.

2104
01:34:16,200 --> 01:34:20,800
Speaker 1: An evolution is parts of you dying. That means you're

2105
01:34:20,800 --> 01:34:23,160
Speaker 1: losing parts of you, yes, But when you get into

2106
01:34:23,200 --> 01:34:26,320
Speaker 1: a relationship, you're resistant at losing parts of you that

2107
01:34:26,360 --> 01:34:28,080
Speaker 1: are necessary for you to cleave with the person you

2108
01:34:28,080 --> 01:34:29,760
Speaker 1: want to spend the rest of your life with If that

2109
01:34:29,920 --> 01:34:34,719
Speaker 1: is what's necessary for the bigger picture, for the mansion

2110
01:34:35,160 --> 01:34:38,679
Speaker 1: within y'all, the sanctuary within y'all, why is that an issue?

2111
01:34:38,720 --> 01:34:40,120
Speaker 1: I want to ask you that as a black man,

2112
01:34:40,800 --> 01:34:45,160
Speaker 1: why is that a problem for y'all to cleave which

2113
01:34:45,200 --> 01:34:48,280
Speaker 1: means evolve, which means lose parts of you when you

2114
01:34:48,280 --> 01:34:50,520
Speaker 1: are in a relationship. Why is there so much resistance

2115
01:34:50,560 --> 01:34:53,479
Speaker 1: of I am who I am. I'm not changing. You

2116
01:34:53,600 --> 01:34:54,400
Speaker 1: met me like this?

2117
01:34:54,920 --> 01:35:01,519
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's a lot because because like you said,

2118
01:35:01,800 --> 01:35:05,040
Speaker 4: we are losing parts. If we lose parts of ourself,

2119
01:35:06,080 --> 01:35:07,080
Speaker 4: Am I still the same?

2120
01:35:07,160 --> 01:35:07,519
Speaker 2: Shehnnon?

2121
01:35:08,439 --> 01:35:10,439
Speaker 1: But why do you want to be the same Shannon

2122
01:35:10,600 --> 01:35:12,439
Speaker 1: even if you're by yours? So do you want to

2123
01:35:12,479 --> 01:35:13,599
Speaker 1: be the same third of your Shannon?

2124
01:35:13,720 --> 01:35:13,960
Speaker 2: Nope?

2125
01:35:14,160 --> 01:35:16,040
Speaker 3: No, no, So then why.

2126
01:35:15,840 --> 01:35:17,439
Speaker 1: Do you want to be that? On your number two

2127
01:35:17,479 --> 01:35:20,040
Speaker 1: with me? Are you number five with me? Why is

2128
01:35:20,120 --> 01:35:23,240
Speaker 1: it that me being the woman you chose? I gotta

2129
01:35:23,280 --> 01:35:27,160
Speaker 1: be of some good care. So my good character hasn't

2130
01:35:27,200 --> 01:35:29,720
Speaker 1: influenced you in any way to want it? Maybe you

2131
01:35:29,760 --> 01:35:31,360
Speaker 1: want to do right, to do better?

2132
01:35:31,479 --> 01:35:34,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, to do right? I haven't watered any seeds in you?

2133
01:35:36,400 --> 01:35:36,960
Speaker 2: Yeah you have?

2134
01:35:37,640 --> 01:35:40,120
Speaker 1: And so when those seeds are watered right and you

2135
01:35:40,160 --> 01:35:45,040
Speaker 1: start to grow. What about the pruning season within our relationship?

2136
01:35:45,439 --> 01:35:47,400
Speaker 1: So you just don't want to prune, because if you

2137
01:35:47,400 --> 01:35:49,080
Speaker 1: don't want to prune, that means you don't want.

2138
01:35:48,920 --> 01:35:52,639
Speaker 3: To grow because it takes pruning for growth. So explain

2139
01:35:52,720 --> 01:35:52,960
Speaker 3: to me.

2140
01:35:53,200 --> 01:35:58,000
Speaker 1: And even when we sew up the sawyer to plant

2141
01:35:58,040 --> 01:36:01,240
Speaker 1: new seeds, there's seeds down there that get sewed up

2142
01:36:01,560 --> 01:36:04,840
Speaker 1: that ended up dead. So at what point do we

2143
01:36:04,920 --> 01:36:07,559
Speaker 1: grow together? This is one of the biggest deficits and

2144
01:36:07,600 --> 01:36:10,080
Speaker 1: issues within our black community, a black and men being

2145
01:36:10,080 --> 01:36:12,880
Speaker 1: a relationship. At what point do we grow if you're

2146
01:36:12,920 --> 01:36:14,320
Speaker 1: not willing to grow fig tree?

2147
01:36:14,439 --> 01:36:20,440
Speaker 3: At what point? And then when God curses this marriage had.

2148
01:36:20,920 --> 01:36:24,679
Speaker 1: Because you covering me, because you refused to be fruitful

2149
01:36:24,760 --> 01:36:28,679
Speaker 1: multiply fix tree? Then what I didn't do my job?

2150
01:36:29,320 --> 01:36:31,320
Speaker 1: Or was I too controlling? Or was I trying to

2151
01:36:31,360 --> 01:36:34,000
Speaker 1: be your mama? Or was it that you chose to

2152
01:36:34,040 --> 01:36:38,680
Speaker 1: sit up there with branches unfruitful, not multiplying because you

2153
01:36:38,720 --> 01:36:41,400
Speaker 1: didn't want to be pruned for us to grow.

2154
01:36:43,000 --> 01:36:44,400
Speaker 3: I'm just caring waiting another answer.

2155
01:36:44,880 --> 01:36:46,000
Speaker 2: I wish I knew the answer.

2156
01:36:46,200 --> 01:36:47,920
Speaker 1: And you look like you might be the only black

2157
01:36:47,920 --> 01:36:49,519
Speaker 1: men in this room besides the brother over there, and

2158
01:36:49,520 --> 01:36:50,760
Speaker 1: he not in this interview with me.

2159
01:36:51,720 --> 01:36:54,920
Speaker 3: So why m M. You got to answer? You got

2160
01:36:54,920 --> 01:36:55,120
Speaker 3: to come?

2161
01:36:55,520 --> 01:36:57,679
Speaker 4: What do if I knew that, I probably wouldn't be

2162
01:36:58,439 --> 01:37:00,839
Speaker 4: almost sixty and not married.

2163
01:37:02,479 --> 01:37:05,200
Speaker 3: And I've heard you talk about how you are in relationships.

2164
01:37:05,240 --> 01:37:08,320
Speaker 2: I mean you're like you said, you got something, I

2165
01:37:08,320 --> 01:37:08,840
Speaker 2: got something right.

2166
01:37:08,880 --> 01:37:09,719
Speaker 3: But but you're.

2167
01:37:09,720 --> 01:37:11,960
Speaker 1: Very And I don't say this to you, know, poke

2168
01:37:12,000 --> 01:37:14,280
Speaker 1: you I'm saying, you know, wrapped in love. You're very

2169
01:37:15,000 --> 01:37:18,000
Speaker 1: stuck in who you are in relationships. Yah, yeah, you're

2170
01:37:18,080 --> 01:37:19,840
Speaker 1: very This is who I am. And when I want

2171
01:37:19,840 --> 01:37:21,400
Speaker 1: my space, I want my space and I don't need

2172
01:37:21,439 --> 01:37:23,439
Speaker 1: a shift or change. You can do what's conducive to

2173
01:37:23,479 --> 01:37:26,880
Speaker 1: me type thing. Yeah, and so that is the resistance.

2174
01:37:27,280 --> 01:37:29,360
Speaker 1: But you just said, as a single man, you would

2175
01:37:29,400 --> 01:37:31,120
Speaker 1: not want to be the same thirty year old thirty

2176
01:37:31,160 --> 01:37:31,599
Speaker 1: year old.

2177
01:37:31,520 --> 01:37:35,960
Speaker 2: You are now I don't, but I just so, why.

2178
01:37:35,800 --> 01:37:37,599
Speaker 3: Do you want a woman to be with you? Are

2179
01:37:37,600 --> 01:37:40,559
Speaker 3: you the same person you were when I met you.

2180
01:37:41,000 --> 01:37:42,719
Speaker 2: I'm working. I'm a work in progress.

2181
01:37:42,760 --> 01:37:44,920
Speaker 4: It's taking me longer than an anticipated you know, I

2182
01:37:44,960 --> 01:37:46,160
Speaker 4: had to repeat a couple of grades.

2183
01:37:46,400 --> 01:37:52,960
Speaker 2: Okay, I think uh to be honest, Doc, I.

2184
01:37:52,920 --> 01:37:55,519
Speaker 4: Don't know, like like I don't know, maybe like you say,

2185
01:37:55,600 --> 01:37:57,679
Speaker 4: you you had this vision of being mad. I don't

2186
01:37:57,720 --> 01:38:00,559
Speaker 4: know if I really really deep down and I thought

2187
01:38:00,560 --> 01:38:02,800
Speaker 4: about I was gonna ever be married because I was

2188
01:38:02,880 --> 01:38:05,920
Speaker 4: just my whole focus was to get my family out

2189
01:38:05,920 --> 01:38:08,479
Speaker 4: of the environment that we're in. And I didn't necessarily

2190
01:38:08,560 --> 01:38:10,559
Speaker 4: think I thought I needed a wife in order to

2191
01:38:10,600 --> 01:38:13,639
Speaker 4: do that. So it was just work, work, work, focused, focused, focus.

2192
01:38:13,920 --> 01:38:15,439
Speaker 4: And I don't do a great I don't do a

2193
01:38:15,439 --> 01:38:18,719
Speaker 4: great job of multitasking, so I can't do my job

2194
01:38:18,840 --> 01:38:21,559
Speaker 4: and love this person like I love this job. That's

2195
01:38:21,600 --> 01:38:24,840
Speaker 4: the hardest part because I've always put work first. Work

2196
01:38:24,880 --> 01:38:27,599
Speaker 4: has always come first. When I played, it was the

2197
01:38:27,600 --> 01:38:30,679
Speaker 4: most important thing. It was the only thing. You play second,

2198
01:38:30,840 --> 01:38:33,000
Speaker 4: or if you can't play second, just we we we

2199
01:38:33,600 --> 01:38:35,519
Speaker 4: ain't no sense in you're getting in the car. And

2200
01:38:35,560 --> 01:38:37,680
Speaker 4: so it's it's so hard for me to turn that

2201
01:38:37,760 --> 01:38:40,639
Speaker 4: off because I've done it for so long, and now

2202
01:38:40,640 --> 01:38:43,400
Speaker 4: that I have so many people counting on me, you know,

2203
01:38:43,880 --> 01:38:47,000
Speaker 4: brother suster, mom, kids, it's just it's just.

2204
01:38:47,200 --> 01:38:48,000
Speaker 2: Hard for me.

2205
01:38:48,760 --> 01:38:51,680
Speaker 4: And and you know, the thing that I got that's

2206
01:38:51,720 --> 01:38:53,200
Speaker 4: all you do is work. The only thing that you

2207
01:38:53,240 --> 01:38:56,040
Speaker 4: care about is work. And sometimes I think that is

2208
01:38:56,080 --> 01:38:59,840
Speaker 4: true because I've never I've gone on one vacation and

2209
01:39:00,280 --> 01:39:01,800
Speaker 4: in fifty seven years.

2210
01:39:02,120 --> 01:39:07,720
Speaker 1: But what are you overcompensating for? Because workaholics are overcompensating

2211
01:39:07,840 --> 01:39:13,280
Speaker 1: for something they're lacking. And oftentimes work is transactional. Yes,

2212
01:39:13,680 --> 01:39:14,600
Speaker 1: it's not relational.

2213
01:39:14,640 --> 01:39:15,320
Speaker 3: It's transactional.

2214
01:39:15,400 --> 01:39:20,840
Speaker 1: Yes, oftentimes folks will overcompensate in transactional worlds for what

2215
01:39:20,880 --> 01:39:22,599
Speaker 1: they're lacking in relational worlds.

2216
01:39:22,880 --> 01:39:26,080
Speaker 3: And it's usual because of what you said. They don't

2217
01:39:26,160 --> 01:39:29,280
Speaker 3: know how to operate in the relational world. No, but

2218
01:39:29,320 --> 01:39:31,880
Speaker 3: they do well over here. I do, and we all

2219
01:39:31,920 --> 01:39:32,880
Speaker 3: go where we do what.

2220
01:39:33,920 --> 01:39:35,519
Speaker 4: Yes, that's why I don't have it. I don't do

2221
01:39:35,560 --> 01:39:37,800
Speaker 4: a whole lot of things. But what I do do

2222
01:39:37,840 --> 01:39:40,240
Speaker 4: I'm very good at. Yeah, I don't take on new

2223
01:39:40,240 --> 01:39:42,599
Speaker 4: hobbies because I hate Well, how.

2224
01:39:42,439 --> 01:39:43,599
Speaker 2: Do you know if you're good at it? I know?

2225
01:39:44,600 --> 01:39:46,639
Speaker 4: And so what I'm good at I become great at

2226
01:39:47,920 --> 01:39:48,280
Speaker 4: I think.

2227
01:39:48,360 --> 01:39:49,960
Speaker 1: But I want to know, when are you going to

2228
01:39:50,040 --> 01:39:54,280
Speaker 1: give yourself a chance to love and be loved? Because

2229
01:39:55,880 --> 01:39:58,639
Speaker 1: you don't have to enter into it being great already,

2230
01:39:59,120 --> 01:40:02,160
Speaker 1: you just have to enter into it with the willingness

2231
01:40:02,760 --> 01:40:07,240
Speaker 1: to shift and be malleable not to the woman, but

2232
01:40:07,320 --> 01:40:12,920
Speaker 1: to the opportunity of you being loved and loving somebody back. Yeah,

2233
01:40:12,960 --> 01:40:16,479
Speaker 1: which is really, you know, the ultimate fulfillment. The reason

2234
01:40:16,520 --> 01:40:21,400
Speaker 1: why we have to keep working and keep working and

2235
01:40:21,479 --> 01:40:25,479
Speaker 1: keep working and turn into workaholics is because there is

2236
01:40:25,600 --> 01:40:29,479
Speaker 1: a monetary or a limited fulfillment over here.

2237
01:40:29,600 --> 01:40:30,479
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we have.

2238
01:40:30,479 --> 01:40:34,200
Speaker 1: To keep to get it, like a drug to get it. Yes,

2239
01:40:34,360 --> 01:40:35,160
Speaker 1: But see, love is.

2240
01:40:35,120 --> 01:40:37,800
Speaker 4: Not like that, it's not, I think, Doc. For me,

2241
01:40:40,439 --> 01:40:43,000
Speaker 4: growing up, how I grew up and not having it

2242
01:40:43,720 --> 01:40:45,600
Speaker 4: just drove me. And that was the thing that I

2243
01:40:45,680 --> 01:40:49,120
Speaker 4: really obsessed about, was to like to see my grandmother,

2244
01:40:49,240 --> 01:40:51,200
Speaker 4: not have to worry about bills and not have to

2245
01:40:51,240 --> 01:40:55,000
Speaker 4: worry about things. And so I just poured everything. God

2246
01:40:55,040 --> 01:40:57,600
Speaker 4: gave me the ability to be disciplined, be dedicated, and

2247
01:40:57,640 --> 01:41:02,439
Speaker 4: be determined. And so for me not to a woman, No,

2248
01:41:02,680 --> 01:41:05,160
Speaker 4: because if there was a choice, Doc, if I had

2249
01:41:05,200 --> 01:41:10,000
Speaker 4: a choice between work a woman, I'm choosing work.

2250
01:41:10,200 --> 01:41:12,120
Speaker 1: But that's because work is safe for you. It is

2251
01:41:12,160 --> 01:41:14,759
Speaker 1: what is so unsafe with you emotionally with the women.

2252
01:41:17,280 --> 01:41:21,559
Speaker 4: I think for me, I haven't had the best luck

2253
01:41:22,080 --> 01:41:26,120
Speaker 4: with women. Why but I haven't been the best for them.

2254
01:41:26,200 --> 01:41:28,559
Speaker 3: That's okay. Talk about the luck. What is the narrative

2255
01:41:28,600 --> 01:41:31,120
Speaker 3: around you haven't had the best luck with women.

2256
01:41:33,680 --> 01:41:36,680
Speaker 4: Because I've never given them all of me, like I

2257
01:41:36,680 --> 01:41:42,280
Speaker 4: have a job. I've I only gave them what they

2258
01:41:42,280 --> 01:41:42,880
Speaker 4: couldn't hurt.

2259
01:41:43,520 --> 01:41:47,680
Speaker 3: There you go, this is good. What is it that

2260
01:41:47,720 --> 01:41:49,439
Speaker 3: they could hurt? What's that.

2261
01:41:53,960 --> 01:41:54,040
Speaker 2: Me?

2262
01:41:55,120 --> 01:41:59,920
Speaker 3: What part are you my heart that was hurt? When?

2263
01:42:00,040 --> 01:42:01,960
Speaker 3: When was the first heartbreak you can even think of?

2264
01:42:03,360 --> 01:42:04,240
Speaker 2: I don't even.

2265
01:42:05,640 --> 01:42:06,519
Speaker 3: Who was it by.

2266
01:42:08,800 --> 01:42:13,000
Speaker 2: I'm not even sure, doc, because I where's dad?

2267
01:42:13,479 --> 01:42:15,519
Speaker 4: My dad died when I was My dad died when

2268
01:42:15,560 --> 01:42:17,719
Speaker 4: I was when I was thirteen?

2269
01:42:18,520 --> 01:42:19,200
Speaker 3: Was he with mom?

2270
01:42:19,600 --> 01:42:19,760
Speaker 2: No?

2271
01:42:19,960 --> 01:42:20,960
Speaker 3: What kind of guy was he?

2272
01:42:22,120 --> 01:42:24,280
Speaker 4: I only saw my dad? Wants to really know who

2273
01:42:24,280 --> 01:42:25,400
Speaker 4: I was looking at?

2274
01:42:25,640 --> 01:42:32,760
Speaker 3: There you go, There you go. So that abandonment, that abandonment, woe?

2275
01:42:33,320 --> 01:42:33,640
Speaker 4: What is it?

2276
01:42:33,720 --> 01:42:35,680
Speaker 1: What is your narrative about your father? What kind of

2277
01:42:35,720 --> 01:42:37,439
Speaker 1: guy was he? To only have seen him once?

2278
01:42:38,200 --> 01:42:38,439
Speaker 2: Well?

2279
01:42:39,240 --> 01:42:43,320
Speaker 4: When he and my mom divorced my grandfather, you know,

2280
01:42:43,680 --> 01:42:46,320
Speaker 4: growing up how we grew up getting divorced. The kids

2281
01:42:46,320 --> 01:42:49,120
Speaker 4: are going with the maternal grandparents, and that's what that's

2282
01:42:49,120 --> 01:42:51,599
Speaker 4: what we did. We came down down to South.

2283
01:42:51,400 --> 01:42:54,240
Speaker 1: George, let me let me word a different then what

2284
01:42:54,400 --> 01:42:58,599
Speaker 1: kind of father would you have to be to only

2285
01:42:58,640 --> 01:42:59,479
Speaker 1: see your child.

2286
01:42:59,360 --> 01:43:00,639
Speaker 3: Wants and thirty years.

2287
01:43:00,680 --> 01:43:04,800
Speaker 4: I think he was embarrassed about what not being what

2288
01:43:04,880 --> 01:43:07,800
Speaker 4: he wanted. He wanted what he thought he should have been,

2289
01:43:08,240 --> 01:43:11,720
Speaker 4: not being there. My dad had some drinking issues and

2290
01:43:11,840 --> 01:43:15,320
Speaker 4: he didn't think he was the father that he should

2291
01:43:15,360 --> 01:43:19,559
Speaker 4: have been. And I remember my grandmother, Grandma Childie. His

2292
01:43:19,680 --> 01:43:22,720
Speaker 4: mom told us that he wanted to come home, but

2293
01:43:22,800 --> 01:43:24,840
Speaker 4: at that point in time, he had had both jawbones

2294
01:43:24,840 --> 01:43:27,400
Speaker 4: removed because of cancer, and he didn't want he said

2295
01:43:27,520 --> 01:43:29,960
Speaker 4: he Grandma Childie, he called it Charlie. He said, Charlie,

2296
01:43:29,960 --> 01:43:31,439
Speaker 4: I don't want the kids to see me like this.

2297
01:43:31,960 --> 01:43:33,960
Speaker 4: And she said, Pete, they gonna love you regardless. They

2298
01:43:34,000 --> 01:43:35,920
Speaker 4: just want to see their dad. And he said, you

2299
01:43:35,960 --> 01:43:37,599
Speaker 4: know what, he said, you know what, child, I'm gonna

2300
01:43:37,600 --> 01:43:38,600
Speaker 4: come home in September.

2301
01:43:39,160 --> 01:43:41,680
Speaker 2: Well he died in August, and so.

2302
01:43:44,160 --> 01:43:46,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would have loved because I when I when

2303
01:43:46,160 --> 01:43:48,120
Speaker 4: I played college ball and I played in the NFL,

2304
01:43:48,200 --> 01:43:49,280
Speaker 4: and I saw guys have.

2305
01:43:49,280 --> 01:43:52,280
Speaker 2: Their dad in the locker room or standing on the sideline.

2306
01:43:52,840 --> 01:43:54,519
Speaker 4: I used to think, man, it'd be so cool to

2307
01:43:54,560 --> 01:43:58,280
Speaker 4: have my dad here and and and to to be

2308
01:43:58,320 --> 01:44:01,800
Speaker 4: a part of this, but it it didn't happen. But

2309
01:44:02,439 --> 01:44:04,200
Speaker 4: you know, my grandfather died when I was eight, and

2310
01:44:04,200 --> 01:44:08,000
Speaker 4: that's who raised my grandmother and my grandfather. But granted

2311
01:44:08,040 --> 01:44:10,240
Speaker 4: poured every ounce into me. But there are some things

2312
01:44:10,280 --> 01:44:13,040
Speaker 4: I think that I did miss because I didn't.

2313
01:44:12,720 --> 01:44:14,479
Speaker 2: Have uh huh.

2314
01:44:15,040 --> 01:44:17,840
Speaker 4: My brother was like my father. He was really the

2315
01:44:17,880 --> 01:44:24,280
Speaker 4: dominant male figure that was in my life. But that's Doctor,

2316
01:44:24,439 --> 01:44:27,120
Speaker 4: I mean, poverty, that's what that's what kind of shaped

2317
01:44:27,160 --> 01:44:29,720
Speaker 4: me and I you know, I joked and I said, man,

2318
01:44:29,880 --> 01:44:31,920
Speaker 4: we grew up so poor. I had to win the

2319
01:44:31,960 --> 01:44:35,559
Speaker 4: lottery just to be broke. That's how bad we were, Doc,

2320
01:44:35,840 --> 01:44:36,880
Speaker 4: And that's what drives me.

2321
01:44:36,920 --> 01:44:37,040
Speaker 2: Now.

2322
01:44:37,240 --> 01:44:40,439
Speaker 4: All I think about is like, Okay, if something happens

2323
01:44:40,479 --> 01:44:43,880
Speaker 4: to me, what's gonna happen to Libby, what's gonna happen

2324
01:44:43,880 --> 01:44:45,160
Speaker 4: to spank It, what's gonna happen to my mom?

2325
01:44:45,479 --> 01:44:45,840
Speaker 2: My kids?

2326
01:44:45,840 --> 01:44:47,519
Speaker 4: Were they gonna they're gonna be okay, they're gonna get

2327
01:44:47,520 --> 01:44:51,240
Speaker 4: more money than what they do right by what they

2328
01:44:52,040 --> 01:44:54,400
Speaker 4: And that's what keeps me up at night. And I

2329
01:44:54,920 --> 01:44:59,040
Speaker 4: need to devote I need to shift that instead of okay, Shannon,

2330
01:45:00,000 --> 01:45:01,960
Speaker 4: if something would have happened to you, your k your

2331
01:45:01,960 --> 01:45:06,880
Speaker 4: family's gonna be okay, because I do want someone, and.

2332
01:45:06,800 --> 01:45:11,080
Speaker 1: I'm go'a say something, okay, and I I totally wrap

2333
01:45:11,120 --> 01:45:14,160
Speaker 1: it in love, okay, cause it's good. Probably sound a

2334
01:45:14,200 --> 01:45:19,479
Speaker 1: little poky, but the same selfishness you just describe your

2335
01:45:19,520 --> 01:45:25,120
Speaker 1: father has, you have it. You have it, and the

2336
01:45:25,160 --> 01:45:29,840
Speaker 1: pain that his selfishness and his pride and his ego

2337
01:45:30,240 --> 01:45:32,760
Speaker 1: implement it in you is the same pain that you're

2338
01:45:32,760 --> 01:45:35,439
Speaker 1: implementing in everyone you come in contact with, including your

2339
01:45:35,439 --> 01:45:40,400
Speaker 1: girls and their mothers. What your father taught you was nobody,

2340
01:45:40,720 --> 01:45:45,120
Speaker 1: not even y'all, were good enough for him to come

2341
01:45:45,160 --> 01:45:49,439
Speaker 1: around or stay around. And nothing has been good enough

2342
01:45:49,680 --> 01:45:53,719
Speaker 1: for you to stay around, not even your kids because

2343
01:45:53,720 --> 01:45:56,320
Speaker 1: you obviously are not or we're not with their mothers right.

2344
01:45:57,120 --> 01:46:00,720
Speaker 1: And it doesn't make you a bad man. It just

2345
01:46:00,760 --> 01:46:02,760
Speaker 1: makes you a man that needs to be aware of

2346
01:46:02,800 --> 01:46:06,040
Speaker 1: your makeup and how you're built because you can't change

2347
01:46:06,080 --> 01:46:08,639
Speaker 1: that when we talked about it earlier. You can manage

2348
01:46:08,640 --> 01:46:13,439
Speaker 1: that once you realize, damn, I'm him too. So until

2349
01:46:13,520 --> 01:46:16,400
Speaker 1: you realize that ego, that pride that he has it,

2350
01:46:16,479 --> 01:46:19,320
Speaker 1: he has taught you and it's obviously in your DNA

2351
01:46:19,360 --> 01:46:23,240
Speaker 1: as well. And that selfishness is what will always be

2352
01:46:23,280 --> 01:46:25,280
Speaker 1: a barrier between you and your heart, not you and

2353
01:46:25,320 --> 01:46:28,760
Speaker 1: a woman, it's you in your heart. Then you will

2354
01:46:28,760 --> 01:46:31,439
Speaker 1: always overcompensate and work, and you're gonna do damn good

2355
01:46:31,439 --> 01:46:33,760
Speaker 1: over here. But it's gonna come a time, if it

2356
01:46:33,800 --> 01:46:38,400
Speaker 1: hasn't already, that what you're overcompensating for, which is the

2357
01:46:38,439 --> 01:46:42,360
Speaker 1: heart space, starts to consume you. And you're gonna need

2358
01:46:43,000 --> 01:46:46,720
Speaker 1: that to even balance you over here, because we can

2359
01:46:46,800 --> 01:46:52,240
Speaker 1: only do something out of moderation for so long. Right

2360
01:46:52,280 --> 01:46:55,200
Speaker 1: before the moderation says, yo, what's up? Especially the matters

2361
01:46:55,240 --> 01:46:58,880
Speaker 1: of the heart, and with you, it's what I said earlier, right,

2362
01:46:58,960 --> 01:47:01,519
Speaker 1: Hope deferm makes the heart sick. And when a little

2363
01:47:01,520 --> 01:47:04,760
Speaker 1: boy becomes deferred from hope at a young age with

2364
01:47:04,840 --> 01:47:06,880
Speaker 1: his father and they take on the father role like

2365
01:47:06,920 --> 01:47:08,400
Speaker 1: you did and go and get it and put the

2366
01:47:08,400 --> 01:47:18,120
Speaker 1: family on the mat and take everybody out of poverty.

2367
01:47:14,880 --> 01:47:17,599
Speaker 3: Usually never returns to find himself.

2368
01:47:19,080 --> 01:47:21,200
Speaker 1: And the only thing, or one of the biggest things

2369
01:47:21,200 --> 01:47:24,080
Speaker 1: that kind of breaks my heart with you is you've

2370
01:47:24,120 --> 01:47:28,120
Speaker 1: accomplished so much in everything you've touched transactionally, it has

2371
01:47:28,160 --> 01:47:31,000
Speaker 1: turned to gold all the way down to the gold jacket.

2372
01:47:33,920 --> 01:47:37,879
Speaker 1: But like the fig tree, you still haven't found yourself

2373
01:47:38,760 --> 01:47:40,599
Speaker 1: all the way at the age of sixty.

2374
01:47:41,479 --> 01:47:44,800
Speaker 3: And finding yourself takes the heart.

2375
01:47:46,400 --> 01:47:48,479
Speaker 2: The mind replays what the heart can delete.

2376
01:47:48,760 --> 01:47:52,360
Speaker 1: Hello, And so you have been operating from such a

2377
01:47:52,479 --> 01:47:57,240
Speaker 1: mind space so that you don't have to even have

2378
01:47:58,000 --> 01:48:01,200
Speaker 1: a connection with the heart that it has put you

2379
01:48:01,280 --> 01:48:05,040
Speaker 1: in such a deficit of self. And that's what goes

2380
01:48:05,080 --> 01:48:07,400
Speaker 1: back to what I said. A man who can pro

2381
01:48:07,439 --> 01:48:12,160
Speaker 1: create with multiple women without wanting to make sure that

2382
01:48:12,200 --> 01:48:15,599
Speaker 1: there is a foundation or family there, he has a

2383
01:48:15,600 --> 01:48:16,400
Speaker 1: loss of self.

2384
01:48:17,160 --> 01:48:18,880
Speaker 3: And that man has an identity.

2385
01:48:18,520 --> 01:48:22,120
Speaker 1: Crisis, and there is a huge self love deficit, because

2386
01:48:22,160 --> 01:48:25,439
Speaker 1: a man who loves himself makes decisions that represent self love.

2387
01:48:27,160 --> 01:48:30,439
Speaker 1: And everything that you have externalized is a direct reflection

2388
01:48:30,520 --> 01:48:34,160
Speaker 1: of you. The brokenness in the families you created, that's

2389
01:48:34,200 --> 01:48:38,080
Speaker 1: just the brokeness in you. How you can be successful transactionally,

2390
01:48:38,360 --> 01:48:41,599
Speaker 1: but your heart is over here talking about well, at

2391
01:48:41,640 --> 01:48:43,760
Speaker 1: what point am I gonna get seen? And then what

2392
01:48:43,840 --> 01:48:48,080
Speaker 1: the little boy and you tells the heart is, didn't

2393
01:48:48,080 --> 01:48:49,639
Speaker 1: nobody want to see you when you was young?

2394
01:48:49,960 --> 01:48:51,040
Speaker 3: Won't nobody tripping off you.

2395
01:48:51,080 --> 01:48:56,679
Speaker 1: Then, So why do we think anybody is deserving right,

2396
01:48:57,040 --> 01:48:58,840
Speaker 1: or why do I think, as a little boy, that

2397
01:48:58,920 --> 01:49:01,040
Speaker 1: you're deserving of some who would take your heart and

2398
01:49:01,120 --> 01:49:03,680
Speaker 1: really protect it and create a safe space so it's

2399
01:49:03,720 --> 01:49:05,800
Speaker 1: easier for you to have transactional sex or I have

2400
01:49:05,880 --> 01:49:08,879
Speaker 1: things that are convenient for you because that gives you control,

2401
01:49:09,240 --> 01:49:12,080
Speaker 1: and control is just in security, and security is just fear.

2402
01:49:12,920 --> 01:49:14,640
Speaker 1: And that's that little boy in you who are so

2403
01:49:14,760 --> 01:49:17,679
Speaker 1: afraid that if I can't touch and go and touch

2404
01:49:17,680 --> 01:49:20,160
Speaker 1: and go with everything, I might end up touching staying

2405
01:49:21,920 --> 01:49:24,160
Speaker 1: and might get stuck in a place that I don't

2406
01:49:24,160 --> 01:49:25,960
Speaker 1: know how to navigate. Let me say this again, not

2407
01:49:26,000 --> 01:49:28,439
Speaker 1: in a place that isn't safe, not in a place

2408
01:49:28,479 --> 01:49:30,840
Speaker 1: that isn't loving, but in a place that the little

2409
01:49:30,840 --> 01:49:31,759
Speaker 1: boor in you does.

2410
01:49:31,600 --> 01:49:32,719
Speaker 3: Not know how to navigate.

2411
01:49:32,960 --> 01:49:35,120
Speaker 1: It's time for the grown man in you to grow

2412
01:49:35,160 --> 01:49:39,559
Speaker 1: the food and give yourself a chance to love whatever

2413
01:49:39,600 --> 01:49:42,439
Speaker 1: that looks like, and to gain a sense of self

2414
01:49:42,479 --> 01:49:45,479
Speaker 1: of who you really are at your heart space. Because

2415
01:49:45,479 --> 01:49:48,679
Speaker 1: transactional life isn't really legacy.

2416
01:49:48,880 --> 01:49:49,559
Speaker 3: It just isn't.

2417
01:49:49,680 --> 01:49:52,519
Speaker 1: It's nice on paper, yeah, but it's not legacy. The

2418
01:49:52,560 --> 01:49:54,639
Speaker 1: real wealth and the real legacy is what Dion has

2419
01:49:54,960 --> 01:49:57,840
Speaker 1: and that's family. That's family. And I'm not saying you

2420
01:49:57,840 --> 01:49:59,679
Speaker 1: don't have it with your girls, and I'm not saying

2421
01:49:59,680 --> 01:50:01,960
Speaker 1: it's too to create it right, But what I'm saying

2422
01:50:02,000 --> 01:50:03,599
Speaker 1: is I would like to offer that at some point

2423
01:50:04,120 --> 01:50:05,920
Speaker 1: you do start to say, let me just dive into

2424
01:50:06,000 --> 01:50:08,240
Speaker 1: my heart by myself, even.

2425
01:50:08,120 --> 01:50:10,439
Speaker 3: If you still doing your transactional stuff with women or whatever.

2426
01:50:10,439 --> 01:50:12,920
Speaker 1: I'm saying, stop you've grown, but start to just get

2427
01:50:12,920 --> 01:50:14,960
Speaker 1: a sense of self of like who you are at

2428
01:50:14,960 --> 01:50:17,000
Speaker 1: the heart space, because that's what our heart is, who

2429
01:50:17,000 --> 01:50:20,880
Speaker 1: we are. Our mind is something that we have to

2430
01:50:20,920 --> 01:50:23,800
Speaker 1: have dominion over to control, but our heart is something

2431
01:50:23,800 --> 01:50:26,160
Speaker 1: we can't control because it's the authenticity of who.

2432
01:50:26,000 --> 01:50:26,599
Speaker 3: We really are.

2433
01:50:28,320 --> 01:50:31,000
Speaker 4: Well, since you put it, like, since that, what is

2434
01:50:31,000 --> 01:50:32,599
Speaker 4: it about good girls and bad guys?

2435
01:50:33,439 --> 01:50:35,479
Speaker 1: What is it about good girls who like bad guys? Yes,

2436
01:50:36,280 --> 01:50:37,680
Speaker 1: you mean like the women who've been liking you.

2437
01:50:41,439 --> 01:50:44,120
Speaker 2: I guess you could say thatche.

2438
01:50:43,640 --> 01:50:44,599
Speaker 3: Gotta get crafty.

2439
01:50:46,280 --> 01:50:50,000
Speaker 1: I think that those women, again are women who are

2440
01:50:50,040 --> 01:50:59,080
Speaker 1: overcompensating for that kind of fatherly bad guy who can

2441
01:50:59,120 --> 01:51:05,080
Speaker 1: come in and create a leadership that they believe leadership is.

2442
01:51:06,400 --> 01:51:09,559
Speaker 1: Usually those women are fatherless little girls who don't have

2443
01:51:09,640 --> 01:51:12,599
Speaker 1: a clue on what leadership, healthy leadership looks like.

2444
01:51:13,400 --> 01:51:15,200
Speaker 3: So they look at the bad guy.

2445
01:51:15,040 --> 01:51:17,879
Speaker 1: Who can puff his chest out and who can call shots,

2446
01:51:18,200 --> 01:51:20,840
Speaker 1: or who can have some control over her, as this

2447
01:51:20,920 --> 01:51:25,160
Speaker 1: is leadership because he's given me some type of guidance,

2448
01:51:25,400 --> 01:51:27,760
Speaker 1: some type of direction. Yes, a woman who has had

2449
01:51:27,760 --> 01:51:32,720
Speaker 1: a father knows how to decipher from a controlling man

2450
01:51:32,760 --> 01:51:35,160
Speaker 1: who's the bad guy, and a man who knows how

2451
01:51:35,200 --> 01:51:38,840
Speaker 1: to lead her. And what happens is is not that

2452
01:51:38,840 --> 01:51:40,599
Speaker 1: the woman with the father doesn't want a man who

2453
01:51:40,600 --> 01:51:42,559
Speaker 1: can run shit, because I like a man who will

2454
01:51:42,600 --> 01:51:44,640
Speaker 1: run shit, wh will tell me exactly where to go,

2455
01:51:44,760 --> 01:51:46,519
Speaker 1: how to go. And I'm even okay with saying how

2456
01:51:46,600 --> 01:51:49,080
Speaker 1: high when he say jump. When the leadership is right,

2457
01:51:49,160 --> 01:51:53,320
Speaker 1: I'm quick to submit. Okay, daddy, no problem. But a

2458
01:51:53,400 --> 01:51:57,599
Speaker 1: man who is a bad guy with ill intent, because

2459
01:51:57,680 --> 01:52:00,000
Speaker 1: if you don't have good intent, you have illness.

2460
01:52:00,400 --> 01:52:03,599
Speaker 3: There is no look warm. Okay, that's it. So you're

2461
01:52:03,640 --> 01:52:06,840
Speaker 3: either deceiving me or you're.

2462
01:52:06,680 --> 01:52:08,680
Speaker 1: Allowing me to say space where I can trust you.

2463
01:52:09,120 --> 01:52:11,080
Speaker 1: There's no in between. So the bad guy is in

2464
01:52:11,120 --> 01:52:14,519
Speaker 1: deception and only a woman who wants.

2465
01:52:14,280 --> 01:52:17,000
Speaker 3: To be led by a deceiver is a.

2466
01:52:16,960 --> 01:52:20,000
Speaker 1: Woman who is lost in herself, but a woman who

2467
01:52:20,040 --> 01:52:21,720
Speaker 1: is not lost in herself and has a sense of

2468
01:52:21,760 --> 01:52:24,719
Speaker 1: self and a sense of what a male, healthy leader

2469
01:52:24,760 --> 01:52:25,320
Speaker 1: looks like.

2470
01:52:25,320 --> 01:52:30,439
Speaker 3: Like my father led me not to a ditch, but

2471
01:52:30,680 --> 01:52:33,439
Speaker 3: led me even when he had to crucify himself to

2472
01:52:33,560 --> 01:52:33,880
Speaker 3: lead me.

2473
01:52:35,000 --> 01:52:37,760
Speaker 1: That is what a husband looks to me. A bad

2474
01:52:37,800 --> 01:52:40,479
Speaker 1: guy says, I'm not crucifiing nothing over here. You'll be

2475
01:52:40,560 --> 01:52:43,759
Speaker 1: on the cross before me, and here you can carry

2476
01:52:43,760 --> 01:52:46,600
Speaker 1: minds too, because that's what's conducive for me. That's a

2477
01:52:46,640 --> 01:52:48,960
Speaker 1: woman who was lost in the sauce, and she has

2478
01:52:49,040 --> 01:52:51,599
Speaker 1: daddy issues, and oftentimes she may even have parential issues.

2479
01:52:52,320 --> 01:52:54,000
Speaker 1: And that's also a woman who has to take a

2480
01:52:54,000 --> 01:52:57,200
Speaker 1: step back and take inventory on worre did I learn

2481
01:52:57,280 --> 01:53:00,559
Speaker 1: that this leadership is accurate leadership? If I keep being

2482
01:53:00,640 --> 01:53:04,679
Speaker 1: led into the ditch, that means that all she's ever

2483
01:53:04,760 --> 01:53:07,960
Speaker 1: known is what the ditch. And when I say, we

2484
01:53:08,120 --> 01:53:10,720
Speaker 1: go to places where we're good at, or where what

2485
01:53:10,720 --> 01:53:15,040
Speaker 1: we're familiar with. So if you want to know where

2486
01:53:15,160 --> 01:53:19,160
Speaker 1: you at, just understand that you are where you're familiar at.

2487
01:53:19,400 --> 01:53:22,400
Speaker 1: So my expectations are of men are very high because

2488
01:53:22,439 --> 01:53:27,320
Speaker 1: my father created a very high, familiar standard expectation. This

2489
01:53:27,400 --> 01:53:28,880
Speaker 1: is why I said a woman is what her daddy

2490
01:53:28,880 --> 01:53:31,240
Speaker 1: makes her, especially when it comes to men. My dad

2491
01:53:31,280 --> 01:53:33,479
Speaker 1: actually made the expectation too high.

2492
01:53:34,400 --> 01:53:36,679
Speaker 3: And then he had to tell me, like, baby, you're

2493
01:53:36,680 --> 01:53:39,320
Speaker 3: gonna keep being the brides maid, not the bride if

2494
01:53:39,320 --> 01:53:42,240
Speaker 3: you keep having these unrealistic expectations. And I'm looking like,

2495
01:53:42,520 --> 01:53:49,519
Speaker 3: well to explain to me. Every man's not gonna be daddy.

2496
01:53:50,240 --> 01:53:51,920
Speaker 3: He can be daddy to you in his own way.

2497
01:53:52,040 --> 01:53:53,120
Speaker 3: It may not look like this.

2498
01:53:53,280 --> 01:53:56,320
Speaker 1: Yes, it doesn't mean he's not a good guy when

2499
01:53:56,320 --> 01:53:59,439
Speaker 1: it comes to you. So that's what it is. It's

2500
01:53:59,520 --> 01:54:02,200
Speaker 1: folks now understanding what healthy leadership is. Men do the

2501
01:54:02,240 --> 01:54:06,439
Speaker 1: same thing men, will you know, pick women who run them,

2502
01:54:06,600 --> 01:54:11,120
Speaker 1: emasculate them, verbally, abused in talk to them anyway. Because

2503
01:54:11,160 --> 01:54:13,920
Speaker 1: for that man, that's all he knew was that that

2504
01:54:14,080 --> 01:54:15,360
Speaker 1: is how a woman leads.

2505
01:54:16,560 --> 01:54:19,479
Speaker 4: This concludes the first half of my conversation. Part two

2506
01:54:19,560 --> 01:54:21,759
Speaker 4: is also posted and you can access it to whichever

2507
01:54:22,120 --> 01:54:25,280
Speaker 4: podcast platform you just listen to part one on. Just

2508
01:54:25,360 --> 01:54:28,160
Speaker 4: simply go back to Club Shashay profile and I'll see

2509
01:54:28,200 --> 01:54:28,559
Speaker 4: you there.