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Speaker 1: Hi.

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Speaker 2: I am Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson.

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Speaker 3: We wanted to do something that highlighted our.

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Speaker 2: Relationship and what it's like to be siblings. We are

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Speaker 2: a sibling. Railvalry.

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Speaker 1: No, no, sibling, you don't do that with your mouth, revelry.

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Speaker 2: That's good. It is Monday morning. I had a great weekend,

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Speaker 2: so I'm ready to get into it right now with

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Speaker 2: Penn and Kim Holderness. We're going to talk about ADHD.

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Speaker 2: They've done a lot of stuff. I'm not going to

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Speaker 2: get into all that in this intro, but you know

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Speaker 2: they're successful sort of digital filmmakers. You know, they won

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Speaker 2: the Amazing race. They're married. I'm going to get into

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Speaker 2: you know, if they are. If I've ever almost divorced.

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Speaker 2: Everyone talks about the good stuff. Oh my god, you're

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Speaker 2: so happy now No, no, no, let's see. Let's see into

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Speaker 2: the let's get into the ship and then ADHD. This

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Speaker 2: is a big topic and I'm excited to talk to

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Speaker 2: them about all of it. So Pandic can want you

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Speaker 2: come on in, come on into my layer. Don't let

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Speaker 2: that word scare you, because a layer can be positive.

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Speaker 2: You Hang on, honey, hang on, yeah, honey, honey, honey,

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Speaker 2: chill out, babe, babe, shut the fuck up, honey, just

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Speaker 2: stop it. I will handle this ship. I know how

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Speaker 2: to do this. Okay, stop it.

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Speaker 3: Yes, welcome to our marriage.

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Speaker 1: I know.

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Speaker 2: I love that those little like arguments, those couple arguments

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Speaker 2: of small the small ones like babe, micro arguments. Yes, yes, yeah,

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Speaker 2: but if you're having micro arguments and that said, you're

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Speaker 2: doing something right.

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Speaker 3: You know what I mean aboutely Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. My wife and I have been married for shit

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Speaker 2: eighteen years in June June nine, I think it's eighteen.

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Speaker 2: And uh, you know, we've had our big moments where

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Speaker 2: you know, it's been gnarly, but only because of certain circumstances.

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Speaker 2: But as far as the fighting and the bickering goes,

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Speaker 2: we just never fucking fight. We just never really fight.

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Speaker 2: But there's little micro things.

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Speaker 3: The micro things, and if you do as well, yeah,

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Speaker 3: if you do tho, well, I do think it avoids

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Speaker 3: the huge explosions.

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Speaker 4: And they're also they're like nature's way of releasing energy,

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Speaker 4: like hurricanes. You know, if you can get like a

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Speaker 4: couple of small thunderstorms, then you don't have like a

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Speaker 4: category five hurricane.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, totally. I totally agree with that, you know,

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Speaker 2: and at the end of the day, like, what's it worth?

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Speaker 3: I know that's not the hill I'm going to die

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Speaker 3: on your phone.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I mean, come on, I know you're I know

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Speaker 2: you've I know you've been late your entire life. So

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Speaker 2: what am I worried about it.

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Speaker 3: I'm such a rule follower that I'm always on time.

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Speaker 3: So like the rule follower in me would have been,

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Speaker 3: I would have cried in the therapist's office that my

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Speaker 3: therapist was disappointed in me. So good on. You have

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Speaker 3: that boundary perspective, but that would have made me cry

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Speaker 3: that I disappointed my therapist.

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Speaker 2: Well anyway, that's no, it's all. It's all one and

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Speaker 2: the same. But thank you guys for coming on.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 4: This is uh.

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Speaker 2: I'm excited to talk to you about a multitude of things,

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Speaker 2: especially the ADHD conversation, which we can just get into first,

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Speaker 2: because that's what at the forefront of my mind, because

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Speaker 2: I've always wondered if I have ADHD. Obviously there's different

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Speaker 2: degrees of ADHD, and it seems to be a buzz

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Speaker 2: diagnosis right now, you know, I mean, I'm sure I

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Speaker 2: have it. It feels like everyone has ADHD to some degree,

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Speaker 2: you know, but I guess what point does it start

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Speaker 2: actually affecting your life in a negative way?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's what it is, right. It's it's interesting that

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Speaker 4: you say that it seems like everyone's getting it for starters.

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Speaker 4: You and I are in our upper forties, and it

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Speaker 4: wasn't a thing growing up. It's almost always diagnosed in childhood,

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Speaker 4: and there weren't a lot of people who knew what

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Speaker 4: to look for in the seventies when we were going

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Speaker 4: through elementary school, and so most of the time people

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Speaker 4: who are getting diagnosed, you know, our age. Obviously, there

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Speaker 4: are adults who have found systems and ways to mask it.

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Speaker 4: The world gets more complicated when you start running your

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Speaker 4: own business, or if you get married, or if you

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Speaker 4: start raising a family, particularly if you start noticing that

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Speaker 4: your family is having difficulties with that executive functioning and

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Speaker 4: knowing that ADHD is a hereditary you know, it's a

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Speaker 4: pass down thing. There's a lot of adults who were

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Speaker 4: taking their kids into doctors and saying, you know, I

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Speaker 4: think that my child has this, and then they look

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Speaker 4: at the checklist and they're like, holy crap, I think

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Speaker 4: I might have it too, m hm.

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Speaker 3: And you all work in a great and very creative field.

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Speaker 3: And so we have found because we do the whole

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Speaker 3: you know, YouTube video thing, that most of our fellow

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Speaker 3: creators also have ADHD. So feel like they attract, like

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Speaker 3: the creative careers sort of attract that brain, which is

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Speaker 3: a pretty cool brain by the way.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm, yeah, yeah, no one. I mean, you know,

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Speaker 2: getting into myself for just a second, I feel like, person,

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Speaker 2: I'm forty seven years old, you know, be forty eight September.

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Speaker 2: I do consider myself a talented human being. I've made

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Speaker 2: a nice life for myself as an actor, you know,

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Speaker 2: a producer. You know, directing is sort of what my

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Speaker 2: calling is and was and should be. There is a stop,

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Speaker 2: There's a there's a wall, there's a barrier that doesn't

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Speaker 2: allow me. Well it doesn't allow me, but you know,

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Speaker 2: I just can't get over it. There's a there's a

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Speaker 2: I sort of just get overwhelmed by the idea of it,

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Speaker 2: which then makes me just completely stop instead of pushing through,

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Speaker 2: you know and fighting through. And I have I have

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Speaker 2: that sort of that feeling of I just can't do it,

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Speaker 2: and I'm just not going to do it. You know,

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Speaker 2: or it becomes too overwhelming, and I'm assuming that's part

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Speaker 2: of my ADHD. I don't even know.

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Speaker 4: You know, ADHD gets along well with a lot of

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Speaker 4: other stuff. It gets a long way well, it gets

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Speaker 4: along well with OCD, autism, anxiety, all of these things. Right,

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Speaker 4: I've got like, I've got an otter anxiety. I've had

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Speaker 4: panic attacks. I've never been diagnosed with it, but they're

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Speaker 4: like really at the center of ADHD is emotional component

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Speaker 4: is flooding. This emotional flooding where you know, your life

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Speaker 4: can seem really really amazing and funny, and you may

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Speaker 4: laugh harder than anyone else on the planet, and everything

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Speaker 4: around you may look rosy and peachy, keen and wonderful,

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Speaker 4: and then if something goes wrong or a fear creeps in,

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Speaker 4: it takes over everything. And it doesn't necessarily last that long,

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Speaker 4: but it does result in, particularly in childhood and sometimes

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Speaker 4: into adulthood, some pretty heavy duty mood swings where you

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Speaker 4: go from you know, blue to red in just a

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Speaker 4: few minutes. And that's one of the things that we

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Speaker 4: learned about in the book.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I would think the procrastination of ADHD, and

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Speaker 3: maybe that's what you're dealing with. Is the procrastination of

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Speaker 3: it or just or are you saying it's more of

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Speaker 3: like a barrier you can't even get started.

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Speaker 2: Well, there's a lot of procrastination. There is, you know,

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Speaker 2: a lot of fear of failure, which I think is

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Speaker 2: probably a different sort of you know, avenue. But a

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Speaker 2: perfect example is even on Friday, I didn't have much

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Speaker 2: to do, you know, I didn't have much work to do.

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Speaker 2: And now I'm sitting around in my house. I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I wonder I gotta go do something. I go to

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Speaker 2: my boat. Maybe you'll fish a little bit. Na, Na,

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Speaker 2: maybe I'll go over here has traffic. You know, I'm rumining.

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Speaker 2: I'm going through these things. And then I was just

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Speaker 2: sitting in my house. I'm like and then i start

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Speaker 2: to feel like I'm gonna go crazy. I'm like, what

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Speaker 2: the fuck, Like, go do something. I ended up sitting

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Speaker 2: in my car and like listening to Howard Stern because

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Speaker 2: I was just kind of doing something.

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Speaker 3: You needed to be doing.

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Speaker 2: It was weird. And when I have a list, when

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Speaker 2: I have a checklist, I like that it's a little

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Speaker 2: bit easier.

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Speaker 4: And now that is an ADHD trade. So by the way.

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Speaker 3: We are not doctors.

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Speaker 2: Yeah not, this is just my personal And by the way,

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Speaker 2: just before you even go like I'm on lexapro twenty milligrams,

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Speaker 2: like I have an anxiety since I was twenty years old,

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Speaker 2: twenty three, I've had major bouts of it. And then

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Speaker 2: you know, so you know it's all all signs are

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Speaker 2: pointing to yay. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: First of all, you touched on it a bit like

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Speaker 4: if you put systems in place to deal with the

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Speaker 4: stuff that's hard for you. And the thing I always

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Speaker 4: say about people with ADHD is the hard stuff sometimes

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Speaker 4: is easy for us, but the easy stuff is really

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Speaker 4: hard for us. Make a list and get through it,

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Speaker 4: you know, getting through it. For me, that was like

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Speaker 4: my first, my first way to really deal with what

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Speaker 4: was hard for me, mainly because the ability to check

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Speaker 4: off the things on the list. Is this, like many

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Speaker 4: dopamine hit accomplishment that I and our brains. If you

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Speaker 4: have ADHD, you don't dispense and disperse dopamine, well, it

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Speaker 4: just doesn't. We we don't. We don't know how to

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Speaker 4: distribute it throughout the brain, and so for that reason

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Speaker 4: we're always hunting for it. It's why, like I can

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Speaker 4: get stuck playing a video game. I could start playing

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Speaker 4: at ten pm and then the sun's coming up and

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Speaker 4: I so basically have to just like never play video games.

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Speaker 4: So that's going to happen. But the list is sort

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Speaker 4: of like it's it's a little mini dopamine hit that

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Speaker 4: people have, like of all types of ADHD, and there's

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Speaker 4: a lot of different ones almost universally say is like

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Speaker 4: a way for them to get through some of their difficulties.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my god, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, this is

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Speaker 2: so far this interview is making me excited and depressed. Okay,

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Speaker 2: that's fine because it's well, it's.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, ADHD is souper by the way, I don't have ADHD,

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Speaker 3: but I'm diagnosed with the anxiety and OCD. So it's

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Speaker 3: interesting that like we pair up so well, and we

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Speaker 3: see that in so many people we've met, that like

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Speaker 3: one partner has ADHD, the other has anxiety, and like

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Speaker 3: somehow the partnership just sort of work.

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Speaker 4: Let me ask you this too, so exactly depressed. I

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Speaker 4: get that. Are you a little depressed? Because I was

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Speaker 4: when you're like, oh god, I have to make lists,

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Speaker 4: like I want to fund it interesting and you're telling

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Speaker 4: me to make lists, right, Yeah, always bummed me out.

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Speaker 4: But if you get just past that and realize that

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Speaker 4: it's going to take you like twenty minutes to do

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Speaker 4: this the rest of your day, you can be you

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Speaker 4: and be like a spontaneous guy who randomly breaks out

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Speaker 4: in song, like I've heard it on your podcast before.

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Speaker 4: Like you have all of that creativity. That's something that

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Speaker 4: you can't really teach. And it's point a lot of

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Speaker 4: people in the entertainment industry have that, and that's also

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Speaker 4: a byproduct of adhd.

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Speaker 3: Y are inherently more creative. I mean, there's been studies

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Speaker 3: and like the adhders are the problem solvers. They think

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Speaker 3: outside the box and they're like they are more creative people.

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Speaker 3: So if like the structure we have found in our house,

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Speaker 3: if the structure is in place, he can go wild

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Speaker 3: and spontaneous within that, within those boundaries. Mm hmmm.

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Speaker 2: We'll talk about your story a little bit. I know,

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Speaker 2: you know, you guys have had millions of people who

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Speaker 2: follow you and you've wroteen written some cool books. But

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Speaker 2: my audience, you know, it's like I know it a

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Speaker 2: little bit, but just give me, give me the overview

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Speaker 2: of sort of how this came about how you sort

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Speaker 2: of used this to your advantage to create a life

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Speaker 2: and a career and all of these things, which is

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Speaker 2: kind of a beautiful thing. I mean, you're taking something

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Speaker 2: that is, you know, considered an affliction, which I don't

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Speaker 2: know if it is unless it becomes extremely detrimental, and

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Speaker 2: then out of that you made something wonderful. You know.

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Speaker 3: Well, thank you for saying that. We were both former

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Speaker 3: TV news anchors and we made one video ten years

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Speaker 3: ago with our family dancing around like idiots. Pen is

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Speaker 3: a musician and he writes music, and so we did

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Speaker 3: this sort of like dancing video. It went viral. Over

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Speaker 3: the years, we've kept making videos, but we've branched out

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Speaker 3: and you know, we had this our second book and

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Speaker 3: podcast and you know, blogs and you know, all these

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Speaker 3: different avenues. And over the last few years, I mean,

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Speaker 3: we did some heavy work and some heavy work on

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Speaker 3: our relationship and Pen to Adhd my anxiety, but we

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Speaker 3: did a deep dive to try to understand that because

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Speaker 3: our son was diagnosed and he just felt very called

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Speaker 3: to write this book. Adhd is awesome, and I really

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Speaker 3: do think it is his calling. His dad was a

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Speaker 3: minister and so he didn't go into the ministry. But

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Speaker 3: I feel like this is like what he was supposed

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Speaker 3: to do with his life. Did I summarize that very sweet?

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Speaker 4: No, Also, just I wanted to let people know because

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Speaker 4: we make a lot of comment content about ADHD and

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Speaker 4: to your point, like quite a few people watch it

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Speaker 4: and they're like, oh, this is this is great, like

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Speaker 4: it's not all bad, and I want to put that

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Speaker 4: into writing. But I also want to make sure people

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Speaker 4: know the stories about how it sucks. Yeah, because you can't.

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Speaker 4: It's you can't just be all rosy and sunshine, Like

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Speaker 4: I almost burned the house down this year.

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Speaker 2: Did you leave some shit on the on the other

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Speaker 2: in the stove?

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Speaker 4: The stoves, so it's and I was I was trying

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Speaker 4: to get my kid out of the out of the house,

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Speaker 4: and I was making breakfast and I've had two stoves,

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Speaker 4: and then I had the water, and I had the lunch,

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Speaker 4: and I had the shoes, and then I got him

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Speaker 4: out the door, and I was a special morning. So

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Speaker 4: I made bacon and Kim. Kim calls me. She's like

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Speaker 4: the fire alarms going off. I'm twenty minutes away dropping

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Speaker 4: off my son. No one's in the house and there's

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Speaker 4: like a grease fire in our kitchen. So and it's

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Speaker 4: because my executive functioning, which is one hundred percent of

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Speaker 4: ADHD let me down and the fact that I was

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Speaker 4: cooking that bacon completely left my working memory. So like

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Speaker 4: I did to understand that and find out how to

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Speaker 4: keep that from happening again.

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Speaker 2: How do you feel about medication. I know you're not

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Speaker 2: a doctor, but not to knock doctors, but I think

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Speaker 2: sometimes experience almost trump's medical in a sense, meaning a

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Speaker 2: doctor can be technical and you know, give you the

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Speaker 2: reasons why, but if you experience it and you have

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Speaker 2: real life on the boots, boots on the ground experience,

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Speaker 2: sometimes it's even better. But how do you feel about that?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I take lexipro for anxiety, you know, not

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Speaker 2: necessarily depression, but anxiety. And then my kid, Wilder, when

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Speaker 2: he was little he's sixteen now, but you know, he's

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Speaker 2: having trouble with math, and they wanted and he'd been

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Speaker 2: through an evaluation and they wanted to put him on medication,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, nah, even though I'm on medication,

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Speaker 2: I was like, he's fucking in first grade, Like there's

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Speaker 2: ways to figure this shit out, Like let's let him

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Speaker 2: grow up a little bit and see where he's at.

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Speaker 4: You know, I think the thank you for the disclaimer

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Speaker 4: that I'm not a doctor will say that one more interesting.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I know.

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Speaker 4: Clinically speaking, the overwhelming majority of people who have taken

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Speaker 4: medication for ADHD have responded positively to those symptoms. Right,

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Speaker 4: but if you use that model, that medical model of

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Speaker 4: like treating a cold, like if there's something wrong, let's

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Speaker 4: take some medicine to fix it, that may not be

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Speaker 4: as effective as looking at like a strength based approach

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Speaker 4: to how to get through this whole thing, which is

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Speaker 4: like looking at when your son, you me are like

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Speaker 4: crushing it and trying to recreate those things, right like

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Speaker 4: when when am I really good? Is it in the morning?

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Speaker 4: Why oh is your son like really really smart at

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Speaker 4: eight am? But he's having trouble at three pm? What

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Speaker 4: can we do tom in place where he can like

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Speaker 4: make it through the rest of the day. So to

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Speaker 4: say that's all that, to say that like there is

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Speaker 4: a movement toward more of the strength spaced approach to

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Speaker 4: these to these sorts of things. Personally, I went on

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Speaker 4: medicine my senior year in college because I was effing

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Speaker 4: failing out.

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Speaker 3: Of school academic probation twice.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, oh really, well well before, but what did you

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Speaker 2: attribute that to? I mean, obviously you're you're an intellectual person,

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Speaker 2: You're a smart person. Was it just pure like I

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Speaker 2: still want to do it? There were a lot of

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Speaker 2: new distractions beer had I had. I had a mom

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Speaker 2: who did an amazing job keeping me on track in

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Speaker 2: high school, and she was nowhere to be found. Beer

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Speaker 2: is great, beers awesome, Like, honestly, the most one of

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Speaker 2: the most major things was the fact that I was

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Speaker 2: in like four hundred person auditoriums and I was sitting

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Speaker 2: in the back seat right like They're like, I didn't

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Speaker 2: have the one on one kind of attention. There were

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Speaker 2: so many distractives from me in the classroom, and I just,

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Speaker 2: you know, I would just become a wallflower in the

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Speaker 2: back of that room.

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Speaker 4: And I didn't I wasn't absorbing things. So the medicine

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Speaker 4: really helped me. I went from a C student to

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Speaker 4: an A student like overnight. And this is just my

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Speaker 4: personal experience. I didn't love the person that I was. Otherwise,

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Speaker 4: I like missed these certain quirks.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, get into that for a second, because I

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Speaker 2: was going to ask that, like, you know, yes it

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Speaker 2: does sort of benefit you in certain ways, but what

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Speaker 2: might it take away? And again, this is just a

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Speaker 2: personal experience. Yeah, I know, because we're not doctors, and

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Speaker 2: this is just personal experiences, well experience.

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Speaker 4: In the brief time that I was on medicine, which

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Speaker 4: by the way, all of my college roommates stole and

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Speaker 4: used all the time, and I had more right, my

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Speaker 4: brain was like a VIP party with a bouncer and

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Speaker 4: a rope that was able to like let in only

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Speaker 4: the things that they wanted to let in, like the task, right,

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Speaker 4: And so it was a VIP party in my head,

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Speaker 4: and only a few people were invited. And for that

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Speaker 4: reason I was able to succeed and graduate from a

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Speaker 4: good school and kind of get to work in my life.

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Speaker 4: But my regular brain is like an open air like

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Speaker 4: Coachella Festival. It's there. You can feel the wind. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: you can ever in fight it. You can feel the

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Speaker 4: wind in the rain, and you take it all in

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Speaker 4: and a lot of times that leads to distraction and fixation.

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Speaker 4: But it's also where all of my inspiration and creativity

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Speaker 4: comes from, is the ability to have all of this

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Speaker 4: stuff coming at me and whatever. Genetically the ADHD brain

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Speaker 4: is also is like that, and I love that. It

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Speaker 4: just and it just felt like there was it was gone.

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Speaker 4: And what I did was I found a job, not

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Speaker 4: a high paying job, but I found a job that

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Speaker 4: allowed me to get through it without failure, which was

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Speaker 4: a local news job where you basically have to keep

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Speaker 4: people interested and if you know, if you don't hook

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Speaker 4: them after eight seconds, kind of like in comedy, your toast.

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Speaker 4: And so I found a job like that to kind

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Speaker 4: of get me through. I found a wife who puts

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Speaker 4: up with me.

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Speaker 3: He puts up with me too.

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Speaker 2: Well, how did you how did you deal with him?

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Speaker 2: Meaning like of course you get together and it's beautiful,

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Speaker 2: and you know, there's that honeymoon phase of like, oh

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Speaker 2: my god, we're so amazing together, like we're going to

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Speaker 2: fucking conquer the world.

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Speaker 3: Nobody is now in love like this before, right, So

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Speaker 3: all the things that all the things that he's describing,

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Speaker 3: like he was so spontaneous and funny and charming and

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Speaker 3: such a goofball, like that's what I fell in love with.

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Speaker 3: So really, his ADHD brain is what I fell in

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Speaker 3: love with. When we got married and had kids and

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Speaker 3: they're you know, and it wasn't just us. That's when

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Speaker 3: I started to notice, like people would joke and say, oh,

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Speaker 3: look you have like three kids. I did not laugh.

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Speaker 3: That is not funny to me. Like he just start

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Speaker 3: figuring this stuff out.

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Speaker 2: Examples meaning like leaving shit on the stove type things,

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Speaker 2: leaving shit on the stove.

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Speaker 3: Or like slob and thinking it was disrespectful. Yeah, I think,

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Speaker 3: I mean just general, just being a slob and or

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Speaker 3: missing I mean just like being linked to things, missing

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Speaker 3: things listening.

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Speaker 2: Listening listening because you didn't have the attention span to listen.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, yeah, And so when we first started dating,

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Speaker 3: there was no other distraction. When you add a couple

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Speaker 3: of kids and a job and there was nothing but

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Speaker 3: to be fair, again, I have anxiety and OCD, so

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Speaker 3: he like we have been able to give each other

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Speaker 3: grace because of that. Like I have my days where

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Speaker 3: I'm freaking out and he's he steps up. So I

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Speaker 3: think that's why I am able to offer a lot

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Speaker 3: of grace when he has his and I see him

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Speaker 3: doing the work. So in our house, ADHD is an explanation,

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Speaker 3: is not an excuse. So I see him doing the

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Speaker 3: work and he feels great shame if he's messing things up.

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Speaker 3: But our family is not against medication. I am on medication,

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Speaker 3: so like we are not we are not against medication.

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Speaker 3: But just for his personal experience.

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Speaker 2: Was there that critical moment in your relationship where it

405
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Speaker 2: was I'm honestly a make or break but it was, well,

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Speaker 2: we need to figure this out because I love you, you

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Speaker 2: love me, but why we need to figure out how

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Speaker 2: to continue in the best way.

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Speaker 3: It's funny our first book was a result of marriage

410
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Speaker 3: counseling we did, and you were explaining with your wife,

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Speaker 3: like you have a couple just because of circumstances, you

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Speaker 3: have some ops bet other than that micro arguments, I

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Speaker 3: will say, looking back, a lot of the work we

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Speaker 3: did on communication was because of our neurodiversity. So was

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Speaker 3: me keeping you know, me holding back because of my

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Speaker 3: anxiety him, you know, the disorganization and then not listening

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Speaker 3: because it was adhd I think it was really that

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Speaker 3: it was the first discovery of.

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Speaker 4: That and then also profusely apologizing like that was me.

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Speaker 4: I was like, what can I do to get back

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Speaker 4: to being best friends and maybe having sex later? Like

422
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Speaker 4: what do I have to do? That was part of

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Speaker 4: that emotional kind of dysregulation where the world just seemed

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Speaker 4: awful when my wife was mad at me, and like,

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Speaker 4: what do I do to like change the mood here,

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Speaker 4: which is also part of ADHD. HM, you shouldn't do

427
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Speaker 4: like that's you can't just if you just profusely apologize

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Speaker 4: you are, you're basically discounting what your values and opinions are.

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Speaker 2: So then through your experience with ADHD, and then I

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Speaker 2: want to come again to your and sort of your

431
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 2: anxiety a little as well. But but but through your

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Speaker 2: experience without medication, and I'm asking for myself and then

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Speaker 2: anyone else who's listening, you know, but lists and then

434
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 2: what are some other you know, sort of ideas to

435
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 2: help you go through, get through the day, you know,

436
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:51,680
Speaker 2: and use your ADHD to your advantage, Use that creativity,

437
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 2: use that that dream like sort of state that I

438
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,240
Speaker 2: live in every single second of my life, which I'm

439
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,920
Speaker 2: like you, I love it. I mean it's very creative.

440
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,639
Speaker 2: I feel like my brain is different and I think different.

441
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 2: I look at life a little bit differently, you know.

442
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:09,400
Speaker 2: But in those moments of desperation, how do you get

443
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:09,960
Speaker 2: out of them?

444
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,639
Speaker 4: So for me, it's been upstream solutions, which means like

445
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 4: I try to cut the problem off before it becomes

446
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 4: a problem. So I set a timer when I turned

447
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,639
Speaker 4: the oven on right, and I, like serious, set the

448
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 4: timer for ten minutes. So if I leave the house

449
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,919
Speaker 4: after you know, five or six minutes and it goes off,

450
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:28,200
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, I gotta turn I got to turn

451
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,440
Speaker 4: around and go turn the stove off, which I've done before.

452
00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:36,200
Speaker 4: I lost three wedding rings, just like not in like

453
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,400
Speaker 4: the way that you think that fun way, yeah, but

454
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 4: like I was. I put one on the roof of

455
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 4: my car because I had to put on hair product

456
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:46,200
Speaker 4: because I had to do something on television and then

457
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 4: and then the other two times were like at a

458
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 4: gym or at a tennis court. So I got a

459
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 4: tattoo of my wife's name on my finger.

460
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 2: I have that too.

461
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 4: You got the tattoos.

462
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 2: It's perfect. I over it, but I have a yea

463
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,400
Speaker 2: double he's nice.

464
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,879
Speaker 4: So I thin that was the solution to that. I,

465
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,560
Speaker 4: like Kim, had a lot of like three AM splashdowns

466
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,520
Speaker 4: because I wouldn't put the toilet seat down. It's just

467
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:10,240
Speaker 4: one of those things that you're supposed to remember. Now,

468
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,400
Speaker 4: and this is weird, But I just peece sitting down

469
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 4: every time.

470
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 2: Oh oh, by the way, we could do it a

471
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 2: whole other podcast. I'm peeing sitting down. I have done

472
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 2: Instagram videos of this, like I'm sorry, guys, it's my

473
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 2: time to just chill out for a second.

474
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 4: Like, yeah, I'm a home. Why am I lifting up

475
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,320
Speaker 4: to the Let me just sit down and.

476
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:30,400
Speaker 2: Hang for a second.

477
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 3: Just hang for a second.

478
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 4: What might happen?

479
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:39,200
Speaker 2: You're exactly I kee sitting down too. I love it.

480
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:41,600
Speaker 3: He also has a magnet on top of his car.

481
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 3: It doesn't actually hold anything, but it's a visual queue

482
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,960
Speaker 3: to not put a coffee cup there, lost a dozen

483
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,720
Speaker 3: coffee cups because he'll put it there, or he'll put

484
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,400
Speaker 3: something else on top of the car. And that same

485
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 3: magnets on the dry like the washing machine dryer because

486
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,840
Speaker 3: he has to take out his inhaler and chopstick before.

487
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 3: So there's like those visual cues. We have friends adults

488
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:04,880
Speaker 3: that struggle with lists, like writing things down, so they'll

489
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,959
Speaker 3: take so things and actually print out pictures of like

490
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,680
Speaker 3: what a kid's lunch is supposed to look like, right,

491
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 3: and just those like visual cues and reminders mm hmmm,

492
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 3: and so.

493
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 4: Then also just remember, like because if you're an ADHD

494
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 4: person like me, if these things seem to bum you

495
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,399
Speaker 4: out when you're doing them, like oh I do all

496
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 4: this like I have to, you know, make just remember

497
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 4: and tell yourself this. My job is to make weird

498
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 4: videos and go on podcasts. Yeah, that stuff comes with

499
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 4: this stuff, right right, like they they can't exist without

500
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 4: the other one in my opinion, and that has made

501
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 4: it easier for me to work on some of the

502
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:45,399
Speaker 4: other like the things that are more difficult to me

503
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 4: that shouldn't be.

504
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 2: That's a great point. That's a great point, you know.

505
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,160
Speaker 2: I mean it's a trade off essentially. You know, would

506
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,680
Speaker 2: you consider yourself severe? Do you have severe? Would you

507
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 2: have severe ADHD? And because I don't even know, I

508
00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:00,600
Speaker 2: don't know what the sort of parameters are from mild

509
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:01,440
Speaker 2: to severe.

510
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,720
Speaker 4: I thought it was a pretty scorching case and I

511
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 4: think at times it like I it can flare get

512
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,119
Speaker 4: me pretty that. But we've we've done several book tours

513
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,239
Speaker 4: and we've met people and spoken to people who have

514
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,200
Speaker 4: much more intense uh ADHD and also a lot of

515
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 4: times ADHD that is combined with other types of of

516
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:23,439
Speaker 4: you know, disorders, and so I'm I'm saying not all

517
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:24,920
Speaker 4: to say that I feel extremely fortunate.

518
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:26,159
Speaker 3: It's a spectrum.

519
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:29,200
Speaker 2: Everybody says, yeah, and then how many kids you have?

520
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 3: Two seventeen year old girl and fourteen year old boy.

521
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 2: Okay, and and the boy has ADHD, And what about

522
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:45,640
Speaker 2: your girl?

523
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 3: She does not. We took them through the same testament,

524
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 3: and I thought maybe she would have the inattentive type,

525
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 3: but no, she does not. Know it shows up differently

526
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:56,440
Speaker 3: in women and girls.

527
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 2: Oh it does.

528
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,120
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it's and that's why women and girls are

529
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:05,560
Speaker 3: under diagnosed as our minorities, and people are under diagnosed. Yeah,

530
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,399
Speaker 3: it's a big problem because women with ADHD get It

531
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,399
Speaker 3: is so hard for women because there's this expectation that

532
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,399
Speaker 3: society has that we are the ones that are supposed

533
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 3: to keep everything together. And if you're a mom with AHD,

534
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,679
Speaker 3: it just sucks. So it's it's all the like that

535
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 3: shame and the expectations at it all.

536
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I wish my wife. She's literally sleeping

537
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:30,639
Speaker 2: upstairs right now. That woman is sleep is she's obsessed

538
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 2: with sleep. I mean to the point where it's nuts

539
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 2: and she's bomb crowned pillows. She's she has a fifteen pillows.

540
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 2: I can't see her at night.

541
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 3: We're the same person. I don't have I don't have fomo.

542
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 3: I don't have fear of missing out. I have bombs.

543
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 3: I hear sleep like yes sleep.

544
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:48,560
Speaker 2: Yes, oh yes, oh my god. She does not have

545
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,680
Speaker 2: fear missing out. I feel and maybe this is add

546
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:54,000
Speaker 2: I feel like if I take a nap, like I'm

547
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,320
Speaker 2: missing something or something is like I need to be

548
00:27:56,359 --> 00:28:00,440
Speaker 2: doing something. This is a waste, you know. So she

549
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 2: took the kids to school and then went back to bed.

550
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, does she like does she have like

551
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:11,160
Speaker 2: the head blackout pillow and then the barrier pillow.

552
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:15,720
Speaker 4: Yes, she can have her own cocoon, like.

553
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,360
Speaker 2: She has the body. She puts one for her arm

554
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,399
Speaker 2: so she doesn't queak her neck. She's got a sleep crown,

555
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 2: which is like this pillow that goes over your eyes.

556
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 2: And then she's got like fake eyelashes or little eyelashes,

557
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 2: so she's like kind of sleeping on her back. She

558
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:31,679
Speaker 2: looks nuts like when I look over at her, she

559
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:35,440
Speaker 2: looks like a dead mummy. That's in case in pillows.

560
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:37,399
Speaker 3: I love it so much.

561
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 2: But anyway, so she has I think that's why I

562
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 2: was saying, I wish she was here. She has for

563
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 2: sure ADHD.

564
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean going back to women. So think about

565
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 4: being a girl and you've got ADHD. And by the way,

566
00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 4: you don't just get ADHD. You've got it in your

567
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 4: brain or don't have it. It's what you're born with,

568
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 4: and it's whether it presents itself you know problematically that

569
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 4: that's when you get a diagnosis. But it's a type

570
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 4: of brain, it's not a behavioral that you acquire. And

571
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 4: so as a kid, she probably did a really good

572
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 4: job of internalizing her difficulties. Like all the other pois

573
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:22,719
Speaker 4: were running around in plain sight hyperactive, and the girls

574
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,720
Speaker 4: were internalizing and finding ways to cope with their differences,

575
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 4: and so they weren't diagnosed. And then fast forward to

576
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 4: them being a woman and stereotypically in a lot of marriages,

577
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 4: like these poor women who have ADHD have to deal

578
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 4: with sign up genius m emil and like read school

579
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,959
Speaker 4: emails and do paperwork and all this crap that no

580
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 4: one with an ADHD brain would ever give a flip about. Right,

581
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 4: And so it's not only is it like super under diagnosed,

582
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 4: but a lot of women feel a lot of shame

583
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 4: that they're not able to get through these things when

584
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 4: in fact they've got this this brain difference. They'd probably

585
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 4: be useful to know that you have.

586
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:03,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, a spot on with my wife. The shame part too,

587
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 2: it's like, oh, I just can't do it. I can't

588
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:07,520
Speaker 2: do it. I don't know why it just cause it's

589
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 2: like well you know.

590
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean and some type like maybe it's

591
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 3: helpful to know why, and then you know it's not

592
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 3: an excuse, but just to know why it would be helpful.

593
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 2: Yeah. So with your son, then did you notice something

594
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 2: or wanted to just get your kids diagnosed just because so.

595
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 4: He was doing a lot of stuff that I was

596
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 4: doing as a kid, like interesting little things like this

597
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 4: is when you have a certain type of impatient ADHD.

598
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 4: You chew on your shirt collar, there's like a big

599
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 4: it's like a wet marks mark. Shame. It's like have

600
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 4: you been running now, been sitting in class trying to focus?

601
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 4: It's actually like it's a way to stave off distraction,

602
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 4: but you just.

603
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 3: It's just a way to regulate.

604
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:48,560
Speaker 4: I know.

605
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 3: There was like weird physical ticks he was having.

606
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:52,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was the first sign for you.

607
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then the emotional side, like the flooding.

608
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 4: Part, crying easily, yeah, which you know I used to do.

609
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, we wanted to his emotions and all that, but

610
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,520
Speaker 3: it was like a little and then it was fine

611
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 3: until like school became an issue and we needed to

612
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,200
Speaker 3: just make sure he was getting a combination so that.

613
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 4: It wanted to be clear. He's he's super creative and funny, spontaneous,

614
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 4: so he had all that other stuff as well.

615
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 2: M hm yeah, gosh, no, I know, I mean, and

616
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 2: then you just you work with him, and what's nice

617
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 2: is you know, you have experience and you know the tools,

618
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 2: you know because you've been through it. It's real life stuff.

619
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 2: I mean. Similarly with my son Wilder, you know, in

620
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 2: eighth grade, he went through some anxiety or I had

621
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,160
Speaker 2: to keep him home from school for three weeks and

622
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 2: he was like, I don't feel like I'm real That's

623
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 2: what he kept saying at disassociation.

624
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 3: Wow.

625
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 2: And I wasn't afraid because I knew exactly what he

626
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 2: was going through. I lived it, I live it, and

627
00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 2: so I worked with him and it was journaling and

628
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 2: he was doing his stuff and trying to meditate. You know.

629
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 2: He eventually came out of it and so far, you know,

630
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 2: it's been two and a half years and he's been fine.

631
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 2: But I knew how to sort of combat it, or

632
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 2: at least, you know, be empathetic and understand sort of

633
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 2: how to hold him both physically and even just emotionally.

634
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 2: You know. So I assume you had the same experience

635
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 2: with your boy. Right, It's like I got you. I know,

636
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 2: I know what this is. I know how to help you.

637
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 4: I mean the empathy is a really important part, right,

638
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 4: like saying I'm here and I understand what's going on

639
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 4: like that. How important was that for Wilder? Like when

640
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 4: he heard that.

641
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 2: It was big? Yeah, it was big. Yeah. I mean

642
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 2: I think it made him feel better. It didn't take

643
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 2: away some of these symptoms, but you know, all I

644
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,680
Speaker 2: can do it was just to reiterate over and over

645
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,600
Speaker 2: how much I understood what he's feeling. And I know

646
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 2: it feels scary, but you have to understand that this

647
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:56,880
Speaker 2: will go away. And you have the power too, like

648
00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:59,800
Speaker 2: you can control. Some of it is out of your control,

649
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:02,600
Speaker 2: but you can get it back into control, you know.

650
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:05,400
Speaker 2: And I'm happy he went through it young, because if

651
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 2: he does experience it again in his life, he will

652
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 2: understand it a little bit better, you know. And I

653
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 2: just said, look, you're you're not going to die number one.

654
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:16,240
Speaker 2: I know it feels like you don't exist anymore and

655
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 2: you're someone standing on your chest, but it's just it's

656
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,640
Speaker 2: not the case. You know, you have to first understand

657
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 2: that part. You know. I think it helps, and of

658
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 2: course now he ignores me.

659
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:32,840
Speaker 3: But yeah, and so often anxiety and ADHD are combined.

660
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,800
Speaker 4: There's also some like there's some great you're gonna think

661
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,520
Speaker 4: this is crazy, but like part of your anxious kind

662
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 4: of centered brain like it. You're so empathetic and you're

663
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 4: like so caring toward other people because it helps you

664
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 4: feel not only what's going on with you, but like

665
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 4: with other people. And it's one of the things I

666
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 4: really like about you.

667
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 2: So me, yeah, mm hmm, I can relate to that.

668
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 2: Like I feel a lot, I mean, which explains why

669
00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 2: I'm like bawling through you know, sixth grader doing dance routines,

670
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. But I do. I feel

671
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 2: a ton and sometimes I feel like it's just a

672
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 2: little too much.

673
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 3: You know. That is so exciting. I have done something

674
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 3: to where like the work I'm doing with my therapist,

675
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 3: because now we're going to make this about anxiety. Is

676
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:20,320
Speaker 3: that I've just said as a woman, I'm like, it's fine,

677
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,359
Speaker 3: it's fine, everything is fine my whole life, and I'll

678
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 3: just have a few panic attacks and then I just

679
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:30,240
Speaker 3: bury everything so I don't feel anything. I don't feel

680
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,320
Speaker 3: and it's like, so I'm working on I have to

681
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,800
Speaker 3: now if I'm feeling something, i have to name the emotion.

682
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:40,280
Speaker 3: So it's like this hard opposite, like, yeah, it's very strange,

683
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:40,959
Speaker 3: it's very strong.

684
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 2: How does your anxiety manifest itself? Because everyone's just a

685
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 2: little bit different. You know, mine switched throughout the years

686
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 2: from stomach stuff like throwing up and now I'm able

687
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,360
Speaker 2: to go outside to not being able to breathe, to

688
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 2: that disassociation.

689
00:34:54,560 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 3: You know, I've definitely associated. I just I'll be in

690
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 3: weird places. I was on Whole Foods looking at you know,

691
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 3: spaghetti sauce and called pen and I just like walked

692
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 3: away from my grocery cart and I got in the car.

693
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm not I'm not doing today. Today's not doing.

694
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 3: So I'll have like very strange cues and then my

695
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 3: body and nervous system just shut down. I just shut down,

696
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 3: and I don't talk. I just and then he's amazing

697
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 3: and wonderful. He kind of handles the day and then

698
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,799
Speaker 3: the next day we'll be better. But since I had

699
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 3: to say, I got back. I got off of meds

700
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,200
Speaker 3: for a long time and I got back on meds

701
00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:34,879
Speaker 3: and it's been better. Yeah, but I don't. I don't talk.

702
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:35,439
Speaker 2: I don't.

703
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:37,439
Speaker 3: He'll try to talk to me, and I'm like, we're

704
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 3: not talking about this. So if I talk, I get it.

705
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,360
Speaker 3: It's like even worse. If I talk, it's just strange.

706
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:43,520
Speaker 3: But I don't feel.

707
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:46,359
Speaker 4: You'll talk on your own time. I've learned that.

708
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:48,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I don't, like, don't ask me about it.

709
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:50,240
Speaker 3: So very strange.

710
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 4: And it's hard to about it. Like you're doing a

711
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:54,240
Speaker 4: great job talking about.

712
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 3: It because he had because he's somebody else's got it.

713
00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:01,400
Speaker 2: But like, oh yeah, see's funny because I was the opposite.

714
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:04,359
Speaker 2: I would love to talk. I just talk, talk, talk, Like, yeah,

715
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 2: I feel this way, like I'm fucked up, Like I

716
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 2: can't go out of my house and I feel like

717
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 2: I'm gonna throw up. This is my twenties. Like I

718
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:13,839
Speaker 2: would I would go surf, you know, because I didn't

719
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 2: want it to keep me. I don't want it to

720
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,839
Speaker 2: have its hands around my neck. I'm like, I need

721
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 2: to go live my life. So I would force myself

722
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:22,920
Speaker 2: to get in the water and surf or do whatever

723
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:24,880
Speaker 2: and feel like I'm going to die while I'm paddling

724
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 2: into a wave.

725
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,520
Speaker 3: I'm just like, I think that's way healthier. I'm kind

726
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 3: of jealous that you were able to do that. I

727
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 3: just shut down and I couldn't even move. That's that's

728
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:33,879
Speaker 3: pretty cool. Yeah.

729
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 2: I mean I had the kids, you know, and then

730
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 2: I later in life, I had a major about like

731
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 2: three years ago because I went off of my Lexapro

732
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 2: trying to wean off and I had that withdrawal symptoms.

733
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:45,600
Speaker 2: That just threw me for a loop.

734
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 3: I mean, why do you want to wean off?

735
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,239
Speaker 2: I don't need to know. I was just like, you

736
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 2: know what, I've been on this for a long time now,

737
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:51,759
Speaker 2: Like I feel.

738
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 3: Good, like you felt good, therefore you wanted to.

739
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 2: See Yeah, yeah, I guess I don't know. It was

740
00:36:57,640 --> 00:36:58,880
Speaker 2: a strength.

741
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,959
Speaker 4: It was this A dog recommended weaning low.

742
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:05,880
Speaker 2: No. I mean I went through the doctor to wean off,

743
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 2: but I was just like, I think I'm all right, like,

744
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 2: let me just see what feels like to not be

745
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 2: on this stuff anymore. And then it was just a

746
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:17,840
Speaker 2: summer of insanity. We spend the summers in Colorado, and

747
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 2: you know, we're big mountain bike family. The kids downhill

748
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:21,959
Speaker 2: are flying through the air, and I liked the mountain

749
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 2: bike two and it's just fishing and biking and golf

750
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 2: and I had to be a dad. So I was

751
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:29,279
Speaker 2: just waking up every morning like holy shit, and going

752
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 2: to the mountain and mountain biking and coming home and

753
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:35,920
Speaker 2: then like having a few panic attacks and like losing

754
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 2: I mean, it was a rough summer. Ended up getting

755
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:41,279
Speaker 2: a gig that had to go to Albuquerque for so

756
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:46,280
Speaker 2: I said, look, I need to function now. I cannot

757
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:51,399
Speaker 2: go to Albuquerque and be on set and be this way.

758
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,840
Speaker 2: So I went back on. And now it's been a

759
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 2: few years and I'm just gonna just stay on.

760
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:01,680
Speaker 3: I got off of medication for probable eight years, and

761
00:38:01,719 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 3: then only recently did I get back on. I was like,

762
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 3: but I was white knuckling it through life, like everything

763
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 3: was hard. And I finally said to myself, like why

764
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 3: am I doing this? Like why so I'm on it

765
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 3: forever or some version of it forever.

766
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know it doesn't matter. I don't know. I

767
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 2: mean I felt that, I felt that there was some

768
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:22,279
Speaker 2: you know, it was taboo a little bit. I'm like,

769
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:25,319
Speaker 2: I don't want to be on anti depressant, Like what

770
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:27,799
Speaker 2: does that say about me? You know? And I got

771
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 2: over that pretty quickly and now I'm able to talk

772
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 2: about it.

773
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:33,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like I wanted to be able to say,

774
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:35,520
Speaker 3: like I could do this myself, Like there is a

775
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:37,560
Speaker 3: little bit of shame if like I'm a little bit

776
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,960
Speaker 3: like my anxiety brain goes to if there's a zombie

777
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 3: apocalypse and I can't get my medicine, like, what's going

778
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 3: to happen? And then I have to say, well, if

779
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,239
Speaker 3: there's a zombie apocalypse and I can't get access to

780
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:53,600
Speaker 3: this medicine, I have bigger problem. But like definitely, yeah, anyway, I.

781
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 2: Would think so.

782
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 3: Way first to surrender, I'm I'm not going to fight

783
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 3: the zombies. Just take me interesting to use the resources

784
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:05,720
Speaker 3: for like the young and strong.

785
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 2: What's nice about the zombie thing is, you know, you

786
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 2: turn into a zombie, you don't die, so that would

787
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 2: probably take away your anxiety. It'll just be a zombie

788
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,400
Speaker 2: and then you know, then you don't have anxiety anyway,

789
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 2: I know cured. So maybe right this is what we

790
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,919
Speaker 2: need to conquer our anxieties. A zombie apocalypse should do it.

791
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,680
Speaker 4: Sorry, it definitely takes a lot of responsibility off of

792
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:32,120
Speaker 4: your plate.

793
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,359
Speaker 3: That's kind a very strange direction. I followed it.

794
00:39:36,719 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 2: No, no, no, you got to know you're talking to

795
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:53,360
Speaker 2: I am a strange direction. So how is this so

796
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 2: if you guys have just learned to operate together, this

797
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 2: is really interesting conversation because someone with anxiety OCD and

798
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 2: then ADHD, there's a lot of acronyms going on in

799
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:06,359
Speaker 2: your relationship, you know, and so you know, I guess

800
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 2: there's a comfort in that in a strange way.

801
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:14,239
Speaker 4: Well, definitely, now that we've learned what's going on with

802
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:17,759
Speaker 4: the other person, like, we're able to empathize with them

803
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 4: in a way that maybe a neurotypical person wouldn't be

804
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 4: able to do. It's a great explanation. I think we

805
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 4: both have this mantra that our brains like are an explanation,

806
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 4: but it's not an excuse, Like if I keep forgetting

807
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:32,440
Speaker 4: stuff and I'm like, oh sorry, ADHD, here's the book,

808
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:36,720
Speaker 4: like right, like you need to definitely work your ass

809
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:39,279
Speaker 4: off to make sure that not that it'll never happen again,

810
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:40,760
Speaker 4: but maybe it'll happen less.

811
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:41,439
Speaker 2: Yeah.

812
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 4: I mean, I don't want to speak for Kim, but

813
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 4: she's like, because of this journey we've gone on, she's

814
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 4: been super self aware of when she's struggling. And as

815
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:52,640
Speaker 4: far as it is to talk about it, you have

816
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 4: talked about it. Yeah, and that brings us closer together.

817
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:57,440
Speaker 3: I think, Yeah, but it is it is a weird

818
00:40:57,520 --> 00:40:59,840
Speaker 3: thing that we are a husband and wife, that we

819
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 3: work together and have stayed married and are pretty well.

820
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:06,719
Speaker 2: So.

821
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:09,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think we learned that the research in

822
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:13,799
Speaker 3: this this book. I learned so much about the ADHD brain.

823
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 3: I used to get deeply offended by some by some

824
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:18,799
Speaker 3: of the stuff he was doing, and now I realized, like,

825
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 3: it's not really his fault, and so like it defended

826
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,359
Speaker 3: up some of my anxiety quirks. I mean, that would

827
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 3: be the same thing, the.

828
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:27,040
Speaker 4: Same thing I wouldn't remember. I was like, why can't

829
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,080
Speaker 4: you stop and smell the roses? Like, why can't you

830
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:31,880
Speaker 4: just be something awesome just happened? Why can't we celebrate?

831
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 4: I didn't get it.

832
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean aren't you happy right now? And I'm like,

833
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:36,600
Speaker 3: I just need a minute.

834
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:41,560
Speaker 2: I know. Yeah, it's so true. It's so true. We

835
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,359
Speaker 2: get we can we can get impatient. Yeah, we can

836
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:45,120
Speaker 2: get impatient.

837
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 3: Yeah.

838
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:50,239
Speaker 2: So the what's the book? Just what's the book called? Again?

839
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 2: It's called ADHD is awesome. The human condition, to me

840
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:56,239
Speaker 2: is the most interesting thing.

841
00:41:57,239 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 4: What is the human condition? I've heard that before, like,

842
00:41:59,480 --> 00:41:59,840
Speaker 4: what is this?

843
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:04,840
Speaker 2: Being a human is just just to me, it encompasses everything,

844
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,600
Speaker 2: just the way that we are all made up of

845
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:11,799
Speaker 2: the same sort of flesh and blood and organs, but

846
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:15,720
Speaker 2: our conditions and how we live and operate through life

847
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 2: are all different. Our afflictions. Everyone is afflicted. We're all

848
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:21,080
Speaker 2: fucked up a little bit, you know what I mean.

849
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 2: That's just the way it is. And even when you

850
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:25,840
Speaker 2: go get into the parenting realm, you know, I'm a

851
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 2: product of divorce and I have a stepdad who is amazing,

852
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:31,239
Speaker 2: and you know, but it's definitely affected me my childhood,

853
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:35,280
Speaker 2: you know, which in turn through relationships and work and careers.

854
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,760
Speaker 2: I think when it sort of rears its head the most,

855
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 2: when your insecurity sort of you know, flourished or become embellish,

856
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:46,719
Speaker 2: is when you are in love, loving situations, work situations

857
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 2: where your self esteem sort of comes into play and

858
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:54,120
Speaker 2: just has sort of how you deal with them. And

859
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:57,759
Speaker 2: I just love that we all have we all have

860
00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:00,319
Speaker 2: our things. And I also have said this a million

861
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:02,120
Speaker 2: times on this show, but I don't think it's about

862
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:05,120
Speaker 2: if we screw up our kids. It's just to what degree,

863
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 2: because we're all doing our best, you know what I mean,

864
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 2: We're trying to do our best. I had a conversation

865
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 2: with my teenager when he started to become a teenager.

866
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:17,839
Speaker 2: And he's my first one, your first I haven't experienced

867
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 2: it yet, right, and so he's going through whatever he's

868
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:23,800
Speaker 2: going through, and I'm trying to navigate this new world

869
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,799
Speaker 2: of parenting, which you do have to switch a little bit.

870
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:30,880
Speaker 2: And I said, look, it was it was a situation

871
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:32,839
Speaker 2: or some sort of a fight or whatever went down.

872
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 2: I said, look, Wilder, I said, I'm doing this for

873
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,400
Speaker 2: the first time as well, so I'm not going to

874
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:43,680
Speaker 2: do it right, and neither of you, and you know,

875
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 2: I'm trying to navigate this with you. So I will

876
00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 2: definitely apologize if I do something or if I feel

877
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:53,239
Speaker 2: like I've done it wrong, but it's all about us

878
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:57,080
Speaker 2: sort of being gentle with each other and you know,

879
00:43:57,280 --> 00:44:00,160
Speaker 2: just trying to get through this sort of time, just

880
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:01,759
Speaker 2: admitting to him that I don't know what the fuck

881
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:03,440
Speaker 2: I'm doing yet. You're you're number.

882
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:07,680
Speaker 4: One, remember this. Yes, we have all screwed up our kids.

883
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 4: We don't know how. We're going to find out in

884
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 4: a couple of years they're going to be like, this

885
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,800
Speaker 4: is what you did wrong exactly, that's gonna happen totally.

886
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 4: But also you've already done like four or five incredible

887
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:19,560
Speaker 4: things that have steered your kids in the right direction,

888
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:21,839
Speaker 4: and you don't know what that is either, right, All

889
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 4: this like huge unknown and at some point like your

890
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:26,720
Speaker 4: your kids are going to come back and say, remember

891
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:28,359
Speaker 4: when you did this, like that made me this?

892
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:32,239
Speaker 2: Yes, so true, never thought of that way. That's the optimism,

893
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:39,360
Speaker 2: that's the optimist. Yeah, it is just really quickly. The

894
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:45,000
Speaker 2: book The ADHD is awesome. So awesome is used in

895
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 2: two different ways, meaning it's amazing, and it's also the

896
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 2: word awesome can be interpreted as not negative, but like, no.

897
00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:57,360
Speaker 4: It's in the definition it's terrified, right, awesome terrifying if

898
00:44:57,400 --> 00:44:59,080
Speaker 4: you read it. If they use the word awesome in

899
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:00,920
Speaker 4: the Bible, and I'm not trying a Bible thump here,

900
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:03,480
Speaker 4: but it's like it's something that scares the shit out

901
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 4: of everybody. So that like that that is like awesome

902
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 4: has two meanings, but both of them mean pretty powerful

903
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:14,160
Speaker 4: and a lot of times difficult to comprehend. So that

904
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 4: traditional definition of awesome does a great job of explaining

905
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 4: ESPN or ESPN.

906
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:23,920
Speaker 2: Just by the way, I ESPN is on in my

907
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:25,319
Speaker 2: house twenty four to seven, so.

908
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:30,799
Speaker 4: That's yeah, I believe. Yeah, the PGH anyway, So I'm sorry.

909
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 2: I just the PGA Xander winning that I'm so happy for.

910
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:37,839
Speaker 4: I did everything but stuck the landing on that though.

911
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:40,759
Speaker 4: I felt like I was really crushing it, and then

912
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 4: I called it ESPN.

913
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 2: I love ESPN. Are you crazy? Adhd? Esp Both are awesome? Well,

914
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,280
Speaker 2: I honestly I can't wait to get into your book.

915
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 2: I mean that is.

916
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 3: Well, make sure I'm sorry you don't have it.

917
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:58,279
Speaker 2: Sorry, no, I will, I will. I'm going to get it.

918
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 2: But but you know, rarely on podcasts you like learn

919
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:04,160
Speaker 2: enough a lot about yourself. But this has been really

920
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:11,280
Speaker 2: cool for me because I've always suspected, never really needed

921
00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:14,479
Speaker 2: or felt like I had to go get diagnosed, because

922
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 2: I kind of already know, like, yeah, there's something weird.

923
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:17,560
Speaker 3: You know.

924
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 2: I love who I am, but there's definitely things that

925
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:24,439
Speaker 2: I wish I could break through. You know. I think

926
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:27,319
Speaker 2: the lists are great for me. I know that when

927
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:29,440
Speaker 2: I do make a list and I fucking check that

928
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:32,640
Speaker 2: shit off. And you said that dopamine hit, that's so

929
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 2: spot on because the minute you're under reminders and you

930
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:39,440
Speaker 2: go and it disappears, you're like, that's okay, here we go,

931
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:42,680
Speaker 2: here we go. And then it's four o'clock and the kids,

932
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 2: you pick up the kids or whatever, and now your

933
00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 2: day is a You've had a fruitful, accomplished day, and Okay,

934
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:53,840
Speaker 2: this feels good. You know. I think that's huge for me.

935
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 2: And I think even from a creative place. And tell

936
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 2: me if I'm wrong here, but you know, I think

937
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 2: a gift that I have is I'm a great writer. Okay,

938
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:06,800
Speaker 2: I just don't do it because again, there's an overwhelming

939
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:10,719
Speaker 2: sort of thing for me. Yeah, I procrastination, it gets

940
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 2: too big, what if it's not good enough. I definitely

941
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:15,800
Speaker 2: am a perfectionist when it comes to those things. Instead

942
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:18,239
Speaker 2: of just regurgitating everything out onto a page and then

943
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:23,359
Speaker 2: fine tuning it. But I've been setting half hour note

944
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 2: put us out yeah yeah, yeah, where it's like just

945
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 2: sit down for half an hour and write. I mean,

946
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 2: even if you don't do anything, it's in front of

947
00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:33,720
Speaker 2: you like this. And then if it goes beyond that, great,

948
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:36,160
Speaker 2: but at least you're giving yourself a half hour to

949
00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:38,239
Speaker 2: sort of do something, you know.

950
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's kind of my magic amount as well. And

951
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 4: I just call the micro deadlines like I need I

952
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,359
Speaker 4: want to get two pages done in at thirty minutes

953
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 4: is a good example. Yeah, and then stopping and taking

954
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 4: as much time as you want to in between. Sometimes

955
00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:53,240
Speaker 4: you get done and you're like, okay, this is working.

956
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:56,960
Speaker 4: Let's let the timer again, or be dental gentle on

957
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 4: yourself and say I'm gonna check this out in a

958
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:01,279
Speaker 4: week or so. Yeah.

959
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:04,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, well you guys, this was awesome, I mean really

960
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:05,600
Speaker 2: really fun. Are you in La.

961
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:08,040
Speaker 3: No, we're in Raleigh, North Carolina.

962
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 2: Oh lucky. I want to get out of LA. It's

963
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:11,919
Speaker 2: so over.

964
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:13,880
Speaker 3: We were there last week though.

965
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:17,280
Speaker 2: Born and raised. Ready to go, but my kids are ingrained,

966
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:19,320
Speaker 2: my kids are here. It's it. We're done.

967
00:48:19,719 --> 00:48:23,040
Speaker 3: LA is wonderful and we love it so much. But

968
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 3: I will say there's a lot of people in our

969
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:26,120
Speaker 3: neighborhood who have moved from La.

970
00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:29,480
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, across the country.

971
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:33,279
Speaker 2: Oh it's crazy. I mean, if our kids weren't so

972
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 2: into it, girl my books was a girlfriend and they

973
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:39,399
Speaker 2: just you're home. Yeah, I'm done, We're done.

974
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:40,399
Speaker 3: You're there.

975
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 4: So La is awesome.

976
00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:44,239
Speaker 2: It is, it is, it is, it is. I just

977
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:46,920
Speaker 2: the traffic and I need space. I want space. I

978
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:49,279
Speaker 2: want to I want to land, I want to look out.

979
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 2: I want to be in the mountains you know.

980
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:53,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, well hopefully with you in the mountains one day.

981
00:48:54,239 --> 00:48:58,080
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, well, thank you guys so much. This is awesome.

982
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:00,880
Speaker 2: I can't wait to read your book for real. I

983
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:02,319
Speaker 2: think it will. I think it'll be good for me,

984
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:03,440
Speaker 2: I really do.

985
00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:04,880
Speaker 4: We'll get it to you and we'll get you an

986
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:08,000
Speaker 4: audible as well, because I'm in both versions. But the

987
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:10,720
Speaker 4: book itself is like it's got a lot of visuals

988
00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:13,960
Speaker 4: to it. So that's yeah. I love that.

989
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:16,680
Speaker 2: I can't wait. Okay, thank you so much, Thank you guys.

990
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 3: Thanks, thanks all right.

991
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 2: Well, I learned a lot about myself. I and totally

992
00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:29,160
Speaker 2: fucked up now. I uh, I think I have adhd

993
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,120
Speaker 2: God damn it. I think I have ADHD. I think

994
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 2: my son does. I think my wife does. Yesterday, it's funny.

995
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:46,040
Speaker 2: I was with my son with Bodie and he's like, Dad, like,

996
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:49,279
Speaker 2: I think I'm like nuts, Like, what does you mean

997
00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:53,120
Speaker 2: he's fourteen? He goes, I just think I'm like crazy,

998
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:55,960
Speaker 2: like I'm always talking to myself and being weird. And

999
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:57,879
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, yeah, I mean you're a Hudson dude,

1000
00:49:57,920 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 2: like this is just what we do, and maybe you

1001
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 2: are nuts. I mean we all were all nuts, so

1002
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:07,480
Speaker 2: I don't know. Maybe maybe my entire family is completely

1003
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 2: crazy and uh and that's just the way we are. Anyway,

1004
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:16,040
Speaker 2: that was great, Thank you guys for coming on and

1005
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:20,520
Speaker 2: doing that. And I'm out, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.

1006
00:50:21,239 --> 00:50:23,879
Speaker 2: I love you. Yeah,